Chinese food: How do you eat it?

[Ian]

So when playing Rocket League the other night Sama revealed over Teamspeak that when he orders Chinese food in he just gets a bit of everything on his plate and mixes it all together.

Now I think this is an utterly bizarre way to go about eating a Chinese takeaway, Sama said he didn't know this wasn't normal and that Chinese food doesn't come with instructions.

Over to you, chaps.

[simon]

I tend to only get a portion of chicken fried rice, so there is no mixing here.

[Lewis]

When I get a Chinese takeaway I always get spare ribs and chips because fuck China.

[Baz]

I do what Sama does if I ever go to one of those all you can eat Chinese buffet places, but if I've specifically ordered a meal in, I won't mix it with everything else.

Sama must order LOADS.

[Yevrah]

Bar chicken/special fried rice I don't. It's rubbish food. At least from takeaways/restaurants in the UK anyway.

[Manc]

Prawn toast and beef satay were always winners. Although I don't think the latter is Chinese.

[Raoul Duke]

I just normally get some egg fried rice and a main dish, which I mix up together. Occasionally I'll get some starters :sorry:

[Pepe]

I thought this was going to be about chopsticks.

[igor_balis]

I don't really understand how you could be buying enough dishes from a takeaway for it to be an issue.

Even at my most greedy it would be egg fried rice, a main, a starter and a side dish of some description.

Kung pao chicken is my favourite.

[igor_balis]

I also disagree with the idea that chinese takeaway food is inherently bad. Definitely more inconsistent than indian takeaways - I've had loads of shit chinese takeaways in my life, and barely any shit indians, but I've had plenty of good chinese takeaways too. The trick is to avoid the sketchy fish and chip shop / chinese takeaway hybrids, and go for the classier places that are a bit more expensive.

[phonics]

You live in the land of curry though. I'd say it's definitely harder to find good takeaway curry than Chinese.

[igor_balis]

The land of curry....:drool: :drool:

We were talking about curry? ZAT WAS 10 MINUTES AGO

[Giggles]

I only ever get chicken balls, chips, and curry sauce. I don't like the sauce on them until right before I eat them though.
This new spice box and munchie box phase could make me change my usual though.

Everything else in the Chinese is just undercooked veg.

[Vim]

What else would you do, eat all the chicken then eat all the rice then eat all the peas?

[John Arne]

Chinese food in China is shit.

EDIT: Actually, the morning bready pastry thing with chopped veggies was quite nice. Everything is, pretty bang average.

[Nick]

Sama has it right.

Unless I'm eating duck, it all goes on the plate together. We usually get some chicken chow mein, spring rolls, crispy chilli beef, lemon chicken, that sort of thing and put it on a plate together. How else would you eat it? One dish at a time?

[randomlegend]

When he says mixes it all together, he means he puts all the different dishes on the plate and then stirs them all into each other to form some homogenous disaster.

It's absolutely depraved behaviour.

[Boydy]

He actively mixes it? I can understand having a few things on the same plate and them happening to mix a bit by themselves but actually doing it yourself is mad.

Normally I just have one dish with rice and maybe some chips if I'm having a takeaway.

[Davgooner]

I tend to only get a portion of chicken fried rice, so there is no mixing here.

What's the fucking point mate? You're one step away from ordering off the little English menu. Get an omelette.

[Boydy]

I fucking love Chinese. This thread is making me want some now. Might get some tonight. And I had some on Saturday.

[mugbull]

If any of you have been to a proper Mongolian BBQ buffet place though, those are pretty cool. Make your own plates with whatever ingredients you want in whatever quantitites + all the sauces in any ratio and then the dude they hire to mix it all together dumps all your bowls into a pile, cooks it, gives it back to you, and you're sort of left with a meal you can call your own

[Adamski]

When he says mixes it all together, he means he puts all the different dishes on the plate and then stirs them all into each other to form some homogenous disaster.

It's absolutely depraved behaviour.

I thought this might have been it. That is horrific.

My tactic at a buffet is to form a rice and noodles cross on the plate and fill each of the 4 outside squares with a main dish.

Chinese is the fucking bomb. Love it.

[Spammer]

Deep fried chicken balls :drool:

Beef in black pepper sauce :drool:

[Giggles]

I fucking love Chinese. This thread is making me want some now. Might get some tonight. And I had some on Saturday.

Same. I haven't had it in a few weeks but I just checked and my local one has something called a chicken ball spice box and I'm feeling adventurous. It's being got tonight.

[Benny]

Chinese is shit, both the takeaway and the language.

[Toby]

It all tastes the same anyway.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Since when do you get chips at a Chinese takeaway? Is this one of those unseen dividing lines between north and south?

[Adamski]

I've had takeaway Chinese in London various times and chips have always been on the menu.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Maybe I'm just not looking then.

[Raoul Duke]

They're there, but I've no idea why people buy them. Must be eating an obscene amount of food, assuming you're having rice as well as a main dish.

[Adamski]

If there's 2-3 of us sharing we would tend to get one rice, one chips and one noodles and split them three ways.

[Toby]

I assume most people who order chips do not also have rice...

[Boydy]

They're there, but I've no idea why people buy them. Must be eating an obscene amount of food, assuming you're having rice as well as a main dish.

Assuming you're eating with other people, you just buy enough to share out between you.

[Boydy]

How is rice and chips so hard to understand? You'd have rice and naan (or other bread) from an Indian, wouldn't you?

[Toby]

It's not "hard to understand", but I think it's either a case of sharing as you and Adam mention, or opting for it over rice if you're eating alone. I doubt many people would have a full serving of rice and chips on their own.

[Raoul Duke]

In a group it's a bit more understandable (even if it is totally plebby) but the way it was coming across was that people were having both.

[Boydy]

Plebby my arse. It's delicious.

Got and sit in the corner with your lemon and raisin pancakes.

[Toby]

It does seem like an option that's been added for fussy children. Boydy probably douses them in ketchup.

[Raoul Duke]

Fussy children = parents who are massive idiots

[Boydy]

:D Toby.

It's more an option for fat bastards who want more greasy food on their plate.

[Boydy]

Fussy children = parents who are massive idiots

:nodd:

Stop indulging the brats.

[elth]

I only really eat Chinese food when I go out for dinner with family or friends, and we always go the "order 5-6 dishes and everyone shares". If you're fussy about not mixing your dishes, then you're probably only going to get to eat one thing.

[Giggles]

It's rice or chips with a main in a Chinese normally. Rice or naan or chips in an Indian. I like a keema naan with my indian, which isn't a free option with a main, so I just get the rice and chuck it out. I'd only eat the chips if I got them.

Can't be doing that sharing thing though. Fucking mess of a thing and always end up giving up some of something you want and getting some of something you don't. I like to get my main; don't touch it and I won't touch yours. Don't even look for a smell of it.

.

[Benny]

My dad's the sort of pikey who'll order off the English menu in a Chinese restaurant :uhoh:

[mo]

On Saturday, 6 of us put a tenner in each, requested dishes we specifically wanted and then let the guy ordering choose the rest. Some stuff in there I didn't like (pineapple chicken :vomit: ) but generally gave a good cross section of beef, pork and chicken dishes, rice and noodles etc. Everyone took a bit of what they wanted, but actually mixing the dishes seems pointless if you have different flavoured sauces.

[Nick]

When he says mixes it all together, he means he puts all the different dishes on the plate and then stirs them all into each other to form some homogenous disaster.

It's absolutely depraved behaviour.

In which case, he's an absolute fruit loop and needs to be outed as such. I wonder if he still mixes his ice cream together to create a massive, molten, dairy whip? :sick:

As for chips being on the menu, it's only the less reputable places round here that have them. The better places don't, and rightly so.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Chips in a Chinese is one thing, but chips in an Indian should be jail time for all concerned.

[Charlie]

It won't be anything new to most people, but what is generally called Chinese food in England is nothing like Chinese food.

[Benny]

No shit.

[Giggles]

Chips in a Chinese is one thing, but chips in an Indian should be jail time for all concerned.

Not buying them if you don't like them helps. I like them in the fact that the Indians seem to perfer frozen ones as opposed to fresh cut, so they go crispier.


