The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

[Jimmy Floyd]

Godspeed.

[Smjffy]

Considering the events of the last month I would be wanting a paternity test.

I think if it was anyone else then I'd be right with you there but I have zero concerns in that regard here. I still can't really get my head around it all.

[Smjffy]

Godspeed.

You endorsed this idea a number of years ago in a WDYTOE thread. Apparently it would have helped me in some way but just the news has absolutely done me in. A little part of me thinks/hopes I'll wake up and its just a dream but its not and I got figure out where to start and what to start with.

Just completely not prepared for a child.

[Magic]

Lft paternity :drool:

[Smjffy]

I never anticipated having children and it was never an issue with Romanian ex because she couldn't have them anyway but for a very long time, I had this dark though, stemming back many years but if I was ever to find myself with someone that I loved enough and she wanted kids, I'd obviously do it if I felt it was going to be the lifetime partner, part of the reason I didn't/don't want kids is there is rarely such a thing as a lifetime partner but this next part has always been an odd thought that seemingly came from nowhere one day.

I'll find that rare love, we'll have a child but because I have been a cunt and so against having kids as well, one of two things will happen when the time comes. First one, partner dies during the pregnancy leaving me with a child I didn't really want and the second is they both die. No idea where it came from but figured it would be life's way of giving me a pasting.

I had anticipated having my own house, being financially secure and certain beyond belief that the person I was with and agreed to have a child with was someone who'd be there forever, because that belief was in my mind so unrealistic, having kids was never going to be an option. It's still unrealistic because as much as I love her, the fact we were going our own ways said it all and I'm so far from being financially secure and owning my own place its not even funny. Its not 2020 bad but I'm probably only one missed payday away from being in a spot of bother.

I think I'm in big trouble either way but the one saving grace I have, without going too personal, is I made such a big thing growing up about my own father and the history attached to that, is that all I have to do in my mind is give time, love and attention and then the kid will have half a chance.

Fuck knows, just not got a clue.

[Kikó]

Good luck smiff. We're ten days away from ours arriving and it's a strange experience. I'm sure you'll be a great dad.

[Mike]

Good luck Tim, I’m sure once they arrive you’ll just get on and be fine.
And good luck Kiko, take a pillow and a blanket to the hospital!

[Shindig]

Nah, just stay awake. The last thing you want is to sleep in a corridor and for some press twat to make an article out of it.

[Kikó]

Good luck Tim, I’m sure once they arrive you’ll just get on and be fine.
And good luck Kiko, take a pillow and a blanket to the hospital!

She's coming with a c section so shouldn't be too long to wait.

[Lewis]

'Too posh to push'. :rolleyes:

[Kikó]

Medical necessity rather than vanity. Research on that.

[Shindig]

Yeah, my mam went the same way. A normal birth would've definitely killed her.

[7om]

Didn’t realise you were expecting, Kiko. Congratulations.

[Baz]

My condolences to you both

[Jimmy Floyd]

You endorsed this idea a number of years ago in a WDYTOE thread. Apparently it would have helped me in some way but just the news has absolutely done me in. A little part of me thinks/hopes I'll wake up and its just a dream but its not and I got figure out where to start and what to start with.

Just completely not prepared for a child.

I would have been implicitly hoping for a stable relationship to go with it.

You can deal with anything, it's just that some things take a bit of getting used to.

[Lewis]

Medical necessity rather than vanity. Research on that.

It's got Giggles' big Irish head.

[Boydy]

Can't believe Kiko paid off the doctors so as not to ruin his wife's snatch.

[phonics]

Absolutely cuntish banter above.

[Lewis]

I lolled at how weirdly out of character it was. Like GS trying to make a tradesman laugh.

[Panda Bear]

Medical necessity rather than vanity. Research on that.
e.g. vasa previa

good luck, and fingers crossed the surgery and recovery go smoothly.

[niko_cee]

Stay at the head end Kiko.

This applies to all births, but particularly for the out the sun roof types.

[Kikó]

I'd stay in the waiting room if I had a choice.

[Pepe]

I held one of my wife's legs, gave her some oxygen in between pushes, etc. Like a player-manager.

[SincereTheRebel]

I read that as punches :lol:

[randomlegend]

Given the choice "I'd" take a C-section every day of the week.

It's not that bad Keeks, they put a screen up so you can't see anything at the business end (unless you want to).

[Kikó]

I don't.

[SincereTheRebel]

Baby would just ram his fist out the pussy, give Kiko the thumbs up.

[randomlegend]

It is proper wild standing off to one side during a section and seeing the contrast between an awake and alert head chatting away at one end and a wide open abdomen with a baby being pulled out the other side of the screen.

[Spikey M]

My wife has had 2 and they are properly weird experiences. We all had a bet on how much the baby would weigh whilst it was going on. Surreal. I imagine far less stressful than a normal delivery though.

The only downside is the recovery time and the long list of things that the mum can't do for the next 6 weeks.

[Kikó]

I'm hoping Omicron doesn't stop the mother in law from coming over to help between weeks 2-6 tbh.

[niko_cee]

A friend of mine feinted when the placenta was being taken out post section, he thought it was the liver. :D/:face:

Normal delivery is way better, just get the nuclear pain relief in and you're away [the horror of the process of putting the epidural in notwithstanding].

[7om]

My wife has had 2 and they are properly weird experiences. We all had a bet on how much the baby would weigh whilst it was going on. Surreal. I imagine far less stressful than a normal delivery though.

