The Missing Dog Walker

For those that don't know, a Woman went missing on 27th January, established timeline below:

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08:43 - Ms Bulley walked along the path by the River Wyre, having dropped her children off at school
08:47 - A dog walker who knows Ms Bulley saw her walking along the lower field.
08:53 - Ms Bulley sent an email to her boss
09:01 - She logged into a Teams call
About 09:10 - A witness who knows Ms Bulley saw her on the upper field walking with her dog Willow
09:20 - Police inquiries suggest her phone was on the bench
09:30 - The Teams call ended but she stayed logged on
About 09:35 - Ms Bulley's mobile phone and Willow were found at a riverside bench

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Interestingly perhaps, the family are now publicly disagreeing with the police assertion that she may have fallen into the river, with the sister coming out and saying there's no evidence that happened.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-englan...shire-64522796

Know it's been discussed in the news thread, but feel like it's time for this one to get its own shit, for two reasons. Firstly, it's gathering pace and depending on the outcome, another round of culture wars may well be around the corner at which point everyone will be talking about it for at least two weeks. But secondly, and perhaps most importantly, we've achieved many things on the two decades plus of this forum (beating the stock market, launching a word into the English language), but to the best of my knowledge we've never solved a missing person/murder.

Over to you.

She's inside the balloon.

The balloon is a UFO and she was lifted. I’m with spikey. We’ve solved it.

Outstanding work gents. I've let Lancashire police know, they seemed pleased (something about someone being off the hook), but they did say those concerned might take some persuading. I've left it with them.

What's your minimum qualification for shenanigans?

I've been swayed by the balloon argument.

Netflix will make a cracking docuseries on it.

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Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd

What's your minimum qualification for shenanigans?

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Well, I was thinking of the level of Lewis' insurance fraud, but the bar may be lower. What did you have in mind?

Too interested in this :sherlock:

She's went to fight in Ukraine. Or walk dogs in Afghanistan.

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Originally Posted by Yevrah

Well, I was thinking of the level of Lewis' insurance fraud, but the bar may be lower. What did you have in mind?

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Running away with a mysterious Latin hunk to start a new life?

I suppose a better question after this amount of time would be what qualifies as an innocent explanation.

The river can't be that deep.

It’s not even fast flowing either. If you fall in - unless you’re unconscious - there’s not a chance you’re being swept away without being able to stand up.

Is this the one with the grinning husband?

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Originally Posted by Magic

Is this the one with the grinning husband?

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https://i.imgur.com/qNu7vFQ.jpg

That’s the look of someone who’s shagging his wife’s sister!!

09:20 - Police inquiries suggest her phone was on the bench

What do 'inquiries' mean here? Did they geolocate it to the bench?

They'd ruled out her exiting the area from all bar one (not the bar) entry point. Did they manage to rule that one out too now? If so, then she's in the water surely. Some copper has deffo been incompetent as fuck during this search.

Talking of police incompetence, do they usually release rampant speculation to the public:

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Supt Sally Riley, who is heading the search, told reporters: "Our main working hypothesis is that Nicola has suddenly fallen into the river, that there's no third party or criminal involvement, and that this is not suspicious but a tragic case of a missing person.

Locals have described the river bank as being "very slippy", and in an appeal to volunteers police described it as "treacherous".

"There may have been an issue with the dog that led her to the water's edge, she puts her phone down to go and deal with the dog momentarily, and Nicola may have fallen in.

"We assume the dog didn't get into the river, but we don't know why Nicola may have if she did."

It is possible that she was trying to retrieve a ball, the detective said.

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Given they have no body and can't account for, what, 25 minutes, how on earth is their main working hypothesis that there's no third party or criminal involvement?

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Ms Riley told the MailOnline after the press conference: "I'm not aware of a dog ball being retrieved but it's possible that a ball could have rolled down the steep bank close to the edge of the water and Ms Bulley was bending down to pick it up.

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I mean, it's possible, many things are. Aren't you meant to properly rule these things out before speculating about a ball that they're not even sure was there?

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Her father, Ernest, told The Mirror: "I asked the Sergeant from Fleetwood a few days ago, 'is there any chance of her being taken' and she said 'I don't think that's the case'.

"I said 'how can you know that?', it's such an isolated area, the only way that has happened is if it was someone who knew her."

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The more I read on this, the more it stinks.

And if the working hypothesis was that she fell in the river, why did it take the best part of a week to get the divers in?

If they come out and say how suspicious it is, the husband will bolt for the hills.

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Originally Posted by Shindig

If they come out and say how suspicious it is, the husband will bolt for the hills.

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It did cross my mind that they might be trying to lull someone into a false sense of security, but they've taken that to extremes with some of that stuff.

What’s this river like? If it’s a glorified stream then I’m not onboard with the police hypothesis but if it’s some raging current then it’s entirely possible she fell in and drowned. If it is a fast current, I wonder how possible it is that her body has just been dragged downstream and the divers won’t find anything.

It's pretty shallow and the police they've shown standing in it are doing so easily. A body would float away pretty slowly.

Courtesy of reddit before Giggles gets excited about my involvement.

https://www.google.co.uk/maps/@53.86...!7i6912!8i3456

The final sighting was actually further downstream than that :dc:

https://www.google.com/maps/@53.8648...!7i6912!8i3456

Seeing that, it's surely foul play innit. There's also surely no covertly removing of a body from that location at half nine in the morning, so I presume they'll find her soon.

Fuck me. If my niece drowned in that I'd be disappointed in her.

"Uncle Harvey, why are we out here?"
"Are you a good swimmer? Do you like mysteries?"

:D

In all seriousness, I can see why the family have gone to the press/social media now. Unless they're 4D chessing it I'd have no confidence in any of those theories.

If someone murdered here, would they leave the phone and dog behind?

If she's done a runner, surely there must be some sort of paper (or electronic) trail as to where she's gone? Is her passport still at home?

I think this is why it's so interesting. Every possibility has atleast one glaring problem with it. To the extent that her being inside the balloon isn't much more ridiculous that the idea that she fell in an incredibly slow moving, shallow river, her dog wasn't arsed enough to follow her (despite going in that same river its self on other days) and the body hasn't been seen by anyone ever since.

https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/.../103/alens.jpg

I’m now unsubscribing to the “fallen into river” theory. TTH detectives have turned me.

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Originally Posted by Yevrah

Courtesy of reddit before Giggles gets excited about my involvement.

https://www.google.co.uk/maps/@53.86...!7i6912!8i3456

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Can you link the thread? I want to see their theories.

I’m going with foul play. There’s no chance a young person is drowning in that unless they’ve been unlucky and smacked their head on a rock or something.

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Originally Posted by 7om

I’m going with foul play. There’s no chance a young person is drowning in that unless they’ve been unlucky and smacked their head on a rock or something.

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Even then, the body isn't going anywhere fast and you would have to have the worlds shittest dog for it not to give a fuck.

This was it Boyd, didn't read that much of it so didn't see any theories. The map link was off one of the comments.

https://www.reddit.com/r/unitedkingd...a_bulley_fear/

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Originally Posted by Spikey M

I think this is why it's so interesting. Every possibility has atleast one glaring problem with it. To the extent that her being inside the balloon isn't much more ridiculous that the idea that she fell in an incredibly slow moving, shallow river, her dog wasn't arsed enough to follow her (despite going in that same river its self on other days) and the body hasn't been seen by anyone ever since.

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Yeah, that's nailed why the fascination with this. There isn't a plausible theory I've seen yet, or at least not one that you go "yeah ok, that makes sense" when subjected to any sort of scrutiny, but something has happened to her, be it voluntarily or otherwise.

I didn't pick up on it when Jim first posted about it in the news thread, exhibiting the attention span of a goldfish as I did, but having bothered now it's intriguing stuff. Like a reverse Kaspar Hauser.

Just saw an interesting post on one of the Reddit threads. The guy was saying a similar incident happened to him. Took his dog out for a walk along the river and it’s run down the bank and got stuck. So he’s took his wallet and phone out of his pocket and put them on the grass. He slides down the bank and chucks his dog back up to safety.

Now at this point if he were to slip into the river, you’d find his bone-dry dog and belongings and no sign of him. And if that river in James’ link is a bit deeper and faster, it’s not inconceivable that she’s done the same as this bloke, except she’s slipped in and been swept away.

I don't see how she could have been snuck up on, murdered and then disappeared in that short a time window, from that location, without either someone noticing something at the time, or any form of evidence being left afterwards. Now, you can say the local police are morons, and they probably are, but by now with the media coverage they'll have got the proper lads in from GMP or maybe even London, so if there's anything obvious it would have been found.