It won't be anything new to most people, but what is generally called Chinese food in England is nothing like Chinese food.

Most food from a certain nation you find in foreign countries is nothing like the food you get in that actual country.

If I said that right. You know what I mean.

[Nick]

Plenty of Indian takeaways round here serve chips. Chips and curry is "a thing" apparently. Who knew?

[Charlie]

Yeah, but, as in, nothing at all like it.

I can't think of many foods from other countries that have been distorted quite as much.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Our curries are also not 'Indian' at all. Actual Indian food is nicer, though I suspect actual Chinese is worse.

[Charlie]

It really is worse.

[Giggles]

It's all worse.

[Dark Soldier]

Why the fuck would I eat Chinese when there's kebabs to be had? Madness.

[Giggles]

Most Indians here double as kebab spots too. Best of both :drool:

[Benny]

I had Moroccan food on Saturday, pitta bread and hummus is the fucking tits.

[Toby]

'Actual' Chinese food is far, far better than the stuff we get here, although maybe the Cantonese are just better in general.

[Lewis]

Get lost, Molton, you fair-weather wank.

[Giggles]

I had Moroccan food on Saturday, pitta bread and hummus is the fucking tits.

Bet they don't eat that in Morocco! We will have to ask someone that's been there obvs like.

[Charlie]

Judging Chinese food by what you can get in Hong Kong seems pretty wrong.

[Toby]

Judging Chinese food by what you can get in Hong Kong seems pretty wrong.

There are plenty of "authentic" restaurants that aren't there to pander to Westerners, but I'm not just talking about Hong Kong. It was good in Shenzhen and Guangzhou too. The stuff I had in Beijing wasn't particularly memorable but I never went out of my way to find anything decent.

[Charlie]

I'm not doubting you but I'm intrigued now. What food are we talking about. It's all consistently shit from my experiences. Apart from dumplings of course.

[Pepe]

We've seen what you eat mate (someone pull the chicken and pasta image out), I am not having you as the judge of what is shit and what isn't.

[Toby]

Mostly dim sum, and the dumplings are obviously the highlight of that, but they're just really good at simple meat and seafood dishes. It's not anything particularly fancy but just using good, fresh ingredients and cooking them properly. That there aren't any overly sweet or sticky sauces is the main advantage over the stuff you get in takeaways here.

[Pepe]

When I've had 'chinese takeout' I have always found it dogshit but the couple times I've been to 'proper' Chinese places (with my labmates to ensure genuineness) the food has been quite good. Then again, I always go for some sort of meat in a spicy sauce, can't go wrong there.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I went to a 'proper' Chinese place in Hong Kong and we just got stared at throughout by everyone in the restaurant. Should have stuck to Smokin' Joe's Crap American Themed Shithouse or whatever.

[Charlie]

Mostly dim sum, and the dumplings are obviously the highlight of that, but they're just really good at simple meat and seafood dishes. It's not anything particularly fancy but just using good, fresh ingredients and cooking them properly. That there aren't any overly sweet or sticky sauces is the main advantage over the stuff you get in takeaways here.

That really is just Cantonese style food though. It's really not representative of Chinese food on the whole.

[Toby]

Okay, well I'm happy to scrap what I originally said and say that Cantonese food is better than other Chinese food. It's just a shame there are so few Cantonese restaurants outside of China.

[Boydy]

I thought most of the places here were Cantonese? Or at least their owners are Cantonese. I suppose the food's not going to be the same.

[niko_cee]

Out of a small bowl usually, which mitigates against over mixing.

Usually from this place (http://www.chinaredguernsey.com/).

[Sam]

Generally just eat whatever dish I'm given, but then fuck having a Chinese takeaway, greasy horrible muck.

If I go for a Chinese, I have this (http://www.barandwok.com/) place a few minutes walk from my apartment, it's generally fantastic.

[Andy]

Most Indians here double as kebab spots too. Best of both :drool:

I had the best Kebab ever from an Indian in Bradfors a few months ago. A massive great naan bread full of lamb kofta, lamb doner and chunks of chicken. I'm getting emotional just thinking about it.

[Andy]

I tend to stay away from Chinese takeaways. Heard some horror stories about super high levels of MSG in Chinese take away so stick to other stuff.

[Ian]

We've seen what you eat mate (someone pull the chicken and pasta image out), I am not having you as the judge of what is shit and what isn't.

I searched recently and that utterly depressing image no longer appears to work.

[Reg]

I don't know if I've ever ordered Chinese.

Don't really feel a desire to. I do fancy a pizza though.

[Pepe]

Don't derail the thread mate.

[Reg]

"Muslims!"

[Pepe]

I searched recently and that utterly depressing image no longer appears to work.

:(

[Charlie]

I've got a pretty good dinner I regularly have these days that I'll treat you to a picture of later.

[Giggles]

I've got a pretty good dinner I regularly have these days that I'll treat you to a picture of later.


Well, consider me creamed with excitement.

[Mellberg]

With my mouth.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWLhrHVySgA

Oh and Sama, where is the picture you said you'd take?

[John]

Well, consider me creamed with excitement.


With my mouth.

Alright, lads.

[Giggles]

I'm still waiting on Moltons photo. I've had so many questions I've wanted answered.

[simon]

What's the fucking point mate? You're one step away from ordering off the little English menu. Get an omelette.

Mate, I'm the guy that prefers to have a margherita pizza over actually putting any toppings on.

I live for boring food.

[Spammer]

I made my own chicken In black bean sauce night. It was the balls

Here's the recipe. I did chicken instead but it's the same shit:

700 grams beef – use frying steak as its cheap (velveted)
2 tablespoons of oyster sauce
1 tbls soya sauce
1 tablespoon rice wine vinegar or dry sherry
4 cloves garlic minced
3cm ginger grated
2-3 tablespoons black bean and chilli sauce
1 large onion sliced finely
2 peppers – any colour
Bunch of mange tout or any other green veggies
Add some finely sliced carrot too if you wish
Some sliced mushrooms
Cornflour for thickening
500 ml chicken stock

1. Heat up the chicken stock in a pan and add the beef, cook for about 4 minutes then remove from the heat – set aside
2. In a separate pan stir fry the ginger, onion and garlic for about 2 minutes
3. Add the other vegetables and cook for another two minutes then remove from the pan and set aside on a plate
4. Drain the beef from the stock and add to the pan the veg has just been removed from
5. Take half of the stock from the other pan and add to the beef
6. Add the oyster sauce, the soya sauce the rice wine vinegar and the black bean sauce and simmer for two or three minutes
7. Add the vegetables back to the pan
8. Mix a teaspoon of cornflour in with a little water and add to the pan to thicken the sauce
9. Eat

Easy as fuck and nice as fuck too. Gonna batch cook a load of it later in the week.

[Boydy]

2-3 tablespoons black bean and chilli sauce


The fuck is this?

You want to get proper fermented black beans.

[Spammer]

The fuck is this?

You want to get proper fermented black beans.

You can get proper fermented black beans in chilli sauce at most good Chinese supermarkets :thbup:

[Boydy]

You can get proper fermented black beans in chilli sauce at most good Chinese supermarkets :thbup:

I just bought the fermented beans on their own and then added my own chilli. I assumed you were talking about some crappy jar of sauce.

[Spammer]

I just bought the fermented beans on their own and then added my own chilli. I assumed you were talking about some crappy jar of sauce.

You assumed wrong, motherfucker.

[John Arne]

Pho > most Chinese food.

[Toby]

Vietnamese is better in general. Thai is pretty much the worst cuisine possible for me since they use so much coriander, but Vietnamese is brilliant.

[John Arne]

I'm addicted to a Japanese place at the moment... Udon, beef and a poached egg. Fucking lovely.

Like this...

http://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/02/bb/eb/63/ontama-bukkake-udon-w.jpg


EDIT: I think it's called ontama bukkake :D:

[Spammer]

Filipino food is pretty fucking dire.

[Luca]

Pho > most Chinese food.

Pho is phenomenal (I had it today, and at least once a week at uni), but bun bo hue is the real star of Vietnamese soups. Bun rieu is also a contender.

That being said, the place I went to today didn't have culantro (http://www.specialtyproduce.com/sppics/2723.png) (long coriander) as part of their side plate of herbs, which was upsetting.

[John Arne]

Pho is phenomenal (I had it today, and at least once a week at uni), but bun bo hue is the real star of Vietnamese soups. Bun rieu is also a contender.

That being said, the place I went to today didn't have culantro (http://www.specialtyproduce.com/sppics/2723.png) (long coriander) as part of their side plate of herbs, which was upsetting.

Bun rieu is indeed tasty, as is bo kho. Not a fan of bun bo hue, it can be a bit bland in the wrong place.

[Luca]

Bun rieu is indeed tasty, as is bo kho. Not a fan of bun bo hue, it can be a bit bland in the wrong place.

That's interesting to me, because I've had it in a few places here and it's never been approaching bland. That being said, there might be a hint of selection bias, because any place on this side of the ocean that's going to bother serving it (and not just the n^6 combination of beef pho + pho ga + non-soup dishes) will probably attempt to do it right. Bo Kho I've never had, but I'll add it to the list.

When I visit Vietnam, I'll probably gain about 10 stone. It's easily my favourite Asian cuisine (followed by Hunanese and Thai).

[niko_cee]

but bun bo hue is the real star of Vietnamese soups. Bun rieu is also a contender.


+1 to this.

[Benny]

You're just making words up.

[niko_cee]

It's alright as long as you don't call it feu.

[John Arne]

Fer bar.

[niko_cee]

You get local dispensation.

[Luca]

Niko's right; it's not "feu," it's "pha."

[John Arne]

It's more of fer or fur, than a pha.

[Magic]

The most mindblowing thing is Teamspeak is still on the go after all these years. Thought there would be something better, remember donning it on UT2004 and CS with teamspeak.

[phonics]

Mumble is where the cool kids are at.

[niko_cee]

"feu" as in the pot au variety, so yeah, fer if we're being more phonetic about it. It's fo with 'o' as in oh or show. More appealing than the sound of trying to eject an errant fly out of your mouth.

[Magic]

Feel sick and have had the runs all day but going for a beef chow mein tonight with veg spring rolls, sweet n sour sauce and Mongolian beef to start.

[John Arne]

"feu" as in the pot au variety, so yeah, fer if we're being more phonetic about it. It's fo with 'o' as in oh or show. More appealing than the sound of trying to eject an errant fly out of your mouth.

Apologies for being pedantic, but it's nowhere near fo as in 'oh' or 'show'. Phonetically speaking it's fər, ə as in 'finger'

[Magic]

Fo sho.

[niko_cee]

Apologies for being pedantic, but it's nowhere near fo as in 'oh' or 'show'. Phonetically speaking it's fər, ə as in 'finger'

Well, yeah. I know how it is meant to be pronounced. Which is fine, in Vietnamese.

In English, not so much.

[John Arne]

Fer enuff.

[Luca]

I just had a bowl of (quite excellent) Ramen, but it wasn't a patch on the fer I had yesterday.

[Toby]

It's just "fuh", isn't it? That doesn't seem as complicated as you lot are making it.


https://youtu.be/ySSDmBVf9J8?t=17

I've no idea what Niko is on about. I assumed at first he was warning against calling it "foe", but apparently not if he's now saying it should be "o as in 'oh' or 'show'".

[niko_cee]

I find the 'fuh' pronunciation, correct as it may be in the native language, to be an irksome affectation in those I have encountered saying it.

[Luca]

Is it not the same as someone pronouncing "pizza" like "pee-tzah" instead of "pizz [like fizz] -ah," the latter of which is how it ostensibly should be pronounced in English?

[Jimmy Floyd]

My grandmother used to say pizza to rhyme with fizzer. Heroic woman.

[Lewis]

Let's just call everything 'foreign muck' and get on with our lives.

[Toby]

I find the 'fuh' pronunciation, correct as it may be in the native language, to be an irksome affectation in those I have encountered saying it.

Ah, fair enough. I'd probably agree with you on that.

[Giggles]

Let's just call everything 'foreign muck' and get on with our lives.

I'd imagine if it runs in the family, that's what she was getting at.