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Thread: The Summer 2016 Insects are Bastards Thread

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    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    The Summer 2016 Insects are Bastards Thread

    I've killed a moth and a greenfly tonight and I just swept quite a large spider away from my left arm as it decided to walk across it.

    I was more pissed off about the greenfly tbh, I don't know why but they freak me the fuck out. I was pretty cool with the spider though.

    Any action in your houses tonight lads?

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    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    A wasp landed on my arm. I was cool, collected and flicked it off Then it came back at me and I ran away screaming but it's progress.

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    Romulus Augustulus ItalAussie's Avatar
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    I live in Australia. My neighbour got taken away by a large mosquito. I never saw him again.

    Jokes aside, my friend did get bitten by a redback spider at a barbecue I was at. They wound up in intensive care at the hospital. All good in the end though.

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    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    I'm in Australia for Christmas this year and dreading the insects. When I visited last July I was surprised at how few spiders I saw, but I guess that was largely due to it being winter.

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    Romulus Augustulus ItalAussie's Avatar
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    In truth, you won't see that many.

    There's two kinds of spiders you need to watch out for (Sydney funnelwebs, redbacks). As long as you empty out your shoes before you put them on, you'll be totally fine.

    It has been at least a couple of years since I've seen an actual spider that could do actual damage to a person, and that was when we were cleaning out the garage and poking around in the corners.

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    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I was more worried about snakes over there. Bastard things. You're supposed to get vipers over here, but I've never seen one.

    Oh and jellyfish. When I was in north Queensland I was pretty much 100% sure of instant death if I went anywhere near any kind of water.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SvN View Post
    I'm in Australia for Christmas this year and dreading the insects. When I visited last July I was surprised at how few spiders I saw, but I guess that was largely due to it being winter.
    Where are you going?

    Plenty of huntsman and wolf spiders in south east Queensland.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    I was more worried about snakes over there. Bastard things. You're supposed to get vipers over here, but I've never seen one.
    No vipers in Australia.

    We have Elapids.

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    Pretty sure my house has bed bugs, at this point I'm just ignoring the problem and have accepted that I will always have 4-5 new insect bites every morning.

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    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mert View Post
    Pretty sure my house has bed bugs, at this point I'm just ignoring the problem and have accepted that I will always have 4-5 new insect bites every morning.
    Land of the flea.

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    Romulus Augustulus ItalAussie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    I was more worried about snakes over there. Bastard things. You're supposed to get vipers over here, but I've never seen one.

    Oh and jellyfish. When I was in north Queensland I was pretty much 100% sure of instant death if I went anywhere near any kind of water.
    The snakes are generally more scared of us than them. If they have an out, they'll take it. You do want to be careful going through boxes and the like, and wear thick shows in the bush. But in general, they'll only strike at you if they're cornered.

    Jellyfish are the really scary one. Box jellyfish are apparently intensely painful, cause paralysis and very quickly death. If there's any risk of jellyfish, I'm avoiding that beach like the plague.

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    North Queensland is where those bastards live. Nothing to worry about south of Mackay or so.

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    An English person has more of chance getting king hit waiting for a cab than getting killed by the wildlife.

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    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mert View Post
    Pretty sure my house has bed bugs, at this point I'm just ignoring the problem and have accepted that I will always have 4-5 new insect bites every morning.
    They're an absolute bastard to get rid of.

    I think we needed about 5 or 6 treatments to kill them off for good.

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    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Disco View Post
    Land of the flea.
    Terrible.

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    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    There's a load of bottles of home brew in my conservatory. I knocked one over the other day, which resulted in loads falling over. Turns out the giant spider population of the North West were living among them and scarpered in every direction once the bottles were skittling all over the place. I swiftly grabbed one of the larger plastic bottles and squashed about four of them, before realising what I was doing, dropped the bottle and ran away. The cat'll sort em out if they dare venture into the actual house.
    I'm a twit

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    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Queenslander View Post
    An English person has more of chance getting king hit waiting for a cab than getting killed by the wildlife.
    We probably have more people killed by our own wildlife, the most deadly beast therein being (drum roll) the cow. 74 confirmed kills this century.

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    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Queenslander View Post
    Where are you going?

    Plenty of funnel webs and wolf spiders in south east Queensland.
    Staying in Melbourne but also visiting Sydney for a few days. Been to both before and Sydney in particularly was a lovely city, although we were only there for two days last time.

