The Cricket Thread

[Danny]

Jim is probably off wanking himself into oblivion at Dertrash taking a hat trick in a 6 fer against Glous. Surrey well on top on this final. The great man is in now.

Never mind Mourinho taking care of Wenger again, if he doesnt know about that we may never see him again.

[Ian]

Where is Jimmy?

[Max Power]

Surrey bottling this

[Max Power]

They did lol

[Danny]

Jesus :serious:

[Jimmy Floyd]

I was actually at that final and fucking hell. Had to watch Jade shit-grin his way through a hat trick and then watch everyone else collapse.

Sam Curran though, my fucking lord, we're talking a once in 25 years player here boys. Strap in. He will end the Test career of Ben Stokes within 3 years.

Anyway I came here because Samit Patel, or 'Smith Patel' as Waqar Younis insisted on calling him during the last tour of the UAE, has earned an England recall in place of the injured Ansari. What a trooper.

[Max Power]

Always been a big Samit fan. Lovely player to watch in full flow. Plus he's a fat lad so good on him.

[MartinSAFC]

Always been a big Samit fan. Lovely player to watch in full flow. Plus he's a fat lad so good on him.

Me too.

What side does everyone think will be picked for the first test against Pakistan?

I would like to see:

Cook
Moeen
Bell
Root
Taylor
Bairstow
Stokes
Rashid
Wood
Broad
Anderson

But I think we'll go with Hales instead of Taylor. Or perhaps Hales instead of Stokes. Both of these changes would mean Moeen batting somewhere in the middle order instead of opening.

[Matt]

Me too.

What side does everyone think will be picked for the first test against Pakistan?

I would like to see:

Cook
Moeen
Bell
Root
Taylor
Bairstow
Stokes
Rashid
Wood
Broad
Anderson

But I think we'll go with Hales instead of Taylor. Or perhaps Hales instead of Stokes. Both of these changes would mean Moeen batting somewhere in the middle order instead of opening.

I'd like to see Taylor and Bairstow in the side but I can't see it. I also think Hales is going to be given a chance. Do you think they'll pick 3 quick's as well as Stokes with the amount of spin you would expect to be bowled?

I think they'll go

Cook
Hales
Bell
Root
Stokes
Buttler
Moeen
Rashid
Wood/Finn
Broad
Anderson

[MartinSAFC]

I'd like to see Taylor and Bairstow in the side but I can't see it. I also think Hales is going to be given a chance. Do you think they'll pick 3 quick's as well as Stokes with the amount of spin you would expect to be bowled?

I think they'll go

Cook
Hales
Bell
Root
Stokes
Buttler
Moeen
Rashid
Wood/Finn
Broad
Anderson

I think Bairstow will play ahead of Buttler. Stokes was the one I was unsure about, we probably don't need four seamers in the UAE and we might decide to go with a batter instead of Stokes as the all rounder.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's a proper conundrum, this one. Hard to second guess what they'll do. You need a maths degree to adequately sum up the equation.

I think Cook, Bell, Root, Moeen, Rashid and Broad are all shoo ins. That leaves five spots of whom one is a keeper, two will bowl seam and the other two will bat.

Personally I would go Buttler, then Anderson and Wood (or even Finn and Wood), then Hales and Taylor.

That leaves Stokes and Bairstow on the sidelines and they could each step into a couple of those roles.

Stokes is actually the key to the puzzle.

[MartinSAFC]

It's a proper conundrum, this one. Hard to second guess what they'll do. You need a maths degree to adequately sum up the equation.

I think Cook, Bell, Root, Moeen, Rashid and Broad are all shoo ins. That leaves five spots of whom one is a keeper, two will bowl seam and the other two will bat.

Personally I would go Buttler, then Anderson and Wood (or even Finn and Wood), then Hales and Taylor.

That leaves Stokes and Bairstow on the sidelines and they could each step into a couple of those roles.

Did Anderson bowl reasonably well in the UAE last time around (at least compared to our other seamers) or am I imagining things?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Buttler is by far the superior gloveman to Bairstow, which added to his x factor with the bat should see him selected in my view.

[MartinSAFC]

Buttler is by far the superior gloveman to Bairstow, which added to his x factor with the bat should see him selected in my view.

We didn't see much of this "x factor with the bat" in the summer. I would play Bairstow in the tests and hope Buttler returns to form in the one day stuff, if he does then he can be selected for the tests again.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Did Anderson bowl reasonably well in the UAE last time around (at least compared to our other seamers) or am I imagining things?

I seem to remember Broad outbowling him (Anderson was great in India the following winter). Regardless I'm not sure he's quite the same bowler now.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We didn't see much of this "x factor with the bat" in the summer. I would play Bairstow in the tests and hope Buttler returns to form in the one day stuff, if he does then he can be selected for the tests again.

That's why it's an x factor, if he averaged 70 doing it then he'd be a living all time legend. Bairstow can't change a session in the same way and lacks refinement with the gloves. You need different things in your batting lineup.

[Matt]

Stokes is definitley the key and I don't see him being left out of the side unless he's injured.

Which means he either plays as a batter whose also 4th choice seamer if required, Or he's the third seamer and we have Moeen at 8 and Rashid (Patel by the 2nd test after they have lost faith in Rashid again) at 9.

[Jimmy Floyd]

But would you really pick Stokes to bat ahead of Taylor or Bairstow? Or would you keep the miles in his legs for South Africa where he'll be indispensable?

[Matt]

But would you really pick Stokes to bat ahead of Taylor or Bairstow? Or would you keep the miles in his legs for South Africa where he'll be indispensable?

I wouldn't no. I think the selectors will do though

[MartinSAFC]

That's why it's an x factor, if he averaged 70 doing it then he'd be a living all time legend. Bairstow can't change a session in the same way and lacks refinement with the gloves. You need different things in your batting lineup.

I agree that Buttler is better with the gloves but Bairstow is the better batsman. I'm not expecting him to average 70 but somewhere around 30 would be good given the type of batsman he is. I just don't think he can achieve that at this stage.

[Jimmy Floyd]

All this is irrelevant anyway because of the Currans. I'm close to cracking emotionally.

[ItalAussie]

Cameron Bancroft is in the squad for Bangladesh. I'm quite excited about him, so hopefully he can make it stick. He's supposed to be an outstanding close-in fielder, so that's got to be a big point in his favour. There's lots of places up for grabs in the Australian side at the moment; hopefully he can lock one down.

[MartinSAFC]

All this is irrelevant anyway because of the Currans. I'm close to cracking emotionally.

Sam Curran has looked awesome every time I've seen him on Sky. Left armer, capable of reverse swing, decent pace already too and I hear he got runs the other day too. Definitely one to look out for, we might have see him in the England team in the near future.

[Jimmy Floyd]

There's no might, this is the actual messiah. Totally different league to say Flintoff.

[Max Power]

But would you really pick Stokes to bat ahead of Taylor or Bairstow? Or would you keep the miles in his legs for South Africa where he'll be indispensable?

Stokes' bowling might be quite effective. He gets it to reverse as much as anyone in that England team. And I would actually bat him ahead of Bairstow, Stokes is a bit streaky but it's got a brilliant Test innings in him, we've seen more than one already. Bairstow ain't good enough.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I kind of agree (especially on the bowling front) but if we go in with three non-batting seamers and then four of the other eight being Moeen, Stokes, Rashid and Buttler, we're looking pretty flimsy and reliant on the mercurial quartet coming off, which is lovely to have but I'm not sure we're ready to build our team around it on away tours.

