Things You Could Do But Realistically Won't

In your entire life that is, so time barred only by death and realism stopping it happening. I'll kick us off.

Go to Socotra

Why would I want to go?

I mean, fucking look at it.

Toggle Spoiler

https://i.postimg.cc/qq0xPHKS/desktop.jpg

Why won't I?

I mean, fucking look at it.

Toggle Spoiler

https://i.postimg.cc/qBLsNYyB/752-D1...EC144-CD75.jpg

Chances of it happening? Armed escorts are possible, but I'm guessing they can also be bribed. So 3/10




Write and Perform Stand Up

Why would I want to?

I think it would be an amazing buzz and I (perhaps wrongly) believe I have enough material to do it.

Why won't I?

I struggle to start stuff and would struggle even more as soon as it hit 'job' territory as I already have one of those (hey Bam) and it would be difficult to do the two. It would be also be utterly terrifying performing it. I might be crap at that and I might also be bad at writing it.

Chances of it happening? On any scale? Probably 3/10. Actually making a success of it, in a pin money at least way? 2/10




Write the sitcom and get it commissioned

Why would I want to?

I've got a corking and semi-original idea. In the mould of an After-Life style show rather than an out and out sitcom. Do they even exist these days beyond Mrs Browns Boys?

Why won't I?

I could write it, but it'd be seriously hard work, so the problem above homes into view. Then if I have, commissioning it would be very hard without some sort of 'way-in'. As much as Gervais came from nowhere he had a failed band so obviously knew media types. Hence, I'd probably need to do the above first.

Chances of it happening? 1/10

Over to you....Let's do the British thing and crush each other's dreams.

Start a business selling handmade chocolates

Why I would want to?

I need to have a creative outlet and medicine doesn't supply that. I can of course keep making chocolates (and cooking/baking) as a hobby, but I genuinely believe 2 of the recipes I've developed over the last few years are properly good and I'd like to test them out in the "real world". The dream would be to keep working part-time as a doctor and do the chocolates as a small business on the side.

Why won't I?

Laziness. An understanding that turning a hobby I love into a job might ruin it. More laziness. While I enjoy every other aspect of chocolate making, I HATE tempering which I would have to do a LOT of. Lack of time.

Chances of it happening?

2/10

What I would like to do is find out if amateurs can enter any of the big chocolate awards.

Can you bake? Would entering the GBBO be a way in?

Want: Win millions on the lottery
Why: To quit work and have a permanent tan and feel great
Chance: Yeah I reckon. 9/10

Baz. :D

You know you don't need to win the lottery to have a permanent tan though, right? If you're ok with an increased risk of cancer you could get one in two weeks.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by randomlegend

What I would like to do is find out if amateurs can enter any of the big chocolate awards.

---

I'd refer to Don on this. He's really into the amateur big chocolate scene.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

Can you bake? Would entering the GBBO be a way in?

---

I can bake but I don't have a broad enough knowledge base for GBBO (I have basically zero experience with bread for example); I'm not sure I really want to spend the time learning the bits I'm not interested in. I doubt I have the most palatable personality for TV either.

I think I could do well though, if I really put my mind to it.

Well, if you did you'd get the best type of exposure you could for your new business. Look at Clarkson's Diddly Squat Farm.

Live in another country

Why yes: I have the means, and a job that can be done from most places. Might be fun.

Why not: It's a massive faff and nowhere ticks enough boxes to overcome the inertia that's keeping me here.

Chances: 5/10. I suspect it will happen eventually.

Has Brexit made that harder James? I have considered it myself recently.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

You know you don't need to win the lottery to have a permanent tan though, right? If you're ok with an increased risk of cancer you could get one in two weeks.

---

If I had a permanent tan in my current situation people would know I’d been on the sun beds and peoples estimations of me would plummet. Plus sun beds are bad news. Whereas going on holiday every school holidays, exposing myself to the [sunny] elements, that’s the life.

If we ever reach zero Covid [in nice countries] I genuinely reckon I’d attempt it for a year just blowing all my money, annual leave dependent, but the resulting holiday blues would probably be unrecoverable.

A little but I don't think it's too bad. I could probably wangle a Greek passport if it came down to that.

Socotra was on my bucketlist 5-10 years ago as well, but I kinda forgot about it when things kicked off in Yemen.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Baz

If I had a permanent tan in my current situation people would know I’d been on the sun beds and peoples estimations of me would plummet. Plus sun beds are bad news. Whereas going on holiday every school holidays, exposing myself to the [sunny] elements, that’s the life.

If we ever reach zero Covid [in nice countries] I genuinely reckon I’d attempt it for a year just blowing all my money, annual leave dependent, but the resulting holiday blues would probably be unrecoverable.

---

On a similar note, the company and group of companies I work directly for is about to be sold (already announced to the City so I'm not saying anything I shouldn't). If I lose my job (and I don't know whether I will and it'll likely be next year if I do) I'm so tempted to rent my house out, travel the world for a year or two and write some of the above. A tan would absolutely happen.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Bernanke

Socotra was on my bucketlist 5-10 years ago as well, but I kinda forgot about it when things kicked off in Yemen.

---

Yeah, it's a real shame, with that and the Gulf of Arden I can't see how it will be a place one can go without the serious threat of ending up on the internets in an orange jumpsuit in my lifetime.

Brew professionally.

The one thing I want to do but feels like I'll never achieve is get to a level of competency in a foreign language. I always thought it would be Italian but if my work move comes off, maybe I'll have a chance at German.

Does your wife not speak Portuguese?

Yes she does.

Seems like that might be an easy way to learn it.

Aren't they doing something on channel 4 at the moment where a bunch of celebs are doing memory shit building towards learning a new language in a week or something?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Boydy

Seems like that might be an easy way to learn it.

---

It's not.

I think having millions of these things is the absolute definition of being a white middle class cliché, myself included.

I am a right jack of all trades.

Languages: I can speak Spanish/French well enough to be understood, but not well enough to be respected by natives. I use them both every day at work. What's stopping me from being properly 100% fluent is I just don't come across enough different vocab. If you want to chat about engines, I'm your man. But I need to immerse myself in it to get any better than the current 'decent'.

Guitar: I can play. I am musical. But my fingers just don't allow me to do barre chords, which keeps me at campfire strumming standard forever. If I made this my main hobby and put hours into making my fingers more flexible, I could probably get there. But I like sport more than I like guitar, so this will likely not happen unless I lose my legs in a freak accident.

Golf: I love golf. It is poetry to me. The ultimate A to B challenge. The feeling off the clubhead when you strike a ball properly is like nothing else. I putt and chip very well for a player of my overall standard. But I'm no good with the long game. I hit down on it. I slice it. These are all problems that come from a lifetime of cricket, which is far more handsy and reactive than golf. I don't have the time or money to solve it.

I would give myself a 3/10 chance of mastering even one of these three. I would absolutely love to do so.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

It's not.

---

Okay, not easy because learning a language isn't easy but easier than learning something off duo lingo or going to a weekly class or whatever.

I'm not sure it is. Teaching a language from scratch isn't that easy without planning it properly. Maybe when she starts talking baby Portuguese to the little one then I'll learn but otherwise it's a language app.

Re guitar: I really wish I could play more varied stuff but I'm too lazy and can't be arsed going beyond what I know. Not listening to much new music probably hampers it as well.

Yep. I lived with a Finn and her boy for two years. I know about three words and one of those isn't an actual Finnish word.

It's almost impossible to learn a language as an adult unless you parachute your way into a place and have no choice but to learn it or die alone in a gutter.

I've tried getting my Polish from "decent" to fluent using various programmes throughout the years but it's seriously tough.

Had an extended stretch on Duolingo not too long ago but it's only really good for teaching you some vocabulary. The grammar side (which is what I struggle with) there was almost no help.

They'd "teach" you the various endings of words but not why they're being used in said sentence.

Been with the missus over three years and I know four words of Romanian. Her family and mates all speak English so what's the point.

Making 1000% on one trade.
Retiring by 40.

Losing 1000% on one trade.
Living in a homeless shelter.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Dark Soldier

Been with the missus over three years and I know four words of Romanian. Her family and mates all speak English so what's the point.

---

"nu mai mânca lebede"

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

Yep. I lived with a Finn and her boy for two years. I know about three words and one of those isn't an actual Finnish word.

---

Finnish is notoriously one of the hardest languages to learn.

Yevrah spending two years failing to step-dad some selectively mute Finnish sperg is another piece in the puzzle.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lewis

Yevrah spending two years failing to step-dad some selectively mute Finnish sperg is another piece in the puzzle.

---

We’re still great friends, so not really. It’ll all be in the sitcom though.

In an alternate universe, this is the Finnish Yev trying to learn English to better understand his English girlfriend's friends and family

https://youtu.be/oWuyrlXI7nA

He sounds like Mika Hakkinen. It's amazing.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

Yep. I lived with a Finn and her boy for two years. I know about three words and one of those isn't an actual Finnish word.

---

Out of curiosity what are the words you remember?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Shindig

He sounds like Mika Hakkinen. It's amazing.

---

Since this is probably the first ever time Finnish has been brought up here I can be of some use and tell you that when someones English is bad (like above) it’s called ’rally-English’ in here due to the likes of Häkkinen and many others.

I also know 3 Finnish words (Perkele, Emanta and Isanta) from watching a load of Dudesons when younger.

Is the "Hoodraulic press" guy Finnish?

