The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

[Magic]

Can you MS Paint your wedding day?

[Kikó]

Congratulations Wullie. One of us, one of us, one of us.

[Giggles]

Nice one Wulfred.

[Magic]

SoMarriedKru getting bigger. :drool:

[wullie]

Can you MS Paint your wedding day?

http://i.imgur.com/Qwncrf6.png

[Magic]

I said your wedding day not mine.

[Pepe]

I'll be getting married soon too. :cool:

[Byron]

19 days to go for me.

[Giggles]

She looks well. You're a lucky man Wullie.

[Pepe]

She looks well. You're a lucky man Wullie.

:D

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'll be married soon enough when I manage to trap/get trapped by a webcam girl.

Fingers crossed on a nicer country this time round.

[Manc]

Bored of the single life now. I've met a few girls who are happy with the casual nature of things, but non have the potential to be relationship material. Where are all the high quality women?

[Spammer]

I've wondered the same thing. Been on a few dates recently but not been fussed about any of them.

[Pepe]

Where are all the high quality women?

With the high quality men. #alphaasfuck

[mo]

Don't worry singletons, the internet has provided for you! Now no woman, however disinterested, is out of your reach.

http://www.themodernman.com/dating/how-to-talk-to-a-woman-who-is-wearing-headphones.html

[Boydy]

:D

Saw that trending on Twitter earlier. Straight out of the Mert playbook.

[Disco]

Woman: [Possibly smiling or laughing].

I've never seen a more optimistic use of 'possibly'.

[Manc]

What if the headphones aren't green?!

[igor_balis]

Was after a girl since the start of the year pretty much. Finally my war attrition paid off about 2 months ago and I've had lots of sexy sex since then, but she's days away from leaving the UK for about 4 months, and I get the impression that she's not really arsed about resuming our arrangement when she gets back. It is a pity, but I'm trying to take confidence from the experience and remember some girls actually want to have sex with me, compared to previously when after about a fortnight I've reverted to self-conscious and insecure around women. Or "Beta Cuck" as the kids say.

[Magic]

I've been looking in to divorce. If it's amicable it should only cost around £2,000 for all the legal shit to be processed and written up. If it's not £££.

Also if we have to sell the house there is a £5,000 charge for coming out of our fixed rate early. Bit too costly at the moment.

It would also cost me £60 per week in maintenance if I had the little 'un for 2 nights a week. That's heartbreaking for me. Don't think I'm a bastard or cold hearted.

[Spammer]

Meeting with with a Romanian bish tomorrow. Not sure if we've much in common and I not sure how much we're likely to click but she is fucking gorgeous, so we'll see what happens.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Bet she's got a webcam. The Romanian's love it.

[P_3]

RIP Magic. :(

[Manc]

Inbox me, Hammer.

Magic thinking he's actually going to cut loose. :D

[GS]

Unlucky, Magic, mate.

[Spoonsky]

I've been looking in to divorce. If it's amicable it should only cost around £2,000 for all the legal shit to be processed and written up. If it's not £££.

Also if we have to sell the house there is a £5,000 charge for coming out of our fixed rate early. Bit too costly at the moment.

It would also cost me £60 per week in maintenance if I had the little 'un for 2 nights a week. That's heartbreaking for me. Don't think I'm a bastard or cold hearted.

:| Never thought I'd see the day.

Do you reckon she's as unhappy in the marriage (/ would be as up for a divorce) as you are?

[Bartholomert]

I've been looking in to divorce. If it's amicable it should only cost around £2,000 for all the legal shit to be processed and written up. If it's not £££.

Also if we have to sell the house there is a £5,000 charge for coming out of our fixed rate early. Bit too costly at the moment.

It would also cost me £60 per week in maintenance if I had the little 'un for 2 nights a week. That's heartbreaking for me. Don't think I'm a bastard or cold hearted.

Your child will be emotionally damaged.

[Giggles]

:| Never thought I'd see the day.

Do you reckon she's as unhappy in the marriage (/ would be as up for a divorce) as you are?

She has a leaving fund so I'd reckon so.

[Magic]

Yes, it's not a one way thing. Just not sure how to save it, to be honest. We're polar opposites in every way. If it doesn't end mutually it'll be when one of us meets someone else. I just can't bear the thought of not being able to see my child when I want and every morning/night. That is the only reason I've stuck it out for the past 4 years. I want nothing more than just a normal fucking family life (despite the LOLlewbear jokes) but nearly every chat/discussion ends in an argument.

[Magic]

Your child will be emotionally damaged.

I know. We're not WARING PARENTS, I get the whole 'YOU'RE A CUNT DIE BITCH/you're mother is a whore/I hope your father gets cancer' is even more damaging for a child than a separation but it isn't like that.

[Bartholomert]

I know. We're not WARING PARENTS, I get the whole 'YOU'RE A CUNT DIE BITCH/you're mother is a whore/I hope your father gets cancer' is even more damaging for a child than a separation but it isn't like that.

You should try to make it work for the child. Seriously. Talk to her about it. Divorce is literally evil and should be strongly strongly discouraged unless there is abuse within the relationship.

[GS]

Have you considered 'taking a break' for a couple of months to see whether it does any good? It probably wouldn't, but perhaps it would help in clearing your head.

[Magic]

Have you considered 'taking a break' for a couple of months to see whether it does any good? It probably wouldn't, but perhaps it would help in clearing your head.

No, that's just not feasible at all, financially or otherwise. My head doesn't need cleared. There are two options here: Walk away or shit it out. The latter is preferable to me every single time, mostly because I'm afraid and possibly selfish? She might be the same, or maybe she only sees me as financial security and knows she'd be bolloxed on her own and that is why she presumably hasn't left yet.

I do want it to work but even the slightest thing makes me lose all will and it's the same for her as well.

[Boydy]

Why did you get together (and have a child) in the first place?

[Boydy]

Have you had any marriage counselling?

[GS]

No, that's just not feasible at all, financially or otherwise. My head doesn't need cleared. There are two options here: Walk away or shit it out. The latter is preferable to me every single time, mostly because I'm afraid and possibly selfish? She might be the same, or maybe she only sees me as financial security and knows she'd be bolloxed on her own and that is why she presumably hasn't left yet.

