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Thread: The Summer 2016 Insects are Bastards Thread

  1. #151
    I used to be funny.
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    It's a covid rash. Proceed to the nearest quarantine.

  2. #152
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    For those worried sick about me, the hives remain and I think I have identified the cause to be a possible insect bite on my neck. Absolutely mad shit if it is that. Hopefully the fucker took some of my COVID-19 and mutates it to some lethal strain.

  3. #153
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    I've seen far too many flying ants today.

  4. #154
    I used to be funny.
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    The fattest flies find their way into my flat.

  5. #155
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Looks like the hottest day of the year might also be flying ant day this year.



    I mean, who wants to open their windows when it's 30 degrees outside anyway?

    I'm hopeful the small army of tiny birds that seems to have amassed over lockdown will take the bastards down.

  6. #156
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Wasn't it Flying Ants Day a couple of weeks ago?

    I'm sure when I posted about the fuckers I checked on Google.

  7. #157
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    I'm not sure they keep to a nationally accepted schedule.

    Seems to have been a false alarm though. The heat also seems to have substantially buggered off as well.

  8. #158

  9. #159
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Saucy.

  10. #160
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Even they would reject me

  11. #161
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-54681723

    The invasive species insects, known as "murder hornets", have a powerful sting and can spit venom.

    RIP America.

  12. #162
    Senior Member Gray Fox's Avatar
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    If only the Murder Hornets had guns to protect themselves.

  13. #163
    I used to be funny.
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    What about a gun that shoots hornets?

  14. #164
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Or dogs with bees in their mouths. And when they bark they shoot bees at you?

  15. #165
    I used to be funny.
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    Y'see, I considered the Simpsons reference but went with the Half-Life weapon instead.

  16. #166
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Just had to deal with a moth the size of a small bird as the wife thought it was a good idea to leave both the window open and the light on in a bedroom upstairs.

  17. #167
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Bees are having a bad year this year. I keep seeing dead bees all over the place. In worse news, Horseflies are having a great year, the evil cunts. I've murdered 3 of then this week alone.

  18. #168
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Just killed possibly the biggest spider I've ever seen in any house I've lived in. Hate this time of year for the bastards.

  19. #169
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Why are there beetles everywhere?
    I'm a twit

  20. #170
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Liverpool innit.

  21. #171
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Has anybody else had a shitload of black moths storm their gaff in the last week or two? I think I've booted five out and accidentally killed one, but I've never seen them before this summer. One of them was a huge cunt too, which could have turned nasty, but most are medium sized.

    I can't identify them on Google but they've intrigued me as they seem to avoid light, so I'm wondering if they're some random cave moth that have decided to migrate inland to our garden.

    Whatever they are, the flight pattern is unnerving in close quarters so I'm quickly losing any patience I had for moths. The numbers need stamping out.

  22. #172
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Are you sure it's not a SummerChaffer or one of the other flying beetles? Not that I'm sure they avoid light, but I know moths don't

  23. #173
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Absolutely. If Chaffers were about I wouldn't be able to sleep.

    I tried baiting one out last night and it kept moving towards the dark. I don't know what's going on but it's too much at this point.

  24. #174
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    I know I ordinarily wouldn’t change how wild it is around here but I got 4 fucking horsefly bites mowing the lawn yesterday. Every time I looked down there were 4 or 5 on my legs. Do those things nest, because they’ll have to go.

  25. #175
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    First moth of the year is getting close to getting the fabreeze treatment if it doesn’t fuck off soon.

  26. #176
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    I know I ordinarily wouldn’t change how wild it is around here but I got 4 fucking horsefly bites mowing the lawn yesterday. Every time I looked down there were 4 or 5 on my legs. Do those things nest, because they’ll have to go.
    No idea if they nest but they are absolute cunts. I don't normally approve of killing things but I would flame tower every last one of them.

  27. #177
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    I mowed it again at a lower cut and you can make that 3 more bites

  28. #178
    I used to be funny.
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    How big does a spider get before you don't want to get near it?

  29. #179
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Nothing in this country. Had a fair few Giant House Spiders this year. The heatwave appears to have done wonders for them.

  30. #180
    I used to be funny.
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    The one I spotted last night was the size of a coaster. It's moved on but this house seems like a magnet for them.

  31. #181
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Every morning, both my wing mirrors have fresh cobwebs across them. Every morning, I get rid, and every morning they are back. We must have some of Surrey's hardest-working spiders. No productivity crisis in the arachnid kingdom.

  32. #182
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    Every morning, both my wing mirrors have fresh cobwebs across them. Every morning, I get rid, and every morning they are back. We must have some of Surrey's hardest-working spiders. No productivity crisis in the arachnid kingdom.
    Exactly the same thing happens to me, the little fuckers even managed to survive a car wash when I last went.

  33. #183
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    My wing mirrors are also home to some kind of spider. I leave their webs alone though. #BeKind

  34. #184
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Flying Ant Day has arrived. RIP.

  35. #185
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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  36. #186
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Flying ant day was always mad in Brighton. It's a testament to the species that so many of them can swarm without being a pain while a single mosquito will fuck your life up.

  37. #187
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    In the last few days I noticed a few bees getting into my bathroom. At first I thought they were coming through a gap in the window. Then I thought they were getting through a hole in the wall. I filled both of these gaps only for the fuckers not only to keep coming in, but in larger numbers. They're useless fuckers once they're in - almost drunk and die very quickly - but they get in and clamber up the window in groups of 3-8 on any given day.

    Finally, from outdoors, I noticed the fuckers buzzing around the air duct above the bathroom window. A large tree in the opposite person's garden hangs across the road and provides ample pollen for these lazy fucks having set up shop mere feet away in my bathroom air vent. It also doesn't help that I live next door to an apiary, which is presumably where they came from. Obviously it would have been rude of them to go into any of the other people's bathroom air vents, so they're in mine.

    Having worked this out, I went to tape up the extractor fan so that the bathroom would be a completely sealed unit. Obviously it's on the ceiling so this involved reaching up. While doing so, my t-shirt went above my waistline, and one of the fuckers appeared from nowhere, went in and stung my exposed belly.

    I do not want to get fucking Bumblebee Man out to ay-ay-ay the fuckers into oblivion, but if any of the fuckers still manage to get in now it might be the only option.

  38. #188
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    That's like a Mahow story.

  39. #189
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    You got off lite. Mahow had to spend millions before that tramp from eastern europe stung him

  40. #190
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Get yourself some True Classics, tubby.
    I'm a twit

  41. #191
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel View Post
    You got off lite. Mahow had to spend millions before that tramp from eastern europe stung him

  42. #192
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Flying Ant season in Wolves. This creatures are the size of deodorant cans.

  43. #193
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Talk to the apiary, Jim.

    At my old place the neighbour had a wasp nest which resulted in being half alseep in the shower with wasps on more than one occasion, nightmare stuff.

  44. #194
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    Had to let about 6 green (blue?) bottle flies out today. Fuck knows how they're getting in or where they are and I can't smell, see or find anything that would have attracted them and acted as a breeding ground for the little fuckers.

  45. #195
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    So many fucking flying ants in my town today.

    Massive fucking pricks.

  46. #196
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    The clegs are rampant here. Two bites today already.

  47. #197
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    What is a cleg?

    Apologies if this has been covered before.

    A midge?

  48. #198
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    A kind of horsefly.

  49. #199
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    I swear flies over a certain size just get branded as a horsefly.
    I'm a twit

  50. #200
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Probably but if it's a Big Horrible Bitey Fly it makes the point.

    Similar to how people say wasp when it could be a bee but they mean it's not shaped like a bumblebee and is being a cunt.

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