The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

[-james-]

I was thinking last night while reading this thread that I still really have no interest in having a kid. Then last night I had a dream that I was pregnant, and my child came out in my poo and died.

[Mazuuurk]

Congrats mate. How old is the older one?

We have a 3 and a half year old and an 8 month old. The early days were pretty tough as we struggled to get on top of babies reflux / cows milk allergy and our 3 year old was playing up out of jealousy, but aside from that it's been pretty easy in all honesty.

The Gods are going to make me pay for saying that.

Thanks buddy. He’s 5. The jealousy bit is starting now a bit. I reckon if they are closer in age, its harder when they are small but gets exponentially easier when they get bigger, whereas our formula (big age gap) means somewhat easier time when they are small, but not as much benefit later (as they’ll not be in nursery at the same time, and maybe different schools, activities, etc).

Cant fathom what people who have twins go through.


How much of your income (as a percentage) goes to the child once they turn up?

Hard to say really. Both Pen and Spikey are right in a way I think. Its not many specific costs (unless you live in the US and have to start saving for everything), as much as its a general change of your lifestyle.

Swedish banks claim the cost of raising a child until 18 years id roughly in the region of £70-80k, I think. Make of that what you will. But it REALLY depends. One thing that does get a lot pricier for instance is travel, as you have to pay for 3 or 4 people instead if 2, and budget options for flying and living are usually out of question.

And to some extent I suppose a lot of people move to bigger houses when they have their first or maybe their second kid, so that obviously plays a massive part as well.

[Pen]

Yeah, didn’t think about the living arrangements when I posted 😅

Before we had our son we lived in a small flat and now our new house is almost three times bigger which has doubled our expenses. We would’ve bought a flat at some point anyway, but deciding to have a child definitely played a big part in what we went for.

[SincereTheRebel]

I was thinking last night while reading this thread that I still really have no interest in having a kid. Then last night I had a dream that I was pregnant, and my child came out in my poo and died.

...the fuck

[SincereTheRebel]

Interesting about the costs. Sounds like you pay more for the comfort compared to actual maintenance of the child.

[Spikey M]

It's more a change in lifestyle. I couldn't say how much I spend on my kids, all Bill's generally increase but also, disposable income is used for Peppa Pig world rather than the pub. I guess we spend the same amount of money, it's just not for us anymore.

[niko_cee]

I spend £200 a month on 'dancing', for starters.

[Boydy]

I spend £200 a month on 'dancing', for starters.

What the fuck?

[Giggles]

Raves or like learning to dance?

EDIT: I missed the kids bit.




.

[Shindig]

Or just a building nearby you can leave the kid supervised whilst you sit at home for a couple of hours?

[neo_hippy]

It's more a change in lifestyle. I couldn't say how much I spend on my kids, all Bill's generally increase but also, disposable income is used for Peppa Pig world rather than the pub. I guess we spend the same amount of money, it's just not for us anymore.

This basically

Food, nappies etc are not a big expense. And because you're not having as much of a social life it balances out. Mines 2 and a half so we dont get any help yet on nursery costs. That's our biggest child expense. 70 quid a day to have him in nursery from 7.30am to 5.30pm. The mrs is part time so its only 2 days a week but mortgage aside its easily our biggest expense.

Sleep and generally tiredness is a far bigger problem then money generally when it comes to young children

[niko_cee]

Kids' dancing classes.

That's a bit of an overstatement, but it is how much I pay on a standing order just so I don't have to worry about getting horrendous bills three times a year.

Don't have daughters.

[Spikey M]

Kids' dancing classes.

That's a bit of an overstatement, but it is how much I pay on a standing order just so I don't have to worry about getting horrendous bills three times a year.

Don't have daughters.

We struck gold on this. My daughter goes to nursery on Tuesdays and Fridays and those just happen to be the days that Dancing and Swimming lessons take place. £50 a term on each. Absolute bargain.

[Pen]

This basically

Food, nappies etc are not a big expense. And because you're not having as much of a social life it balances out. Mines 2 and a half so we dont get any help yet on nursery costs. That's our biggest child expense. 70 quid a day to have him in nursery from 7.30am to 5.30pm. The mrs is part time so its only 2 days a week but mortgage aside its easily our biggest expense.

Sleep and generally tiredness is a far bigger problem then money generally when it comes to young children

Fuck me that’s steep for a nursery 😧 I think we’re in the highest bracket of fees (it caps really low meaning pretty much all two parent families are in there) and it works out under 300€ a month. Do you live in the States, or is that what people pay in the UK?

[Clunge]

Moving in with the significant other today/tomorrow. We both turned 30 this year, we've been together two years, and it's the first time either of us have lived with a partner. I am muchos excited.

[Spikey M]

Fuck me that’s steep for a nursery �� I think we’re in the highest bracket of fees (it caps really low meaning pretty much all two parent families are in there) and it works out under 300€ a month. Do you live in the States, or is that what people pay in the UK?

That's about what it costs. The benefits system is a bit of a joke in that if you are unemployed you are entitled to free child care from your kid turning 2, but if you are employed it's from when they turn 3. No idea why unemployed people need the child care or why they are being incentivised to not go into work, but here we are.

If you do have to pay, it is very expensive. I worked full time compressed into 4 days for 2 years to avoid having to pay out on child care.

[SincereTheRebel]

Don't have daughters.

Ive been told that daughters are much easier to deal with in the long run compared to boys. You don't really have to worry about your daughter growing up and becoming a bum.

[Spikey M]

Ive been told that daughters are much easier to deal with in the long run compared to boys. You don't really have to worry about your daughter growing up and becoming a bum.

No, you have to worry about all the perverts and rapists instead. Plus their ability to get pregnant. Plus their interest in older - noncey - men.

[SincereTheRebel]

Chances of that happening are slimmer than the chance of him doing jail time. She will be out of your house with her own family by 25. Some man is still 30 living with their at parents. Gift and a curse I guess.

[Giggles]

Put the money into a care home fund and don't bother having them at all. There's a fair chance that's where they'll put you anyway once they've cleared you out.