The only downside is the recovery time and the long list of things that the mum can't do for the next 6 weeks.

I attended a couple of post mortems a few weeks ago. We got all the organs out and all took turns guessing the weight of the heart, liver, kidneys etc all while Billy Joel played over the sound system. Surgeons just are in a world of their own.

[SincereTheRebel]

I attended a couple of post mortems a few weeks ago. We got all the organs out and all took turns guessing the weight of the heart, liver, kidneys etc all while Billy Joel played over the sound system. Surgeons just are in a world of their own.

What do you mean attended? You bought a ticket for an event to go watch a scene from Saw or was it for education purposes?

[7om]

What do you mean attended? You bought a ticket for an event to go watch a scene from Saw or was it for education purposes?

Educational.

[SincereTheRebel]

Respect to you.

[randomlegend]

I attended a couple of post mortems a few weeks ago. We got all the organs out and all took turns guessing the weight of the heart, liver, kidneys etc all while Billy Joel played over the sound system. Surgeons just are in a world of their own.

I'm not sure pathologists really count as surgeons given the patient is already dead :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

Uptown girl
You've been living in an uptown world
We'll put your tissue in the 'cold blood can'
I'm gonna guess your liver's two pounds ten?
I'll guess again

[7om]

I'm not sure pathologists really count as surgeons given the patient is already dead :D

True. It’s the mortuary technicians who are the truly hardcore. I walked in as he was “prepping” the body for the pathologist. That involved him taking a pair of garden shears and cutting all the anterior ribs off.

[Smjffy]

What did you get for Christmas? Me? Well, I got nothing, I got no say, I have absolutely gone south as I can't process a thing.

She had an abortion and whilst I feel it's the right thing long term, I am absolutely 1,000% sick to the stomach because I got no say in it. Or at least I don't think I did. Paranoid man in me wonders if it was a test and I failed it because all I had was that I'll support you in whatever you feel is right for you, not for us. She chose that. Was that my say? Did I actually get a say? Have I fucked up here? I mean, guys, wtf? It's been a whirlwind of a year for sure but am I overreacting or being foolish to think wtf wtf? How? Why? Just doesn't feel right at all. I didn't/don't want kids, I've known that for a long time but man, wtf? Can one of you help me here? I mean, it's probably the right thing long term right? But yeah, wtf? Am I a cunt here because I legit don't know if I've messed up or not, did I reply right? FUCK!!

[Smjffy]

Seriously. How can you not believe in abortion and then proceed to have a fucking abortion?

It doesn't make sense but right now, fuck all makes sense. WTF!?

I feel conflicted to fuck, is it karma taking a stab at me, no no Smjff, you're not having this or is it fate ensuring that something I am so not ready for, or rather, was not ready for :( dealing me a helping hand?

I am seriously in a world of fuck right now. What am I meant to do? I feel gutted, I feel relieved, I feel angry, bitter, guilty, sad, upset, just....why? If it's done, it's done, you own your mistakes(?), you don't just take a pill or whatever and hit reset, do you? WTF?!

[Boydy]

Seriously. How can you not believe in abortion and then proceed to have a fucking abortion?


Pretty easily. People hold views about stuff all the time but then don't follow through with those beliefs when it actually affects them. See also: people who give off about others not following covid regulations but then don't properly follow them themselves.

It sounds shit and you should take some time to process it and maybe talk to a counsellor or something. It's probably the right thing in the long term though.

[Lewis]

Plus that 'one or both of them die scenario' never came to pass. Every cloud.

[Smjffy]

Pretty easily. People hold views about stuff all the time but then don't follow through with those beliefs when it actually affects them. See also: people who give off about others not following covid regulations but then don't properly follow them themselves.

It sounds shit and you should take some time to process it and maybe talk to a counsellor or something. It's probably the right thing in the long term though.

I do think you're right, long term, its probably the best outcome but just feels....I don't know, all I have is wtf tbh. I don't need nor want to talk to a counsellor as I imagine I'll be fine once it's registered and it's too late now anyway init. I've just thought of so many things, like, did she do it because she felt I didn't want it? Did she do it for herself and her future? Or did she do it because she felt I wasn't part of that future? Or because she didn't think I'd be good enough? Or pfft. I don't know, just feel like I have a million questions and no way to get the answers for them We're done. 100% done. I've just been in a bit of a work work work work mode, try forget, be too busy to think about it too much but you know, off today and well, what the actual fuck?

[Shindig]

Cutting you out of the loop is pretty shit, to be honest. You agreed to fuck. You should agree on this.

[Kikó]

A lot of those questions would be best by asking her but in all honesty, she was probably not ready for a child and took the option to stop the pregnancy. It must be horrible to have to deal with for both of you. I don't think you gain anything from blaming or tormenting yourself, this is clearly a complex emotional decision that she had to make.

[Pepe]

Condoms, use them.

[Smjffy]

Cutting you out of the loop is pretty shit, to be honest. You agreed to fuck. You should agree on this.

I don't know if she did. I mean, I didn't outright say get rid but I did say she should do what is best for her, did I unwittingly give her the licence to then do it? I mean, I was just saying what I thought was the right thing to say. I didn't think she'd actually decide to get rid.


A lot of those questions would be best by asking her but in all honesty, she was probably not ready for a child and took the option to stop the pregnancy. It must be horrible to have to deal with for both of you. I don't think you gain anything from blaming or tormenting yourself, this is clearly a complex emotional decision that she had to make.

