Names Joseph and I'm being given a kid out the blue. If anything this kids going to make your life a pain in the ass.Quote:
Originally Posted by Don
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Names Joseph and I'm being given a kid out the blue. If anything this kids going to make your life a pain in the ass.Quote:
Originally Posted by Don
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
The fuck
Congrats phonics. People say they make you happy no matter how much of a shock it is right now.
Liars
A Black baby. Niceeeeeeee.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Phonics 😎 sperm of a champ.
What exactly has gone on here? Was it a drunken encounter? Did she lie about contraception?
I've become a Cbeebies connoisseur so I can help guide you through that tricky maze when the time comes.
A fool and his bollock yoghurt are easily parted.
If I can just express an opinion, I'd like to propose that 'bollock yoghurt' is one of the most horrific phrases I have ever heard.
Should have released it on her back.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Yeah, I could have done without that forcing it's way into my mental vocabulary too. You're a wordsmith though Lofty, nobody can take that away from you.
Congratulations Phonics. Whatever the circumstances, I'm sure it will be a positive thing.
It will be a literal disaster.Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex
If Phonics can kick his addictions, he'll do well, but given his mood swings/reactions to posts on here (just think how insane you have to be to write that shit out and click post), I can see him ending up doing time or being put on a list.
It'd be nice to have another Mod Idol though.
@phonics I’m currently at a Christmas themed baby sensory class on my day off work. My daughter has just shit everywhere and there’s about ten other babies screaming their heads off. All the best.
One weird part is the various colours of poo you see in the first week in particular, can't even look at pesto now.
The black tar during the first few days is just horrendous to clean.
It's pretty bad but baby poo is definitely better on the nostrils than when they start eating regular food.
What? It's absolutely worse when it becomes proper turd.Quote:
Originally Posted by thommo
Epic reading skills.
You don't realise how desensitised to it you are until you bury your face into a nappy to determine if they've shat themselves.
Indeed. Naughty chatGPT.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
Boring dad chat 😎
Maybe not the perfect comparison that one.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Jesus mate, good luck
Welcome to the club phonics.
It’s mostly utterly disgusting and exhausting. Other than that it’s boss.
First date with work girl was very much a date, which was nice. Turns out I wasn't wrong in sensing there'd been 2 years of consistent mutual flirting. Both agreed we had sorta panicked and backed up when things almost happened a few times before cus don't shit where you eat etc, but now I'm leaving there's less jeopardy. I think that's sensible. Night concluded with a lot of very gross snogging in a nice pub.
Last night was a...mixed bag. Met her in her town, few drinks at the pub, then back to hers. I addressed the fact that a very long dry spell combined with the 5 pints on an empty stomach and a bit of nerves meant I was going to be unable to do the whole willy in vag thing, which she was perfectly understandable about, and I think a more mature way of dealing with it than trying to squeeze my little floppy into her and praying I get and maintain an erection against all odds.
I used other methods, and lads, thank the lord for lazy/selfish men - by going down on her, I immediately beat nearly half of her previous partners, a figure which lines up with what other girls have told me. Still surprises me but I'm not complaining. She also told me that I made her cum using my hands, and when I was like nawww bollocks she was very insistent that I had. I'll choose to take her word for it. Probably better this way round - I probably come across better making her cum and failing to actually fuck her than if I'd given her 5 minutes of patented Igor mediocre missionary and hadn't made her cum. Hopefully I am able to provide both next time. At least this way I can't Phonics her, I guess.
You couldn't get a hardner after 5 beers? :D
Muff diving is awesome. :thbup:
Someone change his name to floppy_balis before he deletes that post.
Ps I hope things work out with her, you seem to like her.
it was definitely more performance anxiety but the booze didn't helpQuote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
Quote:
Originally Posted by Foe
Yeah well that too. For all the joking, I hope it does work out really well.
Was this one’s arse clean?
When he was finished, yeah.
"better than almost half" :harold:
mate you prob think sucking fanny makes you a homosexual like some kinda cuck scotch tony soprano so you can bloody piss off you silly bastardQuote:
Originally Posted by Magic
Fuck him up igor cunt eats fanny at a 90 degree angle with his jaw fucking do him lad
Vintage.
Igor_Balless.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
Sucking cock makes you better at cunnylingus I'll have you know.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
Awesome is a strong word.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben
It's alright, but there's plenty better.
He's just got PTSD from going down on his ex-wife and getting a mouthful of kickboxer brand man gravy.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
Bread sauce, surely. A fanny full of man gravy would be enough to scar anyone for life.
My gay mate calls the post anal sex seepage "bum gravy".
I thought we were all agreed the standard term was now "bollock yoghurt"?
Procreation marination
A few of the worst posts in forum history in a row there.
Wish I could unread that.
Bumion Gravy.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
We are hitting new lows.
There’s no bottom to the TTH barrel.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben