The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

[randomlegend]

Up here with the girlfriend so you could bring her along and we'll double date or have a gangbang.

Edit: Toby we had flights booked to Brussels for new year but then Paris happened and it all got a bit terroristy so we didn't fancy it. Here was one of the few places we could change the flights to for a reasonable price.

Were a bit skeptical but we've had a thoroughly nice time so far.

[Giggles]

RL is Randrew?

And I'd only found out Mellberg was Mellin. It's been an emotional day.

[Toby]

Up here with the girlfriend

Well, yeah, but what made you choose Glasgow and what will you be doing while you're there?

[randomlegend]

I understand not realising with Melon since he's changed username, but mine's always been this.

Edit: that autocorrect always makes me lol.

And I've said why Glasgow up in the edit to the previous post. We've just been mooching so far, couple of museums and the Cathedral and stuff.

Spending the day in Edinburgh tomorrow.

[Smiffy]

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[Smiffy]

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[phonics]

That's 'Daws', mate. Are you not part of the WhatsApp group?

[Toby]

I understand not realising with Melon since he's changed username, but mine's always been this.

Edit: that autocorrect always makes me lol.

And I've said why here in the edit. We've just been mooching so far, couple of museums and the Cathedral and stuff.

Spending the day in Edinburgh tomorrow.

:thbup:

Go to Camera Obscura tomorrow if it's open. It's up next to the castle.

[Magic]

There's a WhatsApp group? :(

[Smiffy]

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[Smiffy]

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[randomlegend]

:thbup:

Go to Camera Obscura tomorrow if it's open. It's up next to the castle.

Will do, thanks. Looks good.

[Toby]

Would also recommend Timberyard or L'Escargot Bleu for food, again assuming both are open and have any bookings available.

[randomlegend]

They both look nice, cheers :)

[Giggles]

Bring Magic along too.

[Bartholomert]

Too attractive/intimidating to be friendzoned yet not attractive enough to have female friends.

When will it be my turn for normal relationships with females.

[Giggles]

When you're less of a gobshite I'd imagine.

[simon]

When you're less of a gobshite I'd imagine.

:D

[mugbull]

Too attractive/intimidating to be friendzoned yet not attractive enough to have female friends.

When will it be my turn for normal relationships with females.

I can imagine you're the kind of guy who'd walk around Duke flicking people's hats off their heads and going "what's up, geed".

[Shindig]

"Hey, girl. Wanna see me do some reps? I'm studying law."

[Bartholomert]

I can imagine you're the kind of guy who'd walk around Duke flicking people's hats off their heads and going "what's up, geed".

Lol. Maybe to drunk freshmen kids at our parties, but 'privileged white males' involved in Greek life haven't been able to get away with an offensive public assertion of masculinity in at least a decade.

And anyways, I'm a huge pussy these days, long distance relationship and I'm not even cheating on the side.

[Giggles]

Ah, fidelity. The definition of being a pussy.

[Magic]

Lol. Maybe to drunk freshmen kids at our parties, but 'privileged white males' involved in Greek life haven't been able to get away with an offensive public assertion of masculinity in at least a decade.

And anyways, I'm a huge pussy these days, long distance relationship and I'm not even cheating on the side.

I had you down as a total mongol previously, but now I think you're actually ill.

[Chrissy]

Fucking hell Magic, don't hold back.

He's just attention seeking.

[Bartholomert]

:henn0rz:

In all seriousness, girls get hit on multiple times a day and carry that confidence of feeling desired by men through to their interactions with their significant other. It's always important for the sake of relationship and her attraction to you, to also always have a few options on the side so that you interact with your girlfriend from a position of strength/comparable confidence.

[Dark Soldier]

Fucking hell you live in a bubble, kudos.

[Davgooner]

Rapist.

Mert.

[Bartholomert]

Vague matter of fact statements.

[Chrissy]

:henn0rz:

In all seriousness, girls get hit on multiple times a day and carry that confidence of feeling desired by men through to their interactions with their significant other. It's always important for the sake of relationship and her attraction to you, to also always have a few options on the side so that you interact with your girlfriend from a position of strength/comparable confidence.

Oh that statement isn't worrying at all. Fucking hell you are scary.

[Smiffy]

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[Lee]

Girls get hit on multiple times per day?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I don't think he meant to include the 'on'.

[Bartholomert]

Oh that statement isn't worrying at all. Fucking hell you are scary.

What part of that is scary? It's the truth, right? Girls like guys with confidence, part of having legitimate confidence is the existence of an external feedback loop reaffirming your view of yourself.

[Bartholomert]

Naturally it's only an assumption but I don't think you're being honest, Mert. In fact I've got a sneaky feeling you've lost 'it' somewhere down the line and now you're a confused messed.

I don't know how to word it but you sound strangely familiar to how I was when I thought I was the Gods gift as a young 'un. Then I got stung and the rest is history. You can almost sense the desperation in your posts. Sorry blud.

Idk. I'm in a long distance relationship now for around 6 months, I get laid like once every three weeks, don't ever go out or interact with females outside an academic context, spend all my time studying, etc. On the surface, I am the nerd pussy I vowed never to be and I see no escape, but on the other hand I think this might just be what adulthood/maturity feels like.

Now I just game my girlfriend so she's sufficiently attracted to me to still give spontaneous blow jobs. It's entertaining enough and I like her.

[Smiffy]

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[Bartholomert]

It's not as black and white as you want it to be, Mert.

There's a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Legitimate confidence speaks so you don't have to, you seem to be trying to convince yourself that you are, almost as though you require some validation which isn't confidence, it's neediness.

