Spoonsky is a nonce lol.
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Spoonsky is a nonce lol.
Hi @Spoonsky you pleb.
:face:
Give me a job spoony you little prick
Been dealing with some Bristol people today. I bloody love that west country accent.
Going out with the MD for a meal and a few drinks. Hoping to get some really juicy shit.
You'll probably end up fired.
Knocked up some shit on this yesterday and today and the managers (including the office managers' manager in the US) seemed really impressed. One of the senior guys on my team did all the hard work by doing the SQL queries to get the data from the database anyway. One of the managers here said "you're our Qlik SME now" and jotted down "lunch n' learn Qlik" (they buy lunch, someone does a presentation on some aspect of their job to teach others about it) on her notepad in a meeting and the US guy said it was 'amazing work' when I emailed him the sample.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
That all probably sounds a bit big-headed/braggy but that's not what I'm trying to get at. Like I said, I'm planning to leave and had been planning to tell them this Friday but now I'm completely dreading it and feel really bad about it - a little bit of praise and I'll lick your balls. I'm a sucker for that shit.
How long have you been there again?
A month and a half. Realised pretty soon into it though that there's never going to be that much coding and I feel like the job was pretty much mis-sold to me by the recruiter.
When an American says 'amazing work' he usually means 'I haven't read your email and I'm eating two bagels and a watered down coffee.'
Got to have more staying power than that, btw.
I'd leave it off your CV when you move on from your new job if I were you. It's better to be unemployed than only last 6 weeks.
Yeah, I will do.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
On the board.
Do you mean you're on the Board? Or is this cryptic code for he fingered you in the back of his car?Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
The office useless cunt is being moved sideways into a job that doesn't need doing, and then his job - which is basically a shell of a job, because he delegates/fobs everything off onto two others - will be filled in time. I suggested just sacking him and giving us all a share of his wages, which seemed like a popular idea, but apparently 'it doesn't work like that'. Well, yeah. My point exactly.
I dunno whether useless lifers are geniuses or just complete miracles of circumstance. I think it's more the latter, especially in the offices I've worked in.
Back to work today after 5 and a half weeks off.
Got two inset days which are always the most boring days. Much rather just start back with the kids in from day one and get on with it.
I took today off. I could still make it in for starting time though.
Certainly for big companies (or the ones I've worked for) it's just not very easy to get rid of somebody unless they do something actively awful.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
A woman worked in our bit for two years and was never in danger of getting the boot despite being entirely incompetent until she accidentally swore on a call. And even then it wasn't found via a complaint, just dumb luck that they picked her call for a calibration.
So maybe you're right about the circumstance thing.
I think it's a bit of both, the amount of people who got away with being shit at DuPont was wild because their supervisor was in another country. I can't say much considering I was shagging the bird two offices down while on a conference call. #ladladladbanterbanterladQuote:
Originally Posted by Ian
Thinly veiled excuse to tell that story.
Duh. It was practically the last time a woman let me touch her.
Last day at this job today. :jayjay:
What are you going to be doing now?
Selling Amazon referral codes.
Working in an office. :happycry:Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
i drive about 35 miles to work every day.
today, upon arriving, my boss (off-site) asked me to call her. she then asked if i could drive 60 miles back in the direction i just came (and then further obviously) to cover at another facility.
i get to this facility (i do like financial assistance for uninsured patients) and i have literally no access to anything.
so i've been sat here since 1:15 just trying to pass the time. I still have two hours to go.
Providing they'll cover the petrol for the extra drive that sounds like a decent wheeze.
It’s America, the petrol probably only cost about 13c for that journey.
So my company has enabled call recording for all calls.
Fair enough, but it also applies to my work mobile (which I also use for my personal calls). What can I do. :(
Use your own phone for personal calls.
Call people on WhatsApp or Google Duo.
There was a dial in today and the ‘modernisation’ has been cancelled so my job is safe. I don’t want it, but it’s safe. In other news I have an interview tomorrow. The job is local and would double my wage, but the interview is in North fucking London.
I got a call yesterday about a job that would suit my field in a massive company that I've always wanted to get into. Any foot in the door and into the industry and you'd be well set. But it means going back to car ownership and I don't know if I could at this stage.
I got screamed and sworn at by a customer for no reason today. Finished the day by emailing management saying I will never deal with said customer again, so if they want his business they'll have to reassign him to someone else. Feels good man.
I have a slight worry that said customer is on the verge of suicide because his business is a complete failing piece of shit, we've revoked all his credit, and a few years ago a boat with one of his engines in it fucking sank, but that's not my responsibility.
Deleted all of my suspect calls. :)
Ah, recorded calls. There's a tape of me somewhere agreeing to a customer's demands, knowing I was leaving a couple of days later. :cool:
The nearest tube is ‘only’ 15 minutes walk away. Through 2 estates. Naaaaaaah Fam. Uber.com.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
You work with farmers, I'm surprised half of them haven't blown their heads off already.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
I mainly sell to little one man band parts traders or dodgy import/export dealers, who when they reach the point of desperation about a deal being delayed (usually with an equally dodgy customer of their own) just can't hack it. This particular one there is a fairly bad back story, to cut a long story short we lost one of our shipments to him because it was shipped to his ex-wife's address and he isn't allowed on the property unless under supervision.
First week back has knocked me on my arse. Fucking shattered.
Working in an office seems great. I sit next to an absolutely top bloke who reminds me so much of someone from TV but I can’t think who, and it really frustrates me. No amount of vague googling could ever solve it so hopefully it randomly comes to me before I go mad. He spent most of yesterday listening to cricket on headphones.
As for the job, it seems pretty straight forward. Another new guy started three days before me, doing the same job, so I’ve decided I’m gonna ruin his life by being ridiculously better than him at all aspects. I can tell he’s already gutted cos he’s sat on the women’s desks whereas me, Roger and Steve had lad lad lad banter. I even made a wanking joke yesterday when one of them was polishing his apple.
Sounds like an episode of the office that didn't make it
I am definitely Gareth.
Is it Clive Anderson?
Had someone in on a trial week this week for a junior role. Despite starting horrendously and clearly being out of their depth, I've been genuinely impressed by how hard they've worked and improved as the week has gone on.
I've decided to take them on. Hopefully they can pick things up quickly because we're flooded with work at the moment.
Back to work tomorrow after two weeks off. I'm hoping all of China has imploded otherwise I'll be suicidal.
Just received this e-mail:
I wasn't aware we could even get in the building on a Saturday. Some people at this place work too hard.Quote:
Please, be aware that this coming Saturday, September 15th, the cleaning company will clean the carpets of the entire office. It will be impossible to come in the office to work during the day in case you were planning to do so.
Speaking of Saturday, I have to attend an "admissions open house" this weekend. Only one hour and I will get free lunch, but still.
Leaving for India on Thursday. Going through Charlotte NC, straight into the path of Florence :moop:
My boss already left to take a weeks holiday in Europe. She was offered $800 by the airline to take a different flight. Hoping the same happens to me :yn:
Working in an office seems good. Today a woman came round with cupcakes and then in the kitchen there was a plate of “party food” with a sign saying help yourself so I had a few sausage rolls. Still not had my work email set up so there’s been very little work to do. I sat in a meeting today and was asked to take notes but I didn’t have a clue what most of them were on about so my notes were sketchy to say the least.
I’ve been “working on” a spreadsheet for over two days now (read: staring at excel, it took me twenty minutes) so that’s kept me looking rosy. I just spend my time chatting to TEH LADS. One of them has been sampling all the non-alcoholic beers somehow recommended to him by Adrian “Adrian” Chiles and the other told me about how he makes his own mead. :)
:sick:
Rather pick stone.
Was out at a UX conference all day today :cool:
Looking at Danny's post, I'm reminded the congressman or whatever of North Carolina's been emailing out evacuation notices ahead of the hurricane. If you're wondering how he got my address, some jobsite in NC must've nabbed it a while back.
Our work is snowed under at the minute. Our usual work is so boring that a full day on it really hits it home. The union lot are currently balloting for the pay review. Can't imagine that'll go well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raoul Duke
:nodd:Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
Was that UX Cambridge?Quote:
Originally Posted by Raoul Duke
Maybe he was just in Uxbridge and tries to make it sound fancy.
Interview next week for this. It's been a while.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
YeahQuote:
Originally Posted by SvN
Who knew work would go faster when I'm not on a massive come down.
I've only made 1 sale in like 4 months.
Am I going to be sacked?
In fairness it was a £13,000 sale.
If sales was your only role, then you probably deserve it. Even if their margins are 50% (which they definitely won't be), you'll have made the company a profit of £6,500 in 4 months. That's approx £1.6k per month, which is presumably considerably less than what they pay you.
Magic forgot to factor 'being a shitty salesman' into his 'I'm going to be rich' plan.
Yeah I can only sell via channel, so I've spent most of my time trying to get good channel and repair the damage done by years of fuckwits.
My pipeline is looking good though. £134,500 over 3 years.
And I've got more leads but I don't want to put them in to the pipeline because it would give a false impression. I hate telecoms.
That's 45 grand a year in revenue. That's not looking good.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
Got a job ad in my inbox advertising for a 'Motion Designer for Serie A' and got really hyped up. It's a company called Serie A not the league :moop:
No but I plan to add to that, obviously. I've been groundworking the shit out of channel since the end of June so I'm hoping that starts to bear fruit soon. Otherwise I'm fucked.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
‘I can do you a cracking deal on WiFi extenders’.
You'd need to be some sort of alchemist to design any motion for that league.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Submitted an application for professional accreditation which involves writing a report answering questions about scenarios and providing information on how you've done that.
Developed it with my 'mentor' and then got a separate 'fellow' of the organisation to review it before submitting. There's five sections, each with 2-4 sub questions.
The feedback from the person who reviewed my report? 'Provide more examples' for every single sub section. I'd given a detailed response to each question with a single example. Apparently that's not at all what they're looking for, they basically want a ramble of multiple examples loosely connected to each query.
Great. I'll re-write the whole thing then. :moop:
You don't need to re-write the full thing. Just provide more examples.
I was already pretty close up against the word count limit.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
Tbf, it doesn't really help me with anything and I submitted it opportunely. I'll sort it at some point.
My job today involves listening to a panel of Emmanuel Macron and Bill and Melinda Gates. I want to jump out the window.
Ask Bill Gates why, if he thinks wealthy people like him should pay more tax, he hasn't handed his foundations over to the government.
Got randomly pulled into the manager's office today to be told that I'm brilliant, 'eat work faster than anyone here', and that he can 'promise me' a great end of year pay review.
I've been around the block enough times to know that this only means one of two things, 1) someone's getting fired and not replaced, or 2) he's about to take some countries out of someone else's sales portfolio and give them to me.
I'm not at the UN, I just have to listen to it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
Not really a 'job' that mate, watching telly.
3) Keys to a tractor.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Revelation: TTH works in work.
I was moaning about my job being crap a while ago (it still is) but today I got a 22% pay increase so that's certainly a plus.
You work for Amazon or something? 22 sounds mental.
Well that shits all over my 3.5%.
Yesterday the head announced he was leaving. Which is a shitter, as he was a decent head, god knows what we'll end up with. Maybe another embezzler.
Do you work for one of the big US brands?
.
American oil company.
It was a big rise for the vast majority of guys in the workshop. That many have been leaving in the past year (think we were in the teens at the last count) that the new manager has restructured the pay and grading- I say restructured, there was no structure, it was an absolute cluster fuck, almost nobody on the workshop floor had the same salary and recently qualified apprentices etc. had been criminally underpaid for a couple of years. We got a derisory pay rise in the Spring after a 4 year pay freeze, I wasn't the worst at 3% but plenty only got 1%.
All the while you hear of next to useless office staff that know bugger all about the equipment getting 10%+ pay rises along with productivity bonuses. Not sure how many other companies have a bonus like that in place for the non-productive staff only yet the guys that actually turnover the equipment just get offered overtime as if it's some sort of holy grail.
It's been a long time coming, fair play to the new manager though because it's him that's been the driving force behind it putting the case forward to upper management. One of the guys I work with is now on £10k more than he was before that crap pay rise earlier in the year.
I got a 9% bonus this year and don't know what to do with it. I can't imagine jumping 22 in a year.
We don't even get annual pay reviews because we're already above what people at our grade in other departments are. :moop:
I'll never get a payrise, but I found out today in my mini-annual review that I'm about seventy per cent through my annual targets after three months, so maybe I'll just stop turning up after Christmas.
Quality. Do you have a decent bonus / share scheme?Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan Shearer The 2nd
It's kind of the opposite for us. The guys offshore get paid loads because of the rotation, then get paid loads if they ever come into the office to work. We office technical support staff get effectively underpaid overtime to go offshore on a helicopter, be away from home and in a more hazardous environment.
I've just been asked to do some infographics.
Feel like @phonics. :cool:
You start being an adult and invest it in some ETFs.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Lol yeah right. 20% of my salary already goes into my pension and we’ll all be dead before I get to use that anyway.Quote:
Originally Posted by Panda Bear
No.Quote:
Originally Posted by Foe
There was an employee retention bonus in place previously which was good, every 6 months it was 10% of your gross earnings thank you very much. I didn't get many after finishing my apprenticeship when they stopped it due to how the industry went.
Always managed to coincide with a massive car bill too. :moop:
We're on for just over £100k profit this year, which is our best year ever outside of 2015 which was a bit of a freak. What's great is that this is despite 2 big projects horrendously overrunning - if we can eliminate those from happening next year, we should beat it significantly.
I'm moving back to the Midlands in about 12 months so I can be in the office every day. I don't think I'll miss Southampton.
Will that become your salary then? Or are you planning to expand/spread the wealth in bonuses?
I take a salary anyway, so any dividend will be on top of that. I own 42% of the company so I'll be entitled to 42% of whatever dividend I decide to issue. Staff will definitely get bonuses.
Shame. We've got a pretty solid share scheme. I signed up to a 3 year scheme where you get an option price, chuck £250 a month at it and at the end have the option to take back your money, or buy the shares at the option price. There's 11 months left, and currently the share price is double the option price. :drool:Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan Shearer The 2nd
Bonus scheme isn't bad either.
Ps congrats SvN.
Have you seen much expansion, or has it been pretty steady?
Having a proper hating life day at work. Bad enough that they're all stupid, but why must they all stink of shit. Best are the ones who complain about direct debits bouncing. 'WHY HAS THIS NOT GONE THROUGH, I'M MOVING BANKS', it's because you've spent all your money you daft twat.
Vote Tory
It's been steady, really. Most of the profit has come from new recurring income (mostly support contracts) and also a lot of cost saving measures. The former MD, who is brilliant in a lot of ways, is terrible with administrative tasks. We were spending literally thousands per month that we didn't need.Quote:
Originally Posted by Foe
A perfect example was a dedicated server we'd had since 2009 that we were paying around £1.2k per month for. We had it to host around 90-100 websites that were mostly basic, static websites. We moved them all to a couple of cloud servers and now pay around £60 per month to host them all. That alone saved us around £14k per year.
Got invited to a job interview for a civil service job but the only interview slots are on a day when I'm down in Manchester for work. :moop:
I imagine the Civil Service are a bit dickish about these things but I've emailed asking if I can't move it if I can do it by teleconference or something.
Don’t do it.
What, work for the civil service?
It's hard to beat that warm, fuzzy feeling of serving your country. :chief:
I doubt I've used that smiley in a decade. See? It's a great life.
Yes. No way. No how.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
I've worked in the public sector, it's a genuinely awful place. There's no possible preparation for how awful it is. Everyone is fucking useless and it's almost a crime to earn money.
I mean there isn't much about it that I feel like I could hate more than I now do my current job (which it sounds much the same as) but I'd be getting an extra 20%-ish salary. Maybe they will refuse to move it and the decision will be out of my hands.
If you don’t like your job and have the chance to get a new one, DO IT.
Just go with the highest pay. No job is for liking.
:nodd:Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
At least with me being private sector doing a civil service job (because the government does fuck all in-house, these days) mychances of being made redundant go up a bit.
I helped one of my guys do a survey at a BODY that was a mix of public and private staff. The former were just absolute cunts.
I entered an internal competition at work which is a sort of think like a fintech (or give us some good ideas so we can develop them). It'll mean just trying to be creative for a few weeks rather than the day job and they place you in Germany for them.
We're about to launch a new major product, and it involves training in Holland. My counter-part that I moved to sales with and my old boss have been invited, and I haven't. Absolutely fucking seething.
From what I can gather, almost four months in, the main issue (rather than problem) with the state sector is that everything has to be idiot-proofed because, whilst there are obviously idiots working in it, its functions are generally also more idiot-facing than most non-retail businesses. My part of it is pretty specialist, and we can mostly just get on, so stupid rules and regulations either just get ignored or followed but complained about/lolled at (most of the stupid stuff we deal with is the bits that interact with the private sector). If you're working in a local council you can't really do that, but your processes have to accommodate the absolute retards who don't know their National Insurance numbers but want a free mobility scooter anyway the fat sponge cunt.
There is also the fact that mooks end up running everything because the good people leave, but other than throwing money around I'm not sure how you resolve that one across the board.
I'd put some of the incompetence down to having to accommodate dead weight that they can't give VR to. They have to put them somewhere and they're nowhere near retirement. I'll agree on some customers being idiots, though. There's always one I ring that'll have no idea they applied for something. Whilst I stare at the paperwork they signed.
Lewis is going to leave this job realising that everyone in government is trying to do the best they can and end up voting Labour.
You start to be sympathetic, but then you learn that the office useless twat, who is being 'moved sideways' when they should just sack the lazy cunt, will remain in the higher salary band from his old job that he is being forcibly shuffled out of for never actually doing it. You wot mate.
Ah, but one day YOU could be that useless cunt. That's the long game. I might aspire / settle for it in twenty years time.
Yeah but that's literally every job you'll ever do not a public sector issue. You're either in a company that's too small to have any lifers or big enough that you can hide in the background. Look at SvN, he had that pleb nailed as an absolute plonk less than a week in and it still took him months to shift him. Imagine that but with 20 years of knowing where the skeletons are hidden.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
Did SvN sack that idiot/tell us the whole story yet?
Yeah a month back or so. It was the top post on a new page so you can find it easily. IIRC the guy that got sacked wasn't too bothered.
We have about fifteen people, and it's a standing office joke that he does nothing. I can't imagine a small business hauling that sort of dead weight.
Yeah I had a search and found it. Then I remembered actually reading it at the time.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
In other news, I like my job.
I'm happy for you Boyd. Chance of upward movement?Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Some businesses run quicker than others. Either someone's doubling up or they give the useless one something they can actually do.
