The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

[Lewis]

Does she have any kids?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Can this all fall to pieces sharpish? I'm not a fan of happy Magic.

[Magic]

Does she have any kids?

Nope. Never married either. Pure psychopath by all accounts. :drool:

[Boydy]

Happy for you, Magic. :)

[Baz]

Fucking gay.

I’ve never felt like you’re pretending to.

[niko_cee]

Good job Magic :thumb:

I mean :thbup:

[Magic]

Lol well.

She came off her ADs on Hogmonay and was fine until today, but we were basically together until yesterday night. Today she's had a complete nervous and mental breakdown in tears all day. I can't do anything as I've got A overnight, feel a bit of a retard for blindly supporting her on that decision on the back of a few months of happiness.

Guess this might be terminal as I really don't know what to do and she's got many issues she hasn't worked through yet. Shouldn't have Facebook official'd. God damnit. :face:

[-james-]

Anti depressant withdrawal is some real shit. Give it some time to even out, communicate etc.

[Manc]

Dating another pleb.

[Baz]

Dating another pleb.
:lol:

[phonics]

Is half the western world on anti-depressants? I swear I run into a bunch of people who I thought had their shit together way more than I do being on them. That's my excuse for being a mess, I'm not taking PEDs.

[Giggles]

Is half the western world on anti-depressants? I swear I run into a bunch of people who I thought had their shit together way more than I do being on them. That's my excuse for being a mess, I'm not taking PEDs.

Everyone is told they need to be on them every time they’re a bit fed up. Huge industry now.

[Shindig]

"I have anxiety" has crawled into the realm of identity politics for people who have no identity. Whatever happened to just giving them a few gym sessions to cheer up?

[Magic]

It was for PTSD her last relationship was (?). To be fair I didn't realise what she was like before she started taking them.

Maybe I'd have been a bit more cautious in my flippant GO YOU.

[P_3]

Wow, that's dreadful. Poor girl. Whatever you do, don't be a dick and run. Support her through it and you'll come out stronger on the other side.

[Lewis]

I bet you're absolutely revelling in being the well-adjusted one. Properly drinking it in.

[Magic]

Wow, that's dreadful. Poor girl. Whatever you do, don't be a dick and run. Support her through it and you'll come out stronger on the other side.

Yeah that's what I tried to do. Not sure how successful it was but we just had a really long chat that was all positive and nice.

She is back on now. If she wants to again she said she'd seek doctor advice and do a plan, and I'll support her if and when that time comes, in the knowledge of what to expect. That was hard, as it brought back my stuff too. Proud we got through that as well as my initial meltdown.

Is this 'healthy'? Learning every day.

[Magic]

I bet you're absolutely revelling in being the well-adjusted one. Properly drinking it in.

Not at all. I'm not well adjusted, I think it's because I understand and have empathy with someone who gets me and is also growing and learning. It's quite nice.

I still get on my head sometimes but I am aware I'm doing it now. Was especially aware of that today.

[SincereTheRebel]

The most important thing is you

[P_3]

Really big of you Magic. Kudos.

[Magic]

The most important thing is you

I know. Already I've learnt so much about a deep relationship. Incredible really. Even if it doesn't work out I can take so much from it. My eyes are open.

The whole terminal thing above was me in my head.

We'll see how it goes, but each day as it comes definitely helps keep perspective.

[SincereTheRebel]

You don't want to inherit or take on other peoples problems. Unless you want too and are fully prepared to go all the way.

[Spoonsky]

Two years with my girlfriend today, dunno how that happened. I’m not sure if everyone in their twenties thinks this, but I’d give decent odds that we get married.

[Shindig]

You don't want to inherit or take on other peoples problems.

Rubber up, then.

[mugbull]

Two years with my girlfriend today, dunno how that happened. I’m not sure if everyone in their twenties thinks this, but I’d give decent odds that we get married.

It’s a nice cover photo for sure, Mr Camera

[SincereTheRebel]

Rubber up, then.

I don't gamble with my money. I gamble with my life.

[Magic]

Two years with my girlfriend today, dunno how that happened. I’m not sure if everyone in their twenties thinks this, but I’d give decent odds that we get married.

Gorgeous photo as well that mate. Looked really genuine and like it was the real you and the real her. Happy days. :)

[Magic]

In my news, things still going really well. She’s pretty much staying at mine every Thursday night as it’s much easier for her to get to work on Friday as she does a different location.