I do want it to work but even the slightest thing makes me lose all will and it's the same for her as well.

I can't imagine perpetual misery is preferable to moving on, but there you go.

[Disco]

Have you had any marriage counselling?

This is the right answer, all joking aside. What have you got to lose?

[Foe]

Just sort it all with some good old fashioned adultery you miserable bastard.

[Manc]

Not his dignity.

Hammer you cunt.

[Magic]

Fuck me £20 per person to set it up and then £45 an hour?! Fuck that. Divorce it is. LOL.

[Adamski]

We're polar opposites in every way.

She sounds lovely.

[Disco]

She sounds lovely.

:D

[Magic]

I meant in interests and ambitions. She's still a cunt like me.

[Raoul Duke]

She sounds lovely.

Gut shot :D

[Magic]

If anyone knows a book on emotional immaturity please can they recommend it. Seriously.

[Byron]

You should try to make it work for the child. Seriously. Talk to her about it. Divorce is literally evil and should be strongly strongly discouraged unless there is abuse within the relationship.

You should be banned and allowed back when you know how to use the word literally in proper context.

[mugbull]

The problem does lie partially with you Magic and it's unlikely that you'd ever be happy in any marriage, simply because that's the way you are

[Magic]

The problem does lie partially with you Magic and it's unlikely that you'd ever be happy in any marriage, simply because that's the way you are

I agree, I'm emotionally immature, big time. I have massive childhood issues and it's presented in my current personality. I don't have a clue how to handle complex emotions, it's the root cause for all my self-confidence issues (why I piss myself doing things alone and ironically why I probably can't take a piss with anyone else in the room lol!).

[Giggles]

Heavy. Go back to calling us all cunts and wanking over murder videos.

[Pepe]

She sounds lovely.

Excellent. :D


I meant in interests and ambitions. She's still a cunt like me.

What are your interests and ambitions? What are hers? More importantly, when are we getting tanning stories?

[Spammer]

Counselling probably a good shout, either couples counselling for both of you or just for you for own stuff.

But then, I would say that.

[Magic]

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Heros-Choice-Living-Inside-Out/dp/0979783127/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1472587990&sr=8-1&keywords=the+hero%27s+choice

I'm going to try that.

[Magic]

We sat down to dinner together tonight for the first time in years (at the table). I made tea as usual on a Tuesday night (as she's got zumba) but usually we either watch the telly or watch different tellys.

I found myself...screaming at myself internally don't you just have a fucking conversation? Talk normally? You fucking retard. What the fuck is wrong with me? I felt...uncomfortable and wanted to escape the situation. It's how I feel with my family (apart from my step-parents and step-brothers/sisters). Desperately wanting to escape their company and every conversation is awkward.

[Spammer]

Fucking Romanian lass has bailed! She mentioned how there's a lot going on in her personal life at the moment and she needs to 'set her ducks in row' (lol) before she thinks about anything dating-wise. Dang!

She was probably out of my league and it probably wouldn't have been anything serious, but dammit it could have been fun. Shit.

[Magic]

I bet you're still posting shit like that in 40 years' time. Grow up and engage in an adult relationship with responsibility.

[Spammer]

I was seeing someone I really liked over Christmas in fairness. I was basically in love with her, actually. We talked about how much we liked each other (and she felt the same way) but then she had an anxiety attack and sacked me off. It was proper weird, she was hyperventilating and everything, and it messed me up a bit. She had some problems of her own. Not really met anyone since then that I give a shit about.

There's a lass on my counselling course who I think I could be pretty happy with and we get on really well, but she's got a fella so I’m not touching that.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You should try to make it work for the child. Seriously. Talk to her about it. Divorce is literally evil and should be strongly strongly discouraged unless there is abuse within the relationship.
Staying together with the child seeing and knowing that they hate each other so much is worse. Divorce is shit but it is the right thing at times.

[Disco]

I bet you're still posting shit like that in 40 years' time. Grow up and engage in an adult relationship with responsibility...

...and no pegging.

[Bartholomert]

Staying together with the child seeing and knowing that they hate each other so much is worse. Divorce is shit but it is the right thing at times.

If you're a mature adult I don't see why you couldn't make it work. Seriously. I feel like as long as my wife was in decent shape, relatively attractive and intelligent we could talk through every problem. Even if you don't 'love' them, you could absolutely work together as a team (like a work colleague) to further the common goal of raising the child.

[John]

If you're a mature adult I don't see why you couldn't make it work. Seriously. I feel like as long as my wife was in decent shape, relatively attractive and intelligent we could talk through every problem. Even if you don't 'love' them, you could absolutely work together as a team (like a work colleague) to further the common goal of raising the child.

Right, because a mature adult would obviously care about how good looking someone is when a child's future is at stake.

[Bartholomert]

I couldn't psychologically care enough about her to be a mature adult, I need to have a base level of attraction.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Well, have you seen Magic's wife?

[mugbull]

We sat down to dinner together tonight for the first time in years (at the table). I made tea as usual on a Tuesday night (as she's got zumba) but usually we either watch the telly or watch different tellys.

I found myself...screaming at myself internally don't you just have a fucking conversation? Talk normally? You fucking retard. What the fuck is wrong with me? I felt...uncomfortable and wanted to escape the situation. It's how I feel with my family (apart from my step-parents and step-brothers/sisters). Desperately wanting to escape their company and every conversation is awkward.

You guys watch separate televisions? Are they near each other? Different cable packages?

[Kikó]

If it's that bad end it. No point in an unhappy relationship that you can't recover. Just be there for your kid and hope she doesn't find a better surrogate father when she hooks up.

[Bartholomert]

If it's that bad end it. No point in an unhappy relationship that you can't recover. Just be there for your kid and hope she doesn't find a better surrogate father when she hooks up.

Wtf. It is supremely selfish to literally fuck up the emotional development of your child for life because it's getting hard to make it work. Marriage is hard, but it's also about sacrifice.

