Baz has an excel of all the small transgressions committed by his co-workers ready to send to corporate but I'm supposed to trust him hiding a body.
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Baz has an excel of all the small transgressions committed by his co-workers ready to send to corporate but I'm supposed to trust him hiding a body.
Under that shit hot desk you never got.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Saw the panto of Sleeping Beauty today at The Everyman in Liverpool and it was actually really good. Had some decent jokes that went over the kids head in and some decent songs too.
This sounds excellent. Like an ice cream snickers.Quote:
Originally Posted by bruhnaldo
Thank you Kiko for restoring my faith in humanity
I just remembered I’m past the cancellation for
the hotel for the Christmas party and I’m not going. They’ll love that.
Why aren't you going?
Christmas (eve, day and sometimes boxing day) has been at our house for the last 20ish years with my Mum cooking and people bringing some extra dishes.
This year we've decided not to though. One auntie stepped up and said she'll do Christmas Eve (the biggest day for Poles) and another auntie said she'd do Christmas Day as long as she didn't have to do loads of cooking.
Today the second auntie called to say that she can't be fucked anymore and wants to postpone until the 28th...
This has obviously not gone down well, you can't just fucking postpone Christmas.
You can if Christmas Eve is the big one anyway. You should have been preparing a backup plan as soon as she said she was only doing it if it didn't involve loads of cooking. That's like saying you'll do a 10k if it doesn't involve loads of running.
Well Eve is bigger than Day in that you exchange presents, it's more of a religious thing, there's a set meal plan (no meat allowed) etc but Christmas Day is still meant to be a family gathering.Quote:
Originally Posted by John
She's a bit weird in that she can cook things quite well (she does two types of chicken curries which are great) but she makes a huge fuss out of everything.
My sister wanted to host it in her place from the beginning but she's in assistive/supportive living (although she wants to move out) and the staff are massive dicks. They'd complain we're making too much noise, that there are too many people, too many cars etc etc. We'll host it there if the auntie is still being a twat.
There’s a new dickhead that’s started that never draws breath and I didn’t want to spend one of my days off listening to him. I don’t really like the Christmas parties anyway as I see enough of everyone all year but it’s sort of expected that you go to them.Quote:
Originally Posted by bruhnaldo
A lad at work was looking right forward to getting on the drink after the meal on Thursday and he's been put on security call so he can't. I might get hammered just to annoy him.
“On call” is the biggest pile of shit at work.
I got told I had to do it, despite not being in my contract or R&Rs, so told them to fuck off.
Equivalent of like £250 for a week of carrying around a pager and not being able to drink or be more than an hour from the office? No thanks. Fine for most of the year, if you got Xmas/new year or the Xmas party time? Get fucked.
Career limiting, but satisfying.
I would volunteer on those terms, but I think with us (not that I have ever had to do it) you get something like twenty quid, and only then if you actually have to come in. Failing getting hammered, I might swing back by the office afterwards and give the door a kick to set the alarm off.
The tried to bring it in for us for no extra remuneration. Needless to say nobody is on call.
Our on call isn't bad. You don't need to actually travel anywhere if you get "called out", you just might need to do some stuff in the house. You get an extra amount added to your salary, a retainer for each day on call and then for each call you get they pay you by the half hour, so even if it ends up being five minutes work it's rounded up to half an hour anyway.
I'm on call for Christmas this year which does mean I will need to be a bit more sensible with my wanker beers but on the flip side my sister's in-laws are a bit annoying so if they're doing my head in I'll pretend I've got a call and go get some peace and quiet for half an hour. Apparently in 9 years they've had one call on Christmas day so I will probably be safe anyway.
Are you stacking up your bottles of real ale?
You've done well to balance out the dark and pale
Are you missing watching cricket?
Are you stuck with wrestling?
Have you chucked the brand-name lager in the bin?
So here it is Ian Webly
Only he is having fun
Look to the future now
It's only just begun
You really ought to have started the Christmas Webly album sooner, it's halfway through the month.
It's too much pressure. That Michael Bay's Advent Calendar I did ten years(!) ago nearly put me off the internet.