God I miss Trott.

[Davgooner]

Trott misses Trott.

[Matt]

The club I play for is currently being screwed over due to the creation of a pyramid structure for cricket in Yorkshire being created. Our league will be merging with the Bradford league next year to create one of 4 ECB premier leagues in Yorkshire. The top division will contain no clubs from our league despite id say 4 of them being capable of challenging for the title.

The top 7 clubs from our league will go in alongside the clubs from the 2nd division of the Bradford league creating 2 conferences and then the bottom 5 clubs from our premier league will be relegated and go into below divisions alongside clubs from lower down out league. We finished 8th

So from 8th in the top division to the 3rd tier but effectively the 4th division next season. This was all decided 2 weeks before the end of the season as well.

[Jimmy Floyd]

But you have playoffs in Abu Dhabi, or so I read somewhere. It is definitely the way forward, the closed shop leagues of yore will just end up like the Lancs one and suffocate under their own pomposity.

League rejigs are always awkward at first but if you give it 2-3 years to settle down the cricket will be a lot more satisfying.

We have a dreamy structure down here. Leagues of 10 from top to bottom. No combination. Furthest journey is an hour or so, and two up two down which allows a club to find its level.

[Matt]

But you have playoffs in Abu Dhabi, or so I read somewhere. It is definitely the way forward, the closed shop leagues of yore will just end up like the Lancs one and suffocate under their own pomposity.

League rejigs are always awkward at first but if you give it 2-3 years to settle down the cricket will be a lot more satisfying.

We have a dreamy structure down here. Leagues of 10 from top to bottom. No combination. Furthest journey is an hour or so, and two up two down which allows a club to find its level.

Don't think we'll ever be needing our passports. You are right, and it will be nice not to have those 6-8 games were you know your getting beat before you've turned up. Just seems like the last 10 years of fighting to get to that level and showing we belong (we've finished 4th, 5th and 6th in previous seasons) have all been a waste and we're back to starting from the bottom again.

[Ian]

Popped back to the Titanic to get the Jimrage posts.


I'm still awake, and angry, so I'll do a WDYTOE. Let's pretend for the sake of argument that the fifth Test has been called off for humanitarian reasons.

Cook
Shows the sort of leadership last exhibited by Captain Schettino when the Costa Concordia smashed into some rocks. Bowled the wrong bowlers at the wrong times, set horrible, defensive and inflexible fields, and then, once the series was lost, resorted to utterly bizarre shite in an attempt to ape his opposite number's (crap) Funky Fields. Selection also abysmal, for what part he has in it. With previous successes now confirmed as being down to his leading players, he's got to go, as captain, and concentrate on his batting, which - predictably - has turned to utter shite with him chasing and dabbing at wide filth outside the off stump like he probably chases and dabs at his wife outside the stables.

Carberry
Why do people constantly state he's a good fielder? He's not. Has at least applied himself with the bat, making him unique among the tour party, but is old and probably isn't quite good enough. Bye.

Trott
If anyone ever doubted the great man's value before, survey the apocalyptic scenes of doom before us now.

Root
Since the previously settled order has crumbled around him, seems to have suffered a crisis of identity and is much more successful at making 'who's a cheeky monkey?' grins than at any aspect of playing cricket. Has some nice shots in his locker, but seems petrified ever to play them. I'd put him back up to opener and back him for a bit.

Pietersen
He's never going to change, so we might as well keep him at number four until he finally minces his way into the record books. Has an ego to make Muhammad Ali look like a hermit living in the Swiss Alps by a forty year unbroken vow of silence.

Bell
Gah. Fucking hell, Ronald. If you start driving uppishly early in the innings again I'll have to take it all back.

Stokes
Has shown promise, albeit only actually in a single innings, but he's blatantly not a Test six. Bowling fine. Saying he's the light at the end of the tunnel is massively overdoing it, but he's worth persisting with.

Ballance
Has emerged with the most credit of all England batsmen on the tour, by virtue of never having left the fucking nets. Might as well be Lara.

Prior
Bye. In every sense. I hope he doesn't go in vogue and Retire From All Cricket because in April I'm going to take a trip to Hove to watch him with his hands in his pockets, fielding at third slip for the Sussex 2s against fucking Cardiff MCCU as he bids to regain his form enough if not to get an IPL or Big Bash contract, then certainly to have a stab at Bangladesh. 'One thing I know about this Barisal Burners team is that we always come out fighting'.

Bairstow
Not good enough with bat or gloves. Will probably become a Ramprakash figure. Bye.

Broad
Criminally underbowled at times by Cook, by far our most impressive bowler (though still gets too obsessed with our crap PLAN of bowling short all the time) and if any of the current shower of absolutely putrid shite could have even a look at being the next captain, it might be him - although even suggesting that makes me feel like I have AIDS. However, his batting, which on natural ability should be a very handy second string to his bow, is instead a total embarrassment to him and his family.

Bresnan
Bowls a heavy ball, keeps the run rate down, will never let the side down, useful with the bat, etc. Let's face it, he's fucking shit, has always been fucking shit, and always will be fucking shit. Fuck off. Bye.

Tremlett
We might as well have brought a photograph of Tremlett for all the use he has been. His top level career is over, I warned the England selectors about this all summer having actually watched him play then as opposed to whipping out the DVD of 2010/11 for a cheap Thursday night wank. But did they listen? Did they fuck. Bye.

Anderson
Let's not kid ourselves that a 'lack of assistance' or 'the Kookaburra ball' is at fault for Jimmy's failings in the series. No. He bowled beautifully in Australia last time out and has done so in all conditions, all around the world. What's at fault for his failings is the fact that he's been programmed into needing to swing the ball - conventionally or reverse - by the England stat computers so much that he's forgotten how to actually bowl, hence the humiliating episodes every innings when he tells Aleem Dharmasena that the ball is out of shape after three overs. It was so in 'helpful conditions' in the summer as much as here. Probably deserves the Sri Lanka series as a final chance to sort himself out.

Finn
Another example, along with the above and others, of the cancerous effect of our 'scientific' management on our best talent. Here we have a raw talent who has all the things you can't teach - so we decide to fucking unteach them, and try and make him more like Timothy Twatface Bresnan. It is, in sporting terms and for Finn as a man, a tragedy.

Rankin
Why would you take him on tour if you have no intention of trying him out, even amidst the wreckage of the most embarrassing attempt at a Test series in the last 25 years? He's 29, so not a youngster as everyone seems to assume, and if not good enough for Tests, surely you'd know that before bothering to tempt him over from Ireland?

Swann
RIP. Bye.

Panesar
The England Setup clearly fucking despise this man, and all spinners not called Swann. First they didn't select him in Dubai, then they didn't select him in Ahmedabad, then they selected Kerrigan over him after he was pissing on bouncers, and finally Cook starts bowling Joe Root ahead of him here. What's going on? I doubt they'll pick him again after this tour.