I need to find a good load of lessons for German.

Why would you learn the least useful language in the world?

You asked the same question last time. I'll answer the same way. I want to visit useless countries.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by randomlegend

Is the "Hoodraulic press" guy Finnish?

---

He is.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Shindig

You asked the same question last time. I'll answer the same way. I want to visit useless countries.

---

Wales is right there.

I kinda wanna write a novel and/or screenplay, not sure what medium it'dbe in yet. Got the idea in my head all fleshed out alongside stuff in a notebook.

Probably won't because I'm an absolute lazy fucker.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Dark Soldier

I kinda wanna write a novel and/or screenplay, not sure what medium it'dbe in yet. Got the idea in my head all fleshed out alongside stuff in a notebook.

Probably won't because I'm an absolute lazy fucker.

---

Do it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Dark Soldier

I kinda wanna write a novel and/or screenplay, not sure what medium it'dbe in yet. Got the idea in my head all fleshed out alongside stuff in a notebook.

Probably won't because I'm an absolute lazy fucker.

---

Same. Problem with screenplays are you lose all creative control when it gets optioned and you have to write with a budget in mind, for us nobodys that is ultra low budget. Novels you have no worries on that side but a lot more to write.

I keep thinking it is a pipe dream and I know it probably is, but then I see people like The Critical Drinker talking about how he wrote his first books working full time and having kids to look after, and now he just writes and does youtube videos for a living and seems happy enough.

The problem I have is I have a lot of good ideas, which are worthless if you don't action them, but I usually start strongly on them then tail off as enthusiasm wanes and eventually put stuff down never to be seen again. I have 10,000 words of a near future sci fi novel lying around somewhere which is exactly that, starts strongly then has a bit of a wobble when the plot doesnt know where it's going.

It would be nice to at least finish one and see something come of it at least.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Dark Soldier

I kinda wanna write a novel and/or screenplay, not sure what medium it'dbe in yet. Got the idea in my head all fleshed out alongside stuff in a notebook.

Probably won't because I'm an absolute lazy fucker.

---

I took a notepad to the pub last night and just started scribbling stuff down when things came up. Other patrons thought it was weird, but my God do you get some gold that way just reminiscing with a couple of mates you've known for decades.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lofty

Same. Problem with screenplays are you lose all creative control when it gets optioned

---

You see, unless I was being offered silly money to whore my integrity (which would never happen with a first timer) I'd just say I'm keeping all of the creative control or it's not getting made. If it doesn't then so be it and I think that's a much easier stance to take when you're the age we are and have other stuff in your life already.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

You see, unless I was being offered silly money to whore my integrity (which would never happen with a first timer) I'd just say I'm keeping all of the creative control or it's not getting made. If it doesn't then so be it and I think that's a much easier stance to take when you're the age we are and have other stuff in your life already.

---

Yeah unless you were making it yourself you wouldn't get creative control. I am in a Screenwriting group with pretty successful writers (in terms of it being their sole source of income) and once your script is optioned you have no control, the producer will give you notes for changes in the rewrite and if you object they just bring someone else in to rewrite it and your credit gets split. It is gone to the point if you are ever invited on set you can't give your opinion on anything unless the director asks for it, otherwise you are kicked off.

That said, my mate has got a sitcom in Glasgow greenlit after struggling to get it made, even being slagged off by the head of Channel 4's light entertainment department in the process. But the difference is they are producing it themselves. Similar to the Hairy Bikers (and I assume others) where they pitch the product, then when they get the nod and the money they sell the finished product to the broadcaster.

For me, I think novels are the only way to retain complete control. I am at peace with stuff being changed to make it work/get a finished project out there with my name on it. It's worth reading screenplays of your favourite films for research, and it is interesting to see how much was changed between that and the finished film. Even names, no point getting too attached to the clever name you thought up because it will likely be changed. Casting changes things all the time, I read that in the recently DS recommended Hunter Hunter the kid was written as an 8 year old boy but changed to a 12 year old girl after a strong audition from the actor, and the dialogue changed to match in the script.

Realistically fellas, are you actually good writers? Because people here think I write funny, but I'm not sat here thinking I could write anything beyond dry historical wank.

Not only good, but good enough to demand that my vision is not altered by anyone.

Similarly, Yevrah seems to be not giving stand-up a whirl because writing a Netflix special and going on tour might get in the way of his life. Just find a five minute slot somewhere like everyone else who ever tried it.

Netflix Presents 'Yevlife Crisis', with him on the poster doing that 'Huh?' face that comedians do (scratching his head and/or with an exasperated hand out).

Like people who show up to the gym for the first time ever, but don't want to get too big.

Randrew could send me some of his chocolates though. It's the least he could do after the year we've endured for his benefit.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lewis

Similarly, Yevrah seems to be not giving stand-up a whirl because writing a Netflix special and going on tour might get in the way of his life. Just find a five minute slot somewhere like everyone else who ever tried it.

---

Well, exactly. One of my pals is very funny (by the standards of one's mates), wrote some genuinely interesting stuff throughout his 20s (a few little youtube projects he started and got bored with etc), and even did the crappy stand-up circuit in Bristol when he was at uni (playing on plenty of bills with Jordan Brookes who actually ended up a good professional stand up), and even he was unable to get anywhere with it.

I'm obviously biased, but I feel like if he wasn't able to get much more than having a few dozen people tell him after comedy shows/seeing his other creative things "you're actually really good!" with his combination of genuine talent and a reasonable amount of effort then what chance have you got?

I actually don't think stand up would be difficult at all. In the nicest way, people are idiots. If they pay money to laugh, or plan an evening around laughing, you'd have to be pretty shit not to make them laugh.

I'm mostly basing this off doing a best man speech where within about ten seconds I realised my previous nerves were for nothing. I get that people are generally in a great mood and more willing to support in that situation (hecklers must be pretty rare) but I feel the same logic applies. When people want to laugh, they laugh.

I also had a mate who tried some amateur stand up at uni and I went to all his gigs so met a fair amount of other amateur stand ups. Most were really, really shit and comedy was far from natural to them, but they still got decent receptions, then some were utter messes on stage and honestly still got a few laughs.

If someone says "you're actually really good" rather than "you're really good", they're not actually saying you're good. They're just saying you're not as shit as they were expecting you to be.

The jokes is probably the easiest part. Crafting routines that actually flow sounds like where the real craft is. And the delivery.

Just don't over-craft. You don't need to meticulously plan it, otherwise when it doesn't go to plan you'll shit yourself. If you can't roll with the punches and read the crowd, you shouldn't be up there.

This sounds like when you’re a kid and think you’d rock up at Old Trafford and run rings around everyone :D
Talk about over estimating yourself.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Offshore Toon

I actually don't think stand up would be difficult at all. In the nicest way, people are idiots. If they pay money to laugh, or plan an evening around laughing, you'd have to be pretty shit not to make them laugh.

I'm mostly basing this off doing a best man speech where within about ten seconds I realised my previous nerves were for nothing. I get that people are generally in a great mood and more willing to support in that situation (hecklers must be pretty rare) but I feel the same logic applies. When people want to laugh, they laugh.

I also had a mate who tried some amateur stand up at uni and I went to all his gigs so met a fair amount of other amateur stand ups. Most were really, really shit and comedy was far from natural to them, but they still got decent receptions, then some were utter messes on stage and honestly still got a few laughs.

---

The thing is, people have a lot more inbuilt good will when it comes to wedding speeches etc. At all the weddings I've been to there's a palpable atmosphere of people just wishing it isn't going to be an uncomfortable cringe-fest, and it has to be particularly shit to not get laughs.

You will get a few sympathy laughs at the more good natured studenty open mic nights, cus the audience is largely the mates of the performers. It absolutely isn't like that at most "proper" open mic events from my experiences. If you're not being facetious, and genuinely think being a stand-up would be easy based on those two things, you're being a bit daft.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Giggles

This sounds like when you’re a kid and think you’d rock up at Old Trafford and run rings around everyone :D
Talk about over estimating yourself.

---

This is exactly correct.

@Chrissy

Go on then, explain Sarah Millican.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Spikey M

If someone says "you're actually really good" rather than "you're really good", they're not actually saying you're good. They're just saying you're not as shit as they were expecting you to be.

---

Well it was a mixture, plenty of people were genuinely impressed. The former was mostly mates being begrudgingly complimentary to not get his head too big, myself included.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Offshore Toon

Go on then, explain Sarah Millican.

---

Wow you're being serious. Err, she's got broad appeal cus she does basic, relatable material, has plenty of charisma, has spent years working on her craft and like most mainstream successes in any field, got a bit of luck with right place right time. Duh.

I think Coldplay are shit but it doesn't mean I reckon I could be a rockstar cus I played a few songs at an open mic once and didn't get bottled off the stage.

I said stand up wouldn't be difficult, I didn't say it'd be easy to reach the top. Just like playing guitar and writing songs isn't difficult.

Ok, if you mean it wouldn't be difficult to do stand-up, if only a few little five minute open mic sets and not be totally shit, yeah I'm with you and apologies for misunderstanding. If you think actually BEING a stand-up would be easy, I think you're mental

Yeah, getting paid anything more than free drinks would be difficult and probably require some cock-sucking as well as selling your soul.

Or supporting Michael Macintyre. I can't think of anything worse.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Offshore Toon

Go on then, explain Sarah Millican.

