The Cricket Thread

[Queenslander]

The MCG is tipped to host the 5th test under lights because the Hermit Kingdom (WA) wont be ready in time to open up.

lol


https://www.foxsports.com.au/cricket/the-ashes/cricket-australia-2021-the-ashes-schedule-fifth-test-not-in-perth-melbourne-daynight-test-at-mcg-fixture-news/news-story/43930ea750fd76a00765b35bc95d908d?fbclid=IwAR3QFr3H kR5NPvLlva2aCXEkqKKf0lO-jlpeKqohnZVis0gaiIMdxbC9nP4

[niko_cee]

Mate, the whole things going to go to pot once you get a whiff of OMICRON!

[Queenslander]

Mate, the whole things going to go to pot once you get a whiff of OMICRON!

Apparently it's already bouncing around NSW Central Coast.


I'll be genuinely gutted if the Ashes are cancelled as I naively thought covid was almost over.

[niko_cee]

All 5 tests at the SCG, probably our best chance of winning the series.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah, if we play them all at the SCG and tell ourselves we're 3-0 down, it'll probably be an English whitewash.

[Queenslander]

I still think your fellas will rise to the occasion.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We are absolutely garbage at Test cricket and Australia are mighty at home, I can't see us coming close to winning a Test. If we do it'll be because Root and/or Stokes score 180+.

[Ian]

It's gonna be baaaaad. But I'll sleep through most of it so whatever.

[Ian]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/59470786

:drool:

[niko_cee]

This feels like it's building into one of those 'so bad you just never know' type narratives that, I believe, was last sighted getting ignominiously turfed out of the Euros by Iceland.

[niko_cee]

BT aren't going to use the Fox commentary feed whilst Vaughan is on it.

:D

They should probably get Alistair McGowan or some such in to do a bit of Benaud/Greig whist the unbroadcastable bits are flowing.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I have Richie Benaud saying 'Morning everyone' as my alarm clock sound (it took about 2 years' work to make this a reality). I'll put a bid in for the audio rights on the Vaughan sections.

[Ian]

What, just on a loop or once but super loud or...?

[niko_cee]

Tony Greig shouting Gone! (and then saying No! or Down!) would be more alarming.

[Jimmy Floyd]

What, just on a loop or once but super loud or...?

Repeatedly.

Michael Holding's 'Edged and gone' is being saved for my coffin going into the flames.

[Ian]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/59501985

It's coming home.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The two wickets he took were Zak Crawley and Chris Woakes, which I'd say makes us thumping Ashes favourites.

[Max Power]

Do always wonder what the point of these kind of warm up games is. Just have a net, do it in your whites if you like.

[thommo]

I miss the older tours where touring sides would play pretty much every county/state side possible, crammed in between the Test matches.

[Queenslander]

I miss the older tours where touring sides would play pretty much every county/state side possible, crammed in between the Test matches.

I agree. We should be rolling out the red carpet to England by providing them with solid opposition leading up to the 1st Test and in between Test matches.

It's piss weak on our part not offering the most competitive warm up matches possible.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Don't think it's possible with the bubble, but that is the way things have been going recently. Didn't Australia A play 5 spinners or something last time we were there?

[Queenslander]

Don't think it's possible with the bubble, but that is the way things have been going recently. Didn't Australia A play 5 spinners or something last time we were there?

I cant remember but it wouldnt surprise me as CA are scum when it comes to Test cricket.

Hopefully in the future we will see a 50/50 split of men and women running the show instead of the petty dickheads atm.

[niko_cee]

The actual score England amassed in reply to the Lions 226/4 seems to have been embargoed in favour of a bit of Stokes optimism [glossing over mass failure elsewhere], so I can only assume it was something like 120/6. Only omicron can save us now.

[Ian]

Is Omicron any use as an opener?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Withholding scorecard details is such a genius ploy, I'm amazed English cricket has never attempted it before.

[Ian]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/59518669

Ooft.

[niko_cee]

Withholding scorecard details is such a genius ploy, I'm amazed English cricket has never attempted it before.

At first I was giving them a little benefit of the doubt as it had only recently finished, but it does appear as if all record of England's innings (and the match itself) has been erased from history.

Save for the optimistic dispatches.

I bet Shankar answered his critics after getting a bit of chin music, but we'll never know.

[hfswjyr]

So happy to Ajaz Patel's achievement, regardless of how terrible we bat in India.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He played against my club 2 years ago. He asked me 'whuch' way to the shops. Then he took six wickets. This means we're better than India.

[igor_balis]

Cook asking me what channel the cricket is on in that advert is pretty terrifying

[Jimmy Floyd]

Also a bit weird seeing as they haven't even bothered paying for their own commentary team.

[niko_cee]

Impressive (alarming?) number of pundits going for a drawn series on the BBC preview thing. Heads have gone?

[Jimmy Floyd]

The logic they are all using is that there are various magical forces at work (variously rain, lack of preparation time, Australia's rusty batting line-up, pink balls, the Omicron variant and the La Niña climatic system) which will 'even things up'.

If we're supposedly relying on such peripheral phenomena to 'even things up' - and the mechanics by which they supposedly 'even things up' seem to be wishful thinking at best - I think the more likely outcome is a merciless thrashing.

The Cat I think has nailed it, going 3-1 Australia on the basis that we can't bat. You can always rely on him for clear thinking while Aggers and so on have their heads firmly in the bullshit clouds.

[Ian]

It is possible we will win a test if one of our bowlers being on it happens to coincide with a mega innings from Root or Stokes but we're not doing much more than that.

[Max Power]

No work tomorrow and the forecast seems good. I wonder how long I last tonight before crawling into bed in deep despair.

[Max Power]

No Broad or Anderson. Interesting. Batting first. Cup of coffee on the go.

59/4 at lunch.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Can't believe I've woken up again at midnight to watch Rory Burns get out for 9.

[Danny]

9 you say?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm sorry, even for us that is farcical.

[Max Power]

Hahahahaha wow

[Jimmy Floyd]

Shane Warne on comms as well, maybe I've woken up in hell.

[Max Power]

3rd over before we got the “England score too slowly and need to put the pressure on” chat started. Hameed’s leaves getting them RATTLED.

[Max Power]

God we are shit.

[Jimmy Floyd]

3rd over before we got the “England score too slowly and need to put the pressure on” chat started. Hameed’s leaves getting them RATTLED.

*Hahhh-meed

Listening to this trio is like my own personal purgatory, absolute bobbins every word that leaves their mouth, and their team is winning.

I would give ANYTHING for a Hameed hundred here.

[Max Power]

Longing for the Michael Vaughan comms stint so we get radio silence for 30 minutes.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This is all Nasser's fault, only a total idiot would bat in these conditions.

[niko_cee]

:happycry:

Best case scenario is to wake up and we're in our second innings.

[Max Power]

No Broad or Anderson. Interesting. Batting first. Cup of coffee on the go.

59/4 at lunch.

Spooky. Advantage England with that on the money prediction I say.

[Queenslander]

https://i.ibb.co/WWTp0x3/suckholes-768x480.jpg (https://ibb.co/kgd6JHy)

Channel 7 only has the rights to the tv broadcast that cunt Murdoch has the digital rights.

[Dave.]

Well, we need snookers now.

[Ian]

"Woeful England" in the first headline I saw. Thank God I was in bed. Thank you time zones.

Lol at that first wicket.

[Ian]

Just watching the "highlights", and why did we choose to bat? That doesn't look like a batting pitch to me.

[Luke Emia]

Thank fuck I didn’t sit up till midnight to watch that.

[Ian]

"Ashes Daily" on BT sport is abominable.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Watching Burns fall live was a truly special moment.

I switched off in disgust when Stokes was out, so 147 isn't a bad effort from there. England well on top.

[Ian]

What time did you (make the mistake of) staying up to?

[Jimmy Floyd]

1am perhaps? The wickets fell thick and fast so my sleep wasn't too badly damaged.

[Ian]

Oh that could be worse, then.

Still an hour more than I was prepared to commit to. Lockdown has made me a sleepy boy and I'm not spoiling that to watch us get ground into paste.

[Luke Emia]

"Ashes Daily" on BT sport is abominable.

Aye their coverage reeks of doing it on the cheap. At least with Sky even if they are holed up in Isleworth they have their own commentary team. I mean Matt Smith was fronting the coverage last night what the fuck is that all about.

[Luke Emia]

Watching Burns fall live was a truly special moment.

I switched off in disgust when Stokes was out, so 147 isn't a bad effort from there. England well on top.

You never know the true state of the pitch until both teams have batted.... I actually heard that trotted out on SSN this morning.

[Ian]

I've turned on to hear the Aussie commentators suggesting that while Australia have batted well we've also bowled well and been a bit unlucky not to take some of those wickets earlier.

This wouldn't be too dreadful a score to wake up to had we not totally surrendered it yesterday.

[Ian]

Sounds like Stokes was trying to set some sort of record for no balls as well.

[Queenslander]

Wood bowled very well.

[Luke Emia]

I've turned on to hear the Aussie commentators suggesting that while Australia have batted well we've also bowled well and been a bit unlucky not to take some of those wickets earlier.

This wouldn't be too dreadful a score to wake up to had we not totally surrendered it yesterday.

