Apprentice 2024: Will Sugar be LORD OF THE PIES?

https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/images/ic/944xn/p0h6jjvm.jpg

The Apprentice 2024

Hosts: No mention of Claude so I think it's just Tim with Sralan and Karen? Maybe with Claude back for the interviews again?

Episode 1: Highlands Corporate Away Day
The hunt is on for Lord Sugar’s next business partner, and this year’s candidates kick things off in the breathtaking Scottish Highlands.

Under the watchful eye of Baroness Karren Brady and Tim Campbell, the teams are tasked with hosting a corporate away day. There’s chaos in the kitchen and tours that don't run to schedule.

Back in the boardroom, for one candidate, it’s the end of the road.

01 February 2024 - 9pm

The Dickheads: https://www.bbc.co.uk/mediacentre/me...ticecandidates

Top Quotes:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Dr. Asif Munaf

I’ve got an extremely high IQ. I’ve got an extremely high bench press. And to top it off, I’m quite good on the eyes.

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Mate, your face is far too long and thin to be claiming you're a sexy bastard.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Flo Edwards

Tell us something about you that we don’t know?
I've taught my dog how to close a door...? I mean, how deep do we want to go here!

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You're hired.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Oliver Medforth

I am a selling machine.

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Bring on the sales tasks. :drool:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Paul Bowen

I could make Lord Sugar the Lord of the Pies.

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Sugar won't get that reference so I wouldn't lean on that one too much.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sam Saadet

I don't consider any of my previous business ventures a failure, as they have all taught me something and helped me to create a more successful one.

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Soooo a few notable failures then, yeah?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Tre Lowe

I am going to change the world and create a legacy that reverberates through time.

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He sounds like a wanker but I'm gonna want Tre staying in. :nodd:

Doubt any of these are going to be better than my boy Simba but Tre has potential to be a laugh, and Steve Darken has both the face and the name of a c-tier supervillain so crossing my fingers for him.

And, as it's mandatory:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HX4_MvOSdf8

"Money doesn’t move me, but making a difference does"

"The success of my business is measured by the joy and health it brings people"

"I am enthusiastic about learning from one of the UK's most successful businessmen"

"I have no doubt that starting up during Covid made me a tougher person all round"

"I have a business that truly helps others"


Worrying amount of quite normal person quotes there. Thankfully Tre Lowe makes up for it with "I am going to change the world and create a legacy that reverberates through time", there's my guy.

Now you've pointed out Dr Asif Munaf's long face I can't get over it. He must have about eight yards of skull. Talk about high cheekbones, his are in near-earth orbit.

Wellness Entrepreneur must be the biggest grift going.

It's probably because I'm genuinely old now, but these people look exactly the same as they do every year.

Although it makes me sound like a big ol' racist because the only similarly-shaped person I can think of is an Asian character, he genuinely looks like Jafar.

EDIT: Oot the way, Yev.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by wullie

"Money doesn’t move me, but making a difference does".

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I wonder if who said this realises they've entered a gameshow where the prize is an investment from a Man who is only moved by money.

Yeah I did think a few of them are leaning too hard on the "being a good person" thing when Sralan wants people who'd bite somebody's nose off for a fiver.

I was sceptical about Tre's bio mentioning him being part of a UK garage band but it turns out he's responsible for this all-timer so he really is my guy now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOQA6oli2jc

Dr Asif was apparently a founder of the University of Masculinity with Andrew Tate and also had a few choice words for the jews, but the BBC sent him on a course so it's all gravy now :uhoh:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by wullie

I was sceptical about Tre's bio mentioning him being part of a UK garage band but it turns out he's responsible for this all-timer so he really is my guy now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOQA6oli2jc

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Tre :cool:

Tonight, lads. Y'all ready for it to still be pretty bad but keep watching out of habit?

I can't believe that Sugar still hosts. He's been cancelled about 4 times and is 76 years old. Can't they find someone a bit less tired to freshen it up?

Doubt it. Any younger tycoons are always high performance podcast level personality vacuums.

Maybe they could get that twat from Pimlico Plumbers, but he's probably as old as Sugar.

Jim Radcliffe with Dave Brailsford as his Claude character? :yawn:

He's done an interview today claiming his interview team can smell a wannabe influencer from a mile off so they screen them out early doors, doesn't quite explain all the former candidates who are now influencers :D

Remember lads, we want Andrew Tate's mate to flame out right away.

The long headed freak.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ian

The long headed freak.

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But he's got an EXTREMELY high bench press.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry

But he's got an EXTREMELY high bench press.

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And a hairline he thinks he's hiding.

These BANTER bits to start a new season are always so awkward.

So many shit jokes from Alan which everyone HAS to laugh at.

"A lot of people have a fear of water".

Right up there with spiders and snakes.

"I'm scared of water so let's take the safe option and abseil down a cliff"

Please, please try and run a Highland games yourselves.

A dry corporate event? lol.

RIP.

This hotel group are going to RIP the girls to pieces.

Still, that extra tenner she negotiated. :drool:

£60 a head for toad in the hole?!?!?!?!?

Just come to post that. The food prices when they haggle on this are always ludicrous.

I’m still cringing at “so I can have beans with my toast…”

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ian

Please, please try and run a Highland games yourselves.

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:drool:

This is going to be amazing.

That's a late lunch.

Especially when they fuck it up and it's delayed by 45 minutes or more.

They have been set up to fail here as per, having to do prices before they know costs and learning some fucker is gonna try and charge them £300 for a fishcake

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ian

They have been set up to fail here as per, having to do prices before they know costs and learning some fucker is gonna try and charge them £300 for a fishcake

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For the ingredients and recipe for a fishcake...

Asif says he can deal.with stressful situations while stressing out at having to put some stuff in a pan in timely fashion

Fishcake crumble :drool:

These fishcakes puddings are gonna be good.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry

For the ingredients and recipe for a fishcake...

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Fishcake crumble.

That timing :lol:

Genuinely can’t tell which team is fucking this up more.

Flourless Brownies :drool:

Phil should murder one of these morons to get the rest sharpened up.

I'm stunned that fishcake crumble hasn't gone down well.

:drool::drool::drool:

This is their sandalwood moment.

Bread crumbed rhubarb to finish?

Which has been microwaved...

They are both going to lose money surely.

Wait, didn’t the originally say lunch was at 2? They’ve just served the mains and are worrying about having to leave at 7?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Browning

They are both going to lose money surely.

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You have to assume so.

Could fire most of these from both teams.

Lord, give me the confidence to serve up somebody cold toad in the hole and ask for a tip.

The Dr clearly can't do maths :D

Get fucked Asif.

Him clapping and celebrating the "£300 profit" was absolutely glorious.

Stunned the women actually made money.

My TV lost signal when he was clapping about his £300 profit… how bad was it?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Browning

My TV lost signal when he was clapping about his £300 profit… how bad was it?

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Just over £500 loss.

He's gonna bring Phil back here and Phil is gonna mess him up.

I just can’t handle beans on toast guy’s voice.

The PM is fucked here.

How the fuck did Virdi escape?

Ollie had a shit business plan then.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ian

Ollie had a shit business plan then.

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Sure but if the PM's business plan is literally an events type thing and he fucks it this hard, how can he stay.

Is he looking for a chef this year?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry

Sure but if the PM's business plan is literally an events type thing and he fucks it this hard, how can he stay.

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Because a) that's just how his brain works and b) by this rationale he'd probably barely ever have a winner.

I'm not defending it, I think it's the biggest flaw in the show, but it's what happens.

Another fucking food task. Games gone, lads.

It's very retail-heavy. For a proper overview of business they should have them do due diligence on an acquisition for an episode, or see which team is the best at deciphering 4,000 pages of EU export regulations.