---

Silly accent. They all have them.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Spikey M

If someone says "you're actually really good" rather than "you're really good", they're not actually saying you're good. They're just saying you're not as shit as they were expecting you to be.

---

Actually, fuck it, here's one of his long forgotten youtube videos, just to give a bit of context, with the proviso that this was absolutely not his "main project". Maybe it's shite, whatevz.

https://youtu.be/xKPTQbssS_0

My friend's estranged wife is six years into her stand-up career, and, even though she has a degree of name recognition and gets booked on the undercard to some pretty big names, she still doesn't earn enough from it to even really cover pursuing it. That could be her gimmick though. If they can't get her they can just book one of the million other women ranting about anti-depressants and abusive relationships (which is where the real prize is for any older men lurking around the comedy circuit, because there appears to be some pretty fine young women around with no self-esteem for anyone with a hot tub).

An insane amount of the stand up I witnessed was about anti-depressants or was anti-men, but that probably sums Brighton up pretty well.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lewis

Realistically fellas, are you actually good writers? Because people here think I write funny, but I'm not sat here thinking I could write anything beyond dry historical wank.

---

Horror and erotica (lol) I've been published before. The kinda shit I post on here is at odds with how I generally write.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Offshore Toon

An insane amount of the stand up I witnessed was about anti-depressants or was anti-men, but that probably sums Brighton up pretty well.

---

Lol, that doesn't surprise me. The #controversial Aussie comic Brendan Burns was one of the commentators for the wrestling show they used to do every year at Edinburgh (where a combo of comics and local indie wrestlers do sort of royal rumble esque match - James acaster got absolutely twatted with a baking tray), and at one point he yelled, apropos of nothing"GUESS I CAN'T WIN THE FUCKING PERRIER UNLESS I DO A FUCKING DEAD DAD SHOW". An absolutely fair moan to have.

As much as I'm a #teamsensitive lefty wuss, and think that the more confessional, storytelling comedy shows can be great, even I get pissed off with the amount of that shit. The last mixed bill I went to had six acts and a compere, and 4 of them talked at length about their mental health. Like, shut up.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by igor_balis

Actually, fuck it, here's one of his long forgotten youtube videos, just to give a bit of context, with the proviso that this was absolutely not his "main project". Maybe it's shite, whatevz.

https://youtu.be/xKPTQbssS_0

---

I managed 1 minute and 42 seconds.

That's a disaster.

His 'main project' was this

:D

Lord Jerrington has 79 more subscribers.

:moop:

i messaged him telling him the welsh weekly stuff has aged well, and he told me "it's a testament to my poor character development, it's basically just Alan Parker urban warrior mixed with some absolute bollocks. And it doesn't make any sense."

maybe i just have really fucking shit taste :lol:

I went to Uni with this guy. I still have him on Facebook, but we haven't spoken in 10 years. His sister was in the last series of Undatables as well.

https://youtu.be/i1ZvpQaEBBA

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by igor_balis

:moop:

i messaged him telling him the welsh weekly stuff has aged well, and he told me "it's a testament to my poor character development, it's basically just Alan Parker urban warrior mixed with some absolute bollocks. And it doesn't make any sense."

maybe i just have really fucking shit taste :lol:

---

Yeah lad... In friends. :lol:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lewis

Yeah lad... In friends. :lol:

---

Your stand-up is writing itself. :cool:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lewis

Yeah lad... In friends. :lol:

---

that would be a crushing insult from someone who actually had any :charm:

My mate has been trying to crack into the comedy circuit for a while and now doing more feature films like this one : https://sheffieldshorts.com/watch-films/tick-tick-tick/

https://youtu.be/7QOCfxcR6fY

This one is decent.

Is it?

Maybe.

I'd rather he cut that down to five minutes.

Including a 4 and a half minute ad for something.

I think it's important to remember that TTH isn't an important crowd to win over on the road to being Sarah Millican.

Yeah, there's a lot of effort gone into that, bless him.

I had no idea youtube was such a pit of despair.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Shindig

I'd rather he cut that down to five minutes.

---

He did do it about 10 years ago so I think he's progressed a little.

His newer stuff does seem more polished.

DS, could you link us to your horror? Wouldn’t mind giving it a go.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by niko_cee

Yeah, there's a lot of effort gone into that, bless him.

I had no idea youtube was such a pit of despair.

---

Oh, it is. It really fucking is.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-V-f9inLoo

This is really promising. None of the obstacles posed in this thread are actually such when you think about them.

Not saying it’s easy, but isn’t that hard.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lewis

Realistically fellas, are you actually good writers? Because people here think I write funny, but I'm not sat here thinking I could write anything beyond dry historical wank.

---

Counterpoint: the woman who wrote Fifty Shades of Gray was just writing erotic Twilight fanfiction and spawned an empire of books and films.

I've sketched out the first episode of the sitcom. It's gold. Need to fully script it now, which will take time.

Target: End of July.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lofty

Counterpoint: the woman who wrote Fifty Shades of Gray was just writing erotic Twilight fanfiction and spawned an empire of books and films.

---

JK Rowling is another. The books are unoriginal badly written crap that got roundly rejected and then made her a billionaire.

Don, wanna be in the sitcom as a character?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by 7om

DS, could you link us to your horror? Wouldn’t mind giving it a go.

---

It's a while ago, the zine and my copies no longer exist. I'll link you up with the next thing I write though. Only got back into it the past few months.

DS, wanna help me the format of a screenplay next week?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

DS, wanna help me the format of a screenplay next week?

---

Yeah can do mate. Chuck us a PM as/when.

Great stuff, if I paypal/bank transfer you a few quid fancy doing it over Skype and a few beers? Or, where do you live? If it's near Manchester I might be there next week so could do it in person over lunch/dinner (and a pint)?

I was literally just gonna link ya to the guides I followed :dance:

It's summat you can understand in like 10 minutes, pretty basic to be honest. There isn't much scope to go off the cuff as most of it is dialogue. Scene setting is bare bones just to give a sense of it, cinematography is dealt with pre-filming.

Game for a Skype chat or summat though, could give it a read and feedback etc.

Cheers, wanna whack them in here now?

And thanks for the feedback offer, but I'm gonna try and film it first and next.

I'll sort em out tomorrow for ya when on the PC mate.

Thanks dude.

Can I volunteer as cameraman/director of cinematography. I can bring my own equipment including lights.

Are you in England? I've got a mate who makes music videos in London who can do it, but I might take you up on that if he can't.

Oh and I trust you Phonics, but I wanna keep this as on piste as possible. I've got an amazing idea I've been trying to work into an something since I saw Donnie Darko over 20 years ago and I've finally done it. :cool: Wanna keep it as under wraps as possible.

Post-September, yes.

I also do professional video editing and post processing if you want to film before then.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

Oh and I trust you Phonics, but I wanna keep this as on piste as possible. I've got an amazing idea I've been trying to work into an something since I saw Donnie Darko over 20 years ago and I've finally done it. https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/images/smilies/cool2.gif Wanna keep it as under wraps as possible.

---

I'll be unemployed, you being on my arse would help me keep my shit together so no fee necessary.

I know you're not actually Adrian Durham but you wouldn't even be the most famous ginger I worked for

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1nf3_QiGZc

You're in in some capacity I'd imagine, if you're up for that. This has just risen to a 2/10 likelihood and I no longer need to piss about with stand up.

Do you/anyone know what would happen if I used three famous song tracks in it without permission, stuck it up on Youtube, monetised it and it got 8m views? And does anyone know how one would go about getting the rights and how much that would cost?

If you get the rights then you present that to youtube on a copyright strike. If you don't then the monetised video money is given to the copyright holder. I'll show you can example I have when not having the rights.

Would love to see that.

I'm also not and never have been ginger. :D

As for fees. I'm gonna give everyone who helps get this off the ground an infinitesimally small % of any profits I make from the movie that wraps it all up.

I'm aiming for a billion from that minimum, so 0.01% would net you £100k if it works. Have to be on a handshake and promise basis, but I'll honour it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

I'm also not and never have been ginger. :D

---

I know, I think someone gave you an Adrian Durham avatar at some point and sorry but thats what you'll forever look like in my head despite seeing you.

So I work for an NGO which means we can't monetise our videos, which I've learnt means that I can take music and it'll just put ads on our videos and that person gets paid. See image:

https://i.imgur.com/DQnMrmL.png

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

As for fees. I'm gonna give everyone who helps get this off the ground an infinitesimally small % of any profits I make from the movie that wraps it all up.

I'm aiming for a billion from that minimum, so 0.01% would net you £100k if it works. Have to be on a handshake and promise basis, but I'll honour it.

---

Just FYI a billion views on youtube would work out to about 300k before tax.

That's brilliant. I don't want to make money from the pilot, I want a deal to make it, so the more people that can see it in its unaltered state the better. I need a trailer as well and both will use these two songs + 1 other I haven't decided yet for the credits, maybe 2 more for opening and closing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OygsHbM1UCw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-fyNgHdmLI

In fact, I know it's hard without the premise or a script, but anyone have any suggestions for opening and closing credits music? Doesn't need to be anything like the above and obscure stuff welcome, I'd love to make a small unknown band millionaires.

This song as used in This Life will also feature somewhere...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4ZHP4HbA2M

You would be broke and you won't be able to get the rights to Creed. He was a right-wing christian before and since then has gone off the deep end and unless you can convince him that your views with COVID align or something then you won't get them.