Should be, yeah. Not too worried about that yet though.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
There's a man in our warehouse who is very autistic, kind of like an idiot savant (think Patchface from the GRRM books). He is known for randomly spitting out deadly accurate impressions of singers, sitcom characters etc with no rhyme or reason, or just reciting tongue twisters in the middle of the office.
Recently, I've noticed that whenever I walk past him he shouts out MI-ISS DAISY! in a southern US accent. I've been desperately trying to work out the reference to no avail. Do I (fatty baldy beardy, no resemblance to Morgan Freeman) look like someone from the film who says that? It's starting to annoy me if I'm honest.
You're getting donned by a spastic.
:lol:
Exactly, and I'm not happy about it.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
The chat about dead weights and inefficiency at work reminds me of when I was the dead weight. I got a temp job in an office that was £10/hour. On my floor it was 4-5 sales people, 3 project managers (on mega bucks) and a couple of managers (6 figures), and two dopey but lovely middle-aged women who just did data entry/admin shit.
I was brought in just as general admin assistance, no direct chain of command (I was below everyone but didn't have a specific line manager), and the idea was that I was the pleb that everyone in the office could give work to. In theory I should have had a constant stream of tedious data entry shit, but in reality the office CLEARLY didn't need me there. I'm still not entirely sure why I was hired.
I was there during the 2015 cricket world cup, and I remember spending two whole days on here and listening to cricket games. The third day this bloke gave me this random excel thing to do at about 9am. Got to about 4pm and I thought ahh shit should probably do that. Smashed it out in 15 minutes, gave it to the bloke and he said "wow Igor, I thought that would take a good week or so" "..."
It wasn't because they thought I was an idiot (honest), but rather that everyone who worked there was old enough that doing anything on a computer was just inherently slow and difficult. Office full of people typing with one finger etc.
Part of me thinks that if I hadn't quit for my ill-advised spell in Edinburgh, they still wouldn't have gotten rid of me 3 years later, lol.
Just got a new job working as a Credit Controller for a Leasehold company. Bit of a pay rise and I’m out of the the fucking public sector. Most of my notice period will be whilst I’m on Paternity leave/holiday too.
I have another interview on Monday which is for a better paying job, so I’ll go along to that anyway, but I’m pretty chuffed either way.
@phonics @SvN
What's a good source for free decent clipart/vector stuff?
Need some basic cartoony/silhouette pics to throw on a poster that has boring numbers on.
EDIT: ignore
https://www.vecteezy.com/free-vector/
I can't work out if that's going to offend Phonics or not.
Freepik and FlatIcon are good too.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Only idiots waste their time creating something other people have already perfected for free. I use loads of pre-made assets.
He thinks you're bent.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Told you he was an idiot savant.
Congrats.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Some nice old leverage to play if it goes well too.
If you ever need free photos, Unsplash.com and stocksnap.io are pretty good.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Me being a lazy designer is starting to really get in my own way. I've now been in one position long enough that I'm having to remake/edit previous things I've done and the sheer amount of shortcuts I've taken to get that one piece out originally make it such a pain in the arse. I feel sorry for the poor sap that'll have to follow me.
I've made that mistake in the past - horribly unorganised layered files, outlined text, rasterized assets, embedded images, you name it. I spend the extra time to make sure things are done properly thesedays.
Ten days off work with a sicknote. Bored already.
Its odd, I went 12 years not working and loved it, get a fucking job and no idea what to do with time off.
:nodd:
Same. If I manage to get my first leave signing sorted, I'll have two weeks of getting myself away. Right around Brexit, too.
I got the other job as well and I have accepted. Just shy of £10k more per year. I don’t quite know what to do with myself.
Hand your notice in.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Congrats Spikey. A huge payrise like that really does make a difference to your day to day, assuming £10k represents around 20%+ of your salary.
Cry when you realise it's only about £3,000 cash.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
From just shy of £20k to just shy of £30k. Pretty much the same job, just not in the public sector. About a third more when I think of it like that. Buzzing.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
I'm printing a booklet and one of the writers biography pictures was really grainy so I asked if they could send me a better photo. They gave me a Powerpoint document that pointed to a word document that had a jpeg inside. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU IMPORT A PICTURE INTO TWO SEPERATE PROGRAMS AND NOT JUST SEND THE FUCKING PICTURE. It's now been compressed twice and practically useless.
Donned you.
Theres a monthly newsletter that goes round my work compiled by one of the local losers, about the “heritage” of the town. Half of one page was a screenshot of an email he’d received (full screen, windows tray included) of a photograph. Why he didn’t just save the photo (or even copy and paste it) rather than print screen the whole page, I’ve no idea.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
How to people like that think the documents they produce are worth bothering with? Clearly takes him all month to prepare the next issue as well. Saddo.
Fucking top news boyo. Enjoy that paternity party now.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
:drool:
Our gaff this week implemented a new organisational model this week and it seems like bullshit. But hey, we are pumping out 40,000 barrels a day again so whatever.
Cheers.Quote:
Originally Posted by Foe
1 and a half days left. :drool:
Although chances are I’ll have to go back for a little while first now.
Well done, Spikey.
:cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
I should have two interviews coming up. One for that civil service one I mentioned before to a mixed response and the other for a normal company that pays some tiny amount more than the civil service one. I'd prefer the latter but I'll take either at this stage.
Man, that's a jump. Good work.
There's a new bloke under me this week and he is a fucking wanker. Too early to judge his work but he's one of those people who just goes in way too deep on the banter before he knows you.
*sees my phone has a cracked case*
'Haha mate, something on there make you angry?'
'No.'
If my superpower wasn't shutting these cunts down until they hate themselves from the inside, I'd be in bits.
You and him will have a regular curry night within three months.
My mate from work (6’7” guy I sit next to) is moving to a completely different building on the other side of town on November 18th. :cry:
He's probably been requesting it for about two months.
“Way too deep on the banter” :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
That?
Ive only worked there for six weeks.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
Two weeks off :thbgrin:
May lose my job to those pesky forriners :facepalm:
Whenever I see British Leyland news I think back to you (probably a couple of years ago now) saying that were it not for the fact that Triumph TR6s sell themselves that company would be in serious bother. It all seems very badly run in terms of what we can all see (I mean in terms of all their engines being comparatively shit and the platforms being ill-suited to sharing), so is it shambolic behind closed doors as well?
I'm better positioned to comment these days. Manage a line and three satellite areas and see a lot of what goes on. The culture of the place is essentially rotten. Too many people on the track don't care and earn a lot of money for relatively little output. That's a failing of both themselves and management who have allowed them to get away with it and the rot to set in. Although with the labour issues following the mass release and only partial replacement of agency staff, I wouldn't want to sack someone if they pissed on my nan right now. Brexit, diesel tax and the near collapse of sales riceland has been a triple fuck which the business is struggling to cope with and whilst about five years ago with the release of the new snip the designs were seen as innovative, they've now over saturated the market with models which are too similar. The snip and snip are basically the same car and the new snip goes down a similar route.
Not that I know of this *snip* you speak of etc etc.
What was it, something like ninety per cent of their sales were diesels? Brexit (or the bollocks around it) can't have helped, but it does just seem like it's exposed problems more than it has necessarily created them, since the rest of our car manufacturers seem to be unusually healthy. The culture thing sounds interesting. Can you explain that a bit more (PM if you have to)?
I know Nissan's been shedding weight for the past year up here. If that goes, all the knackers on the line will have to settle for ASDA.
Take the name of the business out your post and I'll stick it in here.
You'd probably need to remove the makes and models too.
Good spot.
There we are. Timeless.
Lol yeah, it couldn't possibly be Brexit itself.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
The place is poisonous at the minute. The remaining agency staff know their number is up and don't give a flying one. This leads to a loss in vehicles sold and also a drop in quality. It's a combination of complacency and intentional damage and this has seen an increase in warranty claims, a delay in the time the average car spends on site, customer cancellations (there was one last week where it had been sat around because it had run out of fuel. £35,000 for the sake of a jerry can and 25% of a tank) and just a general deterioration of everything. There's an acceptance by senior management that the release of so many agency was essentially a colossal fuck up. Some of the staff who were released have been brought back on short term deals on a reduced salary and I'm sure you can guess the level of their performance. I'm supposed to have 70 people working for me, but currently run at roughly 65, which factored in with the never ending absenteeism issues means the line struggles to run and people off a process to help facilitate the running of the line are few and far between. There have been times where I'm the only person not 'on a job' (one person spread across 55 processes is absurd). Fortunately my background is rework and I'm young enough to get about, but I hate to think the kind of shit the lines run by a 60-year-old with a background in Weetabix are shipping.
All internal audits are being failed in a manner never seen before because there's no one available to do the work and when an external auditer comes in it's all hands on deck just to scrape through. Had to show a Japanese firm around this week and let's just say I'm glad they were distracted by the machinery as opposed to deep diving the paperwork. Morale amongst management is rock bottom and there are several managers off other lines on the sick with stress who have been replaced with people who lack the experience/pedigree. Basically the lunatics are running the asylum and you can't sack/release them because you won't run, but disciplinaries are also useless as they know they'll be gone soon anyway.
The others are doing alright. Nissan have been similarly hit by diesel going out of fashion (which is itself a stupid political issue), but when the likes of Lotus and Aston Martin are making money for the first time ever it can't be a nationwide event.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Interesting. Are they putting as much hope in the new, erm, Metro as the press releases suggest? From the tone of those you would think they see it as the solution to all of their problems, but I think it will struggle against the plush pick-ups you can get now (and the rest of their products).Quote:
Originally Posted by Mellberg
They need the new Metro to sell well. I suspect it won't. There's a loyal customer base who of course will buy it just for the brand, but it's only a Metro in name. It's too similar to other models.
They’ve sent me to Madrid. I have about 45 minutes of work a day for the next week which would be great if I wasn’t in some hotel off a motorway.
This hotel has a gym so maybe i’ll Do some 8 hour days in there for the lols.
How many threads is phoney going to mention Madrid in?
Awesome bloke from work showed me his music today.
Seems like something @igor_balis would listen to.
Read this and was mentally preparing an angry response, but nah you're absolutely right :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Cheers for the recommendation I spose.
They held the interviews to replace the office useless cunt yesterday, and the candidates were the lad who currently has ninety per cent of the job delegated to him, another woman from the office, and the token external candidate who may as well have not turned up. The poor bastard was told that he scored perfectly on 'the actual job' (because he already does it), but they had to give it to the other woman because she has management experience. He's had a right face on all day knowing that her first management call will be asking him to teach her how to do her new job.
'Kick off mate. Delete all your spreadsheets.'
What kind of office are you working in, Lewis? Never really saw you moving into an office role.
A public sector office.
I got into the entrepreneur initiative so I'll be heading over to Germany in November and December for a week. 😎
It's a reinforced concrete warehouse in the middle of the naval base. I read nuclear-related Ministry of Defence files and decide whether to keep them locked in our vault, release them to the National Archives, or incinerate them. It's a pretty great job, but the pay is lol, so I'm treating it as a two year CV-building exercise.
The new bloke under me is starting to really fuck me off. He's one of those tossers who is both stupid and patronising. I currently have to shut down his ill-judged banter at least twice a day. He even tries to banter with the lovely-but-serious Indian guy in his 40s, which makes me cringe every time. Today he came up to my desk to ask for help, and I was texting someone. When I saw him, I stopped writing the message and put the phone down to ask what he wanted.
'Don't worry,' he whispers, 'you're OK with me.' I asked what he was on about, he said 'On your phone.' I gave him one of those thousand yard stares aimed at suggesting that this is an office full of adults who are actually allowed to use mobile phones during the course of a 9 hour working day, and asked what he wanted. That shut him up for a few hours, but in the afternoon he was back being a cunt. I showed him how to do something on the system that is quite tricky but we all have to do it in order to sell certain high-value gasket kits. He kept whingeing about how impossible it was to remember and he'd never learn it, then said he was going to make a cup of coffee halfway through the explanation (he does this about 12 times a day), so I gave up and left him to fail. Hopefully they'll spot him and get rid of him under the company's laughably arcane hiring and firing rules. Society seems to breed these unprofessional cunts nowadays.
One of the jobs I interviewed for this week only has a team of four currently. I'm already beset by idiots of the sort Jim describes at my current job but the thought of one moron making up 20% of the team fills me with dread.
What’s everyone’s work christmas do this year?
It’s looking unlikely I’ll get one, so I’m just gonna suggest to two blokes that we go for a few pints one Friday. Hopefully @Mike will turn up and be my hype man.
You mean make up an embarrassing nickname for you? Count me in!
Why can't I bring myself to use Arial?
100% Verdana kinda guy. Size 9.
'We tend to use Arial 11 for all our documents.'
Soz mate, we don't anymore.
We're going to some club in Mayfair for our Xmas do. Booked the day off afterwards :drool:
We typically have two. One for all the people in the office, they rent a box at the Jags stadium for this and then we do one just for our group. Normally done at the bosses condo on the beach where she can rent out an ‘event’ area.
We got to decide between six places using an alternative vote (AV), and most people ended up disappointed, so lol at Dan Snow. I'm taking leave and going home before then though so whatevs.
Ours is booked for December the 8th and it's not in that hovel of a city this year so that's all good. I could nearly walk home but I'm staying over because free breakfast.
I’m going out for a meal with a few of the others as the main Christmas do is at the local theatre to see the fucking Jersey Boys. I lol’d when this was announced and immediately suggested the non-menopausal members of the office go for a meal.
There’s now 6 people at the official do, 5 at the unofficial one and about 15 not bothering. Morale. :drool:
I won’t be working there by then anyway, mind.
Ours will be in Shoreditch and usually an all-day thing. And by "thing", I mean SESH!
It's on the 22nd though, which means I might have just recovered by the time Santa comes down the chimney.
Mine's on a boat. It's a restaurant on a moored boat rather than an actual moving boat though.
People bring their partners at this place. :sick:
Where's that?Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Our team one's not even been mentioned. My old team's sorting out a murder mystery meal thing which will probably be alright.
https://www.holohansatthebarge.co.uk/Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
Must have been after my time.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
We've booked a team one near tower bridge but I'll be away for it. Our department one has also not fell into the inbox which means I can avoid all that crap.
Take your housemate.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
She'll invite herself anyway as soon as she twigs he's leaving the gaff.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
Quite a few people started this year so plenty of us haven't been to the Christmas dinner/party before. We were told we could bring a partner or a friend or whatever. It's basically just an open plus one. But why the fuck would you want to take someone who doesn't know anyone and then have to spend the night making sure you're integrating them into things well enough? Fuck that. I don't really want to have to make awkward small talk with other people's guests either. I just want to eat some turkey and get drunk.
Not sure we'll have a whole staff one this year as one of the organisers last year has left and the other got a promotion, so little time to organise I'd imagine. Think we'll have a department one though on the last day of term, late lunch type of thing.
Maybe they don't get on with the work guys so they're crowbarring their significant other in for the conversation. Or they need a designated driver.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
So my route to market (my channel partners) are mostly really slow with business. I need some quick wins so I've started going direct. This annoyingly means I have to do a lot of networking now, and I fucking hate it.
It is nauseating, and half the time cunts are trying to load stuff on to you, drowning out any message you had in the first place. Really hard to stomach cunts.
Sidenote: I've hardly sold anything and will probably be unemployed by Christmas.
When's double the wage coming, mate?
How much is the dole?
Are you looking for other things now?
Had you done any sales before now, Magic?
I had one job involving sales and was atrocious at it. I think it's something that is at least to an extent is just down to how you're wired.
Sales is easy. Just gotta find the right mix of chipper bellend and likeable nice fella.
That said, I don’t miss it.
Yes but that isn't just a thing to turn on and off for everybody. Anything is easy if you have a natural affinity for it.
I actually did really well in my first fortnight when I didn't actually have a clue what I was doing and was just chatting to people but by the time they'd tried to sales-ify me and I was actually thinking about it it all went to shit.
It's more consulting, or that's how I billed it. Yet I'm being given targets as if I was a chicken in a call centre. The turn around times on these deals can be months.
I don't have any of the Baz stuff, so I do it with extreme efficiency and zero bullshit. Most people seem to buy that, in my industry at least. If you're trying to flog people things that they don't want or need, then I don't know.
The closest I’ve come to a ‘sales job’ was trying to flog Gold Cards to old women in BHS. That was back in ~2004.
Sales can fuck right off.
I'm supposed to do a certain amount but I'm just not able to be a shiny toe so I leave it to the others and try keep relevant in other areas. My bonus does only be about a quarter of theirs but I'm happy with that price.
Just had an email forwarded to me from 28th October with someone saying she didn't receive two documents so had to make do with the old ones.
Yet I've got an email directly from her on the 23rd October saying thanks for the documents, after I sent them to her.
If the system didn't use rubbish Lotus Notes (or is it IBM Notes?) and it was easier to forward e-mails from different threads, I'd make a show of her. As it is, she's made me look a mug. :moop:
Screenshot the shit out of it and don't be a sap. Destroy her.
Just reply saying “I received a reply from you on the 23rd confirming receipt of them. Please check again.”
Fixed.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
I figured I could copy and paste from different e-mail threads and it kept the formatting.
In yo face.Quote:
Hi Julie
Please see the e-mail below dated 23rd October were you confirmed the receipt of the 2018/19 claim form and invoice template.
I will process your invoices for Q1 and Q2 today.
Regards
Lotus Notes, fuck me. Do they make you use Netscape Navigator as well?
I got sent a brochure at work unsolicited but with all my details attached, which I thought was weird. They sent me a followup e-mail so I asked how they had all this non-public information on me. Today they sent a grovelling apology telling me
Which implies to me that there's some company they're buying their data from (illegally post-GDPR) so I've asked them to provide me that companies details. I'm going to sue my way to the top :cool:Quote:
For our events we regularly look for partners and interested parties to ask for feedback or support in our surveys. After such a telephone search for contacts in your region, a colleague placed you on one of our mailing list which was wrong and should not have happened.
Recruiters are the absolute worst for it. I've never once worked with a recruiter, but I get emailed about 5 candidates per day that they want us to hire.
You run a business though, your contact has to be somewhere public? I'm just a staffer. The guy got back in touch to say that they got this information originates back in 2014 from 3 jobs ago and could name my entire career path since. They have my phone number and the address of everywhere I've worked as well as my e-mails. It's nuts.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
That doesn't mean they have the right to spam me with shit. Having someones details does not equal consent to receive marketing emails.
In other news, you may hate your colleagues but...
Attempted murder fail. Finish the job properly, hide the body somewhere in ANTARCTICA and tell everyone he said he's going for a walk and might be some time.
Not everyone has a criminal mind, mate.