I'm mostly just saying provocative things for attention because I'm bored and procrastinating going jogging, when in reality I send kissie emojis to my girlfriend and respond 'I love you more!! <3' when she says I love you.

But I think there's definitely something there. I feel like a caged animal and I don't feel as confident as I used to in my seduction abilities because I've been out of the game so long. I'm also heavier than I used to be during my pussy slaying peak and that bothers me. I sense that girls don't aggressively/inappropriately flirt with me the way I feel like they used to in my frat star days. I'm not sure if that's because that's just when happens when you get older, or if I'm just not as sick as I used to be.

[Lee]

Why do you give a shit about your "seduction abilities"? You have a girlfriend. You've been with her a while now too, you're doing well to be shagging every three weeks. Just you wait......

[Smiffy]

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[Bartholomert]

Why do you give a shit about your "seduction abilities"? You have a girlfriend. You've been with her a while now too, you're doing well to be shagging every three weeks. Just you wait......

Because it used to be something that got me respect from my peers and served as an independent source of confidence.

Now I have to rely on just my personality and character, ugh.

[Lee]

I shouldn't have even posted this is the worst exchange ever. We should have stayed in the fucking sea.

[Smiffy]

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[Bartholomert]

Just as I suspected. Forget about being in or out of the game. Forget about the current woman or your past conquests and go do some work on yourself. The cold harsh truth is you've probably had some 'success' over the years in pulling women, you've thought you're better at it than you actually are, you've got sloppy and piled on some pounds and now the quality of those you used to pull has started slacking so you've settled on something less.

You're in the wrong thread tbh, self improvement is what you're in need of. I wish I had the words to explain myself properly. Only by loving yourself first will you move forward, you clearly don't like yourself, you use the substandard women you're getting with as a way to boost your own self esteem but because you struggle to admit this you post as you're doing tonight.

Sounds roughly correct, I think. Although my current girlfriend and I have been hooking up for over 4 years now so I snagged her at the height of my irrational confidence. She's pretty dece and I'll probably end up marrying her because it realistically isn't getting any better in terms of the entire package.

I just miss going to bars and hitting on girls like its a strategy game and I'm looking for the right combination of words, body language and actions to get laid.

[Smiffy]

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[Shindig]

Because it used to be something that got me respect from my peers ...

Mert's been giving blowies to Alpha House all semester just to move up the ladder.

[Manc]

This is amazing.

[Bartholomert]

Here's a reality check for you Mert and I don't mean it in a prickish way.

She will probably see you for what you've allowed yourself to become and move on. This will come out the blue and hit you like a ton of bricks and due to your complete lack of self awareness to the situation, your already fragile confidence will be shattered and before you know it you'll be a lonely desperate young man who's best days are now distant memories.

I wish you luck with your current lass but don't put all those eggs in one basket. You're going to crash and burn, my friend.

You'd be right in almost any other circumstance, but I do think this is the exception*. She lost her virginity to me, has never been with another guy, and I see her infrequently enough that I can convincingly fake it for short periods of time so she's none the wiser. In the meantime I'll lose the extra weight and become a baller lawyer, so by the time we're living together again I'll have some more firmly established confidence in myself. I also cheated on her so she's perpetually worried that she's not good enough which works in my favor. All in all, I'm optimistic.

*Said every guy ever

[Magic]

I'm sure girls will be tearing each other's flaps off trying to get a piece of ol' Lionel 'I'll defend anything' Hutzerkan.

[Smiffy]

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[Spammer]

Cheating on women to smash their confidence and make them more likely to stay with you :cool:

Emotional abuse :cool:

[mugbull]

She stayed with you?

[Bartholomert]

Cheating on women to smash their confidence and make them more likely to stay with you :cool:

Emotional abuse :cool:

It wasn't on purpose. It's just an honest observation, sorry if you're too pussy to handle uncomfortable truths.


She stayed with you?

Not initially. She broke up with me, but I managed to convince her to give me another chance after a few months. Girl psychology is a hell of a drug.

[mugbull]

Why are you alive? Like what do you live for? Honest question

[Bartholomert]

Why are you alive? Like what do you live for? Honest question

Reproduction, like everyone else?

[Spammer]

Uncomfortable truths? What?

I find your seeming lack of shame staggering, but you can do what you like. Poor lass.

[Bartholomert]

Uncomfortable truths? What?

I find your seeming lack of shame staggering, but you can do what you like. Poor lass.

I'm not proud of it, but doesn't mean I can't speak about it.

Anyways there's no such thing as 'shame' in restraining human behavior, only rational actors, context and power dynamics. Girls do much worse shit to guys all the time.

[Magic]

One can only imagine the parenting fails to produce this shit amirite Hammer?

[Smiffy]

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[Chrissy]

See the thing about being batshit mental and damaged is that you can't see it in yourself at all because your batshit mental damaged.

Fuck knows what has happened to you Mert to make you the way you are. Either way, no matter what has happened, you come across as a total prick on here. Iv'e dated gorgeous women, I look like a piece of shit and i'm skint more often than not. Why do these women date me etc? Well maybe because I am a nice person and value a strong, independent and intelligent woman. Women are not fucking trophies or something to be controlled, they are another human being.

This alpha male, dominating, arrogant pish you prattle on about isn't just very worrying, it's massively fucking retarded and speaks more for your insecurities than it does any faux confidence you are trying to display.

You'll be in the jail if this shite escalates. Get help, speak to someone, as your views on women are fucking deplorable.

[Spammer]

I'm not proud of it, but doesn't mean I can't speak about it.

I agree, but framing it purely in terms of how it's benefited you? You fucking psycho :D

Magic: Fo sho

[Smiffy]

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[Chrissy]

You know he does pretty much fit the bill of that lunatic. I'd like to hope Mert is just trolling us all and laughing at our reactions. He is very consistent though.

