You're a fucking waste of space if you're not doing silent letters and announcing yourself as a banter king.
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You're a fucking waste of space if you're not doing silent letters and announcing yourself as a banter king.
I found it a lot easier to understand Romanian lorry drivers who phoned up and announced everything with phonetic alphabet than old twats who'd reel out their address, name and account numbers in about 5 seconds like Krusty recording the audio for his toy in the malibu stacey episode.
My favourite (probably apocryphal) thick person story along those lines is that Jonathan Greening, while WBA were on preseason in Portugal, said something like "wow it's fucking hot here lads, do they have a different Sun here?". And the McAteer pizza one.
IRL i am constantly surprised by sort of...low level ignorance from seemingly intelligent people. One of my colleagues is a lovely lad in his early 30s, articulate and nerdy, almost posh sounding, but has some pretty glaring gaps. When we were doing a random pub quiz thing, he reckoned the closest body of water to Ukraine was the Indian Ocean, and thought Carlisle was the most southerly English city out of that, Leeds and Sheffield. Like, it's fine, some people are bad on certain things (i'd be unable to identify even the most famous actors and actresses by photos except literal Tom Cruise level people), but it just seems weird to me.
I often think this and then I think back to the time when I said that knowing which celebs are married to which is a waste of time, and a mate's missus snapped at me because, to her, that is far more worthwhile/important information than anything I know, and she couldn't understand how I could think or say otherwise.
I say this weekly, but people don't read text anymore, and it's a huge problem.
I'd be guilty of both of those gaps in knowledge Igor describes. Knowledge is a worthless and soon to be redundant concept when used to describe facts of such a nature, I'd respect a person for demonstrating such gaps if it's accompanied by intelligence but, obviously, it rarely is.
It's probably my tv quiz show addled brain, but I'm very much of the no knowledge is pointless knowledge mentality. The same colleague I mentioned sorta scoffed and rolled his eyes when i correctly identified a fucking backstreet boys song or something, but as I said to him it ain't like my brain is close to capacity. Knowing that hasn't meant I had to delete something more useful. And again, with my super nerdy group of mates, having people who know all the I'm a Celeb winners is gold dust for the pub quizzes. Paxman taking the piss out of people on uni challenge for knowing the answers when computer games etc come up annoys me too, like, knowing latin and being able to identify a Dvorak piece is hardly USEFUL either.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
It's useful in the sense an old school tie is useful.
I once spent about 2 hours (it was probably about 20 minutes) on the phone to a Romanian trying to establish a way of her emailing a document over. She couldn't understand me when I gave our unnecessarily long email address ("longdepartmentname"@hmcts.gsi.gov.uk) and my attempts to send her an email to reply to eventually fell apart at "e with monkey tail".Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
She meant a with monkeys tail. @. She meant @.
This came amongst "I for apple" and "errr C for, what you call garach in England again?".
:D
In Poland they call it "Małpa" which means monkey and I imagine it's the same/similar in Romanian.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Arobase in French and some absolute mouthful like algarroba in Spanish. This is why we run the world and they sit in donkey sheds licking mustard seeds out of the jar.
It is just arroba.
Which is about 8 syllables once you've finished with the rr. In English we're shaking hands on the deal by then.
Algarroba must be something else, probably from a menu or a part of an engine.
One of the big bosses sends out video updates, rather than just writing it down, even though she's clearly sat there reading it off Word. Some people seem to prefer it.
Today's email with the video link starts withbut it's an 11 minute video. :cab:Quote:
If you can grab a minute or two, I would be grateful if you could the time to watch my latest video
Sama shared a voice note from his call centre work on THE GROUP and one woman who called in had a go at phonetics.
"BJ for like blowjob" and the all time classic "N for like..."
We had a reshuffle at board level recently and they sent out a 'meet the new faces' video which was 25 minutes long. As if.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Not a soul in work today.
Boss just had 14 people squeezed into his office for some kind of meeting. Absolutely loving it.
Is he vaccinated Jim? Or are self-made men already immune to Cuckvid19?
Him and the MD are both double-vaxed so it's crack on for us all now.
That's the main thing. The plebs are replaceable.
I return from the bank holiday to find that one of my team members - who had mysteriously booked Thursday off at 4.55pm on Weds without telling anyone why - now 'won't be in all week' for undisclosed reasons. His family are all dead already, so it can't be that.
Still, nice to be able to do all his work for a while (again).
Every year I dread the end of the financial year, and every year it seems to drag on longer and longer. We’re 6 days into 21/22 and I’ve still not even been asked for the 20/21 end of year outstanding payment list. :moop:
Motivation is non-existent today.
Lolz got a text and then frantic phone call from my manager asking me if I could cover lunches at 1 today. Had to apologise and say I couldnt...on account of me leaving the company 6 months ago. Idiot.
And that's why you didn't get that bonus.
The correct answer would have been "yes, certainly" and then when they go mental asking you where you are when you don't show up, ask them for your bonus payment
My Mrs is currently having her hair cut (yeah I know, fuck the Po-lease) by the daughter of someone she works with. Turns out it's someone we evicted in 2019.
She's showing no signs of recognising me, but if my wife ends up with a bowl cut I guess we'll know why.
Everyone I know is having a haircut today. If you're going to break the rules now why not break them ages ago?
Pity as I quite like a lot of lockdown hairdos. Jealousy, I think.
I had mine done a fortnight ago. :D
I applied for a job on Friday. Working in the same team but higher up and doing something different. Thinking about it though, I don’t really want it. It’s a massive pay rise but would be more work and, the key factor, loads of ballache if I chose to do anything other than continue everything as it is (which is rubbish).
Like, the job could be done so much better than it currently is but, now that I work from home, I can’t be arsed being the person who does it.
I’ll act pissed off when they overlook me for someone else, but I already told my line manager (who advised me to apply and sent me the previous interview questions) that I won’t be arsed if someone else is chosen.
There’s another job advertised too, which is actually much more up my street (data and analysis nerd, checking in) but it’s for the same pay and I definitely can’t be bothered switching to a different job if I’m not getting paid any extra for the hassle.
I’ll just try and stick to what I’m doing for as long as they’ll let me, I guess.
I'm happy to coast this job til they kick me out. I think we've picked up enough little jobs that keep everyone looking (as opposed to being) busy.
For us it was just that my wife was asking around and everywhere is booked up for weeks, then her mate said her daughter normally works at Toni & Guy and would be happy to do it round ours for the sake of a couple of days.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
You can't really knock the offer back when they know where you live. That's how mine got sorted. :D
She fit? Toni & Guy seems to have a fitties or slags only rule.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
She must be the exception that proves the rule.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Supposed to be back today, and isn't, so I'm still doing all his work for unknown reasons. Loving life.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Why are people such a mess?
More to the point, why do people not care? I'm fascinated by the mindset.
After doing about two hours work over three weeks, I've been asked to stay on for another month to do different project. Nah. Am oot. Genuinely thought I could hack corporate bollocks again when I moved back here but I can't.
Using my web of dark arts I have found out what all this is about. Two weeks ago his missus dumped him on the day of his nan's funeral (he also has a kid with another woman), he's been chucked out and moved into some bedsit in Ashford (a fate worse than death), and his doctor signed him off for a week with depression. However, when he rang the boss to explain this, the boss said no, if you're depressed you need to be out and about and back to work (a sound and enlightened medical opinion if ever there was one). Somehow he ended up taking last week as 4 days' holiday, then this week has taken his 3 days sick for the year and beyond that will be put on SSP (!)Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Meanwhile I'm just sitting here having zero drama in my pretty boring life and thinking how lucky I am to be dull.
My old housemate worked with a guy who found out his wife was pregnant with another man's child, went out to drown his sorrows, got into a fight with some random guy then the police found three baggies of coke on him and he got processed as a dealer meaning he lost his job (but I think the popo went quite easy on him). Always make good decisions, people.
After sending a letter yesterday evening confirming my "sabbatical", I've been asked this afternoon by my company if I would be happy to stay on client-side for another week back in the office. Most clients these days seem to extend contracts anywhere between 1-5 days of them expiring, so this clambering is the behaviour of a business that knows they fucked up. They've had weeks to hold these discussions and yet they leave it till two days before I'm off.Quote:
Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
What's the work-friendly equivalent of 'suck your mum'?
It's that but with "Kind regards." at the end.
Waiting to hear from someone called Fizz how many hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of grant we’re getting. Good old Fizz.
Toggle Spoiler
I received an order early this morning from someone called Lionel Bastard, and I haven't been able to do any serious work since.
That is incredible. Where was he from?
In my last job we had a case for a 'Marianna Cunto' once.
France, clearly.
Yes, he is a denizen of the land of cheese.
Wikipedia telling me there are more bastards than I was aware of.
Big fan of E.W. Bastard.
I've not been able to log in at all this morning. Useful.
:nod:
Regardless of the sentiment, anyone calling themselves a fampany can gtfo.
I've thought for a while that when Barry Musk or whoever comes out with statements about 4 zillion hours of hard work being required per week to change the world, it's all really a load of horse shit, for the following reasons:
1) most people don't want to change the world, they just want to put food on the table and enjoy life.
2) these people are bloodsuckers overpaid by a factor of thousands and to justify this - to the world and to themselves - they come up with this fictional narrative in which their wealth was earned because they worked hardest (the same applies to professional sportsmen, 100% of whom, whatever they tell you, reached the top because of natural talent, not hard work)
3) to maintain the status quo they need to keep people in their place, part of which is barking at them to work harder, like a 19th century mill owner
The less we listen to 'business leaders', the more wise we will become.
One of our senior management team actually just said 'without further adieu' on a company call. It's not often I encounter one of these outside the internet.
However it has helped me learn that things like this (tender hooks, peddle stool, etc.) are called eggcorns, which pleases me.
That article conflates hard work and productivity, which aren't the same thing, but probably seem like the same when you're struggling to write the same worthless article on different things every week.
Word. My productivity's class because the majority of the office work slower than me. I work to their pace, not my own. :cool:
fucking hell, i had the football manager message board equivalent of how you'll start getting facebook adverts relating to stuff you have been talking about at the pubQuote:
Originally Posted by Ian
about 4 hours after you posted this, the IT guy started howling with laughter. when i asked him wtf he was laughing at he said "wait for my facebook post"
https://scontent-lcy1-1.xx.fbcdn.net...d9&oe=60A6A476
for context, IT guy is a Polish guy my age (29) who moved to the UK at 16, and wasn't fluent until he was 19, and "JOHN L" is a 50 year old english man. excellent.
Ffs.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
My work initially went to two/three days a week in January (by orders of the parent unit who apply their stupid rules to us), so I used some holidays and stayed home a bit longer, but then it just got closed properly in February and I've been sat off since. We were meant to be back in by now, but our section of the site has got some Legionella bacteria in its water, so that means another few weeks off. I have had seven of the past thirteen months off.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
You know a lot about hard work then.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
My productivity proves the point.
Lewis, how do you reconcile being lazy government worker scum with your worldview? You must bowl around like Ron Swanson.
I tell myself that I'm one of the actually important workers, and use all of my interactions with other areas/departments to reinforce it.
This is great.
Amazing.
:D that's great
Excellent. :D
One of my colleagues has royally chimped out today, basically walking off the job (virtually) when it wasn't finished and due to be ready, then leaving both work related group chats. High level drama for a Tuesday.
End of the line for him.
I got declined for an internal job because the person spec said a degree was essential, but chanced my arm anyway considering everyone knows I can definitely do the job, despite dropping out of university in 2005.
Didn't mind so much cos I knew this when applying. What does annoy me is they've just decided to not fill the post because nobody else applied. :moop:
Should have just made up the degree.
This sort of thing pisses me off - what difference does having a degree make to actually carrying out the job? Why not just interview you and make a decision based on your (much more relevant) work history?Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
I've sort of had the opposite today - denied the opportunity to interview as I'm now too experienced and therefore more expensive as 'just' a classroom teacher. The only way out of my school now is promotion (something I've thus far failed to achieve)
I didn't know they even advertised internal jobs without having already stitched the candidate[s] up. I wrote the interview questions for mine when we got upgraded.
Time has stopped moving.
Just came out of a three-hour workshop, so I feel your pain
Thank fuck for a three-day weekend.
I'm (in work related written correspondence, not here) increasingly starting to drop my use of contractions like someone's turned the dial up on my autism. It's subconscious and I'm yet to bottom out the full impact so stay tuned for more.
My current office had like ~75 people in a day pre-covid, now it's just the little team i'm in plus the odd handful of different randomers.
My boss is absolutely sound, and incredibly easy-going, but I'm starting to get quite annoyed by her fear of upper-management. Like, I'm not expecting some us-against-the-world shit, with her LAYING DOWN ULTIMATUMS to her bosses whenever they do anything that annoys us proles, but still.
Our team of 5 people has been split into two - me and the woman who mostly do one task have to sit at the far opposite end of the office to the other 3, apparently with the logic that if someone on one team got the vid, the other team wouldn't have to isolate. That's the logic of my manager's boss anyway. It's completely pointless cus after lunch time, the other woman on my team of 2 goes home and a woman in the team of 3 goes home, and i have to go and sit in the other bit for the second half of the day anyway with the remaining 2 people in the other team! We all have to intermingle constantly throughout the day anyway for various tasks so, clearly, if anyone got vid we're all fucking isolating, no questions.
This decision was made about a month ago, and it's massive pain in the arse cus the bit us two get banished to isn't cleared for taking sensitive info on the phone, so we can't take any calls, and half of our overall team's stuff is down there.
My boss made it sound like she'd pointed this out to HER boss, and her boss basically didn't get it/refused to listen. Today I pushed it a bit and actually asked "so, when you pointed this out, what did she say?" cus she's bit a bit evasive about it, and she blushed and said "well i haven't actually had a chance to...".
Like, what the fuck. I am not expecting her to make some crazy ultimatum about it if her boss doubles down, but it sounds like she's just gone "okay", and not even bothered to explain why it's stupid. The thing that makes it even more perplexing is that HER boss is really chilled out and sound as well, and has almost certainly made a genuine mistake in making this decision. I'm almost certain that if she came in tomorrow and i was like "don't you think it's a pointless having us split up cus blah blah blah" she'd just go "oh yeah, good point, fuck it then".
I don't get it, like there's being a bit in awe of your superiors and being scared of conflict, but this feels borderline deranged to me. I fear that if upper-management were like "yeah igor has to work sundays now" she'd just be like uhhh yeah sorry igor :/
She sounds like one of those passive melts that's too afraid of confrontation and causing any kind of scene. Touch her up if you get any alone time.
Aye, it takes a second to raise it in a meeting or whatever. If it goes nowhere, she's done her bit.
i'm sure it's no coincidence that she's also exactly the worst kind of work martyr who arrives an hour early and leaves an hour later and answers emails at the weekend despite being in some pointless 30k middle-management job supervising divs like me
Frig that. We had a lass like that at our level once. She dropped a clanger then desperately tried to hang around the office whilst it was fixed. She did it enough to get warned about it. Just go home and survey the damage tomorrow.
There's a similar dynamic in my office. My manager always dresses up quarterly / end of year performance as a scary thing because she has to explain our performance to her managers manager.
This makes little sense, because the manager she reports this to is one of the nicest people you could meet and would almost certainly look for any reason to give people the benefit of the doubt.
In fact, we ended just shy of 1% off our team target (I beat my target because I am a hero) this year, and she gave us all a gift voucher and said it was a miraculous achievement considering everything that's happened over the last year.
So, either she's an absolute dragon once her office door snaps shut OR this is just the technique that ineffective low-level managers use to avoid having to justify their bull shit.
Personable girlbosses running the show whilst their underlings vent on their little computer game forum.
The top, TOP boss is a geezer, so we're still keeping the feminist lobby out of the board room.
Bitchboss or bossbitch?
lol yeah sounds like your boss is exactly the same as ours. she was freaking out foe weeks because our team was "massively over budget" for the quarter.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
turns out the reason we were MASSIVELY over budget was that we got a really high invoice from one of the agencies people can donate to us through. so, er, it was because we'd gotten MORE money, it's just that the agencies ostensibly fall under our adminny department, whereas the money in goes into the fundraising department. it isn't like she had any control over it - she doesn't even choose which agencies we work with. so whenever she'd panic i'd be like "yeah, but...we're not ACTUALLY over budget, it's just that we were charged more cus we got more donations?" and she'd sorta flap and not really reply.
once she finally had the end of quarter meeting she came out really relieved and surprised, saying "well they didn't care about being overbudget because it was just because we had a higher than usual amount of donations, and obviously out of our control anyway"
er...well, yeah. she's worked here for like 30 years as well.
'it says "hated by the daily mail", 'cause i'm the sort...'
'Right, and do you think that's an appropriate thing to wear for work?'
*invents reasons to hate her*
I would watch the movie about Igor written by Lewis.
And narrated by Jimmy.
Some cunt was complaining about me and all sorts a month ago but in his most recent email he has included a light pun which I feel needs acknowledgement in what would otherwise be 'thank you for the report' response. It's an external so it needs to also be professional. Is there a solution for this incredibly difficult position I find myself in?
What's the pun?
It's just some bollocks surrounding the topic of the report. It's not actually funny ffs. What I need is a formal business equivalent to the laughing crying emoji that I can chuck his way and we can both continue to live our lives in peace.
I would probably just ignore it and thank him.
Just ignore it. Power move.
I never realised Taz was such a beta.
Replying with another (better) pun is the obvious answer.
"LOL m8 :*******), thanks for the report."
#FlanterFriday #OOOOHWORKFRIEND
Why fucking throw that pun in there in the first place, you cunt? Absolute carnage.
This is some top teir Autism. Go on lad.
I need cake puns (ideally something to spruce up a 'I'll be in touch when I can' sign-off). Shall I go with 'Haha that pun sent me into a spiral of top tier autism'.
Punpedia has offered Pakistan->Bakeistan and I've had to take the rest of the day off as a result.
'P.S. I am not from Pakistan.'
I'll be in sponge - sorry, touch! - when I can.
At least 60% of women and 20% of men would laugh at that.
And I'd probably never email you again. Win-win.
I'm a big fan of this option.Quote:
Originally Posted by Don
I missed that.
+1
Boring story but
Every so often I get burdened with running a weight loss competition at work. I made a spreadsheet template for people to fill in and then I give them a SECRET IDENTITY and send it back. I also have a spreadsheet with everyone’s details on to track the whole thing and produce weekly league tables and stuff.
Anyway I accidentally sent someone the tracker spreadsheet instead of the template, so he could see everyone’s weight. Whoops. I tried recalling it instantly but he’d already opened it. Neither of us have mentioned it and he has since sent back the proper template and it’s business as usual.