[Spikey M]

Chances of that happening are slimmer than the chance of him doing jail time. She will be out of your house with her own family by 25. Some man is still 30 living with their at parents. Gift and a curse I guess.

He'll be payng rent then.

[Shindig]

"You're not going out in those tyres."

[Smjffy]

I couldn't think of anything worse than having a child. It's a deal break for me now, if you want one, you're not getting with me. I lucked out with Banana but that brought different emotions as she wanted but couldn't even if I did.

I think my own useless father and seeing all six of my brothers and sisters have kids put me off.

[Queenslander]

Im so greatful that I have a son/step son in my life. Not sure if we will have kids together but Im loving life as it is.

[Giggles]

Im so greatful that I have a son/step son in my life. Not sure if we will have kids together but Im loving life as it is.

Did that myself before but it wouldn't be for me. Maybe if the real father was dead or something but probably still not. Different strokes though I suppose.

[Queenslander]

Did that myself before but it wouldn't be for me. Maybe if the real father was dead or something but probably still not. Different strokes though I suppose.

It still isnt easy at times Ill admit that but his dad is such an overwhelming fuck up that most of the time he refuses to see his father these days. I never speak poorly of him obviously because it isnt my place.

Ill be encouraging him into therapy when he is a bit older (10 atm) because he will need help unpacking all of it.

[SincereTheRebel]

I don’t have any regrets about not being a father. There is still always time of course, but my life is all about me. Its best if it stays that way.

I enjoy spending time with some of my family and friends children but then i go my own way to a silent home. It seems really crazy raising children today. Google seems to get in the way and you cant really protect them from anything .

[Spikey M]

There's all sorts of spyware for parents these days. You can see where they are and monitor what they're doing on their phone from yours.

[Lewis]

My colleague was telling me that her son's school has accounts rather than dinner money, and then she can keep track of what he chooses to eat. Throw in the online homework diaries they can look at, and them knowing how to block all of the filth on the home internet, and you wonder who actually won the Cold War.

[mugbull]

Jesus, are you guys actually talking up the concept of spying on your childrens’ internet activities?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Imagine the level of spying that Magic will engage in.

[Magic]

My house is more successful than me. 6 weeks and 1 viewing. :cry:

[SincereTheRebel]

My house is more successful than me. 6 weeks and 1 viewing. :cry:

:D

[Waffdon]

Single as fuck. Who’s coming off the rails with me

[Foe]

What happened?

[Waffdon]

She doesn’t think we want the same things etc. Mostly just the age gap, really.

[Foe]

Sounds familiar :moop:

What's the age gap? Tbf, she's a full on adult with a kid, and you're a partier. Enjoy it for what it was.

Use it to find out what you actually want.

[Waffdon]

I still want her but it’s done with now. Kids will be gutted and putting them to bed tonight wasn’t fun. She’s mellowed me right down. Just hope I stick to it. Taken drugs once or twice in about four months instead of every weekend and no more chasing losing bets.

Least I can go on holiday now.

Edit: 22/30

[mugbull]

I still want her but it’s done with now. Kids will be gutted and putting them to bed tonight wasn’t fun. She’s mellowed me right down. Just hope I stick to it. Taken drugs once or twice in about four months instead of every weekend and no more chasing losing bets.

Least I can go on holiday now.

Edit: 22/30

Add me on snap @mokbull. I'll cheer you right up

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Waff and Magic do Magaluf.

:dance:

[Waffdon]

swear I had you on Snapchat before.

[Spikey M]

Waff and Magic do Magaluf.

:dance:

And Foe.

How much have we got left in the board kitty?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

We could always run another donation drive.

[Spikey M]

Waff = Jay
Magic = Simon
Foe = Neil

We need a Will. John?

[Baz]

Clearly mike.

[Spikey M]

He's not Scottish enough.

[John]

I've never watched a second of The Inbetweeners so I'm not sure how to take that.

I'd rather shit in my hands and clap than spend ten seconds in Foe's company though so I'm out either way.

[Spikey M]

You'd be the clever one, but you'd also shit your pants, so win/win really.

[SvN]

What's wrong with Foe?

[Spikey M]

Many, many things. But I love him anyway.

[Foe]

I've never watched a second of The Inbetweeners so I'm not sure how to take that.

I'd rather shit in my hands and clap than spend ten seconds in Foe's company though so I'm out either way.

Avoided a stabbing. Quality.

Can we take baz please?

[Foe]

Many, many things. But I love him anyway.

:wub:

You're making me blush.

[Baz]

Can we take baz please?You’ll have to submit holiday forms to my wife but I doubt they’ll get approved.

[mugbull]

swear I had you on Snapchat before.

Yea u do, fuck me

[SvN]

Of all the people to have a problem with, Foe seems like an odd choice. Am I missing some sort of history between John and Foe?

[Lewis]

They once had a fight over a comb.

[Smjffy]

@waff Do you want a wing man? 8-)

[Baz]

Of all the people to have a problem with, Foe seems like an odd choice. Am I missing some sort of history between John and Foe?Maybe he’s metrophobic.

[Mazuuurk]

Chances of that happening are slimmer than the chance of him doing jail time. She will be out of your house with her own family by 25. Some man is still 30 living with their at parents. Gift and a curse I guess.

See this is tricky because if you raise your kids right, give them security and love, don't hit them, etc (basically be a decent parent to them), they will not end up in jail or what have you anyway, don't think the gender really matters.

It's worrying about what would happen to them anyway that's the tricky part. As a girl you don't have to be any certain type to get raped, and as a boy you always run the risk of getting assaulted/beat up out on town.

Now my kids are ages away from their teens still, but I imagine that will be a fucking horrible period to be a parent to them. All you can do I think is to try to teach them to be as street-smart (read: careful) as kids can possibly be and hope for the best.

[Waffdon]

Can’t believe I’m not a daddy anymore. Saying bye to them was harder than calling it quits with thon Milf.

Buzzing for Tinder

[igor_balis]

I've never watched a second of The Inbetweeners so I'm not sure how to take that.

