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Thread: The House Thread

  1. #1201
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    Found it! Was under a board that lifted up in a cupboard in the downstairs toilet.

  2. #1202
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Why do you need to turn the water off?

  3. #1203
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    He's going off the grid before the Second Wave.

  4. #1204
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    I don't, I'm getting a hot tub and the electrician who's wiring it up needs to check to see if the water is bonded. Whatever the fuck that means.

  5. #1205
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yevrah View Post
    I'm getting a hot tub

  6. #1206
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    'The Yevtub'.

  7. #1207
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    Mans showing his displeasure at social distancing at david Lloyd’s jacuzzi and taking things into his own hands. Smart.

  8. #1208
    I used to be funny.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    'The Yevtub'.
    It's powered entirely off his rage.

  9. #1209
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    I wish it were. 32 amp power sources don't come cheap...

    And I appreciate the rep they have over here, but they're amazing things and if we're going to be doing the COVID hokey cokey forevermore I need more amazing things in my house.

    Pool table is next.

  10. #1210
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    ‘There’s a pandemic on so I’m buying a breeding ground for all sorts of bacteria for me and my friends to sit in.’

  11. #1211
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    It'll mostly be for me, but you know you use chemicals in them, right?

  12. #1212
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Hot tub folliculitis is caused by a type of bacteria called Pseudomonas aeruginosa, which thrives in warm, moist areas. Unlike most other types of bacteria, Pseudomonas aeruginosa can survive even in water that's been chlorinated, making it difficult to kill off.

  13. #1213
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Riding out the Second Wave in a Yevtub with a pair of sunglasses and a cocktail shaker does sound quite appealing.

  14. #1214
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Sorry, mixology vessel.

  15. #1215
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    The best way to prevent hot tub folliculitis is to only use hot tubs that you know have been regularly and thoroughly treated and cleaned. This means that the hot tub should have its acid and chlorine levels monitored and maintained
    I'll know it will have been because I'll own it.

    Now apologise for being a dick and we can all move on with our lives.

  16. #1216
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    Riding out the Second Wave in a Yevtub with a pair of sunglasses and a cocktail shaker does sound quite appealing.
    A beer in a hot tub is fantastic.

  17. #1217
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    I will not apologise for looking out for your health and well being.

  18. #1218
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    Lol'd at that.

  19. #1219
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    The pool table sounds far more appealing.

  20. #1220
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    ‘There’s a pandemic on so I’m buying a breeding ground for all sorts of bacteria for me and my friends to sit in.’
    Question, Why do you feel the need to demean people in the way you do? Does it make you feel better or something? Anyone you don’t like is thick or a nobody. It’s such weird projection.

  21. #1221
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    I’d also assume Yev will have some control over who sits in it and it won’t be an open door free for all.

  22. #1222
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Lukey lad, I've got one of you fraudsters and tbf his theft is manageable so I'm tempted to proceed:



    He said on the phone to not take notice of the disclosure fee and that it'll actually be £595 for me which sounds fishy but what's £500 here or there when you're about to throw a lifetime's worth of income down the toilet on a property prior to the greatest economic meltdown of all-time.

    I also got the ball rolling on redeeming my H2B (this was a requirement for B2L). Rang 20 different surveyors, average quote was about £300 but some tax-dodging brexit voting gammon hero offered £180 if paid by cash so I've got him coming round this week at which point I'll threaten him by reporting him to tax authorities unless he gives me it for a tenner (or throws a blowie into the mix).

    Solicitor to be arranged tomorrow to deal with this conveyancing aspect. Will arrange for a separate one for the B2L side of things later, I presume.

    I'm hearing whispers of a 20% LTV for a B2L being possible which would be tremendous because at the minute I'm struggling to bring together the pennies even after maxxing out my borrowing on my own property. I presume I can't just take out a credit card/personal loan to help with it, right? Might need to get my bro to do it instead.

    The impending collapse of the Don family when rates tick up 0.1%

  23. #1223
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    'Lukey Lad' can I ponce some advice as well? Pretty much our dream home has just gone on the market, but no matter how many mortgage calculators I fuck about with, the closest I can get is £17k away from the asking price. Slags.

    Do you know of any non-highstreet lenders that are a bit more generous? They can have my Kidney as a Guarantor for all I care.

  24. #1224
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    You gone through a few brokers? Those ones that look at entire market obvs. I musta made over 50 calls this last couple of days, such a clusterfuck.

  25. #1225
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I haven't. Was only made aware of it being on the market this evening so have just been doing online calculators for the big banks. Any brokers you'd recommend?

  26. #1226
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    There's too many services out there for me to even attempt to make out I have a clue what's good and what's not but these lot assign you a broker and it's been a generally positive experience for me (admittedly at an early stage):

    https://www.onlinemortgageadvisor.co.uk/

  27. #1227
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Cheers.

  28. #1228
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    When are 5% deposits coming back ffs.

  29. #1229
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    We've just been told it's £500 nonrefundable deposit and "Exchange of contracts is required within 28 days"

    Lol good luck fella's. Even a first time buyer would find that more or less impossible.

  30. #1230
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Give them a few months to wake up to the reality of the market. If you're not in some rush like me, you really ought to wait till Jan at least, economy is only going one way and throw on the desperation of people trying to get in on the end of the stamp duty offer (which I expect will probs get extended any way) and it should only lead to good things for buyers. That is my BTEC property expert advice founded on fuck all aside from news articles obvs.

  31. #1231
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    The counter would be the last time the government pumped fucktons of cash into the economy asset prices exploded.

    If the end of the world really does come then negative equity is going to be the least of most people's concerns.

  32. #1232
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    The way I see it; if house prices drop then so does mine. If they go up, then so does mine. I'd be hesitant as a first time buyer, but as far as moving house goes it's all swings and roundabouts.