Let's say she wanted to leg it for whatever reason and leave her old life behind. You'd want nobody to suspect anything either at the time or, crucially, in the key time period you have to get away before someone notices you're gone. If you leave the dog at home, when you'd normally walk it at that time, then it gives away that you'd planned an exit stage left. If you don't join the Teams call when you normally would, then people might notice.

If you want to disappear, the best place to disappear from is exactly where she has disappeared from - a place that she would normally be, and yet where she can't be seen. Indeed, because she walks the dog here all the time, she has had ample opportunity to scout out everything about the location - the lines of sight from nearby windows, the frequency of other dog walkers coming by, how long it takes for a potential witness to move from point A to point B. All of this allows you to devise a plan.

You let the dog off the lead, you leave the phone on the bench, you scurry under a couple of fences to a nearby backstreet where your accomplice has a car (and also cannot be seen) and this car drives away in a calm and orderly fashion, perhaps even with her in the boot. There, a latex mask is waiting for her which she applies and, at Sandbach Services or some similar location, climbs out of the boot into the front seat and off they go to their new life.

In the 25 minutes it takes for that to happen, someone has found the dog, but the police probably aren't going to arrive for another half an hour, maybe longer, and she's gone, leaving an apparently unsolvable mystery and a series of baffled and grief-stricken friends and relatives.

The drowning is being ruled out because you're looking at a shit pixelated image of what looks to be a stream/river of unidentifiable depth/current? Calm down, lads.

And that all definitely works until you consider she had two kids. Now, I don't have any myself, but for those of you that do what would it take for your partners to do that? Seems inconceivable.

As mental as Jim's post is, being a parent would suggest there is no chance she is doing a runner. A parent to leave her kids is a non-starter for me Jeff.

If she was taken, screams would be heard.

Therefore, she's in the rover.

Edit: she's not in a car. Meant river.

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Originally Posted by Yevrah

And that all definitely works until you consider she had two kids. Now, I don't have any myself, but for those of you that do what would it take for your partners to do that? Seems inconceivable.

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It must happen all the time. It could be a similar thought process to that exhibited by suicidal people, in which you genuinely believe it'll be better for them this way. Or it could just be the mother of all mid-life crises.

Parents abandon their kids all the time. Usually the dad, but mum's do it too. Kids are murdered by their parents fairly regularly. A mum doing a bunk is hardly impossible.

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Originally Posted by Dquincy

As mental as Jim's post is, being a parent would suggest there is no chance she is doing a runner. A parent to leave her kids is a non-starter for me Jeff.

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I could see a Man doing it (in fact canoe man did), but a Woman, without some severe coercion (which would presumably have manifested itself to her friends and family through very odd behaviour before she upped sticks), I just can't.

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Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd

It must happen all the time. It could be a similar thought process to that exhibited by suicidal people, in which you genuinely believe it'll be better for them this way. Or it could just be the mother of all mid-life crises.

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Originally Posted by Spikey M

Parents abandon their kids all the time. Usually the dad, but mum's do it too. Kids are murdered by their parents fairly regularly. A mum doing a bunk is hardly impossible.

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Hmm, fair points. I'd have thought someone would have seen/noticed something weird if she'd been the definition of normal Mum up to now, but maybe not. It's a contender.

If the running off theory is that she's run off with someone then surely someone else is missing from their regular life now too?

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Originally Posted by Yevrah

I could see a Man doing it (in fact canoe man did), but a Woman, without some severe coercion (which would presumably have manifested itself to her friends and family through very odd behaviour before she upped sticks), I just can't.

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One of our residents, back in early 2000-something, decided she'd had enough of her 2 year old son, walked him into the Civic Centre told them to "try to make the miserable little shit happy" and walked out, leaving him behind. He grew up in care. He's now back with her as an adult enjoying a fantastically dysfunctional relationship that is driving their neighbours - and me - mad.

I have a fair few other residents that have voluntarily "surrendered" their children to the care system. You are underestimating how common it is.

Spikey makes a fair point, there are a lot of mentals in the world. However, looking at her photo and the fact I could never understand how any parent would do that, I'm with Yev on this.

Appreciate all my reasoning is very subjective.

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Originally Posted by Yevrah

Hmm, fair points. I'd have thought someone would have seen/noticed something weird if she'd been the definition of normal Mum up to now, but maybe not. It's a contender.

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Absolutely. I highly doubt you go from happy family to emotionally detached abandonment over night. None of the cases I mention did.

I should have added, also, that her being connected to the Teams call is potentially crucial if you're trying to buy yourself a few extra minutes. Let's say she logs onto the Teams call at the start, is heard or even seen to say 'Morning everyone!', and then remains on the call, there is no doubt in the minds of anyone on that call that she's around and about.

The disappearance location being next to a river is also important because it makes everyone think she has fallen in the river and waste valuable investigation time looking in said river while she has made a beeline for Panama.

I'm just riffing here.

I've done a bit of googling and I'm struggling to find anything like this case. People just don't vanish. Or rather they do, but seemingly only if they're kids, young women or those unfortunate enough to have no fixed abode. Even then it's reasonably straight forward to surmise what happened in those cases.

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Originally Posted by Boydy

If the running off theory is that she's run off with someone then surely someone else is missing from their regular life now too?

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Plus, haven't they checked all the local CCTV. No sign of her after said time, apparently. So unless she's got a SUP board with her on her walk, I'm not having the running (paddling) away theory at all.

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Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd

I should have added, also, that her being connected to the Teams call is potentially crucial if you're trying to buy yourself a few extra minutes. Let's say she logs onto the Teams call at the start, is heard or even seen to say 'Morning everyone!', and then remains on the call, there is no doubt in the minds of anyone on that call that she's around and about.

The disappearance location being next to a river is also important because it makes everyone think she has fallen in the river and waste valuable investigation time looking in said river while she has made a beeline for Panama.

I'm just riffing here.

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She also dialled in at 9.01. Now her organisation may be that slack that being late for a meeting is acceptable so it's commonplace, but it also may have been the perfectly created opportunity for her to say "Morning everyone, sorry I'm late" - you'll always remember the late ones logging in. On time and your arrival "hello" can easily be lost among the noise. If she didn't have much to contribute (seems accepted FACHT) she'd have been on mute straight after that as well.

Some lad fell/got dumped in a pond here a few Christmases ago and they did a full sweep of the pond with no body located in the immediate aftermath.

Then the pond dried out a month later and we found him.

Technology is a bitch sometimes.

If she ran off, wouldn’t the dog leg it after her?

Not if she hypnotised it.

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Originally Posted by 7om

If she ran off, wouldn’t the dog leg it after her?

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Depends what the dog was up to at the time. If she threw a biscuit or some kind of scent into the nearby undergrowth she could buy herself a minute or two to get away.

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Originally Posted by Dquincy

Not if she hypnotised it.

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Ok, now we need to hear your theory.

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Originally Posted by 7om

If she ran off, wouldn’t the dog leg it after her?

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The dog is a problem with every eventuality really. Supposedly wasn't wet (not sure if this is 100% FACHT, but I've definitely read it wasn't), so seems unlikely it was in the river either before or after her and had she been attacked by a stranger presumably it would have tried to fight him off and there are no signs of that either. I guess she could have sternly told it to stay, but if you're doing a runner to a new life, why bother with any of the morning routine.

EDIT: Scrap that last bit, brain fail. She needs to appear dead in this scenario.

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Originally Posted by Spikey M

Ok, now we need to hear your theory.

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She ran off with Cesar Millan

He's not really a hypnotist. Paul McKenna.

Dogs are intuitive, perhaps it realised what a bitch she was to be running off and decided not to go with her.

Parents also say they'd never abandon their kids but that horrible bitch strangled her two toddlers a few years back because they were hindering her cruising Tinder for dick.

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Ms Bulley's friend, Emma White, told The Sun police were working on extracting data from Ms Bulley's Fitbit watch.

"The Fitbit had not been synced since Tuesday," she said, adding: "The police are trying other ways to try to get information from it."

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Here we go. Do Fitbits normally sync more often than that? Maybe she set it not to, so that she couldn't be traced that way.

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Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd

Here we go. Do Fitbits normally sync more often than that? Maybe she set it not to, so that she couldn't be traced that way.

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You're going too far now Jimmy. There was important information early on that you are forgetting. This is far too much planning and preparation.

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She speaks with an Essex accent.

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https://www.independent.co.uk/news/u...-b2274588.html

More on the dog, from a dog EXPERT no less.

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Her cocker spaniel named Willow appeared “bone dry” when spotted close to where Nicola went missing.

And while many people have speculated that this means Nicola did not fall into the river because her dog was dry, dog behaviour expert Ross McCarthy says it is not as simple as that.

