The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

[Mike]

Well in!

[Magic]

I feel such excellent news shouldn't suffer the over-riding destitution of this thread.

[Spikey M]

Well pull* your thumb out** and do something then

*push
**in

[Kikó]

Congratulations SvN. I hope you enjoyed your last uninterrupted meal.

[Boydy]

Congrats SvN.

[Baz]

Don’t worry, fella, it gets better.

[Queenslander]

Congrats!!!

[thommo]

Congrats SvN. It’s not as tough as it all first seems.

[Mazuuurk]

Nope, it's worse :drool:

But simply just worth it, tho, somehow.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Congrats.

[P_3]

Excellent news. Best of luck for the next 18 years. :D

I've got not one but two dates lined up for this weekend. Neither has cancelled, yet.

[Raoul Duke]

Congrats SVN!

[Pepe]

Congrats P_3!

[phonics]

Excellent news. Best of luck for the next 18 years. :D

I've got not one but two dates lined up for this weekend. Neither has cancelled, yet.

Not to bring SvN down but didn't you also announce a child at one point?

[mo]

Congrats SvN. Don’t envy you with the ‘black tar’ poos at the moment.

[Giggles]

Congrats horsebox.

[Spikey M]

Congrats SvN. Don’t envy you with the ‘black tar’ poos at the moment.

I've aged about 10 years in 3 and a half years and gone up 2 Jean sizes so he has that to look forward to too.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Imagine the state of his hairline in 2 years.

[Spikey M]

It'll start at his arsecrack.

[SvN]

Been a piece of piss so far. I can only assume day one is a fair representation of what to expect over the next 18 years, so this should be a piece of cake.

[niko_cee]

You're pretty much fine until they can move.

[wullie]

I found the first two weeks the worst, then it seemed to immediately become alright and just normal life rather than life being over.

[Shindig]

You're pretty much fine until they can move.

Aye. They don't stop.

[Spikey M]

My 2 have been complete opposites. Our first born was clingy as fuck and wouldn't sleep without being held until she was 9 months old. She also had Colic for the first 3 months (hell) and severe reflux after that.

Our 2nd born, unless Ill or teething is a happy little fucker. Sleeps fine, enjoys whatever is going on and just seems to be generally an easy going geezer. We had a bit of a shitty start with a milk allergy, but he's been fine since we got it under control.

There's no real standard of 'baby' I reckon. You just have to hope you get an easy one.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

My 2 have been complete opposites. Our first born was clingy as fuck and wouldn't sleep without being held until she was 9 months old. She also had Colic for the first 3 months (hell) and severe reflux after that.

Our 2nd born, unless Ill or teething is a happy little fucker. Sleeps fine, enjoys whatever is going on and just seems to be generally an easy going geezer. We had a bit of a shitty start with a milk allergy, but he's been fine since we got it under control.

There's no real standard of 'baby' I reckon. You just have to hope you get an easy one.
I remember babysitting my half-sister's twins years ago as newborns.

The girl was super easy, you could put her down, she'd fall asleep and wouldn't stir until about 2/3am for feeding. The boy you'd have to hold until he fell asleep but it would always take a while as he would fight it and was usually quite restless.

During the day though they were both fine as long as they were constantly being rocked in a baby bouncer.

[Lewis]

A milk allergy lol should have left him in the woods.

[niko_cee]

My 2 have been complete opposites. Our first born was clingy as fuck and wouldn't sleep without being held until she was 9 months old. She also had Colic for the first 3 months (hell) and severe reflux after that.

Our 2nd born, unless Ill or teething is a happy little fucker. Sleeps fine, enjoys whatever is going on and just seems to be generally an easy going geezer. We had a bit of a shitty start with a milk allergy, but he's been fine since we got it under control.

There's no real standard of 'baby' I reckon. You just have to hope you get an easy one.

This seems a fairly standard, although not universal experience - first being harder etc. I reckon it's down to you having absolutely no idea what you are doing, whereas second time round there is often necessity in just getting on with things.

Far funnier, in my experience, is when someone gets a do nothing no problem baby first and then a nightmare one comes along second. Shock to the system.

[P_3]

Not to bring SvN down but didn't you also announce a child at one point?
Can't be me. I'm still in Team Virgin with Mahow. :eyemouth:

[Spikey M]

A milk allergy lol should have left him in the woods.

He's grown out of it and eats cheese like I would expect of my offspring. Otherwise, absolutely. Fuck having some cheese dodging fanny of a kid.

[Danny]

Spikey has two kids? All he asked for was a little head :henn0rz:

[Spikey M]

:D

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Quality.

