The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

[Magic]

What’s the protocol for evolving from dating to BF/GF?

[Giggles]

Engagement ring.

[Magic]

Thank you, I knew I was right.

[Waffdon]

Bring her to the PO tomorrow from 11/12.

[Magic]

Absolutely not, she'd definitely think I was a super deviant if we bumped in to you, especially if it goes down like it did with my dad. :D

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's only a matter of time until she finds out how much of a deviant you are anyway.

[Giggles]

I'd say Magic will be well sorted with a good woman. He's a good lad and deserves it after all the shite.

[Waffdon]

Absolutely not, she'd definitely think I was a super deviant if we bumped in to you, especially if it goes down like it did with my dad. :D

Hahahah, I’ll be in a much worse state by then. Pint and chaser from 11/12. Woohoo.

[SincereTheRebel]

I have a breakfast date tomorrow. She isnt knew. We did a thing a few years ago. She reached out again, and I don't usually like to live in the past, but her head game is on another level.

[SincereTheRebel]

She made her lips look worse by having them modified. She looks hideous now. The date was going well until I told her she looked like the gremlin in the wedding dress. Then she got all defensive and bothered.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

:D

How dare she react negatively to being called a gremlin.

[Spikey M]

She made her lips look worse by having them modified. She looks hideous now. The date was going well until I told her she looked like the gremlin in the wedding dress. Then she got all defensive and bothered.

You should have let her do her thing first so you could see if it had lead to a change in technique. Where's your scientific curiosity?

[Offshore Toon]

Mahow, your posting has gone to shit again recently. You alright?

[Giggles]

Mahow, your posting has gone to shit again recently. You alright?

Twattish post of the decade award right here.

[Offshore Toon]

Giggles (masked) to host this year's awards through via livestream would be amazing.

[Shindig]

Dashcam or bust.

[Giggles]

Did anyone ever take over doing it since Billy Wright slithered off the board?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Igor (IIRC) attempted it once but never posted the results.

[Offshore Toon]

#AnyoneButMahow this year will be fine.

It's a shame Baz and Mike didn't go on to become our very own scouse Ant and Dec to save us going through this each time. How much is left in the TTH kitty? Must be enough to tempt them to do a livestream.

[Giggles]

I’d pay to not see Mike say ace seventy-three times on a live stream.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Bring back Luca to host it.

[igor_balis]

i might actually be able to do the awards if i start prep now

[SincereTheRebel]

You should have let her do her thing first so you could see if it had lead to a change in technique. Where's your scientific curiosity?

Im not an abuser like that. If im not feeling her anymore, ill tell her the reasons why and keep it moving. Yes, I could have potentially kept on going to see where it goes as the whole time I was with her. I kept on thinking maybe she changed her lips to improve her head game on another level She looked like a gremlin though and I don't want to test that theory.

[Waffdon]

Hahahah, I’ll be in a much worse state by then. Pint and chaser from 11/12. Woohoo.

Im much more rough than anticipated and v v skint. Dads surprise birthday meal in a bit. Yay

[bruhnaldo]

As someone who has actually been a host for an event in real life I'd be happy to host your "look how great I am" award show :drool:

[Magic]

As someone who has actually been a host for an event in real life I'd be happy to host your "look how great I am" award show :drool:

Least likely to be happy?

Edit: can the host win?

[Offshore Toon]

I forgot that bruh existed. American Mahow definitely shouldn't be allowed to host.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I've never been more offended.

[Spikey M]

I find that hard to believe

[phonics]

I find that hard to believe

You have to interact with other humans for them to say something offensive to you.

[igor_balis]

based on the posts i've read on here this weekend, i think there's going to be a lot of competition for "most catty", meow!!

[Giggles]

Most zany is sown up at least.

[igor_balis]

mate ur fucking eyebrow will need sewing up if you keep pushing me

[Giggles]

mate ur fucking eyebrow will need sewing up if you keep pushing me

Alright Sincere.

[bruhnaldo]

I forgot that bruh existed. American Mahow definitely shouldn't be allowed to host.

Feelings mutual, I can't even imagine a time I've noticed a post of yours let alone been enriched by reading one.

[Giggles]

There’s not a single one of us enriched by anything any one of us posts any more. We’ve heard it all before for years now.

[igor_balis]

Giggles I'm going to beat your sorry ass so hard you won't know if you're in top Ireland or bottom Ireland...and having proofread that I'm gonna say you can interpret that threat however you like.

[bruhnaldo]

@gig You're 100% correct. There really is no point.

[Giggles]

@Giggles (https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/member.php?u=26) I'm going to beat your sorry ass so hard you won't know if you're in top Ireland or bottom Ireland...and having proofread that I'm gonna say you can interpret that threat however you like.


:D someone found the purple wine gums. Did you win them on a game of Go down the pub?

[Spikey M]

There’s not a single one of us enriched by anything any one of us posts any more. We’ve heard it all before for years now.

I learnt that birds (and Kiko) are responsible for global warming today.

[Giggles]

I learnt that birds (and Kiko) are responsible for global warming today.

Until you learn that it’s all a ruse to force more and more taxation on us you’ve learned nothing.

