The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

[Shindig]

Taller. Longer. Slimmer.

Whiter.

[Dquincy]

Who cares? Luscious rack.
Her arms are as big as her tits. Not good.
Boobs should always out weigh arms.

[Bartholomert]

You talking about your cock?

Nope. I'm just average height, and I think you need to always be minimum 3-4 inches taller than the girl to really establish the right power dynamic, which precludes like maybe 20-30% of white girls from consideration. I do ruthlessly use Cialis though to ensure that I leave a very positive impression in that respect (and it works).

Also had another girl in my bed on Wednesday night (blond, Russian, 20 y/o Duke junior), but once we went back to my place (we had made out at the bar) she decided that she needed to throw up and then passed out almost immediately afterwards (was probably too drunk anyways). So really I had 3 different girls sleep in my bed over the course of 4 days.

Anyways I think I'm going to chill out on that front now for the next few weeks with exams coming up. Tthe girl from last night is cute enough and very enthusiastic, I'll probably just keep her on the side for sex 2-3x/week until I go to New Orleans. No point in investing too much time in anything else.

[Dquincy]

Plaaaayaaaa. :cool:

Genuinely thought you were going to say you f*cked her after she passed out. :uhoh: Glad you didn't, you clearly have respect for women.

Agreed on height thing. Just looks odd with a short arse fella and tall lady. Do you wear Cuban heals to help?

[Dark Soldier]

I give it five years or so before you're doing 25 years for rape, mert. Got a hint of Elliot Rodger in ya postings.

[Bartholomert]

Plaaaayaaaa. :cool:

Genuinely thought you were going to say you f*cked her after she passed out. :uhoh: Glad you didn't, you clearly have respect for women.

Agreed on height thing. Just looks odd with a short arse fella and tall lady. Do you wear Cuban heals to help?

Yeh I can clean up with the 5-7 range girls. I know I'm way better in the South, so looking forward to Louisiana.

And no, that's just setting yourself up to be embarrassed later. I just wear normal shoes and only target girls within a certain height range / only message after evaluating height based on pictures on Tinder.


I give it five years or so before you're doing 25 years for rape, mert.

I'm incredibly careful and know all my legal rights. Always leave paper trails / evidence of consent.

[Dquincy]

Leaves a trail all over her face!! Areyawithme??!

[randomlegend]

I do ruthlessly use Cialis

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahaahahahahahaha hahahahahaha.

[Bartholomert]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahaahahahahahaha hahahahahaha.

I banged the girl from last night 5 times in the course of 12 hours. She will be telling her friends about it for years to come...why would I choose not to leave that impression when I could?

[Pen]

She will be telling her friends about it for years to come.

Sure :D

[Shindig]

In court?

[Spikey M]

I had to google Cialis. How do you clear the search history on an iPhone? Don't want the mrs thinking I'sm some prematurely flaccid joke of a man.

[Magic]

I think she'd know?

[Disco]

Most of us have never met you and we know.

[Spikey M]

I will go flaccid at an appropriate age tyvm

[Mazuuurk]

Does Mert even realize how rapey he's coming off as here? :D

[Bartholomert]

Does Mert even realize how rapey he's coming off as here? :D

...I was drunk watching the NBA playoffs, it's admittedly a bit rough reading it back through :blush:

Anyways, I have exams now and socializing opportunities are pretty dried up for the foreseeable future (will be seeing one of the girls on Friday, but that'll be about it and she's nothing more than a FWB to solidfy as a backup option going forward). Last week was alright, but that's because I had activities to look forward to and kept myself busy. I would be lying if I didn't say that I didn't feel lonely / miss having someone to talk to in between studying sessions (can't text girls I've hooked up with about random shit and come off needy, not there yet). I definitely see why people pussy out and don't end relationships that should be ended, because so much of your day is now devoid of companionship.

Anyways, needed to be done. Just need some non-exam time to cycle through dates (which won't be for awhile).

[John]

You were drunk enough to embarrass yourself at what, quarter to five in the evening? And you were either trying to talk up your sexual prowess on here while drinking with friends, or drunk enough to post the aforementioned embarrassing piffle while watching sport alone.

This is a total loss, Mert.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Bartholomert]

You were drunk enough to embarrass yourself at what, quarter to five in the evening? And you were either trying to talk up your sexual prowess on here while drinking with friends, or drunk enough to post the aforementioned embarrassing piffle while watching sport alone.

This is a total loss, Mert.

I'm aware :nono:

Anyways couldn't resist swiping on Tinder and set myself up a cute date for Thursday to watch the Capitals (aka hockey) at a bar. She's pretty hot, if it works out could be worth adding to the FWB rotation at least for the upcoming exam period.

[Bartholomert]

Would you consider yourself needy, Mert?

I don't know. I know what the outward manifestation of neediness looks like and I make a conscious effort not to convey neediness in a way most other guys do (I genuinely believe I am the most effective at 1v1 maximizing attraction and escalating to a sexual encounter of anyone I have ever met). But what does that say about the state of my internal psychology, who knows.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Shindig]

It's the kids I feel sorry for. Waking up every morning with Dad constantly going, "Half-Turkish? YOU'RE WHITE AMERICAN"

[Bartholomert]

Have you ever spent a sustained period alone or do you find you bounce from girl to girl even when coming out of relationships and what not? I ask because you come across as such. It's as though you need the women to validate your own heightened opinion of yourself. Quite narcissistic (not that there's anything wrong with that) but you can be a narcissist without them.