I really wish I could (although not sure it would help any) but I've been ghosted completely since Christmas Eve, blocked on all platforms and she's not returned after going away. I know I need to take into account her feelings and what not, I just, how do you even start? I don't mean to blame or torment myself, I feel guilty and rotten for sure but I don't know if I feel guilty because I feel relieved as well as way too many other emotions that I'm just not cut out for. Do I even have a right to be feeling as I do since all I did was have sex, she would have been doing everything else for 9 months init. Did I want her to get an abortion too without really realising it? I only stepped up because I fucked up after all, I believed that was the right thing to do but even a few weeks ago, I was pretty terrified by the prospect of having a mini me wandering about and yet now....now this. I genuinely am stuck at wtf right now. FML


Condoms, use them.

Majority of the time we did and on the rare occasions we didn't, we did get the morning after pill (2/3 times I believe) but yeah, can't really argue with you.

[Lewis]

Yeah pull one over her head and suffocate her.

[Lewis]

Smiffy she sounds like a dickhead and she has well and truly messed you about. You can't lose it over this.

[Kikó]

Smiffy, it's not your body. You had no control over it. Try and not beat yourself up over someone else's decision.

[Smjffy]

She's not a dickhead as such but you know, her challenges in life are hers alone. I won't lose it, lose it, I just needed to get it out and sadly, this is my place for that. Right now I just feel so, well, fuck knows how I feel really but I'll figure out a way to process it. Just trying not to erupt and react in a way that makes things worse, whether that be for myself or for her. Just feel like I have too many emotions inside me and too many questions that I have no answers to. Overthinking shit, no doubt. Do I feel this way because maybe I'm in denial and I do want to have kids? Just seems like every minute presents a new question and all I have is wtf.

I'm half tempted to go out tonight and get absolutely annihilated but for what? What would it solve? A temporary respite from something I need to process and structure in a way that I can accept it, cope with it and move on from it? Just wtf though init. :moop:

[Shindig]

I don't know if she did. I mean, I didn't outright say get rid but I did say she should do what is best for her, did I unwittingly give her the licence to then do it? I mean, I was just saying what I thought was the right thing to say. I didn't think she'd actually decide to get rid.

Fair enough. Probably the right call.

[Lewis]

Smiffy, it's not your body. You had no control over it. Try and not beat yourself up over someone else's decision.

This reads like something his barrister would cite as you encouraging him to beat her up.

[Smjffy]

I think that too Shinners because I mean, it's me init. I'm a decent chap and all that but so far away from father material. I can't even guarantee stability to myself let for a partner and a child. Not to say I couldn't do it but finding out the hard way that I couldn't would be even tougher given my own upbringing and the emphasis I placed on fathers due to my owns inability to be one.

I do think it's the right call from her side and I think if I thought a little differently and was in her shoes instead of mine, maybe I too would have made that same call but wtf. Three times in my life this. The first time was the DNA test one of a five year old kid which came back as negative, I was thankful because a) didn't want kids, b) most certainly didn't want a 5 year old one straight off and then IIRC there was the Thai lass from Channel Islands who was pregnant until I went over then magically wasn't. Those two were genuine relief, I actually felt happy with the outcomes even if both were shit ways of potentially being a parent or whatever but this one, it's just wtf.

We'll leave it there chaps. I just needed to vent. I'll go figure shit out.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

She could have at least came to you before having it done and asked you for your input.

Whether she chose to listen to what you said is another thing.

[Spikey M]

She could have at least came to you before having it done and asked you for your input.

Whether she chose to listen to what you said is another thing.

She should have told him ahead of time, but other than that Kiko nailed it. He can be sad, he can be mad, he can be outraged, but it wasn't his pregnancy, so he doesn't get a say in the matter. Nobody but the person that would have to grow and deliver it does.

Not that it makes it any easier for Smiff to deal with, obviously. Horrible situation.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

She should have told him ahead of time, but other than that Kiko nailed it. He can be sad, he can be mad, he can be outraged, but it wasn't his pregnancy, so he doesn't get a say in the matter. Nobody but the person that would have to grow and deliver it does.

Not that it makes it any easier for Smiff to deal with, obviously. Horrible situation.
Yeah absolutely that's what I was getting at.

It's her decision as they're not together but it would have been nice had she allowed him to come to terms with it.

[Panda Bear]

Smiff, go see a counsellor. You may claim that you don't need one, but you do for this exact kind of scenario.

Writing is great and reading stuff from others is good, but being able to process it in person with someone is better.

[Manc]

Has anyone heard from him today?

[Queenslander]

Smiff, go see a counsellor. You may claim that you don't need one, but you do for this exact kind of scenario.

Writing is great and reading stuff from others is good, but being able to process it in person with someone is better.

+1

[Spikey M]

-3

[Queenslander]

:D

[Panda Bear]

Smjffy

Mate?

[Smjffy]

I'm OK. I'm just trying to switch off and manage one thing at a time. No one needs to be overly concerned about me. You're all right in what you say, her body, her choice but I just want to try and deal with it in a healthy way. Not that I know if this is how to do so but I figured I can't answer questions I don't know the answers to so try focus on the ones I can answer or make sense of, little chunks at a time instead of creating an avalanche.

Still a bit wtf but what else can you do. It is what it is at this point but if I go off the rails, it'll be even harder, not for her, I know it can't have been an easy decision either way there but for myself.

Not sure if its selfish or whatever but she made her decision, now I have to make mine and I'm trying hard keep my shit together.

Thanks though. X

[Smjffy]

Not sure why I am posting this because as much as I appreciate advice and what not, I'll always do what I feel is right for myself at the time.....but....

We have been in touch with one another, we've touched one another, we've slept with one another and given where we were before this whole incident occurred.....I think we want each other for keeps? I mean, I know I do/did/still do but whatever doubts she had beforehand, not entirely sure where they have disappeared to. We had a lovely weekend together, no dwelling on anything or serious chat etc, just the two of us enjoying each others company.

The Pro? I have no doubt she loves me as I love her.

The Con? She's now left again (I was aware it was going to happen) and so you know, what now?

Part of me thinks just let her settle then follow as I don't or at least haven't had too many issues with bouncing around the UK but at the same time, I'm actually reasonably settled where I am which as you'll all know, for me is quite a good thing.

Not to be too sappy but this love thing....fuck me it's difficult.

[Spikey M]

This is like every 'relationship' I had as a teenager (sans abortion). It really (really, really, really) shouldn't be this much hard work.

[Smjffy]

I don't know, bare in mind I have the whole emotionally unstable disorder bollocks etc. I see what you mean with the benefit of hindsight but then that happens to me a lot. Not really sure what comes next now but definitely not making the condom mistake again.

[Pepe]

I hope that you used a condom this time.

[Andy]

My wife had our baby in the early house of Monday morning, 6 weeks early her waters broke at 19.30 and baby was here by 01.18. All natural delivery just early. She's with the neonatal special care unit at the moment but should be fine hopefully just struggled with jaundice and feeding to start with.

My wife was having a lot of issues with the pregnancy and the baby's growth had stalled so I wonder if my wife's body or the baby worked out there was an issue and decided the baby needed to come early.

It's been a mental few days.

[Ian]

Well that all sounds stressful but good news that everything seems to be okay.

[Manc]

Congratulations, Andy.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Congrats, fingers crossed all good from here.

[wullie]

Congratulations, whenever even the slightest thing happened during ours my nerves were all over the place so I'm glad it's worked out

[Ben]

Congratulations. Great that everything seems to be fine now.

Currently expecting our first so that hasn't helped the nerves!

[Kikó]

Congratulations Andy. Can't imagine the stress you've all been under. Enjoy the fun times ahead with the little one!

[Baz]

Get some sleep while she’s still in hospital.

[Pepe]

Congratulations Andy and welcome Andy Jr.

[randomlegend]

Congrats mate, hope she's out of hospital and home with you soon :)

[Lofty]

Congratulations Andy.

[AyDee]

Big congrats, Andy. Lovely news.

[Shindig]

TTH's next generation rolls on.

[Mike]

Congratulations! Welcome to team no sleep!

[Kikó]

How is your sleep Mike?

[Mike]

I’ve slept for 5 hours straight once since October.
It’s not been too bad, sleeping for 4 hours from going to bed then she wakes every 2-3 hours for a feed. She’s teething and full of a cold so the last 3 days she’s hardly slept. Wednesday night she had 2 hours, last night was better but she woke up every hour but could be settled.
We think she may have a lactose intolerance, got some special milk to try her on as she’s been refusing to breastfeed for the last few weeks (the fool!)
She is still proper amazing though, learned to roll over which was brilliant until she tried it in the bath :lol:
How’s yours?

[Mike]

Ooh and Hey Bear is the best YouTube channel now.

[SincereTheRebel]

TTH's next generation rolls on.

I want in.

[Kikó]

I’ve slept for 5 hours straight once since October.
It’s not been too bad, sleeping for 4 hours from going to bed then she wakes every 2-3 hours for a feed. She’s teething and full of a cold so the last 3 days she’s hardly slept. Wednesday night she had 2 hours, last night was better but she woke up every hour but could be settled.
We think she may have a lactose intolerance, got some special milk to try her on as she’s been refusing to breastfeed for the last few weeks (the fool!)
She is still proper amazing though, learned to roll over which was brilliant until she tried it in the bath :lol:
How’s yours?

Yikes. I'm a few months behind but she's been really good. Only 6 weeks in but she's starting to do 4/5 hours at night (last night she went 11-4 before waking). Generally though been pretty good on the crying, eating send sleeping front which makes it all a lot easier.

[mo]

I don't miss waking up every couple of hours. Mine are 3 and 5 now, so other than getting up ridiculously early, most nights are uninterrupted :smug:

[Panda Bear]

I want in.Haven't you accidentally converted like five chances to be in so far?

[Mike]

Yikes. I'm a few months behind but she's been really good. Only 6 weeks in but she's starting to do 4/5 hours at night (last night she went 11-4 before waking). Generally though been pretty good on the crying, eating send sleeping front which makes it all a lot easier.

https://img.gifglobe.com/grabs/partridgecloud/S02E06/gif/t8QjQ3ARncdr.gif

:cry:

The hope is this new milk helps and things pick up.

[mo]

Nutramigen? Cracking stuff, worked wonders for our eldest.

[Kikó]

She's acting the cunt tonight if that cheers you up.

[Mike]

Nutramigen? Cracking stuff, worked wonders for our eldest.