Baz :cool2:
I have a new job!
It's not the public sector one which I've not heard back from but was less keen on AND my job title has engineer in it. I've finally made it, lads.
Well in Ian.
You’ll probably find out in the early 2030’s about the Civil service one.
:D
This doesn't match that 10k pay increase sadly but with shift allowance for some lates (from home) I will be doing a week in five it works out to a bump between 15 - 20% so hopefully that'll be noticeable.
HR continues to get angry at me. I have 12 days to use between today and Dcember 31. A period in which I am already taking 14 days holiday.
I'd force you to take it as holiday pay.
It's use it or lose it our place. You can carry 5 days over but only at managers discretion which at the moment would probably be met with a lolmate.
If only I could, I requested this but they claimed it was illegal in Switzerland or somethingQuote:
Originally Posted by SvN
Taking said 14 days would put me to the 'use it or lose it' limit of 10 days carry over, I currently have nearly a full month of unused vacation.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
Engineer Ian :cool:
Use your fucking holidays, you idiot.
Whinging about having to take time off work. Sort yourself out.
Yeah take them off and stop moaning.
Yes, you have.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
Ian. :cool:
Lawl hit my target on the last day of the month.
Should see nearly 3k comish.
Just got a bonus. 5.6% of my salary. Boom.
We need figures Kikeo.
Plus ones at Xmas parties is disgusting. We're doing a 'christmas carnival' at the Ricoh. Sounds pretty fun in fairness, there's a load of fairground rides and stuff. And casino afterwards is LOCKED IN.
Our Xmas party got cancelled because there's no money for it LOL.
Again, definitely not cost-cutting.
100% that's what it is. Our turnover is dropping £2m in 3 years. It isn't good and an abysmal failure by our current sales team.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
Nah. It's a nice boost though as I've just had a quote in for repairing my watch of £1500.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
*cough*Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
Clearly the way to improve sales figures is to sack the sales team and replace them with engineers who have zero sales experience. It sounds like your company is circling the drain.
So today was our final day of the financial year. Just run the numbers and the turnover projection I did in July was within 0.036%. :cool:
"Deliver the plan". :thbup:
We got an update on how the company is performing today. Making absolutely shit loads, but behind target for most things.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
Gonna be weird when the bonus is shite but the company has made billions. Meh.
Well this month I've outsold one of the guys that's been here 10 years so...Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
In fairness, that's the aim of the company. Not to furnish employees with extra money.Quote:
Originally Posted by Foe
Boom, and another. That puts me 2nd overall. Not bad for a shite engineer eh?
Welcome to capitalism.Quote:
Originally Posted by Foe
P.s. join a union.
Fuck unions.
A while back they offered the entirety of my department (nationally) a 9% raise over 3 years, but wanted to extend the working week from 37 to 40 hours, add weekend working, cut overtime rates etc. Anyway, it was a shit deal, but it was parked in front of the Unions for them to vote on whether to accept it of not. What fucking business is it of theirs if I want to accept or not? Fuck ‘em.
You elect unions to represent you in wage negotiations. That's their business.
They're largely pointless these days owing to their complete lack of balls. Say what you want about the train drivers, but they scam their 'safety concerns' magnificently.
'their complete lack of balls'
Let's not forget who neutered them.
All the eighties reforms ever did was make unions more accountable and democratic. If their power depended upon them being a bent racket then it was pretty baseless.
Unions are too expensive, considering they don't do anything 99% of the time.
You might. I don’t. I’m not a member.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
They come good once a year for pay reviews but we've got enough members to bleat on about that for the rest of us. And then they moan about, "Well, I think you shouldn't be entitled to it if you're not a member."
One thing I was asked to do at work was to contact a shedload of companies asking for “prizes” that would be given out at the end of a twelve month long campaign. Most of them haven’t bothered getting back to me (I sent about 50 e-mails) but today in the post I received a two-for-one voucher at Blackpool Pleasure Beach. For reference, to buy one wristband online it costs £28, so it’s effectively worth £28, I guess.
Turns out the campaign isn’t going to run anymore so no prizes are required. Nobody else has seen this voucher. Should I just keep it? :uhoh:
There’s probably a 50/50 chance that if I mention it to the person who asked me to sort out the prizes, she’d just say keep it, but why run the risk.
It expires in November 2019. I could quite easily plan a day sesh next Summer with my mate that involves going on The Big One ten times. Hmm.
Or I could be honest and hand this one over, in the hope that something better turns up. Or I could just keep all the prizes that come in. Decisions, decisions.
Anyone wanna buy it for £15? :baz:
Fucking scousers. :face:
If its a prize that takes you to Blackpool I'd be glad to have it taken off my hands.
I won a £10 Sainsburys voucher at work today. I'm happy with that.
i won a bottle of cheap cava for being colleague of the month, have that you cunts.
Had my annual review today which was a mixed bag. Best summed up by this paragraph of my review
"As noted in attached HR notes, phonics has struggled with some lack of professionalism scattered throughout the year,which has been his biggest setback. This included not showing up for work at times. However, he has since moved on beyond this and proven himself a reliable colleague that can be counted on to deliver quality work and visionary ideas."
Got a promotion and a 25% pay bump at the end of said meeting.
Hire Boydy.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Ps congrats. I'll take a PS4 plz.
Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Maybe introducing yourself as "phonics" is hampering your air of professionalism somewhat.
25% seems an insane wage hike though so good on ya.
Should celebrate with a little trip somewhere nice. Spain maybe?
http://25.media.tumblr.com/3fa3815a9...figho1_500.gifQuote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
What?Quote:
Originally Posted by Foe
Please, I'm on the verge of confirming tickets to a 2 week Tokyo/Seoul trip :cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
Well, I can't wait to hear about that several more times.
Sushi anyone?
These dickheads are lucky I'm not the sort to down tools or go on the sick now my notice is in because this week is a proper understaffed shitfest entirely caused by managerial ineptitude.
Thank you for applying for the position of Data Analyst Support Officer HCC11075, we are delighted to confirm that you have been invited for an interview.
Hmmm.
Do it.
I just had the following phone call with the regional manager.
Me: 'Hello?'
Him: 'Pedro Bravo is a cunt. He can fuck off.'
Me: 'Who's Pedro Bravo?'
Him: 'Dunno, but he's a cunt.'
*line goes dead*
This industry is so great for shall we say 'direct communication'.
Managed to get my new job to let me start in January so I will have nearly 3 weeks off over Christmas and New Year before starting there. :drool:
I hate my industry.
OpenReach are absolutely fucking horrible.
Everyone hates your industry because you're all useless.
OpenReach ARE the worst though. Unless you have the misfortune to deal with the ironically named Reliance over in Bangalore.
Fucked up a UAT release today which was being done for some bug fixes. Not even sure the bug's been properly fixed even when I did get the release working in the end.
:baz:
Starting to dislike my job again though. The most senior guy below the manager on my team is a bit of a prick and the project manager's quite annoying too - one day she can be all matey with you and the next she's really off. Also, there's not enough coding. I fucking hate devops.
Although this starting to dislike it again coincides with me tapering off my ADs so maybe it's that. Who fucking knows.
It'll probably take you a couple of jobs to find your groove - nothing really to worry about. As long as you're learning stuff then it's worth sticking with.
Sounds like your not cut out for it Boyd (quelle surprise).
Why?Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
It's boring. I like coding, I want to code.
https://triplebyte.com/Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Looks good, that. Cheers. Bookmarked it for the future.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
EDIT: It's only for US jobs. Booo.
I'm doing some "writing for the web" e-learning module for work and it's making me question my entire posting history.
I'd write twenty-six, not 26, cos it's a sentence not a calculation. Wrong, apparently.Quote:
One to ten, 11 upwards, 11 to 20 etc , for example:
‘You have the choice of two appointment times’
‘We have 14 Customer Service lines’
‘We can see groups of no fewer than 4 and no more than 12 people’ or
'We can see groups of no fewer than four and no more than 12 people' - remain consistent
Also:Ney. 14:40 is just as clear as 2:40pm. And why's it pm and not PM? F you!Quote:
9:00am, 5:30pm - Always use the 12 hour clock and add am and/or pm
That last one makes it sound like it’s directed at an American audience. The amount of people that have asked “why do you use military time?” When seeing my phone screen astounds me.
I had to do a e-learning module on diversity a while back. It featured a question asking if Kim Joy Xin's manager was being inappropriate when he asked her to make some Crispy Duck for the team.
I lol'd for about 5 minutes.
Thank you for your service.Quote:
Originally Posted by Danny
I have been skipping the slideshows on those and passing the exams by just answering them like a complete whopper would.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
As part of the interview process, you will be asked to make a presentation. The presentation should last no longer than 5 minutes and can be in any format that you feel appropriate (hard copy document, PowerPoint presentation. A projector and laptop will be made available. An electronic copy must be sent by 20.11.2018 This will be followed by some questions from the interviewing panel.
Presentation:
Why is data quality important to adult social care and how could you improve it?
For fucks sake.
Please livestream your presentation.
It'd be like one of those time-lapse videos of a snowman melting.
I'm actually alright at presentations (I've had to do quite a few tbh and always gotten good feedback), can't be fucked with this subject matter though.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
I just wanted a piss easy, but boring data entry job where I could just focus on the work and not have to bother with bullshit.
I feel like 'any format that you feel appropriate' offers a world of possibilities.
*unfolds a battered, sweat-soaked piece of paper from his pocket*
'I'm the da... Data inputter and I'm here today
To improve adult care 'cros... ACross, sorry. No. Wait. Adult care 'cross the U...'
'.....'
'U-fucking-K.'
'.....'
*slowly backs out of the room*
I am bad at presentations. But I think thats cos I’ve never done a presentation in my life where I’ve cared about the subject matter.
So yeah good luck.
Interpretive dance it is!Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry
I'm okay at them 95% of the time. But every now and then, I'll start a sentence and have no idea where it's going. This will lead to me rambling incoherently for about 30 seconds before I try and bring it back around. I can't seem to completely knock it on the head.
Sorry, mate. That sector's full.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry
MAN on fire these past few days. Top of the board so far this month.
Yeah, there are always enough clues in the questions and answers to pass the exams without reading anything. It's all such a load of bollocks.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
Why would you skip an hour long doss?
Most of our internal training is listed as being 30-45 minutes and can be skipped through in about 5, and generally you can pass the tests by just quickly skim reading the answers, or even picking the answer which is biggest if it's much bigger than the other ones. All my colleagues are pretty articulate and smart in the context of just chatting bollocks (except the one who exclaimed "WHY WOULD YOU NAME A KID AFTER A CONTINENT IN GREECE", when it was revealed our colleague's girlfriend's son was called Aphrodite which has so much to unpick) but you can see why they weren't particularly accomplished academically when they end up having to retake half the tests 5 times.
I considered that they were donning me and deliberately failing to avoid doing proper work, but I saw my TOTALLY NOT STUPID mate doing a question that was pretty much like "a man comes into the bank and asks for an overdraft, do you A have a shit B order a pizza C check if he's eligible for one then sit him down with an adviser if he is or D call him a cunt and tell him to fuck off" and she was like WHAT IS IT IGOR? THIS IS REALLY DIFFICULT! I think some people's brains must just malfunction when stuff is presented as an exam or something.
There are definitely people at work who would ask me to confirm a question like that for them.
"It says here I have to [do thing] next... so do I [do previously specified thing]???"
Yes, fuck off.
Lol Gamma having a UK wide outage today has been fun.
The new twat has been loudly explaining the difference between banana and banoffee for the last 5 minutes. Really want to shove a camshaft up his arse. I think he's the most high maintenance individual I've ever come across. Constant need for fucking attention. Just do your work ffs.
Sign him up.
He makes you seem like Keith from The Office.
Aye, I mean ... that's ... not even the right gender. To link this back to Jimmy's fun tractor times, we were recently invited to a preview event for Farming Simulator 19. We can never make these things usually due to actual day jobs but I want to get one stupid preview event under my belt before the industry sees sense and stops bothering.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
oh fuck it was artistotle, oops. at least someone is actually reading my shit postsQuote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
:face:
A guy at work had previously been spotted going into the disabled loo with his phone and a tub of something or other after turning the light OFF. Today j spotted him doing the same with his phone and a box of screen wipes.
Why wouldn't you take your phone with you?
And, if having a shawshank, why not just use toilet roll?
Maybe he just wants to keep his phone clean.
Why not use the toilet roll and keep the light on?
Toilet roll leaves fluff on the phone.
Big scare this past month that our biggest client was going to no longer need our services, due to outside factors. Had word today that we're probably 95% okay, but it's been an awful few weeks while I try and scramble together some sort of plan if it goes tits up. We'd be talking redundancies, dividends being cancelled and bonuses scrapped. Made me realise how vulnerable we are as a company, and it's made me completely change my priorities and focus for the next year.
Pulled in over 4k pretax this month. :cool:
Severance?
Who looks at their pre-tax income? :harold:
£1,548.89
Paid in tax. :(
It'll be even less once the child support payments start.
They've started selling Red Bull in the vending machine downstairs at work. It's literally twice the price of the shop that's a 10 minute round trip, but it is cold so I think I'm going to take the financial hit.
Also accidentally printed off my Twitter mentions instead of the PDF I was meant to, earlier.
Red Bull tastes like piss.
If your piss tastes like Red Bull then you need to take a serious look at your diet.
SvN will love this, the self-righteous cunt.
No big investments for the rest of the FY (so no company car renewals).
Then we get the news the head of sales has been sacked. LOL.
Finally some good news.
Please look for a new job.
Yeah I know, however now that fuckwit is gone I feel so much more optimistic about my future.
You could be the new head of sales.
Absolutely not!
Assistant to the regional manager would suit him.
Met someone from a start-up the other day about a job. Meant to have an interview tomorrow. When I was emailing him after our initial meeting to confirm the interview, I asked what the salary was. He won't disclose it and just said 'dependant on experience and we'll discuss it on Friday'. I hate this shit. Just fucking be up front about it. Not sure I can be arsed with the interview at all now.
It's a trick to use what you don't know against you. Do they already have VC funding? If they do, ask for something ridiculous and see how they respond.
Yeah, not disclosing even a salary range is such a red flag.
Magic, in all seriousness, I do hope you're properly job hunting, because your company is going to collapse at some point. Might be in a month or might be in 2 years, but it looks doomed from what you've said.
Enjoy dealing with them Boydy. I had to start refusing to work with anyone who even introduced their idea as a startup. Every one of them could be from clientsfromhell.com
Huge expectations, no budget and a high opinion of the smell of their own farts. Just the worst people.
I'm honing my skills and building a network, if nothing else.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
I would have agreed with you, but now serious action has been taken at the front end I honestly think we'll see a huge improvement throughout the business.
EDIT: obligatory 'hope it's not too late lol'
Look them up on Crunchbase.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Yeah, it sounded like it could be very good experience and somewhere I could learn a lot but then again it might fail. The commute is a ballache conpared to my current job.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
The not even disclosing a range has really put me off though. Was tempted to just tell him to shove it up his arse when he replied with that.
What's it? They only have 5 staff and he's the only technical guy there so I doubt they'll have any salary infonif it's something like glassdoorQuote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
He'll probably be offering shit wages with shares in the company, or a salary based around the success of the company. I couldn't be fucked with it if it was me.
Might as well buy some lottery tickets.
Yeah, "competitive" really annoyed me. The job I got was upfront about the salary packages from day 1. :)
My job was weird for that. It was advertised as X, at interview they asked me what I wanted, I plucked a higher figure out of the air, and they offered me that. Keep thinking I should have stuck another £5k on.
400 more going :face:
Just fucking type it into Google and see you lazy cunt.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
I was walking down the street at lunch time when I posted that. I looked after. It's not particularly useful.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
The monthly (lol) sales meeting won't be featuring our inept leader, as we all decide how we're going to split all the good shit up he'd been keeping to himself.
This cunt was responsible for 8 years of shite in shite out so cannot fucking wait until he's gone. Prick made our lives so hard in engineering so really good to see our plan coming off.
My job won't stop giving me work to do but keeps compensating me with holidays that I can't take because I've got too much work to do.
Due to an event I did for them they just gave me 3 days holiday that needs to be used before the end of the year. I'm already on vacation from next week for a month.
So instead they converted all my temp-holiday days to over-ride the holiday days I've already taken. This works out that I now have... 29 days of vacation left. This is madness.
I've got to chose between a £500 a month drop in salary and double commission.
WYYD?
Find a new job.
What's the second choice?
Sacked.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
Same wage and same commission as the other guys.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
Yearly Holiday Entitlement : 30 Carry-over last year : 18.5 Total leave: 48.5 Total holiday taken current year : 19.5 Balance after requests : 29 Balance after approval : 29
I mean really.
Just gtfo today and don't come back until next year then.
Put it this way, I will get £2,350 in commission from November sales. It would have been half that, + £500 (£1,6750) had I been on the old model.
The beauty of that is I hardly sold anything really.
Im off next week for a month.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
Why are you even asking? Double commission means you'll end up getting paid more anyway, so do that.
Just make sure they stipulate it isn't capped.
@Magic obvs
What it actually means is they're desperately trying to slash payroll. At best it's an accounting trick.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
It isn't capped, and there are multiplies too, so in theory if I have an AMAZING month I could get 500% more, which would be 10x what the other guys get for the same sales.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
They've timed this beautifully too, on the back of a good month for you. So all you're thinking is how amazing it would be to earn more for months like this.
What about the months where you earn fuck all? What if the company suddenly puts their prices up and your sales plummet? Can you return to your existing pay model?
It wasn't a good month.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
Why were you wanking about your pay then?
Because it was good for me. If I had a 'good' month you'd be talking at least 5k. If I get the one I'm working on now and hit a multiplier I'd be getting 5K in Jan's pay. That means I'd have to sell nothing for about 4 months (after tax) and break even still.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
At what stage in a new job do the people become tolerable?
Well "good" is subjective, isn't it? What makes you think you're going to ever get near those higher figures?Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
It is nice that there are some companies out there that want to give their employees more money for no reason whatsoever. Magic should be grateful.
My channel is about to considerably grow on Wednesday. I'm actually amazed I've got what I've got given I've hardly had any training, have no sales experience at all, and only have about 3 partners to work with. I've had 1 lead from the website direct that I managed to convert, and 1 from another BDM that I managed to convert that they couldn't after 4 months. The day of the wide-boy sales guy in comms is absolutely numbered. People want to talk to people that know what they are on about and that care. Good times.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
Never. If they are intolerable now they will always be intolerable. You either get on or you don't.Quote:
Originally Posted by Manc
The day you gun them down.