My tip would be to look at https://www.audionetwork.com/ and use their features to find 'similar tracks'.

Quick bit of research has showed that Heather Smalls 3 seperate record labels all no longer exist so that one you can use without issue.

Right. The premise.

Two timelines set in the same world, one in the late 90s early 00s working forwards and one in the 2020 working backwards. At the end of the TV run the two will converge, with a Back to the Future style:

https://i.postimg.cc/4NVyS72k/TBConcluded1.jpg

Which I'll actually use if I'm allowed to.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

You would be broke and you won't be able to get the rights to Creed. He was a right-wing christian before and since then has gone off the deep end and unless you can convince him that your views with COVID align or something then you won't get them.

My tip would be to look at https://www.audionetwork.com/ and use their features to find 'similar tracks'.

---

Right, my plan is that I'll get this signed with the BBC even if Netflix make a higher offer, because, as as far as I understand it they have access to use everything. I'll then need to lie about my views on COVID and God to get the rights for the DVD sales as I'm not doing that cheap shit (like This Life did with Rush Hour) for those.

Music doesn't necessarily always make a show, but it sure as shit can break it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

Quick bit of research has showed that Heather Smalls 3 seperate record labels all no longer exist so that one you can use without issue.

---

Does she get any money at all still for her work then? She'll also get paid by me if she doesn't.

So as someone who's done this and got away with it, get the script and the visual storyboard absolutely nailed before thinking of anything else including music etc.. Film the product. Watch it. Probably re-shoot sections of the product. Edit the product. Put the shit that will get you into trouble into the edit. Try get permission. Fail to get permission. Fake a theft of and then leak the product. Claim in court that you had no control of the leak. Re-edit it without the problematic stuff.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

Does she get any money at all still for her work then? She'll also get paid by me if she doesn't.

---

Further research says that Sony bought the rights to everything including Proud and put the rest of her catalogue in the Bin but they get paid mad money off Proud specifically because its the intro song for some season of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy or something.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

Just FYI a billion views on youtube would work out to about 300k before tax.

---

Cool, but I meant one billion pounds for me for profits from the film.

I know who I want my agent to be, the best boss I've ever had. She'd fucking nail it and I'd trust her with my life.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

So as someone who's done this and got away with it, get the script and the visual storyboard absolutely nailed before thinking of anything else including music etc.. Film the product. Watch it. Probably re-shoot sections of the product. Edit the product. Put the shit that will get you into trouble into the edit. Try get permission. Fail to get permission. Fake a theft of and then leak the product. Claim in court that you had no control of the leak. Re-edit it without the problematic stuff.

---

Hang on, can I not just let copyright strike do its work and give the money to the rights holders? To be clear, plan is:

Make a pilot
Put it on Youtube
Get signed by the Beeb with the condition that they pay for and give me Ricky Gervais for a day
Quit my job and make it
It's a success
End it all with a film that I make £1bn minimum from - give the people who helped at the start their share.
?????
Buy an Island and have the best party ever

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

Cool, but I meant one billion pounds for me for profits from the film.

I know who I want my agent to be, the best boss I've ever had. She'd fucking nail it and I'd trust her with my life.

---

You've got the wrong end of how the industry works. You want to pretend that you lost one billion pounds despite making a massive profit and then get a rebate. Example:

Return of the Jedi, despite having earned $475 million at the box office against a budget of $32.5 million, has never gone into profit.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

Hang on, can I not just let copyright strike do its work and give the money to the rights holders? To be clear, plan is:

Make a pilot
Put it on Youtube
Get signed by the Beeb with the condition that they pay for and give me Ricky Gervais for a day
Quit my job and make it
It's a success
End it all with a film that I make £1bn minimum from - give the people who helped at the start their share.
?????
Buy an Island and have the best party ever

---

So yes this works but if you have a copyright claim against your video it won't fall into the youtube algorithm so won't get the views necessary for steps 3 through buying an island.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

You've got the wrong end of how the industry works. You want to pretend that you lost one billion pounds despite making a massive profit and then get a rebate. Example:

Return of the Jedi, despite having earned $475 million at the box office against a budget of $32.5 million, has never gone into profit.

---

No, I know exactly how it works. They've fiddled the figures to get to that loss, I'm not getting involved in any of that shit. I want a straight "film makes x, I make x%" deal on profit or turnover, whatever's best for me, probably turnover as it's harder to fiddle but not impossible. Said deal will be tiered so the more it makes the higher % I get at various points.

The beauty of this is I don't need to do this, I already have a career I'm happy with so I will not be compromising creatively at all if I don't agree with the suggestion and Mrs X will be negotiating all the other crap for me, on 20% for herself, or whatever 5% more than the industry standard is.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

So yes this works but if you have a copyright claim against your video it won't fall into the youtube algorithm so won't get the views necessary for steps 3 through buying an island.

---

Bugger. Your plan sounds like a winner.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

No, I know exactly how it works. They've fiddled the figures to get to that loss, I'm not getting involved in any of that shit. I want a straight "film makes x, I make x%" deal on profit or turnover, whatever's best for me, probably turnover as it's harder to fiddle but not impossible. Said deal will be tiered so the more it makes the higher % I get at various points.

The beauty of this is I don't need to do this, I already have a career I'm happy with so I will not be compromising creatively at all if I don't agree with the suggestion and Mrs X will be negotiating all the other crap for me, on 20% for herself, or whatever 5% more than the industry standard is.

---

You've forgot to factor in that the entire industry is a corrupt wasteland. Any 'But it shouldn't work like that' comment is immediately countered with 'But it does work like that and who the fuck do you think you are to change it.'

So break the rules, hope it works and deal with the consequences after. If it doesn't work there's no consequences.

Ryan Reynolds leaked this Deadpool trailer 6 years ago and went from a lawsuit to a multi-film deal with Disney when it succeeded.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikP9KG-HlnE

When was the last time you slept?

I woke up about 1pm this afternoon?

I meant Yev.

I've not forgot anything. They have to pay me something and that's the structure my agent will be asking for.

I work for a FTSE 250, we're very good at playing by the book, but the stories you hear are illuminating.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Boydy

When was the last time you slept?

---

Last night from say 1, until about 8 this morning. Off to bed soon.

Why do you ask?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

I've not forgot anything. They have to pay me something and that's the structure my agent will be asking for.

I work for a FTSE 250, we're very good at playing by the book, but the stories you hear are illuminating.

---

I’ve worked Corporate Communications for a NASDAQ top 50/listed Fortune 500 company. They were bribing officials and it was still less corrupt than the media business.

You seem a bit manic.

You see manic, I see driven.

Thanks for checking. I've had a cracking day and I'm well excited is all.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

You see manic, I see driven.

---

Yep. I've got my brain back and it's a joy. This side of me isn't really seen too much on TTH, but at work if I need to do something and I want to I don't stop until it's done or I'm happy with where I am.

As someone who isn't that guy but likes to work for those type of people, I can tell. I wouldn't have volunteered otherwise. None of those posts are trying to stop you from doing it just warning you so you know whats coming for you up front.

They're all really helpful and thank you for the compliment.

If I get this going it'll make packing TOTY Mbappe 6 months ago look like a Sunday lunch by a river.

Can't wait to turn on the beeb in 5 years and say 'Is that Ricky Gervais doing a scene with Bol Bol?"

Haha, Ricky may have a cameo if he wants. I want him for a day as I want to know all of the shit to do/not to do from his perspective.

For example, if he cares at all about money, he would probably say he should have released the office finale as a film rather than a Christmas special. I'd love to know what his thoughts are on so many things.

It needs to be on the Beeb within 2 and a half years or it'll have failed.

Is the youtube pilot going to have 90s parts? How are you going to make it obviously the 90s? How big is the cast going to be?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

Haha, Ricky may have a cameo if he wants. I want him for a day as I want to know all of the shit to do/not to do from his perspective.

For example, if he cares at all about money, he would probably say he should have released the office finale as a film rather than a Christmas special. I'd love to know what his thoughts are on so many things.

---

Merchant runs the production company and would know those things.

But on The Office, it's because The Office belongs to the Beeb not Gervais. For example, Have I Got News For You is a hattrick production that is then sold to the Beeb. The Office was a BBC production credited to a fake production company so that Gervais/Merchant could use the character of David Brent outside of BBC productions for adverts.

Yep, I want full IP and that's non-negotiable.

Then you're working for Channel 4 not the BBC.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Boydy

Is the youtube pilot going to have 90s parts? How are you going to make it obviously the 90s? How big is the cast going to be?

---

Cast is still being decided, pilot will need about 10, + extras. Youtube pilot will be one thing, 29 minutes long and with an accompanying trailer. I'm going to film it at 6 in the morning on a summer's day, buy/borrow a load of shit 90s cars, raid charity and second hand electronics shops and hire a TFP cast.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

Then you're working for Channel 4 not the BBC.

---

So be it if that happens. IP is critical.

And Ideally I want the pilot to start a bidding war. The price of the bid is not the main priority, the terms are. This idea has been 20+ years in the making, it's the only one I've got and I'd genuinely rather not do it than do it in someone else's image or not reap the full fruits of it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

So be it if that happens. IP is critical.

---

Sorry but this just doesn't exist at all. It just doesn't.

Create the product, decide how good it is, decide whether it matters from there.

Your first project should never be your dream project in a post-Netflix world because you will learn a million things from the first project and you'll have leverage to actually get the above based on the success of the first project.