  33. #1233
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    My yuppy mates all looking to first-time-buy Clapham pads have been really fucked over by this and am I (1 year into a 35 year mortgage in a one bed outside London) loving it? I have to admit that there's a possibility that yes, I am.

  34. #1234
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Something's gone wrong with my credit report that has meant lender can't go through with giving me my advance to pay off the H2B so I've had to postpone the valuation and solicitor and now go digging into what it is that Experian has fucked up in my report that's caused this which isn't helped by the lack of transparency and their websote being down.

    This was the case last time round too with some fuck-up presenting itself at every opportunity ffs.

  35. #1235
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    Yeah, I bought last year, in September and felt quite smug that I'd timed it right just before the economy looked to kick in after the election.

    I don't feel so smug now.

  36. #1236
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    That happened to us the first time we bought too. I can't remember properly, but it was something to do with my Uni accommodation, which pissed me off because it was paid direct from my student loan and was never late.

    They owned up to their fuck up and took it off my report, but it toom a month for it to reflect on there.

    You have to wonder how many people have piss poor credit ratings off the back of a fuck up and have no idea about it because they've never checked.

  37. #1237
    Senior Member Andy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    We've just been told it's £500 nonrefundable deposit and "Exchange of contracts is required within 28 days"

    Lol good luck fella's. Even a first time buyer would find that more or less impossible.
    Is it a new build?

    They all say 28 days as they just want everything done asap but they're not actually too fussed about it taking 28 days as long as you're doing everything as fast as possible.

    We are buying a new house and it took the builders nearly 3 weeks to send the paperwork to our solicitor and Nationwide took 5 weeks to send a valuation surveyor round. I think we are 6 week since we paid the deposit and still at least two weeks away from exchange.

    We used https://www.themortgagebrain.net/ to get our mortgage offer.

  38. #1238
    Senior Member Andy's Avatar
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    Also if it is a new build you should be able to get 17k off the asking price easy. We got 35k off the asking price and then a few weeks later the new stamp duty changes came in.

  39. #1239
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    35K sounds bonkers until you realise it's just a reflection of how retarded the entire market and process is.

  40. #1240
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andy View Post
    Is it a new build?

    They all say 28 days as they just want everything done asap but they're not actually too fussed about it taking 28 days as long as you're doing everything as fast as possible.

    We are buying a new house and it took the builders nearly 3 weeks to send the paperwork to our solicitor and Nationwide took 5 weeks to send a valuation surveyor round. I think we are 6 week since we paid the deposit and still at least two weeks away from exchange.

    We used https://www.themortgagebrain.net/ to get our mortgage offer.
    Ah. OK. Yeah, it's a new build, but ready to go straight away as the initial buyer pulled out for whatever reason. We just thought they were hyper-keen to get rid.

    That may still be the case to be fair. It's 40-50k cheaper than the other 3 bed new builds in the area.

  41. #1241
    Senior Member Andy's Avatar
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    Worth speaking to them and just saying you're worried about 28 days not being feasible and I'm sure they will know it's going to take longer.

    The house I'm buying was finished in January so similar thing, that's why we got a deal on the price. I think with the 28 days things they just want people who are ready to go with a buyer lined up (or first time buyers) and mortgage agreed in principle.

    The mortgage broker I posted above specialises in new build sales, very knowledgeable about help to buy etc.

  42. #1242
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Brilliant. Cheers Andy.

  43. #1243
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Experian is up again and I'm getting an umblemished report and score of 999 out of 999.

    I'd be pissed but at least the bank contact is some fit sounding gash who is now obliged to have some further phone contact with me and who will no doubt be frothing at my financial stability so I'll keep you up to date as to stag dates.

  44. #1244
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andy View Post
    If you've got damp in the corner of a room and that's the only place you dont need anything major.

    My first suggestion would be to check the guttering in the area near the damp assuming it's on an external wall.

    I would strongly advise against that spray foam.
    Cheers for this. Had a bloke round this morning who cleaned my gutters out and said there was no damage. If we’re having damp problems it could be down to the chimney flashing or the window. The window is getting replaced in two weeks.

    probably won’t bother with the chimney flashing. Some door to door Irish man once pointed out we don’t have edge bits (capping?) on our roof tiles at the side of the house, so if we ever get them done, presumably by a roofer, I might mention getting some lead sealant (recommended over concrete by my gutter man) to fill in any gaps on the chimney flashing but ehhh no rush. And I’ve not spent four and a half grand on coating my loft in toothpaste so happy days, I guess.
    I'm a twit

  45. #1245
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    Speak to a broker but if you've got kids someone like Santander should stretch your income a bit further than other lenders based on loan to value. Natwest as well but you need to have at least 20% deposit. @Spikey

  46. #1246
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    Taz are you an existing customer of that broker? If you are 500 is a bit steep especially if he's getting two mortgages out of it. Also any credit issues use checkmyfile it's free for a month and shows all agencies it's what I tell my clients to use when I want a credit report.

    20% deposits on BTL's are out there rates are shite though.

  47. #1247
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    What a beautiful man. Good things are on their way to you from Allah, sir.

  48. #1248
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    You not got a checkmyfile referral link to throw our way?
    I'm a twit

  49. #1249
    mischamischaracterisation Dquincy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Don View Post
    Experian is up again and I'm getting an umblemished report and score of 999 out of 999.

    I'd be pissed but at least the bank contact is some fit sounding gash who is now obliged to have some further phone contact with me and who will no doubt be frothing at my financial stability so I'll keep you up to date as to stag dates.
    Fit on the phone, munter in the flesh.

    It's the law of the land.

  50. #1250
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Fit on the phone, 18 stone is the rhyme is it not?

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