Mahow's all new, all new, all new food thread

[Pepe]

Is everything closed or you just not enjoying it?

My six months old daughter got sick pretty much immediately. Couple that with the jet lag and sleep has been limited at best.

[Pepe]

But for the lol France crowd, we had a visit to a museum planned one day, but they had an 'unexpected closure.' There are also already hints of train strikes for the day I am supposed to travel back.

[igor_balis]

What does everyone think of Jamaican food? I was always pretty indifferent having only experienced very basic approximations like Turtle Bay shite, but there's this place around here that's fucking amazing and it's totally converted me. Curry goat and jerk chicken, when done properly, are fucking class.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Oxtail stew is also brilliant.

[Kikó]

Curry goat is brilliant. There used to be some great takeaways near me. Pay about £12 and feed yourself for a month.

[Lofty]

Tried laoganma just stirred into plain rice yesterday and it's a winner.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Proper jerk chicken, rice and peas is a brilliant dish. Not had it since I worked in London years and years ago and they had Caribbean women running the in-house canteen. Tried to do it myself at home but it's not a patch on it.

[randomlegend]

What does everyone think of Jamaican food? I was always pretty indifferent having only experienced very basic approximations like Turtle Bay shite, but there's this place around here that's fucking amazing and it's totally converted me. Curry goat and jerk chicken, when done properly, are fucking class.

We've arranged to go out with a load of the girls friends in January and they (not her) picked Turtle Bay ffs. I've only been there once but it was comfortably bottom 3 places I've ever eaten.

[-james-]

There's a great Jamaican place in Bristol called "Fi Real" if anyone is ever in the neighborhood. Fucking huge portion sizes.

[Baz]

2 for 1 cocktails looks good on their instagram though.

[Don]

Jamaicans respect the key principles of food; simplicity, spice and quantity.

[Manc]

Breadfruit is the one.

[Spikey M]

Jamaicans respect the key principles of food; simplicity, spice and quantity.

You forgot "using meat with high fat content". Lentil nonce.

[igor_balis]

The place near me is spectacularly cheap too. Took my middle class ponce workmates the other week. We all got a main each (including curry goat, jerk pork belly, fried chicken, ackee n saltfish), which all came with a generous portion of rice n peas, got a gigantic dumpling each, some extra jerk sauce, some saltfish fritters, and a couple of portions of Mac n cheese and it came to a ludicrous £11 each.

The guy is a 50-something who does most deliveries himself out of his Mazda MX-5 once he's cooked it (hence some pretty erratic delivery times), just an all-round hero of a guy.

[Lewis]

Proper white saviour stuff this.

[Giggles]

There’s probably one somewhere but I don’t think I’ve ever come across a Jamaican/Caribbean place here. Only time I had it was in Britain.

[Luca]

Jerk chicken with rice an’ peas and some coleslaw is a glorious meal.

Place near me also does stuffed sandwiches. Coco bread with a beef patty inside, that’s sliced open and stuffed with coleslaw, jerk chicken/pork, and hot sauce. Bit of melty cheese if you want it as well. It’s artery clogging but absolutely banging.

[Pepe]

I've only had Jamaican food twice, and both times it was shit. I am sure that it is good if properly done, but as with all Caribbean food, it is ultimately just a lesser version of Mexican food.

[Giggles]

The main issue I see with it from photos of dishes is that they seem way too fond of bony chicken.

[Andy]

https://i.imgur.com/Ivx2AuD.jpg

First go with the ooni.

Not perfect and few things I'd do different next time but tasted really good. You just cannot get the same from an electric oven.

My wife got me an Ooni for Christmas my subtle pointing at them for the last few months obviously paid off. Spent half an hour with my axe smashing up some oak to the right size yesterday morning, once that was finished I seasoned fo 30 mins. Easy to keep a steady fire going with oak splits.

I made my first couple of Pizzas for dinner last night, they were good for a first attempt but I definitely need a peel and a thermometer. I was trying to launch the Pizzas in pissed from a cookie sheet. I don't think I pre heated the stone for long enough as the crusts burnt and the base was a little under done.

Have some Caputo 00 flour and yeast my mother in law got me for Christmas which made the most amazing dough. Surprised how much of a difference in taste from normal bread flour.

[Andy]

Proper jerk chicken, rice and peas is a brilliant dish. Not had it since I worked in London years and years ago and they had Caribbean women running the in-house canteen. Tried to do it myself at home but it's not a patch on it.

I've followed a recipe a couple of times for Jerk chicken that is amazing.

https://youtu.be/Rt460jKi4Bk

Its a bit of a faff with have to brine and then cook on the BBQ but the flavour was immense. I got some scotch bonnet hot sauce from a farm shop to go with.

[Baz]

What’s it called when you go a Chinese and get a pizza box with loads of different stuff in?

[Spikey M]

Munchy Box.

[Baz]

That’s what I thought but do you not feel dumb actually asking for a munch[y] box? Sounds like it should come with a Fruit Shoot and some jelly.

[Spikey M]

We can only get them from 1 place down here and they only take orders on Just Eat so I've never had the pleasure of doing so in person.

You should bet a Munch Bunch and an Um Bongo with it though.

[Ian]

Well you don't say it out loud because you're ordering from Just Eat anyway.