Management
Flower's time has run its course, while Gooch and Saker also have to go. In their place I would suggest Ashley Giles and Graham Thorpe would be a good start. Less southern African thinking required, more Englishness. Also, I am reliably informed that James Taylor's height is what keeps him out of the team. You what? Selection is batshit mental and clearly picked off some graph that doesn't mean anything.

So this is an approximation of what I reckon we should start next summer with:

Cook
Root
Bell/Trott
Pietersen
Bell/Taylor/Ballance
- (wk)
Stokes
- (spinner)
Broad (c)
Finn/a young quick (not Tymal fucking Mills)
Anderson/a genius 1990 style journeyman

Then hopefully, by the time MS Hitler brings the Nazis over for their five match series, a few people will have stood up in county cricket and sensed their opportunity.


Last year these (http://www.thedugout.net/community/showthread.php?p=4093239) were my thoughts on the Ashes, and I hoped I would never have to write such a cathartic rant post again but here we are, and here we go. Let's start with the players.

Morgan
This bloke has puzzled me for a long time but in this tournament I've finally chanced upon what he is - a fucking shitcunt version of KP, who, himself already a fucking shitcunt, is setting the bar very high. Morgan has totalled about one good year in an England shirt and on his day etc etc - I don't care. Ultimately you have to ask why he has come over the sea. He doesn't give a fuck about playing for England, as he has shown on numerous occasions and not just with the anthem, so you can only imagine he came here to enrich himself on the back of English cricket. Fine, many have, but England captain? Once you get past the pleasant manner and the come-to-bed eyes he's just another underperforming cunt who can fuck off. Put him on the ferry at Liverpool and let him play for a country he wants to play for. Shouldn't play for England in any format again.

Moeen Ali
This morning I saw a picture of him playing chess with Ravi Bopara, which appeared to have been taken by an ECB sniper. I like to imagine that it was a piece of performance art, a cry for help. He's a fucking legend. We don't deserve him.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B4atgkfCYAEvdqB.jpg:large

Ian Bell
I really want Ronald to be the best player ever but the fact is, the guy has spent his entire life at fucking Loughborough and it shows when the crunch comes. He's never been a good enough one day cricketer, because one day cricket is about big, swinging testicles and unfortunately Ronald's have to be hoovered out of his ginger perineum every morning. Shouldn't play in one dayers again.

Alex Hales - he has a shit technique, I don't really rate him and he is one of those guys (like Stokes) who people latch onto and turn into the Messiah because he's not in the team. He does at least take the bowling on but he is not the future and is frankly no better than ordinary. That's the sad truth.

Barry Gallance - I have watched Barry smash the fuck out of T20 and one dayers with Yorkshire, so ultimately his utter fucking disaster of a tournament has to be another for the long, Tolkien-esque book of people England have made worse. He has come into the side because they want a batsman, they've put something through a computer and told him he has to be their solid number three, and it's broken him, as has the humdrum tedium of having to have 800 throw downs from Simon Short-Shorts and his dog chucker every day. I want Barry to go back to topless nightclub singing. He enjoyed that.

Joe Root
I love Root. He has talent, he has guts, he has a pair and he's the future, and now the present, of English cricket. Make him captain of everything.

James Taylor
The ECB's treatment of Taylor is the cricketing equivalent of that woman who was filmed putting a cat in a bin. Reliable sources have told me he wasn't picked for years because 'DATA' (hopefuly this is now a thing) suggested he was too short for international cricket, despite being taller than arguably the greatest batsman to play the game since the war. When finally picked, he has been moved up and down the order according to the needs of other people, all of whom make lesser contributions than he. He must now be treated as an asset in all formats.

Ravi Bopara
We've been trying him for fucking years and he never does anything. Why the fucking fuck was he in Australia? We have aggressive, stylish batsmen like Vince and Roy not even threatening the squad because this dickhead and his little no-backlift pushes behind point are deemed a crucial cog in the machine. Fuck off and take your shithouse bowling with you. Shouldn't play for England again.

Jos Buttler
If he's been a bit under par its because our batting plan is 'lose loads of early wickets while scoring at a poor rate, and then hope Jos hits 150 off 40 balls'. Like all our other shit plans, this one has been execution-free. Obviously a big player going forward along with Root, Moeen and Taylor.

Chris Woakes
I have always been a fan, and still am despite his complete inability to think for himself on a cricket field, but that started to diminish when the other day I heard him say 'execute our plans/skills' in five consecutive sentences. I'll stop here to explain why skill execution is so sinister and wrong. It implies that a textbook skill is perfectly formed and can be pumped into the very flesh and bone of Chris Woakes, and then it's down to him to execute it and the coach can say not me guv. What it does is elevate the coach and the analyst to a level above the player, which is not surprising since it's them who came up with the concept. It's also the reason why everyone - EVERYONE - must be sacked.

Chris Jordan
Can't blame him.

Stuart Broad
I was dreading getting to this absolute CUNT of a man because with everyone else a bit of sweary slagging off is enjoyable, but with this fucking disgusting person it just makes me more and more angry. In the first game against Australia he repeatedly ran away from the ball like a little girl, which for an international cricketer claiming to bat at 9 is pathetic, and that summed up his World Cup - averaging less than 3 with the bat and almost 80 with the ball. He's a coward, he's a simpleton, he's a cunt and the ECB gave his sister a job as an analyst, which is BCCI-esque. He has to go. I can't bear it any more. Oh and as Alex Hales so neatly puts it, who indeed does have their initials on a golf shirt? https://twitter.com/AlexHales1/status/553032242029547520

Steven Finn
If you took his pants off you would find a penis and then a void behind it with a stamp saying DAVID SAKER WOS ERE. He bowls like he's on death row, with no conviction, with no venom, with no confidence. But can you blame him? This is a setup that intentionally drains all of those things from anyone who had them initially. He is done, he is finished, and so is England.

James Anderson
He was past it as a one day cricketer at the last World Cup, we rest him from every one day series, so he turns up at the next World Cup, bowls like a hologram and people are surprised? Fucking get rid.

James Tredwell
He's probably just made his own way home by now.

Management
It doesn't matter if we sack Peter Moores. The next person will be the same. The ECB has built a system in which conformity is paramount, whilst individuality and fun and joy are to be distrusted and stamped out at all levels. It broke Jonathan Trott, by all accounts the most decent man in those better England sides, not that that was any great achievement. It's broken Steven Finn. It's well on its way to breaking Ballance.

They are such a corporate set of cunts that they feel everything has to be controlled by them and the protection of revenue and the brand is the only thing worth fighting for. The England brand must be worth about 3p by now, but they still cling on.

David Saker is a fucking useless cunt, and I have no idea how he still has a job. Moores seems to be broken, has failed miserably twice, and has to go. Downton is an absolutely ridiculous fungus of a man and has to go. But none of these people has to go like the one who has seemingly permanently entombed himself at the centre of English cricket, Giles Clarke, who has damaged our game, damaged the world game and all whilst aping David Mellor. If he drowned tomorrow I genuinely wouldn't be that upset. In fact, fuck that, I'd pay to watch it.

I love cricket, like thousands of others I put a lot of time into the game, and we all get up at 4am and watch these cunts represent us and we deserve better. They can all fuck off and some new ones can come in. We were fucking shit in the 90s, but at least then we were shit for the right reasons. This time we're shit because parasitical cunts have made us so and it didn't need to happen.

