The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

[Magic]

Such a considerate lover.

[Spikey M]

Magic lights a candle for a wank.

[SincereTheRebel]

Magic lights a candle for a wank.

Dim the lights and set the mood :D

[Shindig]

"Wank is murder."

https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/WaDTcFVXhFMMnAYRKaPihD-768-80.jpg

[Magic]

And I've had orgasms only Zeus could dream of.

[Pepe]

Wanking before. :harold:

[SincereTheRebel]

And I've had orgasms only Zeus could dream of.

Socks off?

[SincereTheRebel]

Ive seen her every day now and it is all laughs and giggles. Also being the little spoon is my new thing.

[Queenslander]

:cool:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Awww Sincere is in love.

[Spikey M]

Have you checked her tyre tread yet Sincere?

[SincereTheRebel]

Have you checked her tyre tread yet Sincere?

20p coin check and passed.

[Pepe]

:cool:

[Magic]

Ive seen her every day now and it is all laughs and giggles. Also being the little spoon is my new thing.

Told you pegging is the way forward.

[SincereTheRebel]

Slow down. Im not a wild boy.

[SincereTheRebel]

Is anyone a parent to a child thet isnt their own? Living with your girlfriend/wife together as a step-dad to a seed that isnt your own. What is that like?

[7om]

Seed :D

[Spikey M]

I was with a single mum for a little while after I left Uni, although we weren't together long enough for me to meet the kids. I generally just went round once they were both in bed.

Fond memories of hearing one of their Buzz Lightyear toys give it the big "TO INFINITY AND BEYOND" and having roll off his mum like a naked ninja.

[Lofty]

If it goes well enough you bond with the kid the break up is twice as worse, to be honest.

[Don]

The kid will at least be used to the trauma.

[Shindig]

Tune in next week for new episodes of My White Kid.

[Magic]

Only betas bring up other alpha children.

[Pepe]

https://i.imgflip.com/1nhqil.jpg

[Queenslander]

Don't rush moving in.

[SincereTheRebel]

Im struggling to see any type of benefit from a step-dad perspective.

[Lofty]

Only betas bring up other alpha children.

Or get pegged.

[Spikey M]

Im struggling to see any type of benefit from a step-dad perspective.

When you reach a certain age it's a case of choosing between used goods or broken goods.

[Queenslander]

Woah woah woah

[Jimmy Floyd]

My younger sister's been married to a Scotsman for nearly 4 years, they live in Edinburgh (they were together for some years before that). The wedding was great, and he's always been fun to be around, spent a couple of Christmases here etc. I drove them back from their honeymoon. They own a flat (his family has money so stumped up for it I think), they've just bought a new car etc. Three weeks ago they were down here for a post-lockdown visit, all seemed exactly as normal.

This week, out of the blue, he's told her it's over. Even I'm shaken, so christ knows what she must be like. She's legged it back south. My mum knows what's behind it but is so angry she can't even bring herself to tell me on the phone. Could be another woman involved I guess, but for him that would be REALLY weird and out of character. 'Duplicitous bastard' was the phrase used but that sounds weak for adultery. It's truly bewildering.

I think everyone's going mental. I'm really not sure what to do. This sort of thing has never happened in our family.

[Manc]

Is your sister Andie MacDowell?

[Don]

Freshly on the rebound in time for the summer of love would ordinarily have got a :drool: but it looks at serious risk of being postponed.

[Baz]

Maybe he’s confessed his love for her brother.

[niko_cee]

Double life?

I had a similar situation last year when my wife's sisters long term partner dropped the bomb that they were splitting up (not his choice) in the middle of a warhammer related email chain. Rest of the family didn't find out for 6 months so that was fun when it happened.

[Lofty]

No saving throws for that bomb.

[Ian]

I had a similar situation last year when my wife's sisters long term partner dropped the bomb that they were splitting up (not his choice) in the middle of a warhammer related email chain.

What. :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

Double life?

I've always loved a good double life (see John O'Farrell novel The Best a Man Can Get) so if it's this I'll be a bit torn.

[niko_cee]

What. :D

Seriously.

We converse on and off on the subject and he just replied to my last email talking about painting or when we might play or some shite with a message to the effect that "X has called it off, no longer loves me, I'm probably going to have to move out and sell the little men, do you want any". Bolt from the blue to say the least.

Covid has actually kept them living together thus far.

[Ian]

"Oh man that's terrible..... er, do you have any rat ogres?"

[niko_cee]

:D

Yeah, pretty much. Said I'd take the lot.

Not rat ogres though, think I have a box of about 30 of them in the loft already. :/

[Ian]

Well, who doesn't?

[niko_cee]

I've always loved a good double life (see John O'Farrell novel The Best a Man Can Get) so if it's this I'll be a bit torn.

He's not a kickboxer is he?

[Spikey M]

Well, who doesn't?

Normal people. :p

[Boydy]

My younger sister's been married to a Scotsman for nearly 4 years, they live in Edinburgh (they were together for some years before that). The wedding was great, and he's always been fun to be around, spent a couple of Christmases here etc. I drove them back from their honeymoon. They own a flat (his family has money so stumped up for it I think), they've just bought a new car etc. Three weeks ago they were down here for a post-lockdown visit, all seemed exactly as normal.