[Bartholomert]

See the thing about being batshit mental and damaged is that you can't see it in yourself at all because your batshit mental damaged.

Fuck knows what has happened to you Mert to make you the way you are. Either way, no matter what has happened, you come across as a total prick on here. Iv'e dated gorgeous women, I look like a piece of shit and i'm skint more often than not. Why do these women date me etc? Well maybe because I am a nice person and value a strong, independent and intelligent woman. Women are not fucking trophies or something to be controlled, they are another human being.

This alpha male, dominating, arrogant pish you prattle on about isn't just very worrying, it's massively fucking retarded and speaks more for your insecurities than it does any faux confidence you are trying to display.

You'll be in the jail if this shite escalates. Get help, speak to someone, as your views on women are fucking deplorable.

Keep regurgitating the talking points of your cultural Marxist education which has indoctrinated you into reflexive shaming of outward displays of masculinity. If you say it often enough maybe it'll be true.

Anyways chill the fuck out. Girls like men who take charge and aren't pussies. I try my best not to be a pussy, it works pretty well.

[Bartholomert]

I agree, but framing it purely in terms of how it's benefited you? You fucking psycho :D

Magic: Fo sho

http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/012/132/thatsthejoke.jpg

[Lewis]

If Mert had been around in August (or whenever it was) Mahow would be married by now.

[Bartholomert]

You know he does pretty much fit the bill of that lunatic. I'd like to hope Mert is just trolling us all and laughing at our reactions. He is very consistent though.

...except for the minor detail that I have never had issues getting laid. I've just had enough experiences that I feel comfortable calling women out on their hypergamous, duplicitous and fickle ways. It's just accepting certain realities, and then subsequently knowing how to game their psychology in your favor and getting on with your life.

[Boydy]

I'm sure girls will be tearing each other's flaps off trying to get a piece of ol' Lionel 'I'll defend anything' Hutzerkan.

:lol:

'Lionel Hutzerkan' cracked me up.

[Chrissy]

Keep regurgitating the talking points of your cultural Marxist education which has indoctrinated you into reflexive shaming of outward displays of masculinity. If you say it often enough maybe it'll be true.

Anyways chill the fuck out. Girls like men who take charge and aren't pussies. I try my best not to be a pussy, it works pretty well.

You are such an utter fanny, honest to fuck. You come across as a total fucking twat. As you say, Girls like men who take charge. Girls. Try meeting a woman, a real one not inflatable, she'll tell you to fuck off with your alpha male bullshit.

[Chrissy]

...except for the minor detail that I have never had issues getting laid. I've just had enough experiences that I feel comfortable calling women out on their hypergamous, duplicitous and fickle ways. It's just accepting certain realities, and then subsequently knowing how to game their psychology in your favor and getting on with your life.

Jesus fucking wept, Fred West got his hole regularly, didn't mean he wasn't a psychopath. You are borderline. That whole post is fucking 101 damaged wee boy banter.

[igor_balis]

Mert, I think the worst thing is the way you refer to women as 'females'. Yuck.

[Smiffy]

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[Bartholomert]

You are such an utter fanny, honest to fuck. You come across as a total fucking twat. As you say, Girls like men who take charge. Girls. Try meeting a woman, a real one not inflatable, she'll tell you to fuck off with your alpha male bullshit.

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/v/t1.0-9/601453_497113426975049_87971930_n.jpg?oh=fef3af200 39b87c0b0a6d6c92dcf3a50&oe=56FC97EE&__gda__=1461588560_d868cc677f6a3b99e3d932f70eb0c5b f

[Smiffy]

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[Bartholomert]

brb vaguely understand how psychology works
brb turns out humans are ruthless and motivated by incredibly superficial base impulses based largely on evolutionary anthropology
brb im the bad guy for trying to maximize his experience in life through applying his insights

[Bartholomert]

Every game has an ending, Mert.

Better hope you don't run out of lives, fella.

We all run out of lives eventually #deep

[Chrissy]

What ever happened to that woman you had the fling with, Chrissy? The miscarriage one. If it's in this thread I haven't got it in me to find it.

Last I heard was dating a Rugby player and no doubt ruining that poor bastard's life.

[Spoonsky]

Too attractive/intimidating to be friendzoned yet not attractive enough to have female friends.

When will it be my turn for normal relationships with females.

When you stop posting the sort of things you have on the last page, I imagine. You see women as walking psychology experiments.

If the whole point of your life is to reproduce then why do you need normal relationships with females anyways?

[Bartholomert]

When you stop posting the sort of things you have on the last page, I imagine. You see women as walking psychology experiments.

If the whole point of your life is to reproduce then why do you need normal relationships with females anyways?

I can't turn off my hyper awareness/perception in social environments. That's probably the real issue.

I want to be a normal contributing member of society and that'll require me having successful platonic interactions with the opposite sex. I'm trying to improve and move away from the persona I lazily uphold on this forum to something more palatable/human.

[Toby]

I really didn't think our first New Year's Day on the Brave New Board would see half the membership rehashing arguments we had with Meet five years ago.

[Spoonsky]

You're right, that's definitely it. You're just too smart for everyone.

Getting laid might be a game but you can't look at women like that if you want to be friends with them. You have to see them as valuable in and of themselves, not in their potential for sex. /therapist

[Boydy]

I really didn't think our first New Year's Day on the Brave New Board would see half the membership rehashing arguments we had with Meet five years ago.

You'd think we'd learn but we never do.

[Bartholomert]

I really didn't think our first New Year's Day on the Brave New Board would see half the membership rehashing arguments we had with Meet five years ago.