Western civilization is fucked.

[Kikó]

My dad left when I was 7 and I connected with him when I was 24 again. The world goes on, people adapt.

[Lewis]

How did that come about?

[John]

Wtf. It is supremely selfish to literally fuck up the emotional development of your child for life because it's getting hard to make it work. Marriage is hard, but it's also about sacrifice.

Western civilization is fucked.

As long as her nose is the right shape and she doesn't hit the chippy too hard.

[Kikó]

How did that come about?

The leaving or the reuniting?

The former, he stopped coming because he started having a new family and my nan is a pain in the arse so probably have him a horrible time every time he visited so stopped.

The latter was through finding my half sister on Facebook and contacting her. From there we ended up meeting at my house and just moved on. I held no grudges, he fucked up but he now was trying to make amends so gave him the chance. He's been a good guy since and I now have two sisters and a brother in my life.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Wtf. It is supremely selfish to literally fuck up the emotional development of your child for life because it's getting hard to make it work. Marriage is hard, but it's also about sacrifice.

Western civilization is fucked.

I'd say it fucks them up more if parents stick together that are genuinely unhappy together.

My parents split when I was 5, I don't remember much before my Mum left but it was the right decision. I love them both equally and hated it when they spoke shit about each other (that never actually went away). It would have been so much worse had they stuck it out.

The parents do need to actually try and salvage it though but if they can't splitting is the right decision. Once that happens just be there for the kid and make sure they know how much each parent loves them.

[Bartholomert]

I didn't know a single person in my fraternity at Duke who's parents had divorced. Take from that what you will.

[Bartholomert]

As long as her nose is the right shape and she doesn't hit the chippy too hard.

If she does not remain in good shape for her age and make a reasonable effort to look attractive throughout the course of the marriage then she has abandoned her responsibilities as a wife. She has no right to expect the husband to fulfill his responsibilities in turn.

[John]

And fuck the child. Your needs are more important. Good.

[Bartholomert]

And fuck the child. Your needs are more important. Good.

If I beat my wife, my wife is not responsible for divorcing me afterwards. Same principle.

[John]

You entered this thread saying that a 'mature adult' would be able to make it work for the sake of the child, now you're saying that if either party neglects their marital responsibilities then fuck the child, with those responsibilities defined as looking good for the woman and not punching the woman for the man.

Is she responsible for divorcing you if you get fat?

[7om]

Sorry to hear this, Magic. Hope it works out.

[Bartholomert]

You entered this thread saying that a 'mature adult' would be able to make it work for the sake of the child, now you're saying that if either party neglects their marital responsibilities then fuck the child, with those responsibilities defined as looking good for the woman and not punching the woman for the man.

Is she responsible for divorcing you if you get fat?

I would not fault a woman for divorcing me if I did not make a reasonable effort to remain attractive to her physically. That would 100% be on me.

[mugbull]

You're fundamentally a bad person

[Bartholomert]

You're fundamentally a bad person

No. I just don't lie to myself. Others would divorce their significant other without being able to pinpoint the exact reason and would rationalize it away. I recognize how humans work and I state my expectations knowing how I would react emotionally.

If I'm bad so is the rest of humanity, on top of being fundamentally dishonest.

[Panda Bear]

Moved in together August 2015.

Engaged April 2016. (I rolled over on the couch one night and said, "I don't have a ring, but wanna marry me?")

Got a puppy on Friday.

Marriage is planned for summer 2018.

Pretty different from a couple years ago.

[Bartholomert]

Yo that's dope, congrats man.

[Panda Bear]

Mert, I don't agree with you on the principle that your partner must remain physically attractive throughout the entire marriage. I would say that your partner must remain attractive throughout it all, though, because that implies continuing emotional work between both people.

As for the rest of you, Mert's probably ahead of the game in communication. If Mert's in a relationship with someone else who shares the same values, then he's probably explicitly talked with her about what he expects from her in a relationship and asked her what she expects from him. If he is regularly checking in and working with her to go to the gym and eat right, then he's probably doing the same with other aspects of the relationship.

If he's not, come on, dude.

[mugbull]

Why are you planning a marriage so far in advance dude?

[Panda Bear]

Yo that's dope, congrats man.:beer:

[Kikó]

Congratulations panda. Must have been attracted to the way you walk.

[Panda Bear]

Why are you planning a marriage so far in advance dude?

I proposed spontaneously; wasn't planning to do so until the end of this year. I don't want us to worry about a wedding until our job situations settle down. I'm looking for a different job, and she works at a private practice that is still growing.


Congratulations panda. Must have been attracted to the way you walk.To you too!

Unfortunately, no. She's an occupational therapist, and she diagnosed me with a small degree of ankle inversion. :(

[Bartholomert]

Mert, I don't agree with you on the principle that your partner must remain physically attractive throughout the entire marriage. I would say that your partner must remain attractive throughout it all, though, because that implies continuing emotional work between both people.

As for the rest of you, Mert's probably ahead of the game in communication. If Mert's in a relationship with someone else who shares the same values, then he's probably explicitly talked with her about what he expects from her in a relationship and asked her what she expects from him. If he is regularly checking in and working with her to go to the gym and eat right, then he's probably doing the same with other aspects of the relationship.

If he's not, come on, dude.

Absolutely. I'm very clear in what my expectations are sexually / physically with girls. Always; in return I take it upon myself to satisfy her and ensure that I work hard to remain attractive in her eyes. If she doesn't agree with what I need in a relationship, that's great, just means we're not compatible and I go on my way. There are plenty of girls out there who would be more than happy to conform to my expectations.

Believe it or not this saves a lot of headache however 'mean' it's perceived as being.

[Panda Bear]

And those expectations apply to things like how to meet emotional needs and being supportive, right?

[John]

Mert has spent the last four years calling anyone who even knows what emotional support is a 'Beta' so he can't really win with that question.

[Chrissy]

I didn't know a single person in my fraternity at Duke who's parents had divorced. Take from that what you will.

You were surrounded by cunts?

