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Thread: The Summer 2016 Insects are Bastards Thread

  1. #51
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Why don't you just take it outside and let it go? Or smash the shit out of it rather than torturing the thing?

  2. #52
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    .....

  3. #53
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    What's Icebet?

  4. #54
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    Why don't you just take it outside and let it go? Or smash the shit out of it rather than torturing the thing?
    I did think about taking it down with me in a bit on my way out.

  5. #55
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Actually, I might let it out in the kitchen. That'd be lol.

  6. #56
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Done. Thank God we saved the poor little thing!

  7. #57
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    He's still going and he's even made a few, less threatening buddies too. All in all easily my favourite flatmate at the moment.

  8. #58
    mischamischaracterisation Dquincy's Avatar
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    Guys, this is not 2016. Get a new thread.

  9. #59
    Senior Member Pleb's Avatar
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  10. #60
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    Had the biggest wasp I've ever seen in the house earlier. It was buzzing around the window at the end of the hall and the noise was so loud from the sitting room that I thought someone three or four gardens away had turned their lawnmower on. Took a blast of Raid and two whacks from a slipper to take the fucker down.

  11. #61
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    Lol that's what I thought when a giant horntail graced us with its presence in the kitchen. Thought a two strike bike was racing around. Also pretty sure the air pressure changed with its buzzing. Eerie.

  12. #62
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Spider season has begun in the Welby household. Got home from work, expecting nothing more than a big glass of water, a bag of Frazzles and an episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine before bed. Little did I know a massive eight-legged tosser was lurking in my bathroom. Normally they send a few little scouts in first but this year they've brought the big guns out early for a smash-and-grab attempt on my life.

    Fortunately he was no match for my mighty slipper.

    Let that be a lesson to you all, arachnids.

  13. #63
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    I managed to shoo a wasp out of my window yesterday, despite them only opening a few inches. It was going mad but didn't have to balls to fly at me.

  14. #64
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    There was a big cunt of a spider on my curtain earlier when I turned the light on. He's crawled back into the folds of it somewhere now though so I can't even see him. Guess who's not sleeping tonight.

  15. #65
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    @Magic?

  16. #66
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    I've seen some proper massive freaks recently, especially in the bathroom. Legs as long as mine and the weirdest coloured bodies.

  17. #67
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Just had a cockchafer (what a strange name) buzzing round my room. I whipped it mod-air with a pair of boxer shorts then sprayed it when it landed on a shelf.

  18. #68
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    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-44195755

    NOOO000OO0O0O0O0O0O0OOOOOO!!!

  19. #69
    I used to be funny.
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    Try dealing with Durham's greenfly pandemic.

  20. #70
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    Those 'Anxiety UK' guidelines are deeply funny.

  21. #71
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    • Then in a partly opened jar; then more and more open, etc.
    • Look at one through a closed window, then gradually open the window more and more.
    • Look at one from a doorway, then move closer to it, then closer still, etc.


    Fatal mistakes. You'll take your eye off for one second and it'll disappear, only to fly directly at your pus about three hours later.

  22. #72
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    They're second only to moths as the least stealthy creatures in the world. If you're losing track of one you must have the same attention span as it.

  23. #73
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    Don't shit talk me bro. In fact you never see them, just hear.

    Drrrrrrrrr......drrrrrrrrrr.

    3 hours later.

    Drrrrrrrrrr.....ATTACKAAAHHHHHHHHHJAAA

  24. #74
    I used to be funny.
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    And then they take your weens.

  25. #75
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry View Post
    Just had a cockchafer (what a strange name) buzzing round my room. I whipped it mod-air with a pair of boxer shorts then sprayed it when it landed on a shelf.
    A braver man than I.
    I'm a twit

  26. #76
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I might as well be a blood donor the amount of blood I’ve lost to these mozzie cunts this year.

  27. #77
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    You need anti-aircraft missiles to get rid of maybugs. They're best just left to it.

  28. #78
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    I'm not for killing anything (apart from DLL) but why would you kill a maybug? I've never seen one before.

    The worst for me was when a horntail came in our kitchen/diner. That was a full scale house evacuation.

  29. #79
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    We had a fucking colony of Maybugs near our old flat (it was by fields) and the flat came under attack every evening. Having all the windows shut throughout June so the fuckers couldn’t get in was awful. I had to kill a few in that time, so I am, as we all knew, a bigger bad man than Mahow. #Swag

    *some shrieking may have occurred.
    Last edited by Spikey M; 22-05-2018 at 08:47 AM.

  30. #80
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Imagine going about your day and suddenly being assualted by Mahow and his transformer grundies. The poor thing must have sucked the insecticide in like sweet nectar after that.

  31. #81
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Disco View Post
    Imagine going about your day and suddenly being assualted by Mahow and his transformer grundies. The poor thing must have sucked the insecticide in like sweet nectar after that.
    You mean Lynx.
    I'm a twit

  32. #82
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    You need anti-aircraft missiles to get rid of maybugs. They're best just left to it.
    The best (or worst, depending on your perspective) thing about them is that those badboys can be downed, and ostensibly dead, and then if not disposed of can Lazarus it up several days later, usually in the small hours, and sound like a small aircraft whilst they do it.

    Anyone who is afraid of daddy long legs has serious issues. Spiders I can accept, over a certain size, but not the flying numpties. They must be just about the least threatening creature on the planet.

  33. #83
    Senior Member -james-'s Avatar
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    I'm in Greece and I felt something nip me on the arm earlier. Looked down and it looked like a small fruit fly. A few hours later and there's a lump the size of a 20p on my arm. I'm going to die.

  34. #84
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    Holy shit that's the eggs.

  35. #85
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    Holy fuck I just had a hornet fly into my room.

    Had my headphones on and the noise still made me shit myself. Sounded like something Lofty would have delivered to his mum's house.

  36. #86
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Those little bugs that get behind your monitor are out with a vengeance.

  37. #87
    I used to be funny.
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    A daddy long legs is unwittingly about to drop into my toaster. First time I've seen one of them dangling. It looks proper morbid.

  38. #88
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    What are these?

    Not sure if you can make it out, but they look like flying ants but not. A friend's front room is infested with them.

  39. #89
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    What makes you sure they aren't flying ants? Cus they VERY look like flying ants.

  40. #90
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    I used to have flying ants loads as a kid and close up they didn't look like them, so I guess the question is what could they be instead? Termites? Do we get them in the UK?

  41. #91
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/ukn...rth-Devon.html

    Does he live in North Devon?

    EDIT: there seem to be lots of different species of ants native to the UK. I'm still going with flying ants and they are just a different species to the ones you're used to.

  42. #92
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    I don't care what they are. Burn the fuck out of them.

  43. #93
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords.

  44. #94
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Define infested.
    I'm a twit

  45. #95
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    Well you see that picture? There are clumps of them like that all over the shop.

  46. #96
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    That image looks disgusting. Just looking at it is making me scratch.

  47. #97
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords.
    This one's on at the moment.

  48. #98
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    God DAMN a wasp just flew in to the bathroom which had me hiding pathetically behind the shower like it was some sort of impenetrable waterfall, like this (skip to 4:24):


  49. #99
    Pretty Much Amazing Mike's Avatar
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    For the first time in my life I got stung by a wasp today.
    Wasn’t a fan.

  50. #100
    I used to be funny.
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    I came close. Here's a fun tip, wasps don't like flying over bodies of water as it knacks their navigation up. As a result, they take bridges all day long. I was on a bridge today eating lunch and, whilst it usually is wasp central, they steer clear.

    Except today. One was really into my sunglasses. So I moved away from it. Turns out the sod was hitching a ride on my Greggs paper bag. The fella was as big as my little finger. Scarpered further into town to escape it. My big worry is, if I'm ever stung, I find out I'm allergic to them. At least you have that knowledge, Mike.

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