Just kidding, FBI lads. :wave:
Our boss is in tomorrow for a talk about the future of the businesses on the site. Two of which are quite fucked. Hopefully some good gossip comes from it.
Customer came in and kicked off at my colleague today.
"I want to make a complaint, it says I have to make room on my phone to update the app!"
"...yeah, you'll need to delete some stuff first"
"BUT I DON'T WANT TO DELETE ANYTHING"
She ended up leaving in a huff when my colleague suggested getting a memory card. This twat was early 30s tops, how the fuck can you be that stupid?
Also had our daily routine of a Romanian come in and say "LOOK AT THIS TRANSACTION IT WASN'T ME IT'S FRAUD I WANT MONEY BACK", when it's quite clearly something they've bought online and not noticed the (not so)small-print saying that it's a free trial for some shite that will then cost a million quid a month after the trial period ends or whatever. It's a tough one because I do feel sorry for them as English ain't their first language, but I'd rather when we explain it's a free trial thing their attitude is more "oh woops, my mistake, please can you help me", instead of doubling down and getting arsey.
I do have more sympathy for them than the dopey English twats claiming Amazon are illegally taking money from their accounts. It's ALWAYS an Amazon Prime subscription and 99% of the time the conversation will go something like
"yeah, it's a prime subscription, you will have signed up for the free trial which then starts taking money"
"NO I DIDN'T"
"did you buy anything off Amazon recently?"
"yes"
"did you get quick free shipping for it?"
"yes"
"did you read anything it said about a prime subscription when you did it?"
"..."
It's quite often fairly articulate people in their 20s and 30s as well. FML
Friend of mine has worked at a call center for thetrainline.com for years now. If you book tickets through them, the first time you sign up for an account you get a small discount on that ticket you ordered like it was a bookies offering free bets or whatever. What no-one actually reads is that this then signs you up to a yearly trainline.com subscription.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
His job is to cancel it as soon as they complain about it and say tough shit on the refund. They'll have got 4.50 off their ticket and ended up paying at least 10x that before they noticed. They're making enough off this to pay for call centers in Switzerland to deal with their complaints.
That's a £18 p/h complaint they can apparently afford.
I don't think they offer that in the UK.
Apparently the boss's thing this morning was him going large about profits. Meanwhile I was taking a call from a claimant who exclaimed, "Why can't you guys just talk to each other instead of sending me off for three different assessments for three different benefits?"
Yeah it's a specific thing you do when booking from abroad. The sort of shit easyjet makes you hit skip 5 times when booking a flight. Do you need insurance? Do you need a hotel? etc. It's all really dodgy.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
Us over-worked civil servants are getting the afternoon off tomorrow whilst the building gets sprayed for silverfish. :cool:
One day my boss will realise that her inability to ever approve anything without several rounds of tedious back and forth while you guess what she wants is why I'm the only person on this team here longer than a year.
First day on Engineer duty today. Have to traipse down to London for my induction. I didn't know engineering was going to be this hard.
They've updated Photoshop and it's a fucking mess. Everything is backwards, half the stuff doesn't work, I couldn't cut and paste text in a text box ffs. The InDesign update was great but the Photoshop update is so wank I've had to uninstall it and go back to version 19.
This is a 7.3 billion dollar a year company, how do they fuck it up so badly?
I think you're on about the update from a few weeks ago. Is that where the undo shortcut has changed?
That was version 20 which was bad but this is version 20.0.1 which is somehow worse.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
Obviously my choice between double comish and lower wage or same wage and standard comish just got a bit harder.
Do you have 'benefits' such as buying shopping vouchers pre-tax etc? If so, I would be doing that to make your take home pay as low as possible.
I had my review today (after waiting outside for 20 minutes listening to the big boss take my line manager to pieces, which wasn't too much fun).
Anyway, after a load of fluff about how good I am he said 'Average company raise this year is 2%, but your manager has recommended 8% for you'. Now I'm a novice at these things as the Koreans did self reviews only and you took what you were told with no discussion. So should I have negotiated?
I didn't, because I thought the raise was fair, and the guy is 80 years old and a proper Jewish patriarch, but should I have done? I'm sure 2% raises is horseshit.
Nope. I'm going to pay her exactly what the CSA recommends, so you can look at it like I pay the mortgage or I pay £350 a month + £250 towards the mortgage.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Seems decent to me, but I am a Civil Servant. 1.5% is the best I've had (without changing role)Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Next Friday is my last day in this dump. :drool:
Obv the private sector has actual payrises rather than the government reluctantly allowing you to continue feeding your kids.
Never again Jim. Never again.
My guess is that the standard raise is 10% and he just mind gamed the fuck out of you.
I have no idea what raise I'll be getting (if any) until the new year - around the time bonuses are discussed. I've had a good few months here so hoping to continue.
Shame the media news is so desperate.
Mine's been all over the place. I missed my first rise due to my start date, got 2% the next year and then this year saw a massive £1.5k rise. Plus the working wage has stepped in with a couple of rises so I've gone up four grand since I started in 2015.
I think I got that 1.5% or whatever payrise in my wages the other month. I told them I should be paid more when I had my three month review and they just laughed it off, so maybe I have to build a case against all the twats still getting their London weighting for doing nothing.
Last job I had you had to wait for the general wage for your role across the business to go up which basically never happened. Dunno what this new lot will be like but even a paltry payrise will be better than "Fuck all, ever" so fingers crossed.
You got a raise. Be happy about it.
I think I'd hate working with Lewis.
Had a review today with the team lead and his second in command. Was told I've been doing really well so that was nice.
One of my favourite people in the office (and the team) is leaving though which is a bit crap. He'll be gone by the end of next week when his Christmas leave is taken into consideration.
Also heard my manager (the aforementioned team lead) bitching about our project/client this morning to someone else and saying he wants to move to something else (like a different client team within the company) once the current project is done for this client. That'll be around April, I think. It might just be him letting off steam but it'll shit if he does move to a different team as he's really sound.
A 2% pay rise isn't actually a pay rise, once you take inflation into account. 8% is good, but implies they weren't paying you fairly to start with/you're smashing it.
I've got a trip to NYC in the new year and then LA around my birthday :cool:
They've replaced the sugar bowl at work with sugar packets that seem to be the weakest sugar of all time. I plopped like 4 of them in there and my tea tastes like a 1 spooner.
#firstworldprobs
My colleague just related to me with a face like a pig in shit how last night he saw Barry Chuckle in Woking town centre, standing outside the theatre. Doing a panto gig there all month, he says.
I didn't have the strength to break it to him, so I just smiled and walked away.
I had a senior director beeline towards me last night and say she knows who I am. Didn't listen to a word I said after it but still, the compliment was nice.
(night because it was christmas drinks)
Sounds like a threat tbh.
Sounds like your office has a phantom shitter.
I bet it is her.
You sound like a proper bell.
Guess where I'm working today, @Lewis
Rugby.
Your name is Steve, you cunt.
Somewhere with one more twat in it than usual.
I was the only person in the hospital responsible for surgical admissions last Friday and had no senior support as they were all in theatre. Good stuff.
Correct.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net...41&oe=5C924CA9
So I've been in this new job a week and as well as things working out such that I'm now off for a fortnight the managers have between them given me for Christmas a bottle of red wine, 3 bottles of craft beer and a box of Green and Blacks chocolate.
Engineering. :cool:
I spent most of today delivering bottles to customers. Must have gave out at least 25 in total, though 10 were to one place.
That said, between one thing and another I've definitely finally set myself on getting something new in the new year. It's a class job in a lot of ways but the bad parts just have my head melted.
I'm off until the 7th. :cool:
Christmas Eve now has potentially more faff. Good job that's a three-day week.
Yeah I got presents off my boss and off her boss, on top of my secret santa present off a colleague. Not used to working with nice people after my last job of working for absolute dickheads.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
Also still feels very strange not only not hating work, but actually enjoying spending my day there. :uhoh:
I got a bottle of rioja from one of my Spanish customers, mailed straight from Getafe. I'd love to say we sent them a box of custard creams or something in return but sadly I don't believe we did.
Buckfast, maybe?
Had a 3 month review for our new junior today. It was almost entirely positive, and despite coming to us with pretty much fuck all knowledge, she's already blasted past the guy she replaced (the pleb I sacked in July). It's amazing how much difference a decent work ethic can make, even to technical roles.
The only downside is that the work for her is drying up a bit because we've been getting more technical, back-end heavy projects the last 6 months. I think she could be a real star striker in future though, so I'll keep her around even if it means keeping her busy on internal stuff. If anything, I just hope she doesn't get bored and start looking elsewhere.
Pulled in 5k this month (3 after tax).
Well done, is this typically a good time for sales, or is it fairly even throughout the year?
Last day as a Civil Servant tomorrow. :drool:
Our share buying site opened. Glad I avoided it last year. The value's been halved since then. Suppose it offers a decent entry price but even the previous spikes don't offer much in a return.
Not particularly, ups and down throughout the year. The big deals especially can take months to close.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
So that was basically £2,000 basic and £1,000 commission post-tax.
Next month I'll be £1,500 basic so will need to get at least £500 commission to make it worthwhile, and anything over and above that is a bonus. I could have kept my wage...but I have been moved to double commission instead.
That wasn't a particularly good month either. This month has been awful. Currently sitting on £150 pre-tax...
This is a serious question rather than lolling at you, but how does an irregular income like that alter the money you will have to stump up post-divorce? Will it flow with your wages, or could you end up short at the end of some months?
There's no solicitors involved so it's an honest and open arrangement.
I'll have her just as much as she will.
Well, that's ... brave.
None of my business but keep one on retainer. Just from what you've presented to us it doesn't seem she's the most honest upfront person.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
I'm sending all my extra money in ti my dad's account.
Keep all transfers to 999 or under to stop them from getting flagged.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
Who's back tomorrow?
:boydy: :boydy: :boydy: :boydy: :boydy:
Yep. :(
Aye. At least it's a day shift.
I'm going to go in at 7 to get the heating back on and get settled in and relaxed before anyone else lands at half 8. I uninstalled Outlook from my phone so I can read through all the bullshit while nailing multiple coffees if they remembered to seal the beans up properly on the last day.
Me. But I don't mind. :)
I want to go home.
https://media.giphy.com/media/wViS9n0RqN2/giphy.gif
Starting my new job today on about 4 hours sleep. Yay.
My out of office message went to 8 people apparently. :huhu:
How many of them clicked on the affiliate links in it?
What's the best way to move around these days? LinkedIn?
I used this.
Got my student evaluations today. Lol at five students thinking they were getting A's (only one did). :harold:
What did they other 4 get?
Donned.
I don't see who chose what, so I don't know, but probably B's, unless they are really deluded.
Department-wide junk aside, I returned, after three weeks away, to one e-mail today. :cool:
My new work colleagues seem like a good lot. I work in a team of 6 and my favourite 2 are:
Giggles: Well, he's an often dour Irishman with a dry sense of humour. He's pretty cool.
and
Igor: Well, she's a bright woman with an unfortunate level of verbal diarrhoea and chronic over thinking. She also has kids, so we were bonding over our lack of sleep when she went on to say 'what about your 3 year old? Is she good in bed?'. She then spent about 5 minutes getting flustered and trying to explain to widespread loling.
I also found out that my wage is also £1800 more than I thought due to 'car allowance' and that 40p per mile is indeed what I will get on top of that. :drool:
The only downside to the job is that I have a rather notorious estate in Southend to cover, along with all of Basildon and Brentwood.
Booked my trip to NYC for work in a couple of weeks, today. Managed to blag it so that I can be leave on the Friday get the whole weekend there (plus MLK day) and then a weekend at the end too. Essentially five days free holiday in New York :cool:
Probably, i get a lot of agencies asking me about new jobs on it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
Great day today at work and in general. Upon reflection, there's not a lot I could have done better at all. Wow.
Maybe if my bitch ex had told me she was taking A swimming instead of her dad I might have video called, that's maybe the only thing I regret.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-46810473
Oof. In other news, my week's been busy. Landed myself on two projects for the week AND some regular phone work. I want shot of this. :moop:
I've just been tasked with putting up 50th birthday banners and blowing up 50th birthday balloons for someone I'm sures birthday is only on Thursday. And she'll only be 49. :cab:
Done it anyway.
:D
State of that office.
Unfortunately she is indeed 50 and is off after today so sadly it was well-received.
Did she bring in cake?
Someone turned 50 last week at work and came in with a huge Costco cake. The staffroom was packed!
Sadly not. I think she wanted to keep it quiet and was surprised anyone knew.
To be fair, she’s one of the best ones for bringing in snacks so it’s not so bad.
I had my birthday off yesterday, which nobody knew about, so I just lobbed some biscuits on the table today and didn't explain them.
Double stealth. Decent.
There's always cake in my gaff. We had a Costco Victoria sponge last week and a Costco chocolate fudge cake this week. Thankfully I'm one of th few fat fucks who are eating it. :drool:
I also became a rep for my organisation recently (I volunteered) which is to basically discuss with hr and leadership concerns raised by the staff. Been in it about 2 weeks and 3 different people have already come to me with concerns. Man of the people right here. :cool:
Casper the friendly ghost.
"Who were they from?"Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
"Lewis."
"Who?"
The one nobody has had to pull aside to warn about their hygiene.
Who'd that happen to?
:rosebud:
Well that's me told.
Scotland next week....
New York next week for me :cool:
Going to be minus fucking thirteen on Monday :moop:
I spotted that as well (I am also there next week so have been looking at the weather). I thought it was an error, everyone has been saying it will be cold but I wasn't expecting minus numbers.Quote:
Originally Posted by Raoul Duke
New York has serious seasons. One of the reasons I don't understand why people like visiting Dec to early March. It's seriously cold.
How did you manage that @Shindig? You dirty bastard.
I just moved here at the beginning of the month. Can confirm I have no idea why people visit before April. I guess the hotels are cheaper and it's quieter.
It's really fucking cold - hit minus temperatures everyday in the last couple of weeks. I'm not going to enjoy Monday, you just don't want to go out in minus 13.
Extenuating circumstances.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
I once went literally 27-30 Dec or so, and despite or perhaps because of the cold it was really atmospheric then.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
I remember standing on the outside deck of the Ellis Island ferry as we went past Liberty Island, me and my brother were the only people on the whole ship braving it despite the carrot of a close up view of the statue. I can only describe the cold on that boat trip as FUCKING cold.
No, seriously though.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
Any place that’s not England or the Tropics has serious seasons
Drop it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Did they chip in for some Driclor? Or was it worse?
I'm lost. Someone show Boydy where the quote button is.
Y’all bullies now?
I just can't believe this is the thing Mahow decides to go after.
How would you recommend getting from JFK airport to hotel?Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
There's lads going around in yellow cars that will give you a lift in exchange for money.
I'm only visiting in March because I can't get leave any other time of year.
I recall there being a fairly efficient airport bus, although that may have been to get to Newark.
I am sure there is but that also costs £70. Uber is showing at £30-£40 but it isn't something I have used before, will have to check it out.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
I'll ask Lewis then.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
I think he’s referring to someone Shinners was living with signing up to the old board to out Shinners as a pissy scroat.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Uber is fine or the yellow cab. Make sure you get the cab though and not hustled by private cabs which I've seen happen. It's a fixed rate on the cab about $75.
Just hop on the subway.
Real smart guys come in from Newark.
Real smart guys avoid going to that dump.
New York is cool but it doesn't hold a candle to Lawndawn
Where are you staying? And what time are you arriving?Quote:
Originally Posted by Boom-Boom-18
When I went a few years ago I just took the Subway. Right outside the airport right into ManhattanQuote:
Originally Posted by Boom-Boom-18
I am staying at the Wyndham New Yorker and arriving around 4PM (NY Time) Wednesday 23rd. The subway would appeal if we weren't carrying suitcases.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
You should get a pretty cheap Uber (comparatively) around that time. Likely cheaper than the yellow taxis. It's really straightforward getting an Uber as when you attempt to book it it will tell you where to stand. This changes depending on terminal but often it's the arrivals area.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boom-Boom-18
For less hassle the yellow cabs will sort you out and only around 10 bucks more and will be more familiar. Do not accept any taxis apart from the line for the yellow cabs or your booked Uber!
If you have large suitcases it really is easier to grab a taxi. It will be dark by the time you go through immigration so the subway can be daunting (including at least 1 line change).
Hotel is meant to be really nice - just 10 minutes walk from where I work.
Thanks Josh, appreciated. We will opt for a taxi.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh
Really don't like my project manager. She seemed to take a disliking to me over a question I asked at the very start of my time here and although there's been periods of her seeming okay, she'll also be a prick and I think it all goes back to that. Or maybe she's just a prick to everyone about everything. I dunno.
We have a junior PM who deals with most of the stuff on my team now though and she can ask you to do things without being a knob.
Really struggling with motivation to get work done outside of lessons at the moment. Know I'll be off for paternity next week so in my head I'm going "fuck it" but still have deadlines for this week. Don't think going to Oxford Uni helped today, and have training 4-6 tomorrow. Really going to have to pull my finger out, especially as I know I'll be observed on Friday as well.
My new 'Senior' is a recently promoted 70 something that knows the job inside out but is completely, and obviously, IT illiterate. She has a go at me for using shortcuts (ctrl+c etc) and can't cope with me using 4 windows across my 2 screens.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
It's fucking painful.
Right click copy right click paste must genuinely cost the economy a few billion pounds a year.
"Oh, I'm no good with spreadsheets, me."
Had to teach someone how to add and rename a sheet the other week.
My bosses boss now sits next to me. Says to me last Friday “err are you any good with excel?”
That’s my job, mate. My job that you interviewed me for. I just nodded in confusion.
He then gave me a long winded description of freeze panes, so I did it in a few seconds and then went and made a cup of tea while seething he’s on triple my wage.
I had a colleague ask me to make her a 2019 version of a spreadsheet, then once I'd made it from the 2018 spreadsheet and started deleting stuff she kept screaming "NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
She was being a prick today again to pretty much everyone.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Was talking to one of the other guys on my team about her and he said he'd heard about that question I asked at the start. He also told me a story about how he'd almost quit because of her about a year ago and how she then didn't speak to him for like three months. Apparently she's clashed with pretty much everyone at some point.
Is it Christmas yet?
Turned down a day trip to London for work tomorrow and opted to dial in from my desk. Sounds like a snooze fest so I'm hoping I can slip away unnoticed.
Curry Wednesday too. :(
What was the question Boyd?
I asked why we had to pay for our own background checks then have it expensed rather than them just paying for it up front.
Go away and make something better up.
You what?
What he really said was “hurdy durdy CRB durdy me own pockits, so it is.”
DBS now.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Made a right fool out of yourself there, MATE.