The problem now is that there's too much money, and too many people who want in. It means that all the money goes to the people already in and that the people who want in are scum and should be treated as such.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

Sorry but this just doesn't exist at all. It just doesn't.

Create the product, decide how good it is, decide whether it matters from there.

Your first project should never be your dream project in a post-Netflix world because you will learn a million things from the first project and you'll have leverage to actually get the above based on the success of the first project.

---

With respect, you're wrong.

The best thing Gervais ever or will do was The Office, the best thing Stallone ever did or will do was Rocky.

I don't care if I don't have a film career, I really don't, Maybe they did and they compromised, I won't be on the deal breakers.

With respect, I don't think I am but maybe I'm more cynical.

Jordan Peele had a several year running comedy show and was given a budget of 4 million. The only advantage you have over him is being white.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

The best thing Gervais ever or will do was The Office, the best thing Stallone ever did or will do was Rocky.

I don't care if I don't have a film career, I really don't, Maybe they did and they compromised, I won't be on the deal breakers.

---

Both of these things were created in a different media era. It just doesn't work like this anymore.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

Cast is still being decided, pilot will need about 10, + extras. Youtube pilot will be one thing, 29 minutes long and with an accompanying trailer. I'm going to film it at 6 in the morning on a summer's day, buy/borrow a load of shit 90s cars, raid charity and second hand electronics shops and hire a TFP cast.

---

How much are you planning to spend on the pilot?

The 90s bit of the pilot will have one outdoors scene, which will be tricky, but I've learnt a lot from how they did 28 Days Later.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Boydy

How much are you planning to spend on the pilot?

---

Fuck all.

Reckon I could do it all for thousands, maybe one, but a LOT of my time, which is the most valuable commodity any of us have once we hit 40.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

Fuck all.

Reckon I could do it all for thousands, maybe one, but a LOT of my time, which is the most valuable commodity any of us have once we hit 40.

---

Just to be able to film on the street would require licensing and consent forms for anyone that walked through your shot which costs more than 1k. It's a different era.

You can cheat on distribution now with the net but everything else is a legal nightmare.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

With respect, I don't think I am but maybe I'm more cynical.

Jordan Peele had a several year running comedy show and was given a budget of 4 million. The only advantage you have over him is being white.



Both of these things were created in a different media era. It just doesn't work like this anymore.

---

This will cost nothing (the series that is, not the pilot) to make and I'll be using completely unknown actors, deliberately.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

Just to be able to film on the street would require licensing and consent forms for anyone that walked through your shot which costs more than 1k. It's a different era.

---

Keep up. I'm not gonna have time to repeat stuff soon. As stated, I'll be doing it at 6am. There'll be tramps, rapists and those returning from one night stands. That'll be it. Everyone else will be working for me, for free or a share of future profits.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

Keep up. I'm not gonna have time to repeat stuff soon. As stated, I'll be doing it at 6am. There'll be tramps, rapists and those returning from one night stands. That'll be it. Everyone else will be working for me, for free or a share of future profits.

---

And you'll have to get said tramp and rapist consent forms and if you can't show them then it can't be shown on a commercial network.

I'm just trying to make aware of the various traps they use to fuck you., Not say it can't be done.

If I've got something that's got millions of hits on Youtube, that people are crying out for more of, I'll hold all the cards, with no real time issue either as it's unlikely I'll use the same cast for the actual thing.

I can make it, release it, jump back on to stir the pot and watch those numbers multiply like rabbits. If they don't after a year or two, no harm no foul and I'll give up.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

And you'll have to get said tramp and rapist consent forms and if you can't show them then it can't be shown on a commercial network.

I'm just trying to make aware of the various traps they use to fuck you., Not say it can't be done.

---

Pilot won't be the version that's broadcast when it gets commissioned.

And keep em coming, they're really helpful, but I genuinely have answers for everything. I'd love to be stumped, but I've been mulling this over for over 7,500 days.

All the above is absolutely fair. But Yev, I just need to warn you cause I don't want you to get hurt.

A million views on a youtube account with no prior build is 1) almost impossible now 2) incredibly, incredibly, incredibly rare for the UK. It's not 2014 where you can game it anymore.

To put it into perspective, for accounts that were made after they blocked gaming the system without paying Google. Here is the most popular sports show DURING THE PLAYOFFS in americas view rate:

https://i.imgur.com/fpra3ZY.png

and I mean this with absolutely zero offense intended, you have no idea how many of the people who have the ability to film/produce this shit have been offered 'future profits' on things.

I've got a good 20-30 future profits Im waiting on.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

All the above is absolutely fair. But Yev, I just need to warn you cause I don't want you to get hurt.

A million views on a youtube account with no prior build is 1) almost impossible now 2) incredibly, incredibly, incredibly rare for the UK. It's not 2014 where you can game it anymore.

---

Still 2/10 and I like a challenge. I've never failed at anything in my life when I've tried and I don't intend to start now. I'll need you all to help mind to get it off the ground mind (you're all invited to the island, think Necker but with no Branson or the dreadful Winslet and actually fun) when it has.

I will get something to go viral in my life and I hope it's this. I really do.

I'm going to sign off now but Yev, at the very least, the positivity is inspiring.

I can pay Google? How much is that? It's dirt cheap, isn't it? Fuck me, if it's good, that'll make it an absolute piece of piss.

Cheers Phonics, you're a gent and you've been very helpful. Pint when you're back in Blighty at the very least.

Night from me too gents.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

I can pay Google? How much is that? It's dirt cheap, isn't it? Fuck me, if it's good, that'll make it an absolute piece of piss.

---

So the trick is to pay them until it gets into the youtube algorithm and then once that happens you're set for exponential views.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTJyDe7a2bo

Jesus. IMHO I tick all his boxes.

Life (Working Title) - The Pilot

Opening scene on the moon, the flag the US placed can be seen and in the distance is earth, we zoom in through Google Maps to a co-op. A middle aged (late 30s grump is trying to buy some vape juice). The year is 2020 but all the audience can tell is it's modern day-ish.

SCENE 1 - Approx Runtime 3 mins.

https://i.postimg.cc/mrRMbx6D/1-Co-OP.jpg

Bread, milk, 8 selection variety box of cereal and 8 Bud Lights have been scanned.

David: "Please can I have two 6MG Wild Berry Vape Juice"
Cashier: "Sorry, which one"
David: "6MG, Wild Berry Vape Juice. Two of them"
David: "No, that's wild ice"
David: "To the right"
David: "THE RIGHT"
Cashier: "This one?"
David: "No the next one"
Cashier: "Gotcha"
David: "THE RIGHT!"
David: "No, 6MG"
Cashier "We don't have any"
David "You do, I'm literally looking at them"

LONG PAUSE

Cashier: "Oh yeah, sorry we do have it"

PUTS ONE ON THE TILL

David: "Two please"

Cashier: "How many?"

AUDIBLE SIGH

David: "Two"

VAPE JUICE WON'T SCAN, AN ETERNITY PASSES AS THE NUMBER ON THE BARCODE IS TYPED IN, TWICE

Cashier: "That'll be £39.90 please, how are you paying?"

David: "I'm not paying £39.90, the vape juice is £2.49 a bottle"

Cashier: "No, it's not"

David: "Yes, yes it is"

Cashier: "Well it's scanned at £14.95"

David: "Yes, that's wrong, look at the ticket on the shelf. It's £2.49 - the description matches perfectly"

Cashier: "Oh yeah, sorry"

David: "No probs"

Cashier: "£14.98 please?"

David pays and says thanks, picks up his shit and leaves.

Music starts playing and gets louder:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-fyNgHdmLI

David walks back to what appears to be his house, aerial shot. It's a cold but sunny day, he's not dressed appropriately. Says hello to a couple of people before letting himself in. Music is now loud.

Puts the milk in the fridge and the cereal and bread on the side before unpacking the beers from their shit cardboard packaging. They nearly fall and smash on the kitchen floor but he salvages things. Clock on the microwave says 7:45 am.

He takes the 8 beers into another room downstairs which is a shower and toilet room and puts the beers in the shower, turns on the shower head and wets them before applying Lynx Africa shower gel to the top of each. Washes them furiously and seems pleased with this. Picks them up and puts them on the side in the kitchen next to the fridge and grabs his laptop bag and puts it by the front door and heads upstairs undressing as he goes. Arse shot maybe included here. Music fades out and screen cuts to black.

SCENE 2 - Approx runtime 3 mins

Screen fades back in, we see a bridge from a first person perspective of someone walking up to and over it. There are buses, bikes and pedestrians everywhere. It's the year 2001 but this isn't made apparent to the audience albeit they may notice it's not modern day.

Music starts and gets louder.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OygsHbM1UCw

Camera pans out, we see a young man (21) in an ill fitting suit and tie walking over this bridge.

He continues walking past dreaming spires of central Oxford and, utterly confused by the options he grabs a coffee before ending up at the reception of an office building. He talks with no confidence and the slight hint of a stutter.

https://i.postimg.cc/sgcSBKLK/3-Beaver-House.jpg

Young man: "Hi, I'm here to see Jason, I start a new job here today"
Receptionist: "No problem, take a seat and he'll be down"
Youngman: "Thank you"

5 MINS Pass and JASON APPEARS. He looks in his 30s but has clearly had a tough paperound, his skin is fake tanned, covered in acne and leathery and he has a shocking (spiky) haircut.

