https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GaslightingQuote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GaslightingQuote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
I'll admit it wasn't exactly the most pure use of the English language, but I meant more liable to gaslight, e.g.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
Quote:
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilize the victim and delegitimize the victim's belief
I'm still none the wiser a paragraph into that but I know he meant it now so that's enough.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Yeah what Boydy said
To use an example from my own personal life, my first ever "proper" girlfriend was a massive...errr, gaslighter. She'd constantly recall things in a way that slightly adjusted the events to make her look better and make me look worse. Highlight was my flatmate and best friend spending the majority of our relationship trying to crack onto her in the most transparent way (he took her for a £60 meal and paid for it while i was HAVING INVASIVE EYE SURGERY), but when I confronted her on it she managed to twist it around into me being in the wrong for never doing nice things for her so she HAD to let him do stuff like that to get the treatment she deserved.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
By the end of our relationship I'd genuinely gone a bit insane, and at times I thought I was in the wrong for being a shit boyfriend rather than her being an absolute manipulative cunt and my mate being a total rat.
Didn't he end up with her? Gaslighted. Donned is the word you're after chief.
Cracking memory, Lew. They got together a week after I broke up with her, and 8 years later they're currently engaged. They even invited me to the wedding.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
Donned in the short term certainly, but it worked out pretty well in the long run. Seems like a comfortable, stable relationship has done nothing to change her behaviour. In the spirit of being the bigger man, when me and some of the old gang went for a night out in Liverpool I suggested we extend the olive branch to the lad and have him come for a few drinks with us (they live up there).
After about a pint he miserably said he had to leave because "we agreed it would be better if I didn't drink as much, and I need to go home and snapchat a photo of the house to prove I'm not out".
"fucking hell, she's not changed, what's she up to tonight?"
"...she's on a night out with mates back home"
...mate.
Me and a latter girlfriend met the two of them a couple of years later, and old girlfriend was so transparently pissed off that I'd lost weight, gained confidence and had managed to get with a girl twice as attractive as her that she wasn't even able to keep to the subtle manipulation and was just outright hostile to the extent old friend was like "what the fuck is wrong with you?", when he's usually incredibly meek and pathetic.
They're getting married and you're licking strangers fart boxes. That's no short term donning.
Igor is clearly winning
The other lad has the love of his life looking out for him, and Igor is still seething so much that he's making up reunions where he got the last laugh. Right okay.
Being stuck in a loveless relationship where you're basically whipped to bits while your "partner" is out fucking off on the town without you <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< a bit of string-less strange on a saturdayQuote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
I reckon I must have read that definition a dozen times over the years whenever that or other modern offences are mentioned and I still have no real idea what it means.
Glad I'm not the only one who can't quite understand the concept of gaslighting even after reading the definition several times.
Get her to fuck. This instant. Life is too short for shit that. Bin bin bin.Quote:
Originally Posted by Foe
My understanding of gaslighting is that it's essentially one member of a relationship being a manipulative cunt, with the end goal of alienating their partner from everyone else in their life.
To clarify, gaslighting is when you're well aware of the reality but skew it in your favour. I was a real master of actually believing my gaslight. Guess that's more delusion though.
:D.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
In fairness, I think it's worked out alright for both of us on balance. He seems genuinely happy with his life, and despite all of her flaws he's probably just about punching. He's so passive and meek that I think he genuinely prefers having some mental case managing his life. When he was single he was borderline insane most of the time.
There was a point about halfway through my relationship with her where'd I'd had enough and told her we needed to go on a break. We arranged to go for a drink about a week later to clear the air and see where things were, but she'd also arranged to see flatmate the same evening afterwards. Neither of us knew she was meeting the other.
When it got to the point of her leaving to meet him she insisted on me coming as well. We had the most awkward, emotionally charged couple of hours, which culminated in girl inviting me back to hers. Flatmate had obviously thought this was finally THE NIGHT where it was gonna happen, and he just totally lost the plot. Insisted that he was going to go clubbing on his own (despite it being about midnight on a Sunday), then once me and girl had gotten back to hers she got a stream of texts implying he was going to harm himself. We got a taxi back to mine/his, and he'd smashed loads of bottles and punched the mirror in his bedroom. He stormed out of the flat at about 3am, insisting he was getting a train home, launching a bottle of beer at a parked car in the process.
After that he had to spend a week back home "sorting himself out". Looking back I think I only stayed with her for the next 3 months out of spite. Clearly both of them were more well matched as a couple, but girl was too much of a pussy to break up with me and CLEARLY loved having the two of us fighting over her. When I finally did break up with her she cried and asked to have one last shag, lol no. They were officially a couple about a week later.
What a weird fucking year of my life that was.
Aye, but being so manipulative you actually make the other person lose grip of reality, and believe the version of the world they're creating.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
So, a cunt then.
OH, and she NEVER let me go anywhere near her bumhole, and her one USP (her GIANT tits) was totally nullified by the fact she was so insecure about them she NEVER took her bra off in front of me. I'm definitely winning.
Are you from rough ends?
Rugby's not rough it's just full of mongs.
When JayZ and Beyonce got engaged, do you reckon he spent two months calling her 'Fiance Knowles'? That's what I'd have done.
Get out.
One of my friends who has been married for a number of years is as soft as porridge. His wife has a friend who was also married but is now divorved. My friend is now in a situion where he is taking his wife's freinds car to get it serviced and all the rest of it :face:
I can spot these type of issues well in advanced.
He'll be riding the friend before the month is out.
He isnt getting paid for his timeat all. They have him under lock and key. I never liked her from day one.
You should slide in?
She'll have new tires :drool:
Tires?
PM @Bam, he'll catch you up on the storyQuote:
Originally Posted by Bam
:saywhat:
i wanna laugh too. share with the class.
Yeah answer his PM Bam innit.
I'm feeling completely hopeless about my brother. I've known he's had drug issues for a long time but he pretends it's alright and I do the same in the hope that he's able to clean him self up, but I've realised he's in deep and doesn't have anywhere near the maturity required to fix it. He's an addict surrounded by addicts and he doesn't know anything else. He's never going to be a functioning member of society.
He lives in England so I've thought of moving down but there are factors that make that difficult for me, and it probably wouldn't help anyway. Fully expecting him to die young.
Is he in Bristol? The risk in moving down is that nothing would change and you'd just end up falling out. Trying to babysit another man in situations like this is stressful as fuck and rarely appreciated. The kind of change required has to come from within. Once people get stuck in the spiral you can give everything but it needs to click in their head otherwise your efforts are pointless. Do you think he actually wants to change? If so, him moving near you could help.
Yeah he's in Bristol.
I think he wants to change but it's just beyond him. He's a full on crusty. Moving is the only thing I can imagine that would help, but we couldn't live together so he's still going to surround himself with the same people.
I just end up lecturing him all the time and it doesn't do any good. If I lived near him I could at least make him do some wholesome stuff.
What's his problem then? Presumably you had similar upbringings. Is he just a knobhead?
Yeah, Glasgow might not be the best place for somebody with a drug addiction. Does he have a diabolo?
Do your family know about his issues? Is there any reason why he can't move closer to somebody else? Or even get him into rehab?
He's a good person, he just has child-like decision making and impulse control.
I was drawn to drugs in the same way he is (my parents aren't wasteheads lol), he just lacks the common sense I had to not let them ruin my life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
He goes to festivals every weekend over the summer and actually makes decent money doing glamping stuff (I'm about 95% sure this is the truth and he's not dealing drugs). Obviously that lifestyle is only going to encourage his use.
My parents don't really know. I'm seeing them in a couple of weeks and I'll probably tell them. I dunno how it'll help though and I'm worried that it will ruin his relationship with me.
Glasgow would be fine for him, I'd have him on my sofa for as long as he liked but he isn't interested.
I said I'd give him fifty quid if he could not do drugs for two days but he said he's been organising some weekend long rave so no thanks lol. Yeah he's a bellend.
There have to be some deeper rooted mental health issues so trying to get him to self-refer to a mental health clinic would be a start. A GP will just chuck him on anti-depressants to fob him off, which is unlikely to actually help. If he doesn't want the help, though, then for your own wellbeing if you've done all you can then I'd start to distance myself.
Do we have anyone in the area who can chin him?
What's he addicted to, @dino? Coke or smack I'm assuming, aye?
Some combination of speed/ket/benzos.
Oh shit, your brother is this meme:
https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net...01&oe=5CBB3A34
I'd be more worried about how annoying his mates are gonna be and how shit his taste in music is gonna be with that venn diagram. Shit for you though, obviously. Is he the kind of SUPER FUN GUY on the surface masking the darkness beneath, or is he genuinely just obliviously content with his life? Of the three I'd probably be most worried about the benzos, they're no fucking joke. I stupidly went from occasionally having one of my mate's to help with my comedowns, to having my own stash, to just having them on random Wednesday nights to "help me sleep", but luckily managed to realise what I was doing and knocked it on the head before it got any worse.
Surely if he's serious about kicking it (doesn't sound like it with the response to the £50 offer) then surely burning bridges with him by telling your parents could be good in the long run. If it actually helps him sort it out he'll thank you later when he's had time to realise the help you've given him.
Turning down £50 isn't a big deal. If I had a weekend planned for ages and somebody popped up on Thursday offering me money to stay in there's no chance I'd do it.
Benzos are super addictive, but I'd be most worried about ket. That's some horrible shit that can leave you with life-changing side effects.
Edit: lol I've just remembered that a substance misuse psychiatrist told me if I was going to get addicted to something to make sure it was benzos.