I haven't. Always at least had some girl on the side since I was 15-16, the longest I've gone without getting laid has been during relationships when I've been seperates by my significant other (and even there you get regular contact over the Internet).

[Smiffy]

.....

[SvN]

The problem is that Mert sees "success" as being able to con women into bed. Without that, he's nothing.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Magic]

To move away from Mert for a moment, here's where I'm at.

I befriended a girl in a recent job and immediately fancied her but the downside was she has a boyfriend so I keep her at arms length. A couple of months ago she practically invited herself round for a coffee but told her fella that I was gay and I had literally caught her off guard so she had to. Fair enough, I laughed at it but then questioned why you would lie. I figured it was just because she's coming to another guys house. Since then we've met on a few occasions and I feel we've genuinely become friends (which is pleasant given I am trying to surround myself with better people).

The thing is however it's so blatantly obvious we're attracted to one another and the meets become more and more regular, the conversations take a different turn to those we used to have. Just yesterday in fact we were talking about sex in a very open manner which took me out of my comfort zone a bit. I'm purposely not acting on it but it really is a bit confusing. Why would she come round and spend so much time alone in my room with me from the moment we became friends? We haven't even ventured further than the four walls I reside in. Little things are noticeable in that each time she's come round we end up sitting closer and closer. The other day she had a bit of a breakdown and had a cry so I did the natural thing of arm around the shoulder and a bit of patronising "there there there" but the problems aren't with her boyfriend. He is well aware of me although we have never met and naturally I could see things from his point of view but he claims not to mind, then texts her moaning when she does.

I really can't tell what the crack is. Part of it feels like 'friend zoned' which is perfectly fine as that's my preference (I wouldn't want a relationship, just a bonk) but it doesn't feel right. I'm convinced something is going to happen at some point.

I've been since Guernsey girl I think and although I've remained sexually active on occasions (Italy lass being the last and that backfired) attracting or pursuing women isn't really the issue. I can't quite tell if I'm misreading signs but past experience has taught me I'm probably not. I wish we could both just spit out what we're really thinking as it seems like both of us are holding 'something' back. It's weird.

Any advice besides not allowing things to happen whilst she's with someone? I don't even know.

What are your thoughts on Mert, though?

[SvN]

She doesn't sound like the sort of girl I'd want to be in a relationship with.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Smiffy]

.....

[Bartholomert]

I suspected as much. If you want some advice Mert then I would suggest having a stint where you're on your own instead of relying on women to fill a void as at some point you're going to come unstuck. How old are you now?

24. I dun wanna do that though. Maybe I'll go for 6 weeks in Belgium over the summer and I'll work on getting shredded / autistically gymming.


The problem is that Mert sees "success" as being able to con women into bed. Without that, he's nothing.

It's really the only true honest indicator of your reproductive value within the larger society, an encapsulation of the sum total of your sexual attractiveness, status, social competence, etc.

[Magic]

It's really the only true honest indicator of your reproductive value within the larger society, an encapsulation of the sum total of your sexual attractiveness, status, social competence, etc.

Lol what is this 10000BC?

[Offshore Toon]

You don't owe anything to this bloke, but it you're friends with her then don't make it easy for her to cheat. It'll be unfair on the bloke, but if she's a decent person it'll haunt her for a bit.

[Bartholomert]

Also Smiff girl wants the D, it's not that complicated, and she's monkey branching to you for whatever reason either the boyfriend isn't getting it done or she's just another attention seeking female.

[Magic]

According to your social status formula, Smiff should be having sex with used diapers.

[Offshore Toon]

When are you in Belgium, Mert?

[Bartholomert]

According to your social status formula, Smiff should be having sex with used diapers.

Social status is very contextual and does not necessarily mean wealth.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Bartholomert]

When are you in Belgium, Mert?

July - August; doing an internship with an international trade focused law firm.

[Bartholomert]

Cmon Smiff you know there's no such thing as men and women who are genuine friends, at best you get two people who are attracted to each other and make a strategic decision in the short / medium term to refrain from acting on their attraction. Hookup always follows eventually.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Offshore Toon]

Go to Dour Festival in mid-July, Mert.

[Spikey M]

I have Women that are friends, but then a) I'm not attracted to them, b) they Probably aren't attracted to me and c) I'm not a sex pest.

[Dark Soldier]

Cmon Smiff you know there's no such thing as men and women who are genuine friends, at best you get two people who are attracted to each other and make a strategic decision in the short / medium term to refrain from acting on their attraction. Hookup always follows eventually.

the fuck is this

[Shindig]

Mert's the kind of person that would see a kidney transplant between brother and sister and think :naughty:

[mugbull]

What a social retard Mert is

[Queenslander]

Hey Mert do you choke your conquests during the sex?

[Bartholomert]

Hey Mert do you choke your conquests during the sex?

Only if they ask.

[Bartholomert]

Go to Dour Festival in mid-July, Mert.