Also, someone else in my team is on about giving out my spreadsheets to local businesses so they can run their own competition. Fuck off. Pay me for it. Took me bloody ages, and three iterations of running it before I got it spot on. Plus it’s not like ‘fill this in and it’s done’ cos I’ve gotta do loads. Arseholes. She wrote the most basic guide to use it but doesn’t actually say how to get started, just ‘have everyone send their weight in every week’ as if that’s it. Clueless to how much work it actually is. Proper pissed me off. Plus she sent it to our comms team asking them to remove any of our corporate branding. How about brand it with my face considered nobody else contributes anything towards it, yet seemingly the “healthy weight team” (of which I’m not one of) get credited for the entire six week slog. Just, urggggg.
Turns out it was actually 2nd Teir autism @Don. I'm sorry for the downgrade but I'm sure you can understand.
In that scenario Baz obviously you claim you are too busy to do that shit anymore and let the simpletons discover how time consuming it is.
Or call them all fat.
Taz should ask Baz's fatsos to help with the cake puns. Bet they've heard them all
That joke was the cherry on the icing.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-57027046
First of many. :drool:
I’ve reapplied for this job. Got an assessment on Thursday. Hopefully it’s different!Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
This week's episode of 'Contemplation of the Mundane/Autistic Adventures' concerns email subject lines.
Say you are carrying out a review process of a batch load of cases and emailing the result of your review to whoever is working the case.
I went with an email subject line of: [Case Reference Number]- [Name of Case] - [Review Result]
I then didn't repeat the case reference and name in the body of the email. Upon reflection, this may be an error. How do we feel about this? The purpose of the subject line is clear but what is its intrinsic relationship with the body of the email? Can the body be separated from the subject? If so, when, how and why? If not, they should then be taken as a whole but is it wrong to assume that of the recipient?
The realisation that I'm accepting being chained to a desk for a sum of money is truly hitting home at this point into the WFH adventures. Fucking open the offices (don't obvs but you know).
This made me actually laugh out loud in the staffroom. Thanks for that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Raoul Duke
You shouldn't put the key information/result in the title because presumably it's only for the person opening it, so bold it in the main body of text.
This is what I saw done elsewhere that made me think my method was inferior and upon reflection, it's the right answer as why would they need to know the result only through reading the subject.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
Having said that, they simply went with
[Name of Review Project]
But I think the superior option would still be to include
[Case Reference Number]- [Name of Case] - [Name of Review Project]
Some of the shitty notepad e-mails you get set me off. That and signatures in stupid fonts.
Working with Taz must be exhausting.
There should be a sort of in-house style guide for the civil service that covers e-mail titles and how to format content, like how cunty academic publishers make you do all the work for them. It would instantly put about half the [female] workforce off on stress leave (not to mention smoke out the mongs who write the job postings) but the productivity gains would be through the roof once people mastered it.
:nodd:
Standardisation is absolutely critical to productivity and getting rid of risks when you have these cretins about.
Spikey, come fiddle with my mushroom.
Comic sans shouldn't be anywhere near an email. Our boss used to use that.
How do we feel about land acknowledgments on signatures?
I have one requesting acknowledgment from the likes of Taz.
Works got me involved in supporting with a gambling addiction programme provider. :eyemouth:
They currently support people with “substance addiction” and I randomly quipped in a meeting about gambling addiction and now they’re adding it to what they offer and want me to help. Talk about the blind leading the blind. Might as well ask Ronald McDonald to look after your cows.
Send them a link to your OLBG blog.
I guarantee Baz is a Fire Warden and all the rest of that bollocks as well. :happycry:
Assessment went okay today, thanks for asking.
Was close to sacking it off for the first five minutes but I think I figured it out. Interview is Monday.
Wasn't too fussed about getting it originally but the lad that started at the same time as me (axe throwing stag do)'s line manager recently got seconded to a higher up position, and its likely he'll get her job. So I don't wanna look a fool, floundering mid-table while he's being promoted to Europa League slots just cos he actually has a degree (in graphic design, I hasten to add).
And as for that snipe, Spikey. I'm a mental health first aider, employee champion, culture champion and, of course, spreadsheet badboy. Gotta get your name and face known throughout every department, even if it is ugh him again comments.
The Corporate Champion.
Spoken like a true mug.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
"We're looking for a real up and comer for our department, Jeff. Any recommendations?"
well, Baz, our stationary monitor has been bang on it this year....
It seems to work the opposite to Baz's plan in our office where people doing these voluntary bollocks roles are roundly mocked by the rank and file, frustrated by their ongoing lack of promotion.
Our spot is trying to fob us off with hot desk working when we go back despite our department favouring a return to the fixed desk status quo. Not looking good, but the decision makers don't seem to grasp that we are the most essential department they have, and work optimally when we aren't carrying hundred page documents back and forth on commutes and trying to resolve issues through email and teams instead of just leaning to the side of your monitor and asking the relevant person sat a few metres away. Hotdesking sounds like hell.
In our case, I don't think the ones chasing for extra stuff are doing it to trade up. It's mainly added insurance if the axe comes.
What's their logic for hot-desking? I've only ever done it when availability is a problem. We're swimming in desks now. I got mine back when the office weeb buggered off to Japan.
"We can't sack him, he's the milk monitor!"
They're jobs no cunt wants, so they give them titles and blow smoke up the nearest plebs arse so they'll do it. They're not saving you from the axe and they're certainly not getting you promoted.
Pick your targets wisely, Spikey. If it wasn't for these heroes putting themselves forward they'd try and force them onto us and as covered by my earlier posts, I an far too busy and important for that shit.
Yep. If they want you to do something bad enough, they'll make you. That's how I wound up with a busy summer. Or they, y'know, could hire someone for the first time in 5 years.
Baz's main role is clearly pretty quiet since he describes his duties as "spreadsheet" so the additional roles are probably welcome to fill up the day.
Probably realised they could save a lot on power, heat, printing, tea and coffee etc then run down the lease on the office forcing people to use other locations they actually own.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
Sounds about right. Even if they keep the real estate, they can save on carbon emissions or something else creatively accounted for.
Medical staffing at work have MASSIVELY fucked up and not paid a tonne of locum shifts which were worked over the last few months, particularly during the last covid peak. I'm out probably a grand at the moment but I've given up working it out. There's been a few doctors who only work locums who haven't been able to pay their mortgage.
Someone from medical staffing today suggested those doctors who are struggling because they've not been paid should use food banks for a while to give medical staffing some breathing room to get things sorted :D
After the first wave they decided a load of people had been overpaid because all the rotas were changed to deal with covid and they thought some people's pay on the new rota had been calculated incorrectly (turned out they were wrong). The first some people knew of it was when they were contacted by a debt collector that medical staffing had referred them to.
I have honestly never met such an incompetent group of people and it's the same in every hospital.
I had a problem with my rota once and when I went to talk to them about it (because they never answer emails), I was told the person who does that rota is on holiday and nobody else in medical staffing has access to it. Not access to edit it, as in only one person in the department can even view each rota.
It's amazing.
My nearest colleague is off work all the fucking time. He's someone who has a lot of life dramas. Relationship break-ups. Mental health problems. Dead or ill relatives. Child with a former partner who gets ill all the time. Forced home moves because the latest woman has chucked him out. If it's a stressful life drama, it happens to him, and happens constantly. He takes time off to deal with these things (he must have already exceeded his 2021 holiday allocation).
By contrast, I am boring, have no life dramas at all, take planned time off only for my own leisure purposes, and therefore am always here to pick up the pieces for him and cover his work when he doesn't turn up with no notice. It's happened again this morning: 'xxx won't be in today as his daughter is ill', so here I am covering for him yet again.
Do I have any right to be aggrieved and mention it to the boss that this is a one-way street? It does my fucking head in. I spent last year covering for his furlough and 'working from home' as well, obvs.
100%. Whether or not your boss will do anything with that information is another thing entirely.
What Manc said pretty much.
It's a piss take, but management often see their underlings as a pool of labour rather than individuals. So unless productivity slips they won't necessarily be arsed that someone is carrying someone else.
Do you like this colleague?
If not there’s a bus to throw him under here should you need it. Tell your line manager or alternatively don’t do his work. if anyone asks you’re busy with your own and “catching up” from covering for them previously.
So in the ‘any questions?’ bit at the end of my interview today I asked how I did in the assessment. Lots of ums and ahs following by ‘er we’ll give every candidate individual feedback once the process has run its cause.’ Clearly messed it up beyond belief (again). :moop:
That could be because they aren't prepared to divulge and discuss that information. You still have hope.
Yeah even if you've done well they probably don't want to say anyway in case you go away with the impression that you've smashed it and then they go with somebody else.
Which sounds like I'm being pessimistic but they'll be doing the same with everybody so fingers crossed.
My other question was what will the priorities be of the successful applicant and he didn’t know. :cab: ‘It’s a new role in a new team so it’s still being ironed out.’
That question has probably cost you the role.
Did you mean responsibilities? Asking what your priorities would be is a bit of a weird question.
You would surely know the general responsibilities in order to apply for the job. Priorities sounds right.
You prioritise by yourself though, no? I'd never ask my manager what my priorities are.
You're all autistic cunts.
Anyone know how to respond to an email if they've asked you how your weekend has been in their intro but you don't want to ask them about theirs?
If it's a new role I think it's a reasonable question to ask since they will have just listed all sorts of crap in the posting. As for Taz, just ignore it.
2.5 days until I put the Out of Office on for an actual holiday (even if it is in the UK). I might have to order one of those sad OUT OF OFFICE T-Shirts to wear in the office/bedroom on Friday to mark the occasion.
Didn’t get that job.
To add to my misery, had the director on this morning saying she wants me to get more involved with other areas. She’s also encouraging me to look into a degree course I can do, where I’d take one week out of my working week to do, but still get paid fulltime. They literally don’t exist, surely?
Like fuck off I just wanna look at spreadsheets and make impressive formulas, not learn about covid surge testing or the tender renewal process. Right now I don’t even care about money, I just wanna doss.
You appear to be doing everything in your power not to doss. Clearly something deeper at play.
He's not been the same since he lost his desk.
I've turned Fridays half day into a whole day off now, so one day to go until #HolidayMode #OutOfOffice #StayCay
Unfortunately I will spend most of tomorrow doing Home Visits. The first for over a year. Eugh.
I have gone the other way and instead of lying on a Greek beach or just sat in my pants watching Bargain Hunt I voluntarily cancelled 4 days leave out of a total fortnight this week, to assist my team during heavy workload while we are short handed. It's resulted in a massive tension headache, which is nice.
2 of my 4 home visits emailed over night to cancel (for clearly made up reasons). I now need to phone up and try to cover my happy tears with my faux disappointed voice. Tonight's kebab gets closer with every passing minute. What a life lads.
I've caught my time back up from earlier in the week with a 10 hour shift. Even from home, the long ones are shite. Not due back into the office until at least September, too.
I've been inspired by Spikey (and my own crushing lack of enthusiasm at the moment and massive surplus of days off to use) to take tomorrow off as an impromptu three day weekend.
Are you a housing officer Spikey? I think we might be doing the same job…
Sort of. I work along side the Housing Officers but only deal with things when they're about to go to court.Quote:
Originally Posted by CJay
I've been a Housing Officer for the last year though, just transitioning back to normal now.
Ah I see. I just started my role at the beginning of May. 400 houses in my ‘patch’ with the actual training taking place as I go. Just winging it for now with fairly good results so far.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
We have some serious arrears issues coming down the line after COVID restrictions lift and we can resume court action. I assume it’s like that with you too.
We've done mostly OK, as a team our uncollected rent was 3.5%ish, with under 3% being the normal target. Could have been alot worse considering everything, mind.
That said, those that have taken full advantage have done so spectacularly. I think our highest arrears are something like £14k :drool:
My east end wide boy field boss rang me up just now to ask me about the monthly numbers.
"How are the figures going?"
"We've done £174k thus far."
"Thus far? Who are you, Bill fucking Shakespeare?!"
I will honestly miss him when he dies of a heart attack any day now.
Even I say "thus far" and I'm from fucking Essex.
Southern-talk.
Just say ‘so far.’
Come back when you can say the letter k without bringing up a hairball.
I’m more Johnny Vegas than Jamie Carragher, soz.
I had no idea Johnny Vegas was from St Helens. Is that how you all talk then, minus the throat like a cement mixer? I just figured he was from Bolton or something.
Baz should be supporting a Manchester team if he talks like that.
Out of office on until the 3rd of June, managed to flush a massive turd of a workload and thankfully someone else is dropping the ball so any errors in my absence will be attributed to them :cool:
You sound 10 times more like Carragher than you do Vegas.
Modern Scouse is uniquely horrible because of the Irish, so Baz would (and does) sound more like the towns closer to Manchester than he does a Scouser. Dialect aside, he also sounds more like me than I would some West Yorkshire pleb.
Been offered the chance to become a Domestic Abuse Champion. It’s a five day course spread over two weeks but I’ve politely declined.Quote:
Originally Posted by Manc
If I was in an office and it meant five days away (it’s not virtual, I’d have to go somewhere) I’d have probably done it, but nah. The lady running it is really good though (fit) so could still be swayed.
Domestic Abuse Champions?
Sweet mother of God.
Sounds like a 2000 wcw Vince Russo idea.Quote:
Originally Posted by Yevrah
I like Baz, but the idea of him being a Domestic Abuse Champion (as an aside, who the hell decided to call it that?) is utterly terrifying.
This sort of thing needs to stop now.
Calling yourself Domestic Abuse Champion makes it sound like there was a competition :D
Well let's not rule anything out.
It does make it sound like you’re the best at domestic abuse
It is a thing and tbh I’d probably be more on board with championing that than general “mental health first aid,” (don’t smack your spouse vs lighten up) but one gets me paid £8 a month and the other does not.
Domestic abuse champion would fit into your signature though.
"mental health first aider, employee champion, culture champion domestic abuse champion and, of course, spreadsheet badboy."
Although maybe it is a bit too 'champion' heavy.
You can’t just have a champion declared for turning up. Some sort of tournament. The Domestic Abuse World Cup to find out who’s the Champion.
Why tf are you championing domestic abuse at work and how do I introduce it to my workplace?
Recruit a domestic abuse survivor (also helps if she’s from an ethnic minority and photogenic) and let her run wild.Quote:
Originally Posted by Don
Being domestic abuse champion comes with a title belt that you have to threaten to take off.
:D
Fucking hell.
Hahaha there's the joke i was looking for, good jobQuote:
Originally Posted by wullie
:DQuote:
Originally Posted by wullie
Domestic Abuse Champion :lol:
Baz, is there some kind of open secret going round the office about someone getting battered at home? That's the only way I could see management signing off on this.
It's just the type of shit that organisations with far too many middle managers come up with.
There is no office.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
Black eyes all day and all night, then.
Bored HR gimps who want to look busyQuote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
It's more likely someone someone knows running the training consultancy firm.
Lewis would have loved firm our HR brought in. They're supposed to be the anonymous go-between us plebs and managment.
So I go to their seminar and its a 45 minute presentation on, 'Unless your boss says something racist or sexist. Or several people in the company are beating you up in the hallways (they called it mobbing). The problem is you.'
Phonics is right, the process with all of these things is:
An issue gets media coverage - Some ambulance chasing chancers think they can monetise it - issue gets more coverage - chancers 'reach out' to company HR departments - HR love it - I end up in a course being told that having a conversation with a 'colleague' (no one is an employee these days) who suffers from a genuine mental illness (to the point of suicidal thoughts) needn't be difficult.
It's symptomatic of the woeful approach we have to all issues as a society at the moment, in that people seem to think that if you shout about a problem loudly enough and do something, that's job done.
Spot on. Style over substance in all things.
Am I contractually obliged to converse with my manager when on sick? I've informed her when I'll be back and that I'm happy to receive any "important" updates via message. Take the hint, love.
I think our lot only does that on long-term sick.
Your manager can't crawl too far up your arse if you have kept them in the loop. Union would be barbequing their kidneys by the end of the day for that at our spot.
A job's on the horizon I may actually consider. They're proposing every team leader has a deputy to share the workload. As long as that means no meetings, I'd probably go for it. One step up on the pay grade, too.
First thing I'd be delegating is the meetings.
I know. :(
I've been feeling somewhat underpaid lately (particularly given billable hours and firm performance over last 9 months) so I've actually engaged with some recruiters on LinkedIn for once.
Potential salaries elsewhere certainly better than what I'm on atm (potentially about 60% better) but it's a mix of law firms and in-house positions (1 in London, other 2 same location).
I was initially using this as a way to negotiate a stronger salary but the discrepancy is large enough to consider moving, albeit moving in-house at 1 year Post-Qualification is arguably not the most sensible decision.
Decision, decisions.
Is there any harm in asking your current place first anyway? Best scenario that's one more option for you, worst case you're still looking at moving elsewhere.
Depends on your relationship with your boss, I guess.
Personally, I'd wait until I have an offer before mentioning it. Then weigh up what it would take to stay where you are.
How does this disgraceful ruling relate to us hard-working civil servants? I ask because the people doing my exact job at the Foreign Office earn almost twice what I do, so is the 'single source' our specific departments or the civil service generally? The different pay bands would suggest the former, but the common pension scheme the latter.
Had to go into the office yesterday for the controversial and terrifying FACE TO FACE meeting. Or it would have been, but our resident Team Panic member booked a days leave for it. :happycry:
Not a mask in sight for the rest of us. Even though we were indoors and standing up. Fuck the police. (Is that even the rules anymore? I have no idea)
Yes it’s the rules
People (and I know loads of them) being tentative/scared about returning to the office really makes me laugh as I sit here on day 449 or whatever since the pandemic started parked at the same desk as always.
NOTHING HAS CHANGED.
She's honestly ridiculous. Everytime we have a (Skype) meeting she sits there shaking her head whilst people talk about what they've been up to. It's a shame because she was a social butterfly before all this. She's beyond repair now.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Odd take.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Trust me, it hasn't. A virus has gone round. Otherwise it's all exactly as before. My workplace is exactly as per 2019 except there are a few little-used bottles of sanitiser lying around. If you're choosing to shit your pants and think that video calls are the new norm in place of human interaction, that's up to you.
I'll look forward to shitting my pants 2/3 times a week for the foreseeable.
We live in very different worlds Jim. Nothing has changed at your place maybe, but at my place only 1 team are going into work and the 8 of them are in 4 different rooms with 3 out of every 4 desks taped off.
The staff themselves largely don't give a shit and only follow the rules if someone is looking, but from a business perspective a fuck tonne has changed.
We were all discussing how this shit has completely jumped the shark yesterday. The disruption : risk ratio is pathetic. We now live in a world where Covid literally is "just like the flu", so why aren't we getting on with it like we do every winter.
Perhaps what I mean is nothing needs to have changed. Either you shit the bed or you don't. We are having a very very good year, that's all I can say. A couple of our main UK based competitors have gone full work from home / shut off premises and are drowning as a result.
Spoken like a true company man.
Well it isn't quite yet because there's still a portion who are vulnerable and unvaccinated. It's not a forever thing mind and I do agree we need to return to some sort of normality (where I can order a beer without an app).Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Our work is moving to hybrid after this 40-60% in the office working week. I'm happy enough with that. Most of us won't return until September either.
Is it not the same portion that also aren't allowed the Flu Jab though? (Aside from the allergy mob).
I have a customer who needs a head gasket for a boat. I asked her for the 8-digit engine number so I could look up the right one. She sent me first E11*97/68GA*2002/88*0235*02 , then 7CEXL0275AAF, and then, as a final salvo, when pointed out that neither of these were 8 digits and that it is 8 numbers with no letters, she offered 47202-3005.
Upon being asked for the 4th time for an 8-digit engine number, she sent back simply: "Please! I need this head gasket today!"
Honestly hope her boat fucking sinks.
If I ask someone for something simple twice without receiving it, their request gets left for the full 10 working days I'm allowed to take to reply.
Sassy.
Damn straight.
Interview at my current school yesterday for Assistant Head of Year. Found out today I got it. Definitely my best interview to date and given one of the smarmy cunts I was up against I think I would have walked if he got it and I didn't.
Also a relief given how many interviews I've bombed to date.
Congrats.
Clearly something you’ve been working towards and wanting for some time.
Congrats mo.
Cheers both. Been trying to get into Middle Leadership for a couple of years, either 2nd in subject/department or pastoral with little success. This is only 1 year fixed term so depending on how things go this role might not exist by this time next year - but a Head of Year role might come up instead and having this would put me in a good position.
All the best with it.
My day almost shat the bed when windows decided it couldn't load on the thin client. It's been threatening to kill itself for weeks now but today I had to boot it back to life from a USB stick.
Well in Mo.
Congrats Mo.
And I sympathise Shinners, our servers keeled over at 10am and reappeared at 1pm 'fixed', by which the IT boffins meant they rolled them back to before the weekend because it's not like anyone had done any work since then...
Mo money mo problem.
Employer have basically told me to apply for a promotion, looks certain I'll get it tbh as there's nobody else with the same skill-set.
I am currently at the top of my wage band for my current job, as I've been there a few years. This new job is on the wage band above. Is it standard practice for me to start at the bottom of this wage band? The reason I ask is because there's not much difference in money between the top of my current band and the bottom of the next one.
On a related note then: Is it likely to be alright for me to ask to start higher up on the wage band? I don't want to sound arrogant but I don't really need the change and they honestly probably do need me more than I need them. It can't hurt to ask, right? I've not negotaited my wages before so I don't know these things.
Sounds like you hold the cards. Make the request in writing so you can't be fobbed off. Absolutely should not be a problem trying for more money.
It's fine to negotiate (at worst they can just say no) and then you just need to be clear on your position: would you take the move for roughly the same money? If you move up, how long can you expect to stay on that salary? What are the requirements for progression etc.
If you don't bring it up they will absolutely start you at the bottom of the next band. Negotiate now because if you are anything like what my place is unless you are delivering heaven and earth on the daily you will never get bumped up the band significantly.
I was mentioned in a linkedin post by work yesterday after an internal presentation but instead of the word lead, they've typo'd and put lad. So I'm now an AUTOMATION LAD. With all the banter and mates included.
Automation Lad and the Spreadsheet Badboy will return...
Peter Crouch's sidekicks need some work.
Automation Lad is my workplace nemesis.
The Lean Machine will ground you into dust, boy.
https://i.ytimg.com/vi/GxY5fDn5sjQ/hqdefault.jpgQuote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
"Damn you Automation Lad, stop creating macros"
I could be those macros. :(
Just had an absolutely brutal phonecall with a man who's wife died yesterday while they were on holiday. He was driving home from Devon. He was in floods of tears and I don't think the anxiety of expecting him to crash at any second will ever leave me.
:|
She's in Devon now.
:D
lll
:D :D :D
Fucking hell.
:D
You are all deeply terrible people.
Crisis calls are the worst thing I've ever had to deal with, to be honest. When a call takes the turn, I shit bricks.
I don't know why this annoys me so much, but two of my six bosses both call each other 'Mister' in emails (as in: 'Hi Mister', 'Thanks, Mister', 'Have you called the customer, Mister?') and it's becoming close to a resigning matter for me.
They're both English, so there's no excuse.
Sounds like flirting to me.
Just run of the mill twattery I think.
Public School boys no doubt.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
More likely to go with just surname if that were the case.
They're not public school boys, just old. Public school boys are more 'Fancy sharing a prostitute, Johnners?' and all that.
Very frugal. Yuppies get atleast one each.
Yeah but for the public school boys the prostitute is just a cover.
:D
I've been sent this and have been told not to book any [internal] meetings on Friday afternoons for the whole of July. :happycry:
That'a a great idea, I'd wonder how some of these people get anything done given their entire day is b2b calls if I didn't already know the answer.
On getting to work news, the flexi season tickets are a load of horseshit. Only really work for me if I don't go in more than 2 days a week.
https://www.theguardian.com/money/20...id-19-pandemic
Some anomalies were apparent: the new flexi fare appeared to be more expensive than a daily anytime return on at least one route, with Brighton-East Croydon costing more than £30 a day on a eight-day flexi season ticket, compared with a peak anytime return of £27.20.
The fact that can even occur shows what a complete shambles the whole pricing structure of rail fares is.
Called my boss a lying dick head to HR and then put my resignation in 15 minutes later. 3 months notice and I'm going back to the UK after give or take 15 years in Switzerland. Pints are on me lads.
Bloody men all the same 😡😡
Why? Got to be some juicy story in thisQuote:
Originally Posted by phonics
He's bit.
:D
Haha an AIDS joke, top shelf stuff as usual from late-period Lewis.
Has been an ongoing issue and my lease/period of notice lines up so seems the perfect time to jump.
Who else had 'misunderstood something and kicked off'?
I was thinking that, to be honest.
It was actually a Zombie joke.
I'm working from the office today and it's terrible. Deeply, deeply terrible. The norm must be resisted. Embrace the third wave.
I don't think it's gonna happen any time soon but our managers clearly want us back in the office at some point. Fingers crossed for a limited number of days per week but I'm just gonna assume it'll be back to the 5 day commute when it happens and anything less than that is a bonus.
My 'unreliable' colleague has gone off sick, and then emergency holiday (which he phoned in at 4.57pm to arrange) in consecutive days. Not sure I've seen that one-two attempted before.
You should take a few days sick to allow your stock to rise.
I had a text message from my manager asking if I could attend an "Emergency" at 2am last night because I'm "closer".
Now, I slept through that like a freshly titted baby, but the audacity is still impressive.
Firstly, I'm not on call and receiving the MASSIVE 20p per hour or whatever the fuck it is, you are. Get your arse in the car.
Secondly, you live 10 minutes from me. How much fucking closer can I be? Not close enough that waiting for me to reply, get ready and head out is a game changer. I know that much.
Thirdly, "emergency"? I don't know what's happened, but I reckon any of our Emergency Services can get by without my help.
She was almost certainly pissed and couldn't drive. :happycry:
I am keen to find out what this emergency was.
Also fuck the 20p per hour for being on call. :D That's not remotely worth it.
I've not had a reply to my response but will update when I do. Hopefully she's been up all night.
It probably isn't 20p per hour, it will be whatever the standard going rate is (everything is). I just remember it being a very underwhelming amount, although this must be the 2nd or 3rd time I've heard of someone on call actually having to do something and it's usually as simple as an alarm going off somewhere.
Is this the one who was pissed on a video call?
The very same.
100% she would have been pissed.
We have to do emergency call outs at my place and I'm constantly having to.l cover other areas fir various reasons and I'm betting 95% involve drinking you can tell as soon as they ring the phone.
The money is really good though, usually £300-600ish for my callout week. A 2am callout like that would get us the next day off paid as down time. Its a pretty sweet gig.
We have to do an on-call weekend one week out of about 8. It fucks your weekend but it works out quite well. An extra £2k a year for being on that rota and then without going into the boring admin of it you'll usually end up claiming £250- £500 for each on-call weekend depending on how much time you've actually spent on callout. Sometimes even more than that.
She's not emailed and I can't see anything that hints at an "Emergency" having happened anywhere. God damn it. I need closure.
May she was out of booze.
My version of on call is varying degrees of “the platform is broken and we need to get 75 people off ASAP and help fix the broken thing” to “the helicopter has crashed into the sea and everyone is dead. Help manage the phones”.
Works out as something like an extra £250 for the on call week about 6-8 times a year. A lot of inconvenience and potential life changing event exposure for a nominal financial reward. No thanks.
You know what'd be cooler? Speedboats. Big Oil should fund that.
The project I'm currently on has run out of work and the expectation is that I just stare at my fucking screen until the end of my shift. :moop:
Is there any way to amend Teams so it appears that I'm active? God I miss Skype.
What do you do that there's literally nothing else they could have you working on?
If they literally are just expecting you to sit and do nothing then will they even notice if you show as away?
Touché.
I've never tried it to confirm it works but try putting your mouse laser ontop of a watch with a rotating seconds handQuote:
Originally Posted by Manc
I’ve a spreadsheet that moves down a cell, then back up, every 5 seconds or so. Stops me from ever showing as Away.Quote:
Originally Posted by Manc
Apparently all it takes is setting up a status message. Now I just need to stop my SP falling asleep.
Wonderful work.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
I have a macro to filter information. If I'm super specific I can make it last an hour.
I occasionally check my stats for the year too. That takes an age to process the report.
I tried this in my last job just with a little exe that does nothing other than keep the screen on when I was presenting stuff because the Sleep time was unhelpfully low and we weren't allowed to change it.
Had it about a year and then corporate IT noticed and had a proper hissy fit, bypassing any initial "Hello sorry we'll need you to uninstall that security amirite?" requests to bin it and straight to the REMOVE IT RIGHT NOW OR WE'LL TELL YOUR MANAGER AND FIRE YOU AND KILL YOUR FAMILY stage of the process.
I remember years ago I got caught on http://codereddit.com
Oscillating fan attached to the mouse, untraceable.
I've been caught shopping twice on the clock.
The project has collapsed.
I forgot my mask today so I kindly asked the office manager if I could have one of the ones kept locked in a cupboard here.
She was like " :/ well Igor they're not there to just... give out, they're just there for the first aid supplies". If they're not there to just 'give out', I'm not entirely sure what fucking eventuality they're being kept for? There's like fifty of the fucking things, and only about ten of us regularly in the office. She's usually alright as well.
Nobody even wears a mask in our office.
We don't! I only needed it to go to the shop and get the milk. Which makes it even more confusing.
Office milk bitch.
"Would you like a little bickie with that, Laura?"
"...go on then"
"Oh you are naughty."
Toggle Spoiler
lol at igor being the milk monitor
*Milk bad boy.
Milf monitor, perhaps.
"Send him for some milk please, he's staring again"
Reckon he's been sent out to pick up some tartan paint and a long weight a few times too
Our team ran out of milk and I offered to replace it you horrible bullies.
"We're out of milk, who's going to get some?"
https://i.ytimg.com/vi/37nwLhIA1zs/maxresdefault.jpg
Don't be rude to him or he'll give you your milk last.
Two internal jobs applied for. I forgot how annoying it is to fiddle with cover letters and CV's after 6 years. Worth it to go up a grade or two, though.
Back in the office next week, too.
The bloke who sits next to me has just asked if I believe in evolution.
A quick exchange of views has been had. I've put my position forward, but he's just not having it. 'You can't prove it', he says. More as we get it.
I'm going to need more information.
What prompted this conversation?
What does he believe? Standard creationism or something more mental?
I'd love if that was just completely out of the blue.
He isn't religious at all. He just doesn't believe it, much in the same way that people don't believe in the moon landings or whatever. He accepts that animals adapt, but he says there's no evidence of the 'switch' from one species to the next.
He also refuses my definition of a species, which isn't helping. Still, I think he has room to grow. We'll get there.
It came about because I knew what the main sea port was in Ecuador (work stuff), which made someone else, amazed at this knowledge, ask me what came first, the chicken or the egg. I said probably the egg. Then he went full evolution.
Has to be the egg. The first chicken had to come out of something.
Also if that's the question they asked because you knew a port in Ecuador the bants in your office must be even more mental than I had previously assumed.
Slip a TTH card in his drawer.
It's the egg because there were egg laying animals around millions of years before the chicken.
Yep, the chickens genes and evolutionary mutations come from the parents. They combine in the egg.
It’s deadline day for the team leader jobs. Last I heard, I was the only applicant.
And whatever laid the egg would have been very, very, very close to being a chicken, but not quite a chicken.
I thought everyone but the American fringe of Christianity accepted Evolution these days? Even the Catholic fucking Church does through the lense of "but God made it happen".
Things other than chickens came in eggs for quite a while.
What they did in their own time is none of our business.
It probably isn't the best (echo chamber innit) but I'm glad my team is all pretty much on the same page regarding these basic measures of intelligence.
I felt well behind with work but smashed a load in today and it feels good.
I spend most of my day chatting about Love Island onMSNTeams.
I fucking love Love Island at the moment.
Don't get me wrong, it's a sack of shit and any man watching it is a mong, but the wife watching it has me being massively productive. I built half the garden shed this evening while she was catching up. I'll do the roof and the door tomorrow while she watches tonight's installment.
Spikey. :cool:
starting a masters in october :cool:
Bit much for a milk bitch isn't it?Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
Milk Master.
Milk Attendant (MA).
even getting dunked on by mo ffs
Oh well, no need to cry over spilt milk.
:panda::panda:
Tell us about the degree.
Shan't
Male nurse?
Despite a year and a bit out of the office, it came back pretty quick. Bringing us back for the phone cover is a bit daft though. We had phone cover but they're roped into other telephone tasks. Makes it all feel rather pointless so anyone answering the DWP queries gets 20 calls a day.
I've made the ridiculous mistake of being completely up to date with my work, so I'm now being sent out to do a load of Home Visits for my colleague that can't manage her own workload. Can't wait to spend the day in fucking Romford. :happycry:
Atleast I get that sweet sweet 40p per mile I suppose.
Our office has been completely remodelled in our absence towards hot desking. Just as the government has changed it message towards everyone going back to work to save the daytime economy.
Back to the office by August 19th at the very latest, at which point I'll be rubbing shoulders with multiple vaccine virgins thanks to Allah on high.
One of the paediatric registrars wrote a letter (which all the paeds juniors signed) to management and the deanery about how unsafe working conditions have been recently.
It triggered an emergency board meeting with the chief executive in attendance on the same day which we were all invited to attend.
There have already been major changes made which have dramatically improved the situation.
Turns out apes together strong.
Nothing a letter writing campaign cannot solve.
Yeah, I'll be glad when I'm back working from home. There's no life to the office now. Extend that to the whole of Durham, as well. Deserted. It's quite daft to see dozens crowd downstairs for their covid tests as well. I'd be pushing all that to home testing to free up the testers back to their day jobs.
Where some people got all depressed from being thrust into working from home (idiots) I reckon I’d be the other way. If I got an email tomorrow saying I’m back in the office full time from X date, I’d probably have to get signed off sick. WFH 4 life.
I think they'll do a U-turn as soon as winter creeps/cases explode/new variant comes in which will happen by September when we're meant to be back to our new 3 days in the office routine. I'm more concerned I lose my hefty London weighting if I end up WFH permanently. My mental health would also not cope with it long-term.
Aye, maybe. I don't see any decision as final. We're pencilled in for September. Honestly, both have perks. I like the routine of getting out and going to work. I like getting home and actually unwinding, whereas working from home you're fully unwound forever. But working from home goes so damn quick and I can do house stuff on the clock.
I can tell some people won't budge. Some people love being in an empty office, some people can't do without working from home. The bigger problems is how it impacts your job. I had a call from DWP before for a quick question. I didn't have the answer to hand and would normally ask for their number. The person at the other end is working from home so I can't just find what I need and ring them back. Little things like that add some faff and communication's the first thing to go when you've got such a split.
My work is persevering with "agile working" for now, which suits me. The office is fine once in a while but I'm with Baz on needing an intervention if they ever say we're going back full time.
Alright, I wouldn't mind settling back into home working now. Comparatively speaking, it drags. And we got a good demonstration today of the shit our team leaders are being stuck with. :uhoh:
I'm trying to sort out a refund for someone and explained yesterday that we need all refund requests in writing as we need to check the signature (I know, I know). So to save her time I invited her to write a quick note requesting the refund, take a photo of it and email it through to save her time and effort.
Today I received a screenshot of my own email attached to an email saying "can I have refund please x".
It's going to be a long day.
It's pretty staggering how bad people are at following what seems to be clear instruction.
I've applied for a new job internally in other news. The hiring manager is someone I've worked with a lot and wants me for the role so hopefully it can all happen quickly - based in Germany. Bit of a pain post brexit with only being a Brit passport wise as it adds about 6 weeks to get a work permit.
Wunderbar.
Nice Kiko!
3 new jobs have gone up in my team, one of which would be a promotion. But surprise, surprise, nobody already in the team is eligible to apply. Reinforces my view that career progression is nil.
Got a bit of a review with my boss soon so already lined up career progression sort of questions because right now it seems like a complete dead end.
One thing I've taken from this week is how fucked team leaders seem to be at the minute. A new manager came in and started 'putting their stamp on things'. It involves asking teams with a full workload to do these time consuming tasks for very, very little benefit.
Highlight of the week was getting a call about a health professional abandoning an assessment because the claimant's tourettes was too sweary.
A few months ago I was sent a draft job spec by my line manager who said ‘when this goes out you should apply.’
It’s now gone out and it’s for double my current salary. :lol: I don’t think they’ll choose me.
You absolutely should apply
You'd be mad not to apply.
Let's face it, if you apply it's a done deal. Your champion titles alone will secure the position.
I’ve applied.
Will have to lose of some of my Champion titles if I get it though.
As long as you can retain Spreadsheet Badboy status it will be worth the sacrifice
Interview sorted for next week. In person which surprises me. Guess that means I’m working from the office that day. :moop:
Hold on. Are you actually trying to change companies?Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
You're out of control now.
I'm staying put but for more money, hopefully. I almost blocked the Bulgarian lass that rang back to arrange it because it sounded like she was trying to tell me my PC had a virus.
There is a new person at work, and, a month into the job, he has started going on about organising team stuff out of hours. Who does that? He has to sit right next to me as well. I feel like Baz.
What do you mean by that last bit? :sherlock:
Weren't you seething about some annoying woman intruding on your space?
I hate everyone so yes, probably.
Team stuff out of hours is a sticky one for me. There’s some good drinkers in my team so I don’t actually mind going out with some of them, but the ideal is to get to someone high up the ladder to organise it and they’ll let you finish at like 12 but still get paid a full day.
Saturdays are a straight no though. It’s gotta be either when you’re meant to be at work, or immediately after.
Ours all seemed to be arranged by team leaders for Friday as soon as everyone clocked off. Having someone new trying to arrange stuff just makes me think he's desperate to fit in.
If you get the new job will you be the boss of the woman that donned you with the seating plan? :drool:Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
I hate the two cunts started after me so I’ve went on my last work drinks. The lockdowns have been excellent for not looking bad.
Sounds like a mutually beneficial arrangement.
Would be for a different place entirely.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
She's actually done alright for herself out of Covid, bagged herself some contact tracing related job and, thankfully, fucked off out my team.
And she's not coming the wedding where everyone from work is coming, and I got lumbered with sorting the minibus so happy days. Speaking of which there's a girl from finance who your grandparents would describe as 'rum' but since working from home she's seemingly transformed into a bit of a fitty. She wasn't even invited to the wedding so I invited her (she knows the groom) and she's coming. Bonus. :chief:
Bonus for who exactly?
Inviting work colleagues to a wedding :-/
I've got my first interview on Thursday. The hiring manager is cool though, they know I'm ill and it's more to tick the box [the seethe when I'm rejected]
It would.Quote:
Originally Posted by niko_cee
A bloke in Norfolk rang up for a water pump. Forty quid. He said great I'll take it. I said wonderful, could I take your card details. He said WHAT? I have a credit account with you. I said no, you haven't. He said I HAVE. I checked. He didn't. Last order was three years ago. Accounts lapse after two years of inactivity (pretty generous, too). I explained. He said: WHY DIDN'T I GET A LETTER? I said, a letter? He said yes, a letter. I said what would this letter say? He said it would advise me that my account has been closed. I said well, we can't spend our time doing that for all the people who don't order from us.
At this point he collapsed into what I think were actual tears. YOU COULDN'T EVEN DO ME THE COURTESY, he says, a man who did less than a thousand pounds of business with us even in his peak year of 2009. THE WAY PEOPLE GET TREATED NOW IS A DISGRACE. I said OK, can I take your card details? Then he rang off.
If you don't have forty quid, you shouldn't be in business. 'End of', as the kids say.
And, I'm telling you, heads have gone.
:D
Though if somebody's giving it that I'm prepared to guess they were a flouncy melt before COVID.
Mid 40's to mid 50's. Self made man. Shorter than average. Nailed on.
Not sure self made is compatible with not having 40 quid or a credit card.
I had a bloke (likely Yev) on the other day giving it 'this country has gone to the dogs" over a few quid. Heads HAVE gone.
It's more than likely "THE PRINCIPLE" rather than lack of funds.Quote:
Originally Posted by niko_cee
One of the managers is leaving and my manager has just spent the last half hour talking me through how best to approach getting her job.
Problem is; I don't want it. It's bad enough being under a perma-pissed alcoholic with all the people skills of a late summer wasp, never mind working along side her as an equal (not that there would be any prospect of equality. I would inherit the shit she doesn't want to do even more so than now).
It's irritating because the money would be welcome and it would mean not having to dirty my hands with evictions and court hearings, but the cons sadly outweigh that.
Take it and then get her done some day she lands in pissed.
In the charity I work for now, we put a bit saying we don't send acknowledgements by default, but tick this box if you want one.
Someone who donated to the last mailing did not tick this box, and therefore did not receive an acknowledgement.
They sent us a complaint about not getting one, and upper management have decided the best approach of dealing with this is to get us to send a paper acknowledgement to all ~2500 people who donated and did not tick the box. Which is, quite obviously, going to generate far more complaints about us wasting paper etc.
I reckon if I sent a donation of a fiver anonymously with a message that I didn't like our corporate font, they'd shit their pants and hire a branding consultat
We're still working from home, so I only know because she regularly phones me to slur and dribble whatever's on her mind down the phone.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
Aside from turning up for a Teams Meeting she'd forgotten about pissed, I'm not sure many others know it's going on and I'm not sure it's worth the grief reporting it.
Bottle merchant.
She sure is.
:D
You'd be surprised how hard that is to do. If she's there and it's a known thing, one more drunken outburst won't do her in.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
igor got donned out of his old job by that girlboss lmao
Nah it's the same job, assuming you mean who I think you mean.
I thought she had been donning you in a bank. All go, no slacking, corporate dynamos like. If you're getting bullied by some pushy sociology graduate in a charity office then I am truly appalled.
Lolz, there ain't any corporate dynamos working in bank branches, they're all doing graduate schemes in offices and shit.
And I'd rather she was bullying me than the reality, which is that she's sound, but was clearly brought in to get the big Goldberg push and I'm Igor Awesome the fat arse sniffer, losing Thunder dark matches every week.
Mike Awesome didn't deserve that gimmick. Or the one that came after. Or the early death which was probably Russo's idea as well ...
New member of staff starting Monday. I always forget what a fucking hassle it is hiring. Not even the recruitment part, which in itself is like pulling teeth. But once you've got a person ready to start, you've got to spend a fortune on their equipment, spend ages getting their extra subscriptions set up, getting their workspace arranged, etc.
This cunt better be worth it.
Half the places I've worked at do an abysmal job of getting their shit together for new starters. Like I turn up and they've not got a computer for me etc.
Took me about 3 months for the DWP to approve my accesses. Imagine that shit for a dozen new starters.
Generally I find bosses love the idea of hiring but not the nitty gritty.
If anyone can get me a job where I never have to talk to anyone from the north of England again it would be much appreciated.
I'm just fed up with them.
Waitrose.
They have them up here and they are full of cunts.
I'll narrow it down so as to offend the fewest people on here. The problem is Yorkshire.
They are just right fucking up themselves and think they're great, whilst also thinking they are humble and down to earth. It's a proper toxic combination. At least down here we know we are cold sneering pricks.
Thank you for the clarification. I was about to 'our kid' you.
Second interview today, went well. The objective was not to say something ridiculous and I think I managed it. The hiring manager wants to hire me so hopefully now it's just going through the internal mechanisms like the workers council approval, work permit etc.
York-shire! York-shire! York-shire!
An hour late. "Missed the exit" on the Motorway apparently.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
Working from the office today, just spent 10 minutes listening to the receptionist tell me about how she has a hat with "blondie" on it and her friend has "brownie" on hers. There was no segue into this. I need to go home.
No idea what happens if a friend with black hair enters the fray. Stay tuned for updates.
Those levels of stupidity should result in an immediate termination.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
The receptionists here are the same, you can get caught in the chitchat tornado and end up there for half an hour. It's fine though cus I'm a #manofthepeople and live for idle chat. Beats doing work.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Early start tomorrow to cover for a planned power cut near me. I’m honestly looking forward to the time away from the desk.
If I were them I would have been too embarrassed to come in.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
If it was my first day at a job and the journey involved using an unfamiliar motorway, I reckon I'd leave at about 5am from the sheer fear of it all.
Also there isn't a motorway in existence (outside Cumbria, maybe) where you can't turn around at the next exit and the resulting delay is < 1 hour.
I may have told the story on here before about a guy who got a job in our department in my last place. He turned up late the first two days of training and for whatever reason I was in the room when one of the managers spoke to him about it and he's like, "Yeah that's just when I get here because of when I leave the house."
You could see the manager trying to process this to make sure they hadn't misunderstood. "Yeah well I guess you'll just have to leave earlier depending on your shifts. As you know from the job offer there might be shifts that start even earlier than training."
"Yeah I know but that's the time I leave the house."
I think he was gone by the end of the day.
That's amazing :D My idiot mate tried a similar gambit whilst working in a call centre that his bus got him in 5 minutes late every day, and tried to argue he could work 5 minutes over at the end of the day, despite the lines being closed then. At no time did he entertain getting the earlier bus, as that would have inconvenienced him. His P45 soon followed, then his mrs took the dog and moved back to Grimsby.
It gets to a stage you have to admire someone that brazen.
Fond memories of a guy at my old work apologising for being late and blaming the bus. Bacon sandwich in one hand, coffee in the other because "I can't not eat just because the bas was late".
I don't remember anyone like that. We've had lads falling asleep at their desk every day (I ... was one of them. I dunno what's changed between now and then) and one woman who wouldn't leave at the end of her shift.
I do enjoy not working for a place which didn't have designated start or end times. It would drive me crazy having to work to a set time.
The 5pm finish time is genuinely mental at my place. Today I was finishing off an order at 5.03pm and people were looking at me in bewilderment as they flooded out to leave.
I make a point of breezing out dead on 5 these days, fuck giving those grasping cunts a second more than they're paying for.
I have my mouse hovering over log out for the entirety of 16:59. I'm not wasting my own time. You're a mad man Jim.
I quite enjoyed the missus call the doctor the other day at about 16:59 and they asked what's your NHS number, she said one second and in that time it hit 5pm and the line went dead. Great commitment.
Ditto. I'll be logged out of everything else just ready to clock out. I only go past it if I got in late.
:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
I wouldn't go that far, admittedly. Mostly because I wouldn't pick up the phone.
Flexi-time. :cool:
We had a guy who wasn't a twat, just young and idiotic, who would come running in the door at about a minute to every day and when I explained to him that sometimes it's easier to just get the earlier bus and accept five minutes less in bed he looked at me like I told him I'd just cracked cold fusion.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
The thought had genuinely not occurred to him that there was a way to not get to work a sweaty wretched mess every day.
I've never ran for anything, son.
Wednesday is my last day for the month. Might do some work on the Thursday though because I'm not a mercenary. What a man.
My mrs has been offered a job that seems a total upgrade on her current job, before accounting for the fact that the next staff away day is an expenses paid trip to Krakow and partners go too. Her current job you are considered an agitating marxist if you take a lunch break.
My bet is that the person was feeling extremely anxious, fiddle-faddled, freaked out a bit, then sped to your office with the motorway the best excuse they could conjure.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
Even more reason to show them the door.Quote:
Originally Posted by Panda Bear
If I were overly anxious I'd have been at the door about 7 hours early like Jimmy said.
Unless, you know, their first day antics were a one off and they turn out to be a good employee.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
I doubt it given the motorway excuse rather than owning up to it, though.
There's plenty of people who would be a good employee. I'd get one that can arrive on time the first day.
Maybe he had the shits.
Got a deadline for close of play today that I was already stressed about, the work going for immediate review to the execs which will no doubt get significant criticism no matter what. Naturally, my laptop has decided it won't work today :moop:
Just been speaking to a woman INCANDESCENT with rage because little Billy has turned 18, got a job paying him £1500 per month and now the Council won't pay her rent.
"I'd understand if he was my boyfriend, BUT MY SON!!!"
I don't think they're fussed about the sleeping arrangements, love.
"Well, we can't afford to pay the rent now"
What about that £1500 your son earns each month?
"YOU WANT MY SON TO PAY THE RENT?!
No. I want you to pay the rent by balancing your household finances however you see fit.
"I CAN'T ASK MY SON TO PAY THE RENT!?"
Well, atleast he'll be dressed well while you all get evicted then.
She was northern too. Not sure if she was of the Yorkshire variety, but I'm with Jimmy in needing a job where I don't have to speak to these people please.
Is it pretty bullshit law that just cos he lives there, she gets fisted.
Yeah, I'm with Baz here. He's only just turned 18. If he went to uni, would she be asked to pay more?
It certainly incentivises him moving out and, wait for it, increasing the housing demand. Lord knows we need that.
1500 a month would barely be enough for him to afford his own place too (depends where it is, I suppose). Then if his job fucks up or something, where does he go? Seems like a fast track for creating more homelessness.
Well she was presumably getting help because she had a dependent in the house. That is no longer the case.
It's probably shit but how else would you do it? If he decides to live there until he's 50 should he be considered to be her baby boy forever?
The problem is that she's been sat on her arse not working for 18 years. She was babbling about him having to move out at one point, before I pointed out that he'd just have to pay the rent elsewhere.
One of the main problems with the Benefit system is that by paying their claimants rent direct to landlord, they've severed any sense of the rent being the claimants responsibility. That's why when circumstances change, people would rather get taken to court when they could actually afford their rent pretty easily and have more money left over than they did when they were on benefits.
They've tried to address this with Universal Credit by paying the Housing Element direct to claimants for them to pay their own rent, but this has an obvious flaw of its own.
The rent we're talking about is less than £500 per month.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
I think a bigger problem with the benefits system is that that money goes to a private landlord at all.
Council owned tents is a brave idea, I'll give you that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
People say this but nothing ever comes of it. For what he's paying here he'd be lucky to rent a bedroom in a sharehouse as a private rental. It would have to be private too, because he'd be bottom of any Social / Council list if they even let him on it to start with.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
18 years unemployed is some effort. I'd be brain dead after 18 months.
Exactly this. Plus, there's people with 5 or 6 kids. They could easily have household earnings in excess of £100k per year. Are the Council meant to just keep paying anyway?Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
I think raising the age to 21 would be good.
Now school doesn't finish until 18, there's probably some merit to that.
It wouldn't stop issues like this, mind. Her objection is to going cap in hand to her son, not to his age. It's just a shame she doesn't object strongly enough to get a job and pay her own rent.
This kind of story always reminds me of how mental it is (I reckon) that my mum managed to achieve what she has with her financial situation.
After my dad fucked off, she took on the mortgage alone with me (aged 5) and managed to pay it off by 2017ish, despite only making it to the dizzying heights of 17k/year in about 2010. I know millions struggle but I still dunno how she managed. Shame I inherited my father's financial skills.
The kid should be paying his way. £1500 a month is not a pittance.
It's a miracle he didn't join the family business.Quote:
Originally Posted by Manc
Tbf despite being a massive lefty socialist snowflake, I think her rent support should at the very least be reduced.
She'll definitely be taking cash off him for food etc whilst pleading poverty to Spikey.
On gut instinct I'd have it something like, if the council previously paid your rent and you have a child who is now a legal adult who's earning over X/month, you have your rent support reduced by Y when they're 18-21 or something, then reduced more as they get older.
Some nerds can work out a formula for the actual amounts.
Definitely. I've danced this dance many times before, this one was just a special breed of entitled cunt. I'll have he bank statements next week (if she plays ball), it's going to be beautiful. I wonder if she uses Just Eat or Uber most.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
Fuck that. The current rule is fine. Housing Benefit is for families that can't afford their own rent and as soon as they can, they should. Age should largely be an irrelevance. If anything her 18 year old has less on his plate now than he will at 28.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
Not surprised spikey is effectively a Nazi Tory
If she's a cunt, she's probably a shit mum. If she's a shit mum, she won't want her son paying the rent and holding all the power in the house.
£5 on Deliveroo.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Subletting a room in a house you live in for free thanks to the welfare state is peak Tory.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
:nod: My parents had me paying board when I was on the dole. They kept it at the same amount once I started working, though. Legends. And the last thing you want is to overcomplicate the welfare system.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Tell her to become a lorry driver or work in hospitality. Apparently there’s openings.
I'm with Spikey on this, he should be paying his way. I'm sure most you who are against it would change your mind if you worked in council/social housing.
Heads have gone part 80. I'm the person who orders printing supplies for our office (such jobs are distributed among the regulars so they don't have to employ an office manager). Finance department called me to get a new black cartridge for one of their printers. I went upstairs to tell her it would be a couple of days for delivery. She immediately burst into tears.
I'm telling you. Gone.
You monster.
What a cunt.
Everyone believes you now I think.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
There's a Woman in my office that won't come in unless she's wearing a mask (even while sat at her desk), but I found out this morning (having not seen her for a while) that she's not been in as her and her entire family have COVID having caught it while holidaying abroad (or at some point on the way there or the way back).
I mean, how the hell does being so worried about it that you insist on wearing a mask in the office at all times reconcile with going on holiday?
Maybe she's a victim of domestic abuse and was forced to go on holiday by her abusive partner.
You are good.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Well he should be more carbon aware.
And only terrified of catching COVID because she knows what will happen if she passes it on to her partner.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Sheeeeit, Detective Baz Boy. :cool:
We got an email that included this jewel a few days ago:
Cases have indeed increased. From ~1 per day to ~3 per day. :DQuote:
XXX County is only 49% vaccinated, and cases have increased here by 220% in the last week. (https://covid.cdc.gov/covid-data-tracker/#county-view) Also, we should assume that the Delta variant is here.
We need a mask mandate in all indoor public spaces immediately. Vaccines should be required for all employees.
This was last week. Cases are now 15% down. Time to lift all restrictions? We haven't had a single death since January.
Another one follows up with:
Quote:
I understand that people are reticent to teach online again, but for those of us taking care of the unvaccinated (perhaps you have young children at home, for example) and the immunocompromised, teaching a full load indoors is an unacceptable risk.
Oh, and we are required to wear masks inside again since last week (so the nutjobs won, I guess), which I have not done, since I have not run into a single person in the building for at least a month.
I know it's probably been widespread for a long time, but Covid has really shown just how little statistics can mean and how easily they can be used to paint a picture of a bullshit scenario.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
That is shameless.
Remember that these are people with PhDs. The first one even claims to be a SCIENTIST.
I'm telling you gents, given enough leeway they're a very real threat.
The madness continues (it is funny how once August hits, all the nutjobs reappear).Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
Last year no one had a vaccine. We were required to mask, socially distance, and get tested every two weeks. Everything went fine. Now, 90%+ of us are vaccinated, yet we still need to mask, socially distance, and get tested? What did we gain, then? Fuck this shit.Quote:
Given the contagiousness of Delta regardless of vaccination status, we should also be doing surveillance testing of the vaccinated, not just the unvaccinated, on campus to control transmission.
At work we pay the sexual health service to do their work. I decided to see what we’re paying them for. I was posted a test kit to do a blood and urine sample and post it back to somewhere in Twickenham. I get to find out if I have any STIs and, ironically, pay them for the pleasure of finding out.
Squeezing blood out your own finger and into a tiny tube is solid.
Bit of DRAMA this morning as one of my closer colleagues has said she's handed in her notice. She went upstairs to the director and told him why: namely, it's a soul-destroying place to work (for her) and there is no communication to the staff, no sense of enjoyment of what we're doing, or recognition of anyone's efforts save the token Christmas bonus. Additionally she said she can get 8 more days' holiday for the same pay somewhere else, so she'd be stupid not to go.
The director responded by saying well, that's just not the way we do things around here. Then he started having a go at her and saying the prospective move is a step down, and the grass isn't always greener.
She is definitely right about the lack of communication to staff. To take an absurd example, when we moved back to smart office dress having been casual during the various lockdowns, this wasn't announced via an email to staff or anything. The director just told one person and asked him to pass it on.
Now her boss is upstairs talking to the director as they no doubt shit themselves about having to recruit. This person is basically the social glue of the whole office so I can see it falling quickly to ratshit and misery from here.
Such a brilliant atmosphere here :D
For fuck's sake. :D I think communications in my place are bad.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
My manager used to pull that shit with me, but I've told her I'm not doing it again after being suitably shot as the messenger last time and having to tell the team that I couldn't care less, I'm just passing on a message.
It's a cunts trick.
Same here, the director who I used to work under was suspended and they didn't even bother telling me for three weeks that he wasn't coming back. Still expected me to cover all his work though.
I may do the same as this woman soon, actually as soon as I get a reasonable offer from the stuff I've been applying for.
After faffing about for about a decade I finally wrapped up my masters and am going back to full time work again. Been in Rotterdam for 3 years almost, so it now becomes somewhat permanent since I'm not looking to leave before 2 years to avoid my CV starting to look really sketchy, so it's time to learn Dutch I suppose.
I was applying for positions a bit out of my seniority hoping I would get lucky and almost got a product owner position back in June, but they chose someone they felt could hit the ground running faster, so now I'm instead starting as an analyst working close with a PO for a software scale-up in Rotterdam. I can hopefully move towards product ownership or management rather quickly since the company is expanding pretty fast. After new years I'll move to a new apartment and have 5 minutes to the office, and the company has enough momentum that I can really focus on picking up some key skills I want to have in 3-5 years, so it's all rather promising.
I won't have access to the employee stock options until I've been there for 6 months though, which is a bit annoying when they're growing at the rate they are.
Nice. I'm sure you'll be on track in a year as it's a great role to progress in fairly quickly. Loads of jobs in NL too. I've been a PM/PO for about 10 years so gimme a shout if I can help.
They've just delayed upping the language level on the residency requirement so I'm tempted to try and go for the Dutch this year.
Yeah I'm pretty well set-up from a CV perspective already. Did 4 years of non-technical part-time QA work at Spotify in my early 20s so I'm very much brought up in agile work methods, and had a full year over 19/20 at the EMEA headquarters for one of the largest apparel companies, working as a business user towards an agile team developing an in-house tool to take over a load of Excel planning work.
What I'm mainly lacking is proper technical skills, since I come from a pure business education, so picking up some useful SQL tools as well as becoming better at understanding overall architecture is on the to do list for the coming year or two, and then I can make a pretty easy argument for making the move proper.
“Agile” is the biggest load of shit going.
I’m sure there some aspects of work that could benefit from it, but from my experience it’s become a buzzword and thrown at everything as a solution.
Cool - yeah I think if you can do Excel/SQL stuff to a decent level and also have a fair understanding of how APIs work you'll be golden.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bernanke
The concept is fine (break work down into small, deliverable chunks so you can adapt over time, rather than plan everything in advance to great detail and find out the world has moved on whilst you've been doing that) but it's got a lot of buzzword/consultant types you have to ignore. I also think it doesn't really apply to every industry or certain types of projectsQuote:
Originally Posted by Foe
We're going full agile at scale at the bank. It really is a hammer for anything even if it isn't a nail. I think management at times doesn't understand why everything isn't suited for 'agile' so you have the performance of it when in reality, the organisation is too slow with certain decisions that slow deliveries away from a sprint cycle.
I don't get agile until about 11am. Might be my mattress.
Alright Shaggy.
I have no idea what that Kiko post means, unless he's made an agile switch into the blacksmith trade.
I've got a Court Hearing today for the first time ages. Dreading it. I've no idea how it all works in a Covid World and sufficient time has passed for my brain to purge all memory of what I used to do on a weekly basis.
This page has largely been less intelligible [and a bigger indictment of humanity] than the shit stick discussion in the 'rona thread.
Trust me, it's better that way. Never learn about ceremonies, burn down charts, velocity charts, story points, retrospectives or scrum master roles.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
I had no idea Blacksmithery was so complex.
I've just gone onto the APM website (Association for Project Management) in an attempt to get a clearly defined idea of what agile means.
Nope. Absolutely useless.Quote:
Agile is a framework and a working mind-set which helps respond to changing requirements. It focuses on delivering maximum value against business priorities in the time and budget allowed, especially when the drive to deliver is greater than the risk.
There are four principles of agile, and these are they:
Quote:
In an agile environment, how a project is delivered is driven by a team working with end users, focus is on a core deliverable and iterating over time. Allowing the user to drive the design of a project can make a significant difference to project outcomes. Agile favours benefits and innovation through collaboration with a particular focus on customer satisfaction, quality, teamwork and effective management.
Quote:
Agile emphasises a shift from a control to consensus. Focus is on people achieving benefits through engaged, accountable, high performing teams with focus on sharing data, openness, team communication and learning from feedback. This often requires behaviour change; those playing management roles become in and of the team both serving and leading to create commitment and accountability to an end goal.
Quote:
The traditional ‘waterfall’ uses an agreed scope to create a time and resources plan. Agile establishes the resources and time which ultimately drive scope. There will be a number of time and cost delivery windows, sprints, through which the project will evolve.
An agile environment establishes a minimum viable product (MVP); the core project deliverable to trigger the start of a delivery. This is likely to change as the project team realises other opportunities or benefits that become available throughout each sprint.
I'm a smart guy and I know what words mean. All of the above is absolute horse shit.Quote:
The team owns the MVP working together to develop the product; what they will deliver and how they will deliver it. The delivery team is ‘cocooned’ to focus on the solution to the problem they are dealing with. The team will make constant adjustments to the scope of the product.
The business world runs on people being conned into thinking the above is anything substantive.
I am an Agile Worker. Basically it's working from home with a hotdesk available if I need one and I'm expected to be out and about occasionally. Simple. I'd love to know how many hours and pounds were wasted on churning out that guidance.
This is where it started: http://agilemanifesto.org - most of what Jimmy posted there is yogababble that consultant types try to peddle at £800 a day.Quote:
Originally Posted by Don
If there's anything I've learned through 4 years of business studies, it's that 90% of it is just learning a new language created to gatekeep people and make them think that all the project and cultural change managers are actually doing something profound. Just read through a couple of articles on Harvard Business Review and realize what a sham it all is.
Doesn't stop me from being good at it and getting paid well for it though. :eyemouth:
The problem is in places like mine, traditionally you'd sign up to a multi year, multi million project to deliver a piece of technology but then because it's so slow to deliver, you lead to long, obsolete expenses that sometimes you just abandon. So the idea is to break projects down into bite size smaller projects and deliver the technology quicker with 'mvp' (a small part that starts to be used). It is supposed to reduce project risk but also allow you to make changes and kill things earlier.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
I realise that might all still be Bollocks so sorry.
It's not bollocks, but I'm certain that farming, cleaning, building etc all use similar process changes without having to dress it up in all that wank.
It turns out what my employer calls "Agile Working" is a completely different beast to what Kiko is going on about. Just sounds like they've repackaged "Lean" to be honest.
Lean is more operational effectiveness and reducing waste (kaizen).
Which is what this sounds like really, it's just applying similar principles to a different area of the business and slapping a fashionable name badge on it.
There's definitely a wheel being reinvented here.
This seems to confirm it to me. There's minor differences, but it's basically the same thing in more modern clothing.
:happycry:Quote:
In fact, practitioners of both methods often use the terms synonymously when describing common practices. To make things even more complicated, many companies adopt a Lean framework when trying to scale Agile across the organization. Are you confused yet?
The problem for me is I’m not part of a project, I support two oil platform so where the major problem to solve changes on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis.
And yet, we are still encouraged to be agile and spouted the above drivel as if it’s revolutionary.
Ultimately my swim lane in the kan ban is a to do list that I look at after my physical post it note version is complete so I can shuffle the cards to match. Crock of shit.
Fixed.Quote:
Originally Posted by Foe
As a consultant who is sometimes asked to talk about Agile in the context of organizational structures/ways of working, I will say that the methodology is (in and of itself) fine and highly applicable to things like shipping out software.
However, the way the word is thrown around to mean everything (and thus nothing) renders it as good as technobabble.
Working in the office is shit and will remain shit until everybody's back.
It must be annoying having to use the toilet brush rather than pissing it off later.
Why would that annoy me?
Oh come on.
Stop talking in riddles Keeks.
There's a woman at work that keeps committing the same offence that Jimmy's cricket mate does (not the MegaCuck).
Everytime I email her, even if it's just an FYI, she calls me to discuss it. To make matters worse, she's one of those people that thinks they're making a difference in the world. Love, shut the fuck up. We're all playing at this shit. None of it matters and nothing would change if you stopped doing your job tomorrow. Nobody would notice.
Yeah the people at work that insist on having to have a verbal conversation/MEETING for anything are annoying, but in my personal life it's generally the opposite which is probably more annoying.
About half my mates just refuse to answer when you call them, and instead let it ring out and text instead, because they shit themselves at the prospect of talking on the phone. Usually it's logistics about when/where we're meeting, which pub etc, which takes ten times longer over text. I'd say they just hate speaking to ME but a group discussion revealed that they just don't like telephone conversations. It isn't that bad.
:cool: I’ll normally text someone within 2 minutes of them ringing me asking what they want.
It makes sense for people like you though cus it's only gonna be your missus moaning about something or someone trying to sell you something, it's people doing it to their mates which I find incomprehensible.
Yeah, I never understand those types. The ones that do want to climb the ladder just shut up and get on with it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
My Mrs would never be ringing me to moan about something. She’s the only one I’d answer anyway.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
Does anyone text people trying to sell them something asking what they want? You’re an odd fish.
I don't even think she's one of them, she's just a chatty bollocks.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
Today I emailed her to say I had sent a bit of paperwork over to the court and she should be receiving confirmation of hearing date soon. She was on the phone within minutes to tell me about her last meeting with her and blah blah blah. 15 minutes of me going "oh yeah?... nightmare... I know, I know... yeah, we shouldn't have to put up with it but it is what it is...". It was like "Now That's Disinterested Platitudes 104" for fuck sake.
That's annoying. You can't outright tell her to do one but feigned interest means you're going to be hearing it until she croaks. You can't set up out of office replies aimed at specific people, can you?
Ask her what she thinks of Mark Noble the next time she calls.
:D
I can't work this morning. :cool:
The problem for me is when that happens it just means I have to work the weekend to make a deadline :moop:
Fixed :(
We had people complaining that they couldn't access the VPN but could get on Google and normal sites. Best of both worlds surely, you can't do work but you can fuck about
https://64.media.tumblr.com/87ac397f...k0u8r_400.gifvQuote:
Originally Posted by wullie
:lol:
Didn't get the Senior Admin role but our gaffer has rung round to give detailed feedback. I wasn't far off.
Would that not be just to keep you happy after getting knocked back?
Nah, she has a genuine problem finding suitable team leader candidates at this site. I went for that position as well but she had to go outside the business to bring someone in. At the time I applied, I was the only person in for it. :D The feedback reads as her trying to get those interested to push on.
Not necessarily. In my experience interview feedback is garbage. I wrote the feedback for a bunch in my last place and the HR woman was astonished I'd actually bothered beyond "Role went to somebody with more experience, gave a better interview on the day, blah blah blah."
There are no absolutes of course but generally I'd say if somebody bothers their arse to give you good feedback you did actually do well.
Edit: At Giggles, obvs.
This isn't that. This is the boss ringing round to tell them specifically what they should do. Sitting with managers/deputies two hours a month, taking time to train, etc. My team leader's leaving next year and she's going to have bother to fill it.
Just took a phonecall from reception. I sent a letter out letting someone know that they needed to pay an extra £x per week or £x per month and they came in to speak to me about it.
"Oh hi, I have Mr Smithers here, he got your letter saying how much he was to pay each week or month, but he gets paid fortnightly"
Ok?
"... you haven't put the fortnightly amount"
If there's a way of explaining that 1 week + 1 week = 2 weeks without sounding like a sarcastic twat, I'm yet to find it. Fuck off Waylon.
I had someone after parts to keep a 1925 John Deere T44 tractor going.
Toggle Spoiler
Just buy a new tractor ffs. It's ninety six years old.
If it's some old shit do you get to rinse them even harder for the parts?
I once had someone telling me about how much they had sank into restoring an old Alpha Romeo and the answer is yes. It was shit as well.
Mainly we just get to enjoy the tone of genuine shock in their voices when we tell them there hasn't been a market for such parts since about 1974.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
I've got a call about relocation on Thursday and maybe hear whatever offer they're giving for equivalence from London to Frankfurt. Exciting times.
Spikey verging into Shindig territory. Title shot in the bin.
Minus 10 grand a year.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
Probably but last time I looked, equivalent rent is 35% cheaper so could be worse.
😂Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
I'll just repost a phone conversation I had with a customer who called from the north east of England.
'Good afternoon, can I help?'
'Hi, is that Lee?'
'No, he's not here today. Can I help at all?'
'Oh, OK mate, I'm sure you're better looking than him anyway!'
*silence*
'Well, can I help?'
'Yes, I was wondering if my order was dispatched yesterday.'
'I'll have a look for you, one moment.'
'OK, no problem bad boy.'
*silence*
'No, it wasn't.'
'Oh no! Well, never mind eh bad boy. Have a good weekend, eh? Goin' out with the lads, are we?'
*silence*
'You don't seem to be on board with the bant-ah, mate!'
'Not really. Bye.'
The cruise missiles have been ordered.
Who the fuck calls a total stranger 'bad boy'?
Unless you're in one of Hammer's regular haunts, obvs.
Petition for the board to exclusively address Jimmy as "Bad Boy" going forward: all in favour?
'He says "I'm not paying that", so I slapped it in his face.'
Northerners do. Honestly, I'm fed up with the cunts.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
Well we have the self-proclaimed Spreadsheet Bad Boy so..... Tractor Engine Bad Boy?
Sounds like Jimmy needs to lighten up, ain't that right bum cheeks?
I had my formal offer yesterday for my relocation. Seems likely I'll be in Germany by November.
Remember not to cross the road when the red man is on, and remember to explain all your jokes just after telling them.
I want to Uni with a lad from Nottingham. He would routinely call people "big boy" or "big lad", so it could be worse. Just.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
The jay walking thing is very annoying.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Seems like a harmless jovial chap, you miserable bastard.
Boyd's upset because he only ever gets called Soft Lad.
Poor Lee.
I'm sure the conversation played out differently to how it's written as you just come off rude.
We're already both Skoda Bad Boys but this has confirmed us as the Bad Boy Bad Boys. :cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
Bad boys don't have time to be polite.Quote:
Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
No, Jim is a bastion of ice cold professionalism and I for one respect him for it. I used to do the same to bints trying it on for a free ride on the train. Flirting with me is getting you nowhere love, either commit 100% to the cause or get your purse out.
4 minutes until my out of office goes on and I am off for a week :drool:
What's commit 100% to the cause? FakeTrain?
Ride the Loftycoaster. The thrills don't stop here.
It's just how I do the job. If you call me you will get all the information you need, quickly and accurately. You won't get a friendly chat unless you've earned it by ordering regularly and never, ever attempting banter.
And yet you were making fun of the Germans.
:D
Donned.
I'm not friends with any of the people I deal with at work so good luck getting a friendly chat out of me.
Anybody more concerned with working than passing the time after midday on a Friday is going nowhere.
The Germans are doing that in their spare time.
It depends what you do really. I don't think I could be arsed bantering with a load of Northern Bamsters, but in my job being matter of fact would be a nightmare. Everything has to be hidden behind a fake smile or I'd spend all day arguing with people.Quote:
Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
".... and that's why we're kicking you out your house.
Still, if you had to pick a day to live on the street we've got the weather for it eh? Haha"
:D
In an ideal world It's my job to find a way to not evict someone, and to get dickheads that refuse to help themselves to work with me. So it's more of a smarmy 2nd hand car salesman act, where I sell them the dream of moving into a council house rather than living in a bush.
I had a man say he'd rather starve than accept foodbank vouchers earlier, so I said "you'll be delighted with the alternative I have for you then". I really am quite hilarious.
I kept being told I had a really good rapport with the claimants. I hated the colleagues that sounded like they were rigidly reading from a script. Claimants only get a few opportunities to interact with another person during their claim and I'd rather not be the cunt that ruins it for them. :D
Indeed. I was once offered, and declined, a blowjob in lieu of the £5 fare by a woman reviewed as 'the best blowjob in Millom' but declined on the packed last train.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
There used to be some mad woman who would get her tits out for a free ride, the cost of her ticket would've been under £2 :D
Turns out you can put a price on dignity.
If you remember Craig crumble he's living in Munich.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
Craig Crumble? :D
I've texted him. He's given me some decent advice on relocation and Germany.Quote:
Originally Posted by Manc sean
What's the crack here then. Are you upping sticks permanently or is it a quarter here quarter there deal?
Full upping of sticks. Starting a new role at the mother ship.
Is Mrs Kiko eager for a diet of kartoffelsalat and wheat beer also?
She's been desperate to bin London for years so she's fully onboard. Maybe we will return when a fully independent Scotland is formed...
Kiko finally admitting I'm right about London being an absolute shithole. :cool:
I don't mind London at all but I've never really felt I could raise a family here. I think because I've always rented it's felt temporary.
Germany is fitting, maybe only second to Denmark.
As someone who struggles to cross a road in Switzerland after going back to the UK because every driver is so fucking aggro, I'm not sure I follow.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
Our mild-mannered drivers are one of the best things about this country. Pretty much anywhere else you go it's red blooded aggression.
Unless they're Uber drivers.
Italy is the most mental country for driving by some distance.
London has some awful drivers (foreigners, innit), but elsewhere everyone has been fine.
And it definitely isn't the kind of place you can settle. I'm seeing more and more people move to the likes of Sheffield and Leeds in recent years. I always had them pegged as shitholes, but apparently not. The North will rise again.
Absolutely not true whatsoever. Youre third behind Italians and French in absolutely insane fucking drivers.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
"You're".
Do you put on a French accent these days?
He has no solid identity, hence the forcing opinions on stuff.
London is far worse for driving (and everything else) than the rest of the country.
So sorry I missed an apostrophe. Absolutely devastated.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
PTSD from the break in nobody cared enough about.
Brother I have more than enough mental issues that PTSD ranking outside the top 10 isnt a shocker before even factoring in the 5 times I’ve been robbed in my life.Quote:
Originally Posted by Disco
The swag proving irresistible.
Legit have no idea who you are despite you posting every day for 5 years.
You couldn’t have missed the point of what he meant by that more.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
You've completely missed the point I was making and I'm not even sure how you've managed it.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Leeds is excellent and would give a good account of itself in any second city contest. I'm not sure about Sheffield. It might just be cheaper enough to balance it out.Quote:
Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
This has been a bad page for phonics.
Presumably you'll be heading on down to Deutsch Bank Park?Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
Ja. Might have a look to see how much season tickets are, shame they bottled the CL last year.
Nobody else has shown up yet today and it’s brilliant.
Leeds is banging. I've always thought big city's outside of London are more or less the same until I spent some time in Leeds. If you want to live in a big city but can't deal with London it would be my pick.Quote:
Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
The problem with London is that everyone thinks they're something.
North of the river, anyway. South of the river is magnificent.
Everyone in south London still thinks they're something and that something is 'a DJ'.
First day back after 2 weeks off and a course I signed up for ages ago started today at 9:30, which I was completely unaware of and obviously done no “pre-reading.” So now I’m on a zoom thingy from 9:30-1:30 while 300+ unread emails sit in my inbox, with my out of office previously promising I’m back today. I am not.
I got an email this morning from a Frenchman that said simply this:
'Bonjour
Je suis furieux.
Merci
Mathieu'
Never had greater affirmation that I'm doing my job in life.
That's their default setting.
Bonjour Mathieu,
quoi de neuf bébé?
Merci,
Jim
Simply: omelette du fromage?
Just been offered some overtime because they need someone to go and see someone that can only be seen at weekends... in fucking Jaywick. Yeah, fuck off love.
We don't even have anything to do with the place so no idea what they want someone over there for.
When someone posts a town name on here that I don't know, I often do a Streetview into a random street there just to get a feel for the place.
Toggle Spoiler
Hmm.
Jaywick is one of the worst places in the world.
It's the poorest place in England. The fucking UN visited to assess the poverty a while back.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-46178830
Yeah, I remember it being on the news. Looked proper grim.
I bet it’s a funny day sesh.
It's probably just straightforward information collection for someone who needs supported housing in Colchester or something. But still... no thank you.
Bet they don't even have air fryers over there. Subhuman.
You need electric for them.
Somehow makes Barrow look posh.
3 hours into the first day back since 5 August and already having "how much longer can I do this for?" meltdowns :drool:
Someone I used to work with, who has moved to a different team, is confused about whether one of her new male colleagues is straight or not. The confusion has arose because she thinks he likes her, but also recently went to a cat cafe. :lol:
Said male colleague also recently went on a stag do and the stag tried to kill himself by jumping out of a window. Obviously I laughed at this, but she’s practically in meltdown on his behalf for how “dead bad” it must have been for everyone involved.
Who needs work when there’sMSNTeams drama to keep you occupied.
:| tbf stag do's make me want to jump out of a window.
She's pissed again and it's blindingly obvious, but we're apparently just pretending we haven't noticed this time. Sort yourself out woman ffs.
Spikey by name, Spikey by nature.
This is exactly how our office drunk was dealt with. They’re all just waiting for the day she hits long-term sick.
I've only ever worked with two office drunks that I knew of, both many years ago.
One was sort of recovering from when she was bad with it in a previous job and fell hugely off the wagon on a work night out and the other used to hammer so many pints at lunchtime and then keep himself topped up throughout the afternoon that you could play pool with him in the evening and he'd genuinely think he was the other colour half way through a frame.
Fun times.
Never worked with a in-work drunk before. One of the guys in my team basically can down booze at a rate of knots that goes from him being a decent guy to being embarrassingly drunk. One time, we all ordered a quick beer after a workshop that day and he polished off a bottle of white in the same time.
I used to work with a woman that seemed to be drunk at work a fair amount (maybe once a week max) and had a lot of long-term absences. During the final absence she ended up falling down some stairs and died. This was around 2007/8 so it was before you had heroes like Baz caring about mental health and management appeared very sorrow despite causing her a lot of stress and likely worsening the situation.
God bless her for paving the way towards my additional £8 a month.
I worked with an alco train driver who ended up shopping himself to avoid the sack, then he was pissed and fell down an escalator and thought he was 18 again, lived in care ever since.
Wish I could go back to being 18 :(
Might be a bit of a sour experience when you think you're 18 but they're keeping you in a secure unit, telling you you've had an accident and you don't recognise the person in the mirror.
My dad used to be a van driver, would deliver catalogues and parcels all day, get home at 7ish, somehow manage to make himself a proper dinner from scratch every night, drink three bottles of cheap red wine, then be up at 5am to repeat the process, 5-6 days a week, 7 during the pre-christmas rush. This was pretty much his life from the age of 45 to 60. No wonder the mad cunt ended up having a stroke.
Actually went in work today. Well, the office building I worked in a while back. Wasn’t to do any work (was picking up free rugby tickets) so was there for all of thirty seconds but it’s well different!
https://i.pinimg.com/564x/8f/80/33/8...c52cd38dd8.jpg
I’ll stay at home forever, ta. Saying that, work have inexplicably booked the next “team meeting” at a cafe in town. :nono:
I'm going to Spain next month. Five cities in five days. No working from home on the road :cool:
Christmas parties are back :sick:
Mans got a 1 month waiting list before being allowed to do their induction to the new office building and having regular access and these lot are doing work trips and xmas dos :(
In September?
I am going in to the office tomorrow for the first time since March 2020. I don't really want to, and it is 'optional' but I think not going would be a bad idea. I can't book a desk with the app because despite there being dozens of empty seats the app has deemed the office at it's covid limit, but my manager has said no to worry. Could be fun.
God speed. I've got a brief induction on Thursday after which I wont be showing my face for another month (tactical holiday). I'm hoping during that period heads go and I can see the year out at home.
I had to go into the Office on Wednesday purely because a jobby cunt in Finance insisted that the information I had provided by email must be written directly onto the paperwork and accompanied by a big 1980's ink stamp that we still use for some reason. "Working from home does not negate company policy" she said.
Today I contacted her about a refund that needs to go out via cheque and she's come back with some noise about only doing BACS transfers at the moment due to working from home.
I've just attached the company policy on when Cheques can be issued and typed "Working from home does not negate company policy".
I'm going to click send with my erection.
She sounds horrific and wouldn't last five minutes on my watch. Finance should never ever get in the way of actually doing things.
I've not encountered her before, but to be that much of a twat she must have been around a fair while. She's probably moved to finance from another team.
Either way, She's made a weak and powerless enemy and she will rue the day.
I bet one of her favourites catchphrases is "I can't do that yet, it's month end".
:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Top work.
I’m proper bffs with our finance and accounts payable departments, it’s great. Even when I mess up (ultra rare, happened like twice in 3 years) they’re like ‘sorted it hun x’ and I’m back to watching TV.
I've been covering nearly all the locum weekend shifts for quite a while so the consultant who does the rota loves me how.
She's given me two weeks off over Christmas only using 1 day of annual leave :drool:
I'm still caning overtime when it's offered. Making the most of it until they inevitably hire agency staff to cover. Could be any day now or absolutely never. :D
My boss leaves on Thursday and it’s gonna go one of two ways. :uhoh: She currently does bloody everything and I just mill around in the background, holding on to her pocket like Tweener, providing spreadsheets and mental health first aid as a when required.
So either people are gonna start coming to me for all the stuff she did and I’m gonna get FOUND OUT as not knowing “policy and procedures” at all.
Or somebody will pick up her work and ignore me and I’ll have even less work to do.
Either way, it’s not gonna be positive.
May as well update.
I returned to the job I couldn't be furloughed from in April, anticipated working alongside another chef but he no showed so I was on my own whilst guests were allowed on terrace or takeaways, waiting patiently whilst someone else arrived for the proper opening....no one did. Then one did. Then he fucked off. Twat. Ex head chef arrived from Poland so we've worked the last few months together but he returned a few weeks ago.
Here's where I am at though. I am in a different area and different pub but under same owner, I have complete control of the kitchen, it's my specials every day, I do all the ordering etc. Every last bit goes through me which is ridiculous as I am still very inexperienced but as tough as it is, it's enjoyable all the same. Nothing special but I like how far I have come. I keep trying and doing better, now winter is coming and things are quieting down I feel I could really make some further improvements as I'll have more time to play.
https://i.ibb.co/c173CTR/20210921-091148.jpg
Loving me poached eggs. Ignore the excess water, it's just the plate I rest them on. Pretty though.
https://i.ibb.co/kHXfSnq/Screenshot-...419-Photos.jpg
Not entirely happy with me breakfasts but truth be told, I stopped giving a shit when we stopped serving to the public. Short staffed, you see. As seems to be everywhere in hospitality.
https://i.ibb.co/3hZTGCh/20210909-173753.jpg
Me ploughmans. I like this because it flies out at lunch so it eases things for me on the hot side. I've got my coleslaw locked down now too, I think.
https://i.ibb.co/BBVhRtY/20210911-180420.jpg
I do love both salmon and hake but I didn't manage to get a picture of the other. Under the tasty fish is beans, crushed garlic potatoes and courgettes. Most the veg is from the allotment around the corner which is cool. I've had mackerel, muscles, linguine, prawn risotto, mushroom tagliatelle, three cheese mac attack and I have to have a curry of the day so since returning I've had a few firsts. I can now make a decent chicken korma from scratch, the last Tikka Massala I did was a hit. I've managed to do a dhansak and a few others. But yeah, stable and smashing it.
:)
Nice one, Smiffy. Those pictures look banging.
Good to hear from you Smiffy. Where in the UK are you these days?
I'm back down in Cornwall but the winter is going to be a challenge as things will die down so I'll have to adjust, it should be a decent enough experience if not too quiet.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
Sometimes I can't shake the thought that it took a global pandemic to shake me into action. :D
Amazing food that Smiff, can't beat the classics.
That one you posted with the fish and the prawn sauce all over it is still the best one. :nodd:
We need to talk about that Hash Brown situation Smiff.
What the fuck are you playing at? You need atleast 12 of those. Come on lad.
The ploughman's is British food at its absolute lowest level of shit.
Agreed.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
But well done Smiffy for....cooking food. Jokes aside, it is good that you are happy. Namaste.
I've just had someone from James Duddridge's (local MP) office on the phone demanding information about a case without a consent form. He's not at all happy about my GDPR compliance. I'm going to enjoy this.
It's quite common to get the police rock up in A and E demanding information about patients with absolutely no authority to do so.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Someone I went to med school with gave a police officer a load of information about a patient (which they shouldn't have done) when they were a fourth year student on placement. It was stupid of them and they should have known better, but absolute scum behaviour from the police officer to target a medical student.
Just received an email saying that the voter in question is unwilling to give written consent and that I am standing in the way of them helping. :cab:
First up, you're not trying to help me, are you fuckbag? Second up, my legal requirement to obtain written consent to comply with GDPR was enacted by your boss. What a burk.
They never understand rules when they are hindering them. Police do it all the time on the railway. If a crime is being committed on a station/train the civil police palm it off as not their jurisdiction unless it is an emergency.
They happily just walk around on the railway running lines without asking for permission/informing signallers etc though.
went on linkedin for the first time in ages. in my news feed, @kiko wrote about attending a conference in person for the first time. i clicked on his bio, and i saw this:
Toggle Spoiler
Thanks for sharing my face.
What a beauty.
Like a posh Guy Martin.
That's Jack Torrence.
Wait until the baby turns up.
Toggle Spoiler
All parts of the face below the nose look like they are from a different photo.
Looks like he’s been force fed a full bag of Tangfastics, made to watch Norwich vs Burnley and been told if he blinks his wife will leave him for phonics.
The size of that nose, could smoke a pipe in the rain :D
The picture changes to your LinkedIn profile when you look at it.
Kiko, you look fine mate.
why didn't your company provide you a proper headshot on a white background? why did you have to edit out the background yourself?! why?!!
Who cares.
Dunno ask them.
If your employer is sorting out your LinkedIn profile for you then they may be trying to send a message. :(Quote:
Originally Posted by Panda Bear
They did provide a proper headshot. He wore that coat on the first day and hasn't taken it off since.Quote:
Originally Posted by Panda Bear
you'd imagine people who post on linkedinQuote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
How many complaints have you had about your profile picture from LinkedIn users Kiko?
Atleast 1.
I don't think people who can't use capital letters count.
Then again perhaps they're all at that on linkedin.
can't or wOn't
Do more people have a linked in profile, than not?
I really don't understand it. Like, I can't get my head around social media that's just about work stuff. Do people really like their jobs that much that they want to comment on conferences and lame workstuff while they're not at work? Is that what it takes to reach a certain level of paygrade? F that S.
I genuinely cannot get my head around it. If those of you who use Linked In, or at least have a profile you've filled in, please explain why and what you do on it.
Isn't it just for recruitment? I do not know as I do not have one.
Depends what field you're in, I suppose. I have one with no photo but my work history on it. When I'm looking for a new job, I turn the little "open to new opportunities" thing on and watch the recruiters come running.
That's all I use it for.
Edit: that sounds like such a dickhead brag. :kiko:
It's just what software is like though.
And then what happens? I presume they can DM (RIP "PM") you and send you links to job advertisements, inviting you to apply? Or is it more forward/personal than that and an actual person is like 'so I see you worked for 3 years at...' ?Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
They don't send you links for jobs to apply for. They'll have roles they're recruiting for (some of which the companies don't bother to advertise themselves or if they do they'll do it somewhere stupid and obscure). They'll call you up, have a quick chat with you (basically to gauge that you're not a complete bellend) then send your CV over to whatever they have that you said you'd be interested in and get you an interview. They can be useful in pushing salary negotiations and shit too.
They're pretty much all dickheads (they're essentially salesmen who make their money off commission from placing people in jobs) but they can be useful.
Until this point...Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
They used to have a roaming photographer when we were in the office which could take one but I haven't worked in an office so used a picture when I was with phonics as then it reminds me of the informality of life.
As Boydy says, Linkedin can provide a use from a recruitment pov. As much as this makes me sound like a :kiko:, you can use it to brand yourself to people who might employ you or look to employ you. It's a self promotion tool (which might not be that necessary if you have real skills like First Aid Champion or Mental Aid Superdog under your belt).Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Sticking up someone’s profile picture is a bit of a scum move but kiko probably doesn’t care so whatever.
LinkedIn is grand when you’re looking for something, more and more are advertising on it rather than job sites. Good for running a company page too, nobody even knew it existed before I took it over.
You have to ignore the news feed though as it’s gone into a complete Facebook style cesspit these days.
I thought it was a bit off tbh.Quote:
Sticking up someone’s profile picture is a bit of a scum move but kiko probably doesn’t care so whatever.
Dont be fooled, Giggles. The posting of the picture was agreed in THE GROUP beforehand.
It's acceptable to browse LinkedIn during work hours and it has a chat function, so you can talk shit with mates whilst pretending it's work related.
Writing blogs is a bit much but I can see how someone might get dragged into it if they liked their job.
Getting Pavel in to take the picture was the real genius of the move.Quote:
Originally Posted by Manc
It can be a bit like this sometimes:
https://images-cdn.9gag.com/photo/a27RgvE_700b.jpg
:D
Is that a good or a bad thing?
Kiko probably isn't too far from using Giggles to write a post on strength and resilience.
I just post pictures which say "double tap if you want something amazing to happen" to rack up those sweet sweet likes.
Nope. Pavel's gig photos were all in black and white. Mr. 'I can see colours better because I've got Aspergers' only does monochrome. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
"As a young farm hand in rural Ireland, I never dreamed I could be more than a minor cog in the Farming industry, never mind a major cog in the worlds financial machine. Then one day my Da took me to the abattoir; I saw the stun guns and circular saws in action. it all clicked into place. I still use these principles daily."Quote:
Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
:D
Not what I had in mind but I much prefer it this way. Someone Photoshop the Ireland flag in behind Kikó's mugshot so he can update his profile picture.
They have posters up at work asking people to apply to be "domestic abuse champions", which just sounds to me like the person who's best at domestic abuse.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
Unfortunately Wullie beat you to it when this came up before with a better joke:
Quote:
Originally Posted by wullie
I didn't make a joke.
Alright Dr Serious.
HERE WE GO!
x
Dr Acula?
My mate has gotten proper addicted to it, it seems like he spends half his time posting shit like "wow yes this is really interesting @boring cunt original poster, I can see how important this will be for optimizing data analysis", to which they only ever like or put something like "yeah cheers mate".
He even posts his own shit like "here are 5 principles I follow on a daily basis to.." blah blah and I'm pretty sure his job is mostly fannying around on excel. Bit culty, but I can see how it would be useful if you're actively looking for work/employees.
Desperately trying to engage with LinkedIn influencers is probably even lamer and thirstier than those middle aged weirdos who use Twitter solely to post shit like "wow baby you are really gorgeous today" to random pornstars and bots.
My old gaff asked us to post stuff and also comment with that nicey nice bollocks as well. It was usually only the psychopaths and autists that actually did it.
shit. sorry dude.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
Here's a pic of the new and improved Kikó anyway:
Toggle Spoiler
Concentration face. :D
Toggle Spoiler
Today I had a spiced Tomato soup, Salmon with garlic/herb mash, courgettes, kale and a creamy white wine sauce, Lemon Sole with sauted potato, green beans and lemon butter, Sirloin with tomato, mushroom, peas and potato wedges and finally, my curry of the day which was meant to be a Madras but I fucked it, played with it, came up with something pretty nice tbh.
https://i.ibb.co/8MPfdYn/20210924-201103-0.jpg
https://i.ibb.co/R0FVFTg/IMG-20210924-WA0003.jpg
I'll take it to the food thread if need be but do throw out some ideas and I'll do my take on it for next week.
Just had a cracking call from one of our semi-regulars, a guy who repairs boat engines and often orders parts from us. I've always thought he sounded a bit unhinged, but then a lot of these guys are, working stupid hours to put engines right. He wanted a cylinder head worth two grand, but he has five grand overdue for payment, so I said we couldn't sell him any more until he paid up.
He said listen, I'm having a tough time at the moment. I said well, I'm sorry about that, but... He said I've had a row with the missus. I'm living out of a hotel room. I said well, that sounds a pain, but... He said you know how it is, with women. I said not really. He said well, the problem is, my credit card's in her house, and I can't get in. I said can't you get her to send it by post? He said the problem is, she won't speak to me, and the police have been involved. I said the police? He said yeah, the police.
This went on for another five minutes before he got in a massive huff and put the phone down because I wouldn't send him a brand new cylinder head without payment.
If you knew how it is with women you would've sent him the cylinder head for free.
Not sure if "the police have been involved" is part of his catch-all "You know how it is with women" (maybe it is always that way for him) or if he was just hoping at that stage you'd go "Ah, no further questions!" and send him the part at that stage.
I'm guessing that if he's the one claiming that the police have been involved then she might be the axe murderer of the pair, but you never quite know with these people.
"You kick in one door brandishing a baseball bat and 'er indoors gets all mardy and phones the law."
:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Heh.
Typical woman.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
I love the fact Jim gets all these. Hates the public but they pour their hearts out.
In the office today for the first time at this job. Decided to walk in as it wasn't raining when I left the house but it started pissing down on my way and I got drenched.
Also not being able to vape at my desk is annoying.
Think people returning to offices will definitely produce a few of these scenes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKH9ECC_Qa4
The music in the office is starting to drive me mad.
I also miss the cat. :(
I have noticed I can't concentrate as well in the office now, if I want to get my head down and crack on I have to out my headphones in.
My first day back at our [sexy new] offices too and this x1000.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
New location of the office is fucking hideous though, Stratford is London's dubai.
Another one of my close colleagues chucked his notice in today. People I like are dropping like flies. I'm unsure as to whether all the departures will improve my bargaining position (as the person left with the most experience/knowledge by far) or make life a nightmare as I'll have to do everything.
The job still suits me at the moment as they've dangled this carrot of running South America when the 79 year old retires, and it's quite low stress for the most part, or at least that's the energy I take to it. I just wonder if the carrot's real and if the 79 year old ever will retire.
Yeah I was gonna say, you'll be there waiting when he's 103 and still somehow doing it.
We've had a bunch of people leave our team and I might join them to be honest. My job is fine but boring and I don't think there's a next job I want in this company so yeah.
Would mean leaving #teamengineer though, most likely.
The odds they die before retiring improve with every passing second.
You saw what happened to Magic when he left Team Engineer, you idiot. It's suicide.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
I am in a weird place where I have my desired hours/work life balance and like my manager, the work isn't constant stress - but I think it is a job where I will end up staying and just maxing out the top of the band if I want to stay in the department. It feels like the other routes for progression are more money for either a lot more stress or unsociable hours. Just a shame I am getting paid £20k+ less than everyone I deal with internally despite the role being integral to business operations.
There is a potential drama on the horizon where someone has moved from a higher paying role into our department suspiciously, and there has been little elaboration on this odd move. If they have been moved out of necessity instead of choice (medical etc) they will retain their wage which will cause a shitstorm.
If I start showing the symptoms (posting an endless stream of self-owns, an inclination toward wanking in waiting rooms, appear to have a picture of the rage meme where my frontal lobe should be) just send somebody round in the Van and have me euthanised like Geronimo.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Our leavers are all usually down to retirement. It's mostly that kind of ageing workforce and, to be honest, it's an alright pay for people like me with no serious skills. Not that I don't have the inclination to skill up, I just think doing that here seems impossible. If they had us all back in the office, it'd be easier to shadow a manager.
Did my second day in the office yesterday with the rest of the team. First time we've all been in the same room for 18 months. No headset so I couldn't take calls. Good to be back.
Left my fucking keyboard in the office yesterday. Balls.
I'm gone from my place as soon as I find something that pays adequately.
Same. I'm struggling to keep up even the pretense of giving a shit at the moment.
I do wonder sometimes if my 20 days holiday and OK-ish salary here amounts to a good deal, in exchange for leaving bang on 5 every day and it only being 20 minutes from my house. Probably doesn't.
I expect there will be a wave of people leaving their jobs and getting fresh starts post-pandemic, all over the country. We've all (well, most of us) survived the last two years but it's been miserable as sin, hasn't it.
That went long ago, my salary effectively goes down every year (no cost of living increases) so the amount of shits I give does the same.
My career is fucked and my line manager told me as much. “They really shouldn’t have placed you in [job] in two consecutive reorganisations.”
Effectively been told they won’t even consider me for a promotion unless I go do another, completely different, role and I’m not going to meet the “senior engineer” criteria without it. Also not allowed to apply for any roles until end of 2022.
Which is interesting, given the team I work for are telling me to support one platform and provide overview/verification for the other and the reason for that is that I’m a senior engineer. Erm… excuse me?
They are also trying to get me to take ownership of a gap in the organisation (more responsibility) as a development opportunity, despite the fact it’s basically doing my previous boss’ job (which now doesn’t exist and wasn’t thought to be included in this organisation design in error) which i did cover of for 3.5 years.
Motivation is low. In some respects it’s fine, it’s a pretty well paid job and I don’t really have that much accountability so if I treat it as such, it’s more palatable. Has decoupled performance from progression in my head though. Ultimately it’s made no difference for me, so probably not worth the effort.
That's a no. I mean unless you'd rather do it than whatever you're doing now. Otherwise they're just trying to promote you for free and you're gaining nothing out of it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Foe
I recently read somewhere that the worst part of getting older is realising that your future opportunities, once almost innumerable, are now being cut off in front of your very eyes. Doesn't just apply to work, but it spooked me all the same.
Yeah, I sort of swung back as “my line manager says I need new development opportunities, that doesn’t sound any different to what I did before…?”
Ultimately they’re going to make me do it. It’s not a new job, just the same job with different expectations which boils down to the original point I made to them of “the job I’m doing here feels like a senior engineer job, why isn’t it?”.
Such a flat organisation that it’s going to be near impossible finding promotion opportunities anyway, so if my line manager has it in his head I’m a ways off then it’s not worth even thinking about. I either just do the job (on my terms as per original intent of the role) or I leave.
At least the bonus might be decent, but staff morale across the board is horrendous which is mental when oil is $80/bbl again.
Being a parent allows you to have that experience even younger. As a kid I had no idea what I wanted to do, so I just fucked off to Uni and did a generic business degree. Now I work a generic office job and I'm so fucking bored.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
I should have learnt a trade. I'd love to be my own boss and mooch about building / fixing / decorating shit. No chance now. Full time wage slave and fuck all freetime to learn anything.
I am so thankful to the millennial lot for being soft as shite, we'd be utterly screwed if they weren't.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Does anyone else, even the Mahows of the world, wish they'd chosen PE as one of their "options" at school? With no plans for a career in it, but just cos it would have been a laugh?
IT and business studies, what was I thinking? Learned nothing I hadn't already taught myself in IT and business studies was, well, business studies. GCSE PE would have made my days at school miles better.
100%.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
I actually loved PE and was decent at it. We also had Games at school which was with half of the school year and the sports were picked by seasons. It was shit and I never bothered with that though.
I had to decide in highers whether I wanted to do Maths or PE. Imagine telling a what, 15 year old, to pick whether they wanted to have a future or not.
That PE class would’ve been great too. all the no hopers smashing a football around a field. The PE teacher was a really fit brunette lady too :(
I was top of my year at Music and didn't take it any further. I can still hear the seething from one of the various gays that ran the music department as I sauntered off to History, never to be seen again.
Probably should have stuck with the marimbas.
I read that as "into History" which gives the whole a much more 'but I chose fame and fortune' vibe.
I think what keeps me from not getting overly bored/frustrated with my job is the fact that I don't go to bed/wake up dreading it like everybody else I know does with theirs. I would like (and should be paid) more money, and I can probably screw some more out of it over the short-term; but even then if I wanted to stay in my area of interest I would have to move to Bristol or London, and they aren't going to pay me enough to make that worthwhile any time soon.
Every day's a reset for me. I don't really get why people would be under pressure at my level.
If one more customer comes to me telling me their request for some washers worth £4.87 is VERY VERY URGENT, IMMEDIATE RESPONSE REQUIRED I might just start deleting things. Repeat after me: you - do - not - matter.
I have a client that puts pre-empts every email subject with "Urgent: ". I've had thousands of emails off her in the last 5 years, and I would say over 80% include it. Every now and then we even get an "URGENT: ", and I think there was even a "VERY URGENT: " once.
I can only assume she never heard the Boy Who Cried Wolf fable as a child.
Do they not just use the high importance button on outlook?
These people can get fucked. I’ll decide how highly important it is.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
I only use it when I am sending something that is time sensitive and the same day, usually to prevent train cancellations.
In my new role (same school) I'm now part of the pastoral team for years 7&8. It's only now I appreciate how tightly controlled the information is about students that is given to teachers and form tutors, and why. Some of the shit I've read/heard about in the last four weeks alone has been incredible, and I'm at a school in a leafy Wiltshire market town - we don't have particularly high levels of disadvantaged students or deprivation. Some, but it's nothing like an inner city comp.
One lad, who is particularly troubled and the school tried to reject on the basis that we can't meet his needs, apparently hates his name. Mum said he wants to use one of his middle names. Fine, get that updated on the system, email teachers, etc. By break time he hated that too, and so far as I can tell has adopted 6 or 7 different names in the last few days. So now he's going to get a sticky label every morning, write down what he wants to be called, and wear it throughout the day.
(Obviously this is just weird, not harrowing as I alluded to above, but I won't go into that)
Our boss has decided to jack up our expected productivity by 15%. I take it from that, head office didn't quite fancy greenlighting some new temps. :moop:
I don't want to sound like an LBC presenter here, it's a genuine question: do you think that kind of system is preferable to the 1970s approach of: 'Your name is James you silly clot, now sit down' ? There can't be a lot in it.Quote:
Originally Posted by mo
What's that, James? You're left handed?
*thrashes*
I'm skeptical with the revolving door of names tbh. County lauded it as an 'inclusive school' policy and the idea came from someone with a wealth of experience. It seems to make an unhappy child happy, so why not try it I guess?Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
We've a number of students (disproportionally high I'd have thought) who are identifying as a different gender, or in one case, non-binary, and thus a lot of name changes. I sort of respect that in a 'you do you' type of way but you do wonder for how many it's just a phase.
Fucking snowflakes.
As long as SCIENCE says so.Quote:
Originally Posted by mo
My mate's teenage lad has a non binary girlfriend, she has chosen the name Keith. As someone reacted at the time, how is that not binary? Surely you should pick something like Zargon.
Does your mate's teenage lad not regret that he is now shagging a non-binary girlfriend called Keith?
Yeah all that shagging what a chore.
Maybe Keith's got great tits.
Any pics?
I've got two weeks in my role before I fuck off to Germany. House will be packed at the start of next week. First benefit of brexit being realised etc.
I had a guy in a team I inherited who use to overuse that to the point of genuinely giving me brain damage. He had to go.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
Conversely, the best boss I've ever had never used it once.
I don't know quite how it's happening, but a generation of children are being created who cannot handle anything. It's really quite sad.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
If the UK right now is the result of generations of people who "can handle" things then bring on the ladyKeiths.
You'd rather things were worse?
If you give a kid the option to pretend to be someone else, they'll take it every time.
I'm sure you don't actually think you're the first middle aged person to think the youth of their time are a load of useless softies who can't hack life. Because that's just what humans do as they get old and probably have been ever since we were capable of forming the thought "I tell you, the youth of today...."Quote:
Originally Posted by Yevrah
There have always been kids who 'couldn't handle it' (they grew into the adults we lambast on here for being fucking melts/morons/heads have gone etc), I have no idea if indulging some of them is a good thing or not but it can't be much worse than fucking them off into the bin and hoping they work it out for themselves.
My line manager has left and gone doing the same job at a different place. Now she's mithering me to apply for my job at her new place.
No. I'm comfortable. Leave me be. I know you'll miss me cos I'm amazing but you're the one who left so deal with it.
I'll have a look at the job spec.
:moop:
Why though?
I mean, sure, look at the job spec if you want to get a raise and have more opportunities for promotion.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
It’s for less starting salary and I’d have to pay transport, whereas I currently work from home full time.Quote:
Originally Posted by Panda Bear
Lolwut
Laugh in her face then.
Was supposed to finish at 10ish today and have a nice relaxing weekend.
7am that plan was screwed to due to a rogue plant issue and I’m going to be working all afternoon and periodically over the weekend.
Fuck. Off.
I've had my work trip unilaterally moved a week sooner to save money on air fares, love it.
Itinerary is Barcelona, Zaragoza, Valencia, Madrid, Almeria, Seville or something like that, in five days. Sounds glamorous but the reality is going to haggle over prices in various dive industrial estates on the outskirts of each city, and living out of a suitcase in five different budget hotels. Loving life.
Does that turnaround give you basically bugger all time to actually do or see anything if you also plan to sleep?
Wouldn't have thought I would have much downtime, no. Maybe the odd bit of tapas in the evenings.
Had to go into the office this morning and ended up talking to one of the heads of department. She was lamenting how there had been a "restructuring" that saw alot of the top brass reduce their workload and increase their pay packet, whilst leaving everyone else with more work and the same pay.
I replied with "Well, shit is quick enough to roll down hill, but money trickles very slowly."
*cough from behind me* and of course one of the board members is stood there. Awkward. But not Awkward enough.
The head of department continued:
"It does indeed. 2% raise again this April? Or has Covid given you an easy out on that one? Not that it matters, 2% doesn't even track inflation for goodness..."
And with that I made my way back to my desk. The fallout from this is going to be fun. Christ I hope they sack me.
Got to love this shit though. Travelling when someone else is paying is excellent.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Amazing :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Our lot have not offered a pay rise in two years thanks to covid, if there isn't a pay rise again next year I suspect the unions will ballot for strike.
Fuck that. If you had even a couple of hours a day to properly mooch about and get some food then sure but that just sounds a slog.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
No, you just like the idea of it in your reality. As he described it isn’t excellent and I doubt you’ve a notion what it’s remotely like, he hasn’t a fucking minute to himself. Fuck all bollinger and cuffawing on a real work trip.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
:lol:
It reads back very angry but then again there’s not a word of it that isn’t true. He doesn’t live on any planet other than the plush one in his head.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry
Since I posted that, Pamplona has been added to the list. Pamplona to Almeria is 941 kilometres before you even start going to all the other places as well. Whole thing will be about 2,000km in six days I think. Me and a wheezing bloke in his mid 60s. I'll have to go and play some simulator or something to get used to driving on the right.
But yeah, travel, class. Maybe you’ll buy some properties.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
And when he does descend to mortal level it's to spread covid all over two families. :rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
The elite don’t get covid.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
Do you actually think that's what my work trips are like? I don't make money for the organisation, there's no 5* hotels or Michelin star restaurants on my trips. I just like the adventure even if what Jim's explained might be too much on the day to day because of travel.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
I've missed the bizarre fantasy you have of my actual life.
Yeah can't see just one Michelin star cutting it.
He’ll be shit hotel to shit hotel after working all day every day. It’ll hardly be a magical travel experience of connecting or whatever it is that happens on planet kiko.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
As if he’d lower himself.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
Ok mate chill out. It's just a message board.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
Christ I’ve landed on 2009 Reddit.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
You have Reddit??? [/ @Boydy ]
Anyway, what's your favourite perk of work trips? Mine is the jacuzzi in the room and steak dinners in business class.
Putting hookers on the expenses tab
I like the lobster and making the locals feel inferior.
I reckon Jimmy should take Igor along with him to help turn it into an ADVENTURE. You know the stories would be worth reading, even if it's just Jimmy lying in the bins getting churros thrown at him.
Me and Igor going round Spain would be a six-parter on Channel 4. Possible BAFTAs.
It's a good idea, because I do of course get into all sorts of wacky and zany japes, but @Jimmy Floyd's excellent writing skills might lead to a more positive and engaged response than the usual everyone calling me a cunt.Quote:
Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
He’s good but he’s not that good.
It would be very, very Peep Show.
I've literally never seen Kiko post anything that even gives me a hint as to where Giggles got his view of him from.
I think Giggles went turbo as soon as he twigged on he worked in banking.
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
I love me a bit of Giggles (see below) but his hatred of Kiko is odd.
:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
Are you doing a thread for it, Jim? Better than my ill fated solo Egypt jaunt.
I am in Germany with work this week, via a redeye flight to the dam Monday morning. It is a trip upon which it is likely there could be schmoozing in the form of a couple of nights on the piss coming my way... but I'm off the beer unfortunately so it'll be a fairly straight affair.
Down your way weds-fri Lewis. If I can clear the final hurdle in the pass office and get my new access pass that is.
Who's the one smashing it now?
FWIW I've never understood people doubting your stories; they all ring true to me.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
RL wants a starring role in the next one.
Does anybody other than Manc say they think he's full of shit?
Shindig did for a while as well, I think.
I hated the stories more than him, to be honest.
Aren't you based here anymore?Quote:
Originally Posted by Manc sean
Manc thinks I'm an embellisher but you hated me in part because you believed them, as far as I could tell.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
Sounds about right.
That's pretty sad.
I don’t know what would be worse, that they’re all true or not.
Igors only crime is posting the same shit most of us were about 10 years ago. He's not saying anything particularly far fetched or out there, he's just living the life of a teenager / someone in their early 20's. I've never really seen the issue with anything he posts.
Toggle Spoiler
Can't believe it was my fault. :(
Unless the document was titled 'How to Fight the Taliban' I'm not sure how that would have helped.
They're gonna shit their pants when they learn about VPNs.
That is believable. I work with 'sensitive documents', and we were having to cancel all sorts of things because there weren't enough people to supervise, meet access controls etc. Everything above a certain level of classification is run over secure communications, which people don't have on their laptops. I've been waiting over a year to go to Wales and see some stuff because everybody at the Cardiff branch of Business and Energy is still cowering at home.
There isn't a client end for this which could be set up on the staff laptops?
Even assuming it's not possible or practical to set up connections for staff in the required numbers to make working from home suitable for that job, the headline isn't intended to make a specific point about the infrastructure of the thing is it?
The point is HOMEWORKING = TALIBAN, who I assume have reclaimed bogeyman status because ISIS haven't blown up anything Britons care about recently.
I've finally made my mind up on the home working issue, which is that firms and employees should just agree things among themselves - and, as I read somewhere this morning, any attempted intervention towards GET BACK TO WORK by the government can only mean they are batting for commercial landlords.
You could set something up for higher networks at great expense, but if the material is at the very highest levels, which things like human intelligence sources possibly would be, then even higher networks require that the room in the building that the terminal is in has to meet certain requirements.
Give us some Goss.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
We'd all be speaking German if it were in our hands. :(
I decide which old stuff can and can't go to the National Archives/other places.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Oh so for that stuff it's not even that there are internal networks used they don't want to extend, it requires somebody at a physical thing?
I think this is the reasonable stance. You can't just say "OKAY, DRONES, YOU'VE HAD YOUR FUN NOW GET BACK TO WORK" any more than you can dictate that firms have to allow everybody to work where they like. I missed it but there was a company call with our overlords the other day where they were discussing the return to office plan and one of the chief something-or-others was asked to list the benefits for the question-asker's specific role to be in the office because he couldn't think of any and it sounds like they basically couldn't think of anything.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
I think in some ways they'd do better for now just being honest and saying that the offices in central Glasgow and even more so the one in Southwark cost a fucking bomb and the shareholders aren't going to be happy at just eating that cost so may as well look like we need it.
There are teams in our company though where really there's no need for anybody to be in the office, though our manager is now planning team outings the like of which we literally never had before COVID.
You could presumably put the network terminals anywhere and it would work, but they have to be in a secure room (within a secure building), which has all sorts of criteria that somebody's house would never meet in a million years.
EDIT: Also, if it is sufficiently high level it could be subject to the two man rule, where by you aren't allowed to read it without somebody else present, so even if your house passed all of the physical tests you would still fail there.
Scenes when the comercial landlords have to adapt to become traditional, blood sucking, residential landlords and the surge in supply forces them to reduce their rent too. :drool:
I think it's very important that we compare everything to a war that happened the better part of a century ago. We need that perspective.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Could you get away with making shit up and feeding it to the tabloids? I mean, you'd obviously get sacked and that's a sacrifice we're willing to make, but could you get the media to run with the story before hand?Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
Nobody seems to get sacked for feeding them actual stuff (that Kent bus stop episode was clearly deliberate), so making things up can't be an offence.
What's the official secrets act even for?
I suppose it stops low level plebs leaking/selling whatever they like, like that bloke and them gays at the Cyprus base, but yeah lol at it applying to people above a certain level.
Gavin Williamson and Priti Patel are apparently too important. Truly the worst timeline.
Gavin Williamson was a stupid one because if he deserved the sack then he should have been charged. He will have been put up to it by half the senior management, who would all have been implicated in any proper investigation, and you can't have that.
I'm very bored, running out of things to do by 10am on a Monday can't be a good sign.
Booked in for the office tommorrow. I thought I'd test the waters and essentially told them I cba to which they replied fair enough. :cool:
Just received my itinerary for Spain, six different Ibis hotels in successive nights :drool:
They're also having a barney about who has to pay for my flight, the company or the guy I'm going with. Professional as ever at the home of professionalism.
Why would the guy you're going with pay?
Because he's on commission or whatever. I don't know. The good thing is that I'm copied into all the emails arguing about it.
I'd have even money on the company begrudgingly footing the bill.
What the sweet fuck is this? We've just had our once every fortnight expectation increased to once every week.Quote:
Originally Posted by Manc
That's mental. The company has to cover the travel costs. CC me in Jim, I'm not having this.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Just fwded to spikey@gypobastards.gov.uk
On another note, the company chairman has just emailed the whole company recommending we click this youtube link for the 'words of wisdom' within. I can't bear to do it so I'll let TTH look for me: https://youtu.be/c7V1qLLsn7M
Witaf is that? :D
It's over nine years old for a start. Maybe it sewed the seeds for clapping for the NHS.
I still haven't clicked it but it's gone to all employees worldwide so I trust it's a cross-cultural banger and will not damage his credibility in any way.
:lol:
Teh Fuge had "match day song for boro" as an anthem, and now the New Board has one too.
That is incredible.
Some lovely banjo work there
Well that's me convinced.
At my place we are all getting $5000 as some sort of thank you for working during Covid. :drool:
Bastards. I got absolutely fuck all extra and never missed a day.
Less than a year ago the talk was all about how we were going bankrupt, so I do not know what changed but I will take it.
Buy a beat up truck to race.
I suggested it to Ms. Pepe but she thinks that we should use it to pay for daycare instead. :(
Tell her they only gave $500, not $5000 and just keep the truck at work or a friends.
Secret Truck. :cool:
She also gets the free money, so there is no hiding it.
Tell her you got less and the place must be racist.
Working with the Mrs, foiling dreams again.
My department got anally reamed by Covid (had to smash the first few months implementing a reactionary timetable) and our reward has been no pay rise for 2 years :moop:
Lofty why didn't you just become a train driver? It sounds like a right scam.
They would never admit it but there was strong suggestion off the record I was too tall.
Can't they put the seat down a bit?
Yeah it's not a fighter jet you big mong.
The seat in a lot of older rolling stock is fixed to the bulkhead so it isn't very adjustable. There was an interview I had where a lot of people were shocked and there was a strong suspicion I had been nobbled: I was the only one not to progress and my interview was less than half the length of everyone else's. A friend in the union was up for pushing it but I was looking to relocate anyway.
I'm over the shifts to be honest. When you caught 4 4am or earlier shifts in a row it was a killer. Also I think the only ones who really enjoy it are the enthusiasts who love the whole thing anyway. By all accounts it's pretty boring and comes down to sustained concentration, I know a lot of people who went driving fairly young and are bored but can't leave now as they can't take the salary hit.
One of my major issues with that side of stuff was getting leave granted too, was an extremely contentious issue all round. At least in my role now I never have that issue and usually have the ability to choose my hours etc. We have just seemed to have gone under the cosh in March 2020 and never had any let up since, for various reasons.
They could've put a sunroof in and given you a pair of goggles.
Loftys main problem in life is his refusal to bully. Chokeslam a few suits and he'd be driving the world's first tripple decker train within a fortnight.
What you're saying here is to pass the interview, you needed your chair to be miles away from the interviewer. Social distancing could've done you a real favour. If only they needed drivers during the leanest timetables of the pandemic. :moop:
On a related note, back in April my manager offered a job to a woman after a Zoom interview who promptly informed him that she was about to drop and thanks for the maternity leave. Unlucky, sweetheart, you don't start work until your clearances pass. She then mysteriously turned the job down.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
Surely she would have had to work 6 months to qualify for that anyway? We had a pilot apply in our team but rebuffed him. They took another one on in a different office, lo and behold restrictions ease and he's fucked it off to go flying again, who could have predicted that.
I think she was already in the department or re-deployment pool or whatever.
The patriarchy fails our sisters once again.
http://consciousmagazine.co/wp-conte...cle-1-of-2.jpg
Come move to Europe. We have plenty of double-decker trains to transport giant Dutch people around hereQuote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
Someone posted in a Facebook group I read that they're currently in the early stages of being sued because he sacked someone who was shit after 1 month on the job. The woman is claiming it's because she was pregnant. He had no idea - she hadn't told anyone there, and he just assumed she was fat.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
My first train stateside was a double-decker.Quote:
Originally Posted by Raoul Duke
£18 spent on lunch today. Fuck all collaboration or value gained from office presence. So mindless :happycry:
I said I’d go in every Wednesday but I forgot to book it today so fuck it.
Waste of time with my team lead on annual leave anyway.
Must be terrible running a business right now. I don’t think anyone gives a shit.
My man went and got himself a fucking Pret sandwich and salad instead of supporting his brother Alireza and paying £6 for a Koobideh combo that would fill his scrawny body until Friday. You hate to see it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Don
£18 for a lunch you can't taste?
Pack a sandwich you silly cunt.
This is the problem with your office being based in downtown Dubai. All the Alirezas have been given a state suit and tie and think serving the white man for £11 p/h is a respectable life. Makes you sick.
I take in pasta normally, you fuck. I thought the first proper day back warranted a social lunch.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
Sandwich? This isn't The Blitz.
Don't tell the gammons that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Manc
Been in to actual meetings these past two days. First one was annoying cos I turned up and opened my laptop to send some emails while the room filled up and then about 6 people dialled in remotely via Teams, so I could have done that. Then we went round doing introductions, including myself, and then bloke chairing it was like 'and now those remoting in, first it's [me]' so I quickly interrupted with 'I'm already here, I just introduced myself.' Dickhead. He tried to palm it off by joking it was the first meeting he's chaired where he's not wearing pyjamas but it's too late, he's on my shitlist.
They also had these weird Perspex screens on every desk, separating everyone. Except they were only the width of the table (we were sat in like a big horseshoe shape, with a desk each but all connected) so when I was talking to the bloke next to me about our roles, there was no screen between us. Very 'token gesture' waste of money.
Todays meeting was better cos, well, this happened:
Toggle Spoiler
:lol:
:lol:
:D
That can't be the first time you've made that choice. :D
Wear a complete suit of it. Full camo
Are the socks made of carpet or is the carpet made of socks?
It'll be the new pit / crater, I tells ya.
Please make it happen, Baz.Quote:
Originally Posted by Raoul Duke
Was the first time I’d ever been in that building.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
Sock banter aside, the colour combination of trouser & shoe should see you executed.
We're getting completely overwhelmed again at the moment. We had children waiting in the corridor for beds tonight as literally every bed (+ rooms which aren't usually used for patients) was full. I've never seen that before
Someone's going to die at some point.
In a hospital? You don't say!
Is it linked to Novid/Lurgy or is it just because googling symptoms on NHS website isn't fixing people?
We're not an A and E, we're an assessment unit. Kids who make it to us have already been seen by another medical professional and felt to be unwell enough to need to go to hospital (which isn't necessarily always the case, but still). They aren't kids with grazed knees and shouldn't be sitting in a corridor waiting for beds.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
It's not common at all for this to be happening in this kind of setting (I've never seen it), especially not in Paediatrics. It's incredibly unsafe.
It's mostly that all the viral illnesses that make kids unwell (not covid) didn't spread last year because of lockdown, so now they are back with a vengeance. Our numbers of sick babies with bronchiolitis requiring high dependency care are what they would usually be in the depths of winter.Quote:
Originally Posted by Don
Are you getting alot of kids that have "seen" a GP via the medium of a chat over the phone?Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
My daughters school and my sons nursery are brutal at the moment. Absolutely everyone is ill. Vomiting viruses seem to be highly fashionable right now. We are fortunately behind the times for now.Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
Yes, and a lot of babies who're being referred in by midwives with feeding issues/weight loss who haven't actually seen the baby. It's...poor.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
It's like everyone else can just throw their hands up and cry "covid" and avoid a certain proportion of their work load, but we are the last line of defence so everything they shirk falls on us.
It's one of the main areas we're going to look back on and wonder what the fuck we were playing at. It's mental.Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
Shit like this:
But atleast you didn't get Covid, Nick lad. I'd be out for blood if this shit had happened to me.
Never mind I misheard that on first listen.
Even then I doubt "several weeks" is enough time to have elapsed for anyone to tell him it was the reason his cancer was inoperable. It's just not something a medical professional would say (unless the delay was something genuinely egregious like a year).
We obviously don't have the timeline, but he had the antibiotics for a week, saw it was getting worse 6 weeks later, then had to wait for the referral. I don't know how long that took, but we're looking at 7 weeks even if everything was immediate.
That said, isn't "a rash around a mole" a "proceed straight to hospital, do not Pass Go, do not collect £200"? So maybe the GP would have made the same mistake in person.
Yeah, any changes around a mole would trigger alarm bells.
Yeah, IDK, it's hard without knowing all the details of the case. I just seriously doubt any doctor has told him that the delay is the reason his cancer is inoperable, as he's said they did.
Dermatologists I think do a fair amount of stuff via images nowadays, but a GP deeming a dodgy mole as fine from a picture is beyond brave IMO.
Who knows. Salt to be pinched all round with these things, but there will be enough real examples of GP's missing things over the phone causing avoidable deaths.
Who is at fault for this? Are GP's deciding to work this way? Or is it Lee's and failed Army Officers steering the ship?
As much as it pisses me off when I'm the one dealing with the fallout, I find it hard to really blame GPs. Essentially what has happened is pre-covid they were completely and utterly overwhelmed. Covid forced them to work in a different way - with a lot more phone appointments for example - which has given them some semblance of being able to manage the patient load. They now don't want to go back to how things were before and are clinging onto the changes covid brought about.
The fact it's just shifted the problem elsewhere is shit but I think most people would be lying if they claim they're too virtuous to have done the same in that situation.
There will absolutely be pressure from Practice Managers to keep working like this, regardless of whether the GPs are keen on it or not (but I'd imagine a lot of GPs are keen to keep working like this).
What I do blame them for is handing out countless antibiotic prescriptions over the phone for things which patently aren't bacterial infections.
My Step Dad trained to become an ECP after many years of being a Paramedic. He had to shadow a GP for a few months as part of the training, and he was told by his mentor that Antibiotics were routinely used to shut up time wasters as it was quicker than explaining that a viral infection would clear up on its own. That was about 15 years ago now. I'm glad to see progress has been made.Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
I genuinely think it had, but has gone backwards with covid. Maybe they are scared of missing the bacterial infections because they aren't physically seeing the patients to make a proper assessment, so are just giving antibiotics to cover their arses.
I remember a few years back anitbiotic reaistance seemed to be in the news a lot. I'm assuming that potential problem hasn't just gone away so when's that gonna come back to bite us on the arse?
There are already extensively drug resistant, and possibly totally drug resistant, strains of TB around.
I applied for a job where they said they were going to learn towards POC applicants so I thought my white cis ass had zero chance but held out hope. Didn’t get an interview. They just announced they hired a white kid called Jerry that already had the place on his LinkedIn prior to the hiring that’s working it alongside his several thousand dollar a month patreon where he talks about The Simpsons.
that kind of shit is the worst.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Im on day 9 of 10 of a penicillin course for tonsillitis at the moment. Diagnosed purely over the phone by god knows who bothered to call me back. She didn't ask for photos purely trusted what I'd told her. I do get it fairly often so maybe she could see in my notes I have a fair bit of experience with it? A few years back they were having me in to look and sending off swab samples.Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
Funniest thing though was she told me to wait a few days before I start taking them 'just in case' it goes away. Fuck that
A lad I know had an appointment at 5pm on a friday to talk about getting help for his drug addiction and the GP said 'this is too complicated to sort at this time on a friday, make another appointment' :D
Wife had similar issues with her GP not ringing when arranged then being pithy that she didn't pick up on the first ring when finally ringing. They must have forgot some people never went home during covid and can't/don't want to take personal medical calls in an office full of people.
I'm in the office again today and have just been speaking to one of my colleagues that has a poorly kid.
"My little one is so poorly, bless her. We've put a humidifier in her room with Olbas Oil in it to help her breathe, but we've still barely slept."
Been there, Sister (thisiswhatafeministlookslike.jpg).
Then she continued:
"The only problem is her windows end up getting covered in condensation, so we've had to buy a dehumidifier before we get mold around the window".
I need a new job. Fuck these people.
Congratulations to Jerry from Talking Simpsons. It could've been worse.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
https://www.patreon.com/thesquizzy
It does highlight a problem with favouring minority candidates, though. They need to come forward in numbers and need to present themselves well. It's probably a fruitless endeavour unless you get real lucky.Quote:
I am making an 18+ parody game of the simpsons, You play as a tenant who is moving into the Simpson household. Marge kicked out Homer after Bart went to prison, of course she got sick of all Homers drinking. You had to move house because the only college that would let you in is in Simpvill. You go around the town of Simpvill making "friends" with the local girls. You're just a realistic guy stuck in a town full of simps, who could blame the girls for being fed up.
Sorry, wtf?Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
https://i.imgur.com/0wcaFAS.png
I hope he hasn't got one for Maggie.
Well....Quote:
Originally Posted by Smjffy
What a difference a few weeks make. I came home on Friday for a week and today I went for a interview for a place opening in my home town mid-November, six figure investment which is nice and a brand new kitchen. They've only gone and offered me the gig. :huh:
Working from home has really, really broke my ability to get my head down. This week back in the office can't end soon enough.
My urge to work is plummeting almost as fast as my urge to kill is rising. It's not working from home though because I'm no better in the office. I just don't give a flying fuck any more.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
Unfortunately the job and the flexibility around school runs make finding a different job pretty difficult so I'm stuck here until my wife can learn to drive (currently a year long waiting list for the test).
I definitely need a new job. Bored out of my tree basically all the time and the job itself is getting more annoying.
A promotion of sorts has been listed and one of our managers expressed his surprise that I hadn't applied. Told him I wasn't interested and really hoping they don't ask me about it again.
I work better from home than in the office after the enforced office absence. Surprised with all the covid headlines that they haven't shut the office yet. My main problem at the moment is the workload is high and we are a man down long term so our usual 'quiet' period was non-existent and we are now hurtling towards the turbo end of the year with a lot less buffer between deadlines than I'd like.
On the whole people seem to have completely fallen off.
I'm pretty switched off but thankfully, I'm changing in two weeks. I think more frequent office time will help reconnect my brain to it and convincing myself it's worthwhile and not a slow march to death.
We've had loads of people leave in our office. Either they want to work from home (not possible with us) or they are just bored out of their mind and want any sort of change. Sometimes I feel the same but I'm a look-before-you-leap sort.
We've only had a couple leave since the redundancies last year. One of which was an actual death. We're in a situation where we're not really dealing with our workload and the higher ups aren't either. So there's chances for development and I might go that route soon just to make things interesting.
We went through mass redundancies last year and in a shocking turn of events, we’ve realised that we now don’t have enough staff to do what we need, so are now externally hiring a load of people.
Our leadership showing their strengths once again.
The rail industry is currently doing voluntary severance across the board because Grant Shapps has recommended it, despite projections showing it doesn't actually have enough staff to achieve it's aims.
Works changed it so I can’t use Teams to chat to anyone outside of my organisation and it’s ruined my day.
It's a chefs market at the moment. I've been offered another position today and now I'm confused. I hate having decisions to make, nice ones in this instance but notoriously bad for making the right one.
I wouldn't be the main man here which isn't a problem. I either take the one offered with the refurb, smack bang in the centre of my home town or I take the plunge and take the one offered down south. I could even go back to Cornwall and be ex chefs No2 from November 1st but I really haven't got a clue what to do right now.
Suggestions? Normally I take whatever is offered and go from there but I can afford to be a little more selective so nothing needs deciding today. Just a little perplexed at what to do now. :-/
I've been in the office three times this week so far and spoken to actual people, which is nice. What isn't nice however is the drilling for oil (I've no idea what they're actually doing, or why it needs to be done until December) going on outside.
Work out what's most jmportant for you and go from there.Quote:
Originally Posted by Smjffy
You can always chat ut through with the people who have offered you the job and ask for more money, creative control etc.
This is interfering too much with Oxford City action.Quote:
Originally Posted by Yevrah
Get on this 'Too good to go' app. You pay a less than 50% price for a lucky dip bag of food these gaffs were gonna chuck. Sensational app until it becomes popular and the idea collapses on itself.
I’ve used it twice. Was shite and felt like I was a nuisance for showing up, cos the staff were clearly fed up of scruffs turning up and stealing the stuff they’d otherwise take home to their abusive partners. Can’t even remember what food I got but it didn’t feel like a bargain.
Learned a new job this week for what will effectively kill a couple of hours. I'll take it because the bread and butter of the role is fucking tedium.
I'm back in the office to discover that the bloke next to me who had quit has now un-quit, and the director of finance is signed off with stress. This is the best company ever.
Did the MD say 'welcome back, Jayden'?
Back in the office tommorrow as I've run out of excuses. Talk of 2/3 days a week throughout November. Plan B can't come quick enough.
That's more like it, you weasel. Once a week for us, no rumours of an increase on that and I'd find it unlikely until 2022.
I'm actually working from home this afternoon as there's a glazier coming round, it's bloody awful. If I could chuck three grand at a state of the art office area, then yeah, maybe.
It was a good run. My plan is to cut productivity by a third on office days.Quote:
Originally Posted by Don
Here's one thing I've noticed about the pandemic. The fat people in the office got fatter. Universally. They've reversed the decision on facemasks and now they are to be worn away from desks. Fucking jobsworths. :D
Well this is completely pointless.
There's a new guy in our department this week, working under me and another guy. He's the son of the company's Arab sales rep, and has been 'in trouble with the law' in Jordan. By his own admission he's been sent over here in a deal between his father and the company owner in order to 'keep him out of trouble'. The way he will keep out of trouble is that he has a five year temporary visa here, linked to the company, and any problems he causes in the UK will cause him to be deported and back into the hands of the Jordanian authorities, so his dad figures that this will force him onto the straight and narrow. As reasons for hiring someone to your company go, it's right up there.
They tried putting him in finance first but he made a tit of himself there (hence the director being signed off with stress), so now they're trying him in sales. Cheers lads.
What did he do in Jordan?
What did he do to make a tit of himself with such repercussions?
Has he thought about buying a premier league football club?
Strolled around like he owned the place, and responded to any rebukes or attempted correction with 'Do you know how much money my dad makes for the company'.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
Good luck :eyemouth:
Sounds like a lost cause so. Deported by Christmas.
I was going to ask if he's a mong or just a cunt and but it sounds like he's definitely the latter anyway.
It's very decent of your work to keep giving you fresh hells to deal with for the benefit of the thread.
One of my mates has just walked out of his work having told his boss to go fuck himself. His wife is going to kill him and I've no idea how he's going to feed his children, but aside from those little details I am insanely jealous.
Child starvation is a small price to pay for how good that must feel.