The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Of course, she wont be done with him for another year before needing to find a new victim. /JusticeforMagic.

[Giggles]

I just downloaded Tinder, set it all up and my first card or whatever it is was a 22 year old model porn star. Or she looked like one. Uninstalled straight away.

There's far more respectable ones out there so you've no need to use that shit show. You don't seem to be ready for that stage regardless though, there's no rush.

[Ian]

Remember when people on here were arsing about with Plenty of Fish for that thread and nickfootie found his own sister?

[Pepe]

:lol:

Wasn't DS luring some weirdos too, and nickfootie had to implore him not to target his sister?

[Ian]

As I recall the thread was on the wind-up with fake accounts and as they were enjoying all the bants Nick found his sister on there.

I think somebody said they'd found her but I dunno if they actually had or if he just had the fear enough to entertain the notion.

[Magic]

I'm really addicted to bumble.

Lol at the shit chat up lines. You can tell who is experienced.

[Magic]

No luck with matching really so I got fed up of being notified I'd BEEN LIKED without knowing anymore...so I signed up to premium at £12 a month, for 6 months.

And it was all horrific fat ugly birds.

:D

I've been conned, lads.

[Boydy]

No luck with matching really so I got fed up of being notified I'd BEEN LIKED without knowing anymore...so I signed up to premium at £12 a month, for 6 months.

And it was all horrific fat ugly birds.

:D

I've been conned, lads.

That's how they get you.

Just saw someone on tinder whose bio had in it "Expecting my first child. Sadly things didn't work out so doing it alone."

Fucking hell.

[Magic]

I've avoided Tinder thus far but might go back. Desperately need convincing I'm not an ugly troll now.

[Baz]

£12 a month to approach women? :cab:

[Spikey M]

Well, he met his last one at school and he'd go on a register if he tried that now.

[SincereTheRebel]

£12 a month to approach women? :cab:

Sounds like a great deal.

[Magic]

£12 a month to approach women? :cab:

Pretty much. I think it's good. Can't imagine doing it IRL.

[SincereTheRebel]

Im starting to get shook now. Im going drop-in clinic this afternoon.

[Magic]

No point in signing up for the 6 month subscription for you then.

[Spikey M]

He's posting in the wrong thread now. Definitely syphilitic.

[Baz]

Pretty much. I think it's good. Can't imagine doing it IRL.Why not?

[Manc]

Expand your social circle to silly levels. Attend events, join clubs, catch up with old friends. You never know what hidden gems lie in the potential aquaitances.

[Pepe]

Cut the BS and go snorkeling with Sincere.

[Magic]

Why not?

Because its awkward.

[Ian]

"Just be more confident!" in 3.... 2.....

[Pepe]

Play it cool.

[Ian]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSJMISy5UgY

[Giggles]

You're probably nowhere near ready the stage for anyone else at all, unless you're just looking for a ride. In which case Tinder is exactly the spot.

[Magic]

I need experience. Not going to get that in a basement.

How quickly can you suggest meeting? This texting stuff is doing my head in.

[Spoonsky]

As soon as possible imo, there's nothing worse than trying to maneuver romantically over text.

Of course, I say that as someone who's never been on a Tinder date or anything, Okay Amigo notwithstanding.

[mugbull]

Tell her to meet you in a Tesco parking lot when the moon has reached its zenith

[Spikey M]

If you're just out for banging some sloooooots, then crack on, but a new relationship would be a disaster right now.

[Magic]

Yeah fuck that, just something casual but more than a one night stand. Defo not a relationship.

[mugbull]

Yeah fuck that, just something casual but more than a one night stand. Defo not a relationship.

Thats a slippery ass slope. I suggest committing to one night stands for a while. Or at the very least preserve utmost emotional distance from anyone you're seeing. Sounds whack but true.

[Queenslander]

Get a sugar baby.

[Spikey M]

Get an atomic kitten.

[Shindig]

Kerry Katona might still be in Iceland.

[Magic]

Thats a slippery ass slope. I suggest committing to one night stands for a while. Or at the very least preserve utmost emotional distance from anyone you're seeing. Sounds whack but true.

How is that slippier than quick wins?

[mugbull]

How is that slippier than quick wins?

“Something casual but not a one night stand” quickly turns into “i’ve been seeing this girl for a month and i’m so emotionally vulnerable that i’ve fallen deeply in love already” and then “she’s stopped texting me”

[Manc]

Take a few pages out of Igors book and Facebook live the suicide when it all goes wrong.

[Magic]

“Something casual but not a one night stand” quickly turns into “i’ve been seeing this girl for a month and i’m so emotionally vulnerable that i’ve fallen deeply in love already” and then “she’s stopped texting me”

It really doesn't.

[mugbull]

For you, it will

[Magic]

For you, it will

Maybe 7 months ago. Not now. :)

[Magic]

FYI the bitch asked me for money today to cover a summer club. I told her to do one on the basis I pay maintenance already and more, plus I can't see her anywhere near as much I'd like.

[Manc]

Pay on the basis you take her?

[igor_balis]

Take a few pages out of Igors book and Facebook live the suicide when it all goes wrong.

:D cunt

[Spikey M]

Pay on the basis you take her?

He's already paid.

[Magic]

I have... A DATE.

[Giggles]

Don't end up blocking her or anything stupid like that.