[igor_balis]

:D someone found the purple wine gums. Did you win them on a game of Go down the pub?

I psyched myself up to go and play 5 a side football with a bunch of strangers (friend of a friend of a friend type situation), walked to sports direct to buy suitable clothing and then to the footy pitches through pissing rain, then the game got cancelled cus the other team didn't show up :moop:

[John]

Lol at buying new clothes for a game of fives.

[Pepe]

Can't show up wearing a flannel shirt.

[igor_balis]

Can't show up wearing a flannel shirt.

Well, exactly...

[Magic]

What clothes did you buy? Chino shorts and sand shoes?

[bruhnaldo]

I mean do you literally own no t-shirts and shorts ? It's fine if you just wanted to buy new things but the way it's presented makes it sound like you have no non-work type attire.

[Baz]

Surely he was buying some boots.

[igor_balis]

I have lots of casual garb but nothing even remotely suitable for sportswear. This is just cus of oversight when I moved to Norwich, I've got shitloads of shorts and athletic t shirts back home, I just only packed jeans etc cus I figured I wouldn't need that shit until summer

[Bam]

Who cares what he was buying. :rolleyes:

[igor_balis]

I'm so shit at football I'm hyper aware of the all the gear no idea risk, but i figured turning up in skinny jeans and a striped cotton t shirt might be a step too far.

[igor_balis]

who cares what he was buying. :rolleyes:

thank you

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Full kit wanker.

[Giggles]

Who cares what he was buying. :rolleyes:

You would normally.

[igor_balis]

To briefly change the subject from my 5 a side gear, I've already been reminded of how frustrating internet dating can be :moop:

will bore you all with the details later, but flakiness and unpredictability is very irritating when you're properly into someone

[Boydy]

To briefly change the subject from my 5 a side gear, I've already been reminded of how frustrating internet dating can be :moop:

will bore you all with the details later, but flakiness and unpredictability is very irritating when you're properly into someone

Aw no :(

[Bam]

You would normally.

No I would not, I've no interest in what people buy from Sports Direct. Stop making things up.

You do realise that you've all been going on about it for over 24hrs? :henn0rz:

[Giggles]

No I would not, I've no interest in what people buy from Sports Direct. Stop making things up.

You do realise that you've all been going on about it for over 24hrs? :henn0rz:

I have?

[bruhnaldo]

If we applied the "who really cares" initiative to everything on this website there would never be any new posts.

[Baz]

If we applied the "who really cares" initiative to everything on this website there would never be any new posts.

How’s your office crush going?

[Giggles]

How’s your office crush going?

Who really cares?

[Spikey M]

If we applied the "who really cares" initiative to everything on this website there would never be any new posts.

Who really cares?

[Bam]

Bru really, really cares.

[Lewis]

I care.

[Bam]

Why?

[Baz]

I care.

You're all my friends.

[Spikey M]

I care about Kiko's carbon footprint.

[bruhnaldo]

How’s your office crush going?

She has vanished, presumably to go work at another office.

I overheard one of the managers here telling her to "well keep and touch and tell Cheryl we say hello!" and ever since, nada.

[SincereTheRebel]

I care.

You're all my friends.

Give me £500. I need to buy a few PS4 Pro's and ship them off to Jamaica.

[Ian]

You sound like a great friend Sincere.

[igor_balis]

Friendship ended with Norfolk tinder girl #1

Now Norfolk tinder girl #2 is my best friend

[Lewis]

(31) Days of Norwich.

[Queenslander]

:lol:

[Spikey M]

He'll always have her stench on his fingers.

[Shindig]

Or the taste of her arse.

[bruhnaldo]

That escalated and deescalated quickly. Sorry iggy.

[igor_balis]

After 6 years of being single I feel like I'm getting close to #offical relationship status. Wowzers.

[Lofty]

Aren't you all supposed to be drowning in clunge with the advent of Tinder? Never really got to grips with that as I met the wife on PoF pretty quickly after leaving a psycho long term gf and ditching a nice girl who could deepthroat for England but had too much associated baggage. My mate is a former shut in who is shagging like a trooper on Tinder in Leeds now though.

[igor_balis]

Not exactly an endless supply of fanny with standards that don't match my face, but I've had a few tinder shags. Tbf I wasnt looking for anything serious but, like, she's really cool yeah.

I think there's also probably a high correlation between deep throating ability and baggage, sadly.

[Clunge]

o hai gice

[SincereTheRebel]

Lads. The Gremlin is very good at doing what she does. Im lying next to her with scratches on my face after an unprotected session. Ive been seduced. Her species has a different type of energy.

[Pleb]

:D

[Magic]

Disclaimer: I know it's also hard to give advice given you have no context, and as such will give advice based on your own experiences. In hindsight, this is probably the worst place I could have asked this.

Just got this message lads after I dropped her off. Dunno if I was going overboard with affection and compliments? Maybe I was, don't really have anything to compare with as my previous one was just insults lololol. Maybe hers was too? I did think 'smothered' was a bit harsh though. We only see each other like once or twice a week and we've only been seeing each other for 6 weeks.

