The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

[Jimmy Floyd]

I might be alone in this these days but I really don't care what anyone's political or other opinions are. I am friends with some violently left wing people but we get along all the same. I just don't think it's important. I would be friends with an Israeli or a Palestinian if I liked them, regardless of what politicians of the same nationality happened to be getting up to at the time.

[Pepe]

I hope the same standard is applied to people from other countries that also perform human rights violations, such as every other fucking country on the planet.

[mugbull]

MM lack of nuance and a dose of both sides-ism, nice

[mugbull]

Fwiw, native Israelis I know seem to be a lot more willing to be critical of their government than American Jews, and I think it's been backed up in opinion polling, which is pretty interesting.

[igor_balis]

I might be alone in this these days but I really don't care what anyone's political or other opinions are. I am friends with some violently left wing people but we get along all the same. I just don't think it's important. I would be friends with an Israeli or a Palestinian if I liked them, regardless of what politicians of the same nationality happened to be getting up to at the time.

I agree with you largely (and quite embarrassingly, it's definitely at least a little bit because of liking right-wing people like yourself on here) but there's obviously a point at which "someone I disagree with politically" becomes "someone I think is objectively a bad person", though being less quick to go from the former to the latter is part of growing up I think.

[Lewis]

Somebody you agree with politically could also be a cunt, so for normal people they aren't necessarily related.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I agree with you largely (and quite embarrassingly, it's definitely at least a little bit because of liking right-wing people like yourself on here) but there's obviously a point at which "someone I disagree with politically" becomes "someone I think is objectively a bad person", though being less quick to go from the former to the latter is part of growing up I think.

It depends what it is, I guess. I'd have a real problem with racism and homophobia, but disagreeing on economic policy hardly seems like it matters.

[Lewis]

What is a bit of homophobia compared to the millions killed by austerity?

[Kikó]

My mate is a big Tory telegraph character when it comes to politics and we argue often but it's ok. He'll be straight to the gulags.

[Offshore Toon]

The closest I've been to befriending a Jew was in a Wetherspoons, where I lead with "are you a zionist?" She refused to get into it and that was the end of that.

[Bam]

Interesting, thanks Tool.

[Pleb]

I've been rumbled lads.

Local Match girl wants to meet up with me the mad lass.

[Pepe]

Pleb :cool:

[igor_balis]

i was dancing with a slightly butch short-haired woman in her mid-late 30s last night for a good hour, after the amount of mdma i'd consumed i genuinely thought i was in love

[SincereTheRebel]

I was on another date last night and I should probably slow down as everything now just seems to bother me. When the food came out, she was taking pictures of the plate. Not just one picture. Turning the plate around and spending a good few minutes taking multiple picture of the food. It really was irrating me. Then when I ask her about it, she starts doing the typical black women move. Getting all defensive andwobbling her neck and clicking her fingers.

[Queenslander]

Yeah taking pictures is weird as fuck that isnt you that is her. It hints that she is way too online...

[SincereTheRebel]

I understand we live in a media evolved world. But it was ridiclous. Im due to start signing up to online dating websites and just set my search preferences. It will probably be so much easier and better for me and her.

[Queenslander]

Sounds like a good idea. Any social leagues around your area that play mixed team sports?

[mugbull]

Then when I ask her about it, she starts doing the typical black women move. Getting all defensive andwobbling her neck and clicking her fingers.

Hahaha

[igor_balis]

Went on 3 dates with a gal, didn't want to share with TTH until things got more serious as i didn't want Shindig to roast me for bottling it if I got bored. Luckily that won't be an issue as she's bloody binned me off already!! Shame, as she was cute. INCREDIBLE arse as well.

[Manc]

How long have you been single?

[Smjffy]

I was on another date last night and I should probably slow down as everything now just seems to bother me. When the food came out, she was taking pictures of the plate. Not just one picture. Turning the plate around and spending a good few minutes taking multiple picture of the food. It really was irrating me. Then when I ask her about it, she starts doing the typical black women move. Getting all defensive andwobbling her neck and clicking her fingers.

I have actually seen a few guests do this whilst peering out the kitchen window and I've got to be honest, it changed my previous opinion of people doing it. It's like a mini ego massage.

It's nice to be on the other side of the fence.

[igor_balis]

How long have you been single?

I've been in a few flings and pseudo-relationships and that, but the last time I was properly officially 100% someone's "boyfriend" was September 2013. Generally have been quite happy with that state of affairs but deffo more open to the idea now than I have been for ages.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I have actually seen a few guests do this whilst peering out the kitchen window and I've got to be honest, it changed my previous opinion of people doing it. It's like a mini ego massage.

It's nice to be on the other side of the fence.

People were taking photos of your food? I assume you've improved a hell of a lot since the Youtube video.

What station are you on?

[Spikey M]

Babe Station

[bruhnaldo]

Taking pictures of food is too much for me. My friend and his dad send pictures of whatever they're eating to each other apparently. I later found out his dad has his own restaurant and that seemed to make sense but still.

I haven't been on a date since George W but by God if I did and a broad pulled out her phone to take a picture of her caesar salad I'd bin it all off.

[Spikey M]

Taking pictures of food is too much for me. My friend and his dad send pictures of whatever they're eating to each other apparently. I later found out his dad has his own restaurant and that seemed to make sense but still.

I haven't been on a date since George W but by God if I did and a broad pulled out her phone to take a picture of her caesar salad I'd bin it all off.

How old are you Bruh?
Marital Status?
Gender?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I think there's a limit to taking pictures of food.

If you're doing it for every meal (I'm sure the Asians started this) then it's shit.

[bruhnaldo]

30
Single
Male

[Pepe]

I am sure that limit is one above the number you take isn't it, you massive cunt?

[Bam]

How old are you Bruh?
Marital Status?
Gender?

Play your cards right here and I think you've got a date, Bruh.