[Chrissy]

No. I just don't lie to myself. Others would divorce their significant other without being able to pinpoint the exact reason and would rationalize it away. I recognize how humans work and I state my expectations knowing how I would react emotionally.

If I'm bad so is the rest of humanity, on top of being fundamentally dishonest.

Your not a bad person. You are just a bit of a dick. That's a subjective opinion of mine. I think you place way to much importance on the superficial and not at all on the substance of anything in life.

You appear to be the type of person who is happy to be dying inside, slowly rotting away at the core but don't give a fuck as long as the body looks good and your "peers" adjudge you to be "alpha".

The crash when it happens dude is going to be hard. In that you have my sympathy.

[Bartholomert]

Your not a bad person. You are just a bit of a dick. That's a subjective opinion of mine. I think you place way to much importance on the superficial and not at all on the substance of anything in life.

You appear to be the type of person who is happy to be dying inside, slowly rotting away at the core but don't give a fuck as long as the body looks good and your "peers" adjudge you to be "alpha".

The crash when it happens dude is going to be hard. In that you have my sympathy.

I would describe it instead as understanding the importance of presenting myself in a certain manner because I understand how superficial the outside world is, so that my inner desires can be fulfilled. For example, let's say I like a girl. When I like a girl I want to compliment her and do nice things for her to get her attention. However, I recognize that instead I have to act / look / dress / achieve certain things to get her to return my affection. So I work towards that end.

On a separate note:

I think I'm still about 10 pounds away from really being God mode again. I banged a girl (probably soft 6) and made out with two others last week that I picked up at bars, but that was in North Carolina and at the University of Maryland where everything is a bit easier. It's fun though, I'm attractive-ish again, just not quite slayer level. I really really should just detach myself from life for 5-6 weeks and really finish up my cut...but every time Thursday-Saturday rolls around it's so tempting to just go out again...

[wullie]

Divorce isn't evil nor does it automatically damage a child.

[Shindig]

Is Dad Emperor on his third wife or something?

[Bartholomert]

Divorce isn't evil nor does it automatically damage a child.

Lol. Of course it does.

[Lewis]

My friend's dad used to go around joking that he wasn't legally married to three stone of his wife, and then he got prostate cancer.

[Disco]

He needs to work on that punchline.

[Mazuuurk]

Wtf. It is supremely selfish to literally fuck up the emotional development of your child for life because it's getting hard to make it work. Marriage is hard, but it's also about sacrifice.

Western civilization is fucked.

Why are you talking about this? Are you Married? Do you have kids?

Until you have kids, you know fuck all about what it is to make a relationship work with them. And yes, in principle it sounds very selfish for parents to get divorced or separated and "abandon" the kids, but oftentimes staying together in an unhappy relationship can be even worse for the kids.

[Mazuuurk]

Absolutely. I'm very clear in what my expectations are sexually / physically with girls. Always; in return I take it upon myself to satisfy her and ensure that I work hard to remain attractive in her eyes. If she doesn't agree with what I need in a relationship, that's great, just means we're not compatible and I go on my way. There are plenty of girls out there who would be more than happy to conform to my expectations.

Believe it or not this saves a lot of headache however 'mean' it's perceived as being.

What you don't realize is that nobody stays the same and retains the same values, even you won't, for a 20-30 year period. If you're planning on having at least 2 kids, that's the period you're committed to staying together.

And I'm sure you can accompany your girlfriend to the gym and make sure she eats veggies today. Try that when you both have jobs, have to pick up at kindergarden when exhausted from sleep depravation, work, and have a cranky kid that you just need to feed (no wait, that was yourselves). All of a sudden its 9PM and you're both exhausted and about to start a fight over who's turn it is to do the last of the house chores.

But yeah, maybe you can program her to do squats while folding the laundry.

[Magic]

Sounds like you need a divorce, Maz.

[Mazuuurk]

I'm very happy in my relationship, actually. Probably even more so since we had a kid. But managing day-to-day challanges like that together and still making it work creates a completely new dynamic for your life together, as I'm sure you know, that I sincerely doubt Mert understands or can appreciate the significance of.

[SvN]

Kids are shit. I've found myself seriously considering whether I can be bothered over the past couple of years or so.

[Magic]

I'm very happy in my relationship, actually. Probably even more so since we had a kid. But managing day-to-day challanges like that together and still making it work creates a completely new dynamic for your life together, as I'm sure you know, that I sincerely doubt Mert understands or can appreciate the significance of.

We just have to hope people like him are so preoccupied with ECONOMICS and WEALTH ESTABLISHMENT they simply drift past the window available to have children.

[Chrissy]

Mert here is the thing, if/when you marry/have kids, if you continue to have such backward views you will probably find she will divorce you.

[Giggles]

Mert here is the thing, if/when you marry/have kids, if you continue to have such backward views you will probably find she will divorce you.

And ruins him :drool:

[bruhnaldo]

Why the fuck you people continue to entertain this child is beyond me.

[wullie]

Lol. Of course it does.

Nah.

[Bartholomert]

Why are you talking about this? Are you Married? Do you have kids?

Until you have kids, you know fuck all about what it is to make a relationship work with them. And yes, in principle it sounds very selfish for parents to get divorced or separated and "abandon" the kids, but oftentimes staying together in an unhappy relationship can be even worse for the kids.


What you don't realize is that nobody stays the same and retains the same values, even you won't, for a 20-30 year period. If you're planning on having at least 2 kids, that's the period you're committed to staying together.

And I'm sure you can accompany your girlfriend to the gym and make sure she eats veggies today. Try that when you both have jobs, have to pick up at kindergarden when exhausted from sleep depravation, work, and have a cranky kid that you just need to feed (no wait, that was yourselves). All of a sudden its 9PM and you're both exhausted and about to start a fight over who's turn it is to do the last of the house chores.

But yeah, maybe you can program her to do squats while folding the laundry.

Lol. You are why Western Civilizarion is collapsing. Be a man for Gods sake you're pathetic.

My wife will understand her responsibilities and there are no excuses, period. Besides, I don't make 1%tile money for her to deal with silly things like laundry and cleaning, that's for the peasentry.

[Pepe]

What's your current job again?

[Bartholomert]

I have a job for next summer scaled for 180k/annum nearly guaranteed offer for full time for year after.

[Manc]

A few hours after my flatmates boyfriend broke up over text she's got some next man over. Woeful.

[Manc]

This is how women get raped/murdered isn't it? *Locks door*

[Lewis]

That could have been you, beta boy.

[John]

I have a job for next summer scaled for 180k/annum nearly guaranteed offer for full time for year after.

Look at all those caveats.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

He'll get banned from the workspace for 'hooking up' with too many females.

[Lewis]

That is the worst attempt at mockery ever.

[Bartholomert]

A few hours after my flatmates boyfriend broke up over text she's got some next man over. Woeful.

Welcome to 2016.

Lol if you're not top 20% male, tour is over boyo.

[Bartholomert]

Look at all those caveats.

I could literally pay you enough to have a gay gang bang with all black men within a few years.

[John]

More caveats.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That is the worst attempt at mockery ever.

My banter just isn't on point.

[mugbull]

He'll get banned from the workspace for 'hooking up' with too many females.

Mert's a deluded idiot, and this post doesn't make sense at all, but i'll use it at a stepping stone for another conversation topic, which is: why are workplace relationships so taboo? It's the only place you're ever really gonna be in contact with a bunch of women, and you're there most of your day, so it's sensible that workplace relationships should blossom everywhere forever. Fuckin human resources blueballing everyone

[Bartholomert]

Mert's a deluded idiot, and this post doesn't make sense at all, but i'll use it at a stepping stone for another conversation topic, which is: why are workplace relationships so taboo? It's the only place you're ever really gonna be in contact with a bunch of women, and you're there most of your day, so it's sensible that workplace relationships should blossom everywhere forever. Fuckin human resources blueballing everyone

You're a huge faggot but its because HR is run by bitter overweight women who are unhappy in their marriages

[Giggles]

What's your job?

I get this much.

That's mert summed up in those couple of posts.

[Magic]

I watched an autobiography thing about Himmler last night and his views on women and marriage were exactly the same as Merts.

[John]

What's your job?

I get this much.

That's mert summed up in those couple of posts.

He will get that much in two years if he gets the jobs he might be offered.

[Magic]

I quoted Mike & The Mechanics last night to the wife in my commitment speech. She never noticed.

[Shindig]

"I never wanted to say goodbye..."

As the police take him away.

[Spoonsky]

Your commitment speech?

[Giggles]

Is a 'commitment speech' something they get you to do in marriage guidance?

[Mazuuurk]

Lol. You are why Western Civilizarion is collapsing. Be a man for Gods sake you're pathetic.

My wife will understand her responsibilities and there are no excuses, period. Besides, I don't make 1%tile money for her to deal with silly things like laundry and cleaning, that's for the peasentry.


First of all, I have more Manliness in my left little finger than you have altogether you pesky little delusional prick.

Second, do you have a wife? No? Then don't talk as if you have one. I don't. Noone does.

Third, do you make 180k per year right now? No? Then don't talk as if you do. I make a pretty decent amount of actual money, today, in my actual job - that I use to help sustain my actual family.

[Pen]

Mert's a deluded idiot, and this post doesn't make sense at all, but i'll use it at a stepping stone for another conversation topic, which is: why are workplace relationships so taboo? It's the only place you're ever really gonna be in contact with a bunch of women, and you're there most of your day, so it's sensible that workplace relationships should blossom everywhere forever. Fuckin human resources blueballing everyone

I guess the fact that there's a line of command (or hierarchy even though that seems a bit outdated) which would make the possible fall outs damaging for the professional setting difficult to uphold. For example, say that you and another colleague are going for the same promotion and your wife is the one who decides who gets the promotion (an extreme example of course, but you probably get what I mean).

Also fuck working with your wife/fiancée/girlfriend. You'd go mad in a week.

[Pen]

Is this the week when people reply to Mert thinking it will actually lead to something worthwhile?

[phonics]

I've done the relationship with someone at work thing. And while banging on a conference table is hot, as soon as the relationship goes wrong it's TERRIBLE.

[Lewis]

First of all, I have more Manliness in my left little finger than you have altogether you pesky little delusional prick.

What about on your head?

[Manc]

Look at the vikings going in.

[7om]

2016 and people are still trying to take shots at Mert. Fucking hell.

[Magic]

Your commitment speech?

Yes.

[Giggles]

Yes.

Explain.

Did you just burst into it over dinner or had you agreed to do one each? Or was it in a councilling session?

[mugbull]

And while banging on a conference table is hot

That's the dream :swing:

[Magic]

Explain.

Did you just burst into it over dinner or had you agreed to do one each? Or was it in a councilling session?

No I called last night from the hotel and just outlined my commitment in a roundabout way. Basically I'm changing my outlook to be far more positive. I'm emotionally retarded so it's a work in progress and I asked for patience and understanding.

[Ian]

What did she say?

[Giggles]

She hasn't stopped laughing yet.

[Magic]

Guess this is pretty beta behaviour but admitting the problem is the first step surely.

[bruhnaldo]

I might slit my wrists if I have to deal the word "beta" again.

You trying to save your marriage isn't "beta".

[Disco]

Talking about it is good, you get to know what the other person is thinking which means you probably aren't paranoid that they're about to walk out at every second.

[Kikó]

I told you divorce was the wrong thing. Glad you listened.

[Manc]

Fair play, Magic.

[Shindig]

No I called last night from the hotel and just outlined my commitment in a roundabout way.

Top. :D

[Ian]

I was asking a serious question, Magic. Dickhead.

[Magic]

I want it to go back to how it was, still love you etc. I found it much easier over the phone to be honest.

[Manc]

I've got a date tomorrow and possibly another two in the pipeline. Think my persistentce may finally be paying off.

[Adamski]

Ahhh the start of a relationship, when you've still got the tingly feeling in your balls Manc. Embrace it, it'll only get better as the years slip by eh Magic.

[leedsrevolution]

I've worked for the same company as my better half for 4 years. We've even applied for the same promotions before. Infact we are up against each other for a promotion right now.

Let the battles begin.

[wullie]

Simply refer to her as your worse half during the interview and enjoy the raise.

[Lewis]

Or simply mention it as a matter of fact and watch them suddenly lose all respect for her and her decision-making.

[Chrissy]

Simply refer to her as your worse half during the interview and enjoy the raise.

I pretty much spat my coffee out laughing at that. Well played.

[Manc]

Finished the date. Lovely girl, cute, witty, but I sensed some insecurities. On to the next.

[Boydy]

What like?

[Magic]

He's projecting.

[Spoonsky]

She didn't guzzle his balls. Insecure.

[Manc]

Just not very confident in her own skin. No time for that.

[Magic]

She sounds like a right cunt, you made a good decision there.

[Manc]

Pipe down you weapon.

[Manc]

Cracking date tonight. We've already arranged another. :drool:

[Spoonsky]

What's the verdict on asking out a girl who's in a class with me? Surely it's less fraught with peril than a coworker?

[Giggles]

That would just be classified as totally normal behaviour.

[phonics]

That you're asking a shell of a football manager off topic section permission to do so is the weirder part.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Hit her with a great chatup line.

[Lewis]

Tenner says one of the ends up dead.

[Spoonsky]

Got it.

[Boydy]

I can't read 'needless to say' without hearing it in Alan Partridge's voice after listening to the audiobook of 'I, Partridge'.

[GS]

I'll say this much - you don't have much luck.

[Raoul Duke]

Is this the same one as before? Or another mentalist?

[igor_balis]

I matched with a girl on tinder who looked pretty alright in her first photo, had some nice chitchat, but she looks quite, well, manly in some of the photos. I've managed to convince myself she might not have been born a woman. Might go for it anyway.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

At least Chrissy makes me feel somewhat better about my whole shit storm.

[Lewis]

I matched with a girl on tinder who looked pretty alright in her first photo, had some nice chitchat, but she looks quite, well, manly in some of the photos. I've managed to convince myself she might not have been born a woman. Might go for it anyway.

You look like Philip Seymour Hoffman fucked Howard the Duck.

[igor_balis]

fucking hell :D

[igor_balis]

In seriousness though, that cutting but not entirely inaccurate observation is partly why I fucking hate tinder and online dating. I'm weird looking enough, but also really unphotogenic and shit at text-based bantz (see: my entire posting history here). I can be vaguely funny and charming "IRL" so I can punch a bit above my weight, but only match with transexuals and really fat girls on tinder.

[Boydy]

I love your text-based bantz.

[Boydy]

GS, kinda a bit stunned by how it all fell away to shit in utter madness. Suppose iv'e a shit run of luck but it's only been the past few years. Prior to this no real shite at all.

Boydy that made me smile :)

'It turns out she actually did have cancer. Needless to say, I had the last laugh.'

[Lewis]

'17 times in a fortnight' is the sort of thing that Alan Partridge would keep referring back to.

[Spoonsky]

Making me look good here lads.

[Bam]

Sounds like a lovely girl. Was you getting his sloppy seconds in that two weeks?

[Shindig]

Well I was seeing a girl who I was really close friends with, shes a successful comic/actress. Knew she had issues but liked her regardless. It's now ended with fake cancer suffering claims, her fucking a former mate I don't like 17 times in a fortnight and telling me two minutes after shes said she loves me and wants kids and threatening suicide etc.

Needless to say that's the tip of the iceberg. I'll probably delete this tomorrow but my self esteem has taken a bit of a hammering recently and thought i'd vent here as you guys will take the cunt enough for me to at least laugh about it.

What happened to the, "I was only acting" excuse. That'd be my go-to for all of this.

[igor_balis]

Just matched with an actually fit girl on tinder, who i've had added on facebook since I was about 16, but only spoken to her maybe once at a shit house party when I was at school.

She's also just randomly popped onto my "main" list of friends on the chat sidebar (rather than the "more contacts" bit).

Does that mean she's been having a nosy at my profile? Sure I read something about the FB algorithms doing that.

[Baz]

I took a picture of two girls in a club (on one of their phones lol) as a favour and she came over a few minutes later because she recognised one of my mates as she worked practically next door to him. She was really nice looking but he just brushed it off ('yeah I do work there, you alright?' then turned away) purely because he "knew she had a boyfriend because she's bought lads deodorant" (he works in co-op, she works in a dentist). But then spent the next day stalking her on Facebook because he's always fancied her. :cab:

Now apparently yesterday she went into his work and he said it was actually me who fancied her (even though she commented on my wedding ring when I took her pic) and had asked him to find out when she was out next. So now he's trying to rope me into going out on 22nd October because she's out. Yet first time he totally blanked her. Idiot.

Lucky for him it coincides with this (https://www.jdwetherspoon.com/real-ale-festival) so I'll be there will bells on.

Also on the night, her mate was really not nice looking - like really haggered and terracotta colour from fake tan - and there was a disagreement on who should be wingman, so I bring it to the good people off TTH:

If there's three men out - one is married, the other two are single. One of the single men fancies a girl who is out with one of her female friends. The single man wants to chat to her, but needs either the married man or the other single man to distract her mate. Should it be the job of the single man (they might hit it off and it could lead to something) or the married man (nothing's gonna happen.) From my wording it's obvious how I feel, but does TTH agree with me? Fair enough if it was just one single man and one married man out, trying to approach two females; but why would the married man play the wingman role when there's another bloody single man there? :dirk:

I had to step up because the other single man is a bit soft, but in normal circumstances I really think two single men approaching two females is more likely to produce end results than if a married man saunters over with no interest other than to distract the females from speaking to each other.

Man I've used the word female a lot. https://i.imgur.com/gGxZskE.png

[Giggles]

You lost me at Baz.

[Baz]

You lost me at Baz.You're married right?

If you're out with two single men for a few drinks and one's like corr Franny she's a bit of alright over there, to be sure. One of yoons go chat to her mate while I try to get a wee kiss would you volunteer, or would you nominate your single mate?

[Magic]

I got bored at the bit where you didn't bone the dirty whores because your mates are fags.

[Baz]

I got bored at the bit where you didn't bone the dirty whores because your mates are fags.I cut an even longer boring story out too, cos it made me sound like a dick. :rosebud:

[Shindig]

Angelina Jolie back on the market. Do I have space for her African kids?

[Magic]

You're married right?

https://media.giphy.com/media/a4K7jjmwg0DyE/giphy.gif

[Giggles]

You're married right?

If you're out with two single men for a few drinks and one's like corr Franny she's a bit of alright over there, to be sure. One of yoons go chat to her mate while I try to get a wee kiss would you volunteer, or would you nominate your single mate?

Not yet. I never be out with men for a drink either unless it's the work night out in the summer or the Christmas party so I've no ides.

[Bartholomert]

As if a female would ever fancy Baz.

[mo]

Ever get it when the sound of her voice barking away about anything and everything makes you want to end it all because it's 7pm on a Friday and you just need to be quiet and read something?

A mute button would be good. Or a highlights package. That'd be short.

[Spammer]

Magic are you still married then or is it over?

Not much to report here. Lass my course who's quite nice but she's got a bloke, although she's moaned a bit to me about wanting to leave him. Not going though unless she's single but if that happens then maybe. Met an undergraduate lass recently too who I've enjoyed spending a bit of time with. She's massively bright-eyed and enthusiastic about everything/hasn't had her spirit crushed yet, which is really lovely actually. Not sure if she's interested or just generally really open and affectionate. She's cute though.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Take her to one of those sex dungeon parties to show her mental you are to crush her spirit.

[Spammer]

I took a different lass from my course to the fetish club a couple of weeks ago actually. She's been interested since I mentioned it to her but she's been with someone until recently. She wanted to try bondage so I tied her up with some rope. Didn't have sex but rope usually isn't really about that - it's more the feeling of being restricted and the sensation of it. She enjoyed it and wants to go next time. The woman who ran the event was putting on tutorials and ended up tying up this other woman and then teasing her, and it ended up with them basically lezzing off. Lass from the course is curious about getting with women and was frothing at the gash at the sight of it.

[Spikey M]

A) The fuck is wrong with you?
B) How the fuck do you not het laid after that?

[Spammer]

A) Nothing. I'm perfectly fine. What do you suggest might be wrong with me?

B) Because I didn't want to rape her.

[Shindig]

Its telling that your circle of friends are into this. Or you just browse the right parts of the internet.

[Spammer]

Or: A lot more people are into than care to admit it, and telling people that I've explored it in a way that doesn't make it out to be a big deal tends to incline them to ask, possibly grow curious and maybe think of exploring it themselves.

Not on here, because there's a bit of a mob mentality. But mentioning it to someone when chatting to them has always simply made people curious more than anything else. Not necessarily about going; just curious about what it is. You're probably right though; anyone who's going to kick off at the very thought of my exploring something like that is not someone I'd be likely to associate myself with.

[Adamski]

It's a lot less weird than walking from Sheffield to Leeds or whatever the fuck it was.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's a lot less weird than walking from Sheffield to Leeds or whatever the fuck it was.
He would have never met those weirdos though.

[Lewis]

People would also be curious if you told them you talk to your fridge. It doesn't mean that they want to come round and meet it.

[Spammer]

People would also be curious if you told them you talk to your fridge. It doesn't mean that they want to come round and meet it.

The point I'm making is that I think a lot more people are curious about this stuff than would like to admit it. Mentioning it gives them the opportunity to ask about it while retaining deniable plausibility. Out of my friends, this lass is the third person I've brought with me and there's a couple of others who have admitted want to explore it but haven't had the bottle so far to actually do anything about it.

[Raoul Duke]

What do you wear when you go to these places? Is it just casual or straight into the gimp suits and spandex?

[Giggles]

Where do you go from the likes of that? Secret room with some 7 year olds?

[Spammer]

What do you wear when you go to these places? Is it just casual or straight into the gimp suits and spandex?

I wear smart trousers and a dark button up shirt, which is the usual for a lot of blokes. When it comes to play-oriented clothes though, people can wear (or not wear) whatever they want. Women tend to have more choice in what to wear.

My mate just wore a dress. People were chatting to her actually about how much less hassle women get from wanker blokes at these clubs - at normal ones they could wear normal clothes and still get groped and shit on the dancefloor, whereas at these places they can wear next to nothing, or a pvc suit, or a corset, or generally anything they want and still get treated with respect not get any unsolicited physical contact - which is why they feel comfortable wearing those things in the first place. That said, some women just wear a dress or something. It boils down to what you feel comfortable with really.

[Spammer]

Where do you go from the likes of that? Secret room with some 7 year olds?

What?

[Giggles]

What?

The deviant stuff once you get bored. Where does it lead?

[7om]

The deviant stuff once you get bored. Where does it lead?

Not to paedophilia, I'd assume.

[Spammer]

The deviant stuff once you get bored. Where does it lead?

To death, eventually. Like everything else. Daft question.

What happens when you get bored of anything else? Some people explore it briefly purely for the thrill of it and then disappear once they've had their fill. I guess they find something else to entertain themselves. Many people on the scene though have had kinky fantasies for as long as they can remember though; whether it is being submissive, dominant, tied up, overpowered, dressing up in certain ways...whatever. It's as various as there are people. The point is, it's not just a daft thrill for a lot of people but a genuine variation of their sexuality. I can only assume the paedophilia comment is in reference to reckoning it's all just a mindless hedonistic exercise; anything for a kick. It's not like that for a lot of people.

Edit: As for me, I'm certainly much less bothered about it than I have been. The exploring side of it anyway. I've gotten to know a lot of people on the scene though so if I go it's usually for social reasons nowadays. In a relationship I’d probably need someone who's up for it and probably an adventurous attitude towards sex in general, but it wouldn't be a massive part of any relationship because it isn't a massive part of my life any more. I'm definitely happy I explored it though because I understand the part of me better than I could hope to dream to otherwise.

[Spammer]

Feel free to PM me if anyone has any questions about it they'd rather ask privately. A couple of people already have done in the past, and I'm not the sort to out people on the public forum for the sake of cheap lols so there's no need to worry about that.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I bet Spikey sent you a PM.

I reckon he's gagging to be one of those human pups.

[Magic]

Hammy ham. :cool:

P.s I don't mind being outed. The thrill. :drool:

[Spammer]

I bet Spikey sent you a PM.

I reckon he's gagging to be one of those human pups.

I bet you are.

It became a lot more prominent for me when I struggled with depression and anxiety. It became the ultimate escape, in my mind, and it's a simplification of normal sex in many ways: no more blurry boundaries; no more wondering what to do. You do as you're told/whatever you want. In any case, you know your role and have nothing else to worry about, which was especially enticing when I was struggling in my real life. I haven't really properly struggled with depression or anxiety for years and certainly not since I started exploring, but that is definitely something ive noticed.

[Spikey M]

I bet Spikey sent you a PM.

I reckon he's gagging to be one of those human pups.

:drool:

[Magic]

I'm going to sort my 'relationship' with my father out. I can barely look him in the eye and think he's a cunt. I'm going to make the Hero's Choice.

[Giggles]

If you think he's a cunt, pretending you think he isn't a cunt won't change the fact.

[Lewis]

I'm going to sort my 'relationship' with my father out. I can barely look him in the eye and think he's a cunt. I'm going to make the Hero's Choice.

What's the story there?

[Magic]

Sorry? You are misunderstanding. I am acting on assumptions and visible actions. I have no idea what intention is behind those actions. I am seeing what I want to see. I'm going to change this. I want to see reality. I can't keep blaming him for everything that's shit about me.

[Magic]

What's the story there?

This book I've been reading is changing my life. I will explain on a PC. I suspect a couple of us on here have little to no valuable relationship with their parents?

[mugbull]

Trip shrooms

[Shindig]

I get along great with my parents. Two of the nicest people in football.

[Giggles]

Sorry? You are misunderstanding. I am acting on assumptions and visible actions. I have no idea what intention is behind those actions. I am seeing what I want to see. I'm going to change this. I want to see reality. I can't keep blaming him for everything that's shit about me.

Did you read the book or swallow it?

[Dquincy]

I bet you are.

It became a lot more prominent for me when I struggled with depression and anxiety. It became the ultimate escape, in my mind, and it's a simplification of normal sex in many ways: no more blurry boundaries; no more wondering what to do. You do as you're told/whatever you want. In any case, you know your role and have nothing else to worry about, which was especially enticing when I was struggling in my real life. I haven't really properly struggled with depression or anxiety for years and certainly not since I started exploring, but that is definitely something ive noticed.

Done any gay stuff? This is a pm right?

[Spammer]

Done any gay stuff? This is a pm right?

Nah never done gay stuff. Never been bothered.

[Foe]

Nah never done gay stuff. Never been bothered.

Do gays have weirdo clubs too? That's like the ultimate risk reward for a creep who fancies seeing a bit of lezzos.

[Magic]

I've bottled it. I'd rather just watch him eventually die and take our relationship to the grave.

[Lewis]

Let's have the full story then.

[Bartholomert]

Had a buddy dating two girls at the same time, one of them finds out about the other, is now pressing charges for assault with her friends as 'witnesses' to various invented crimes.

Fucking feminism man, always trying to keep the alpha down. I think having a long-term girlfriend has been an incredible move for my well-being / professional success.

[Adamski]

What professional success have you had?

[Magic]

She's probably fucking your friend.

[Spammer]

Do gays have weirdo clubs too? That's like the ultimate risk reward for a creep who fancies seeing a bit of lezzos.

A lot more people are bisexual but there's a decent number of full on gays on the scene too, yeah.

[Magic]

She's put me on a month's trial. :harold:

Stoopid book.

[Boydy]

What?

[Shindig]

I think having a long-term girlfriend has been an incredible move for my well-being / professional success.

Alright, lads. What's worse? This sentence right above or "My partner is my best friend."?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

What?
His wife is leaving in a month.

[Boydy]

His wife is leaving in a month.

Is it actually this?

I didn't think we'd ever actually see this happen.

[Dark Soldier]

Magic is dead within 12 months if she goes.

[Bartholomert]

She's put me on a month's trial. :harold:

Stoopid book.

Preemptively move out tomorrow and cut contact. Lay down the law and she'll get turned on by the alpha behavior and you'll get her back.

[Bartholomert]

What professional success have you had?

I got a lawyer job making more money than you at age 23.

[Byron]

Had a buddy dating two girls at the same time, one of them finds out about the other, is now pressing charges for assault with her friends as 'witnesses' to various invented crimes.

Fucking feminism man, always trying to keep the alpha down. I think having a long-term girlfriend has been an incredible move for my well-being / professional success.

Considering the kind of person you are and the people you'd hang out with I can fully believe one of you would assault someone.

[Adamski]

I got a lawyer job making more money than you at age 23.

That's not success. That's the first step on the ladder. If you think you've made it you're in for a shock.

[Shindig]

Mert is the beige face of white privilege.

Also, RIP Magic.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkuWrmxN7hg

[Dquincy]

Preemptively move out tomorrow and cut contact. Lay down the law and she'll get turned on by the alpha behavior and you'll get her back.

Stop saying alpha, weirdo.

[Magic]

So, I did the hardest thing I've ever done. I took responsibility for my actions, destroyed my ego and looked at everything from different perspectives. I explained it was due to my upbringing but I can no longer blame my shit parents for my own shitness.

Ever since then she says she's been a lot happier and we haven't had an argument for two days. That's a record (lol!).

[Foe]

So, I did the hardest thing I've ever done. I took responsibility for my actions, destroyed my ego and looked at everything from different perspectives. I explained it was due to my upbringing but I can no longer blame my shit parents for my own shitness.

Ever since then she says she's been a lot happier and we haven't had an argument for two days. That's a record (lol!).


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Y5rH7cN7s4

[Boydy]

:D