The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

[Toby]

What age are you? I wouldn't have placed you much older than that tbh.

[Manc]

24, the Mrs is 29.

[Toby]

Don't see much of an issue with a 24 year old and 21 year old seeing each other.

[Lewis]

Women out-live men by four years (is it?), so he'll also die before she needs looking after. Perfect.

[Spoonsky]

The difference between 24 and 21 seems pretty equivalent to that between 24 and 29. Go on, son.

[Magic]

I had a brilliant, vivid nocturnal emission last night. Basically I had a dream a really sexy ex-colleague had left auto upload on her Facebook so uploaded really sexy fucking pics. So I downloaded them all to wank over. I woke up to find my raging cock bursting out of my boxers and a massive splat on the quilt. I shamefully made my way to the bathroom but there wasn't that much to clean up. I pulled the duvetjizz on to me so it dried quickly. This way the wife wouldn't think I was being a pervert and wanking in the middle of the night next to her.

Hands free orgasms. :drool:

[Baz]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNyjpjubUeo

[Manc]

I've decided to man up and work at the relationship. If it goes south, I'm sure there's plenty of 21 year old dime peices who'll jump on my cock.

[Magic]

Eagerly awaiting your dry run and wet dream posts, mate. :wave:

[Shindig]

At least his won't end up in court.

[AE]

Ouch!

[Manc]

It's been two weeks of trying and I'm rapidly realising thing's aren't going to improve. I've got the funds to jump ship now. Won't be too long till I move in with Foe.

[Boydy]

She didn't put out for Valentine's Day then?

[Giggles]

I'd say she'll end up over the moon if you do.

[randomlegend]

I hate the phrase "put out".

[Boydy]

*makes note to use it more*

[Manc]

I can tell she's past caring, but because she's a toxic, bitter, aging lump of mass she'd rather die than end the relationship.

[randomlegend]

*makes note to use it more*

Just nice to think of sex as something enjoyed equally between genders, rather than a service women reluctantly provide for the pleasure of men.

But I guess that's just the Men's rights activist in me talking.

[Boydy]

:D

Well played.

[Magic]

Why don't you end it then you coward?

[Giggles]

It kind of sounds like his ego is being stroked by being the domineering one in the relationship and keeping her in a state.

[simon]

Why don't you end it then you coward?

He has a point.

[Manc]

A combination of fear of the unknown and belief that all is not lost.

[simon]

she'd rather die than end the relationship.


A combination of fear of the unknown and belief that all is not lost.

Sounds like you're almost as bad as her then.

[Manc]

Possibly. It's fucking tough.

[Lewis]

Your posts on the matter make you come across as a right horrible cunt, so you should decide either way before the next WDYTOE.

[Chrissy]

Well lassie I was seeing got pictured and subsequently FB'd mimicing giving a blowjob to a guy on Friday night.

Happy Valentines day.

[Giggles]

Well lassie I was seeing got pictured and subsequently FB'd mimicing giving a blowjob to a guy on Friday night.

Happy Valentines day.

At least the main event wasn't filmed.

[Manc]

Outside, yeah.

[Chrissy]

At least the main event wasn't filmed.

Yep, silver lining and all that :)

[Magic]

Just casual flirting. Sounds like you're the jealous, controlling type Chrissy.

[Toby]

I can tell she's past caring, but because she's a toxic, bitter, aging lump of mass she'd rather die than end the relationship.


Why don't you end it then you coward?



A combination of fear of the unknown and belief that all is not lost.

lol at this


Well lassie I was seeing got pictured and subsequently FB'd mimicing giving a blowjob to a guy on Friday night.


What does this actually mean? Somebody took a picture of her "mimicking" a blowjob and posted it to Facebook? I'd assume clothes on mimicry was a joke before jumping to anything else, but then you're the only one with any knowledge of context here.

[Chrissy]

Aye Toby, the context was she was on stage having a jape.

To post something nice for a change, i am really happy in this relationship. Seen this person for a couple of months last year and now we are making a good go of it now this year. Very happy and content taking things slowly and enjoying life. Feel like I am going out with a good friend as well as a lover. Have alot of laughter and good times. So I very much doubt i'll be posting any things of a negative nature on this thread.

[Toby]

Is she a comedian too? Was this part of her set? I don't get the problem if so.

[Magic]

Wait until she mimics triple BBC penetration on stage though.

[Chrissy]

Is she a comedian too? Was this part of her set? I don't get the problem if so.

Aye she is and it was improvised by her. I was just being a fud mentioning it on here. I was laughing myself when I saw the footage back.

