The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm terrible at bowling, so I tend to wow people by being equally good with my left and right hand, and switching between them in the same go. The Koreans thought I was some sort of wizard for this even though they all beat me by 50 points.

[randomlegend]

Below 80? Just swallow your pride and put the barriers up mate.

[igor_balis]

One of the last times I went bowling I was about 14 years old, and pretty much all of my similarly aged school mates had the bumpers up. I thought it was some sort of wind up or something. And no, it wasn't a school for developmentally challenged kids or anything.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'm shocking at bowling so I launch the ball as fast as I possibly can at the pins.

When it actually connects with some pins :drool:

[P_3]

165 PB here. :cool:

[Giggles]

Never tried it. The shoes always put me off.

[randomlegend]

Bit fancy?

[Disco]

Tying those laces is just showing off.

[Giggles]

Yes of course it's that.

Can someone else mention the shoes for me? I'll PM the details if needed. Cheers.

[Magic]

I didn't have to wear fancy shoes at that one.

[Giggles]

I didn't have to wear fancy shoes at that one.

That wouldn't be too bad, I didn't know there were places let you wear the shoes you came in. Just seems filthy putting on shoes that other people wear. I even have my own box of foot covers for customers where I've to change footwear when I visit.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I don't think any bowling alley these days make you wear bowling shoes.

[Magic]

Ever since Giggles revealed he's a filthy 48 year old van driver his posts make so much more sense.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The last time I went bowling was at a hotel in Poland that we were staying at.

The holes in the bowling balls were too small for my sausage fingers :(

[Giggles]

I don't think any bowling alley these days make you wear bowling shoes.

I only remember it from when I was young and I've never checked since. I might have gave it a go before now had I known it changed.

[Giggles]

Ever since Giggles revealed he's a filthy 48 year old van driver his posts make so much more sense.

I'm only filthy for the second half of the day.

[Foe]

The last time I went bowling was at a hotel in Poland that we were staying at.

The holes in the bowling balls were too small for my sausage fingers :(

On the plus side that Ukrainian gash is in for a treat.

[Magic]

The last time I went bowling was at a hotel in Poland that we were staying at.

The holes in the bowling balls were too small for my sausage fingers :(

:D

You fat mess.

On a similarly embarrassing note I tried a 14 ball and nearly broke my feminine wrist.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

:D

You fat mess.

On a similarly embarrassing note I tried a 14 ball and nearly broke my feminine wrist.
tbf, they were like a medium at most, I was having to use my finger tips. In regular bowling alleys I'm an XL who launches 14 pound balls at a high speed.

[Lewis]

Steady on, Geoff Capes.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Steady on, Geoff Capes.

I've got no strength other than in my right wrist, I need to gloat about it :(

[mo]

Without going into the details of how I found out, I discovered on Saturday that two of my married friends have profiles on Ashley Madison. One has a long history of cheating and the way he and his missus go about I suspect they're swingers anyway. Potentially with the other friend and his wife, considering they have a hot tub (sorry, but hot tubs are seedy).

So this is one of those things I can't tell anyone what I know because of how I found it out. This is why I'm telling judgement-free TTH.

[Boydy]

You've got to tell us how you found out now.

Hot tubs really are seedy. :D

[Benny]

Hotels with hot tubs must have so much jizz circulating in them.

[Magic]

Obviously he's got a Madison account.

[Pepe]

Reminds me of this hotel I stayed in when in Buffalo:

http://www.engaygedweddings.com/images-lgbt-weddings/new-york-lgbt-weddings/salvatores-garden-place-hotel/670-salvatores-garden-place-hotel-honeymoon-suite.jpg

Humbly self-referred to as the most beautiful hotel in the world.

[AE]

Jesus, didn't realize that a fair few of you have actually met.

[mo]

You've got to tell us how you found out now.

Hot tubs really are seedy. :D

Glad I'm not alone on the hot tub issue.

Now in an equally seedy admission, I signed up to Ashley Madison as my wife as a sort of social experiment. I didn't use her picture, just one that vaguely fit her description. Made her a bit older too. I was just curious to see what sort of attention women get on these things (quite a lot, as it goes). That is how I discovered the two friends on there. One was stupid enough to use his nickname (an extension of his surname) and the other tried to use a blurred out photo, but it was blatantly obvious it was him.

I've deleted the account now. Curiosity not only killed but dismembered and disfigured afterwards as well.

[Boydy]

Glad I'm not alone on the hot tub issue.

Now in an equally seedy admission, I signed up to Ashley Madison as my wife as a sort of social experiment. I didn't use her picture, just one that vaguely fit her description. Made her a bit older too. I was just curious to see what sort of attention women get on these things (quite a lot, as it goes). That is how I discovered the two friends on there. One was stupid enough to use his nickname (an extension of his surname) and the other tried to use a blurred out photo, but it was blatantly obvious it was him.

I've deleted the account now. Curiosity not only killed but dismembered and disfigured afterwards as well.

Did your wife know you were doing that?

[Magic]

Glad I'm not alone on the hot tub issue.

Now in an equally seedy admission, I signed up to Ashley Madison as my wife as a sort of social experiment. I didn't use her picture, just one that vaguely fit her description. Made her a bit older too. I was just curious to see what sort of attention women get on these things (quite a lot, as it goes). That is how I discovered the two friends on there. One was stupid enough to use his nickname (an extension of his surname) and the other tried to use a blurred out photo, but it was blatantly obvious it was him.

I've deleted the account now. Curiosity not only killed but dismembered and disfigured afterwards as well.

:D

You fucking lunatic.

[Pepe]

So were your two friends hitting on your wife?

[GS]

Glad I'm not alone on the hot tub issue.

Now in an equally seedy admission, I signed up to Ashley Madison as my wife as a sort of social experiment. I didn't use her picture, just one that vaguely fit her description. Made her a bit older too. I was just curious to see what sort of attention women get on these things (quite a lot, as it goes). That is how I discovered the two friends on there. One was stupid enough to use his nickname (an extension of his surname) and the other tried to use a blurred out photo, but it was blatantly obvious it was him.

I've deleted the account now. Curiosity not only killed but dismembered and disfigured afterwards as well.

I can't imagine this will end well for you.