[Spikey M]

30
Single
Male

Why so long?

[Pepe]

Why so long?

Isn't he black? :henn0rz:

[Bam]

Why so long?


The actress said to the bishop.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I am sure that limit is one above the number you take isn't it, you massive cunt?

I only take a handful.

According to Google photos only 20 last year.

[Pepe]

Give us your Instagram.

[Spikey M]

Play your cards right here and I think you've got a date, Mahow.

[Lewis]

Play your cards right here and I think you've got a date, Bruh.

Bet he's re-activated his Faceparty.

[bruhnaldo]

Why so long?

I look stupid and make very little money.

[Spikey M]

Bet he's re-activated his Faceparty.

:D

[Pepe]

Play your cards right here and I think you've got a date, Mahow.

Bet he takes me somewhere nice.

[Spikey M]

I look stupid and make very little money.

Fancy a bum?

[Giggles]

Fancy a bum?

Slut.

[bruhnaldo]

I don't smoke but thanks.

[Bam]

Bet he's re-activated his Faceparty.


:D

Remember Lpoolboy? Den we will cxxx

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I've never heard of Faceparty.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Bet he takes me somewhere nice.

I'll bring you somewhere with the finest lighting so it's perfect for pictures.

[Spikey M]

:D

Remember Lpoolboy? Den we will cxxx

Love a bit of ale.

[Bam]

I've never heard of Faceparty.


https://www.faceparty.com/

[Bam]

Something about going to his uncle's villa and getting drunk I seem to also remember.

[mo]

https://www.faceparty.com/

My god, it's still going! But who on earth actually uses it??

[Lewis]

https://web.archive.org/web/20071120072818/faceparty.com/spikeymouse

omg

[Pepe]

Never heard of that. Is it like Tinder?

[Bam]

It probably a nonce's paradise, I bet LeedsRevolution and Hammer loved it.

[Pepe]

https://web.archive.org/web/20071120072818/faceparty.com/spikeymouse

omg

:lol:

[Pepe]

At least now we know he was serious about wanting to bum bruhnaldo.

[Bam]

https://web.archive.org/web/20071120072818/faceparty.com/spikeymouse

omg

Wtf :roflol:

[Pepe]

That has to be one of the best finds we've ever had. :lol:

[Spikey M]

https://web.archive.org/web/20071120072818/faceparty.com/spikeymouse

omg

For fuck sake :D

[Lewis]

I always figured Wedge or R-One made it. Who was it?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

https://web.archive.org/web/20071120072818/faceparty.com/spikeymouse

omg

:D

Brilliant.

[Danny]

Never heard of that. Is it like Tinder?

Pretty much. That shit worked out well for me back in the day. That day being 2002-2006. How is that still a thing?

Edot: oh fuck I found my own profile on that thing :face: atleast I am under straight, Spikey you giant mincer.

[Spikey M]

I always figured Wedge or R-One made it. Who was it?

Me, you thick cunt.

[Lewis]

Never took you as someone to lie about their height.

[Dark Soldier]

nice chuck me ya number spikey

[Spikey M]

nice chuck me ya number spikey

You after some of this (https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=spikeymouse)?

[Boydy]

He wants some loaf-roasting.

[Bam]

You after some of this (https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=spikeymouse)?


This stuff was tehfuge at its best. :hail:

[phonics]

Remember this page when everyone tells you the times before were really funny.

[Bam]

Lewis can you find Lpoolboy's old profile?

[Spikey M]

It's a different type of funny now, but it's still funny.

:eyemouth:

[Lewis]

Lewis can you find Lpoolboy's old profile?

I can't find one for 'lpoolboy' or anything like it, but looking for Google references to TTH and Faceparty brings up this (https://community.sigames.com/topic/157426-why-you-should-never-visit-the-dugout/) random guy nailing IJ. :lol:

[Ian]

"The others on there are easy to deal with, just laugh at them and that makes them go wild"

I mean, he's not wrong.

[-james-]

Just post about your collapsing, emotionally abusive marriage and that makes them go wild.

[Panda Bear]

igor_balis

on the one hand, shindig isn't wrong that you do seem to get overly invested too quickly when it comes to girls

on the other hand, shindig hasn't had a date since he got ice cream with his mom in 1999 so maybe he's just jelly

[Spikey M]

Jelly and Iced cream > *

[Giggles]

Jelly and Iced cream > *

Except a good rimming.

[Baz]

Gutted that faceparty is blocked in work.

[bruhnaldo]

That profile's real?

50 cent, fam?

[Offshore Toon]

https://www.faceparty.com/artista

Faceparty looks mental.

Do you still fancy 50 Cent, Spikes?

[Spikey M]

Can't get enough Hippy Hopping.

[bruhnaldo]

Course we can't get a straight forward answer from you.

[Giggles]

He probably has a massive mickey in fairness.

[Spikey M]

Course we can't get a straight forward answer from you.

Like my man fiddy would say, I got 99 problems, but this shit ain't one.

[Offshore Toon]

https://www.faceparty.com/artista

Faceparty looks mental.

Do you still fancy 50 Cent, Spikes?
Some of the people writing to her are great.

This bloke (https://www.faceparty.com/gallery/view.aspx?pid=9123553&iid=36323085) is really shooting for the stars: "hi nice see someone else from Somerset on here I from near Taunton. Where you from? great pictures by the way."

And this guy (https://www.faceparty.com/michaelj2345) seems incredibly proud to be a drug dealer.

[Clunge]

Fucking hell, Gilesy there giving my dear home of Taunton as bad a name as it deserves. Must be yonks ago though, Tesco doesn't look like that any more. Hurr.

[bruhnaldo]

Random hurr at the end makes that post.

[Baz]

Like my man fiddy would say, I got 99 problems, but this shit ain't one.:wtf:

[Bam]

Let her have her moment, Baz.