Have them try and sell tractor engines to a weeping Frenchman.

The pretence that this show has anything to do with business, beyond essentially running a market stall, left the building years ago.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-68238050

God putting in work for Virdi last week, no wonder he stayed in.

With TWO pie men they definitely can't fuck this up.

Pie flavoured cheesecake :drool:

Fuck the chocolate.

£8 for one of those small cheesecakes?!?!?!?!?!

Fuck off.

Edit: £10/£11? I feel sick.

Nothing would surprise me in London. Not for what these lot are gonna make though, obviously.

She's nailed it with the whole "Mango Mojito", that shit will be lapped up in London.

I think I hate Verdi. Even if god is on his side.

Not knowing what a KG is.

This is glorious.

"Take some FUCKING CHOCOLATE YOU PRICKS"

He's such a twat with an annoying voice.

"They haven't specified taste"

It is FOOD though, ladies.

It seems the boys have forgotten about taste too.

Everything the annoying voiced pie man does seems to be wrong.

The lord of the lies

I hate that nasal northern tosser.

The girls corporate cheesecakes look shocking.

Yeah they'll definitely want a cake that looks like Cthulhu's ringpiece.

Be fair, Karren, agreeing on two numbers and sticking to them is hard.

It's nice that the boys decided to present the cheesecakes as if they've already been eaten.

Didn't think that brazen tip thing was gonna work.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry

It's nice that the boys decided to present the cheesecakes as if they've already been eaten.

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:D

Tre seems to be the only competent one for the boys.

I think the girls still doing alright out of the corporate deal will swing this.

They really should have done more with their public sales though, especially as they had a brilliant idea for their cheesecakes.

The kitchen was a disaster as always but especially for an early retail round I didn't think this was too atrocious this week even if both teams could have done better.

The boys did not enjoy that price reveal...

One of the pie men (hopefully the nasal twat) has to go.

We've seen a lot worse. One of the pie men to go? Hopefully the annoying one.

Annoying pie man absolutely destroyed the corporate deal.

If Asif could talk himself into a firing here that'd do nicely, the big Andrew Tate supporting twat.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ian

If Asif could talk himself into a firing here that'd do nicely, the big Andrew Tate supporting twat.

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The more he talks the more I hate him.

Fair play calling for a double but yeah, he's utterly detestable.

Alright I enjoyed nasal twat's exit.

Glad to see the nasally cunt gone but I cannot watch You're Fired tonight.

No chance I'm going to be able to keep listening to him.

A video game with 1990s graphics :drool:

https://www.mirror.co.uk/tv/tv-news/...veals-32076867

@Lewis

https://i.imgur.com/B3Nne69.png

https://i.imgur.com/WvAyaXN.png

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SvN

@Lewis

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My friend's brother started thinning when he was about twenty, so he never took his baseball hat off under any circumstances. Even his family never saw him without it. It later turned out that he had gone from thinning to actually bald very rapidly and had spent the best part of four years wearing a wig under the hat.

https://frinkiac.com/meme/S02E02/117...Mgbm8gaWRlYXMu

Paul pitching his chocolate cheesecakes to the veggie lot.

Apparently one of them has gone ballistic on twitter this afternoon so avoid social media if you want to watch spoiler free.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-68303830

Tate's mate won't be on You're FIRED when gets canned because, shockingly, he hates Jews.

Was very shocked that ol' longhead wanted to bring all the women to the boardroom. Twat.

Watching it now, both games are so fucking dull.

I know they have limited time but fucking hell.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ian

Was very shocked that ol' longhead wanted to bring all the women to the boardroom. Twat.

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At least he got bodied by them in the boardroom and now he's got to live down the "shame" of being beaten by some women.

That's going to eat him up for the rest of his life in his wanky Andrew Tate circles.

I've been away so I've only just watched Episode 2 but thank fuck Beans on Toast didn't make it any further. His reaction to being fired was incredible though.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry

At least he got bodied by them in the boardroom and now he's got to live down the "shame" of being beaten by some women.

That's going to eat him up for the rest of his life in his wanky Andrew Tate circles.

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Nah, he'll just tell them the Woke BBC stitched him up to forward their AGENDA of women being proper people.

I love on this task how they always barge in and just demand a discount.

I wouldn't make a salesman but I at least know you're meant to at least attempt charm and rapport.

Bring in the freshly shackled oysters though.

They only missed most of their items in that market.

Right this task didn't need the show to arrange for the idiots to have to make shit for discounts

Was Tim pretending to touch type one handed???

I forgot it was Thursday today...

Noor is a pain in the arse.

Blimey, Shug has a mard on.

I was a bit worried after episode 3 but thankfully they managed to shoe horn some cooking into episode 4.

Those two setups - the baking and glass blowing - were probably the lowest spot there's ever been on the show. How does it make any sense?

"I'll give you a discount if I have to waste my time messing around showing you how to carry this task".

I always wonder about the logistics of this. When the three of them left that market without noticing the items on sale there, what were they thinking waiting for the camera crew.

Don't they look back and see the cameraman literally taking a shot of a jumper hanging up and wonder what's going on?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SvN

Those two setups - the baking and glass blowing - were probably the lowest spot there's ever been on the show. How does it make any sense?

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Yeah I've made my peace with this being more a gameshow than any pretence at it being about assessing who might be good at business this days but that was really shit.

Freshly shackled oysters!

Edit: The oyster man :D Absolutely battered them.

Somehow shackled was less annoying than when Tre turns it to shuckled.

I'm pretty sure it takes hours for glass to cool after it's blown too.

Google says at least 24 hours

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lofty

I'm pretty sure it takes hours for glass to cool after it's blown too.

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It does.

You also need to put it in an annealer which is heated to bring it down slowly before letting it then go to room temperature.

Blown Away on Netflix has taught me some shit.

I'm stunned that Virdi survived that.

Virdi is shit and can only be surviving on the "has a less shit business plan" rule.

The graphics that Alan use for the tasks is always dogshit and they have to pretend it's amazing.

I hope we get one of them brutally honest kids focus groups here

They ALWAYS go far too young when targetting the kids so I hope they do it again.

Big chance for the team that have a PM who has 2 and 4 year old kids.

Yea 6-8 year olds famously can’t stand animals….

Mmm, carrots and milk.

Always good to take a small sample bowl when trying to work out exactly how much flavouring you'll need in the whole box.

Peter the Polar Bear.

"They're Ooooooooooooooooook".

Nice big taint on that polar bear.

An ordinary boy who is a polar bear and is going on a journey as a prince….. it’s a tale as old as time.

Noor is absolutely useless.

I was feeling a bit bad for her before this week because she’s been ignored every week. This is why.

The Polar Bear is too babyish for 3 year olds ffs.

Nah Noor had been a pain in the arse throughout. Constantly just badmouths anybody else's ideas and never does anything herself.

What a way to call Noor fat.

Is Lara Croft the only female character they’ve ever heard of?

"I think this is verging on probably not that great" is a long way round to saying it's shit, Tre.

Noor looking so happy at that piece of shit :D

It's like none of them have ever seen a 6-8 year old.

Noor with all the charm of an infanticide there.

Telling them straight up the kids thought it was bland :D

How the fuck have they managed to get a 200k order?

Who gives a shit if it's exclusive, they've won because of that.

It's madness that all the shops want their shitty cereal.

Surely the BBC asked the companies to big up the demand after they said yes to the exclusive deal knowing they wouldn't get anything else.

See, when Tre said "if they want exclusivity-" I thought he was gonna say a) that means there's plenty of money to be made and b) that there's a reason they're trying to cut off other deals

7500 :lol:

Bit of a fisting there.