This week, out of the blue, he's told her it's over. Even I'm shaken, so christ knows what she must be like. She's legged it back south. My mum knows what's behind it but is so angry she can't even bring herself to tell me on the phone. Could be another woman involved I guess, but for him that would be REALLY weird and out of character. 'Duplicitous bastard' was the phrase used but that sounds weak for adultery. It's truly bewildering.

I think everyone's going mental. I'm really not sure what to do. This sort of thing has never happened in our family.
I don't know your mum but "duplicitous bastard" sounds pretty strong to me.

[Lewis]

Maybe he’s confessed his love for her brother.

I thought gayness (not for Floyd though). Maybe kick the coming out into the very long grass.

[Lewis]

I am lolling out loud at 'I don't know your mum but'.

[Manc]

He clearly knows someone's mum.

[Spikey M]

I'm now imagining Jimmy's mum with the mouth of a dockers wife.

[Lofty]

My cousin once pulled the mother of all double lives, living with his fiancee he had been with since school. He decided he actually preferred other women but rather than call it off went into some mad shagging frenzy where he had 4 other women on the go at the same time. In a small town it was never going to end well, somehow he managed to keep them all ignorant of each other until it all came crashing down.

My favourite was the girl who's parents had him on their car insurance :D

[Ian]

:D

[Jimmy Floyd]

I don't know your mum but "duplicitous bastard" sounds pretty strong to me.

Surely if it was cheating you'd go bigger than 'bastard' with no proper swears. Who knows, I'll soon find out.

[Spikey M]

:D I'm going to need more information on each of these relationships. Lofty

I'd never get away with an affair (never mind 4 of them). I'd slip up within the first week.

[SvN]

How do people even have the time for an affair?

[Kikó]

My driving instructor was telling me his wife's dad's brother (bear with me) who managed to pretend to his wife that he was going fishing every weekend. In reality, he had a separate woman and multiple kids with them who he managed to have while having a working week wife.

Must have been seriously stressful.

[Lofty]

:D I'm going to need more information on each of these relationships. Lofty

I'd never get away with an affair (never mind 4 of them). I'd slip up within the first week.

To be honest he wasn't some kind of mastermind he was just flirting with any barmaid D cup and above in pubs suitably well distanced from each other. Any daft enough to flirt back he just relentlessly pursued until he got his end away, but as evidenced by his initial failure he didn't know how to break up with women so just kept shagging new ones without binning any of them off. Then he was tangled in trying to keep them all happy and unaware of the truth. Also this was before social media was king so there was no risk of them being able to just look him up on facebook and rumble him.

[Ian]

Honestly, situation like that getting rumbled must be a relief.

[Spikey M]

There's no way the reward isn't immeasurably outweighed by the risk and stress.

[igor_balis]

Flirted outrageously with work colleague who was sitting in our bit of the office for a change yesterday, and after we finished for the day she asked if I wanted to walk back with her (houses in the same direction etc). I'd say the vibes were good but she's a bit older. And by bit I mean she's 46. Her son is 18. I feel like this might not be a fantastic idea.

[Don]

:drool:

Spent most of today enjoying Britney's mature leathery skin. Does she look like Britney?

[Ian]

Flirted outrageously with work colleague who was sitting in our bit of the office for a change yesterday, and after we finished for the day she asked if I wanted to walk back with her (houses in the same direction etc). I'd say the vibes were good but she's a bit older. And by bit I mean she's 46. Her son is 18. I feel like this might not be a fantastic idea.

How old are you?

[Kikó]

18. In the same uni as her son.

[igor_balis]

How old are you?

29

[Spikey M]

Flirted outrageously with work colleague who was sitting in our bit of the office for a change yesterday, and after we finished for the day she asked if I wanted to walk back with her (houses in the same direction etc). I'd say the vibes were good but she's a bit older. And by bit I mean she's 46. Her son is 18. I feel like this might not be a fantastic idea.

It's a terrible idea but that seems like her problem.

[Lofty]

She's going to be absolute filth, get stuck in then dust off your CV pronto :drool:

[Ian]

It's a terrible idea but that seems like her problem.

:D

[Manc]

You just knew the plot twist was coming at some point. What an imagination.

[igor_balis]

You just knew the plot twist was coming at some point. What an imagination.

As I've said before, you thinking my pretty mundane antics are fabricated either means you think I have a very limited imagination or that your life is so dull that me licking a few smelly arses and falling asleep on a train is ludicrous bullshit.

[SincereTheRebel]

Some of these stories. :lol:

One of my friends, cheated on his girlfriend multiple times by just leaving his girlfriend in the car for five minutes. Whiled parked outside his mistresses flat so he could run upstairs and do the business. This happened once a month over the course of a year. True legend.

[Baz]

What did he say he was doing?

[Queenslander]

Yeah that one doesn't really add up.

[Shindig]

I'm going to go with, "I'm just picking up some drugs."

[Queenslander]

Damn so obvious.

[SincereTheRebel]

Something to do with his friend. As a proud, 3 minute man. It can 100% work.

[Magic]

Can't stand cheaters tbh, cunts and no idea how people can be friends with them.

[Magic]

Flirted outrageously with work colleague who was sitting in our bit of the office for a change yesterday, and after we finished for the day she asked if I wanted to walk back with her (houses in the same direction etc). I'd say the vibes were good but she's a bit older. And by bit I mean she's 46. Her son is 18. I feel like this might not be a fantastic idea.

Isn't 18 old enough?

