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Thread: News of the day

  1. #6751
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    He made the whole of Australia cry by taking his dog on holiday. He has his moments.

  2. #6752
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    How many IrnBru WKD's does it take to turn your shit orange?

    Ask Amber Turd.

    Oioi!
    Rep.

  3. #6753
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    He made the whole of Australia cry
    Not hard.

  4. #6754
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    His "lunch" the other day was something to aspire to. I had a ham and cheese sarnie and some Walkers.

  5. #6755
    I used to be funny.
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    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-53377298

    Brits falling off balconies is such a Monday-Friday thing but ...

    Police in Malaga told the Mail they were "investigating" the death of two men in Marbella after "one man landed on another man, killing him as well".
    Bonus.

  6. #6756
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    When I was a kid I used to spend 2 weeks every summer with my family in London (and my cousin would spend 2 weeks in Southend. Poor sod). One year, I must have been about 9, I got taken to his dads flat for dinner in Lewisham. As we arrived, a TV was thrown from the 4th floor of a highrise and crashed to the floor about 2 foot from some lucky cunts head.

    He was understandably troubled by this and offered 'You could have fucking killed me!!!' In response, only for a woman to appear on the balcony and shriek "YOU WANT A FUCKING TRICK SHOT?" As she threw a snooker cue, snooker balls and the fucking triangle at him.

    I don't know how I had forgotten about this until now.
    Last edited by Spikey M; 11-07-2020 at 10:43 PM.

  7. #6757
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    😂

  8. #6758
    I used to be funny.
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    I was expecting that to end with the table going out.

  9. #6759
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shindig View Post
    I was expecting that to end with the table going out.
    It possibly did, but we were ushered away pretty quickly.

  10. #6760
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Why are the police involved in this? A social worker of some form, sure, but what is putting an arrest on a 12 year olds record improve society?

  11. #6761
    I used to be funny.
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    I'd argue a social worker's a waste of resources.

  12. #6762
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Social workers are a shit show. I speak to them regularly at work and have never known one be anything but a responsibility dodging waste of space. They are employed to protect the vulnerable, yet their training seems to be entirely on how best to avoid having to do so.

  13. #6763
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Sounds exactly like a Police Officer.

  14. #6764
    I used to be funny.
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    Actually, their roles differ significantly.

  15. #6765
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    It seems more like a go and talk to the parents and leave them to it offence.

  16. #6766
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/...fordshire-farm

    To name her Karen is pretty good.

  17. #6767
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    https://www.irishexaminer.com/breaki...g-1010700.html

    This is what should be done with all those yank tramps.

  18. #6768
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Your link is broke but I do fucking love those How We Mets. I imagine normal people get warm and fuzzy reading them whilst I OD on cynicism :*)

  19. #6769
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    https://www.theguardian.com/world/20...th-sore-throat

    I really didn't need to view this as a big sushi fan.

  20. #6770
    I used to be funny.
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    https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/202...orest-manhunt/

    Lass uns Fischen gehen. Ich habe Hühnchen.

  21. #6771
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Going well so far then.



  22. #6772
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    https://www.theguardian.com/money/20...king-from-home

    Anyone downloading The Sound of Colleagues should be taken out in the street and shot.

  23. #6773
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    I like to lol at these cretins who talk of missing the office and talking of the negatives of wfh and there's certainly a strong air of nostalgia for the good days and financial greed that clouds my judgement but deep down, there's clearly valid points there. But yeah, I'm still firmly in the 'keep this going pls so I can be worth as much as Rupert Murdoch by next year'.

    Remember the early lockdown sweats of whether we'd be back by June and my season ticket cancellation would backfire :*)

  24. #6774
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I can reveal (from a now full office) that if 'the sound of colleagues' involves my currently reality of a 60 year old woman talking about herself CONSTANTLY then you really don't want to download that soundtrack.

  25. #6775
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    There's an option for the office dog, yet nothing for a fire alarm or rollicking.

  26. #6776
    I used to be funny.
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    Or a suspicious package, or a terrorist attack. It's like the training's all been forgotten.

  27. #6777
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    I'm quite lucky that I actually enjoy working with my colleagues and get on well with them, have quite a lot of banter and social with them too. Can imagine it being hell working in a team where you like no-one.

  28. #6778
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I like most of my colleagues but I wish they would shut the fuck up sometimes.

    'Ooh, the office is too quiet,' no it isn't.

  29. #6779
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    I can reveal (from a now full office) that if 'the sound of colleagues' involves my currently reality of a 60 year old woman talking about herself CONSTANTLY then you really don't want to download that soundtrack.
    Everyone back off furlough then?

    Were there any adjustments made to the office or was it just 'meh, fuck it, back to normal'?

  30. #6780
    I used to be funny.
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    I'd take that over the 50+ bloke asking me what games I've been playing. Or those weird conversations he had with the retired woman where he'd explain what games he'd been playing.

    Serious, unrelated news about babies.

    I don't get how they project that massive a drop-off. Also, Nigeria's projected population is swinging hard the other way. Just bring the excess Nigerians over. Solved.
    Last edited by Shindig; 15-07-2020 at 08:28 AM.

  31. #6781
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    Everyone back off furlough then?

    Were there any adjustments made to the office or was it just 'meh, fuck it, back to normal'?
    One bloke is sitting in a different area for spreading out purposes, and we're still in casual clothes, but otherwise completely as normal.

  32. #6782
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    I popped in the office two weeks back. Perspex screens as far as the eye could see. Every other desk vacant. One way walking system.

  33. #6783
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    Picked up my new passport today. Looks black to me. Also, no pre-printed signature.

  34. #6784
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    They always were black though, back when they were massive. I know they say they were dark blue, but, to the eye, they weren't, they were black.

  35. #6785
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Manc View Post
    I popped in the office two weeks back. Perspex screens as far as the eye could see. Every other desk vacant. One way walking system.
    Do you work in financial services?

  36. #6786
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Not currently.

  37. #6787
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Ah ok. Only reason I ask is because that sounds like our office. Temperature checks, perspex, 2m distancing, hot desks banned (hurrah!) and limited occupancy.

  38. #6788
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    The full works. I'd happily dip into the office, but I'm new to the job and there's not much scope for socialising.

  39. #6789
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    We're doing 2 days a week with 50% of staff in on each of those two days. Tomorrow is the first day, will be good to see everyone and actually work from an office instead of home.

  40. #6790
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kikó View Post
    Ah ok. Only reason I ask is because that sounds like our office. Temperature checks, perspex, 2m distancing, hot desks banned (hurrah!) and limited occupancy.
    We are going to total opposite. Every desk is a hot desk you have to book into to go in the office, then gets cleaned each night.

    I’m in no rush to go back.

  41. #6791
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Thankfully I never got a tramp stamp of my sign.

    https://www.todayfm.com/news/now-13-...covery-1046246

  42. #6792
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    First Pluto and now this.

    Cancel NASA.

  43. #6793
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    I love that they've changed the dates, get fucked horoscope morons.

  44. #6794
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Disco View Post
    I love that they've changed the dates, get fucked horoscope morons.
    My thoughts exactly. Some girl on my Instagram is always putting Pisces related shite on her story. I hope she’s changed.
    I'm a twit

  45. #6795
    I used to be funny.
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    Every star sign is the variation of the same non-committed theme.

  46. #6796
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    I've been living a lie.

  47. #6797
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shindig View Post
    Every star sign is the variation of the same non-committed theme.
    Classic cynical Capricorn.

  48. #6798
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Couldn’t watch those prods.

  49. #6799
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    We should honestly just force you into one nation and let you settle this shit with a good old Civil War.

  50. #6800
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    We should honestly just force you into one nation and let you settle this shit with a good old Civil War.
    Flying confederate flags is nothing to do with us. That’s their own thing.

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