I can absolutely understand why you'd be sceptical, but it's genuinely very good. One of my best mates is a massive comedy snob and the kind of aloof weirdo that wouldn't find inbetweeners relatable because his strange teenage years reading Henry James novels in big overcoats and shagging cool European girls into art-house cinema was nothing like the everyday existence of inbetweeners LADS. I spent ages trying to persuade him to watch it, and after lots of resistance and sneering he watched the whole first season in one sitting, apologised for being a twat, and said it was really good.

Very well observed and very well written. It's like a(n obviously not as good) coming of age version of Peep Show.

[igor_balis]

Sorry Waffdon :(

on the plus side, does this mean you'll be able to come and hang out with me and my mates in edinburgh? :henn0rz:

[Waffdon]

Haha when is it again? I’ve got a day out in Edinburgh for that Liverpool game at Murrayfield as got tickets for Napoli end. 28th July I think. At least I don’t need to bother about the rugby now later in August.

[Baz]

I can absolutely understand why you'd be sceptical, but it's genuinely very good. One of my best mates is a massive comedy snob and the kind of aloof weirdo that wouldn't find inbetweeners relatable because his strange teenage years reading Henry James novels in big overcoats and shagging cool European girls into art-house cinema was nothing like the everyday existence of inbetweeners LADS. I spent ages trying to persuade him to watch it, and after lots of resistance and sneering he watched the whole first season in one sitting, apologised for being a twat, and said it was really good.

Very well observed and very well written. It's like a(n obviously not as good) coming of age version of Peep Show.It's outstanding, isn't it. The first season is perfect.

Although, and I've probably posted this before, the one scene that sums up the whole show and will let someone know one way or another if they will enjoy it, is the opening of the second episode of season two when Jay is boasting about his Valentine's cards. Up until about 2mins 20secs in this video (https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x4ig303).

[phonics]

I can absolutely understand why you'd be sceptical, but it's genuinely very good. One of my best mates is a massive comedy snob and the kind of aloof weirdo that wouldn't find inbetweeners relatable because his strange teenage years reading Henry James novels in big overcoats and shagging cool European girls into art-house cinema was nothing like the everyday existence of inbetweeners LADS. I spent ages trying to persuade him to watch it, and after lots of resistance and sneering he watched the whole first season in one sitting, apologised for being a twat, and said it was really good.

Very well observed and very well written. It's like a(n obviously not as good) coming of age version of Peep Show.

Inbetweeners is total dog shit for anyone who wasn't in english banter lad mode when it came out

A genuine low point in my life was being at a house party where someone put the Inbetweeners film on and I spent the next hour and a half questioning humanity.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I love Inbetweeners and I've never been in English banter lad mode.

[igor_balis]

It's outstanding, isn't it. The first season is perfect.this video (https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x4ig303).

Yep my thoughts exactly. I think the most important thing is that they get the tone just right. Never trying too hard to be serious and gritty, but the GIRLS AND BOOZE AND WAAAAY HE'S THROWING UP never felt like a cynical attempt to appeal to the "male teenage demographic". Especially season one. I also like how they never try to make the lads seem like the absolute bottom wrung freaks or make them seem unrealistically cool - they really captured that mid-table non-entity part of the social hierarchy that I was definitely in when I was at school.

[igor_balis]

Inbetweeners is total dog shit for anyone who wasn't in english banter lad mode when it came out

I disagree. I'm sure it will surprise you but I was hardly a banter lad when it came out.

[Offshore Toon]

Anybody who thinks they were an inbetweener was actually a geek.

And the show is shit.

[mugbull]

You are now though :cool:

[phonics]

I disagree. I'm sure it will surprise you but I was hardly a banter lad when it came out.

Igor, love you but you are literally a prime banter lad englishman. We all have our flaws, I liked Kevin and Perry Go Large when it came out.


I love Inbetweeners and I've never been in English banter lad mode.

You wish you were likeable enough to be one though, see every interaction you've had with Lewis for proof. Inbetweeners was aspirational for you.

[Spikey M]

Phonics calling people out on being stereotypes :drool:

Hows the spliff, Moonboots and Hip-Hop, bro?

[igor_balis]

Anybody who thinks they were an inbetweener was actually a geek.

And the show is shit.

I definitely was, but it was easier for me as I went to a nerd freak selective ALL MALE school. At a comprehensive, Jay and the boys would have probably bullied me, but at my dorky grammar school I was easily Everton. You know those terrifying uber-nerds you get on University challenge who are like autistic robot trivia machines? We had about 10 of them in our year of 90.

I think my place in the hierarchy can be fairly accurately encapsulated by one lunch time in year 9 (I think) when I was in the library with my little gang of mates. I could see the "cool kids" playing football on the field, and said ahh fuck this, I'm gonna play football with them. My mates were incredulous and thought I'd either pussy out or they'd tell me to fuck off. When I arrived they just said "alright Igor, you're on that side". And once I snogged a reasonably fit girl who was one of the cool kids at the all girls school down the road, but the following monday i got more incredulous "how the fuck did YOU get with SOPHIE?!" than pats on the back.

[phonics]

Phonics calling people out on being stereotypes :drool:

Hows the spliff, Moonboots and Hip-Hop, bro?

Everyone is a stereotype, thats why they're stereotypes...

I also didn't call anyone out on being a stereotype, I said people like it because they are that stereotype.

If you're going to have a dig, have a good one.

[igor_balis]

Igor, love you but you are literally a prime banter lad englishman. We all have our flaws, I liked Kevin and Perry Go Large when it came out.

I will accept you having this perspective of me as long as you mean prime banter lad englishman in the sense of me being a englishman with prime banter, rather than in the Lewis school of thought of thinking I play drinking games with people I call lord jagerbomb and we have rules where you have to wear a wacky hat on friday nights.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Igor, love you but you are literally a prime banter lad englishman. We all have our flaws, I liked Kevin and Perry Go Large when it came out.



You wish you were likeable enough to be one though, see every interaction you've had with Lewis for proof. Inbetweeners was aspirational for you.

Completely wrong but well done.

[phonics]

I will accept you having this perspective of me as long as you mean prime banter lad englishman in the sense of me being a englishman with prime banter, rather than in the @Lewis (https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/member.php?u=70) school of thought of thinking I play drinking games with people I call lord jagerbomb and we have rules where you have to wear a wacky hat on friday nights.

1) Love you. You're not the former. You fall under 'SoccerAM but with self awareness'
2) I'd classify the latter under 'Rugby Lad'


Completely wrong but well done.

Just because you have a panic attack at the idea of having a group of friends does not make it untrue.

[Bam]

Why are you such an absolute bell end?

[phonics]

Why are you such an absolute bell end?

Because I have multiple personality issues and a series of drug addictions which I’m in and out of therapy for. What’s your excuse?

[Spikey M]

Scaffolding to the head.

[Lewis]

Hark at igor making out he wasn't well and truly condemned to sitting with the moshers.

[phonics]

Igor was way more normal than I thought he was going to be. If anything, he seems to be about the only normal person in his town. I was there for 12 hours and dealt with probably 4 to 5 utter gombines, 3 weirdos and 1 off his face on some sort of chemical and I only interacted with about 13 people.

[-james-]

A genuine low point in my life was being at a house party where someone put the Inbetweeners film on and I spent the next hour and a half questioning humanity.

I had basically the same experience. The Inbetweeners was fucking awful stuff.

[Giggles]

If Igor wasn't a banterlad when he was younger then what was the point in becoming one now?

[Bam]

Because I have multiple personality issues and a series of drug addictions which I’m in and out of therapy for. What’s your excuse?


If you think I'm going to feel sorry for you then you're wrong, you're still a bell end.

[Kikó]

Hark at igor making out he wasn't well and truly condemned to sitting with the moshers.

I really liked my baggy jeans, German shirt and thick chain bought from Affleks palace. 😕

[mugbull]

Igor is way more clever than the typical banter lad. Also just a nice guy. He’s like an Aussie really.

[Magic]

Please tell me more about your opinions of people you've never met.

[Magic]

And lol at the thought of Igor being a LAD. He's just a quirky sound guy man, nothing more to it.

[mugbull]

Please tell me more about your opinions of people you've never met.

I’ve met igor though?...

[Offshore Toon]

I don't even think he's quirky. Just a bit bored of life so goes for the adventurous/exciting options, which is fairly common. He just shares stuff on here that, compared to many, seems 'quirky' aa he's not at home all weekend making chocolate.

[Magic]

I don't even think he's quirky. Just a bit bored of life so goes for the adventurous/exciting options, which is fairly common. He just shares stuff on here that, compared to many, seems 'quirky' aa he's not at home all weekend making chocolate.

Nice dig at RL.

[Offshore Toon]

Nice dig at RL.
It was just the first thing that sprung to mind.

[7om]

Never change, phonics. You stuck up twat.

[Cheddar]

Phonics has a lot to say on other people for a grown man who continually buys trainers designed for teenagers.

[phonics]

"The worst thing about his personality is his... *checks notes* *adjusts glasses from the tip of his nose* taste in shoes"

[Cheddar]

Great retort mate.

[phonics]

Thank you.

[mugbull]

I support the taste in shoes. I think i’ll be wearing Stan Smiths until i’m 60

[phonics]

Summer rolling round has let me get the Usain Bolt Pumas out. Even make the days forced into wearing a suit bearable :drool:

[Mike]

I’ve been back rocking AF1’s and life is just better in decent trainers.

[phonics]

People living their life in black and white bitching at people for living in technicolour.

[Giggles]

Twats.

[mugbull]

The prime example of that ^

[Giggles]

The prime example of that ^

And the prime example of twat ^

[phonics]

The only colour in Giggles life is that Greenbay Packers blanket he bought.

[Giggles]

It's more of a rug.

[Smjffy]

I registered to PoF earlier this week and it's only now just jogged my memory of that thread we once had. :D Anyhow, after a few models messaging me and offering it on a plate, I now find myself heavily in debt and my card details are probably being passed around more often than Bam's wife.

On a serious note though, wtf? It's weird as fuck. The profiles read like shopping lists, some absolute munters messaging which makes me wonder if they are deluded or if that deluded one is in fact me and punching far above an acceptable threshold. So then Friday night I changed a few things, stuck a few more pictures up, did the tests things and a little intro then like magic, it stops and it starts showing potential. Am I being paranoid by believing PoF is controlling all of this just so I buy the membership with them too....it's all one big charade!

Currently talking to some decent looking lass from London. I'm of opinion that if we haven't met within a week then it's not going to happen, is that too optimistic? At what point do they become the pen pal as in my mind, it's very soon.

[Foe]

I've always operated on the basis that you need to get their number/other form of contacts prett sharpish and organise a meet within a few days or so. They're just bombarded with opportunities so if you're not showing forward interest, you may as well,not bother at all.

[Smjffy]

Let them be bombarded, I say. I have quite an extensive list of things I'm looking for in a woman and being the contradictory dick that I am, if they aren't interested enough to meet at whatever point I'm cool with then they probably aren't that interested anyway in which case, why make the effort.

First I'm basing it solely on looks and size because I'm shallow like that. Then I'll go through the pictures, usually it's cute pic followed by duck pout and fat pic, fat pic, etc. Read the profile, they see it then I'll wait until they view mine, if they do, that's my queue or if I'm not overly interested I'll see if they do. I'm not even sure if I'm ready for anything anyway, I'm just a tad bored and thought it would be a bit of fun. I can say without a shadow of doubt though that there's a lot of ugly people within a 50 mile radius of here. Christ.

[Raoul Duke]

I'm getting married next month :uhoh:

Honeymoon in Santorini :drool:

[Pepe]

One table reserved for The Group.

[Foe]

Cycling primarily.

She wants me to be excited by upping sticks at short notice to jaunt off into the countryside to stay in a camper van and do pretty long, fast road cycles.

She travels all over the country to compete though. She did an 18 hour round trip a couple of weekends ago to compete. Not sure after a week of work spending 40% of my weekend travelling to be around her competing in a sport I have little interest in is that appealing.