[Magic]

He's one step away from dressing up as a woman and tricking his best friend in to fucking him blindfolded with the lights off.

[Benny]

This thread (both versions) has easily been the most consistently funny out of the lot.

[Spoonsky]

Ah, the gold that's been posted on TTH in the name of social experiments.

[igor_balis]

Glad I'm not alone on the hot tub issue.

Now in an equally seedy admission, I signed up to Ashley Madison as my wife as a sort of social experiment. I didn't use her picture, just one that vaguely fit her description. Made her a bit older too. I was just curious to see what sort of attention women get on these things (quite a lot, as it goes). That is how I discovered the two friends on there. One was stupid enough to use his nickname (an extension of his surname) and the other tried to use a blurred out photo, but it was blatantly obvious it was him.

I've deleted the account now. Curiosity not only killed but dismembered and disfigured afterwards as well.

Brilliant. That's exactly the kind of demented thing I'd do, Mo. When I set up an okcupid account a few years ago it took me about 5 minutes to change the search settings to 'men looking for women' in the same age range and location as me to see if I could find any mates on there. When I did find a friend I immediately felt really embarrassed and guilty and regretted doing it.

[mo]

Brilliant. That's exactly the kind of demented thing I'd do, Mo. When I set up an okcupid account a few years ago it took me about 5 minutes to change the search settings to 'men looking for women' in the same age range and location as me to see if I could find any mates on there. When I did find a friend I immediately felt really embarrassed and guilty and regretted doing it.

Haha, good to know I'm not the only nutter to do this sort of thing.
GS - it has ended, no-one is the wiser. Thankfully said friends did not try and hit on the profile I'd made. Nothing there to identify that it could have been my wife.

[Spoonsky]

Some girl has asked me to the school dance. #winning

[Foe]

Some girl has asked me to the school dance. #winning

Is it the foreigner you were lusting over ?

Shouldn't it have been the other way around?

[Spammer]

Went to the fet club again yesterday with a lass I've been chatting to for the last couple of weeks. We spent 3 hours with her being the 'domme' and me doing whatever she wanted (within agreed limits). Was fun, though I was fucking drained afterwards. Went to bed last night at about half 9 and slept for 12 hours. We're planning on meeting up again in the next couple of weeks.

I've also got a date with a lass from work tomorrow. She's really lovely so I'm hopeful about that. Obviously the above lady will have to get knocked on the head if it progresses, but I've told her that yesterday and she was fine with it, as we both know it's just a bit of fun and nothing serious.

Only question is, if things go well with the lass from work (who I genuinely like and want something with) when/whether to tell her about all that other stuff. I'd like to tell her that I'm interested in it, but in honesty it's not an essential part of me or anything - it's just fun - so I can live without it. I'd probably tell her once we know each other quite well, but be chill about it.

[niko_cee]

So, anyway, I was down the fetish club last week . . .

/playingitcool

[Spammer]

:D

I was thinking if things go well and the subject of BDSM ever comes up, I'll mention that I've explored it a fair bit and just take it from there. The main thing is to not feel ashamed of it, which I'm not. If I act like it's something terrible that I'm hugely ashamed of then that feeling is likely to get projected onto her. If I just say it normally and invite any questions, then I imagine it'd be alright even if she wasn't interested in it herself. I imagined my friends might freak out a bit over it but most have either (a) been curious and full of questions, or (b) not given a shit. Either way, it's not been seen as a big deal at all by anyone.

[Sam]

I can't ever tell if your serious if it's just one of those I can say/do anything on the internet sort of thing. Nevertheless, credit to yourself for being open to liking something like that, don't understand it all personally but each to there own.

[Spammer]

Nah I am serious.

I find it best to be open as any stigma with it is a bad thing, and the best way of tackling that is just talking about it normally, as far as I see. I went through about ten years of denial before I even acknowledged I wanted to explore it, so I figure just chatting openly is good in case anyone else is in the same boat. I think it was my own ego that caused it but I imagined people being freaked out and it affecting relationships and stuff, but people so far just don't care enough for it to bother them. All I've had is a few questions about it, although I've only told a handful of close friends so far (and you lot) - I'm not really bothered about bringing it up out of the blue with people to make a point or anything like. With a proper romantic relationship it might be a bit of an issue though, I dunno.

[Disco]

If you don't mind me asking what kind of thing takes place during 3 hours of domination in a night club?

[Spammer]

Eek.

I'll PM you later if you want.

[Disco]

No, that's ok, your reaction confirms enough.

[AE]

Just came back from a 4 day vacation in Florida.
The girlfriend needs to go get her dog from day care and some food for us. So I call a breakfast place and order carry out food. She gets mad that I don't know her number, and use mine ( she's the one picking it up). Then also she got me one of those keurig coffee makers for my birthday. She asks if I can make her hot chocolate for breakfast and I say "yes I can" this is when she gets even more pissed off because I didn't sound enthusiastic about making her hot chocolate...

She then stomps out of the apartment with her last words being " do whatever you like"

So I'm here contemplating if I should even bother making hot chocolate.

[Lewis]

It sounds like 'hot chocolate for breakfast' meant something else.

[Pepe]

:D

[Boydy]

If you don't mind me asking what kind of thing takes place during 3 hours of domination in a night club?

Also quite curious about this.

[Magic]

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IC_PMsmHpxw/TzSlu2AStmI/AAAAAAAAARg/X2KyZH-ul-s/s1600/progeria.jpg

Hammer getting his asshole fisted.

[Spammer]

:D

She didn't touch my arsehole, as it happens. Neither for that nor to get Postma'd.

[Spoonsky]

Is it the foreigner you were lusting over ?

Shouldn't it have been the other way around?

No and no, it's a weird convention where for some dances it's "boy's choice" and the others it's "girl's choice". I've never been to one before and always took it for granted that nobody would ask me, so it is flattering at least.

[Benny]

Having met you, Hammer, it's quite a disturbing image of you exploring BDSM.

http://i.imgur.com/3bln9RV.jpg

[Spammer]

Fucking hell :D

[Luke Emia]

it's not an essential part of me or anything - it's just fun - so I can live without it. I'd probably tell her once we know each other quite well, but be chill about it.

This bit here is when you are addicted. It's the kind of thing I'd expect a smackhead to say.

[Spammer]

This bit here is when you are addicted. It's the kind of thing I'd expect a smackhead to say.

Well that's a bit retarded. Its something Ive dipped into once very few weeks; it's not a daily habit or anything close to it.

That said, i do think it can get addictive. There's a high you get from it and a level if escapism which I think appeals to some in the scene to an extent that they genuinely do seem to want it 24/7, which to me does seem unhealthy. The analogy to drugs is a good one.

[Baz]

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IC_PMsmHpxw/TzSlu2AStmI/AAAAAAAAARg/X2KyZH-ul-s/s1600/progeria.jpg

Hammer getting his asshole fisted.:lol:

[Chrissy]

I don't know if I should provide a backstory to my relationfails or if I should just jump in flaps deep into describing how the latest one imploded.

To summarize, a 4 month relationship with a female friend of 3 years ended with me being told "the only reason I let you fist me was so I could feel something". It feels like it is a new low. Feels worse than the taxi fare-shambles, false pregnancy shambles and being told about the crazy rape/murder/escort confessions on a first date.

It's not easy being single after a 4 month relationfail. Loneliness, no intimacy, even my wifi connection hasn't went down on me for the last 3 days. Shit joke, but I have to deflect somehow.

Grim.

[Luca]

I don't know if I should provide a backstory to my relationfails or if I should just jump in flaps deep into describing how the latest one imploded.

To summarize, a 4 month relationship with a female friend of 3 years ended with me being told "the only reason I let you fist me was so I could feel something". It feels like it is a new low. Feels worse than the taxi fare-shambles, false pregnancy shambles and being told about the crazy rape/murder/escort confessions on a first date.

It's not easy being single after a 4 month relationfail. Loneliness, no intimacy, even my wifi connection hasn't went down on me for the last 3 days. Shit joke, but I have to deflect somehow.

Grim.

If it's any solace, that's likely more indicative of her width than your girth.

[Danny]

If it's any solace, that's likely more indicative of her width than your girth.

:nodd: Agreed. Even AE would struggle there.

[Spoonsky]

I lolled at that wifi joke. Chin up, Chrissy.

[Spammer]

Date tonight went well. We just had a drink and then a meal at a gastropub in Leeds. Nothing too full on. Was lovely though actually. We ended up just chatting and a couple of hours went by in no time. Both said we had a very nice time (she said it first: bosh) and that we'll do summat again soon. Fucking A. I think she's proper lovely :drool:

Only potensh thing is that we work together, which could get iffy if it were to go tits up, but whatever. Its a big office and we could avoid each other easily enough if we were on opposite sides of it.

[Disco]

Have you ordered the his and hers ball gags yet?

[Spammer]

Anal plugs are already in the post.

[John]

Only potensh thing


The house my rents live in

Straw poll. Which is worse?

[randomlegend]

Potensh by several orders of magnitude.

[Luca]

"Potensh," by a distance, because it's the reprieve of Starbucks-guzzling prima donnas as opposed to just "something the kids say." Also, one would actually say "potensh" out loud, whereas "rents" is just Internet slang.

[Spammer]

I've been to Starbucks once in my life. Totes would never go again.

[Toby]

"Potensh," by a distance, because it's the reprieve of Starbucks-guzzling prima donnas as opposed to just "something the kids say." Also, one would actually say "potensh" out loud, whereas "rents" is just Internet slang.

I'd say the opposite. I can imagine Hammer just using it in writing for a joke, whereas people do say "rents" in spoken conversation and I wouldn't bet against Simon being one of them.

[Luca]

People say "rents" in spoken conversation? I've heard "potensh" out loud, but never "rents" outside of text messages. Get yourself out of the Shetlands.

[Pepe]

What does 'rents' mean?

[Pepe]

Wait nevermind.

[Spoonsky]

What does 'rents' means?

[Toby]

People say "rents" in spoken conversation? I've heard "potensh" out loud, but never "rents" outside of text messages. Get yourself out of the Shetlands.

Top banter, but it's never used here. It's used all the time by BBC Three types in the UK though.

[Spoonsky]

Hang on, is it "parents"? For fuck's sake Simon (and the British in general if what Toby says is true).

[Luca]

Top banter, but it's never used here. It's used all the time by BBC Three types in the UK though.

:sick:

Shoot them all.

[Magic]

I love doing stuff like that.

Though situash was the worst I've heard.

[Giggles]

The 'goys' lot here love coming out with shit like that.

[Boydy]

The 'goys' lot here love coming out with shit like that.
The gentiles?

[Giggles]

The gentiles?

:D I never knew goy was also a name for them.

More the Dublin 4 rugger bugger crowd is what I was loike totally getting at.

[Spammer]

I only initially used 'potensh' as a joke but I use it so much now - online and in person - that I don't even know if I'm being ironic anymore.

[randomlegend]

If that's not ban-worthy then my faith in this place is shattered.

[igor_balis]

Even though he's doing it ironically for a laugh, Richard Osman saying 'totez amazeballs' makes me want to kick things.

[Toby]

People telling Richard Osman he was funny really ruined Pointless.

[igor_balis]

People telling Richard Osman he was funny really ruined Pointless.

Exactly right. He is a pretty cool, funny guy as far as non-comedians go, but he definitely thinks him and 'Xander' are a brilliant double-act now. Their meandering self-consciously surreal riffs on breeds of dog and capital cities are unbearable. 'IT'S LOCKDOWN!!!!!! AHAHA IT IS REALLY EXCITING'. Mate, I'm going to put the fucking studio under lockdown and not let you out until you promise to stop telling shit jokes.

[Spammer]

Met up with ex last night, who has apparently recently been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and is on medication. Shiiiit.

I only met up with her so she could fill in the reference section of my BACP application but we ended up having a long chat, as we usually do. I need to keep in mind that I'm not fucking responsible for her. That's the main thing.

[Magic]

Did you rim her too?

[Spammer]

Nope. I did mention all that though, which felt a bit like showing off because we'd only ever talked about it.

[simon]

Just catching up. You mentioned that you rimmed someone to her? :D

I'd love to know how you'd just drop that into a conversation with your ex.