Not sure she should be getting too much credit for that sale though. They offered it straight up and she didn’t even try and negotiate it.

Pie man needs to go. It’s another food task and he’s fucked it.

PM is trying to play her way into getting sacked here.

Pie man is 100% gone, PM could well go too.

https://static.simpsonswiki.com/images/2/2b/Pie_Man.png

HE WILL NEVER DIE.

Sugar likes pies then.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ian

Sugar likes pies then.

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He's human after all.

I’ve become so used to them being shit that I didn’t even pick up on yet another team spelling arctic wrong and thinking penguins live there.

Europe: "we hoped Brexit would at least spare us these idiots :( "

Dragging the poor bastards to "LONDON" Luton.

Virdi already angling for the "fired for undermining the PM" role.

Wait, what the fuck?

Why did she wait ten minutes to tell them that?

This woman dropped her own price by 500? I bet they could have got her for half that.

Don't offer the refund before you've started you colossal anus.

"I think the experience will ve amazing" said Raj. Who hasn't even seen where they're going and made a promise they can't possibly keep.

Maura's patter. :face:

Christ this wine thing is painful.

Just 100-200 years out...

"The rest of the team thought it was a good idea too." Did they, Maura? Did they?

No refunds at all? How?

This is a reward?

I'd have rather lost.

Well the freaks on the boat tour apparently enjoyed dancing about, a miracle the wine tour drew no refunds though.

Yeah this looks shit.

That had been coming.

PM absolutely BODIED there by the rest of the team.

They all clearly hate Noor too.

This could go down as the worst PM performance in a good while.

It's amazing that Noor has lasted this long.

Nothing says home luxuries quite like a hula hoop.

If Noors team lose her business plan is gonna need to be infinite energy or something to not get sacked..she's shit and clearly everyone hates her.

Tre. :D

Blimey it's Rory off Top Gear!

Mon then, Shug, get Noor fired.

Tre is annoyed the other team didn't use his song this time.

The Voltz logo looks worse every single time you use it.

An 8 year old would love the font.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Browning

This could go down as the worst PM performance in a good while.

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Given how strong a field this is its incredible that she's making such a strong play for it.

Noor :D

Surprised Alan didn't fire her after she tried to claim it was good.

Noor is up there for the biggest retard of all time, surely? I can't think of anyone worse than has made it this far.

The way she doubled down on the video being good :D

Sugar should’ve fired her there and then.

I do think having someone there with 8 losses is a piss take too. Should have been a double. Sugar must really want to sell those pies.

Should have been a double but I think we've had cockeoaches survive weeks and weeks of losses before. Don't ask me.to remember who though, my memory don't work like that no more.

I’ve not verified it but apparently Tom won the show after losing every task, which is insane if true.

The inventor lad? He lost 5 in a row, 8 in total according to Wiki.

Given the tasks are all absolute nonsense and Siralan would prefer to at least make some money from the BBC's £250k investment I doubt the outcome of them factor into the equation at all.

This was the first episode I've seen of this series and I only watched from the pitch onward but from that alone I've got Noor as one of the worst contestants they've ever had on this.

Frances and Akshay are the only other people to hit 8 losses in series 12 & 16.

Frances also held the record for most losses in a row at 6 which Pieman has SMASHED.

In terms of being brought back to the boardroom the record is 6 and held by Akshay in series 16. He lost 8 of the 9 weeks he was there.

I only half pay attention when this is on in the background but you have to be a special level of shite to have Rachael and Trey lose back to back weeks.

On twitter it's come out Noor's 'business' is basically dropshipping jewellery from China on a website that has directly copied and pasted from someone else's and filled in the gaps with AI.

So the fake Willy Wonka of the Chinese dropshipping world? 2024's apex business mind.

It’s a more impressive streak than The Undertaker at this point. Shame it ends next week.

I hope he wins just to really piss them off. Glad old crazy eyes and crazier eyebrows have been binned off.