I did try cycling last weekend and it wasn't great, but not complete torture so I'd at least be open to trying/do it on occasion. However my initial (and ongoing) lack of enthusiasm is being held against me.

It's taken her 5 months to realise I don't do the same sport as her or have a similar interest in campervan adventures and apparently it's a pretty big issue.

Giving her some space at the moment, but fully expect a breakup in the coming days. Sad in part because I really like her, but she's being so unbelievably stubborn (whilst being annoyed I'm also being stubborn) that perhaps it's for the best.

Yep, got the final bullet on Friday. She showed absolutely no effort to find a compromise and has basically palmed me off. Wouldn't be surprised if she has some triathlete ready to step into my shoes.

Shame really because I, and my family, really liked her. Mental given she introduced me to half her family like 2 weeks ago.

Onwards and upwards though. She'll realise at some point how much of an arse she's been. I want to be with someone else when that happens.

[SincereTheRebel]

Fuck that bitch

[bruhnaldo]

Fuck that bitch

.

[Smjffy]

Swiftly jumped off PoF. It's so tedious and I must be a magnet for munters and mentalists. One girl actually had a whole conversation with me throughout the day then messaged stating that because I had changed my profile to "Just for fun" (I hadn't) that we were definitely not compatible then blocked me before I could respond. What's the point? I'll stick to the good old fashioned way, I think.

[John]

As an aside, my girlfriend keeps getting drunk and asking me if I love her. Pretending not to hear or understand her isn't fooling her any more. Awks.

I imagine that business had something to do with her calling it a day rather than trying to find a compromise.

[Ian]

....

Nah, must be all her fault.

[Foe]

I imagine that business had something to do with her calling it a day rather than trying to find a compromise.

I told her flat out if didn't like that. She never loved me either, admitted as much when I actually asked her so was a bit ironic.

She did the whole cliched it's not you, it's definitely me thing. But actually, I think it is her.

I'm not perfect. But me not being a cyclist / triathlete nor up for being told how I'd now spend my weekends in a campervan on a whim at some triathlon event or wherever she fancied going doesn't make me imperfect.

Some day she will realise she was being unrealistic. Or she'll meet some triathlete who does exactly the same thing and live happily ever after. Either way, I lose in the short term and I've just got to accept it and move on.

[Spikey M]

It sounds like the sort of relationship 15 year olds have. Stop watching fucking love Island.

I love you
...........
...........
..........
What?
Nothing. Wanna come caravaning?
Nah.
We need to talk.

[Magic]

Separation agreement drafted, waiting on her signing it or getting her own solicitor to dispute. If its the latter I dread to think how much its going to cost. As we both see it the figure is 50/50 exactly.

Childcare and CSA not included, she's well within her rights to fuck me over there too and there's not a thing I can do about it.

[Foe]

Spent the last week or so messaging a couple of girls. One who seems lovely and I really want to meet but she's away on holiday for a week. The other who I used to work with I want to have some fun with..

Offshore this week or id already have been putting both of those in motion.

Add to that "the ex" messaged me and "wants to talk, as she's been doing some thinking". Going to give myself a week or two delay before arranging that and try and see these other girls. She either wants to tell me some hidden truths/demands or give it another go, and I'm not ready to hear about it either way. I want to test the water elsewhere in the interim.

[Giggles]

If you even reply to her then you've only yourself to blame for the mess you'll be in 6, 12, 18, etc months time when she gets her notions again. Blank her completely. It'll have the added bonus of driving her insane.

[Foe]

Yeah I responded and basically told her "not now, I'll speak to you in a week or so" and haven't messaged her since.

Tbf she probably just wants to tell me again how she dislikes how little interest I have in her campervan and cycling.

But yeah, I do worry that she was so willing and able to fuck it all off now, what happens if she did that 12 or 36 months down the line? She gave up on me so easily. Maybe she's got a new bf and just wants to tell me? Who knows.

[Dark Soldier]

Swiftly jumped off PoF. It's so tedious and I must be a magnet for munters and mentalists. One girl actually had a whole conversation with me throughout the day then messaged stating that because I had changed my profile to "Just for fun" (I hadn't) that we were definitely not compatible then blocked me before I could respond. What's the point? I'll stick to the good old fashioned way, I think.

Bumble is good. PoF fucked itself into oblivion years ago.

[Smjffy]

I'll bare it in mind for future reference. I've already got the thought of meeting others out of my head in fairness. It's too much effort.

[Baz]

Foe

https://itv.etribez.com/ag/itvli/loveisland6/welcome.html

[Foe]

Ha.

I could take garden soccer global.

[Spikey M]

When does the Undateables open for applicants?

[Baz]

When does the Undateables open for applicants?I thought you had a missus?

[Spikey M]

Well, I've had yours.

[Magic]

I'll bare it in mind for future reference. I've already got the thought of meeting others out of my head in fairness. It's too much effort.

Isn't it. Draining, depressing stuff.

I haven't even so much as kissed anyone else since the 8th of December 2018. Man or woman. Dead or alive.

[Baz]

Should’ve lipsed Waffdon

[Magic]

I haven't had a date either.

[Smjffy]

Isn't it. Draining, depressing stuff.

I haven't even so much as kissed anyone else since the 8th of December 2018. Man or woman. Dead or alive.

So erm.....a/s/l?

den we wil c xx

[Manc]

Foe playing a blinder. Body fat must be sub 15%.

[Magic]

She signed it.

[Foe]

Foe playing a blinder. Body fat must be sub 15%.

Figured it out. Yep, I'm pretty lean at the moment, or I was a few days ago before offshore life smashed me.

Some girls like a bald guy. I'm trying (and failing) to be a muscular bald guy. But I am consistent at wearing hats.

:sherlock:

[SincereTheRebel]

She signed it.

Now you live.

[Magic]

Now you live.

With a crippling mortgage and maintenance on top. :drool:

Added bonus: all my daughter talks about now is ‘mummy and John’.