[Spammer]

No, I meant the fetish stuff in general. I didn't go into that much detail.

[Boydy]

So you did rim someone?

[Magic]

Male or female? Or should the question be MTF or FTM?

[Smiffy]

.....

[John]

Met up with ex last night, who has apparently recently been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and is on medication. Shiiiit.

I only met up with her so she could fill in the reference section of my BACP application but we ended up having a long chat, as we usually do. I need to keep in mind that I'm not fucking responsible for her. That's the main thing.

Asking a mentally ill ex who you could neither diagnose nor help to give you a reference for the BACP is only slightly more mental than asking an ex of any kind for a reference of any kind.

'I'm not fucking responsible for your wellbeing. Could you give me a good writeup for the counseling job I'm after?'


I ended up getting with that lass I was a bit iffy on, lasted maybe a week or two then called it off.

What's the term for someone who just likes their own company? I can't do this commitment stuff.

A wanker.

[Spammer]

Asking a mentally ill ex who you could neither diagnose nor help to give you a reference for the BACP is only slightly more mental than asking an ex of any kind for a reference of any kind.

'I'm not fucking responsible for your wellbeing. Could you give me a good writeup for the counseling job I'm after?'

We've stayed friends and we're on very good terms. We're both adults, so I don't see a problem with it. I don't know anyone in Leeds long enough for anyone else to do the reference. The main issue is that I still probably know her better than anyone else, as she opened up to me on stuff she hadnt mentioned to others and we're still really close when we meet up, so when we talk about it I want to help her. Because I know her, but obviously also the whole therapist counsellor thing. But we're exes, so even though we're close I'm wary of basically being that main person for her to rely on, which I don't think would be a good thing at all, all things considered.

Not sure what the hell you're blithering on about with diagnosing her, and I think i helped her a lot when we were together. I think she's likely to struggle in one way or another for the rest of her life, in honesty, as there's a lot of very deep rooted stuff there. Hope im wrong though.

Edit: It feels like youre making an effort to see something that isn't there, to be honest.

[Manc]

The girlfriend has gone to her works do tonight wearing an overtly racy black number. I may be forced make a trip to her office in the near future, vest n all.

[Magic]

You'll have to spy on her mate. Catch her in the act.

[leedsrevolution]

The girlfriend has gone to her works do tonight wearing an overtly racy black number. I may be forced make a trip to her office in the near future, vest n all.

I'm sorry your lass is cheating on you. As I type this the dress is being lifted up. Enjoy that thought.

[Manc]

You cunt. :D

[leedsrevolution]

If her looks are as exciting as your personality you have fuck all to worry about. :dance:

[igor_balis]

edit: actually nah i know people who know this place, probably not the best idea

[Benny]

Edited but didn't delete the post.

Begging for attention, poor move.

[Lewis]

He spilled his guts at a party and made a twat of himself.

[Disco]

Going Full Corrigan should enter everyone's lexicon immediately.

[igor_balis]

Lewis with a pretty succinct and accurate description. I didn't mean to be all mysterious and shit, I just changed my mind about sharing it and thought outright deleting it slightly less graceful somehow. Probably should have kept my shit story to myself in the first place. inb4 magic tells me to apply that to all my posts

[Pepe]

Pics of the lass.

[Baz]

Aww you can't do that. This is TTH, the place where nothing is too near the knuckle, and taboo doesn't exist.

[Benny]

You flange.

[phonics]

Would have been better if he'd deleted it as at least I could have read it.

That's the real power in TTH lads.

[Spammer]

Went on a second date with lass from work and it all went swimmingly. There were times when talking to her that it occurred to me that she may be the hottest person in the world. Long story short is that she's fucking lovely, and I know we're only on our second date and im careful not to get ahead of myself but I see us growing old together.

[SvN]

You can read stuff people have edited too, phonics.

[igor_balis]

fuck sake

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

fuck sake

Admins can, the rest of us have to have read it before the edit.

But it seems that quite a few of us did.

[Spammer]

Well now I feel left out.

[Boydy]

It wasn't all that interesting. This fuss is more than it deserved.

[igor_balis]

Yeah it was just a shite story that I got needlessly paranoid about. I've just remembered everything is hidden to non-members anyway, and even my mates wouldn't be weird enough to sign up just to see what I've been saying.

[Spoonsky]

Went on a second date with lass from work and it all went swimmingly. There were times when talking to her that it occurred to me that she may be the hottest person in the world. Long story short is that she's fucking lovely, and I know we're only on our second date and im careful not to get ahead of myself but I see us growing old together.

:D

I know everyone probably does similar at times but still.

[simon]

I got stood up last night.

Still raging about it now.

[Boydy]

:console:

[SvN]

I'm away from my wife for a week starting tonight. It's probably the longest we've been apart in about 8 years. We worked out that in December, we're apart more than we're together, due to various work commitments and the fact that we're spending Christmas apart.

[Spammer]

Is the house in your name?

[Spammer]

How long should I wait to ask this lass out I'm dating?

It's a weird one. We've only been on two official 'dates' and I feel like that's too soon but because we're chatting to each other every day at work, so we know each other a lot better than two dates would suggest.

[Kikó]

If you like her, ask her out you flange.

[mugbull]

Is the house in your name?

:D

You should get a lawyer ASAP

[Spammer]

If you like her, ask her out you flange.

I have asked her out. I mean, we're dating. I just don't know what the crack is with talking about relationship and all that. I guess I'll just bring it up when we're out again. Can't do shit at work, obviously.

You cunt.

[Magic]

I'm away from my wife for a week starting tonight. It's probably the longest we've been apart in about 8 years. We worked out that in December, we're apart more than we're together, due to various work commitments and the fact that we're spending Christmas apart.

You lucky bastard. :drool:

[Kikó]

I have asked her out. I mean, we're dating. I just don't know what the crack is with talking about relationship and all that. I guess I'll just bring it up when we're out again. Can't do shit at work, obviously.

You cunt.

Ah fair enough. If you want to be clear about it then talk about it. There's no point playing games and then you know where you stand. If you can get fingered by a bloke in a gimp mask while a family watches you can definitely talk about a relationship.

