Yeah but the Jersy coke doesn't make your Mrs glass you in a pub.
Printable View
Yeah but the Jersy coke doesn't make your Mrs glass you in a pub.
Fair.
I think there's a far higher base laziness index now then there was 20 years ago, but I can't put a full theory together lest I fall into the clutches of boomer thinking. I think there are a lot of people out there who literally never cook a proper meal. This one is peculiarly British too, or at least Anglo-Saxon - not the same in Europe at all.
Think it's the same reason that beards (me included) are popular, because people just can't be arsed to shave every day in the way they did in the 90s and 00s.
It definitely does.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
In that case: new get rich quick scheme unlocked. The TTH Middlesbrough - Jersey smuggling chain will be the stuff of legend.
Not the worst idea we've had.
Barney, bless his little heart, has the new role of 'Sales Executive - UK and Ireland'. This will involve travelling to Ireland quite often to meet customers. He was getting some business cards printed up and showed me the proofs. On there it had his job as 'Sales Executive - UK and Eire'. Christ knows why.
I contended, largely based on distant TTH memories of being snarled at by Giggles, that he really shouldn't have 'Eire' on there, and should have 'Ireland' instead. This caused a massive panic with loads of people including a director coming on strong asking me to prove my assertion. I didn't really know why it was a bad idea, and was starting to doubt myself, so I told them to google it. They googled it and came up with loads of things like this:
I'm now sitting back lolling while about four people burst blood vessels trying to make calls and stop the printing run.Quote:
The only conclusion to be drawn from the use of the description "Eire" by UK or unionist interests, except where it is used in ignorance, is that its use is intended as derisory or confrontational.
Why would it be seen as derisory or confrontational @Giggles?
It's the proper name of the country, right? Is it not the same as a French man making the effort to say "England" instead of "Angleterre" or whatever?
Walked out of the office earlier and the lad ahead of me was intercepting a driver for his daily KFC delivery. I couldn't do that. Hell, the pandemic killed off my interest in popping over to Greggs.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben
The country is Éire in Irish, or Ireland in English.
Eire (no fada but that's fairly standard English loanword behaviour) is the name the UK used because they refused to recognise the name Ireland or Republic of Ireland for decades. They didn't habitually refer to other countries as Deutschland, Sverige, Rossiya etc.
British people using Eire is, at best, an unintentional parroting of that behaviour.
Éire is in the constitution so it’s all good. Just the name of the country in Irish.
The Republic of Ireland is only for the soccer team, because of northy moaning, and the description of the state, but not the name.
I hope Eire was Barney's first big idea in his new role.
Hopefully Eire was in Gaelic font on the card.
My work has decided to take the mental step of giving all the managers a one off four figure extra payment in the next pay packet, but not the non-managers. The non-managers have just got wind of it :eyemouth:
The higher up the tree you go, the bigger the bonuses. That’s just the way the world works.
I dread to think the size of some of the bonuses of leadership at my gaff this year.
That’s bullshit. I get mid four figures and I’m a peasant. Grass them up to the unions.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
I have it on good authority that customs only stop BLMs so its definitely manageable.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Commuting into Euston and walking up the Euston Road past King's Cross and St Pancras twice a week, for some reason I just assumed I'd end up seeing famous people out and about. After four months I have finally recognised someone - food writer Jay Rayner. An anecdote so shit even Manc will believe it.
Not even joking: my sister and I have a long running private joke where we covertly take and send each other photos of people we see out and about that we think look like Jay Rayner (can't remember how it started but a bit like Jools Holland, we find him a comically absurd 21st century British cultural figure). We both dream of one day spotting the original so I am unbelievably jealous.
:D :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
My mate was very unimpressed with my story. He lives in Stamford Hill, and says he sees big JR traipsing about all the time. I reckon he could just be confusing him with random curly haired Hasidic blokes. Maybe you should add him to your Jay spotting group chat.
I've seen 2 Celebrities in London ("in the wild", not at shows, gigs, clubs or football).
John Bercow, who needs to be added to @Lewis' Political Manlet spreadsheet. He was about 5' 5".
And the Asian geezer that set fire to Masood's house in Eastenders circa 2010.
So, you know, atleast I've found the heavy hitters.
That said, I met Frank Bruno, Jamie Oliver, Dennis Wise and Ray Parlour working for 2 years at a shitty Essex Theme Park as a teenager, so there's another reason London can fuck off.
Living up in the barren wastelands, you won't be surprised to learn I've met virtually nobody famous, although I did manage to bump into Tom Hardy and his wife at the local beach one time. :cab:
No famous encounters for me, either. At best, a lass I used to work with recently appeared on SAS: Who Dares Wins.
I saw Suggs and Gandalf on separate occasions, both in Soho
I once stepped onto a tube train whilst on a stag do and was confronted by Greg Davies, Rhod Gilbert and Simon Bird [had to look him up]. I didn't really know who they were at the time but suffice to say they got off/moved carriages at the next stop.
Also saw Nathan Dyer [plus family] last time I was at Center Parcs.
Isn't there a thread for this?
I've played football with David May, Clayton Blackmore and Andy Ritchie in the past. Met Anthony Crolla at a United away game once (even have a pic). Continuing the boxing theme, I've seen Tyson Fury in Manchester city centre with his entourage and David Haye having a meal in Soho (no pics).
Michael Portillo, Paul Merson, John Romero, Adam Woodyatt (Ian Beale).
Scraping the barrel now lads.
Saw Badger from Breaking Bad at a pub in Cov, also met Ray Stubbs outside Wembley which is not exactly a chance encounter but you can't deny that star power.
I saw MC Harvey and Jermaine Jenas at a River Island in Stevenage.
That moment can't be topped.
Oh yeah I forgot we met Rikishi in Newcastle whilst we were in fancy dress as wrestlers for Wrestlemania Revenge.
I've met Stephen Fry. The PT we go to trains a load of the Norwich players so we met them at his Christmas party as well as Jake Humphrey.
Weirdly, the other day when everyone was slagging off Jake Humphrey in the football thread, I was sat almost opposite him in Wagamama after the Norwich game. I considered posting at the time but I thought it was a bit creepy to dox him and his kids in real time.
You should have done it whilst maintaining eye contact with him.
I've ran into loads of Finnish celebrities (I think it is likelier here), most notable being Sami Hyypiä and Jari Litmanen.
My favourite however was when I was on paternity leave and out having lunch with my son. I had to go back in to fetch a water jug for us and when I came back former Crystal Palace great Aki Riihilahti and a well known party leader who had been a minister in few governments where with my son protecting him and our starters from a menacing seagull.
Look, you all need to accept I preemptively won by living over the road from Rene Simoes in the Middle East before he later went on to manage Jamaica at the '98 World Cup.
Robbie Coltrane gave my auntie his old lawnmower when they lived opposite each other in London.
Yer a gardener Sally.
Sorry.
My three celeb encounters were:
I got my haircut next to Chris Evans but I didn't know it was him till I left and my Dad mentioned it. He was fat as fuck at the time.
I was walking through the airport and several people were asking someone for a photo and I had no idea who it was. Realised 18 months later that it was Ruud Van Nistelrooy.
I was at the fair and this chick I was meeting said 'some guy who just got on the ferris wheel was so tall that people were asking for photos of him just because of how tall he was'. I asked to wait for the ride to end to see who it was. It was Yao Ming.
I once spent a glorious evening in London with Taz and Samadini.
Post has gone to advert for my assistant. :happycry:
What a time to be alive.
I was in an airport business lounge a couple of years ago and "Rak-Su" walked past me.
I only know it was them because a waitress walked past saying they were coming in now.
Drawing the thread swiftly back on topic from whoever Rak-Su is, I've come into the office deliberately today because I have 3 lots of court prep to do and nobody ever comes in on a Friday so I can be left alone and have free rein of the printer.
So, promptly at 9:00 someone I have never met before has come in and has plonked themselves down next to me. In an empty office. Right next to me. Ominous. So far I have heard about her Easter holidays, her kids favourite day out and what she's thinking of having for lunch. No amount of disinterested "mmm's" will make her stop. :mad:
At least you have company for lunch now.
I came up with what's going to be my legacy yesterday. A positive one too, before you start. Let's forever refer to it as Baz's Legacy. :baz:
As many achievements as I'll reach throughout my career, this will be the one with a lasting impact and will be forever remembered as my best contribution to my, and surrounding organisations. What an accomplishment it shall be.
I've already potentially revealed my cards a little bit too early in regards to my idea and potential execution, but only to two trusted personnel who will play a key role in establishing it as The Way We Do Things Around Here.
More to follow in the coming weeks, months, years and decades, I'm certain of that.
I actually have a cracking anecdote about my lunch that I could share with her, because we ordered Domino's last night and the first pizza they delivered was wrong, but they let us keep it when delivering the correct one. See? Fascinating. She will never hear it.
There's also enough to share, but I'm going to eat it in the car now. That bitch is getting none of this - what I think is - Vegetable Supreme. :cool:
Ask her for a nosh in the bog at lunchtime, that'll move her on.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
I once checked Timmy Mallet's ticket on a train.
I had an affair with an at the time England Women's B Team footballer. No fucking idea about the name anymore and probably the lowest form of celeb you can find. Ended in her leaving me a voicemail saying I had ruined her life by sending her nudes to her husband's phone. I didn't even know his number so lass spread that fanny like butter.
That tranny you shagged must hold a woman's world record in something by now?
Aye last I saw it was miles of cock shafted.
Just received this email from the big boss:
Having just passed my 5 years, I'm up from 20 to 24 just like that. Now awaiting the catch, I wonder what it will be. You get nothing for free in this world.Quote:
Dear All,
I have the pleasure to announce that we have increased the annual holiday allocation by two days with immediate effect. Please note the following: -
Starting holiday is now 22 days.
After 5 years continuous service – 24 days.
After 10 years continuous service – 27 days.
Hope you all have a good weekend.
24 days :sick:
I’m on 31 (32 past 2 years due to a ‘covid day’)with 1.5 days flexi most month. Then the usual Public Holidays which seems to be loads with the queen dying and the coronation whenever that is.
Increasing holiday from "ridiculously low" to "still pretty uncompetitive" and having Jimmy giddy enough to wonder what the catch is. The old fella still has it. :cool:
I get 30 days, Bank Holidays, my birthday and whatever working days happen to fall between Christmas and New years.Quote:
Originally Posted by Waffdon
I've forgotten what it's like to have a meaningful amount tbh. The Koreans were the same so this is my first increase from 20 in a decade.
Mine's pretty wank. 25 plus 3 mandatory between Christmas and New Year.
Same. It was 24 when I joined in June but now they've just bumped it to 30 for everyone rather than years of service. Plus a 15% pay rise to stay competitive and retain staff.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Listen lad, I was already trying to show off. Don't take the piss. :moop:Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Soldier
I get 256.82 hours, whatever that means.
I get 28. Our US lot have "unlimited PTO". One of them took a grand total of three days off last year. :harold:
I had 51 in France. Which would have been insane, had it not coincided exactly with the pandemic (I started work 1 day before the first lockdown). In Greece I'm back to a pitiful 22.
You have to spend a week of it in Honduras working 17-hour daysQuote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
25 days + Bank Holidays. I think the extra days for seniority kick in at 10, 15, 20 years, etc. Assuming I take extra days off instead of B&Q vouchers or whatever.
I think I'm on 26 rising by one ever year until it hits 30. My old place was 30 and you could buy 5.
We can buy 10 (!?) but I've never felt the need to dent my payslip like that.
I haven’t time to ever take all mine.
Me neither. I still do though.
I sold five days back, and still have more than ten to carry over into the next leave period. I asked to be allowed a few extra and got told to fuck off because not having a life isn't an exceptional circumstance, so I'm going to take a half-day every day, work normally, and just carry loads of flexi-time over. #tradesecrets #donned
They gave us all an extra 2 days leave and abolished the whole “years service for extra day” stuff.
They also let us take 2 “well-being” days where we can just decide not to work any day we feel we need to, doesn’t need line manager approval and doesn’t count as leave.
I’m feeling completely run down at the moment so I think I’m going to take the week after next off.
u ok hun?
You can salary sacrifice for more leave at my spot but fuck that, my manager is fine with people working over and taking it back as time owed if not paid as overtime.
We can buy up to ten days extra too. I always end up carrying five. I just don’t live an exciting life.
NFL draft week off will give me the knowledge required to become a contender in the fantasy league you’ll invite me to join.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Could have joined TTH. New boy @Lofty didn’t even turn up for the draft.
Transfer listed.
I’m available on a free if you can free up the wages.
And yet made it to the final :cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
I always use my annual leave. Take the odd random day off to sit on my fat arse eating crisps and playing the xbox or summat.
My wife’s going back to work from mat leave soon, part time Wednesday to Friday. Her at work, one kid at nursery and one at school, I’m tempted to secretly book a few three-day holidays and chill at home playing Xbox and watching TV.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Soldier
Mate its so good. Took the day off the other week when missus was in office. Got up at 10, played Resi 4 all day, ordered maccies for lunch. Feet up, best time.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Alright for some. I'll give your number to Marcus Rashford. Maybe you can help him out.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Soldier
He a Resi fan?Quote:
Originally Posted by AJ23
This is pretty obscene if you get public holidays on top of that (even if they're included in that it's good). Could work a 4 day week all year.Quote:
Originally Posted by Adramelch
I think I had 33 last time. I usually trade my holiday pay (is that a common thing? I.e you get roughly 50% of your monthly wage on top of your wage every July) to as many extra days as possible.
You see why the frogspawn are out launching le creuset lids into shop windows any time a politician suggests cutting holiday to just 12 weeks a year or raising the retirement age above 39. It's not the anglo-saxon way.
My friend works for a French company and seemingly one of his colleagues was surprised and appalled that having a child in the UK was not a financial benefit, and was in fact financial suicide.
It doesn’t surprise me that their holiday allowance is obscene also.
You do get public holidays on top of that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pen
That said I was in a research center which sort of followed the public sector rules, where you get an extra X amount of days (I think it was 21 out of the 51) if your contract had you working more than 35 hours a week, or something along those lines. I doubt the private sector jobs include that, but 30 days a year seemed to be the starting point even in the private sector, which is quite good.
Holiday pay is pretty common yeah. In Spain it was 50% in July and 50% on Christmas, but in Greece and France it's commonly a full monthly wage extra in both July and Christams (although it's obviously used as a "bargaining chip" to pay you a lower wage altogether).
the Microsoft outlook grammar corrections continue to baffle me, "thanks kat, that's really helpful" got the blue squiggle and the suggestion to change it to "thanks kat, that's helpful" as it's more concise.
I know I generally would benefit from being more fucking concise, but cmon.
You can turn that off in the settings.
It always tries to get rid of verys and reallys. It's (really) annoying.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
Fit them better to sort out that whole OneDrive/sharepoint/sites/etc/etc hellscape.
The Arab has been going around the office this morning with his jacket turned inside out, saying 'People are calling me the Fresh Prince of Bel Air'. Think he's finally lost it.
Say 'smell ya later' to him.
:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Amazing!
Has Barney recovered from his Eire gaffe, Jim?
He's doing alright. The Arab is completely off his face though. Just went for lunch with him and a few others, he spent the whole thing just going off on one with a big smile on his face and not listening to any of our replies/acknowledgements or attempts at participating in the conversation, like he was talking to himself in an empty room. He once told me he takes these special upper pills you can only get in the Middle East, wasn't hard to see them in effect. Also it's Eid so he must be happy that he doesn't have to pretend to be fasting anymore while actually chomping crisps in his office all day.
Taz could do with those pills.
Ominous department wide meeting booked in for next Tuesday. Hopefully heads will roll.
We had an “away day” yesterday to discuss our business plan and come up with ideas to improve workplace wellbeing. My only contribution was we should get free rugby tickets and a subsidised Christmas Do.
We are supposed to be going to do a fucking team building exercise in a few weeks and we’re not even a stupid yank multinational.
My work had leadership conferences scheduled for two days but I was already annual leave for both :cool:
Found out tonight that it looks likely that I'm going to be losing part of my job - no threat to my employment status, but it is very annoying. Essentially our pastoral structure has three Heads of Year (7, 8&9, 10&11) and three Assistant Heads of Year, plus four non-teaching 'Pastoral Leaders'. I've been doing the AHoY job for 18 months, which I enjoy as it's a little pay bump, doesn't have the responsibility of HoY but does give me a bit less teaching time as well. But it looks like they're going to scrap the AHoY role moving forwards. We've speculated as to what that means (a HoY for each year? surely not, that would be fucking sensible and more expensive) but at least one HoY needs replacing as they're retiring and joining the Pastoral Leaders team.
So at some point, hopefully this term, at least one HoY role will be advertised, likely internally. I'd be in with a good shout of getting it I reckon but equally if it's only one position and not three, I'm not sure I want it. Poisoned chalice, etc.
Plus I think that would technically make me a Binman.
Got a real job :cool:
Back in graphic design.
I kicked off at the Arab earlier for being a spoiled little bitch (details are too boring to recount). He then kicked off at the Russian, the Russian kicked off back at him, then the Indian got involved, and about 4 of them are now in the director's office having a really loud bust-up and gesticulating while I chill sipping coffee.
I feel like the British Empire.
Where's the real G in all this, Arab's Dad?
Give them back their stuff.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Hospitality in the mud.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
One applicant. She seems keen.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Fit?
A very, very attractive woman has started in our H&S department and the young new manager hired her without clearing it with his wife. Rookie mistake.
No lookers have come through in our latest agency intake. My mind is firmly on the job. :moop:
Chuck a load of potatoes in there and they'll never stop bringing it up.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
6 months short of almost 10 years continuous employment, and I've finally gotten the sack :cool:
Well, failed my probation. Knew it was coming like, already had it extended by a month, and last week got an email that invited me to my probation review meeting...that would also have someone from HR attending, and told me that I could bring a union rep with me, lol. Basically an hour of being told by my manager all the ways she thought I was a dickhead, as I grinned and occasionally interrupted to say I thought she was talking shite. I feel like if I proper grovelled I MIGHT have persuaded them to extend it by another month, but what's the fucking point?
The thing that pissed me off was that it was all very unnecessary. I understand they have to tick boxes and that to cover their arses on wrongful dismissal grounds or whatever, but my manager clearly fucking hates me on a personal level (fair enough, probably), and was clearly just using it as an opportunity to get it all off her chest. There were four sections - conduct, attendance, quality of work and some other thing, and after we'd done two of them I just said something along the lines of "is it really necessary to go through all these sections one by one? clearly it isn't working, you think i'm rubbish, I disagree, but clearly I'm not the candidate you thought I was and I don't want us all to waste any more time...". HR girl was clearly a bit surprised but definitely agreed, and wrapped things up, with my manager clearly fuming that she didn't get to continue with her list of reasons I'm a cunt, Father Ted Golden Cleric award style. That was 3pm-4pm, and the cunts made me go back to my desk until 4.45 before they brought me back for a supplementary meeting to give their judgement.
Told me they've decided to end my employment, told me all the logistical stuff re: notice period, bringing back my laptop and shit, and manger AGAIN tried to start going through all the reasons they're sacking me. Yes, I know, I'm a dickhead, can I go home now?
She was a deeply unpleasant and difficult manager, but I'll bore you all with the details about that another time. The amount of managers I've had issues with would suggest it's obviously generally a ME problem, but I think I was fucked with this one from the start. She's notorious in the organisation for being an irritant, despite being piddly middle management that nobody in other departments should even have an opinion about. Appaz my predecessor knew she was going to leave to go travelling for about 4 months, but deliberately didn't hand her notice in until exactly a month before she left, what a legend. This one wasn't my fault, I swear!
Your mission for your notice period should now be to annoy her enough that she explodes and has a breakdown.
I would be aiming to cause longterm distress and damage any way I could.
Tuna and scrambled egg behind / inside every radiator. Weigh down the floats in the toilets on your last day. Buy some mice from a pet shop and introduce them as free range office pets, etc.
:cool:
I've worked in with so many people who should have failed promotion for being useless and/or cunts but didn't I had started to assume it never actually happened.
Try and get her done for harassment or something if she keeps pestering you before you go. Don't ruin everybody's lives just because one person is a fanny but certainly try and make hers more effort than it's worth.
Why? She’s likely right. :henn0rz:
Disagree.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
You got anything else lined up? Is this not the gaff you said was a shambles anyway?
Why not request to be out on gardening leave for your notice period if she has that much of an issue with you?
I don't mean this in a dickhead way, but what do you think it is about you that means managers (pissy middle management witch-vampires or otherwise) often don't like you?
Dunno, don’t think so. The lads I work with have a pretty good idea of who is and isn’t fit and I’ve never heard her mentioned before.Quote:
Originally Posted by Foe
Bit awkward anyway because the one applicant is also the person from HR who was responsible for posting the job advert. And she’s not met some of the criteria so it’s gonna be a ‘none of the applicants met the essential criteria, please advertise the job externally’ conversation. :stamford:
Good luck with that one :D
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
A short story.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
She probably just hates a good story.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Just give her the job you self important fanny.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
How qualified do you need to be to edit Love Island parody videos?
I’m already reluctant to have someone supporting me (everyone’s thicker than me) but especially so if they’re not ticking all the boxes. She couldn’t identify Kenny Omega and doesn’t know base set Charizard’s HP.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
The biggest red flag was the job is advertised as 6 potential levels of pay, and she’s already on the top level. I want some entry level up-and-comer who buzzes every April when their pay increases.
You really have to go some to be sacked in the modern working world. Fair play.
Imagne Baz being your boss.
I would imagine it to be much like the Office.
Emphasis very much on FUN.
"Working" on Monday. Basically a bit of over the phone advice from home as I recover from Sunday. I thought it was double pay but just been told quadruple. :cool:
You could argue that something like 'conduct' is subjective, especially since some people obviously won't get igor's randomness, but if they have enough material to make 'attendance' an issue then lol what you thinking mate?Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Not for me, Clive. Although I might say otherwise next March.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
One of my tenants has stopped engaging and it is completely unlike him. I have tried visiting him twice along with phonecalls, emails, etc. So I called the police on Tuesday and asked if they could do a welfare visit.
Just had a call at 11 o'clock at night. He's dead. Presumed suicide but they aren't sure. Fuck.
Not sure what the point of this post is lads, so carry on, I guess I'm just processing.
It's a fair question, though it's not just that managers often dislike me - it's that they almost always really like me and think I'm quality, or they think I'm a massive wanker. I know some people would fucking love that, and be all if you can't handle me at my worst you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best #marmite, but I don't. I don't get that mixed John Cena reception from anyone else (cus everyone just thinks i'm a twat wayyy).Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
I think there's two main things.
One is that I'm obviously fairly bright, and capable of actually doing good work (you'll have to take my word for it on those), but also have moments where I get the brain fuzz, struggle to maintain attention, make stupid little mistakes and all that stuff. Been the same story since school - obviously almost every school report I had was "igor is more than capable, but needs to put more effort it/pay more attention" etc etc. In terms of my professional performance, it obviously doesn't really matter what causes it, but the problem is that some managers interpret it as laziness/not giving a shit, or in the case of my most recent manager, outright insubordination. I know it sounds like I'm making excuses, but I really can't help it. I'm just an idiot.
I remember one particularly pathetic moment where I actually went home and cried like a little girl when I was working at the bank, because I made this mad effort to be more attentive, had been eating really well, not drinking, sleeping loads, doing exercise, and proper pushing myself at work, and I still ended up managing to fuck something up really badly and my till ended up £200 wrong. It was a bit like that simpsons episode where Bart actually does loads of revision for that test and still fucked it up.
The managers who have liked me have I think put up with the shit, cus they know I can't help it, and because I've made up for it with other work.
The other thing is basically just how I carry myself. I'm quite casual and jokey and shit and don't exactly have a "work mode". I'm not trying to do this to brag about my #authenticity, it's more an admission that I'm fucking rubbish at changing this when it ain't working. I guess the managers who like me just think I'm a sound, genuine guy with top bantz, and the others think I'm an unprofessional dickhead who needs to grow up and think me acting like the class clown now i'm in my 30s is pathetic - and like, fair enough. To clarify, I'm not a bantersaurus going round putting whoopie cushions on the ceo's chair and saying alright dickhead to my manager.
Bit high risk high reward I suppose. At the rural Norfolk bank branch I got told by my manager I needed to stop being so casual with customers, and say Sir and Madam and shit, whereas at the city centre branch in Birmingham, they had new staff shadow me to watch how I interact with customers as it was exactly the kind of personable, approachableness they wanted, and said you shouldn't try to be deferential to posher customers cus it comes across really fake and insincere. As I said, the problem is that I'm fucking rubbish at switching to being more professional and serious when managers prefer that. I guess I need to work on that.
I'm not a doctor (I'm just Yevrah), but the first bit of that kind of sounds like ADD, Igor. I don't mean that as a barb at all, but in a "there are treatments for that, man" kind of way.
That's shit. How often are you in touch with somebody like that?Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Fairly common. It's the nature of Social / Council housing that we have a large number of vulnerable people, but in recent (read: Tory) years Supported Housing (Along with every other support service) has been cut back to the bone. So we have quite a few residents that probably shouldn't be living in "general needs" accommodation, but it's that or nothing. So subsequently we have people coming from Harp (Southends charity for the homeless) with drug and / or alcohol dependency issues just being left to crack on alone. That's what's happened with this bloke. Nice man, down on his luck, turned to the booze and completely let down by the support services that are meant to be in place to help him.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
On the subject of death, one of our warehouse supervisors is leaving to become an undertaker. Just walked round the offices saying his goodbyes. Someone asked him how he found the role / got into it, since he's been here for 20 years. He said 'I dunno really, it's just something I've always wanted to do'. Not a hint of sarcasm/irony. Love it.
Maybe he's really into 90s wrestling
Exact same thought. Adult diagnosis is possible, although you're probably looking at a 2-3 year wait assuming it's the same for adults as it is for kids. I only mention it because if that is the case then suddenly igor's manager goes from being 'a bit of a cunt' to 'discriminatory'.Quote:
Originally Posted by Luca
Although a guy I used to work with got himself diagnosed as autistic aged 35 and it was like a switch flipped, he just sort of stopped trying. All he does now is talk about being autistic and he's pretty well known for it, but it is really fucking grating. His twitter threads about how to treat/talk to autistic people are really conceited.
Got a request from the Assitant Head to chat to me and one of the other AHoYs (not sure why not all three) about the structure going forwards. Annoyingly It'll have to wait til Wednesday as my body has decided that I'm dizzy whenever I stand up today but I'm hoping the other guy will go and chat to him and report back.Quote:
Originally Posted by mo
Especially when it’s all made up. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by mo
An adult diagnosis of Autism can take several years no? I would imagine if he was faking it, it would have shone through.
Fuck that, I reckon we can sort this out by Tuesday. Someone start a thread. "Igor: Autistic or Twat".Quote:
Originally Posted by Gray Fox
Make a poll.
Replace WDYTOE? with Who Do You Think Is Autistic?Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
I once missed out on an in-year reward because of my 'conduct around the office', but I'm basically unsackable/irreplaceable (this is more a reflection of my shit pay than me), and people just think I'm a bit of a retard anyway with my mega memory and cheeky sexism, so now nobody thinks about it.
I’m too thick to be autistic.
Do you have a photographic memory Lewis? How does it actually work so well?
A girl I went to uni with had a photographic memory and she just read everything because once she had, she could go back to it later.
I'd guess he was doing a fair bit of masking (i.e. he knew something was up but tried to pretend he was normal) and now the diagnosis gives him a reason to drop all that behaviour. I think masking is generally frowned upon because some ACADEMICS think it increases the likelihood of suicide and depression.Quote:
Originally Posted by mo
I don't buy it.
I can't read things and instantly memorise them or anything proper mongworthy, and I would struggle to remember a phone number if you told me it and asked me again later. I just sort of remember what I do/interact with, so when I get asked whether I remember something we did at work (or on the forum) I generally can.Quote:
Originally Posted by Foe
Literally everyone is "masking". If we were all bowling around without filter the world would be a very different place.
Autism is a victim card. One of the must have accessories of the decade, that's why mateyboy is larging it up on Twitter, nothing else.
Everyone at work thinks I'm a maniac with a photographic memory, but that's just because I can remember things like who was the Prime Minister in 1975, and where Rawtenstall is. Lewis has an orders of magnitude freak show memory for remembering things people said in offhand posts ten years ago. Even then I'm not sure it's photographic, which is for turbo-freaks only.
I have a similar memory to Lewis then, at least for random conversations I've had since, well forever pretty much.
Do you have retard strength as well Lewis?
Sort of, yeah, and picking cabinets and stuff up during the office movearound has only added to the spastic mystique.
🤣
The Arab came in this morning carting a massive cardboard box, which it turned out was full of probably 60 bottles of Powerade, and then he went to the shops to get more. The office fridge is now full of Powerade and the rest is stacked up in his office. We asked him why he needed to bring in so much Powerade, and he explained: he was going to use it to bribe warehouse staff to pack his orders quicker and before other people's.
This motherfucker is literally bringing financial doping into the parts sales environment. I need to set UEFA on him.
Is Powerade considered an acceptable bribe among warehouse staff?
Barney's going to roll in with a crate of Prime tomorrow. An expensive gamble set to backfire unless the warehouse is largely staffed by children.
Is The Arab giving them that because he thinks they like it or so they'll have more energy to work?
Presumably it is. He has certainly managed to repair relations with them after a few months back his dad wandered through, someone shouted 'Here comes the camel trader!' and got fired.
If it's anything like the one I work in, yes.
What colour? Blue, presumably.
White (arctic shatter) is the ultimate but I don’t think it exists anymore.
If anything, they will offer him a job.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Egypt-Greece-Saudi bid is definitely taking it then.Quote:
Originally Posted by Adramelch
The new hire decided to join the increasing list of people that don't show up. We suspect the agency is a bit shit at telling them where they need to be and when.
I had Powerade out the machine at the cinema today, inspired by the Arab.
I can't tell you how well you and the Arab would get on. You'd eventually get bored of him talking about himself, but the first few days would be a whirlwind romance.
Just seen this. Considering how much everyone on here rates him as an absolute don, this is possibly the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me. :happycry:Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Elsewhere I’m in a Teams meeting 10-1 today. 3 hours of reviewing drug related deaths. Woooo!
Last day in work tommorrow before a four week break. :rasta:
Four weeks?! What are you doing with that amount of time off?
Two weeks in Mexico in the middle. House reno either side. Small possibility I never go back.
Two job offers and very likely a third one to come soon. When it rains it pours.
Trying to juggle three projects 400 miles apart and sell and buy a house, makes it not the right time to go on holiday. There's going to be a whole load of shit when I get back.
But fuck it, I'm exhausted. Out of office on.
Crap, it's happened. I've been made semi-responsible for accepting and rejecting alcohol license applications.
Toggle Spoiler
An interesting situation arose yesterday at work which is forcing me to make a choice by Monday.
I applied for, and yesterday was offered an interview, a Head of Year job at another school. It would double my commute roughly, but the money is much better (my normal wage plus an additional £7,300) and I'd only teach 32/50 hrs a fortnight (5 hrs PPA is protected, so 13 hrs focused solely on my HoY role). The interview is an all-day thing on Tuesday.
Meanwhile, a similar role has come up at my own school. My position as Assistant Head of Year is being ditched, as is Head of Year, and they're moving to 'RSLs' (Raising Standards Leaders) - one for each year group so there are three roles available (two current HoYs are staying on, one is retiring). It's essentially Head of Year but with another name. The money is less (£4,800) and the time to do the job is half that of the other school (so teaching 38/50 hrs). Interview is also on Tuesday, but is just a formal interview that in theory could be done at any time next week.
I went to the Assistant Head who is the line manager for pastoral staff and told him the situation. He checked with the head about whether they could interview me at another point. The head has said no; I have to choose which to go for, therefore limiting my options. This is a cunt move; good leadership in schools invests in developing all staff and supports them to step up to new roles if they choose to, whether there or at another school.
So, scenarios:
I go for the external job. Much more risky; I don't know what I'm up against, other interviewees (there will be 3/4 others) could have loads more experience than I do. If I don't get that role and can't interview for the internal role, I won't have any extra responsibility in September. Money isn't the crux of it but obviously is a factor; I genuinely want now to be doing this sort of role.
I go for the internal role. Trying to avoid sounding arrogant but I would back myself here; there are 3 positions available and a lot of the people who would go for this sort of role are moving on. I already have strong relationships with tutors/students established and I've been told I'm doing a good job. Much less risky, although entirely possible I don't get it and end up as above, with no additional role in September. Either way, I'm stuck working for a cunt of a head who has no vision or passion for the job and allegedly wants to retire in three years and go into property.
I really want to go for the external role and risk cutting my nose off to spite my face. But I'm the only one who loses out in this scenario, the head doesn't. So I think I've got to go for the internal and use it to build my experience and maybe move on next year if the right role comes up.
Do this. Like you said, your current employers are being dicks and purposely restricting your career growth. Back yourself, get that other job.Quote:
Originally Posted by mo
How long is your current commute that would be doubled? That'd probably be the biggest factor in my decision. Unless your current one is like 10 mins and it's only going to go up to 20 mins.
20 mins to 40/45. That's another big factor as our mornings are quite challenging due to our son's additional needs.
Interview for the job internally imo. You'll get the experience that seems to be the only thing you may lack for essentially the same post externally. You'll then be in a perfect spot if something else comes up. Maybe even closer.
I would personally value the extra time at home and not upsetting your sons morning routine, than the extra bit of pay on top and reduced teaching hours.
Sounds like you should go for the external job, unless the commute is a problem.
I suppose in money terms if you are spending and extra 2 hours a week commuting, that adds up to what 60 odds hours a year [how many weeks do teachers work?], so is that worth the difference between the two salary increases?
But obviously it slices both ways, so it's whatever is the main priority - getting experience, getting away from a knobhead, life balance, money . . .
Can you ask the external one if they can do Wednesday or Thursday instead?
“I have a personal issue on Tuesday, would I be able to interview later in the week please?”
Our spot have brought in a little spend counter that grasses you in for printing :D
A reasonable suggestion. I've considered this - trouble is in schools, 9/10 they offer jobs on the day. They might consider re-arranging all the elements for me to the day after, but I can't do that either and it's beginning to look like I'm just being difficult.Quote:
Originally Posted by Foe
The commute is increasing by 20 mins. So that's 40 mins every day. What's that, 3 hours and 20 mins extra a week you'll be sat in your car, I assume? Plus messing up the morning routine with your son. I would not be doing that for two and a half grand extra. But people value different things, I guess.
How much extra money is 2.5k a year in your monthly pay packet? Isn't fuel/whatever travel costs probably just gonna cancel that out?
Do you like your current school apart from the head? If he's gonna retire soon too might be worth sticking it out, especially if you back yourself to get the job there. Have you heard anything about what the other school is like?
I went and visited the other school. One of the Assistant Heads there met with me, showed me around a bit and spent a good 45 minutes telling me about the school, the role etc, like a pre-interview almost. This was a big part of the draw - you're right, the extra money is peanuts every month tbh, it's more about being valued appropriately. That was the appeal of the move really.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
My current school I mostly like. Department is great and most of the leadership I trust. But the head is an arse and is driving out some of the most valuable senior teachers to satisfy his own ego. His best mate's wife is also assistant head there so she's sat on a plum ticket and is phoning it in.
Anyway. Other school emailed this morning to ask me to confirm, so I replied and withdrew. I emailed the AH who showed me around and gave a bit more of a detailed explanation, which I think I kept the right side of professional.
I got the internal job today. Head of Year 10 from September - on the balance of probabilities that was probably the best outcome from the situation.
Congrats, Mo.
Yeah, nice one. Nice to see it all work out.
Top stuff!
Played a blinder there.
Mo money, mo problemsQuote:
Originally Posted by mo
Thanks all, appreciated.
My Year 10 head was a guy who dubbed himself Mr. G and was a complete cunt.
Someone sent me a spreadsheet today and I instantly replied all saying it had given me PTSD, without thinking. :rosebud:
I followed it up about 15 minutes later, once me and ChatGPT had got our VB codes in order, with a much better version of the spreadsheet.
Will they continue to use the shit grey one with size 24 Century Gothic font? No doubt. Will I continue to be a Spreadsheet Badboy? You know it.
I didn't know Andrew Tate did teaching.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Just signed the new contract after a frustrating "consultation period" in which no ground was given. The only positive is that we have it recorded that there are no performance issues within the team and they agree that if the workload isn't being maintained the issue is with too few staff, not the staff themselves.
It's a bit shit that we now just have to watch this fall on it's arse while they push the only staff with lease management experience out the door, but here we are.
Morale at an all time low across the team. Top management. :happycry:
The Arab's brother just paced through looking for him. The Arab then went out in tears. Came back in after about ten minutes, still in tears, and said he had to attend an urgent matter and would see us on Monday.
Reckon his dad could have popped it, given his age, alcoholism and general state of health. Horrible silence in the office now.
False alarm, his uncle's popped. The legend lives on (for now).
I’ve never know someone who’s family members who don’t work there are so integrated into the office environment.
Had 22 applications for the job that had to go external. Some of them are foreign and ticked ‘no’ to being eligible to work in the UK. Why waste my time? No I won’t sponsor your visa, Abdul.
Anyway, got AI to score all the applications against the essential criteria and it’s given me five who scored top marks. Interview them and employ the fittest. EZ PZ.
The 82 (now 83) year old VP is finally being pensioned off, and he's throwing a retirement 'evening meal' on Thursday for a select group. I'm the only person from the sales floor who's been invited, which is fantastically awkward. When the Arab finds out he's going to have a full-on tantrum.
I've been offered a job with a vendor, managing partners and helping do indirect deals in Scotland (up to 50k worth). The next promotion up is a named account manager where deal size is up to 250k.
Basic starts at 60k plus the same again in commission and as they are a $10b organisation with some absolutely ace products that's easily achievable. Might take it, given the only reason I joined here is because of my boss who is leaving over the next couple of months. He asked me to go with him and 're-create' the department from current place but don't fancy that.
p.s obv I'm going to ask for a better basic, currently on 70.
Will Barney be quietly seething?Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Dawned on me today that I’m going to have to do interviews. 5 on Teams and 3 in rl. Imagine going for an interview and I’m sat there. :lol:
No, because he holds his knife like a pen and therefore is dodging the bullet of any of the big cheeses seeing him eating thus and ruling him out of any future promotion shortlists as a result.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
Did the Arab not respond by marching round the office shouting indignantly?
I'd made it clear to the third company that I had to decide by last Friday and they'd told me they'd get back to me by then, which they didn't, so I ended up accepting one of the other two.Quote:
Originally Posted by Adramelch
I received the following e-mail from them today:
"The team really liked your profile, and we would like to consider it for a more senior position than the one you initially applied and interviewed for. But since this is a newly opened position, it would take us two to three weeks to get back to you."
It's like we're playing 4d chess or something.
Just tell them you don't have that sort of time. They need to remember this is your actual life.
I told them that I'd made it clear in the interview that there was a deadline of sorts in regards to the other offers. I mean I'm happy with my choice regardless, it's just weird from their side that they'd go as far as to offer me a more senior role yet couldn't do it in a more timely manner.
Serves you right for being so good. :thbup:
I have a similar conundrum. I only started my current role in October, for a significant payrise, but my old boss who now works for a different place has come to me saying I can have a job if I want it. 31%-45% payrise depending on what I can negotiate. But it would mean three days a week in an office that's about 40 mins commute, and probably having to do actual work. It would be a 12 month secondment, possibly up to 24 months, before likely returning to my current place but who knows what doing.
Is it daft to choose comfortable mediocrity over chasing piles of cash? I've even been considering asking to condense my current work down to four days, once my apprenticeship is finished. This would put that idea to bed.
I think I'll say thanks but no thanks.
Absolutely not. Bare minimum for maximum cash. If you have to work for it what's the point. Always take the easiest option. If my boss wasn't leaving here I'd stay because I've got an awesome work life balance, full autonomy and full trust. When he goes in the next couple months, that goes hence why I'm looking to leave.
I'd love to work with him at the new place but I just don't see merit for my role there even though he wants me to go. They aren't big enough (staff and money) to not ask questions.