[Magic]

What you mean?

[Giggles]

Sowing a seed.

[Spikey M]

Do it for the thread.

Igor has been bullied into silence by Shinners and Waff is lodged firmly under thumb, so we need this shit.

[igor_balis]

Snogged a sexy girl in a nightclub last night lads waaaay

[igor_balis]

Had some fucking wicked donner meat and chips afterwards too. Here I am taking in the ambiance of Norwich kebab and pizza : https://scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/fr/cp0/e15/q65/64425887_10161813919215384_8647045708437782528_o.j pg?_nc_cat=109&efg=eyJpIjoidCJ9&_nc_ht=scontent-lhr3-1.xx&oh=f5a2e7814ee18519cbac307f8db21f10&oe=5DC58359

[phonics]

Fair play that is a great photo. You need to release a mixtape just to use that photo on the cover.

[Magic]

Sowing a seed.

What even...this is like dating advice from a paedophile uncle.

[Baz]

Come on lads.

https://i.imgur.com/2v5oXzl.png

[Giggles]

What even...this is like dating advice from a paedophile uncle.

I mean you still have enough shit to go through in your own life without adding another complication. You should barely be dating at all yet.

[Spikey M]

I reckon Magic should give gay a go. He might have to thumb it in soft for a while, but after a few months positive association I reckon you're golden.

[Magic]

I mean you still have enough shit to go through in your own life without adding another complication. You should barely be dating at all yet.

You're right, I should abandon any hope of minimal joy and just focus on my shit life.

[bruhnaldo]

Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

[Manc]

Is Igor holding change in that shot or just aggro that he didn't secure?

[Giggles]

You're right, I should abandon any hope of minimal joy and just focus on my shit life.

Yeah, you sound ready.

[Lewis]

Igor's mixtape of novelty songs called 'Take Me to Your Bacon'. Tosser.

[Giggles]

"Zany Stories from the Train".

[Magic]

Yeah, you sound ready.

Ready for what lol.

[Magic]

Why would I wait? What am I waiting for? I need to build connections now and learn what is and what isn't. Not going to do that if I keep myself to myself.

[Spikey M]

Thumbing.

[igor_balis]

Igor's mixtape of novelty songs called 'Take Me to Your Bacon'. Tosser.

Whereas youd just have a bunch of covers of racist old folk songs and a haunting ballad about wanting to fuck your dog.

[igor_balis]

Do you want to collaborate on a track

[Lewis]

Not anymore.

[Offshore Toon]

Whereas youd just have a bunch of covers of racist old folk songs and a haunting ballad about wanting to fuck your dog.
https://youtu.be/GX3ENRaEPFU

[Magic]

I arranged it on the same night as my daughter's dance show.

Giggles is right. I'm a disgrace.

[Giggles]

I never said you were a disgrace. I'm not very good with the words and stuff but I do hope it all goes great from here on in for you.

[igor_balis]

Agreed, you're a good man mj and I hope you shag lots of lovely and gross girls soon.x

[Spikey M]

Thumb.

[niko_cee]

it in

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Ply Waff with enough booze and I'm sure he'd be willing to be on the receiving end.

[Bam]

Snogged a sexy girl in a nightclub last night lads waaaay


Had some fucking wicked donner meat and chips afterwards too. Here I am taking in the ambiance of Norwich kebab and pizza : https://scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/fr/cp0/e15/q65/64425887_10161813919215384_8647045708437782528_o.j pg?_nc_cat=109&efg=eyJpIjoidCJ9&_nc_ht=scontent-lhr3-1.xx&oh=f5a2e7814ee18519cbac307f8db21f10&oe=5DC58359


Picture proves lies are being told.

[John]

You look like a chimp fucked Norm from the Twix advert and your wife was alright.

[Bam]

Wtf are you going on about? Still got the mullet.

[mugbull]

That picture is actually proper good. Bam i bet you weigh 400 pounds

[Lewis]

He wishes.

[Lewis]

That was meant to refer to John's mullet, but it works for both.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

He has rat features.

[Giggles]

0.181 tonnes.

[Spikey M]

I was talking to a geezer at work about 'dog years' the other day - because we had nothing but actual work to do otherwise - and we decided that there is no reason that animal units shouldn't be used as an appropriate time measure. Why is it a 'working week' rather than a 'Gnats life'? Wouldn't your dreams seem more attainable if they were only 'a Turtles fortnight' away? Shouldn't we measure Chimp Outs in Chimp minutes?

We're on to something.

Anyway. As you were.

[Waffdon]

Ply Waff with enough booze and I'm sure he'd be willing to be on the receiving end.

I’m happily thumbed x

[Spikey M]

Yes magic.

[Magic]

Snapchatting a local bird. Not sure if she's fat.

[Spikey M]

Go and meet her. You could be a Terapin deep within a Wasps month.

[Magic]

She's a stylist lol. I'd really hoped for an entrepreneur or executive but my Tinder likes are so low I'll actually contemplate minimum wage.

[Magic]

Seriously my like/match ratio must be like 3000-1.

Getting plenty of likes from the cast of Men in Black.

[Boydy]

Welcome to online dating.

[Magic]

Welcome to online dating.

I completely overestimated it. Eye opener for sure. Still better than immediate rejection on approach in person though. :drool:

[mugbull]

0.181 tonnes.