[P_3]

I've got not one but two dates lined up for this weekend. Neither has cancelled, yet.

Struck out on first one today. Starting to hate receiving messages when I get home of being a "lovely guy", with "good conversation" and "a gentleman" but "more suited as friends". Urgh.

[Giggles]

Gentleman is the biggest insult of them all in those situations.

[mugbull]

I fail to see how any of those are insults

[Magic]

I fail to see how any of those are insults

It mean he a bitch.

[Giggles]

I fail to see how any of those are insults

They’re patronising him.

[P_3]

How do I stop being a bitch? Help me out TTH.

[Boydy]

https://i.imgur.com/bNHMMjC.png

[Giggles]

It doesn’t necessarily mean you are one. It just means she’s not attracted to you and resorts to her stock library of words to make herself feel better.

[P_3]

Oh is that it? Makes more sense. Onwards and upwards.

[Lewis]

Yeah, call their bluff and arrange to do something as friends.

[Offshore Toon]

Best to lead with dick pics from now on to shake the 'gentleman' tag.

[P_3]

I don't want to break the internet.

[Baz]

Yeah, call their bluff and arrange to do something as friends.I’d love this :D

[P_3]

I've got not one but two dates lined up for this weekend. Neither has cancelled, yet.
Guys. Early days but number 2 has suggested we do something again. :joy:

[SincereTheRebel]

Its been on the table for a while now, but im being lined up for a threesome with two girls. Ive never had a proper threesome before. Who is TTH professional in this area?

[Shindig]

Dark Soldier

[Spikey M]

Lofty

[Kikó]

Bamster

[-james-]

@weisenheimer @vic_flange

[Spikey M]

MagicsWife

[SincereTheRebel]

MagicsWife

She could well be involved tonight.

[Giggles]

When was MJ last seen here?

[Shindig]

In this thread, the 24th. His last post was on the 26th.

[Bam]

:boydy:

[Spikey M]

Have him and waff done themselves in as part of a pact?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

A double suicide is probably what this site needs.

RIP in pieces sweet princes.

[Disco]

If they have and they didn't rep this place on the way out then I suggest we ban them.

[Giggles]

Maybe they’ve just said fuck it and decided to give the thumbing a go.

[Bam]

You mean bumming?

[Giggles]

You mean bumming?

They’d probably have to thumb it in for the first few goes.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Bam is no stranger to thumbing it in it seems.

[Giggles]

Hopefully they’re just off their tits and tag teaming that milf of waffs.

[Spikey M]

Maybe they’ve just said fuck it and decided to give the thumbing a go.

Then not repping this place would be even worse.

[Boydy]

igor_balis has him on facebook. Check in on him, will you.

[Spikey M]

The Mrs brought up the possibility of having another kid earlier. Not too sure how I feel about it. We always wanted 2 because having a 3rd just seems to make everything difficult.

-Finding a car that can fit 3 car seats
-Finding a holiday/hotel that can (affordably) fit a family of 5.
-Kids having to share a room OR managing to afford a 4 bed house in the South East.

But, for all the worry, we are doing pretty well financially and I'm not sure that finances should be the main consideration anyway.

I do love seeing our 2 playing together. Their differences, their similarities and how close they are. I've also found baby no. 2 a million times easier, but then he is absolutely an easier baby. Our 1st born was a horrific sleeper. The worry is baby no. 3 could be a repeat of baby no. 1, which would be catastrophic.

There's also the concern that I am 33 now. We'd have to get cracking pretty soon. My brother in law will be nearly 60 by the time his youngest reaches 18. Fuck that. I want a life after the kids have grown up.

Anyway, I need to think about this. Heart says 'yes', brain says 'maybe', pocket says 'm8'.

[bruhnaldo]

I mean you might as well. From your post the only issue REALLY seems to be "but my sleep might be shit for a few years".

[Pepe]

As if you have a say in this m8.

[Foe]

Have a third. Then you can have a boy, a girl, and a gender neutral.

Raise it on Instagram as gender neutral, let the community of insta define how it’s raised and the sponsorship will pay the expense.

[Giggles]

Don’t do it. And give away the two you already have.

Sorted.

[Spikey M]

I mean you might as well. From your post the only issue REALLY seems to be "but my sleep might be shit for a few years".

Only people that are allowed to sleep under-value it like this.


As if you have a say in this m8.

I wear the fucking trousers here m8.

Unless she says it's shots weather. Then I wear those.


Have a third. Then you can have a boy, a girl, and a gender neutral.

Raise it on Instagram as gender neutral, let the community of insta define how it’s raised and the sponsorship will pay the expense.

I'm not cool enough to have a tranny kid.

[Boydy]

Might as well. It'll be another warrior for your tribe when civilization collapses. Safety in numbers.

[bruhnaldo]

Only people that are allowed to sleep under-value it like this.

Fair but I mean more like you're trading terrible health habits for a few years for decades of a beautiful family.

And imagine your 3rd will also start their own little family and you'll have even more little grandkids running around. Then you'll pass on as the loving patriarch of a large family of a couple dozen beautiful people that will continue branching off long after we're all gone and TTH is no more.

Do it, man. It'll be worth it in the long run I'm sure.

[Giggles]

Might as well. It'll be another warrior for your tribe when civilization collapses. Safety in numbers.

It won't be here by October 31st.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

A father and his three children with abnormally small heads will sell more tickets at the freak show than just two children.

[Lewis]

Three kids would be dead weight post-societal collapse, and doubly so if they stopped him training pre-collapse. Then again when your knees fall out sat on the toilet you probably wouldn't last long anyway.

[SincereTheRebel]

Threesome completed and it wasn't great. I'll probably never do that again. They were playing with me the whole time. One of the girls laid me on my back and was spinning on my wood. Now I have chronic backache.

Im a proud five-minute man, but the sessions were dragging over 30 minutes. Im a wounded animal. Ive booked a few days off from work. Im done.

[Spikey M]

:D

[Kikó]

From third child to threesome. What a run of posts.

[randomlegend]

One of the girls laid me on my back and was spinning on my wood. Now I have chronic backache.

:D

[Pepe]

Can't envision how that spin move works.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Was she break dancing on your cock?

[Kikó]

Can't envision how that spin move works.

Lol Virgin.

[Pen]

That Sincere post is so good :D

[mo]

Yeah I don't feel like I can weigh in on the '3rd kid' thing now (£2k to get the backseat of your car removed and three car seats inbuilt put in instead. Can you afford that?)

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

We're talking about threesomes not three kids, paedo.

[randomlegend]

I came to bed later than the fiance the other night and she was dozing when I got in. I greeted her in the customary way by putting my arm around her, squeezing her boob and saying "boobs". She responded with "I have four of those" and was fully convinced of the fact until I got her to count them out. She was proper confused and disappointed when she got stuck at two.

[Spikey M]

Yeah I don't feel like I can weigh in on the '3rd kid' thing now (£2k to get the backseat of your car removed and three car seats inbuilt put in instead. Can you afford that?)

:|

I'll just stick the least favourite in the boot.

[Boydy]

Can you not just wait a bit till the eldest is big enough to not need a car seat?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I came to bed later than the fiance the other night and she was dozing when I got in. I greeted her in the customary way by putting my arm around her, squeezing her boob and saying "boobs". She responded with "I have four of those" and was fully convinced of the fact until I got her to count them out. She was proper confused and disappointed when she got stuck at two.

She's lucky the Doctor was in the house.

[Spikey M]

Can you not just wait a bit till the eldest is big enough to not need a car seat?

They need a car seat / high back / booster until they're 11 or 12 now. Our eldest is 3.

[Spikey M]

She's lucky the Doctor was in the house.

I've counted 3 tits already.

[Lewis]

They need a car seat / high back / booster until they're 11 or 12 now.

:cab:

[Pepe]

Just get some tinted windows mate.

[Spikey M]

:cab:

https://www.gov.uk/child-car-seats-the-rules

"Children must normally use a child car seat until they’re 12 years old or 135 centimetres tall, whichever comes first."

I reckon most kids reach that height before they're 12 but I have no idea what the average age is.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's until they're 12 or 135cm. I remember having to find that out a while ago.

Edit: Fuck you Spikes.

[Lewis]

How long has that been the case? I'm sure I will have had a car seat as a baby, but I have no memory of being in one, and they probably never had boosters then except in those little blue cars like what Mahow drives.

[Spikey M]

No idea. The rules have all gone mental recently though. Kids have to be 'rear facing' until they're about 27 now as well.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

About 2 years ago I think.

Little blue cars?

Edit: Seems that backless booster seats were banned 2 years ago but the 12/135cm thing has been going for about 10 years.

[niko_cee]

You can get 3 car seats into the back of a reasonably sized car.

[Spikey M]

You can get 3 car seats into the back of a reasonably sized car.

There's about 10-15 cm's between our 2 in my IX20. I reckon it's doable once in boosters, but baby car seats are fucking massive.

[phonics]

How long has that been the case? I'm sure I will have had a car seat as a baby, but I have no memory of being in one, and they probably never had boosters then except in those little blue cars like what Mahow drives.

I can just about remember a car seat but I must have been at most 4 when I stopped. I can remember being picked up from school by my old man in his Suzuki Jimmy with the entire interior ripped out so he could fit all his building materials in. 2 Seats, 2 Seatbelts and a whole load of sharp/heavy objects. #neverdidmenoharm

[Lewis]

That's what I mean. Me and my brother used to get in the back of the old man's van whilst he handbrake turned it around the traffic island at the top of the street.

[Disco]

Nerds. We didn't even need seatbelts in the back.

[SvN]

I was never in a car seat. It's only now that I'm aware that they're needed for kids older than 4 or 5.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

My Dad would drive his Porsche with his knees as entertainment.

That or just driving me and my Sister 20 minutes home after a bottle of wine :\

[phonics]

It’ll be an insurance thing. There’ll be a 5% survival chance bump up to that age/height and they’ll say “Sorry your kids dead but nothing we can do.“ should have been a better parent.

[SincereTheRebel]

The little tykes should be walking everywhere instead of polluting up the roads in the morning, while their parents drop them 150 meters down the road to school.

[Baz]

Any 12 year old using a car seat deserves battering.

[Disco]

Alright Henry calm down.

[SincereTheRebel]

Dick is on fire lads.

[Queenslander]

:lol:

[Shindig]

This keeps happening, Sincere.

[Spikey M]

Dick is on fire lads.

Your GP is Terrified.

[SincereTheRebel]

This keeps happening, Sincere.

I know. I'm too reckless. I can't help myself. :(

[Queenslander]

Do you take prep?

[SincereTheRebel]

Yeah, they were both of legal age.

[Queenslander]

:D


https://aidsinfo.nih.gov/understanding-hiv-aids/fact-sheets/20/85/pre-exposure-prophylaxis--prep-

[randomlegend]

I'd imagine it's just a chinese burn from the spinning move.

[SincereTheRebel]

:D


https://aidsinfo.nih.gov/understanding-hiv-aids/fact-sheets/20/85/pre-exposure-prophylaxis--prep-

You cant just drop links like that to me.

[SincereTheRebel]

I'd imagine it's just a chinese burn from the spinning move.

My whole chest, back and legs all feel affected and sore. Hopefully, its just the after-affects of the bedroom olympics.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

RIP in pieces, Sincy.

[Queenslander]

You cant just drop links like that to me.

Only teasing.

[bruhnaldo]

So when do you get your test results

[SincereTheRebel]

https://i.ibb.co/FVqz0zW/IMG-20190914-090329.jpg (https://ibb.co/L5h1J1P)

[Giggles]

In for the umbrella?

[Spikey M]

Atleast you get a free coffee with your loyalty card.

[SincereTheRebel]

Now it's a waiting game

[Giggles]

In fairness any two gutter rats that are up for a threesome are going to be as clean as a butchers skip.

[mugbull]

In fairness any two gutter rats that are up for a threesome are going to be as clean as a butchers skip.
Thank you, Cardinal Potato

[Giggles]

You’re just a walking meme these days. Go and lie down in traffic you string of piss.

[Shindig]

Look out for a blue van mugbull

[Giggles]

I can safely say I wouldn’t brake for him.

[mugbull]

You haven't gotten laid in a while, have you?

[Spikey M]

You sleep with a toilet mate.

[SincereTheRebel]

You sleep with a toilet mate.

What?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

What?

This:


I’ve had some absolutely shit insomnia since Sunday night. 2 of the 4 nights i havent slept a minute despite being in bed for 8-10 hours each night, and the other 2 nights i only managed to fall asleep at 5 am and stayed asleep til 10 am. It’s really fucking with me. Luckily, i’m back in school so i’m not missing work, but it’s setting me back in my schoolwork

Last night i only managed to sleep once i had moved my bed into the bathroom and closed the door. I’ve got a really tragic picture of mattress next to toilet that illustrates the depth of my demise

[SincereTheRebel]

And I thought my impending, second dose of trichomoniasis was bad. That sounds fuckin shit

[Pen]

Quite literally.

[Queenslander]

Do you where protection SincereTheRebel most the time?

[Bam]

Loves a brass does our Sincere and going in bare.

Always asking for trouble.

[Queenslander]

Madness for 1st time intercourse.

My missus friend told her she contracted gonorrhea but couldnt be sure who she caught it off...

[SincereTheRebel]

Do you where protection SincereTheRebel most the time?


No. I don't think ive worn one since 2014. I really should but I like to gamble with my life.

[Queenslander]

No. I don't think ive worn one since 2014. I really should but I like to gamble with my life.

Maaaaate. Genital warts, AIDS etc.

What the heck are you walking around with?

[SincereTheRebel]

Maaaaate. Genital warts, AIDS etc.

What the heck are you walking around with?

I havent had anything to bad as of yet. Ive had crabs and trichomoniasis. Ive slowed down massively though compared to how I was moving a few years ago. I didn't have unprotected sex until I was 21 and my first threesome at 30. I think I'm doing alright...

[Spikey M]

Narrator: He was not doing alright.

[SincereTheRebel]

If you havent had an STD or STI, you havent lived. I don't drink and have never smoked or done any drugs. I get all kicks from the problems that women bring.

[mo]

Well, that’s up there with the most mental things I’ve ever read. Rubber up, dipshit.

[Shindig]

Expect a phone call from Gareth Thomas.

[Queenslander]

Intervention.

[Queenslander]

Oii bloke find someone you trust then have glorious bareback sex.

[Spikey M]

I had a rubber split on me during a 1 nighter and it's up there with the most scary experiences of my life. Thought I was going to get full knob rot. You don't explore unknown ground without your shoes on.

[SincereTheRebel]

I'm not a tough guy, but I'm stupid.

[mugbull]

You should start drinking, you might finally contract an STD that forces you to reconsider your decisions

[SincereTheRebel]

Forget about me.

Do you guys tell your partner when you are about to finish or do you just let it out and catch them off guard?

I don't say anything. It is funny to me, that some people still announce it though

[Giggles]

So long as she’s announcing it you’ve nothing else to worry about.

[Waffdon]

I can’t remember ever using a condom.

[Spikey M]

Both times we've tried for a kid the mrs got pregnant first time. If I did that I'd have about 60 kids.

[SincereTheRebel]

I've never tried for a child, but I've gone through the abortion process twice.

Use protection kids

[Ian]

Just got an image in my head of Sincere solemnly telling an assembly hall full of youths about the abortions and repeated cases of knob-rot and telling them to learn from his mistakes before somebody asks him the best form of protection and he goes "What? Oh no, I still don't use any of that."

[Waffdon]

Both times we've tried for a kid the mrs got pregnant first time. If I did that I'd have about 60 kids.

I’ve had a few scares but most are on the pill these days

[SincereTheRebel]

Or that coil in their pussy or embedded in their arm.

[SincereTheRebel]

Ive also sent off for my annual HIV test

[Waffdon]

Yessir. We got it easy, bruh

[SincereTheRebel]

She is trying to line me up for round two. Still waiting on test results. It's really scary.

[Shindig]

She knows.

[SincereTheRebel]

Good news and bad news.

Bad news is that you need to tell your wifes, girlfriends, mothers, nieces and aunties that Sincere is germ free and he is looking for some fresh victims.

[Spikey M]

What's the good news?

[phonics]

Good news and bad news.

Bad news is that you need to tell your wifes, girlfriends, mothers, nieces and aunties that Sincere is germ free and he is looking for some fresh victims.

Sincere, genuinely, if you're going to engage in this sort of behavior, go to your doctor and ask them to put you on PrEP, it'll protect you and any potential victims. They shouldn't charge you if you admit to them that you engage in risky behavior as it's cheaper for them to give that to you then treat the disease for the next 50 years. If they won't just tell them you're doing gay or swinger party stuff as well and they'll put you on it there and then.

[Spikey M]

Victims :D

[SincereTheRebel]

What's the good news?

I just saved a lot of money on my car insurance.

[SincereTheRebel]

Sincere, genuinely, if you're going to engage in this sort of behaviour, go to your doctor and ask them to put you on PrEP, it'll protect you and any potential victims. They shouldn't charge you if you admit to them that you engage in risky behaviour as it's cheaper for them to give that to you then treat the disease for the next 50 years. If they won't just tell them you're doing gay or swinger party stuff as well and they'll put you on it there and then.

It is already on the schedule.

[Magic]

I went on a date last night. My first date in 11 years...maybe my first date ever, in reality.

It was incredible. Without getting carried away.

P. S found my next wife lololo

[Spikey M]

How much are you going to pay her for your house?

[Magic]

2nd date organised. :drool:

[P_3]

Top work Magic. What's your secret?

Had a date arranged yesterday, turned up at her town's train station and stood around like a twat for two hours waiting for her before heading home. First time I've been stood up. Feels bad man. :violin:

[Giggles]

She’ll have been there.

[Magic]

Top work Magic. What's your secret?

Had a date arranged yesterday, turned up at her town's train station and stood around like a twat for two hours waiting for her before heading home. First time I've been stood up. Feels bad man. :violin:

Nothing to lose, everything to gain. Be yourself. Know what you want.

I had to do A LOT of self reflection to discover that. And also I was ghosted 4 times lol. Not in person but just before. So this was my last attempt before deleting, she messaged me on Mon, I asked her for a drink on Wed and we met on Fri.

She's amazing. She's amazing because I was allowed to connect on every level. Of course it may not have been like that with someone else but at least I'd know straight away.

[Magic]

She’ll have been there.

Fucking hell. :D

[SvN]

Jesus Christ. Get a fucking grip, of you'll be married again to another cunt within the year

[Boydy]

she messaged me on Mon, I asked her for a drink on Wed and we met on Fri.


Alright, Craig David.

[Foe]

Top work Magic. What's your secret?

Had a date arranged yesterday, turned up at her town's train station and stood around like a twat for two hours waiting for her before heading home. First time I've been stood up. Feels bad man. :violin:

This is rough. Who does that?

Did she message you at any point to explain or just flat out stand you up and ghost you?

[Bam]

Alright, Craig David.

:roflol:

[Lewis]

Monday
Took her for a drink on Tuesday
I was kicking off by Wednesday
And on Thursday and Friday and Saturday
She bailed on Sunday

[P_3]

This is rough. Who does that?

Did she message you at any point to explain or just flat out stand you up and ghost you?
There was a bit of messaging as I was on the train over, something about her ex slashing her car tyres as she went to see him and drop off his stuff and calling her dad to help. Then it all went silent from her end. I sent her a quick message this morning to at least let me know she's ok, next thing I know I'm blocked on WhatsApp. Whilst waiting for her, I did see a car with an older man in the driving seat and someone else in the passenger seat wait around for 10 minutes without dropping or picking anyone up. Maybe that was her.:sherlock:

[Lewis]

How was Dundee?

[Giggles]

Slashing tyres :D

She’s a fucking spoofer.

[igor_balis]

Had a weird bit of synchronicity yesterday. There was this cute Greek girl (I say girl, she's actually mid-30s but looks a lot younger) who used to come into my place of work quite regularly ages ago. I'm pretty shit at picking up on signals, but I always had a sense she fancied me. She came in one day, and started fucking doodling on my hand with a pen, and five minutes later i was kicking myself for being too much of a pussy to give her my number, but told myself I definitely would next time she came in. That was about 18 months ago and she never came in again. :moop:

Well, she didn't until 12.45pm yesterday, i.e. 15 minutes before the end of my VERY LAST shift before I move 150 miles away. I was a lot more relaxed and devil may care cus i was pretty hungover and about to leave, so I was flirting pretty heavily and suggested she came and checked out Norwich when she was saying how bored she was of living in the Midlands. After I served her I was all "well I guess I'll never see you again, then", to which she blushed and suggested we exchanged numbers to stay in touch. As she was leaving she turned around and said "about 2 hours in the car to Norwich, yeah?". :cool:

She ended up adding me on facebook, and was sending me audio clips of her saying rude greek words under the guise of helping me learn the language. I mean, it's not the most convenient of booty calls but I'm pretty chuffed. Mostly just the insane odds of her coming in yesterday, rather than a Saturday I wasn't working or after I'd left.

[Lewis]

It's more like three hours so unlucky lad.

[Magic]

Jesus Christ. Get a fucking grip, of you'll be married again to another cunt within the year

Not really. Approaching situations without judgement allows me to see things for what they are. I don't transfer my past pains or blind myself with what I want to see instead of what is present.

Let's see where it goes, but I am very impressed so far.

[Magic]

There was a bit of messaging as I was on the train over, something about her ex slashing her car tyres as she went to see him and drop off his stuff and calling her dad to help. Then it all went silent from her end. I sent her a quick message this morning to at least let me know she's ok, next thing I know I'm blocked on WhatsApp. Whilst waiting for her, I did see a car with an older man in the driving seat and someone else in the passenger seat wait around for 10 minutes without dropping or picking anyone up. Maybe that was her.:sherlock:

Looking back, did you see this coming?

[P_3]

Looking back, did you see this coming?

Not really, because she seemed keen to meet. The whole tyre slashing thing was a bit weird and I should have just cancelled there and then but assumed she'd just get a lift home then come to meet as planned. Women, eh? :sorry:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Being blocked on Whatsapp didn't seem off?

[P_3]

Being blocked on Whatsapp didn't seem off?

That was this/Sunday morning. Date was last/Saturday night.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I read that as happening on the day and you still turning up.

[Raoul Duke]

She's done you a favour there. Obviously bonkers

[Magic]

Not really, because she seemed keen to meet. The whole tyre slashing thing was a bit weird and I should have just cancelled there and then but assumed she'd just get a lift home then come to meet as planned. Women, eh? :sorry:

It sounds like if that is true she did you a favour, mate. Maybe you should consider that admirable.

[Magic]

And maybe you should flag it up to the police, too.

[Magic]

2nd date complete. Shit film that went on for AGES (IT Chaper 2), so it kind of dampened things and it didn't end until midnight so we were both knackered.

3rd date on Sat. Still not banged.

[SvN]

Pics

[igor_balis]

1st norwich tinder date a resounding success tbh.

[Magic]

Pics looked good lad. Lots of blacks though.

Also mine is going well too, she stayed over the other night. :)

[bruhnaldo]

Ayee Magicccc.

[Magic]

Guys I'm happy. And I am myself again after a decade. I feel like I've lost that much of my life, in terms of my own personal development. My life begins again now. I spent a year recovering, and now I'm adding so much positivity.

I am thrilled. :)

[Kikó]

Great news Magic!

[Giggles]

Good news but be careful.

[Boydy]

Has it been a year since yous split already?

[randomlegend]

Someone ruin his life again for the good of the board.

[Giggles]

Someone ruin his life again for the good of the board.

It’s a woman he’s talking about. Just give it time, it’s what they do.

[bruhnaldo]

even Magic is happy ffs

[Magic]

Has it been a year since yous split already?

Very nearly.

[Boydy]

Very nearly.

Bloody hell. Time flies. Glad to hear you're doing well though.

[Mike]

Magic being happy reminded me I never posted, after a year of single life I met a girl lads, she’s boss! First met in the summer and things are going well!
I’m deffo punching too :cool2:

[Spikey M]

Domestic violence is not cool.

[Giggles]

Were you not married? You were probably the only person to describe a divorce as 'ace'.

[SincereTheRebel]

In relation to divorce. I didn't know the rate was so high. It is at 42% according to the BBC in England and Wales which fucked me right up. If you want to go deeper. Black people dont get married and brown people dont get divorced. That rate would be about 99% if it was just white people.

[Baz]

Were you not married? I can't believe I wasn't invited.

[Giggles]

Ah. Maybe it was you.

[Spikey M]

It should have been The Reid.

[Baz]

Ah. Maybe it was you.

I am the one with a wife and child.
Mike is the one who is happy.

:baz:

[igor_balis]

3 weeks in Norwich, 2 successful tinder dates navigated. She's really smart and cultured and shit, which i'm a big fan of. First date we had long discussions about the future of the union (UK), her Welsh independence arguments v interesting even if I didn't agree, she loves Father Ted and is similarly very disappointed with Linehan being a big transphobe weirdo. Mentioned in passing my recent chess OBSESSION, and rather than being weirded out she insisted on us playing chess on date #2. Aw.

Date one ended with us pretty battered, snogging and being gross outside some random block of flats. I had my hand up her skirt and shit, like a hormonal teenager. When she was all hehe, but we're in PUBLIC, I laughed and said whatever, I don't live here. Some proper Norwich geezer poked his head out of his window and shouted "Yeah but I do, so FUCK OFF". We both immediately went "ah yeah fair point, sorry mate", or something along those lines.

Date two I absolutely battered her at chess and had a game of scrabble, but she was being "sensible" and managed to nurse her pint for about 2 hours. Was a bit worried it was going a bit platonic, but probably just cus of how drunk and sloppy we'd been on date one. It ended a lot less depraved, with a quick snog and "thanks for a lovely evening". I'm pretty besotted tbh lads. She's exactly the kind of girl I always fantasised about meeting when I was a dorky teenager, and it turns out they do exist, just not in Rugby.

[Foe]

Sounds great!

What’s date 3?

[Boydy]

He forgot to mention she's a weeb.

[randomlegend]

There's only 17 people in Norfolk so I probably know her.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I can't decide if it's more Partridge series 2 or Gavin and Stacey, but either way the middle paragraph there is a beautiful thing.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Modern day Romeo & Juliet.

[bruhnaldo]

Well tha'ts nice.

[Shindig]

So they're killing themselves after objections from the family? That'll make a good thread.

[bruhnaldo]

I hope her name is Annie. Igor + Annie, that sounds nice.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

So they're killing themselves after objections from the family? That'll make a good thread.

I could see it from Igor.

[Ian]

I laughed and said whatever, I don't live here. Some proper Norwich geezer poked his head out of his window and shouted "Yeah but I do, so FUCK OFF".

That's brilliant.

[igor_balis]

Sounds great!

What’s date 3?

She said it's her turn to pick an activity, so I'm awaiting her decision. I'll be honest, I'm hoping for something involving booze so we can do some tipsy touchy feely but if she wants to go play settlers of Catan or go to some feminist book reading or some shit I'll be happy enough cus like, she's cute.

And fuck off Boydy you grass, but not a weeb (that was bumble girl), she's into d&d and scifi and shit, rather than anime.

[Boydy]

Slippery slope.

[bruhnaldo]

Oh, she's one of those.

[igor_balis]

Oh, she's one of those.

Aye, but i'm basically one of those as well. I moaned about Rugby being full of normie square girls who didn't know anything, and was desperate to find someone smart and cultured and a bit nerdy. I spend the vast majority of my time when I'm not eating, sleeping or working playing fucking boardgames with my wiener mates, playing online chess and watching pretentious films and TV shows, so it would be a bit much to find this girl and be like "yeah, I wanted exactly THIS, just errr, slightly less of it".

I like it. I find it cute that for once it's the other person who's slowly revealing their dorky tendencies as trust increases and fear of the other person running a mile slowly subsides.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I so hope she reveals her complete weebness in the next date.

[Lewis]

igor had to leave Rugby because the older people at work found out he never invented 'cockwomble'.

[igor_balis]

igor had to leave Rugby because the older people at work found out he neverinvented 'cockwomble'.

I feel like I successfully left #teamsensitive (ish) once I learned to take your bantz in the spirit they were intended but you fucking take that back. Honestly not sure I hate anything more than those cutesy compound swearwords. Was always a big fan of Charlie Brooker circa-early screenwipe, but he couldn't go more than 10 minutes without calling some tv producer a twatwank or something. Hideous. I also had a mate at school who tried to steal his whole shtick, but didn't manage anything except making up his own horrible swearwords and wearing a t shirt with a blazer.

I remember one the best ever E-Victories i saw was my mate making a fairly tongue-in-cheek insult on this fit girl's profile picture on facebook, to which she responded "ah, [my mate's name], like charlie brooker without the humour or the charm". Especially funny cus it was clearly said without a shred of cheeky bantz, it was fucking brutal. Either way, fuck you mate.

[igor_balis]

I so hope she reveals her complete weebness in the next date.

I feel like she's too obsessed with Welsh culture to have time for Japanese culture.

[Lewis]

Rumbled by a Stephen Fry meme of a quote he never even said going round the office chat. Somebody a bit smoother would have just slowly switched to 'shitgibbon', but you I heard you cracked like a mess.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Stop putting him on the ropes, he's found happiness.

[igor_balis]

Stop triggering me

[Lewis]

Text your lass a picture of some shit basic cheese on toast and tell her you're having their national dish.

[randomlegend]

Vegetable munge is the national dish of Wales.

[igor_balis]

Text your lass a picture of some shit basic cheese on toast and tell her you're having their national dish.

I had rarebit in the cafe attached to the Dylan Thomas museum in Laugharne, the tiny village where he wrote a lot of his stuff. I don't disagree with you.

[bruhnaldo]

Aye, but i'm basically one of those as well.

To be honest I expected you to reply "What do you mean" and then I was gonna say "I was honestly just shitposting I meant nothing by it whatsoever" but I'm very happy for you it sounds wonderful :)

[igor_balis]

To be honest I expected you to reply "What do you mean" and then I was gonna say "I was honestly just shitposting I meant nothing by it whatsoever" but I'm very happy for you it sounds wonderful :)

thanks, friend.

definitely trying to temper my excitement, cus it's so early days. she could deffo just be like "actually, nah mate", at any point and it would be absolutely fair enough, but i'm not usually like this. think there was a couple of times i expressed enthusiasm for tinder girls on here, but deep down it was just momentary surprise a girl fancied me, and wanting there to be something. feels like there actually is something this time. okay i'll shut up now, sorry gang.

[bruhnaldo]

You're in the entirely right place to go on about it don't apologize.

If it wasn't for living vicariously through everyone else's happiness I'd have none at all :)

But hey Igor really you're a good lad and you deserve to be happy so don't go ballsing it up on some "Aw man I can't believe this!" type of stuff because you're gonna get in your own head and start acting out of sorts.

Remember you're a catch yourself and she should be thrilled to have met YOU just the same.

[Offshore Toon]

Yeah, if she's as much of a geek as you make out then you should be alright.