Other than that, still taking it slow, still not met A, still developing and progressing with myself and all my relationships in life. Loving it.

[Mazuuurk]

Yeah alright mate thats great but tell us the saucy stuff now.

[Spikey M]

Gorgeous photo as well that mate. Looked really genuine and like it was the real you and the real her. Happy days. :)

Fuck off Bruh.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The payoff is going to be glorious.

[Magic]

Yeah alright mate thats great but tell us the saucy stuff now.

I can make her squirt. :eyemouth:

[Pleb]

:cool:

[mo]

I can make her squirt. :eyemouth:

That is the quality content we come here for.

(But seriously, glad it's going well)

[Spoonsky]

Real talk, it seems like you’re doing so much better Magic :) I know it’s a long bumpy road and you won’t be able to make her squirt each and every time, but progress is all about taking it step by step.

[Mazuuurk]

I can make her squirt. :eyemouth:

Das gud.

[SincereTheRebel]

Are you giving her raw wood though?

[Magic]

Are you giving her raw wood though?

Yes.

[SincereTheRebel]

Yes.

https://media1.giphy.com/media/xT4ApjjMoHdbCrVu0w/giphy.gif

[bruhnaldo]

Fuck off Bruh.

When you capitalize it ..

[Giggles]

I can make her squirt. :eyemouth:

From the front?

[SincereTheRebel]

I laughed off the thought of being curled up for the next few weeks and a baby arriving in 9 months time. However, I suspect quite a few of you will be in the same position.

[Magic]

How many couples realising they hate each other. Fucking hell can't imagine still being with that bitch and going through this. :drool:

[mo]

I laughed off the thought of being curled up for the next few weeks and a baby arriving in 9 months time. However, I suspect quite a few of you will be in the same position.

They’ll all be first born, guaranteed.

[Spikey M]

:D you ain't wrong.

[Magic]

Anyone in to toys?

[Giggles]

Anyone in to toys?

As in cuddly toys and Barbies or as in butt plugs and gimp masks?

[Magic]

I wouldn't class a gimp mask and whips and chains etc as toys. That's more BDSM. Yes I meant vibies, pluggies etc.

[SincereTheRebel]

Na. Never used any additional tools in the bedroom.

[Magic]

Neither had I. The new mrs bought a cheap cock ring (it sucked) so I bought a beast from Ann Summers (lol). It's great for quickies when there's no foreplay but loses it's worth in a big sesh. She said she had a box of toys (didn't ask her to elaborate) that she'd thrown out, her ex was a bit of an abusive cunt so I reckon there was maybe some BDSM shit there? She likes very mild choking as well. Might bring it up with her in terms of fantasy exploration (the toys, nothing else).

I haven't told her I'm absolutely in to anal, I did try and fist my ex-wife too which was a massive turn on, lol. As it stands we haven't broached anal yet. I think she'd be quite in to it but I reckon she thinks I'm not, because I was in such a long marriage. Let me tell you when you've only got the same snatch to play with for 10 years you learn some pretty funky and freaky shit.

I guess my worry would be this lifts the lid on some absolutely mental sex stuff which I might not be comfortable with, or feel out of my depth or inadequate. Guess I won't know until we talk about it?

[Spikey M]

Thumb it in lad.

[Magic]

Do you guys talk about fantasies and fetishes with your partners?

[Giggles]

God no. She’s my wife, not some spunk bucket I picked up down a nightclub.

[Magic]

God no. She’s my wife, not some spunk bucket I picked up down a nightclub.

Why would you discuss it with the local spunk bucket?

[Giggles]

Why would you discuss it with the local spunk bucket?

I mean you’d do all sorts to the bucket but you wouldn’t do them to someone you actually like and have respect for.

[Magic]

I mean you’d do all sorts to the bucket but you wouldn’t do them to someone you actually like and have respect for.

Interesting you deem not talking about sex with your partner respectful.

[Spikey M]

Giggles is in to scat I reckon.

[SincereTheRebel]

Most of the girls I have been with like being choked and totally destroyed. With me, it only lasts for 5 minutes so they can handle it. Ive been with a women girl who was into the bondage but she didn't last long as she left me because I was boring. She told me, she used to make her ex-boyfriend tie one end of a rope around his cock and the other end around his neck.

I understand all the bondage stuff and everything else that goes on in the bedroom. Everyone has a freak side. When it comes down to it if you really love and like each other. Everything is on the menu.