THE STREAK :drool:

Raj and Moura were absolutely tragic.

Shug clearly fucking loves pies.

I wonder how Shug finds a way to not fire Phil this week

Leaving that girl on her own to do the branding and ad campaign on her own is suicide.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by 7om

Leaving that girl on her own to do the branding and ad campaign on her own is suicide.

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Yeah, she's already shit so giving her that much rope to hang herself with is also just helping your own team fuck it.

"When I heard your shaky atart, I heard passion."

Come on now, Tre.

Steve mate. Have some dignity, the man isn't funny.

Cruel from Karren. :D Poor Rachel.

That must be the least snipe-y boardroom ever.

That girl was hung out to dry and got fired for it. Shame for her.

Fix was in from the start. They make it a fucking food task and then give Phil the strongest member of the other team so he gets the extra person advantage.

I'll be shocked if he doesn't win.

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/DYmSkO-SnXU/maxresdefault.jpg

Surprised Steve was fired, he seemed quite capable.

Guess his friend finding app is bullshit.

I'm sure those apps already exist.

Also if he hadn't been up for the chop before he revealed how desperate he is then I'd imagine that sort of thing turns Shug right off.

Time for some fools to get eviscerated.

Flo falling into all Mike traps here.

"Is that a good thing?" :D

Tre knows what's up.

That is classic Mike.

Has it always had the mawkish 'tell me about your cancer-ridden grandad' bit?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by wullie

Has it always had the mawkish 'tell me about your cancer-ridden grandad' bit?

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I think Claudine can't resist a touching backstory and if somebody has one doesn't want to get stuck into them on telly. Does make some of her clips look a bit substance free though.

Much as the BBC cameraman couldn't resist her neckline when she was introduced.

If he lets Paul just change his business plan entirely that might actually finish me off on this. The premise was already hanging by a thread.

Glad Paul is out, hate that it's basically because Paul couldn't or wouldn't go for what Shug wanted.

Paul was right not to give up 50% on his established business. Made no sense.

I'm not sure I'm even going to brother watching the final. It's a total charade.

The final is the worst episode every year now.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by 7om

Paul was right not to give up 50% on his established business. Made no sense.

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Depends whether he thought Sugar would help him make more in the long run I guess but it felt more like Dragon's Den at that point.

Paul's a weasel anyway so fuck 'im.

If you turn up tp the interviews and your business plan is lolled out of the room that should be an automatic firing, not 'go and do a new plan'.

I'm watching it now.

Tre when Mike pulled out his drinks :D

Fair play to Paul, Sugar can go fuck himself.

Pie Man is winning this, isn't he?

Probably.

Tre had a few cracking reactions to things the interviewers said.

It's Pie O'clock.

Phil's team. Christ.

Good to see that we're going through the charade of an established business with 5 premises "launching" their business.

Phil My Pie. :D

Rachel mate. That is the Studio Canal logo.

Phil should have got Tre and had him pretend to be Phil for the pitch.

I think he just didn't really like Phil but did like the business and really wanted to be swayed on the former.

Apparently Beans on Toast purchased the domain for Prestige Pies and had it redirect to his own website. That’s almost good enough to make me forget about the beans, but not quite.

Aoparently Rachel's dad is a multi millionaire and that's how she opened her first gym at 23. Combined with Phil it's an all nepo final, and it's since come out in the tabloids her gyms have never actually made a profit. Business plan model of the show needs binning.

Yup. And tha6s been clear for fucking ages now as we've all said in here a bunch of times. The actual fun bit ofnthe show is fully irrelevant.

I just wanted to join in slagging off Sugar :(

Oh its fine, I repeat myself on the matter ad nauseum every year. :D

I've said this before as well but it's staggering that the show has been going this long with the same tired investor, crap jokes and unchanged format.

It's rubbish and needs a massive revamp.

It won't change while we all keep watching it.