Never knew that a ton and a tonne are actually different measurements. Why tf is that

[Spikey M]

If he'd said 'half a Whales cock' we'd all know where we stand.

[Mazuuurk]

Whats going on with you and animals recently?

[Spikey M]

How recently are we talking?

[Mazuuurk]

2 years.

[Giggles]

As long as it takes a turkeys gizzard to freeze then.

[Magic]

I told some girl I was in the bath reading and naturally she asked what it was. I didn't actually forsee that stupidly. I was reading a book called DEEPER DATING. In my dad's bath. Drinking a cup of chamomile tea.

[Manc]

Nonce. :cool:

[Magic]

I told her I was pulling the plug with my penis.

[bruhnaldo]

Should've just told her it was a footy biography or some shit

[Spikey M]

https://youtu.be/U6MCC6B8P_g

[Ian]

What did you say you were reading?

Did you tragically overcompensate?

[Baz]

https://i.imgur.com/xeyLCrw_d.jpg?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=medium

[Magic]

What did you say you were reading?

Did you tragically overcompensate?

The new me is open and honest, so whilst not telling the absolute truth, I told her I was reading a mindfulness book which I am, just not right at that moment. Still makes me out to be a complete mook, but not a desperately sad, lonely mook.

[Ian]

I mean whether or not you look like 'a mook' really only matters if your only aim is a ride.

Otherwise if you wanna have tea while reading in the bath then you own that shit and maybe you'll find the lovely, tea-in-the-bath companion of your dreams.

[Magic]

That's very true. She was doing a law degree so maybe she'll appreciate it #noreplysofar

This is going to turn me in to an incel eventually.

[Pepe]

Maybe she can help you with the divorce proceedings. Win-win.

[Manc]

The secret to online dating is securing the digits asap and communicating away from the platform.

[Magic]

The secret to online dating is securing the digits asap and communicating away from the platform.

How many digits? Middle 3?

[Ian]

How many toes have you got room for?

[Magic]

You should be going through solicitors. I'm gonna wipe the floor with him he called yesterday telling me he wanted to sell and wanted to pay me less and wanted money. Once all the debts cleared and the fees for selling and seperating there won't be fuck all left for him to get. Stupid cunts not thought about it at all before he left. I'm away to screw him up royally xxx

[Magic]

Well I sure know how to pick 'em. This thread will be kept alive by me forever and my disgraceful choices.

[Ian]

Wut?

[John]

You certainly have a type.

[Manc]

Unhinged. :drool:

Rattle her back doors off.

[Giggles]

You should be going through solicitors. I'm gonna wipe the floor with him he called yesterday telling me he wanted to sell and wanted to pay me less and wanted money. Once all the debts cleared and the fees for selling and seperating there won't be fuck all left for him to get. Stupid cunts not thought about it at all before he left. I'm away to screw him up royally xxx

Who?

[John]

Who?

From context, the girl he's talking to's ex.

[Giggles]

From context, the girl he's talking to's ex.

Is he buying a house off Magic?

[John]

I'm out.

[Giggles]

You should be going through solicitors. I'm gonna wipe the floor with him he called yesterday telling me he wanted to sell and wanted to pay me less and wanted money. Once all the debts cleared and the fees for selling and seperating there won't be fuck all left for him to get. Stupid cunts not thought about it at all before he left. I'm away to screw him up royally xxx


From context, the girl he's talking to's ex.


I'm out.

I'm not quite getting how the ex of a girl he's talking to (for what can only be about 12 hours) is already at the stage of calling him and asking for money. And if you're talking about the right person I don't know what the paying and selling is meant to be about.

[Danny]

That’s from the chick he is talking to. Sentence 1 is in response to magic spilling his story.

The rest is her story about her getting ready to fuck her ex over in her own separation.

That’s how I read it anyway

[Spikey M]

Set her to war against your ex.

[Giggles]

That’s from the chick he is talking to. Sentence 1 is in response to magic spilling his story.

The rest is her story about her getting ready to fuck her ex over in her own separation.

That’s how I read it anyway

Makes sense, I'll assume he deleted the preceding posts that got to posting her texts.

[bruhnaldo]

Ya I've read that shit like 5 times and still don't get it so best of luck

[Magic]

Tinder is really not going well for me. Only trolls and far away people seem to like me. 10 matches and one of them is a psycho, most don't reply after a couple of messages. I thought this was supposed to be easy.

[Giggles]

Is PoF still on the go? It would be way less shite than tinder.

[Magic]

Can't see it being any good in a place like this. Bumble is atrocious and Hinge is just as bad in terms of population nearby. Tinder is the most popular but its full of time wasting ego boosting cunts. I signed up to Match but you have to pay for even basic usage, and I've already spent nearly 100 quid on Bumble and Tinder. :D

[Ian]

I thought Tinder and Bumble were both free? or do you pay for extra things?

[Spikey M]

Can't see it being any good in a place like this. Bumble is atrocious and Hinge is just as bad in terms of population nearby. Tinder is the most popular but its full of time wasting ego boosting cunts. I signed up to Match but you have to pay for even basic usage, and I've already spent nearly 100 quid on Bumble and Tinder. :D

U wot m8

[Magic]

I thought Tinder and Bumble were both free? or do you pay for extra things?