Nah. My partners first child has a full milk protein allergy, she was offered that but was breastfeeding so just cut out dairy herself and it was grand, meant she knew what to look out for. Myla was combi feeding but the last weeks she's just been on formula as she wouldn't latch on her mum, and has been alright, but with very sour shits, google suggested this was a lactose intolerance, so got her some actimel lactose free, only been a day so gotta see if it helps.
She was at the doctors today who rolled her eyes at all this, but she did get referred to Alder Hey for a umbilical hernia, so wasn't a wasted trip.

[SvN]

My 2.5 year old spoilt us so much with his sleeping. Even when he was a few weeks old, he'd wake up once or twice per night, get fed, then go straight back to sleep.

He's slept through the night since he was about 4 months old.

We've got number 2 due in April, and I just know it's going to be the total opposite.

[phonics]

My mate said that the difference between having 1 kid and 2 kids may as well be 1 kids and 10. Said it's Parenting on Hero difficulty.

[Giggles]

0 is the sweet spot.

[Don]

Amen, brother, these melts don't half sell it.

[Spikey M]

2 kids is much easier than 1 once they're old enough to entertain each other. The baby days were brutal though. Mostly because sleep has never come particularly easy for me as it is. Now they're past all that it's all gravy (baby).

[Shindig]

Yeah, I see that a lot at family do's. Kids gravitate towards over kids.

[Baz]

Let’s not lie though, having a baby is shite.

Having a kid is great. A baby, though? Ugh.

[Magic]

Congrats Andy!

Enjoy valentines day. :harold:

[Foe]

I’m all for the zero.

Seems like such a hassle.

[Giggles]

The only advantage was always the idea you’d have someone to look after you when you’re old, but these days most young people turn out to be cunts anyway so it’s probably not worth gambling 18 years of your life for. Or you end up like magic where they will end up looking after new daddy kickboxer instead

[Magic]

Lol at the childless simps and the subsequent justification for not being suitable mates. :happycry:

[Spikey M]

Let’s not lie though, having a baby is shite.

Having a kid is great. A baby, though? Ugh.

Spot on.

Lego and Playdoh > *

But

* > 3am feeds and screaming.

[niko_cee]

Logo is good and all but the AFOLs have fucked it for everyone now that every set seems to come at some sort of 'collectors' price point.

[Shindig]

I graduated to Meccano at one point. I built nothing with it.

[Lofty]

Lol at the childless simps and the subsequent justification for not being suitable mates. :happycry:
Lol at knocking up someone you hate so you have to speak to them for the rest of your life.

[Spikey M]

Atleast he gets to dress up like a Superhero with his mates every weekend though.

[Magic]

Lol at knocking up someone you hate so you have to speak to them for the rest of your life.

No hate, just total indifference.

[Giggles]

No hate, just total indifference.

From you end.

[Lofty]

No hate, just total indifference.

My mistake I thought you were creaming your pants sending your covid positive sprog back to her and fucking up her plans a few months back.

[Magic]

She wanted to take her. :)

[Danny]

From you end.

And also 100% previously hate.

[Spikey M]

Can't blame her really.

[Giggles]

In fairness you couldn’t (and I’m only going on his impression here as anyone can) see magic as anything other than human faeces. You get a kid away from evil as soon as you can.

[SincereTheRebel]

Haven't you accidentally converted like five chances to be in so far?

There was no accident. It was all calculated. Times have changed now though and I should go down the marriage route first. Do it all properly.

[Magic]

Bit of a different one for here, but my mother. I only see her on Tuesday when I pick my daughter up from hers (as she gets her from school that day). She's been completely ignoring me for the past few months, and I don't know why. Usually it's because I've done something but she never tells me for ages, maybe some sort of control thing?

Anyway at the weekend there it was my daughter's dance show, and we got seats inadvertently right behind her and my step-dad (allocated seating tickets, what are the chances...!). She said hi then didn't say two words to us for the whole 2 hours. Even during the 15 minute interval.

I've been struggling a bit recently so felt really insecure in myself. I got out my notepad and started to write a letter to her and just burst in to tears. Grown man (physically). I messaged her that night and asked why she isn't talking to me because it hurts and she ignored it for a couple of days then said she'll talk about it but not on Tuesday. I asked for a call then because it was causing me ill health. She said no, to come over Thursday (today). I think I realise now she absolutely hates me or just isn't capable of showing love at all. When I moved in with my dad when I was 14 she didn't talk to me for 4 years, didn't even get me anything for my 18th.

So, I will listen to what she has to say, but I want to set a boundary for myself and not continue to expose myself to this gaping wound I clearly have from having not one but two completely emotionally absent parents. Dad fine, but mum? Fucking hell.

The problem is my daughter. How can she exhibit such love for her but such contempt for me? How do I completely sever ties and protect myself from her poison without compromising that relationship? Any advice?

[Don]

Do you remind her of your dad who she happens to hate or something? Very odd.

[Magic]

She can't even say his name, and that's my suspicion. I get the impression she wishes neither myself nor my sister were born.

[Manc]

How can she exhibit such love for her but such contempt for me?

Because you're a horrible bloke.

[Magic]

Because you're a horrible bloke.

It doesn't matter.

[7om]

If it was a one-off with her then I’d advise talking it out but if she’s had a pattern of cuntish behaviour dating back to your childhood then she sounds like someone you should be cutting ties with. You don’t need that kind shit in your life.

[Magic]

It feels like she's never loved me from day 1.