[Spammer]

Might be meeting up with a lass from the fet scene on Friday, which will be interesting. I suggested a quiet drink in town but she's now said she's got now money and just has a bottle of rum to her name, so I’ve suggested she come around here. Think she's keen but not had a definite either way. I'm not fussed about a relationship with her based on what I know about her, but she is really hot so I'd wanna explore stuff with her. Gonna have to be transparent about it from the off really.

[Chrissy]

Hammer, call me naive, but is fet scene fetish yeah? If so, how is that defined? Is it certain acts or behaviour? Dressing etc? Genuinely not got a clue, intrigued.

[Baz]

Fet is short for fetlock. She is a horse.

I'm surprised she got served for that rum, so well played.

[Spammer]

Hammer, call me naive, but is fet scene fetish yeah? If so, how is that defined? Is it certain acts or behaviour? Dressing etc? Genuinely not got a clue, intrigued.

Yeah, fetish scene. Its a community of people who have alternative sexual interests, basically. There are clubs where those interests can actually be explored in practice, social media where you can meet and chat to people with similar interests (Google 'fetlife'), and munches where people in the scene meet in a normal setting, with normal clothes, for a chat about whatever. Munches are better for newbies.

So basically, if youre curious about something that you want to try out, the odds are there'll be someone on the scene who's into it and who might oblige. Its often BDSM related but it doesn't have to be. There's no particular clothing as such although club nights can have a dress code. At a munch though, other than the generally quite alternative fashion sense you wouldn't guess who they were.

People in the scene are generally extremely open minded and liberal, although as you might expect many are also a bit strange. I started going out of curiosity to see something a bit different but people are generally very friendly and I've made a few friends through it, and I've ended up exploring a fair bit too.

The more I chat to people and read about the psychology of sexuality and things like that, the more I'm convinced that the majority of people have fantasies that they find a bit strange and uncomfortable, and that the biggest difference about the people on the scene isn't so much what they're into but rather the fact they've decided to explore it instead of burying it.

But yeah, happy to answer and questions anyway.

[Spammer]

We're going to the gym :cab:. Bit random but she's got some free passes apparently. She wants to go for a swim and to use the jacuzzi.

[Waffdon]

fetlife ahahhahahahahaha.

soz

[Magic]

We're going to the gym :cab:. Bit random but she's got some free passes apparently. She wants to go for a swim and to use the jacuzzi.

This isn't going to end well.

[Raoul Duke]

You're probably going to get bummed into oblivion by a 17 stone, leather-clad hairy fucker called Jim, more like.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Jim sounds like a right laugh.

[Magic]

At least the Jacuzzi water will provide some level of lubrication.

[mo]

Well, my jizz works :happycry:

[Magic]

Congrats mate. :) :clap:

Let me know when you want to elope with me and fuck off as far away as possible.

[Baz]

We're going to the gym :cab:. Bit random but she's got some free passes apparently. She wants to go for a swim and to use the jacuzzi.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pTPHU2g4Ws

[Giggles]

Leeeefooooo Bizzoooooooo is so bad.

[Lewis]

'I'm kind of already going to the gym tonight, so...'
'.....'
'I've got a free pass and... You know. I don't really want to waste it.'
'Alright. Yeah.'
'.....'
'.....'
'.....'
'You just gonna swim or...'
'You can come if you want.'
'Oh yeah. Yeah. Definitely.'

[Dquincy]

Fet is short for fetlock. She is a horse.

I'm surprised she got served for that rum, so well played.
:D Nicely played Barry.

[Spoonsky]

"Munch." How disconcerting.

[Chrissy]

Sometimes I just wish i hadn't asked something. Thanks for the reply though Hammer. Eyes opened up a bit to life.

[Spammer]

Jacuzzi and all that was tricky as we were chatting and she'd be looking damn fine in her swimsuit and i had to be careful what I paid attention to because I was only wearing swimming shorts.

Went for food and a few drinks after, and she's coming around to my gaff with her rum next week. Looking good.

[Magic]

Help me.

Our daughter is the second youngest at pre-school. She went through a phase of being a little shit but that stopped, we had the 3 month 'review' where they said everything was fine. Now after Christmas and New Year we're getting daily reports of hitting. And it's different kids too. There doesn't seem to be any logic behind it that we can see, occasionally she'll tell us X was annoying her, or going to hit her etc but we enquire and the nursery staff tell us there was no provocation.

Tonight after several successive reports and zero stickers from the good behaviour sticker program they've introduced, I took away her princess dresses. She was distraught. I have been explaining in no uncertain terms there are alternatives to hitting, walking away/talking/telling teachers etc but it doesn't work. She is fine at home and at play group/soft play etc with family supervision. Just those three hours for the past 2 or so weeks she doesn't listen to the teachers and stuff. She will get one dress back each time there is a good report at nursery, and one taken away each time there is a hitting report.