I pay to see who likes me thinking I'd get a much better idea and more matches.

That hasn't turned out to be the case, and I've plumbed new depths.

[igor_balis]

I thought Tinder and Bumble were both free? or do you pay for extra things?

Bumble I don't think it makes much difference, but from personal experience Tinder without paying anything is like playing on super hard difficulty. I matched nowt but Russian spambots and 20 stone ladies I accidentally swiped right on for the couple of months I didn't spend anything, whereas with the boosts etc I might match with and have stilted conversation with a handful of 5/10s in the same amount of time.

[igor_balis]

I also find that i go through peaks and troughs without any rhyme or reason on that stupid app. Around April it was going amazingly, and I managed to somehow end up going on 3 dates in 3 days ( Boydy can vouch that one of them was unfeasibly fit as well), then a few months of not even matching when I lowered my standards a bit, and now it's suddenly gotten good again. Got a date with an interesting German girl lined up for next week - she's funny and smart and I really, er, dig her vbes or whatever, but the photos are quite hard to judge. Or to be blunt, she could be anything from average weight to borderline obese. I quite like curvy ladies so as long as it's not too far along the chubbiness spectrum I have highish hopes.

[SincereTheRebel]

Forget about miss right and go for miss right now.

[Magic]

Forget about miss right and go for miss right now.

I can't find miss anything apart from miss fucking hell.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Fancy Miss Eastern Europe?

[P_3]

I reckon POF is best. You can talk to anyone without matching and if you put even a little thought into your message, they will respond. There's more bots but just ignore them.

[Baz]

Or go a pub and chat in rl.

[bruhnaldo]

Baz you pull a lot at the bar do you?

[Mellberg]

TBF Baz would have a decent lad banter game if he didn't look like such a threat to society.

[igor_balis]

Baz you pull a lot at the bar do you?

There was a photo he took of this absolute babe he'd been chatting with in the Krazyhouse in Liverpool, she's even flitatiously flipping him the bird. Still got the photo, Baz ??

[Baz]

Baz you pull a lot at the bar do you?I’ve been with my wife for over ten years so a bit rusty.

[Magic]

I’ve been with my wife for over ten years so a bit rusty.

Empathise with me then you bastard.

[bruhnaldo]

Feel like dating is a lot different now than 10 years ago tbf but I also couldn't tell you as I've been single just as long

[igor_balis]

Empathise with me then you bastard.

i'll wank you off for a fiver

[Baz]

Empathise with me then you bastard.I just feel like you were quick to get on the dating apps. Don’t you have mates to go out for a few pints with and approach girls while you’re out?

Apologies if you don’t.

Maybe I just think it’s easier than it actually is, as I don’t have to do it. Sorry, I’ve never been in that situation to really know what it’s like, I suppose. Good luck though.

[Lewis]

Get Mahow to do it. It might boost his self-esteem.

[Foe]

Just resort to dick pics like the rest of THELADS magic.

Or alternatively find friends of friends introductions are good.

As an aside, my girlfriend keeps getting drunk and asking me if I love her. Pretending not to hear or understand her isn't fooling her any more. Awks.

[bruhnaldo]

Could always be honest about it like you know what I really enjoy spending time with you but I'm not really ready to label my feelings for you because I'm still trying to understand them myself and it wouldn't be fair to rush things just to use words that maybe we're not ready for just yet.

[SincereTheRebel]

There was a photo he took of this absolute babe he'd been chatting with in the Krazyhouse in Liverpool, she's even flitatiously flipping him the bird. Still got the photo, Baz ??

100% confirmed.

https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/263/430/3a0.jpg

[Baz]

Shirtless Kiko in the background, holding his flip flops.

What a night that was. Was only meant to be an informal fucking lager.

[Magic]

I just feel like you were quick to get on the dating apps. Don’t you have mates to go out for a few pints with and approach girls while you’re out?

Apologies if you don’t.

Maybe I just think it’s easier than it actually is, as I don’t have to do it. Sorry, I’ve never been in that situation to really know what it’s like, I suppose. Good luck though.

I have individual mates but not a group or anything. I mean what even is approaching a girl. That concept terrifiies me without prior research and knowledge.

[Magic]

Also are dating apps perceived as a last resort then?

[Lewis]

Shirtless Kiko in the background, holding his flip flops.

What a night that was. Was only meant to be an informal fucking lager.

No such thing when the Man of the People is out and about.

[Kikó]

I actively reject I'd have a conker like that on my face.

[Giggles]

Also are dating apps perceived as a last resort then?

Not really a last resort because they're so handy, but I wouldn't throw all my eggs in that basket either.

[SincereTheRebel]

The worst thing is talking to a women for the first time, in real life face-to-face. She then tells you to continue communciation via some app :moop:

[Spikey M]

I hope to fuck I'm never single again. It seems like a right ballache. Whatever happened to getting wankered in the same nightclub every weekend, sucking the face off of randoms until you end up stuck with one?

[SvN]

People decided to try and copy what they saw on American TV and do "dating".

[Manc]

I reckon POF is best. You can talk to anyone without matching and if you put even a little thought into your message, they will respond. There's more bots but just ignore them.

Echo this. Me and current wifey met on POF. Was probably on the platform for half a year. Met three great girls and locked down the gold tier.

You (MJ) sound desperate AF. Women can sense these things.

[Bam]

Current wife? You not in it for the long haul then??

[Magic]

Echo this. Me and current wifey met on POF. Was probably on the platform for half a year. Met three great girls and locked down the gold tier.

You (MJ) sound desperate AF. Women can sense these things.

I can't sound desperate if cunts won't message me back.

[Smjffy]

Or that's the reason they aren't messaging back...

[Magic]

Or that's the reason they aren't messaging back...

Because they get a response? I see. So what you're saying is don't message?

[mugbull]

You’re probably being really boring. As far as i remember you’re quite good looking for a Scot so the former is likelier

[Smjffy]

I said nothing of the sort. I think you've placed way too much emphasis on dating when really you should just ease up and let nature takes its course. Meet within the first week, any longer is a pen pal, don't talk about your ex, be open and honest about what you are looking for, have a good sense of humour, be a gent and don't expect to cap it off with sex purely because someone agreed to go on a date.

You should focus on yourself, join groups, volunteer for things that interest you so you're not only being active and social, you're also not a picture on a website that gets lost amongst the masses, you're a real life breathing person but then I don't really know your story, MJ. I take it she binned you.

[Magic]

You’re probably being really boring. As far as i remember you’re quite good looking for a Scot so the former is likelier

Yeah I think I am a wee bit. Then again subjective. I'm not a LAD by any stretch of the imagination.

[Magic]

I think I'll stop going on these dating things but keep my profile on so people don't think I've fucked it up so quickly.

[Giggles]

I think I'll stop going on these dating things but keep my profile on so people don't think I've fucked it up so quickly.

There's thousands of people on them so it won't be noticed.

[igor_balis]

Ahh mj you're a handsome man and I look like tubes off of soccer am/the guy from Keane before he got thin and I still do OKAY. Don't give up. Smiffys advice is pretty solid tbf.

[Baz]

I knew the posts about licking your wife’s battery acid flavoured stench trench were all an act!

[Manc]

Passive aggressive females. Nowt worse.

[Smjffy]

I see your passive aggressive and raise you a feminist.

[igor_balis]

I see your passive aggressive and raise you a feminist.

yes I hate hate women who think they're equal to men

[mugbull]

Feminists with social EQ and genuine interests are the coolest type of women

[bruhnaldo]

yes I hate hate women who think they're equal to men

It's not really that it's the insistence even in obvious cases.

Like how "the US Women's National Team should make more than the men's team" because they're actually good against other women but then also will literally lose 5-2 to the FC Dallas U15's (https://www.cbssports.com/soccer/news/a-dallas-fc-under-15-boys-squad-beat-the-u-s-womens-national-team-in-a-scrimmage/).

Feel like there's a difference between "equality" and "equal" that people are missing.

[Magic]

I just changed my FB status to single to troll the wife even though we're still married.

Looks like she more than beat me to it! Fucking bitch.

[Giggles]

Is she single?

[Magic]

Well the status has been removed from married so it doesn't say and I was a 'family member' from husband. Obviously she isn't single so that's maybe why and she's limiting what I can see. Who cares anyway I just feel like I'm one step behind everything she does. Grr.

[Giggles]

Presumably all that means you're 'friends' on it still so the first thing to do is unfriend her because she hasn't done it yet but, more importantly, it'll be another step in moving on when you're not looking at her profile at all.

[Smjffy]

You always will be behind her when you focus on mundane bullshit like a Facebook status and what she's doing as opposed to doing shit yourself.

Give your head a wobble, Magic ffs. You can be better than that.

[bruhnaldo]

Facebook statuses? Come on dude.

[Magic]

You always will be behind her when you focus on mundane bullshit like a Facebook status and what she's doing as opposed to doing shit yourself.

Give your head a wobble, Magic ffs. You can be better than that.

I'm not focusing on it I've literally spent about 5 minutes there.

It's a good metaphor for how it's going so far. She's ruined me every step of the way. At least I'm aware now but can't seem to ever catch up. Waiting for the solicitor's letter in the post...

[Giggles]

You don't need to "catch up", you just need to live your life your own way.

[Smjffy]

I still don't know what the crack is and there's no way I'm hunting it out on my mobile but hear this.

Who gives a fuck. Has she ruined you or has she given you the opportunity to be a better version of yourself. It's all outlook. You should be so busy with life and enjoying yourself that a letter in the post isn't even on your radar and when it finally does arrive, you wanna make sure you're in a position to just go "lol her loss".

[Magic]

You don't need to "catch up", you just need to live your life your own way.

Newsflash: I have a child. I've been caught off guard at every stage of this, with deceit and lies. If it was as simple as that (which believe me I thought it was) I wouldn't be in a basement terrified about how badly I've fucked this up by taking the above approach.

[bruhnaldo]

Magic you seem to be pretty smart. I realize it's a cartoon but there's a line from Rick and Morty that always hit me.

"When smart people become happy they start to not recognize themselves."

I feel like you're just waiting for bad things to happen so you can justify being miserable at some stage. Going on her facebook looking to see what her relationship status is? It's over papa. There's absolutely no point in trying to keep score and "1-up" here at any opportunity.

Women, in general, are viscous beasts who specialize in mental terrorism. She's likely already thought of all the little tiny things she could do to hurt you or get ahead of you. You walking straight into these traps are just what she wants.

As much as folks would like to be amicable and etc. etc. she wants you to be fuckin miserable. She wants her to be the best thing that ever happens to you.

Don't prove her right by sitting around in your own sadness.

Get a fucking hobby. Start going to the gym. If you do go to the gym, join one of those like crossfit things where lots of people go to work on a common goal together. Make new friends and connections.

I know you're a handsome lad but your own mental demons are holding you back. Stop giving into them.

No, it's not "just that easy" but if you take small steps here and there you're going to sort it out.

Love isn't the most important thing in life. Being connected to another person isn't the end-all, be-all of living. In fact, it's almost cowardly in my eyes to try and hitch onto another person just to try and find meaning and happiness in life.

You have to sort these things out yourself. You like football, obviously cause you're here, maybe go volunteer with the local kids as like a coach or a referee or something of the sort. Pick up a new sport to follow and throw yourself into it.

Make a list of "things you always wanted to do". Try and mark one off every couple weeks or so. Maybe you wanted to learn to fly planes or some kinda shit... go fuck off and take lessons.

Sitting around during your downtime and trying to score imaginary points from facebook is fucking USELESS.

Other people's opinions are FUCKING USELESS. Who cares what this cunt thinks anymore?!

Live for YOU and your daughter GOD DAMNIT.

[bruhnaldo]

i didn't realize i was typing an essay but for the love of fucking GOD man.

[Boydy]

You like football, obviously cause you're here, maybe go volunteer with the local kids as like a coach or a referee or something of the sort.

Yeah Magic, become a paedophile.

[mugbull]

“Women are vicious beasts who specialize in mental terrorism” alright Elliot Rodger

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Just go with Mert to Turkey and bang some sloots.

[Spikey M]

I love it when Bruh goes full American on the pep talks.

[Giggles]

Newsflash: I have a child. I've been caught off guard at every stage of this, with deceit and lies. If it was as simple as that (which believe me I thought it was) I wouldn't be in a basement terrified about how badly I've fucked this up by taking the above approach.

Yeah you do have a child and that's the only reason for any interaction with your ex. Were you snooping on her social media for any reason to do with the child?

[Smjffy]

I woke up with the intention of scrolling back to see where it started and to see what the crack was.....it's been over 18 months MJ.....wtf lad?

I had it in mind that she got rid of you because you were a prick as that's all I recalled but talk about a role reversal. What the fuck happened to your wife?

[Manc]

Can we not.

[Spikey M]

MJ isn't really a prick these days. It's a bit boring tbh.

[Smjffy]

Aye, she's definitely taken that title off him.

I'll add mine anyway. Surely it can't have been missed that I've been on here a lot this last few days. We split for the final time over the weekend. She went to the coast, I stayed home. Enough is enough, I guess. Two years almost which wasn't bad but too much has gone on, too much said and tbh, I am far too selfish a person to give a shit. I think technically we split earlier than that as it all came a bit platonic. I'll get myself sorted swiftly then see what's about but I don't feel like I miss too much. I'm at ease being a loner. 8-)

[Mazuuurk]

But WHO is going to do the filming for your YouTube channel now?

[Smjffy]

I planned on using the vacant position to lure unsuspecting females into my lair where I'll proceed to love them, stroke them and ask them to stick the lotion back in the basket.

[Magic]

Magic you seem to be pretty smart. I realize it's a cartoon but there's a line from Rick and Morty that always hit me.

"When smart people become happy they start to not recognize themselves."

I feel like you're just waiting for bad things to happen so you can justify being miserable at some stage. Going on her facebook looking to see what her relationship status is? It's over papa. There's absolutely no point in trying to keep score and "1-up" here at any opportunity.

Women, in general, are viscous beasts who specialize in mental terrorism. She's likely already thought of all the little tiny things she could do to hurt you or get ahead of you. You walking straight into these traps are just what she wants.

As much as folks would like to be amicable and etc. etc. she wants you to be fuckin miserable. She wants her to be the best thing that ever happens to you.

Don't prove her right by sitting around in your own sadness.

Get a fucking hobby. Start going to the gym. If you do go to the gym, join one of those like crossfit things where lots of people go to work on a common goal together. Make new friends and connections.

I know you're a handsome lad but your own mental demons are holding you back. Stop giving into them.

No, it's not "just that easy" but if you take small steps here and there you're going to sort it out.

Love isn't the most important thing in life. Being connected to another person isn't the end-all, be-all of living. In fact, it's almost cowardly in my eyes to try and hitch onto another person just to try and find meaning and happiness in life.

You have to sort these things out yourself. You like football, obviously cause you're here, maybe go volunteer with the local kids as like a coach or a referee or something of the sort. Pick up a new sport to follow and throw yourself into it.

Make a list of "things you always wanted to do". Try and mark one off every couple weeks or so. Maybe you wanted to learn to fly planes or some kinda shit... go fuck off and take lessons.

Sitting around during your downtime and trying to score imaginary points from facebook is fucking USELESS.

Other people's opinions are FUCKING USELESS. Who cares what this cunt thinks anymore?!

Live for YOU and your daughter GOD DAMNIT.

This would have been good advice like 8 months ago. I've done all of this.

[Magic]

Yeah you do have a child and that's the only reason for any interaction with your ex. Were you snooping on her social media for any reason to do with the child?

No. I only checked to see if I'd be the first to UNMARRY us on Facebook. Sidenote: I hadn't been on Facebook for about 2 years until last night.

[Magic]

I woke up with the intention of scrolling back to see where it started and to see what the crack was.....it's been over 18 months MJ.....wtf lad?

I had it in mind that she got rid of you because you were a prick as that's all I recalled but talk about a role reversal. What the fuck happened to your wife?

7 months. She was always a cunt. Just took me 11 years to realise that.

[Magic]

MJ isn't really a prick these days. It's a bit boring tbh.

I know, I actually like who I'm becoming. Still a lot of mental cobwebs to clear out and there are too many reverting to type moments for my liking, but my path is good.

[Magic]

Can I also take this moment to express gratitude to you all. Deep, deep gratitude from the bottom of my heart. Without you guys, this forum, I'd be worse off without a shadow of a doubt.

It is so refreshing and liberating to be able to spill on here knowing that any knowledge won't have an impact on my real life situation. This is why I can't tell friends and family stuff as it will change views which will disrupt things.

Legends, all of you. And I've had some really nice PMs. :)

[Giggles]

I know, I actually like who I'm becoming. Still a lot of mental cobwebs to clear out and there are too many reverting to type moments for my liking, but my path is good.

This is one of the most important things in it all and why you'll be so much better off in the long run. Good to hear.

[Mike]

Can I also take this moment to express gratitude to you all. Deep, deep gratitude from the bottom of my heart. Without you guys, this forum, I'd be worse off without a shadow of a doubt.

It is so refreshing and liberating to be able to spill on here knowing that any knowledge won't have an impact on my real life situation. This is why I can't tell friends and family stuff as it will change views which will disrupt things.

Legends, all of you. And I've had some really nice PMs. :)

Awww :wub:

[Foe]

Been going out with a girl for about 5 months now and things are looking rocky. pretty sure she's trying to break up with me via whatsapp tonight... maybe she already has? Quite confusing.

She's a really talented amateur athlete and it's really intense. Feels like she's leaning towards prioritising that over me, and has recently bought one of these vw camper van things and wants to go away into the countryside and train/explore and is disappointed by my lack of interest.

Surprising given I like to lift heavy at the weekend and don't do the same (outdoor) sport she does. A bit upsetting really because I do really like her, but I've had similar concerns for the long term. I feel like she wants me to change who I am to align with her lifestyle. I'm struggling with that idea. Bits of it are great but it's such a big shift. I'd basically have to pick up a new hobby.

Bit shit.

[SincereTheRebel]

Been going out with a girl for about 5 months now and things are looking rocky. pretty sure she's trying to break up with me via whatsapp tonight... maybe she already has? Quite confusing.

She's a really talented amateur athlete and it's really intense. Feels like she's leaning towards prioritising that over me, and has recently bought one of these vw camper van things and wants to go away into the countryside and train/explore and is disappointed by my lack of interest.

Surprising given I like to lift heavy at the weekend and don't do the same (outdoor) sport she does. A bit upsetting really because I do really like her, but I've had similar concerns for the long term. I feel like she wants me to change who I am to align with her lifestyle. I'm struggling with that idea. Bits of it are great but it's such a big shift. I'd basically have to pick up a new hobby.

Bit shit.

As she should. If you don't bring anything to the table. Your just in the way lad. Dont ever change either. If your not a match from day one, you two will never be happy.

[Smjffy]

Compromise, Foe. You could go every other week for example. You can't stand in the way of someone who's got a talent they want to realise but equally, there's a few alarm bells in there for me that suggest immaturity. Firstly, rocky after five months isn't a good sign but the worst is not knowing whether she is trying to break up by text.

It's classless and tactless that. I don't know why people discuss important relationship issues via text. Call her up so nothing gets misconstrued you muppet.

If she's worth it, you'll adjust, if not, are you sure it's her looking for an out and not yourself?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

What's her sport?

[Baz]

Bin her off.

[Magic]

As she should. If you don't bring anything to the table. Your just in the way lad. Dont ever change either. If your not a match from day one, you two will never be happy.

Exactly. Sounds like you're a barrier and she's a passive aggressive coward.

[SincereTheRebel]

Ive now been on back-to-back breakfast dates and is way better than any dinner date in the evening. I strongly recommend it.

[Ian]

A friend of mine used to swear by breakfast / daytime dates due to it being more informal than "we're going for dinner" and less pressure if you dunno what the other person is actually after than just going and getting tanked.

[SincereTheRebel]

Its way less hassle and headache. They type of women I seem to attract think im a weirdo when I suggested breakfast and shoot it down. They dont last long but the one im currently dating now, didnt hesitate at the idea.

[Raoul Duke]

What's her sport?

Dogging, by the sounds of it

[Ian]

Hah. :D

[Foe]

She does triathlon.

Pretty well too, apparently.

[Pepe]

That's one of the "everyone is a winner" sports, so tell her to chillax.

[bruhnaldo]

What new hobby would you need to pick up? I'm sorry that I'm not really following.

If she wants to go be a gypsy in the woods so she can train day and night or whatever the fuck ya, I'd be slightly off about uprooting my entire life to explore the countryside.

[Foe]

Cycling primarily.

She wants me to be excited by upping sticks at short notice to jaunt off into the countryside to stay in a camper van and do pretty long, fast road cycles.

She travels all over the country to compete though. She did an 18 hour round trip a couple of weekends ago to compete. Not sure after a week of work spending 40% of my weekend travelling to be around her competing in a sport I have little interest in is that appealing.

I did try cycling last weekend and it wasn't great, but not complete torture so I'd at least be open to trying/do it on occasion. However my initial (and ongoing) lack of enthusiasm is being held against me.

It's taken her 5 months to realise I don't do the same sport as her or have a similar interest in campervan adventures and apparently it's a pretty big issue.

Giving her some space at the moment, but fully expect a breakup in the coming days. Sad in part because I really like her, but she's being so unbelievably stubborn (whilst being annoyed I'm also being stubborn) that perhaps it's for the best.

[SincereTheRebel]

Is she good at an elite level to become professional and earn a living? If yes, if you have it in you. You should put your dreams on hold and assist her chase her own.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

How are her tyres?

[Foe]

Nah. Triathlons not that kind of sport. She wants to qualify to compete for team gb in future though, so she's clearly got a drive.

I suspect she's factoring that in - maybe she thinks I'll detract from that dream/her ability. Which is fair enough in some respects, but you need to make a choice between a hobby and your personal life. She's trying to merge the two, which she will struggle with with anyone who isn't in the same sport or a complete wuss walkover.

[Baz]

Is she at least a 7, looks wise?

Cos if not this is a lot of unnecessary commotion.

[Foe]

I think she's very pretty. Far too pretty for me.

[Foe]

Should point out that she also does a very good job also, so if we did ever settle down together we'd live an extremely comfortable life (in the woods, in a camper van, eating baked beans).

[Spikey M]

Just give it a go. If you enjoy it, great. If not, at least you tried.

[Boydy]

Camper van adventures sound pretty fun but the cycling less so.

[Foe]

Just give it a go. If you enjoy it, great. If not, at least you tried.

Yeah that's what I did last weekend. It was alright but not great.

I'd do it again tbf, but she didn't seem impressed because my initial reaction was pretty indifferent. Offered to buy a road bike myself... that got shot down pretty quick.

It's doomed. She just needs to get it over with.

Back to pumping random fat birds for a bit most likely.

[Spikey M]

Well, you tried her hobby, maybe she'll shag fat birds with you?

[Boydy]

Sounds like you want out, Foe.

[Foe]

Yeah I just don't know.

I think I'll be pretty gutted when it ends because she's great to be around, really fit and really pretty. She just has a shit hobby that's so far out of my comfort zone.

If she wasn't hot I'd have been out already.

[Pepe]

Sounds like you're just horny. Jerk off and get rid.

[SincereTheRebel]

How are her tyres?

As she uses her bike a lot and sounds passionate about it, I don't have to ask as I know already. Her tyres are A*

[Pepe]

You should run away asap. People that demand others to like their own hobbies are the worst.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I live my life around people who spend extreme amounts of time on their chosen sport, and the relationships always work as long as:

a) the sporting partner understands that the non-sporting partner isn't going to be that interested, so the sport is 'time away' from them;
b) the non-sporting partner understands that the sport is very important to the sporting partner, so doesn't stand in the way of them trying to fulfil themselves doing it
c) the non-sporting partner understands that love for a person and love for a sport are not the same thing and shouldn't be compared ever

I think between you, you might be 0 out of 3 on this one.

[Spoonsky]

Yeah that's what I did last weekend. It was alright but not great.

I'd do it again tbf, but she didn't seem impressed because my initial reaction was pretty indifferent. Offered to buy a road bike myself... that got shot down pretty quick.

It's doomed. She just needs to get it over with.

Back to pumping random fat birds for a bit most likely.

Why? Sounds like she's being pretty unfair tbh.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

She wants out and is merely using the whole sport idea as the route.

It's over.

[Mazuuurk]

Had my second snot-factory the other day. Proper family man now innit.

Pretty chuffed, bit terrified of how to handle 2.

[Spikey M]

Had my second snot-factory the other day. Proper family man now innit.

Pretty chuffed, bit terrified of how to handle 2.

Congrats mate. How old is the older one?

We have a 3 and a half year old and an 8 month old. The early days were pretty tough as we struggled to get on top of babies reflux / cows milk allergy and our 3 year old was playing up out of jealousy, but aside from that it's been pretty easy in all honesty.

The Gods are going to make me pay for saying that.

[Pen]

Congrats Maz 😊

[SvN]

7 weeks til mine is due :uhoh:

[Pen]

It’ll be fine. Granted you’ll be tired all the time, but apart from that it’s pretty great.

[Spikey M]

The older they get the easier it is. They keep each other entertained half the time.

[Baz]

It’ll be fine. Granted you’ll be tired all the time, but apart from that it’s pretty great.i found this to be completely untrue. The first 12 months are awful.

[Pen]

I guess it’s a lot about luck. Our boy hasn’t been very difficult, although raising a child is obviously very time consuming.

The first months we’re definitely the easiest. I do agree with Spikey in the long run

[SincereTheRebel]

How much of your income (as a percentage) goes to the child once they turn up?

[Spikey M]

100

[Pen]

Very little. That will change by the time they reach school though.

Raising children, at least in here, isn’t that expensive. It all depends on so many things though it’s impossible to give a number.