You gunna be there breh?

[Pepe]

Mert, mate:


Flying to College Park, MD in a few hours. Will be there until Wednesday. Hit me up for a TTH MEET.

We could be slashing sloots right now. Missed opportunity.

[leedsrevolution]

No girl is the sort I'd want to be in a relationship with if I'm honest. It's too much of a gamble investing in another person only for it to inevitably be a waste of a few months/years.ll.

:( who hurt you?

[Queenslander]

Only if they ask.

Are you familiar with repetition complusion?

[mugbull]

:( who hurt you?

Yeah that's the saddest thing I've ever read

[Smiffy]

.....

[phonics]

Mert, mate:



We could be slashing sloots right now. Missed opportunity.

Mert comes across as creepy but I don't think he's murdering these girls he's sleeping with.

[Pepe]

I guess that's why he didn't text me back. :(

[Offshore Toon]

Mert I'll probably be at Dour, yeah. If you fancy it I can try and pass you off as a refugee and aggressively assimilate you into my group.

[igor_balis]

Crazy racist Romanian girl has started messaging me on facebook again. She's totally batshit, has fairly limited English, has told me she doesn't believe in women having power and said "my friend try set me up with MUSLIM boy, EUGH, why she do?", but it's been a while lads and she's actually quite hot. I shouldn't....should I?

[Magic]

Is that Ille Nastase's daughter lol

[igor_balis]

https://scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t34.0-12/18136248_10158555213295384_1619438294_n.png?oh=584 137894524eb2139ad945f0c71a0a2&oe=5903C8DD

:uhoh:

[Giggles]

You'll be asked for your bank details for a Nigerian price next.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Magic]

https://scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t34.0-12/18136248_10158555213295384_1619438294_n.png?oh=584 137894524eb2139ad945f0c71a0a2&oe=5903C8DD

:uhoh:

She sounds like a riot. Please go.

Remember mixers are gay.

[Adamski]

https://scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t34.0-12/18136248_10158555213295384_1619438294_n.png?oh=584 137894524eb2139ad945f0c71a0a2&oe=5903C8DD

:uhoh:

It might be Mahow.

[Smiffy]

.....

[7om]

Just go and get laid and stop scrutinising her shit English.

[Foe]

Reminds me of the PoF thread we once had. Those were the days. :cool:

Smiffy making women fall in love with him was horrible to watch.

And by horrible, I mean amusing with a little bit of guilt.

[Bartholomert]

Mert, mate:



We could be slashing sloots right now. Missed opportunity.

Bruh, where was my PM? I was looking for an excuse to go to College Park as well, I live like 10-15 minutes away.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Bartholomert]

Crazy racist Romanian girl has started messaging me on facebook again. She's totally batshit, has fairly limited English, has told me she doesn't believe in women having power and said "my friend try set me up with MUSLIM boy, EUGH, why she do?", but it's been a while lads and she's actually quite hot. I shouldn't....should I?

Don't be a pussy. I only hook up with racists because it means I never have to physically compete with BBCs / much lower incidence of STDs among Whites.


Mert I'll probably be at Dour, yeah. If you fancy it I can try and pass you off as a refugee and aggressively assimilate you into my group.

Word. I would try my best to learn and accommodate the particular group culture and be a net contributor to overall well-being.

[Shindig]

Mert fast-tracking himself into an AIDS clinic is the only good thing that can come of this.

[Pepe]

Is that Ille Nastase's daughter lol

I lolled.

[Giggles]

Saves him doing it himself this time.

[Bartholomert]

I just had a girl walk out from a date because I said I voted for Trump.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

She's a hero.

[Dark Soldier]

Next time use metal restraints, they won't escape so easily.

[Offshore Toon]

Still banged her five times, though, right? o/

[Mazuuurk]

Obviously, since when does it matter what the girls want on Merts dates?

[Spammer]

Met up with a lass from OkCupid I've been chatting to for a few weeks. Nah.

There was no chemistry from the off and she looked not much like her profile, but she looked nice enough so I could see past that.

She was doing a PHD in the patriarchy or something, which itself was quite cool and didn't bother me either.

We got into a debate after a few drinks though and i argued that a lot of academics are often very intelligent bit pretty damaged people who are unable to trust their own experience and need to go home and write a paper about something before they can can accept it as being real. I also generally tore into a lot of identity politics as being hypocritical posturing by twats in ivory towers who do fuck all to actually contribute anything other than write journal articles that nobody will read and post stuff on Facebook.

I'd had a few to drink by this point, but I don't think I'll be seeing her again.

[Bartholomert]

Met up with a lass from OkCupid I've been chatting to for a few weeks. Nah.

There was no chemistry from the off and she looked not much like her profile, but she looked nice enough so I could see past that.

She was doing a PHD in the patriarchy or something, which itself was quite cool and didn't bother me either.

We got I to a debate after a few DRI ks though and i argued that a lot of academics are often very intelligent bit pretty damaged people who are unable to trust their own experience and need to go home and write a paper about something before they can can accept it as being real. I also reckoned that social issues start on the personal level and build upwards and generally tore into a lot of identity politics as being hypocritical posturing by twats in ivory towers who do fuck all to actually contribute anything other than write journal articles that nobody will read and post stuff on Facebook.