[Max Power]

Great work Ian. And Jimmy obvs.

That Moeen/Ravi chess photo taken by 'ECB snipers' is fucking gold. Might make it my phone wallpaper.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Their chess positions are familiar. Moeen has a slightly questionable defence, but it's an attractive style of play and he's gained the upper hand. Ravi, meanwhile, sets up very solidly, but you have to question where it's all actually going.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/bangladesh-v-australia-2015-16/content/story/923531.html

Wouldn't blame them for not going, Bangladesh is becoming ever more ISIS-y.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They've only gone and opened with Moeen in the first warm-up.

[Max Power]

Seems to be that he and Hales will get a warm up match each to show what they can do.

Root in prime form already obviously :cool:

[Davgooner]

Bairstow and Stokes at 5 and 6 is fucking depressing. The latter is going to get absolutely taken apart over there.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Both will be. We went with a ginger 5-6 combo last time in the UAE. I remember one particular evening session of Ajmal bowling to Morgan with about 35 men around the bat which was just terrifying.

[Danny]

Bairstow looking like the lesser of the ginger bomb scares so far

[niko_cee]

Yeah, good to see 'Jos' playing himself into a bit of form as well.

[Jimmy Floyd]

India got a right royal roasting off the biltong brothers earlier, and their fans celebrated by bottling the pitch on three occasions. They're really not conditioned to accept defeat over there, which is why the IPL is such a thing for them, because India always wins.

[Davgooner]

http://p.imgci.com/db/PICTURES/CMS/223400/223435.3.jpg

Ice-filled towel. :moop:

[niko_cee]

I know warm-up games being a shambles is a modern staple, but they seem to be taking the piss with these ones.

Pak A: 192-12

:cab:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Some bloke got two ducks.

We seem to be running with Moeen opening. My gawd. That must mean three seamers AND Stokes, and Rashid no doubt. Dat batting.

[Max Power]

Samit for Bairstow. Imagine the bowling options, not all great options , but options nonetheless.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Think of the variety too. Off spin, left arm orthodox, leg spin, and whatever Joe Root bowls (right arm earnest?). All of it rubbish, but that doesn't matter.

We really should have left Jimmy at home for this. Oh well.

[Blitz]

Our game got "rained" out today. As I have it, no rain actually fell from when the broadcast started, but the outfield was wet, and stayed wet enough throughout for it to be cancelled.

Now, my question is: Eden Gardens is supposedly one of the best cricket venues going around. How can their drainage be so poor that they couldn't even manage a game? How could they be so poor at clearing the outfield?
Couple this with the piss poor scenes of the 2nd T20i, in conclusion, fuck India, even more than usual.

[Max Power]

Think of the variety too. Off spin, left arm orthodox, leg spin, and whatever Joe Root bowls (right arm earnest?). All of it rubbish, but that doesn't matter.

We really should have left Jimmy at home for this. Oh well.
Imagine Trotty's medium pace in there as well!

:(

[Jimmy Floyd]

Sadly I can't find a video of his legendary exploits in Dubai last time round so we'll have to make do with the cricinfo line to prove it happened.


67.6 70.0 mph, that's a masterstroke by Strauss! The innocuous Trott gets a wicket, he lands it a shade outside off and gets it to come in slightly, Younis gets his front pad across and didn't appear to offer a proper shot, he was half forward, hits him in line with the stumps and Bowden sends him marching 202/4

[Danny]

https://youtu.be/QB6pmXSTMIg?t=512

[niko_cee]

Ben Stokes plays back and is bowled.

[Davgooner]

The current headline on Cricinfo might as well stay in place for the next few weeks.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The great man has spoken.

http://www.cricket.com.au/news/feature/misbah-ul-haq-exclusive-column-pakistan-england-test-series-root-smith-warne-gillespie/2015-10-11


Losing that series 0-3 would have been a bitter experience for them and will no doubt make them more determined this time. Their spinners back then, Graeme Swann and Monty Panesar, were more experienced and destructive and I feel England are going to miss them. They had some big-name batsmen too, in Kevin Pietersen and Jonathan Trott who will be missed.

England’s strength however lies in their pace attack, and we all saw what they did to Australia in the Ashes. They were extremely good with the new ball and also showed their skill with reverse swing. Even in the 2012 series here, albeit it was during the winter when the pitches had moisture, their pace attack didn’t let us post big totals. We struggled against their seamers hence surviving against new ball will be a key factor in this series.

The inexperience of their squad in the Asian conditions will be their weakness. Most of their players are touring the UAE for the first time. It will be a challenge for their batsmen to bat on the slow pitches against our quality spin attack.

There needs to be some sort of Misbah trollface combo produced and repackaged in smiley form. He then applies the coup de grace on cricketing orthodoxy thus:


Among fast bowlers, I have faced world class bowlers like Glenn McGrath and Brett Lee but the one who I found most threatening was Jason Gillespie. His rhythm and action was too tough to handle.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yasir Shah has missed out with a back strain. That said, Hafeez and Shoaib Malik are already on their way to compiling a handy score, so we're fucked.

[Max Power]

Zulfiqar Babar to run riot.

Rashid getting some tap already :uhoh:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Bumble hits the big issues: 'There's some sand 'ere, in't there? We're surrounded by sand.'

[Max Power]

Oh, Stuart.

Really have missed Ramiz Raja and his bizarre speaking style. "So Beefy, who's going to win this match? Who's going to win the session? Come out of the trenches and sneak up on the opponent"

[Jimmy Floyd]

Ramiz is fucking awesome. He has the best hair in cricket, and talks absolute bollocks, often contradicting himself in the same sentence, but keeps getting work. Good on him.

On that note I was watching the Presidents Cup (golf, USA v rest of the world) at the weekend, which was in Korea, and who should suddenly appear on commentary but... Alan Wilkins. His banter style didn't really translate across sports, I'll be honest.

[Jimmy Floyd]

'Have you been to the Grand Mosque, Beefy?'
'No, but my wife has. She says it's fantastic. I might go next week.'
'Absolutely, it's on the must-do list. Those arches are Moorish in nature.'

God bless you, Ramiz.

[Max Power]

Wilkins is terrible. Fair play to a guy with a relatively modest playing career now rubbing shoulders with greats of the game though. When he was toiling away with Glamorgan did he one day think we would be exchanging white hot banter with Wasim Akram at the Under 19 World Cup? Maybe he did, who knows.

[Davgooner]

Cricinfo's Indian Army are going to town on our bowling attack after a session of play.

Calm your passion lads.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The innings handicap is currently set at 503.5.

:drool:

[Davgooner]

Younis Khan must be about 80.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Misbah comprehensively sawn off there.

TV umpire - S Ravi (India)

Ah.

[niko_cee]

So Ronald already owes the team about 2 years worth of runs?

Bodes well.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The second one was real last days of Rome stuff unfortunately. You won't get an easier slip chance than that in Test cricket.

[Davgooner]

Rashid. :face:

[Ian]

Can't wait for us to make this track look like a minefield.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I feel we've under-bowled Bairstow here. And Cook.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Have I really just watched Stokes bowling spin?

[Davgooner]

Okay, so Ben Stokes will bowl the last over before lunch... And it will be an over of offspin.