[Lewis]

'do you... do you ever play any practical jokes on your...'
*kid turns the telly up*

[igor_balis]

'do you... do you ever play any practical jokes on your...'
*kid turns the telly up*

:D

[Boydy]

Any updates Jimmy Floyd?

https://media.tenor.com/images/23b875bff0290d88431de8cb75a161c3/tenor.gif

[Jimmy Floyd]

I still don't know. I'm seeing her on Wednesday after she completes an 800 mile round trip to get her car and things.

[Spikey M]

Can you tell her that isn't going to work for us and ask for a prompt summary of events asap?

[Shindig]

I've read enough spy fiction to piece this together. He left that briefcase at the bus stop after telling the Russians.

[Disco]

Come on Floyd you big tease, what was he up to?

[Ian]

His mum must be a lot less gossipy than mine. I'd have got a "Well I shouldn't tell you, but-" whether I wanted one or not.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The arguments had been escalating for a while (presumably there are arguments at times in most marriages). They started to turn a little sinister in the last year or so as he started being a clingy little child - tantrums about what to buy in shops, cutting off his friends and using her to form his entire social life, tantrums if she wanted to cook x and he wanted to cook y, etc. Bear in mind that throughout this time he's doing a PhD and she's earning for the pair of them. Still, she thinks this is just part of being married and the commitment to marriage is you both find ways to work through it. There is also the slight complicating factor of a very weird sister, who is 'jealous' about her brother spending more time with his wife than with her (I know).

They had some friends over for the England-Scotland game, all fine, and then afterwards my sister said she was going to bed early because she had to be up in the morning to do whatever she was doing. This resulted in a massive meltdown from hubby, who said she never finds time for him etc (clearly bollocks given what I've described above). Then he said well, actually, the thing is, you know Friend A? I've been in love with her for the last year.

She then told him to get out and not come back for a few days. He took his one man tent, put it in the car and drove off to wherever (they live(d) in Edinburgh, so presumably out into the glens or wherever). A few days later, he came back and said IT'S OVER.

As such, she is now in sort of recovery mode, back in King's Landing, glad to be out of it, but also having had her life for the last 5+ years completely destroyed in a matter of days, and with shitloads of painful admin to come. So I guess it's swings and roundabouts.

[Lewis]

Looking elsewhere, throwing wobblers all the time, tossing off whilst she earns for the both of them, being a cunt... He's a big Scottish nationalist isn't he?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Looking elsewhere, throwing wobblers all the time, tossing off whilst she earns for the both of them, being a cunt... He's a big Scottish nationalist isn't he?

Can confirm.

[Shindig]

The way he phrased it, he hasn't even been shagging the other lass. Just that 'he's in love with her' which makes it sound like one-way traffic.

[Magic]

I bet it's another man.

[Pepe]

Probably. He sounds like an annoying woman.

[Lofty]

The amount of angry wanking in that tent during the sabbatical must have been something.

[Disco]

Took a tent, that's classic, proper Malcolm Tucker and his carrier bag vibes.

[igor_balis]

Flirted outrageously with work colleague who was sitting in our bit of the office for a change yesterday, and after we finished for the day she asked if I wanted to walk back with her (houses in the same direction etc). I'd say the vibes were good but she's a bit older. And by bit I mean she's 46. Her son is 18. I feel like this might not be a fantastic idea.

so, been walking her home for the last couple of weeks. invited her for drinks after work with my mate in IT, who bailed last minute. she brought a mate from her department who left after 2 drinks. managed to persuade her to stay for a few more, and once i walked her home she invited me in :cool:

i would have gone for it, but her 18 year old son was there. i feel like this can only end disastrously, but i'm enjoying it for now.

[Lewis]

'how have you never seen Black Books? your mum has obviously failed at...'
*she misunderstands and stops talking to you*

[Shindig]

"Son, just remember to film this."
"I know my job."

[Baz]

Is she fit?

[Lofty]

Should've handed him a tenner and told him to get himself off the to the shops, make a good impression as his new dad.

[Don]

Brah, I get we don't do linkage any more as people are more sensitive to mockery when it's concerning their life partner but some random MILF sket? Get it up.

[SincereTheRebel]

For the first time ever, gyal came into my home and was actually excited to see the original PS1 and driving rig on show. Might have to ask her for her ring size lads.

[Magic]

Probably incredibly tight if she's in to Mahow types.

[Pepe]

Make sure she's not a transformer mate. If not, she a keeper. :drool:

[SincereTheRebel]

It sounded like the condom split and we both heard it. Stupidly, I carried on after a quick check. It seemed OK. I pulled out before the explosion and after further inspection. It did indeed tear.

Plan B.

[Lofty]

Is plan B the morning after pill or you leaving town?

[Spikey M]

White rapper and failed actor.

[SincereTheRebel]

The morning after pill. Super annoying when things like this happen. I didn't shoot up the gulag and it didn't leak out until I forced it out during the post-check. It should be OK but that pre-dribble is a ninja.

[Offshore Toon]

Never heard gulag used in that way and I'm struggling to make sense of it.

[randomlegend]

Presumably the condom is the gulag (because a gulag is a prison and it's like a cock prison). Hence shooting up the gulag would be coming in the condom.

Can't believe I just typed that out. Pleased to be of service.

[SincereTheRebel]

I took a viagra last night and didn't even get to have sex. I didn't notice any rock hard wood either to be fair.

[Baz]

Proper viagra or one of those mysterious blue pills from pub (and weirdly, Asda) toilet machines?

[SincereTheRebel]

From the chemist.

[Spikey M]

Why do you need Viagra?

[SincereTheRebel]

It is supposed to help stand your wood up

[Spikey M]

Sorry Pele.

[Shindig]

After all those years of dodging condoms, he turns impotent as soon as he starts using them.

[Spikey M]

It's probably just the antibiotic resistant Gonorrhea.

[Lofty]

I feel the professional meat puppet view that using it when you don't need it is a slippery slope to needing it, is a valid one. Only hard ons made from love and bad decisions for me.

[Magic]

Been at the tantra myself. :drool:

[SincereTheRebel]

Ive used condoms over the past month and it appears to have caused a problem. Not only is it levels below the pleasure of unprotected. My wood retreats the moment he comes in contact with the latex. He just seeks salvation back into my body.

[-james-]

My girlfriend came off birth control after about a decade recently. Condoms are truly the worst.

[Magic]

I had that too. Like spike says nothing a good course of penicilin can't fix.

[Lofty]

The last time I used one was a tesco own brand jobbie that felt like I had put my bell end in the crippler crossface.

[Manc]

Did it tap out?

[Magic]

Took the wife and kids out.

[Waffdon]

Proposing on Wednesday, mates. When did I get so old

[Kikó]

This wednesday or next?

[niko_cee]

:D

Good luck.

[Giggles]

Is she under 40 and not already married?

[Magic]

Don't do it.

[Spikey M]

Is she under 40 and not already married?

It's Scotland. There's nobody over 40 and everybody has been married.

[Giggles]

He’s fond of the milfs though and I thought he’d lost the run of himself again.

[Waffdon]

Haha no, she’s a year younger. I realised going through milfs wasn’t the correct path of life.

Sensible and boring now. :cool:

[Giggles]

I’m a little bit disappointed.

[Baz]

Do you fancy her?

[Waffdon]

The wedding won’t be for years so plenty time to ruin things x

[Spikey M]

Boring Waff can go on the list with New Mini's and Convertible Range Rovers.

Come back when you're having an affair with a 38 year old grandmother you twat.

(Good luck xoxo)

[Lofty]

Haha no, she’s a year younger. I realised going through milfs wasn’t the correct path of life.

Sensible and boring now. :cool:

Wash your mouth out, nothing better than a milf wanting you to bum her in a car park cos her fella prefers fishing these days.

[Waffdon]

Do you fancy her?

Nah, but her family have money

[Shindig]

Nobody in Dundee has money. Not since Lorraine Kelly sold up.

[Waffdon]

Wash your mouth out, nothing better than a milf wanting you to bum her in a car park cos her fella prefers fishing these days.

I have realised the 35-45 are a lot more filthy than folk my age. You’re a lucky man

[Waffdon]

Nobody in Dundee has money. Not since Lorraine Kelly sold up.

Good thing they don’t live in Dundee then. :lol:

[Queenslander]

Did you have to ask her father's permission?

[Waffdon]

I’m not sure if I have to or not but I took him out for a pint and got his blessings or whatever.

[Queenslander]

:cool:

I would assume it just makes life easier for you.

[Queenslander]

Missus had a hysterectomy last night as Cancer preventing precaution. Poor bugger has had 7 surgeries all up including mastectomy and breast reconstruction with that stomach surgery they do to fill in the new breast.

Chemo and radiation feel like a lifetime ago not too mention our lives together pre cancer.


We are very lucky that we are best friends as she is now in the middle of menopause meaning our relationship has aged 20 years without the marriage.

The last 3 or so years has been wild.

[Lofty]

Jesus mate sorry to hear that, can't imagine what that has been like, especially with all covid madness thrown in. It is a testament to the strength of your relationship that you are still together, hope she gets well soon.

[Ian]

If you were having to ask their father's permission you'd have to question how you appear to have started dating a girl from the 1950s.

That sucks, Queenslander. :( I was a bit confused about the menopause after a hysterectomy thing there but google tells me it's a "surgical menopause", is that what's happening there? Or have I just misunderstood how the whole thing works?

[Queenslander]

Thanks mate. Just got her home and she is fine apart from the surgery wounds.

Very grateful to the public health system down here.

[Queenslander]

If you were having to ask their father's permission you'd have to question how you appear to have started dating a girl from the 1950s.

That sucks, Queenslander. :( I was a bit confused about the menopause after a hysterectomy thing there but google tells me it's a "surgical menopause", is that what's happening there? Or have I just misunderstood how the whole thing works?

Chemo kick started the menopause from my understanding.

[Ian]

Fuck's sake.

[Queenslander]

Just gotta roll with the punches. I don't want kids and she doesn't want anymore so that side of it isn't a problem. The mood swings are challenging but I'm in regular therapy for my own stuff so I have a sounding board to work through any built up stuff that I can't bring up with the missus

[Baz]

Very grateful to the public health system down here.Most of us are top, top lads, to be fair.

[Magic]

Just gotta roll with the punches. I don't want kids and she doesn't want anymore so that side of it isn't a problem. The mood swings are challenging but I'm in regular therapy for my own stuff so I have a sounding board to work through any built up stuff that I can't bring up with the missus

I can feel the pain in this post. No need to be brave on here, mate.

[Waffdon]

If you were having to ask their father's permission you'd have to question how you appear to have started dating a girl from the 1950s.

That sucks, Queenslander. :( I was a bit confused about the menopause after a hysterectomy thing there but google tells me it's a "surgical menopause", is that what's happening there? Or have I just misunderstood how the whole thing works?

I didn’t have to do anything, I just thought it was the nice thing to do. Her parents are young as fuck anyway, he’s only just turned 42. Sound lad

[Magic]

I know a great divorce lawyer.

[Waffdon]

You and your ex are both mongs though, it was never going to last mate.

[Don]

Don't listen to the soft shites, there's still time to back out and live a few more years.

[randomlegend]

That sucks, Queenslander. :( I was a bit confused about the menopause after a hysterectomy thing there but google tells me it's a "surgical menopause", is that what's happening there? Or have I just misunderstood how the whole thing works?

Menopause happens as ovarian function starts to fail and the ovaries produce less hormones.

Chemo can affect the ovaries which is why menopause may start to kick in with chemo.

With regards to the surgery, a hysterectomy refers to removal of the uterus. Often surgery referred to colloquially as a hysterectomy is actually a hystero-(uterus)-salpingo-(ovarian tubes)-oopher-(ovaries)ectomy. If you remove the ovaries, you bring about instant menopause as you entirely remove their function (unless you give HRT to add back some of the hormones the ovaries would have been producing). If the surgery was for cancer prevention it's quite likely they did take the ovaries too, but obviously I don't know the details.

Queenslander sorry to hear you've both been going through all that. Hopefully things can start going in the right direction from here.

[Kikó]

All the best Queens to you and the missus. My sister in law has been through similar recently with chemo and surgery and they hope it's now the end of it and she can go back to some sort of normal life.

[Queenslander]

She already has her return date for the gym. :cab:

[Spikey M]

Sorry to hear this shit is still going on Queeny. My PM's remain open if you want to talk, shout or scream about any of this. Just remember to look after yourself. My mum always said it's harder watching someone you love go through this shit than it is to actually go through it.


All the best Queens to you and the missus. My sister in law has been through similar recently with chemo and surgery and they hope it's now the end of it and she can go back to some sort of normal life.

There must be something in the water. My sister in law is having a hysterectomy and radiotherapy in a few weeks.

Who knew Ignoring cancer for 16 months would cause a sudden influx of cases upon resuming service?

[Kikó]

Good luck 🤞

She was actually able to catch it and be treated without any impact but she's in Switzerland so a properly funded healthcare system.

[SincereTheRebel]

Proposing on Wednesday, mates. When did I get so old

You are more of a man than me. Hopefully, she says yes

[Waffdon]

She said yes :cool:

Couldn’t wait until Wednesday lolz

[Baz]

How did you do it?

[Magic]

Where did you do it?

[Magic]

Why did you do it?

[randomlegend]

What did you do it?

[Waffdon]

How did you do it?

At the loch in front of some ducks and swans ��

[Foe]

Perfect.

Black Swan and some crispy duck wraps for anniversary memories.

Or the mighty ducks. But that’s a harder sell.

[Magic]

At the loch in front of some ducks and swans ��

Jesus Christ what one.

[Shindig]

https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/1172656403443593216/tVo1JDLn_400x400.jpg

[Spikey M]

Jesus Christ what one.

I doubt be knows all the ducks names.

[Kikó]

https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/1172656403443593216/tVo1JDLn_400x400.jpg

😂

Congrats Waffles. Look forward to the wedding.

[Dquincy]

Congratulations, Waffles. Well played.

Ps. Tell me you met her only a month ago for extra points?

[Foe]

Yeah. Congrats also.

[Dquincy]

1438954672333729795

[Waffdon]

Jesus Christ what one.

In dunkeld brother

[randomlegend]

1438954672333729795

Grats, Waff.

[Bam]

:beer: Waff.

[Baz]

Stag do?

[Lofty]

Gz Waff.

[Dquincy]

For the love of God.

[Magic]

In dunkeld brother

Is there a loch there?

[Waffdon]

Just before Butterstone

[Waffdon]

Stag do?

Of course. Not for a good few years though

[Dquincy]

Got to wait until she's 16.

[randomlegend]

:D

[Waffdon]

Got to wait until she's 16.

Only a few more weeks ��

[SincereTheRebel]

Video evidence of the proposal or it didn't happen. You young youth record and document everything.

[igor_balis]

It's on his Snapchat story grandad

[Bam]

It's on his Snapchat story grandad

Why have you got him on Snapchat? :cab:

[Giggles]

If igor isn’t part of something then did it really even happen?

[SincereTheRebel]

It's on his Snapchat story grandad

Pardon me. I was checking on MySpace.

[Lofty]

Why have you got him on Snapchat? :cab:
More to the point why would anyone be looking at snapchat for anything other than nudes?

[Ian]

Wait are people not still doing most of their e-socialising via Habbo Hotel? No wonder I've got no mates.

[Shindig]

Is the pool open yet?

[Dquincy]

More to the point why would anyone be looking at snapchat for anything other than nudes?

Erm, hook me up brah.

[igor_balis]

More to the point why would anyone be looking at snapchat for anything other than nudes?

I never said they was wearing clothes

[Waffdon]

Why have you got him on Snapchat? :cab:

I don’t even have Snapchat :D

[Mike]

I don’t even have Snapchat :D
Then who are we all watching propose next to those ducks?

[Smjffy]

First off, chaps, I want to just reassure that this isn't the start of some breakdown or return to former behaviours. I don't even know if it's just to get it off my chest somewhere or if one of you surprisingly pops up with some advice.

I won't get into too much detail but I have been sort of seeing someone since April, I say sort of because we've never really been official and most out time together we spent denying what was blatant to everyone else, even ourselves I guess but I think we both valued the friendship too much to risk it. Until of course we did risk it by doing sleeping together the day I was meant to leave, a pity fuck I thought at the time but instead of leaving, I ended up staying and it just continued and then one night during the summer, we finally spoke about it together and admitted how we really felt and had felt for much longer than April.

Initially it had been great, unexpected but pretty natural. Occasional doubts given we both have a bit of a shit history with relationships but nothing untoward with one another, no fall outs, arguments and what not.

The last few weeks it hasn't really been like that and I'd be lying if I said it probably wasn't viewed that way from both our perspectives but neither of us really spoke about it in great detail, not so much touch and go but you could sense things were at a stage where they were going to go one way or the other, we were either going to bite the bullet and become an official item or we wouldn't. As you learn more about one another, I suppose that's natural. We've both been on our own 'journey' so to speak for nearly two years and so this wasn't ever part of the plan, for her nor for me but you can't help the way you feel, I guess.

However, those same journey's we've been on has probably brought things to the current stage. I sensed nearly two weeks ago that something was brewing, not because she told me things I didn't know but because I felt it, from her and in myself. Not so much incompatible but that now isn't the time and our challenge of maintaining friendship whilst looking as though we were going places was having a bit of an affect, not all for the good it must be said.

Two weeks ago was the strongest feeling because I had many occasions when I wanted to be anywhere else than with her, not because things weren't right or whatever, it just felt like she would rather be somewhere else and truth be told, I did too. We'd meet up but almost as soon as we did, there was times I couldn't wait to get away, it wasn't having positive impact as I'd be having a great day, looking forward to seeing her until we'd see one another and it just seemed a little off. It could have been my own self doubts so I tried not thinking too much into it but these same self doubts that I've been experiencing for much of our time together, mostly about myself, I put down to my confidence which is up and down a lot of the time. First lockdown shot me to pieces I can't lie, I wasn't a massively confident individual in my own mind even back then but I could put on a game face if needed but lockdown one really did fuck me initially, then it slowly grew back and then with all the campaigning etc that I was doing and the way I was handling things, I sort of discovered a new level, both confidence and sense of achievement, surprising myself with the things I was doing and realising that perhaps I was realising this 'potential' that I'd long been told I had.

I put the campaigning to bed once I returned to work because the bills don't pay themselves but in April I wasn't the best, I had extra pounds, my fitness was lacking but I slogged it out, this summer being a huge challenge but again one that I overcome. The only downside to most of it in regards to this lass was that I was reading all the signs right prior to anything happening but a combination of my own doubts, lack of belief, lack of confidence meant I was only realising that I was right long after the fact, the one night conversation we had for example, it confirmed how much of an idiot I had been for not telling myself off and instead beating myself up a little, thinking maybe it was a looks thing, an age thing, perhaps I was boring etc. You know the drill, I hope.

Anyways, she went away for a week, the week has been a nice breathe of fresh air tbh, I missed her a lot of course but I knew when she came back we were due another chat and it was only going to go one way or the other, in my mind I felt it was going to go the let's just remain friends route but given how often I'd read the signs right but thought the opposite, it wouldn't have surprised me in the slightest if she came back and said yes, let's get together properly which despite all the above, would have been absolutely awesome because I feel I have been in love with this lass way before we even started working together again as there was a good six month break inbetween, besides, the first time we met she was with someone, they split, she left, I ended up going home before or after that, I can't recall entirely but it was by chance that we'd be working together for same employer but different location this time.

Just to nip this in the bud, it was as expected. She wants to remain friends. I'm not too surprised by that as I pretty much expected that to be the case and I totally 100% hold no grudge about it either as I understand her reasons, I can't even challenge them because I know she is right, not just from her own perspective but personally, I think it is probably the right thing too.

But here's the thing. I'm crushed. Legit hurt even though I feel I do know that it is for the best because our friendship has probably suffered a little as a result and that friendship was the main reason I didn't pursue things earlier. How would you handle this if in a similar position? I just don't know what to do. It's not a case of give her time and space as if she wanted or needed that, of course I'd make sure that that was the case but more how do you go back to what was before what has been? We can't pretend nothing happened, we can't pretend the outcome doesn't suck and I'd say we can't pretend anything because one of the things that has been so great about us both is that other than the denial, we've been completely upfront and open with one another from the moment we met almost. A legitimate friend and as sad as it sounds, that's something I haven't had too much of in a good number of years, someone who truly does care about you, who wants nothing but the best, who'll tell you the things you don't want to hear.

Sorry. I know this is a risk with it being me posting this but I am perplexed right now.

[Spikey M]

Smiff, I say this with all the love in my heart; what the fuck are you talking about?

[Smjffy]

It needed a tl:dr, didn't it?

Fell for a lass, didn't risk making a move because our friendship was too valuable and didn't think she was interested despite the signs, then out the blue we slept together, then again and again and things moved fast, the signs I read before anything happened I was right on, she'd just not done anything because of where she was in her own life. We blurred the lines but it looked like it was going relationship route, instead it hasn't gone that way, it's a remain friends route which I totally understand because she's right in almost everything she says but now as crushed as I feel, I don't know how to backtrack and be friends.