Tempted to teach her how to start fires but I know how awful it is to lie and basically live two different lives and be embarrassed to talk about stuff so I let her waffle away freely, despite it feeling like a knife to the heart every time. Not for my ex wife, but for my daughter. I’m scared she spends way more time and I am phased out.

:(

[Mellberg]

She's moved on relatively quickly. She always comes across as such a shithouse, albeit via your perspective.

You should fuck her mom. Or John's.

[Magic]

She's moved on relatively quickly. She always comes across as such a shithouse, albeit via your perspective.

You should fuck her mom. Or John's.

She’d moved on when we were still together Melly.

[Magic]

She gets 23 grand upfront, then 250 a month.

I get my daughter circa 2-3 nights a week. She stays at the same school.

[Giggles]

It's sickening that she won't have to account for a penny of the 250 quid either. There should be a receipt system.

[Baz]

It’ll be spent on John’s weed.

[Shindig]

Facilitating Waff's coke habit.

[Magic]

It’ll be spent on John’s weed.

Probably. He's about 40 lol, two teenage kids as well apparently and lives with his mum in a shit area. No idea what she's thinking. Up to her, as long as he's sound with Amber I don't really care.

[Waffdon]

Kirkton boy?

[Magic]

I said you've not even told me anything about this guy for Amber's sake, she told me a bit then started to say he'd do anything for me and I abruptly interrupted her with SUBJECTIVE let's stick to facts, like Dwight from The Office. Wiped the smug smile off her face. :drool:

[Giggles]

Why did you give your kid a strippers name?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

How long until she starts calling John, 'Dad'?

[Spikey M]

I would go down for murder at that point.

[Waffdon]

I started getting called Dad but then their Dad doesn’t even remember their birthdays and hits women, so fuck it

[Kikó]

If it makes you feel better, I've never called my step dad, dad.

[Magic]

If it makes you feel better, I've never called my step dad, dad.

And I've never called my step parents mum or dad either. I think that's dictated by the other parent too be honest. Plus if the step parent is an arsehole.

[Lewis]

I don't call my actual dad dad. I win.

[P_3]

Fuck being blown off for a guy called John. Magic :console:

[Boydy]

Can't believe she left you for some auld fella with teenage kids.

[Magic]

Can't believe she left you for some auld fella with teenage kids.

He seems like a boring tube which is exactly what she wanted. Glad she's happy and if he'll put up with her shit then fair enough.

[Lewis]

'boring tube' =/= doesn't belt her

[bruhnaldo]

THey're on drugs surely? This sounds like addict behavior

[Spikey M]

They're Scottish.

[Manc]

The scenes when Magic secures peng material.

[Spikey M]

I still say he should give gay a lay. #ThumbItIn

[Baz]

Three years married today, lads. Easy.

[SvN]

5 years tomorrow for me. Do you bother with anniversaries? We'll often do something together on the day, but don't bother with presents or anything.

[Baz]

Previously I haven’t but she got me presents (apparently) so this time I got her a present. She got me a selection of tea, which is legitimately awesome. We were gonna go out for dinner but had to cancel it in the end, so it’s just the presents.

Someone at work is getting married on the same date as my anniversary next year so I’ll be at that on my own. Happy 4 years!

[SincereTheRebel]

Happily married?

[Magic]

Lol my basement room is flooded. I'm officially homeless. Staying with my mum tonight and going to ask my gran if I can live with her for a bit. She has no internet so that'll be fun, especially working from home. I guess I could drive to and from dads but that was shit anyway.

This also means I have no facility to keep my daughter overnight.

Go my life!

[Baz]

This all stemmed from you smoking weed at a graveyard.

[Kikó]

Three years married today, lads. Easy.

We were married a week apart. Congrats.

[Foe]

Yep, got the final bullet on Friday. She showed absolutely no effort to find a compromise and has basically palmed me off. Wouldn't be surprised if she has some triathlete ready to step into my shoes.

Shame really because I, and my family, really liked her. Mental given she introduced me to half her family like 2 weeks ago.

Onwards and upwards though. She'll realise at some point how much of an arse she's been. I want to be with someone else when that happens.

It took her about 10 days to realise she made a mistake and wants to fix things.

Although, the reasons she broke up with me documented above haven't been mentioned.

Pretty confused what to do at the moment so just keeping her at arms length. Think she's getting frustrated with me that I haven't just welcomed her back with open arms.. not her call.

I do miss her, but I'm struggling with the idea she won't just do the same thing again in future. She just gave up.
:moop:

[Baz]

You should probably bring up all the reasons it ended, rather than just ignoring them like she seems to be doing, before making any decisions.

[Mazuuurk]

Foe, point out really specific behaviours she has been displaying. Not just general 'ways of being' etc. It's easy for someone to say "i'll stop being like that" and then they won't stop. But if there are specific behaviours, like "when you prevent me from doing this, when you don't want to come with me to that, when you always go out or always stay home or train too little or too much or whatever, when you say things like this and this and that, etc, etc, etc" it'll be easy for you to come back as soon as she's doing any of it again and just say: look, you said you won't do that, now you're doing it again.

[Spikey M]

That sounds pretty controlling to me.

She's not actually done anything wrong, she just wants someone that shares her hobbies and is perhaps a bit inflexible. Some people just aren't compatible.

[Queenslander]

Pros and cons of staying with her. PRos and cons of not staying with her.

Write it all down.

[Ian]

That sounds pretty controlling to me.

She's not actually done anything wrong, she just wants someone that shares her hobbies and is perhaps a bit inflexible. Some people just aren't compatible.

Stop trying to not make everything about blame and call her a bitch ffs.

[Spikey M]

You're right, sorry Ian.

You're a bitch Foe.

[Foe]

Pros and cons of staying with her. PRos and cons of not staying with her.

Write it all down.

Yeah that's my plan. At the moment I consider myself single, so the list needs to be emphatic to make me want to move away from that.

She basically told me we wanted different things. I'm going to ask her why she thinks that's changed.

[Mazuuurk]

Ah yeah, she's just having cold feet.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Just call her a cunt and be done with it.

[Spikey M]

You're right, sorry Mahow.