I know this might be 'normal ololol!' but I'm worried. I've looked in to it, I know, we know, how to deal with this behaviour at home, which is why it simply doesn't happen. We aren't there at school though so she doesn't have those boundaries. How do we implement proxy boundaries? FFS it is impossible. I am utterly terrified of misunderstanding the situations, the last thing I want is to encourage fear, worthlessness, shame, guilt, which is all the things my shit parents made me feel at every turn. This is why I invested in the psychology books. I feel dreadfully sick at the thought I may have invoked these negative emotions by removing the dresses which she dearly loves hours after the 'crime' she has committed.

Fuck you if you think that's #firstworldproblems or #mumsnetshit. I am so terrified of one possible outcome more than anything in this world; that she turns in to me.

So this has now utterly disappeared from her behavior, and the teachers have said she's been fantastic every single day. Woop. That's been coming up for 3 months.

[igor_balis]

So this has now utterly disappeared from her behavior, and the teachers have said she's been fantastic every single day. Woop. That's been coming up for 3 months.

:happycry: Seen some promising stuff you've posted on fb, good work MJ. Can you adopt me, my behaviour is worse than ever.

[Magic]

Of course. I'd be more inclined to (sexually) abuse an adopted child, though.

[Magic]

But also, I think we're fantastic parents, especially when you see some of the little cunts there are out there. It's hard as fuck.

[Charlie]

There are so many people who think it is up to teachers to teach kids once they get to school, so parents can do whatever the fuck they want. The vast majority of your education in growing up into being a responsible person comes from your family, which I suppose explains why there are so many retards around. Good job Magic, and I hope you enjoyed the princess dresses.

[Disco]

So this has now utterly disappeared from her behavior, and the teachers have said she's been fantastic every single day. Woop. That's been coming up for 3 months.

Nicely.

You can thank us all for our advice later.

[Magic]

She clearly doesn't connect her behaviour elsewhere with consequences at home yet, what you're doing seems a sensible way of attempting to change that. You might consider extra bribes in order to improve behaviour at school, once she's used to it just reduce the bribes and the learnt behaviour tends to stick.

That or Fritzl dungeon.

:harold:

[Spammer]

Lass I'm seeing mentioned yesterday that she has sometimes sold her used underwear on www.kinkie.co.uk

She sold a set for £70 quite recently. Looks like a tidy little money earner, that. There's some disgusting shit on there though. Apparently the price goes up if you've worn it more without washing it.

[Pepe]

Dad of the year. :cool:

[Magic]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3483248/Parents-share-photos-mess-children-make.html

No, this isn't 'kids being kids', this is kids being cunts thanks to your shit parenting lol!

[SvN]

Hark at Magic thinking he's dad of the year now his daughter has stopped smashing other kids' faces in.

[niko_cee]

The little cunts have clearly been put up to much of that by their attention seeking wanker parents. Poor fuckers don't stand a chance.

[Lewis]

How did that third one reach the top corners of the screen? How did the fourth one reach the telly at all?

[Baz]

Sometimes I struggle to get the lid off those Sudocrem tubs so nice one, that lad.

[leedsrevolution]

So I'm going to propose again next month and properly this time. Don't really have a clue to go about it. Might go for something standard.

[SvN]

Propose again? I've clearly missed something. Do explain.

[leedsrevolution]

I did it last time after a bottle of whiskey and no ring.

[Magic]

Fucking hell I thought she said yes?

You inept twat. :D

[leedsrevolution]

She did say yes. But it wasn't the romantic moment it should have been for her I imagine. So going to do it again but better.

[Kikó]

Two bottles of whiskey?

[Foe]

And steal one of her existing rings.

[Magic]

Just asked the wife if she knew what song Shakespeare Lyrics posted on Twitter. She gorped at it blankly then said:

'You idiot...that's not a song, it's Shakespeare!'

:facepalm:

[Magic]

Also Virgin just tweeted me to say domestic violence is not the answer to their services not working. :D

[randomlegend]

What had you said to provoke that?

[Magic]

I was going to have to chin the wife to get the telly back because their TV anywhere wasn't working. Tagged Branson anorl. He probably instructed them to contact me. Half expecting Rozzers at the door.

[Raoul Duke]

She'll use that in the custody case.

[Magic]

I have nowhere else to post my parenting vitriol so I apologise in advance, but:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-35803414

Some mong complaining he got done for leaving his 2 year old daughter in a car for 5 minutes on her own. Quite fucking right. It'll only take a nonce to smash the window and steal her for cunts like this to realise the err of their ways.

[Baz]

The contrast between some of the posts in this thread :D. Here we have Magic flexing his parenting muscles; not long ago we got stories of Hammer's "fetlife" creepiness.