Bear in mind the sort of things you’re likely to get called for are a major accident offshore, a helicopter ditching or green peace deciding to try and board your platform.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
If you do get called, it’s 12 hour shifts of stress that you’ll live with forever. A few guys at work were on call when a helicopter ditched back in 2007 or so killing all the passengers. The £250 doesn’t seem quite worth it if you’ve had to be a responder to something like that.
The what, now?Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
Sometimes I wonder about bosses and how many ex-school bullies end up in posts. Who would ever agree to that?Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
He said it's a decent pub this
He said there'd be loads of ales
But instead they're just playing music
Serving Carling to blokes in sales
I remember last Sunday evening
A pay per view and a Belgian beer
This pub is rubbish and for my Christmas wish
I wish Ian Webly was here
It was something AWESOME (like Michael Bay) every day of the advent calendar. I think the third was Jimmy Savile, to give some indication of how long ago this was.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
I dug into our Lindt calendar at work. It's alright but it just isn't Lindt enough.
Last month, he started a thread,
but the very next month, he went and fucked it,
Next month, I'll punch the cunt,
If I don't get my Southend essay.
February, Spikey. Blame Pleb.
To be successful at anything you need a certain contempt for people. I do like when they throw a tantrum (as was the case above) and shout that everyone will be out the door only to slowly back down when they realise that no, we actually won’t.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Fuck you for this my brain hurts so hard from expecting it to actually rhyme at the endQuote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Why would you expect that? The original didn't rhyme either.
????Quote:
Originally Posted by John
Quote:
He said it's a decent pub this
He said there'd be loads of ales A
But instead they're just playing music
Serving Carling to blokes in sales A
I remember last Sunday evening
A pay per view and a Belgian beer B
This pub is rubbish and for my Christmas wish
I wish Ian Webly was here B
Oh dear.
Not quite on call but I remember when I used to work with autistic adults and I would do a few 'sleep ins' which basically meant if shit brewed during the night you would have to go and help the night team restrain whomever was kicking off. There's not much that prepares you for a loud as fuck alarm waking you up to then go running to whichever zone the incident is occurring and then restraining whomever whilst still in a zombie like state.
They're doing different songs, Bruh.Quote:
Originally Posted by bruhnaldo
It's my first xmas do with the Norwich lot tomorrow.
I'm the youngest despite being 28, there's a couple in their early 30s, and then the vast majority sort of 37-50ish. Based on how restrained the oldies were back home, I assumed it would be a bit shit, but pretty much everyone has said they're planning to properly get on it, taxis booked etc. Obviously the usual mix of excitement at the potential of amusing situations and fear that i'll be the source of said situations.
:face:Quote:
Originally Posted by bruhnaldo
I swear you posted the song I was doing in the thread you started as well.
I still don't even know tbh I was just reading them like fun poems.
Thought I was sorted for secret santa until I checked the dates on the chocolates I was re-gifting. Bloody June they went out.
Do you like the person you got?
Ha. Well I don't dislike them, hence no out of date chocs.
Could you not swap with a friend so you get someone you do dislike?
My predecessor came to the office Christmas party, so I bought him a drink. He had to go and catch his train before he could return the favour, but it was cancelled because of a suicide, so he came back and bought me one. 2019 going out with a right touch.
Was it pasteurised?
This place did Pepsi Max in bottles. :drool:
The amount of bitchy shite that comes out after two drinks is pretty lol as well. Keep it together people.
You don't even need any alcohol at my gaff. I drove three of them to our Christmas lunch yesterday and as soon as they were in the confined space of the car for ten minutes it all came flooding out.
The discussions on my Christmas do went X-rated after a few drinks. I asked my lesbian colleague if she’d ever had sex with a man, and then a few drinks later asked another person if she’d ever done anal. :sick: Saving grace was I was probably one of the least drunk, and at least I wasn’t rattling off names of everyone followed by “I’d have a go on her” like my mate in the taxi home, while Ms no-anal cringed to death.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
Last day today, it’s payday and there’s a pub trip after work planned. We don’t get the big turn out we get for the summer holidays drinks but should be fun.
Payday but I'm still going until Christmas Eve. Last day on the phones for the year, too. Unless they rightfully decide getting rid of Christmas Eve appointments is near impossible.
Last day today for me. Came in to an envelope on the desk with ten €50 notes in it, so I'm heading for the off licence at lunch time.