[igor_balis]

So I got chatting to this girl on tinder. She's not very fit, and she's one of those girls with the kind of photos that could either make her a bit curvy or fucking massive, but she's quite fun and has suggested me coming round her's tomorrow to "get fucked up", with alcohol and other more x rated substances. I've obviously agreed cus at the very least it should make for a funny enough evening. Certainly unlike any other first dates i've been on.

She lives in her own place right by a pub in Northampton, so we're meeting there then going back to hers. I thought this was ideal.

However I've also been talking to this other girl on Tinder who lives on the outskirts of Northampton. She's a bit cooler and more interesting, and it's more than "ah this might be a laugh". She's definitely not huge either. Finally got to the stage of discussing potentially meeting up. Immediately says "ah there's really nice pub that has a pub quiz on wednesdays". It's, OBVIOUSLY, the same fucking pub that fat drug girl lives next door to. And she says she sometimes just pops in there for a pint after work. Lol. I said ahhh Wednesday isn't ideal, how about monday, and she said "yeah that's fine! it's nice and chilled in THAT PUB on monday, will be good for a drink". Fuck sake.

We've agreed to meet up at 2pm on Monday as we're both off work, and my logic is that either the date will have been a disaster anyway so I'll be back in my enz by the time the other girl finishes work, and if we're having a nice time and have had a few drinks I'll either subtly suggest a different pub or more likely just blurt out SO I WENT ON ANOTHER DATE WITH A GIRL 3 DAYS AGO WHO LIVES NEXT DOOR TO THIS PUB HAHA WON'T IT BE FUNNY IF SHE COMES IN.

[Baz]

What a predicament. :D I hope the follow-up stories are worthy of recounting again and again.

[Spikey M]

:lol:

[mo]

I kind of hope you never settle down igor, no way that could be as entertaining as your trials and tribulations on Tinder.

[phonics]

He messaged me that he was in love with some dirty minx like 2 weeks ago.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I so hope that one of them drops in during one of the dates.

[randomlegend]

Threesome on the cards?

[Spikey M]

Have you even been for an informal lager with him?

[igor_balis]

Date #1 is going alright. Absolutely zero chemistry, mutually, but we're chatting bollocks and doing drugs and having fun. It's like when I met phonics, if phonics was a chubby girl in a beret.

[mugbull]

That’s what friendship is all about

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Anyone who wears a beret is a wanker.

[Spikey M]

That doesn't seem quite harsh enough if anything.

[igor_balis]

Well that was a fairly fun evening but I am in no rush to repeat it. The closest it got to anything even approaching romantic or sexual was her matter of factly stating that I looked better than my tinder photos. I obviously hadn't applied enough deodorant yesterday either cus I fucking STINK.

She gave me a rollie and some corner shop instant noodles this morning though so it wasn't all bad.

[SincereTheRebel]

Remember that girl who came to the date and she had the bald tyres on her car.

She now has new tyres and a new car to match. Its a Fiat 500 Abrath and it is scorching. Sky blue in colour. The car is really nice, but I can't say the same about her. She is too push-up and im not going back down that route. First impressions mean everything and I firmly believe in judging a book by its cover.

[Giggles]

Pepe will take her.

[Dark Soldier]

Me and the missus viewed a couple of houses on Saturday, think we've settled on one and putting down the deposit within the week.

Man's growing up.

[Pepe]

Sky blue is my favorite color too. :drool:

[Lewis]

That sky blue the standard 500 comes in is the best colour.

[Pepe]

Same color, isn't it? In any case, I agree.

Apparently you can get some gold rims too. If I was going to buy a new one, I'd be all over that. Maybe. The gray ones are nice too.

[Boydy]

Fiat 500 :sick:

[Spikey M]

I can't believe it took that long for someone to say that.

[Queenslander]

Remember that girl who came to the date and she had the bald tyres on her car.

She now has new tyres and a new car to match. Its a Fiat 500 Abrath and it is scorching. Sky blue in colour. The car is really nice, but I can't say the same about her. She is too push-up and im not going back down that route. First impressions mean everything and I firmly believe in judging a book by its cover.

:lol:

[Pepe]

I wish I hadn't voted already.

[SincereTheRebel]

Same color, isn't it? In any case, I agree.

Apparently you can get some gold rims too. If I was going to buy a new one, I'd be all over that. Maybe. The gray ones are nice too.

The rims have a white look to them, but they are a bright silver. Still look good though.

[mo]

Have just driven past a light blue Fiat 500. Straight away thought of this bizarre conversation.

[SincereTheRebel]

Bizarre :lol:

[Pepe]

If you're done with her slip her a TTH business card and tell her to shoot me a pm.

[SincereTheRebel]

I didnt even start with her. Just two dinner and breakfast dates. She contacted me over the weekend for another meet and she pulled up in the 500. Beisdes the 500, everything else is awful about her.

We move on.

[Pepe]

Leave the card on her windshield.

[SincereTheRebel]

What happened to those TTH Business cards? I seem to remember Lofty vomiting on a rollercoaster being one of them.

[Baz]

What happened to those TTH Business cards? I seem to remember Lofty vomiting on a rollercoaster being one of them.

I gave all of mine out.

[Pepe]

What happened to Lofty?

[Spikey M]

Gout.

[Raoul Duke]

Death by cumulative STIs

[Boydy]

Tragic rollercoaster accident.

[Giggles]

Choked on Benny's chorizo.

[Spikey M]

What a way to go.

[-james-]

Facebook tells me he's married. His wife looks nice, and surprisingly normal.

[Mazuuurk]

Someone send a rescue team his way. Somethings up with that.

[SvN]

See what you make of this.

About a year ago, my wife went off the pill. Since then, we haven't been actively "trying" for her to get pregnant, but just decided that if it happens, it happens. And if it didn't happen "naturally" after a certain period of time, we'd start checking dates, fertility windows, etc. A couple of nights ago, I had a bizarre, and slightly unsettling dream that she gave birth to a stillborn baby on the anniversary of my dad's death in mid-November.

