The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

[Pepe]

We're not doing anything. Valentines. :sick:

[ScousePig]

I get on well with her Spikey, but point taken.

[Giggles]

Her mum is staying over, on Valentine's evening? That's either crushing obliviousness or you're in for one of those nights the sort of like only dreamt of by a porn director.

We're off out for dinner. It's the sort of place that would make Giggles seethe.

Not a plate in sight I'd imagine.

[Spikey M]

I get on with mine too, but still. Eastenders, chit-chat and a third of a glass of wine.

-OR-

Fifa, a Chinese and a 4 pack of Supermarket ownbrand lager.

Turf them both out, son.

[Giggles]

We're not doing anything. Valentines. :sick:

Never thing you'd take any other stance anyway. You're becoming a parody.

[Pepe]

Parody of what?

[Giggles]

Yourself.

You're very like a Taz minus the humour in that way.

[niko_cee]

Roses are such a waste of time.

I've gone for some autismo chocolates from Guernsey's answer to Randrew. At least there's some pleasure to be derived from them rather than some pointless (sic) weaponised plant.

[Foe]

Might buy some cookies for myself from Morrisons tomorrow. Closest I'll get to romance all year.

[Pepe]

Roses are such a waste of time.

I think so too but then she really seemed to enjoy the time I sent her flowers (not roses) for Valentines a few years ago when we were living apart.

[Pepe]

Yourself.

You're very like a Taz minus the humour in that way.

Taz probably has to organize a full special day for her tick ting unless he wants to sleep in the trunk of his shitty car.

[Pepe]

Come back Taz.

[Giggles]

Taz :drool:

[Pepe]

I think I had him as one of my three 'best posters' every single year.

[SvN]

You could say he was a "Don"

[Disco]

He was quite rightly lolled into the ground for that.

[Pepe]

You could say he was a "Don"

:harold:

[Giggles]

Don
Don
Don

[John]

That massive breakdown in the WDYTOE thread was the end for him.

[Spoonsky]

Taz was from MK, he was just trying to support his local team. Like LeeCovFox. It was all a big misunderstanding. :(

[Boydy]

Someone's bound to have him on facebook. Message him and tell him to come back.

[Giggles]

Lee turned out to be a rat though.

[Spoonsky]

Mhm, you forgot smug though.

[Offshore Toon]

Mike has donned it. :cool:

[ScousePig]

Roses are such a waste of time.

I've gone for some autismo chocolates from Guernsey's answer to Randrew. At least there's some pleasure to be derived from them rather than some pointless (sic) weaponised plant.

We've still got loads of Christmas chocolate left over.

[Mazuuurk]

You've been conditioned by your woman handlers to shame and marginalize any expression of male power. You're a shell of a man and it's sad really, you are complicit in your own oppression.

Pffft. The only one oppressed here's your poor girlfriend if you have one, who has to see you on a frequent basis.

I'm starting to wonder if someone cut your balls off at some point, or maybe if you're shooting blanks and know it deep down perhaps. Because no one, and I mean no one, is as insecure about their own masculinity as you are. If someone told me I was twice the man you are, I'd laugh at the petty insult. Ten times isn't even enough, you worthless little maggot.

[Lewis]

https://s1.postimg.org/oh5jzrrvz/brenthard.png

[Magic]

The wife is going out with my sister on valentines to the pictures. Fuck em.

[Mike]

Mike has donned it. :cool:
Ha. Cheers!

[Bartholomert]

Pffft. The only one oppressed here's your poor girlfriend if you have one, who has to see you on a frequent basis.

I'm starting to wonder if someone cut your balls off at some point, or maybe if you're shooting blanks and know it deep down perhaps. Because no one, and I mean no one, is as insecure about their own masculinity as you are. If someone told me I was twice the man you are, I'd laugh at the petty insult. Ten times isn't even enough, you worthless little maggot.

Meanwhile in Sweden, women told not to go out at night in order to avoid being raped:

https://mobile.twitter.com/TEN_GOP/status/830592833652453377

Is this what feminism looks like now?

[John]

Each time you post a non-rebuttal like that as though it's an argument ender you make yourself look exponentially more thick, Mert.

[Adamski]

Loads of fighting, loads of shagging leads to a happy marriage.

We're through in Edinburgh tonight. Had an awesome Thai lunch, drinks and a fairly decent dinner before a few drinks and back to the hotel.

Out having a smoke now but a pretty successful time even if it is a day early.

[Adamski]

Meanwhile in Sweden, women told not to go out at night in order to avoid being raped:

https://mobile.twitter.com/TEN_GOP/status/830592833652453377

Is this what feminism looks like now?