[Disco]

I have nowhere else to post my parenting vitriol so I apologise in advance, but:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-35803414

Some mong complaining he got done for leaving his 2 year old daughter in a car for 5 minutes on her own. Quite fucking right. It'll only take a nonce to smash the window and steal her for cunts like this to realise the err of their ways.

I totally agree, it takes 30 seconds to get them out and back in, the alternative is too terrifying to consider. I mean imagine having to explain that.

[Magic]

My mother in law is currently reviewing various menopause relief products on Facebook in great detail. What a horrible cunt.

[Raoul Duke]

I got engaged last week :uhoh:

[Kikó]

Hurrah!

[Boydy]

Congrats.

[Magic]

:(

[ItalAussie]

I got engaged last week :uhoh:

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/ff/92/81/ff92817a2231c415dcadc3dce901def0.jpg

[five time]

Ital is female confirmed.

[Disco]

What's more concerning is that the 'f' and 'j' on that card are exactly the same and yet they expect us to take it seriously.

[Chrissy]

RD well in dude.

I am currently dating the girl of my dreams. So I am exceptionally happy.

It will all turn to shit soon enough though, don't worry lads.

[Raoul Duke]

Thanks chaps :thbup:

[Magic]

So I slept on the sofa again last night (much to the dismay of my back). It's gotten to the stage where my hate is almost matching the love for my daughter. Is life supposed to be like this? Desolate. Never go it

[Magic]

Never go with someone that has nothing in common with you, it just isn't worth it. Too much effort. Opposites do not attract, for fuck sake. I'm really not cut out for this relationship shit. The thought of failing my child 7 years before my dad failed us is mighty concerning.

[Magic]

CSA, step dad, step mum, weekends, flat, shit shit shit, family rows, new grandparents. What have I done. What have we done. Why can it not just fucking work.

[Magic]

P.s all the best Dukey.

[Lee]

You're probably failing her more by having her live in a house with two parents who hate one another. Kids see that shit.

[Yevrah]

Quite. If your daughter's 7 and things with your relationship with the missus remain as they are now you've absolutely no chance of seeing out the next 11 years without the sprog noticing that her home environment is more than a bit crap.

[wullie]

Got engaged yesterday. Now I have to traverse the tricky subject of insisting on a prenup so my complete Italia 90 sticker album is buried with me.

[phonics]

Congrats Wullie :wub:

[Kikó]

Congratulations wullie. When's the wedding day?

[Magic]

Rip.

[Raoul Duke]

Nice one :thbup:

[Baz]

When's she due? :henn0rz:

[Chrissy]

Got engaged yesterday. Now I have to traverse the tricky subject of insisting on a prenup so my complete Italia 90 sticker album is buried with me.

Congrats dude.

[wullie]

Aiming for the end of summer, just taking immediate family away somewhere as I've seen what a nightmare it is to arrange a full-blown thing. She's not in the club yet, but it'd better be a boy when it happens so I've got an excuse to buy Scalextric.

[Spammer]

You can buy scalextric for a lass, 21st century nowadays

[wullie]

No can do, if it's a girl that's my excuse to buy One Direction merchandise.

[John]

Congratulations Wullie.

[SvN]

Well done.

[Dela]

Congratulations, Wullie.

[Dark Soldier]

Aaw Wullie

[Boydy]

Congrats Wullie, although don't let her take you away from us. We were here first.


Also holy shit, Dela is back.

[mo]

Nice one Wullie.

-

Had the first baby scan this week. Very weird to see this 55mm object looking eerily well-formed, heart beating, limbs flailing. Still currently looking forward to it.

[Foe]

Congrats lads.

Everyone seems to be maturing but I'm still happy eating jelly for dinner and falling asleep on the couch under my slanket watching rom coms.

I'm still single.

[Kikó]

I'm getting civilly married on the 9th of June before the REAL JESUS wedding on the 23rd of July. It's coming about pretty quickly so the next few months will probably be hectic and expensive. Our wedding planners are trying to charge us 3000 euros for the flowers, gtfo.

[wullie]

The hardest part of my arranging seems to be confirming the days off work and deciding which kilt to wear.

[niko_cee]

Wedding planners?

:D

[Kikó]

It's useful as we're having a wedding abroad so they sort it. And I'm not paying for it so it bothers me less.

[Manc]

Single life really is the absolute pits.

[Magic]

Single life really is the absolute pits.

Stop making the grass look shit, mate.

[Pepe]

I think I agree. I'll be alone for the next three months. It's been two days and I'm already bored as fuck.

Having to cook your own meals. :sick:

[Manc]

At least your have your cats, Pepe.

I might invest in a dog.