:clap:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Seamers 8-199 off 82
Spinners 0-297 off 69

To celebrate, they've flown Chris Jordan out there.

[Davgooner]

I realised earlier that last time we were out there Monty was donning it. :(

[niko_cee]

I assume it's mere coincidence that the only no-ball bowled in nigh on 2 days of toil was one that took a wicket.

Something really needs to be done about umpires ignoring the rule.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Reiffel just gave one against Wahab this second. On a ball where an appeal was going up, naturally.

They must be telling them not to look. It's just a basic part of umpiring. You have loads of time to look back up.

[Ian]

We've got these fuckers right where we want them.

[Jimmy Floyd]

There was a quality moment on the Verdict when Colvile asked Big Bad Bob if he'd ever tried his hand at off breaks.

*long pause*

'No, Charles.'

[Ian]

I don't like the set-up for the Verdict for this series. As much as I love Bob it's awkward as fuck watching him look as if he's gone into standby mode when anybody else is speaking.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Moeen nicks off for 35 after being on the pitch for 15 odd hours.

Ronald now arrives to try and salvage his career.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Bell now facing the left arm spinner and all of a sudden the sheer terror of 2012 is with us again. Four appeals an over. He looked plumb out just now but nobody realised it was pad first.

[niko_cee]

The deadly slow, straight, non-spinning pie.

[Davgooner]

Four appeals an over.

:D

No lie.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Bell 1* (35)

Shoaib Malik now bowling, this will fuck us up.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's now done enough to earn a classic Ramiz 'smooth operator'.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TYv2PhG89A

[niko_cee]

"Chef" is going to be the all time best overseas batsman in Asian conditions after this.

Commencing jinx in 3, 2 . . .

Then Root can come in and bat for a few days.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We might as well attempt to bat for the rest of the match and just see if we can break some sort of record. Cook's only 267 away from Lara's record as I write this.

[niko_cee]

Is this a back-to-back test set-up? We could probably try and kill off this bowling attack.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The match score is currently 758 for 9 off 240 overs.

The seven spinners (including Stokes) in total have bowled 115 overs, 0 for 403.

[Davgooner]

Wahab Riaz to Cook, FOUR, too wide again, and Cook doesn't play this quite so convincingly, but there are enough gaps in the cordon for that to fizz to the boundary again. Two fours in a row. Scenes

Hello.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://stats.espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/stats/index.html?class=1;filter=advanced;host=25;host=27 ;host=6;host=7;host=8;orderby=runs;team=1;team=2;t eam=3;team=4;team=5;team=9;template=results;type=b atting

Look who he's bearing down on. All those runs were for the team, too.

Flower above Pietersen :cool:

[igor_balis]

Out to a wide half-volley on 63, right before the end of the day. Ian Bell is more committed to staying in character than a 1970s wrestler.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I have to say, watching that full day of Cook batting was a joy. Not a foot wrong.

[Max Power]

He does seem back to his relentless, plodding best. I wonder how many Test runs he'd have now if he never bothered with that pointless foray into ODI cricket. It was an unnecessary distraction and almost certainly caused him technical issues.

[Ian]

Chef. :cool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

A couple on Pointless just had to name people who scored runs for England in the 2010 World T20 victory.

Their first guess was David Campese.

[Ian]

Fucking hell. :D

[Max Power]

I remember one from ages ago where they had to name Ashes centurions or winning captains or something and some geezer plumped for 'Ronnie Bopara'.

[Jimmy Floyd]

After Campese, they plumped for Jonathan Trott, only to find that was wrong and so they returned to the much safer ground of Rory Underwood.

And people say cricket has lost relevance.

[Max Power]

Trott's relevance though :drool: The People's Champ.

[Davgooner]

Imagine Trott on this pitch. :drool:

[Ian]

Cook playing every minute of the test so far. :drool:

[Davgooner]

Strike rate refusing to go below 50 as well. What a beast.

[Max Power]

They better not declare tomorrow. Play for Cook and watch those records tumble. Nudge by nudge, nurdle by nurdle...

[Ian]

As much as it must have been excruciating as a match I kind of wish I'd been watching to see Cook play that one out.

[niko_cee]

He was out off a no ball was he? Fucking lol at that.

[Ian]

I had a bit of a lol reading about this chap:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanif_Mohammad

Getting run out on 499.

[John Arne]

Alec Stewart scored the same amount of test runs, as his date of birth.
8463.
Mind blown.

[Samadini]

Hello

[Max Power]

What on earth is going on?

Rashid though :cool:

[Cord]

It's on.

England to lose, that is.

[Max Power]

Mo and Buttler opening. Love it

[Luca]

SA vs. India being called "The Freedom Series" is all sorts of lol.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Sehwag retires. I'm posting this because I'd never heard this story before:


My favourite Virender Sehwag story – and gosh, aren’t there a lot? – is the one told by Jeremy Snape, the former Northamptonshire spin bowler, now a respected sports psychologist. Sehwag and Snape were batting together for Leicestershire on a baking hot day at Southgate. Abdul Razzaq was making the old ball reverse like a Frisbee. “We must lose this ball,” Sehwag told Snape at the end of one over. “I have a plan.”

The next delivery, Sehwag hit a six so big it sailed out of the ground, landing indeterminately in a church yard across the road. Vintage Sehwag: see ball, hit ball. Lose ball. Force umpires to choose replacement ball from box of spares. As Razzaq examined his new, inferior projectile, Sehwag confided to Snape: “We are all right for one hour.”

[Ian]

That's ace. Makes me think of the one I read about Viv Richards where a bowler decided to inform him after a few swings and misses that the ball is "red, round and weighs five ounces." Next ball Richards twats it into a nearby river and tells the bowler that seeing as he knows what it looks like he ought to go and fetch it.

[Ian]

Whoever that last commentator on TMS was has a seriously irritating voice.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Who (descriptively) was it?

I've got a new Rameez Raja drinking game. Whenever he says 'in a jiffy', I have to down a can of petrol.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The camera cuts to two men in the crowd with their eyes closed.

'Doesn't seem to be a snooze, they're seriously working up a solid sleeping pattern.'

[Ian]

Who (descriptively) was it?

Not Aggers, Blofeld or Smith and had a bit of an odd, nasal voice is about as well as I can describe him. Not anybody I've heard on TMS before so far as I'm aware.

Also, what exactly is meant by "mystery spin"? Does it just mean a spinner who can play a variety of types of delivery?

[Jimmy Floyd]

It'll be Charlie Dagnall I think. He used to be a right CHARACTER for Leicestershire about 10+ years ago.

Last over of an attritional day's play. 13 runs short of a hundred. Time to get safely through to stumps, right?

http://www.pkvoices.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Misbah-ul-Haq3.jpg

[Max Power]

Misbah climbing out his bunker to clout some maximums is one of the great sporting sights.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This was the classic against Monty Panesar. It's proper 'nobody expects the Spanish inquisition' stuff.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Yvac5RF1rc

[Danny]

Not Aggers, Blofeld or Smith and had a bit of an odd, nasal voice is about as well as I can describe him. Not anybody I've heard on TMS before so far as I'm aware.

Also, what exactly is meant by "mystery spin"? Does it just mean a spinner who can play a variety of types of delivery?