This would be pertinent if anyone gave a fuck about Sweden.

[Adamski]

PS the only thing Mike dons is who is the gayest brother which is obvious a harder accolade to achieve than it looks.

[Giggles]

Mhm, you forgot smug though.

He was never smug. You just wouldn't want to turn your back on him if you worked with him though.

[Mazuuurk]

Meanwhile in Sweden, women told not to go out at night in order to avoid being raped:

https://mobile.twitter.com/TEN_GOP/status/830592833652453377

Is this what feminism looks like now?


I don't know about -isms, but for something feminine go take a look in a mirror. If it doesn't break.

You're very obsessed with rape, by the way. Something you want to tell us?
Suppressed childhood memory perhaps?

[Magic]

Loads of fighting, loads of shagging leads to a happy marriage.

We're through in Edinburgh tonight. Had an awesome Thai lunch, drinks and a fairly decent dinner before a few drinks and back to the hotel.

Out having a smoke now but a pretty successful time even if it is a day early.

Chaoprayah?

[Adamski]

Chaoprayah?

Lol No. Ting Thai Caravan.

[Magic]

Any good?

[Adamski]

Yeah really good actually. Proper authentic street food at decent prices unlike Chaophraya.

I think we were £25 for 2 mains, 3 sides and 2 beers.

[Manc]

Had a dirty weekend with some blonde ting just gone. Nothing doing today. First time in four years I've got my own company. Brill.

[Foe]

Might buy some cookies for myself from Morrisons tomorrow. Closest I'll get to romance all year.

Scratch that. I got given a packet of love hearts by the lunch lady. What a day.

[Magic]

Best valentine's ever though. CL + LUFC on t'wireless. Just had a cheeky Danish and some honey'd Rooibos tea. Peaked.

[Giggles]

You'll be drunk and talking about murdering your in-laws by 11.

[Magic]

Nah mate, feeling pretty rank and still hungover from last night.

[igor_balis]

I know I can't really talk after my incomprehensible previous posts in this thread, but I've got a pretty funny story.

There's this guy from a couple of years below me at school, he went out with a good female friend of mine for a few years when they were 16 until about 21. He's always been a really nice guy on the surface, but one of the wettest wussiest people I've ever met. One of those people who is so relentlessly nice but in a obviously fake way, and just devoid of any substance.

Best way I can give an example is he recently unironically posted an "arty" photo of himself on facebook by the Brandenburg gate, wearing a silly colourful umbrella, and making a serious face. Except it was photoshopped so everything was black and white except the umbrella. 40 likes makes me question the future of our species.

Anyway, he's been going out with this ADMITTEDLY really hot cheerleader girl for a while, and they planned this massive year-long, around the world trip together. Cost thousands and thousands. My mate sent an innocuous "good luck with your trip! how's life" message, and he told her that the cheerleader girl had slept with someone else, they "worked through it", and then about 2 weeks later she admitted that she'd actually been sleeping with this other guy regularly for about 2 months. So he broke up with her.

Problem is, the holiday is all in her name, but he paid for most of it! So he's just doing the year long trip around the world with the girl he's just broken up with. Brutal. Naturally they're both producing unbearable charlieissocoollike style Vlogs of their trip, complete with jump-cuts and fake smiles. I'm finding them pretty compulsive viewing, and can't help but be perversely amused by him pretending to be excited by whatever fucking mountain they're climbing in New Zealand or whatever it is in each episode, totally dead behind the eyes. I'm a cunt.

[Offshore Toon]

The only way he can pull that back is by lamping her.

[Lewis]

He'll run their hire car off the road in the last video.

[Dquincy]

He sounds like a narcissistic prick.

[Dark Soldier]

Booking it in her name? The fuck was he playing at.

[7om]

Heaven help us when Mert gets in here and reads that post.

[Spikey M]

Now THAT is a Cuck.

[leedsrevolution]

I know I can't really talk after my incomprehensible previous posts in this thread, but I've got a pretty funny story.

There's this guy from a couple of years below me at school, he went out with a good female friend of mine for a few years when they were 16 until about 21. He's always been a really nice guy on the surface, but one of the wettest wussiest people I've ever met. One of those people who is so relentlessly nice but in a obviously fake way, and just devoid of any substance.

Best way I can give an example is he recently unironically posted an "arty" photo of himself on facebook by the Brandenburg gate, wearing a silly colourful umbrella, and making a serious face. Except it was photoshopped so everything was black and white except the umbrella. 40 likes makes me question the future of our species.

Anyway, he's been going out with this ADMITTEDLY really hot cheerleader girl for a while, and they planned this massive year-long, around the world trip together. Cost thousands and thousands. My mate sent an innocuous "good luck with your trip! how's life" message, and he told her that the cheerleader girl had slept with someone else, they "worked through it", and then about 2 weeks later she admitted that she'd actually been sleeping with this other guy regularly for about 2 months. So he broke up with her.

Problem is, the holiday is all in her name, but he paid for most of it! So he's just doing the year long trip around the world with the girl he's just broken up with. Brutal. Naturally they're both producing unbearable charlieissocoollike style Vlogs of their trip, complete with jump-cuts and fake smiles. I'm finding them pretty compulsive viewing, and can't help but be perversely amused by him pretending to be excited by whatever fucking mountain they're climbing in New Zealand or whatever it is in each episode, totally dead behind the eyes. I'm a cunt.

I want to see the pictures of them. I think it could make us all feel better about our lives.

[Magic]

I know I can't really talk after my incomprehensible previous posts in this thread, but I've got a pretty funny story.

There's this guy from a couple of years below me at school, he went out with a good female friend of mine for a few years when they were 16 until about 21. He's always been a really nice guy on the surface, but one of the wettest wussiest people I've ever met. One of those people who is so relentlessly nice but in a obviously fake way, and just devoid of any substance.

Best way I can give an example is he recently unironically posted an "arty" photo of himself on facebook by the Brandenburg gate, wearing a silly colourful umbrella, and making a serious face. Except it was photoshopped so everything was black and white except the umbrella. 40 likes makes me question the future of our species.

Anyway, he's been going out with this ADMITTEDLY really hot cheerleader girl for a while, and they planned this massive year-long, around the world trip together. Cost thousands and thousands. My mate sent an innocuous "good luck with your trip! how's life" message, and he told her that the cheerleader girl had slept with someone else, they "worked through it", and then about 2 weeks later she admitted that she'd actually been sleeping with this other guy regularly for about 2 months. So he broke up with her.

Problem is, the holiday is all in her name, but he paid for most of it! So he's just doing the year long trip around the world with the girl he's just broken up with. Brutal. Naturally they're both producing unbearable charlieissocoollike style Vlogs of their trip, complete with jump-cuts and fake smiles. I'm finding them pretty compulsive viewing, and can't help but be perversely amused by him pretending to be excited by whatever fucking mountain they're climbing in New Zealand or whatever it is in each episode, totally dead behind the eyes. I'm a cunt.

He sounds like a genuinely nice bloke who's been taken advantage of. There will always be jealous types that poke fun when these people find themselves in a rut. He'll come out of it shining. They always do.

[Adamski]

He sounds like a genuinely nice bloke who's been taken advantage of. There will always be jealous types that poke fun when these people find themselves in a rut. He'll come out of it shining. They always do.

Back reading the book?

[Boydy]

Back reading the book?

:D

[Magic]

How fucked up is this:

One of the wife's mates from maternity classes said she was having a really rough time and wanted to get out of her relationship. So they went for a walk last night then when she came back she told me that the boyfriend's 13 year old nephew had been getting her 4 year old kid to suck him off every time he was round there. It had apparently been going on for ages until he told his mum. They got the police involved but the kid won't tell them, and it has to come from him. The whole family is writing it off as 'boys will be boys' and curiosity but it just sounds so fucked up to me. When I was 13...I mean 13! I'd say the acceptable age for writing it off as that is probably 7...8 at an absolute push?

Fucking sick of this child abuse shit. What is wrong with people.

[Magic]

Also we're going to a wedding this weekend where the groom had an affair with one of his pupils who had just turned 16 (safe to say it was going on before too) and wanted to leave his fiance for her until the coppers got involved. Anyway his fiance quickly had unprotected 'revenge' sex she called it to get herself pregnant and blackmail him in to staying with her. It also kept him out of jail, according to the judge.

:D

So anyone who thinks their relationship is fucked, think of these poor cunts.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Just another weekend in post-industrial Scotland.

[John]

Yours is still worse.

[Magic]

Yours is still worse.

lol because arguments tho!

[Giggles]

How fucked up is this:

One of the wife's mates from maternity classes said she was having a really rough time and wanted to get out of her relationship. So they went for a walk last night then when she came back she told me that the boyfriend's 13 year old nephew had been getting her 4 year old kid to suck him off every time he was round there. It had apparently been going on for ages until he told his mum. They got the police involved but the kid won't tell them, and it has to come from him. The whole family is writing it off as 'boys will be boys' and curiosity but it just sounds so fucked up to me. When I was 13...I mean 13! I'd say the acceptable age for writing it off as that is probably 7...8 at an absolute push?

Fucking sick of this child abuse shit. What is wrong with people.

You asked for a video didn't you?

[Offshore Toon]

Depends on the 13yo as to whether they should know better. A lot of people are getting to adult age and because of being thick/shit parenting don't know anywhere near as much as they should.

[Magic]

Bollocks.

[Offshore Toon]

Well, yeah, I mean they should know better. I should have phrased it better. I'm just saying shit parents = shit children. We're all products of our environment.

[phonics]

Magics just angry no-one wanted to suck him off at 13.

[John]

'Wanted' is a strange word to use there in reference to a story about a four year old being forced to suck a dick.

[phonics]

Magic is just annoyed he wasn't strong enough to force a 4 year old to suck him off at 13.

Happy?

[Mazuuurk]

I know I can't really talk after my incomprehensible previous posts in this thread, but I've got a pretty funny story.

There's this guy from a couple of years below me at school, he went out with a good female friend of mine for a few years when they were 16 until about 21. He's always been a really nice guy on the surface, but one of the wettest wussiest people I've ever met. One of those people who is so relentlessly nice but in a obviously fake way, and just devoid of any substance.

Best way I can give an example is he recently unironically posted an "arty" photo of himself on facebook by the Brandenburg gate, wearing a silly colourful umbrella, and making a serious face. Except it was photoshopped so everything was black and white except the umbrella. 40 likes makes me question the future of our species.

Anyway, he's been going out with this ADMITTEDLY really hot cheerleader girl for a while, and they planned this massive year-long, around the world trip together. Cost thousands and thousands. My mate sent an innocuous "good luck with your trip! how's life" message, and he told her that the cheerleader girl had slept with someone else, they "worked through it", and then about 2 weeks later she admitted that she'd actually been sleeping with this other guy regularly for about 2 months. So he broke up with her.

Problem is, the holiday is all in her name, but he paid for most of it! So he's just doing the year long trip around the world with the girl he's just broken up with. Brutal. Naturally they're both producing unbearable charlieissocoollike style Vlogs of their trip, complete with jump-cuts and fake smiles. I'm finding them pretty compulsive viewing, and can't help but be perversely amused by him pretending to be excited by whatever fucking mountain they're climbing in New Zealand or whatever it is in each episode, totally dead behind the eyes. I'm a cunt.

You've gotta post these videos man.

[Pen]

The kind of people do you socialize with Magic :sick:

[Magic]

They aren't my mates!

[Offshore Toon]

They aren't my mates!
Even the nonce family don't want you as a best man.

[Magic]

Again that's the wife's friend is the bride. None of her family are going (none! not even distant cousins or anything). Imagine that. Fucking horrible psychos.

[Bartholomert]

I know I can't really talk after my incomprehensible previous posts in this thread, but I've got a pretty funny story.

There's this guy from a couple of years below me at school, he went out with a good female friend of mine for a few years when they were 16 until about 21. He's always been a really nice guy on the surface, but one of the wettest wussiest people I've ever met. One of those people who is so relentlessly nice but in a obviously fake way, and just devoid of any substance.

Best way I can give an example is he recently unironically posted an "arty" photo of himself on facebook by the Brandenburg gate, wearing a silly colourful umbrella, and making a serious face. Except it was photoshopped so everything was black and white except the umbrella. 40 likes makes me question the future of our species.

Anyway, he's been going out with this ADMITTEDLY really hot cheerleader girl for a while, and they planned this massive year-long, around the world trip together. Cost thousands and thousands. My mate sent an innocuous "good luck with your trip! how's life" message, and he told her that the cheerleader girl had slept with someone else, they "worked through it", and then about 2 weeks later she admitted that she'd actually been sleeping with this other guy regularly for about 2 months. So he broke up with her.

Problem is, the holiday is all in her name, but he paid for most of it! So he's just doing the year long trip around the world with the girl he's just broken up with. Brutal. Naturally they're both producing unbearable charlieissocoollike style Vlogs of their trip, complete with jump-cuts and fake smiles. I'm finding them pretty compulsive viewing, and can't help but be perversely amused by him pretending to be excited by whatever fucking mountain they're climbing in New Zealand or whatever it is in each episode, totally dead behind the eyes. I'm a cunt.

Males in 2017. Lol. Either be top 10% or be cucked.

[Baz]

Wait! Is the 4 year old a boy?

[Magic]

Yes. It's homosexual, incestual paedophilia in my book.

[Baz]

Yep, no positives to be taken there. And ignore that PM asking if there really is a video. :rosebud:

[Magic]

I'll Snapchat you it in exchange for John's details.

[Magic]

Lol was at tr paedo wedding and the paedo cousin thing couple were there and it all came to a nice head.

[Spikey M]

Not a great choice of wording there.

[Magic]

Lol was at tr paedo wedding and the paedo cousin thing couple were there and it all came to a nice head.

Lol so further to this paedo cousin the 4 y0 boy's mum was there, she is pretty fit. Her boyfriend was too at night, but she'd been blabbing about it to all the other girls so there were loads of tears etc and he was obviously uncomfortable as fuck. Later on in the night she wanted to dance with me (like, really dance) and I was pretty freaked out by how forward it was. Her BF was in the corner and the in-laws were sitting right on the dance floor so kind of avoided the situation (and had a tremendous wank the next day). Was feeling pretty erotic that she so clearly wanted me.

Anyhow it transpires later today that the wife bumped in to one of the other girls that was there and explained that she was off her face on coke and how disappointed she was. I acted all surprised but secretly I was devastated to be the subject of coke goggles. She probably doesn't even remember. Self esteem taking a pounding.

[Adamski]

Coke goggles aren't a thing.

She most likely seen you as a little melt she could unload all her problems on whilst out her tits.

[Magic]

But there were no words. Just mild dirty dancing and really (really) sexual looks.

EDIT: Maybe they were looks of utter despair and destitution.

EDIT 2: Maybe I should have unloaded myself all over her tits.

[Adamski]

Sounds like she had Coke burps. Sorry.

[Magic]

She was doing it with a 41 year old mother as well. Belter. See that mad cunt that tried to kill 4 people in Dundee?

[Adamski]

Was it the 13 year old?

[Baz]

Was your wife not at the wedding?

[Magic]

Yes.

[Baz]

Did she not see the really (really) sexual looks?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Did she not see the really (really) sexual looks?

She was eyeing up every other male hoping that she could escape her life.

[Magic]

Did she not see the really (really) sexual looks?

No it was in a huge marquee not a fucking summer house.

[Raoul Duke]

Did you not think to try and get some three-way action with the cokehead?

[Magic]

Did you not think to try and get some three-way action with the cokehead?

What? Fuck no, that would involve the wife.

[niko_cee]

Anniversary today. Completely forgot. Luckily so did the wife. Not sure if that's a bullet dodged or a golden opportunity missed.

[Giggles]

Anniversary today. Completely forgot. Luckily so did the wife. Not sure if that's a bullet dodged or a golden opportunity missed.

Perfect opportunity to knock them on the head once and for all.

[Giggles]

I'd my pre marriage course at the weekend.

Group interactions with wanker couples :sick: Some cunt decided it was his life's mission to make me participate too. He failed.

[Magic]

What the fuck is that. :D

[Giggles]

What the fuck is that. :D

A course you do pre marriage.

[niko_cee]

A what?

Is that a church thing?

[Offshore Toon]

'How to be happy.'

[Giggles]

A what?

Is that a church thing?

Yep. Before you can get married in one you've to go for an appointment with things like baptism certs, witness details, passports, etc and the cert from that course is one of the required documents too. There's a state body that runs it for the church these days rather than the church themselves so there's only about 10 minutes of religion in the two days of it. Mainly focuses on conflict resolution, parenting, and stuff like that. Has a handy section on getting all the required documents and timelines too.

[niko_cee]

I assume there was a fee.

[Giggles]

I assume there was a fee.

No fee for that. You pay an admin fee of €30 for the legal side of the marriage but the church stuff doesn't cost. The celebrant normally gets to go to the wedding though.

[Kikó]

I did the pre-marriage classes as well. It was awful although I did find the part about the menstrual cycles pretty interesting. The rest of it was some couple talking about how they made their marriage work coz of Jesus.

[Adamski]

A fucking marriage course :D

[Lewis]

Is this some loser Catholic thing?

[Giggles]

Is this some loser Catholic thing?

That was established to Niko a good few posts back, yes.

[Giggles]

A fucking marriage course :D

I would have thought the same but after doing it I found it to be rather good and got you thinking about a good bit of stuff. It tends not to be the throwaway thing that it can be there. Very little religious bits in it too which was an added bonus.

[Dquincy]

Didn't know there were baptism certificates. Does the UK have these for christenings?

[Giggles]

Didn't know there were baptism certificates. Does the UK have these for christenings?

I had to get that, a confirmation certificate, and a letter of freedom to marry from every 'parish' I have resided for more than 6 months in. Surprisingly they were all free too.

[Kikó]

I had to get the letter of freedom from the government and my baptism church in Italy.

Even had my parents writing to my local parish church saying they had no reasons to object. Such a weird bunch.

[Dquincy]

Good work, Gigs.

Thinking of getting the little man wetted to increase his future opportunities.

[Magic]

Marriage is in fucking tatters. Laugh if you want it's the least I deserve. What a fucking mug!!! Feel like chucking myself off the Tay bridge. Certainly the least painful outcome and over in a few seconds.

[Giggles]

Good man. We needed this for a bit of traffic today.

[Kikó]

What've you done?

[Lewis]

Can I have that Instant Pot thing you've been going on about?

[Kikó]

I'm looking out onto the Tay Bridge and can't see MJ.

[Giggles]

Him fucking off straight after the post hasn't helped one bit.

[Lewis]

She must have regained consciousness.

[Magic]

Can I have that Instant Pot thing you've been going on about?

Adam claimed it via PM, soz.

[Magic]

You know what...I don't even want to fucking talk about it. I have nobody to talk about this shit to in real life so why should I on a fake messageboard.

[Giggles]

Dead right too.

[Kikó]

It's a real messageboard IIRC.

[Danny]

It's a real messageboard IIRC.

Seems real to me.


You know what...I don't even want to fucking talk about it. I have nobody to talk about this shit to in real life so why should I on a fake messageboard.

That would be exactly why. Internet message board or not its someone

[Lewis]

Adam claimed it via PM, soz.

Forget him. His constant little digs have driven you to this. I'm a friend.

[Magic]

Are you guys not aware it's only a figment of our collective imagination? Lol @ the realisation when you come to.

[Magic]

I need to boil the bitch's head on manual for 60 minutes high pressure first.

[Lewis]

Fucking hell he's done them in.

[Offshore Toon]

Give TTH a shout out in the court room.

[Shindig]

This is all getting brought up as evidence.

[Magic]

Dead right too.

Fine I'll tell.

She was out last night and I asked her not to be too late (i.e 3am+) because I wanted to go out on the bike in the morning about 10am. I also ask her to text when she's on her way home as I have adult abandonment issues (because my Dad left us to raise someone else's kids and my mum was like a ghost) resulting in anxiety and crippling insomnia. She normally never does but fine whatever, few drinks and that.

Anyway she rolls in at 4:30am and I asked WTF because 'da clubs' close at 3am and she said 'took ages to get a taxi'. I called her a liar, without insinuating anything, and she tells me she doesn't care, has no interest in me, had 3 other offers that night but chose not to for whatever reason (even to go back to some guy's flat, charming). I was determined not to be sucked in to this bullshit but anyway I spent the entire night awake until our child got up at half 7.

I then spent the morning googling divorce (are you ready etc) and I don't think I am. The ramifications just seem to harsh*. That's not to say she isn't. I told her to have a look in to it and come up with an answer and her reply was to go and stay at her mum's (and take our kid too). I just lost it really, how dare she suggest that as a plausible next step to resolving this, to take my fucking kid away. She didn't, but I'm still raging at this behaviour, it fucking stinks even if I am a cunt or whatever. Just totally down the drain for the past few months, I don't know it is like I am living with someone, stuck, caged, comfortable (I guess). Two completely different people can have successful relationship but I feel like we are in completely different fucking galaxies.

*I'm well aware that's not a reason to stay in a failing marriage and I don't think it's a cop out either.

EDIT: I also think it's sweet that she's spending my hard earnt flirting and who knows what else. Fucking bitch.

[Lewis]

Get a grip lad.

[Magic]

To paint a clearer picture, it's not like it's been rosy, rosy, rosy, that.

It's been slowly degrading to a toxic pool of shit.

I actually feel ashamed for keeping that from you guys and lying to you. :(

[Baz]

Stays out later than you asked. Forgot to text you. 'Divorce!'

Bloody hell I'd still be a virgin if my missus was as soft as you.

[Disco]

Have you thought about getting a dog?

[Magic]

Stays out later than you asked. Forgot to text you. 'Divorce!'

Bloody hell I'd still be a virgin if my missus was as soft as you.

Context is important.

And what?

[phonics]

Have you thought about getting a dog?

Was it you who's missus stole the dog?

[Magic]

Why does mert only turn up at my most critical beta moments ffs.

[Giggles]

Why does mert turn up ffs.

Fixed.

[Offshore Toon]

Anybody that thinks they deserve a well done for not cheating on their husband shouldn't be raising a child.

You need to put your differences aside. If you're arguing, the child can hear and you can bet it'll have an effect later in life if it carries on.

[Disco]

Was it you who's missus stole the dog?

No, never had a dog.

[Lewis]

That's the spirit.

[Bartholomert]

Fine I'll tell.

She was out last night and I asked her not to be too late (i.e 3am+) because I wanted to go out on the bike in the morning about 10am. I also ask her to text when she's on her way home as I have adult abandonment issues (because my Dad left us to raise someone else's kids and my mum was like a ghost) resulting in anxiety and crippling insomnia. She normally never does but fine whatever, few drinks and that.

Anyway she rolls in at 4:30am and I asked WTF because 'da clubs' close at 3am and she said 'took ages to get a taxi'. I called her a liar, without insinuating anything, and she tells me she doesn't care, has no interest in me, had 3 other offers that night but chose not to for whatever reason (even to go back to some guy's flat, charming). I was determined not to be sucked in to this bullshit but anyway I spent the entire night awake until our child got up at half 7.

I then spent the morning googling divorce (are you ready etc) and I don't think I am. The ramifications just seem to harsh*. That's not to say she isn't. I told her to have a look in to it and come up with an answer and her reply was to go and stay at her mum's (and take our kid too). I just lost it really, how dare she suggest that as a plausible next step to resolving this, to take my fucking kid away. She didn't, but I'm still raging at this behaviour, it fucking stinks even if I am a cunt or whatever. Just totally down the drain for the past few months, I don't know it is like I am living with someone, stuck, caged, comfortable (I guess). Two completely different people can have successful relationship but I feel like we are in completely different fucking galaxies.

*I'm well aware that's not a reason to stay in a failing marriage and I don't think it's a cop out either.

EDIT: I also think it's sweet that she's spending my hard earnt flirting and who knows what else. Fucking bitch.

This is fucking dark.

If you think for one second she didn't bang another guy you are delusional. This is over I'm sorry.

[Bartholomert]

Magic, at this stage you need to quietly look into an exit strategy which maximizes the assets you retain and access to your child. Reach out to a lawyer. There are things you can do such as sell items you own to your buddies for like $0.01, if you have liquid money in accounts, quietly withdraw and buy assets (which you then sell to buddies) or ask your boss to delay promotions / bonus payouts, etc. I'm sorry this happened to you, 2017 is a nightmare to get married.

On the flip side, you'll be relatively young with enough time / drive to catch a second wind at life. Get in shape, move somewhere new, do exciting things, etc. Fuck that bitch and move on.

[Magic]

Magic, at this stage you need to quietly look into an exit strategy which maximizes the assets you retain and access to your child. Reach out to a lawyer. There are things you can do such as sell items you own to your buddies for like $0.01, if you have liquid money in accounts, quietly withdraw and buy assets (which you then sell to buddies) or ask your boss to delay promotions / bonus payouts, etc. I'm sorry this happened to you, 2017 is a nightmare to get married.

On the flip side, you'll be relatively young with enough time / drive to catch a second wind at life. Get in shape, move somewhere new, do exciting things, etc. Fuck that bitch and move on.

I've looked at withdrawing small sums and keeping an emergency fund. What we've got I'm afraid is a court's wet dream. Everything joint.

[Bartholomert]

I've looked at withdrawing small sums and keeping an emergency fund. What we've got I'm afraid is a court's wet dream. Everything joint.

Honestly just cut your losses and get out as soon as you can. Move to a new country, cut contact with your old friends (except close family), maybe go to one of the Commonwealth Islands and work in tourism for a little bit. Get a tan, get seriously in shape, build up some money and experience, and fuck a bunch of horny women on vacation. Didn't you play an instrument, work as a bartender / live musician. Do the circuit of bars on your island. Come back in a few years and reevaluate.

Seriously. This is a blessing. This is your out. When you come back you can reconnect with your daughter, explain to her what her mother did. She will understand and forgive you, especially if you come back with a new found alpha chip on your shoulder.

[Magic]

Honestly just cut your losses and get out as soon as you can. Move to a new country, cut contact with your old friends (except close family), maybe go to one of the Commonwealth Islands and work in tourism for a little bit. Get a tan, get seriously in shape, build up some money and experience, and fuck a bunch of horny women on vacation. Didn't you play an instrument, work as a bartender / live musician. Do the circuit of bars on your island. Come back in a few years and reevaluate.

Seriously. This is a blessing. This is your out. When you come back you can reconnect with your daughter, explain to her what her mother did. She will understand and forgive you, especially if you come back with a new found alpha chip on your shoulder.

:D

*checks easyJet*

[Pepe]

That advise is gold. :D

[Bartholomert]

:D

*checks easyJet*

I'm not kidding breh. If you do it, I'll spend my first self-financed holiday to come visit you in whatever tropical country you end up at. You only live once, this is your last chance at experiencing something nearing happiness and coming out the other end a better man.

Do Scottish citizens have work-permit issues in Commonwealth countries?

[wullie]

Sorry you have to go through this Magic. The stuff with the wife too.

[Magic]

That advise is gold. :D

:sick:?