I intend to, after listening to what she has to say, leave the ball in her court in terms of creating a relationship with me. If she decides not to, then I will start the grieving process. Yet to decide whether I put a time limit on that, maybe a week.

[SvN]

If you haven't got a relationship with your mum after 30 odd years, I think it's time to throw in the towel and pretend she's dead.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

This explains a lot.

[Lewis]

Sez you Oedipus step-complex.

[Spikey M]

If you haven't got a relationship with your mum after 30 odd years, I think it's time to throw in the towel and pretend she's dead.

Yep.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Sez you Oedipus step-complex.
That's the least of my problems.

[igor_balis]

Met a girl off hinge in London a couple of weekends ago. She told me she'd gone to this guys house and left her wallet there, and the dickhead wasn't answering her calls or replying to her messages. He's finally sent her the wallet, and he paid for the fucking postage using her card. I'm not sure if that's the act of a total lunatic or a total legend but i'm not gonna tell her that I pissed myself laughing when i read it.

[mo]

Depends I suppose. If she had to make a swift exit and he felt aggrieved (I'm thinking like explosive diarrhea and escape out the window to avoid the shame) then I'd maybe support that. But if she just didn't want to see him again, don't be a knobhead and pay a couple of quid for postage.

[Spikey M]

Met a girl off hinge in London a couple of weekends ago. She told me she'd gone to this guys house and left her wallet there, and the dickhead wasn't answering her calls or replying to her messages. He's finally sent her the wallet, and he paid for the fucking postage using her card. I'm not sure if that's the act of a total lunatic or a total legend but i'm not gonna tell her that I pissed myself laughing when i read it.

Wallet? Is she a transformer?

[igor_balis]

Wallet? Is she a transformer?

If the evil trans rights lobby find out about the wallet, they'll lock her up and pump her full of testosterone and stick a willy on her. That's what you believe, that is.

[Boydy]

Who cares about her fucking wallet, have you rimmed her yet?

[mo]

Who cares about her fucking wallet, have you rimmed her yet?

No but he's sucked her off.

[igor_balis]

No but he's sucked her off.

haha, okay yeah i'll give you that one

[Spikey M]

My friend has just called me to report in on a date he had last night. She turned up and she only had one nostril. :D

Apparently on her dating profile pictures, she is either wearing a mask or the picture is taken from above / the side. I'd love to know how she thought that was going to work.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Was it one big nostril, or had the other one been filled in?

[Spikey M]

The latter. Birth defect by the look of it. He obviously left the elephant in the room undisturbed and she didn't mention it.

That's the sort of thing you just have to own up front though, isn't it?

[SvN]

The poor bastard.

[Baz]

Reminds me of that Balls Of Steel skit where the woman pretends to walk to the toilet like she has a disability, to see if the man sticks around or scarpers.

[igor_balis]

I've had a very annoying and long lasting will-they-won't-they thing with a girl, and finally I've done the sensible thing of sending a long rambling message essentially going "lol what is the deal with us then??"

I SWEAR I did not go to Glasgow just cus she was there, though admittedly when my pal suggested Glasgow as a location for a city break it did somewhat contribute to agreeing and not suggesting something else.

Friday night was just about the perfect encapsulation of our...thing, whatever it is. She suggested meeting up, then radio silence until literally the night before I was going back down south. Went round at 10pm like an absolute mug, ended up playing fucking rummy with her and her mother who was also visiting. Her mother left us to it, and we spent the next six hours getting wasted, getting all snuggly on the sofa n shit, until 6am when she said "well you can stay in my bed with me, but nothing is going to happen". When I was like WOAH i'm offended you even thought that's what I had in mind, she was like "nah it's for my own benefit as technically I'm in a relationship and wouldn't wanna do anything I regret....;)", then said something along the lines of hehe guess you keep missing the moments when I'm single right?

We've like drunkenly snogged about 5 times over the last 10 years, and the relationship generally involves us not talking for ages, meeting up, getting quite close and intimate, snogging may or may not happen, and when it does she usually finds some reason to stop it going further (like, maybe she has been "seeing this person" or "on her period" or whatever the fuck every time it's looked close to happening, but it feels like she kinda doesn't really know what she wants).

If she was just a mate who I thought was quite fit I'd be less arsed, but this Friday just gone made me realise, like a fucking idiot, I actually have proper wussy romantic lets actually give it a go feelings. So i've basically told her as much. I think there's about a 10% chance she replies saying yes Igor I feel the same way lets get married or some shit, and 90% chance she fucks me off one way or the other. Genuinely okay with either outcome, I just can't be arsed with the fannying around and second guessing and all that shit. LYK how it goes lol!!

[Spikey M]

Why would you want to be in a relationship with a woman that is so obviously going to cheat on you?

[Boydy]

She sounds like a fucking melt. Steer clear.

[Raoul Duke]

Can't believe you missed out on a threesome with her and her mum

[Luca]

She sounds like a fucking melt. Steer clear.

One thousand times yes. This will lead nowhere except unnecessary heartbreak. Avoid.

[niko_cee]

Quite impressive that whatever you would call that has seemingly lasted longer than most marriages.

[Ben]

Pump and dump. Beat her to the punch.

[Foe]

How fit was her mum?

[igor_balis]

How fit was her mum?