People are out of practice. Too easy :drool:


You're right, that's definitely it. You're just too smart for everyone.

Getting laid might be a game but you can't look at women like that if you want to be friends with them. You have to see them as valuable in and of themselves, not in their potential for sex. /therapist

But I don't want sex. I want them as friendship objects.

[Dark Soldier]

This is some top notch work Mert.

[John]

Lol at Mert claiming he's 'never had trouble getting laid'. You were on the old board lying about feeling some tits when you were about seventeen.

[Spoonsky]

People are out of practice. Too easy :drool:



But I don't want sex. I want them as friendship objects.

Yeah, I'm saying you're incapable of approaching women from a friendship perspective rather than a sex perspective.

[Bartholomert]

Lol at Mert claiming he's 'never had trouble getting laid'. You were on the old board lying about feeling some tits when you were about seventeen.

I had a girlfriend for all of high school my sophomore year onward (age 16), so I've been getting laid regularly for the last 7 years. I think the longest I ever went without getting laid during that time frame was 4-5 weeks during the summer of my junior year of college when my girlfriend took part in a study abroad program.

U mad?

[Bartholomert]

Yeah, I'm saying you're incapable of approaching women from a friendship perspective rather than a sex perspective.

I think that might be the issue, and then I subconsciously project sexual undertones and as a consequence either girls are into it or creeped out and stay away.

I don't know how to turn it off. I just want to be normal. Welp.

[John]

I had a girlfriend for all of high school my sophomore year onward (age 16), so I've been getting laid regularly for the last 7 years. I think the longest I ever went without getting laid during that time frame was 4-5 weeks during the summer of my junior year of college when my girlfriend took part in a study abroad program.

U mad?

No, but you've just provided a vaguely shameful sexual history for someone who fancies himself as a lothario, so you obviously are.

[Bartholomert]

No, but you've just provided a vaguely shameful sexual history for someone who fancies himself as a lothario, so you obviously are.

I don't post about my sexual conquests like a little bitch. I've done alright don't you worry.

[John]

You just did.

[Dark Soldier]

I had a girlfriend for all of high school my sophomore year onward (age 16), so I've been getting laid regularly for the last 7 years. I think the longest I ever went without getting laid during that time frame was 4-5 weeks during the summer of my junior year of college when my girlfriend took part in a study abroad program.

U mad?

http://i.imgur.com/Mm1m0D0.gif

Spoonsky gotta step up his game. Get buffing some fanny lad.

[Bartholomert]

You just did.

Vague allusions are chill tho

[Shindig]

Mert's too brown but not brown enough to succeed as a lawyer within America. Although his first rape defendant's going to shit themselves when he gives his opening statements.

[Pen]

Amongst all the drivel that Mert posts in this thread, there's one bit I find really interesting. He constantly refers to the fact that he was his girlfriends first as a thing that will make his girlfriend stay with him, which I find really odd as everyone I know who have started as teenage lovers have parted ways for at least partly because of the fact that the fact that the one who had never been with anyone else has started thinking that the grass might be greener on the other side and wanted to try it out. Maybe it's all about the cultural context, or that Mert is just wrong.

[Mazuuurk]

Mert you are an intriguing and valuable person. These people don't respect you and treat you the way you deserve. Stay strong and live long, bro.

[Mazuuurk]

Amongst all the drivel that Mert posts in this thread, there's one bit I find really interesting. He constantly refers to the fact that he was his girlfriends first as a thing that will make his girlfriend stay with him, which I find really odd as everyone I know who have started as teenage lovers have parted ways for at least partly because of the fact that the fact that the one who had never been with anyone else has started thinking that the grass might be greener on the other side and wanted to try it out. Maybe it's all about the cultural context, or that Mert is just wrong.

The only thing he seems preoccupied about is how to manipulate people (women) in one way or another. Everyone always does some measure of manipulation in all their relationship, but when it's the actual foundation of a relationship. Which is why he'll probably have trouble in relationships maybe 5-7 years time, is my theory.

[simon]

I've missed this.

I've missed us.

[Bartholomert]

Amongst all the drivel that Mert posts in this thread, there's one bit I find really interesting. He constantly refers to the fact that he was his girlfriends first as a thing that will make his girlfriend stay with him, which I find really odd as everyone I know who have started as teenage lovers have parted ways for at least partly because of the fact that the fact that the one who had never been with anyone else has started thinking that the grass might be greener on the other side and wanted to try it out. Maybe it's all about the cultural context, or that Mert is just wrong.

Girls always have a very strong (read: obsessive) emotional connection to the guy they lost their virginity to,that's just biology/millennium of religious tradition. It is very possible though that virginity carries a different connotation in the feminist godless sacrilege which is Finland.

And anyways, girls only start having wandering eyes if their man becomes of an inferior social status/relative attractiveness as the two grow older. Happens frequently as the pussy slayers in HS are generally less professionally successful than their nerdy celibate counter parts.

[Pen]

Must be a cultural thing then, as I don't recognise your point from my cultural context at all.

[Magic]

The wife just called me a mouse (rather than a man, presumably).

I told her as far as being called an animal as a derogatory name that wasn't too bad at all.

She then said 'Why? They're horrible little rats.'

She knew whilst she was saying it she'd just stepped on a verbal landmine. She glanced towards me, only to see both my eyes shut and a dribble of spit emerging from my smug, pursed lips.

:drool:

[Pen]

Is there a story I've missed why your wife is being such a cunt to you?

[Manc]

It's the small victories in life.

[Shindig]

You fellas need another kid.

[Giggles]

I don't get the end of that story. Why the smugness?