Sorry I sometimes get overwhelmed with so much affection, compliments etc, it's not your fault but I just feel a wee bit smothered sometimes. I know you mean well and I appreciate all your gestures. ❤ xxxxxxx ps dont apologise I just want to be honest. I've been on my own for a while. And please feel free to tell me fuck off as I sound so ungrateful ��

My initial standard reaction was 'go fuck yourself' but on reflection that's a pointless, damaging reaction to a genuine concern someone has been honest enough to raise. I did also initially read it as a break up text but again that might be me over-reacting. I just gave a generic reply back:

I completely understand, I did pick up on it & that's my bad for going overboard again! Always be honest! No way you're not ungrateful, not at all! There's nothing to be grateful for! I appreciate your honesty big time . ��

Hope you're ok in the meantime xxx

Edited for GDPR. That'll buy me some time to think. Do I really want to be having to navigate what appears to be significant emotional problems so soon after a horrible marriage? Do I have significant problems that I need to address now or forever have a viscous cycle? Do I walk away from what seemed to me a pretty amazing girl and beginnings of a really positive relationship? How do I address that concern, a concern I wasn't aware of (I lied with my 'picked up on it' comment). Appreciate the usual 'fag, bury under patio, marry her' feedback, as well as any constructive that anyone has.

[Pepe]

Play it cool.

[Magic]

Was my reply playing it cool? I deleted a big long spiel about myself being shit at everything. :cool:

edit: She replied saying she was in a shite relationship (I knew that anyway) and she had a freakout because she doesn't know how to handle it, sorry for dampener, sometimes just need space thanks for understanding etc etc etc.

Thing is what do I do now? Purposely not pass compliments? Don't make her a cuppa? Not suggest doing things because of 'space'? Or just forget it happened and carry on 'as normal'. But I don't want to do that if it's going to smother her. Damn my horrific childhood and understanding of relationships.

How do I reply?

[bruhnaldo]

Once again Magic it's very simple, you need to get the fuck outta your own head again.

"There's nothing to be grateful for" brooooo shuuut uuuup. Stop trying to bring yourself down because you were nice to a girl and treated her with respect. She does have plenty to be grateful for. Knowing that you were a perfect gentleman and did your best to make her feel good about herself she quite very likely isn't used to that sort of affection and attention from someone.

What it sounds like to me is that she's realized she's met a terrific fella who actually was raised with sense and manners and it's scared her. She realizes there's nowhere to go but up but given she said she's been alone for awhile she probably suffers from the same type of self-esteem issues that you're currently expressing in this very thread.

"What is happening? Surely this is a mistake. Something is going to go wrong." etc. etc.

She feels herself becoming genuinely invested and vulnerable and while it's an exciting feeling it's a new feeling or, one she hasn't felt in awhile.

She'll want to take some time to sort those emotions out and see if she, herself, is ready for that next level of commitment. That's a perfectly natural and fine response especially for someone who has built so many levels of walls to keep herself from getting hurt.

Personally? As hard as it may be I would at give it a day or two to see if she initiates and small talk or anything in the meantime and then go from there but do not initiate. Give her the space she needs to figure it out. If a few days go by, I don't think there'd be anything wrong with reaching out and saying something kinda corny to the effect of


"Hey (xxxxx), I hope everything's going well on your end. I just want to say I really did enjoy our time together and hope that it's only space you need to sort out your feelings for me because I certainly still have very real feelings for you. I know these different emotions can be overwhelming, especially since we've both gone on such winding roads before meeting each other, but I just want you to know how much I do care about you and want to support you in that regardless. Hope to speak soon but if it's only time that you need I'll wait as long as it takes xx."

or you know something like that. Which doesn't mean you sit around waiting forever but girls love romantic bullshit so maybe that would do the trick for you.

Regardless, you're a top lad and there'll be others if not her.

Remember, this actually has nothing to do with you because you're only being a good person and a good man who is showing her respect and genuine affection.

Don't start second guessing yourself because she's not used to being so charmed by a gentleman. :)



buuut that's just like my opinion, man.

[Magic]

My God. I've taken your advice.

[Lewis]

Just throw the odd backhander into your normal approach.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Negs worked on all the 'sloots' that Mert was bagging...

[Magic]

Thanks Bruh. Can hold my head high if this is it done. Great news is my Bumble subscription is premium until December. :drool:

[Giggles]

I’d say she wants to leg it. They normally roll out all this crap instead of just saying because it makes them feel better about themselves.
That said, no harm in giving the Bruh method a go first and see.

[Offshore Toon]

Your response was pretty needy tbh. Each exclamation mark was unnecessary. If somebody is overwhelmed, it's best not to shout at them.

Are you afraid of being single or are you genuinely mad for her? Did you ever come to terms with being single and truly comfortable in yourself? Might be too much too soon, maybe you're out of practice, or maybe she's not used to somebody being nice.

[Magic]

I’d say she wants to leg it. They normally roll out all this crap instead of just saying because it makes them feel better about themselves.
That said, no harm in giving the Bruh method a go first and see.

I get that feeling too, despite everything appearing to the contrary. Like I said that message was completely out of the blue after a really nice weekend so...but I can only act with decorum and if I take everything as a personal sleight I'm at fucking square one again. So thanks all.

[Manc]

She sounds like damaged goods. Run a mile.