Today, she's taken a pregnancy test and she's pregnant, and we calculate the due date to be mid-November.

Now, I had no idea that there was any real chance she was pregnant, but so the dream is either a really odd coincidence or on some subconscious level, perhaps I suspected it. Either way, the news is fairly surprising, and I'm still in shock (I only found out about 2 hours ago, about 5 minutes before left to get on a train).

Oh, I haven't told her about the dream.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You don't believe that bullshit though, do you?

Either way, congratulations.

[SvN]

I certainly don't think there's anything mystical or supernatural about the dream, no.

[Spikey M]

Congratulations! You're never going to sleep again. Eat a hot meal again. Or do anything in less than 7 times the time it took before. But, you will increase your night time TTHing 10 fold.

[Giggles]

Nice one.

[Boydy]

Congratulations.

[Dark Soldier]

Congrats SVN!

[Mike]

Well in lad!

[Pepe]

Congratulations! You're never going to sleep again. Eat a hot meal again. Or do anything in less than 7 times the time it took before. But, you will increase your night time TTHing 10 fold.

He might be a contender for next year's tournament then.

Congratulations SvN.

[Spikey M]

It's carried me and Baz this far.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's carried me and Baz this far.

I thought your disabilities were carrying the both of you.

[SincereTheRebel]

Happy days . Best wishes to you and your family. Dont mention the dream to her or anyone else. It will not help in anyway.

[Pen]

Congrats SVN 👍

Spikey put it quite right up there, but even with all that it’s pretty great.

[Kikó]

Congratulations SvN and commiserations at the same time as you're a witch.

[Shindig]

Good job. We need more parenting stories to balance out Magic's divorce going to court.

[SincereTheRebel]

Not that I have any experiaince, but it sounds like hard fucking work being a parent. Giving up 99% of your free time to some life sucking baby and wife. Sounds great :cab:

[Baz]

You'll have to get a cot in the office.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Not that I have any experiaince, but it sounds like hard fucking work being a parent. Giving up 99% of your free time to some life sucking baby and wife. Sounds great :cab:

The wife doesn't always stay around...

[niko_cee]

I wouldn't worry about divulging the dream, just don't tell her you've already announced it to the internet.

Congratulations etc

[mo]

Not that I have any experiaince, but it sounds like hard fucking work being a parent. Giving up 99% of your free time to some life sucking baby and wife. Sounds great :cab:

Years ago I would’ve said I was far too selfish to have a child (and I was likely right). So you’re either experiencing that (and eventually you’ll meet someone you want to have a child with and see the benefits of giving up that free time) or, you won’t. Which is probably better for the world (due to overpopulation, rather than removing your genes from the pool).

Congrats though SvN, it’s daunting but I found myself really excited to meet my daughter when she was born, and I bloody love having two of them now (well, ones only 3 weeks old so is fairly easy to deal with). 2 year old can be hard work but everything she does is obviously the best thing ever that no child has ever done before, and she makes me laugh a lot. People tend to focus on the negative too much.

[Disco]

'It's different when they're yours' is basically the way it goes. It also means not many people are going to care about what yours are doing.

[Baz]

I hate every single child in the world, except my one.

Even her mates (the children my mates’ wives have had) are pricks.

No offence, like, but yes I hate all your children.

[SincereTheRebel]

Years ago I would’ve said I was far too selfish to have a child (and I was likely right). So you’re either experiencing that (and eventually you’ll meet someone you want to have a child with and see the benefits of giving up that free time) or, you won’t. Which is probably better for the world (due to overpopulation, rather than removing your genes from the pool).

.

I was too selfish then and I still am now. I could have done the whole marriage and baby scenario but im too much of a coward. Ive been part of two abortions in my life. I just can't get do it. My life is all about me, I don't want to give up my freedoms.

[Raoul Duke]

Congrats SVN, and it's great to know that the future of TTH's internet security and db patch maintenance is going to be carried on through your hereditary line

[SvN]

Thanks all.

It's still not feeling that real, but I do have an overwhelming sense of dread that something is going to go wrong.

[igor_balis]

I feel bad for following SvN's news (congrats!) with my usual rubbish, but here we are.

I think tinder has broken me a bit, I've been on roughly 10 first dates in the last few years from the stupid app, some i've not wanted to see again, some they've not wanted to see me again (a couple mutually), and the handful that have had second dates have basically gone nowhere.

About a week ago I arranged to meet a girl off there, and it's tomorrow. She's far fitter than the standard of girl I'd usually get anywhere near, and when I cautiously asked if we were still doing anything tomorrow she was like YEAH SURE WHY NOT!

Probably not a good sign that my immediate response was a kind of minor dread, like the sense that I have to go cus I'd regret it if I didn't, yet with zero confidence it'll go any further than a decent chat and maybe a peck on the cheek if I'm lucky.

I know this is as much an Igor issue as a tinder issue, and that my pessimism and low self-esteem is a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy in this kind of situation but...bleh. I suppose she might bail last minute anyway, lolz.

[Boydy]

Shut up, you handsome and funny man. Go charm the pants off her.

[Queenslander]

Tinder would without a doubt break me.

[Giggles]

Igor is handsome? I was definitely born too early.

[Manc]

Get your dick wet.

[Mazuuurk]

It's carried me and Baz this far.

Ahem.

[Mazuuurk]

Oh ans SvN - don't ever tell your lady about that dream. Ever.

[igor_balis]

I have three tinder dates in as many days, starting tonight.

20 yo from Rugby tonight. Not sure if we have much in common, but it's nice not having to get the train. Bonus points for her coming into my place of work and seeing me in reality and still wanting to meet. Also she's at uni but back for a week or two so I think there's a chance she'll be up for a shag. I'm not sure there would be much point in her coming if she had something more serious in mind.

[Boydy]

How did last week's go?

[igor_balis]

How did last week's go?

Last week's was rainchecked and is now date #2 this week. Tbh the fact that I cancelled fairly last minute and she was still keen has given me extra confidence. Have I accidentally negged her? I'll be red-pilling everyone on TTH in 6 months.

[Giggles]

Any waffles?

[igor_balis]

Good god, she was stunning. So far out of my league it was unreal. Her tinder profile was quite...new agey? Her bio mentioned stargazing and hiking and all her instagram photos were of her in Thailand and Japan and shit, so (and I'm a bit embarrassed for it now) I was quite taken aback when she greeted me in properly thick black country accent. Worried she might be a bit of a trustafarian nob.

She was really interesting. It's really hard to explain this without sounding like a properly patronising cunt, and it's probably just indicative of my own prejudices, but she had the kind of QUIRKY AND WELL RANDOM interests and hobbies (that Lewis thinks I have) I'd find properly cringe-worthy and embarrassing in a middle class guardianista wanker like me, but because she's not like that it felt more genuine and unpretentious. She delayed conversation for about 5 minutes to find the photo of the mouse she'd taxidermied on her phone.

We had decent chat but I didn't sense much chemistry. It's a shit mindset to get into but I don't think I ever really relaxed properly cus I was too in awe at how fit she was. Still, I'll chance my arm at suggesting a 2nd date tomorrow cus why the fuck not.

[Lewis]

You going red in the face during that five minutes racking your brain for the most RANDOM name to suggest for it, only to blurt out 'Ratman-fu...' and faint.

[bruhnaldo]

If her stuffing a rat to keep as a house ornament wasn't a red flag for you then fuck it g'wan then lad

[igor_balis]

You going red in the face during that five minutes racking your brain for the most RANDOM name to suggest for it, only to blurt out 'Ratman-fu...' and faint.

nah but it was the perfect opportunity to do my twenty minute observational comedy bit about how you never see mousemats anymore

[igor_balis]

If her stuffing a rat to keep as a house ornament wasn't a red flag for you then fuck it g'wan then lad

if we wanna get properly cynical and pop psychology about it, it probably would have been a red flag had she not looked like the kind of girl who would have bullied me when i was 14

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's average, I promise.

[Baz]

If it doesn't work out, at least post her insta.

[Offshore Toon]

Is taxidermy mice a 'thing' now? There's a place here in Brighton that does it, as in, heavily advertises it and has stuffed mice on every table. I can't tell if its a restaurant/cafe as well or not.

[igor_balis]

Is taxidermy mice a 'thing' now? There's a place here in Brighton that does it, as in, heavily advertises it and has stuffed mice on every table. I can't tell if its a restaurant/cafe as well or not.

I feel like it's probably a bit of a thing, but only in places like Brighton. I've definitely noticed a lot of semi-ironic appropriation of the esoteric interests of freaks by hip cityfolk, and Brighton must be the epicentre of that kind of thing. With the caveat that I love the place, obviously. You live there full time?

[John]

Stuffing mice and making little tableaus with them was what qualified Steve Carrell's character for the idiot table in Dinner for Schmucks.

[igor_balis]

The one tonight was a nice return the kind of girls i usually end up with. Shy, slim, short, bit posh, arty. She suggested we go to a pub quiz and picked a simpsons related team name. We did pretty well for a team of 2 (got about half the answers right) and we both contributed roughly half of them.

[Spikey M]

What was the team name?

[Baz]

https://pics.me.me/but-my-mom-says-im-cool-23681589.png

[Ian]

Moe Quizlak.

[Shindig]

Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such quizzes as <list of quizzes he can't fit on the page>

[Giggles]

I remember seeing Dr. Nick Triviera used before but it doesn't really work.

[SvN]

Had an early private scan today and found out the wife isn't 8 weeks along - she's actually 15 weeks. :harold:

It means we've got to fork out privately for the downs test, which is annoying.

[Lewis]

Surely you knew before you married her?

[Mazuuurk]

You oink-oinked at her, didn't you?

[Offshore Toon]

I feel like it's probably a bit of a thing, but only in places like Brighton. I've definitely noticed a lot of semi-ironic appropriation of the esoteric interests of freaks by hip cityfolk, and Brighton must be the epicentre of that kind of thing. With the caveat that I love the place, obviously. You live there full time?
Ye, full time. You do get a lot of it in Brighton as there are many people (often students or 'students') that want to be weird, but then there are the genuine nutjobs that make this a great place to be. The acceptance of the latter means you get the former, but I don't actually notice too many 'ZANY' people about.

[SincereTheRebel]

I have another date tomorrow. Im not optmasitc about this one. My married friend played cupid and match us together :cab:

[igor_balis]

Ye, full time. You do get a lot of it in Brighton as there are many people (often students or 'students') that want to be weird, but then there are the genuine nutjobs that make this a great place to be. The acceptance of the latter means you get the former, but I don't actually notice too many 'ZANY' people about.

What are you up to Saturday April 20th?

[Jimmy Floyd]

It must be very tiring, trying to be weird. I put a walnut in my vagina and hold my breath for an hour! Just watch TV and molest the snooze button on your alarm like the rest of us.

[igor_balis]

What was the team name?

Well obviously I said we needed a name that's witty at first, but that seems less funny each time you hear it, and she lolled and said she had been thinking of Be Sharps too, but we ended up picking something else that I can't remember. It wasn't simpsons related.

[Giggles]

Of course you remember. Lies make the baby Jesus cry.

[igor_balis]

:D rumbled

fine, I remember, but I'm not telling you all because it was LAME

[Spikey M]

It must have been really shit if you're pulling the old 'can't remember'.

[igor_balis]

Especially considering the stuff I'VE been willing to divulge with you freaks.

[Boydy]

You're such an attention-seeker.