I think they make you pay for it because they figure if your background is fucked up you're not going to pay to waste their time and your money.
If they pay for your background check and you're a complete psycho then it's not their dime.
Probably saves the company a good bit if you really think about it.
Or, ironically, you pay for it and you're a psycho and then they just don't hire you and they still don't waste their money.
All of the above. I had a job do it to me years back, but it was only a shit agency job. What sort of firm are you working for Boyd?
Work just bought me a nice steak and 8 pints.
I was about to complain but I'm literally covering at another facility and they've given me $30/day for food so I could've easily sorted a nice steak if I wanted to go sit at Applebee's by myself.
Took any pictures?Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
:harold:Quote:
Originally Posted by bruhnaldo
I'be only ever done it once outside my own home and felt like a cunt.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
I was under the impression that Applebee's was the pits.
So are the standards of the average American, which is why they're the perfect match.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry
Applebee’s :sick:
Come on Bruh!
I'm covering in a very rural town where Applebee's is literally the most exciting thing going on.
Probably should've mentioned that because without context, well, you get what you have above.
Surely they must have a diner that is better than Applebee's though.
Is there not a place like the ones you see on Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives in every town?
There may be, I'm not very adventurous with food to be honest.
I always fear I'll get food poisoning so I just stick with Taco Bell.
They tell me there's a lot of great food trucks but there's something about getting food from a large van that puts me off.
The Mexican food truck I went to in Los Angeles was immense.
LA has nothing going for it other than good food trucks.
Best BBQ I ever had was from a caravan type thing in Austin.Quote:
Originally Posted by bruhnaldo
Don't get me wrong, I'm positive that food trucks probably have the best food ever (especially for the price), but I'm a gigantic pussy.
Have you suffered from food poisoning before?
I've had it twice, once from somewhere you'd go "Well yeah that's gonna happen" and once where you wouldn't at all so I've long since decided that unless somewhere is obviously filthy it's not worth worrying about.
Nah, I haven't personally if I'm honest.
I've probably missed out on a lot of fantastic cuisine but idk it seems like a decent trade.
Food poisoning is, generally, a myth.
It's something else.
People assume they've got food poisoning if they have a runny shit within 24 hours of eating. The reality is much more severe.
Sounds like I need to click into your post for further details?
We are currently in the interview process for three positions. Looking at all these people's resumes, I have no idea how they ever hired me.
Ive been sat in interviews for the last week which seem completely pointless as not once have I been asked for feedback.
Had a 2 hour workshop yesterday at work about basically "how we should be doing our job".
Everyone in the company is going through it.
What a colossal waste of time and effort.
Things like that are total shite and forcing people to do them is usually an example of management getting bored and needing to justify their existence.
All of them have been rejected. That was well worth the 5 hours I spent this week.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
We need a inhouse web designer/producer/master. Salary is 80k pa. Send me a PM if you are/know someone who's interested.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
I'll do it for 40.
I’ve got about six jokes about you struggling to get your foot in the door and I made none of them.
There are no females, right?
85%. You wouldn't be able to get a thing done. The rest are homosexual males and me.
Inhouse jobs are awful. They pay so well for a reason.
That's just a normal salary over here. A half decent one bed flat will set you back 1.5k if you find a good deal.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
Oh right. They do typically pay about 20% higher in my experience, and with good reason.
My year end review was pretty positive and my rating reflects that "exceeds". Which means, despite being an idiot, the company does actual rate me reasonably highly even after the brutal cut backs we've seen over the years.
I've spotted a job online that would be perfect for my pal and subsequently found out that it's basically for the team I work in. Is that a bad idea? Anyone worked with an outside of work friend?
I would like to officially withdraw my application.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Thank you.
Off the phones for a month. Good riddance to a long week, although today was pretty sound. Got a couple of nods from claimants for me being so understanding and such. I imagine this is how Mike feels everyday.
My worst nightmare about to become a reality. A French customer is coming to visit who speaks no English and the boss has asked me to come to lunch with them and simultaneously translate.
I'll be like that goon who stands next to Bielsa.
Getting paid extra for it?
Lol no. Free lunch, but I guess there's no such thing as one of those.
I've got a friend who makes absolute bank doing that stuff for WEF.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
"Makes absolute bank"
You're about 40, Fam blud fam innit.
Only people who actually are about 40 get mad at the slang people use.
Preach.
"You're about 40"
"No u r"
CY@
Proper ones get paid shitloads. Me winging it, lol. Especially s this is the sort of industry where they'll happily sink a bottle of wine over lunch and then head straight back to the coalface.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
You're blacking up?
That sort of tedium pays so much. I could probably make the equivalent to my yearly salary transcribing and subtitling audio/video interviews in about 3 months but I'm not sure I could take it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
They'd probably ask me to do that if it meant increasing revenue by 30 euros.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
We're being asked to sign up to illegal (and very pointless) trading terms by one of our idiot customers. Fun times, I might refuse to do it and see what they say.
Reply 'I'll sign, but I want paying in Cocain if that's how we're doing things.'
I'm going to ask for 'Elton rates' for re-writing their silly contracts (that I still don't intend to sign).
There is a Head of History job going at a school local to me that I'm considering applying for. I thought the school had a pretty good rep but the last Ofsted was fairly damning and a friend of mine knows the former Head of History and described as a 'horrible' school + the history classrooms are/were 'portacabins', which has dented my enthusiasm a bit. Might still go have a look around and see if for myself.
Now you're talking.
https://www.irishtimes.com/business/...ment-1.3787348
If it's anything like Intel here, be prepared to receive 1,600 new Chinese/Indian engineers.
There's always a few Indians but the workforce here is mainly Irish and ex NEC Scots.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
The worst thing about dealing with immigrants--pretend Lewis or someone else wrote this, not me--is that it takes so much more effort to interact with them because you have to navigate cultural and language barriers, and people are fundamentally lazy.
People in general or those people? I find it's not a question of laziness but more (at least when dealing with them over the phone), I don't want them to agree to something they don't comprehend.
I would have said the worst thing was the smell, so please remove my name from those sentiments.
I was half way through writing this response. Fuck sake.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
The rape isn't ideal either.
You can't tell if they're objecting, what with the language barrier.
What the fuck’s going on in this thread. :nono:
How's the paedo business going?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
Quite well.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Had someone resign today, only 5 months after taking the job. Annoying but understandable. They're a proper introvert and moved here for the job, so they just spend their evenings sat bored, alone. They're moving back home.
You should have given them one of those TTH business cards.
There's a waft of dirty bumhole everytime the gay man who works in my office is close by. He normally smells nice. Clearly got bummed on Valentines Day right? :sick:
Don't get banned before the results are announced you muppet.
I have to carry out my first eviction tomorrow. It's a gang affiliated property with police presence required.
When the police don't bother to show up and I get murdered, please ensure all my positive rep is left to the winner of Greg vs Josh.
What's your job mate, sticking your head under the door to make sure they're out? :youpi:
Nah, it's SHAGING YOUR MUM.
That's some commute.
I was off yesterday with flu and really shouldn't be in today, but being off sick bores me to tears so I filled myself full of drugs and came in. The first couple of hours were shit but now I've reached such a magnificent narcotics-fuelled high that wild horses couldn't drag me out of here. Is a painkiller addiction that bad? I'm considering it.
More importantly, which one do you want to posthumously vote for?Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
I survived, so the world will have to wait and see.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
You're a right tease.
I am going to fucking crack up. I was off Friday and Monday. On Thursday just before I was about to leave, I discovered the village idiot on my team had overwritten some new code I'd committed with his own crap. Annoying but not too big a deal as it was a fairly minor fix. I stayed till half six to fix it as it was being released to the customer for testing on the friday.
Come in this morning and it turns out he fucking overwrote it again on Friday when I was off and the customer is telling us it isn't working. Yeah, no shit.
Then it's also been discovered today that someone else has somehow managed to remove another bit of code of mine from the previous release that has now gone into production with our latest release.
Fuck me.
#DevLife
Do you not have some kind of pull request process?Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Nah, we just create a branch for our own features then merge it into the integration/release branch once it's ready to go. You should see any conflicts though so people aren't being careful enough about them.
We're supposed to have a peer review system but in reality the peer reviews hardly ever get carried out. Guess who my peer reviewer is. :moop:
They that sow the wind, shall reap the whirlwind
Write a load of comments in his code saying that he thinks the boss is a racist or something.
You can see who added what.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
They can think that far ahead, but not far enough ahead to stop morons deleting other people's work?
"Boydys code, do not touch." Should do it. Also, there's probably two other coders moaning about how some eejit overwrote their code.
Newish lad in work thinks you've to be friends outside work :moop:
That'll need a high level of ignorance to nip in the bud.
How is he trying to instigate said friendship?
I think it's more like he expects 'mates' and to give a hand with stuff at weekends and all. Like yesterday he asks what I was doing at the weekend and I just said I was going to the sisters for a few pints. "Oh, it's just that we're moving the son into a new house and could have done with a hand". I just laughed and then he says "bit of help would be great". In the end I just told him that it wasn't going to happen even if I was doing no more than sitting watching TV all weekend.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
He keeps telling me about his kids, etc too and not picking up that I sound completely uninterested and change the subject to something to do with work. I'm going to have to just tell him I couldn't care less if they all spontaneously caught fire.
That's delinquent behaviour (from him). You can't stroll around asking random people to help you move your son into a new house. The fact that he has a son suggests he is 40+ and should know better too.
He’s not really done anything wrong there, other than unknowingly approached an unusually unfriendly colleague. :happycry:
Now when I say newish, he's been there 6 months but in that time there has been zero out of hours interaction to warrant it.
Being the main point here.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
No chance I'm helping someone I've just started working with to move house.
I barely go out for drinks with the people I work with and I've known then for 4 years.
A storm in a teacup brewing at work.
The company expects me to go on some rota of on call, which is effectively about 4 weeks out of the year I carry a pager, can't be more than an hour away from the office and can't be drunk.
It's not in my contract T and Cs nor my roles and responsibilities. The reward for giving up almost a month of the year of freedom? The equivalent of a 1.7% pay rise.
Thanks, but no thanks.
Trying to work out whether they are going to force me to do it against my will. If so I'm probably going to file a grievance with HR.
Anyone ever had to deal with something like that? Any tips? I'm part of a "communication forum" which is effectively a stop gap between HR and the company employees so I brought it to the table there, apparently I'm not the only one just ignoring the emails at the moment.
In my experience, rightly or wrongly, companies can do whatever they like a lot of the time. You'll end up having to do it.
One certainty also is that HR is the company always. They won't help.
Yeah, 100% fuck that. If it's not in your contract then it's something they need to incentivise you to do in order to change your terms of employment. Maybe you could just stop working Mondays or have a three hour lunch break and see if they're cool with other arbitrary changes?Quote:
Originally Posted by Foe
I'm a selfish cunt but I'd laugh in the face of one of my actual real life friends if they suggested it would be nice if I helped them move into their new house. I have no problem with socialising with colleagues, but that's limited to getting drunk and occasionally shagging female colleagues. Not a trip to B&Q.
That's ridiculous. I pay £70 per day for people to be on call at weekends and bank holidays.Quote:
Originally Posted by Foe
The worst part about it for me is if you get screwed and end up on the rota over Xmas time.
You get your days back so it doesn't actually cost you annual leave on the hope you don't get called. I'd be completely fucked though being stuck in Aberdeen and unable to go and see family as they live more than an hour from the office.
This is in addition to the expectation that if there's an issue in my actual job/role they can call me and ask me for help. Last Boxing Day is spent about 3 hours pulling together a risk assessment for a platform issue.
Seems to be empoyers with a view that society is willing to basically just devote their life to the company. No thanks. I work hard but there's a line which is the work/ life balance and I'll be the person to decide whether I cross it, not you.
One of either two things should be happening:
- They either pay you a very large amount when you're called out, but a smaller/no amount for being available
- You're paid a decent amount whenever you're on call, regardless of whether you're called out
It looks like they're trying to get away with neither.
I've previously thought that I might actually be able to get along with you irl but now I think you're probably as much of a twat as your posts make out. Why would you not help out a friend?Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
Anyway, I helped a girl at work move something once and I massively regretted it. At the time I got on with her quite well and, although it was effort, I guess I just thought I should do the nice thing. She offered to buy me a pizza to say thanks, but I declined. These days I find said girl incredibly irritating, as she's the type of twat that assumes having neighbouring desks means you want to hear about how her dad has sweetcorn as part of a roast for the tenth time, so it had a huge impact in helping me realise that giving up your own time for nothing is thick as pigshit.
Ohhh no the thing is I'd happily offer to help my pals move a piano or whatever, I'm more objecting to the kinda passive aggressively suggesting it. If my mate said "i'm moving out, it's going to be a right pain in the arse" i'd offer to help, and if my mate said "igor you twat, help me move out" i'd also help. To be honest if they said "it would be nice if you helped me" I probably WOULD help them. I'd just think it was a weird mealy mouthed way of asking.Quote:
Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
The first vote saving CLIMB DOWN of the competition. :drool:
Yep. Should have just told him to do what he likes and fuck off :drool:
The pressure has completely got to him. Finish him Shinners. Your time is now.
I helped my friend move and their idiotic approach to things like moving all the small shit in before furniture just ended up annoying me.
He sees the lasses at work as only shags? I'll sound the phonics signal.
That is literally the wrong way round.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
He's coming up with the justice hashtags as we speak.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
I'm with Igor on this, the point wasn't about not helping a friend it was people you work with assuming that sort of relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
Not even if it was informal and your wife was walking past by chance?
wankers
Okay, we're cool.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
You helping me build a shed cool, or just not calling me a twat cool?Quote:
Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
Are they mutually exclusive? Because I'd help you build the shed and call you a twat.
I'll have to listen to every detail of the house move tomorrow :boydy:
I'll have to nip him with something really rude early on.
You're not building a shed properly if you're not calling someone nearby a twat tbh.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
I don't think I've built anything without calling someone/something a cunt.
Usually a screw that won't turn, the cross threaded cunt.
I'd be up for building a shed whilst getting hammered.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
Just been told I've been 'selected' to go to the Munich trade show for us. Lovely stuff, I'll have to pretend to know what I'm talking about for 5 straight days.
Fuck off back to your caravan.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bam
Just got an e-mail form the Director of the IMF who has several million dollars for my organization. Seems weird that he has a gmail account but I've sent him my Western Union details none the less.
Five days on a trade show sounds like vein cutting stuff.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Slip him a TTH card.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Live stream it, Jim.
Wednesday to Sunday as well. I don't have any real knowledge of the product, nor the gift of the gab, but other than that I'm ideally suited to it. I think they just want me there for my 7/10 French, 6/10 Spanish and 4/10 German.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
You calling me a traveller? How very odd. :cab:
Scaffolder. West Ham fan.
You tick more boxes than I do Bam.
Yeah, but you're from Southend! :dc:Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Silver lining, it isn't in Stuttgart.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Well, that was a day. The civil service breeds a special kind of jobsworth who cannot and will not bend procedure. Not only that but they'll explain how it's wrong step-by-step. Every time. For longer than they need to.
Spikes knows.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bam
My next job is on the 'frailty' ward, affectionately known as 'Windsor Hotel'. It's where all the old buggers sit before the find them somewhere to go to. Also the registrars and stuff I have are great.
Going to be such a doss :drool:
You think you're frail? Try having a migraine you twat.
That's a bloody good joke there mate.
Good end to the week, that. One claimant informed us they were running back to the assessment centre with a weapon because their claim was stopped.
In fairness, your lot have fucked up 70% of our tenants over this last month, so you deserve something stabby in the ribs.
'We're going to pay the monthly amount, but we're going to do so 4 weekly. THEN - and here's the genius bit - we'll skip 4 weeks once a year!'
Just pay monthly you fucking pricks.
Our lot? DWP don't pay my wages.
Your lot.
Actually, thinking about it, it (UC) is paid monthly as it arrives the same date every month for the tenants. So why is there a 'skipped cycle' once a year for landlords? Mental.
That is odd. Like they're trying to dodge a month at the end of the tax year.
When I was on the rock and roll I made a point of asking all the staff I encountered what they thought of Universal Credit, and every single one of them said it was an infinitely superior system.
It is as long as you're not on it.
I was, although I don't have kids and rent and made-up disabilities to complicate matters.
They say the same about PIP. That points-based, evidence system where you couple have your fibromyalgia assessed by a mental health nurse. When DWP say something is better, it usually means it's cheaper and they don't have to do as much because they've farmed off chunks of the process to a third party.
Oh UC is genius from the DWP's perspective. It's mostly automated so they only really have to pay people to check ID's and stuff, and even that is done through an App for the most part.
The problems kick in when you work and you're on it. Especially if your wages fluctuate, or if you get anything but monthly pay and you get an extra pay date fall in your assessment window. Which happened to FUCKING EVERYONE over Christmas.
Today it was announced that we've had another person cured of HIV. The second in 10 years. So my day has been derailed arranging interviews for journos, which after writing that sentence, seems a rather negative angle to take on something quite important.
Everyone with HIV have given themselves HIV, right?
What?
Only two? Quite a few left to go then.
It's not particularly useful as you have to have Leukemia as well but I guess two for the price of one in that sense?Quote:
Originally Posted by Disco
I can cure you but first I have to give you Leukemia!
https://i.imgur.com/rwYAq1V.png
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-47421855
"The researchers say it is too early to say the patient is "cured" of HIV."
Toggle Spoiler
Been a brilliant few weeks at work. We're absolutely overwhelmed with work at the moment and it's meant I've had to get involved for the first time in ages, and I've loved it. In some ways I wish I could go back to just being a designer day in, day out because the work is so enjoyable. Also had a meeting with our biggest client today to present some new work which went over really well, and has probably secured £100k of revenue over the next 12 months.
Plus I offered a job to a previous work experience student this morning, who accepted it on the spot.
I'm just waiting for something to go wrong. Perhaps the office will burn down over the weekend.
It does sound like the first five minutes of a sitcom episode, so you'll end up with the company shutting down within a week.
I did an £18k deal today with some dodgy French exporter that they would never have got near without my language. I'm starting to think that they should probably be paying me quite a bit more.
One thing I've realised over the past two years is that hiring is really difficult. I try to be diligent; I personally interview people and even go to the extent of doing paid trial days/weeks to see how they get on. But the last three people I've hired are all gone. I used to give the former boss so much shit about him hiring people that were crap, and my record has been even worse.
Do we have any recruitment wankers here that can tell me where I'm going wrong?
I've now somehow managed to make exactly the same fuck up at work for the 4th time. It's ridiculous I've not at least had an informal warning for being a total div.