[Magic]

Because I didn't take the dishes through so I don't look after her. I did take them through eventually and took the recycling bin out. Some fucking mouse. And it was raining.

[Baz]

Magic's latest mugshot:

http://www.littlemonstersforum.co.uk/images/q/u8g8nfkq.png

[Spammer]

Verbal landmine? Smugness? Is this because you can use it as evidence in court? Otherwise I don't get it.

[Spammer]

Also: Pussy slayer :D

[John]

Presumably because she was being a shit and made the sort of fuck up that makes her look daft and lets him just lol at her for that rather than engaging in the argument.

[Sam]

Were you wearing the wire? The can all prove substantial come the court proceedings.

[ScousePig]

Magic's absolutely donned that exchange.

Like a real man.

[Chrissy]

The wife just called me a mouse (rather than a man, presumably).

I told her as far as being called an animal as a derogatory name that wasn't too bad at all.

She then said 'Why? They're horrible little rats.'

She knew whilst she was saying it she'd just stepped on a verbal landmine. She glanced towards me, only to see both my eyes shut and a dribble of spit emerging from my smug, pursed lips.

:drool:


Is there a story I've missed why your wife is being such a cunt to you?

We only read his posts, she needs to fuck him. She deserves a medal. However, you did well there lad.

[Mazuuurk]

She a pussy, MJ. So maybe that's why the bitch be harassin' yo ass.

[igor_balis]

A successful marriage is a lot like eating an orange, Magic.

[Manc]

It's a sad state of affairs. She sounds insecure and Magic shot of his masculinity. It's a vicious cycle and one I'm trying to avoid myself.

[Toby]

The wife just called me a mouse

Because she's afraid of you? :eyemouth:

[Dquincy]

A successful marriage is a lot like eating an orange, Magic.

Do tell...

[igor_balis]

Just eat the damn orange.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Do tell...

You need to use a knife...

[igor_balis]

You call that a knife? This is a knife!

[Dquincy]

Just eat the damn orange.
Done, what now?

[Boydy]

When people don't get references. :nono:

[Toby]

People getting references wrong is worse.

[igor_balis]

Hey, don't yell at Dquincy, just because he's a little slow.

[Toby]

I'm just upset he took attention away from my joke.

[igor_balis]

Which one?

[Dquincy]

:) I have absolutely no idea what's going on.

[igor_balis]

:) I have absolutely no idea what's going on.

Can't talk now, I've got a class to teach!

[Dquincy]

https://41.media.tumblr.com/ebdd278f5ed4b308d5f174212f57946c/tumblr_n0yarod7AS1racewqo1_500.jpg

[Magic]

Because she's afraid of you? :eyemouth:

:(

[Spoonsky]

Magic's married to 7om?

[Manc]

All blew up this afternoon with the mrs over some Christmas decorations I'd broken. :D Of course this act somehow symbolised our entire relationship and how I don't give a fuck. I wasn't backing down over this illogical bullshit and in a pit of tears she apologised.

"It'd be nice if you bought me some flowers".
"That would be like rewarding a dog for misbehaving".

Oh snap.

[Danny]

Jesus that's fucking savage.

[Bartholomert]

All blew up this afternoon with the mrs over some Christmas decorations I'd broken. :D Of course this act somehow symbolised our entire relationship and how I don't give a fuck. I wasn't backing down over this illogical bullshit and in a pit of tears she apologised.

"It'd be nice if you bought me some flowers".
"That would be like rewarding a dog for misbehaving".

Oh snap.

You know she was wet after that power move.

[7om]

How have I been dragged into this?

[Magic]

Why don't you just bin her Manc? There's no engagement/marriage, kids or mortgage, right? Get out now.

*whispers tearfully*

Run. Run whilst you can.

[Chrissy]

All blew up this afternoon with the mrs over some Christmas decorations I'd broken. :D Of course this act somehow symbolised our entire relationship and how I don't give a fuck. I wasn't backing down over this illogical bullshit and in a pit of tears she apologised.

"It'd be nice if you bought me some flowers".
"That would be like rewarding a dog for misbehaving".

Oh snap.

Fucking hell. That is pretty grim. Just walk Manc. Sounds like it is fucked and only bad thing will come of it.

[Offshore Toon]

Its a better story if you assume Manc speaks first.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Spammer]

Game over with lass from work. Went out last night for (late) work Xmas do and walked across town and got a taxi with her at the end. She said she wasn't ready. She was really apologetic and said she was a bitch and bigged up how amazing I am blah blah blah.

I said a few weeks ago I was happy to take it really slow, but she's not in a place for it. I felt really, really fucking good about it all too. I really felt great when I was with her and she said as much too. Fucks sake. I've been on enough dates and chatted to enough women to know how rare it is to find that feeling and that kind of chemistry. It just felt right. I'm really, really fucking gutted.

[Yevrah]

She's not in a place to put out? :cab:

[Spammer]

Without the context I can see how that reads :D. Been seeing her for a couple of months ;). Posted in here a couple of times about it I think.

[mugbull]

Had you guys hooked up prior to this? Or was 'seeing' just dates/dinners etc. If it was the latter, you should've made your move a while ago dude

[Charlie]

I do think as a rule, if ever you have to agree to take it slow or give someone time you should just call it a night. It's never going to work.

[Chrissy]

I do think as a rule, if ever you have to agree to take it slow or give someone time you should just call it a night. It's never going to work.

Have to agree with Charlie on this. It is what it is. Fucked.

[Magic]

Not sure where else to put this so it's going in here:

Our kid has been constipated for a couple of days really struggling to get a shite. Every time she goes a wee nugget comes out but she's there for about 10 minutes. So she had tenderstem brocolli, sweetcorn and chicken breast for tea, with an orange for after to try and get the juices flowing. She went to bed fine.

The wife has a thing about locking doors, sometimes I forget and a bloke wandered in to our old flat thinking it was his and he was completely pissed so she got a fright. She's always arsey about that sort of thing. So half 11 comes, and we're both asleep(ish) when we hear someone walking about and trying handles etc. Now in our drowsy state she whispered 'someone's in the house' so I thought this is it. My moment of glory. My baseball bat is in our hot water tank cupboard in the bedroom next to the bed, it's a push/pull door so it makes a noise when you open it. I dived out of bed, ripped the door open grabbed the bat and went out swinging in to the hallway quickly turning the light on ready to assassinate our intruder. What do I see? Our daughter curling a massive log in to the bog, bless her. Short of shouting 'COME ON YOU CUNT!' I don't think I could have made it any scarier. She must have absolutely shit herself.

From her point of view, all she's done is got up for a crap in the middle of the night. She can't reach the light switch but there's enough moonlight with it being south facing for you to roughly see what's going on. And she's met with a crazy man in his pants swinging about a metal bat. Bless her.

On reflection it reminded me of this:



https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/db/18/f6/db18f648c3ee5764eb841f53539818e4.jpg

:face:

[Toby]

She must have absolutely shit herself.

:D

[wullie]

If you went into her room offering to cut up some brownies after to make up, you're a monster.

[Boydy]

:D

She'll probably be too scared to go for a shit for a while now.

[Pepe]

Well at least you cured her constipation, still a hero in my eyes.

[Manc]

We know now what the murder weapon will be.

[Magic]

Piss off I'm not ruining my bat, got it in Florida, proper aluminium.

I've got a rusty hacksaw in the garage that should do the job.

[Disco]

You don't get to choose, you'll be under the patio.

[Baz]

Any of you ever been to relationship counselling?

[Spammer]

Been to normal counselling and am training to be a counsellor, so can give you the gist of that, but never done it with/as a couple.

[Manc]

They love it across the pond. Best to keep stum and let the rage build I've found.

What troubles are you and your boyfriend having, Baz?

[Danny]

:D

[Toby]

Top banter.

[Giggles]

Been to normal counselling and am training to be a counsellor, so can give you the gist of that, but never done it with/as a couple.

I hope that was deliberate :D

[Spammer]

It wasn't initially but I did notice it before posting :D

[Manc]

It's been around three weeks since me and the mrs had sex. "Has it been that long?" :moop:. Periods without sex will happen in long term relationships, but a vibrant sex life has remained a constant throughout the rocky relationship. She's about to turn 30 and all her friends are either pregnant or monsters. I'd imagine sex is never the topic of conversation and it's a difficult topic to bring up without me sounding like a sexual deviant. I'm frustrated and this drought doesn't look like ending anytime soon.

[Yevrah]

I had a condom break on me for the first time ever last night.

Thank god I noticed before the inevitable happened.

[Giggles]

I had a condom break on me for the first time ever last night.

Thank god I noticed before the inevitable happened.

Can't she just pop a pill in the morning given that they're over the counter there?

[Yevrah]

Can't she just pop a pill in the morning given that they're over the counter there?

Are they not in Ireland? I can see why, but Jesus.

Don't think there's any point in this instance due to the second sentence of the post above.

[Giggles]

Are they not in Ireland? I can see why, but Jesus.

Don't think there's any point in this instance due to the second sentence of the post above.

Ah yeah no need in this case, I was just wondering why the worry at the time when you always have that backup so handy.
You can't get them here without getting a prescription from a GP. I remember nutting in some yoke once in the Sunday of a bank holiday weekend and it was a disaster trying to get an out of hours clinic and all the next day.

[Yevrah]

I wasn't worried, but I didn't realise it was that easy to do it.

For a split second I could empathise with Ross in Friends.

[Magic]

The idea of Yev having actual sex is weird.

[Yevrah]

If it helps Magic, it was with a Real Doll.

[Magic]

Child? That's more expected. I have you down as a braver and more forward Mahow.

[Yevrah]

Christ, if you'd put that in the WDYTOE thread it would have probably prompted my first reply in the history of TTH.

[Boydy]

He's right there, guys.

[Magic]

It would have been an inappropriate WDYTOE comment.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Lewis]

Child? That's more expected. I have you down as a braver and more forward Mahow.

Does that mean he would give somebody an empty shoebox as a death threat?

[Dquincy]

I had a condom break on me for the first time ever last night.

Thank god I noticed before the inevitable happened.

That's why the anus is always a winner.

[Yevrah]

By inevitable do you mean entering Mrs Yev's rat infested hole (bring back memories?) or you noticed before you ejaculated?

Clearly the latter.

Not entirely sure what you mean by the former, but I wouldn't put my dick in anything 'rat infested' whether it was bagged or otherwise.

[Yevrah]

That's why the anus is always a winner.

Jesus. Is this thread always this bad? I'm suddenly reminded why I've rarely bothered with it.

[Dquincy]

Jesus. Is this thread always this bad? I'm suddenly reminded why I've rarely bothered with it.

So you're not a fan of brown town, no need to get all judgey.

[Boydy]

Is there a new Mrs Yev then?

[Yevrah]

So you're not a fan of brown town. No need to get all judgey.

On the contrary, I love it, but for fuck's sake...

[Yevrah]

Is there a new Mrs Yev then?

Nah. No need for Lewis to update that picture just yet.

[Dquincy]

Noted, do not talk about matters of the bottom in Yev's company. Apologies if you were offended.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Yevrah]

Noted, do not talk about matters of the bottom in Yev's company. Apologies if you were offended.