I'd had a few to drink by this point, but I don't think I'll be seeing her again.

Blatantly intoxicated debriefs :drool:

Going to see a Turkish girl and her friend along with me and a buddy on Tuesday. Could be a nice entry level foray into that market where I know I am pretty overvalued. Pretty much on standby mode for the next 10 days or so otherwise because of exams + pending move to New Orleans for the Summer.

[Spammer]

:D

I wrote it on my phone and edited afterwards, if that's any defence ;)

[Magic]

Hammer totally missing the point of online dating.

[Spammer]

I'm not sure if you're someone I should listening to for pointers in this respect.

;)

[wullie]

If someone here hadn't met Mert in person I'd be convinced it's a bot.

[Pepe]

Academics are not often very intelligent.

[Foe]

You going to take that shit Lewis?

[Giggles]

If someone here hadn't met Mert in person I'd be convinced it's a bot.

A bot still makes more sense.

[Pepe]

He probably agrees.

[Lewis]

I just sound bitter when I talk about it, but lol at Hammer sitting there in his fedora giving it the large'un.

'It's like Milo says...'

[Lewis]

My entire experience of academia (and everything since) was encapsulated nicely this week when I saw a job advertised with a charity that was founded by somebody who I not only met at university, but lolled at and called 'naive' when she told me about her idea for a charity.

[Spammer]

Sounds about right.

[Bartholomert]

Actually think I may have identified a long-term girl, going on a date on Friday, she's Southern, conservative, very pretty (but within the upper boundaries of me maximizing my appeal), good job, good banter, seemingly pretty innocent / not a party girl, ambitious, etc. Most excited I've been for meeting a girl since I've broken up with my ex.

[Mazuuurk]

Does she have a good enough job, though?

[Queenslander]

How tight is her cunt? Does she swallow? Can you hit her when you are struggling to contain your inner Turk?

[Magic]

Jesus at that. Defining a long term partner by rank in society. Can only end well.

[SvN]

Jesus at that. Defining a long term partner by rank in society. Can only end well.

How's things with the wife at the moment?

[wullie]

http://i.imgur.com/EcKHNn7.jpg

[Kikó]

Haha :D

[Bartholomert]

You don't think women make the same calculations, except most likely even more brutal and specific?

[Offshore Toon]

Mert

Some women, yeah, but they're absolutely mental and it'll show at some point. If that's your approach and you're okay with it, then it's no surprise you'd be compatible with girls that do the same. I imagine it'd end up a rather loveless relationship once you're old and have lost most of your "appeal," though.

I do think you probably move in rich kid circles, though, where such approaches are probably the norm.

[Bartholomert]

Spent Tuesday doing a 2v2 date with a Duke buddy, a Turkish-American girl and her friend; the first time I have ever gone out with a Turkish girl in my life. Went probably as well as any date I've ever been on, and when she was drunk she was talking about how she could see us getting married and then immediately getting incredibly embarrassed at what she said and apologizing that she didn't mean it / she wasn't crazy. But I kinda understood what she meant, we got along that well and it was absolutely effortless / organic. After hooking up at the bar we ended up walking along the National Mall, looking at the monuments and just talking for nearly an hour, cheesily romantic stuff. She seemed incredibly sweet and innocent and it was probably the most immediately comfortable I've ever been with a girl. She came back to my place to watch a movie and slept over, but didn't put out which I low key respected a lot.

I'm seeing her again on Saturday. My only (ruthless) issue is that I feel as if I could do better, am kinda enjoying single life, and I would feel absolutely awful leading her on because of it. Based on my experience / her vibes, I know that if I kept it up she would be 100% loyal to me and would immediately be happy to dive into a long-term relationship. But this isn't the sort of situation where it could ever be casual. I'm going to New Orleans in a week so I'll keep it warm for when I get back, and I'll see how I feel then.

The attraction bonus multiplier with Turkish girls is pretty unreal / something I theoretically assumed would always be there, but never fully comprehended the extent. Might have to consciously explore that market more in the future.

[Pepe]

You should give her Pleb's number so that he takes care of her while you're gone.

[Offshore Toon]

The only Turk that Pleb's interested in taking care of is Mert.

[Dark Soldier]

Repressed homosexuality ahoy

Pleb wud fkin batter u m8 the fk u gunna do chump change fanny

[Spammer]

Lass at work I've decided I want to ask out. I say hello to her when I see her at the water fountain and similar but other than that I've not spoken to her much and don't know her that well. We finished at the same time and walked to the train station together a few weeks ago, and chatted for 20 minutes or so.

Best thing going forward I reckon is either (a) put in the effort to book an hour off work and finish at the same time as her at some point, and walk with her again and just slip the idea in there, or (b) just drop her an email.

Not sure if I can be arsed with (a), but is (b) likely to be frowned upon in most offices? I imagine it would be but I'm not sure.

[Spikey M]

Emails are always flying about sorting out after work drinks etc at my work. Unless you attach a dick pic I can't see the issue.

[Raoul Duke]

An email asking someone out on a date is fucking mental. Work email isn't the place to try that sort of stuff, unless you love a cheeky harassment claim on your record.