Did Vaughan say it? Pretty much means chucker.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It means there's a mystery as to which way the ball will turn, something missing from, for example, Moeen Ali. Or any English spinner since the beginning of time.

You could bracket leggies in there as they tend to have googlies. Saqlain Mushtaq was originally in English said to bowl the 'mystery ball', being the first to do so, and we later retconned that to 'doosra', which means the second one.

[Danny]

That was pretty tongue in cheek but the only time I have heard him say it is when he was talking about Ajmal/Doosra's "We need a mystery spinner" when Ali was struggling a while back.

[Max Power]

Good effort to dismiss them for 378 on what looks another flat pitch.

Another 18 hour knock please Alastair.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We're exceeding my expectations by quite a lot so far. Mainly in the batting, though, so let's hope that continues.

[Jimmy Floyd]

What a dickhead catch that was.

134 all out.

[Max Power]

Yasir Shah looks good. Definitely can see him instigating a collapse at some point.

This is the key partnership. Two best players and two best temperaments

[Jimmy Floyd]

Really don't fancy a fourth innings chase of, say, 105 on a fifth day pitch against Yasir.

These two, though, are so fucking good.

[Davgooner]

Fuck.

All out for 145.

[Jimmy Floyd]

There is a slight hint of the tail starting now, but fuck it.

[Max Power]

Thought that was out tbh. These two look uncomfortable against the leggie

[Max Power]

Wahab is a warrior. Keeps running in and bowling quickly on these pitches. Trouble now

[Max Power]

That familiar feeling of an England collapse. Comforting, in a way, isn't it?

[Max Power]

Jesus, Buttler is having a mare. Give Bairstow the gloves and bring Taylor in I think. Or Hales and Ali down the order.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Wahab is an absolute beast. Still living that World Cup spell to Twatto.

I would make the Buttler change now, in spite of my inclination to pick the better keeper. Keep him fresh for one dayers and the T20 World Cup. It also gives Bairstow the security of a proper chance to prove himself with the bat. My first thought was get Hales in and send Moeen down to the middle order, ideally 6 with Stokes 7. Taylor will replace Ronald soon anyway at this rate.

[Jimmy Floyd]

https://pbs.twimg.com/tweet_video/CSFKzmBXAAATAEC.mp4

This man is the fucking world boss.

[Max Power]

That is top drawer.

I have no way of knowing, but judging from him on and off field demeanour and my intuition I'm sure Younis is an absolute top geezer.

His test record is obviously great, but considering he's barely played a test at his proper home country it's even better

[Jimmy Floyd]

Younis has played 19 Tests in Pakistan. Misbah zero :(

[Ian]

Yep, not having Moeen in this position at all. I guess Hales is next then?

[ItalAussie]

We've had a rash of all-time great batsmen come to the end of their careers over the past decade. I'm wondering where Younis Khan fits on that. He's been operating under the radar for so long, but he has a ton of runs at a very good average. Might not get the love he deserves.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's a superb player. Always the second best player in the side though (until the last handful of years), overshadowed either by Inzamam or subsequently by Moyo, so possibly hasn't had the recognition.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Bhuvi Kumar has just had a very good look at Mick Lewis's record.

And they cut to Ravi Shastri's face in the stands :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

438 for 4. Hmm.

Well bowled, India.

[Davgooner]

The Indian fans were going mental for AB. Cunts.

Elsewhere, you'd like to think our middle order might actually seize this opportunity, but once Root's gone it's over.

[Jimmy Floyd]

What the hell are Stokes and Buttler going to do in a crisis?

I'd be tempted to go full mental for the next Test and put Ian Bell up to open, with Taylor at three, Moeen at six and Buttler in the shower.

[Danny]

Anyone see the SA India highlights?

du Plessis, by the end of his innings, couldn't move and was just swinging away like he was trying to get out :lol:

[ItalAussie]

What the hell are Stokes and Buttler going to do in a crisis?

I'd be tempted to go full mental for the next Test and put Ian Bell up to open, with Taylor at three, Moeen at six and Buttler in the shower.

That actually sounds like a rather sensible setup, given the options available. Suits everyone but Bell, who will be happy to be in the lineup at all. And it could work - reminds me of when we put Langer at the top of the order, despite him never really batting there before. It was clear that he had the temperament for it, and there's a chance that Bell might too. Worth finding out, at least.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Stokes has come in and there have been five appeals from his first five balls. For fuck's sake.

[Max Power]

Rashid (plus Wood and Broad) showing these cunts how to bat in this situation :cool:

Cue him getting stumped in a minute...

[Max Power]

Bumble and the always bewildering Ramiz commentating on a falcon hunting grasshoppers there a great moment.

England are gonna save this :nodd:

[Davgooner]

Some of these appeals are fucking laughable.

Pakistan putting up a 'fabulous show' apparently though.

[Ian]

Mon Jimmy, make the dickheads cry.

[Max Power]

Six around the bat :|

Rashid needs to farm the strike, I don't have faith in Jimmy I'm afraid. Another Headingley vs Sri Lanka on the cards

[Davgooner]

Adil mate.

[Max Power]

Jesus, bit of a brain fart there. Good effort though, the middle order can take notes

[Jimmy Floyd]

Can't really complain about the performance from those selected, especially the bowlers who gave it all they had. The batting is so dependent on Cook and Root though. It's summed up by Moeen's quote before the game stating his role in the side was to 'get us off to a good start with the bat and then bowl the opposition out'. We have three or four luxury players which heaps everything on those few key men.

[Ian]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/34674774

Tasty.

[Jimmy Floyd]

And yet they spent most of their tour over here whingeing about 'doctored' pitches. The Fair Dinkum Cobber XI scored 503/1 on that with seamers not allowed to bowl and with Brendon McCullum toiled through 10 overs, etc etc. Aaron Finch loves to cash in on those games, doesn't he. I've got my eye on him.

I've been following the Shield games (complete with pink ball) and there has been some laughable stuff going on. The pink ball looks absolutely shite to me, and only stays pink for about ten minutes. Klinger still scored 200 for the sandgropers though. If they don't pick him for upcoming international series all the selectors should be sacked, he is so fucking good.

Victoria did the classic thing of declaring 100+ behind and then rattling the opposition out for 103. Aggressive brand of cricket mate.

[ItalAussie]

That pitch wasn't doctored. It's just a woefully terrible pitch.

Nobody but Finch and Carters enjoyed that farce.

[niko_cee]

It was taking the modern trend of providing teams with the worst imaginable warm-up conditions to a new low though.

Meanwhile we've sacked Buttler off for a while (KP getting firmly behind him was probably the death knell) and brought in the perennially under-heighted Wee Jimmy Taylor. Prospect of fatlad Patel playing as well. Maybe we can win a toss, although I imagine this will be one of the worst pitches in the history of test cricket.

[Max Power]

Samit :drool:

I read they might put Taylor in at 3 and drop Bell down to 5 where he averages loads. Would rather just say goodbye forever to dear Ronald but maybe we still need him I dunno

[niko_cee]

Ron late cutting us to glory after top order collapses in South Africa.

:drool:

What are they going to do with the opening position in all this? Moeen can't be a serious candidate to do it down there, can he? Bairstow isn't a real 'keeper either, is he?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Ronald has one more career-saving hundred in him I reckon.

Who are they bringing Fat Sam in for, just the injured Wood? Love the fucking balance. RIP Barry Ballance.

[Danny]

I was going to say 'Get Hales in for Wood and send Ali back down.'

Then I started listing the bowlers and got worried. Maybe not.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Six bowlers (in this context where we need the two spinners) works well, it's just a question of how to stop us needing a partnership of 500 between Cook and Root to get into the game.

I thought Bairstow was going ok but he's now going down to 7, which does lengthen the lineup a fair bit. I'd go with the same thing in South Africa, move Moeen down to 5 and bring in an opener. There is one player they are missing a serious trick with which is James Vince, but oh well.

[Max Power]

How long before they push Root back up to open do we reckon? It would be a bad idea but I can see it .

[Danny]

Is that six including Samit? Doing what I said above leaves us with Jimmy, Broad, Stokes, Moeen and Rashid

I think I would rather play Hales than Samit. We will get more from that.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I really can't see Samit playing. They'd have to leave out Stokes, who has been doing a handy job with the ball, or move him down to eight which would be ridiculous. The pitch will just be Misbah trollface flat so no point bothering with a third spinner wondering which pie to throw and which to eat. There are greengrocers in Lahore who bowl better spin with cauliflowers than Patel does.

I imagine they'll play Plunkett, or they should do anyway.

[Danny]

I really can't see Samit playing. They'd have to leave out Stokes, who has been doing a handy job with the ball, or move him down to eight which would be ridiculous. The pitch will just be Misbah trollface flat so no point bothering with a third spinner wondering which pie to throw and which to eat. There are greengrocers in Lahore who bowl better spin with cauliflowers than Patel does.

I imagine they'll play Plunkett, or they should do anyway.

:lol: without a doubt

[Jimmy Floyd]

Misbah 7* (34)

And so it begins. Anderson really is quite good though. I realised my opinion about leaving him out of this was a load of tripe when Michael Vaughan came out and said the same thing beforehand.

[Davgooner]

I tell you who is good: Patel.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I tell you what, Fat Sam fucking loved that.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Oh, Misbah. Never change, you absolute legend.

13 off 69, then cunts Adil Rashid's first ball for six.

[Ian]

The amount of spin we're getting is filling me with a deep sense of forboding.

[Max Power]

Haven't been watching but :drool: at Samit in the wickets. Can't wait for his classy, boundary laden 36 tomorrow

[Jimmy Floyd]

I dunno, the fact that he's ragging it two feet on day one suggests that the game is lost to me.

[Jimmy Floyd]

King Misbah taking 17 off one of his overs has slightly dampened the mood as well.

Misbah becomes more of a sporting legend every time he bats. It's quite amazing. He needs three more sixes to pass Tendulkar's total in Tests.

[Davgooner]

Pakistan will have a first innings lead of about 150 then.

[Jimmy Floyd]

https://vine.co/v/e3rPzWdxTqP

Man down as well. Can't see us getting up to 234.

[Davgooner]

'Keeper fucking loved it. :D

[Ian]

Wee Jimmy Taylor to top-score as they make us follow on.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Moeen with an 'I just don't know what he was thinking, Charles' shot and Bell nearly following him in.

Boys, we're a man down ffs. Just tough it out.

[Davgooner]

TMS this morning was 20 minutes of 'Moeen should be going at them, no point in hanging about, get a quick 40/50 etc' and then 15 minutes of 'reckless, too aggressive too soon, etc'. Top notch.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Someone on the BBC live text said that Moeen should be dropped for his shot because in a normal workplace you would receive at least a formal warning for what was the equivalent of 'swearing at a client'.

[Max Power]

You'll all be loving in when he's lofting Dale Steyn for six over long on on his way to a 80 ball hundred at The Wanderers

[Jimmy Floyd]

I can smell a Ronald hundred here. It smells like bacon, and coffee, and foie gras.

[Davgooner]

Last 10 overs: 13/1

:henn0rz:

[ItalAussie]

Outstanding headline this:

Uncapped Rabbi picked for Zimbabwe ODIs
http://www.espncricinfo.com/bangladesh-v-zimbabwe-2015-16/content/story/935425.html

[Max Power]

Islam Rabbi, heh.

Innings run rate about to drop below 2 :drool:

This is what we live for

[Jimmy Floyd]

We're actually doing reasonably well, too.

[Davgooner]

40 and out for Ronald. :eek:

[Jimmy Floyd]

As if he's done all that grafting and then just strolled past one.

Taylor and Fat Sam to the rescue.

[Max Power]

Taylor looks very organised. Mad how he hasn't played more for England in the past 3 years.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The guy's just superb. Him, Vince and Barry G should all be in this side ideally. One of them would probably have to open though.

[Cord]

It's genuinely got to the point where I can't remember if Barry Gallance is his actual name, or if it's the one we made up. Such a memorable figure.

I imagine this is deeply tedious for people watching, but this is great cricket for those of us at work and following via updates. The tension of waiting for the inevitable edged sweep is the only thing keeping me going.

[Max Power]

I like it. It's a proper grind. There's a bit of turn, a hint of reverse swing and England are digging in.

Nice to see after the aggressive brand-off in the summer.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Antipodean sport at the moment is just an endless waterfall of testosterone. The Test series coming up will be a joke.

[niko_cee]

We'd probably have won this by now if Taylor was a foot taller.

[Ian]

It's important that we don't let his abilities as a cricketer overshadow his verticality.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I don't want this to come across the wrong way (maybe it's the right way?), but you can't help noticing Taylor's biceps and physique under that shirt nowadays. He hits it miles in county one dayers. Very short, though.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.thecricketmonthly.com/story/926493/the-making-of-moeen

Absolute must read long form feature on Moeen. Packed with quality quotes but I think the best is this:


Do you know what would make me happier than anything? I'd like to be a caller of prayer in the mosque and I'd like to clean the toilets. I've played a lot of cricket. I've been very lucky. At some stage, I'd like to give something back. I'd like to spend time with people and look after them a bit more. I think that would make me very happy.

[Danny]

I don't want this to come across the wrong way (maybe it's the right way?), but you can't help noticing Taylor's biceps and physique under that shirt nowadays. He hits it miles in county one dayers. Very short, though.

:D

I noticed the same a while back, hes put on some right muscle. Delighted for him today too. Hopefully he can convert.

Him and YJB to get us into a massive lead.

[Ian]

Maybe you two and Wee Jimmy should just get a room.

And I'll be reading that Mo piece tomorrow. Did that picture of him and Ravi playing chess come over along with one of the JimRage posts?

[Danny]

Like you didnt notice ;)

[Ian]

I've seen about ten minutes of this series on TV. :(

[Danny]

Willow TV on youtube has long highlights, its a legit channel, you might need VPN/Hola to watch it though.

It even has full days play on the "Liked playlist".

[niko_cee]

This has got embarrassing 4th innings collapse chasing a small target written all over it.

[Davgooner]

Could do with a classic 35 from Broad here.

[Davgooner]

Well that was fucking pointless.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Should have come out in a sling like Malcolm Marshall.

Can't see us chasing more than say 38 in the fourth innings.

[Davgooner]

This is bollocks.