    We might end up living in Melbourne in a few years.

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    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    Terrible.
    I'll scratch it off the approved list.

  20. #20
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Due to recent local press reporting on Essex being invaded by False Widow Spiders my wife has gone nuclear. We are now experiencing daily panic attacks if a creature with more that 4 legs is sighted. 'Sake.

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    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Disco View Post
    I'll scratch it off the approved list.
    As Steve McLaren would say "Itch for the best"

  22. #22
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kikó View Post
    As Steve McLaren would say "Itch for the best"
    Like the cure this joke is topical.

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    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    We have these tiny small bugs crawling around everywhere. All over the monitors, cutlatery, windows and on your skin. Really annoying.

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    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Really really small ones?

    I have ones which are smaller than this | who love my tablet screen.

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    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Yeah, really small. They manage to get behind the monitor screen. You can see them on light backgrounds. You can feel them on my skin, but they are difficult to see. Web claims they could be corn flies/Thrips/thunder flies

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    Senior Member Adramelch's Avatar
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    I have quite a few silverfish in my new place. Not exactly the most annoying of insects, but I could do without them.

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    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    "Thunder bugs" are what I know those as, Sincere. Had one crawl inside the screen of a brand new laptop and die about fifteen years ago.

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    Flying Ant invasion in my garden today.

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    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Didn't realise that they could crawl inside screens, fuck.

    Luckily that's yet to happen to me.

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    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yevrah View Post
    Flying Ant invasion in my garden today.
    Yeah they were all over Liverpool today, it was terrifying. Had to keep the windows down and waste fuel on the aircon.
    I'm a twit

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    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    All we've had is a plague of moths and butterflies. I wouldn't mind so much if they weren't so determined to be as stupid as possible.

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    Senior Member Lee's Avatar
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    We've had the flying ants out today as well.

    I was stung by a wasp for the first time in years when I was in Greece. Fucking killed. Serves me right for standing on it, I suppose.

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    Anyone know what this is....


  34. #34
    Senior Member Giggles's Avatar
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    That's a big lump of a stinger.

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    It's a good 4cm long, too.

  36. #36
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    It's a cricket.

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    Well that's disappointing. I was hoping it was something more deadly.

  38. #38
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    I don't think that's actually a sting on the back but you live in the arse end of the world so I wouldn't go poking it or anything.

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    I trod on it by accident. It didn't move for some time, then all of a sudden it legged it. I can hear all of his relatives outside kicking up a fuss, the noisy cunts.

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    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    lol at abroad.

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    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by John Arne View Post
    trod
    You can take the lad out of England...
    I'm a twit

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    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    You wouldn't get mosquitoes in Brighton in the winter, would you?

    I've had eliminate a couple of mosquito-like dickheads tonight, which is odd because I haven't had anything fly through my window for ages.

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    Senior Member Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Offshore Toon View Post
    You wouldn't get mosquitoes in Brighton in the winter, would you?

    I've had eliminate a couple of mosquito-like dickheads tonight, which is odd because I haven't had anything fly through my window for ages.
    Didn't know you were in Brighton. Is the Bugle still on the go?

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    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    Didn't know you were in Brighton. Is the Bugle still on the go?
    Yeah, third year of university at Sussex. What's the Bugle?

  45. #45
    Senior Member Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Offshore Toon View Post
    Yeah, third year of university at Sussex. What's the Bugle?
    A pub. I think it's kind of an Irish bar (I bought Irish crisps in it anyway). Could be in the Hove bit.

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    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Aye, that's Brighton (looked it up on Google Maps). Not sure if its still going, but I nearly lived around there a couple of years ago. I haven't been able to get to know the pubs as a student, to be honest. Been to a few, but pretty much the shit cheap ones. I'm looking forward to working in Brighton purely I can eat/drink out a lot more, so I'll give The Bugle a visit then.

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    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Be careful, Offshore. Someone I work with recently had Dengue fever from mosquitoes in the Maldives.
    I'm a twit

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    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    I'll try. Thankfully I've got a bright light just above my desk so I spot 'em sneaking in.

  49. #49
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    First wasp of the year flew in today. It was a sprightly little cunt too. Took a couple of attempts to catch it in a mug, with the second being far more difficult and terrifying than the first. The windows don't open wide enough to let it out, so my only choice is to leave it in there till it dies. Last year I had one live for about 5/6 days, so the the bar has been set high.

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