Correctly inputted the sort code and account number for a bill payment but then typed the wrong reference. This time was like the first two times - non-existent reference so just took 20 mins on the phone to the company's customer service team to retrieve the money from some holding account.
The 3rd time was ridiculous though. Not only had I managed to mistype the credit card reference number (e.g. the card number), I'd somehow managed to defeat the Luhn formula and type in some other person's credit card number. Fixing my fuck-up wasted about 10 hours collectively of the time of myself, management and the two customers.
It's nice to see that are banks have such competent workers.
Shit I hope your new tinder chick makes you into a stuffed animal next you sick fuckQuote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
No i didn't read any of the rest of this thread for context but still wtf is wrong with you
ha, i wouldn't mind my mate just asking me to help them do something. i was just objecting to someone doing it like Giggles's mate, in a passive-aggressive indirect way. "please help me do this thing" is a lot better than "it would be really nice if you helped me do this thing". but now I'm typing it out i'm starting to doubt whether it really makes much of a difference.Quote:
Originally Posted by bruhnaldo
Do you not copy and paste references in for payments?
There won't be a better time to ask the question.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Hiring is pretty much the hardest business problem.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
Why are they not working out? What’s your current hiring process?
However you do it, there is going to be a very large amount of luck involved.
The word "process" is generous - there isn't one really. For the last three frond end developers, I've just posted on the usual jobsites/twitter/our own website and then interview. There's no parameters that determine a successful interview - it's largely down to "vibe", with their skillset being secondary (unless they're completely under qualified). If the interview goes well, we ideally get them in for a day to see how they fit in (we pay them for this), set them a few basic tasks and then if all is good, hire them.Quote:
Originally Posted by Raoul Duke
Why have the three you hired left?Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
One guy left after 3 months with no explanation, he just got another role - since then, he's had 4 jobs in 18 months so I think he's just a tosser. One was the guy I sacked, and the third one moved here from Poland and couldn't settle in the area so moved back after 6 months.
Sounds like you might have hit a few duds, but you could perhaps standardise your evaluation criteria somewhat. It matters less if you're hiring juniors but it can't help to have a bit of rigour around it.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
For a start you could do a screening call to find out if they're idiots before you get them in. If it's a development role, depending on the level, there are some common whiteboard or coding exercises they could do. Do you have a CTO or Lead Dev who can help assess technical quality?
The other thing to think about is your on boarding and reviews process. How do you get them up-to-speed and contributing? How do you give them feedback as they're getting started?
Over to you, Giggles.
I think with any design agency, you're never going to have a better than 70% success rate. You can put in all the parameters in the world and it won't change much.Quote:
Originally Posted by Raoul Duke
I believe Google did an investigation on their own hiring practices and found an exact success/fail rate of 50%.
edit: The above stat is fake news. Sorry. I conflated the Google report with the general average which is between 40-60%
Google say they have an 86% success rate but they're not only picking from the absolute cream of the crop but each interview is interviewed 4 times by 4 separate people. You'd be half a team down for a week for every hire you made at that point.
edit2: SvN, do you need a designer? I'm reliable and looking to come back. You already know all my flaws.
Eh?Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Jimmy wants you to call him a nonce for talking in HR about 'standardizing evaluation criteria'
Funnily enough that was the exact point I zoned out and stopped reading. If I wanted to see a grown man fellate themselves I could find a video somewhere.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
We used to have potential new hires field a basic accounting test. If you had just finished school it should be a breeze. If not, recruiting gave you high level prep anyway. That used to filter out serious duds, until we were told we couldn’t make people do it anymore.
Since then we have expanded the interview process to have people meet their “peers” in the role they are applying for. Too many people have opened up ‘too much’ and had themselves counted out almost instantly by saying some dumb shit.
My team at work are about to launch a new “campaign” but are still trying to come up with a name. They’ve made mock posters with twitter handles on but haven’t actually registered any of them, because I don’t know. Tempted to register all the leading candidates and put a goatse profile pic on them. :baz:
To be fair, the three that all left were juniors - perhaps that's the problem. I do like to train people to do things our way rather than trying to convince them that their way isn't how we want them to do things. Purely on about front end development here by the way - so HTML/CSS mostly, with a bit of JS.Quote:
Originally Posted by Raoul Duke
At the interview stage, I'm more interested in their attitude, willingness to learn/respond to feedback and general intelligence to be honest - skills can usually be taught at the level they're working at, providing they have at least minimal experience.
They're trained by one of the lead developers and he's also in the interviews with me - he has his say on the candidates, and to date we've never disagreed. Once they're hired, we do monthly reviews for the first 3 months then quarterly reviews after that for the first year. I'm not entirely sure on the ongoing, less formalised process for feedback because I let the lead dev handle that, but I do know that they have weekly code reviews for the first month at least.
My boss just asked me if I'd go clean shaven to our trade fair (I currently have a shortish, reasonably neat beard as I have since I joined the company. Think very long stubble, trim once a week sort of beard). I'm not sure if it was a serious request or some kind of test, but I said I would not go clean shaven as this is how I choose to look. He just said 'ok' and booked my flights.
Not sure about that one.
It sounds like he either just doesn't much like proper facial hair or just doesn't think yours constitutes an actual beard.
There goes that raise you wanted, hippy.
And while you are at it, shave those sideburns.
Brilliant.Quote:
Originally Posted by Danny
Just received an e-mail sent to me and a few others, with a list of actions to be completed by certain people by certain dates.
One of them is aimed at the stupid 50 year old woman who does next to no work, yet constantly takes credit for the work done by me. A lot of it. All the time. I hate her. It says ‘when you’re back from your weeks holiday please can you show BA (me) how to do mail merge letters.’
Are you fucking kidding me? :moop:
It surely wouldn't take long to come up with a plan to destroy her. Get on it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
I’m open to suggestions.
I’ve started putting a white B in cell B69 of all my spreadsheets, where possible. Small steps.
Step 1, take credit for what you've done. Email your manager telling them what you've done that she's taking credit for.
Step 2, tell them if you already know how to do something.
Step 3, stop being so moist.
:worried:
Her and my manager are practically best mates, so it's a fine line.
Will she know how to mail merge? If not play dumb then let her mate know she couldn’t show you but thankfully you already knew.
She definitely will not.
Hopefully I can find a way to let everyone know she failed but it’s okay cos I already knew, without having to pretend I didn’t know. If that makes sense?
Just act like you don't know much about it, so you'd like her to show you how she does it as you think you could learn from her. Then when she shits the bed, make out like what you know is pretty obvious, standard stuff and she'll look like even more of an idiot.
The woman who sits next to me, whose life is a constant tragedy, had a bit of a 'mare again this week. The highlight was on Wednesday when she was sat with her head in her hands for about ten minutes at her desk, so our manager went over and asked if she was alright, to which she muttered "my toes are cold."
She needs to just fucking end it at that stage.
Pretty much, yeah. Everybody has tried to help her but she never follows through with any advice, so she just cycles through these episodes (she does have it pretty rough tbf) and at this point we all just kinda ignore it and get on with things. The worst time was when she was lying in the corner of the room with her eyes closed just whimpering for an hour or so. I've told her time and time again to just go home when she feels like that, but I guess when it happens so frequently she'd only be in half the time and that creates different issues.
Problem is, if she took time off for it, she'd barely be in. We have someone like that who's on flexi. Since she came back from a stint on the sick, she's never seen past 3:30pm. And she wonders why she's skint.
Today I went from commis chef to chef de partie. :-D
So you get to set the time on the microwave now?
Those things sounds like wanky titles used in French political parties.
Our daughter gets called our Sous Chef and she's fucking shit. Food all over the floor, all over her face, in her hair, everywhere. And she's in a superior position to you Smiff. You must be truly awful.
Interview tomorrow for Head of History job. Trying to think positive, but it's now just dawned on me that this may well make it 3 for 3 if I don't get the job. I can hear the start of the phonecall and know how these things go. Hard to take constructive criticism when you've just been told you weren't up to scratch.
But I don't think I can prepare any further really. Got a night without the baby so will hopefully get a decent night's sleep at least.
Good luck. My mate was going for an assistant head job recently (or something of that ilk), lost out to someone else internal, and was a bit despondent as he doesn't think he'll ever move on from head of year 7, which he currently is. I said Jesus, you're twenty-six. Which he also is. From the outside I'd guess it can take you down unexpected roads.
I don't think we had a head of year under the age of 40 let alone a department but I guess turnovers so high you assume you'll be Headmaster by 40 these days.
This is my old Head of History, and he also went on to Deputy Head status after my time.
and
This is my old Head Teacher. He went on to be a Governor and a Magistrate after my time.
There's two strategies to see you reach the top. Both have their risks, granted, but, yeah, you know, have you considered hitting/noncing the kids?
From my piecemeal understanding of the education employment advancement system you either have to be an insider or to be (effectively) moving sideways to get jobs. I've a friend who recently became a head where he did whatever training it is you have to do to become one (not the school he was an assistant head in) after unsuccessfully applying for numerous other head teacher roles. I think he, somehow, lost out to the same candidate on more than one occasion for those jobs, which seemed a bit mental.
Edit, or the above. Dark side ftw.
@SvN, regarding your hires:
1) the pillock was always a pillock, and you were probably too nice about it;
2) tossers who can get 4 jobs in 18 months never present as tossers until they've already tossed; and
3) when you mentioned the homesick girl, I thought you meant she lived in like... Birmingham and moved to Southampton for the job rather than moving all the way from Poland. that's a huge leap.
that just sounds like luck rather than hiring practice
also
do you guys allow for the whole "can terminate without cause in first three months of employment" thing
@mo
aren't you in your early to mid thirties? if you don't get the position, you're still fine going forward. in all likelihood, you're probably just perceived as being too green/young because ageism
It's wild that I left the UK so long ago that there literally aren't stories online of the various abuses teachers committed.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
All three points are correct, but I just wish I was better at judging people. Although deep down I never felt 100% on any of them to be honest - but that was also true about the last successful hire, who has turned out brilliantly. I've already replaced the latest leaver with someone who's graduating Uni in June, and I feel very good about it - so she'll probably resign after a week.Quote:
Originally Posted by Panda Bear
And yes, we can terminate with one week's notice within the first 3 months.
Yeah I mean at 26, he's less experience than I am (by a year). I'd say age is against him becoming a senior leader at the moment.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Our head who just left was 45-ish, in post for 5 years and had been a head elsewhere before for a couple of years. A lot of HoDs at ours are early 30s, but granted more experience than I am.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Only read the first link properly and it made me feel unwell. Hitting some of them has briefly flashed across my mind but, you know, it's just too high-risk a strategy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Much like any other industry, it can often be a case of 'who you know'.Quote:
Originally Posted by niko_cee
This is true. I am 33, and with 5 years under my belt, not as experience as others my age. Average age of school leaders is likely 10/15 years lower than what it was when we were at school due to retention issues and lack of decent recruitment strategy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Panda Bear
All in all, I feel a lot better. A bit like when you think you've just gotten a major fault in your driving licence, I feel a bit like the pressure is off, so maybe I'll relax and proceed unimpeded.
My job is changing at some point in the next few months. Probably going to be worse too so I'll hopefully look for other roles. Be interesting to find out whether I'm allowed to leave though.
Someone moving from Poland isn't that big a deal. I don't think there's anyone left there at this stage.Quote:
Originally Posted by Panda Bear
A good proportion of them are hotties so let's be inclusive. :yn:
I deal with the Poles on a daily basis and there isn't a better nation of people out there. Zero fucks given, zero bullshit, they just get on with it.
Apart from the Kubica online fans, who are clinically insane.
Definitely. Abrupt and straight to the point. Makes them a dream to deal with.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
I've never met a Pole who wasn't decent. Our IT technician is Polish and he's great. The first time I met him he was talking about the IT crowd and just kept saying 'Cheese Burger' over and over again. I've either not seen the episode or I'm missing the reference, but I enjoyed the inversion of him schooling me on British TV.
The Dutch are similar in their no bullshit approach but also want you to do everything their way and any other angle you'd like to approach the issue from is deemed 'crazy' or a waste of time. Which is annoying but you work around it. However, the amount of 'this guys a fucking idiot' or 'did you hear about this person, doing x, so bad' they told me makes me assume they were saying exactly the same stuff about me when I wasn't there.
i feel like i've watched that show at least 4 times completely and have no fucking idea what "cheese burger" is in reference toQuote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
I don't think it's a reference to anything either. I think he was just calling Spikey a greasy cunt. Also, foreigners seem to fall in love with random words like they're funny to say? I went to uni with an estonian bloke (total weirdo) that was similar.Quote:
Originally Posted by bruhnaldo
Pass. To add further context, he was saying something along the lines of "'You've selected Cheeeese Buuuuurgeeeer' hahaha it's so vewy funny. I love that humour"Quote:
Originally Posted by bruhnaldo
There was an episode where they installed a vending machine but nothings coming to me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
I must have seen every episode, but I don't have any recollection of it.
I'm part Polish so you might have to have a rethink, lads.
Nah, it's the British side that fucks you over.
'So I'm Pole-ish!'
*gets ignored by everyone*
'Pole-ISH. Ish. Like a...'
*leans in and spills his pint on the pool table*
It's a fold down train table.
Get it right.
The most wacky play on words re: my polishness was "Irritating Pole Syndrome" to honour my excessive shitting and annoying personality, but it was one of my well random mates rather than me.
And actually me and my colleague played some pool tonight at Riley's and challenged two lads to a game of doubles, and rather than spilling my pint I made a cracking double. They said "shot, mate" and everything.
Well, I'd like to be returning to the thread triumphant, having exceeded expectations, but it is not so. And I'm actually a little relieved.
Firstly, they stuck an extra interview in (a 'Teaching and Learning' one, to get a handle on your classroom experience). This wasn't on the itinerary for the day so I was pretty unprepared for this. They also cocked up the timing so everything ran late, lots of waiting around in the hot, sopporific staffroom.
They then revealed there would be a cut before the final interview, which I didn't make it to. I was up against one internal candidate (1.5 years experience) and another external who'd been doing the Head of History role at another school for 3 years already, so this was a sideways move. Both had gone to the school and the sideways move still lived there, so really he only wanted it for the commute. I get the impression he was picking up on the things that I wasn't so keen on as well, such as their draconian performance management practices.
They also sprung a data task on us, again not in the itinerary, if kind of expected for this sort of post.
(Oh and it fucking pissed down all day, so got soaked during the school tour. Brilliant.)
And now, finally, I'm having to contact them for my feedback. I can't ring as the reception is closed so hoping my email gets picked up. They really should be ringing me, as a courtesy.
So, a little bit miffed, but ultimately I think for the best. Would've been nice to experience the final interview for future, but a waste of time on their part. My main takeaway is that 1) I still am awful at interviews. To be fair, I prepared myself for the leadership aspects which would've been in the final interview, but anyone half decent should be able to get through what was a pretty tame Teaching and Learning interview, even unprepared and 2) expect the unexpected!
Got to find the energy now for 45 Y9 assessments, planning a Y11 pre-exam lesson and afterschool revision session.
I am bored out of my tree so far in this job. I feel like I don't know much and thus don't have much to do yet.
However my probation review was overflowing with praise and talking all about how I was ahead of where they thought I'd be for workload, etc. So the only conclusion I can draw is that either their standards for new starts are very, very low or I'm some sort of engineering prodigy.
Hey that's ok @mo, I know you're going to get an even better opportunity soon.
Shit news @mo, but chin up.
I was going to say 'you'll always be our Head of History' but Lewis has beaten you to that too. Sorry :(.
Cheers gents. Have actually just got off the phone with one of the interviewers for my feedback, which was actually really positive. They asked me about a time I taught a successful lesson, and didn't like that I picked a Geography lesson (tbh it was the last lesson I taught on Monday so freshest in memory) which I thought was a tad harsh. They said a few more examples would have been good, but that generally I answered the questions well and my interview didn't let me down, which was pleasing to know. They just felt the other two drew on a greater range of examples.
They still haven't decided though, which strikes me as a bit tinpot. The expectation in teaching is they let you know on the day.
You're only going to be more prepared the next time, both in teaching experience and in interview experience. In a year and a half's time, you'll be competing against someone who's in your shoes now.
The coffee machine is broken. There's going to be killings today.
Is there no kettle?
There is, but there's no coffee that you can make by boiling the kettle.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
For the last half hour, one of my colleagues has been repeatedly dialling I guess west Africa and saying 'Can I speak to Adama Traoré?' with apparently no success. Must have been a good 15 calls now. It's slightly surreal.
Should try calling West Midlands instead.
I need a new fucking job.
Me too. Empire Magazine and the Premier League are looking for designers so I think I'll apply for both and see what happens. Gamespots also looking for a video editor.
Gamespot is still a thing???
Yeah, they're way less relevant now but could be a useful way to get into working in the US.
If you can deal with San Francisco's cost of living. I suspect you can. I'm finished for a fortnight and another lad left today. He's going to Japan for six months which means he's not coming back.
Got a job alert this morning. They’ve re-advertised the job I went for. No idea what happened there, but given they couldn’t make a decision on the day I guess it’s not that surprising.
I always wonder when schools re-advertise jobs, who they think will apply this time around if they didn’t before?
Worth chancing your arm with a quick phone call?
Couldn't hurt.
It has crossed my mind. They don’t normally take applications from previous candidates, and I think I mentioned before that there were a few red flags. This would be another to be honest.
I've been on holiday today, get several frantic texts from my boss that I have 'NOT COMPLETED TASKS BEFORE SIGNING OUT' only to find out that the task I have 'FAILED TO COMPLETE MY EXPECTED DUTIES' on is that there's a label on the contents page that says HIV Vaccine instead of HIV Vaccines (which is what was in the text provided to me), something that would take literally anyone about 5 seconds to fix in inDesign, but because everyone is terrified of non-Microsoft Office products means I'm in the shitter for.
I'm quitting. Back to the UK for me. Can't be bothered with the drama that happens every time I leave the office for 12 hours. Yet whenever I need anything, I'm supposed to wait for up to a week for a response because 'there's a lot going on'. Sick of it.
Welcome home, please do try the tinned tuna.
At least it won't cost 6 quid.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
And the hot cross buns.
I got five-hundred quid out of the 'In Year Reward Scheme' for all of my hard work and other fictions. :cool:
Profit share bonus came in today, 8% which is the highest it has been in the past decade according to some of the old hats. Nice little surprise for a Friday.
The main forum index page has been blocked in work :(
It’s been nice knowing you.
You got the tournament finished before it happened, that's the important thing. :thbup:
Here's an alternate URL - does this work?Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
http://dev.thethirdhalf.co.uk/forumd...The-Third-Half
Im done.