You don't want to be unhappy all the time if you don't need the money. Everyone's different but I see enough people at my spot chasing the big salaries, hating it and continually switching roles to try and balance the new salary they got for a job they hate less. After tax, by the time you've opted for a nicer car, planned a better holiday, how much is left from the uplift? Enough for an NFT and a few rare pokemon cards?
I've been tipped that a job at my spot maybe opening up and I should apply for it, £10k uplift in salary but if I have to give up home working to traipse round to loads of meetings I'll stick with the quiet spreadsheet life walking my dog and not having to talk to anyone I don't want to.
I'm basically reaping the benefits of having been at my current job for a couple of years. The pay is shit (for my qualifications at least), but it's at the energy regulator so you basically get to see the whole energy sector inside out. New job is a 65% payrise, plus up to another 25% in bonuses.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
In regards to your dilemma, I'd say it also depends on the work itself. I'd do it if it looks like it might be enjoyable, but wouldn't otherwise despite the pay raise.
Not at all, and for what it’s worth, dropping down to 4 days is amazing, and really has me believing that a 4 day working week should be the norm.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
I've never had a proper four day week, but I did have a stint doing "condensed shifts" where I did four ten hour days and even that was amazing. But sadly our overlords are the sort of weird freaks who think happiness is finite and if the proles are happy it must mean they're lass happy somehow so I doubt the four dayer will become a thing here any time soon .
It's definitely where an advanced society would end up. We're a long way from it now. 'Business leaders' would need emergency heart surgery.
A recruiter in Guildford called me about a job last week. I'm ok here now but thought I'd listen. It was for a salary £5k less than I'm on here, so I said no thank you. Anyway, she's called me again every single fucking day since (I haven't picked up once) and left a voicemail begging me to reconsider for the same role, as I'd 'make a great fit' and it 'really suited my skills', whatever those are. Every day, no respite, just called me again now and left another voicemail. How desperate are these people?
Probably measured on activity metrics, gotta feel that pain.
That and commission. If they don't fill the role, they don't get any money for it. If there's slim pickings available then they're going into hard sale mode.
It must be a miserable job, but these cunts deserve every second of suffering.
Slim pickings, you gonna stand for that Jim?
As in quantity, not quality, obvs. :D
:eyemouth:Quote:
Originally Posted by niko_cee
We had a customer visiting from Nigeria today. First thing he did was walk in, ask where the toilet was, went into the toilet (leaving the door open) and pissed all over the floor. Like, we're not talking just missing the bowl, we're talking spray gun all over the room, from coast to coast, backwards, everything.
Is the toilet bowl a white man's construct, oppressing the global majority's natural creative freedom?
Power play.
China's influence in Africa is worse than I thought.
He'll be defrosting fish in the sink by morning.
Turns out he wasn't even a customer.
We had that in our shared office building where people were coming in off the street for a shit, until a massive security crackdown like it was a terrorist threat :D
I'm noticing a severe rise in aggression and anger in my work of late. I handle calla for GMC, can handle them no problem but fucking hell of late it just feels like spates and spates of hatred and anger simmering all across the public.
State of the NHS and life in general for most clearly firing this rage but I'm chucking my CV at everything non-public facing from her on out.
Quite a lot of "I'm not a racist but" too creeping in
Noticing the same tbh. My favourite was "atleast the Pikey's didn't come over and take our houses". Appreciative racism is almost beautiful.
Yep ours is always about Asian doctors. Or any non-white doctors. Always worded in a way where you can't just terminate the call.
Feels like something just snapped in a lot of people during lockdown. You notice it everywhere. Nightlife, on the roads, customer service, people are just losing it across the board.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Soldier
I was queueing to be served in Tesco express a few days ago and a hi-vis wearing tradesman of some sort was being served. After about 30 seconds he shouted "Any chance of this being fucking done today?". The guy serving him looked bewildered and just responded with a confused "huh" - from what I could tell, he was scanning stuff at a perfectly reasonable pace. The bloke just shouted "FOR FUCK SAKE" and stormed out without taking the stuff. Was utterly bizzare.
Yep seeing it in traffic, on the metrolink, a lot of places. Also noticing via my role a lot of the results of unsupported mental health. A lot of calls from people with severe problems and not getting any help spouting absolute fantasies.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bernanke
https://64.media.tumblr.com/2d48cdac...flwo4_1280.pngQuote:
Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry
GMC is also pretty racist though.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Soldier
Eh now we did equality training the other week.
It's compounded in the UK by everything being absolutely fucking shit.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bernanke
My phone hasn't rang once since I started on Feb 1st. :drool:
Now every fucker is encouraged to talk about their mental health, even people who are actually absolutely fine, is that leading to some of the genuine cases getting lost in the noise?Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Soldier
Possibly, but I think Custard has hit the nail on the head. Absolutely everything is shit at the moment and people are at breaking point, so minor inconveniences are being catastrophised and people are kicking off over shit that would have been an eyeroll and a whispered "ffs" a short while ago.
If you heard some of the calls I've had you'd be saying yes.Quote:
Originally Posted by Yevrah
I could easily lose it in supermarkets when half the tils are closed to give the workers chance to stand around doing nothing.
I had someone yell 'This is a fucking disgrace!' down the phone earlier because we are sending them a £7 rubber hose today and not yesterday. There seem to be a lot of people right on the edge be it financially, emotionally or whatever.
The one benefit of this major economic downturn is we're starting to identify who genuinely loves banter and who was wearing a mask. Schofield the most prominent example. Mellin another.
Everyone talks about mental health and is AWARE of it. But if you actually need help, there's none fucking there.Quote:
Originally Posted by Yevrah
Also what Magic said.
Men's mental health is no joke, kids.
Especially for kids.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
The state of CAMHs services in this country is a disgrace. It should be daily headline news.
We have a repeat caller who is absolutely convinced all their organs have been removed and everyone from their landlord through to the PM is in on the conspiracy. They are both simultaneously in a coma but awake apparently.
Every call lasts about two hours, you can't saw anything as they talk over you. They're pleasant with it and we don't want to block communication as we may be their only outlet.
That's one of many, many others. I've had them twice this week.
It should be pointed out that this is nothing new. After my mum died I struggled big time. I was alone at 22, no mum, no dad, no siblings, with a stepdad I never got on particularly well with. So I reached out for some help and was referred for counselling. The appointment came through for 6 months later. This was then cancelled and moved on a further 3 months. I cancelled that one and just muddled my way through in the end.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
I also remember the BBC doing a documentary about mental health and there was a guy on there that wanted to be sectioned because he was suicidal and he was told that he won't be until he's actually tried something, so he promptly took himself off to the top of a tower block. That was long before Covid. I dread to think how bad it is now if you're struggling.
If any of you lads ever need to speak to a Mental Health First Aider, they’ve stopped paying me for it so I’ve deleted the Stay Alive app and have got rid of my green MHFA lanyard.
:rasta:
I know of children who've made suicide attempts significant enough to land them in ITU who have subsequently been told by mental health services that there are no resources available to offer them any support of any kind.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Yep my dad tried to kill himself end of last year, which I vaguely mentioned here. He has been given six sessions of therapy which the last one is next week and has been told that's your lot we're too busy, give a fuck if you're feeling better or not.
He only got those through his doctor working his cunt off to get them for him.
Yeah, and I agree with that, but we're encouraging people to view mental health as some sort of spectrum with themselves on it and I don't think that's useful for people who have nothing actually wrong with them and not helpful for the people who do. Life is shitter than it was on the whole, there's no doubt about that, but encouraging people to fall into the trap of thinking they have mental health issues, when being down/frustrated etc. (which is just a normal human reaction to things being shit) is making the problem worse.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Yeah, that's not a mental health problem. It's having a shit life and being worried/stressed/annoyed by it, which as above, is perfectly normal. The onus should be on those in power to fucking sort it and not on Mr. Smith to 'check his mental health'. I mean, in that scenario, what the fuck does that even mean?Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
It's the individualisation of the problems of capitalism. Things are going to shit? That's your fault, check your mental health, develop a positive mental attitude. All while the people in power go "lol no, we're not going to fix anything" and their mates make out like fucking bandits.
Well 'we' shouldn't be falling into it like the sheep we are - it should be abundantly clear that it's absolute nonsense and that there is no way to put a positive spin on your mortgage going up by £500 a month and food prices more than doubling* since the pandemic/that absolute shitshow we're supporting in Ukraine. I generally like capitalism, but every mechanism to govern can reach the stage where it's taking the piss and it's up to the electorate to not swallow the shit we're pedalled. Instead, we're all wanking each other off about mental heath awareness and developing a new found love for a country most would have characterised as an Eastern European shithole before Putin invaded.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
*I don't actually know that they have, but they must have done by now, right?
There are lots of surveys out there that correlate having Mental Health with how white and affluent and left-wing you are, so you could blame capitalism in a roundabout way.
I wouldn't say doubled but it has gone up substantially.Quote:
Originally Posted by Yevrah
The supermarkets will be the next ones in the firing line. Your fuel and even energy bills are starting to come down now, while inflation has come down to around 8.2%
Still high, but it coming down suggests prices for items should not still be increasing, which they are. I'm sure they'll blame supply issues, but they're losing reasons to hide behind now.
Same for climate change/environment. I've got to recycle my yoghurt pots but some sewage company can take a massive shit into the river or a Chinese factory can burn half a rainforest every 8 minutes and people aren't whipping out the guillotinesQuote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
I would take that data with a pinch of salt. For the left having a mental health issue is fashionable, for the right it would be deeply shameful, and that will skew any stats heavily. Harold and The Saint were both Right Wing and both were heavily tapped upstairs, but they never would have said so.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
]
But if you wanted to be a different gender they will change it in a second 😡😡😡Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
I think it's the lockdown and Magic's suggestion that everything is shit. I've seen plenty paperwork to suggest some claimants are still in lockdown mode. And I wouldn't go so far as to brush it off as just life. The pandemic was two years of disruption followed by the economic fallout that we're all living in. It's a once in a lifetime thing on a once in a lifetime scale.
Once in a life time... so far. :uhoh:
That very much depends on China keeping their labs tight, I know.
Inflation coming down slightly just means prices aren't rising quite as fast. They're still rising.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gray Fox
And energy bills aren't really coming down either. The cap came down a bit so they can't charge as much but the government support also ended so you'll be paying about the same amount.
And with inflation still being persistent, interest rates are likely going to go up again which mortgage providers are already pricing in so people's mortgages are going to go up (as will people's rents because the landlords will pass that on).
Maybe we should start whipping out the guillotines.Quote:
Originally Posted by Raoul Duke
Maybe we should focus on real problems and bury climate in the bin where it belongs.
Nothing will ever confuse me more than Giggles triple masking up for years and being a climate change denier.
One was an overblown but legitimate concern.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
We set the swimming pool today, so I would appreciate global warming stepping up to the plate some time soon.
Had a very cryptic meeting with my new boss’ boss who runs the area I work for. He’s only about 3 or 4 months in role (2 levels above me which is on mega money) and was doing a bit of digging into my background and ambitions.
Encouraging as he seems to think I’ve got a bright future if I want it and need to work out where I want to end up.
Sitting on the sofa watching football didn’t seem a smart answer so I left it open ended. The work/life/stress balance at the top seems mad so not sure I’d ever actually want that. I’d drop dead from a heart attack before I’d hit 50.
That is the problem at my spot, aside from a few plum roles the next bracket of jobs worth considering for the pay jump are full of people who've aged 10 years in 18 months due to all the shit.
I've had a few options to try and progress in a couple.of jobs that I've meh'd out of because I just don't want the life the people already doing it seem to have.
I'm aiming for a sweet spot of more money but minimal hassle.
Why earn money for its own sake if you're hacked off. One day you'll be just as dead.
I prefer to hit the overtime (if it's available) to just bump my pay. Easier to do since the switch to hybrid working as I can get the same amount of work out in half the time at home. Staying where I'm at keeps things piss easy.
Im so happy at my new low expectations job I have to assume I’ll find a way to hate it soon enough.
The sweet spot is becoming an SME in whatever capacity. As soon as you have to manage anybody, stress levels shoot up.
The perfect scenario is also having a manager that isn't sure what you do, which I've had once before and it was great.
I'm currently heading towards a role where I'm managing things but not people. The dream.
I am in this situation and it is almost good enough to make up for being severely underpaid.Quote:
Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
Technically I manage and produce data, but it doesn't get me out of any bullshit work management courses. That said I have swerved the mental health one for 2 years now, purely on principle as it was originally voluntary and then the instigator must have got high on their own new found authority and labelled it 'compulsory'.
I have also managed to swerve some leadership conferenced with deftly placed holidays, I think I have been in the office maybe once this year. Thankfully the company seem fully comitted to this as the relocated one of the offices to new premises recently that physically couldn't accomodate all the staff who are based there.
Managing partners in wholesale is great. You take all the credit when they do it well and blame them entirely when it goes horribly wrong.
This is me basically. Sometimes it gets ridiculous with me being the one and only soldier in the department but otherwise it's great not having to deal with anyone else and a manager who (rightly) stays well clear.Quote:
Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
The old boy I went to South America with is now touring Central America. He's sent a report from Guatemala which included this sentence on a particular customer:
Might send this into the high performance podcast as an example of #elite #outlook.Quote:
He recently lost his two month old son after high doctor’s and hospital fees, which has depleted his working capital
I’ve been off this week cos it’s half term, and it’s been rubbish. Nice weather, no emails, but constant kids. :panda:
The new boss tried to explain to me why we (my role, but also the people under it) get paid less than the people doing the same jobs in other departments today, and why they won't contemplate any objective assessment of what we do against the grading guidance. I told them in a roundabout way that of their reasons were crap, and the discussion ended with them trying to stare me out and waiting for me to leave the table. I sat there for a good thirty seconds, so they started the conversation all over again, and then complained that we were 'going round in circles'.
Our MD is currently on a baffling but quite entertaining crusade against hot food. He's already sent packing the food van which used to park out the back and sell sausage rolls to the warehouse staff. Now he's ordered that the microwaves are to be removed from the kitchens. He just delivered a five-minute rant about how you shouldn't be eating hot food at lunchtime and everyone needs to go back to sandwiches.
Absolutely no idea why, but it doesn't affect me so lol.
Just bring in a pot noodle. Check mate, old man.
had an interview today, think I nailed it. pity I'm much better at interviews than doing actual work but that's a them problem I suppose.
Did you get it?Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
Big day for me tomorrow. Doing five interviews with hopeful applicants. Any dos and donts? It’s on teams so can’t just employ the one who smells best. :thbdn: There’s three of us on the panel and we have 2 questions each lined up (ChatGPT to the rescue) but HR have thrown a spanner in the works saying we must ask about gaps in employment. Tbh I’ve not had chance to check if any of them have gaps, but I presume so. Will badge that on at the end, I guess.
Save the selfies for after the interview.
45 minute time slot each, and the first one took 14 minutes. :stamford:
Quite the mix! Jewellery shop salesperson followed by an African GP. :cab:
What the fuck is the job if you're shortlisting both of those as suitable candidates?
Sexual assault champion.
Presumably something entry level.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Kinky.
At least it's easy to figure out which one would smell the best.
In fairness, Baz is hiring. Probably for role of office juggler or something.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Something well below a GP but it’s forriners wanting to work for two years and become Public Health Registrars.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
The final one today was extremely lovely, but clearly got a bit flustered and hasn’t scored great. Experience working in Sri Lankan army camps, dispensing medicines. Meanwhile an earlier one has never had a job and all her examples were around uni work and societies, but somehow scored far higher. The scoring is clearly flawed but hey that’s HR for you.
All interviews are wank and your interview master will fuck you over come the crunch. My team made that mistake, hired one who was amazing in the interview but completely incapable of doing the work. She started recording all conversations in her notebook so acrimonious tribunal was her exit.
Uni lass will get it because she's cheaper to hire, probably.
Entry level Civil Service jobs are usually a set wage anyway. I'd take the doctor. You know they have a brain and you know you have them for 2 years.
Hiring is impossible. Anyone can blag an interview, and any sort of "test" you give a candidate for a skilled role rarely reveals how they'd adapt to your own working methods.
I've just counted, and I've hired 12 people since I took over the business in 2016. Out of those:
- 5 were excellent and show that a brilliant judge of character I am.
- 2 were absolute chancers that didn't last more than a month
- 3 were retards who I gave the benefit of the doubt for a while, but got the boot after 6-12 months.
- 1 was "fine"- not as good as she interviewed, but passable. But I was secretly delighted when she handed in her notice
- 1 has only been here 3 months and seems alright, but the jury is still out
Barney's gone on his first ever sales trip this week, to the only market he has been trusted with, Northern Ireland. Day 1 and day 2 seemed to go fine. Day 3, it was time to visit our biggest customer in NI, who are somehwere out past Newtownards on that weird peninsula. While touring their premises, he 'lost his balance suddenly', fell, and broke his arm. He's had to cancel the rest of the trip.
It says a lot about Barney that when news came back of this, we were all pissing ourselves laughing in the office.
That's why he isn't paid the big bucks.
@Baz I did, yeah!
When I got a promotion at the last but one place, HR made a real hash of listing the job (plus it was kinda shit), and after three weeks the only applicant was a Nigerian bloke literally in his 80s :D I think they should have given him the job tbh.
One of our team members has chosen to have a massive kick-off to director level about why we can't wear shorts in the office, when women can wear 'summer dresses'. Have some decorum will you.
I wore shorts to the office yesterday.
My line manager told me I looked like I was going playing tennis.
I'm wearing shorts at the office right now. I'm sitting in a room with exactly one other person and have no in-person meetings today, so why not? It's much more comfortable.
No issue with shorts if the environment permits it, but making that argument about women's dresses is pathetic. He should lose a bollock for it.
Some of the best men in the world only had one bollock tbf.
Geoff Horsfield as an example
Barney to come back from sick with a cast on his arm, and a skirt on.
Hitler.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Soldier
We can wear shorts but nobody in the office takes the chance.
We can wear shorts in the office. Smart casual. Unless going into a meeting with people outside the team.
Hopefully Barney has one of those comical casts where his arm has to be set in a certain way with supports for maximum comedy value upon his return.
I sometimes see men in full Bermuda Short order, which seems to involve comedy long socks, making them look like giant prep schoolers. I think they do it for charity sometimes, but then there are outliers who seem to deem it acceptable more generally. It isn't. Formal shorts are just the worst.
It's 2023, just wear summer dresses. :baz:
What shoes do people wear with shorts in the office?
I wore white Nikes with white socks and felt I looked a lot better than my pal in sockless loafers, but what do I know. A colleague said I was dressed for Wimbledon and he was dressed for TOWIE.
Ankle socks and Adidas Classics cos old man vibes. As long as you don't come in with a Borat bathing suit our work doesn't really give a fuck.
Leggings season is :drool:
I had to pop into the office earlier this week and people were giving me the full once over. Birkenstocks, linen shirt & shorts. Couldn't see the issue.
Birkenstocks alone deserve more than a full once over.
Were you also wearing a Panama?
If only.
Birkenstocks are alright. Alright for fucking Pride month cunts. Chuck it in with Boom's misunderstanding of double denim, Phonics' (and Baz's?) hi top ways, Sand's short-sleeved shirts (he may yet have a real slow burn victory on this as my stance has softened) and all the homos and their ankle socks.
It's conversations like this that make be relieved to not have to answer to anyone.
Taz in his Crocs, knee high socks, leather shorts and wife beater vest then
Our sales director originally gave the OK to shorts but he was quickly overruled by the MD, who having already banned hot food, and t-shirts without collars on 'dress down Friday', was fuming at the idea. Allegedly he keeps the only (useless) woman in the sales department around because he likes her big nipples.
I would understand it if the very few customers who come in here aren't always shabby old vagies who stink of piss and booze.
Full PPE including Engelbert Strauss wellies for me. Scandalous.
I’ve been in shorts all week. With both white Nikes and white converse. Not at the same time
I hope they approve shorts and hot food in the same week so Barney scalds his lap.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
my new place is slightly stricter than the last few places - no shorts, jeans just about tolerated, though most go with chinos/smartish trousers and plain polo shirts/fairly casual collared shirts, with, to continue a theme, semi smart shoes. id be a bit fucked off with no shorts, but unlike the previous places we actually have aircion so I don't really give a shit
if your office is 25°c+ with no aircon, you're a fucking nobhead if you don't let people wear shorts.