[Magic]

Your response was pretty needy tbh. Each exclamation mark was unnecessary. If somebody is overwhelmed, it's best not to shout at them.

Are you afraid of being single or are you genuinely mad for her? Did you ever come to terms with being single and truly comfortable in yourself? Might be too much too soon, maybe you're out of practice, or maybe she's just used to somebody being nice.

No, I'm afraid of not picking up what some might deem as obvious signs or red flags or whatever. I'm not mad at her at all, I just want to be myself without having to wind anything in or put a mask on. It's confusing for me because one minute she'll be saying adoring things the next I'm being told I'm smothering. Mixed messages, but I get letting yourself be open and genuine might be hard if you've been torn down before.

My initial reaction was definitely in my head, though.

[Magic]

Anyway she hasn't text me back so I'm expecting a "can you drop off my coat" message tomorrow evening, especially if she doesn't message tonight. :thbup:

[Offshore Toon]

No, I'm afraid of not picking up what some might deem as obvious signs or red flags or whatever. I'm not mad at her at all, I just want to be myself without having to wind anything in or put a mask on. It's confusing for me because one minute she'll be saying adoring things the next I'm being told I'm smothering. Mixed messages, but I get letting yourself be open and genuine might be hard if you've been torn down before.

My initial reaction was definitely in my head, though.
Hmm I'd be hesitant moving forward then, but no harm in carrying things on to find out for sure. Might as well get back on Bumble too.

[Magic]

Maybe I'm the damaged goods. Someone raises a concern and my first thought is a personal attack? I've failed the first hurdle?

I didn't consider it Offy as I was so sure I was ready, but maybe I'm not, and more worryingly maybe I just don't know how to maintain a meaningful relationship without going too far in any direction.

[Offshore Toon]

Maybe I'm the damaged goods. Someone raises a concern and my first thought is a personal attack? I've failed the first hurdle?

I didn't consider it Offy as I was so sure I was ready, but maybe I'm not, and more worryingly maybe I just don't know how to maintain a meaningful relationship without going too far in any direction.
She's challenged your behaviour in a way that's always going to force some deep consideration. Whether it's fair is really difficult to judge without a transcript of your dates, though.

You need to be comfortable acting however you see fit, but you also need to be sure that your behaviour is good for all involved. If you want a loving relationship and you're comfortable acting the way you have, then I'd say you should seek a relationship where that's possible.

[Magic]

I thought I did have that to some extent...up until now. That's why I can't really understand or reflect appropriately. Or was I just lying to myself? She did tell she felt uncomfortable with pace when I asked her to come out for a couple of drinks with my friends. That was after a month. But I didn't read that as a negative on my part. My sister knows context so I'll run calling it off by her tonight so hopefully I can maintain some semblance of control of my own future.

[Magic]

She messaged me like nothing had happened just there.

So I've asked for a call in 5 mins. I've written notes on how I feel about this, so hopefully I can stay on point and not get sucked in to being an asshat.

[Raoul Duke]

Sounds like you're both just coming out of difficult relationships - just take it easy. Acknowledging you're both still figuring things out is enough.

[Lewis]

He's screaming down the phone at her as we speak.

[Baz]

Bro notes? What? Relax, you're doing the thing again. You're writing down notes about a girl you been dating a month, that's not exactly exonerating you from her concerns if i'm being honest.

:roflol:

[Boydy]

How did the call go?

[Ian]

He's only half way through the Powerpoint, give it time.

[Magic]

Well, I think. Though that could be terribly in all honesty.

I steered it towards breaking up and she burst in to tears lol and was confused so maybe I overreacted.

Anyway I obviously didn't go through a list, I just made points for gaining understanding. I was fully expecting a 'agreed' when I did steer it in that direction. However, as it didn't I was able to eat humble pie and attempt to get her.

It was actually a really interesting chat, in which I gained her frame of reference which I definitely didn't have before, and I think I explained myself well too.

Internally, it did raise an interesting point:

Wow, we can have such an in depth and complex conversation, where we both get each other and come away with appreciation and understanding so actions can be taken. But also fuck should such a call be required only 2 months in. I think if she was normal then Bruh's conclusion would be spot on and that's probably what would have happened.

We're both mental, for different reasons. It just might work, or it might end in disaster. I'm worried I'll never be able to have a 'normal' relationship. Oh well. See you all in two weeks.

[P_3]

Jesus Magic.

[Magic]

I should just stay single and only ever engage in shallow sex. I don't get relationships at all. Fucking nightmare.

[Queenslander]

Give yourself a bit of time bloke.

[mugbull]

No wonder you married who you did

[Spikey M]

Nothing should be this hard 5 minutes in. It sounds like the pair of you need to chill the fuck out and, if I'm honest, like a volatile mess of a relationship is on the cards.

[Manc]

Fuck her off.

[7om]

I’d say you need to work on yourself before getting into a relationship, Magic. If your first thought after receiving a text of her legitimate concerns is “fuck off then” I think it shows you’re not in the right frame of mind for this. Take some time to sort yourself out properly and try again because this sounds like it ain’t working out for either of you.

[bruhnaldo]

You just need to fucking relax. You'd over complicate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at this point.