Alright about 30 years ago probably

[Bam]

You went all the way to Glasgow to play rummy with some bird that didn't wanna bit? :cab:

[igor_balis]

You went all the way to Glasgow to play rummy with some bird that didn't wanna bit? :cab:

Nah the rummy was just a bonus extra of sorts.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You went all the way to Glasgow to play rummy with some bird that didn't wanna bit? :cab:

Glasgow is nothing...

[Spikey M]

:D

[igor_balis]

:D

[Lofty]

:D

[Boydy]

1592855529474658305

I see Lewis had a date with a milf last night.

[Waffdon]

The first comment is exactly what Lewis looks like as well.

[Lewis]

Imagine some single mother thinking she's better than an 'attractive' man who cares about his teeth and bones.

[Ben]

Milk is awesome.

[Spikey M]

I once started taking my protein shakes with full fat milk during a bulk and we nearly had to replace the toilet, such was the fallout. It's a no from me.

[Waffdon]

Milk is great but drinking it in a pub is obviously a no go and straight onto a sex offenders list

[SincereTheRebel]

If it's on the menu...

[mo]

If it's on the menu...

Kid's menu maybe.

[Magic]

Just spent 3k on an engagement ring lol. I'll never learn.

[Spikey M]

£10 on Judo teacher.

[Don]

My boy got married in Aug 2021. Spent £50k on the wedding, was an average day out I thought. Just bought a £700k house with all the deposit being his but she's on the joint mortgage. Found out last week she's been sending nudes to some top lad. She's due to take 50% of the sale now :happycry:

[Baz]

Is it you? :rosebud:

[Ben]

Soft cunts need to stop proposing to the first bird that touches their cock.

[Waffdon]

Yeah, Magic.

[7om]

Congrats, Magic.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'll have £10 on a butcher taking the new wife.

[igor_balis]

Congrats MJ you silly sausage.

I THINK I'm about to go for a date, first one since the fat Arabic chick in April. Dinner and drinks with a colleague. Will update on the VIBES later. Xx

[Kikó]

Congratulations magic. I hope this one is much better than the previous incarnation of Mrs tragic custard

Edit: assuming she says yes.

[Shindig]

Aye, congrats. Hope it works out.

[Foe]

I hope you make her or him very happy MJ.

[Giggles]

Someone eventually will at least.

[Baz]

Legit question, albeit probably not considered okay: Is she sexier than your ex?

[Waffdon]

I’d fucking hope so

[SincereTheRebel]

Spanner.

[Magic]

This is us:

https://i.postimg.cc/Gp89tQhg/242699371-10225756218511554-5035658689233109892-n.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/L5Rzj7J8/tt55.jpg

[Spikey M]

She has a smile that suggests she's going to kill you in your sleep, but you're still punching. Good lad

[randomlegend]

Beard to hide the gubbed jaw, stealthy work

[Ben]

She gives a similar vibe to my wife, who coincidentally launched her £2.5k engagement ring at me in the local boozer for reasons I forget (and she). I didn't even realise she'd done it until the next morning when she proclaimed it "missing" and astonishingly found it on the floor next to the pool table after I asked the cleaner to let me in. She was very remorseful and we went through with the marriage anyway and had a baby.

Do what you want with that information.

[Manc]

Can't recall the last time I saw a v-neck. Or heavyset eyeliner for that matter. Perfect match.

[Don]

Ben :rasta:

[Boydy]

She gives a similar vibe to my wife, who coincidentally launched her £2.5k engagement ring at me in the local boozer for reasons I forget (and she). I didn't even realise she'd done it until the next morning when she proclaimed it "missing" and astonishingly found it on the floor next to the pool table after I asked the cleaner to let me in. She was very remorseful and we went through with the marriage anyway and had a baby.

Do what you want with that information.
Was this when you proposed?

[Ben]

Look I know I'm a Northerner but even I wouldn't propose in my local surrounded by cocaine and pints of snakebite.

It was about a month after the proposal.

[Magic]

Can't recall the last time I saw a v-neck. Or heavyset eyeliner for that matter. Perfect match.

This was at Leeds beer festival, I nearly never got in because I wasn't vaccinated lol. Scotland was still in lockdown so we lost our minds.

[SincereTheRebel]

Wait, didnt your old man have to black and decker angle grind, some old wedding ring off your sausage fingers a few years back? Your going to learn the hard way lad.

[Magic]

Wait, didnt your old man have to black and decker angle grind, some old wedding ring off your sausage fingers a few years back? Your going to learn the hard way lad.

I literally said that in my post.

[Lofty]

This was at Leeds beer festival, I nearly never got in because I wasn't vaccinated lol. Scotland was still in lockdown so we lost our minds.

At Kirkstall Abbey? What day were you there? :uhoh:

[Boydy]

At Kirkstall Abbey? What day were you there? :uhoh:
As if he could have fucking missed you.

[Ben]

Wait, didnt your old man have to black and decker angle grind, some old wedding ring off your sausage fingers a few years back? Your going to learn the hard way lad.

In another interesting parallel sure to make Magic doubt himself a bit more, my wife had to have hers cut off a few months ago after choosing not to believe the evidence that her hands had puffed up during pregnancy.

[Giggles]

As if he could have fucking missed you.

:lol:

[Spikey M]

As if he could have fucking missed you.

:D

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

As if he could have fucking missed you.

:D

[Magic]

At Kirkstall Abbey? What day were you there? :uhoh:

Town Hall 2021.

[Magic]

And there were loads of rubgy sized benders with bootcut jeans and quirky t-shirts so I probably would have missed him.

[Spikey M]

Lofty is not "rugby sized". He is Ed Kemper sized. You'd notice.

[Lewis]

Beard to hide the gubbed jaw, stealthy work

Not sure about the beard. He looks like Anton Walbrook in the 49th Parallel.

[7om]

I’m gonna say it. Magic is better looking than his missus

[randomlegend]

I’m gonna say it. Magic is better looking than his missus


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YaG5SAw1n0c

[Boydy]

I’m gonna say it. Magic is better looking than his missus
He was better looking than the last one too. He's a handsome lad.

I don't approve of the broccoli haircut though.

[Giggles]

I’m gonna say it. Magic is better looking than his missus

But what an absolutely soulless cretin of a person though. If he married a badger he’d be the less human of the couple.

[randomlegend]

:lol:

[Magic]

But what an absolutely soulless cretin of a person though. If he married a badger he’d be the less human of the couple.

Who needs soul when you've got the looks baby.

[Lofty]

And there were loads of rubgy sized benders with bootcut jeans and quirky t-shirts so I probably would have missed him.

I went this year, I was wearing this though:

https://i.ibb.co/k5WQdwJ/w08ey060735w.jpg

Got a free pint out it :D

[Giggles]

Who needs soul when you've got the looks baby.

I wouldn’t let a couple of the homos on here give you too big a head fuzzy.

[phonics]

I’ve been with a girl for about a month and a half and I have a sudden serious worry she might be pregnant.

[7om]

Why, who’s she been shaggin?

[phonics]

One can hope.

[Lofty]

Have you not been bagging up?

[Magic]

Have you not been bagging up?

Putting a bag over his head won't help with that.

[Giggles]

That happened me back in my secondary school days. I don't think I've ever been as happy as the day I found out she was a bike and some other chump was lumbered with it.

[SincereTheRebel]

I’ve been with a girl for about a month and a half and I have a sudden serious worry she might be pregnant.

Work on your pull out game lad.

[igor_balis]

Well if you're having sex and not using protection, I mean, you know that's how it works right?

[Kikó]

What since when

[SincereTheRebel]

The condom is to protect you. The pill or whatever is to protect her.

[igor_balis]

Like one night stand I get you can do something stupid if you're pissed but if Phonics has just been happily spunking away inside this poor Herefordshire lass for a couple of months and is now going "shit hope she ain't pregnant" then something drastically must have gone wrong, presumably in his brain

[Lofty]

Never ejaculate bareback inside anyone you wouldn't trust with £20.

[7om]

All the gammons with their life advice after the horse has bolted. Where were you when phonics was doing his missus in the ear

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I don't think you can get pregnant via ear.

[Foe]

Spunking In her ear is probably safer (for him).

Hope she’s fit.

[Magic]

That happened me back in my secondary school days. I don't think I've ever been as happy as the day I found out she was a bike and some other chump was lumbered with it.

Great?

I think this needs more unpacking.

[Spikey M]

Are you trying to recruit him into you Fathers 4 Justice branch?

[Giggles]

Great?

I think this needs more unpacking.

Unpack what? Bird gets up the duff, not mine - outstanding result.

[7om]

I don't think you can get pregnant via ear.

Oh look at Mr Shagger over here

[Magic]

Unpack what? Bird gets up the duff, not mine - outstanding result.

Yes...for all involved. I do wonder if this caused you all the issues you have, or at least compounded them. Interesting.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That's what the Ukrainian called me.

[Giggles]

Yes...for all involved. I do wonder if this caused you all the issues you have, or at least compounded them. Interesting.

:D I’d say nice try but it’s not even that.

[phonics]

That's what the Ukrainian called me.

It was a slant rhyme maybe.

[Spikey M]

Yes...for all involved. I do wonder if this caused you all the issues you have, or at least compounded them. Interesting.

Calm down lad. I don't think Giggles raising someone else's kid would make another man raising yours any easier. :console:

[Dark Soldier]

Congrats magic.

Congrats phonics.

[phonics]

Confirmed. I’m a dad.

[7om]

:lol:

[Magic]

:drool:

[phonics]

I’ve set myself a low bar and it’s slightly above the Scottish piss weirdo.

[Pepe]

Welcome to the club mate.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Congrats mate.

[Dquincy]

The condom is to protect you. The pill or whatever is to protect her.

Unless he's riddled.

[Manc]

What exactly has gone on here? Was it a drunken encounter? Did she lie about contraception?

[phonics]

Who gives a shit. Does it change your life? You've been the most personal aggro weirdo, to the point I've had multiple complaints, to various posters in this forums short time existing and you think I'll share that stuff with you? Get fucked.

[Lewis]

Unlucky phonics lad.

[phonics]

TBF I was so desperately single it's kind of cool I won't be in a wheelchair at their graduation.

[Boydy]

When's the wedding? We all invited, yeah?

[Manc]

Who gives a shit. Does it change your life? You've been the most personal aggro weirdo, to the point I've had multiple complaints, to various posters in this forums short time existing and you think I'll share that stuff with you? Get fucked.

Chin up.

[Don]

Manc just wanna say those PMs to Phonics weren't anything personal, I just felt you were, at times, attributing negative connotations to people of multi-ethnic backgrounds.

Anyway, this is Allah's retribution, son, let that be a lesson next time you think of being a big man moderator.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Mother's maiden name?

[Pepe]

Harold if it is a boy. Mantralux (?) if a girl.