:D

I wasn't offended for prudish reasons, more that it seemed dangerously close to 'sex banter' territory, which must be the worst of all banter.

[Magic]

Jesus. Is this thread always this bad? I'm suddenly reminded why I've rarely bothered with it.

What are you talking about? These penetrating rallies between Smiffy and dquincy are a joy to behold.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Dquincy]

In that case I'm not entirely sure why you're still not being ultra safe given she can still potentially get pregnant.

I thought you had a rat problem at home but may have been someone else.

The only rat problem he has is that he nearly ejaculated in it.

I'm sorry.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Dquincy]

What are you talking about? These penetrating rallies between Smiffy and dquincy are a joy to behold.

Love it how Magic acts like he's above it all. Have a word.

[Yevrah]

In that case I'm not entirely sure why you're still not being ultra safe given she can still potentially get pregnant.

You're losing me here Smiffy, I might need a step by step breakdown of what you're getting at. Use Paint to illustrate if it helps.

The ex-Mrs Yev and I did once have rats, but that was 7 years ago.

[Magic]

HAHAHA. HAHAHA Yevrah. Laugh. Fucking laugh! AHAHAH!

[Magic]

Boobies!

*spongebob face*

[Smiffy]

.....

[Yevrah]

:D Are you talking about getting pregnant from pre-cum?

Yeah, 2008. Amazing, isn't it. I've spent nearly half my life posting on TTH now.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Baz]

I thought it was bats?

[Magic]

Help me.

Our daughter is the second youngest at pre-school. She went through a phase of being a little shit but that stopped, we had the 3 month 'review' where they said everything was fine. Now after Christmas and New Year we're getting daily reports of hitting. And it's different kids too. There doesn't seem to be any logic behind it that we can see, occasionally she'll tell us X was annoying her, or going to hit her etc but we enquire and the nursery staff tell us there was no provocation.

Tonight after several successive reports and zero stickers from the good behaviour sticker program they've introduced, I took away her princess dresses. She was distraught. I have been explaining in no uncertain terms there are alternatives to hitting, walking away/talking/telling teachers etc but it doesn't work. She is fine at home and at play group/soft play etc with family supervision. Just those three hours for the past 2 or so weeks she doesn't listen to the teachers and stuff. She will get one dress back each time there is a good report at nursery, and one taken away each time there is a hitting report.

I know this might be 'normal ololol!' but I'm worried. I've looked in to it, I know, we know, how to deal with this behaviour at home, which is why it simply doesn't happen. We aren't there at school though so she doesn't have those boundaries. How do we implement proxy boundaries? FFS it is impossible. I am utterly terrified of misunderstanding the situations, the last thing I want is to encourage fear, worthlessness, shame, guilt, which is all the things my shit parents made me feel at every turn. This is why I invested in the psychology books. I feel dreadfully sick at the thought I may have invoked these negative emotions by removing the dresses which she dearly loves hours after the 'crime' she has committed.

Fuck you if you think that's #firstworldproblems or #mumsnetshit. I am so terrified of one possible outcome more than anything in this world; that she turns in to me.

[Disco]

She clearly doesn't connect her behaviour elsewhere with consequences at home yet, what you're doing seems a sensible way of attempting to change that. You might consider extra bribes in order to improve behaviour at school, once she's used to it just reduce the bribes and the learnt behaviour tends to stick.

That or Fritzl dungeon.

[Boydy]

It's almost too obvious.

[Lewis]

Stop hitting her mother for a few weeks and see what happens.

[Boydy]

It's almost too obvious.

Still gonna do it though.

She's probably learnt it from watching her dad hit her mum lololol.

EDIT: Alright, Lewis.

[Disco]

I have to say Magic, that's pretty ballsy what with your weak chin and all.

[Magic]

She clearly doesn't connect her behaviour elsewhere with consequences at home yet, what you're doing seems a sensible way of attempting to change that. You might consider extra bribes in order to improve behaviour at school, once she's used to it just reduce the bribes and the learnt behaviour tends to stick.

That or Fritzl dungeon.

I thought bribes were discouraged as a means of fixing behavioural issues?

[Magic]

The wife has told me to stop over-analysing. I've said she can over-analyse the back of my hand.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's as soft as your dick...

[Disco]

I thought bribes were discouraged as a means of fixing behavioural issues?

It's just the opposite side of the punishment coin isn't it?

[Magic]

It's just the opposite side of the punishment coin isn't it?

No, that's positive reinforcement, where praise is lavished for good behaviour. Bribing is exactly that; a bribe.

[Disco]

Alright Dr Spock, call it positive reinforcement or a reward if you like but a bribe is what it is.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You read too much into your psychology books, Magic.

Which psychologist have you adopted as your God?

[Magic]

You read too much into your psychology books, Magic.

Which psychologist have you adopted as your God?

Gina Ford for the first 3 years then Martin Seligman. I think the problem is there really is no rule book as it were for this awkward stage.

[Magic]

Alright Dr Spock, call it positive reinforcement or a reward if you like but a bribe is what it is.

No, a bribe is a gift to achieve a desired affect. The child will percieve this as manipulation and turn it right on it's head ('No I won't do that unless I get X').

Positive reinforcement is heaping praise on good behaviour the child has undertaken of it's own free will ('That was a great job of putting away your clothes!').

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Gina Ford looks like she ate any and all children during the 'awkward stage'.

[Magic]

Gina Ford looks like she ate any and all children during the 'awkward stage'.

Yeah mate, so do you. Except you probably raped them first.

[Boydy]

You're going to fuck your kid up anyway, Magic, might as well stop worrying about it.

[Boydy]

Yeah mate, so do you. Except you probably raped them first.