[Spammer]

Did you even read my post? I said initially that we'd been out on dates already :nono:

[Kikó]

Yes I read ask out as in "become official". Was I wrong?

[Spammer]

Yeah I guess it worded that a bit daft. Just need to chat to her basically.

[Kikó]

What are you worried about? Being too keen?

[Sam]

I've never spent Xmas with our lass, usually say our goodbyes (and other business) on the 23rd then don't see her till after the new year

[Lewis]

I see us growing old together.

Just tell her that. If she runs for her life, then you know where you stand.

[Lewis]

Then again, that might not mean much if you actually have that ageing disease.

[Spammer]

What are you worried about? Being too keen?

Yeah I guess so. Never been out with anyone that even comes close to her level of hotness too, so I guess I'm a bit nervous there, strangely enough. I happy enough with my looks generally but she is fucking ridiculous. Like, holy shit. Lovely too, obviously. Feel like there's proper chemistry there.

It's not as though it's a proper all or nothing thing anyway. If she's not ready for that we can just carry on as before if we're both enjoying it and see how it goes. The yes/no stage was with asking her out in the first place, and she's seemed keen since. She seems keen in general really, I'm just uncertain about the timing of it.

[Magic]

Then again, that might not mean much if you actually have that ageing disease.

Zing.

[Giggles]

I've never spent Xmas with our lass, usually say our goodbyes (and other business) on the 23rd then don't see her till after the new year

Same here. We both like to go to our own homes for it, though I'll be seeing her on the 27th.

[simon]

You want to make it a relationship after two dates, Hammer? Have you slept together yet?

[Spammer]

Nope. My point was that we work together so know each other a lot better than 'two dates' suggests. It's pretty quiet at the moment so we're chatting for a good hour or two a day

[simon]

At least go on three or four more dates and have sex before you think about making it 'official' or whatever.

What's the rush? You're far more likely to send her running for the hills by floating the idea of a relationship before you've even seen each other naked than you are by waiting a little while and going on a few more dates.

[Mazuuurk]

PM pics Hammer, you fucking tease

[Spammer]

Never gonna happen.

[Manc]

Let it happen naturally, Hammer.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Get her on a webcam.

[Mazuuurk]

PM, mate, I said PM.

[phonics]

Christ Hammer. Sort yourself out mate. I haven't got laid in god knows how long and even I wouldn't pull a move that desperate.

Are you still going to the Fetish Club between seeing her?

[Sam]

Does she even know that you like a good rimming by a rubber fist? I'd imagine that could be a deal breaker.

[Josh]

Hammer are you 12?

[Spammer]

Christ Hammer. Sort yourself out mate. I haven't got laid in god knows how long and even I wouldn't pull a move that desperate.

Are you still going to the Fetish Club between seeing her?

A move what desperate? The fuck are you talking about?

[Josh]

You've been on 2 dates and now want to make it facebook official xxx.

An old TTH phrase is perfect for what you should do; play it cool.

[mugbull]

What if she has a set of flappy wings? What if its a quantum black hole? What if she's got a dick? If you start dating her now youre locked in before youve ascertained any of the above

[Spammer]

We've been on two dates but we work together and talk every day. It's been dead in the build up to Christmas so we've had nothing else to do, so we've been chatting shitloads. Dates have been spaced out by a few weeks so we've had a few weeks of that. Playing it cool and slow is probably best though, I agree.

No, no more fetish clubs. Went for the last time on Saturday until (a) I fuck this up or (b) she's happens to be curious about it. Itch has been scratched though. I'll still go to pub meetups to see everyone though.

[Charlie]

I think, in fact I'm almost certain, that I'm going to have to ask the girlfriend to marry me. Now, whilst this is obviously a great thing, it's also quite a daunting prospect, as we don't live together yet. Taiwanese families are very traditional and family orientated, so aren't up for their daughter to live with someone before marriage. We see each other every day pretty much, so I would be surprised if it was any different living together, but if it's shit, I really don't want to have to say 'listen here we need a divorce.'

[Manc]

Seeing each other everyday and living together is completely different.

[Charlie]

Yeah it's gonna be interesting.

[mo]

Especially when you hear her shitting for the first time.

Or when you need to get in the bathroom but she's in there doing the biz. But you go in anyway as you're both used to it now.

Or the leisurely pace she does the food shopping at. And endless tat she puts in the fucking trolley as you go along.

This is reading a bit bitter, it's not that bad :thbup: .

[Baz]

It's not the endless tat, it's the grabbing the side/front of the trolley while you're pushing/steering it, for no goddamn reason. :mad:

Mike told me a good trick when that happens is to just completely let go of it. She soon stopped touching the trolley.

[Manc]

It's fucking woeful. Don't do it, Charlie.

[Charlie]

This isn't some sort of GS type of deal where we don't touch each other until marriage. She has stayed over hundreds of times, so I have heard all the shits.

[Spoonsky]

I think, in fact I'm almost certain, that I'm going to have to ask the girlfriend to marry me. Now, whilst this is obviously a great thing, it's also quite a daunting prospect, as we don't live together yet. Taiwanese families are very traditional and family orientated, so aren't up for their daughter to live with someone before marriage. We see each other every day pretty much, so I would be surprised if it was any different living together, but if it's shit, I really don't want to have to say 'listen here we need a divorce.'

Is that why you have to marry her?

Also, I'm not sure why Hammer is getting so much stick, but this is correct:


At least go on three or four more dates and have sex before you think about making it 'official' or whatever.

What's the rush? You're far more likely to send her running for the hills by floating the idea of a relationship before you've even seen each other naked than you are by waiting a little while and going on a few more dates.

[SvN]

The thought of marrying someone I've never lived with is a terrifying thought. I've fallen out with people who were, at the time, among my best mates once I lived with them. It's a different ballgame altogether.

I do understand the need to do it though, in this circumstance. Fuck knows how people managed in olden days.

[phonics]

Hammer being given correct dating advice by a seventeen year old. Ouch.

[mugbull]

He's 18 now, remember? A man. A man's man.

[Magic]

I know couples that still don't live with each other that are married and have been for a while. It strikes me as huge fear of commitment veiled by a sham marriage.

[Baz]

Are they foreign?

[CJay]

I'm marrying someone I've never lived with before. I see why people do it actually - it does make sense - but both of us being traditionalists it would never happen. Besides, I think it makes our wedding more exciting because there'll be something 'new' to enjoy straight after it.

[Spammer]

Living with someone is a gamechanger. I think I'd need to live with someone for a while before marriage. Not for long - just long enough to know there's no inherent and massive issues with it. If she keeps blocking the plug of the bath with her hair for example then we're gonna have issues.

[wullie]

Get one of those little things you pop over the plug to catch the hair. I haven't hit her since.

[mugbull]

The craziest thing is that happens in a fraternity house full of guys as well. Just huge balls of hair in the shower drain. How exactly that happens I dont know

[Spammer]

Blokes tidying their downstairs in the shower, probably.

[Sam]

Living together is a tricky one, don't think my girlfriend will ever fully adapt to it, she's the 'we should spend all our time after work together' type, whilst I genuinely want to come in after the gym and play games for a few hours. These days, as I've got my own place, she gets in a huff and doesn't bother leaving her parents, my response is tough shit. :D

[Toby]

Blokes tidying their downstairs in the shower, probably.

People also just shed a lot more hair than we tend to realise/consider.

[wullie]

I've got the ideal middle ground of Sam's predicament as mine's a secondary school teacher so she generally goes to bed at 9. I don't think I even had this much time to play games when I was all alone.

[Sam]

I've got the ideal middle ground of Sam's predicament as mine's a secondary school teacher so she generally goes to bed at 9. I don't think I even had this much time to play games when I was all alone.

Lucky. She just moans when I play games, even worse if I get on any voicecomm, she spends half the time confused as she thinks I'm talking to her and the other half puzzled as to why you would speak to people over the internet and not just text them.

Technology somewhat goes over her head.

[mugbull]

I've got the ideal middle ground of Sam's predicament as mine's a secondary school teacher so she generally goes to bed at 9. I don't think I even had this much time to play games when I was all alone.

Does school start up for her at 4 AM? I never went to bed remotely close to 9 when I went to high school.

[mugbull]

Blokes tidying their downstairs in the shower, probably.

It's so greasy! Are your pubes greasy? I hope not.

[Spoonsky]

Does school start up for her at 4 AM? I never went to bed remotely close to 9 when I went to high school.

Teachers have to get up really early, at least here. Their sleep schedules are very different than students'.

[Danny]

Lucky. She just moans when I play games, even worse if I get on any voicecomm, she spends half the time confused as she thinks I'm talking to her and the other half puzzled as to why you would speak to people over the internet and not just text them.

Technology somewhat goes over her head.

The wife doesn't moan so much about games but the bit about using mic is bang on.

Add trying to talk to me a lot and it's her exactly

[Pen]

Living together is a tricky one, don't think my girlfriend will ever fully adapt to it, she's the 'we should spend all our time after work together' type, whilst I genuinely want to come in after the gym and play games for a few hours. These days, as I've got my own place, she gets in a huff and doesn't bother leaving her parents, my response is tough shit. :D

Still after over ten years of being together I take my own time when I get home from work. She'd rather 'be together' all the time, but we have an understanding that I need time to myself for a while each day. It's not that hard to sort out.

[wullie]

Does school start up for her at 4 AM? I never went to bed remotely close to 9 when I went to high school.

There's all the planning lessons and ridiculous amounts of marking outside the regular school day too. I always thought having summer and half-terms off was a sweet deal, turns out it's what keeps teachers just the right side of sanity.

[leedsrevolution]

I'm extremely lucky to be honest. My better half likes Hollyoakes and Corrie but apart from that I'm free to play as many games as I want whilst she reads. She even enjoys watching games and encourages me to play them. I then just play FM when Corrie etc is on so life is good.

Apart from what mo said about a slow supermarket pace the relationship is a solid 10/10. Infact, I was with a mate the other day and his missus said any couple that said they don't row are liars. I was thinking about it afterwards and we've argued twice in 3 years of living together and even then it was all sorted within an hour or so. So it's not true at all.

I think you know you've found the one when your in my situation though. No arguments, never had to compromise anything I want to do or enjoy doing. If you're having to do those things and you still get married etc you're going to end up fucking miserable.

Magic miserable.

Edit: she's way out of my league as well. :cool:

[Josh]

I grew out of playing games a long time ago apart from FM. FM really is a dream relationship game, it's easy for us to watch whatever we want together whilst I play on the laptop. For football If Watford or a 'big game', I will watch on the tv whilst she watches something on the laptop or reads and if it's a smaller match (although my frequency of watching random matches is pretty low nowadays) I will normally watch on the laptop with headphones.

It works very well for us and there's no 'compromise' needed as we are both perfectly happy. We would much rather be together and do this than be in separate rooms.

Fortunately she doesn't watch anything I consider shit so the other way doesn't happen.

[leedsrevolution]

Just proposed lads.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

How are you taking her rejection?

I can recommend mirtazapine for depression if you need it.

[leedsrevolution]

Didn't have a ring or anything. Just told her that she's more beautiful than the new york skyline and the Eiffel Tower which is absolutely true.

[leedsrevolution]

So happy lads. I've been meaning to do this.

[mugbull]

Didn't have a ring or anything. Just told her that she's more beautiful than the new york skyline and the Eiffel Tower which is absolutely true.

"Your eyes remind me of Queens and your hair flows long like the Hudson River"

[Charlie]

Didn't have a ring or anything. Just told her that she's more beautiful than the new york skyline and the Eiffel Tower which is absolutely true.

That proposal sounds like it's been ripped straight from the undateables.

[Baz]

Oh sweet lady. With your face like a cream oval. Your nose, like a delicious slope of cream. Your ears, like cream flaps. Your teeth, like hard, shiny pegs of cream.

[leedsrevolution]

God I was fucking drunk last night.

[Spammer]

You proposed while hammered? :D

[leedsrevolution]

Hammered is a massive understatement. Fitting really.

[Magic]

I'll say it again: Collectively, we're a fucking tragic mess.

[Foe]

Making a life choice whilst drunk is a bold move.

Congratulations. (Does she remember?)

[igor_balis]

:D

[Giggles]

LR :cool:

[leedsrevolution]

She wasn't drunk.