[SincereTheRebel]

Magic. You need to chill and get a Gremlin.

[Bam]

You just need to fucking relax. You'd over complicate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at this point.

Wtf did you just say? :sick:

[Magic]

I took nearly a year. How much time is enough time? Clearly unless I address these issues as and when they happen I'll be unwittingly harbouring them until something happens and they rise to the surface. Issues I can't deal with if I'm on my own.

It's not 'this hard 5 minutes in', it's the first point she's raised. My issue was I had no idea and I thought I was doing really well. Is it any wonder that was my initial reaction?

I'm just overwhelmingly disappointed in myself for:

1) Not being aware
2) Reacting like that
3) Overthinking to the point of calling it off

We move on. Should it arise again, then clearly it's my issue that's incompatible with a healthy relationship and I will be calling it off at that point if it's raised again. Quite a test of character for me now, and I'm more comfortable, much more comfortable than I would be fucking it all off and being left confused and frustrated again. That's my decision, rightly or wrongly.

[mugbull]

“I was doing so well” is the wrong way to look at a relationship and is super unhealthy. It’s not a performance...

[Baz]

Do you think she’s well fit?

If the answers yes, forget about everything else and continue to frequently smash her salmon garage doors in.

[bruhnaldo]

Wtf did you just say? :sick:

Wait do you guys not have PB+J??????????????

[Magic]

“I was doing so well” is the wrong way to look at a relationship and is super unhealthy. It’s not a performance...

Ok nope can you elaborate? It was in reference to myself.

[mo]

Wait do you guys not have PB+J??????????????

No. It's very much an American thing.

I mean, we have peanut butter (rank) but jelly is 'jell-o' to you guys.

[mo]

Ok nope can you elaborate? It was in reference to myself.

I think mug has misunderstood, like you were measuring your performance in the relationship, rather than in terms of your own mental health and progress you were making.

[bruhnaldo]

.

[Magic]

Aren't you an incel?

[Lewis]

'But thanks anyway!'

[Magic]

:D

[Magic]

All pretty spot on, though. Spooky you can get that from all my posts.

[SincereTheRebel]

The Gremlin has now developed a weird skin infection on her hands and feet. It's like she is evolving or spawning another version of herself. Im really nervous now. Why I even got involved with her in the first place. I am a complete idiot.

[Spikey M]

Post pics.

[Magic]

My life is good.

[mugbull]

I think mug has misunderstood, like you were measuring your performance in the relationship, rather than in terms of your own mental health and progress you were making.

Yeah that’s what I meant, but that’s definitely also how it reads

[SincereTheRebel]

Post pics.

Image of The Gremlin and her evolving form. She claims its a skin infection, possibly from the latex gloves she uses at work. But I don't believe that story. She is a shape-shifting lizard. Viewer discretion is advised.



https://i.ibb.co/2dCkNmj/IMG-20191127-WA0005.jpg (https://ibb.co/9W1rtzq)

[Giggles]

Man hands. The cock must be pulled out of you.

[Spikey M]

Why is it everytime Sincy gets laid somebody involved gets skin rot? :sherlock:

[SincereTheRebel]

Man hands. The cock must be pulled out of you.

:lol:


Why is it everytime Sincy gets laid somebody involved gets skin rot? :sherlock:

Maybe you're onto something. Maybe im the problem..

[Shindig]

Was she wearing the gloves inside-fucking-out? And working on a leprosy ward?

[Giggles]

We used to have that in Intel. Tell her to try nitrilite gloves.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Was she wearing the gloves inside-fucking-out? And working on a leprosy ward?

She touched Sincere's cock which is even worse.

[bruhnaldo]

but if she has a latex allergy wouldn't her.... oh wait that's right.

[igor_balis]

After 6 years of being single I feel like I'm getting close to #offical relationship status. Wowzers.

She binned me off :moop:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

:D

[P_3]

Oh fuck. What the hell happened? I was hearing the toll of TTH wedding bells? Sorry igor. :console:

[Magic]

Shit what did happen? That terrifies me.

[Lewis]

He kept trying to talk about Christmas films so he could tell her why Die Hard is the best one and she saw it coming a mile off.

[Spikey M]

He tried to taste one of her farts.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

We need to think of something ZANY!!! to do today love.

[SincereTheRebel]

Norwich babes are wild

[Bam]

He kept trying to talk about Christmas films so he could tell her why Die Hard is the best one and she saw it coming a mile off.

Gremlins and Ghostbusters win this.

[bruhnaldo]

so we really not gonna get the story ? lol

[igor_balis]

Ah it's not really very interesting. That was date FIVE, but since date one she's consistently rainchecked me/changed plans last minute.

Date three I was meant to go round for dinner, but an hour before she said "ah my flatmate has just got the plane back from Germany so I need to make her dinner, but I'll go for a quick drink with you". Very nearly fucked her off after that, but I figured I'd nowt else going on so might as well persist. After that I started being a bit more UNAVAILABLE, replied to messages slower, told her I was busy on x day but could do y day etc (vs being a proper fucking doormat at first cus i was a bit blinded by my attraction) and she was a lot more attentive and receptive for a while after that.

Date 4 I went round for food at hers, lots of hugging and snogging and she was stroking my hair and shit. After that was when I was all buzzing about it on here.

This date she first suggested we go for lunch on her break, which doesn't bode well on a 5th date with someone you've not shagged yet, unless she fancied giving me a handjob in wagamamas toilets. She then agreed to evening instead, but only a quick drink. Could see the writing on the wall tbh. We had a nice time but I could sense zero spark. Was about to be all "so wtf is going on here", when she was like "ahh so there's something I need to talk about which is kinda awkward.." and I just basically smiled and said don't worry I'm not blind, I can read signals (mostly a lie tbh), it's okay. She then just said that she had thought about things and she just isn't ready for dating (I'm aware she means isn't ready for dating ME, but I appreciate the politeness), apologised for being flaky and shit, and said that she enjoyed my company and wanted to stay friends so many times I just about believed it.

When I left i was a bit gutted, but more in a "back to the fucking drawing board" way. Mostly just massively relieved the headfuck was over, and to my surprise I was still upbeat and chirpy the next morning. Guess deep down I always knew it was a likely possibility.

[igor_balis]

Jesus fucking christ, tldr

[Lewis]

Sounds like I was closest.

[igor_balis]

He kept trying to talk about Christmas films so he could tell her why Die Hard is the best one and she saw it coming a mile off.

I've not seen die hard but I just remembered drunkenly initiating a discussion on best xmas singles last year so I could piss off my mate by saying always on my mind by pet shop boys was the best and I was glad it beat fairytale of New York to number one, so fair enough.

[Lewis]

I want to ask how you've never seen it but risk falling into my own shit pit.

[Spikey M]

"I've not seen Die Hard".

Fucking hell.

[igor_balis]

I want to ask how you've never seen it but risk falling into my own shit pit.

Despite my autistic knowledge and interest in pop music, films have always been a gigantic hole in my cultural awareness. Broken home, mummy never watched films (it feels like my mum has sat down to watch a film about 25 times in the last 20 years, and about 17 of those times are rewatching Harry Potter or LOTR films) and I only ever watched sitcoms and FOOTY with my dad at weekends.

I got into films as a poncy 16 year old so mostly skipped the mainstream canon to watch wanky arthouse bullshit. Obviously.

[igor_balis]

I just reread that and it sounds like I'm trying to use a separated parents sob story to distract from not seeing die hard but I just forgot my train of thought that family trips to the cinema and shit just wasn't a thing etc. I spose my parents breaking up is barely relevant to that but it's deffo too late to edit my post now.

[Lewis]

Dry your eyes lad. No wonder she bailed.

[igor_balis]

:D cunt

[John]

I'm stuck on your use of 'mummy'. Fuck Die Hard, that's the issue here.

[igor_balis]

I'm stuck on your use of 'mummy'. Fuck Die Hard, that's the issue here.

Yeah sorry, even ironically it's pretty annoying isn't it? My bad. Is die hard even any good?

[John]

It's very good, but the basic formula has been copied so many times over the years that if you watched it for the first time now you probably wouldn't see the fuss.

[Danny]

Still watch it mind, can’t have people knowing you have never seen the greatest Christmas movie.

[igor_balis]

Had sex last night :joy:

[Ian]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQlIhraqL7o

[SincereTheRebel]

Had sex last night :joy:

I hope you didn't use protection.

[Ian]

Yeah, you and Sincy could be knobrot buddies.

[Giggles]

I hope you didn't use protection.

This. Some zany anecdotes about being a new Dad would be outstanding reading.

[Magic]

I've settled on having fun. Fuck long term and serious stuff.

Tldr I can't see this lasting. I need someone who is emotionally rock solid, self assured, confident, and not an evil cunt. Does that exist.

[Giggles]

They do but the chance of a free undamaged one goes down like a cliff with age, so get to work.



.

[mugbull]

I've settled on having fun. Fuck long term and serious stuff.

Tldr I can't see this lasting. I need someone who is emotionally rock solid, self assured, confident, and not an evil cunt. Does that exist.

Yeah they exist but they're not gonna end up with you

[Magic]

Yeah they exist but they're not gonna end up with you

I know, they probably think the same thing. God damnit.

[Magic]

They do but the chance of a free undamaged one goes down like a cliff with age, so get to work.



.

Are you recommending noncery?

[Giggles]

Are you recommending noncery?

Whatever you’re into. But no, you need to find one that has travelled or dived into career and is only looking to settle late. The unfortunate thing is that most single women your age will be divorced or as good as divorced and will be absolute headcases because of it.

[Spikey M]

Ask your dad for tips.

[bruhnaldo]

The unfortunate thing is that most single women your age will be divorced or as good as divorced and will be absolute headcases because of it.

Exactly why I packed it in years ago tbh. Give up on romance, lads, it's just chemicals in your brain anyhow.

[Spikey M]

Thumb.

[bruhnaldo]

Is it strange that when I typed out "packed it in" my brain went to exactly that ^^^

[Magic]

Exactly why I packed it in years ago tbh. Give up on romance, lads, it's just chemicals in your brain anyhow.

That's depression isn't it?

[Giggles]

That's depression isn't it?

In this day and age of EVERYTHING MUST BE MENTAL HEALTH it’s probably called that. But no, he’s just a bit pissed off in reality and will get over it.

[bruhnaldo]

Ya I don't think everything has to be depression nor do I think I'm pissed off. I'm totally fine with my fate and accept it as such.

Best of luck to you fellers, though.

[Spikey M]

If I was surrounded by American women I think I'd have become celibate too.

[mugbull]

If I was surrounded by American women I think I'd have become celibate too.

If there's one thing the British have no right to be haughty about, it's the quality of their women

[igor_balis]

Had sex last night :joy:

Matched on bumble on weds. Unfeasibly fit. We were gonna meet this week but on Thursday she said "I'm at the pub and my mate has flaked, but I'm already dressed so I'll just have a drink on my ones". I, smooth as fuck, informed her I was also dressed so could join if she liked. She was game.

I think the slightly spontaneous nature of it made me a lot looser, without the time to get nervous as the prearranged date would have ominously gotten closer.

Went a couple of pubs, she was flirty from the start. I went for a kiss at the last pub but she rolled her eyes and said you have to work up to that, and made me hold her hand. Walked her home, and she initially said I couldnt come in, but after we snogged she said "ah that was good, you can come in but just cuddling". When she started taking her pants off in her bedroom I figured we were doing more than cuddling.

It gets weirder tbf. I dunno what came over me but I tentatively put my nob around her arse and she pushed it in. Half way through she said "fuck I've never done anal before", and I replied, quite honestly (shocking I know considering my predilictions for arses), that I hadn't either. 10/10 would bum again.

I'm seeing her again this week.

[Ian]

Gosh, really playing hard to get there making you wait several hours before taking it up the arse.

[Manc]

If only it was true.

[igor_balis]

I genuinely promise it's 100% accurate.

[igor_balis]

Gosh, really playing hard to get there making you wait several hours before taking it up the arse.

I did think that.

[Spikey M]

If there's one thing the British have no right to be haughty about, it's the quality of their women

We're talking about voices and personalities here. Of which, the closest we have to your average American Woman is Ann Widdecombe.

[Smjffy]

If a lass puts out on the first date then that's enough for me to know they aren't relationship material. I know it's hypocritical as you tend to go out and about to get laid but ultimately, I'd have more respect for said woman if she rejected my advances. Of course you would go balls deep if the opportunity arose but that's about as far as it would go. A fuck buddy and nothing more.

[igor_balis]

If a lass puts out on the first date then that's enough for me to know they aren't relationship material. I know it's hypocritical as you tend to go out and about to get laid but ultimately, I'd have more respect for said woman if she rejected my advances. Of course you would go balls deep if the opportunity arose but that's about as far as it would go. A fuck buddy and nothing more.

I dunno, I find it quite refreshing. The last one strung me along for 6 weeks and 5 dates with nowt but a snog and a grope and then sacked me off so tbh I quite like the forwardness.

[Manc]

So does your bretheren.

[Smjffy]

I dunno, I find it quite refreshing. The last one strung me along for 6 weeks and 5 dates with nowt but a snog and a grope and then sacked me off so tbh I quite like the forwardness.

I wouldn't say that's stringing you along, I'd say that was your game wasn't good enough.

You're looking for a relationship or you're looking for fun?

[igor_balis]

I wouldn't say that's stringing you along, I'd say that was your game wasn't good enough.

You're looking for a relationship or you're looking for fun?

I dunno, she was weird from the start. Maybe I could have won her round with GAME but I doubt it. She was flaky and talking about her ex from day 1.

And I'm not looking for anything specifically, but I'm open to either.

[Smjffy]

I bet you sat there and lent a sympathetic ear to her woes of failed relationships. I would normally nip that sort of chat in the bud because quite honestly, I don't want to hear about why your ex was a cunt. Always three sides. Hers. His. Truth. It's a sign of someone who isn't over them or damaged goods.

I stuck Tinder on the phone just yesterday but given I lasted a mere few days on PoF a few weeks/months back, I ain't holding much hope. I find it all so boring and people annoy me in general, I'd rather date an animal. Not the sort DS dates but you know what I mean.

[bruhnaldo]

If I was surrounded by American women I think I'd have become celibate too.

I live in South Florida, there's probably more better looking women within 5 square miles than there is in your entire country.

[Spikey M]

I live in South Florida, there's probably more better looking women within 5 square miles than there is in your entire country.

Probably. But again, that's not the point I'm making.

[Mazuuurk]

How are you doing with these South Florida women then, Bruh?

[bruhnaldo]

How are you doing with these South Florida women then, Bruh?

I already told you I gave that life up !


We're talking about voices and personalities here.

lol oh... ok.

[Magic]

Anal on the first date, FFS. :D

[bruhnaldo]

"i've never done this before!"

yaaaaaaa aight.

[Smjffy]

No spit, no lube, it just went straight in.

Never done it before? :D Fuck off.

[Giggles]

"i've never done this before!"

yaaaaaaa aight.

I’d say it was like a clowns pocket.

[Magic]

In other news my thing is going much better now. Thanks all, it was and still is massively appreciated. :)

[Mazuuurk]

Maybe she saw Igors dick and just saw her chance to give it a go, you know?

[bruhnaldo]

Never went the back way myself. Is the sensation that much better or is it more of a conquest type of thing?

[Smjffy]

Igor lacks a bit of girth?

[Giggles]

Never went the back way myself. Is the sensation that much better or is it more of a conquest type of thing?

Paedo fantasies.

[Smjffy]

Confused men.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Maybe she saw Igors dick and just saw her chance to give it a go, you know?

She knew it wouldn't touch the sides.

[SincereTheRebel]

Make sure you see all her pussy papers. Girls who take it in the ass are a different breed altogether. Make sure everything is certified.

[igor_balis]

Yeah, after the few aborted drunken attempts at doing anal with exes with no preparation, I was quite surprised at how easy it went in. Very briefly thought "shit, maybe I was just really battered and I just came in her fanny bareback, and "i've never done anal before" had just been "I've never done this before", and she was referring to shagging on the first date", but then realised that was ridiculous beer fear hangover paranoia. Especially as afterwards we did the more conventional and she insisted on a condom for that part.

[igor_balis]

So yeah no baby Igors but I should probably get myself tested. Idiot.

[SincereTheRebel]

You're an animal yourself for even doing anal on the first date. For me, that is equal to fucking a chick on her cycle.

Savage mode [ON] OFF

[Smjffy]

Especially as afterwards we did the more conventional and she insisted on a condom for that part.

You fucking dopey prick. Give your head a wobble, igor.

[SincereTheRebel]

Do you use condoms for anal?

[Smjffy]

You should. :cab:

[Magic]

This is mental.

[Queenslander]

This place needs an AIDS registry.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Do you use condoms for anal?

Nah it's fine, gay men have never contracted STI's.

[Manc]

Raw dogging the shit canal. Fair play.

[SincereTheRebel]

This place needs an AIDS registry.

Im germ free me :D

Im surprised so many dont get tested on a regular though.

[SincereTheRebel]

Nah it's fine, gay men have never contracted STI's.

Add that to the benefits of being gay.

[Shindig]

... Jesus, don't take that at face value.

[Offshore Toon]

Don't worry, Mahow works in a sex clinic.

[Queenslander]

Bruh we need to keep our people safe.
SincereTheRebel

[SincereTheRebel]

Our people?

[Spikey M]

Racism has no place on TTH. :nono:

[Queenslander]

Our people?

Our as in forum members.

Apologies if read another way.

[SincereTheRebel]

Calm. I thought I needed to add you with myself and AE when I look in the mirror.

[SincereTheRebel]

The Gremlin and I have parted ways. I appreciated her drive to seduce me. I nearly fell deep into her web of love but in the end. My life is all about me so we decided, its best to leave.

[Magic]

I'm officially off the market lads. :cool:

[Giggles]

:cool: nice one sir.

[Vercetti]

What's his name?

[SincereTheRebel]

What's his name?

:D

[Spikey M]

Thumbing. :cool:

[igor_balis]

She's fit :beer:

[Magic]

LOL after the FACEBOOK thing today my ex-father in law asked me how THE ROMANCE was going. It was literally the most awkward thing in my entire life. Even more awkward than Waff offering my dad patsy.

[Pepe]

Give us more details.

[Pepe]

About the new Ms. Magic, that is.

[Magic]

"Not that I was stalking you or anything...we were just on Facebook and the memories thing and it just popped up or something"

"Good for you to get back on the horse...not that I'm saying she's a horse or anything...she's a bonny lass"

And just loads of awkward, horrific cliches with silences that should have been filled with true open feelings...and lot's of swearing.

[Pepe]

:lol:

They'll come for the rest of your stuff.

EDIT: Wait, silences? Did you meet for coffee or something?

[Magic]

She's amazing, I got over that horrific barrier where I pressed self destruct (as witnessed by you all, which had repercussions far beyond my relationship with her) and I managed to save everything. I am so proud of myself.

We talked about how we felt, she was scared I didn't feel the same way as I was holding back trying to play it cool I guess and let her take the lead. So she did, and I told her I loved her. Her eyes lit up and she said it back. The new Stormzy album was on in the background. It was perfection.

:)

[Pepe]

:happycry:

Sign a prenup this time.

[Magic]

:lol:

They'll come for the rest of your stuff.

EDIT: Wait, silences? Did you meet for coffee or something?

Nah I was dropping Amber off and he just waffled shite for 30 minutes about a pension or something. So I listened and I said I need to go about 5 times before he came out with it. I was like LOL. Asking if I'd introduced her to Amber. I'm not an idiot (like you're daughter mate).

[Pepe]

I'm not an idiot (like you're daughter mate).

:henn0rz:

[P_3]

Sounds amazing. All the best to you two. :joy:

[Magic]

Thanks. :)

I'm super happy, but it's as a result of me being me and happy within myself (despite the hiccups). There's no way I'd have met a girl like her without really figuring my own self out first. I do feel much more in control of myself, like no obsession, no anxiety, no worry, no need to see her 24x7. It's just a pleasure when I do see her and I do miss her, but don't require her to live. It's pretty incredible.

Here's to 2020 and what it brings.