It's work, not some party hostel.
If received wisdom and historical precedent was for employees to drink their own piss, you'd be running your methane smelling gob trying to explain why the new generation were a bunch of feckless shirkers, despite spending most of your working life eating chicken fillet rolls in service stations.
fuck, I meant ammonia, you can tell I put my shorts on when I got home :charm:
That has to be the worst look going.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
The American dream .Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
You're not wrong, it's like the old man "casual wear" shit you see advertised in Sunday broadsheets.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
Is this from Luca's stag do?Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
:D
That's one thing that was only sorted recently in our office building. Everyone moaned it was hot so the hallkeepers shut all the windows and soon it was freezing, cos the aircon was finally allowed to work. Thankfully I'd booked a private office to do interviews in so I turned the aircon off in there and opened the window to enjoy the lovely 29 degree warmth from outside on my bare legs and forearms.
Barney has now been signed off for two weeks with not only the broken arm previously reported, but also a broken wrist and two broken ribs. All from 'losing his balance' during a customer visit. How hard is the ground in Northern Ireland?
Is Barney angling for compensation?
You sure he didn’t ‘lose his balance’ in inverted commas, rather than actually losing his balance? He hasn’t come back with a monstrously big order at a great price for the customer or anything?
We're honestly all baffled. We even started doing JFK-style simulations earlier to see if we could recreate the type of fall that would break all of those bones in a healthy 34 year old man.
Maybe he called them Irish in Mutantards.
My boss keeps saying he's definitely leaving (after 39 years) and the department is completely underinvested in and lacks support. Seems like we're not far off all being made redundant tbh and I'm nowhere near my target of £1.5m...mainly because there's me, an admin person and two engineers. £1.5m!
Are you allowed to cross the road at lunchtime yet?
Targets are lol sometimes. The Arab's target this year is £3.5 million which is completely unrealistic. I told him they're exploiting him because his visa status means he can't leave the company, but he won't have it, and thinks it just means they believe in him.
Most of the time they are based in absolute fantasy and delusion. Mine was because it's what the department needed to have a successful year on top of remedial work. Logical, but not when you consider there's no support, no marketing, no staff, no productisation etc.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Surely if you recognise they're exploiting staff you recognise you should bolt?Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
You mean I shouldn't work for a company/management that looks to squeeze where it can on potentially shaky ethical grounds? That will leave me short of prospective employers.
That is what I mean, yeah. Why would you accept that? The entire world isn't as shady as you're making out.
It is. Anyone running a profitable company is a shady cunt. "Business" is gross.Quote:
Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
Let's say you go for a new job, value yourself at £40k, are offered £35k, eventually you accept an improved offer of £38k. Are they unethical? Well, for having tried to obtain your services for less than what they were ultimately prepared to pay, yes they are. Are you a sellout? Well, for accepting less than your own perceived worth, yes you are. Is this business and does it work for both parties? Yeah.Quote:
Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
I guess you don't value yourself that highly then.
https://i.imgur.com/LmK1yLy.png
I'm a MHFA again. :youpi:
I've got four hours of online courses to do before the end of the week: Unconscious Bias, Modern Slavery, DSE, Mental Health Awareness. One down, three to go and I'm on the verge of throwing in the towel but we've been told we won't qualify for maximum bonus if we don't complete on time. Blackmail.
Is that yearly or monthly? :cab:Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
I get £8 a month to be a (non-mental) first aider at our office. The only time something happened (just a fainting) I was working from home. :D
LOL now the CEO of the part of Group that I'm in is leaving. Been told there's no investment coming and we can't increase our head count. This is dumb.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
Overtime confirmed for next month. It's never going to end. :drool:
Double bubble?
I only bother with weekends so it's double or time and a half.
That’s back pay cos they hadn’t been paying me since I changed roles. It’s £8 a month and involves literally nothing.Quote:
Originally Posted by CJay
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
You guys are getting paid?!Quote:
Originally Posted by CJay
I know. I'm angry about it too. I want £8 a month to go with the giant book.
All fun and games until something happens. A security guard at my old work had a heart attack and I (along with others) had to give him CPR until the Ambulance turned up.Quote:
Originally Posted by CJay
He survived and it's a good feeling knowing you have saved someone's life, but I let my first aid qualification expire after that and I'll never renew it. The noises he was making, the colour he went, the intense pressure... for £8. No. Never again.
Aside from that the only other things I ever had to deal with was a peanut allergy flaring up (called an ambulance), sickness and diarrhea (no, I'm not going in the women's toilet to deal with that, send her home ffs) and a 60+ year old with stomachache (I'm not a Dr, what do you want from me, go home).
Now, being a Fire Warden. That was a cushy ride.
Are people actually signing up to that shit for the money? I assumed it was just some token fee.
Two lads in my team had fire warden forced on them and there’s since been two fire drills were afterwards an email went round saying how terrible the drills went and if it had been a real fire, there would have likely been serious harm done. Nobody seems to have rumbled that they went out of their way to slow things down and do things wrong, in attempt to have the extra responsibility (for no financial benefit) removed.
We have first aid stuff and mental health stuff (which is likely unpaid) a bit like my “Carbon champion” sort of thing.
However we also have “emergency response” which they attempted to force onto all of us. It’s a rota system where if shit hits the fan (on just about anything) you get called in and have to deal with it. It’s I think about £100/week when you’re on rota but that could be basically whenever ie even over the festive.
I’ve always pushed it back - unless it’s I’m my contact I’m not interested in that.
One of the guys I work with was on call when a helicopter went down over a decade ago killing everyone. I think he’s still haunted by it. No thank you.
Pretty easy response no?
We were recently told about the accessibility checker in Word. It seems largely pointless so I assume it's for the 'Comic Sans in Pink' wankers but I now see we also have an inclusivity checker too (again, pointless if you're already using your brain). Brav, just give me ChatGPT incorporated Word already, you gimps.
Got my first proper interview for a job ever in half an hour. (Been at the council since turning 16 so basically 10 years and don’t count interviews there)
Gonna be interesting. Over teams rather than IRL which is annoying.
Stream it so we can give you tips in-play.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULqAIbjCsXE
Just found it.
I always wondered what happened to Amigo.
Went well on my end. Job is not really what I thought it was though and the 2nd interviewer taking notes was annoying as fuck
Just had a massive domestic between the Arab and the Russian. One told the other to fuck off for unknown reasons, it then spiralled into an orgy of swearing and gesticulation. Home and away legs in each other's office, five minutes apart. The Russian won 3-2 on aggregate. Absolutely top spectator sport, unfortunately one of the bouts was during a phone call with a customer so I had to advise them that I'd only be able to deal with their enquiry when the shouting and raving calmed down a bit.
They have their own offices?
The sales office is broadly open plan but there are 4 partition 'offices' set into the wall on one side, which go to the manager, the Russian, the Indian and the Arab. I have the best desk in the open plan bit, and the chaff have to make do with the shit positions.
I'm in the office today. There's a man in fitting blinds and he's very bad at it. Clearly not getting any work done today while I watch him swear at window fittings.
The Arab's now sent a teams message round having a whinge, including a line which will surely go down in history: 'Sometimes I feel like a bunch bag around here'.
Turns out my pay bump is almost twice than what I was expecting. :)
There’s an “Asian” woman (I think her family is from Bangladesh but she was born in London) at work who has some absolutely shocking stories about her upbringing and is an absolute warrior. I’m not sure if it’s that, or that she’s actually really physically attractive, or the fact that’s she’s just proper sound (probably a combination of them all) but I fancy her.
She was randomly in the office today and I told her I’m in every Thursday. Well so I am from now on she decided there and then.
Still got it. :baz: :flex: :flirt:
When we had a works “award ceremony” we walked to a pub after it and she was drinking gin like it was ice cold clean water and she was back in the Bangladeshi slums. Actually I think that’s the main reason I like her.
I put all of my pay into pension in April and may on purpose. Then shoved it back to normal on early June.
Paid today and it’s the same as April and may. It’s becoming increasingly more likely I’ve inadvertently set my salary to go to pension this year. :moop:
If I'm understanding that right how minted are you that you can just casually chuck all your salary into pension instead of getting it and not even notice?
I noticed it was happening, I did it on purpose (for the first two months of the tax year). I just assumed I could swap it back for the rest…. But that didn’t seem to work.
Going to phone them next week and find out if I’ve fucked it.
In more important news my work often has azeri expats in the office, and for the second time there is a ridiculously attractive lady in my wider team. Are Azeri women the most beautiful in the world or am I just getting a false representation?
Oh I thought you meant you'd accidentally been doing it for a while (before you then did it on purpose) but hadn't noticed.
Ha nah. A few years ago a senior lady indicated exactly that had happened, and I was like “how the hell does that happen?”.
Easier than it looks.
I just spoke to a Rosemary West.
Going with "Rosemary" is a good try, but really you need to be getting married ASAP. Or divorced, I guess, if you did this to yourself. Jesus. That must be a tough life.
Any time they are referenced now I get "sharp dressed man" stuck in my head ffs.
My wife's uncle was their lodger for a time. Based on the reports, he definitely had a go on old Rose whilst Fred manned the peep hole.
Said Fred was a real nice fella :D
Your Family Tree is mental. In the right hands it could solve every cold case going.
That's nothing mate, my dad introduced me to Wayne Larkins (paging @Jimmy Floyd), when they were both delivering for Littlewoods in the same depot. He was putting catalogues in the back of his transit and seemed grumpy, but you would be I suppose.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
My dad once washed Jimmy Saville's car. Sir Jim'll went off to get some ice cream for the lads but my dad sodded off. A great decision in retrospect.
Google says Wayne Larkins is some cricketer, what's he done to get sandwiched into a conversation between Jimmy Saville and the West's?
He probably took a while working his way through the ice cream line.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
https://www.theguardian.com/society/...day-week-trial
The state of the ginger Tory nonce and his comments.
I arrived into Toulouse this afternoon, along with the boss (from those who remember our Spanish trip getting on for 2 years ago). The boss is an east end wide boy kind of a dealer, clinging on to his position within the company after South Africans cut his pay. These days he's 73 so in some senses still a young buck, but openly fearing his imminent axeing to be replaced by me, creating a slightly awkward dynamic to say the least. As such, on this trip, as well as our own customers we're visiting a couple of other companies who are his side hustle customers for a new venture he's started with his son. Told me to keep it hush-hush.
Upon landing in Toulouse, he opens his phone, and his cancer-ridden wife has a message for him. It sounds serious. He rings off. 'My son's been lifted,' he says. That means arrested, and is still in a police station awaiting questioning. He speculates as to what he might have done: 'Fighting? I dunno.' He makes a call. 'Hi, Pedro. Could you find out what's going on? It's urgent.' Pedro, to his credit, quickly comes back with news. 'It's this bird he used to live with,' reports the boss. 'Says he gave her a whack. Got a bit rough with her.' Anyway, there's no evidence, he says, so he's sure he'll be released tonight. Time for some steak frites.
Created absolute war at my old place by finally raising a big concern that occurred when I worked there. Speaking to their people manager and/or CEO tomorrow via phone and they may wish to hold a meeting in the future regarding it too.
This isn't the place to skimp on details. Come on, be more Floyd.
It depends on how the call goes tomorrow, I'll put the details in here if I can post it. I have threatened to go the social route, papers etc.
Narc Soldier.
My afternoon consisted of 2 home visits:
Home visit 1 was interrupted by a phone call from his doctor saying he needs to come in for a biopsy, because they think he may have colon cancer.
Home visit 2 was around a 14 year old with lupus, having chemo, light therapy, hairloss, depression and a suicide attempt.
Happy, happy days.
Met Katie Piper today.
It's always lupus.
That's good tbf.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
Call went well anyway, ongoing process, they will come to me next week with what they believe the next steps will be, need to speak to HR, legal etc. Taking it very seriously as they should. Once its all done with and if I can I'll type it all up in here.
Tease.
Spent today mostly cold-calling moody joints in the backstreets of Marseille. Sometimes I have to admire my own adaptability. Other times I think I should just get a different job.
Isn't that place a war zone at the moment [or just generally]?
Assuming French garages have similar demographics to ours, I don't think you'll find many of the rioters there.
Don't think I'd be heading into the projects that loom large in every sense at the top of the hill on your way in, but the rest of it's OK. It does seem a lot livelier than anywhere else I've been in France. A lot more of a football city than anywhere else, too, at least if my spidey senses are to be trusted.Quote:
Originally Posted by niko_cee
Yeah, Marseille definitely has a different feel to most other places I've been in France. Bit of old fashioned menace.
We just drove into the city with a view to going to a 'cous cous restaurant' that the boss remembers being good about 20 years ago. Now, I should explain: this guy doesn't accept/believe evidence in front of him, only his own vague drink-addled memory. This means he won't ever look up where the restaurant is and go to it, he'll just drive to somewhere near where he thinks it is and see if he can see it on the way past. So as we randomly drove through various neighbourhoods which did not contain said restaurant (It's fackin gone!), my attempts to suggest (via google) actual restaurants that exist all fell on both literally and figuratively deaf ears. Eventually on the way back out of the city he drove us into what looked like someone's house because he saw people 'sitting down'. He went inside and said people confirmed it was not a restaurant.
90 minutes later we have ended up back in the hotel having a sandwich. Love the guy. My favourite boss.
He just walked into someone's house? :lol:
Jesus. He needs another reason to live. :D
People are setting up restaurants in their houses now tbf.
I went to a lovely place in Belgium a couple of months back:
https://www.rijkderzinnen.be/
It kind of had an open front and two black guys were sitting at a table eating, with an older white guy sitting on a futon further back. It might have been some hippy house or something. But it definitely wasn't a fucking restaurant.
On my travels around France in 2016 I confirmed that Marseille was a bit of a dump.
See also, Lille.
Lens was quite cool though, but Bordeaux clearly the best I visited closely followed by Nice.
I thought Marseille had the weather going for it?
It's slightly unlike anywhere I've ever been. Beautiful weather, port, hillside projects, quite nice to look at, rough and ready and lively as fuck. Saw a burned-out bus on the drive earlier. The only comparison in my head (and this is pathetic) is King's Landing. I imagine it better reflects the likes of Casablanca on the other side of the Med.
The boss managed a wonderful final salvo on our trip. The very last customer we were going to see was some rectifier buried deep in the middle of Marseille. The boss said he remembered going there a few years ago and being thrown out at the door, but he thought it was worth another cold call to see if we had more luck this time. I didn't know the place but I put the company name into Google to find out exactly where it was. An address came up on various aggregator / yellow pages type sites, but the company itself had no website, which made me a bit concerned. Eventually I managed to get into the French version of Companies House to find that the company had been liquidated in 2013. I told the boss this and he said 'No chance, I was there in 2019, they threw me out at the door. You're going in and doing the talking this time.' So we (I) drove there, ducking and diving in the streets of Marseille, to this place where there may once have been an engine workshop. Sure enough, it was now an empty building with someone living in a flat above it.
The boss said oh well, and we moved on. I asked him if that was the same place he got thrown out of in 2019. He said 'no, I was fibbing. I never went there'. Was that some weird attempt at gaslighting, or is he just a fucking moron?
Both.
Senile dementia.
Got offered it. Turned it down.Quote:
Originally Posted by Waffdon
We go again.
someone stole my niknaks
They're in Aldi now. Nibbly Nobblys :drool:
Our fire service are recruiting at the moment and it's very tempting to have a bash. It'd involve a paycut but riding around with the boys on a 4 days on, 4 days off schedule (aka the return of the sesh) doesn't half sound like a great life. That's before you bring in the benefits of having eternal hero status and early retirement.
I'm definitely enjoying what I do at the moment but an office will never be the ideal environment for me. It's a tough one but I figure I might as well apply and see how I feel down the line as the deadline is at the end of the month.
How likely are you to melt?Quote:
Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
In Jersey? As close to zero as you can get. We've just had a gas explosion disaster so now is a great time to get on board whilst prevention is top priority.
The worst part of the job is that they deal with dead bodies. I know one of them and it sounds pretty horrendous.
Get yourself on Documenting Reality to desensitise yourself.
I've decided against it now. It's a bit of a job for life so would cement my future here which I'm not massively sure about. Plus ChatGPT can't put out fires.
At least you gave it plenty of thought.
According to the techbros it can.Quote:
Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
Earned my first ever commission this month. £229.51 on sales of £180,000. I am swimming with the fucking large fishes out here.
The Arab got nothing as his target is ludicrously high. He's going on a three-week trip to the Kingdom to try and make ends meet. He's launched a bitter complaint to anyone who will listen (me) that the company won't let him expense his cigarettes while there. Talk about losing battles.
Are you selling at a 1% profit margin?
What percentage is that? 0.15%? What's the standard in your racket? In the glory days when I was a conductor it was 5% and mobile sales were a pipe dream, ticket barriers unheard of up in Cumbria. Only took £2000 on a busy day mind but not to be sniffed at for simply doing your job.
Average gross margin on that stuff is 56%. It's just a pitiful structure we're on. If I can get the boss to retire and take over Europe then that's where the money is.
For UK it's set at 0.625% of profit. The offer I had to do Central America it was 2.5% of profit if you hit the target. Arab is on 1% for some reason, I think he's just a mug.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
Microsoft Outlook Reactions need to get in the bin. I can just about tolerate them in Teams Chat (dancing emoji reaction to Christmas Do booking, for example) but getting an email every few days telling me someone has put their thumb up to me doing my job? No thank you.
Not that I disagree with the sentiment but I'm assuming there's a way to turn off reaction notifications. I also vaguely remember that they would introduce the setting where you don't allow reactions on the ones you send, but I am not sure if that's in or not.
That said, I just dislike Outlook altogether. It often feels way too clunky.
There is not.Quote:
Originally Posted by Adramelch
However, I have now created a rule to delete them. :youpi:
Thankfully I don't think they can be allowed in my work or maybe nobody's cottoned on to them yet or yeah, that shit would be getting rules'd right into the bin.
Similarly, anyone that tries to request a read receipt gets their email automatically put to the bottom of the priority pile.
Do (any of) you get to see how the profit is calculated if you hit your targets? Not that I'm accusing your firm of dumbing down the numbers to pay less bonus or anything...Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
I delete anything with URGENT in the title without reading it.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
I inherited a guy who I ultimately had to get rid of who used to send every email marked as High Importance. He had no clue that it just pissed people off and was counter productive as if everything is claiming to be high importance, nothing is.
"Sorry little Timmy died, but in my defence..."Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
My work emails are currently in the midst of a Reply All clusterfuck. With a GDPR breach thrown in for good measure.
We can see the cost and the revenue (and we are at the coal face of getting the revenue so it can't be hidden), so on the face of it it's pretty simple. However, a while ago me and the Arab deduced that since the South African private equity lot took over, they 'load' the cost with an extra invisible 4% which the company keeps and ultimately counts against our commission. The reason we found out was that they accidentally pressed the button twice so it was at 8% for a while, which was blatantly obvious and throwing everything out. They then admitted the 4% upon our enquiry. So yes, there is some underhandery afoot but at least we found out about it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Yevrah
My old company did exactly that, and I guess it's commonplace. The cost the staff see is not the cost. They'd put >10% on some stuff.
Yeah, imagine it's probably common but the fact that we didn't do it previously under the management of former owner Evil Capitalist-Bastard made me wonder.
That happened with us, it was the new MD's idea but he decided to just implement it in one fell swoop thinking nobody would realise the sudden increased costs across the board, but the staff who predated him cottoned on immediately and there were borderline riots at their lost commission. My office (Newcastle) were talking about inviting the MD up and enacting a coup before the non-sales staff reminded them that would be ludicrous, so they pivoted to doing a Super League type thing and just breaking away and going it alone (the office used to be an independent but was absorbed by this bigger national company a few years previous) but again nothing came of it, sadly.
Outlook reactions are great. They save a reply.
If it's spurious it'll be some arbitrary number plucked out of someone's arsehole to reduce bonuses, but if it's legit it'll be the share of central/indirect costs deemed appropriate for that rep/department/whatever.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben
The former absolutely. They weren't clever enough to figure out all the associated costs.
Given how your place works I'm inclined to think there's some element of reducing the payment artificially in there but if there isn't it may not have been done before due to a shit/lazy finance department. Recharges are common place and if done properly help you assess how much each department is actually making when ALL costs are taken into account.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
If no reply is sent, presume the equivalent of 'okay.' You don't need to put your thumb up.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
"...email is not an appropriate way to communicate clinically urgent information".Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Indeed. Ask Raoul Moat's victims.
My ten year old financial brain tells me that when our contracts state that the commission is calculated from gross income, then we shouldn't expect other costs to go in there. However what you're now going to do is explain to me why I'm wrong, and this is why accountants have a sort of hegemonic grip on 21st century life that I'm afraid can only be solved by the mass murder of everyone who has ever qualified.Quote:
Originally Posted by Yevrah
Haha. It depends specifically what the contract says as to whether they're pulling a fast one or not ("Gross income" alone doesn't really mean much). Generally speaking though it's bad practice and/or demotivating to target or reward people based on what they can't control or influence and you presumably can do neither of those things when it comes to central costs (if that's what they are). If it were me (keeping within the spirit of your scheme) I'd be measuring you on sales and paying out on Gross Profit (sales less the cost of those sales) and avoiding any overheads entirely (even direct ones e.g. yours). There are other methods to control the latter that are more appropriate and it keeps the scheme simple, transparent and motivates people to push on and earn more - a win-win for everyone involved.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
I suspect you've just encountered a lot of shit accountants, who while technically good don't understand people or business that well. There are a lot of them about so it wouldn't surprise me.
The other problem your business may be inadvertently causing by targeting people on sales alone (if I've understood that correctly) is encouraging people to meet those targets by 'winning' a lot of shit margin business. Again, pretty dysfunctional and something you'd want to avoid. You could avoid it to some degree by paying out on gross profit (ignoring whatever the other wank is), which would in theory encourage people to drive a harder bargain on prices, but I suspect what is happening with the other shit in there is that people don't really know what their bonus will be until it lands and are therefore disengaged from maximising it, which in turn isn't maximising the profit the company could be making.
I should have clarified, income in this context means profit, not revenue.
My commission contract (and I think all the other ones, though the percentages vary) says this:
Of course this would allow for the net of sales to be whatever they determine it to be, rather than what it actually is.Quote:
25% of 2.50% of gross profit (net of sales) in respect of product sales in the Territories for ALL sales, only once sales exceed 100% of the agreed annual budget as set out in Schedule 1
Such a bizarre way to word things. Why 25% of 2.5%? What does Gross Profit (net of sales) even mean? EDIT: It's akin to saying Premier League points net of games played.
If you know the answers to those questions I'm genuinely curious, but either way there simply shouldn't be any overhead costs in the calculation if you're paid on a percentage of Gross Profit, or as it is a percentage of a percentage of gross profit. The only costs included should be those that are directly attributable to making and/or buying and selling the product.
Think I've worked out the net of sales bit, I'm assuming they mean gross profit is measured as the net of (profit on) sales, but that is far from the way to explain things even to accountants, let alone to those who're not. EDIT: Essentially they're mixing different types of profit with that description, gross and net. Perhaps deliberately so as you say Jim.
I have no idea, if this company ever communicates with you in writing at all (which they try to avoid at all costs) it's always both late and baffling. I remember when they brought flexi-time in (or the lol watered down version of it that we have) they handed out agreements containing the new rules but told us on no account to sign them.
There's absolute uproar at work today cos a company-wide bulletin has gone round that includes promotion for a new vape shop, and the same bulletin has a lengthy statement from my colleague calling for the ban of disposable vapes. :lol:
Vapes are bizarre stuff. They seem to have little correlation to (ex) smokers, but have been taken up en masse by every jumpy impulsive oddball who can't sit still that I know.
Kids think they're cool too.
Feels like more of them are vaping now than kids smoking back in the day.
Alcohol licensing applicants stating they will not sell single items over 6.5% ABV must think I'm thick. I swear if that goes through, they'll just tape two cans of Kestrel together and call it a multipack.
Some twat I have had a long running feud with (over a decade) has just started crying about changes to the way information is sent to him and it is due to outside decisions that can't be changed, absolutely fucking glorious lads :cool:
Might take a half day holiday and just bask in his frustration for the remainder.
I'm hiring for the first time. Quite an interesting group of applicants so far and interesting to see how people value themselves salary wise. Range between 45-100k.
I'll do it for 90k. WFH. E-See you Monday.
I fucking loved hiring. I've only done it once, and for cricket rather than 'business', but the range of applicants was genuinely amazing. 70% of them south Asian no hopers with absolutely no qualifications to do anything like the position advertised. Several blokes working in a supermarket who think they can step into a head coach role with zero experience because they 'fancy a change'. Then a few ludicrously over-qualified former pros giving England players as references. From about 60 applicants, there was literally one person who fitted what we wanted, and he's still with us five years later.
Upper range is 75 sorry.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
With this job as well 95% are actually Indian as well (statistics/coding background needed). Only one woman at the moment.
Went in for A-Level results today. Results are pretty average this year it seems, very few standouts. My absolute favourite moment was seeing the stony face of a girl storming away from the school to her parents. She'd been one of the head students, very clearly fancied herself, thought she was it. Pointed this out to a colleague, who informed me she got Cs across the board. Glorious - big brother got all A* and went to Oxbridge and bet she'd been banking on the same :D .
Fine. I'll settle for 75. My Indian accent isn't up to much, but you get what you pay for.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
Just give it your best Prabhakar 'yes Keeks Baba £75k a year sounds very good indeed' *humps the air graphically*
😂
Look keeks I gave you the Luna heads up bro I'll happily take it for 150k a year just holla yeah
Can you do SQL and Anti money laundering and do you want to live in Berlin?
Yes to all of them. I have Google.
Ok. See you on Monday.
Bastard.
Get fuckt spikes
DS monstering the fetish scene in Berlin making fat stacks of cash, that's board content you can't turn down.
I'll be in full gimp suit drinking piss at Berghain within a month
Just spent a deeply fulfilling three days giving people slightly different computers to the ones they already have. It never ceases to amaze me how even people who use computers for most of their shift every day can be so utterly terrified of getting a new one.
The worst that happens is the initial setup goes sideways and you get an afternoon off waiting for tech support to fix it. Get a grip.
It's change, Ian. Change should be abolished.
I've been called up by the MD to accompany him to a Surrey Chamber of Commerce golf day next week. He's also given me a company branded polo shirt and cap to wear to it. Of all the things I've ever done, this might be the worst.
What day is this? Need to pop a reminder in my calendar to check the thread for your post about it.
We need, at the very least, a picture of the merch laid out on a bed or something.
We’re going to need you to model them for us.
At my place I'm the 'champion' of the newish system they use to access payslips, personal and company info etc. Which boils down to they didn't want their managers being busy getting this information or changing peoples personal data as it takes up valuable bollocking time.
The response is to roll an app out and my job is to essentially help people install it and set it up on their phones. I'm sure this is a GDPR nightmare. I can attest to the blind panic of even the simple act of installing it again because they've a new phone. Every payslip day I know there's the same few people who will come back to me having forgot the password they set the month previous. And of course they couldn't possibly attempt to change it without my help.
I can't do that as it would give away who my employers are, but suffice to say they've printed the company name around the right-hand leaf of the collar, and vertically down the peak of the cap. It's a true style bloodbath.Quote:
Originally Posted by niko_cee
Listen, IT Cunt. You lot don't know what you're doing. To you it's just a new laptop. To me, it's every system forgetting my login details, the mouse being sightly more/less responsive, having to pair my headset again. Oh, what's that, another update? Wait, why do I need 2FA to use the fucking calculator now. Oh cool, a new email, Oh, no, it's just another Phishing test.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
Leave us alone you horrible bastards. We have actual work to do.
What colours it? :D
I set 300 colleagues up to work from home virtually when Covid hit. Oversaw a team of 6 doing it. Worst nightmare I've ever fucking experienced. The amount of people that don't even know what a browser is is baffling so asking them to install Teams and internal systems was fucking horrendous, all via phonecall.
Spikey is definitely one of those who asks "But can it run my Facebooks" when he rings IS.
Did you not have remote admin privileges set up, DS?
I don't phone them unless it is completely unavoidable. I also have 2 A levels in ICT, tyvm ttfn livelaughlove.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Soldier
Nope. I technically wasn't IS, our entire IS operation was one guy so they banged me on it as a Senior. So it was literal they get laptop delivered, me and my team ring them.and guide them.throigh downloading everything over the phone and inputting proxies etc. Took an average of one to two hours per call as half of them were Karens who wanted to talk about the weather.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
Absolute fucking crapshoot.
Alright Mavis, have a cup of Ovaltine and settle the fuck down.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
My brother did IT help desk for quite a while and he said that the majority of people when asked to restart their computer would turn the monitor off and on again.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Soldier
When people ask me if they can disable 2FA I reset their password as a bonus for the sheer impudence.
Yep, absolutely. Luckily we're able to catch them in the lie because we can see when their computer restarts so if they lock it or just log out we can tell them to actually do what was asked of them.Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
At DuPont a Corporate Vice President responded with 'Whats that?' when I asked him to open the My Documents folder on his Desktop.
I spent today reminding someone to lock their PC when they left their desk. Other than that, my trainees are usually clued in enough.
Life was a revelation learning windows key + L
Windows key + L is a top 5 shortcut I reckon.
Windows key + D must be a close second.
It's finally happened. Barney has handed in his notice and taken a job installing fibreoptic broadband.
Victory is mine.
I'm giving Barney the win on this one.
He has to work with the general public every day. He's definitely not winning.
Barney seems to me, at least via the portrait you have painted of him over the years, to not be well suited to anything requiring a modicum of technical skill.
They're unlikely to be French though.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Barney is the one who fell and broke his arm, right? He's going to be installing broadband? Doesn't that usually involve going up a ladder these days?
He has to go to people's houses, drill holes in their walls, splice cable together and lay it down to where they want the router. If he doesn't fall over again by day 3 I'll be shocked.
"Finally got that £44k a year you wanted? No... Oh okay."
Barney living his best life.
I've just realised he might be working with Magic and/or Henners. The victory is somewhat on the ropes.
Does he come across as handy?Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Is he the really old lad that Jim travels with?
Nah he is Jim's office nemesis.
Dealing with a swarm of flesh-eating ants would be better than dealing with most of the people you describe, Jimmy. Not saying Barney's in for a dream life or anything but it'll have its benefits.
I fully expect Barney to drill through a water pipe on his first day.
The Arab (fresh from a 4 week business trip to the Kingdom, rather him than me) declared that Barney is an idiot because the job isn't even on a fixed salary. You don't get assigned a job that day, you don't get paid. He's probably not wrong.
Surprised they haven't implemented that at your spot, if you don't sell anything you don't get paid.
"We've implemented a policy where any time you spend working in sunny countries is unpaid as that's basically a holiday.
Incidentally, Jimmy, please find enclosed your travel documents. We're sending you to Kenya."
Good news then that my next trip (in about a month's time) is to the opposite of a sunny country, Poland.
I mean, they're having a heatwave over there.
Has been 30c a few days lately.
Although September is usually quite cool.
The old fella taking Jim to a bar for lunch in Krakow where there is a stripper on the table :D
Plenty of prostitutes on the roads too for him.
Tough for you Jim. Fantastic looking women with square headed meatheaded men. No eyecandy phwoar etc.
About 40% of the boss's stories revolve around motorwayside knocking shops in the mid 90s. Probably still beats the Arab's dad, who refused a prostitute supplied for him by a customer in Egypt and lost a $100,000 order as a result.
Fun fact.
Prostitution is legal in Poland and it's the only profession in the country that isn't taxed.
And I thought a guy I know having to eat squid to avoid offense and close a deal was tough.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Barney having a massive barney about the fact he hasn't been paid any commission this month.
Probably because you handed in your notice the day before payday, you fucking moron.
Justice for Barney.
Schoolboy error from the Barnster.
Since Barney's fucking off, his one commission territory - Ireland - will soon be up for grabs. The runners and riders sweepstakes has truly begun while he's still here. First of all the two shithouse UK sales blokes (the blokes) made it clear they were each up for taking it. Then (and I'm not sure how this happened) rumours started that I would be getting it. They asked me if I wanted it. I said sure, I'd do it if asked, but happy to go with whatever the company decides. This made them seethe about as they were hoping I'd say no, but I wasn't born yesterday.
Next thing that happens is that in front of everyone, the Arab suddenly pitches to the sales director that he wants Ireland. The blokes started seething and argued that since he has Iraq, UAE and Saudi Arabia, why should he randomly get Ireland as well? The Arab claimed that he likes the Irish because they 'talk a lot', as does he.
It'll be fascinating to see which way this goes. I don't really want it, I think I'll be a bit too Trevelyan to do well over there, but the Arab attempting it in between trips to the Kingdom would be hilarious.
Please tell me you're going to say 'break a leg' to Barney as he leaves for the last time.
Surely you’d rather frequently go to Ireland than Poland.
There's about five times the money in Poland.
Poland is mega you cunt.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
I've just been to a meeting with a tenants Social worker and carer at the tenants request. It turns out that she wanted me there because they "gang up on" her and I'm her only friend. Now, considering I've only met her twice -Once to deal with her ASB and once to deal with a complaint about her neighbour - I think this might be the saddest thing I've ever encountered.
How alone do you have to be to think a half-interested Housing Officer is your best friend?
That is a bit tragic. Actually so.
Jimmy, give us a story about one of the awful people you work with to lift the mood, please.
Had a pretty bad interviewee today. I don't know why you wouldn't do some basic research on the domain topic before applying.
It's your own fault for hyping Spikey up.
Well, the Arab spent a lot of today refuting the findings in The Origin of Species, if that counts. 'Darwin was just one scientist.'Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
Is he wrong, Jimmy? Is he wrong?
Say what you like about the man. He's nailed counting.
There was once a guy on the train to an interview for a job as a conductor who had decided to do his research on his way in, quizzing the conductor. He didn't get the job.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
Why was that seen as a bit too pro-active?
He should have sent a replacement bus driver.
What would you need to do research on?Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
Yes, the most proactive approach trying to find out answers that would score well in an interview from someone trying to sell hundreds of tickets on a busy commuter service, as well as operate the doors etc.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
I'd reckon most current employees wouldn't know the top scoring interview answers without bothering to look them up. For instance knowing how many thousand services the company operates daily etc.
Never mind that they use the STAR interview format anyway so if you cant link all your answers to previous experience of a relevant situation you are doomed.
Trying to attend an interview for a new job around your existing work/calendar (and that of your interviewer) is such a pain. Four rearrangements in one day and now postponed to Wednesday.
Changing jobs is too much hassle.
Just remember to research what the job is first. I've got another one today, hopefully she's better than the last.
I've genuinely just given up with recruitment. We desperately need at least one person and I can't face any more interviews, so I've just put it on hold for a few weeks.
My new person started on Wednesday last week but IT didn’t have a laptop ready for her, and then I’ve been off this week, so she’s been getting paid for nothing. Start as you mean to go on. :cool:
Told you you should have hired me SvN.
When my sister worked in the Scottish government (which is basically Mordor) she did nothing for the first four months because no one could agree whose responsibility it was to provide her with a laptop.
Some of us went to the nearby Italian for lunch today, as we do usually once a month after payday. For what is a really decent bowl of pasta (shoutout Gregg Wallace) and a drink, it's about £16-18.
The Italian woman who works here stalked into the office after we came back - having emailed the whole team beforehand stating that she would not join us - and had a huge rant about how we must all be on massive salaries to be able to afford this luxury. Completely unhinged. If the Arab hadn't spent 10 minutes loudly complaining to the waiter that the onion in his bolognese had not 'melted' sufficiently for his tastes, it might have been the stupidest thing that happened in relation to the meal.
I don't know if it's the same at every workplace but round here you can't even go and have lunch without some stupid bollocks happening.
Well I've worked with sane people so can confirm it's certainly not the same everywhere.
Massive salaries to afford a lunch that is slightly more than an hour of minimum wage work?
And also yes that's really not that much, surely especially in your neck of the woods that's positively bargainous?
Just paid £18 for a steak sandwich. I'm with her.
I go to lunch once a year with my colleagues. This is the way.
Oh no.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Defiantly.Quote:
Thanks so much for this email, I am just reading through things and trying to get to grips with it all.
Yes, it was defiantly an interesting first week, I went into the office yesterday to meet everyone and managed to get my laptop today!
So much for your thorough vetting process.
Did ChatGTP not do a spelling test?
She spelt defiantly perfectly tbf.
Defiance is a great quality in an employee, particularly if Baz is their boss.
If that email was in comic sans, sound the alarm.
If anything it did it on purpose so that it can perfectly blend in with the majority of the population.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike
I think this might be the busiest week of my life. :thbdn:
The South Africans are here this week. I don't think there's anything more cringeworthy than when the chief South African comes into the office and attempts banter.
Gid mooooorning everyone!
*approaches the only woman in the office, who's wearing an orange cardigan*
Naaass to see someone bringing a bit of colour! Not laak all these boring borstards, eh?! *points at all the men*
*silence*
Sounds very Partridge, does the Arab not engage?
The Arab licks his shoes.
Has Barney departed yet?
He's off next Wednesday. The boss is trying to recruit an 'organised older lady' to replace him. I'd kill myself if I heard that when leaving a job.
Probably less prone to falls than the Barnster, to be fair.
My Saffa manager appears to genuinely be nice but it's so hard to believe that's possible. I've only met one before that appeared nice, but he was about 5 foot tall so I imagine he left the country before they caught on how short he was.
I got sent an email by our big dog director saying Lisa from "regeneration" has informed her a pharmacy is closing due to them repurposing a load of buildings.
I emailed my contact at "medicines" asking 'omg WHEN?' cos 22 people use it for methadone, and she was like dunno lol ask Shaun in "regeneration."
I emailed Shaun but he is off, so his PA forwarded it to Lisa (the same one from the start), who replied to me saying 'thank you for informing the regeneration team.'
WHAT?!
Meanwhile 22 people can't get their medicine so might start taking street drugs again. Praise be.
Baz facilitating my News Thread predictions. Good lad. :cool:
I worked with a genuinely very lovely and outgoing white South African about 7 years ago, really chatty and generous and all that shit. We had a work night out towards the end of the year or so I was there, and struggled to tell this anecdote to me and another colleague because he was laughing too much. When he finally managed to regain enough composure to finish, the basic punchline was that he got pissed, crashed his mum's car, then blamed it on one of the black domestic workers they had, and they got fired.Quote:
Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
Institutional racism is a whole different ballpark over there.
I play cricket with a white South African and he said one of the best things about living in the UK is that you don't need ten foot walls around your house "to keep the blacks out".
I also work with an older white gadge whose family run a farm over there and by the sounds of it the black folk employed there are basically slaves, yet the white guys hate them and from what I can gather are hoping for a race war or something because they think if they don't shoot first, they will be wiped out in some sort of genocide. I don't know, the guy is pretty mental all round.
You do though.
Fucking love my new job.
I'm at the end of a week in Berlin at the office. Had to give a mild dressing down to the guy in my team who also does the team days (also not based in Berlin) because he got absolutely blasted again and was completely hungover during the day. No issue with what you do in your own time but if we only get together as a team every 8 weeks and you're basically out of it during the day then it's pointless.
Also, we're doing a bring your kid to the office day this evening so the little one is with me. Looking forward to telling her this is all she has to look forward to when she's older.
What is it?Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
My work tried to do this and they were lolled out of the room. They're enough of a pain in the arse when WFH during the holidays, we don't need the little darlings in the office.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
Work and kids do not mix.
Don't be silly, civilisation will have collapsed by then.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
On that subject, I was reading about something called "The Fourth Turning" last night which is pretty interesting theory.
Also pretty scary if it turns out to be legit.
It’s pretty cool yeah. Think it was predicted to peak in 2020 (arguably not wrong) then culminate with some sort of economic restructuring later in the decade. Bring it on. :cool:
Just means more people will chance their arm with state benefits. :cool: / :uhoh:
Actually true.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Without wanting to be too scathing, from initial investigation The Fourth Turning [or Strauss-Howe Generational Theory] sounds a bit like reversed engineered [or teleological] deterministic claptrap.
It may well be, but it's interesting and there does appear to be some logic to it. Time will tell.Quote:
Originally Posted by niko_cee
So this new starter claims to be really academic (basically enjoys reading) yet yesterday said 'learning curb' out loud, and uses the wrong your/you're on Teams chat.
Also told me she's not interested in the admin side of things and wants to research the impact of social media on mental health. Err, do that in your own time, love; you're here to do my admin.
She included her pronouns in her CV, didn't she?
Baz donned by his own underling.
Shouldn't have hired based on looks.
Pink hair and a nose ring for sure.
Absolutely didn’t. My pick was a very attractive non-Caucasian milf.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry
Who we ended up with is a really lovely person, just not a great fit so far. She has already paid her Christmas Do deposit though. :nod:
Don't be a jobsworth, Keeks. If you didn't want to work with people coming down/off their tits, you shouldn't have applied for Mr Manager in a job partly based in Berlin.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
Barney's last day is tomorrow. He just sent a goodbye email to the whole company. Some excerpts:
Working with each one of you has been an amazing journey, filled with unforgettable experiences and friendships. I've learned so much from our collaboration, and I'll carry those lessons with me as I venture into a new career path as a Telecommunications Engineer – a complete change!
For any immediate needs or questions in my absence, please reach out to anyone in the sales team. They'll provide the same level of dedication and expertise you've come to expect.
Although I'll miss our day-to-day interactions, I'm excited about the adventures that lie ahead. I wish each of you ongoing success, both personally and professionally.
ChatGPT giving the true personal touch.
78.39% AI GPT
He wrote the part about reaching out, apparently.
How long has he worked there?
Five years exactly.
The adventures that lie ahead?
Is he expecting some kind of Confessions of a Telecommunications Engineer life?
On that subject, what's happened to Magic?
He died.
Baccine complications.
Gubbed again.
I wish Barney every success in his new career.
He's finally gone now. Had the limpest handshake ever, and tried to take his company laptop with him on the way out. RIP.
In his card I wrote 'I will miss you to some extent'.
Im looking at picking up some extra income, sitting at home on my laptop a few hours on the weekend. Other than pr0n. What options are there?
Fraud.Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
Jesus. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Things that definitely happened. Far too polite to actually do that.
He'll get the joke and laugh. Only that morning he was saying to someone else (in my earshot) how I'd never bother myself to have a drink with him outside work. The inferiority complex is real and he knows it.
I was going to say that's pretty standard leaving card bants. It is where I'm from, anyway. You cheeky Essex boy, Jimmy. Chino's, loafers and no socks. Meet you at 'spoons.
“I’ll miss you at first” is the go to.
I prefer "Who?"
I like ahappy birthdayor similar in there to let them know you care
Mine's usually a variation on, "All the best."
We had loads of fun this morning. While Barney was here, four of us shared 25% each of the domestic sales commission pot, as we are the ones who handle those sales. Barney having departed, the sales manager pulled in the remaining three of us: me, Dave 1 and Dave 2. Dave 1 is a very solid geezer; Dave 2 is a bitch, and on this occasion was dialling in as he decided to work from home having had a 'rough night', something he does a lot. Anyway, the boss told us that we'll be going up to 33% each of the pot without Barney, but that we need to organise things so that at least two of us are always in the office, as one person dealing with all the phone traffic isn't fair on them. Dave 2 - as mentioned, from home - decided that this would be a good time to suggest that he handles more UK orders than the other two of us and therefore deserves more of the pot.
The lols were long and lustrous.
It's great that you've already found a new Barney.
I've been busy trying to start my own business.Quote:
Originally Posted by niko_cee
What in?Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
An online one. It involves collecting data from users and selling it to business. The catch is the users have to put the data in themselves.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
It's for specific groups and will be sold to a specific industry.
I've no coded my landing page to register interest and if I get enough I'll seek investment to build. Desperate to keep it out of the hands of VC though, I'd rather the investment came from affected communities.
How are you marketing your landing page?
I need to finish it first, then I'll be marketing it at the consumer users in the first instance as without them I'll have nothing to sell.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
I'm doing validation in the meantime with the industry.
Socials, online communities, prominent influencers in said communities.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
Post it here so we can provide valuable data.
Someone's gotta fill the void now that Brand is going to jail
Gubbed 2: GDPR Boogaloo
The Baxxine Chronicles.
She Turned the Bandwidth Against Me.
My place last year changed their absence policy. Levels were through the roof so they made it a lot more horrid to combat it. I was on a written warning when they did this but was riding it out. Managed to get to just about a month before it expired when the chest problems I had in May-ish happened. The problem being is that they give absolutely zero fucks why you are off(unless it's a childcare emergency). You were not at work for any reason and it's an absence. If you're already on a warning and have a single further occasion of absence for whatever reason, you're in for disciplinary action again and onto the next highest warning.
Well despite having been signed off by my GP for the May incident, I was pushed to a final warning, which I appealed and was still upheld. Cut to August and I felt shit again so visited the doctor, who has started monitoring my blood pressure etc, but told me I was best to take my self-cert days and go back to work. While I was off I tried to help out at home and almost immediately pulled a muscle in the bottom of my back. Probably manageable if I had an office job, but I do not, so my GP signed me off and I was off for near a month.
That's lead to today being up for dismissal. Leaving the place would be strange after 8 years, but it's not that, that would overly bother me. It's the potential for a lot of bad conversations with the Universal Credit people that will come next that does. They expect I think 30 hours of work(or a total income of just over £1000 between you) per month to be happy to leave you to it.
My Mrs is a teaching assistant and as such doesn't get pay in August because the schools aren't open. As soon as she didn't get paid as expected in August they were demanding to know why and what she was doing to find a job to pick the extra back up. That's one thing, but if they decide to they can start withholding money and include sanctions once they find out I was fired.
So in short, if I'm fired I could be very screwed.
#SweatshopDiaries
Those health problems sound stress related. Take it as a blessing and get yourself a fresh start at a better place. Is the money outstanding or can you just get a shop/delivery job and be okay?
This is one of the jobs the boomers would say "we av all these fackin imagrants bcoz inglish peepol don't want the ard jobs" about.
And rightly so. Fucking leave, lad.
I have absolutely no clue about employee protection laws in the UK, but is it not illegal to count sick leave as absence that can lead to disciplinary action/dismissal?
If it is it's news to me.
Well that's depressing.
Not sure if this is a only the Barrow site but worth looking for jobs at BAE systems if there is a site within commuting distance, even via an agency (the way a lot get started). Due to AUKUS being the new government brown envelope factory the money taps are very much turned on right now, to the point in Barrow there is a massive shortage of teachers because why bother with that shit when BAE are paying their cleaners £20 an hour standard and £50 and hour weekend rates?
I think there is some protection for people with long term illness. But people going off for 17 colds a year? No chance.
I've worked places which count it but I think where I'd worked tended to ignore cases where there was a line from the GP. Might be wrong though.
We've had people on long-term sick for three years. :| I'm assuming they're employed in name only as their pay diminishes the longer they're off.
Based on our warehouse, I would say 'fake' sick leave is far more common than actual sick leave, probably by 3 or 4 to 1. You have to have a pretty robust policy on it.
The problem is that people with doctors notes / long term illness are often full of shit too.
That have a system on the railway however it is easily gamed by the professional malingerers, to the point there is/was a rule about instances of sickness per 13 week period and when dragged into a sickness meeting the malingerer in question's defence was to produce his work diary in which had handily noted all the 13 week blocks for the calendar year :D
You would think hybrid working might alleviate some of it. Those two on long-term sick for us have been off since before the pandemic started. Surely you can work a keyboard from home?
At what point does long term sick become dead?
Not quick enough /Tory
Dodged the bullet. Though was told almost as bluntly as the guy could that next time I'm off will likely be that.
Get looking for something else.
Or start going.
Call in sick on Monday.
Can you not just do the mental health scam?
There’s a lad in my team who I’ve never seen at work, but comes to every social event. He’s German but sounds Irish and basically if something involves drinking, he’ll come.
Some other bloke who’sgot sackedsecondment wasn’t made permanent (basically unheard of but politics) has suggested a LADS ONLY night out in November, cos the women were responsible for him leaving, and while discussion is ongoing whether to stay local or branch out to Liverpool, German boyo weighs in with “I’m game either way :cool:”
I’d suggest we became actual friends but he has a ponytail and wears a cap.
I don’t even know what his job is.
70s pornstar by the sounds of it.
Call centre work, dealing with broken down lorries. Drivers/transport managers phone in to say a lorry is broken down, we take the details, and arrange with their base dealership for guarantee of payment, arrange a local company to come and fix it, and do all sorts of follow-ups and all that. Sounds well boring but it's quality, but I think it does suit me - my deranged sleeping patterns and lack of family life means I actually prefer the shifts I tend to do (mostly 2pm-10pmish, with a week of nights every month or so which is 10pm-6am), and my love of idle small talk means I actually enjoy the #banter with the mechanics and truckers. The money is amazing for how easy the job is as well - I'm on 30k, which is actually more than I was on in the really demanding and annoying charity fundraising jobs I was doing previously.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Probably a lot of peoples' idea of hell but it's wicked.
'Woah what's that mate? Is that your wallet on a chain? Can't be too careful can you mate.'
'yeah i know it keeps it safe'
*pissing themselves when he leaves*
Me and the boss landed in Warsaw earlier. Already by that point we had eaten at the 'Caviar Club' or something in terminal 5 after he failed to blag his way into the Qatar Airways lounge (we weren't flying with Qatar Airways). We got the hire car which is a Renault Megane. He asked for a diesel but apparently there are no diesel cars in Poland. He drove us to the hotel because he knew the way. He knew the way so well that fifteen minutes later we were driving down a bicycle lane, then the wrong way up a one-way street and being screamed at by horrified pedestrians. We parked up and a group of taxi drivers asked him what he thought he was doing. He said 'me foreign, yes?' about six times and then refused to pay for parking.
Eventually we got in and I told him we're eating in the hotel, as I couldn't face any more stress. He had a whisky sour and I had a beer. Looking at the menu, he asked me what pierogi are. I told him they are dumplings but he didn't believe me (they are dumplings). He asked the waitress how many were in the serving. She said eight and he said oh, no, that's not enough for an evening meal. He then ordered a fried fish pizza with a side of chips. He ate half the pizza and didn't touch the chips, which were 'surplus to requirements'. I had pasta. I paid. He spent the meal telling me old stories including typical boss phrases like 'Lebanese gold', 'slice of the cake' and his seminal catchphrase 'better than a wet fucking fish in a kitchen sink'.
Tomorrow, after paying the parking fine, we've got three customers to see.
Did you tell your neighbour you're away?
Try some flaki if you can find it, will change your life.
Do the bosses spend big on food because there's a budget they need to use up?
I was away with work all week, and, whilst using the £22.50 evening meal allowance is easy enough, getting the most out of the tenner during the day is actually a bit of a struggle when you've already done the hotel breakfast in.
The best part of working overtime is being able to get abused outside of 9-5.
It's currently 08:46 on a Monday morning and I've already been called racist by a Muslim man with rent arrears. Apparently he can't be in debt, it's against his faith and we need to get rid of it. He didn't appreciate me suggesting that his religious requirement to remain debt free was his responsibility.
I'm such a filthy gammon.
Thinking back, I don't think that's even the first time I've had that argument. Mental.
Google 1-0 Allah.Quote:
In Islam, debt in itself is allowed.
Google 8-0 AllahQuote:
However, taking debt is not encouraged and there is a firm warning on people who do not pay their debts.
I'm calling him back. LET'S FUCKING GO.
Well I'm just going to assume Spikey is dead now.
RIP., you racist piece of shit.
Fatwa'd.
He won't be missed.
Dipped into my work emails to find out I've got a new employer next year. :moop:
Easiest beheading ever.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
I’ve started adding work people on Facebook under the guise that I add everyone, and can safely add the fit ones.
Works well cos I don’t use it, so don’t mind having boring Joan from finance on there.
Wonder what Mert's up to.
I still have his work email but THE GROUP told me not to email years back.Quote:
Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
Apparently he's married, loves wine and wanks off to the Turkish league.
I had to eat about 2kg of pork and down about 2 litres of vodka tonight. Terrible times. The Poles are animals. They can put roasted meat away like it's water.
That's just most East Europeans lad. When I first visited Romania I was presented with mounds upon mounds of pork, ram and meatballs and they just smashed that shit down like it was air.
Meat :drool:
I found a restaurant once in Croatia which had no menu. They just asked how many grams of (spit roasted) pork you wanted. It was banging.
You drank 3 bottles of vodka to yourself?Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
I'd imagine the "about" and general context clues would suggest he was utilising a technique called "exaggeration for effect" or "hyperbole".
Also minus one point for thinking a bottle of vodka should [presumably] be weighing in at 750ml.
If youre at a polish place that's serving by the bottle they would.Quote:
Originally Posted by niko_cee
Sure, where would hyperbole stop being so because Jimmy's current calculation while spelling perfectly is 48 shots of vodka.Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
I met Mert for a drink when I was in DC for work last year. He’s a lawyer, he’s married, and he’s honestly pretty lovely/normal in person.
All is well with the universe.
I also put down 3 negronis, and then went for a 10 course dinner + pairings afterwards, so my recollection might not be perfect…
I had six shots of vodka which is not 2 litres. I apologise for having confused phonics and promise only to use exact measurements in future.
I await the ‘bro I’ll be in St Helens next week if you wanna meet up’ PM.
Up in Solec Kujawski today, real prostitute murder country and there are plenty of potential victims loitering along the road should such a murderer arrive in town. We're so far out of the way that the truck company we visited had its own hotel and adjoining restaurant. The boss sensibly ordered halibut, and now wonders why his stomach is aching. I went for tomato pasta, which even these lads can't fuck up.
Have to credit Poland though, unlike anywhere in western Europe that I can think of it's a country visibly moving in the right direction.
If you have the chance (though I'm guessing you won't? Maybe you can squeeze a dinner in there or something), go visit Torun. Very impressive old town.
Torun is lovely.
I have a job interview on Monday for what is essentially my dream role for where I'm at in my career, but it's in Paris, and I am seriously skeptical of moving to a place filled with Parisians... :moop:
What if you commuted in from <looks at Google Maps> Noisy-le-sec?
The first image when you google it makes it look like a northern council estate :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
https://i.imgur.com/0ZsmId6.png
Purely by chance, I swear. :D
This looks like every Paris "view", just that usually you have something in the far distance that makes it so the landlord can say "with a view of the Eiffel tower".Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
It depends on where exactly in Paris your office would be. The people weren't as bad as I expected/was told, but then again I was only there for a year and it coincided with Covid so maybe I was spared from the full Parisien effect.
Dead center, near Opera metro. I think I would only want to live on the left bank though, maybe all the way down towards 13th.
I lived in L'Hay-les-Roses (southern suburb) and it was great but it was not very well connected in terms of public transport (substantially cheaper rent though, and it was closer to my research center anyway).
Another boss-related disaster today. Starting out in Warsaw at 8am, I put the address of the next customer into the satnav, it was in Poznan (in the west of Poland). Boss said no, that's wrong, they're in Katowice (in the south). I argued, he said no, it's a suburb which has the same name but they're actually in Katowice, I've visited them before. I said but look at the postcode on his email signature, it matches the one in Poznan. He said no, believe me, he picked me up from Katowice airport last time. I said fine, have it your way.
Long story short, they are indeed in Poznan and we're now in Katowice.
:D So much for stopping in Torun then.
Ah well, you can go visit some silver mines instead, I guess. Or, more likely, just drive him back while he refuses to acknowledge he even made a mistake in the first place.
:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Will you be driving to Poznan now or is that customer now done with?
No, we've had to rack him off and going to see a much smaller fish in Czestochowa instead.
I really like this country, the one thing that counts against it is the impenetrable language. I speak 4+ languages to some extent but I can't get this out of my mouth at all. Even the word for thank you is impossible to say.
Religious freak central in Czestochowa.
'Kurwa' is easy enough.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adramelch
What's so bad about Parisians?Quote:
Originally Posted by Bernanke
This question is not open to any of you English lot cause you're all weird as fuck about the French.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/andrewb...for-travelers/Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
The general consensus seems to be that the French will just refuse to speak English to you no matter what (which I don't even personally mind to be honest) and just generally look down on people who don't speak French and that Paris is the worst at that. That wasn't as much my experience. Even people that didn't speak English, tried to use the 5-10 words they did know in an effort to communicate with me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
On the topic of them speaking English: My default response when someone doesn't speak Greek will be to switch to English. I think that's not their default reaction and it might come across as them not wanting to speak English. I had multiple encounters, where young people tried to ask me for directions in French, I replied "Je ne parle pas français" and then we either moved on or tried to communicate with hand signals and stuff. Since they were young (one specific occasion was a 20-25something girl asking me directions for a student dorm), I doubt none of them spoke English. I didn't ask if they spoke English because for me it was a given that they would switch to it since I said I don't speak French, but I think that's just not the case.
Pretty much spot on in my experience. I've had the same feeling in rural France as well as Paris, so I don't think Parisians deserve a bad reputation on this point. Although Paris itself is just wank in my experience, so there's that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Adramelch
Contrast that with Germany for example, who default to English as soon as they discover you're British, even if your German is better than their English (although not normally, they're usually very good). It's just in their nature to be accommodating, whereas French isn't so much (rather like us, then).
Is being this sort of person a requisite for making it in that job / industry or does being in the job / industry just turn you into that sort of person?Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
The French have a real bugbear about what they percieve to be the anglican dominance of western culture in general and I can't blame them really as I can imagine it being like Brexit on steroids here if the reverse was true.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben
The one thing that really baffles me in all of the big European countries is how they can stand watching everything dubbed. In all of Barcelona there was a total of 2 cinemas that played the original versions of movies with Spanish subtitles. Everything else was dubbed.
He means 'Parisians'. Not Parisians.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Parisians are just curt, same as the inhabitants of any mega-city. France is basically a mirror image of England, and Paris is basically like London.
And you should all just learn French.
He (and several of the other regional managers, from what I've seen) seems to thrive on a high-stress existence. If things are calm and running smoothly, he becomes very uneasy (often visibly so) and feels the need to change things or shake the jar to unsteady them again. I am the complete opposite, and spend my life trying to eliminate all stress. As such we actually work very well together but honestly who knows if I'll be able to bring my personality into his job, if/when I get it. Hopefully I will.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
What's the best of the numerous services for learning some basics in a language? And by that I don't mean "maan you got to move and immerse yourself in it". I'm a grown adult with responsibilities.
I reckon Duolingo, whilst annoying as fuck for those around you, isn't bad at the job.
Duo Lingo's decent but I find it really bad for teaching grammar. It's never explicit about it so you're meant to just sort of pick it up as you go but my brain likes rules I can learn.
I agree with Boyd.
I've tried upping my Polish to a better level but it's so hard because I struggle with grammar. In particular choosing the right endings to words (there are 7 cases in Polish so it's a minefield), Duolingo never tells me why X is right as opposed to Y, it just tells me I'm wrong.
Unless you’re gonna benefit financially, there’s no reason to learn a language.
Yeah, I don't know that I would learn one for fun, but they are one of the most marketable skills.
Idiot comment. @Baz
I'm using duo with German and it's massively improved my vocab and can handle basics. I do need to top it up with some actual lessons and grammar books but no time etc.
My French was actually not bad when I lived in Nice back in 2011, so should be able to pick that up fairly quick.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
It would be a big help for work.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Is it something that would work while driving or do you need visuals?Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
If you want something to listen to while driving, get the Michel Thomas stuff. You can get the recordings on various piracy sites instead of paying for the very expensive course but they're good.
You need to be able to use your phone for Duolingo.
Nice one. Maybe a combo of the two would be good.
Everywhere apart from here and US/Canada. I regularly go to Vienna, Cologne and Stuttgart for work and the only time I need to speak German is when asking for the bill in a restaurant. Everyone reverts to English as soon as they know one is about.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
But anyway, I agree, it’s always good to learn another language.
I find the accommodating varies a lot depending on where in Germany you are.
Even if it's not necessary because they speak English, speaking someone's native language still makes things better. A bit of an extreme example, but whenever I was living in Barcelona, everytime I said a couple words in Catalan (the very basics like good morning) in any kind of business setting, their demeanor instantly shifted.
I don't know what the other Duolingo languages are like for phrases but it feels like whoever is making the Italian lessons has issues when you have to translate lines like "she does not miss her grandchildren"
Yep, and who you're talking to. English is obviously the language of the corporate world, but for random interactions in different places, and just for reading signs and so on, it's really useful to have at least a basic knowledge.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
Plus in my line of work we're often dealing with shabby bastards who are about as corporate as my belly button fluff.
As others have said, if you can combine Duolingo with some grammar lessons from elsewhere, that should give you a good foundation.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
I learned Dutch mostly from Duolingo and asking my Dutch ex's family to just stop speaking English/German during visits to the Netherlands. Now I'm mostly fluent conversationally but somewhat wonky grammar-wise. Though I guess the German->Dutch jump is an outlier since the two are extremely similar.
Depends what you want out of the language in terms of grammar I guess? I work for a German company so on the rare occasions my written/spoken German is called upon, it's in a professional setting so my grammar has to be somewhat decent. But if you just want to get by then does grammar matter that much? They'd still know what I'm getting at even if it sounds weird. For mental grammar languages like Russian, it's probably not worth all the extra hours learning if your goal is just to converse.
The Germans I deal with have shit English grammar anyway, but can all carry a basic conversation and you know what they mean. That's all I'd really need the other direction.
Then Duolingo and maybe some occasional reading/watching of not-too-complex German media with subtitles should get you there. Also after you've picked up some basic phrases, ask one of them to point out your most egregious mistakes early on before they become a habit. Germans are much more diffident and less willing to do that than the French or the Dutch in my experience, but it really helps.
Now in Krakow, and got accosted by a very drunk Irishman c.2pm who accused me of being an arms dealer. Sort him out will you Giggles.
Tractors are weapons in the right hands.
Is anyone on here a full stack developer?
Now that I think about it, Jimmy's firm does feel alot more Arms dealy than tractor dealy.
Trips to South America, trips to a country neighbouring a war zone, Iraqi's carrying briefcases around... :sherlock:
Didn't the police break into his house at some point not that long ago? That doesn't happen to innocent spark plug salesmen. :sherlock:
Has he actually ever seen the 'wares' he's selling? :sherlock:
"Why yes I would definitely like 400 of your finest 'transmissions filters'."
Now owned by South Africans. :sherlock:Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
I have a mate whose wife thinks I'm a spy. Sometimes I believe it myself.
Is £44k the going rate for a spy?
Unless your name is Barney.
That will be for a Senior Spy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben
It's the go-to joke for anybody who works abroad a lot but without going to glamourous places.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
My dad got it a lot. Now he had a run of coincidences (:sherlock:) where he'd come back from places just in time to avoid some sort of armed unrest going on, but still, if he was a spy he really committed to the "knowing a lot about concrete" bit of his cover story.
Are you saying Daddy Pig might be a spy?
Cover story does have to be air tight tbf.
Imagine if he was doing his spy duties and came across a concrete expert, he'd have been rumbled instantly.
Jimmy's a John Le Carre protagonist and nothing will change my mind.
Could use his concrete knowledge of concrete to ‘disappear’ anyone who questions him.
Would be some bender but easily doable.
Hopping on a 6-8 hour train is something a pissed up LAD would do.
The Irishman was still in the bar at 6. A proper bender if he's survived being identified as dead in 2012 though.
New starter on Teams:
https://th.bing.com/th?id=OSK.HEROKU...1.5&pid=SANGAMQuote:
Great thank you, am i still meeting you at 9am tomorrow when i checked you're calendar the other day there was a few times down...?
There's some passive aggression in that ...? and I can't quite put my finger on it. You're priveleged to be able to see my schedule, mate.
Any instance of ... in a professional context would seem passive aggresive to me.
Baz's subordinate already displaying contempt :drool:
Apparently she told someone I was very approachable, I’ll have you know.
That's just code for "he's a push over", right?
All jokes aside Baz based on the interactions you have told us about and the fact she immediately came in going 'lol ai actually want to do this not the job you gave me' I'd be extremely cautious dealing with her cos she sounds to type to fuck your career to move hers upwards.
Did my head in yesterday. I'm not technically her line manager but her workload is split between me and someone else, who is assigned as her line manager. When she first started she told me her line manager had done a workplan for her, mapping out objectives and stuff. I asked her if she wanted me to do one and she explicitly said no, and I got the impression she felt it was all a bit unnecessary.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
Fast forward to yesterday and she's asked me to do a workplan cos she needs more structure. Like sure, I'll do it, but c'mon.
She's just sent me said workplan and it's so basic. Think I'm gonna go overboard so I don't need to update it much, and probably overwhelm her with short and long term goals. Let's have it.
I had an interview the other week, and the feedback came in today: 'Interesting and relevant experience in Defence, and strongest academic qualification amongst candidates selected for interview. Unfortunately, the interview was quite poor overall, sometimes giving an impression of not being engaged with the process'. What? I felt very confident and relaxed during the interview, because I know everything they needed me to know, so surely they haven't seen that as me not being arsed (after a lengthy application that took them months to process)?
I think I need to get out of the civil service. Regardless of how productive and informed I am my manner seems to annoy the Communicating & Influencing people. How do I get into re-heating basic geopolitical analysis for a bank?
Fam, they're used to dealing with cunts who need to ask for the interview questions a day before the interview because their neurodiverse (read ethnic) brains can't deal with it, of course they're going to be alarmed at your ways.
Sounds a bit like they didn't like your attitude more than anything.
Knowing things alone is not enough. You need to smile and say 'That's an interesting question' and 'I hadn't thought of it like that before, but...' and 'You will know more about this than me, but I would certainly say...' and all the other bits of linking bollocks that may seem frustratingly inconsequential but in fact are what lifts a human being up from the realm of the 2D encyclopedia for it is, after all, a human being that they are seeking to employ.
Aye. Tone the Lewis down next time.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
They don't ask you questions that you could respond like that to. They literally go 'Give us an example of a time you Made an Effective Decision', and then sit there like computer game characters until you've stopped talking long enough for them to move on to asking you for an example of when you 'Showed Leadership'. There can't be a worse recruiting system in the world.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
They almost always hire the wrong candidates as a result.
There is this place called 'Teh Refuge'...Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
Sure, but those questions are a piece of piss to answer and you just need a decent example response. It's formulaic, but it works for both sides.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
From their point of view they need to ask candidates roughly the same questions to get a baseline by which to compare answers.
Have you seen the state of the civil service? It most definitely does not work for both sides. It works for Igor types that can riff on demand.
I mean in the sense that if they ask predictable questions then you can have well-formed answers ready-to-go. The rest of it is just filler, like Jim says
What did you say when they asked you if you had any questions?Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
I always think it's best to just be yourself anyway. The interview works both ways, so if they're cunts it's for the best. What sort of role was it?
When we met the first thing you said to the poor bar girl was "it's fucking morbid in here isn't it?"
I'd imagine it's that sort of thing.
I imagine Lewis went full Lewis (read: autist) and they thought he was a weirdo they didn’t want to deal with.
I work with them in my current role, so I asked about whether there was scope for them to anticipate issues and offer advice to people before the people come to them in a panic, like is currently the case with something I'm dealing with for/with them.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
It was doing historical research-based policy stuff for the Royal Navy. It had internal appointment written all over it from the off but still.Quote:
Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
On nights this week, and my colleague (always two on for nights) is wfh, whole massive two story office and warehouse to myself, it's fucking mint tbf
It was interesting earlier, I was talking to my manager who is struggling to find a candidate of any quality to replace Barney. Job has been live for a month now and not had anyone decent apply. He asked the recruiters why, as the salary offered is fairly artificially high, and they all said the same thing: you're not offering remote working. The job market now is more about that than it is about money, apparently. We are not that corporate and don't have the systems in place to offer comprehensive wfh (telephone forwarding, IT monitoring, and so on), and it's a job/industry that deals in physical products and therefore leans a lot on in-person presence, so we're more or less fucked.
Work from home, order dinner in from home, only go out to pick the kids up, be dragged around tk maxx on a Saturday and go to a shitty barbecue on a Sunday. What a dreadful societal vision.
Aye, it's funny, as a lazy workshy twat you'd think I'd love WFH but it ain't for me. I think it's largely A Good Thing, but nah, I go mental doing it. We're allowed to do 50% shifts at home, so I may still occasionally use a WFH day when I have an unusually early start/social plans after work/fancy a hot curry the night before.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
WFH is garbage. Thankfully everyone over here loves coming to the office to avoid staying at home with the in-laws, shitty WiFi and a farting buffalo.
I work from home every Tuesday and Thursday in my current job and it's quite good, mostly because I get to skip commuting to work. Even one day a week would mostly accomplish the same effect for me. Two is the highest I'd go though, any more than that and it gets boring.
I now get more done at home than I do in the office, I have to go in today and I know I'll get barely anything done compared to being at home. It doesn't help that we switched to hot desking during covid so the good office culture was essentially binned.
For me, working from home is preferred. I get to spend all day with my dog, and essentially feel semi-retired. I do think in a different role it might not be great but I am given the freedom to do what I want as long as I deliver the goods and my work is essentially looking at hundreds of spreadsheets alone so it's easier without small talk.
For some jobs/people I'm sure it's perfect, but my anguish was more about it being so widespread that it actually fucks the job market.
Considering I've worked almost extensively from home for nearly 3 years, I can confirm it's absolutely ace.
It hasn't. You just work for pensioners that refuse to move with the times.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Physical product. It just means workplaces that don't deal in physical product have a massive hiring advantage compared to before.
Not really. You can still have a warehouse full of plebs / robots and have your salesmen working from home.
Aye, even on the globetrotting parts, you're not bringing parts with you in the back of the hire car.
Salesmen, buyers, accountants, R&D people, quality control, the aforementioned army of plebs... 80% of the workforce need to be there daily, and you need the warehouse buildings so can't save cost on space anyway, so why would you make the huge investment in WFH infrastructure so that a few people like me can have a wank twice a day.
On a slightly separate point, I wonder where all the job market demand has gone anyway. Are there tons more people out there just not working, post-furlough? How does that work?
3 million on PIP. It was probably 2 million before the pandemic hit. Not that people on PIP can't also claim a payslip.
Maybe if people don't want to work in places that don't offer WFH and those places find it hard to get staff as a result, then those places need to offer higher wages to better incentivise people to work there.
That's the whole point of what I said in the original post, he's put the salary artificially high but it still doesn't make any difference because remote working is apparently (according to the recruitment people) a much bigger factor to people than salary is.
People on benefits live a similar standard of life to those working for minimum wage. Those on PIP and DLA are receiving more still. There is no incentive to work for large swathes of the population.
Artificially high probably just covers the commute. What's the point?Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
We are in the office 1 day per week, and even that's a non-starter for a lot of people.
I can't imagine going back to being in the office full time now, though. And there aren't many companies in our sector that are.
Maybe you can hire some top, top lads from the European Union to fill in the gaps?
Unless there was some issue that made it much harder for people to travel and work there?!??
Obviously nobody top, top amongst the million Africans and Asians who turned up last year.
I hope I can find one of those WFH deals. Rather pretend to work at home that in some office full of people.
It is miles better. I do one day in the office and strangely look forward to going in once a week to see everyone.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
Three years of WFH has probably added thirty years to my life expectancy.
And then people say they're actually doing anything. Though o don't see how sitting in your jocks eating Doritos and collecting stickers on fifa can add on years.
I achieve far more working from home. It's amazing how much more productive you can be when you don't have people asking you questions all day. Does dossing happen? Of course it does, but it happens in the office too. More often if anything.
Have you pushed for further feedback to understand what they mean? That would show engagement with the process and that you give a fuck. There's a chance nobody made the cut, so proving them wrong may result in them inviting you to apply again.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
Apparently people usually give around four hours of true productivity a day. At home there's incentive to knock that out early instead of pretending to be interested in Vanessa's cycle to work.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Yeah, I asked for some elaboration and said another bit of it was contradictory (example of my excellent analysis skills there), so we'll see what they say. The bloke was bald, so it could all be a conspiracy against me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
That sounds more like arguing with a bouncer than desire to improve.
'Engage with *this* process, Eggbert.'
*rubs hair at him*
My work is deadline based with 6 deadlines a week, if people weren't doing their job it would be apparent pretty quickly.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
Giggles and Jim are just built different. Real men, for the real world.
The boss got someone in for an interview at 5pm. He showed me the guy's CV, between 2017-22 he worked for McLaren (the F1 team), under this heading he put '7 years in the engineering department and 3 years in logistics', impressive for a 5 year stay. I hope he added up better when he interviewed with Ron Dennis for this job in the 'engineering department'.
He was probably there 2012-22 but realised owning up to being there through the GP2 years wasn't a good look and neglected to edit the full description.
First half term as Head of Year completed. It's been fairly brutal, with parental deaths, transphobia, tantrums & truancy but I've only thought about jacking it in seven or eight times.
My new favourite parent is one who likes to chew my ear for extended periods of time down the phone. Her eldest has a formal ASD diagnosis and anxiety, but no EHCP (European Health and Care Plan, setting out what their needs are in school). Parent has been ranting to me about how the school has failed him, the SEN co-ordinator was meant to do x, y and z, and hasn't, etc. She just rambles on and on, getting more and more irate. She genuinely believes having the EHCP will allow her child to learn more (they have a tendency to just leave site part way through the day, so miss a lot of school) and is anticipating that the EHCP will grant them...a robot.
:|
The robot will attend lessons in their child's stead, whilst the child, unable to physically attend, can participate in the lesson, ask the teacher questions and hang out with mates. And I think she genuinely believes this is possible. She will be so disappointed.
Robots finally taking over :drool:
Hang on. So in this bizarre version of reality, the robot would go and sit in class, while the child sits at home speaking into a mic and this is broadcast via the robot's pouty lips? I have missed a lot here haven't I.
Education, health and care plan and if they are done properly they can have a significant impact on the child's learning. They generally don't result in the provision of robots.Quote:
Originally Posted by mo
These robots do exist in some hospitals though. The robot sits in the classroom and streams the lesson to the child's device and they can talk through it. Helps kids who have prolonged admissions from missing out on education.
https://www.manchesterhospitalschool...ed/av1-robots/
It's going to be some minimum wage uber driver with an ipad strapped to his face isn't it?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJHvPMfYios&t=12s
Looks like some schools do use them.
Are those robots available for workplaces? If so I have the same as that kid and also want one. Don't fail me too Mo 😞
This kid might be the greatest blagger since Greta Thunderbird. Heroic effort
The kid in the video or mo's one?Quote:
Originally Posted by Raoul Duke
Thanks for explaining it to me doc, little bit clueless after 10 years in teaching and having applied for one for my own child. Of course European was a mistake on my part.Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
I googled the robot thing after she mentioned it, so was aware they exist, but she's clearly doolally if she think's we'll get one in an LA (think that means Local Authority) school.
Mo's kid
Your tone towards EHCPs came across quite dismissive. That combined with you getting the name wrong made me think you were in the significant camp of teachers who view ECHPs as fairly useless and don't engage much with SEN provision.Quote:
Originally Posted by mo
Clearly I misinterpreted your stance, my apologies.
Wish I had a class robot.
I'd even take a mediocre robot to be fair.
Ayyyyy :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Ian
Gotta drive to Wolverhampton in the morning. :moop: Will probably be done and home by about half two, but my out of office is already set til Monday.
When we get a breakdown, with the exception of a couple of weird little exceptions, we just contact the dealership in our network who are closest to the vehicle. In the day it's pretty simple - call up reception, ask for service, get them to send a mechanic. On nights you go straight to the on call technician and basically wake him up to go to the lorry.
Sometimes it takes a few calls, or you occasionally have to go to the next nearest dealer if they're sleeping through the call, but they're largely pretty good, reliable lads. This week, I've had the same technician answer the phone, agree to attend a breakdown, not answer any subsequent calls, then phone us hours later to be like "yeah fell asleep sorry". Legend.
1 hour 40 to get there. 2 hours 56 to get home. :cab: M6 suxxxQuote:
Originally Posted by Baz
I did get to watch two men inject themselves with heroin though.
Well worth it then. The wife tried to suggest a jaunt down the M6 to Costco before but I told her where to go, friday afternoon in galeforce winds for a non essential trip is just self harm.
The M6 always has something on a Friday afternoon. Without fail.
Worst is it's almost always around J12-15 sort of area and everyone has the bright idea of travelling through this little town full of roadworks.
Just had an email to tell us that someone in the R&D department dropped off their perch over the weekend. Always a surreal moment juxtaposed against their place in the daily grind.
Why does your company have an R&D department?
To research and develop the product.
I've been trying to work with the LOCAL SPORTS TEAM cos they're massive and everyone has at least a passing interest in them, to get them more involved with educating children agaisnt bad life choices - either by players going in schools and telling kids not to do drink and drugs, or by inviting them to the stadium under the guise of a cool school trip but hammer home the no drink and drugs thing while they're there - but the chuffing stadium is sponsored by a vaping company, so they can't bad mouth vaping, which is absolutely rife among everyone, but particularly young people. Waste of time. Might as well go and give out free ket.
A totally wicked wasted of time.
Using athletes as role models. Might as well hire Marlboro Man.
Shut up you dicks. The idea of getting celebrities to say "don't do drugs" has never been tried before and if it had it would've worked.
Some bloke owes me $1500 and ain't paying. So, I bought a similar domain of a famous law firm, slightly amended to make it look localised - auto forwarded the domain URL to the real law firm website, created a new email address and copied them in my email asking for payment. He just responded saying payment will be made soon.
20 mins and $14 well spent :drool:
Maybe Mark Bosnich wasnt the best choice.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Serious big dick energy.Quote:
Originally Posted by John Arne
Sounds it, until the guy forwards a payment confirmation email on from payment@barcllays.com.
I’m sure stuff you’ve tried at work has also been done before. :sorry:Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
But what is "the product"? I thought you sold engine parts for tractors? Or is there some manufacturing part of it too?Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Fast tractor > slow tractor
Ever see a tractor with a fat rear wing? Jimmy has.
https://i.imgur.com/Du1hnjN.png
The tractor of the future.
How do you think engine parts for tractors come into being?Quote:
Originally Posted by Raoul Duke
I just thought you sourced them from big manufacturers and sold them on at a mark-up
Sort of, but we have our own worldwide brand which means it needs to be good, so we have four engineers to do the drawings / use fancy machines, and three R&D people to research what we need to produce next. We also have a scout in China who goes around finding non-shit factories.
It is admittedly an interesting fish, the R&D department. A three-person team, whose leader is a comedy posh man who wears brown brogues and demands that the other two call him 'Sir'. The two below him are a useless 23 year old we plucked out of the warehouse because he was cheap, and a cheerful woman who has just died.
The MD is currently in the sales office revealing that she was found at the bottom of the stairs, and therefore speculating that the husband might have moved her there to make it look like an accident. I swear I work with and the for the fucking worst people in the world.
Yeah, we know.
He actually uttered the phrase 'I suppose I need to watch more CSI', laughed, and then mentioned he was going over later with flowers for the husband. As soon as he left the room we all looked at each other in total disbelief. I think that was the weirdest ten minutes I've ever spent in a workplace.
One guy was brave enough to start saying 'Well, I think pathologists know what they're doing' but the rest of us were trapped in a sort of stunned silence.
The Staircase II: Electric Boogaloo.
My employer has today advertised a Team Leader job in our sister team. We all get paid the same, same holiday, etc. Yet, for some unfathomable reason, the team leader role is being advertised at exactly the same wage that us plebs are on.
We have asked them if it's a mistake (it isn't) and the other Team Leaders have confirmed they are on more than the advertised wage, so I legitimately have no idea what's going on here. Why would anyone "step up" for the same wage? In fact, you'd probably get less because they don't go out and about much, so there'd be no travel expenses.
Honestly baffled. Someone's fucked up somewhere.
What even is a team leader?
A manager without the title who gets all the responsibility and none of the authority.
Or just another name for the same thing.
My place uses "step ups" and "team leaders."
Essentially you have the carrot dangled that doing this role will put you in good stead for when actual management positions become available. Said position will become available and they'll hire from outside anyway. The manager gets the "team leader" to do their bidding(or as much as they can palm off) and also get to send them out to take the shit from the staff when something goes wrong.
I'd bet after those current team leaders leave or get shuffled onto something else, the new rate you've seen will be standard. Worst part is there's always someone who will take the job.
"It's good for your development."
A lot of managers/pleb leaders are just glorified admin-HR hybrid roles, so they're rightfully losing all prestige and being pushed into poverty. Learn some real skills or become a postie.
I'm a manager in title who has no staff to manage, just information :cool:
But I have to attend mandatory manager courses no matter how many times I point out I don't manage anyone :(
I've had a discussion with my manager about it and she is "disappointed" that I'm not applying. I'm pretty sure the job was mine if I wanted it, but I'm not sure I'd apply even if there was a wage increase, nevermind for the same money I'm currently on, and I told her as much. So that's bridges burned and earth salted for some time, I expect.
More headache for same money is insane. Good call. The only way I would apply to manage my team if it comes up is just because I know the fucking clown in my team will apply and I'd rather do it than him be my manager.
If that burns bridges and salts the earth with her, fuck her.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
I’ve started seeking out and/or accepting anything that involves travelling somewhere and setting my out of office. Diamorphine assisted treatment? Oh it’s in Birmingham? Yes please. Workshop that barely relates to my work? In Liverpool? Sign me up. Festival of films made my drug addicts? I’m there! Conference? Yep! Bonus points if lunch is provided and full on drippy wide-on if I get some loot like a stressball or lanyard.
You'd be mad not to, to be honest. Think I'd do the same just to get a break from the office.
Any sort of conferences in teaching are usually saturdays, cos every organiser knows attendance will be down if they host in the week and rely on schools to provide cover for staff attending. So I've never bothered.
Today is a red letter deadline day in my department, so naturally the entire company internet has shit the bed :D
Always take advantage when you can. I have had a couple of trips to India and various places in the US on the company. “Yep, I really did eat lunch at the Irish pub in Chicago airport and no I don’t have an itemized receipt.”Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
In for some system testing tomorrow. If nothing fucks up, it's only an hour. :uhoh:
Delayed the start for an hour and I didn't even have my accesses ready. :moop:
Film festival today. :harold:Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Barney's replacement has finally arrived. She's a ditsy woman who says things like 'Yeah I'm a bit mental haha'. Naturally I've been made to train her.
Match made in heaven. Looking forward to the anecdotes.
Anyone who says they are a bit mental are usually quite dull. Unless they have crazy eyes, then be on your guard.
It usually just means they talk too much.
At least she's not "bubbly".
That's the same thing. It just means they're also overweight.
Yeah, slender build disqualifies her from being 'bubbly' but it's very much in that area. Too stupid for 'feisty'. Any other sexist words available?
She sounds like a live one
She's a go-er.
We've had somebody join who 'over-shares', and, seeing as it is obviously deliberate, you have to wonder what the purpose of it is.
Did Barney ever find out they earmarked his replacement as Lynn from Alan Partridge?
Some people just can't help themselves. I have a colleague that tells me basically everything. When she has a doctors appointment, what it's for, what her boyfriend did to upset her, what she has for dinner, blah, blah fucking blah. It's become so time consuming that I end up doing half the shit she's meant to do for myself because it's quicker than the chit-chat associated with giving it to her.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
It's potentially the best skiving masterstroke of all time.
The company that bought us is removing every trace of the previous name. The most traumatic thing is a complete fresh wipe of existing devices. There is no migration. I mean, is that not just totally fucking insane? There's like 30,000 people that will get everything they've built up destroyed. Fuck this.
Get back on the meds.
:mad:Quote:
Originally Posted by Manc
New woman is spending her entire time complaining about how cold it is in the office. It's going to be a real struggle for her if she's one of those women who needs every room to be pushing boiling point.
There's one of those at our office, but she's not a complainer. The solution was to buy her an oil filled radiator she keeps next to her desk.
You're going to need a collective putting of the foot down before she touches those air con controls.
Thankfully we have our own offices (1-4 people; I'm on my own :cool:) and next door they have the air con permanently on 30C. Your eyes water as soon as you go through the doorway.
30C?! It'd be like sitting in a fucking sauna all day.
Honestly it's insane. The woman is of Mediterranean origin but fucking hell there's no need. The other person in the office I dare say would like it a bit cooler but doesn't dare speak up for fear of being verbally murdered.
I'd be getting a new job or a new office. Fuck that.
Yeah I would refuse to come to work. That is not reasonable.
Mine has an instruction not to turn it above 21 by the thermostat.
Had to do this today: https://www.insights.com/
Anyone else had the pleasure?
Think I’ve done that cos the logo looks familiar. Do you fill in a questionnaire where you select from four words which best describe you, and then a profile is written about you that’s about as generic as a horoscope? Think we were also assigned colours and I was livid to get blue. Not because of whatever it was supposed to mean (blurred lines between being intelligent and being an autistic nerd, from what I could gather), but Everton innit.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
My new starters been here eight weeks now and couldn’t be more sound. She’s well on board with my new regime of finding as many doss-day trips away from work as possible, and Thursdays in the office is basically just chatting bollocks all day while listening to meetings on Teams with the camera off.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
She does her work though, that’s the main thing. Although she can’t spell.
Of all people I can't see Jimmy's crew doing that. They'd probably ban coats.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
This week we had a woman being discriminated against by the climate control system. The vent above her head decided to blast cold air exclusively at her.
There's trouble at mill chez-nous. South Africans are kicking off because we've only grown by 5% or something this year instead of their ludicrously inflated target of 20. Not sure what the penalty for this poor performance will be, given they can't exactly hire anyone better. Maybe we'll be forcibly relocated to Potchefstroom.
Yeah you get a result detailing your personality via four colours, Red Yellow Blue and Green. My team was basically all blue but I was green :cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
End of September we had the dreaded meeting about a restructure which put 120 of us in the whole dept at risk, main guy taking the meeting said to look at it as an opportunity which had a massive air of bullshit about it. Had four interviews for six different jobs with two of those jobs basically just remaining employed as I am as a minimum, I've now been offered two promotions and still waiting to hear about others. I have absolutely no idea how interviews work as I came away from all of them assuming I'd be dancing for coins on a street corner.
Was there a "Sporting moments in MS Paint" section of the interview? If so it was probably that which has set you up.
"Okay, so for the next section we have six club crests in a grid ..."
When they had the selection round on famous Moroccans I was quids in
I booked a whole morning of home visits in Romford and only one of them bothered to be home. So I'm now sat in my car in a rainy, Basildon Sainsburys carpark, eating a lukewarm sausage roll until my Afternoon appointments at 2. Seething.
And bored. Which is why I'm posting this. You will all suffer with me.
Had a person turn up to work yesterday already in a bad way(suffer badly from anxiety and depression). Asked to speak to their manager about it to be told said manager is too busy but he'll fetch a MHFA. They must have spent an hour and a half of essentially trying to stop them having a complete mental breakdown.
At this point the shift manager turns up wanting to know if they're planning on going back to work or not. Basically saying if you don't think you can, you should think about going home. After some coaxing they eventually went back to work. Almost right at the end of the shift the shift manager comes back to them and explains that they're docking two hours of pay but he's doing them a favour because the company wont count the time against them.
Given financial worries is one of the main triggers at play here that's an outstanding move and is sure to mean my Wednesday is a busy one.
I think I would probably kill him before I killed myself if I was in that scenario. How does someone become that big of a cunt?
They had enough of sitting in their car in a rainy, Basildon Sainsburys carpark, eating a lukewarm sausage roll until their Afternoon appointments.
What's more frustrating is they get no support at home, so work is their escape from it all and they're essentially shutting help and support down now. Suggesting she goes home rather than instructing means they're not liable to pay for the time off, if she does and also means if they so choose they can take her through the absence process.
I believe she was also told that they would like her to make those two hours back up later in the week too, but that I'm not sure on.
As for the manager, it's exactly what these warehouse types want in charge. Remove any potential "bad apples" and get those quantities out the door. Empathy has been trained right out of them.
I'm not surprised with the manager though. Same guy once told me that it must surely be cheaper to put my three kids into an nursery(I'm wasn't signed up to one and it was a 6am start on this particular day) for the day and come to work and so couldn't understand why I needed to have a day off. Didn't also understand why I laughed at him when he said it.
In that case, dock the twat a month.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry
Small amounts of power make people into, well, I won't say little Hitlers, but certainly micro Eichmanns.
To stick up for middle managers a bit, you do spend so much time having to deal with people announcing that they are not prepared to do any of their harder duties for a period of at least 6 months because their goldfish looked a bit sad that morning, that it is sometimes hard to engage the long dormant human bit of your brain when a genuine case comes a long.
I'm running a reasonably large department of people these days and I do feel like I spend the whole day operating as a cross between a nursery school teacher, a full time counsellor, and yes, Adolf Eichmann.
I have an "informal chat" over teams with a potential employer tomorrow. This is new to me. Am I right in thinking it's basically just a "first interview" and they're almost certainly going to have a long and protracted employment procedure off the back of this?
The hero we need.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cord
And yeah, spikes, it's an 'is he a cunt' filter.
Do you shoo them in the back when they come asking for help?Quote:
Originally Posted by Cord
That and also it's a good chance for you to ask questions to see if it's worth the hassle of going through the whole process.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
I feel like every week gets busier. I'm definitely doing something wrong.
Yes. I had this. They ended up wanting me to do a six interview/presentation process to become a fucking contact centre advisor on 23k. Lolled it off.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Probably because you spend 90% of your week dossing off or working out how to plan your next dossing off so it builds up.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
My mrs just had one in the form of a 'screening phone call', I think it is partly due to AI and CV writing services help beat the automated sift you end up with monosyllabic morons who can't wipe their own arse in the interview if you don't run the recruitment version of the Voight-Kampff test.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
It's a sad indictment of mental health services in this country that workplaces have to try to provide "mental health first aid" at all. If anyone suggested you had to have someone at work to diagnose and provide advice for employees physical illness, everyone would rightly think they were insane. I appreciate workplaces have people trained in physical first aid, but that's to provide the very basics when things acutely happen at work, it's not remotely the same.
That is true, actually. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Got some county lines lived experience talk lined up for next Friday, for example.
Didn't get promoted in this cycle. Seething.
Found out today I'm getting an 8% pay rise. Decent. Its (slightly) performance based. If you're shit it's 2-4%, doing your job steady it's 5-8%. Kissing arse, doing extra hours etc gets you 10%. Fuck doing the latter for 2% extra.
Our sales director called me today for substantial advice on a presentation he has to give to the South African big cheeses, even though there are about 6 people between me and him in the structure chart, all of whom have 'manager' in their title whereas I don't. He also called me 'the smartest guy in the room' the other day when introducing me to the new starter. I think I'm in the professional equivalent of the friendzone.
Well done those receiving good news above and commiserations to Kiko. Next cycle!
I've also just been promoted, leading to a 14% pay bump (after a 4% increase in the summer) and 3 extra days of annual leave too. Glorious stuff.
How do these promotion cycles work?
We had our new (temp) CEO in the office today and he held a townhall where one (probably now former) employee decided to stand up with a pre prepared note and berate him for a decision he, the leadership team and the board made.
When the ceo then tried to respond/answer he was heckled and interrupted by the same person resulting in the ceo bickering on stage in front of everyone and those online.
Quite possibly the most awkward thing I’ve ever seen.
The new woman is the latest to do my head in because she can't deal with silence. If chat dies down even for two minutes, she starts being visibly restless and then saying things like 'Oh, I'm so tired, what about you?!' because her brain can't process the silence. Barney was a bit like this as well.
I fucking love silence.
I'm claiming this as an e-victory.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Lol who even cares enough to do this. Where's the apathy?Quote:
Originally Posted by Foe
Couldn’t attend a team meeting today cos I have a regular meeting every Thursday at 1 and they keep inexplicably booking it for then. Unfortunately this meant I wasn’t present when they were looking for volunteers to sort out Christmas Jumper Day, and was kindly nominated by my colleagues.
Thankfully I’ve got my cute little sidekick now, so I was able to update the action tracker from my meeting while she signed up to Just Giving and printed out all the posters with the details on. :baz:
Colleagues 1 - 2 Baz
You belong on every register.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
She’s 26.
I think I fancy her though.
Tribunal incoming.
:rosebud:
My office building has been evacuated due to the possibility of a collapsing crane. Genuinely gutted if I miss such scenes.
If it's in Leeds I have seen internal reports at my spot saying they've cleared trains to run past it as they have had assurances it won't fall.
Latest from my cute little sidekick:
Also called me a lovely person yesterday. Well and truly friendzoned, which is probably for the best.Quote:
We are like two gossip girls about peoples working activity but we just spend the entire day using our teams as MSN? :lol:
Mate, she knows she's got you wrapped around her pinky. Stop flirting on Teams before somebody files an FOI against your department.
You can’t extract Teams conversations as part of an FOI, only emails. :dc:
A lot of organisations seem to think otherwise.
Even so, nothing would be achieved.
As for being wrapped around her little finger, that doesn’t really make sense cos she does all the work she is asked to do.
Not like that, hun.
Is the 'cute little sidekick' and the new starter you were complaining about the same person?
Our team moved our group chat off teams to try and avoid FOI nonsense, our teams group chat is really just for sterile technical chat now.
Ours gets used mainly to moan about the systems going down.
Does Baz know he has a wife and kids?
Yep. Still can’t spell.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
Yep.Quote:
Originally Posted by Manc
It’s not like omg I wanna eat her arse but she’s just dead sound and pleasant. I remember being out once with some mates and we got talking to these two girls and one lad was chatting to one for about 20 mins and came back buzzing about how fit she was. She wasn’t fit 25 minutes ago though.
This is some sinister shit.
Not really, it’s just some mild exaggeration for forum relevancy.
Best part is the two other people who were employed at the same time at her level are absolutely rubbish. I interviewed one of them (big pat on my back for correctly identifying the best candidate, by the way) and after we said no she applied again and the idiots who interviewed her (and have now left) somehow thought she was a valuable acquisition. She has since cried to my mate that she has no guidance and complained of poor line management. (Another big pat on my back..)
And the other one has had three formal complaints from service providers cos she hasn’t paid their invoices and hasn’t replied to them about it, and she’s only ten weeks in. :harold: That was my original job too and I had it absolutely nailed down tight, so they’re basically used to 7-star service and now have zero. Sure, if you insist, another pat on my back, ty.
But yeah nothing sinister. It’s not like I’m posting her pics on here for approval to ask her to cancel her wedding next year. Not yet anyway. :baz: Christmas Do season is almost upon us.
https://i.giphy.com/media/3FBwwRCNTSa52/200.webpQuote:
Originally Posted by Baz
This one has gone off sick for four weeks.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Toggle Spoiler
Hope not. :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
Interview Monday for my preferred role in the company. Technology specialist. Helping the company integrate its new CCaaS system over the next two years. I did the exact same at Dunelm, stress testing, building reports, feeding back across the teams etc. 20% bump in wage.
Easy street lads.
Was getting my regular lunch at Tortilla and they were banging some great latin music whilst 5 people worked the production line for my burrito. Simple work, decent camaraderie and customer service, no stress and no crushing monotony of office labour. No WFH, hour long toilet breaks and outstanding pay and pension though.
On the topic of WFH though, aa if morale working for these cunts wasn't rock bottom already:
https://www.civilserviceworld.com/pr...een%20by%20CSW.
My team was on 60% already so minimal effect for me but it's only being enforced recently with login data aiding managers so the masses who weren't adhering to it will be bitten as well as the numerous other teams who were only working toward 40%. There will be space issues if they succeed in getting everyone in but we truly lost this war that we thought we had won after COVID. Mon a juicy AI-instigated redundancy offer.
That's me fucked.
My company jumped early with their agile working policy being rolled out officially and thanks to the power of the unions in the rail industry they'll be hard pressed to roll that one back :cool:
Also they are abandoning our Manchester office with no replacement lined up so there's that.
I fucking love that place. But for the British man's penchant for abominable fried shit at every meal, they should have 1,000 branches nationwide and be turning over £5 billion.Quote:
Originally Posted by Don
Hear, hear. It being one of my two meals of the day, I need big volume for my lunches and I'm not sure if there's anywhere that offers the same value as their £8.70 large burrito so I average 3 a week. Loyalty scheme making 1 in 6 free and you're looking at £7.25 too, top stuff.
Is this the posh Taco Bell place? I'm miles away from any of them. :(
There are 51 in the south, 7 in the midlands and 9 in the north. I'm afraid until you educate your peers to stop eating chips out of the loo, and make them willing to part with more than £1.80 for quality fare, you won't be afforded such advantages.
We still put gravy on chips marra, it's going to be a while.
I hit up a Taco Bell and although their veggie quesadilla or whatever I had wasn't too bad in its ingredients, it still retains much of the fast food physical damage and distress. The portions are pathetic also.
Have wondered just how Mexican Tortilla's offerings are, i suspect it's just a very random Western take on it. Disappointing that they got rid of their coriander rice recently.
We've got one of those Tortilla places in Belfast these days too. Not tried it yet. There used to be a really good local chain that did burritos the size of a new born baby for about £7 but the original founders sold it off to some private equity firm and it's gone to shit since. Prices went up and portions went down.
Posh Taco Bell?Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cF6D8zDa9U&ab_channel=BlueCereal
Probably not at all Mexican, but it's protein + veg in a decent sized hot wrap with actual flavour available for less than a tenner, I'm not sure such a thing is otherwise available in this country.Quote:
Originally Posted by Don
Kebab.
The first time I ate a burrito was in the US. I occasionally eat in Chipotle (which from the description, seems to be the same thing) and it is decent. Can never go wrong with rice + beans + meat.Quote:
Originally Posted by Don
Speaking of Mexican food.
I was at a food hall in Warsaw a few days ago. I went for Greek but it wasn't enough so I went to the Mexican stand for some Al Pastor tacos.
What I was served was absolute horseshit.
Flour tortillas (why no corn ffs?) that were toasted far too much so they were crispy, the meat had almost no flavour, there were boiled onions on the taco, crushed peanuts as well which was weird and the salsa verde was far too sweet with not enough heat.
The only thing I could taste was lime juice having put 3/4 drops on each taco myself. It felt like they had never tasted Mexican food but had seen it on TV once before.
That does surprise me actually as there's a huge Mexican community in Lodz, noted around Europe for their culinary flair. You should see the place on the Day of the Dead, it's like being in Cancún. When the communists got kicked out in 1989, they had a massive Solidarity rally (or 'Solidaridad' as they call it there) and cooked a 100 foot taco in the shape of Walesa's moustache.
I've never had a good taco al pastor outside Mexico and even within Mexico most are shit.
True marras have jam sandwiches for lunch ehQuote:
Originally Posted by Ben
Getting into full countdown mode now for Xmas holidays.
Unfortunately failed to respond to the Xmas party invitation quickly enough and it’s fully booked :cab:
Peanut butter and jam. :drool:Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
Peanut butter and Marmite. :drool::drool:
Jam and cheese :cool:
Bizarrely the best sushi I've ever had was in Krakow.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
I've never had great mexican food full stop. Big fan of cheese, chilies, beans, slop, wraps etc. but I've never found it to be more than the sum of its parts.
As an uncultured swine I'll say I once had a nice Quesadilla from a food truck in Chrissy Field. That's the extent of my Mexican food experience.
Taz big manning his anti-consumerism all over the forum; meanwhile, irl, he's dropping twenty-odd quid a week on fast food for his little zogslop loyalty points. Reeling.
My man, where corners aren't cut is food. And as I say, £8.70 a meal (supplemented by about £5 of Lidl nuts and fruit) is still top value such is the ridiculous nature of food prices. A Pho lunch sets me back £18.50 for one meal.
Poland in general does have good Sushi but for some reason they like putting fruit on sushi, especially strawberries.Quote:
Originally Posted by -james-
3 weeks in a row with 4 days (including this week) followed by a 5 day week and then off until 8th January. :drool:
Meanwhile, having an assistant has turned into having my own personal hypeman.
It does feel like dangerous territory but ah well, it makes my day on Teams more enjoyable.
"Baz! Baz! He's our man. If he can't do it ... I'll have to. :moop:"
I regularly get the last hour of the day now to do nowt. I can thank the new starters (and their obscene productivity) for that.
Needless to say, I read this as 'hymen'.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz