The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

[Spikey M]

What's this stuff with Mellin?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'm stumped and never liked connecting dots.

[Disco]

Half of us have missed the crucial dot is what's happened.

[Spammer]

How dare you all be confused. How dare you.

[Lewis]

https://s24.postimg.org/cx85snq05/Bf_Qqm_RWCAAATBos.jpg

[Cheddar]

Magic, it seems like the only way you will leave her is if you come home and another man is asleep in your bed, but judging by this thread, it sounds like all you would do is tuck him in.

[Magic]

Magic, it seems like the only way you will leave her is if you come home and another man is asleep in your bed, but judging by this thread, it sounds like all you would do is tuck him in.

:(

[Adamski]

https://s24.postimg.org/cx85snq05/Bf_Qqm_RWCAAATBos.jpg

Decent.

[Yaysus]

I'm sure mert will call you when he's out of Belgium and has fixed his phone.

:scratch:

[Spoonsky]

My best friend and I have gotten involved with twins. God help us all.

[Kikó]

Link.

[Lofty]

Play swapsies.

I cannot give an accurate accounting of my total regarding women as I was in various states of inebriation for a lot of it and it depends what we're counting: a bit of fingering and cumming on the tits? Dick in the mouth but nothing else? It's hard to quantify.

[mugbull]

My best friend and I have gotten involved with twins. God help us all.

Get them to 69 each other. Some MC Escher shit, you won't wanna miss that.

[Offshore Toon]

A year and a half ago I predicted that Girl would end up going out with her (relatively new) porko (girl) friend. This prediction was based on the porko being extremely influential in the demise of our relationship and her having no hope in finding a boyfriend due to shagging 200 boys by 18 (reputations last a very long time in Jersey), plus Girl being a lesbian before she met me. I could sense there was some form of emotional blackmail too, but at the same time felt I may just be looking into things too much. However, you can only imagine the mental issues attached to somebody who works their way through that many blokes (unsurprisingly she didn't know her father). Anyway, when I told Girl about my prediction she laughed and said it'd never happen. Tonight I was chatting to Girl because her bearded dragon died and I thought I'd ask if she was going out with the porko yet (my mate said he saw her holding hands with a girl). She is indeed now going out with the porko. Whilst it's rather funny, I'm slightly worried. The porko made up lies about me whilst I was with Girl, got Girl into regular drug use (speed of all things) and was already very controlling. I didn't want to get into it with her tonight because ultimately I'm not in a position to comment anymore, but ffs. I can only hope the porko has changed now that she's got what she was looking for, but Girl is too nice and too naive for this.

I assume the general advice is to stay out of it?

[Queenslander]

I think being the ex boyfriend your advice no matter how caring it may be will be tainted. Sorry mate.

[Offshore Toon]

Aye, plus I imagine the porko has already set up several lines of defence for this exact scenario.

[7om]

I wouldn't worry about it, Offy. If the posioning was going on while you were together then you'd be compelled to step in but I'd steer clear, personally. She may be naive, but people have to run their own lives at some point. Like you said, the other girl has probably got all the excuses and defenses in early doors to stop any involvement from you. Probably not worth the hassle.

[Pen]

:scratch:
Sounded like the other side of the story Mert posted a bit earlier in the thread.

[Magic]

I want to know more about her 'bearded dragon'.

[Offshore Toon]

I want to know more about her 'bearded dragon'.
They'd thought it was male but found out it was female when they took it to the vet recently.

[Magic]

They'd thought it was male but found out it was female when they took it to the vet recently.

Fucking LBGT lizards.

[Yaysus]

Sounded like the other side of the story Mert posted a bit earlier in the thread.

jesus christ no, I don't even read his posts :|
mert is fucking vile

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

As if a woman could resist him.

[Offshore Toon]

Fucking LBGT lizards.
Aye, she didnae laugh when I called it a tranny.

[bruhnaldo]

If you're 28 would you date an 18 year old if she's "like super mature tho"?

[Mellberg]

No, because she won't be.

[Offshore Toon]

The age difference will come into play at some stage so don't bother if you're looking for something long term.

[Lewis]

What if you just started acting more immature?

[bruhnaldo]

Yeaaaaaa I thought the same thing but my other friends are all "oh you big fag herp derp you better hit that shit bro!" so I figured I'd ask my internet friends.

[Spikey M]

Hit that shit bro

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

420 blaze it.

[Offshore Toon]

Smack her senseless, breh

[Spikey M]

Tell her her pet is a woman

[randomlegend]

Take her out for a nice dinner and hold her hand :)

[bruhnaldo]

That would be swell :drool:

[Spikey M]

Don't use the word swell you square

[mugbull]

BrooNaldo ur in need of all the puss you can get

[Foe]

Play it cool.

[igor_balis]

I'd fuck her but not go out with her.

[Haystacks Horace]

Why not buy her some flowers? The thought will go a long way.

[Spikey M]

Be better off buying her a skipping rope the fucking nonce.

[bruhnaldo]

Cool.

[Spoonsky]

A girl in my grade (so she's 19) has been going out with a guy who must be 27 now for at least two or three years. They seem to make it work, though the difference is slightly less.

[Raoul Duke]

Show her your bearded dragon at the very least

[bruhnaldo]

Here I thought I was going to get decent advice on the subject.

[John]

I know a guy in his mid thirties who's going out with a girl of twenty one. Nothing particularly wrong about the age gap, but he's friendly with her dad and had been going to his house to watch Celtic games for years, so he's known her since she was a child. Properly creepy.

[bruhnaldo]

Oh ya fuck that I just met her at college. I'm going back to finish, she's just starting...ended up in the same class.

Ya I don't know.

[Spikey M]

At the age of 18 10 years is a big deal to me. It's less of a gap than the noncey 20 year old blokes that date the 15 year olds in their last year of school. She's a kid, especially in your country.

[Magic]

If you're 28 would you date an 18 year old if she's "like super mature tho"?

Your mental age is 8 so I'm sure she's on a similar forum asking if she should bone the big dumb retard that flunked life skills class.

[7om]

Rob Kardashian is having the meltdown of all meltdowns on Twitter right now. Blac Chyna nudes been posted and everything. Brutal.

[Lewis]

I've heard that the only thing that brings that family together is lolling at what Magic posts in here.

[Haystacks Horace]

I've heard that the only thing that brings that family together is lolling at what Magic posts in here.

You shouldn't laugh at someone's real life misfortune. Care to share any stories of your relationships?

[Lewis]

I'm too busy with this place.

[Haystacks Horace]

Virginia?

[Magic]

Rob Kardashian is having the meltdown of all meltdowns on Twitter right now. Blac Chyna nudes been posted and everything. Brutal.

And what a hideous cunt she is.

[Lewis]

Virginia?

Yeah. The lol still stands.

[Reg]

plus Girl being a lesbian before she met me.
...

Tonight I was chatting to Girl because her bearded dragon died
I love how these were slipped in. :D

Commiserations to her dragon, though, obviously.

[Offshore Toon]

The bearded dragon was a bit shit, truth be told. There were plenty of nights where it didn't eat all the crickets it was fed so they'd chirp all night, which meant I'd have to wake Girl up to kill them. #tbt

[Spoonsky]

Why couldn't you kill them yourself?

[Mike]

He's not a monster

[Offshore Toon]

Aye, that's quite clearly not my job.

[Bartholomert]

If you're 28 would you date an 18 year old if she's "like super mature tho"?

Do it for America pussy

[bruhnaldo]

Do it for America pussy

Well she's Puerto Rican and Cuban so

[Bartholomert]

Well she's Puerto Rican and Cuban so

Regardless, you will likely never have another opportunity to date a tight glowing with fertility 18 year old in your life. Why would you do anything except celebrate your good fortune let alone question it.

[Queenslander]

Hey Mert mate how old is your sister?

[Bartholomert]

Hey Mert mate how old is your sister?

18. I'd fuck up any 28 year old who tried to mess with her.

[Spoonsky]

It's a damn shame she's not going to McGill.

[Queenslander]

18. I'd fuck up any 28 year old who tried to mess with her.

I was a stressed out psycho when my sister turned 18.

[Magic]

18. I'd fuck up any 28 year old who tried to mess with her.

Could you fuck up a group of frat guys that fuck her simultaneously Bob Loblaw?

[Haystacks Horace]

Mert she is going to get whole reams of frat boys chucking it up her and may well end up turning to more experienced lads to show her the ropes as well. You won't be fucking anyone up as your all mouth so pipe down. Look in the mirror, put your hand to your neck and grasp around a bit. You should find a crank. Got it? Good now turn it and wind your neck in.

[John]

Look in the mirror, put your hand to your neck and grasp around a bit. You should find a crank. Got it? Good now turn it and wind your neck in.

Pathetic.

[Haystacks Horace]

Pathetic.

Yes you are. Pathetic lickspittle gobshite that literally nobody likes. Back. In. Your. Box.

[Kikó]

I like John.

[Haystacks Horace]

I like John.

Funniest thing I've heard all year.

[John]

Yes you are. Pathetic lickspittle gobshite that literally nobody likes. Back. In. Your. Box.

You're mistaken. I was calling your turn of phrase pathetic.

Interesting that you have such deep knowledge of the board's opinions a fortnight after finding us on Google though.

[Queenslander]

Mert My point is how about we treat young females in a way in which we would like our sisters to be treated.

Probably not gonna happen though. :(

[Haystacks Horace]

You're mistaken. I was calling your turn of phrase pathetic.

Interesting that you have such deep knowledge of the board's opinions a fortnight after finding us on Google though.

Two weeks reading your tripe and the general tone of it is more than enough time to get it all worked out.

[Giggles]

I like John. He's an awful cunt, but I like him.

[Shindig]

Can we just make note of mert describing a sibling as "glowing with fertility."

What kind of Fritzl fuck dungeon do you live in?

[Spikey M]

John is a babe. He just comes across as aggressive because that's what Glaswegians do.

[Spikey M]

Mert is Alpha as fuck so you can guarantee he's fucked the fertility right out of his sister.

[Disco]

I like John. He's an awful cunt, but I like him.

This is it, he's our awful cunt.

[John]

Can we just make note of mert describing a sibling as "glowing with fertility."

What kind of Fritzl fuck dungeon do you live in?

We could if that's what he did. Although he did once accuse me of fucking my sister because I lolled at him getting no responses to his request for a meet, so those dark thoughts are obviously there.

[Shindig]

Ah. Still, why describe a young adult like that, mert? When I saw the 18 year old next door I just thought, "Too young." I don't sit there thinking about the raw, biological possibilities. At some age, you just see them as children. 28 is usually that age.

[Giggles]

Half + 7.

[Shindig]

Bang on.

[Raoul Duke]

Interesting that you have such deep knowledge of the board's opinions a fortnight after finding us on Google though.

This is the thing. He's too familiar to be a no0b. You can't pick up the in-jokes etc. that quickly.

[Reg]

I like John too, less fond of a 'new' member joining and immediately throwing apeshit insults around at any opportunity.

[Dark Soldier]

Horace comes across a nonce tbh

[Haystacks Horace]

I like John too, less fond of a 'new' member joining and immediately throwing apeshit insults around at any opportunity.

Why don't you fuck off you piece of shit?this is why no new members join up. You can shove your board up your cunt. Horace out.

[Spikey M]

Goodbye sweet prince :(

[niko_cee]

Shame to lose the farm smart perspective.

[Kikó]

Chill out Horace.

[Spikey M]

NO YOU CALM DOWN.

lower case text

[Shindig]

I can't think of any reg-based puns.

08:01AM

[Spammer]

It was a needless, wanker comment by John to set him off there, but if he's going to get furious about it then the place probably isn't for him.

[Kikó]

Play it cool hammer.

[Giggles]

An obvious re-reg, but who?

[Kikó]

Smiffy.

[Raoul Duke]

What a tart

[Spikey M]

But his story seemed such a likely one?

[Disco]

Well he hadn't descended into swivel-eyed racism so I guess it has to be Smiff. That little exile didn't last long did it, I for one am shocked.

[Haystacks Horace]

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the moderators frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were horaced and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mert's by eternal right.
Took John's soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
Spikey touched my heart Hammer touched my soul.
They changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was horaced by you.
Goodbye my Horace.
Goodbye my forum.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a horacer but when I wake,
You can't ban my account - it's my posts you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you rage, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you seething for a while.
I know your posts and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my Horace.
Goodbye my forum.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so horace, baby, I'm so horace.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so horace.

[Magic]

Cool. Anyway looking forward to the next one Bish. Shame you're so one dimensional.

[Spikey M]

In fairness, that's a much better attempt than anything Harold has made.

[Spikey M]

Also 'Sexual Horacement' was quals bants.

[igor_balis]

I might have made an error. There was this bird I was involved with for about a fortnight in my first year of sixth form, but she was a bit weird and I decided against it so broke things off, but in a pretty immature and unpleasant way. I'm not sure exactly, but I think i just started ignoring her texts or something.

I've done loads of awkward bumping into to her over the last 5 years and felt bad about it, so started chatting to her on fb and we sorta made peace and stuff. Been getting on reasonably well and she invited me round for dinner. I got really trashed in Sheffield a few weeks ago and sent her a drunken message saying something like "yea i'll come round but just to let you know this ISN'T romantic i'm not like seeing it as a date i'm single and enjoying being single so don't get the wrong impression". Bit cringe the day after but probably not a bad idea.

Anyway, I went round for dinner on Tuesday. It was biryani, and a pretty delicious one at that. She was already a bit tipsy and clearly very nervous when I arrived, and as she drank more wine she got more and more flirty. In the end I was quite drunk too and just went "FUCK IT WHY NOT" (not internally, I actually said that) and we had sex. Even during the meal she asked about my "tinder bitches" and I told her quite honestly about the dates I have lined up, so I figured she understood I hadn't changed my mind, but was just happy for a bit of no strings debauchery. I'm just hoping she hasn't gotten her hopes up because the awkward bumping into each other would be much worse if I break her heart for the 2nd time after making an effort to apologise for the 1st time. Ah well, I don't think I've done anything wrong.

[Magic]

When is the wedding?

[Boydy]

How this ends:

https://i.amz.mshcdn.com/X1f2_8I3At5uRs72ATVEriYzPQw=/fit-in/1200x9600/https%3A%2F%2Ffat.gfycat.com%2FPlayfulShortFlaming o.gif

[Bartholomert]

I might have made an error. There was this bird I was involved with for about a fortnight in my first year of sixth form, but she was a bit weird and I decided against it so broke things off, but in a pretty immature and unpleasant way. I'm not sure exactly, but I think i just started ignoring her texts or something.

I've done loads of awkward bumping into to her over the last 5 years and felt bad about it, so started chatting to her on fb and we sorta made peace and stuff. Been getting on reasonably well and she invited me round for dinner. I got really trashed in Sheffield a few weeks ago and sent her a drunken message saying something like "yea i'll come round but just to let you know this ISN'T romantic i'm not like seeing it as a date i'm single and enjoying being single so don't get the wrong impression". Bit cringe the day after but probably not a bad idea.

Anyway, I went round for dinner on Tuesday. It was biryani, and a pretty delicious one at that. She was already a bit tipsy and clearly very nervous when I arrived, and as she drank more wine she got more and more flirty. In the end I was quite drunk too and just went "FUCK IT WHY NOT" (not internally, I actually said that) and we had sex. Even during the meal she asked about my "tinder bitches" and I told her quite honestly about the dates I have lined up, so I figured she understood I hadn't changed my mind, but was just happy for a bit of no strings debauchery. I'm just hoping she hasn't gotten her hopes up because the awkward bumping into each other would be much worse if I break her heart for the 2nd time after making an effort to apologise for the 1st time. Ah well, I don't think I've done anything wrong.

Alpha af tbh

[Spammer]

Lass has fucked off for the five months, left a week ago. We've been in touch a lot (I've taken her lead on it and she's been contacting often) but she went into Russia yesterday morning and I've not heard from her since.

[Spoonsky]

She's probably just homesick. When she gets used to it and her life gets more interesting the contact will probably be less and less, if at all.

[Weaver]

Is there an 'arrangement' at all, Hammer? I'm just wondering about other people - what happens if you meet someone else, for example?

[Townsend]

Is there an 'arrangement' at all, Hammer? I'm just wondering about other people - what happens if you meet someone else, for example?

Yeah she is only letting lads Putin their dicks up the back passage, keeping the front for Hammer.

[phonics]

Thought you cried off here for being called a try hard?

[Townsend]

Thought you cried off here for being called a try hard?

Something something erection and your mum joke.

[Lewis]

Yeah she is only letting lads Putin their dicks up the back passage, keeping the front for Hammer.

lol, the Hammer and Fickle.

[Boydy]

Does this mean Haystacks has stopped now?

[Giggles]

Does this mean Haystacks has stopped now?

Right enough I haven't seen a big pile of him lately.

[Reg]

The only two members with catchphrases. :sherlock:

[igor_balis]

About to meet my date for the evening. Ahhh we get on really well and she's really fit wish me luck lads xx

[Magic]

Rip.

[bruhnaldo]

So Magic whose your wife fucking this week?

[Spikey M]

So Magic whose your wife fucking this week?


Is there any need to be rude?

[Adamski]

So Magic whose your wife fucking this week?

More than yours, I'd wager.

[Reg]

So Magic whose your wife fucking this week?
You can't really strop about people being dicks if you post stuff like that.

[bruhnaldo]

Magic's been calling me cancer for like a year straight. I haven't a single fuck to give.

[Magic]

Terminal. :yn:

[bruhnaldo]

Be a dick to someone who literally wrote essays trying to help you and then act surprised when they stop being nice.

I think you're all gonna love the new 'bruh' very much.

[Spikey M]

It's all fun and games until someone goes too far and someone's feelings get hurt. Just apologise. This is a mans marriage we're talking about.

[niko_cee]

You can see why they have so many workplace massacres.

[randomlegend]

Terminal. :yn:

:lol:

[Spikey M]

I really feel like bruhnaldo needs to apologise. So rude.

[Disco]

If this is what cultural advancement gets you I say we start burning the books.

[Baz]

Be a dick to someone who literally wrote essays trying to help you and then act surprised when they stop being nice.

I think you're all gonna love the new 'bruh' very much.
https://pics.me.me/when-youre-usually-the-entertainer-of-your-friends-group-but-24077063.png

[igor_balis]

it went well. i've known her for about 3 years and fancied her the whole time, and after a few drinks she told me she'd always fancied me. slightly annoyed i never made a move when i first knew her cus i just assumed there was no chance. stating the obvious, but low self-esteem can really make you self-sabotagingly stupid.

i told her i had work today but she said that her plan for the evening was to take me home and i didn't take much convincing. she's really cool and very dirty. yay.

i think possibly the best thing about my recent unprecedented sexual success (i've doubled the number of girls i've shagged in 2017 alone) is that i really don't fear rejection in the way i used to. i asked out this bird a few weeks ago when i was about 90% sure she would say no, and she did say no, and it was fine. whereas in the past i'd still be terrified when it was pretty obvious a girl liked me.

[Magic]

Why is that? Something specific happen or is it a feature of hitting rock bottom?

[leedsrevolution]

I don't know where I am. Everything is "fine", But it's 12 weeks before I become a dad. Am I ready? Pfobably not. Have her tits got fucking massive, yes. Am I sucking them, nope.

[igor_balis]

with the exception of 10 minutes of attempting to put my largely flaccid cock into an obese australian woman whilst totally wankered i didn't have sex between September 2013 and September 2016, so that covers the rock bottom bit. i spent most of 2016 pining after this really fit female friend, to the point i told a load of my mates on holiday in brighton whilst a bit pissed (they're also mates with her) that i was just going to tell her i really fancied her and see what happened, if only to put myself out of my misery and move on. to the surprise of my mates i actually did it, and to everyone's surprise including my own she told me she felt the same way. that definitely helped a lot, and i dread to think what would have happened if she told me to fuck off.

other than that i guess losing a lot of weight and having a relatively stable job for the first time ever and once i snogged a couple of sexy ladies i was off and running. it probably helps that i'm a disgusting pervert at heart with a very broad taste in women.

[leedsrevolution]

Has anyone drank the mother to be tit's milk? Were you wanking when you did it?

[leedsrevolution]

I think I'd happily drink that shit, but she isn't in the mood right now. If you hadn't guessed.

[mugbull]

I drank my mom's milk when she was preggo with my sister...

[Mellberg]

Interesting board we all frequent, really.

[Kikó]

Joe :wave:

[Spikey M]

Can we stop referring to women as 'females'?

[bruhnaldo]

So Magic whose your wife fucking this week?

Any update?

[Magic]

You're a strange guy, aren't you?

[Pen]

Yeah, that's just fucking sad.

[phonics]

Got made fun of in another thread so felt the need to kick out at someone else. Embarrassing.

[bruhnaldo]

Fuck Magic and fuck you too lol idc

[Disco]

Wow, so edgy.

[bruhnaldo]

Edgy is going around calling a guy who spent a solid hour trying to type out positive, morale boosting life advice "cancer" because of some weirdo grudge on an internet forum or a slight difference of opinion elsewhere.

Looketh my field in which i grow my fucks
As you can see it is absolutely fuckin barren

[phonics]

You quite clearly do give a fuck seeing as you're still whining about it.

[phonics]

In other news, Samadini's only gone and got fucking engaged.

Seriously worried about my lack of life achievements at this point.

[Magic]

Edgy is going around calling a guy who spent a solid hour trying to type out positive, morale boosting life advice "cancer" because of some weirdo grudge on an internet forum or a slight difference of opinion elsewhere.

Looketh my field in which i grow my fucks
As you can see it is absolutely fuckin barren

Who's got the grudge? :harold:

Maybe your field isn't yielding produce because the soil is too salty.

[Disco]

Yeah, I care so little I'm going to take every post to heart and rant about it endlessly. Storming off again would probably convince us all you're really serious about not caring.

[bruhnaldo]

I love how it always turns into "oh it's just jokes don't take it to heart there's no grudgeeeee" as soon as people get called on their shit.

Piss up a rope my boy it's nothing to me. Talk shit to me but you haven't even farted in the direction of the guy who sent your misses his johnson lol

[Magic]

:D

Jesus Christ you really are on the ropes.

[phonics]

Don't have another bruhkdown, man.

[SvN]

What is happening?

[Spammer]

I don't really know. Bruh isn't responding to everything with snark and everyone's rounding on him.

He's put in a couple of comments that aren't great himself. I say we exterminate everyone.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The seetheometer is off the scale.

[Kikó]

In other news, Samadini's only gone and got fucking engaged.

Seriously worried about my lack of life achievements at this point.

He managed to also pick the one resort where his high school crush was also staying almost breaking him before his big moment. He battled through with enough booze to pop the question.

What a lad.

[Magic]

WhatsApp cunts.

[phonics]

Take that slander back, I am not in no WhatsApp. We went to uni together so we're friends on FB and I saw the picture.

[Magic]

FB cunts.

[Spammer]

IRL friend having cunts.

[Spikey M]

Uni friend cunts

[Giggles]

Cunts.

[bruhnaldo]

So Magic whose your wife fucking this week?


WhatsApp cunts.


FB cunts.


IRL friend having cunts.


Uni friend cunts


Cunts.

Now that wasn't so hard, was it?

[Spikey M]

Actually lol'd :D

[Magic]

Getting weird now. Bring back Wedge.

[Magic]

She's gone.

And no Mert I'm not moving to the Caribbean to be a cocktail maker.

[Offshore Toon]

What happened?

[Giggles]

Chucked out? Gone to Mums? Big row? Kickboxer?

[Boydy]

Shit.

You okay?

[Mazuuurk]

Maybe the question we should be asking is: is she? :serious:

[phonics]

I know it's not the time for humour but I'd just like to point out that this is page 69, Nice.

[Disco]

Sad news man.

I reckon she's under the patio.

[SvN]

It was inevitable, and a long time coming judging by your posts in here. Probably doesn't feel like it right now, but it really is for the best.*

*Assuming you haven't murdered her.

[Boydy]

Seriously, someone check on him.

[phonics]

Lewis has the strongest venn diagram of unemployed/lack of empathy for lols. I vote he goes.

[Giggles]

Seriously, someone check on him.

The post and lack of follow up still has me thinking he's going to arrive later with a punchline and nothings gone on. It is Magic after all.

[Magic]

No punchline. I'm trying to work things out financially at the moment.

[Pen]

Sad to hear it Magic, but you'll be fine and probably happier in the long run.

[Giggles]

No punchline. I'm trying to work things out financially at the moment.

Sorry to hear that so. Easy all of us saying it'll be for the best (sounds like it will be) but that's not something to be digesting right now. Hopefully you're doing ok yourself.

[Magic]

Yeah I'm fine, it's like a normal day tbh I guess it'll sink in after a couple of weeks. I have nowhere to move out to that is free, my mum and dad both have partners so fuck that.

I think she'll move back in here after a week or so at her mums, and I'll have to either sleep on the sofa or move out to rented accommodation, but still pay the mortgage. It's tied in until 2019 (:sick:). That's fine because we'll split down the middle on it's sale without having to heave a chunk to a cunt solicitor.

Biggest fear after that is her moving our child from the best primary school in the city because her arsehole family live on the other side of town (like 8 miles away so hardly fucking next city is it). And that is also my biggest fear; them moving to some shithole area.

Next biggest fear is the potential 'STEP-FATHER' scenario. I hated mine so...

Financially we're £650 down on the credit card and have two loans to clear. So lol at that entire shitshow. Happy 5th birthday, your present is divorce! \o/

Not great, but the bitch said she hated me and hated this life, so fuck her. It would be far worse if I actually cared about her. Her uncle is still in love with his wife who left him 5 years ago for a colleague. That must suck balls. She kept the house and the kids as well. DANG.

[7om]

Jesus, sorry to hear that, Magic.

Are you also going to sort out access to your daughter by yourselves? Probably best to get that sorted early doors so you're not facing a one-day-every-two-weeks scenario and it gets bitter.

[bruhnaldo]

Call. A. Fuckin'. Attorney. Lad.

[wullie]

Sorry Magic. Seems like it was inevitable but still can't be much fun at the moment.

[bruhnaldo]

Take your daughter
fuck off here to Orlando
take on new names
I'll sort you guys out some fake ID's (I got a guy)
meet a beautiful, loving, Latina goddess who will take care of you both
?????????????????
Profit.

[GS]

Sorry to hear that magic.

You need to prepare in case it turns nasty. Have the material etc to hand, even if you ultimately don't need it.

[SvN]

What was the straw that broke the camel's back? This can't have come out of nowhere.

[Mazuuurk]

Magic :console:

Drinks on me next time I'm in Scotland, which will be never, but if you find yourself in Sweden then.

[Magic]

What was the straw that broke the camel's back? This can't have come out of nowhere.

My sister had to have an abortion, conceived with her lunatic ex-boyfriend. Confided in the wife, who subsequently told my other sister, who told my step-mum, who told my dad, who told my sister that her 'trust had been breached'. It all kicked off, wife got the blame, I had to have an argument with my dad and try and get everyone together again, wife kept saying I didn't stick up for her (how can I defend that? even though I did stick up for her I didn't say because I wasn't sure how it would be recieved), if she'd have just kept her fucking mouth shut so it all came to a head last night and she was greetin' saying 'all I need is a cuddle' but it's easy to say that when you've just called someone out for everything under the sun. She said she was leaving and I said good fuck off you cunt.

This morning, packed the bags, gone. Don't know where, don't know for how long. Wean has gone with her, even though I dropped her at school this morning. So yeah I'll take it as it comes, her friend is 'having a break' from her long term boyfriend/father of her children so I think that's given her confidence to try it, but I told her I don't do breaks it's all or nothing I'm not a mug.

Been having a look at wei flats to rent, lol @ potentially 50% of my monthly income going towards accommodation. :(

[Mazuuurk]

Fuck me.

She'll be back within the week wanting to move back in, Magic. Are you prepared to stick this out when she does? It seems like the sensible thing to do but then so has it seemed this whole time.

[Magic]

I dunno. I really love Spotify and my BT Sport so I'm not sure if I could handle sitting in my unwashed pants eating beans out of a tin listening to neighbours fighting.

[SvN]

I know there's two sides of every story, but if your side is anywhere near true then you're better off being shot of her. You're still young, you can still be a brilliant dad to your kid and find someone who you're not going to detest.

[Lewis]

You're putting a lot of weight on 'can' there.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Less hassle with a webcam slut.

[Foe]

Get a flat in Dundee with Waff.

TTHIRL Dundee.

From what you've said it sounds like a silly thing to have brought it all down (stubbornness) but you'll probably be better off in the long run.

[Waffdon]

I'm off this week, MJ, baby. Cans with the lads on Thursday since it's payday. My treat. We can do a pub crawl of Broughty Ferry, taxi up to the student Union for your rebound. I've been friendzoned so we can get through this shot together, brother.

[Lewis]

That could be just what he needs.

[Magic]

We just spoke. Won't bore you with the details but she said it'd maybe take a week to 'gather her thoughts and get her shit together'. That's a fairly long time, she's staying at her mums. She said I'm obviously more than welcome to come and visit our daughter, but for me that makes me rather ill, almost like a prisoner getting visitor time. I don't want to fucking do that, but when else can I, apart from the weekend. But even then that's almost resigning me to rent-a-dad, take her for an ice cream, read a book then fuck off. I don't want that under any circumstances but I work all the hours of the day during the week. Fuck sake.

I am sitting here, in the deadly silence listening to nothing but the clock tick in the hall way. Staring out in to the back garden with our new decking furniture basking in the glorious sunshine, pondering what might have been, what could have been. And it sets. Sets slowly, deeply, in.

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/38/a9/f7/38a9f7ae0eba079efc8a46fed68b099d.jpg

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick.

[bruhnaldo]

Or you go get your daughter and tell the bitch SHE can come see her daughter at YOUR home whenever SHE feels like.

EMPHASIS because I'm fuckin angry.

[bruhnaldo]

Why does the woman always feel entitled to just take the fucking child. Go get your fucking kid and put her in her own fucking room where she belongs.

Sleepin on the couch at Nan's when, as far as we've read about, wife's basically the one whose constant immature behavior has fucked all this off.

She's probably talked to an attorney who advised her to take your beautiful daughter with her so she can say "well the daughter was primarily with me during our split" or some shit.

Fuck that. I'm fuckin fuming.

[Spikey M]

Yeah, I'd book some emergency leave from work and bring my daughter home. She's flounced off, but that's no reason to uproot your daughter from her home.

[Boydy]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkuWrmxN7hg

Magic later.

(sorry)

[Shindig]

Makes it sound like everybody in Dundee is in a broken relationship.

[Baz]

I'm off this week, MJ, baby. Cans with the lads on Thursday since it's payday. My treat. We can do a pub crawl of Broughty Ferry, taxi up to the student Union for your rebound. I've been friendzoned so we can get through this shot together, brother.I hope this happens.

[Kikó]

I'm pretty happy for you magic. She's a horror who you don't need.

Just focus on how you keep your little one's life normal as possible.

[mo]

As much as I side with Magic here (as we all do) I think the best interests of the child come first right now. Poor girl probably doesn't really understand whats going on at the moment, staying at Nan's must seem like a fun adventure for her. Magic swooping in and taking her home (at the moment) is only going to confuse and upset her, and probably give him a harder time as well.

I do think though that you could maybe bring this up quietly with work to see about maybe finishing early some days/this week so you can go and see her each evening, keep the air of normality for her sake.

Obviously feel free to berate or disregard all this, I have no experience, just trying to think about what I would do if it happened to me.

[Magic]

That's exactly what I'm doing mo, going to see her when mum isn't there during working hours, I want to give her the space.

I could go and snatch her, but then I'd have to give her straight back because work.

[Lewis]

Go on the run with her.

[7om]

This is why you should have been documenting her late nights getting pissed / shagged. You could have built a nice little portfolio to show your lawyer and look to get full custody.

[Offshore Toon]

It's tricky because the mother should be better at looking after a daughter, but this mother is a dirty cunt and ultimately you don't want that rubbing off on the child.

[GS]

This is why you should have been documenting her late nights getting pissed / shagged. You could have built a nice little portfolio to show your lawyer and look to get full custody.

Indeed. You should look to compile something based on your posts in here (and text messages, WhatsApp etc.) so you at least have something to refer to, if the need arises.

[Adamski]

Indeed. You should look to compile something based on your posts in here (and text messages, WhatsApp etc.) so you at least have something to refer to, if the need arises.

I wouldn't advise using Magics posts on here to back himself up, if it was me.

[GS]

He would obviously use it only to reference dates and events. I'd strongly advise against including his thoughts and musings verbatim, as he'd probably end up in prison.

[Magic]

I wouldn't want full custody, I know I'm not the greatest parent. She is a really good mother.

[GS]

You need to make sure you protect your own access, though. What happens if her family start whispering in her ear about custody etc. etc.

Be prepared, is all people are saying.

[Magic]

There's no way that would happen.

*SUPERVISED 2 HOUR VIEWING CENTRE*

[Shindig]

Makes it sound like some sort of kiddy zoo. You must teach the bairn the ways of engineering.

[Spoonsky]

Holy shit, it's the end of the board.

[Spoonsky]

Real talk, good luck Magic. Remember to try and make decisions calmly instead of at the height of your emotions.

[Pepe]

End of the board? Probably the lifeline we need.

[Reg]

Hope you're alright Magic. :thbup:

[Boydy]

How are you doing, Magic?

[Lewis]

Nosy cunt.

[Spoonsky]

I've met a pretty amazing girl at McGill, but I don't know if I want to be dating someone two weeks into my first semester of university. Not sure what to do.

[Boydy]

I just want something to read other than Hammer and RL's shit-off in the other thread.

[Foe]

I've met a pretty amazing girl at McGill, but I don't know if I want to be dating someone two weeks into my first semester of university. Not sure what to do.

Just play it cool.

[Spikey M]

I've met a pretty amazing girl at McGill, but I don't know if I want to be dating someone two weeks into my first semester of university. Not sure what to do.

Shouldn't you be rimming your frat bro's rather that worrying about women?

[mo]

I've met a pretty amazing girl at McGill, but I don't know if I want to be dating someone two weeks into my first semester of university. Not sure what to do.

One of my biggest regrets was getting myself trapped in a relationship by Christmas of Year 1. Not that I would have been out all night partying/shagging anyway but I can't help wondering what I might have done instead.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Shouldn't you be rimming your frat bro's rather that worrying about women?

It helps get the bishes.

[mugbull]

If it makes you feel any better, nobody that I knew that started dating in the first 3 months of college lasted until the end, so at least you know she's not the one.

[McAvennie]

Or just do what young people are supposed to do and just date and have some fun, if it doesn't work out move on. It doesn't have to be a drama

[Magic]

How are you doing, Magic?

You're a weird cunt aren't you. You did this last time as well.

[Boydy]

You're a weird cunt aren't you. You did this last time as well.

I just care about you, mate.

[Magic]

I just care about you, mate.

Care about my misery to make your own life better.

[Pepe]

It's ok babes.

[Boydy]

Care about my misery to make your own life better.

:console:

[mugbull]

:console:

If only that was how it worked

[Sam]

One of my biggest regrets was getting myself trapped in a relationship by Christmas of Year 1. Not that I would have been out all night partying/shagging anyway but I can't help wondering what I might have done instead.

I did this.

I didn't have to wonder much that said, still went out partying and such. Still with her to this day as well, bonus.

[Bartholomert]

I've met a pretty amazing girl at McGill, but I don't know if I want to be dating someone two weeks into my first semester of university. Not sure what to do.

If you can't get laid regularly without a big effort you should be in a relationship. Take from that what you like.

[Bartholomert]

Magic it's over and its been over. At it's crux, she has no respect or attraction towards you, and at the end of the day that will always determine whether the relationship can be salvaged.

[mugbull]

If you can't get laid regularly without a big effort you should be in a relationship. Take from that what you like.

Lol what a dumb thing to say. Maybe that's why you have such weird power dynamics in all your relationships.

[Bartholomert]

Lol what a dumb thing to say. Maybe that's why you have such weird power dynamics in all your relationships.

'Weird' = maintains attraction and is loyal to me. It's how it's supposed to be.

Anyways I'm probably getting back together (for good!) with a girl I met in her second week of school. I think I'm calling it a life on the girl front, I genuinely find the entire process to be tiresome at this stage. I can get laid and I'm actually over it, would rather be with someone I care about who is absolutely wonderful, I don't need to have any more 'fun.' I'd rather focus on my career / having children young / make and save money / etc.

[wullie]

What the fuck is all of that?

[Weaver]

It's over, lads, no more ALPHA stories from Mert :(

Do we have a replacement lined up?