Jason: "Hi, good to see you, I'll show you round"

THEY GET IN A LIFT AND GO TO THE SECOND FLOOR where about 6 departments are all on one floor containing about 100 people, most of which are already in. Young man looks nervous as he's shown around.

Jason: "Here's our department, credit control, here's Purchase Ledger", here's cash and banking, here's Management and Statutory accounts ad here are the directors offices"
Young man: asks nervously "Where's my desk?"
Jason: "You don't have one, you'll be working downstairs. I'll show you now."

BACK IN THE LIFT THEY GO TO THE GROUND FLOOR POSTROOM AND JASON INTRODUCES THE YOUNG MAN TO THE POST MASTER.

Roger the postmaster: "Nice to meet you, if you wanna make a start on that sack over there, sorting it into departments then names. Should take about an hour. Give me a shout when you're done".

The young man does it in 10 as the song above crecendos. Roger is impressed but decides to undermine him by focusing on the mistakes before showing him another 8 bags.

MUSIC DIPS

Young man: "How long have these been here?"
Roger: "About a week's worth"
Young man "I'll get cracking"

MUSIC LOUDENS THEN STOPS, screen fades to black.

SCENE 3 - TITLE SCREEN WITH ACCOMPANYING MUSICE AND RELEVANT CREDITS (song to be decided still) - 1 minute approx (now 7 mins in total)

https://i.postimg.cc/TY1BNHV5/4-Title-Screen.jpg

All feedback welcome, constructive or otherwise.

SCENE 4 - 2001 - HANDING OUT THE POST - 3 MINS - 10 TOTAL

SCENE 5 - 2020 - LEAVING HOME AND ARRIVING AT THE OFFICE - 3 MINS - 13 TOTAL

SCENE 6 - 2001 - PUB LUNCH - 3 MINS - 16 TOTAL

SCENE 7 - 2020 - LUNCHTIME DRIVE AND SHOP - 19 TOTAL

SCENE 8 - 2020 - TRAINING COURSE - 3 MINS - 22 TOTAL

SCENE 9 - 2001 - PUB - 3 MINS - 25 TOTAL

SCENE 10 - 2020 - MATERNITY LEAVING PRESENTATION WITH CAKE BAKING CONTEST RESULTS - 3 MINS - 28 TOTAL

SCENE 11 - 2020 - OFFICE WATCH 1ST BORIS ANNOUNCEMENT - 1 MIN - 29 TOTAL

SCENE 12 - CLOSING CREDITS - 1 MIN - 30 TOTAL

Sorry Lewis, I won't be doing a WDYTOE Now.

Right, can someone merge all these together in an appropriate length vid, with the Coldplay song below playing over it?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZUfdnmtg4Y

Toggle Spoiler

https://i.postimg.cc/DwRwCXRL/01.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/jqvqp9Gs/02.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/6p49GQT3/03.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/j5tK9Qcw/04.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/448ZLc9y/05.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/CLX0YVJV/06.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/wBddycSf/07.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/VvhxYjqF/08.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/tCLKwNCq/09.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/MGYgck0H/10.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/j2B1VRTg/11.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/NjqnpGpL/12.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/nLTwF4ZQ/13.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/gJJtnxkt/14.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/9z3L81Ps/15.jpg

Ta muchly.

You're a massive headcase, Yev.

What do you reckon to it?

Can I be in it?

Need more actual feedback peeps.

I’ve done two things in the teaser trailer that are manifest genius. Firstly, the coming 2022 thing ties in with when life should come back and second the title sounds like a prequel Gervais is working on.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Shindig

You're a massive headcase, Yev.

---

Mate you write game reviews of pervert weeb visual novels for a website I’ve never heard of. Those in glass houses.

Feedback, please.

The best way to quickly and cheaply show it is 2001 in the second scene is probably have the character walk past a poster advertising Shrek as now in cinemas, or something along those lines.

The first two scenes you have described both seem decent though I have no idea what relevance they have to one another.

My feedback:

1. A lot of it reads like writing not how people speak. Like I have no idea where this is set because the writings quite generic.

2. I have no idea what type of show it is. There’s not enough jokes for a sitcom where you need to aim for about a joke every 40 seconds. If it’s a drama, nothing has happened and we’re already at the 4th scene.

I don't want to show it's 2001. I want intrigue and lots of it.

And you're not meant to work it out. Some will, who pay attention and that shall be there reward, the rest will have to wait until much later.

And cheers for the feedback.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

My feedback:

1. A lot of it reads like writing not how people speak. Like I have no idea where this is set because the writings quite generic.

2. I have no idea what type of show it is. There’s not enough jokes for a sitcom where you need to aim for about a joke every 40 seconds. If it’s a drama, nothing has happened and we’re already at the 4th scene.

---

Great. The jokes will be coming thick and fast as the episode warms up, but the opening scene, if shot well, will be funny.

Ta for the feedback.

2. No need to know what type of show it is, I don't want it to be boxed.

But loving the intrigue/confusion it's generated, that is exactly what I was going for. 2.1/10.

And if anyone can merge those slides into a video it'd be appreciated. want that out there ASAP to test how hard getting something to go viral actually is.

We're moving now gents, first episode should be done in that format today.

It's gonna be one hell of a ride.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

Need more actual feedback peeps.

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

Feedback, please.

---

You posted the script at 05:27am and by 08:22 you'd ask for feedback twice. :D Most normal people are asleep.

True, but those posts were directly addressing the bitching. No need for that. If it's shit tell me why.

What the fuck.

Although I think I should pencil down how I'm hoping it will be received as that'll illustrate the method in my (not actual) madness.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

But loving the intrigue/confusion it's generated, that is exactly what I was going for. 2.1/10.

---

I’m not a Hollywood writer, I’m phonics but You’re making a pilot. The 3 scenes have taken 10 minutes and nothing has happened. It’ll be turned off before any of it matters. You need to do something that grabs people in the first 4-7 minutes.

The average YouTube 5 minute video is only watched for 30-50 seconds. You don’t have an audience from a large social media platform and YouTube isn’t made for long form media that isn’t gaming/makeup/celeb gossip. It’s fine for the bbc where you don’t have a choice but not YouTube.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Giggles

What the fuck.

---

Again, this is useless.

I haven't issued cards for years, but if I have to I will.

Reading it again. It feels like a book not tv. Let me find a script template for you to guide off.

Did you go to bed at all?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

I’m not a Hollywood writer, I’m phonics but You’re making a pilot. The 3 scenes have taken 10 minutes and nothing has happened. It’ll be turned off before any of it matters. You need to do something that grabs people in the first 4-7 minutes.

The average YouTube 5 minute video is only watched for 30-50 seconds. You don’t have an audience from a large social media platform and YouTube isn’t made for long form media that isn’t gaming/makeup/celeb gossip. It’s fine for the bbc where you don’t have a choice but not YouTube.

---

I disagree. I want this to be a slow burner to catch light. Like Shawshank or The Office itself. Two of the most widely regarded masterpieces in all of human history. Like I alluded to, this is my Magnum Opus and it will not be a Mrs Browns Boys. Any hint of that and it won't get made. I'll just burn it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Giggles

Did you go to bed at all?

---

Get out of my thread.

I'm not going to lie Yev, I'm worried. Look after yourself please.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

Reading it again. It feels like a book not tv. Let me find a script template for you to guide off.

---

DS has got that covered.

Scripts always read very dull, I' trying to bring it to life this way. As the great man did.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUq3W1-YI2U

Seriously, worth a watch.

And cheers for the feedback.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Spikey M

I'm not going to lie Yev, I'm worried. Look after yourself please.

---

This is exactly why I said NEVER TELL ANYONE you've had a mental issue. When it's gone they don't believe you.

If you must know I was up all night banging the shit out of a bird I met last week. Buzzing in between sessions, I couldn't sleep, so started writing it.

Giggles the inner voice of most here.

Good luck Yev, you nutter. Nought to sixty in the blink of an eye.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by niko_cee

Giggles the inner voice of most here.

Good luck Yev, you nutter. Nought to sixty in the blink of an eye.

---

Cheers Niko. It is honestly the way I work when I'm functioning and boy am I again now. Phonics has got it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

DS has got that covered.

Scripts always read very dull, I' trying to bring it to life this way. As the great man did.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUq3W1-YI2U

Seriously, worth a watch.

And cheers for the feedback.

---

Im sure he does but just fyi, the BBC puts out their scripts here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/scripts you need 40 pages for a 20 minute show, 70 or so for a 40 minute. Also remember that you need to write around the visual element, on that you want to be changing camera shot every 7-12 seconds if your writing isn't dynamic, the camera can't move. That's whats lacking.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

I disagree. I want this to be a slow burner to catch light. Like Shawshank or The Office itself. Two of the most widely regarded masterpieces in all of human history. Like I alluded to, this is my Magnum Opus and it will not be a Mrs Browns Boys. Any hint of that and it won't get made. I'll just burn it.

---

Agreed but you're not going to get to make your magnum opus on a 'future fee' budget via youtube. Is what I meant with the 'make a few things that aren't that so you can both improve and prove to production companies that your magnum opus can be made'.

You'll just end up being disapointed in the product because it doesn't appear as you wish.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

If you must know I was up all night banging the shit out of a bird I met last week. Buzzing in between sessions, I couldn't sleep, so started writing it.

---

The mental image of you giving her the business then just bashing out scenes during your recovery period is quite something :D

What Phonics is suggesting could be done without compromising your idea Yev. There are plenty of films that were originally shorts as 'proof of concept' or whatever. You could do one of your stronger scenes as part of a teaser if you are aiming for viral marketing.

I looked into the Writers Room 15 years ago and decided to avoid it, that opinion hasn't changed.

The reason? It's one and done.

FYI - Gevais got the office made by sending a script and a 2 minute video of him playing David Brent. As he says, the script alone would never have done it. I'm just following the latest version available of his path, or attempting to.

The idea itself does sound quite interesting, as long as it doesn't turn into some sort of sliding doors style crapfest [I'm assuming the characters are the same person]. Isn't the backwards timeline going to be quite difficult to finagle, or are events going to be sufficiently non-linear that he won't be drinking a coffee, then making said coffee etc . . .

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lofty

What Phonics is suggesting could be done without compromising your idea Yev. There are plenty of films that were originally shorts as 'proof of concept' or whatever. You could do one of your stronger scenes as part of a teaser if you are aiming for viral marketing.

---

Don't disagree. I'll do that when the time comes, which will be later this year.

The Office also had 2 pilots before they made it properly.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by niko_cee

The idea itself does sound quite interesting, as long as it doesn't turn into some sort of sliding doors style crapfest [I'm assuming the characters are the same person]. Isn't the backwards timeline going to be quite difficult to finagle, or are events going to be sufficiently non-linear that he won't be drinking a coffee, then making said coffee etc . . .

---

Nailed it. And yeah, they'll diverge hugely as many lives do over a 20 year period. Donnie Darko was the inspiration for the zinger in this and have been conscious to avoid Siding Doors for about 20 years now. It's arse. The way I bring it together which I'll never tell anyone ahead of time, is genuinely brilliant.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

I looked into the Writers Room 15 years ago and decided to avoid it, that opinion hasn't changed.

The reason? It's one and done.

FYI - Gevais got the office made by sending a script and a 2 minute video of him playing David Brent. As he says, the script alone would never have done it. I'm just following the latest version available of his path, or attempting to.

---

1) Gervais was the actor

2) Gervais was already working in media before The Office

3) Gervais was rejected multiple times when approaching the beeb where management told him it was shit

4) Gervais getting the opportunity was as with the rest of life, an absolute fluke, not the rule.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

Nailed it. And yeah, they'll diverge hugely as many lives do over a 20 year period. Donnie Darko was the inspiration for the zinger in this and have been conscious to avoid Siding Doors for about 20 years now. It's arse. The way I bring it together which I'll never tell anyone ahead of time, is genuinely brilliant.

---

See Yev this is my issue, you're thinking about the final product not the entry product. Believe me I know, I do it all the time. I have a video game that I know will be a banger but it doesn't matter because building the foundations is far more key than the final product.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by SvN

The Office also had 2 pilots before they made it properly.

---

Fair enough.

I guess I rally at all times against the notion that it's harder to do things now than it once was. It's manifest nonsense and a ready made excuse for quitters. It's hard, but it always has been.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

4) Gervais getting the opportunity was as with the rest of life, an absolute fluke, not the rule.

---

But he's the model to aim for and if you miss you can still avoid ending up as Brendan O'Carroll.

If you think of how Lost was a rambling mess with no end, I know how this ends and everything in between before I've even started writing it. Which has taken me over 20 years to reach, but I appreciate you gents don't know that and nor have you lived through the process.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

See Yev this is my issue, you're thinking about the final product not the entry product. Believe me I know, I do it all the time. I have a video game that I know will be a banger but it doesn't matter because building the foundations is far more key than the final product.

---

I'm thinking of everything. I have been for 20 years.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

If you think of how Lost was a rambling mess with no end, I know how this ends and everything in between before I've even started writing it. Which has taken me over 20 years to reach, but I appreciate you gents don't know that and nor have you lived through the process.

---

JJ Abrams had won 2 emmys and been directing/producing for 15 years before Lost was financed. Damon Lindelof had been the head writer of 4 different shows before it existed. Media is nepotism, you have to know people to get anywhere.

It was easier in the 90s. There were 2 people you had to know, now its 50.

And if this works I’ll trump them both with an Oscar well before they got nominated.

Things are not easier it’s just different.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

Mate you write game reviews of pervert weeb visual novels for a website I’ve never heard of. Those in glass houses.

---

I’ve written more screenplays than Yevrah. Except my 100-page one took a month rather than a frenzied night scribble.

Feedback from complete, honest strangers is what you need. Too many people are concerned with hurting your feelings these days. You need blank slates.

Exactly so why call him a headcase for it instead of being a complete, honest stranger giving feedback. I've clearly outlined to Yev multiple times this is a lost cause but it hasn't stopped me from at least being helpful and I’m a giant cunt.

You're seriously underestimating the effort and number of people you'll need to help you on this. I supported (and play as an extra "student with long hair", Oscar winning performance) this https://m.imdb.com/title/tt2835658/ which had about 10 people minimum on the filming cast (camera, costume, casting, location scouting, props, director, script writer) then at least 20 people(working for free) in the actual film which took months to film.

Then you have post production which unless you're an expert at, will likely take years to get right.

The second film my friend made (https://m.imdb.com/title/tt5126540/?ref_=m_nm_knf_i1) took about 6 years to finalise and release.

Set your expectations. Get the script written then go from there.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kikó

You're seriously underestimating the effort and number of people you'll need to help you on this. I supported (and play as an extra "student with long hair", Oscar winning performance) this https://m.imdb.com/title/tt2835658/ which had about 10 people minimum on the filming cast (camera, costume, casting, location scouting, props, director, script writer) then at least 20 people(working for free) in the actual film which took months to film.

Then you have post production which unless you're an expert at, will likely take years to get right.

The second film my friend made (https://m.imdb.com/title/tt5126540/?ref_=m_nm_knf_i1) took about 6 years to finalise and release.

Set your expectations. Get the script written then go from there.

---

This Yev, I just rescanned the first scene and my staff list would look like:

1 x Director
1 x Lighting
2 x Location scout + Consent Form + Other Bullshit
1 x Director of Photography
3 x Camera Operators
1 x Editor
1-3 x Roadie types to build the scene.

Thats one scene.

The Office, a mockumentary one camera show, had a production staff 45 people just for series one.

This two timelines stuff is a setting rather than an idea, so what is the sitcom actually about? Who is doing what in these timelines?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

Exactly so why call him a headcase for it instead of being a complete, honest stranger giving feedback. I've clearly outlined to Yev multiple times this is a lost cause but it hasn't stopped me from at least being helpful and I’m a giant cunt.

---

Because he’s spent the last year having a public breakdown. Manically writing some scenes and then immediately asking for 5am feedback is absurd. ‘He’s a fucking head case’ IS my honest feedback.

Phonics going from abuser to enabler.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by phonics

JJ Abrams had won 2 emmys and been directing/producing for 15 years before Lost was financed. Damon Lindelof had been the head writer of 4 different shows before it existed. Media is nepotism, you have to know people to get anywhere.

It was easier in the 90s. There were 2 people you had to know, now its 50.

---

I think it is and it isnt. The converse example is The Blair Witch Project. Also while I agree with what you are saying, the one benefit now is there are a million different platforms hungry for exclusive content.

The Blair Witch Project still cost $300,000 to make and that was 2 decades ago with the bonus of dodgy camera work being part of the charm.

You will still need a group of volunteers to help you to build this. People are keen to do it but you need to build that group.

These are all problems one can plan ahead to deal with and even if you don't you can deal with them on the job as you go. If you don't it just won't get made and I'll have lost nothing. It's a wonderful position to be in.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lewis

This two timelines stuff is a setting rather than an idea, so what is the sitcom actually about? Who is doing what in these timelines?

---

The timelines thing is the high concept, I can't tell you what it's about just yet. I know (and I know the whole thing) but that's not the way I'll reveal it.

If I get to the point where it's commissioned, it'll happen, 100% and for a full run if series one is well received. Getting there is the very tricky part.

< insert everything is fine type meme here >

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Shindig

Because he’s spent the last year having a public breakdown. Manically writing some scenes and then immediately asking for 5am feedback is absurd.

---

I didn't, I merely pointed out I want actual feedback rather than a thread full of shit that adds nothing, which is the category this post also falls into.

Get on board or leave the thread. No one is forcing you to read it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Shindig

Because he’s spent the last year having a public breakdown.

---

And again, NEVER TELL PEOPLE you had a mental issue, they're forever cunts about it.

Just on that point seeing as you’re telling everyone to leave the thread - shouldn’t you start an actual one for this seeing as you’ve just basically hijacked one for it?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by niko_cee

< insert everything is fine type meme here >

---

I knew much less about finance than I do about any of this when I embarked on my career in that and with no formal qualifications at any point I've done quite well, if I do say so myself.

I'm a belligerent fucker and that trumps a lot of perceived problems and challenges that can arrive in any situation.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Giggles

Just on that point seeing as you’re telling everyone to leave the thread - shouldn’t you start an actual one for this seeing as you’ve just basically hijacked one for it?

---

FFS. It's my thread, that I started.

And I'm not telling everyone to leave it. Why are people lieing like this? It's ridiculous.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kikó

You will still need a group of volunteers to help you to build this. People are keen to do it but you need to build that group.

---

Course, I'm well aware of that. At no point have I said I'll do it all on my own. Quite the opposite.

Right, I'm done with the negativity. Constructive criticism and valid posts are the only ones I'll address from here on in. I'm merely fuelling the fire at the moment.

To give you an idea or option, the film I talked about before did a kick starter to get their film off the ground. Might be something for you to consider -
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects...-box-the-movie

Thanks for the suggestion, but I'm retaining all of the IP or not doing it.

If people were to invest actual money in it I'd also feel bad giving them random crap rather than an actual meaningful stake, which I wouldn't be prepared to do.

Might be good advertising mind, maybe I could take it on Dragon's Den. :sherlock:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Shindig

I’ve written more screenplays than Yevrah. Except my 100-page one took a month rather than a frenzied night scribble.

Feedback from complete, honest strangers is what you need. Too many people are concerned with hurting your feelings these days. You need blank slates.

---

That is an excellent point and one I'll well aware of. Friends and fools spring to mind.

This is more a diary than anything at the moment, but with feedback on what is there always more than welcome.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lofty

I think it is and it isnt. The converse example is The Blair Witch Project. Also while I agree with what you are saying, the one benefit now is there are a million different platforms hungry for exclusive content.

---

Yep. It could even be a success if it gets signed by one channel, dropped but picked up by another.

It's also going to be relatively cheap as chips to make.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yevrah

Right, can someone merge all these together in an appropriate length vid, with the Coldplay song below playing over it?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZUfdnmtg4Y

Toggle Spoiler

https://i.postimg.cc/DwRwCXRL/01.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/jqvqp9Gs/02.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/6p49GQT3/03.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/j5tK9Qcw/04.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/448ZLc9y/05.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/CLX0YVJV/06.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/wBddycSf/07.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/VvhxYjqF/08.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/tCLKwNCq/09.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/MGYgck0H/10.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/j2B1VRTg/11.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/NjqnpGpL/12.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/nLTwF4ZQ/13.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/gJJtnxkt/14.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/9z3L81Ps/15.jpg

Ta muchly.

---

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49Ihzb2mWy8

Perfect, you're on the Good List Baz. So appreciated.

Right, suggestions on getting that out there effectively? Given it contains almost nothing?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kikó

To give you an idea or option, the film I talked about before did a kick starter to get their film off the ground. Might be something for you to consider -
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects...-box-the-movie

---

'Wild Berry Vape Club' (£10), ensuring that your name appears in the credits
'Timehopper' (£25), all the benefits of 'Wild Berry Vape Club' plus exclusive access to production staff through our official channels
'Hot Tubber' (£50), all the benefits of 'Timehopper' plus FIVE signed pictures of Yevrah (selection to choose from)
'Yoghurt Knitter' (£100), all the benefits of 'Hot Tubber' plus a pocket book of his best forum posts and a 'SCIENCE' t-shirt (sizes XXS to S, black only)

:lol:

Fucking hell 😂

That is genuinely exactly how I thought it would look. It's fucking brilliant. More so if you know what'll follow, probably not at all if you don't.

Life Teaser Trailer

Views - 10
Target - 1,000,000
% achieved - 0.001%

The grind is on. :drool:

There’s a whole raft of time shifting series that have been made, and a lot of really popular one so if you can mail it then it’ll definitely get attention.

Might be worth trying to understand why some held interest and others didn’t. Flashforward got canned after 1 series, life on Mars/ashes to ashes did very well. What can you learn from your analogues?

I’d imagine a lot of the intrigue will come from working out what’s happened, but that’s more drama that sitcom.

Will there be any different perspectives on each of the time zones? Ie is the forward through the lens of a guy and the back through the eyes of a girl? One of my favourite films is along those lines (flipped) and despite it being a total “girls film” I bloody love it as a concept.

Also good luck. It’s good to have a passion to keep life interesting. If you throw a bunch of time and effort into this and enjoy doing so, the outcome is irrelevant.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Foe

There’s a whole raft of time shifting series that have been made, and a lot of really popular one so if you can mail it then it’ll definitely get attention.

Might be worth trying to understand why some held interest and others didn’t. Flashforward got canned after 1 series, life on Mars/ashes to ashes did very well. What can you learn from your analogues?

I’d imagine a lot of the intrigue will come from working out what’s happened, but that’s more drama that sitcom.

Will there be any different perspectives on each of the time zones? Ie is the forward through the lens of a guy and the back through the eyes of a girl? One of my favourite films is along those lines (flipped) and despite it being a total “girls film” I bloody love it as a concept.

---

Great feedback. I need to change it to "comedy-drama" as that's what it will be. I've watched so much tv and I think I have a reasonable idea of why some things work and others don't.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Foe

Also good luck. It’s good to have a passion to keep life interesting. If you throw a bunch of time and effort into this and enjoy doing so, the outcome is irrelevant.

---

Cheers. That point is exactly the one Gervais makes.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lewis

'Wild Berry Vape Club' (£10), ensuring that your name appears in the credits
'Timehopper' (£25), all the benefits of 'Wild Berry Vape Club' plus exclusive access to production staff through our official channels
'Hot Tubber' (£50), all the benefits of 'Timehopper' plus FIVE signed pictures of Yevrah (selection to choose from)
'Yoghurt Knitter' (£100), all the benefits of 'Hot Tubber' plus a pocket book of his best forum posts and a 'SCIENCE' t-shirt (sizes XXS to S, black only)

---

:lol:

Brilliant. The SCIENCE T-Shirts are getting made. :D

You do you, Yev.

Even if it doesn’t work out you can say you gave it a good shot.

http://www.theofficequotes.com/seaso...our/quote_3191

Do you communicate solely through smileys and Office Meme's these days?

I do sympathise with this getting attention for the wrong reasons, even though I see both sides. If somebody had finally started making some real progress on their lifelong dream, I think the excitement would be enough to pull an all nighter.

Also, reminding somebody of their struggle when they're energetic and productive is a pretty quick way to slow them down. Yev shared how he was feeling with us and the fact he won't be doing so again shows that the reaction of the board as a whole was the wrong one. Concern is natural and obviously comes from a good place, but do it privately.

Keep the energy up, Yev. It sounds like you've got a good mindset approaching the pilot so let's see what happens.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Spikey M

Do you communicate solely through smileys and Office Meme's these days?

---

These days? It has always been like that.

As for the script, I read the first few lines with the vape juice and stopped reading. Doubt that helps, but here we are.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Offshore Toon

I do sympathise with this getting attention for the wrong reasons, even though I see both sides. If somebody had finally started making some real progress on their lifelong dream, I think the excitement would be enough to pull an all nighter.

Also, reminding somebody of their struggle when they're energetic and productive is a pretty quick way to slow them down. Yev shared how he was feeling with us and the fact he won't be doing so again shows that the reaction of the board as a whole was the wrong one. Concern is natural and obviously comes from a good place, but do it privately.

Keep the energy up, Yev. It sounds like you've got a good mindset approaching the pilot so let's see what happens.

---

The board's reaction was perfectly fine. He said he was struggling, and people offered some advice. Two weeks later, during which time his posting got no less maniacal, he was all fine but also wished he had never mentioned it because now people think there is something wrong anyway this sitcom I have planned to the most minute detail and know exactly how I will sell it to Netflix and how do I get permission to use well-known songs in it... If this was Smiffy people would be tipping social services off and locking their windows at night.

As long as it gets more views than Lord Jerrington it should be considered a success.

That's not happening. It's the board's RickRoll equivalent. Plus I kinda like that. :D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lewis

The board's reaction was perfectly fine. He said he was struggling, and people offered some advice. Two weeks later, during which time his posting got no less maniacal, he was all fine but also wished he had never mentioned it because now people think there is something wrong anyway this sitcom I have planned to the most minute detail and know exactly how I will sell it to Netflix and how do I get permission to use well-known songs in it... If this was Smiffy people would be tipping social services off and locking their windows at night.

---

I see your point, but also don't think that if there is something wrong that it's currently being handled well. What does Yev do now to not have certain posters on his back? Post boring stuff for a bit? Even if he stops posting, he'll have Luca sliding in his DMs asking if he's dead or not. If he stuck up that YevRage Algeria(?) post now I bet you'd get similar comments to this morning.

Anyway, this probably isn't helping anything either.

Stop banging this tart and give us the next scene.

He writes best during bangs.

Might as well just cut out the 20 year high flying career middleman and get straight to the Harvey Weinstein denouement.

Wait a minute.

You slept yet mate?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Offshore Toon

I see your point, but also don't think that if there is something wrong that it's currently being handled well. What does Yev do now to not have certain posters on his back? Post boring stuff for a bit? Even if he stops posting, he'll have Luca sliding in his DMs asking if he's dead or not. If he stuck up that YevRage Algeria(?) post now I bet you'd get similar comments to this morning.

Anyway, this probably isn't helping anything either.

---

It would just have been forgotten/brought up as and when, like every other lol thing that people mention. People never mention the porn site he was convinced he could make money off do they.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by igor_balis

You slept yet mate?

---

Nah, been out and about trying to avoid doing so until this evening at the earliest to avoid fucking sleeping patterns.

Rampage impending.

And we're done.

Phonics, thread in the office when you're next on. Cheers bud.

EDIT: Ignore this Phonics.

Let’s crack on.

Why isn't this in the writing thread?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kikó

Why isn't this in the writing thread?

---

:D

Genuine lol at that.