[Spikey M]

'A few of us were thinking of going for a drink after work if you fancy it?' Easy.

[leedsrevolution]

As spikey says, it would be fine if there's a few of you. I dunno. Maybe not actually. Just add em on Facebook and say hi. That's what I did with our lass.

[Raoul Duke]

'A few of us were thinking of going for a drink after work if you fancy it?' Easy.

...and then when it just turns out to be Hammer in his gimp mask and crotchless leather hot pants?

[Giggles]

...and then when it just turns out to be Hammer in his gimp mask and crotchless leather hot pants?

She'll be putty in his hands.

[Raoul Duke]

Once the rohypnol kicks in, yeah

[Offshore Toon]

Come on, guys, stop picking on him or he'll leave.

[Spammer]

Went speed dating tonight, was great fun.

Wasn't going to drink as I chat bollocks when I do, but I bought I pint of blackcurrant and they charged me £3.60 so I figured I might as well do for the second half. I had a pint and it went to my head.

I find that the trick with speed dating is finding common ground, and I noticed that one of the last lasses I sat down with had the same pawprint tattoo on her tits that Eve has. I haven't seen Eve on the telly for a long time so I figured this was an obscure little reference that not many people would recognise. So I sat down and just blurted out 'I don't mean to stare at your tits but I notice you've got the Eve tattoo!'

Once she finished laughing we had a nice chat. We touched on houses and I told her that those lads who did the 7/7 bombings did me a favour because the bloke who organised it was from my area and his antics has made the house prices really cheap.

We'll find out tomorrow if she wants to see me again :cool:

[Offshore Toon]

If that hasn't scared her off then she's probably a bit of a keeper.

[Spammer]

That's my thinking. I've saved myself months by coming out with that stuff straight away.

[Offshore Toon]

That's always been my strategy. If they don't enjoy having the piss taken out of them relentlessly, it's doomed from the start.

[Magic]

Your attitudes towards women are scary. You should be praising and encouraging.

[Adamski]

That's always been my strategy. If they don't enjoy having the piss taken out of them relentlessly, it's doomed from the start.

That was mine with the wife. Start as you mean to go on and there will be less hassle further down the line.

[Spikey M]

What happened to David Icke girl Hammer?

[igor_balis]

post-"self-help" MJ on relationships is great, it sort of reminds me of when Malcolm Tucker had a breakdown and came back in a sweater and was really nice to everyone for an episode

[igor_balis]

also, lads, lads, i was at a party last night and got a young lady to come home with me and have sex with me. still got it.

[Spikey M]

Paedo

[Offshore Toon]

'Young lady' is definitely a paedo term, like 'cheese pizza' and all that.

[summsuccess]

Igor_balis - Where were you (and Magic for that matter) on the 3rd May 2007?

[igor_balis]

She's 24, dickheads.

[Offshore Toon]

Did you ID her?

[summsuccess]

I sense he and Magic dont do ID and instead prefer a different approach.


http://www.jubileeentertainment.com.au/img/ride-height-requirement-sign-hp.png

[Spikey M]

Except you have to be under the line, obvs.

[Offshore Toon]

I'm pretty sure Igor would be under that line, so it's not so straightforward.

[Spammer]

What happened to David Icke girl Hammer?

This:



Met up with a lass from OkCupid I've been chatting to for a few weeks. Nah.

There was no chemistry from the off and she looked not much like her profile, but she looked nice enough so I could see past that.

She was doing a PHD in the patriarchy or something, which itself was quite cool and didn't bother me either.

We got into a debate after a few drinks though and i argued that a lot of academics are often very intelligent bit pretty damaged people who are unable to trust their own experience and need to go home and write a paper about something before they can can accept it as being real. I also generally tore into a lot of identity politics as being hypocritical posturing by twats in ivory towers who do fuck all to actually contribute anything other than write journal articles that nobody will read and post stuff on Facebook.

I'd had a few to drink by this point, but I don't think I'll be seeing her again.

[Spikey M]

I'm amazed that backfired.

[Spammer]

I wasn't trying to win that lass over though. By that point I knew I didn't want to see her again.

[igor_balis]

Tinder date with someone actually very pretty and normal tonight, wish me luck lads. x

[Adamski]

Igor :cool:

[Offshore Toon]

How normal could she possibly be?

[summsuccess]

I have a date later tonight too so good luck Igor.

I hadnt used tinder I used okcupid though. She fell for my smile

https://s24.postimg.org/gizqh5tf9/e17961.jpg

[igor_balis]

My wackiness is overplayed a bit on here as part of my commitment to TTH kayfabe, in reality I'm pretty normal.

[Giggles]

I have a date later tonight too so good luck Igor.

I hadnt used tinder I used okcupid though. She fell for my smile

https://s24.postimg.org/gizqh5tf9/e17961.jpg


I always see that meme popping up here. What's it about, or is that someone from TTH?

[Adamski]

PM Bam to find out.

[summsuccess]

PM Bam

[Disco]

It's Bam.

[igor_balis]

ask bam

[Adamski]

Bam.

[Giggles]

So, Bam then.

[summsuccess]

:nono: You two....

[Offshore Toon]

BAM! and the dirt is gone.

[igor_balis]

Viva La Bam. Giggles is Don Vito.

[leedsrevolution]

Tinder date with someone actually very pretty and normal tonight, wish me luck lads. x

Let's have a look at her then.

[Kikó]

PM Bam

[summsuccess]

New page and you fucked it up. :huhu:

[Spikey M]

PM Bam

[7om]

Bam

[igor_balis]

Yeah ask Bam lads

[igor_balis]

I'm here !! Fuck I hope I don't fuck this up lolz

[Lewis]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVoLEiVByCk#t=1m07s

[Spikey M]

I'm here !! Fuck I hope I don't fuck this up lolz

Got any tips for him Bam?

[7om]

I'm here !! Fuck I hope I don't fuck this up lolz

Live commentary, please.

[summsuccess]

I'm here !! Fuck I hope I don't fuck this up lolz

Be yourself mate she aint worth it if she dont like you for you

[Spikey M]

Awful advice. Try to be as much like Pleb as possible.

[Dark Soldier]

If things head south piss in her glass of wine when she's in the bog then let out a 'textbook' under your breath when she has a sip.

Legend Igor.

[Dark Soldier]

Or do what I did when I met a lass who looked fuck all like her pictures, just start telling her you've eaten out of a bin before.

Anyway, good luck mate.

[summsuccess]

If he acts like Pleb then she will leave before its started because she knows she aint good enuff

[summsuccess]

I just PM'd Bam and the cheeky little bastard said

[Adamski]

How did your date go?

[igor_balis]

She's really fit, going well so far

[Magic]

Going to end in tears.

Igors tears.

[Pleb]

"Be like Pleb" is probably the best advice anyone could give.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I hope you prepared the dungeon in advance, Igor.

[Pepe]

She's really fit, going well so far

Can't you stream it?

[Danny]

Going to end in tears.

Igors tears.

Pepper spray will do that

[Magic]

Pepper spray will do that

So will emotional soul searching.

[7om]

Magic's jealousy is palpable.

[Magic]

:(

[igor_balis]

Pretty successful date! Met at a pub, but it was really busy so we had to sit awkwardly on a bench by an occupied pool table. After some fairly solid but slightly nervous chat we walked to another place, chatted a bit more openly, made her laugh a few times, then walked to a third place, she was so flustered she didn't know how to answer "what do you do for a living" from the girl behind the bar which was quite cute.

Chatted a bit more about disastrous previous dates we'd had. made her cry laughing at some stupid joke, she walked me to the train station, gave me a kiss and told me to fuck off so I didn't miss my train, then tinder messaged me saying she'd like to go an another date. Smashed it, or at least compared to my other tinder dates. :cool:

[Dark Soldier]

People date off Tinder what in the fuck. Failed date fam.

[7om]

Igor :cool:

Nice work.

[Pepe]

Another victory for TTH. :cool:

[Adamski]

Nice one Igor :cool:

summsuccess how did your date go last night?

[Offshore Toon]

You should have invited her onto the train for a coffee.

[Kikó]

Play it cool.

[Abelxaviersdodgyhairdo]

I'm only on page 5 and I really don't know if I should continue. Is it safe to do so?


I have not, although rumours abound. I might as well fuck her given how some twats at work have been talking over the past few days, but I won't.


You should fuck a patient.


Terminal, preferably. Less people that ultimately know the better.

Is this the reason he left? He got found out?


Delighted to find out that I don't have AIDS or any other STIs today. Fucking bosh.

I read you went on a date last night but I've started to read this thread from the start. Are you still STD free?


Is it? I thought it'd be alright with the doctor being super clinical and stuff. I've never done it before, as I hadn't slept with anyone I wasn't serious with until this year.

I got with someone at the weekend and the condom broke, and today I have an occasional shooting pain in my balls, so I'm going asap.

Your name makes so much sense now. You went at it hammer and tongs.


Got a couple of dates at the end of the week :cool:.

Girl A: Met her on daft dating website and been chatting to her for a few weeks. Seems nice and interesting, but is a big unit so we'll see how that goes. Whether I'm attracted to her will depend entirely on the chemistry so will have to wait and see.

Girl B: Met her at that fetish club a few weeks ago. Into all that crazy shit and is fiiiine so looking forward to it. Downside is that it's possible, based on what I've gathered from talking to her, the she might some mental health issues of some sort which I can't really be arsed with, especially if I'm gonna be a counsellor it'll be too much if it's at home too. We'll see.

Girl C is also on the horizon - a lass in my office who is lovely and hot and all that. She says she wants to come see me perform my crap poetry so there's definitely potential there for something. At the moment I think I like her most of the three, though girl B obviously has some bonus point for being into all kinds of crazy sex shit.

But then.....I take it you're into into BDSM and the like?


Had a 32 year old absolutely rip my dick off. I've never been so in love.

I twigged when Mellberg threw out the stereotype comment and the African Prince title. Is that how your username came about? A&E?


Hammer meltdown in three, two...

I'm starting to notice a theme with these meltdowns.

[Spammer]

I can't be certain about any of the three women I'm referring to in that post.

[niko_cee]

Went back and re-read page 3 randomly and was rewarded with this cracker:


Merse you gombine. No-one lies on their deathbed thinking 'I wish I'd smashed fewer 19 year olds'.


With the possible exception of that Glasgow binman.

:D

AE's username is his initials.

[leedsrevolution]

That is gold.

[Abelxaviersdodgyhairdo]

Went back and re-read page 3 randomly and was rewarded with this cracker:

When I was reading the bit about Magic and his wife I thought I was reading a modified version of Form of Death by Roy Lewis and now I just read the Albanian Mafia story by Wedge.

Is this forum just loads of alias's?


Eric Ward thinks he is happily married -- until he discovers that his wife, Anne, has been spending rather too much time with a business associate. Suspicious and angry, Ward finds comfort in the arms of a beautiful stranger. But when his new lover is found dead, he must do everything he can to avoid becoming the focus of a murder inquiry that could wreck his future. As police pressure looms, Ward makes his own inquiries. Increasingly desperate to find the girl s killer, he begins to learn more about a shady Tyneside world of drugs, dodgy property deals and illicit nightclubs. And when he learns that the trouble in Newcastle has its roots in Asian big business, he begins to fear for his own life as he seeks the final answers on the Tyne. Tense and gripping, hurtling forward to a nail-biting finish, A Form of Death is the latest in Roy Lewis s popular Eric Ward series."

[leedsrevolution]

When I was reading the bit about Magic and his wife I thought I was reading a modified version of Form of Death by Roy Lewis and now I just read the Albanian Mafia story by Wedge.

Is this forum just loads of alias's?

I honestly don't even know what's real anymore.

[igor_balis]

Went out after Eurovision and snogged a pretty, married (and middle class) 42 year old woman. Is it wrong that I'm far more proud than ashamed?

[mo]

Went out after Eurovision and snogged a pretty, married (and middle class) 42 year old woman. Is it wrong that I'm far more proud than ashamed?

No I think that is the appropriate response.

[Bartholomert]

Recently dropped the other girls in my life and have been hooking up with a blonde 20-year old D1 competetive full-scholarship cheerleader from one of the local schools. Ridiculous body, ridiculously hot, great sex, she's pretty intensely in love with me, but...she's actually fukin crazy.

Anyways it was fun while it lasted and will continue when I get back, but now currently in New Orelans. Will try my luck with the local population and see how that goes. Also 7om is a pussy for not meeting up in DC.

[Shindig]

Recently dropped the other girls in my life and have been hooking up with a blonde 20-year old D1 competetive full-scholarship cheerleader from one of the local schools.

... You're not the aristocracy. You don't pick women like this. That's why the royal family is full of cousin fuckers. Do you want to fuck your cousins?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Do you really need that answered?

[Disco]

Went out after Eurovision and snogged a pretty, married (and middle class) 42 year old woman. Is it wrong that I'm far more proud than ashamed?

I'm not sure copping off with someone who's married is anything to be particularly proud of.

[igor_balis]

I'm not sure copping off with someone who's married is anything to be particularly proud of.

No, I do feel quite guilty about it now I'm more hungover than drunk.

[Magic]

Imagine explaining to your mid-40 year old husband you cheated on him after 20 years' marriage with Igy.

[Waffdon]

Definitely a moment to be proud of. She'd have been getting it off someone else otherwise.

[Disco]

Imagine explaining to your mid-40 year old husband you cheated on him after 20 years' marriage with Igy.

How did you feel when she told you?

[Pepe]

Paging Cheddar.

[Magic]

How did you feel when she told you?

Elated.

[7om]

How did you feel when she told you?

http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/pumped_kid.gif

[Bartholomert]

... You're not the aristocracy. You don't pick women like this. That's why the royal family is full of cousin fuckers. Do you want to fuck your cousins?

This doesn't make sense to me. Being empowered to pick and choose who I hook up with rubs you the wrong way? Huh?

[Bartholomert]

Cheerleader girl is coming to visit me for nearly a week in New Orleans week after next...she apparently also might be cheerleading for a DC professional sports team next year. Gunna ride this one out for as long as it lasts because she is pretty next level, will just enjoy patiently and in an emotionally detached fashion until she realizes she can do way better / does porn.

[wullie]

Emotionally detached sounds like something you'd struggle with.

[Spammer]

Met up with a lass last night and had a really awesome time. Not getting ahead of myself but I think there might be serious distance in it.

Only downside is that she's going travelling from July/August until Christmas, which is a pain. I can live with that though if it came to it. We'll see.

[Bam]

Does she know about your strange sexual stuff?

[Spammer]

Not really. She seems pretty cool though and I doubt it'll be too much of an issue. To be honest after exploring a lot a couple of years ago, my interest in it has settled down a lot now that I know what I like and what I don't. It's not half as 'out there' nowadays.

[igor_balis]

Date 2 in progress, she's dead sound.

[Magic]

I've found this new Chinese and the girl on 'reception?' is gorgeous. I'm in love.

[Magic]

And yes I look like a fucking tramp coz normally is some fat spring roll look a like, an old granny or a bloke. Never bin to one that's got a white babe before.

[Mazuuurk]

Date 2 in progress, she's dead sound.

- What's so interesting on the phone all the time?
- Shush love, I'm just updating the lads on the forum.