:D

Holy shit.

[Giggles]

Gina Ford is the first woman that I can ever say I haven't done worse.

[Disco]

No, a bribe is a gift to achieve a desired affect. The child will percieve this as manipulation and turn it right on it's head ('No I won't do that unless I get X').

Positive reinforcement is heaping praise on good behaviour the child has undertaken of it's own free will ('That was a great job of putting away your clothes!').

Job done. Reduce the reward as behaviour is learned, does she like organic lettuce?

[Magic]

Birdseed.

[niko_cee]

How old are the people who work at the pre-school? If they are young, I'd blame them. Young people are useless, especially when it comes to kids.

[Magic]

How old are the people who work at the pre-school? If they are young, I'd blame them. Young people are useless, especially when it comes to kids.

They are mature with some young assistants. The head at the nursery does strike me as a liberal hippy though, she wears sandals and those floral jammie things. I'd screw her six ways from Sunday but I bet she's got a fluffy cooter. Nice skin tone too.

[GS]

Magic, you'd expect that the 'teachers' should be implementing discipline - presumably they're allowing it to pass without any consequence, otherwise your daughter would stop hitting other kids.

[Disco]

Fluffy cooter got me. :D

[Pen]

I work with kids aged 3 to 6, and I echo GS' sentiments that the teachers and other staff they employ should be able to command enough authority that kids don't go around slapping each other. That said, it does happen from time to time as kids don't have the necessary tools to work shit out yet (especially if she's the youngest in the group). It took me a few months to stop that kind of behaviour in the group I started in last fall, but now the older kids know that they are better off finding a way to play nice with each other or ask an adult to help them if they can't reach an agreement. The three year olds still sometimes start showing or throwing their pathetic punches about if they can't find a way out of a situation with their class mates ( I have a few kids who don't really speak Finnish or have some developmental issues, so it's more pertinent with themas they really can't tell others what's fucking them off).

I think taking away the dresses was a good move. Learning that actions have consequences is important as would be making her realise the emphatic angle of it. You could suggest to the daycare something about implementing similar rules both at home and at daycare, so that she better understands what happens when she does something 'mean' to others.

[randomlegend]

You're such a gimp Magic.

[Raoul Duke]

Magic - sign her up for TTH. We'll have her straightened out in no time

[Chrissy]

As an ex teacher and a parent here is what you should do Magic.

Sit her down, explain hitting is not right. Explain to her doing it is bad. Then ask her why she is hitting out? Is it because the other kids don't play with her? Is it because she wasn't getting played with enough (attention)? Then once you work out what it is, then give her one fixed alternative. i.e. talk to an adult if your angry/sad/not getting enough attention. Keep it very simple. Explain that is how it will be fixed/resolved/sorted, she will then value this approach and use it, explain this to all the adults working with her so there is a universal approach. Then showcase this approach in the house with her.

Taking away things, giving things etc only reinforces the value of possessions. What you need to do is introduce the value of behaving correctly.

[Magic]

Already done all that mate, the removal of something she values is a last resort. She doesn't do it around us, only at nursery. When they've got 30odd other kids you never get the full story and she just makes it up as to why she does it.

[Boydy]

Maybe your kid's just a cunt.

[Magic]

Maybe you have no reasonable advice to offer and therefore should shut the fuck up.

[Boydy]

Hit her. See how she likes it, the little shit.

[Toby]

Sounds like what you're doing is the best course of action, Magic. I think you'll need to give that a bit of time for her to process before deciding if you need to do anything else, which would probably have to involve having the nursery take similar action.

[Magic]

Omg she got a sticker. :drool:

She told me over the phone and asked if she could get one of her dresses back now so it obviously resonated with her.

[SvN]

Tell her she can get half of one back and then rip it in two in front of her.

[phonics]

and give her the half covered in Mahow's piss.

[Chrissy]

Already done all that mate, the removal of something she values is a last resort. She doesn't do it around us, only at nursery. When they've got 30odd other kids you never get the full story and she just makes it up as to why she does it.

Fair enough dude. Best of luck, nice to see she got a sticker today. That's good :)

[Magic]

If it was half naked I'd be excited but this is flaps and all. And I bet they have absolutely ethereal poons.

So her first hot friend had a spray tan today. I have to say, I was closer than I thought to posing a spy cam. My word.

Apparently her tits looked 'heavy' and she wasn't as thin as the wife thought, with a 'soft tummy'.

Jealous bitch, she probably knows I'd ride her like a shire horse in to battle.

[Giggles]

Just think how much you'd regret not doing it when the wife eventually fucks off.

[Magic]

I hardly think some old non-VR/4K footage of one of her mates getting a spray tan would comfort me.

Real, ugly, STD ridden whores will do that nicely.

[Giggles]

Magic :cool:

[Spoonsky]

This Swedish girl has asked me to go sledding with her. Moving up in life.

[Manc]

Pretty sure my relationship is over.

[Danny]

You shagged that bird didnt you?

[Magic]

Spill all, mate. Let us make judgment whilst insincerely saying that we're here for you.

[simon]

inbox me hun xx

[Manc]

You shagged that bird didnt you?

No, but the Mrs thinks I did.

[Foe]

No, but the Mrs thinks I did.

Might as well go and do it then. Fuck it.

[Manc]

We've had "the talk". Moving forward just feels like delaying the inevitable, but hey ho.

[Giggles]

Does she buy that you didn't shag that one of does she just think she's giving you a chance?

[Manc]

She believes me. It could actually be the wake up call she needs.

[Sam]

Now all you need to do is go nail the other bird.

[Manc]

I do have a worryingly strong connection with this girl, but she's 21. Piss in the wind.