EDIT: Spikey beat me to it.

Also if you're ordering a munchy box you're presumably either so drunk or committed to 7000 calories of grease feeling silly is the least of your worries.

[Lofty]

Crumpet loaf :drool:

[Baz]

Crumpet loaf :drool:

This amuses me everytime without fail. A bloke in the office once passed one of those around (still wrapped) and everyone was reacting positively like “wow crumpet loaf” “does it really taste like crumpets” “I need to get some of this” and I felt like I was in a sitcom. It was a moment that went down in office folklore and always gets dished out whenever someone’s reminiscing about working in an office. Remember Gary and his crumpet loaf!

[Spikey M]

Ok, I'm gonna say it. Crumpets are shit.

There you are.

[Manc]

Crumpets offer nothing. Come at us.

[Ian]

Crumpets are fine. They're just a vessel for getting lots of warm butter into your body on something crispy.

[Spikey M]

Crumpets are fine. They're just a vessel for getting lots of warm butter into your body on something crispy.

I use Jacket Potatoes for this purpose, although admittedly not for breakfast. Toast will do for breakfast.

[Ian]

Yeah, like a crumpet isn't a meal unless you were having a dozen of them and who needs that?

Crumpets just for if you want max butter absorption.

Not that I often have either those or toast.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah, like a crumpet isn't a meal unless you were having a dozen of them and who needs that?

Me, now you've suggested it.

[Ben]

Cheese and marmite on crumpets. :drool:

[Ian]

Me, now you've suggested it.

Do you reckon you'd still be enjoying them by the twelfth?

I don't type twelfth very often. Weird word when you look at it, innit?

[Jimmy Floyd]

In the same way that you'd get a certain je ne sais quoi from the twelfth beer, yes.

[Spikey M]

I had that on Christmas Day as I stood eating left over Roast potatoes from the baking tray whilst simultaneously fighting indigestion.

[Ian]

"You think this is bad, body? Well how about MORE POTATO?"

[Boydy]

Proper pancakes (the thick ones) > crumpets.

[Disco]

Crumpets are great but getting them right in the average toaster is a bit of a pain.

[SvN]

Yep, I did some the other day and had to bin them because they were undercooked.

[Raoul Duke]

Toasters, generally, are absolutely shit. Just one of those things (like printers) that just never seem to actually fucking work the way they should

[-james-]

Crumpets, and tbh nearly all bread, should be done in a sandwich press. Keeps the moisture in and allows for odd shapes. Prop it up with a glass or something so it doesn't end up flattened

[randomlegend]

https://youtu.be/Lq3iwWaoU7w

You all clearly need to invest in one of these.

[Ian]

I fucking hate that channel. I watched one video on it and found them really quite annoying and now Youtube still won't stop suggesting those dickheads to me.

[Disco]

You can take entire channels out of your recommendations if you like.

[Ian]

But then what tedious bullshit would I have to moan about if Youtube comes up?

Hadn't thought to look into that. I shall do so now.

[Giggles]

Some woman in the shop asked if I wanted to try the new vegan fillet roll instead of the chicken one. €8 instead of €4.50 :D

Their vegan ‘sausage’ rolls are €3 a pop.

[Don]

I'd make a joke about it still being a better deal once you equate the state's costs for your health but I'm not sure what sort of dirty chemical shit they add into those vegan alternatives.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Here's the thing I don't get about veganism. If you're going to be a vegan, why do you then start eating shit processed imitations of meat? Why not just eat the vast array of nice stuff made from vegetables/grains etc?

[niko_cee]

People don't generally like those food stuffs. Particularly not the sort of halfwit who makes dietary decisions on ethical grounds.

[Ben]

Because vegans are as shit in the kitchen as carnivores, arguably worse. Beyond grilling meat, boiling veg and microwaving eggs, it's mindboggling how useless a lot of people are in the kitchen and cannot grasp the concept of anything alien to them. So they're all shaped like sausages so people feel familiar to it.

Put me in Southern Italy and I'd happily go meat-free for weeks.

[Ian]

I don't think it's any more complicated than they can appreciate a thing tastes nice but would rather something didn't die to make that happen.

Whether those things are a decent approximation I don't know, but then I like loads of crisps that don't taste a bit like the thing they're claiming to so who am I to judge?

[randomlegend]

As someone who lives with a vegetarian but not vegan, we often use the vege alternatives because it's easier to do the same meal and just swap out the meat rather than do something totally separate (burgers for example). The alternative would obviously be I go vegetarian, which I don't want to do, although we eat vege a few times a week.

[Spikey M]

I imagine the fake meat is mostly for people making the change from eating meat to being a fanny. It's probably easier if you can still have something vaguely similar to sausages, etc.

[Pepe]

Here's the thing I don't get about veganism. If you're going to be a vegan, why do you then start eating shit processed imitations of meat? Why not just eat the vast array of nice stuff made from vegetables/grains etc?

I used to work with a (vegan) Indian lad, and it was always amusing to see our American colleagues try to be nice to him by bringing veggie burgers and other shite to our gatherings and expect him to be grateful. His food is miles better than your garbage, just let him be.

[Giggles]

I'd make a joke about it still being a better deal once you equate the state's costs for your health but I'm not sure what sort of dirty chemical shit they add into those vegan alternatives.

There wasn’t much health to be had in the alternative by the looks of it either.

[Kikó]

I imagine the fake meat is mostly for people making the change from eating meat to being a fanny. It's probably easier if you can still have something vaguely similar to sausages, etc.

Some of the fake meat burgers and sausages are actually really good. We're often buying them because they taste nice more than anything else.

[Giggles]

I eat some of the burgers but nobody I’ve found has ever managed to make a decent fake sausage.

[Lewis]

Some of the fake meat burgers and sausages are actually really good. We're often buying them because they taste nice more than anything else.

https://i.imgur.com/25suEcv.png

[Ian]

Has anybody on here tried the veggie-meat McDonalds one yet? I'm sort of tempted to give it a go. Probably at least in part because the burger itself isn't really the draw in a McDonalds burger.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'm not sure if I've ever tried any meat substitute products. I need those beaks, eyelids and arseholes in my food.

[Kikó]

I eat some of the burgers but nobody I’ve found has ever managed to make a decent fake sausage.

Try Richmond's. They're actually alright.

[-james-]

Richmond's veggie sausages and Beyond Burger are best in their respective classes imo.


Here's the thing I don't get about veganism. If you're going to be a vegan, why do you then start eating shit processed imitations of meat? Why not just eat the vast array of nice stuff made from vegetables/grains etc?

Because sometimes you just fancy a burger, and it is permissible to eat them non-exclusively.

[Don]

I saw an ad for that McPlant and it caught my eye. Someone give me the ingredients pls and I'll see if it's edible or not.

[Ian]

I've bought the Quorn cocktail sausages as a snack thing before, but to be fair they probably don't have less meat than your average cocktail sausage.

[-james-]

I had the meatless marinara from Subway after a few pints last night and it was fucking terrible even with the open goal.

Is Subway just shit? I had it down as the finest meal known to man about a decade ago but it's always disappointed when I've had it latterly.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I still like Subway but it's peak is when you're a student.

[Don]

I rated Subway big-time but since the great reset, my presentable Eastern European workers have been replaced with disgusting obese cretins who I refuse to trust so it's a homemade sub nowadays.

[Giggles]

Try Richmond's. They're actually alright.

I’ll have a look next time I’m up north :thbup:

[Spikey M]

I had the meatless marinara from Subway after a few pints last night and it was fucking terrible even with the open goal.

Is Subway just shit? I had it down as the finest meal known to man about a decade ago but it's always disappointed when I've had it latterly.

A BMT or a propper Meatball Mainara are still decent, and the sauce on offer is pretty swish if you're not a one sauce Boydy mong. Outside of that, it's not great.

[Giggles]

I could never see the point of subway when you had a breakfast roll or a chicken roll about 3 yards away. Maybe late at night, but there’s better options down the street then.

[Baz]

I had the meatless marinara from Subway after a few pints last night and it was fucking terrible even with the open goal.

Is Subway just shit? I had it down as the finest meal known to man about a decade ago but it's always disappointed when I've had it latterly.Nowhere near as shite as Nando’s but it’s definitely around C-tier, if not lower. (Nando’s is Z)

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I don't understand how Nando's is so popular.

[randomlegend]

Has anybody on here tried the veggie-meat McDonalds one yet? I'm sort of tempted to give it a go. Probably at least in part because the burger itself isn't really the draw in a McDonalds burger.

The actual burger patty is a Beyond Meat one.

[randomlegend]

I don't understand how Nando's is so popular.

Nando's is fine. It's (slightly dry) chicken and decent chips. The people who FUCKING HATE it are just being tryhard hipster bellends.

[Spikey M]

I don't understand how Nando's is so popular.

Good marketing. They managed to become "cool", so now they can rip you off, give you tiny portions and not even bother to taste particularly good.

[randomlegend]

I do agree it's got expensive.

[Lofty]

I don't understand how Nando's is so popular.

Has it been ten years since Yev's rant?

The McPlant converted my hilariously anti-veggie/vegan brother in law so it must be alright. He was so opposed to it his reaction to his brother gettinf divorced was 'at least I wont have to cater for the vegetarian at bbqs' :D

[Pepe]

People who are willing to eat from McDonalds will eat anything.

[niko_cee]

Has anybody on here tried the veggie-meat McDonalds one yet? I'm sort of tempted to give it a go. Probably at least in part because the burger itself isn't really the draw in a McDonalds burger.

No, but I would imagine it would be better than their meat burgers. The burger king one is probably better than the whopper because the synthetic stuff is inherently less dry than what comes in the beef version, which I would imagine would hold true for McDonalds as well.

The real challenge would be to veganise the one truly great part of their menu, by which of course I mean the breakfast section.

[Disco]

Subway should be judged on a per branch basis. There are three that I know of in Exeter, I would use the one in the middle of town or the one on Sidwell Street (if I couldn't be arsed walking ten minutes home and making a sandwich there) but never the one across the river.

[Pepe]

No, but I would imagine it would be better than their meat burgers. The burger king one is probably better than the whopper because the synthetic stuff is inherently less dry than what comes in the beef version, which I would imagine would hold true for McDonalds as well.

True. It's not like beef patties from McDonalds/Burger King taste anything like actual beef does.

[Giggles]

True. It's not like beef patties from McDonalds/Burger King taste anything like actual beef does.

Been in the factory and it’s fuck all other than beef, though they are extremely fussy about what beef it is. Well that’s here anyway, and I gather they export to double digit countries.

[randomlegend]

It's just brutally overcooked. I don't doubt it's proper beef.

[Giggles]

All the way through for a burger. Anything else is for american cunts that vomit afterwards. Every strand of mince has bacterial on it.

[niko_cee]

I think it's more the thinness of the patties which sees them overwhelmed by the other stuff in the bun and having a bit of a dry consistency. For that reason the happy meal/plan jane 99p burgers are probably the best ones they do.

But yeah, I agree that the 'medium rare' burger, a distinctly American concept, is something the world can do without.

[randomlegend]

All the way through for a burger. Anything else is for american cunts that vomit afterwards. Every strand of mince has bacterial on it.

I have no issue with well-done for a burger, but they are cooked to absolute death. Like boiling vegetables until they turn to mush.

[Shindig]

To be fair, all fast food is cooked by teenagers who can barely operate a grill.

[Manc]

The Moving Mountains burger is a must.

[Pepe]

Wait a second, if you like to eat a steak medium rare, why would you not also take a burger like that?

[Ian]

If I cook a burger for myself I would usually do it a little pink in the middle. More well-done than I'd have a steak probably but at least a bit pink. And I'm successfully not dead yet.

[Shindig]

I just take medium rare whenever I'm asked because the definition of it seems to vary wildly. One of the burgers I had in New York was very pink.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I think steak tartare is one of the best starters I've ever had so a medium rare burger is fine for me.

[randomlegend]

Yeah I'll have mine medium-rare but I can understand why people are hesitant. I was just making clear there's a distinction between well done and dessicated.

[Spikey M]

Wait a second, if you like to eat a steak medium rare, why would you not also take a burger like that?

Medium rare mince is nothing like medium rare steak. It may be from the same animal but the taste and texture isn't the same.

[niko_cee]

Aye, and steak tartare is nothing like a burger either. I have no particular issue with it, but I can see why it is somewhat frowned upon from a food safety perspective, and it's mostly pointless anyway. If the burger is decent [and has the right amount of fat in the mince] then it doesn't need to be rare. If it's a shit burger, then not cooking it isn't going to help [it's going to make things worse in all likelihood].

[Pepe]

If you are buying mince that you are afraid to eat unless it is cooked through then you are doing it wrong. I just go to the butcher and tell him to grind a couple of ny strips for me (or at least used to before he retired :().

[randomlegend]

If you are buying mince that you are afraid to eat unless it is cooked through then you are doing it wrong. I just go to the butcher and tell him to grind a couple of ny strips for me (or at least used to before he retired :().

Well the theory is that any bacteria will be on the outside, so with a steak you seer the outside and kill the bacteria. With mince you've ground the outside into it and therefore can't ensure that the bacteria-ry bits are the bits that get properly cooked.

I've no idea if the SCIENCE backs up that that's how it actually works or whether it just sounds logical.

[Pepe]

Oh shit, RIP in pieces me.

[Shindig]

Is vegetarian chicken good yet? Plant-based pork and stuff feels mostly the way there but I've not had any fake chicken since I was a kid. It was like eating a cardboard cut-out of Linda McCartney.

[igor_balis]

I think the veggie burgers have gotten very decent recently (the GRO ones from the co-op especially), but i'm only having them with cheese, fried onions, gherkins and loads of mayo so I'd probably be satisfied with any old shit, but they're very...I dunno, meaty? Texture a lot closer to a beef burger than the old bean burgers.

I was also amazed that the vegetarian shawarma i got from asda the other week was actually pretty alright.

[Luca]

Medium-rare is the way to go on a burger, but gammons gonna gammon. If the tartare isn't going to kill you, neither is the pink burger.

[Spikey M]

I don’t dislike undercooked burgers on safety grounds, they're just unpleasant. Raw mince is disgusting.

[Giggles]

Medium rare burgers just aren’t nice though in North America they always seem to have this thing where grease and stuff running up your arms is a good thing.

[Kikó]

Is vegetarian chicken good yet? Plant-based pork and stuff feels mostly the way there but I've not had any fake chicken since I was a kid. It was like eating a cardboard cut-out of Linda McCartney.


I've found a lot of the nearly chicken/ham slices quite bland in flavour. Almost like they've focused on making it look and feel like meat without the taste part.


I think the veggie burgers have gotten very decent recently (the GRO ones from the co-op especially), but i'm only having them with cheese, fried onions, gherkins and loads of mayo so I'd probably be satisfied with any old shit, but they're very...I dunno, meaty? Texture a lot closer to a beef burger than the old bean burgers.

I was also amazed that the vegetarian shawarma i got from asda the other week was actually pretty alright.

The fake Doner kebab is really good. Not sure if you had this stuff but it's tasty (not really lamb doner in flavour but that's not a bad thing) https://vivera.com/products/vivera-plant-greek-kebab/

[Spikey M]

If I could choose to watch any event in the world live, both historic and in the future, I think I would choose to watch Giggles being presented with a vegan Doner Kebab.

[Giggles]

For me that would be the actual one they could get right as it’s heavily flavoured and the texture already lends itself well to something fake. I just wouldn’t want to pay the 35 quid or so that it would likely be.

[niko_cee]

Yeah, the vivera supermarket kebab stuff is quality, and the actual kebab shop vegan kebab things [they have these in Brighton, of course] are even better.

Still not a Green Lanes special, but good nonetheless.

[Spikey M]

Just for that you're getting extra lettuce.

[Lewis]

The only burgers that you could even make pink in the middle are the thicker ones, and those are annoying, so that must make it bad.

[Jimmy Floyd]

There's an indie place near me that does burgers so thick you need shark teeth to get through them. Always nearly raw in the middle, too. They end up being a knife and fork job and even then it has to be a steak knife. Who is the market for that eating experience? Ponces, I suppose.

[Ian]

Yeah I think some people have this idea that those massively stacked burgers with a big fat patty in the middle look like what a 'gourmet' burger should look like but there's a limit.

[Andy]

The best burgers are layered up smash burgers with loads of fake American cheese, a bit of sauce and some pickles in a toasted bun.

I don't mind a medium - rare burger but I'm not really sure it adds much.

[igor_balis]

you really shouldn't be eating mince rare

[Pepe]

After American 'cuisine,' you lot definitely make it sound like British food is the second worst.

[Spikey M]

Your country views wraps as a food group, lad.

[Pepe]

'Wraps' :lol:

[Giggles]

No country that gave the world pork pies and pasties could be regarded as bad for food.

[Kikó]

British food is the second worse tbf but we've made all the foreign muck better (see Chinese, Indian).

[Spikey M]

2nd worse? There's people in deserts boiling goat heads ffs.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We do a decent job with the shite native ingredients available (zero spices, for example). The yanks have no excuse.

[Lewis]

Isn't what most of the world outside of Italy thinks of as 'Italian food' actually American cuisine? Same for 'Mexican' etc.

[Kikó]

2nd worse? There's people in deserts boiling goat heads ffs.

What's your point

[Spikey M]

That it's not better than Fish and Chips. It's not even better than Scottish muck.

[Don]

Goat's head doesn't kill you, even if you are retarded enough to think it tastes worse than oil.

[Spikey M]

:cab:

[Giggles]

In fairness, you’re expecting Taz to make sense. That’s the first mistake.

[randomlegend]

"Second worst" not "second worse".

Standards, people, come on.

[Giggles]

Less worser.

[Spikey M]

BratWurst.

[Kikó]

Most worstest.

[Shindig]

Worcester.

[Spikey M]

Most Worcester.

[randomlegend]

Worcestershire.

[Giggles]

Hard to beat a chip sambo (butteh for the English among you).

[Spikey M]

Food of the gods. A lad at Uni used to halve 2 battered sausages and put them in too. Mad Genius.

2nd worst food indeed.

[niko_cee]

Chicken Big Mac eh? Sounds interesting.

[Ian]

Dunno how I feel about that but I'll likely give it a bash.

[Ian]

https://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/scotland-now/scots-man-creates-square-sausage-26065224

I'd try that.

[Spikey M]

Please personally tag me in future posts of this type.

[Ian]

Junk food? Lorne sausage? 'New spring roll just dropped'? All of the above?

[Spikey M]

Lorne sausage, but I am open to more or less anything calorific.

[Manc]

That looks pretty good if you take out the sausage, bacon and black pudding.

[Ian]

So you want a spring roll filled with potato scone?

[Spikey M]

I'd probably eat that.

[Ben]

That looks great but he gets docked a couple of points for putting a big dollop of ketchup on the side. The uncouth bastard.

[Boydy]

It'd be better with sausage roll type pastry.

[Ian]

Filo pastry sausage rolls are pretty good too, to be fair.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I have nothing in the fridge and can't be arsed to cook tonight, but I also don't want to eat utter shite, so I googled the words 'healthier takeaways' to try and rustle up an idea. By doing so I discovered this absolutely marvellous page on the NHS: https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/eat-well/healthier-takeaways/

It's a gold mine in general, but my favourite is this.


Kebab and burgers

Doner kebabs can be high in fat. For a healthier option, go for a shish kebab, which is a skewer with whole cuts of meat or fish and is usually grilled.

If you're having a burger, avoid breaded or battered chicken or fish patties, extra cheese, bacon strips and high-fat sauces such as mayonnaise. Instead, go for a regular, single-patty hamburger without mayonnaise or cheese and have with extra salad.

Try to avoid: large doner kebab with mayonnaise and no salad, burgers with cheese and mayonnaise, thin-cut chips, chicken or fish patties deep-fried in batter.

Healthier options: shish kebab with pitta bread and salad, grilled burgers made from lean fish or meat (beef or whole chicken breast) and without cheese and mayonnaise.

[Ian]

What are the takeaway options like round your way, Jimmy?

[Jimmy Floyd]

The usuals, although down here there is less of the Chinese chips/curry sort of setups I hear about up north and more moody south Asian burger/kebab outlets.

I'll probably get Lebanese.

[Ian]

I'm too far outside Glasgow to get anything more unusual like Lebanese though we do have a Greek one (from a Greek restaurant, not just a kebab-type place.)

[Spikey M]

Moving to the sticks has really limited our options. Nowhere decent delivers here. There's a Chinese, Indian and Chip Shop in the next village, but only the Chippy is any good. I have to drive for 20 minutes to get a kebab. :(

[Ben]

Lebanese is my go-to after moving out of parmo territory.

[Andy]

There's a banging kebab place near me that does chicken shish and roasted veg on a bed of rice with fresh salad. The home made chilli sauce is decent as well. That's my usual go to if I want to avoid anything too greasy and unhealthy.

[Luca]

Inspired by Jim, I’m getting takeout from a Lebanese-Armenian place tonight. Beef kebab smothered in a spicy tomato sauce, rice, salad, hummus, and garlic sauce. It’s brilliant.

[niko_cee]

The little one upmanship alarm obviously went off.

[Luca]

If that’s what the kids call a craving these days, yes.

[Giggles]

I’m going to fill a wrap with cocktail sausages and brown sauce.

[-james-]

Haggis, neeps and tatties for me. Truly one of the great meals.

[randomlegend]

I’m going to fill a wrap with cocktail sausages and brown sauce.

You're a proper enigma when it comes to food. On the one hand you'll prep amazing curries from scratch, spending hours cooking your onions down until they're just right. On the other, you think spaghetti is too posh, pancakes should be plain and eat cocktail sausages and brown sauce in a wrap.

[Giggles]

Again with the spaghetti, again wrong.

Though, have you never had a wrap full of cocktail sausages and brown sauce? I’m going to put in some black pudding too and cheese. I love cooking, made the most epic beef chilli the other day from dried passillas and anchos with beef that was reared in the field beside me, but there’s always a time for good old fashioned dirt.

[Boydy]

I like spaghetti but Giggles is right. Fine dining is great but sometimes you just need some filth.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Some of the greatest moments of my life have involved inappropriately melting cheese onto things.

[Giggles]

I like spaghetti too, I just object to people saying that some dishes can’t be eaten with other shapes of pasta, just because you SIMPLY MUST have spaghetti with ‘insert dish here’.

Actually it’s just part of a wider thing, that seems to be hugely prominent in food, that you have to have something a certain way because some people have decided that’s the right way and the only way (Hi Luca).

[Spikey M]

Is that what this Spaghettigate stuff is over? Well +1. I have Penne or Fusilli with whatever I'm having and dickheads that cry because it's the "wrong type" of pasta are indeed pretentious cunts.

[Luca]

I like spaghetti too, I just object to people saying that some dishes can’t be eaten with other shapes of pasta, just because you SIMPLY MUST have spaghetti with ‘insert dish here’.

Actually it’s just part of a wider thing, that seems to be hugely prominent in food, that you have to have something a certain way because some people have decided that’s the right way and the only way (Hi Luca).

I joke around about what’s “right,” but there is some logic to some of this. Some shapes capture different types of sauce better, so you have nicer bites of food.

But in reality, you should always do what you like with food and don’t let people like me dissuade you.

[randomlegend]

I'm sure that's the only time you've explained your feelings on spaghetti properly and I agree.

There are some things that are just wrong though. Well done steak is a hate crime.

[Jimmy Floyd]

In the end I got a chicken shawarma thing from the Lebanese (complete with healthy items) and it was the dog's bollocks. Also got some humus for the fridge, as I always do when ordering from them.

I won't be telling the Arab lad at work though or he'll just tell me it's no good here and better over there. Well, duh mate.

[Giggles]

I'm sure that's the only time you've explained your feelings on spaghetti properly and I agree.

There are some things that are just wrong though. Well done steak is a hate crime.

It really isn’t if that’s what you want and you’re the one paying though. Unless you’re forcing everyone else to have it a way they don’t like to too, but I suspect that’s not a regular occurrence.

[Giggles]

In the end I got a chicken shawarma thing from the Lebanese (complete with healthy items) and it was the dog's bollocks. Also got some humus for the fridge, as I always do when ordering from them.

I won't be telling the Arab lad at work though or he'll just tell me it's no good here and better over there. Well, duh mate.

You should tell him he’s a forrin caaaant and smash a chair over his back.

[randomlegend]

Cut off the horns and chase it through a warm kitchen, hey Luca

[Giggles]

Which is grand if you like it that way, I do myself. But the person spending should decide.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I find a lot of people who ask for well done then complain that it was too tough.

No shit...

[Kikó]

https://i.imgur.com/vlr9V1D.jpg

This was mega.

[Giggles]

I definitely wouldn’t entertain them in that case. But I wouldn’t be rushing out of a kitchen to take offence if they wanted it that way in the first place, or worse, just ignoring them and giving it out rare or medium because you think you know better.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I like my meat reasonably done, what you need to ask for is medium - you don't get a rare steak, the Frenchman cooking it doesn't melt into a puddle of righteous stress, everyone's a winner.

[Giggles]

No, what you ask for is medium, because you like medium. Though I do love how it’s the French again with you :D A cartoon.

[Luca]

Cut off the horns and chase it through a warm kitchen, hey Luca

This is how I prefer my steak. My old man is a well-done kind of guy. He doesn’t understand me, nor I him. It works.

I actually do agree though with Giggles. A restaurant with a standard menu shouldn’t be refusing to cook your steak how you want it, except in the most egregious of circumstances (e.g., a thick 2kg florentine steak that would take 1h to cook through and be actual charcoal on the outside by the time the inside isn’t pink). Sure, they can recommend certain steaks done a certain way, but generally they’ll just cook it how you want it outside of the edge cases like the one described above. Though you do lose your moral high ground to complain if you don’t take the recommended option and don’t like it.

If you’re going to some sort of multi-course set menu affair, though, you can’t expect to have your cake and eat it to.

[igor_balis]

Giggles is right about spaghetti now he's explained it (though the fact nobody seemed to realise this was what he meant originally is probably more an indictment of a lack of explanation) - there's a strand of super conservative, finickity obsession over details in Italian food culture which is really tedious. Alright, getting annoyed with people calling pretty much anything carbonara is probably fair enough, but it gets a bit silly sometimes.

The thing that makes any demand for "purity" in food like that totally meaningless is that it always relies on a really arbitrary decision about when the purity was achieved. As some food bloke on youtube put it, where do you draw the line? For a couple of hundred years from the tomato's arrival in Italy in the 16th century, it was viewed with deep suspicion and called the "devil's fruit" for fucks sake. Should we then say that tomatoes are not a valid part of Italian cuisine? No? So shut the fuck up about how you MUST NOT substitute guanciale or whatever.

[Giggles]

In fairness I probably went balls deep once I was jumped on and made things worse.

[Baz]

It did once come out as “people only eat spaghetti as a flex and would much rather have any other type of pasta really.”

[randomlegend]

Giggles is right about spaghetti now he's explained it (though the fact nobody seemed to realise this was what he meant originally is probably more an indictment of a lack of explanation) - there's a strand of super conservative, finickity obsession over details in Italian food culture which is really tedious. Alright, getting annoyed with people calling pretty much anything carbonara is probably fair enough, but it gets a bit silly sometimes.

The thing that makes any demand for "purity" in food like that totally meaningless is that it always relies on a really arbitrary decision about when the purity was achieved. As some food bloke on youtube put it, where do you draw the line? For a couple of hundred years from the tomato's arrival in Italy in the 16th century, it was viewed with deep suspicion and called the "devil's fruit" for fucks sake. Should we then say that tomatoes are not a valid part of Italian cuisine? No? So shut the fuck up about how you MUST NOT substitute guanciale or whatever.

Pancetta pleb

[randomlegend]

Oh god, imagine he uses bacon.

[Ian]

I just stick a whole gammon joint in there but I use the correct pasta of course.

https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/61UI6gg4ykL._AC_SX679_.jpg

[Giggles]

If I can’t spell my name with it then piss off.

[Spikey M]

It would take some effort, but I reckon you could.

[Lewis]

That tinned spaghetti bolognese they do is spot on. The slimy ravioli not so much, and the less said about the macaroni cheese the better.

[igor_balis]

Oh god, imagine he uses bacon.

At least bacon is inherently funny, right Lewis.

You could make a great recurring sketch where an angry Italian man gets increasingly exasperated with the zany lolrandom guy putting bacon into traditional Italian dishes.

MAma Mia Igor whya you puta bacon in the bolognese??

Because bacon xD

Man it writes itself.

[Lewis]

Sounds epic. Elon Musk can finance it.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

At least bacon is inherently funny, right Lewis.

You could make a great recurring sketch where an angry Italian man gets increasingly exasperated with the zany lolrandom guy putting bacon into traditional Italian dishes.

MAma Mia Igor whya you puta bacon in the bolognese??

Because bacon xD

Man it writes itself.

Get Giggles in to say "Fucking forriners" to end the show too.

[Giggles]

If Ital was still around Igor would be up on racism charges for that.

[Giggles]

Get Giggles in to say "Fucking forriners" to end the show too.

Surely that’s a job for one of the brexit brigade.

[randomlegend]

At least bacon is inherently funny, right Lewis.

You could make a great recurring sketch where an angry Italian man gets increasingly exasperated with the zany lolrandom guy putting bacon into traditional Italian dishes.

MAma Mia Igor whya you puta bacon in the bolognese??

Because bacon xD

Man it writes itself.

Sounds better than Yev's sitcom.

[Lewis]

Surely that’s a job for one of the brexit brigade.

I'd play the Italian in blackface.

[Kikó]

https://i.imgur.com/92mRms3.jpg

Pork knuckle 🤤

[randomlegend]

Loving the 1970s single tomato and sprig of parsley garnish

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Pork knuckle is a top meat food.

[Spikey M]

Not sure I'd have it with lemon sorbet though.

[Kikó]

It's the Germans for you. Also a side of sauerkraut, I'm fucked now.

[Giggles]

The sauce looked very cold.

[Boydy]

When I went to Berlin a few years back I had pork knuckle the first evening I arrived. It didn't look like that though. I think it was just boiled. The fat wasn't crisped up at all. It wasn't very good.

[Giggles]

As if you’d be eating at the the same establishments as Kiko. Boiled knuckle is all a mortal deserves.

[Kikó]

Boiled knuckle looks like some raw car crash but it tastes great. I was just in some touristy spot Giggles, nothing fine dining about german grub.

[Ben]

Where in Germany? Presumably not the south because it's not got a random serving of noodles with it. Swabians are weird.

[Kikó]

Frankfurt but it was a Bavarian style place.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Are we talking schweinhaxen? Food of the gods.

[Kikó]

Yep.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Poland love a good knuckle but it's hard to get the baked variety, it's almost always boiled.

[Luca]

Had steak fajitas for dinner. What a dish. :drool:

[Ian]

Chicken Big Mac eh? Sounds interesting.

It's pretty decent.

Stodgier, obviously, but that's kind of a given going in.

[Spikey M]

I had one yesterday and found it quite dry. No option to double the sauce, either.

[Ian]

I maybe got lucky then, plenty of sauce / miscellaneous fluid in mind.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You obviously need to get one that has been jizzed in, Spikes.

[Ian]

Not calling the staff a load of inbred cunts in your delivery notes is a real rookie move.

[Ben]

McDonald's alone is bad enough, but delivered too?

[Waffdon]

Why wouldn’t you, it costs like 70p.

[Ben]

Because it's still McDonald's and unless you're the first delivery it's going to be lukewarm at best.

Bottom tier food along with Greggs.

[Waffdon]

I would only order it if hungover so I’m not really arsed. The McDonald’s coke when hungover is the greatest thing on earth

[Ben]

Old Sprite before they took all the sugar out was king.

[Giggles]

Are chicken burgers a relatively new thing over there or is there something else I’m missing that has so much talk about this McDonalds one? I don’t mean here but just in general - it’s just two chicken burgers in a bun isn’t it?

[Ian]

It's just that they've taken the 'beef' out of a Big Mac and replaced it with 'tempura' 'chicken.'

[Giggles]

I assume they’ve already done this with “fake meat soy shit” somewhere along the way too with far less fanfare.

[niko_cee]

Nah, McDs has been pretty strong on its [terrible] veggie offering until quite recently.

They obviously have chicken burgers etc, just not a double one with the 'special sauce' etc. I've never been a fan of the original Big mac, or any of it's promotional derivatives, but thought this one might be worth a try.

[Spikey M]

Are chicken burgers a relatively new thing over there or is there something else I’m missing that has so much talk about this McDonalds one? I don’t mean here but just in general - it’s just two chicken burgers in a bun isn’t it?

It's just the first time we've been able to get a chicken Big Mac, outside of the BANTER lads that buy 3 different burgers just to make one.

[Giggles]

Ah that’s probably it. I had forgot there was a Big Mac sauce, because I’ve never seen a chipper that doesn’t do a double chicken burger.

I think I’ve only ever had one in my life because of the L word. Bacon double cheese is the go-to for salad free goodness

[Ben]

Are chicken burgers a relatively new thing over there or is there something else I’m missing that has so much talk about this McDonalds one? I don’t mean here but just in general - it’s just two chicken burgers in a bun isn’t it?

Far too many people are attached to McDonald's. Remember, this is something you could have been getting from your local kebab shop for the last 30 years but because it's McDonald's and called a Big Mac then all the people with a palate of a five year old are suddenly wetting themselves over it.

[niko_cee]

What sort of mentalist would order a chicken burger in a kebab shop?

[Spikey M]

The same kind of mentalist that gets this up tight about bog-standard but cheap and conveniently available fast food.

[Ian]

I like the idea of being snobby about it and then recommending a kebab shop instead.

[Ben]

"Recommending" is doing some leg work there. I'm just baffled that people are going crazy for it when you've been able to pick up an equivalent at any non-McDonald's establishment pretty much forever. They've hardly reinvented the wheel.

[Spikey M]

Is Ian saying it was alright and me saying it was a bit dry "going crazy" or have you seen it elsewhere?

[Ben]

Elsewhere mainly but I couldn't resist letting you know my thoughts.

[Spikey M]

It's cool, you now have your hill to die on.

My hill is Superhero films, Jimmy's is Pigs in Blankets and Kiko's is non-white people.

[Kikó]

What's wrong with kebab shops

[Giggles]

Absolutely nothing.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Goose kofte and quail donner for Keeks.

[Kikó]

Don't be ridiculous. The Turks have this nailed.

[Pepe]

I've never had a kebab.

[Don]

It shows.

[Spikey M]

I've never had a kebab.

This is genuinely tragic. :(

[Pepe]

They're not really a thing over here, and the two times that I have been to France my wife doesn't want to take me to eat a kebab because she doesn't like them. :(

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Get rid.

[Pepe]

Now that I think about it, there was a place in Mexico that sold "Arab tacos." They were really good and I think that they might be similar to a kebab.

[Spikey M]

Arab Taco's :D

I'm calling kebabs that going forward.

[Pepe]

They were basically tacos al pastor but in a pita bread (which we call arab bread) instead of on a regular tortilla. The ones with melted cheese were so good. :drool:

[Luca]

Tacos arabes from Puebla? I’ve heard about these (probably Bourdain?) - they sound good.

I’ve you’ve had a shawarma or a gyro in the US you’ve essentially had a kebab.

[Pepe]

No, in Mexico City, but I am sure that they exist in Puebla too.

I've definitely had a gyro. The arab tacos are better.