[Offshore Toon]

One man's spunk bucket is another man's wife.

[Giggles]

One man's spunk bucket is another man's wife.

But she’s not your own.

[SincereTheRebel]

One man's spunk bucket is another man's wife.

Thats what we all want. Nobody wants a virgin. No experience. Its awful.

[Offshore Toon]

Practice makes perfect, sadly.

[Foe]

Matched with a girl on tinder who was pretty open about that stuff which seemed a bit mental. Some of it sounded quite interesting and some of it downright odd to me.

Everyone has their own preferences and I suppose the only way to find out is to talk about it. Maybe slide into it gradually.

[SincereTheRebel]

I really need to get online with tinder. Mans are getting real deepthroat from what ive heard. I'll go straight to the paid versions to filter out all the workless.

[Magic]

Stocking up on sex toys. Hope the lockdown is extended. :drool:

[Magic]

I really need to get online with tinder. Mans are getting real deepthroat from what ive heard. I'll go straight to the paid versions to filter out all the workless.

Absolutely, the paid versions are a must. Fuck the haters.

[Magic]

Most of the girls I have been with like being choked and totally destroyed. With me, it only lasts for 5 minutes so they can handle it. Ive been with a women girl who was into the bondage but she didn't last long as she left me because I was boring. She told me, she used to make her ex-boyfriend tie one end of a rope around his cock and the other end around his neck.

I understand all the bondage stuff and everything else that goes on in the bedroom. Everyone has a freak side. When it comes down to it if you really love and like each other. Everything is on the menu.

Holy shit lol. Think that would fuck my self confidence but I get it. Vanilla doesn't go with anything else. That said, I wouldn't call the bondage stuff overly extreme. My limit is the requirement for a safe word. Now that shit is fucked up (to me).

[Magic]

Neither had I. The new mrs bought a cheap cock ring (it sucked) so I bought a beast from Ann Summers (lol). It's great for quickies when there's no foreplay but loses it's worth in a big sesh. She said she had a box of toys (didn't ask her to elaborate) that she'd thrown out, her ex was a bit of an abusive cunt so I reckon there was maybe some BDSM shit there? She likes very mild choking as well. Might bring it up with her in terms of fantasy exploration (the toys, nothing else).

I haven't told her I'm absolutely in to anal, I did try and fist my ex-wife too which was a massive turn on, lol. As it stands we haven't broached anal yet. I think she'd be quite in to it but I reckon she thinks I'm not, because I was in such a long marriage. Let me tell you when you've only got the same snatch to play with for 10 years you learn some pretty funky and freaky shit.

I guess my worry would be this lifts the lid on some absolutely mental sex stuff which I might not be comfortable with, or feel out of my depth or inadequate. Guess I won't know until we talk about it?

We talked about it. It turns out she likes to be dominated but in a mildish way i.e told what to do and fairly rough but no more. I told her of my passion for anal and she was concerned because of MY SIZE (:drool:) but she's keen to please me. I also told her I like to be dominated like do what you want with me sort of thing.

So I got my pubes waxed again, but this time got the balls, gooch and asshole done too. Prime for a good bit of ass play. Bought a nice wee plug we can use.

[Magic]

I would also like to point out this isn't just about sex, but these posts are generally more interesting.

The move went incredibly well, whilst the first couple of days with my daughter was difficult it got much better as time went on. It felt like we did what would generally be a 3-4 month transitional period (emotionally) in 7 days, and it was mental. We survived, however, and are even stronger as a result. If we can do that well enough under these circumstances, I know we've made the right decision.

This is her last day in her flat (she hasn't lived there since March 26th) so she's away cleaning it, and we will officially be MOVED IN.

[Waffdon]

Gagging to bump into the pair of you in the PO Bar once this is all over.

[Spikey M]

Someone Ban Magic.

[Magic]

Someone Ban Magic.

Come on, I'll support you through your divorce and subsequent descent in to sexual deviancy.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Just as well I was only halfway through my lunchtime bagel when the image of Magic's perineal hair being stripped away was presented to me.

[Magic]

It wasn't too sore, the asshole wasn't at all. The balls, however, was agony.

[Lofty]

Just veet it you metrosexual.

[Manc]

You'll be anal bleaching in no time.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The poor person that had to wax him.

[Magic]

The poor person that had to wax him.

My partner is a beauty therapist. :)

[Ian]

Oh in that case she must love tearing hair out of peoples arses.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

My partner is a beauty therapist. :)

How many naked men do you think she's seen (and waxed) then? In a professional capacity.

[Pepe]

How many kickboxers?

[phonics]

She’s definitely orange.

[Manc]

Thigh tats.

[Don]

If she uses hair extensions or fake lashes/nails, get rid now. No amount of rimming can compensate.

[SvN]

Tattooed eyebrows

[bruhnaldo]

She's got her hair dyed black except one large blonde streak in the front doesn't she Magic you fucking fiend

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Thigh tats.

And a tramp stamp.

[Smjffy]

How long before Magic informs us his new new mrs shit on him? Literally.

[bruhnaldo]

At first it'll be accidental but then he'll find out he's right into it.

[Magic]

How many naked men do you think she's seen (and waxed) then? In a professional capacity.

None, she worked in a bog standard parlour, then only did women from home.

Edit: regardless, what does that matter?

[Manc]

When she introduces a third party and it's some neo-nazi with a horse cock. :drool:

[Don]

Look at him getting defensive at the slightest hint of 10 random blokes laying into his missus.

[bruhnaldo]

"Edit: What does that matter" cracks in the armor already lads oh boy.

[Disco]

Doesn't waxing the bum area have some well documented...consequences? Enjoy the summer months Magic.

[bruhnaldo]

Heh, I said cracks.

[Magic]

:D

I love you guys.

[Don]

I laid on that Ozil-esque assist in my last post and no conversion. I can't work with a team of fucking Eddie Nketiahs ffs.

[Lewis]

This is just Magic putting the foundations in for explaining her bruises away.

[Magic]

I'm not justifying anything. :)

I'm extremely happy, using my past pain as a marker.

[Foe]

Sounds like your on a descending scale towards a strap on magic.

One of my pals told us his missus would let him do anal but the rule was “anything you do to me, I get to do to you”. Conversation turned a tad odd at that point as he assumed it was common and had clearly gone down the equality route.

[Foe]

Ps glad you’re happy.

[Spikey M]

I'm not justifying anything. :)

I'm extremely happy, using my past pain as a marker.

Using your past as a marker the world is going great guns.

[Magic]

Sounds like your on a descending scale towards a strap on magic.

One of my pals told us his missus would let him do anal but the rule was “anything you do to me, I get to do to you”. Conversation turned a tad odd at that point as he assumed it was common and had clearly gone down the equality route.

In all honesty I wouldn't mind getting pegged.

[Magic]

Using your past as a marker the world is going great guns.

Yep. Congruence and genuineness. I don't feel like I'm wearing a mask...yet (tee hee).

I am myself, finally. I love it.

[randomlegend]

In all honesty I wouldn't mind getting pegged.

I'd give it a go. I'd prolly smash a passable tranny tbh.

[bruhnaldo]

"All Shit" part of the thread title getting the recognition it deserves finally.

[Spikey M]

"All Shit" part of the thread title getting the recognition it deserves finally.

I'd put a wig on your back and watch your arsehole blow me you slut.

[bruhnaldo]

McNultyTheFuckDidIDo.gif

[7om]

In all honesty I wouldn't mind getting pegged.

So when you said you were into anal you were actually talking about receiving?

[Magic]

So when you said you were into anal you were actually talking about receiving?

No, but I like being milked.

[bruhnaldo]

No really we can't use gifs here without destroying the server because *JerryLeavingTheaterHandsUpCurb.gif*

[Luca]

McNultyTheFuckDidIDo.gif

I promise I’m not one of those ‘The Wire is the Greatest Show of All Time’ wankers, but The Wire really is the greatest show of all time.

[bruhnaldo]

It really is.

[Lofty]

I'd give it a go. I'd prolly smash a passable tranny tbh.

I wouldn't but I've done a lot worse looking genuine females.

Don't buy the line about anal reservations MJ, they all say it. Pretty much every woman I have ever been with (except one ultra submissive) has fobbed me off with concerns about size and I'm not John Holmes. Same way you might laugh if you saw a dick the size of a thumb but arent that keen on a thumb being pistoned in and out of your shitter.

[Magic]

Lolz fair point lad. The ex took it no problem.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Thumb. It. In.

[Spikey M]

I'm just glad he's taking my advice. Finally.

[Kikó]

I'd give it a go. I'd prolly smash a passable tranny tbh.

Paging DS.

[Lewis]

He really wouldn't pass.

[Smjffy]

The amount of munters DS has probably had over the years is quite a scary though but I suppose someone has to take one for the team.

[Offshore Toon]

I'm sure I made a poll about banging trannies once. Would be interesting to do it again and see how perceptions have changed. Shame the old board is dead.

[Spikey M]

I've been rocking a number 0 all over for a while now due to my follicly challenged cranium. Just decided to bic the cunt and I'm not at all sure I've made the right decision. The mrs is asleep and hasn't been consulted.

You still got my back through my impending death/divorce Magic?

[Smjffy]

I reckon if a top notch trans attached itself onto you one night then you'd not push it away until you felt the bulge. The difference between a straight man and a gay man is a couple of pints, apparently. I have my doubts over many men who wouldn't put a price on their ass or who wouldn't be tempted to bang a chick with a dick because it's definitely not a yes or no question. You would have a think no matter how straight you thought you were.

[7om]

I think we need a poll on how many TTHers are now bald. I can't keep.up.

[Offshore Toon]

We need a reshuffling of the teams.

[Offshore Toon]

Who have we got in Team Bald then? Jimmy, Maz, Spikey...

[Spikey M]

Foe

[Spikey M]

Magics arsehole

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm bald, but I'll cling on to the back/side stuff until the day I die. My head is too big to be shaven.

[Smjffy]

Full head of hair these days but I'm happy to join the bald crew at any point in the next couple of weeks.

[Shindig]

I can't leave my hair growing for the whole lockdown. I was going to get some clippers but the delivery on them isn't until next month. Might as well just trim away with scissors if it gets too ... awful.

[Boydy]

I'm bald, but I'll cling on to the back/side stuff until the day I die. My head is too big to be shaven.
Alright, Prince William.

[Lewis]

I reckon I was closer (https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/showthread.php?2621-WDYT-Everyone-Looks-Like&p=379651&viewfull=1#post379651).

Prince William has got a good shaped head for baldness, and he grew a decent beard out when he was younger, so he could have the top and bottom stubble like Jason Statham at the very least. But no, there he is sporting the worst of both worlds and looking like a fifty year old dork.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It would be unseemly for a Mountbatten-Windsor to go egghead.

[Giggles]

Used to always shave mine but I just leave the back and side fluff now.

[Kikó]

I reckon if a top notch trans attached itself onto you one night then you'd not push it away until you felt the bulge. The difference between a straight man and a gay man is a couple of pints, apparently. I have my doubts over many men who wouldn't put a price on their ass or who wouldn't be tempted to bang a chick with a dick because it's definitely not a yes or no question. You would have a think no matter how straight you thought you were.

Some revelations going on in here at the mo.

[Andy]

I've been shaving my head for about 5 years. Finally in fashion.

[Magic]

I had to phone my psycho ex and tell her to give us space and leave us the fuck alone.

Three days later, I had to tell scream and shout at her to stop talking and harassing us. Haven't heard from her since. :thbup:

[Manc]

Give it a rest.

[Giggles]

Always a good move.

[bruhnaldo]

Wait, your ex wife is harassing you? What's she doing? I hate this human so much.

[Magic]

Phoning 2-3 times a day to 'checkup' on my daughter, and turning up at the house unannounced with my daughter to go and do things, like find a book for her pal she apparently left here.

I told her politely to get to fuck, then within 3 days I got my daughter back and she was at it again, so had to pull out the big guns.

[Smjffy]

Where's Jeremy Kyle when you need him?

[Spoonsky]

Seeing my girlfriend for the first time in five months tomorrow. :cool:

[Luca]

But SOCIAL DISTANCING.

[Spoonsky]

*insert ‘my dick is two meters’ joke here*

[Ian]

He means he's going to have a tug and fling it at her.

[Giggles]

The virus would be more enjoyable for her.

[Magic]

Seeing my girlfriend for the first time in five months tomorrow. :cool:

The amount of meat she'll have seen in that timeframe. :drool:

[Spoonsky]

No need to project now.

[Magic]

We're finding the child thing hard guys. All of us. No vent, just an observation. Some days it's perfect others there are tears. Hard for all.

One consistent feature throughout is my ex maintaining cunt status with ease.

[Revolution]

Why whats up?

[Manc]

Absent father is the best result for all involved.

[Giggles]

Probably better you don’t get to ruin any more kids lives tbf.

[-james-]

Had a long talk with my girlfriend (of 8 years) last night and told her I have been having mega doubts for a while and am struggling to shift them. Day to day we are fine but I think we are pretty incompatible emotionally and it leads to neither of us getting what we want/need from a partner.

The problem is that neither of us have somewhere else we can stay at the moment so I can already tell that nothing will change. I would love it to work out, and the whole thing is absolute agony, but deep down I'm not really sure it can.

[SincereTheRebel]

At least you have had the talk and your feelings are completely clear. If you are not all in to each other, it will never work out.

[Foe]

Kudos for doing that James. Brave but good to be honest.

How did she take it? Is it awkward or do you think it’ll be a bit of a kick start to talking about things more?

[-james-]

She took it pretty much as well as one could, but it was very upsetting.

I don't know. It has been on my mind for a while, and I thought it would be a clean break when the talk happened so I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about last night. This morning is like nothing happened.

It would be the best for both of us I could fuck off for a month to give us some space to think. Being enclosed together in a small flat is less than ideal.

[Manc]

Eight years with no marriage or kids. Phenomenal effort.

[Don]

How old's the missus? I did Ms. Ting over badly with a breakup after 7 years and still feel guilty for wasting her time and only giving her a limited window before the best before date of her eggs. I've found the theory of it taking half the time the relationship lasted to truly get over things to be accurate so enjoy the highs and lows of the next four years.

[SincereTheRebel]

No time wasted lads. You have to do what is best for you, and you only. If she does not convince you, it says more about her.

[Magic]

No time wasted lads. You have to do what is best for you, and you only. If she does not convince you, it says more about her.

Exactly. Trust me on this James, if in doubt get the fuck out.

[SvN]

The idea of Magic actually offering relationship advice :harold:

[Manc]

Didn't Magic get binned?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Nah, it was his decision...

[Magic]

The idea of Magic actually offering relationship advice :harold:

Wouldn't you listen to a junkie if he was telling you why you shouldn't take H?

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's like Gareth Southgate telling you how to take penalties, whereas me doing it would be like Diana Ross telling you how to take penalties.

[Spikey M]

Wouldn't you listen to a junkie if he was telling you why you shouldn't take H?

Yes. But I wouldn't let Michael Schumacher stop me Skiing.

[Magic]

Yes. But I wouldn't let Michael Schumacher stop me Skiing.

And quite right. However I'm not advising to stop skiing. I'm advising not to go off-piste.

[mugbull]

It’s more like Lewis explaining how to make friends

[Magic]

My ex is engaged and we're not even divorced yet lol.

[Giggles]

The lucky escape has probably taught her not to waste any more time in her life.

[Baz]

My ex is engaged and we're not even divorced yet lol.

To the bloke she text saying she was gagging for an affair?

[Magic]

No. That was made up, apparently.

Also I signed my divorce papers last week in the lawyers car park whilst she stood beside my car window in PPE. :D

[randomlegend]

Bleak.

[Shindig]

Life finds a way. :D

[SincereTheRebel]

I lost my furloughginity last night and I think I may be in love. From not being touched by women in so long never felt so good. When I was inside her, I asked her when in going to see her again. :lol:

Fuck all of you, who live with women during lockdown who has the naan at the click of your fingers.

[Magic]

"I am getting in touch to let you know the court has granted the divorce (copy interlocutor attached). In one month or so, the sheriff clerk’s office will issue the formal divorce decree and send that to my office along with the certificates. I will post it out when it arrives. You are now divorced as of 17 June."

LOL that was my birthday. :drool:

[Spikey M]

What's happening with possessions?

[Shindig]

It means nowt if you can't stick it in the net. :dc:

[Manc]

I lost my furloughginity last night and I think I may be in love. From not being touched by women in so long never felt so good. When I was inside her, I asked her when in going to see her again. :lol:

Fuck all of you, who live with women during lockdown who has the naan at the click of your fingers.

God bless you and your two metre cock.

[Don]

Hear, hear. I'll probably marry the first girl that breaks my COVID hymen. Will probs bust at a bit of hand-holding.

[SincereTheRebel]

God bless you and your two metre cock.

That went out the window. I was all up in there. Face-to-face. Grinding. :drool:

[Luca]

I lost my furloughginity last night and I think I may be in love. From not being touched by women in so long never felt so good. When I was inside her, I asked her when in going to see her again. :lol:

Fuck all of you, who live with women during lockdown who has the naan at the click of your fingers.

My man. :cool:

You’ll let Taz and I know when to get our tuxedos for the wedding, yeah?

[Giggles]

I lost my furloughginity last night and I think I may be in love. From not being touched by women in so long never felt so good. When I was inside her, I asked her when in going to see her again. :lol:

Fuck all of you, who live with women during lockdown who has the naan at the click of your fingers.

Hope everything was cleared up while you were off the job.

[Don]

Hear, hear. I'll probably marry the first girl that breaks my COVID hymen. Will probs bust at a bit of hand-holding.

The deed was done last night. Did actually avoid a premature incident thanks to the state I was in but did fall in love as expected. Cheers all for supporting me.

[Lofty]

The super spreader :D

[SincereTheRebel]

The only women who i really cared about has come back into my life. I saw her out in Asda a few weeks ago and ever since then, we have been playing the texting game after five years of silence.

I really need to grow up, stop being a coward and commit.

[Magic]

I went on a date last night. My first date in 11 years...maybe my first date ever, in reality.

It was incredible. Without getting carried away.

P. S found my next wife lololo

1 year in a few days.

We haven't argued or had a cross word, and that's not because of tolerance or burying rage. :drool:

[Spikey M]

You've posted about nearly breaking up before lad.

[Giggles]

:harold:

[Foe]

Girls are definitely more desperate after lockdown. I’ve found multiple who are actually wanting to date me.

All three panned off. 2 out of 3 were raging. :cool:

[Magic]

You've posted about nearly breaking up before lad.

That wasn't because of an argument or cross word lad.

[Spikey M]

Lad.

[Magic]

Lad.

[Ian]

Lads lads lads.

[Don]

Any sudokus?

[Luca]

Any bibbis?

[Magic]

He pops up on my LinkedIn. Think he's an IT manager now. Says it all.

Claim to fame.

[SincereTheRebel]

What is the online dating site of choice now? Is it still POF?

[Don]

Is Hinge not answering outside London?

[Dark Soldier]

Is hinge a new euphemism for gash?

[Don]

Tis a dating app. Tinder and Bumble were still alive as of start of 2019 and I know the former is still fine but Hinge rules supreme in London now I think.

[SincereTheRebel]

On Match.com you have to pay coins which is fine, but you cant even send one message to a nice cunt without paying a subscription

[Dark Soldier]

Met the missus on Bumble tbf, its really good (well was three years ago) if you're serious rather than wanting some slightly out of date fanny.

[Lofty]

I have been out of the game for a long while but my mate was getting so much action through Tinder in Leeds he uninstalled it for a rest, and that lad makes me look like Brad Pitt.

[Shindig]

Tinder was going alright for me until it wasn't. I need to get back on it.

[Dark Soldier]

Tinder has its positives but its basically the equivalent of being the sad cunts who linger around the supermarket staff as they chuck almost out of date produce on the 'special' shelf at half price.

You're reaching for a 30p pack of pork pies that'll give you the shits the next day.

Fanny is still fanny though.

[Dark Soldier]

PoF is digging around in the bins after closing for a moudly pack of bread and some seeping corned beef. You'll have a good time but you ain't ever coming back from that.

[Lofty]

I met my wife on PoF :D

And my ex girlfriend who comically lived across the street. She was terrible for me but she had a pair of GGs so I was never not going to at least investigate the contents of that bra. But yeah in the main I think PoF was a bit of a pain as a lot of women are deluded about what they actually want, at least Tinder is/was more direct from what I understand.

[Magic]

+1 for Bumble.

Tinder was gutteral.

Hinge was decent but full of geeks.

[igor_balis]

sorry wrong thread

[Giggles]

sorry wrong thread

The post you deleted about Grindr? Probably be ok here too.

[igor_balis]

Just matched with someone on tinder who had the bio "just here to argue with men".

i said i'd had a good argument with my mates the other day about when the simpsons started to get shit.

"i'd say s14-28 is good, new ones are weird and i can't deal with the old animation style".

I believe her bio now.

[Ian]

Ah, so being objectively wrong about the Simpsons is what she's really into then.

[Boydy]

Sounds like you need to raise your minimum age, you nonce.

[igor_balis]

If it was all meta and she was deliberately trying to pick just about the most bizarre opinion to spark an argument I'd be impressed at nailing such a provocative simpsons opinion, but when i :D :D ed she was like "what? i love the simpsons man", so either she's a div or is committing to this more than i am capable of. I get donned enough on here and in my real life to deal with that.

[igor_balis]

Sounds like you need to raise your minimum age, you nonce.

:D she's 24 you cunt

[Boydy]

You need to keep going to find out if she's serious. Then have her sectioned if she is.

[Manc]

Quirky!

[Lofty]

Just cut to the chase and ask her for nudes.

[Giggles]

She’s probably posting elsewhere about the zany cunt they asked her about the Simpsons as a chat up line.

[Offshore Toon]

She's obviously on the wind up. You need to out-twat her.

[Spoonsky]

She sounds like a perfect match for Igor tbf.

[Foe]

What a bunch of nonsense.

It’s noods, not nudes.

[Queenslander]

How much is her only fans?

[SincereTheRebel]

How is it all going for you? Im not involved in any type of relationship at the moment.

[igor_balis]

How is it all going for you? Im not involved in any type of relationship at the moment.

i've been on one date in the last year or so, being naughty during lockdown 1.0.

it was this pretty large girl in norwich, we had been sending gross stuff to each other over social media, presumably with the understanding we'd never meet each other. when i told her i was moving back to the midlands she was like "lol shall i just come to your house and shag you?" i agreed, not really taking her seriously. then she showed up about 10 mins later. took her upstairs after brief, awkward introductions to housemates. when we got down to it, she was...i mean, it wasn't her size as much as it was the SMELL, like genuinely she smelled like poo. I made some excuse about how i didn't like shagging on the first date (the faecal smell had, contrary to what you'd all probably think, prevented me from achieving let alone maintaining an erection). she then said "WELL I'M NOT LEAVING UNTIL YOU MAKE ME CUM", and i had to robotically rub her fanny with a motivation to make a girl have an orgasm i'd never had before - wanting her to fuck off. it was a bit like that peep show scene with mark and that army woman.

as i was trying to escort her from the premises, my housemate who had done a couple of lines and had totally misread the situation (he thought we were a thing), offered her a glass of wine. WHICH SHE ACCEPTED, presumably just to wind me up. Had to sit there making conversation with this stinky poo girl i could probably #metoo, and this absolute coked up gobshite for about 45 minutes. so yeah, going pretty well thanks mate.

[Spikey M]

:lol:

[Luca]

Igor wanted to go full DS but didn’t have the balls. Sad.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

:D

Stunning.

[Spikey M]

Just tell her you need a piss, rub some vicks in your mask, tell her you're playing safe, and get down to businesses.

[Shindig]

Frig. :D Sometimes it pays not to be polite.

[SincereTheRebel]

Just tell her you need a piss, rub some vicks in your mask, tell her you're playing safe, and get down to businesses.

:lol:

You have to tell her she stinks lad. You cant just brush that off. And you still fingered her. Fucking legend.

The stench from the underneath of a vegan is awful but poo is clearly on another level.

[Kikó]

Fucking hell Igor 😂

[Magic]

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS_GuK8QmcOj_E27OTazQmUbKcDxDXRo EQnXQ&usqp=CAU

[Lofty]

Christ, I randomly had a flashback to a girl I poked with bad breath once (only on occasion, other times she was fine) but yeah you're a trooper for fingerblasting a bbw shit wafter out of politeness :D

[igor_balis]

Ah shit, the nice gay lad who used to work in a pub I sometimes went to just FB messaged me asking if I fancied a date. Not the first gaydar false positive I've triggered.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The old Igor would have gone along with it for a laugh.

[Magic]

If he's hot why not?

[Spikey M]

The old Igor would have felt obligated to toss him off.

[thommo]

If he doesn't smell like shit, he's better than your last date.

[SincereTheRebel]

She touched my wood and it was all over. It was about 30 seconds of foreplay. I just laughed it off. She saw the funny side of it also, but the chances of seeing her again are slim. I could see the utter disgust on her face.

[Queenslander]

If anything it is a compliment.

If she is a half decent person she won't care.

[Spikey M]

https://youtu.be/VLnWf1sQkjY

[Magic]

Why didn't you wank before?

[Queenslander]

Why didn't you wank before?

Because he is 30?

[Spikey M]

Because he is 30?

Seconds.

[Queenslander]

:D

[SincereTheRebel]

If anything it is a compliment.

If she is a half decent person she won't care.

Only time will tell.


Why didn't you wank before?

Ive never really like doing that. I dont like to go too long anyway. Wanking before just means there will be more work to put in once your in the real session.