[Magic]

She must be a mutant or ill to say yes to a slavering, pissed up version of this:

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/85/9f/c8/859fc8805e639afbb982bf9c83e46083.jpg

[Lewis]

:lol:

[leedsrevolution]

She must be a mutant or ill to say yes to a slavering, pissed up version of this:

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/85/9f/c8/859fc8805e639afbb982bf9c83e46083.jpg

Fuckinghell every time magic haha.

Nah she's a good looking lass. I always get really lucky in that regard but fuck knows how I'm awful.

Edit: charming as fuck tho.

[Danny]

How long you been holding onto that one magic? :lol:

[Boydy]

Magic. :D

Linkage, Leedsrev.

[leedsrevolution]

Fuck that I posted pics of an ex before on the old forum and some fucker found em on Facebook.

[Magic]

I've just read a few threads on forums about failing/unhappy marriages. Its nice to know we're not alone. Always the advice is 'run for the hills!' etc. I can imagine the sort of wine drinking 'I'm free!' sort of cunts that are posting responses like that. I was miserable on my own and I'm miserable married. I'm just a miserable fucking cunt.

[Lee]

Are you really unhappy in your marriage or is it exaggerated for here? Because I get why you'd want to stay together for the kid but children aren't thick when it comes to that sort of thing; the pick up on it and it has an impact.

So given that it's probably too late to fix that now start planting the seed so that when she hits her teenage years and becomes a cunt to her parents she'll just blame her mum for everything and you can be the hero.

[Magic]

She's all too aware, I'm afraid.

I couldn't do that. I got both barrels from my parents from 10 onwards about each one being a horrible cunt that hated me depending on who was in whatever ear.

[ScousePig]

There's all the planning lessons and ridiculous amounts of marking outside the regular school day too. I always thought having summer and half-terms off was a sweet deal, turns out it's what keeps teachers just the right side of sanity.

About right.

The girl I'm dating and I are both primary school teachers so we know each other's game pretty well.

[Giggles]

Then stop being such a miserable cunt Magic. Maybe it's not her or the relationship that's the problem. Or think of her and let her free while she still has time to still have a life.

[Boydy]

Probably about time you got some marriage counselling, Magic.

What's wrong with your relationship anyway?

[Lee]

She's all too aware, I'm afraid.

I couldn't do that. I got both barrels from my parents from 10 onwards about each one being a horrible cunt that hated me depending on who was in whatever ear.

I don't really think you should make her hate her mum. I know you've mentiomed you had a bad experience of your own mum and dad splitting up when you were a kid but it doesn't have to be awful; that's about how you both show her you love her and make sure she knows the other parent loves her.

Not that splitting up has to be the answer, obviously. I assume you love one another and if that's the case there's at least something to work at. Boyd's suggestion is a good one. If it oi past that point then you're going to have to find as amicable a way of ending it as possible at some point. Although that shouldn't only go for you, there are two of you in this. Is she feeling the same way?

[Chrissy]

Jesus fucking Christ Magic, cheer up you miserable bastard. :)

I am single. There comes a point in your life, so I have found, where you weigh up the pro's n cons of fulfilling your sexual needs with the occasional wank against all that a relationship brings. Now I know I have made some awful women choices these past two years but I have noticed when I am woman free my life is less stressful, I have time to get stuff done, I get to do the stuff I want to do and I get to see my friends and have a life.

I am at the stage where sharing my time and compromising are no longer attractive options. The occasional meal and night out to the cinema is fine, dating is fine but I think I am fucked for ever having a relationship again. I say that with no hint of sadness, just acceptance. Nearly moved in with a fellow comic a few months ago after having been friends for two years then dating for 4 months. Quite relieved I backed out.

Cue me posting in three weeks iv'e met the love of my life etc. I am that sort of cunt.

[Magic]

I guess if it makes reality easier, you never know what's around the corner though so don't accept it too much.

I've just thought I've tucked my little girl in every single night I could for 3.5 years. Not having the opportunity to do that made me so sick inside. We've had (another) talk. She really does blame me for everything shit about our relationship. I'm going to try but no pressure lads. I hope this lasts because single parenting makes me physically and mentally ill. Really. I do want it to succeed for my daughter. I'm unsure as to whether that's a good motive or not. Fuck it. Life is hard. Sometimes I feel utterly trapped and miserable other times its all good. I have no bar for which to set my life against. Relationships are very private things.

[Magic]

Probably about time you got some marriage counselling, Magic.

What's wrong with your relationship anyway?

They'd probably recommend divorce.

I don't know, I'm shit at this sort of thing. Maybe it is all me.

[Lewis]

Put it out of its misery, mate.

[leedsrevolution]

How long has it been bad for? Maybe you just need to ride it out?

[Magic]

5/5 years apparently.

[Manc]

Do ever have breaks from one another, Magic?

[Magic]

Nope. Like a relationship break?

[Manc]

Time apart. Granted a child makes it a little more difficult, but little breaks here and there work wonders for me. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.

[Giggles]

I'd care more if he wasn't giving it the large so often.

[Waffdon]

Let's crib, AJ

[Chrissy]

Some honest heartfelt advice Magic. If you are both miserable and don't love each other anymore, call it a day. I have become a much better person and a much better parent since splitting up with my ex. I'd go so far to say it changed my whole life for the better.

At the time I felt as though my life was over, I was a failure etc. Here is the rub of it though. Once you move on, it takes time but once you do, you find out who you are, what you like doing and maybe will meet someone who is right for you.

See how it goes but what i'm saying is that being a single parent is no bad thing.

[Pepe]

Magic's lass looks lovely, I bet it's all his fault.

I agree with Chrissy.

[Spoonsky]

Magic, you posted a while ago that your life was actually good despite how you come across here. Is it that much of a rollercoaster or were you just lying?

One thing I've heard is that it's better to have your parents be separated but happy than together but miserable and neglectful. I have quite a few friends whose parents are divorced and who seem basically pretty happy with their family lives. No idea what the best age for that would be, though - I'm sure there's been a lot written on the subject.

[Baz]

Cheer up, you blurt.

Life's shite 90% of the time; at least you've got someone to tolerate it with.