[Max Power]

Oh dear :D

We'll almost certainly run through em now

[Davgooner]

That sounds like some piece of cricket. :D

[Max Power]

Hello.

What a series Anderson is having considering the conditions.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We need to resurrect that thread about old people donning young people in honour of Misbah. If they win this he will have led them to a ranking of number 2 in the world ffs.

[Luke Emia]

I don't think we have actually done that badly out there I have to say. We will probably lose the series 2-0 but we should have won the first test, nearly saved the second test and are odds on certainties to collapse to 96-8 tomorrow. I thought we would get ground into the dirt but we have been in every game. Which is a surprise to me.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah we've been good. Against lesser dons we'd have won a game or two.

The difference is that our spinners are very poor.

[Max Power]

We need to resurrect that thread about old people donning young people in honour of Misbah. If they win this he will have led them to a ranking of number 2 in the world ffs.
Took over the captaincy aged 36 after the previous encumbent and two of their best bowlers had been convicted and banned for spot fixing. From a personal point of view he's averaging over 50 and has peeled off the joint fastest test hundred.

They haven't played a test at home and have beaten basically everyone. It really is a fantastic job and more needs to be made of it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I might write to him or something. I'm serious.

Tempting to think we can get 250 and below, but I dunno. Might need unexpected heroics from some don like Samit. Or Moeen :drool:

[Max Power]

Samit has basically looked the best batsman on both sides in this match. Played beautifully.

Don't fancy us tbh, think they've already got enough.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I read a quality thing comparing Samit with Root (both boarded at Worksop in their sixth form). The guy said that Root was totally committed to cricket, always badgering people for an extra net or some more throwdowns. Of Patel, he could only recall 'there were always a lot of Pringles in his room'.

I only saw his first 20 yesterday but they were so easy and natural.

[John Arne]

England to get 78 in the 4th inns.

[niko_cee]

Good night sweet prince.

[niko_cee]

Also, it should be noted, out in classic English style, cleaned up by the lethal non-turning part-time filth monger.

[Max Power]

So is the end for Ronald? I don't think so yet but it probably should be. We'll be treated to a couple of pleasant forties in South Africa before he gets binned

[Jimmy Floyd]

The medium term future should be:
Cook
Gallance (why not)
Taylor
Root
Vince
Moeen/Rashid/SPINNER DAMMIT (moves up and down order depending on batting prowess)
Stokes
Duckett
Broad
Wood
Anderson

Long term future:
Sam Curran
10 others

[Max Power]

Hales will get his go in South Africa surely? Tough debut series though Jesus. What about Compton? Did pretty well when he played and was dropped quite hastily, always seems to be in the runs when I look at the county scores.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I heard they binned Compdog because of his lack of banter (no, really). His batting also ground along at the same pace as Cook, which in Robson/Lyth/Mo they have replaced with people who waft expansively to third slip for nine.

I think Hales is going to be toilet at this level but I've been wrong before. As for starting him on lively decks against Steyn, Morkel and probably Rabada... might as well bring back Carberry for his eternal short straw. Or Jason Roy for the lolz.

Varun Chopra is the only decent opener who hasn't been tried. Better than Lyth/Robson for me.

[Cord]

Has Hales actually done anything at First Class level to justify inclusion, or is it just he's the only English/Australian/South African opener we haven't tried yet? I don't remember his figures being test quality last I looked.

[niko_cee]

He doesn't even look good in the shorter forms most of the time.

[Max Power]

Hales was in electric form in the first half of the season. Racking up big scores in quick time, tailed off after that though.

Hope the Saffers do pick Rabada, he looks amazing.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He has some big scores in the last year or two but I worry about the flat track bullying aspect, which basically involves twatting shit bowlers over mid wicket. Can't remember who his county extravaganzas were against but it wasn't long ago he couldn't get in the Notts red ball side, which says to me when it goes wrong it'll go very wrong.

[igor_balis]

Hotel I'm staying in has sky sports, almost certainly gonna be up until about 3 watching Aus vs NZ. Who is this Burns bloke?

[ItalAussie]

Hotel I'm staying in has sky sports, almost certainly gonna be up until about 3 watching Aus vs NZ. Who is this Burns bloke?

Really promising young player from Queensland. Played in the middle order against India, but I believe he's more comfortable at the top.

With Burns, Khawaja and Nevil, it really does look like a new-style team. I'm excited to see how they go.

[Luke Emia]

Absolute classic from England. 98 for 6 is on.

[Ian]

Fucking shambolic stuff.

[Davgooner]

Listened to Aus-NZ overnight, then awoke to hear a wicket fall and that it was 59-6. Bit confused until I realised it was England, at which point everything made sense again.

Cook must be fucking seething.

[Max Power]

Had a few beers last night and stuck £25 quid on England at 4.8.

148 needed lads

[Davgooner]

Stokes has got this.

[Max Power]

Chef's got the reverse sweep out! On the victory charge :cool:

[Davgooner]

Those last two wickets. :roflol:

[Jimmy Floyd]

On a day when David Warner scored 160 and England were 59 for 6, all before 7am, the only thing I can cling to is India being run through by Dean Elgar on their home turf.

[ItalAussie]

Shoaib Malik has been a stealthily quality player for a while now. Will be disappointing to see him retire.

Great to see Khawaja and Burns making the most of their opportunities too.

[Max Power]

http://www.theguardian.com/sport/2015/nov/05/pakistan-misbah-ul-haq-county-cricket

Come to Leicester Misbah, you can stay in my house if you like.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Debating whether I'd punt Sangakkara (and his cock) into the Thames to make room. I probably would. Fits in with our youth policy as well.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've got the Channel Nine Charlies on. God, they are the death of cricket.

What intrigues me about the crew is where Mark Nicholas fits in. Tubs and Slats are obviously the front pair, shamelessly pushing their shocking banter into the three giant spaces in the coverage that there are these days. Then you have a cacophony of massively pro-Australian wankers that I can barely tell apart, but all of them are like sycophants aspiring to be in Tubs's little gang, to laugh off any hints at intellectualism as dismissively as him, to take the piss.

Then you've got Mark Nicholas. He just rocks up and talks absolute shit, and all for the wrong reasons, like a really shit nerd trying to impress Tubs with how cool he is. Tubs isn't having any of it, so why continue to employ the coiffed cunt? Either have a full on arvo of blokey, matey, shite banter, or do cricket commentary properly. Neither of those things require Mark Nicholas. For example, he's just said 'You've picked the wroooong maaan' in an American accent for absolutely no reason.

I was so baffled by the whole conundrum that I decided to draw Misbah.

http://oi66.tinypic.com/1265xrk.jpg

I cunted the eyes a bit. The right has just gone ten rounds with Inzamam in front of the pie stall, the left is a bit too heart throb. The truth, as ever, is somewhere in between.

Morning everyone.

[Davgooner]

:scratch:

India have gone and shat all over South Africa.

[niko_cee]

I've not seen much of that game beyond a bit this morning, but it looks an odd one. India cruising along at 125-2 overnight, got to 160-2, then all out for 200. Each innings has had its dramatic collapses.

Why did Philander open for South Africa in their second innings?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I was wondering that. Maybe they wanted to 'lengthen' their batting order in the expectation of certain wickets, so actual batsmen were there at the crunch point. Worked a treat.