You're a cunt Foe.

[Giggles]

She'll do it again and it'll be worse. Move on.

[phonics]

1159640718832472064

[Raoul Duke]

5 years tomorrow for me. Do you bother with anniversaries? We'll often do something together on the day, but don't bother with presents or anything.

We now have the same wedding anniversary :lewis:

[Magic]

If in doubt kick her out, seriously.

If you have to seek relationship advice it's done. Heed my warning, like I did not heed yours.

[Spoonsky]

What we’re forgetting here is that Foe said she was really hot.

[Giggles]

What we’re forgetting here is that Foe said she was really hot.

Then tell her lies, give her one last one, and then lol her out on her arse.

[Magic]

Is 7 years a reasonable age gap? To fuck, not marry.

[Giggles]

Half your age + 7.

[Yevrah]

Half your age + 7.

I don't know who came up with that, but it's absolutely flawless. Must be the only thing of its type to be and has always stuck with me as a result.

[Pepe]

Is 7 years a reasonable age gap? To fuck, not marry.

If it's legal, it's legal.

[Spikey M]

Is 7 years a reasonable age gap? To fuck, not marry.

Thumb it right in lad.

[bruhnaldo]

If it's legal, it's legal.

Right like who cares about what others think.

I'd exclusively smash hot 18 yo's if I could.

[Smjffy]

Right like who cares about what others think.

I'd exclusively smash hot 18 yo's if I could.

I thought that but Jurassic Park comes out in the cinema and you realise she wasn't even born when you saw the original and it kinda gets a little uncomfortable for my liking.

[bruhnaldo]

You're thinking about it too much. Thinking is the problem!

[Shindig]

It's all fun and games until you have to explain to them what 9/11 is.

[Pepe]

The question was about having sex with. None of that applies. Now if we're talking relationships then yes, the age/2+7 thing is as good as it gets.

[John]

I thought that but Jurassic Park comes out in the cinema and you realise she wasn't even born when you saw the original and it kinda gets a little uncomfortable for my liking.

If that's your cut off then anyone under twenty six is out.

[Waffdon]

Single as fuck. Who’s coming off the rails with me

Completely off the rails

[Giggles]

Completely off the rails

Thumb it into magic.

[Baz]

Completely off the railsWhat've you been upto?

[Waffdon]

Whoever said before I shouldn’t think I’m ‘okay’ or using a women to cope with stuff when I posted before was correct. I’m so much worse than I was before meeting her. Horrendous stuff, boys

[bruhnaldo]

Part of the reason, beyond my complete and utter lack of attractiveness these days, I can't imagine trying to tie my wagon to some poor unsuspecting soul's life.

I got too much shit going on up in the ol' brain to burden others.

[Magic]

I have a date tomorrow.

[bruhnaldo]

Yes king!!!

[Giggles]

I have a date tomorrow.

I'll let Spikey M do the honours.

(But yes, that's good news. Nice one).

[Spikey M]

:thbup:

[Baz]

Part of the reason, beyond my complete and utter lack of attractiveness these days, I can't imagine trying to tie my wagon to some poor unsuspecting soul's life.

I got too much shit going on up in the ol' brain to burden others.Dont be like that. :console:

There’s someone for everyone. And you’re really nice. :)

[Waffdon]

I miss being thumbed x

[bruhnaldo]

Let's say that's true and I'm honestly a really nice, pleasant person, bursting with personality who'd do anything for anyone...

What I'm saying is my shit is all fucked up mentally and whatever temporary happiness found in the comforting love and embrace of others would end up being construed by my brain as a very elaborate ploy by the other party to use me strictly for their own benefit (like free meals on dates, or a rebound from someone else in their past, or whatever the fuck) even if that weren't the case at all.

I've dated a few really nice girls and just invented reasons to get out of the relationship (albeit this was a really long time ago.) Now that I'm fat and generally repulsive I don't even have to try to give it a chance because the opportunity won't present itself.

I won't date people "in my league" because I'm not attracted to them so I don't see the point. I won't date people "out of my league" because I would pity them for tying themselves to such a repulsive human and in turn figure out ways to detach and save them the time.

I'm fine with this because I don't plan on living very long and all of this is temporary anyways.

That's all I mean. I don't mean it in the sense of "gosh there's someone out there for me I'm sure!". There's not. Love is just the chemical imbalance in our brains telling us to procreate. I figure this idk "depression" if you can call it that (I don't think it is I'm just looking for a word) is the brain's natural defense against the overpopulation of Earth.

I was chosen to die alone. Sure, we all are technically, but I'm not naive enough to think love is deeper than that. That's why so many people end up divorced, I think (no offense to anyone). The brain stops producing those chemicals and since you were born into this world alone it's only natural for the brain to want to revert back to it's natural setting instead of constantly being around someone and tying your fortunes to them entirely.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Dont be like that. :console:

There’s someone for everyone. And you’re really nice. :)

Even for me?

[Lewis]

Jesus bruhnaldo lose some weight then and get a grip lad.

[Spikey M]

Let's say that's true and I'm honestly a really nice, pleasant person, bursting with personality who'd do anything for anyone...

What I'm saying is my shit is all fucked up mentally and whatever temporary happiness found in the comforting love and embrace of others would end up being construed by my brain as a very elaborate ploy by the other party to use me strictly for their own benefit (like free meals on dates, or a rebound from someone else in their past, or whatever the fuck) even if that weren't the case at all.

I've dated a few really nice girls and just invented reasons to get out of the relationship (albeit this was a really long time ago.) Now that I'm fat and generally repulsive I don't even have to try to give it a chance because the opportunity won't present itself.

I won't date people "in my league" because I'm not attracted to them so I don't see the point. I won't date people "out of my league" because I would pity them for tying themselves to such a repulsive human and in turn figure out ways to detach and save them the time.

I'm fine with this because I don't plan on living very long and all of this is temporary anyways.

That's all I mean. I don't mean it in the sense of "gosh there's someone out there for me I'm sure!". There's not. Love is just the chemical imbalance in our brains telling us to procreate. I figure this idk "depression" if you can call it that (I don't think it is I'm just looking for a word) is the brain's natural defense against the overpopulation of Earth.

I was chosen to die alone. Sure, we all are technically, but I'm not naive enough to think love is deeper than that. That's why so many people end up divorced, I think (no offense to anyone). The brain stops producing those chemicals and since you were born into this world alone it's only natural for the brain to want to revert back to it's natural setting instead of constantly being around someone and tying your fortunes to them entirely.

Have you considered a mass shooting?

[bruhnaldo]

Get a grip of what? I feel like I've got it all pretty squared away tbh.

More people should live in reality, I think. Less disappointment.

[bruhnaldo]

Have you considered a mass shooting?

I don't blame others for my misfortune and would never want to hurt anybody :(

My problems are entirely of my own accord.

I think tha'ts the problem in our society. Most people like to blame everyone but themselves, I have no such luxury, I know it was all me.

Anyways Magic where you taking the lady?

[Magic]

Lol are you kidding me. We're meeting in a pub for a drink. I purposely arranged after dinner time to avoid the awkward paying thing. If I don't like the bitch then it's an easy, financial pain free escape.

[Magic]

You watched me being taken advantage of for 11 god damn years. Never again. I'll put her in the ground on the first date if I have to.

[Lewis]

Get a grip of what? I feel like I've got it all pretty squared away tbh.

More people should live in reality, I think. Less disappointment.

It's sad shit mate. Why do you consider yourself to be 'generally repulsive'? Alright, you said you're fat; but you could do something about that if it gets you down to this extent. For all the lolling we do at your expense for being American you seem pretty sound and come across as a nice person, so the image you have of yourself seems a bit odd.

[Smjffy]

The whole post came across as odd but you're right. Why wouldn't they pay any attention to you, Bruh? Have you never seen the fitties with the men with titties? Do you believe all women are shallow enough to judge you on your appearance only? Their shopping lists are much more extensive that that. You might tick off a few of their boxes for all you know.


I won't date people "in my league" because I'm not attracted to them so I don't see the point. I won't date people "out of my league" because I would pity them for tying themselves to such a repulsive human and in turn figure out ways to detach and save them the time.


This stuck out for me. You won't date people in your league because you probably aren't even sure what league you're in yourself and being denied by a minger that you thought you had a chance with is the ultimate kick in the balls whilst dating a girl out of your league wouldn't bring pity but fear that she'll quickly leave for something better. Your issue is clearly your noggin' so forget about relationships completely as you have and focus more on getting your shit together properly. By that I mean lose some of the weight you seemingly have an issue with. Seek help or talk to us lot about your mental woes. You're only a young lad, it would be a shame to see you waste some good years of your life dealing with shit that can be managed better.

[Spoonsky]

Plenty of people die next to the person they love, Bruh. I support you for wanting to sort your own problems first, but being so cynical about it is just a defence mechanism.

Deep down you’re a kind and soft-hearted guy. But you gotta love yourself first :-)

[mugbull]

I really don’t understand the people who think life is all pain and disappointment

[Manc]

White male privilege wasted on Bruh.

[Baz]

Even for me?Sure.

Let us not forget that this guy:

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcQhjnRHKWVyLK4TwC5HICgt_OzQ-2d9nEyD5oE_0bnc8F8dHCeb

Ended up married to...

https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/neighbours-two/images/1/11/Madeleine_West.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20170120212728

[Ian]

Yeah but 'Mahow' isn't as sweet a nickname as 'Toadfish.'

[Queenslander]

Farking hell thank you for reminding me about Madeleine West.

[Lewis]

They've had some stupid storyline recently where she isn't really dead and she is still a right bird.

[Magic]

Bruh out-inceling How is a nice twist.

[Magic]

Lol can't wait for my new date. Just got a spanking haircut only to get a message saying she has to cancel because her gran isn't well (even though she's going on holiday for a week as of Saturday morning..hmm!).

See this is why it's good to not book anywhere or anything. I only lost £8 on train tickets but I gained in not spending any drink money. :eyemouth:

[Pepe]

Pics of the haircut.

[Lewis]

It will be one of them Jack Grealish wanker haircuts because he asked for what the youngsters have.

[Ian]

Definitely shaved all the way up the sides like a man fully embracing the crisis.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Pattern cut into the side?

[randomlegend]

Couple of lines out the eyebrow as well.

[Spikey M]

Shag faster stripes.

[Magic]

3 at the sides and a trim on top. The most boring nonchalant haircut in the book.

Ok so I lost £13 on an unneeded haircut as well, but at least now I can mow the grass, get the washing done and make my tea at my own leisure.

[Baz]

Yeah I’d much rather hear about boring household jobs, than how much you’ve missed the taste of a battery acid flavoured stench trench.

[Magic]

I'm sitting eating a quorn burger off of a minnie mouse plate and sweetcorn out the tin. The Bloodhound Gang is on Alexa.

I'm gonna hit the gym then have a foamy bath and read my book on mastering dating.

#singlelife

[phonics]

I remember reading a kids book and the protagonists parents get divorced, he goes round to his Dads and it's well depressing.

Yours sounds worse.

Like Milhouses Dad with the racecar bed is beating you.

[John]

Give it a few years and he'll be like Timmy's dad off Monkey Dust.

[Pepe]

I had a racecar bed as a kid. :cool:

[phonics]

I forgot what the follow up line was:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ul6UcvNX4o8

:D

[Magic]

I sleep in the bed my wife was no doubt getting fucked by another man in.

[Giggles]

Is it shaped like a racing car?

[Spikey M]

You took the bed when you left home?

[SvN]

As of 4:10am I am a dad. Little fucker is already mocking me with his full head of hair.

[Shindig]

Congratulations. :)

[John]

Terrific stuff. Congratulations.

[Spikey M]

Congratulations. Welcome to the Dad group. PM Bamster for your membership pack.

[Ian]

As of 4:10am I am a dad. Little fucker is already mocking me with his full head of hair.

Shave it into a Shearer Island. You've got to assert dominance ASAP.