[igor_balis]

Fine, a question in round 1 was about star signs so the girl asked me mine. I told her I was Sagittarius, and she want "aha, I'm Capricorn, winter babies!"

I have no idea what was going on in my head, but I was nervous and 3 pints down and just said "ah, winter babies, that can be our name!", and unilaterally wrote it on the sheet. She didn't object but didn't seem delighted, and I don't blame her.

[Spikey M]

So you lied? Cunt.

[phonics]

I told Igor he was embarassing himself in this thread and I come back in here to see he's followed it up with that.

I was about to coat Boydy off for having a go but you've let yourself down here.

[Boydy]

Me? I goaded him into posting that. I knew exactly what I was doing.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Igor's utter shite here has reminded me that it's time I told you an actual story about my shite. This isn't actually about relationships as such, but it seems the thread for it. Don't worry, rating PG.

So about a year ago, this (lesbian/bisexual) girl at work basically outed me in the middle of the office. I'd been there about three weeks, barely had a meaningful conversation with anyone there and certainly not with her. I guess it's possible I'd said I was single if someone asked, but nothing had been discussed beyond that and I'm not exactly the only single 30 year old man in the world. Anyway, completely out of the blue when she's in one of those 'silly' moods that women get into, she says in a provocative manner 'We're not exactly each other's type, are we?'

Cautiously I say I guess not, and then she asks me if I'm 'in or out'. With this she has effortlessly fucked my brain into little shreds, and I'm standing there at the printer or whatever knowing that everyone in the office is probably listening to this, eager for blood. So I try and stonewall it, because, you know, it's fucking terrifying. TERRIFYING. I just say 'hard to say' or some shit. Eventually she goes away and I go home and I think how the hell does she know? I'm probably the most reserved person in the world, and yet without even talking to me properly this girl knows straight off. Nobody else in 30 years has ever guessed (or at least I haven't heard that they have). In fact, this event was the trigger for me starting to actually address it, but anyway. She had another dip at it a few weeks later, but again I stonewalled and she didn't try again, so I thought she'd got the message that it's private and I don't want to talk about it, especially not in an office full of people.

Anyway, fast forward a year to now and I've started to address it and told one or two very carefully selected people in the way I've wanted to (and TTH on a whim, curse me), and also done some counselling sessions on it which helped big time, but the girl's not mentioned it again, so at work I'm just a man who does work, which is my intention. Friday afternoon comes around again, the workload drops and the silly moods kick in again. This customer rings up who me and my (male) colleague think sounds a bit dopey. He talks like a high pitched nodding dog. My male colleague - who wasn't there at the time of the initial outing attempt - says to me 'You think he's...?' and makes this signal with his hand which I take to mean a bender. I say 'Nah, he's just an idiot.' At this point the girl latches straight on and says across the office 'Haha, your gaydar not picking anything up?'

Again I change the subject and try to demonstrate that this is not legitimate territory. Shortly afterwards the 60 year old woman who is the girl's boss calls 'Are you single?' across the office and I think ffs, here we go. 'Yes,' I say. She drops it, thankfully, but the next thing I know someone else is telling me (in abstract terms) that Tinder is great, as if they've never met me.

What have I done to deserve this? Am I not allowed to be withdrawn on my terms?

[Boydy]

I'd thought you were for at least a couple of years based off your posting. These things are probably more obvious than you imagine.

She sounds like a cunt though and it sounds like you'd have a decent case for sexual harassment.

[Lewis]

It's your voice. Do you still dress like somebody who owns his own computer shop?

[phonics]

words

1) Gay people just have a sense, gaydar is real. The amount of times I've been out with friends and the women get a little flirty after a couple of drinks and go on the prowl, our gay friend calls it every time they try to go for the attractive man at the bar and he's never wrong.

2) I think this is just someone very comfortable with her own sexuality and knowing the struggles, trying to be nice to you and when you responded in the way you did she let it be.

3) Was she definitely talking about you or to the other guy? I think that's just an innocent joke that you've taken personally due to your discomfort with everything so you're picking up things as microaggressions and thinking about them a lot. As you become more able to be with who you are rather than trying to distance yourself from everybody so they'll consider you what you think they think of as 'normal'. It'll get easier. Trust me.

4) Go out for a drink with her and talk about it with someone who knows. You can set down your red lines about keeping anything discussed out of office etc. It might be excruciating but it'll be really helpful imo.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Points taken phonics (thanks), but re 3 it was definitely pointedly at me as the other guy prefaced it by telling her 'Jimmy say the phone guy isn't gay'. And I actually found what she said funny, but the discomfort overrides that.

And 4 is in my longer term plans, yes.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'd thought you were for at least a couple of years based off your posting. These things are probably more obvious than you imagine.


I was kind of trying to drop it in here for a little while, if you know what I mean. Half-heartedly.

Prior to the above I've been asked the question twice in my life. Both were in office kitchens by people I didn't know well, and both were a follow up question to 'Do you have a girlfriend?'. The first time I was 20 and barely even knew if I was, so I just said no. The second time, many years later, one of the Koreans dropped it and I pretty much knew by that stage (even if I wished it wasn't so), so I kind of gulped and said no.

Other than that, literally no one has ever mentioned it to me, including family and close friends, so I figured it just wasn't evident at all.

[phonics]

If it makes you feel better I actually thought you had a problem with someone upstairs before someone was more blunt.

[-james-]

My gaydar is faultless. Shame it's completely useless to me.

[Danny]

I was kind of trying to drop it in here for a little while, if you know what I mean. Half-heartedly.

Prior to the above I've been asked the question twice in my life. Both were in office kitchens by people I didn't know well, and both were a follow up question to 'Do you have a girlfriend?'. The first time I was 20 and barely even knew if I was, so I just said no. The second time, many years later, one of the Koreans dropped it and I pretty much knew by that stage (even if I wished it wasn't so), so I kind of gulped and said no.

Other than that, literally no one has ever mentioned it to me, including family and close friends, so I figured it just wasn't evident at all.

Feel free to tell me to fuck off but why is that?

[Jimmy Floyd]

It just makes life a lot more complicated. That probably reads a bit wrong, I'm not slitting my wrists over it.

[Danny]

It did read a little that way :lol:

I cant even begin to imagine the complications it can create. Thankfully the world is moving on from its stone age views so the day you do tell should be better than its ever been.

[Shindig]

There's a couple of openly gay guys in our office (and a definitely closeted one). I've never been around to see any of them come out, though. I know one of them got outed by a loudmouth cunt and then just had to roll with it. On the flipside, one of the lesbians I know owns it completely. I guess it helps if you're fit.

[Baz]

Serious question, do you get offended by people using ‘gay’ so flippantly? Like the use of this gif, for example.

http://24.media.tumblr.com/955df7194692b2a45d98852219217fe3/tumblr_mfs26rdHoG1qb63fco1_500.gif

[mo]

A few of us noticed that a mate of ours (8/9 years ago now) suddenly had all these Facebook friends we didn’t know and they were all a bit ‘fabulous’. We speculated behind his back, not wanting to seem confrontational towards him (asking someone if they’re gay just seems a tad impolite). Eventually he came out on my stag do. I still feel weirdly proud that it was then. He later said he’d been waiting for someone to just ask him. Funny that.

Then he moved to London so that he could be part of an actual gay scene and has never really looked back.

[Offshore Toon]

What are you up to Saturday April 20th?
I've got a mate down on either the Friday or Saturday, so any potential #meet rests on that. What you planning?

[Giggles]

Serious question, do you get offended by people using ‘gay’ so flippantly? Like the use of this gif, for example.

http://24.media.tumblr.com/955df7194692b2a45d98852219217fe3/tumblr_mfs26rdHoG1qb63fco1_500.gif

Someone tore me a new one for using that in a WhatsApp group the other day. That said, I wasn't really thinking and wouldn't have if I had.

Edit - though the same lad left because someone said Man Utd were worse than Hitler, so...

[Offshore Toon]

It's still thrown around all the time in Jersey, which does make me a bit uncomfortable now. You still get some blatant racism too which is very awkward to deal with.

[Baz]

Someone tore me a new one for using that in a WhatsApp group the other day. That said, I wasn't really thinking and wouldn't have if I had.

Edit - though the same lad left because someone said Man Utd were worse than Hitler, so...The last thing I sent in WhatsApp was a video of man having an electric drill down his japseye so what do I know.

[Giggles]

That'll get Magic back to the board.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Serious question, do you get offended by people using ‘gay’ so flippantly? Like the use of this gif, for example.

http://24.media.tumblr.com/955df7194692b2a45d98852219217fe3/tumblr_mfs26rdHoG1qb63fco1_500.gif

No, but I can sympathise with those who do.

It does definitely make you feel a bit uncomfortable though when it happens in a real life social situation. But 'offended' isn't the term I'd use.

[Disco]

Serious question, do you get offended by people using ‘gay’ so flippantly? Like the use of this gif, for example.

http://24.media.tumblr.com/955df7194692b2a45d98852219217fe3/tumblr_mfs26rdHoG1qb63fco1_500.gif

Not personally but it's not something that would pass without comment these days if I hear someone using it. I made a conscious effort post-school to stop using it but it's one of those words that (at least for me) was sort of separated from its original meaning by that stage, if a friend who I knew well were to use it I'd think it was out of habit before I thought they were being homophobic. Obviously that becomes more problematic if they're talking to someone they don't know so it's just fallen out of usage as we've all grown up, plus our circle of friends contains people who are gay themselves or have family members who are so it isn't the done thing these days.

[igor_balis]

I've got a mate down on either the Friday or Saturday, so any potential #meet rests on that. What you planning?

Probably not at all your kinda thing, but I've got 5 tickets to Spellbound at Komedia, and only two are claimed so far including my own. Are you familiar with the night? As no cunt seems to be interested you and your mate can probably have two even if you only stick around for an hour or so.

If not, at least come for a pint with us, yeah.

[igor_balis]

I sort of understand the way gay was an acceptable mild insult du jour in the mid 00s, but I think (and it's getting there already) in about twenty years people will look back and think what the fuck was that all about.

[Spikey M]

https://memeworld.funnyjunk.com/pictures/So+gay_2a675b_4015796.jpg

[igor_balis]

Actually, speaking of gayness, I've somehow managed to get embroiled in a weird 4 way love drama at work.

There's a big chain restaurant who come to our place for banking, and it's mostly either the super camp Polish manager or the late-20s slightly rough n ready Polish girl. Me and one of my colleagues have had some pretty tip top banter with them over the last few months, which culminated in the two of us taking the work night out there and us getting massively reduced cocktails.

Things started going a bit wrong when I made the error of adding camp manager on facebook. It was done innocently for the purpose of continuing inter-company bants, and once he accepted I found the girl and added her as well. I got a slightly dodgy feeling when within about 10 minutes the girl had found my colleague and added him as well. My colleague quite stupidly spent the whole night exchanging incredibly flirtatious sexual messages, before deciding the next morning that he wasn't into it. He's a 22 year old LAD, and she's a 28 year old single mum, and has even said shit like "i've had bad luck with guys before". Eek. In the meantime the guy has twice liked photos on my facebook profile from about 6 months ago at like 1am on a saturday night.

They both came in yesterday, the poor girl had made such an effort, clearly spent ages on her hair and makeup and shit. Both were blushing and giggling and talking in Polish while they were there. Things are gonna get super awkward when she realises my colleague doesn't want to shag her and when he realises I'm the most boringly vanilla straight man ever. Shame really, cus he's pretty handsome.

[Spikey M]

Let him have a rattle you prick tease.

[Giggles]

I didn't read it all but I bet it could have been twenty, less zany, words.

[igor_balis]

I didn't read it all but I bet it could have been twenty, less zany, words.

tldr version: camp manager of restaurant that banks with us thinks i want to shag him, and his single mother colleague thinks my colleague wants to shag her. neither are true, and i'm expecting some awkward fallout at some point.

[Giggles]

Just don't go out with them again and be an adult.

[igor_balis]

Just don't go out with them again and be an adult.

they're customers and generally at least one of them comes in to our place every day but they'll probably twig it eventually

[mugbull]

Igor we still goin to Glasgow August?

[Offshore Toon]

Probably not at all your kinda thing, but I've got 5 tickets to Spellbound at Komedia, and only two are claimed so far including my own. Are you familiar with the night? As no cunt seems to be interested you and your mate can probably have two even if you only stick around for an hour or so.

If not, at least come for a pint with us, yeah.
You're not gonna get me in an 80s night, but maybe the latter.

[phonics]

Not personally but it's not something that would pass without comment these days if I hear someone using it. I made a conscious effort post-school to stop using it but it's one of those words that (at least for me) was sort of separated from its original meaning by that stage, if a friend who I knew well were to use it I'd think it was out of habit before I thought they were being homophobic. Obviously that becomes more problematic if they're talking to someone they don't know so it's just fallen out of usage as we've all grown up, plus our circle of friends contains people who are gay themselves or have family members who are so it isn't the done thing these days.

I had a reflection recently when I heard someone say it but I don't think I've said 'retarded' in years and years. I never made a concious effort to stop doing it but somethings worked I guess?

[Yaysus]

Serious question, do you get offended by people using ‘gay’ so flippantly? Like the use of this gif, for example.

http://24.media.tumblr.com/955df7194692b2a45d98852219217fe3/tumblr_mfs26rdHoG1qb63fco1_500.gif

it's pretty cringy when it's used by overcompensating "manly" ""men"" tbh, makes me sad that they're trying to hide their sexuality like that
don't see an issue with gay or fag etc if it's used between friends when joking around imo

[Waffdon]

Igor we still goin to Glasgow August?

I’m gem.

[Mazuuurk]

Jimmy mate, you’ve been fawning over various African athletes for years on here. I think we all knew.

[Spikey M]

Mate, there's now 2 ISIS girls I'm fawning over, it doesn't mean I want to kill you all.

I mean, I do, but not for religious reasons.

[Foe]

Started dating a girl a couple of months ago who on paper is exactly what I'm looking for.

Athletic, clever and not a proper girly girl. Super hot too.

Christ she's hard work though. Quiet as fuck and seems to just jump to conclusions/judge me.

Currently trying to decide whether it's worth it or not, but the big downside being if I can't find a way to make it work with her I probably shouldn't even bother trying dating.

Are all women hard work? I've been single and independent for about ten years, maybe I'm just too used to my own space and time?

[igor_balis]

Went to my mates girlfriend's house party in London last night, mostly because mate and his gf had been trying to set me up with m8s gfs mate. I assumed five minutes of awkward chat but I actually managed to go back to hers and shag her. Laaaaads. Currently drinking whisky at mates house and discovering that female friends are just as graphic in their post match discussions as blokes, lol.

Pleased that my eating of her ass and putting my finger up her bum was well received. 'guys can be really boring so it was fun to sleep with a guy that gross'

Turns out she didn't tell my mates gf that she put my finger in her mouth afterwards tho. Hehe

[Pen]

Are all women hard work? I've been single and independent for about ten years, maybe I'm just too used to my own space and time?

Yes they are. Find the right one and the hassle is well worth it. From my limited experience anyway.

[Giggles]

Went to my mates girlfriend's house party in London last night, mostly because mate and his gf had been trying to set me up with m8s gfs mate. I assumed five minutes of awkward chat but I actually managed to go back to hers and shag her. Laaaaads. Currently drinking whisky at mates house and discovering that female friends are just as graphic in their post match discussions as blokes, lol.

Pleased that my eating of her ass and putting my finger up her bum was well received. 'guys can be really boring so it was fun to sleep with a guy that gross'

Turns out she didn't tell my mates gf that she put my finger in her mouth afterwards tho. Hehe

Surely that's the kind of thing you know is well received or not straight away.

[Giggles]

They're all hard work until the right one. That's why they're the right one.

[Bartholomert]

Started dating a girl a couple of months ago who on paper is exactly what I'm looking for.

Athletic, clever and not a proper girly girl. Super hot too.

Christ she's hard work though. Quiet as fuck and seems to just jump to conclusions/judge me.

Currently trying to decide whether it's worth it or not, but the big downside being if I can't find a way to make it work with her I probably shouldn't even bother trying dating.

Are all women hard work? I've been single and independent for about ten years, maybe I'm just too used to my own space and time?

The good ones are always hard work, and judgmental. A man is as degenerate or industrious as the women in their lives push them to be. Tough women who hold their men to higher standards are the best partners, and will push you to unlock your full potential as a person.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Fuck off David Attenborough.

[Spikey M]

Oh my God.

I'm going to read all of his posts in Attenboroughs voice from now on.

[mugbull]

Second half of that diatribe was on point tbf

[Spikey M]

If you like patronising, 'women are here to serve us' attitudes, sure.

[igor_balis]

Surely that's the kind of thing you know is well received or not straight away.

I have done those kind of things to girls before and been told the next day they went along with it because they didn't want to seem frigid for not wanting my tongue in their colon but it's their loss quite frankly.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Have you ever licked a piece of shit?

[Spikey M]

Nobody wants to lick you, you flirt.

[igor_balis]

Have you ever licked a piece of shit?

Never put a tongue in before a finger , only once touched poo

[Vercetti]

Outstanding.

[igor_balis]

I’m gem.
mugbull it's Edinburgh lads. August 17th - 24th. Game?