[Giggles]

Magic doesn't hate the idea of being a part time dad because of being a part time dad, he hates it because in his little world of keeping up with the Jones' it'll put him down the pecking order.
No amount of lawn ornaments will balance up that one, but he could always get an old Porsche for doing the weekly pickups.

[Spammer]

Its ON THE ROCKS with the lass I'm seeing. We had a nice moment last Friday where we kissed and she was telling me how nice I am, which I echoed back at her. Then 5 minutes later something clicks and she's saying she doesn't think she's over her last relationship (she got cheated on, it turns out, and the bloke kinda took off without explaining much) and doesn't know if she's ready for dating again yet. Well, shit. Figured it best to talk about it sober but she's said the same kinda thing. I said I'd be happy to take things at a very slow pace and just take things as she's comfortable, and we've left it for Christmas anyway and will chat in a week or two when we're both back in Leeds.

Bit gutted that its up in the air so quickly as I had a really good feeling about it, but there you go. We'll see.

[Magic]

Magic, you posted a while ago that your life was actually good despite how you come across here. Is it that much of a rollercoaster or were you just lying?

One thing I've heard is that it's better to have your parents be separated but happy than together but miserable and neglectful. I have quite a few friends whose parents are divorced and who seem basically pretty happy with their family lives. No idea what the best age for that would be, though - I'm sure there's been a lot written on the subject.

It's a rollercoaster Spoon. Sometimes it can be amazing and sometimes I'm like 'fuck this'. It's really weird especially when one of us is opposite. Sometimes I'll say I had a great time and she'll say no it was shit and vice versa.

[Manc]

Girls who get cheated on tend to become defined by it for a very long time afterwards. Fair play if she's worth the hassle, but she sounds like a slow burner.

[igor_balis]

Meeting my ex and her new boyfriend today, should be a laugh.

[Spammer]

Yeah I get the impression that it'd be a very slow one. She mentioned before we went out that she can get quite anxious with all this dating stuff but I hadn't felt it until then.

I think she probably is worth it, so long as she's up for it too. She suggested continuing meeting up just as friends but I'd want something with her at some point. If we do take it mega slowly I need to establish clearly that that is what we're doing, and not just going down the friendship route.

[Magic]

Meeting my ex and her new boyfriend today, should be a laugh.

Can't think of any circumstances (unless you had to visit to get your stuff back) why you would ever do this?

[Spammer]

I was thinking that too. I'm in touch sometimes with my ex but I'd never meet up with her with her geezer there too. Awkward as fuck.

[igor_balis]

We were mates before we were in a relationship, and we're still good friends now. I think it'll be worse for the new boyfriend than it is for me.

[simon]

Then 5 minutes later something clicks and she's saying she doesn't think she's over her last relationship (she got cheated on, it turns out, and the bloke kinda took off without explaining much) and doesn't know if she's ready for dating again yet.

This always strikes me as a massive cop out. Seen it used as an excuse far too many times and I don't really subscribe to it.

[Lewis]

It's a rollercoaster Spoon. Sometimes it can be amazing and sometimes I'm like 'fuck this'. It's really weird especially when one of us is opposite. Sometimes I'll say I had a great time and she'll say no it was shit and vice versa.

Is that not because you're a raging head-the-ball? Unless you're a raging head-the-ball because of her...

[ScousePig]

Is that not because you're a raging head-the-ball? Unless you're a raging head-the-ball because of her...

Wouldn't he be a heed-the-ball?

[Spammer]

This always strikes me as a massive cop out. Seen it used as an excuse far too many times and I don't really subscribe to it.

It seems accurate, to be honest. The way she talked about it and about her anxiety surrounding dating in general before we went out.

[Weaver]

Wouldn't he be a heed-the-ball?

Heed-the-baw?

[Boydy]

Is it not 'heid'?

[igor_balis]

Girl I was seeing in Edinburgh gave me a similar spiel about not being over her previous boyfriend, he cheated on her as well, trust issues blah blah. I managed to win her over with my charm (persistence) but then she ended up being a bit of a weirdo anyway. I think her being 30 didn't help either.

[Magic]

I think we're on the mend. We've had some enormous downs but that was the worst. I genuinely thought it was over. I've been trying and it's helping. Not sure if she is. We've got the hotel and Maccabees gig in Glasgow in a couple of weeks' time so hopefully that will let us repair things further. Thankfully we spent most of the time after CRY-GATE with my family. Unfortunately it's my niece's birthday party on Sunday (her sister's kid) where all her family will be there.

As such I've only seen her mum and dad since then and they never mentioned anything.

Not once has anyone asked how I feel. My mum has even said she'll back her because she knows what I'm like. If ever there was proof she hates my dad more than she loves me, battered old cunt.

I'm totally alone. Have I got myself to blame?

[Boydy]

We're here for you, mate.

[Luke Emia]

Just fuck it Magic. I can't be arsed to read what's happened but if you aren't happy just leave. Better for the kid to have two happy parents than two miserable ones.

[Giggles]

I think we're on the mend. We've had some enormous downs but that was the worst. I genuinely thought it was over. I've been trying and it's helping. Not sure if she is. We've got the hotel and Maccabees gig in Glasgow in a couple of weeks' time so hopefully that will let us repair things further. Thankfully we spent most of the time after CRY-GATE with my family. Unfortunately it's my niece's birthday party on Sunday (her sister's kid) where all her family will be there.

As such I've only seen her mum and dad since then and they never mentioned anything.

Not once has anyone asked how I feel. My mum has even said she'll back her because she knows what I'm like. If ever there was proof she hates my dad more than she loves me, battered old cunt.

I'm totally alone. Have I got myself to blame?

Nobody is ever fully to blame.

[randomlegend]

Well that post went from quite positive to hopelessly bleak.

I'm in Glasgow at the moment if you want a hug mate. You live in Scotland right?

[Magic]

It wasn't intended to be bleak, just when it gets shit I've got nothing to turn to except here. I guess I've just taken TTH reliance to new heights.

A drive to Glasgow to hug a stranger off the internet would go down well at the moment. :eyemouth:

I never openly discuss my relationship with anyone, by the way.

[Toby]

What are you doing in Glasgow, Randrew?