[igor_balis]

i'd gone for a piss so thought it only fair to keep the tth lads updated

[randomlegend]

- Why do you keep going to the toilet?
- Shush love, I'm just updating the lads on the forum.

[igor_balis]

exactly

[Offshore Toon]

You should be trying to impress her, not us.

[Pepe]

I disagree.

[Kikó]

- Why do you keep going to the toilet?
- Shush love, I'm just updating the lads on the forum.

bloody good joke mate :rolleyes:

[wullie]

I was tweeting during my wedding, Yes won by 2 votes to 1 so here we are.

[randomlegend]

bloody good joke mate :rolleyes:

fanks mate but rep next time please.

[randomlegend]

Giggles you bitter old cunt :D

[Giggles]

:D had to be done.

[Smiffy]

Where does your motivation come from, Hammer? It seems like you put a lot of effort into dating with seriously little reward.

You aren't even getting laid unless I've skipped that post?

[Mike]

8 month anniversary today. Been taken out for tea :cool2:

[Spikey M]

'8 month anniversary'. For fuck sake, lad.

[Offshore Toon]

To be fair, its not like they're going all out if she's only treating him to a cup of tea.

[Mike]

I know it's not a real thing ;)

[Smiffy]

I thought you were married, Mike? :eek:

[Giggles]

I presume he was married 8 months ago.

That said, it seems a lot longer since Baz posted about it.

[Baz]

It's me that got married.

[Smiffy]

Who was the lass who was trimming her nose hair then? Your Mrs or his?

I'm confused.

[Baz]

Who was the lass who was trimming her nose hair then? Your Mrs or his?

I'm confused.

His.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CIDDKTv5ro

[Mike]

:wub:

[Spammer]

Had a second date with this lass last night, and it was fucking great again. We had a meal and a few drinks and we also enjoyed today together (:cool:).

Again, feeling like there's serious distance with this. Not getting ahead of myself but it's looking really promising. We touched on her going travelling and what her plans are afterwards and she mentioned that she's more inclined to come back to Leeds, which she didn't say before. Gonna give it until a couple of weeks before she goes before having a proper conversation about it.

Edit: We talked about the kink exploration and all that shit also. She respected me for being brave enough to explore all that stuff and is curious about doing so herself :rasta:

[ScousePig]

Where did you go?

Me and my girlfriend argued last night. I decided not to apply for the permanent position at my school, and she doesn't seem very supportive. Yesterday she told me she felt I'd spoken to work colleagues at length but not her.

Also, we've booked 5 nights in Nice for the start of the summer holidays.

[SvN]

What's your reasoning for not applying?

[ScousePig]

It's making me ill. Too many hours than I can cope with presently unfortunately.

I want to give supply a go.

[Dark Soldier]

I've got about four tranny meets lined up, if/when I can be arsed. Got knobrot off the last lass so gotta wait til that all clears up.

Fucks sake.

[Offshore Toon]

I've got about four tranny meets lined up, if/when I can be arsed. Got knobrot off the last lass so gotta wait til that all clears up.

Fucks sake.
Stop trying to make Hammer jealous. He's got a shot at being normal here.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Why didn't you talk to her about it, Scouse?

[Offshore Toon]

Women are idiots whereas his colleagues have the experience to give him good advice.

[Dark Soldier]

Stop trying to make Hammer jealous. He's got a shot at being normal here.

I like him more when he's trying out frotaging or body suit latex.

[ScousePig]

Why didn't you talk to her about it, Scouse?

I didn't realise I hadn't. We had a few decent length chats about it, but maybe that wasn't sufficient for her.

Offy, all my colleagues are female.

[Offshore Toon]

Offy, all my colleagues are female.
In that case why haven't you spoke to us about it?! Do you not value our input?!?!

[ScousePig]

*searches through job thread*

[Spammer]

I like him more when he's trying out frotaging or body suit latex.

I prefer leather, actually.

[randomlegend]

I didn't realise I hadn't. We had a few decent length chats about it, but maybe that wasn't sufficient for her.

Offy, all my colleagues are female.

It's that you didn't do what she wanted so she's saying "you didn't talk to me about it" when she means "you didn't do what I said so you must value your colleagues opinions more than mine".

[mo]

Had something similar recently when I decided not to apply for a job outside of teaching - she got the right hump because she "had to ask me about it" and I didn't volunteer the information. Watching Breaking Bad currently (me again, her for the first time) so she's been on a little paranoia wave about me hiding stuff from her. Pretty standard.

[Spikey M]

Best tell her about Walt now so she doesn't think you were hiding it from her.

I didn't apply for a promotion a while back, just said to the Mrs that I am already knackered and I feel like learning a new role and taking on more responsibilities would see me come undone. She was fine with it. As she should be, seeing as it's my career and my decision. I wouldn't be happy if I had got a load of shit for it.

[ScousePig]

My girlfriend's concerned about the financial situation, which is fair enough as she has a house to pay for.

To clarify, our argument was a general one, rather than focusing on my job. That was just mentioned during it. Her real concern, and perhaps far more worrying, is that we're not always getting on that great.

[Shindig]

Put a cheeky CV in at the Stadium of Light.