[Smiffy]

.....

[igor_balis]

I'm utterly smitten with a female friend who has a boyfriend and have been for about 4 months. Pretty irritiating, though in some ways unrequited frustration beats bleak nothingness which was what i had for the previous year or so.

[Spammer]

An ugly bint on OkCupid has randomly messaged me this morning. Ignored.

She's messaged me again tonight though saying she's got a spare ticket to go see Derren Brown and if I want to go with her. Tempted.

[Magic]

Smitten is such a fuck off and die expression.

[The Merse]

So single it hurts. As in, after an initial flurry of shags last summer, my winter was cold and lonely (if admittedly still social and fun).

I've had a few really quite nice looking lasses crack on recently and I've been a complete tool, ranging from 'do I know you from somewhere?'
No
'Are you sure - house party?'
No. Not a house party.
'Ah ok, so...' Queue 10 min chat where I give one word answers between banging on about the lass in the band that's playing.

To

'So hey what you guys all doing here?' Leaning on my shoulder suggestively.
The fuck does it look like - a teddy bears picnic?

And then the lass that I actually managed great hour long chat and flirt with that invited me to her birthday party.
Blew it off to watch a punk gig with a man.

Genuine full blow retard around women now :face:

[Lewis]

You used to be so good as well, what with nearly giving your house away to apologise for being cheated on.

[igor_balis]

Smitten is such a fuck off and die expression.

Better than 'married'!!! ...maybe

[Magic]

Merse ending up with a rebel punk bloke 10 years younger than him is the next logical step.

[Manc]

Merse is dishy from memory. You'll be fine.

[igor_balis]

It is easy to read a post like Merse's and make the sarcky 'oh yeah would be well shit to have women bibterested you' post but I'm going to rise above hate and wish you the best of luck.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Spoonsky]

Where's she from, then?

[The Merse]

Funny thing is, the more single I get (we're verging on 9 months since the last fling), the more picky I become... Feminist, at least conscious of the 'green' and animal rights benefits of vegetarianism (I'm very much a weekday vegan these days), does not enjoy prosecco... Preferably with a nose ring and at least one item of clothing originating from Morocco. Laughable really. Oh well.

[The Merse]

We kissed! She told me I wasn't making things easy for her and that I had won. I'm so high right now. Wow.

It's taken nearly a month, a few home cooked meals and being nothing but honest. I don't even know.

Shit man, done the getting with a housemate thing before... Can get rather messy but good luck.


Merse is dishy from memory. You'll be fine.

:gay:

[Smiffy]

.....

[Magic]

Funny thing is, the more single I get (we're verging on 9 months since the last fling), the more picky I become... Feminist, at least conscious of the 'green' and animal rights benefits of vegetarianism (I'm very much a weekday vegan these days), does not enjoy prosecco... Preferably with a nose ring and at least one item of clothing originating from Morocco. Laughable really. Oh well.

Sounds more like the description of a stereotypical homosexual than a woman.

[niko_cee]

:D

The sailor tattoo has got into his blood.

[Kikó]

Strangest requirement list I've ever seen.

[niko_cee]

I'm keen to hear the animal rights benefits of vegetarianism as well. Don't they just not exist in that dystopia?

[phonics]

Drinking Prosecco as a turn off :D

[Mazuuurk]

What the fuck is wrong with Prosecco? You are a weirdo, Merse.

[Disco]

What difference could it possibly make?

[leedsrevolution]

Funny thing is, the more single I get (we're verging on 9 months since the last fling), the more picky I become... Feminist, at least conscious of the 'green' and animal rights benefits of vegetarianism (I'm very much a weekday vegan these days), does not enjoy prosecco... Preferably with a nose ring and at least one item of clothing originating from Morocco. Laughable really. Oh well.

Laughable is a fucking understatement Merse. That is the craziest thing I've ever read.

[Manc]

Standards rising into unattainable realms is something I fear for my future.

I've got some old flame coming round on Friday. See how that pans out.

[The Merse]

What difference could it possibly make?

Drunkenness did lead to unnecessary specificity on pretty much all counts, but it gets across the gist. There's a certain breed of 'prosecco with my girlies xxx #chink' lasses (the ex was one to be fair) that I can't be arsed with in the slightest but who seem to account for a huge swathe of the single 25+ population.

[Lewis]

Sounds like 7om's wife.

[Magic]

Drunkenness did lead to unnecessary specificity on pretty much all counts, but it gets across the gist. There's a certain breed of 'prosecco with my girlies xxx #chink' lasses (the ex was one to be fair) that I can't be arsed with in the slightest but who seem to account for a huge swathe of the single 25+ population.

Yeah, really fucking hate those cows that have friends.

[Baz]

Sounds like 7om's wife.:rosebud:

[SvN]

That post has just confused me more. It's a bit like hating people called Dave because you were bullied by one at school.

[niko_cee]

Sounds like 7om's wife.

:D

I like the idea of casual racism as a beverage salutation.

[John]

Given some of the low wattage nonsense Merse has posted recently it doesn't seem impossible that his breakup has driven him to heroin. Rational thought must be one of the first things out the window when you reach that point.

[Giggles]

You'll be tarred with this one for life Merse, should know better than to bother.

[John]

It's still nowhere near arguing that spaghetti is exclusively for posers, so pipe down.

[Giggles]

It's still nowhere near arguing that spaghetti is exclusively for posers, so pipe down.

Not at all what was said, but that proves my point quite well.

[John]

If the point is that people will remember when you say stupid things and may bring them up in future then yes, I've proved it for you. Happily.

And it's almost exactly what was said. You specifically referenced people eating spaghetti 'for show' at one point, and people eating spaghetti to 'feel like something they're not' copped it as well. Do those words mean something different in Ireland?

[Boydy]

I was going to venture earlier in the thread that the prosecco thing was probably something along those lines. I can kinda see where he's coming from, to be fair.

[wullie]

#chink can't be real.

[Boydy]

Surely it's #clink?

[John]

Or #ching.

Hashtags are the worst thing about modern society.

[Shindig]

#preach

[The Merse]

That post has just confused me more. It's a bit like hating people called Dave because you were bullied by one at school.

I'm not saying it's by association with the ex, and in fact - it's really not, more like a couple of dates I had with the 'type'. Not fun.


I was going to venture earlier in the thread that the prosecco thing was probably something along those lines. I can kinda see where he's coming from, to be fair.

Glad some has as opposed to simply making it about the great meltdown of April-May 15.

As it happens, no real feelings on that front anymore, it's just a matter of fact and I definitely haven't daydreamed of setting the other guy on fire for about 8 or 9 months.

Should be fine to be honest, I'm just a bit rusty and also could probably do with breaking my rule of avoiding under-25's, you know since I look about 12 or so and I hang out at punk clubs, skate board tucked into rucksack. I might need to stretch to 21+. Plus it took a while to get a good social life going in the new territory and I spent a lot of weekends away up until Jan or so, since then - particularly the last 3 months, it's been a bit of a social blur with a lot of new friends and plenty of going out meeting people so I'm actually more exposed to the opposite sex and slowly dropping less clangers.

I'll feel much more assured this weekend as there's a quite massive new tat going on and for some reason gooey shitty bloody stuff emerging from underneath cling film seems to attract women better than anything I've ever encountered otherwise.

[Lewis]

'How do you do, fellow kids?'

[The Merse]

'How do you do, fellow kids?'

Yeah, I see where that looks bad.

There's plenty of beardy 30 somethings like the people I'm with normally, just... Anyway...

Digging and holes has been a fairly regular thing in my time here. I see this is another one of those occasions.

[Smiffy]

.....

[7om]

Don't drag me into this shitfest.

[Bartholomert]

You used to be so good as well, what with nearly giving your house away to apologise for being cheated on.

This was dope.

Also my girlfriend temporarily broke up with me because I didn't go to her graduation from Duke or send any flowers or whatever it is she expected me to do. Part of the 'problem' was that I told her to fuck off and stop being needy and refused to apologize; I literally finished exams the day before and had to literally move in two days. But then it escalated into a far deeper discussion about what she wants from the relationship and our future* and I realized that maybe, for the first time in a long time, I'm not sure if she's the one anymore.

*intractable disagreements about how to raise future children and where to live, with her refusing to compromise and just wanting to replicate the stupid mistakes of her parents and me offering objective improvements that she cannot emotionally accept

[Spoonsky]

That literally sucks dude.

Jk, I guess it doesn't.

[Pepe]

How long have you been apart? It was doomed to failure anyway, wasn't it?

[Spoonsky]

One of my best friends said that he's down for a long-term relationship with his tiny Persian girlfriend, who's a year younger than us (but looks about 12). He's going to school in LA, too. Damn.

[Disco]

Just call her Iranian ffs, saying Persia makes you sound like a twat.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Bartholomert]

How long have you been apart? It was doomed to failure anyway, wasn't it?

A year now. I guess so, still kinda sucks because she was literally wife material, honestly has a lot to do with her (single, lonely, miserable) 'friends' corrupting her with feminist fantasies about how she deserves to be treated as a strong independent woman.

[Ian]

Being treated as a person would have been a step up, in fairness.

[Manc]

Do we have pictures anywhere?

[Disco]

Just imagine a tubby turk with a slightly goomy face and that's mert.

[John]

I like that Mert started to doubt she was 'the one' only after she'd binned him off for being a wanker.

This is what we've been warning you about since you first read 'The Game', Mert.

[Bartholomert]

Do we have pictures anywhere?

http://s32.postimg.org/n10p4pjnp/216759_10200922784338607_103585450_n.jpg

[Bartholomert]

I like that Mert started to doubt she was 'the one' only after she'd binned him off for being a wanker.

This is what we've been warning you about since you first read 'The Game', Mert.

Anyways I think I fixed it with a few days of sustained charm and wit, tempered with a self-deprecating apologetic theme.

[7om]

You're a serial killer deep down, aren't you?

[Bartholomert]

You're a serial killer deep down, aren't you?

Because I have self-awareness and can see through, manipulate and mock the transparent veneer of civility overlaying effectively instinctually grounded social interactions?

[John]

Because I have self-awareness and can see through, manipulate and mock the transparent veneer of civility overlaying effectively instinctually grounded social interactions?

If you ever experienced even thirty seconds of actual self awareness you'd probably immolate yourself. Absent the part about self awareness what you've written there is probably in a textbook somewhere in a chapter about sociopathy.

[Manc]

You look like siblings.

[randomlegend]

I said he was a sociopath about 5 years ago and got lolled at. He most definitely is, and will probably end up being very successful because of it.

[John]

Myself, Floyd, maybe Boydy, and several others have been saying the same thing for years. I remember you saying it, but I don't remember you being lolled at for it. If anything half the board would have been agreeing with you.

[randomlegend]

If anything half the board would have been agreeing with you.

Certainly weren't, but never mind.

[igor_balis]

Because I have self-awareness and can see through, manipulate and mock the transparent veneer of civility overlaying effectively instinctually grounded social interactions?

...parklife!

[niko_cee]

:D

[Chrissy]

This thread is going to be considered as material evidence in a few months time when he finally does crack.

[leedsrevolution]

Magic and Lee better start deleting there posts then.

[Chrissy]

Iv'e had a good 2016. Been in a fun relationship with someone who I was friends with for 3 years before we started dating.

So no horrific tales to tell.

[Chrissy]

Magic and Lee better start deleting there posts then.

Mert's only hope is that they are left on here so he can claim mitigating circumstances.

On that note, have you guys heard of 'peacocking' where a guy wears certain items of clothes like a scarf etc to catch a womans attention. Had a fellow comic/sleazebag tell us about this the other day, which I'm proud to say we all took the cunt out of him for in the car trip. Sounds like a Mert thing, i.e. being a pick up artist and all.

[Pepe]

Only been like a week and I'm already tired of the 'single life,' mostly having to cook for myself. Only three more months to go.

[Reg]

...parklife!
:D so good.

[Pepe]

I don't understand. :(

EDIT: Nevermind, Google has set me straight.

[niko_cee]

Igor was flying this morning.

[Magic]

Got a severely autistic kid's birthday party tomorrow.

No other words needed really.

[Giggles]

Got a severely autistic kid's birthday party tomorrow.

No other words needed really.

They're all fucking autistic. I've 9 of the little shitbags to deal with tomorrow.

[Magic]

I just refused to go and there was No reaction. :drool:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

She's going to make her escape tomorrow.

[7om]

I just refused to go and there was No reaction. :drool:

You can't skip your own birthday party! Come on now.

[Pepe]

I lolled.

[Magic]

I want to go actually, I'll bring my protective padding in case he has a behaviour.

[Bartholomert]

Mert's only hope is that they are left on here so he can claim mitigating circumstances.

On that note, have you guys heard of 'peacocking' where a guy wears certain items of clothes like a scarf etc to catch a womans attention. Had a fellow comic/sleazebag tell us about this the other day, which I'm proud to say we all took the cunt out of him for in the car trip. Sounds like a Mert thing, i.e. being a pick up artist and all.

Yes, I employ the normal human version of that approach otherwise known as 'dressing well.' I overall have very mixed feelings about 'pick up artists' (the vast majority of whom are emotionally damaged overcompensating creepy sleeze balls); the insights into female psychology / attraction, message of self-improvement, upholding principles of dignity and masculinity, and overcoming insecurity and adversity is genuinely very positive and thereaputic in a general sense, the vast majority of the actual material, attitudes, acceptable behaviors and outright fraud involved in the 'industry' however, is discomforting and leaves a bad after taste.

Main take away: make yourself more attractive, don't be a pussy, go out and get rejected until you're better at talking to women

[Magic]

Never has anyone spoke so much and said so little.

[Magic]

Fucking hell the bitch's friend has come round unannounced to moan about her paedo future husband and her cunt offspring. Just what I wanted after a cumbersome day at work and having to make tea for my parents.

[Spoonsky]

Interesting that the relationship thread has turned into the "things that fuck you off" thread for Magic.

[Spammer]

Went on a lovely date with a cup of tea coloured lady last night. Seeing her again on Tuesday and she might be coming over to my gaff next week :drool:

[Manc]

The old flame flaked on me last night. Disappointing, but I got two numbers around town. Both pearlers.

[Manc]

How does one go about turning a number into a date? I'm so rusty at this shit.

[Baz]

First port of call is to search the number on Facebook to make sure they're not drunk-only "pearlers."

[Manc]

I've got them on WhatsApp, all is well.

[Manc]

I've just made a very big mistake in fucking my ex.

[Giggles]

I've just made a very big mistake in fucking my ex.

Hopefully you've knocked her up.

[Disco]

I've just made a very big mistake in fucking my ex.

Did you shout mum by mistake?

[Magic]

I predict suicide by year end.

[Danny]

Assuming that is the most recent ex and not the one you were trying to instigate the other night?

[Manc]

Correct. I snuck off into the night, so tomorrow should be interesting.

[Spammer]

Love of my life is leaving for London, never to return at the weekend. We're off out for drinks to say goodbye (a few of us) and I think there's a half-decent chance I'll tell her I love her after a few drinks.

I think she vaguely knows I'm interested but not quite to that extent.

[Lewis]

Which love of your life is this one?

[Spammer]

New one. She works at a counselling place I volunteer at. She's great.

Lass I went out with last week I'm not so bothered about now. Fickle as hell. This lass at my placement is someone I've liked for a few months though.

[Lewis]

Fickle, yeah?

[Spammer]

Yeah.

How's your love life going? Your mum treating you well?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRrl2vDgJGk

Lewis would be a catch for any woman.

[Spikey M]

He's only gone and bantered you off there Lewy boy.

[Magic]

Yeah.

How's your love life going? Your mum treating you well?

Because he lives with his mum!

HAHAHA!!!

[Lewis]

Yeah, but I've got more posts than him.

[igor_balis]

Yeah.

How's your love life going? Your mum treating you well?

She's great.

:eyemouth:

[7om]

Yeah.

How's your love life going? Your mum treating you well?

:lol:

That's something you'd hear in Year 9.

[igor_balis]

Actually I made a hash of that, as Hammer was asking more specifically about how she treats Lew, not how she is in general. If you come at the king you best not miss.

[Baz]

One of her hen parties today so had a message off one of her mates, asking me to answer ten questions. I guess she has to guess my answers, cos apparently she has to have a shot for every wrong answer. (That a girl.) Anyway, what a load of toss:

1. If you were to be a cartoon character, who would you be?
2. Where was your first job?
3. What is your shoe size?
4. What is [whatshername]'s favourite alcoholic drink?
5. If [yer missus] was on a desert island what three items would she pack?
6. What is your favourite food?
7. Where was your first date?
8. Describe [her indoors] in 3 words...
9. Who is the better driver?
10. What is your favourite thing about [your bird]?

[Waffdon]

1. Coyote (always a victim?)
2. Safe way
3. 9
4. Bombay Saffire
5. Make up, mirror, mobile
6. Lasagne
7. Brewdog
8. fuck the dee
9. Baz
10. Supportive

Did I win

[Baz]

Haha.

1 I had no clue so said Ash Ketchum
2 some opticians
3 9
4 gin
5 suncream, nail polish, gin
6 I don't have one
7 some pub
8 fit funny shithouse
9 her
10 her boyfriend

[Spoonsky]

Wait, Baz has a girlfriend?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

He's getting married soon.

I still can't get my head round it.

[wullie]

I have to do a similar thing except on video which makes it so much worse. Other peoples' weddings are so much easier than your own.

[Baz]

Please post the video here. :D

And c'mon Mahow, I'm not you.

[Kikó]

I've not got to do any of that nonsense thankfully. Her hen has been and gone and my stag is towards the end of June.

8 or 9 weeks to go. :)

[Manc]

This thread is sickening.

[Pepe]

I've not got to do any of that nonsense thankfully. Her hen has been and gone and my stag is towards the end of June.

8 or 9 weeks to go. :)

I thought you were already married.

[Kikó]

You thought wrong!!

[Spikey M]

Fuck. We really are all getting old.

[Magic]

Really happily married thinking about it. So great having your soul mate all the time. Have a great day Kiko and Baz. May your lives be full and long.

[Pepe]

Can sense the underlying seethe from here.

[Magic]

Can sense the underlying seethe from here.

I'm sure Manc knows he'll find someone eventually.

:harold:

[Manc]

I'm on the verge of a breakdown. :face: