Scots Law isn't like that.
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Scots Law isn't like that.
Fair enough, sorry mate.
Watching your kid go screaming in to the other car to be taken back home is pretty hard, I won't lie. And I thought I was doing well.
Kidnapping?
Thing is, it's still early days yet. You've got more setbacks to come I'm afraid, but your ability to cope with these will build over time.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
I didn't cry or anything, but it pretty much shat on my night. Couldn't enjoy the match at all and went for a quiet walk along the beach. I guess the difference is I spent that time thinking about how I could be the best I can possibly be in order to ensure happiness for us. That alone is an absolutely huge change of mindset.Quote:
Originally Posted by mo
Remember that kids are retarded. They'll cry over anything.
Stay strong Magic you scumabg.
Ah shit Magic, sorry to hear this. Sounds like you're being really positive about it though.
Omg mini John is back. This makes it all worthwhile. :drool:
@Magic
Nice little match for you
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...g-cut-off.html
Oof.
Feel her pain. :(
Except mine was like £150, and I couldn't give a fuck.
I am desperately unwell, so I may update this thread on my experiences so far.
Please don't.
Please do.
Share if it helps. Don't if it doesn't.
Hope you're okay.
It will. Its not for anyone to lol at really just maybe highlight the unexpected difficulties and at the same time unexpected pleasant bits.
#MagzLetsTalk :)
Fuck off forever.Quote:
Originally Posted by Manc
If it helps then it helps. Glad to hear there's some pleasant bits at this stage anyway at least.
The Good:
I am happy within myself (happier). It is a daily struggle and seems so easy to just give up. But I won't. I am on a treatment plan and it is doing wonders for my mental health.
I am developing a seriously good relationship with my daughter. We have vision boards, and she's actually a bloody good drummer.
I am in so much more control of my finances. My credit card spend is minimal and I buy what would benefit me (and my daughter).
My ADHD is under control. The medication has worked wonders and I am a totally different person in work.
Exercising is really helping me as well. 3 x a week at the gym. I have little else to do at this point so putting it to good use.
I am exploring old friendships and re-igniting, obviously only those that will benefit from me, and I will benefit from them.
My depression, or the remnants of it, have all but disappeared (for now). I am fully weaned off the Prozac which is great.
I seem to be really connecting with my family, all sides of it.
The Bad:
My ex-wife is still a bit of a cunt, she'll never be empathetic, I see that now even towards our daughter.
This results in most conversations being ok, but they are always centred around poor old her. I'd love to cave her skull in, don't get me wrong, but her doing well is CRITICAL to my daughter's wellbeing.
I am lonely. No point in hiding that. I occasionally get homesick.
I feel sometimes I am walking a tightrope and have to fight like a warrior to stay on.
It is hard to admit I am living with my dad. No shame in that I know but I've been independent since 19. This is a step back.
I am financially struggling, having taken that big pay cut and not sold what I had expected. Paying a mortgage and board is difficult.
I am finding it hard to socialise. When you're married, who cares. It's fine if you sit on your phone or only talk to that couple you know. As a single, that is unacceptable behaviour really.
I cannot bear to look at new photos of my ex. Cannot bear it. I need to get over this I know, but time etc.
The Ugly:
I got my daughter to open up, turns out she thought it was all her fault and she shouldn't have 'let me go'. Her world is crushed etc. She doesn't even wish to be a mermaid anymore (her wish since day 0), just to have me back in the house. I've never really been heartbroken before, truly heartbroken. But I think I was at that point. I almost turned myself inside out not to burst in to tears and apologise.
She wrote me a heartbreaking card apologising for being upset. If anyone made my kid feel like that, I'd kill 'em. How can it be when that person is you.
She keeps referring to 'never say never' and 'you might get back together' which is like a knife being plunged in to your heart.
In fact, the only ugly is the emotional distress of my daughter. It is horrific. Absolutely...horrific. It generates churn and sorrow like nothing else.
I am so determined to have an aligned approach for our daughter I may have conceded on a few things. I have bit my tongue repeatedly. When our house sells in September, I can be a lot more assertive. It just feels like one wrong move and things could go very bad. So I'm trying to keep her sweet. That's not to say I'm only doing it until I get the money, but I'm not bending over backwards to accommodate a single-minded, selfish cunt.
I've drawn my red-line (she DOES NOT move school) and beyond that nothing is of my concern, unless it is to do with my daughter.
#warandpeace
It is hard, very hard. But it's been so worth it now. No more constant anxiety, tension, arguing, wasting my life etc. Wonderful. I am not thinking too far in to the future, but taking it day by day as best I can.
Had I not had ADHD, would I be divorced? Maybe not, but I certainly wouldn't be married to my ex, put it that way. :)
From the 8th of December, 2018, my life began again. And now I can fulfil my dreams, my goals, my vision. This time, though, I have all the incentive in the world to achieve it.
Magic i have to say reading that makes me very happy for you.
Your feelings w/r/t your daughters feelings are obviously very normal and expected. Hell, my parents got divorced when I was 18/19 and I still felt like maybe I had something to do with their unhappiness. It's natural, I think for most people, to go through those feelings. Obviously, she'll have it a little more difficult given her age to process these emotions, but how you're handling all of these things is so great.
I'm so happy to hear she's a good drummer and you guys are making great memories together. This will only continue to get better as you work through the transition together and I'm so excited for you.
Your ex has always been extraordinarily self-centered so I'm not surprised she's doing the same now. All I can say is just keep positive with your daughter and do your very best with your ex especially when she's around. Let's be honest, at the end of the day your daughter will grow up and realize it's not her (your daughter's) fault but likely "her crazy psycho mum". She'll still love her mum, but she'll respect you for being good about it and not trying to put your daughter in between your difference with your ex.
I'm really excited to see how your relationship with your daughter blossoms. You'll ironically likely spend more time together because you'll have to MAKE the time to go DO things... instead of just being around in the same house and that being enough.
Much love your way, e-friend xx.
Yep, that's exactly how I feel. It's pure, quality time. Not taken for granted in any way at all.
Sounds like you're handling it all very well and making good strides in terms of your mental health. KUTGW.
Magic, two things.
1. I am proud of you, and you are doing the right things. I cannot imagine how difficult this is for you.
2. If you're feeling lonely, play Haxball with us. :henn0rz:
In other good news*, I'll be up in March Magic and we can have a beer.
*it's a joke. I'm delighted you seem to have found some peace in your life. My parents split when I was young and it turned out ok. Kids are resilient. Be a good dad like you are.
How come your house is definitely selling in September?
I'd genuinely make a big effort to come and see you mate. :thbup:Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
On market in June, sale date 2nd of Sept when fixed mortgage ends.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
It will sell instantly and I'm not being presumptuous.
Are you able to buy yourself once it all goes through?
When my brother bought his first house his bird clocked that the owners were separated and they were able to knock them right down.
Yep! It may not be as big or nice but yes. In the same area.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
Every bit of that sounds rational, reasonable, sensible, logical, understandable and inevitable. It sounds wholly like you’re doing your bit, holding up your end of the bargain, doing best by your daughter and crucially yourself, and stoicly riding out the worst of it. It sounds so dumb and basic to say it, but you will get your life back with the help of some graft right now. I also don’t think you can underestimate those most basic of changes like exercise and just catching up with people that have fallen by the wayside. And the right meds, ofc.
Good luck amigo.