He said: “It all depends on the dog’s association with water, and their relationship with the owner and so on, as to whether they would jump in.

“Some would through play or investigation and others would just mooch about on the side and some would panic at the strange situation."

An extensive search is ongoing to try and find Nicola Bulley (Image: PA)
Mr McCarthy added: “Dogs go into fight or flight as we do, but they may not perceive the same dangers as us.

“Often chemical changes in the body of the owner can alert the dog to an unusual situation but naturally if the owner is not present - that won't be the case.

“Presumably this dog has been walked along the canal and water often and been discouraged from going in or naturally just avoided going in.”

Nicola Bulley's heavy clothing may have weighed her down in river
He added: “It would be a strange occurrence from the dog’s perspective - but outside of Disney and in exceptional cases - dogs don't jump in to save owners.

“It's no different to when you jump in a swimming pool - the majority of dogs - unless conditioned otherwise will just circle the pool.”

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https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/17...ow-latest-news

I think my best guess is that she's had some sort of medical episode and fallen in. The only hole is why they've not found the body yet but maybe it's deeper at the minute than it looks on Google?

JamesBet odds:
Accident/medical episode - 4/5
Murdered - 2/1
Run off - 9/1
Faked death and hiding in the loft - 50/1

For fuck sake.

Archive the Covid thread. This is Yevrah's new obsession.

Vaccine related stroke innit.

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Originally Posted by Yevrah

She also dialled in at 9.01. Now her organisation may be that slack that being late for a meeting is acceptable so it's commonplace, but it also may have been the perfectly created opportunity for her to say "Morning everyone, sorry I'm late" - you'll always remember the late ones logging in. On time and your arrival "hello" can easily be lost among the noise. If she didn't have much to contribute (seems accepted FACHT) she'd have been on mute straight after that as well.

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To revert back to my one area of expertise here (and I'm playing it fast and loose with expertise) depending who she works for / how big the call is possibly nobody knows or cares if she's really on it. Could be the thing is, if this is part of a plan to do a runner, that she wanted x amount of time where she could feasibly be showing as busy / away / DND on Teams and ignore any messages / calls she might get during the meeting.

Do we know what sort of line of work she was in?

Mortgage Adviser, self employed supposedly. The latter raising more questions.

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Originally Posted by Ian

.

Do we know what sort of line of work she was in?

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Balloon surveillance.

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Originally Posted by -james-

I think my best guess is that she's had some sort of medical episode and fallen in. The only hole is why they've not found the body yet but maybe it's deeper at the minute than it looks on Google?

JamesBet odds:
Accident/medical episode - 4/5
Murdered - 2/1
Run off - 9/1
Faked death and hiding in the loft - 50/1

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Balloon odds?

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Originally Posted by Spikey M

You're going too far now Jimmy. There was important information early on that you are forgetting. This is far too much planning and preparation.

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Well that's the entire theory in ruins. Back to the drawing board.

James' odds are missing the abduction/human trafficking.

What brand of shoes was she wearing? Because we may be able to calculate the grip levels depending on the river bank ankle and the humidity that morning.

How is one missing woman making national news? Not much going on in the UK at the moment?

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Originally Posted by John Arne

How is one missing woman making national news? Not much going on in the UK at the moment?

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This was my first thought. Well, precisely Alan Partridge shrugging in my head.

If she is alive, this is probably the last thing she wanted.

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Originally Posted by Yevrah

She also dialled in at 9.01. Now her organisation may be that slack that being late for a meeting is acceptable so it's commonplace, .

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It's amazing if anyone in the companies I've worked for having full attendance until at least 5 minutes after the start time.

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Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd

Here we go. Do Fitbits normally sync more often than that? Maybe she set it not to, so that she couldn't be traced that way.

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Depends if you have bluetooth on. Mines usually not so there's no sync.

Anyway, a when just suddenly going missing is pretty abnormal so if course it's news.

It’s headline news because of the “missing white woman” syndrome (Google it) coupled with a bit of mystery. We always see it. I guess we still all remember Claudia Lawrence for the same reasons, attention usually reserved for kids only.

A bloke or an ethnic minority and it’s just another story.

Can we get Lewis on site?

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Originally Posted by Ben

It’s headline news because of the “missing white woman”

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Who was it that kept confusing you with Taz?

He’s not wrong.

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Originally Posted by Ben

It’s headline news because of the “missing white woman” syndrome (Google it) coupled with a bit of mystery.

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Also add in some attractiveness as well and the media really like it.

Look at the lass who got gunned down Christmas eve as an example.

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Originally Posted by Giggles

He’s not wrong.

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Of course he isn't. It was just a very Taz way to open the post.

In other white woman news, this one is going to be a horror film one day, isn't it?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-64527545

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Originally Posted by Spikey M

In other white woman news, this one is going to be a horror film one day, isn't it?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-64527545

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That CCTV image is wild. Man had plastic bags on his feet.
No face.
No case.
No witness.
No feet.
No trace.
No prints.

Update from GB News forensics expert. He doesn't think she's in the river.

View Tweet

Look at that, how can she be in that river and not found by now.

View Tweet

Life insurance back on the table.

View Tweet

]

I doubt the partner's in on it. If he is, he's an unbelievably good actor.

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Originally Posted by Dquincy

Life insurance back on the table.

View Tweet

]

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Nowhere near enough has been made of this. Either the police know but were keeping it quiet, or they've dropped a major bollock.

She's done a runner or he's killed her.

If it is all a scam I should get my original post printed as a TTH business card and immediately snaffle a well-paying police role.

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Originally Posted by Spikey M

In other white woman news, this one is going to be a horror film one day, isn't it?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-64527545

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I got these down as hard anti-vaxxers. One of them ones posting on Nextdoor about "if anyone is "awake" and would like to meet, dm me".

Doomsday preppers, for me.

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Originally Posted by Spikey M

Nowhere near enough has been made of this. Either the police know but were keeping it quiet, or they've dropped a major bollock.

She's done a runner or he's killed her.

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Isn't his alibi of being at home for the duration backed up by CCTV?

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Originally Posted by Spikey M

Nowhere near enough has been made of this. Either the police know but were keeping it quiet, or they've dropped a major bollock.

She's done a runner or he's killed her.

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I wouldn’t really look into this too much. Aberdeen FC had the same thing the other week before getting an extension for 3 months from HMRC.

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Originally Posted by John Arne

How is one missing woman making national news? Not much going on in the UK at the moment?

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It's nowhere near as bad as the aristocrat's daughter who ran off with the evil black man last month, with no hint of either of them having committed a crime.

They torched their own car and have been living off the grid since. Crime or no crime, the police would still want to talk to them.

You're all very bad people

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Originally Posted by John Arne

How is one missing woman making national news? Not much going on in the UK at the moment?

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I had that answered for me on Friday when the last two items on the BBC news program were a shameless advert for some police drama they had on and the world's oldest dog.

And for anyone wondering it's Bobi (30) from Portugal.

https://i.imgur.com/vobcJwt.png

Look at his little face.

How do they verify that?

It's Guinness. They don't. Records are bought.

Yeah but where's a dog getting that money?

If you go on the Wikipedia page relating to her disappearance, one of the related articles is “List of fatal dog attacks in the United Kingdom” :sherlock:

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Originally Posted by Spikey M

Nowhere near enough has been made of this. Either the police know but were keeping it quiet, or they've dropped a major bollock.

She's done a runner or he's killed her.

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As soon as I saw she was self employed last night I started rifling through companies house to find a failing business. I couldn't find the right Nicola Bulley though. :face:

The self employed angle also completely fucks with the notion that she was only needed on the Teams call to listen and not say anything. I've worked with a lot of self employed people who've gone on to sell their businesses and there's no way any of them would have said nothing on a half an hour call related to their business. Not a fucking chance. So I'd love to know the context of this Teams call.

The whole self-employed person on a Teams call with her employer thing baffled me too.

What industry is she in?

Mortgage advising, but I still haven't found her on companies house. She's not an officer of her partner's business.

And on that, the business is hardly failing when you look at the accounts. They're abridged, but it looks like one that just never took off and it hasn't left a whole load of creditors behind it. Certainly not to level of this all being worth while.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

Mortgage advising, but I still haven't found her on companies house. She's not an officer of her partner's business.

And on that, the business is hardly failing when you look at the accounts. They're abridged, but it looks like one that just never took off and it hasn't left a whole load of creditors behind it. Certainly not to level of this all being worth while.

---

She works for a company called 'Just Mortgages' would be my guess hence the Teams call it's a halfway house between being self-employed and employed. I'd imagine she's also set up as a sole-trader as you don't need to be a limited company to set up.

Im starting to think Yev killed her.

Opening scene on the moon, the flag the US placed can be seen and in the distance is earth, we zoom in through Google Maps to a river bank. A middle aged (mid 40s) mortgage advisor is trying to walk her dog. The year is 2023 but all the audience can tell is it's modern day-ish.

‘This berry vape juice tastes off. Shambles’

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

Im starting to think Yev killed her.

---

Yev would be the worst serial killer on the board. He'd get found out by keeping too close an eye on the investigation.

Jimmy is the obvious pick for the best, as demonstrated by his theory last night. Some nice lateral thinking. But I think the real winner would be Boydy. Intelligent enough to go to Oxbridge, but disorganised enough to miss a flight. The crimes would sway from genius to retarded. They'd never pin down an MO.

The broom did it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Spikey M

Yev would be the worst serial killer on the board. He'd get found out by keeping too close an eye on the investigation.

---

Isn't that how Huntley or whatever his name was got done for those kids. Did a SkyNews interview and all.

Louise Letby's definitely one of those types as well. Following the parents around and being all, "GREAT NEWS! DEAD CHILDREN!"

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

Isn't that how Huntley or whatever his name was got done for those kids. Did a SkyNews interview and all.

---

He did, but he was a genuine psychopath with delusions of grandeur. Anyone who has watched any Colombo at all knows you need to keep well away.

Yev's clearly thought about it.

Probably has a disposal method too.

An inept local police force + a two feet deep river for the win.

didn't need the word local or an.

I have James as my third best serial killer. Methodical and analytical, but ultimately brought down by a detailed spreadsheet titled xbodies, foolishly stored via cloudstorage.

There might be a thread in this.

Giggles, on the road a lot, access to a van, disposes of things by digging holes in his back yard.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by niko_cee

Giggles, on the road a lot, access to a van, disposes of things by digging holes in his back yard.

---

Not to mention his two masks. Must help with the smell loads.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Spikey M

I have James as my third best serial killer. Methodical and analytical, but ultimately brought down by a detailed spreadsheet titled xbodies, foolishly stored via cloudstorage.

There might be a thread in this.

---

You just sell a body to kebab shops, easy as.

I've always had a mental image of him looking like Levi Bellfield as well

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by niko_cee

Giggles, on the road a lot, access to a van, disposes of things by digging holes in his back yard.

---

I’d just kill someone in a fit of rage without ever thinking about hiding it. There’s many better serial killer candidates here but I don’t think anyone tops Yev. Always obsessive types.

I'd imagine the first step to being a serial killer would be realising the capacity to actually kill someone.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Giggles

I’d just kill someone in a fit of rage

---

:sherlock:

Nice try, but admitting you’d remorselessly kill someone breaking into your house or similar (I’d hope most would) isn’t even close to your levels of obsessive craziness. Own it, you’ve shown it time and time again.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Giggles

Nice try, but admitting you’d remorselessly kill someone breaking into your house or similar (I’d hope most would) isn’t even close to your levels of obsessive craziness. Own it, you’ve shown it time and time again.

---

Yeah, I'm not doing this again. Goodbye Giggles.

Well done, Giggles. Another lass is going missing tonight now.

Wetter than Bulley's body.

It's pointless getting into a debate with a professional wind-up merchant/yeast infection. All his cheerleaders turn up and it's just awful squared.

So ... errr... when are we archiving the Covid thread?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Dquincy

Well done, Giggles. Another lass is going missing tonight now.

---

:D

I understand Yev not wanting to engage with Giggles but the idea that he has an army of cheerleaders which is what makes it not worthwhile is very funny.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Dquincy

Well done, Giggles. Another lass is going missing tonight now.

---

https://i.gifer.com/KOC9.gif

The main drawback to killing an intruder in your house I'd imagine is all their pikey mates camping outside your house saying what a good lad they were after.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

I understand Yev not wanting to engage with Giggles but the idea that he has an army of cheerleaders which is what makes it not worthwhile is very funny.

---

Like a lot of you he doesn’t want to engage because he likes to dish it out but expects not to get it back.

The cheerleader one is funny though, as I’d be the last person to have them here. It’s like he’s working off a ‘how to argue on the internet’ guide from 2003.

He’ll be rickrolling you next.

Looks like that chap on the GB News link that was posted upthread is bringing his sonar to the river imminently, which supposedly has a very high hit rate.

If she's not there this gets blown wide open.

Ah well if the crank off GB News can’t find her then that’s that.

Why's he a crank?

He's a forensic search and reacue expert they had on as a guest. Not one of their crank hosts.

I've heard Eamonn Holmes is due down there with his metal detector tomorrow.

Then Gazza with a KFC.

You mean to tell me Eamonn Holmes that isn't wading into the river in a wet suit?

Edit: Fuck off Spikey

What are the fucking chances? :D

:D

:D

Keep up Phonics.

Fingers crossed his sonar works unlike that case cited earlier in the thread or there's gonna be a lot of egg on faces come the summer heatwave.

He's come out and said the phone on the bench could have been a decoy. He and I need to go for lunch and plot the next one in the Knives Out series. The truth will out.

Yeah, he doesn't for one second think she's in that river.

I'm not convinced by his dog behaviour analysis, mind. Maybe Nicholas Witchell will hire him next to try and find the Loch Ness Monster.

The dog seems the element where the least consensus lies, with some people adamant it would have done something no matter the circumstances/not been found in the condition it was and others suggesting, it's a fucking dog, what are you expecting?

Where's Pen Farthing when you need him?

I'm in the latter camp. You can't predict the behaviour of a dog. I think there are a lot of people imagining that all dogs behave like their dog, which doesn't seem immediately more sensible than suggesting that human beings all behave the same.

They should get the geezers who found Emiliano Sala's plane on the case (or is that who these sonar people are? ).

When I was young, we had a dog (a miniature french poodle) and I remember we would sometimes ride the quads to a place, tell the dog to sit on one of the quads while we were doing our thing, and then when we returned 3-4 hours later, the dog was still sitting there just chilling.

There's a Youtube channel in the US that uses sonar to find missing people and he seems to not only find every case given to him, but also gets a couple of extra dead bodies in the process.

It's a fascinating, if not morbid, watch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOarqY2r8DQ

Edit: Hmm... seems his search is car-related. Was this lass ever seen in a car?

Took the dog for a walk earlier. Makes you think.

Has this sonar guy nixed the only boring theory yet?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Manc

Took the dog for a walk earlier. Makes you think.

---

#prayformanc

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Manc

Took the dog for a walk earlier. Makes you think.

---

Deep.

Not really deep. :D

No chance my wife’s dog would never jump in the river to rescue anyone, it doesn’t walk through puddles so no chance it’s getting itself neck deep in anything,

It would just sit there rolling its eyes till we drowned then go to sleep.

At what point does your wife's dog become your dog?

When he murders his wife.

Recently changed will leaving everything to the dog.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Manc

At what point does your wife's dog become your dog?

---

Never, or you'll have to start taking responsibility for it.

It was a springer, wasn't it? Most of the springers we've ever had back home were hard to keep out of the water. They weren't pampered house dogs though, tbf.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Manc

At what point does your wife's dog become your dog?

---

Next time she takes it for a walk along a canal path

BBC News - Nicola Bulley search expert says case is most unusual
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-englan...shire-64549298

Really doesn't sound he thinks she's in there at all.

The police seem 100% adamant that she didn't leave the park based on CCTV, but I reckon she jumped into the river and swam to freedom.

Looking more and more like aliens.

+1 for the balloon theory.

Press conference incoming.

They've moved from the river, to the path next to the river. Next it's the cycle path next to the path, then the bin next to that, and we Continue onwards around the world, 10 days at a time.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lofty

Press conference incoming.

---

Get the lube out Yev

Supposedly the police remain convinced she fell into the river.

At this stage I’ve genuinely no idea why.

It's the outcome that raises the least questions of them.

So the dive expert is a wank Elon Musk who has started his own investigation fucking over the police by pouring petrol on the conspiracy theories.

He’s a national expert and definitely not a crank!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

He’s a national expert and definitely not a crank!

---

Your desperation to characterise him as such because he appeared on GB News and everything that's so much as touched GB news must be bad, is so transparent. Do you enjoy being this predictable?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lofty

So the dive expert is a wank Elon Musk who has started his own investigation fucking over the police by pouring petrol on the conspiracy theories.

---

If he'd Musked it he'd be accusing the Dad of touching the kids and then come up with a solution that manifestly won't work and he hasn't even built yet.

He'll only be fucking over the police if his company can't find her, which, you know, would suggest she's not there.

If he was that much of an idiot, the police wouldn't let him anywhere near it.