I fully expected to wake up with us 3 or 4 down for not many so whatever happens it’s not as bad as it could have been.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I guessed 311/4 before I opened my eyes this morning, so I guess I'll take it, but also, we've lost. Heavily.

Absolutely classic result for an away spinner in Australia. You basically can't take them there, it's too macho a country to attempt guile and deception. An Australian batsman at any level all the way down to grade level sees a finger spinner, he sees a weak man with a small penis who needs to go out of the park. It's just how they think. Took me a while to suss.

Leg spinners are kind of allowed because they're ATTACKING.

[niko_cee]

We always let some useless middle order mook run riot against us down there. It's like clockwork. Haddin and Marsh immediately spring to mind.

Wait, Leach went at 9s? :happycry:

How do you stick with him for that long whilst that is happening?

[thommo]

Stokes didn't bowl after lunch really, so we had to use Leach, even though he was being tonked.

[Max Power]

Haddin’s streaky innings after we’ve managed to chisel them to 220-5 haunt my dreams.

Watched the first 90 minutes and we did bowl quite well but after the no ball you just knew it was gonna end up being a day of pain. As ever in Australia you just have to bat big first innings and pre series anyone with a brain knew we simply don’t have the batting line up to do so. Their number 3 and 4 both average over 60 ffs.

[Max Power]

Also apparently Stokes overstepped every ball in his first over but it wasn’t called until the wicket - very poor.

[Ian]

How does he even manage that though? Is that just a combination of being out of practice and, because the umpire hadn't told him, he didn't adjust his mark / run-up?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Bowlers don't practise bowling behind the line. They hate it, they all want to bowl off 19 yards and get their confidence high. I've tried to enforce it in our club sessions but you might as well be talking to a concrete wall, bowlers just don't and won't do it.

He'll have probably had little bowling as well which won't have helped his rhythm.

[Queenslander]

How does he even manage that though? Is that just a combination of being out of practice and, because the umpire hadn't told him, he didn't adjust his mark / run-up?

Apparently the umpires don't look when the cameras are checking front foot no balls.

[Ian]

Bowlers don't practise bowling behind the line. They hate it, they all want to bowl off 19 yards and get their confidence high. I've tried to enforce it in our club sessions but you might as well be talking to a concrete wall, bowlers just don't and won't do it.

That is madness.

[Luke Emia]

When we end up getting whitewashed will this be the end of Silverwood? He makes Peter Moores look competent.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm not sure the coach has much effect either way, to be honest. It's not like there are 10 brilliant players left at home that he should have selected.

I do think Root is a bad captain.

[Ian]

I wish that stepping down as the captain wasn't this shameful thing to do or that removing somebody wasn't seen as a total indictment of them. He's not right, fine, let him bat and give somebody else a try.

[niko_cee]

So, what are the odds that this is all over in the morning?

[Ian]

We'll probably let Australia's tail bat until tea. Then we'll get in and be 23-4 at stumps.

[Baz]

Why's the score the wrong way round on every highlight I see? :happycry:

[hfswjyr]

This thread is peak english cricket. Drowning in negativity. I love it.

[thommo]

That last wicket just looked like he was tired of batting for so long, just gave Wood free range to york him.

[Queenslander]

This thread is peak english cricket. Drowning in negativity. I love it.

:D

[Queenslander]

Strewth Hayden is a bit of a fat fuck ATM

Same as Botham oof.

[Danny]

Tbf to Botham, he is an OAP with a mangled back.

[Queenslander]

My mistake to Botham.

Hayden is definitely a fat fuck from booze and food.

[Queenslander]

Hameed isn't up to it at all.

[Danny]

My mistake to Botham.

Hayden is definitely a fat fuck from booze and food.

:D

Mad how some people just do that. Though Hayden was always a unit.

[Queenslander]

Yeah massive bloke.


My letter box is currently 54* according to my temp gun.

[niko_cee]

Nice. Half an hour for everything to go tits up now that I've seen the score.

[Kikó]

Yeah massive bloke.


My letter box is currently 54* according to my temp gun.

Queens weather gun is a tth staple. :D

[Kikó]

Reasonably decent second innings so far... Shame we ballsed it first time out.

[Ian]

Well this doesn't seem to have been too dreadful but there's still zero chance we're winning.


This thread is peak english cricket. Drowning in negativity. I love it.

Negativity is the one thing we're consistent at.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Australians absolutely hate Hameed don't they. Pathological opposition to thin, cautious men.

[Ian]

How worryingly high up the list of recent English openers in Australia would Hameed be if he keeps averaging mid-20s (i.e. Vince-ing it)? I've not looked but I'd be prepared to guess it'd be one of our better shows since Cook monstered it down there.

[Queenslander]

Queens weather gun is a tth staple. :D

I must look like a loon when I check the footpath and the road.

[Ian]

"Muuuuuum he's pointing it at the road again!"
"Just stay inside until he goes back in, honey."

[Queenslander]

"Muuuuuum he's pointing it at the road again!"
"Just stay inside until he goes back in, honey."

:D

This has to have been said at least once.

[Queenslander]

Andre Russell is playing in the Big Bash tonight after only being in the country for 72 hours but the catch is he has to practice social distancing from his team, he cant touch anyone or be touched and he cant celebrate with the team. He was sitting on the boundary with an Afgahn player doing the same with only Marcus Stoinis talking to them from time to time.

LOL

[niko_cee]

If he's batting and the 'keeper stands up to the stumps does he have to socially distance himself out?

[Queenslander]

Good point I have no idea Im only going off what the commentators were telling us.

Really absurd.

[Ian]

What time does the first delivery go down tonight lads? May as well endure a bit before bed.

[Danny]

11:30 I think

[Ian]

Steve Harmison is some size now.

Fair play to him.

[thommo]

Fucking Darth Vader and his Stormtroopers caused Root's wicket, and no one can tell me otherwise.

[Ian]

Imperial March Down The Wicket.

[Ian]

Is Pope just another in a line or middle order players we've tried who care less about their wicket than runs?

Am I being tired, grumpy and harsh?

[Waffdon]

Bloody hell, I wasn’t expecting much from England but that’s quite the start this morning.

[niko_cee]

Oh well. Classic England. Was hoping to avoid facing this disappointment until the morning but an impromptu child vomiting has meant I can witness it first hand. Double joy.

[Ian]

Waff, you've watched England enough. Losing a flurry of early wickets the morning after a good day is what we do, home or away.

We really need to start doing stuff very early in a day and have the innings pretty much done by the finish. We're inherently incapable of picking up where we left off.

[Waffdon]

Lovely camera angle, this.

[Ian]

I assume some poor, blameless techies are currently getting an absolute bollocking right now.

[Queenslander]

Nice little walk up to shops allowed me to observe the local booze hounds in real time.


I reckon there will be plenty of blokes kicked out before tea.

[Ian]

How have they lost the feed this hard?

Queenslander mate cheer me up and try the temp gun on the TV or something.

[Queenslander]

How have they lost the feed this hard?

Queenslander mate cheer me up and try the temp gun on the TV or something.

I'm pretty sure it is Fox Sports feed that is playing up. I know the snicko isn't in play because the blokes who run it couldn't get into the State I have no doubt that this current stuff around would have to do with not having all hands on deck.

[Ian]

Stick a fork in it, it's 100% done now if it wasn't already.

I wish this Australia team was more hateable. Obviously Warner is a cunt and Smith is a cheating, blubbering little twerp but beyond that it's just a load of blokes who seen like they want to beat you so they can go home and get a barbie on.

More villainy please.

[Ian]

Another nothing wicket.

I would love it to work for Buttler as a test batsman because he's clearly trying but it's just not going to.

[Queenslander]

So the story is there was a power outage for the International Cameras with the 4 channel 7 camera left to cover the game.

[Ian]

The interesting thing is the camera angle we were left with is I'm not even sure I've seen it before

[Queenslander]

Warner might miss the next test with a rib injury. :cool:

[Ian]

Sounds like he's scared of facing Broad to me.

[Queenslander]

Story on the camera outage.

https://www.news.com.au/sport/cricket/ashes-stoped-by-incredible-tv-breakdown-in-brisbane/news-story/d5d081ef43ea52fb4e33509901d02105

[Queenslander]

Sounds like he's scared of facing Broad to me.

How dare you make fun of a husband and father. /s

[Queenslander]

The interesting thing is the camera angle we were left with is I'm not even sure I've seen it before

That was a channel 7 camera.

[ItalAussie]

Good start.

[Queenslander]

Cummins is a superstar what a perfect choice as captain.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Strap them all to the wing, etc.

[Max Power]

Cummins is a superstar what a perfect choice as captain.
He is a top lad. Find it hard to hate him which is a problem.

Least surprising news ever when I woke (unintentionally) at 4:30 and looked at the score. Root will have to score 150 every innings if we aren’t to be be whitewashed.

[Ian]

Just a load of nothing wickets for the most part. We simply don't have a batting line-up who'll be able to withstand that relentless bowling or make them rethink their approach. Just keep going, keep that line and length, if you don't hit the stumps we'll misjudge an LBW ball or have a nibble at something unnecessary sooner or later.


How dare you make fun of a husband and father. /s

:D

[Queenslander]

England players have been docked 100 per cent of their match fee and the team loses 5 points on the Championship table for falling five overs short of over-rate speed targets.

Brutal.

https://7news.com.au/sport/cricket/brutal-fine-rubs-salt-into-englands-wounds-after-ashes-hammering-c-4913904?fbclid=IwAR0D2E813VemwkYONTy0Wq4jhC9rD7uLp Waj3aQnlupfuUZKPfGiCJ-NK9g

[Ian]

100% seems rough but it's about time it was clamped down on. I dunno what other teams are like but England's over rate sometimes is laughable.

[Queenslander]

Fair enough then I havent been following that much recently.

[Ian]

One of the others might remember / tell you better but I'm pretty sure England are almost always behind on overs.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Our pathological hatred of spin and excessive amount of backroom bollocks sees to that.

[niko_cee]

Hazlewood down.

Just a few dozen more and we're dead set.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They'll just bring in Damien Fleming, or 'Kasper', Andy Bichel etc to crush our dreams, not that we really have any dreams these days.

Michael Neser.

[Ian]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/59619489

I knew before I even clicked this that the first thing would be pink ball / the day-night test. People are putting way too much stock in that, as if we win the vast majority of Ashes tests at home just because the ball is swinging more.

[Danny]

We got slapped in the day night test out there last time. We are placing way too much stock in it, as usual.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Literally any argument you could come up with for why England could do well in a given match is superseded by WE CANNOT BAT AT ALL.

[Ian]

Exactly. Even if you work on the basis that our bowlers have the edge (which, I dunno, maybe?) the batsmen absolutely do not.

[Ian]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/59636715

Australia to be 781-1 (declared) first innings.

[Luke Emia]

I heard earlier that Australia haven’t lost a day-night game yet. We haven’t won one since 2017 and yet the Beeb seem to be fapping themselves silly that this is the route into winning the Ashes.

As has already been stated unless we learn to bat Anderson and Broad could both return figures of 5-40 in the first innings and we would still manage to lose by an innings.

[Luke Emia]

I’m other news at least I will be able to watch a bit of it in the morning to start the day off well.

[Ian]

Yeah the best that can be said about the fact that this will be on when I get up tomorrow is that at least I have Friday off so I'll have the long weekend cheer to get me through.

[Ian]

Just checked to see what our record actually is in day/night tests.

Answer: It's shit. We've won one (against Windies) and lost three (against Australia, New Zealand and India) and lost them all comfortably too. Lost by 120 runs, lost by an innings and some runs, lost by 10 wickets.

IT'S COMING HOME.

[Jimmy Floyd]

There's been a massive media round today by past England players emphasising the immense mental toughness of Rory Burns, I can only presume it's all some kind of wind-up.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Away from the upcoming pink ball pumping, BCCI seem to have managed to sack/fall out with Virat Kohli for no particular reason. All very strange.

Maybe Ravi Shastri was holding up the edifice alone, like a moustachioed, cliche-dispensing Hodor.

[Ian]

I learned earlier this evening he's no longer the ODI captain which I assume he's taking very will.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yep, and rather than telling him this, Ganguly just put a press statement out announcing it. Of course, this being Indian cricket, no one involved has any sort of ego or bears grudges at all, so I'm sure it'll be sorted out very amicably.

[Danny]

These new kids opening the bowling have started well. Wonder where we found them.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Just turned it on after lunch, it really is a joke how much better Jimmy Anderson is than any other England bowler in my watching lifetime.

[Kikó]

Even Andy Caddick?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I love Andy Caddick's whole aesthetic. The most dangerous man in credit control.

https://media.gettyimages.com/photos/andy-caddick-england-v-australia-5th-test-the-oval-aug-01-picture-id134642364

[Kikó]

I loved watching him amble in with Gough down the other end. Absolutely beautiful.

[Ian]

Not going to lie, when I first turned this on and saw they were only on 69 my thought process was:

"Weather? Nope, won't be that. Have they already bowled us out and are getting stuck into our score???"

Looks like we've actually been quite miserly. Which is unusual given since I turned on there's been plenty of short stuff which is usually when we get looser and start to piss runs.

[Max Power]

Think we might regret not picking a spinner. Attritional fare out there.

[Luke Emia]

Think we might regret not picking a spinner. Attritional fare out there.

That and you wonder about if Wood is injured or just being ‘rested’ the rest of the bowling attack is far too samey.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We (Buttler) dropped Labuschagne quite tamely, which is probably game over.

[Ian]

Given the catch Buttler took the Labooshaaaaane drop was really very disappointing. Plus it was in his palm.

[Ian]

The Big Cheese looks like he's been at the cheeseboards himself.

[niko_cee]

Is it night yet there and is this where we run through them?

[Jimmy Floyd]

When the sky turns from Coventry to Chelsea is the moment when our grand fleet of 81mph right arm line and length men turn deadly.

Obviously we could have picked other styles of bowler, but why would you do that.

[niko_cee]

Any minute now . . .

[Ian]

These Aussie mugs are gonna feel pretty silly when the ball starts swinging in circles (like that old FIFA cheat in the 90s) and we take 10 wickets for 3 runs.

It's really depressing that they're grinding us to death and still have Smith to come in.

[Ian]

Hee hee heeeeeeee get fucked, Davey.

[Ian]

New ball. The lights are on.

Strap yourselves in lads because here comes the wickets.

220 all out nailed on.

[Ian]

Buttler, you stone-gloved cunt. :facepalm:

[Jimmy Floyd]

He already owes us about 70 when he bats. You just can't make these mistakes as a Test wicketkeeper.

[thommo]

:facepalm:

Absolute dolly. Been watching since lunch and it feels like we've bowled pretty well today.

[Waffdon]

Butter’s catch for the first wicket was incredible as well. Weird bloke

[Ian]

The Big Cheese was talking about his footwork, or lack thereof. I don't think that excuses the drops but I suppose it explains a bit why Buttler can look both spectacularly good and bad, if he's reaching for stuff which he should be getting nearer to.

[niko_cee]

Taking blinders but dropping dollies is not a good trade off, but we'll never pick a 'keeper on ability to keep wicket so it's not even worth getting upset about.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Buttler reminds me of a lot of people I see keeping wicket in club cricket, in that he does it not because he's a great wicketkeeper, but because he's a great general athlete and therefore much better than the average player at wicketkeeping (as well as other things), so he ends up there.

De Villiers another prime example of that.

The data all says you should play your better batsman instead of your better keeper because data, but when you get on the wrong side of it in instances like this it really costs you the game. A bit like playing out from the back.

[niko_cee]

Shame he's shit at batting as well though.

[Ian]

It's not even like he's an amazing test batsman though.

And Ben Foakes is dreamier.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Foakes does indeed have a higher first class average than Buttler (38 to 32) so I think it's basically wishful thinking, which describes a lot of England selections in the last few years.

[niko_cee]

We seem to be timing this perfectly to be wiped out under the lights with the new ball.

[Jimmy Floyd]

8 men on the boundary then and they still hit 3 boundaries in an over.

Root has to go.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Just fuck off. Total embarrassment, this.

[niko_cee]

:D

Jos'll be along to counter attack shortly.

[Luke Emia]

Just fuck off. Total embarrassment, this.

Getting ready for the rage after the 5-0 is confirmed. We are so, so bad. I genuinely cannot get the logic of not playing Wood in this test match and just playing a pace attack where every bowler does pretty much the same thing.

There's a good chance this could be an innings defeat and it's not even as if they have posted a monster total.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We're resting Wood for the dead rubbers. Genuinely, I think.

[Ian]

Nice when the series is basically done on day two of the second test.

[hfswjyr]

I'd say its more of Australia being dominant at home than England being terrible. Not many teams can genuinely compete in Australia.

[Ian]

Both things can be true.

[Max Power]

Send them all home. Economy class.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Bowlers don't practise bowling behind the line. They hate it, they all want to bowl off 19 yards and get their confidence high. I've tried to enforce it in our club sessions but you might as well be talking to a concrete wall, bowlers just don't and won't do it.

He'll have probably had little bowling as well which won't have helped his rhythm.

1471712585628020742

Told you... pros just aren't interested / think it's bollocks. You can see what kind of magical thinking goes into England sides of all stripes.

[Ian]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/59657073

Stokes is possibly the only player in our team who I would believes actually thinks this. Bless him.

[Max Power]

Nice of them to hold the collapse until everyone has woken up.

[Kikó]

Jesus this is just grim.

[Mellberg]

Find something else to do with your winter, gents.

[Max Power]

Just do an India and go home citing Covid. 2-0 loss.

[Kikó]

Stokes is completely fucked. Brilliant.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Australian omicron is rising so that's our main hope.

At least one of Root or Silverwood will have to go, probably both. We need a complete re-think.

[Kikó]

1472134667121971200?t=rciblPn569aNEQPM7Pw3mQ&s=19

[niko_cee]

Totally forgot this was on.

[Ian]

That's the best way to be, Niko.

[ItalAussie]

Robinson feels like a player who should have a long and solid test career. Don't ruin him.

[Cord]

Rarely has sport felt quite so futile.

[Kikó]

It was pretty dull today. Bit like watching city against some premier League side. No hint of a contest, just an inevitable slapping. I think it even shows in England's on field demeanor.

[Kikó]

Looks like we've got a decent chance to win this.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This morning the reports indicate Joe Root went to hospital after being hit in the balls, and Ollie Robinson was bowling off spin. There are three more Tests after this ffs.

[niko_cee]

Wait, what?

:D

We could be 150/1 at the close (lol) and still have a zero percent chance of winning. I guess rain is out of the questions, so I guess it's a toss up between bushfire or covid in the Aussie lasagne.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The ball strike was during pre-match throwdowns. He went to hospital!

Imagine the doctor sitting having lunch, checks the cricket score, and then minutes later he's having to examine Joe Root's balls.

[Max Power]

Robinson was bowling his off breaks in shades so maybe advantage England?

[Kikó]

Even Steve Smith is dropping catches. Game on.

[Kikó]

It's off.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Game off.

[Luke Emia]

My missus this morning… “Why are you even watching this? I heard on the news yesterday was the worst England have ever played in a game.”

To be fair I don’t think she is far off and she has absolutely no interest in cricket at all.

[Cord]

I think the sad thing is that they haven't played that badly by their own standards. This is pretty much a par performance for England over the last however many years, it's just painfully obvious how far off being good enough that is.

[Kikó]

Joe's balls are further blackened.

[Shindig]

The one thing I get from giving Cricket a passing glance is how wild the swings in quality are. I've seen good England, awful England and mediocre England about 4 times over. I remember the Aussies being unstoppable and then becoming fairly ordinary. None of it stays consistent for very long. I guess it's the nature of Test Cricket being something of a closed shop. Not everybody plays the same amount of tests in a year and everything just gravitates towards the bigger nations.

[ItalAussie]

If anyone overseas is wondering, we also hate Shane Warne's commentary. He used to be quite insightful when the spinner was on, but he's so obnoxious almost all the time that it isn't worth it for the odd bit of smart stuff. Equally bad is Mark Waugh, who doesn't even have the odd bit of smart stuff.

Hussey's good though. Also Ponting (who isn't on the coverage, but is easily the best former player Australian commentator at the moment).

From your lot, I've been enjoying Cook a great deal.

[niko_cee]

Mate, there is zero coverage of this here. It's on in the middle of the night, on a niche channel no one has, we're terrible, and even if you want to watch it the commentary is turned off half the time [to protect our sense of decency] as far as I can tell.

Channel 9 commentary has always been terrible, until it reaches the point at which it becomes endearing [The Greig Effect] but I guess the big characters haven't reached that point yet.

[Ian]

Warne - Only good when discussing spin, and ideally in Sky's backstage bit rather than the commentary box

Ponting - Very good.

Cook - Fine.

Glenn McGrath - needs to stop being so disgustingly reasonable.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Warne is utterly insufferable and I think he's getting worse with each passing year. He's bad enough in his home country but why Sky employ him for England series not involving Australia I have no idea. I guess they just take the most famous names over broadcasting ability (which is also how Beefy held on for about 15 years too long).

[Queenslander]

The nose beers and his massive ego are just too much for Cricket commentary.

Mooching around the world as a rep for various online betting apps is his lane.

[Ian]

Nice of Australia to hold off on delivering the coup de grace until I got up.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Stuart Broad having 3,379 Test runs is one of the most inexplicable facts in sport.

[Ian]

Buttler. :D :face:

[Ian]

So is Root too dim to realise that by saying the bowlers were not doing the right thing for an entire innings reflects very poorly on him as a captain?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Root has a lot of clueless shite with bowlers on his copybook, the most egregious of which was bowling Jofra Archer into the ground in that New Zealand series, which is still costing us/Archer dearly to this day.

[Ian]

I see we're now Archer-less until next summer as well.

Great.

[Jimmy Floyd]

And on the same day his dog died. I wanted to send him some chocolates or something, poor man.

[Ian]

:(

Well not having to get obliterated by Australia may offer him some small solace.

[hfswjyr]

Root has a lot of clueless shite with bowlers on his copybook, the most egregious of which was bowling Jofra Archer into the ground in that New Zealand series, which is still costing us/Archer dearly to this day.

He knew he needed to bring in the big guns to be any match against the ICC World Test Cricket Champions (TM).

[Jimmy Floyd]

Zak Crawley apparently due for a recall on this imperious basis:


England renewed Crawley’s central contract in September, however, and have noted the 6ft 5in right-hander’s apparent enjoyment of Australian pitches in the nets and when making 45 for the Lions in the warm-up game. One of Rory Burns or Haseeb Hameed could now make way at the top of the order.

Australians running for dear life.

[Ian]

I mean, his average isn't even any good including the one enormous score and it's laughable without it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Every single Proper Cricket Man going says Crawley is a brilliant player, including the selectors. I've never quite seen it, personally.

[Cord]

I think I'd rather tie a bat to a swingball apparatus and hope the action of the wind in the stadium helps it fend off a couple of deliveries.

[Ian]

Every single Proper Cricket Man going says Crawley is a brilliant player, including the selectors. I've never quite seen it, personally.

Why is it these people adore players who can't actually put a score up for England?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Usually it's down to them having a 'proper' technique (i.e. simple and not like Rory Burns). This may be true but batting is also mental and that's where I would question Crawley.

Ollie Pope has probably fallen down the same rabbit hole.

[niko_cee]

Hearing Mark Wood going on about how there had been some 'home truths' in the dressing room after the last game was quite funny.

Anderson and Broad must just lol in the faces of the 'leadership group' as they all give their tuppence worth about bowling lengths/plans.

6 test wins in Australia since '86? :happycry:

[Ian]

My other thought about Wood's comment is that that really makes it seem like only winning one of the last ten tests was absolutely dandy. These things happen lads, stick to the plan.

Now it's one in eleven though? Unforgiveable!

[niko_cee]

Silverwood's "I'd pick the same teams again" comment did remind me somewhat of Einstein's [alleged] definition of insanity.

[Ian]

Yeah that didn't fill me with confidence either. But it's all part of the idiotic thing of admitted you fucked up being seen as a sign of weakness. Especially when you probably realise your job is on the line.

[Max Power]

I believe the full quote was “happy with the skillset we had” :sick:

[Jimmy Floyd]

That's a proper call back to the 'execute our plans' era, although arguably we're still very much in that era.

[Ian]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/59761497

Lovely stuff.


With the bat, only Root and Malan have reached 50, once each in each Test. Their two partnerships have accrued 300 of England's 872 runs. The other 38 stands combined have averaged 15 runs per dismissal.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Nice video here of Hameed and Burns doing batting practice using one arm and one leg. Just think of the marginal gains when the England think tank allows them to use all their limbs.

1473925036301905926

[Max Power]

I give up :lol:

[Ian]

Do we think any other team is doing this?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I could sort of understand one hand if you were trying to stop a very specific issue such as falling over, but the sight of Has hopping around on one leg is utterly absurd.

[Shindig]

He might be working with retards, but it's not the paralympics.

[niko_cee]

Reading the extremely low res Telegraph backpage on the BBC Gossip page I see Anderson has 'hit back' at suggestions the bowlers are to blame for England being so shit.

However, the real gold is this comment in the article:


Opener Rory Burns - who has struggled from the first ball of the series, where he was clean bowled by Mitched Starc - is expected to be dropped and replaced by Zak Crawley. Given his age, 31, it is possible Burns may not reclaim his test place if Crawley seizes his opportunity.

Just so much wrong with that. Mike Hussey made his test debut at 30, I think, and "if Crawley seizes his opportunity". Please. :roflol:

[hfswjyr]

Do we think any other team is doing this?

No need to guess. We know the answer is yes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hhts7x-vIKw

Which leads to results like this from last night.
https://www.nzherald.co.nz/sport/cricket-trent-boult-wins-crazy-t20-for-northern-brave-against-canterbury-kings-with-last-ball-six/JSQBE3CIJ5MJTW5G4LLWO67D7M/

[John Arne]

Nice video here of Hameed and Burns doing batting practice using one arm and one leg. Just think of the marginal gains when the England think tank allows them to use all their limbs.

1473925036301905926

I'm pretty good friends with the former head coach of the The Mighty Ho Chi Minh City FC... granted not on the same level of these guys, but he always insisted on training being as representative of match-situations as much as possible. Like what is the point of playing rondo's at half pace, when in a game situation you don't get that much time - technique only improves if you practise it at match pace. That weas his theory anyway.

I look forward to Burns standing on one leg in the next test with the Aussie front line smashing in at him.

[hfswjyr]

The theory is obviously if you practice in a condition even more difficult than match conditions, the match should be a piece of piss.
Whether that translates into reality is a whole different story.

[niko_cee]

Not sure why they aren't being made to play the throwdowns with just a stump to bat with [and no pads].

[Jimmy Floyd]

The theory is obviously if you practice in a condition even more difficult than match conditions, the match should be a piece of piss.
Whether that translates into reality is a whole different story.

Train hard play easy is real, but 'train hopping around on one leg' is just stupid.

I'm a big fan of the drill where you prepare batsmen for the short ball by just launching it at their throat from 8/9 yards. Been the 'feeder' for that one a bit in my time.

[Ian]

https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2021/dec/22/england-batsmen-forced-to-rewatch-wickets-in-post-adelaide-ashes-debrief

For the umpteenth time: Why is this happening now?

We've been making the exact same mistakes with myriad different batsmen for years.