Just got an e-mail from someone requesting a web-banner to advertise on a partners website. So I reply back asking for the resolution at which point my boss who was cc'd in replies just to me and says 'They probably don't know, just make several and they can choose which one they like best'.
What a fucking idiot. I have no idea why content creation is under communications because she doesn't have a fucking clue when it comes to any of it.
Do them at ridiculous sizes like 120 x 5000
Just do all of the sizes, how hard can it be.
Winner.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
I just did variations of 420*69 and 69*420Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
My shite company car adds 12k on to my wage, so I paid £1,250 tax this month. Bastard. 8k at 40%.
Is there literally anything about this promotion/raise that you :drool:'d at us with that is actually good?
Bonus pay day today.
Great for the number received. Depressing for the number lost to tax.
:drool: / :(
Unlucky, in Geneva all the trading companies pay the juniors nearly half the yearly salary (on top of their normal salary so effectively 1.5x per annum) in as a bonus as it counts as an un-taxed donation. Friend of mine paid off his entire student loan in one go.
The bastard.
Guess the jokes on me for my taxable 17.5% bonus.
Celebrated with weetabix for tea.
You should list the oilrig as your home address and claim you're offshore. HMRC'll never see it coming.Quote:
Originally Posted by Foe
Claim Foe is just a character you're playing.
I just had a job advert appear in one of my 7 daily emails from Indeed. I still look at them, because whilst my job ain't bad, I wouldn't mind fucking off asap.
Anyway, the advert states:
"An exciting opportunity as Lead Compliance Officer, has arisen within the Gypsy and Traveller Service (GTS).
Our (KCC owned) sites are home to over 550 members of the Gypsy and Traveller community, and GTS is responsible for providing them with a safe environment in which to live, whilst promoting the integration and diversity of these communities in Kent.
The role of the Lead Compliance Officer is: To develop, implement and review standards and policies for the Gypsy and Traveller Service leading enforcement and compliance activity work."
So, telling travellers how to live and enforcing fines issued against them? Cracking stuff. Sounds suicidal, but I bet the wage is good.
"Starting salary £28,413 per annum | Fixed Term for 18 months, Full Time 37 hours per week"
:lol:
It's quite good fun? I still took 2.7k after tax.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Nope.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
:cab:Quote:
Content of type Pornography ( Content filtering ) blocked.
Do you have access to your hosts file?
No. can’t change anything on C.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
I presume it’s temporary cos the filter doesn’t like a thread title or something. :yn:
#Brexit mate. Give it time.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
If I work Saturday and Sunday (as in they ask me to do so, not me taking work home), do they have to give me day(s) off in lieu?
I don't have my contract to hand but just wondered what normal practice would be. As it stands with a trip abroad I'll be working 12 days on the trot.
If you've not come across it before I'd just ask the question.
If you ask your manager are they likely to try and get away with shafting you? Whenever I went away in my last place I expected the time back.
With our work, you can work a fortnight straight because it's against the EU directive.
Get it in writing from your boss (and ensure it's clear it's been approved with hr) that you'll take two days in lieu for the time you miss whilst on work business.
Then take the days. If anyone queries it refer to the email.
We sent out a press release condeming Brunei's anti-gay laws the other day.
I just got this reply back "Sir I agree with the Brunei Government . Sodomites are not gays they are devils the enemies of the living God. They will all be destroyed in fire together with their sponsors and supporters.
Now go away and prepare yourself for the lake of fire. You devil."
Why are you on the mailing list for an HIV organisation if you hate gay people?
Well I suppose it means they don't have to seek out ways to be angry on the internet. Just get it right in their inbox, as it were.
Maybe one gave him it.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
So at one point he loved them?
It might have been rape.
I'd wager that atleast 50% of homophobes are self hating, religious, closet cases.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Got sent a logo for a report today and assumed it must be a joke but nope, apparently no-one in the design process pointed out it looks like a knob.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D3oolpwWwAIkZWz.png
:D
Outstanding.
Or everyone in the process knew exactly what they were doing. Like how the A-Style logo looks like people fucking.
Ran out of shirts this morning so had to put one on that doesn't fit. I'm wearing a jumper on top of it with just the very bottom button and the very top done up.
Received an e-mail inviting me to a "social media training course" from these guys who have managed to amass 28 followers in six years. :cab:
They have 28 followers from just 45 tweets, whereas you're only gaining a follower about every 3-and-a-half tweets.
They could teach you a lot about efficiency.
Had an email at work re: internet usage. :uhoh:
I hereby hang up my boots for the tournament thingy, because I like my job and don’t wanna mess it up. Soz lads.
What do you mean for the tournament thing? It's over isn't it, or were you planning on it annually?Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Working in sales for a service company when the service side is full of morons is really shit and difficult.
I hate shit like that. If you're not getting your work done, sure. But if you are?Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
I am at a trade fair in Munich, which involves doing endlessly long days and then simultaneous translation client dinners until midnight. I was supposed to be here Wed-Sun, arriving home Sunday lunchtime - a bit knackering but at least I had Sunday pm to rest before going back to work Monday.
I got up at 3am yesterday to get the early flight, and arrived at our stand at 11am. I hadn't even put my suitcase under the table when my boss said 'By the way, I now need you to stay until Monday evening because we need someone to help clear up.' I had absolutely no way of telling him to do one, a) because he's my boss and b) because El Presidente was also in earshot.
As such, I now get back Monday around 11pm and will be straight back in the office Tuesday, and by Thursday will have worked 11 days in a row (6 of them in this German hell hole).
My current plan is to go in on Tuesday and as politely as possible tell the boss that they are an exploitative bunch of amateurs. For context, I'm on under 30k.
Indeed.Quote:
Originally Posted by Panda Bear
Thankfully I use the internet a lot for work stuff so I had a valid excuse. My boss knew this so just replied to the audit saying it’s not an issue, close the case, and advised me to close my internet browsers when I’m not explicitly looking at them, which suits me.
And yeah @Giggles I figured it could be something every two years or something, I dunno.
Jimmy, your salary being under 30k is exactly why they're okay with treating you like that.
That feeling when Korea turns out to be the good guy.
I'd be demanding a pretty heft pay rise considering what you're doing for them.
We've hired a new comms person from London that has come fully equipped with all the terms I hate as part of her vocabulary.
I've got a meeting with her tomorrow about something that she has put in my calendar as 'A quick download of 'subject''
Comms.
Apparently it means communications, which is somehow different to marketing.
It's marketing and PR.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Comms.
whatQuote:
Originally Posted by phonics
She wants to touch base.
For some blue sky thinking.
A couple of new guys started in my place recently. One is a proper autistic, he's surely got an official diagnosis. The other sits beside me and he's fidgety as fuck. Constantly moving shit about on his desk, clicking his pen, drumming on the desk etc. He talks to himself quite a bit too. I hear him mumbling all the time. He only started on Monday and he's doing my fucking head in already.
Where I work has the main floor and our little office, which the rest of them come in and out of our little office depending on what they're doing. We've had a woman in there all week doing some spreadsheet stuff, and she just sits tutting and sighing waiting for someone to ask her why, which between us we've agreed not to, and it gets louder and more dramatic until she finally gives in.
Women love that. I've got one who, when asked why she was yawning so loud, said "well, I'm allowed to make myself known."Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
I don't think he's looking for anyone to engage with him. I just stick my headphones on now so I don't hear him. I can still see him fidgeting out of the corner of my eye though.
I think he might have tourettes or OCD or something.
If someone at work ever uses a phrase like that I always ask what it means, just to see how they explain it. I’ve no idea why I do it, keeps me entertained though.Quote:
Originally Posted by mo
My old loved all that so we used to make up ridiculous new ones to mock him. Problem was there'd be a third or quarter of them he genuinely liked and would try to remember to use.
I'm about to go to my third customer dinner in a row (at which I am basically a free translation service), three more 12 hour days to go after this (all standing up throughout) before three more days at the office. Send help.
What's the market like? I'd be inclined to skip the last day, get the flight home, and see how long they take to realise you're gone.
Just steal all their customers and hire some Koreans.
I had a great time at the first (and probably last) trade fair I went to. Tiny independent company that sold subscriptions to their constantly updating database of job leads etc for companies working in the museum industry. Boss lady, 60-something American lady who set it up on her own, well respected and liked in the industry, the original sales guy, 50-something bloke who'd been doing it five years, and ME, incomprehensibly hired with zero experience and aptitude. The three of us were there for a 2 day conference in Brum.
I spent a day just dicking around, chatting to blokes at stands, making token efforts at selling shit etc. Boss lady went for lunch at 12 and told me we'd cruise the stalls as a duo when she got back at 1ish. She came back at 3.30 absolutely wrecked, told me the kitchen in the restaurant they'd gone to had CAUGHT ON FIRE, they'd been given complimentary drinks in the bar until they, er, put the fire out. That was the story I got anyway. We went to like 2 stalls, then she loudly said how much "that guy is such a fucking creep". About 10 people obviously heard, including said creep, then she said "fuck this conference, Igor, we ain't gonna sell shit" or something like that, and she called it a day. Got to stay in the swanky hotel she'd booked for the night, stayed up watching an Aus vs NZ test until about 3 am, and went home at 9am. She paid me for both days as well. I miss that job.
Did you lick her anus?
Ah, Episode 23 of Imaginary Igor.
Do you genuinely think I make up these weird stories? If I was gonna go through all the effort of constructing anecdotes they wouldn't be so boring.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
Besides, I'm not even creative enough to use artistic license and slightly adjust them to be more interesting. Reading back through that post I think the only thing I possibly exaggerated is how late I stayed up watching cricket. Maybe it was more like 1.30ish.
Maybe the problem is that rather than properly opening up and sharing the mundane day to day shit that happens to me, I just cherry pick the weird stuff, so it comes across as a false attempt to create some kinda wacky persona. Basically it's up to you Shinners, either I keep popping in every three weeks or so with an instalment of Igor says the damndest things or I spam the forum with updates on what asda salad I bought. x
Did you eat the salad out of some bird's arse?
no
Would you though?
Shindig is a nonce pass it on
We're down to just three men now (from an original 13) so I figure they'd notice. Will be 2 men by the bitter end.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
If you like building machinery it is pretty amazing. Caterpillar's hangar has a dump truck the size of China.
If you're the only one that speaks any German, they'll definitely notice.
We had four Germans until yesterday, but they hopped back in their Panzer so now we have me, a fatter, older Brit, and a cut-out-and-keep Italian. For 2 days.
Jimmy. Stop being a pussy. Call your boss, tell him you're knackered and you want a couple of days off when you get back in lieu of your missed weekend.
That igor/shinners interaction made my skin crawl.
It's like a League 2 version of Giggles vs Kiko.
Oh I'll tell him that when I'm back, not sure I'll get them though.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Me and the self anointed man of the people are the Isthmian Premier :cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Job passed through my inbox advertising 'Content Creator for Branded Content at Golfing World' and I'm not sure I could think of a worse social media job than having to make viral banter videos with Sergio Garcia showing off his nike clubs.
There might actually be an end in sight if the upcoming automation trial works out. Can't see it, though. Not when the majority of our errors come from the professionals assessing claimants. No doubt I'll be quoting this post in six months time and taking VR.
FY1 friend did a 12 hour on-call yesterday and then the night FY1 called in sick. The night reg told them if they didn't stay and cover (and in doing so work 24 hours straight, 60 hours across 4 days) he'd report them to the GMC.
Thankfully she told him politely where he could shove that suggestion. This hospital wants burning down and starting again.
Goddamn Lee.
Can't wait...Quote:
Hi,
The speaker line-up is now live for the The National Construction Expo which is a conference and expo being held on May 1st 2019 in the Marshall Arena, Milton Keynes.
As part of keeping you up to date with a variety of events across various sectors, I would like to offer you a free ticket to attend. Simply register on the site and a badge will be waiting for you.
The event is also collocated with these other events. Delegates are free to move between events
The National Construction Expo
The Smart & Green Building Expo
The National Engineering Expo
Health & Safety Live Expo
Facility Management & Maintenance Show
2019's TTH meet will be held in the third one.
Have any of you got any tips in regards to having an appraisal at work? I’ve been working for nearly 13 years but only ever really worked for franchises run by cowboys who run the show however they can get away with, and I honestly can’t remember ever having a proper appraisal. I’ve been at this job since September and most of my colleagues (with a different line manager) have been having their appraisals lately. I presume mine is coming soon, and want to be prepared.
My jobs great, mostly. I've mentioned her before but there's one colleague who constantly takes credit for my work but as she’s best mates with our line manager, I feel it’s best not to even mention it in my appraisal. Right? She’s somehow made a career out of digging out previous colleagues old work, briefly updating it and taking credit for it by presenting it as a brand new creation she’s been working on for ages. Then because it quickly goes out of date (and it’s mostly really bad) my line manager’s manager (big boss) asked me to update it, so I took nearly all day yesterday making it actually functional (one of the cells in the spreadsheet literally said =SUM(C53) ffs) and painstakingly updating the annual budgets. Then about 20 minutes after she realised I’d finished, emailed it to our line manager as if to say she’d done it. It’s not been mentioned yet but if she gets credited with this one in a big team meeting, like previously, I’m gonna struggle not to speak up.
Anyway, appraisals! Yeah I’ll be positive about everything, I reckon. I generally just sit quietly and get on with my job while the other 8 people in the office chat rubbish about Game of Thrones, Marvel movies, old Friends episodes, that sort of stuff. I mean I’m not some loser who sits silent all day and doesn’t join in with any conversation, but I’m sure everyone knows I’m there to do my job well, and not much else. Ironically I somehow got put in charge of sorting out “workplace health and wellbeing” so there’s staff from all over the company coming to meetings to discuss how we can support the workforce and what changes need to be made to deal with pressure and stress and worry and whatever else people get caught up about at work. As someone who has never felt stressed in his life, and whose approach to everything is “just get on with it” I’m definitely not the best person to come up with “workplace initiatives” and create a “mental health pledge.” But here I am, nine months later, pretending I think that workplace wellbeing is an issue I’m passionate about, and so far haven’t told anyone to pipe down and just do what they’re paid to do. Phew! I mean I understand people have problems at work, but I don’t, and never have, because I just get on with it. Why can’t everyone have this outlook? It would make work a lot easier to deal with, for those people.
Anyway, appraisals! I’ve created a list of my “responsibilities” and it is surprisingly long, actually, and have listed the various training/development I’ve had in my nine months of working here. I honestly couldn’t tell you what my job is though. Like I do so many bits in lots of areas that I can’t really pinpoint my actual job. My Facebook profile lists my job title as “Best At Spreadsheets,” and thankfully I can back that up, because everyone else is very bad at them, but I don’t just do them. I mean, I could happily sit and just process invoices all day everyday but that’s not really an option because of all the other stuff.
It seems like nobody ever really recognises that someone might be happy just doing what they’re doing. Appraisals seem to be about short term and long term goals; what you hope to achieve and where you wish to be in twelve months’ time. I wanna be sat in a nice big house in a nice area with nice possessions and a happy family and good friends and lots of hair and a tan, but realistically only two of those will come true. Obviously I want to be making more money (who doesn’t?) but as for work stuff, I dunno? Potter on, continue as is, something about status quo. Sure if you offer me the job of big boss I’ll take it, or even a slight promotion to whatever’s next, but I don’t strive for success and aspire to be the top gun.
I hated my previous job with a passion. I was there for over four years and the last two where like torture (but I didn’t get stressed over it, I must, er, stress). I’ve finally got a job I not only don’t hate, but actually enjoy. I can roll in at practically whenever I want and go home at four o’clock everyday if I want; it’s about five minutes’ drive from my house; the office is really nice and everyone who works here, within my team and across the whole office, is really friendly. It’s great. I even organised the Grand National Sweepstake, which felt like a bit of a risk considering I work in Public Health, but everyone lapped it up – brill. So in twelve months’ time I hope everything’s the same.
You’ve probably not read it but there are some kids books about a cat called Mog. Out of all the kids books I’ve read with my daughter, they’re some of the few I’ll happily go back to and read over and over. But this cat, Mog, notoriously doesn’t like things to be exciting. She likes things to be the same. Me too, Mog; me too.
So what should I do to prepare for my appraisal? And what should I do during it? Pretend I want to be the top gun, right? Lie about made up aspirations of progressing to the top and taking ownership of my own projects and portfolios? Eurgh, I just wanna dick about with spreadsheets, pay doctors for doing chlamydia tests. encourage people to gamble once a year, then go home and enjoy my actual life.
Depends how formal it is, in my experience.
But make sure they actually know everything you're doing, if you can dig up emails and shit that prove it all the better. I don't think there's any point pretending to have aspirations you don't have because if they're not a cunt then they may put stuff in place to help you achieve them. If they push you for what you're thinking regarding next steps or whatever just be vague. Obviously it varies depending on the organisation you're working for but I don't think there's anything wrong with saying you're happy where you are just now if you have solid reasons (the hours, the team, etc.) to back it up rather than it just sounding like you're aimless and want to progress but don't know what to.
"This woman keeps taking credit for the work I do but she's actually useless."
"I've never had any problems at work."
Hmm.
Someone get me a job in Europe I'm bored.
My boss has been telling my he's going to give me a raise every week for the last month. Still no raise and it's been two pay-cycles. I'm not sure what I do at this stage...
Quit.
Be assertive you fuckin pansy.
Open a kebab shop in Leeds.
What do I even say? I went to him yesterday, and I was like "hey can I have some clarification on my new salary and when I'll start receiving it" and he said "I have to confirm the exact figure with the other partners, it's on my list of things to do"....which is pretty much what he said two weeks ago. If I'm honest it feels like he's delaying which worries me...this is America after all and I'm gone after two weeks notice in theory...Quote:
Originally Posted by bruhnaldo
https://media.istockphoto.com/vector...or-id493740874Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
The dream.
I was going to get the one from Teh 'Fuge but the bastards Taptalk have removed all our fucking smileys.
We have that stupid ‘what do you want to do in the next year’ thing in ours, and after 10 years of making up rubbish I answered exactly like Baz wants to in my last one, then sat there until after a while they moved on. Was asked to go away and really think about it and if I come up with something go back. I didn’t.
We also have to think up a way to improve the school.
Sweet ramps and an airport.
The senior guy on my team (second to the manager on a team of 7), who I've always thought was a bit consdescending and kinda unapproachable for help said something which I think stepped way over the fucking line to me on Slack today when I was asking for help with a problem. I'm still pissed off about it tonight and it happened this morning. Was considering raising a complaint with someone above him throughout the day. But then the only people above him really are the manager of the team who's really sound but they've been there together for about three years and are good friends or the project manager who doesn't seem to like me much.