The Superintendent mildly coated him off in the press conference for exactly that. Being brought on to an active investigation to help and then saying 'I'll deffo find her' publicly followed by 'but I reckon her phone was left there as a decoy by the evil rapers who abducted her and she isn't in the river at all' isn't exactly professional. When was the last time you heard of volunteer specialists aiding a police investigation coming out contradicting the police messaging?

I've also heard him say that the police have done everything right so far, so he's probably trying to say the right thing in the face of mass incompetence. He's probably not used to dealing with the media on anything like this level, so I'll forgive him the odd overstepping of the mark.

Reality is, we're now 10 days into this and the police seemingly have absolutely nothing but a stubborn insistence that she fell in the river, with no evidence whatsoever that she did.

I'll have to ask my old man about this when I see him, but my instinct is they fucked up the first few days and have been playing catch-up ever since.

Probably because if it was a fat black woman who fell in it would have been barely a ripple outside of some local news coverage.

There are loads of missing person cases live in the UK they don't usually cause a social media shit storm with tik tokkers descending on the location breaking into vacant properties so they can 'help' the investigation.

The reality is if she fell in the river it can take weeks for her body to turn up. That's already shit for her loved ones but now the electronic eye of Sauron is fixed on the investigation until it is resolved one way or another.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd

I'll have to ask my old man about this when I see him, but my instinct is they fucked up the first few days and have been playing catch-up ever since.

---

So every case ever that doesn't get media attention.

While I agree that there's absolutely no reason to buy the idea that she fell in the river, the officer doing the press conference did take great care to point out that not all of the evidence has been released to the public, or to matey boy. So who knows? Maybe they do have good reason to think she fell in? Although I don't know why you wouldn't release it if you really didn't suspect foul play.

If it was a fat black woman who fell in the BBC website would have been wall-to-wall racist countryside, black people deprived of swimming lessons, why dogs are less likely to rescue black people, killed because black women are ignored in work meetings...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lofty

Probably because if it was a fat black woman who fell in it would have been barely a ripple outside of some local news coverage.

There are loads of missing person cases live in the UK they don't usually cause a social media shit storm with tik tokkers descending on the location breaking into vacant properties so they can 'help' the investigation.

---

Not to condone idiots descending on the area as I absolutely don't, but the interest is so high because this one is straight out of a Jonathan Creek episode and that doesn't normally, if ever happen when someone goes missing.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd

I'll have to ask my old man about this when I see him, but my instinct is they fucked up the first few days and have been playing catch-up ever since.

---

IIRC he's got a nose for these things too. Would be curious to hear what his thoughts are about the whole thing.

As a former Met Police officer I'm sure he's very knowledgeable on shambolic investigations that involve spending most of the time covering up their own fuck-ups when scrutinised rather than solving the case.

People drown and arent found for weeks fairly regularly. The police usually call the search off after so long but likely can't right now with everything going on.

Laddo deffo smells his own farts with gusto:

https://i.ibb.co/6JFB9J7/tw1.jpg

The police have enough trouble finding things that stay in one place let alone things that have fallen into a moving body of water.

Half of the country hasn't solved a single robbery in 5 years so the idea they can find a body in a week is asking alot.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

As a former Met Police officer I'm sure he's very knowledgeable on shambolic investigations that involve spending most of the time covering up their own fuck-ups when scrutinised rather than solving the case.

---

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/Illinforme...restricted.gif

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

Half of the country hasn't solved a single robbery in 5 years

---

Or 50% of robberies go unsolved?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

Or 50% of robberies go unsolved?

---

No half of the whatever you'd call regional police constabularies haven't solved a robbery in 5 years.

edit: My bad the story is 3 years not 5.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...a-reveals.html

Every force in the country (like all public sector outfits currently) is crippingly underfunded and unable to do any of the basic things they're supposed to be able to do. As such, when you get wind that someone's gone missing by a river, you probably shrug, have a quick look, send the divers in to find the body when they become available.

Bodies in the river happen all the time, I have always lived within a mile of the Thames and there are bodies pulled out of it constantly, either short term or long term. What they wouldn't have been expecting is for this particular one to blow up big style in terms of media interest (as only a very few of these cases do, when they are in the sweet spot to do so) and that's why you now have a big disconnect between that reality, and what went into the opening part of the investigation.

When they smashed up my front door, they spent far more effort and energy on avoiding paying afterwards than they did on investigating what was going on in the first place. This is just the nature of UK public services in the current era.

95% of them are just doing their best, like 95% of the workforce generally. Some of them are stupid, shock. You're held to a higher standard in that job because a lot of the public are armchair experts and many others are natural law breakers, which are two natural reasons for you to be disliked as a police officer, before you've even started.

Is there a more deeper and violent river nearby?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd

Every force in the country (like all public sector outfits currently) is crippingly underfunded and unable to do any of the basic things they're supposed to be able to do. As such, when you get wind that someone's gone missing by a river, you probably shrug, have a quick look, send the divers in to find the body when they become available.

Bodies in the river happen all the time, I have always lived within a mile of the Thames and there are bodies pulled out of it constantly, either short term or long term. What they wouldn't have been expecting is for this particular one to blow up big style in terms of media interest (as only a very few of these cases do, when they are in the sweet spot to do so) and that's why you now have a big disconnect between that reality, and what went into the opening part of the investigation.

When they smashed up my front door, they spent far more effort and energy on avoiding paying afterwards than they did on investigating what was going on in the first place. This is just the nature of UK public services in the current era.

95% of them are just doing their best, like 95% of the workforce generally. Some of them are stupid, shock. You're held to a higher standard in that job because a lot of the public are armchair experts and many others are natural law breakers, which are two natural reasons for you to be disliked as a police officer, before you've even started.

---

Gotta keep on voting blue though, eh?

If I voted Labour it would still be true.

The whole 'one is only allowed to critique the state of things if one voted against the governing party of the day' thing is going to come home to roost for a few people soon.

Apparently, there was one CCTV camera nearby which wasn't working. If it had been, then the likelihood of it providing a clearer picture of events would have been high.

Find the owner of that camera, and you've found your murderer. You're welcome.

Ps. Old curly giving the judgement over GB News, and then whipping out a daily mail article.

https://media3.giphy.com/media/9MJ6x...iphy.webp&ct=g

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

Half of the country hasn't solved a single robbery in 5 years so the idea they can find a body in a week is asking alot.

---

We get it. You hate the police. You can stop rabbiting on about it now.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Dquincy

Ps. Old curly giving the judgement over GB News, and then whipping out a daily mail article.

https://media3.giphy.com/media/9MJ6x...iphy.webp&ct=g

---

They’ve got the best SEO in the game. Was a story in every paper so I just clicked the first link.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by 7om

We get it. You hate the police. You can stop rabbiting on about it now.

---

Does being in China mean you feel the need to defend bad actors of the state?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd

If I voted Labour it would still be true.

The whole 'one is only allowed to critique the state of things if one voted against the governing party of the day' thing is going to come home to roost for a few people soon.

---

Not me. :huhu:

The left, a political alliance famous for pulling together and not resorting to infighting.

Shut the fuck up.

See?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

Does being in China mean you feel the need to defend bad actors of the state?

---

Keep up, mate. I’ve been back in the UK for years.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by 7om

Keep up, mate. I’ve been back in the UK for years.

---

Turns out the police and I have something in common when it comes to basic investigations.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by 7om

Keep up, mate. I’ve been back in the UK for years.

---

I thought you were in DC.

Have your eyes gone back to normal yet?

I shall not be taking any further questions. Thank you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd

The whole 'one is only allowed to critique the state of things if one voted against the governing party of the day' thing is going to come home to roost for a few people soon.

---

The things you are critiquing are in exactly the state you fully knew the Tories would get them in. This is what you knowingly voted for. You're worse than those Trumpists who got upset when he started raising their taxes because at least they have the excuse of being stupid enough to have genuinely had the wool pulled over their eyes.

You'll respond to this with the same old lazy jibes you always do because you have nothing worthwhile to say.

:handbags:

This is why the left infights because while I agree with what RL is getting at he then says things like 'worse than those Trumpists who got upset when he started raising their taxes' when ignoring the fact that Trump never raised any taxes, calling a soft c conservative voter worse than a Trump voter is a bit much.

Take the politiwanking to the relevant thread you slags.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

This is why the left infights because while I agree with what RL is getting at he then says things like 'worse than those Trumpists who got upset when he started raising their taxes' when ignoring the fact that Trump never raised any taxes, calling a soft c conservative voter worse than a Trump voter is a bit much.

---

I'm not going to pretend to have a deep knowledge of American politics, but my understanding was taxes are going up now in the US because of things Trump put in place. The Conservatives are obviously blaming Biden.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lofty

Take the politiwanking to the relevant thread you slags.

---

It's this bloody earthquake, has taken the dog walker story right down the news rankings (understandably so). Husband must be secretly relieved.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

They’ve got the best SEO in the game. Was a story in every paper so I just clicked the first link.

---

And D list tits in bikinis pretending the paps haven't arranged to take photos of them whilst walking down a beach in Dubai/Tenerife/Ibiza. :drool:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by randomlegend

You'll respond to this with the same old lazy jibes you always do because you have nothing worthwhile to say.

---

:happycry:

Does anyone remember the results from the last awards?

I thought we had reached fever pitch with this case regarding the insanity of the general public but tonight there have been livestreaming tiktokkers trying to search 'abandoned' buildings and hold seances :moop:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by randomlegend

You're worse than those Trumpists who got upset when he started raising their taxes

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

This is why the left infights because while I agree with what RL is getting at he then says things like 'worse than those Trumpists who got upset when he started raising their taxes' when ignoring the fact that Trump never raised any taxes, calling a soft c conservative voter worse than a Trump voter is a bit much.

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by randomlegend

I'm not going to pretend to have a deep knowledge of American politics

---

:happycry:

Police dispersal order in the area now :D

They were getting close to the truth.

Police have been paid off by China, they're trying to cover up The Balloon's crime.

Suspect number one, it's got form.

https://i.imgur.com/RyVKbRG.png

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lofty

I thought we had reached fever pitch with this case regarding the insanity of the general public but tonight there have been livestreaming tiktokkers trying to search 'abandoned' buildings and hold seances :moop:

---

True crime podcasts /documentaries (and attention seeking being a growth industry) have a lot to answer for.

I mean Reddit was false identifying the Boston Marathon Bomber 10 years ago.

Yeah, but remember when we were all listening to police radio while looking at him hiding in a boat.

I get all my crime knowledge from Hercule Poirot, it's not exclusively a new phenomenon.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Spikey M

:happycry:

---

I only ever pretended to have a superficial knowledge of American politics so I'm on the clear, thanks for playing.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by randomlegend

I only ever pretended to have a superficial knowledge of American politics so I'm on the clear, thanks for playing.

---

You're worse than those Biden fans that got mad at him for nuking Korea.

True.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd

I get all my crime knowledge from Hercule Poirot, it's not exclusively a new phenomenon.

---

Yeah but you're not barging onto crime scenes in David Suchet cosplay.

...are you?

If a bloke dressed as Poirot, fully committed and in character, turned up to a crime scene offering to assist with the investigation, I'd just let him in to be honest.

They're now checking along the coastline for some reason.

Balloons don't travel along the path of the river ffs.

Neither does a body in that river. :sherlock:

Probably looking to see where she pushed the dinghy off from.

Channel 5 have cobbled together a programme about it :D

That'll be thoroughly researched and interesting and definitely not just basically having somebody do sombre narration over all the news stories we've already had.

They had an hour and a half programme about a bit of snow we had in 2018 the other day. Featuring Gregg Walace moaning about not being able to get home and being STRANDED in a Mayfair hotel for a week and other gammons wanking furiously over all the BLITZ SPIRIT on display.

I recommend it highly.

When's this one on? :drool:

How did Gregg manage to cope? Poor bastard.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Spikey M

They had an hour and a half programme about a bit of snow we had in 2018 the other day. Featuring Gregg Walace moaning about not being able to get home and being STRANDED in a Mayfair hotel for a week and other gammons wanking furiously over all the BLITZ SPIRIT on display.

I recommend it highly.

When's this one on? :drool:

---

Dan Walker helming it at 9pm tomorrow.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lofty

Dan Walker helming it at 9pm tomorrow.

---

Dan Walker you say? They're bringing out the big guns.

There’s some minor local outrage over why this has got so much coverage and Bryn Hargreaves got fucking none. :uhoh:

#SomehowAboutLiverpool

He's from Wigan.

'D'ya not know where the dog walker is?'

Some guy in Nottinghman as well [from January]. Exactly how many people are the police attributing 'fell into the river' as the reason for being missing? In an nice segue into this case

Quote:

---

One family friend even claims she was told by a police worker that it was "more likely a fisherman or a dog-walker would find him".

---

:sherlock:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Baz

He's from Wigan.

---

"Wigan" is not a place. It's all either Liverpool or Manchester up there. As it's you saying "local outrage" I went with Liverpool. That you are claiming Manchester as local should be a source of deep shame for you.

Disappointed.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Spikey M

"Wigan" is not a place. It's all either Liverpool or Manchester up there. As it's you saying "local outrage" I went with Liverpool. That you are claiming Manchester as local should be a source of deep shame for you.

Disappointed.

---

Local = St. Helens. He played for Saints rugby team (and Wigan).

Hang on a second, that guy went missing in West Virginia?

:D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Spikey M

"Wigan" is not a place. It's all either Liverpool or Manchester up there. As it's you saying "local outrage" I went with Liverpool. That you are claiming Manchester as local should be a source of deep shame for you.

Disappointed.

---

Someone's never had a Wig Mac.

Me and the Lancastrian at work occasionally join forces when some ponce says 'Greater Manchester'.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lofty

Someone's never had a Wig Mac.

---

Google has no idea what a Wig Mac is. Help a brother out.

I know what a Wigan Kebab is though. Is it that with an extra bit of bun and a second pie? :drool:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lewis

Me and the Lancastrian at work occasionally join forces when some ponce says 'Greater Manchester'.

---

A true alpha would side with the ponce to reignite the War Of The Roses.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Spikey M

Google has no idea what a Wig Mac is. Help a brother out.

I know what a Wigan Kebab is though. Is it that with an extra bit of bun and a second pie? :drool:

---

https://i.ibb.co/SfqLxDn/download-jpeg-30.jpg

Grotesque. I'll have 2.

What's actually in that? Is it a wigan kebab with burger patties?

You really can't beat a burger (not that one), but the aesthetic of burger places now is mostly sickening. I went in one in Oxford that looked like a spoilt bastard's bedroom from 1993 and it was like when John Malkovich goes into his own head except everybody was igor.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lewis

You really can't beat a burger (not that one), but the aesthetic of burger places now is mostly sickening. I went in one in Oxford that looked like a spoilt bastard's bedroom from 1993 and it was like when John Malkovich goes into his own head except everybody was igor.

---

:nodd:

I went to a burger restaurant in London that was decorated like a butchers, with fake blood up the wall and newspaper clippings about vegans. Apparently you have to be an edgelord to open a burger restaurant these days.

I saw truffle macaroni cheese (I refuse to use the American terminology, GSTK) on a burger the other week in a place in which you were forced to sit beside your companion(s) and not opposite them. I'd rather be wherever Nicola Bulley is than go there again.

She might be in the burgers by now.

Nah, you'll be selling her some tractor parts in Peru next week.

Her fella has come out and said he is convinced she isn't in the river.

Because he chopped her up and stuffed her in a Chinese balloon.

Why bother with that when you've got a hungry dog?

This has been the weirdest TV ever. Like a new series of Black Mirror.

It wasn't the balloon lads.

View Tweet

I knew Dan would solve it as soon as Lofty said he was involved.

Any leads Yev?

Coppers are still baffled.

It seems this one is done and she has actually just vanished.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

It seems this one is done and she has actually just vanished.

---

I don’t get why they’ve not released CCTV of her waking along the paths to wherever she was going but have done so for them two other dog walkers they were initially looking to speak to.

Because she was vulnerable enough to be a high risk as soon as reported, it's suicide obviously.

Maybe she was an undercover Russian spy.

Don’t tell anyone but I’ve got her here lol

A "specific vulnerability" isn't very specific if it isn't specifically specified. Top police work, that announcement.

Just because you aren't embarassed by your miniature skull doesnt mean her family wanted the headlines reading 'she was suicidal cos of the menopause lol'.

Paging Yev…

You'd have to think that this whole business is going to form some sort of case study in how not to go about things in a potentially high profile missing person situation from a police perspective.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by niko_cee

You'd have to think that this whole business is going to form some sort of case study in how not to go about things in a potentially high profile missing person situation from a police perspective.

---

Yeah, they fucked up massively. You don't go around telling all and sundry that she fell in by accident if a quick chat with the family reveals that she's got those sort of issues.

So given the issues, what do we think now? Done a runner?

To be fair to the police a normal missing persons case I don't think this is an issue. When the internet runs with it and you have tik tok cunts attempting to break into houses and videoing residents on the street telling thousands of viewers they are suspects, you have to try and put a lid on it somehow. I think there will be some kind of reform on the back of this, because it will happen again at some point.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Boydy

So given the issues, what do we think now? Done a runner?

