Christmas 2015

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Now imagine that being bent over whilst being fisted by a leather glad transsexual midget...

[Lewis]

The jumper is pretty good, but that Postman Pat mask has seen better days.

[niko_cee]

I meant when (if) I ever have my own immediate family. My own kids will have books rammed down their throats. And very little access to TV.

Good luck with that.

[igor_balis]

http://s17.postimg.org/qkgbr49wf/hammer.png

[Baz]

Aww, how Christmassy.

[Baz]

I feel my new avatar has saved the day.

See the old one for comparison:

http://www.littlemonstersforum.co.uk/images/q/vcmp9fyt.png

[Boydy]

Good luck with that.
I'm going to be a tyrant of a father.

[niko_cee]

You'll just be ruining your own life. Cbeebies is pretty much worth the licence fee on its own.

It's the toddler crack (youtube) you have to try and keep them off.

[Boydy]

Cbeebies is probably okay since at least it's kind of educational and they're not bombarded with advertising.

[simon]

http://s17.postimg.org/qkgbr49wf/hammer.png

:D

Oh, Hammer.

[Manc]

Between the family and the mrs I've not the time for the annual lads night out. Dogshit.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Korean Christmas party (as well as a load of other absolute fucking madness) had this single fucking track (starts at 0:09) playing quietly in the background for two hours, until they finally changed it to Wham's 'Last Christmas'. I'm absolutely convinced it was some form of advanced torture technique.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JNAD0t93aw

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

:D

That's fucking amazing.

I bet you were fucking begging for a bit of K-Pop 15 minutes in.

[Lee]

I'm getting old. I was out last Friday night and on Tuesday for two work Christmas things, then down the pub on Wednesday night for the Christmas quiz. i'm absolutely fucking knackered from them and I only had a single pint across all three nights. Lauren's doing her usual Christmas Eve have everybody around for food next (in a nother sign of ageing/mellowing I'm actually looking forward to having people come round) then I'm going for a curry and a few drinks on the 30th. If not for the bank holidays coming up I'd probably die.

[John]

The Korean Christmas party (as well as a load of other absolute fucking madness) had this single fucking track (starts at 0:09) playing quietly in the background for two hours, until they finally changed it to Wham's 'Last Christmas'. I'm absolutely convinced it was some form of advanced torture technique.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JNAD0t93aw

That needs a longer post dedicated to it.

A little bit into that video the visuals change from a load of gently dancing creature characters to a scene of full on raving. Was there much of that going on with the Koreans?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Basically Korean drinking sessions involve surprisingly little alcohol (they have very little tolerance) and a lot of toasts. So as you see them getting more and more leathered and the toasts become more and more risque, you are sitting there stone cold sober on a shot glass and a half of soju, wishing it would end.

Some of the toasts ranged from going around every single person in the room, and then as they got more smashed, it got weirder and weirder until the fattest Korean insisted that next time he would wear a mankini, and repeated the claim at five minute intervals, and the final toast was 'Monkey! Monkey! Gooood luck!' which defies explanation.

I think the highlight was when the top banana asked someone how many kids they wanted. He said 'two'. Then the chief said 'And how many wives?' Now it's a solid 5/10 joke and in your second language probably nearer an 8 or 9, but one Korean actually spent the rest of the evening in tears of joy because of it, quietly repeating it to himself to set off a new burst of mirth.

[John]

:D I'd love to spend a couple of days in the company of these people.

My gran is just off the phone to tell me that I've been summoned to a birthday dinner for a couple of cousins. We're meeting at half one for dinner, then back to her brother's house for drinks and festivities. On fucking Boxing Day. Who schedules a big, fairly important dinner for the day after the biggest meal of the year?

[Lee]

The tree is fucked. It's drooping really badly and going brown. We haven't done anything different with it this year. It can come down tomorrow and we'll put the artificial one up. Shame, I like having a real one but I'm not paying another £50.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I bought ours today but I can't find the fucking stand.

I spent 20 minutes in the jungle otherwise known as the shed looking for it before getting annoyed and booting the lawnmower out of anger.

It's just lying on the floor in the living room still in the netting right now.

[Lewis]

My mother does a good tree, but for some reason one of the lights (it has three sets on) is red. It makes me seethe to see this one stupid fucking red bulb flashing on and off, but she isn't bothered, and the fact she isn't bothered annoys me even more.

[John]

I bought ours today but I can't find the fucking stand.

I spent 20 minutes in the jungle otherwise known as the shed looking for it before getting annoyed and booting the lawnmower out of anger.

It's just lying on the floor in the living room still in the netting right now.

Must have been some boot to get it in the living room.

[igor_balis]

Literally no decorations up here, and my mum insists it'll stay that way. Moody git.

[Foe]

Maybe you left it in Ukraine?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Maybe you left it in Ukraine?

Of course, how can I forget that I took a Christmas tree stand to Ukraine.

I tweeted my issues with said stand and I've gotten a like from a Christmas lighting installation company who are based in Minnesota.

[Lewis]

Do you have a 'personal' account that follows things other than cambirds?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Nope.

[Lewis]

My mother arranged a 'present swap' with her sister, my cousin, her annoying three year old, and the put-upon dad. I've been banned from just going out and told to 'be sociable' (she didn't specify with them, so here I am). Is suicide an over-reaction? It would give them something to talk about.

[Lewis]

I'm going to kick the shit out of that kid. He minced in, saw the buns my mother had made, and then bowled up back to his mother and said 'Come see the buns I've made'. He told everyone I told him I loved him when he was last here. There is some serious baldness coming his way in the future, so good luck making lies up about that you little bastard.

[Lee]

Tree's down. Fuck's sake. The room looks shit without it. I always hate taking it down. Was a pain in the arse as well. She can put the fake one up later I've and enough of trees for one day.

[Boydy]

I'm going to kick the shit out of that kid. He minced in, saw the buns my mother had made, and then bowled up back to his mother and said 'Come see the buns I've made'. He told everyone I told him I loved him when he was last here. There is some serious baldness coming his way in the future, so good luck making lies up about that you little bastard.

Set the dog on him.

[Lewis]

He's seething. His settee has been occupied, and nobody is giving him any food.

[Lewis]

'Did you go watch City yesterday, Ryan?'
'Nah mate. They were in Rotherham.'
'Yeah. You'd only have been molested.'
'Yeah 2-0 wasn't it.'

This is why I don't bother, mother.

[Pepe]

Stick to Club Lewis, we get you (sometimes.)

[Lee]

'Did you go watch City yesterday, Ryan?'
'Nah mate. They were in Rotherham.'
'Yeah. You'd only have been molested.'
'Yeah 2-0 wasn't it.'

This is why I don't bother, mother.

:D :D :D

Extended family is the worst bit about Christmas. I'm avoiding most of them this year, thankfully. I'll have to get annoyed by the gay nephew on Chrismas Eve and Christmas Day though. I might put alcohol in his drinks. How much would make a kid sick but not kill them? He was ill last year as well; I might make it a tradition. That's not a crime if there's no harm done, is it?

[Boydy]

Lewis. :D

[niko_cee]

How the fuck does a Christmas tree go bad within a week or two of putting it up?

[Magic]

What sort of cunt puts a tree up with less than a week to go until Christmas day?

[Lee]

Fuck knows it didn't last year. We obviously picked a dud.

[Lewis]

He's just pissed himself (the kid, not Ryan; although he is no doubt capable) because apparently screeching and talking shit for two hours makes people ignore you. :lol:

[Boydy]

He pissed himself because he was being ignored?

[niko_cee]

Although, that said, I bought one for my parents this year and it is pretty ropey. You just have to walk near it and it starts shedding its needles. They're sharp little bastards as well. The tree man had to don gloves to bag it, which I thought was a bit odd, but upon handling the fucker I knew why. Something to do with the type of tree it is (spruce?). It was cheap though.

[Lee]

Although, that said, I bought one for my parents this year and it is pretty ropey. You just have to walk near it and it starts shedding its needles. They're sharp little bastards as well. The tree man had to don gloves to bag it, which I thought was a bit odd, but upon handling the fucker I knew why. Something to do with the type of tree it is (spruce?). It was cheap though.

I'm not sure if it being massive has anything to do with it. It was a good two foot taller than last year's. We've got the artificial one anyway so that will go up this evening but it's not the same as having a real one. I'll pay more attention to how you're meant to care for them next year.

[Magic]

Lewis seems unaware of how children behave, seeing them like adults.

That's a nonce trademark.

[Boydy]

I don't know how people can be arsed with real trees.

Also think of the spiders you're willingly importing into your home.

[Lewis]

He pissed himself because he was being ignored?

He obviously needed taking to the toilet (or whatever), but they were just ignoring him because he's a wanker. He was embarrassed for about five minutes but now he's back on.

[Boydy]

What age is he?

[Giggles]

Lewis seems unaware of how children behave, seeing them like adults.

That's a nonce trademark.

Best way (apart from the noncing). Treat them like the cunts they all are.

[Ian]

So at the moment Christmas day looks to be panning out like this:

- Up at about 5.15so I can get ready for work, with a work-funded cab arriving at 6.
- Start work at 7 where there will be absolutely nothing to do because all the customers we deal with are government departments.
- Sit about at work watching Christmas films and eating junk for eight hours.
- Get picked up by another work-funded cab to go to my sister's house where our parents and five (inc;luding a toddler) of her in-laws will be there in time for boozing, food and her in-laws being the tedious shits they invariably are.

Might text my sister and find out if there's any shithousery or family tension going on and if there is nip to the pub for a quick pint to brace myself.

[Lewis]

Lewis seems unaware of how children behave, seeing them like adults.

That's a nonce trademark.

I wasn't a cunt at his age. Today's children are feral dickheads.


What age is he?

Three.

[Boydy]

Ffs. :D

[Lewis]

My friend who lives in America's mother had a cardboard cut-out of him made to take to family things, so me and my local friend took it round the pubs. First-class banter aside, it's odd how people kept taking 'He couldn't be here' to mean he's dead.

[Danny]

So at the moment Christmas day looks to be panning out like this:

- Up at about 5.15so I can get ready for work, with a work-funded cab arriving at 6.
- Start work at 7 where there will be absolutely nothing to do because all the customers we deal with are government departments.
- Sit about at work watching Christmas films and eating junk for eight hours.
- Get picked up by another work-funded cab to go to my sister's house where our parents and five (inc;luding a toddler) of her in-laws will be there in time for boozing, food and her in-laws being the tedious shits they invariably are.

Might text my sister and find out if there's any shithousery or family tension going on and if there is nip to the pub for a quick pint to brace myself.

You might just want to take a flask into work with you.

[Manc]

Me and the mrs did our mini Xmas celebration last night. I got her Adele tickets, perfume and took her for a swanky meal. All told £400 was spent.

In return I got pj pants, a noise trimmer and a minute bottle of smelly, pricing at around £50 if that. Bitch.

[Shindig]

Nah, that's all on you. Anyway. my sisters giving me a lift to the folks on Christmas day. Might stay overnight but I haven't decided.

[niko_cee]

If you're going to the Adele thing, and ate the meal then that £400 hasn't really been just spent on her, has it now?

[Giggles]

She owes you at least £500 back for having to go to an Adele concert.

[mo]

Surely agreeing a budget beforehand is the easiest way to avoid this? Wife tells me what I can spend and then proceeds to exceed her budget. Sorted.

[Mazuuurk]

Me and the mrs did our mini Xmas celebration last night. I got her Adele tickets, perfume and took her for a swanky meal. All told £400 was spent.

In return I got pj pants, a noise trimmer and a minute bottle of smelly, pricing at around £50 if that. Bitch.

I hope she at least sucks your cock about 15 times then.

[Weaver]

Got my four Christmas cards for £3.59 just now, so I'm finished the lot with a few days left to spare.

I cashed in my penny collection for the year while I was on - £81.

[Henry]

I have the cold. This appears to happen every fucking Christmas time.

I want to watch a movie right now, but not sure if I can concentrate because of this. Fuck.

[Pepe]

PJ pants > Adele tickets. Ungrateful cunt.

[Manc]

If you're going to the Adele thing, and ate the meal then that £400 hasn't really been just spent on her, has it now?

The meal I'll grant you, but the Adele tickets were for her and a friend. Like fuck I'm missing that now.

[John]

Lol at an adult moaning about getting less than they gave for Christmas.

[Baz]

Bought these golf balls (http://www.very.co.uk/pga-tour-novelty-sports-balls/1342371596.prd) for Mike's lodger the other day. £3 in Aldi. :cool:

[ScousePig]

Can't remember what I was saying about the panto earlier but a woman I've started seeing (sort of) decided she's booking for us to go see Jack and the Beanstalk over New Year. We both took our classes to Snow White last year which was great, but obviously we had kids. I'm sure it'll be good.

[Lewis]

Do they still do adult pantomimes after hours, or was it only Jim Davidson who did those (so obviously banned by Tony Blair)?

[ScousePig]

I'm assuming it's just the regular kids one. Maybe there'll be some kids nearby and we can pretend they're ours.

[Boydy]

She booked panto tickets for two adults?

Bin her.

[John]

And PM Mahow her number.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Does she have a webcam?

That's a deal-breaker for me.

[Lewis]

At least you can laugh about it now.

[Bam]

What was the out come with all that in the end?

[Magic]

Me and the mrs did our mini Xmas celebration last night. I got her Adele tickets, perfume and took her for a swanky meal. All told £400 was spent.

In return I got pj pants, a noise trimmer and a minute bottle of smelly, pricing at around £50 if that. Bitch.

You should cone that bird at your work.

[-james-]

Two days at parents and already bored daft. Not sure how I used to entertain myself for hours on end through only the internet.

[John]

Wanking in front of windows, mostly.

[Boydy]

:D

John.

[ScousePig]

She booked panto tickets for two adults?

Bin her.

It's because we were talking about how good it was last year, admittedly with the kids. I don't know if she's actually booked them.

[Lewis]

Ross Kemp's Christmas Carol is on. His hard-man image took a bit of a hit (arf) when Rebekah Brooks filled him in.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I've only just remembered that I said I would bake something.

http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/2053652/chocolate-hazelnut-and-salted-caramel-tart

I'll do that tonight for tomorrow.

[Boydy]

Was in town this morning doing some last minute present-buying. Was looking for something for my dickhead cousin (the one who said he just wanted money). Found a Better Call Saul mug and a Now That's What I Call 80s CD in HMV and thought those would do. Texted him to see if he actually has a CD player in his car but he didn't reply. I assumed he must have as he bought some fancy radio a while ago so I bought the CD anyway. He texted me back about an hour ago saying he doesn't. Oh well, fuck him.

[simon]

As if a 'Now That's What I Call 80's' CD wasn't a big enough fuck you.

[John]

A mug and a CD of music from the eighties for someone who wanted money. Merry Christmas.

[niko_cee]

A 'fancy new radio' in a car is unlikely to have a CD player. It isn't 1995. Still, fuck him.

Just in the process of pre-making some epic gravy.

:drool:

[Bob Sacamano]

Managed to avoid the entirety of the German Market :dance: , though going into Birmingham tomorrow is going to be a nightmare. Literally have nothing sorted.

[Kikó]

I've just finished all my Christmas shopping bar a decent present for my missus. Having extended family has made it all bloody expensive.

[Boydy]

As if a 'Now That's What I Call 80's' CD wasn't a big enough fuck you.

He loves 80s music.

[Boydy]

A mug and a CD of music from the eighties for someone who wanted money. Merry Christmas.

Yeah but we're that much different in age so it seems weird to give him money.

Last year he went for ages about what he wanted from me and asked me what I wanted. Turns out he meant what I wanted from his mum as he didn't actually get me anything himself. That wouldn't bother me if he didn't get a lift from me to work every week (he has his own car now too but claims he can't drive it at night because of his insurance) and yet has never once, in over a year, offered me any fuel money. I go out of my way to give him a lift too.

He's also complained to me before about my own dad being tight and not putting enough money in his card for Christmas/birthdays. He's a selfish little wanker and I probably shouldn't have got him anything.

[Giggles]

Got some nice stuff from the work crew there when we finished up. Morgans, vodka, box of Butlers, and a 200 quid voucher.

[Giggles]

Yeah but we're that much different in age so it seems weird to give him money.

Last year he went for ages about what he wanted from me and asked me what I wanted. Turns out he meant what I wanted from his mum as he didn't actually get me anything himself. That wouldn't bother me if he didn't get a lift from me to work every week (he has his own car now too but claims he can't drive it at night because of his insurance) and yet has never once, in over a year, offered me any fuel money. I go out of my way to give him a lift too.

He's also complained to me before about my own dad being tight and not putting enough money in his card for Christmas/birthdays. He's a selfish little wanker and I probably shouldn't have got him anything.

You hit the nail on the head in the last sentence.

[igor_balis]

The anecdote probably doesn't merit revealing my real name but fuck it - my uncle has gone with 'Sambo' on my Christmas card rather than Sam this year. My relatives are ridiculous.

[Boydy]

I already knew. :huhu:

[Boydy]

You hit the nail on the head in the last sentence.

Yeah. This week his ma's car had something wrong with it so it was in getting fixed. She asked him if she could borrow his car (she actually needs it) and he said no, he had plans. Turns out they were with his girlfriend who also has a car. His ma told him to go in her car and he said he wasn't going to ask her to 'come all the way out here' - it's about three miles. So he took his car for the day and left his ma without a car. His car and insurance was paid for by his ma and his granny (his ma's ma). Selfish shite.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My colleague has bought no presents for his family. He was planning on getting them all on the free afternoon of the 24th but the Kims declaring that working time has fucked him over royally. We don't discuss these things openly but I reckon the right smoke signals and I could trigger an armed uprising.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

He sounds like a right twat.

[Giggles]

Yeah. This week his ma's car had something wrong with it so it was in getting fixed. She asked him if she could borrow his car (she actually needs it) and he said no, he had plans. Turns out they were with his girlfriend who also has a car. His ma told him to go in her car and he said he wasn't going to ask her to 'come all the way out here' - it's about three miles. So he took his car for the day and left his ma without a car. His car and insurance was paid for by his ma and his granny (his ma's ma). Selfish shite.

They're worse for buying the selfish shit a car. Life lessons are needed for this one.

[Lewis]

Ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma...

[Jimmy Floyd]

Boydy give it up, give it up, Boydy give it u-up.

Fuck you John.

[John]

You should sponsor an animal or something in his name. The idea that you had money and chose to spend it on something for him, but made it something he couldn't touch or enjoy will drive someone that selfish up the wall.

Alright, Floyd.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Now you've just made it look like I was offering a pre-emptive fuck you. Well fuck you.

[Boydy]

You should sponsor an animal or something in his name. The idea that you had money and chose to spend it on something for him, but made it something he couldn't touch or enjoy will drive someone that selfish up the wall.

Alright, Floyd.

:D

That would have been a good idea.

[igor_balis]

You should have bought him a bowling ball with your name printed on it.

[Lewis]

My brother ordered a 'battery charger' for his car (is that just a phone charger with the brand on to rob idiots?), but he missed the post and is having a right sulk because he can't collect it until tomorrow. :harold:

[Boydy]

Are you at his house for Christmas then? How's that going?

Also pics of the dog please.

[John]

Not strictly Christmas related, but it's made my Christmas to such an extent that I genuinely won't be bothered if the dinner is shit so I'm counting it as a gift and putting it here.

My mate's uncle has come out as a gay man. He's been married to my mate's aunt for about five years and has two kids with her, along with another four from a previous marriage, but he's apparently been going to Hammer clubs and fucking men for about a decade.

All very unpleasant for those concerned, but something glorious came out of it yesterday. My mate's struggling to process it and he's been left with a bit of a dilemma. He really likes the bloke and they get on well, but the situation is a bit of a shambles and he knows he should probably hate him, or at least act like he does, for what he's done to his aunt. The result of that is mega awkwardness. We saw him yesterday and my mate didn't know what to do or say, his uncle picked up on the awkwardness, looked him straight in the eye, and said very seriously 'How does it feel to know your uncle gives head?'

I could have died a happy man in that moment. I've never seen someone so panicked.

[Giggles]

My brother ordered a 'battery charger' for his car (is that just a phone charger with the brand on to rob idiots?), but he missed the post and is having a right sulk because he can't collect it until tomorrow. :harold:

Is it to charge things in his car or to charge his car battery?

[Lewis]

Are you at his house for Christmas then? How's that going?

Also pics of the dog please.

He's back here, but he's going to New York on Boxing Day so he has to drive back after Christmas dinner.

http://i63.tinypic.com/2db6w4j.jpg

[John]

That pillow. :cool:

[Boydy]

:D

What's the dog's name?

[igor_balis]

John, that story is magnificent.

[Giggles]

That dog looks quality.

[Lewis]

Brock. He was six on Saturday, and then spent Sunday sulking because them bastards were coming. :cool:

http://i63.tinypic.com/nqy8ut.jpg

'Fuck off, mate.'

[Giggles]

Class.

I want a dog :(

[Giggles]

Used to have that exact UJ pillow too. Harold would be proud.

[Spoonsky]

:D :D

One for Lewis, one for John.

[Davgooner]

Anyone else have birthdays to sort near to Christmas as well? It's my dad's today so have had to shell out for that as well.

[igor_balis]

My mum dumped her boyf last week, and his bithday is the 25th. Merry Christmas, mate.

[Giggles]

Anyone else have birthdays to sort near to Christmas as well? It's my dad's today so have had to shell out for that as well.

That's close enough for both in one.

[Lewis]

It's Amigo's birthday tomorrow. Everyone remember to send him a PM.

[Davgooner]

Anyway, I ordered a backpack for my brother who's going to the far east for a couple of months, and on top of the fucking shipping which was extortionate enough, I've now been clobbered for another £20 by DHL for customs/VAT/whatever the fuck the shitty voice text said.

[mo]

My birthday on the 28th, which my wife complains about every year. My 30th as well this year, meaning I've now officially lost pretty much half my life to Championship Manager.

[Lee]

Anyone else have birthdays to sort near to Christmas as well? It's my dad's today so have had to shell out for that as well.

Lauren's old man's is on the day itself. It's shit for him because all he gets is extra cards he probably doesn't want. Mind you he's the tightest bastard I know so it serves him right.

[Lewis]

My mother came in and chucked me a chocolate monkey her friend had given her. Oh yeah mate chocolate monkey nom nom no... Soap. Soap monkey.

[Boydy]

Had you actually started eating it? :D

'Chocolate monkey' sounds like some old-timey racist term.

[Giggles]

My mother still says something similar, though you have to remember we come from a time and place that I only seen my first one when we drove 25 miles to go shopping and I was 12.

[Lewis]

I'd bitten its foot off.

[Reg]

My mate's uncle has come out as a gay man.
That sounds like he could have come out as a lesbian.

[Boydy]

That sounds like he could have come out as a lesbian.

Could've come out as a trans woman who is attracted to women, I suppose.

[Reg]

That's true, although wouldn't the politically correct term be 'lesbian'?

[Boydy]

Yeah, but they'd still have to come out as trans first.

[Davgooner]

Let's get on it.

:pards:

[Baz]

Soap monkey? As in its cheaponasty chocolate, or am I missing something?

Oh it was actually soap and you thought it was chocolate? :D

[Spoonsky]

Anyway, I ordered a backpack for my brother who's going to the far east for a couple of months, and on top of the fucking shipping which was extortionate enough, I've now been clobbered for another £20 by DHL for customs/VAT/whatever the fuck the shitty voice text said.

Is he going on a backpacking journey of self-discovery?

[Lee]

I fucking love Christmas Eve at work. :drool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

I don't.

[Kikó]

That's Korean conditioning for you Jim. You're now thinking of it as prime profit maximisation time lost.

We're all going for a swanky lunch at a place called the vault (in Wormit MJ :/) a little later. I really am a Scrooge for all this Christmas stuff. My Nonna raised me well.

[Manc]

Sacked work off. Mugs.

[Baz]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPheJbpbSfI

[Magic]

That's Korean conditioning for you Jim. You're now thinking of it as prime profit maximisation time lost.

We're all going for a swanky lunch at a place called the vault (in Wormit MJ :/) a little later. I really am a Scrooge for all this Christmas stuff. My Nonna raised me well.

Wormit is nice.

[Kikó]

Is it? Fair do. I was given the impression it's a bit naff.

[Magic]

What do you mean by 'naff'? It's a little riverside village with some glorious houses.

[John]

You're coming at it as a Londoner with a foreign fiancee. Magic is an unhappily married dad from Dundee.

Your concept of 'nice' will not be the same.

[Boydy]

You're coming at it as a Londoner with a foreign fiancee. Magic is an unhappily married dad from Dundee.

Your concept of 'nice' will not be the same.

:D

True.

[Kikó]

It's her brother who is giving it the bad rep. I've got nothing against it. I love the view across the Tay. The bridges are both a great sight.

[Magic]

Her brother sounds like a cunt.

[simon]

He loves 80s music.

Then he deserves everything he gets, the weirdo.

[igor_balis]

80s pop is quality u cunt

[Giggles]

80s pop is quality u cunt

:D Glad I'm always being proven wrong on the 'spirit' I was told about here.

[simon]

It's the stuff of nightmares.

In other news, what is the point of Bounty's in a Celebrations box?

[Jimmy Floyd]

To make the other sweets look good.

[Giggles]

It's the stuff of nightmares.

In other news, what is the point of Bounty's in a Celebrations box?

For people who like a Bounty I'd imagine.

[igor_balis]

I'm gonna put a bounty on your fucking head 80s pop and bounties are great stop disliking stuff I like you freak

[simon]

For people who like a Bounty I'd imagine.

There are no such people.


I'm gonna put a bounty on your fucking head 80s pop and bounties are great stop disliking stuff I like you freak

Feel free to come round mine and eat all of the Bounty's. There are children starving in Africa, you know.

[Giggles]

If he called round you should just save time and mill him at the front door.

[Boydy]

Igor's right.

Bounties are quite nice too. I'll probably leave them till towards the end but I'll still eat them. There's nothing bad in either Celebrations or Miniature Heroes like there is in Roses or Quality Street. Fucking strawberry and orange shit. Eugh. We still always get Quality Street because my dad loves it for some reason.

[Giggles]

Igor's right.

Bounties are quite nice too. I'll probably leave them till towards the end but I'll still eat them. There's nothing bad in either Celebrations or Miniature Heroes like there is in Roses or Quality Street. Fucking strawberry and orange shit. Eugh. We still always get Quality Street because my dad loves it for some reason.

I just get a big red box of Lindt balls now. Fuck variety, they're awesome.

[Magic]

Igor's right.

Bounties are quite nice too. I'll probably leave them till towards the end but I'll still eat them. There's nothing bad in either Celebrations or Miniature Heroes like there is in Roses or Quality Street. Fucking strawberry and orange shit. Eugh. We still always get Quality Street because my dad loves it for some reason.

Miniature Heroes are utterly woeful.

The worst ones in Celebrations are Milky Ways. They're shit. Also the omission of both Topics and Galaxy Truffles should be seen as an act of war on the public.

[Boydy]

I just get a big red box of Lindt balls now. Fuck variety, they're awesome.
They are brilliant, yeah.

Miniature Heroes are utterly woeful.

The worst ones in Celebrations are Milky Ways. They're shit. Also the omission of both Topics and Galaxy Truffles should be seen as an act of war on the public.

They got rid of Topic? Dickheads.

What's wrong with Miniature Heroes? It's ages since I've had them.

[ItalAussie]

Just came back from Carols by Candlelight. It's Christmas here, so Merry Christmas everyone. :)

[Manc]

Someone brought celebrations in to work last week and by the end of the day all that remained were Mars bars. Absolute freaks.

[Giggles]

They are brilliant, yeah.


They got rid of Topic? Dickheads.

What's wrong with Miniature Heroes? It's ages since I've had them.

I like all in Heroes bar the Creme Eggs. They're a good box to get. I prefer the chocolate to the chocolate in the Celebrations too (bar the Galaxy stuff).

[Magic]

They are brilliant, yeah.


They got rid of Topic? Dickheads.

What's wrong with Miniature Heroes? It's ages since I've had them.

2015 (Christmas)


Cadbury Eclairs (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cadbury_Eclairs)
Fudge (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fudge_(chocolate_bar))
Dairy Milk Caramel (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cadbury_Dairy_Milk_Caramel)
Dairy Milk (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cadbury_Dairy_Milk)
Cadbury Wispa (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cadbury_Wispa)
Cadbury Twirl (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cadbury_Twirl)
Creme Egg Twisted (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Creme_Egg_Twisted)


:sick:

[Baz]

NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION IS ABOUT TO START ON ITV

http://www.tvcatchup.com/watch/itv

[Giggles]

NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION IS ABOUT TO START ON ITV

http://www.tvcatchup.com/watch/itv

I'd normally be all over that but proper WIlly Wonka is on TV3.

[Magic]

Miracle on 34th St (1947) has failed, now Elf has failed. Seems there aren't a lot of good Christmas films for young 'uns.

[Boydy]

2015 (Christmas)


Cadbury Eclairs (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cadbury_Eclairs)
Fudge (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fudge_(chocolate_bar))
Dairy Milk Caramel (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cadbury_Dairy_Milk_Caramel)
Dairy Milk (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cadbury_Dairy_Milk)
Cadbury Wispa (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cadbury_Wispa)
Cadbury Twirl (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cadbury_Twirl)
Creme Egg Twisted (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Creme_Egg_Twisted)


:sick:

All good, you turd.

[Lewis]

I nipped in town for some cards and it didn't seem that busy. Does everybody shit themselves about Christmas Eve shopping and end up making the days before the actual busy ones thinking they're being clever?

[Lewis]

Miracle on 34th St (1947) has failed, now Elf has failed. Seems there aren't a lot of good Christmas films for young 'uns.

Maybe if she could hear them over all the arguing and wall-punching.

[Foe]

NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION IS ABOUT TO START ON ITV

http://www.tvcatchup.com/watch/itv


Such a brilliant film.

[mo]

Just brought the wife back from the vets. Had to put her cat down today. Merry Christmas!

[Magic]

Lucky bastard. :drool:

[randomlegend]

I nipped in town for some cards and it didn't seem that busy. Does everybody shit themselves about Christmas Eve shopping and end up making the days before the actual busy ones thinking they're being clever?

I go present shopping on Christmas Eve nearly every year and it's always (relatively) dead.

[Shindig]

Tescos was heaving but in a Tesco Metro (or Extra... whatever) that's to be expected.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

All good, you turd.

Nah.

The creme egg is utter horse shit, the eclairs are too much effort and their fudge has no flavour.

[Davgooner]

Eclairs aside, it's a quality selection.

[John]

Who are the twats who pitch up at Tesco on Christmas eve and buy three loaves of bread and ten litres of milk? I don't know anyone who doesn't think they're twats, but there they are in their hundreds every year.

[mugbull]

Just brought the wife back from the vets. Had to put her cat down today. Merry Christmas!

For about a sentence there I thought your wife was an animal.

[Pepe]

Bought one of those step counters for my mother and a gift card for my sister. Still don't know what to get the missus, might just let it fizzle down and not get her anything.

[ScousePig]

Igor's right.

Bounties are quite nice too. I'll probably leave them till towards the end but I'll still eat them. There's nothing bad in either Celebrations or Miniature Heroes like there is in Roses or Quality Street. Fucking strawberry and orange shit. Eugh. We still always get Quality Street because my dad loves it for some reason.

At least Bounty's belong. Miniature Heroes have fucking Cadbury's Eclairs! I've never seen something so out of place.

Should have read on.

[Giggles]

At least Bounty's belong. Miniature Heroes have fucking Cadbury's Eclairs! I've never seen something so out of place.

Heroes are Cadburys though.

[ScousePig]

Heroes are Cadburys though.

I know.

[Giggles]

Well then.

[igor_balis]

Igor is always right. The worst chocolate box chocolates are the hard toffee ones in quality street, they can get to fuck. x

[ScousePig]

I don't really mind Roses or Quality Street, but the kids bought me a couple of smaller boxes of Roses and they're not even proper Roses.

[John]

Bounties are the worst chocolate. They'd be good to give to the homeless, so they can pick bits of them out of their teeth for the next week and feel like they're getting a treat, but they're basically shit. It's like if sand was a food.

[Shindig]

They're always the ones left whenever someone brings in Celebrations for work. I'll be grabbing some whiskey on boxing day if nobody's bought me a bottle already. £32 for a bottle of Aberlour sounds a bit crap so I might grab something else.

[igor_balis]

Highland Park 12 is pretty great for a similar price.

[Magic]

Igor is always right. The worst chocolate box chocolates are the hard toffee ones in quality street, they can get to fuck. x

:) x

[igor_balis]

:) x

love you

[Giggles]

Says a lot.

[Boydy]

Eclairs are great.

[mo]

I don't really mind Roses or Quality Street, but the kids bought me a couple of smaller boxes of Roses and they're not even proper Roses.

I was given a box of Roses by my head of house, and fuck me are they shit. You get fuck all in there and its mostly shit ones (nuts, coffee).

[Giggles]

The Boyd knows.

[Boydy]

We're slagging off nuts now?

Fucking hell, the state of you lot.

[Alan Shearer The 2nd]

What I've never fathomed is removing the Galaxy Truffles from the Celebrations.

It wouldn't be so bad if you could get them as a standalone thing but it's just madness.

[Giggles]

Tiger has the best truffles.

[Magic]

I was given a box of Roses by my head of house, and fuck me are they shit. You get fuck all in there and its mostly shit ones (nuts, coffee).

Lunatic. I bet there was nothing wrong with your wife's cat.

[Shindig]

A couple of boxes of Lindt found their way to work this week. Gorgeous.

[Alan Shearer The 2nd]

A couple of boxes of Lindt found their way to work this week. Gorgeous.

Have you tried the orange ones yet? Had a box for breakfast yesterday, top, top stuff.

[Shindig]

Not yet. They brought in some regular ones and these nice coconut and white chocolate things. The coconut being very subtle.

[Giggles]

The white ones are special. I'd the orange bar a few weeks back and if that's anything to go by then I'd like the sweets.

[Boydy]

Just had my first bit of ham. :drool:

[phonics]

I'm at a b n b on the border of Essex. Currently having my ear chatted off by a black cab driver and his son who lives with a Thai bride in Bangkok. It's hell.

[Giggles]

Had a few bottles of the Ri and the Rua of these. Normally don't go for bearded beers but they were very nice. The bag of salted peanuts with them helped too.

[Bam]

I'm at a b n b on the border of Essex. Currently having my ear chatted off by a black cab driver and his son who lives with a Thai bride in Bangkok. It's hell.



Do you mean the M25?

[phonics]

Nah, near Harlow. It's technically Hertfordshire but the sheer amount of Christmas Lights on country houses gives the game away.

[Kikó]

Booked my minimoon (her words) flight tonight. Off to Palermo for a week in September, should be pretty mega.

Tomorrow we are up for 7:30 so we can enjoy the baby of the house unwrapping her presents. Bah humbug.

[Dark Soldier]

Merry Christmas you beautiful bunch of bastards.

[Samadini]

:pards:

[Reg]

Merry Christmas everyone! (http://nextprojection.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/Futurama.png)

[Pepe]

Merry Christmas (or Happy Holidays for the PC) to all of you. You might all be just a username on a screen but I do care for you.

[Lewis]

http://i65.tinypic.com/2nve794.jpg

Merry Christmas.

[Sam]

Merry xxxmas

[Pepe]

We were supposed to be there at 7:30. It is now 8:20 and we're still home.

[Boydy]

Merry Christmas, knobheads.

[John]

That comic is great.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

[Waffdon]

Hope all my pals on tth have a dabgataix day xxx

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Bounties are grand and I was a hater of all things coconut bar milk until the other year.

[igor_balis]

Merry Christmas you lovely people. xxxx

[Giggles]

Happy Christmas to the small few of you that aren't cunts.

Fuck the other 95% of you :) :thbup:

[Ian]

Merry Christmas ya filthy animals.

Off to work and the cabbie isn't chatting my ear off. :cool:

[Baz]

Yeah, happy Christmas. :groove:

[Luca]

Merry Christmas, bastards!

[Mike]

Happy Christmas. Get ready for a morning of facebook posts saying "he's been" :uhoh::wanker:

[Kikó]

Happy Jesus day folks.

[Lee]

Merry Christmas boys.

[Manc]

Merry Christmas to all.

[Magic]

Merry Christmas. :baz:

[Lewis]

It annoys me when she wakes me up this early. You're fifty-four and we're almost thirty. Let us sleep in.

[Kikó]

The wife to be got me an Xbox. :cool:

[simon]

Merry Christmas, lads.

[Mazuuurk]

Hope you all get a great X-mas. We had some quality celebrations with the family yesterday. Now it's just sitting around chilling, eating leftovers later and waiting for the football tomorrow. May go out for a pint or two tonight if I can find anyone who wants to go with me.

[Lewis]

I got a t-shirt which I've already got in a different colour, and she explained it with 'I got you that because you've already got the other colour'. What is wrong with her?

[Lewis]

But I got a white Toblerone so I'm happy.

[Manc]

The wife to be got me an Xbox. :cool:

Fuck my life.

[Toby]

Brought on the morning waking up to my girlfriend screaming in terror and fleeing the room, because I apparently spent about two minutes thrashing around in some semi-woken nightmare about a car crash. There's one for that sleep weirdness thread.

Hare Krishna everybody.

[Lewis]

If Magic hasn't posted again by ten it's because he's packing his stuff.

[Magic]

Lol a Lynx set I can't use as it irritates my skin, a Superdry tshirt and a Superdry hoody.

When people buy you shit they like instead of what you like. :drool:

Also got a flannel shirt from the wife which is actually quite nice.

[Mazuuurk]

Who's 'her', Lew? Your ma?

[Giggles]

Superdry. I had Johnson down as older than 19.

[Magic]

Exactly. Worse still it's what her dad wears.

[Giggles]

Exactly. Worse still it's what her dad wears.

I'm starting to see where you're coming from regarding the wanker in-laws with that one. Does he have a lowered Bora with a matte black bonnet too?

[Mike]

I got a t-shirt which I've already got in a different colour, and she explained it with 'I got you that because you've already got the other colour'. What is wrong with her?
That seems like a good idea if I'm honest, especially if it's just a plain shirt that fits well.

[Magic]

A new Chevrolet (Vauxhall Mokka) psuedo jeep. Fucking awful.

And her gran has just got us tickets to see Sarah Millican. This is just about the worst Christmas ever.

[Lee]

I just got a shirt. She got a coat and scarf. Present buying is too hard now; we both have everything we want or need because we buy it when we decide we want or need it.

Christmas is all about the feast. The diet can fuck off for the bank holiday period.

[Mazuuurk]

Is this the Livetweeting of your christmas present openings?

[Lewis]

Who's 'her', Lew? Your ma?

Yes.

I've found a programme about brass bands on Sky Arts that looks suitably miserable, so I'll watch that.

[Giggles]

Is this the Livetweeting of your christmas present openings?

No, that's on Twitter. This is the live posting.

We had ours opened during the past week as we weren't spending Christmas together. But, like Lee/Ian said above, if I want something I buy it and she's the same so we would be difficult to buy for.

[-james-]

Made a mental note of a coat girlfriend said she wanted a couple of months ago. We're not seeing each other until the 29th, just spoken to her and her parents have got her a (different) coat. Coats ahoy.

[Magic]

I'm taking the hoody back it's awful. I don't ever wear hoodys.

Her mum revels in telling people she doesn't like what they've got her because she knows best. She'll create an awkward situation when I ask for the receipt, how dare I question her all knowing opinions.

She's so arrogant she'll have bought it months ago presenting an even more awkward situation.

Also the meal today will be shit because wife's sister doesn't want to go back to her in laws she wants to come back to ours with her family which her husband will be opposed to because his sister isn't well. Her sister doesn't want to spend Christmas day with her moping about.

I hope they don't come back because that's an extra 6 people I can't be bothered with.

Scenes. :D

[Lewis]

Go on, Magic. Blow it all up today. Bring the entire farce crashing down.