Not really sure what to do. Probably just ignore it and try to interact with him as little as possible. That project's ended now anyway so our team's breaking up as well move onto other things anyway so avoiding hm shouldn't be too hard. Also planning to leave in the summer anyway.
*doesn't even include the quote*
I couldn't be arsed typing out all the context around it.
I put 'I like my job and I'm good at it' for my appraisal and my line manager asked me to do it again.
My appraisal involved me going into a room, being told by El Presidente how long the company has been running for, and then walking out again with a decent pay hike. Was a bit tougher in the Korean days where you had to fill in endless online forms full of their gibberish.
When I have problems/need help I ask down in the hierarchy not up for exactly this reason and the juniors are happy to google along with you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Your apathy towards the real world is on the same level as my anger at Boyd prior to him going full Code monkey in 'things that don't affect me but I think about'. So much unfulfilled potential due to not giving a shit.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
It wasn't really a googleable problem though. I was trying to connect to something that he'd built but it wasn't working. Turned out I was using the wrong URL. I'd taken one from the database which all the other services connecting to it were using. But they worked because they were connecting from a specific server that worked via that URL. I was connecting from elsewhere and needed a URL that was meant for external connections. I eventually figured it out myself but he could have saved me half an hour by just telling me.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
When I told him I'd worked it out he said 'correct'. Then I replied with 'you could have just told me' and an exasperated emoji. He then said 'no', 'you need to learn to think critically' (fine so far, bit annoying but fair enough) then said 'that part of your degree is going to be lacking'. I've been finishing off the conversion course in software development I was doing part time alongside this job because they wanted me to start before it was over and I've been talking about it recently because I'm finishing off my dissertation at the minute. I was fucking fuming.
My job is mega. It's laughably under-paid (for now at least), but it will serve its purpose.
I'm sure, but look at the state of the gaffe. You could be running things if you had half the drive of your Gavin Williamsons.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
Boyd got donned senseless. I'd be fuming too.
Tbf that's just bizarrely rude (although your initial message was also pretty off-the-charts unprofessional as well). I've never encountered anything like that in my life, either you're extremely consistently incompetent or you guys have unresolved personal conflicts going back that you might not even be aware of...Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
For the record, I don't think it was unreasonable for him not to have told you in the first place. As a rule you need to learn to resolve things without asking your superior and wasting his time.
Sounds to me like he has the right attitude. Apathy is where all civil servants wind up.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Is the return of unnecessarily long posts directly linked to Mer...Barts return?
At best. I was at the 'thinly-veiled hatred' stage before I left.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
We're not a law office. We use slack to send memes and gifs to each other half the time.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bartholomert
Banter.
Needs more hashtags, emojis and memes. And it has to be the only way Boydy and his coding mates ever communicate.
Handed in my notice at the beginning of last week. Last day is next Friday. One of the menopausal nutjobs cried when I said I was leaving. I'm in the awkward position of having a leaving do to appease other people now, but I'm probably just being a bit miserable again.
But yeah, moving to London. More of the same with digital marketing, but more importantly, this job pays better and is going to be cushty as fuck working with one of my best mates from Jersey. Only a ten minute walk to work too.
Fair fucks. Just enjoy being the centre of attention for a day and whatever gap you have coming up.
I think a lot of them feel maternal towards me because I'm the youngest and the only male in the office. Plus, the company is very friendly on the whole and most people have been working there for ages, so whenever somebody leaves I guess its a bigger deal than other places.
Casual drinks incoming.
Informal lagers. :dc:
Business bitters. I mean, that should be an alternative thread title.
Working Whiskys with the lads.
I can confirm, I've never sent anyone in my office an emoji let alone a meme...So I guess more justification to feel like my life / work is objectively above-average levels of emotionally exhausting :|Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Noted. Please pencil it into the diary.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
We use Teams and two other UNIFIED COMMS platforms because they form part of our portfolio. Pain in the arse
I’ve got a two day mental health first aid course next week. :cab:
Got a work night out on Thursday too. I’ve been out with one of them before (tall guy I used to sit next to) and we got really drunk. About eight going this time, including said tall guy, and some women. Some of them can’t stop talking about it; I hope it’s not a rubbish night. One guys booked the Friday off; loser.
Then in a few weeks we have an “away day” (wtf) that I had to fill in some lame online survey in advance for. Was groups of words like “kind & compassionate,” “fun-loving & popular,” “logical & steady,” etc and you had to say which words best described you, least described you, and then rank the other two sets. 25 times! Was torturous, anyway. All so I can get told what colour I am. :moop:
Mental health first aid. Fucking hell.
I don't know whether that gets a :D or a :nono:
We've got something like that coming up. Given that I'm ringing up mentally ill people, I should participate.
I haven’t a clue what it’s about. I think I’d rather be an accredited first aider, than whatever the hell a mental health first aider is.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
'Just tell them to cheer up'
Was listening to two little fat lads on the bus the other evening, sounded like they'd met on tinder or something, but they were rattling off their "mental health issues" to each other like each was a bigger badge of honour than the last one.
What were you doing on a bus?
Meeting his Tinder date to talk about his weight issues and lactose intoleranceQuote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Concert and pints.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
In my line of work 'I have mental health issues' is just a codified ways of saying 'I don't like taking responsibility for my own life'. 90% of it is pure shite.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
It's that way all over. Easy way out of everything and all they do is belittle it for the people who actually have issues.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
I'd love to find out the percentages on how many claims for anxiety and depression get booted.
I like that this post exists on the same forum where a large minority of the active users post in something called 'The Depression Thread' regularly.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
I took great pains to say 'in my line of work'. It's a get out of jail free card. I doubt Mahow and the crew are out there assaulting people and refusing to pay their rent and Council Tax.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
I regularly have contact with people with genuine Mental Health issues, and by and large they are quite stoic about it and seem to want to resist the label.
That's not to say people with A&D (the fashionable claim of late) don't get themselves into trouble by burying their heads in the sand, they absolutely do, but christ, there's alot of cunts using it as an excuse when there's fuck all wrong with them.
Get it all the time in schools too. You haven’t got anxiety, you’re just a self-entitled little cunt.
Kids haven't the first idea about growing up so it all scares them. That's not illness, that's just fear.
Before I left for my week break I fucked up, had a till difference (£60 short), and was a bit worried about the bollocking I'd get on my return. Luckily for me, my colleague told me yesterday that he managed to withdraw a grand from an account and gave it to someone who isn't named on said account. I think I owe him a pint for fucking up so badly that my indiscretion will be practically forgotten.
Our boss just came in and slated us for not having seen 'the game' last night (the others don't like football, and I was doing something else).
'You all just live in your little cocoons, don't you? You can't share any experiences in this office.'
Weirdo.
Is your boss Martin Keown?
Watch out for him sticking a reducer on you.
Anybody else get really riled by call centre staff that really, really can't talk to people like normal human beings? I'm in a training course with two of them tomorrow and they've each had two massive wobblers this week.
Confirmed today that another person is leaving our department, meaning that out of 8 there will be 3 of us left going into next year. Possibly less as I’ve applied for another head of History role. Interestingly though, head of year will come up again as one of them is off, so if I don’t get head of history at another school I may go for that again in my current school (applied last year). Either way, hopefully I’ll be making a bit of a step up next year.
Now that I’m a certified First Aider [in Mental Health] the urge to get out of work and further develop myself is strong. Honest. There appears to be an opportunity to be trained to spot extremist propaganda, such as Generation Identity stickers and posters. Probably gonna enquire.
2 hour drive home became 4 and a half today. Fucking idiots.
Our Mental Health Awareness thing was canny. Fronted by a bi-polar mental health nurse because ... of course. Very animated but got her points across and there's more knowledge I can use when on the phone to make things a little smoother. And the suicide tip that I'll probably never use.
She suggests if a claimant threatens suicide or harm, ask them their plans and either they calmly explain them (legit, keep them talking) or they just back down. My problem with that is the idea that a claimant will take that as, "They told me to kill myself." and launch a complaint.
A recruiter contacted me today about a potential Korean adventure. :eyemouth:
You can't say you weren't warned.
Coders are generally treated like Koreans anyway so it's more pay and less need for social niceties. Perfection.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Oh, I know. I doubt I'd get it anyway as it seemed to be yet another case of recruiters not knowing there's a difference between Java and JavaScript. But even if I did, I'm not sure I'd go for it. The location's terrible and the Glassdoor reviews seem to support everything you've said about Koreans.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Also, new project at work that I'm currently doing some training for before starting properly seems like it could be really good. But today, the other guy who's going on it (same level as me, started just slightly before me) got taken off it and replaced with that senior guy on my old team that I posted about being a dick a couple of pages ago.
:(
I'm struggling today. I've been off since Friday and I've come in today to a brand new menu, most of it off my section and I gotta be honest, I haven't got a clue.
I'm so far out my comfort zone it's horrible. Vegan Mezze....fuck off.
Ended up getting out of my leaving do by being off sick yesterday, although I genuinely was too ill to go in and felt a bit bad about it being cancelled.
I now have a framed picture of my team, though, which is an absurd gift to give, but admittedly it's pretty funny given it's the last thing I would have asked for. Women are just mental.
A framed photo :D That's hilarious.
It is well funny. It's eight people looking incredibly awkward then the organiser grinning like mad.
Isn't alcohol the standard leaving gift?
As a classic 'fuck knows what to get them', yeah, but I got a Ticketmaster voucher as well the picture so they've done well.
I demand pic of the pic
I second that. In other news, had an absolute dog of a day. At least I came home to the news the students above the betting shop have flooded the place.
Had to do some dumb survey thing a while back to choose groups of words that best/least describe me. Then on Tuesday I spent the morning being told about these “insights” and what colour everyone was. I’m cool blue, apparently.
The majority of my profile makes me sound like an autistic weirdo, which was splendid to hear. Some highlights below.
:wtf:Quote:
He will seek an environment in which he can be quietly productive.
He often sees when colours match or blend and may have a highly developed taste for art, music and food. Outwardly quiet, reserved and detached, inwardly he is constantly absorbed in analysing problems or situations. Baz has a gift for seeing the important facts of a situation.
Baz is a systematic and organised thinker, with highly developed analytical skills. He is concerned with schedule and system and appears to some to be a very private person.
He greatly prefers to trust what he can hear, smell, taste, touch and see, rather than accept abstract or intangible ideas.
He is usually neat, tidy and orderly, both at work and at home. For him, it is actions that speak louder than words. It will frequently annoy him if words are over-used by others.
Baz is seen by others as reserved and cautious. He will be prepared to remain apart from active participation in new teams. He prefers to integrate slowly into even the most non-threatening situation. He tends not to care how he is seen as measuring up to others' standards as it is his own standards that are important to him.
He may lack an understanding of how his behaviour affects others and can be critical and blunt in giving recommendations for improvement.
He may sometimes encounter difficulties in communications because he would prefer everyone to be as logical and analytical as he is himself.
He is often inwardly absorbed in his current analysis or problem solving and is inclined towards reticence.
Full report here if you’re really bored.
Managers in my last place had what sounds like a very similar thing but it was all elements.
"I can't believe they had me as a fire-earth! I'm much more of an air."
Fuck off.
So an interesting proposal presented itself to me today. Remember when I opened the B&B? New opportunity is to run one without a wage, rent free in return for free use of kitchen and bar which are currently closed. All profits from food and drink are my own. I'm now having thoughts...
TTH-themed menu?
Incinerated Ian dipped in plum sauce served on a bed of watercress, carrot and mooli?
Pasta ala Giggles and Molton's Chicken and Broccoli would go down well.
Seething Sirloin Steak with Chimp Out Chips.
Idiotmousse.
Spikey wins early doors.
If you wanted to go all We Want Plates about it you could serve Spikey's dish "On The Ropes."
And literally just heap it all onto a coil of rope or whatever.
Serve a meal on bald tyres.
I've only gone and been offered it. Blackpool is such a dive though. :-/ What to do?
Oh Blackpool? Fuck that noise.
This is literally serfdom, you'd have to be a fucking idiot to think it's a good deal. You realise when you stay at a B&B the food is included in the price...Quote:
Originally Posted by Smjffy
Could be good money in selling pints and full Englishes.
Although, do you have to throw the breakfast in for the B&B angle? And who goes to a B&B for a meal? So, essentially, it sounds like you'd be banking on being permanently stocked with pissheads to exploit in the bar, which, being Blackpool, sounds plausible enough.
Nah, you don’t drink where you’re staying. Maybe a pint before you head off into Blackpool but not more than that. And yeah, surely the only food you’ll shift is the free breakfasts people eat while hungover?
It doesn't offer breakfast at present as the bar lounge and kitchen is closed but we would look to do breakfast for the public too as well as small lunches, picnics for the beach etc. It's big enough to do so and wouldn't need amazing numbers to make a profit.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Could be worth it for now until the season ends at least. I'm going to think it over.
It does have a bar to be fair.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike
I looked at it as 10-20 guests, that's £5 a fry up, right £50-100 for an hour or two work. 7 days a week. But that's just off top of head. I need to find a way to utilise the bar and figure out how we can make numbers during a lunch. It's nothing special but there is scope to make a bit of dollar whilst gaining the facilities for free. All I have to do in that regard is keep an eye on things and check in guests. Between the two of us it should be a doddle if we go for it.
A Bed and Breakfast that doesn't do breakfasts? Does it have beds?
That's me convinced. Good luck on your Bed & Breakfast that 'looks to do' breakfast.
You're having a fast one pulled on you. When you get offered the life of a serf, in the modern world you're supposed to negotiate up from there.
You're going to lose so much money.
A B&B that does not offer one of the Bs? Madness.
Next you'll tell us that it doesn't have beds either.
EDIT: Spikey :moop:
Keep up Pepe you cunt.
Human trafficking hub.
Technically no, he will just have a solid life of not gaining money.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry
There must be some kind of dole/housing benefit scam to be had there, get in league with Shinners.
This is one of the funniest life plans I've heard of in quite some time. I love this forum, no amount of twitch streamers, facebook, twitter will be as entertaining as someone honestly pushing 'I'm going to work a full time job for no pay' as a good idea.
Far from it. My only outlay will be produce and alcohol for bar and to keep all the takings from both. Partner or I could work part time to tide things over but even now I could jump in for a month or so without taking a penny.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry
I believe it could actually work. Very small scale but it'll bring a return for sure.
WAIT YOU'RE BUYING THE PRODUCE AND ALCOHOL? THIS IS REACHING NEW LEVELS OF FUCKING IDIOCY.
Everyone in the real world is depressed because they don't get to see the likes of Smiffy embark on this adventure and watch it blow up. This is Mahow going to visit a Ukranian camgirl level stuff.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
It depends on your interest. I personally am far more motivated turning a fallen place around, gaining experience in dealing with all manner of issues and providing a service to boot. We can't all make serious money in life but surprisingly there's more to an enjoyable working experience than the final pay, no?Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
I had an awesome time at the boot Inn irrespective of how it ended.
You realise I made nearly £20K over the course of a month the last time I did this, right?Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Hard to tell how bad of a deal this is without knowing the place, but it seems like he is getting a bar + restaurant space rent-free. My main reservation would be that if it was possible to make money out of it, whoever owns the space would use it to make money, or rent it to someone. No one would give up the opportunity to make money just because, and just gift someone else the opportunity to do so.
Do you think lying on the internet makes me respect your terrible life choices more?Quote:
Originally Posted by Smjffy
I'm always making a quarter of a million pounds a year and quitting because I don't like the management. Isn't everyone else?
That's what I thought initially and during the conversation we had I made sure to ask about the history of such things. It has been done before and because the location is smack back in centre near the tower and beach etc it can be busy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
I haven't accepted anything as of yet as I need to do the sums but I'm giving it a serious thought. No boss, no restrictions and no crazed scientologist to fuck it up.
I made £20K in a month and the owner decided to use it for his rooms he was renting out....not me specifically. It was well documented on here at the time so I see no reason to try and prove myself.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
As a side note though, do you think I give one fuck about gaining any respect from you of all people?
Continue with the topic folks, ignore this gormless fuck.
Getting to run a Bar and Restaurant not a Bed and Breakfast (that doesn't serve breakfast).Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
The name of the place doesn't actually contain the word B&B, it's actually a hotel. But for me, it's a B&B as the rest is separate.
What part of rent free space to do our own thing in return for living and overseeing B&B is not s good idea? Straight away I've saved money just by accepting it as the bills are there's. Electric gas etc.
Wait, I missed the part where you have to run the whole place, not just the restaurant/bar. :D
Who will pay for the cooks, bartenders, waitstaff, etc?
You're getting mugged, mate.
Ah well if your electric bill is covered at least you'll be able to read this place while you're not being paid. Honestly, this is in my top 10 TTH moments.
The cooks, bartenders and waitstaff will also all live at the B&B, there's no actual guests. It's all just people who work downstairs for free.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
Check people in, give rooms a once over etc, it's not too difficult as once checked in you can pretty much forget about them. Or coax out of room and into bar like I did in Derby. Staff would be me and my partner initially but could bring someone else in if I needed to, I suppose.
In my mind if I could get just 20 customers a day opening the restaurant side then we can make more than I currently do because we'd only need to replace the produce.
Do you have any idea how much it costs to keep a kitchen live wired and gassed up? It's not a case of switch on and off after use.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Not being paid isn't an issue, the issue will be if we can't shift our own stuff which is where our money would come from. I don't think you're understanding fully.
A once over :D
Love to stay in a B&B riddled with bed bugs.
Dude, it's fucking Blackpool. It is a fucking bug in itself.
You should put that in the tripadvisor bio.
Avoid. As soon as it hits out of season, you'll be completely fucked.
You're definitely underestimating the amount of work involved Smiff.
Where about is it, Smiff? Is it on the promenade?
Strangely I think it would be better situated if it wasn’t along the front, would be better maybe near the market.
Been a while since I had a day sesh in Blackpool but would get one sorted to come visit if you do set it up.
I saw the TripAdvisor reviews prior to the phone call and to be honest, I think it's half expected that instead of breakfast you get a bug to snuggle with. Fair trade.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Most definitely not a long term thing aye, I'm literally thinking from between now and when the season ends, maybe end of August.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
I don't believe I am given I did exactly this sort of thing once before. I'll do exactly as I did then and call in some mates with their rates if need be. I leave current place to go to North Wales tomorrow and then from there to Blackpool to have a look in person so we'll see. I don't believe it's as daft as some in here believe but then I have the benefit of knowing my own capabilities and if nothing else, it'll be an interesting experience for a short time.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Can't see how this will go wrong Smiff.