---

That. Killed herself. Anything. But the reason this blew up to such a massive degree was that she was painted as someone who was very happy with her life who supposedly (as a strong swimmer) fell into a two feet deep river and drowned. Take those two things away and there's no way the whole thing goes viral.

Suicide, I reckon.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lofty

To be fair to the police a normal missing persons case I don't think this is an issue. When the internet runs with it and you have tik tok cunts attempting to break into houses and videoing residents on the street telling thousands of viewers they are suspects, you have to try and put a lid on it somehow. I think there will be some kind of reform on the back of this, because it will happen again at some point.

---

They fucked it before the internet got anywhere near it and for me, were partly responsible for the internet getting involved. "She's vanished, we don't believe a 3rd party was involved but we're concerned for her safety" and it's job done. Everyone knows what that last line means without it specifically saying so. Instead, they kept parroting their insistence that she "fell in", which sounds far too accidental and preposterous when you see the setting. The family didn't believe that (presumably influenced by information they were privy to) so disputed it (in the hope someone had seen her elsewhere) and it just kept going.

I can only assume the police were keeping avenues open. Like it was probable she killed herself but they couldn't rule out the husband offing her or something. So you get this mess. I don't know how policing works but I've seen plenty of The Bill.

You're giving the public too much credit Yev, they spelled it out the other day and people still couldnt work it out. It's gone viral because she's a milf, if she looked like Miranda no-one would have given a fuck.

Nazrine Buliq and this would have all been calm.

Also the Police are copping stick for the intense interest but it was her husband and her mate who went on a Channel 5 interview special.

I reckon it's all Yev's fault.

I blame the river. And her excellent ability to swim down it to freedom.

It's the balloons fault. I solved it 3 weeks ago you idiots.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lofty

Also the Police are copping stick for the intense interest but it was her husband and her mate who went on a Channel 5 interview special.

---

I agree with that to some extent. The family have understandably been very keen for her to stay in the public eye, but only so long as anything hurtful isn't said, which isn't really the way the World works and anyone speculating that she killed herself, may well have been right.

Where's the body if she killed herself?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Boydy

Where's the body if she killed herself?

---

Presumably she didn't do it in two feet of water and Jim's theory sans the love interest applies.

If she has killed herself then, unless she teleported to the suicide spot, they are ultimately still searching for the same body in the same places.

EDIT: As Boyd said.

Not really, she could have fucked off anywhere (before doing the deed) and obviously did if that's what happened as she clearly isn't in that stretch of water.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Boydy

Where's the body if she killed herself?

---

Bodies in that river have been known to take 7 weeks to turn up.

Did they all have sonar man looking for them though?

If you were going to kill yourself, you wouldn't drown yourself in a slow moving river.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Spikey M

If you were going to kill yourself, you wouldn't drown yourself in a slow moving river.

---

How should I do it?

PM Henners for advice.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Baz

How should I do it?

---

Helium/nitrogen inhalation is the way to go.

Some of you Poundshop Poirot's may find the thread on the SMB interesting.

https://www.readytogo.net/smb/thread...shire.1599556/

There are a lot of posts from an ITKiko and I've picked a few out but they're interspersed throughout the thread.

https://www.readytogo.net/smb/thread...#post-37718964

https://www.readytogo.net/smb/thread...#post-37739912

https://www.readytogo.net/smb/thread...#post-37775160

Lol at him getting rinsed in that thread.

It can be a hostile place. You need to sign up to view it I think, but the politics forum is toxic.

'How can a fucking sausage be upside down you stupid little cunt?!'

Politics chat on football themed bulletin boards that have been around for twenty odd years is generally to be avoided, yeah.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by -james-

Politics chat on football themed bulletin boards that have been around for twenty odd years is generally to be avoided, yeah.

---

So, here then?

https://imgs.search.brave.com/bK66fP...2tlLmdp/Zg.gif

Well yes, but.

View Tweet

:uhoh:

Not a chance that isn't deliberate.

You've also got a bullying police angle below the picture too.

It’s The Times, they knew what they were doing there.

First time I’ve seen her, that. Oh aye. :chief:

She probably doesn't look quite as good anymore.

Magic'd still have a go.

Oh yes.

It's happening chaps. We're about to all look like a bunch of mugs.

https://news.sky.com/story/nicola-bu...ssing-12815062

They need to be looking in the sky.

Until Sonar man says it’s true how can we know it’s not a false flag.

I don't think any of you are prepared for the amount of doubling down I am prepared to do here. She's in the balloon.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Spikey M

I don't think any of you are prepared for the amount of doubling down I am prepared to do here. She's in the balloon.

---

Maybe she is the balloon?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry

They need to be looking in the sky.

---

You claiming the police have found her dead body somewhere else and then, to save face with their previous "she's in the river" claim, they've then dropped her lifeless body from the helicopter mid air into the river?

I guess it's plausible.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Dquincy

You claiming the police have found her dead body somewhere else and then, to save face with their previous "she's in the river" claim, they've then dropped her lifeless body from the helicopter mid air into the river?

I guess it's plausible.

---

No you fucking spastic, she's in the fucking balloon.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry

No you fucking spastic, she's in the fucking balloon.

---

My idea is better.

Back off Mahow, this is the way out we're looking for.

She was in the balloon. The Yanks missiled her and dumped her in the river. Job done.

This is the lateral thinking we need. Good work, Spikey.

This case needs another twist.

Imagine the body isn’t her.

Shame.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-64697300

A Body has been found in the river.

Here. We. Go.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kikó

I thought she just walked into the river when I first heard the details.

---

I'd like to claim this e victory.

Sonar man absolutely devestated. Definitely not a crank.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-64697300

A Body has been found in the river.

Here. We. Go.

---

Even in jest this is a very bad post.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Baz

Even in jest this is a very bad post.

---

Agreed. Shame on the fat Greek.

That diving expert right now.

https://media.tenor.com/hRiPtsp-m0IA...er-simpson.gif

Myself, the Akehurst family and the wider TTH community send our deepest condolences to the Bulley family at this most difficult of times.

Husband guilty 100%.

Fucking Yanks.

Peter Faulding in the mud.

She's been done in by the balloon. Then they've dumped the body in the river after all of the attention.

Does raise questions how both the police and SONAR MAN have both missed a body in what looks a quite shallow river.

What if the body is the sonar guy?

Be mad if the husband had strapped her corpse to one of the balloons then when it was shot down she landed in the river. Proper Jonathan Creek plot.

What if it's Shergar?

It's the fall that did it, your honour.

Hopefully she is black and blue so we get some sort of murder case out of this.

Ah Jaysus lads.

So, it's likely her they've found. This poses the question how a non-dwarf adult has drowned in a river that shallow. Madness.

An amazingly large number of people can't swim. I stumbled on some sort of programme about the navy the other day and the number of people on board that big aircraft carrier we send floating about the place who said they couldn't swim was alarming.

Going to be insane when they find Maddie there instead

I'm sure I read that she was a good swimmer as well.

If it isn't her then we're going to need a second thread.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by niko_cee

An amazingly large number of people can't swim. I stumbled on some sort of programme about the navy the other day and the number of people on board that big aircraft carrier we send floating about the place who said they couldn't swim was alarming.

---

Surely she'd only need to stand up in that depth?

Fall and hit her head, seizure, could be a number of things however unlikely. But then the whole thing is bloody odd.

Well done @phonics, you look a right fucking idiot now.

Probably delivered that statement while wearing his "I Am Not A Crank" shirt as well so that's me shown right up.

Stop pretending you called him a crank for any reason other than he appeared on GB News.

He has stopped clocked this one though, in fairness. The geezer is a fraud.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Boydy

Stop pretending you called him a crank for any reason other than he appeared on GB News.

---

That’s reason enough for anyone.

Fair play to Phonics. He called it. Should join the flying squad.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Boydy

Stop pretending you called him a crank for any reason other than he appeared on GB News.

---

You only called him a murderer because he was holding a knife soaked in the victims blood!

That and inserting yourself into an ongoing investigation without being asked made this a slam dunk.

View Tweet

:D

I bet she hadn't heard of him two weeks ago.

And she will have forgotten about him in another 2 weeks.

#Kony2012

That tweet just highlights how fucking mental social media has made people.

All part of a global conspiracy to ensure all bodies are 'found' within 15 minutes of where they first disappeared.

Put the notepad away Yev

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/uk-64697399

It's wrong to feel it but it feels so good to be so right.

Foul play?

So she was in the river all along, what a huge surprise.

But why would "Peter" lie to people to get his name on TV and into the papers. It doesn't make sense.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry

Foul play?

---

Fowl play.

Suspect is on the Goose.

It's good that they've finally quacked the case.