I don't want to lose that as well as what we had but I don't know how to react, what to do, how to go about things etc as it's not a position I have ever been in. Normally a relationship ends and it's a clean cut with me, speak every now and again but that won't be the case here because we'll still bump into one another daily, we haven't fell out, we'll still hang out on a regular basis and that to me makes no sense, probably less sense than my post above because that is how close we were. Now I feel even if I say no to something we used to do then its already making things different.

Example. We meet up every day on her break for a coffee, do I keep doing that or do I stop? Limit it? I would still meet too as nothing bad has happened but that's not going to be easy on the heart given how I feel about her and I don't want to be one of them guys.

Fuck, still wasn't a tl;dr was it.

Sorry, I'm just crushed it went as I expected and now I'm scared shitless that my inability to know how to act is going to alter or lose the friendship completely too.

[Spikey M]

It sounds like you just need to talk to her, but it also sounds like that's been the case since April. Talking is important at the best of times, but when you are prone to over-thinking it's even more so.

Ask her outright what she wants from here. You might not like the answer, but it's better than not knowing the answer at all.

[Smjffy]

Friendship is what she wants and I'm fine with that because I feel like I knew she was going to come back from her little break and tell me what she did so although its crushing, I've been braced for it.

I think I've been so wrapped up in that thought though that I haven't thought too much about what happens after. My own thought was go back to basics and ensure I continue looking after myself, physically, mentally etc as I took remaining friends as a given but now I feel like I'm plagued by a million questions. I can't imagine meeting tomorrow for our daily coffee for example because I don't think it would feel right given I need to process her decision properly. She's due to come round Friday or Saturday but that was before telling me what she has earlier than I expected it. Sorry chaps, Spikey, I'm just rocked by it because I do feel losing the friendship or making it less than it was will be worse than the bombshell she's already landed. I don't want to go doing the wrong thing or anything that is going to have an adverse affect on her, me or our friendship.

If she comes round on weekend for example, I know we'll talk about what she has already told me but face to face and I'll crumble, pathetic I know but I will. I thought it would be easy to go from what we were doing to just friends as conceded a long time ago that that was all it was going to be, until of course it wasn't and now I'm just all over the joint. I probably am overthinking things, it is a trait of mine as it is and it doesn't feel like I expected it to because I thought I would be fine no matter what we were (whatever title was attached at least).

Our feelings haven't changed, just that she doesn't want to be in a relationship which is fine but I'm not a fuck buddy sort of person either. Sorry. I hope I feel differently before weekend or she herself decides not to come because I don't want to make that move. I'm sure she would understand but in my mind it says I'm already moving the goalposts and distancing myself because it's not something I've done with her, I love spending time with her. Or loved.

Fuck knows. Sorry.

[SvN]

That's 5 apologies in 3 posts. Pull yourself together, man.

Clearly you can't handle being just friends, so tell her that, and move on.

[Smjffy]

;) Sorry. I'm in one piece, I don't know if I can handle being just friends or not until I've tried and I'm willing to but not knowing how to go about that in my mind will ruin the friendship anyway.

I'm apologetic not for what I post but because I know it probably comes across as something so insignificant and petty in the grand scheme of things as if the friendship is as true as I think, it'll work itself out but I was just after a bit of reassurance or advice on how best to approach things. Knowing myself as I do, I feel I'm going to approach it in the worst way possible and it be my own actions that harm it even if I mean well.

I can't even be sure if asking for some time apart to process what has happened is a reasonable request or not, in my mind it's reasonable but in a woman's mind, would that be me distancing myself or making more of things than needed? Just confusing, really.

[Spikey M]

You can probably be friendly, but being actual friends after being in a relationship is always difficult. I have a few ex-girlfriends I'd stop and talk to, but that's about it.

[Manc]

I have a few ex-girlfriends I'd stop and talk to, but that's about it.

Player.

[igor_balis]

I'm pretty good pals with most of the people I was previously involved with romantically, but that's probably more a reflection of how shallow and un-relationshipppy the relationships actually were. Maybe.

[Spikey M]

Player.

Innit tho

[Lofty]

Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, Smiff. Just stay focused and don't rebound into a major relationship like my idiot brothers-in law.

[Smjffy]

Cheers. Its not so much getting over her that I feel I need to do because I accept it for what it is and we were both aware that this could be the case pretty early on but the remaining friends, I just don't see how it'll be anything like it was before we blurred the lines and not just because we know one another better now but because we can't hide how we feel like we did back then because we are fully aware.

Feel like the chat I had with someone closer to the action has helped a little so I'm going to go ahead with the weekend and just see how it goes, kind of show her that I can be the best of both, OK, she doesn't want to be together in an official capacity but I can moving forward on a personal level and show her I can be every bit as good as a friend even if she knows it isn't what I want completely.

Thanks for not jumping on me chaps.

[Lofty]

Innit tho

Where did your other post go? :D

[Spikey M]

The reference was a bit in-jokey. Can't let the plebs in on GROUP business.

[Kikó]

I liked it mate.

[SincereTheRebel]

You probably want to make things as clear as possible. Confusion is never a good thing. I would never recommend being just her friend though. They benefit massively from having a male friend, but we gain very little by having lady friends.

[igor_balis]

Yikes, my mate invited me to his birthday party on Saturday, but I delayed responding cus I might not be free.

He followed up this morning with "by the way me and my girlfriend seperated"

Oh shit, what happened?

"I proposed".

Fucking hell, happy birthday mate. They've been together for like 7 years and they got a mortgage about 18 months ago.

[Lewis]

Get in there lad.

[igor_balis]

She is really fit tbf

[Lewis]

Never mind then.

[igor_balis]

Well, exactly

[Pepe]

:lol:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Yikes, my mate invited me to his birthday party on Saturday, but I delayed responding cus I might not be free.

He followed up this morning with "by the way me and my girlfriend seperated"

Oh shit, what happened?

"I proposed".

Fucking hell, happy birthday mate. They've been together for like 7 years and they got a mortgage about 18 months ago.
:D

[Lewis]

Do people get to that point purely through sunk cost thinking? It's been a year, what's another six months, year, three years... Then they see their arse when a proposal comes up or end up having cunty kids and staying together.

[Ian]

Pretty much, yeah.

[igor_balis]

Do people get to that point purely through sunk cost thinking? It's been a year, what's another six months, year, three years... Then they see their arse when a proposal comes up or end up having cunty kids and staying together.

It's probably lockdown right? My mate is a really lovely and genuine guy, but a bit old before his time. Maybe being around the cunt 24/7 as he pottered away in his little vegetable patch for 18 months was a bit of a "oh my god I'm 27 and this is just the rest of my life now". Feel for the lad but I don't blame her.

[Spikey M]

Fuck sake I'd take the opportunity to leave the sad cunt myself.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's probably lockdown right? My mate is a really lovely and genuine guy, but a bit old before his time. Maybe being around the cunt 24/7 as he pottered away in his little vegetable patch for 18 months was a bit of a "oh my god I'm 27 and this is just the rest of my life now". Feel for the lad but I don't blame her.
What's he growing?

[igor_balis]

Dunno some tomatoes or some shit, he showed me them all when we was predrinking for some shit house party but Id had too much wine and it was hot so I sort of just glazed over and kept saying wow that's cool man

[phonics]

On that subject, a guy with a wife and 2 kids made me listen to all 3 and a half minutes of a guitar solo he'd learnt during lockdown. I wanted to kill myself just hearing it at a level he was proud of.

[Ian]

My sister's friend does am dram musical theatre type stuff and has a new other half.

So my sister has them round for dinner, etc. for the first time as a couple and so she can meet the new fella and whatnot and apparently he encouraged her to sing a full song from a show she had coming up.

Even if they're a good singer that sounds an excruciating way to spend a few minutes.

[Lewis]

I once went to a house-warming party where somebody got their daughter to do something similar. The kid refused because they were embarrassed, so they made them do it with their back to everyone.

[Pepe]

Yeah, that is annoying. Keep your hobbies to yourself, people. No one gives a shit.

[Shindig]

Try sitting in on a relative's pub gig. :moop:

[Spikey M]

I once had a date with a girl that loved Karaoke. So off we went to a karaoke night at her local and she was up and down like she'd had a dodgy curry, putting in far too much effort. It was horribly uncomfortable.

It also quickly became clear that she had been rattled by half the pub previously. Which was nice.

[7om]

Hey don’t talk about your wife like that.

[Shindig]

Imagine the atmosphere walking into that pub for that reason.

[Baz]

I once went to a house-warming party where somebody got their daughter to do something similar. The kid refused because they were embarrassed, so they made them do it with their back to everyone.

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/ImperturbableUnkemptLarva-size_restricted.gif

[Don]

The local boozer's karaoke slut is always an elite slut. I don't mean in quality either, just heart and commitment.

[Lofty]

I can never handle those impromptu musical performances, think I was traumatised as a child when my dad used to just play his sax and if I asked a question he would just look right at me and keep playing. I reckon he wouldn't have stopped playing even if the house was on fire.

[Kikó]

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/ImperturbableUnkemptLarva-size_restricted.gif

Brilliant

[Mike]

I once had a date with a girl that loved Karaoke. So off we went to a karaoke night at her local and she was up and down like she'd had a dodgy curry, putting in far too much effort. It was horribly uncomfortable.

It also quickly became clear that she had been rattled by half the pub previously. Which was nice.

Misread this as karate.

[Smjffy]

So....she's pregnant. Fuck.

[7om]

Good luck.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Congrats Smiff :)

[Spikey M]

So....she's pregnant. Fuck.

Yours? Or someone else's and that's why she broke it off?

[Ian]

There's probably still time for you to say you just want to be friends, I reckon. "PREGNANT? I thought you said something about the Queen REGNANT. Hahaha, what a mixup!"

[SincereTheRebel]

So....she's pregnant. Fuck.

https://giffiles.alphacoders.com/185/185303.gif

[Smjffy]

Yours? Or someone else's and that's why she broke it off?

Mine. She didn't come on but thought body was balancing itself out after implant was removed. We last slept together just before her break, she came back, we didn't speak much then she called to say so did a test, bizarre as fuck doing such a thing over video chat but had to be real for her.

I was gutted tbh, scared too because I thought I knew what she'd decide to do about it although a little relieved because you know, I'm good with kids but I'm not father material.

Well, I say not, were gonna find out because she's like me and doesn't believe in abortion.

I'm nervous as fuck and heads been up my ass for the last week or so but I just gotta face it and prepare as best as I can, however that is, I haven't got a clue what to do from here other than try not show how fucked up it is.

[Magic]

Congrats mate. Let me know if you wish to discuss monthly payments.

[Spikey M]

Considering the events of the last month I would be wanting a paternity test.