They'll give her a nice swansong at the funeral.

Baz is not going to like this.

The gobshite diver taken off the NCA expert list :D

Yev needs to apologise to Phonics right now.

Yep, apology offered - his behaviour has been a disgrace.

You weren't supposed to actually apologise you dick. Now me and SVN have to apologise for our joint Eamonn Holmes effort.

Seems fair.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

Yep, apology offered - his behaviour has been a disgrace.

---

:harold:

:drool:

I might just archive this thread so I have something to point to when the naysayers come out to play.

And for those saying you only called it because the 'expert' appeared on GB News, that's the point. You had his card marked from day 1. :nodd:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-englan...shire-65238743

I didn't even click the link. Just started reliving the victory again instead.

"DJ Khaled, another one"

Someone needs to stop these damn balloons.

I'm just looking forward to Phonics beefing an ominously keen, right wing mountaineering expert.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Spikey M

"DJ Khaled, another one"

---

Not fit, nobody cares

I bet the Welsh are seething that no one is using their [daft] name for Snowdonia which I see has been getting pushed of late in the media [bank holiday car towing etc].

Eryri, nice crossover to the other native lingo hot issue.

So, she drowned, wasn't drunk and no sign of injury or foul play.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-englan...shire-66018326

That's what they would say if she was an MI5 deep cover agent though.

Quote:

---

The inquest also heard from various passers-by who saw Ms Bulley, with one saying she looked "absolutely idyllic".

Another described her as "not happy" but "not sad".

---

Eyewitnesses are shit.

They're clearly trying to divert attention away from The Balloon.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry

They're clearly trying to divert attention away from The Balloon.

---

Which is (coincidentally, I'm sure) doing a tour of Asia at the moment.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-65972168

Hunting for its next victim.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-englan...shire-66033632

Accidental death, then. Probably the least satisfying outcome to shut those armchair Columbos up.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-englan...shire-67666878

The Balloon is tying up loose ends!

WE HAVE A LIVE(?) ONE!!!!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-norfolk-67708418

Dr Limp, get your arse down there and be our man on the ground.

"Gay Lord" lol

Probably offed herself due to that name.

She's down as "Ms" Lord, which means one of a few things:

1) She got married, divorced and chose to keep that name.

2) She got married, divorced and chose to go back to that name.

3) She's a radical feminist.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by niko_cee

Exactly how many people are the police attributing 'fell into the river' as the reason for being missing?

---

At it again I see:

Quote:

---

after police said it was likely she had "entered the water".

---

Not sure why that's in quotes, but there you go. Police euphemism?

I see another Afghan civilian has "entered the water" etc.

The Balloon clearly has a taste for blood now.

It must be stopped.

I for one, welcome our new Balloon overlord.

Quote:

---

Specialist divers joined the search after police said it was likely she had "entered the water".

---

Quote:

---

Some of Ms Lord's belongings, including clothing, jewellery and a mobile phone were found at "various locations" in Wensum Park later on Friday and and her coat was discovered in the water.

---

And then:

Quote:

---

Norwich's policing commander Supt Wes Hornigold told the BBC: "There's nothing within those CCTV image that would give us any rise for concern."

He said there was no evidence Ms Lord had come to harm.

---

Probably want to run that one again, Superintendent.

He's probably shitting it after The Baloon killed his predecessor

I wondered why I was getting notifications from various twitter accounts with 8 numbers after the name and some weird emojis in the username demanding I release the nutter from my ownership after my last comprehensive victory but it was such a one-sided mission accomplished that I've forgotten his name so I've just sent a tweet to @PaulOrSteve saying he's free to investigate.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Spikey M

WE HAVE A LIVE(?) ONE!!!!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-norfolk-67708418

Dr Limp, get your arse down there and be our man on the ground.

---

Missus is in Norwich on Friday can get her to do a Facebook live from the scene?

I believe TikTok is the road to Ghoulish fame these days, but yes please.

She is definitely in a rush in the footage. Russian sleeper agent activated :drool:

Clearly in a rush to pack boxes for the Albanian Mafia.

King of the divers Peter Faulding has piped up offering help.

DEAD: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-norfolk-67728331

However coming in the other direction is this lad, some story I think: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-67725568

Nothing about the Norfolk woman makes sense. Pops into work until lunch, goes to a park to do some yoga at lunchtime then croaks herself? Nah

It's The Balloon.

Maybe she's mental?

So the timeline was she skipped out of work early while trying to call a friend, wandered around the town when said friend was unable to talk and then went into a park, stripped down to some yoga gear?

I can only assume complete mental breakdown over something. Definitely nothing floating and ominous.

The Balloon is officially a serial killer.

I think if you say something about The Balloon a 6th time on the same page you might get the pop you're looking for.

What is "the balloon" anyway?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Boydy

What is "the balloon" anyway?

---

The Chinese Spy Balloon story kicked off around the same time that the dog walker went missing. I made a gag about it and it has apparently changed Mahows life.

Oh yeah, forgot about that.

Got a feeling it might be the balloon lads

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Dark Soldier

Got a feeling it might be the balloon lads

---

:D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Spikey M

The Chinese Spy Balloon story kicked off around the same time that the dog walker went missing. I made a gag about it and it has apparently changed Mahows life.

---

https://i2-prod.buzz.ie/incoming/art...S235023668.jpg

Could have another one lads. Rumours of police searching a river in Thetford looking for a woman all over my Facebook.

Why can women not be trusted around rivers?

Mermaid propoganda

It makes you wonder what exactly rivers and balloons know doesn't it. Terrifying.

I for one welcome our new subaquatic-balloon overlords.

It's the balloon.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-englan...shire-68333830

Say the line Mahow.

https://i.ibb.co/5hWwXz2/Screenshot-...3130-Brave.jpg

Some young lad has gone out in a canoe on one of the rivers round here at the weekend. He's still missing as is his canoe. I'd imagine old matey will be here soon telling everyone he can't be in the river because if he was he'd find him.

That's been done already. He'll be running a Kayak conpany in St Lucia or something like that. Unimaginative twat.

No one will ever match the 'back-from-the-dead canoeist'. GOAT is bandied around all too easily but he is one. Probably fucked one too while he was in Panama or wherever it was.

Quote:

---

Underwater searches are under way for a woman who has been missing for three days in a market town.

Victoria Taylor, 34, was last seen at her home address in Malton, North Yorkshire at around 9am on Monday.

A specialist underwater search team combed the riverbanks in Malton on Wednesday, and detectives said members of the public should expect to see an increased police presence in the town.

North Yorkshire Police said it is growing “increasingly concerned” for the welfare of Ms Taylor.

---

Here we go again.

Fucking Balloon.

The best thing we could do for women's health in this country is distribute snorkels on a widespread basis.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Luke Emia

Fucking Balloon.

---

That's my line you prick.

The geologist nut at work is from Malton so I'm expecting the inside scoop any minute.

Your work is certainly well covered based on their links to a lot of things mentioned on here

There's a documentary about Nicola Bulley on the iPlayer and it's about as good a summary of the nations mental health as you could possibly get. It makes full sense of the decision to release her menopause and mental heath issues, because their attempts to do so gently were met with peak conspiratorial lunacy. Major props to her husband for not doing himself in, because the shit he was being targeted with would have been the end of many.

Oh, and Phonics e-victory over that dive expert has only been strengthened. He really was a massive fraud. He should probably face charges.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry

That's my line you prick.

---

Got to be quicker. I saw my chance and took it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Spikey M

There's a documentary about Nicola Bulley on the iPlayer and it's about as good a summary of the nations mental health as you could possibly get. It makes full sense of the decision to release her menopause and mental heath issues, because their attempts to do so gently were met with peak conspiratorial lunacy.

---

Yep. Even on a smaller scale, I got some of that when a couple of students drowned in the Wear a few years back. The wifeys at work were all screaming serial killer when the reality was pissed students falling into a river.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by niko_cee

Here we go again.

---

Quote:

---

North Yorkshire Police said a body was recovered from the River Derwent at about 11:45 BST on Tuesday.

---

Another one in the bank for the UK's Waterways.

Is it a serial killer? Is there a need for a water safety module in our (girls) schools? What is going on?

If it isn't I don't get why they keep 'going into the water' and leaving stuff on the riverbank. Seems a weird way to do yourself in if that's what is actually happening. Is the tiktok algorithm suggesting fresh water submersion is good for the complexion or something?

My current pet theory is they're all wearing completely unsuitable footwear and just falling in.

But why are their phones and keys or whatever always found first? Walking along, looking at phone, comedy slip due to bad footwear, phone on the bank, woman in the river?

Luckily Australia is a very dry place or this one would have gone the same way no doubt.

That photo :D