[Magic]

I'm not kidding breh. If you do it, I'll spend my first self-financed holiday to come visit you in whatever tropical country you end up at. You only live once, this is your last chance at experiencing something nearing happiness and coming out the other end a better man.

Do Scottish citizens have work-permit issues in Commonwealth countries?

Maybe after 2019.

[Magic]

Sorry you have to go through this Magic. The stuff with the wife too.

Every time. I think mert must be screwing her.

[Offshore Toon]

Move to Guernsey like Smiffy did. You can lodge with Niko. Might need to go to a sunbed salon for that tan, though.

That's the spirit.
:D

Sorry you have to go through this Magic. The stuff with the wife too.
:D

[Kikó]

Wife cheating on you? Become a club 18-30 rep! Nevermind the kid, she can look after herself now.

[Bartholomert]

Every time. I think mert must be screwing her.

Stop projecting your cuckold fantasies. Anyways I'm out of her league ;)

[Raoul Duke]

Generally the best solution to difficult situations is to run off to The Pitcairn Islands or whatever

[Adamski]

Sorry you have to go through this Magic. The stuff with the wife too.

:D

One of the Commonwealth Islands :D

[Bartholomert]

Generally the best solution to difficult situations is to run off to The Pitcairn Islands or whatever

There is no solution here. He's fucked. The only long-term path to salvation is the series of actions I proposed.

ALSO: I meant the Overseas Territories, not the Commonwealth Islands (aka Turks and Caicos, Cayman Islands, Bermuda, etc.)

[Offshore Toon]

Generally the best solution to difficult situations is to run off to The Pitcairn Islands or whatever
They'll probably do everything they can to ensure you can bring your daughter with you, too.

[Magic]

Mert must think I'm a high profile partner in a City corporate law firm and not a phone line tester.

[Bartholomert]

Mert must think I'm a high profile partner in a City corporate law firm and not a phone line tester.

Whiteness is a strong indicator of status / competence in ethnic countries. You could be a bartender / musician / branch out into tourism. Get affiliated with a well established company, demonstrate competence, lateral into a reasonable management job back in the UK after a few years.

It's my backup plan if I ever go through a bad divorce / something goes wrong with my life plan.

[Magic]

Tourism in Greece?

[Bartholomert]

That would work but I assume there would be issues with Brexit?

[Raoul Duke]

Tourism in Turkey :harold:

[Offshore Toon]

https://youtu.be/4NFv5IGP2uA

I figured that would be Mert's back up plan.

[Magic]

https://youtu.be/4NFv5IGP2uA

I figured that would be Mert's back up plan.

Reality vs expectation.

https://youtu.be/WYX0sjP6Za8

[Pepe]

Mert must think I'm a high profile partner in a City corporate law firm and not a phone line tester.

Engineer.

[randomlegend]

I know it's not really in the spirit of the community, but I genuinely feel really sad for you MJ. :console:

[Bartholomert]

Me too MJ, sorry to hear about your situation in case I hadn't made that clear.

[Shindig]

Sounds like Mert's got himself a cuck. Looks like a really shit situation that's been brewing for a while and seems irreversible. Rough.

[igor_balis]

:hug: Magic :(

[Lewis]

It was probably you that asked her back to your flat.

[Bartholomert]

If you're not pretty rich / high status male / lusted after by your secretaries by the time you have kids with your wife, you're fucked. You have 0 leverage in the situation.

[7om]

I don't want to kick a geezer when he's down, but I'm going to anyway. All of this has boiled over because she rolled in at 4:30am on a girls night out?

Er, what?

Stick some PS4 on, stick a movie on or, I don't know, wank yourself silly to your murder porn all night and revel in the peace and quiet. Why are you making a song and dance over her not pandering to your text message needs? Fucking grow a set and stop being so needy. I know this whole thing is bigger than just this one night but if arguments can kick off as easily as this then you may as well pack up and give in now because you've got no chance in the long run.

[Magic]

Another one incapable of reading.

[Adamski]

Whiteness is a strong indicator of status / competence in ethnic countries. You could be a bartender / musician / branch out into tourism. Get affiliated with a well established company, demonstrate competence, lateral into a reasonable management job back in the UK after a few years.

It's my backup plan if I ever go through a bad divorce / something goes wrong with my life plan.

Your back up plan? You're not white, mate.

[Spikey M]

Sounds like MJ needs to lend his book to his wife.

[7om]

Another one incapable of reading.

I read your posts, it's just that I thought they were all nonsense.

[Magic]

I read your posts, it's just that I thought they were all nonsense.

So you think it's acceptable behaviour in a seriously deteriorating relationship?

[Lewis]

Remember a) he's married to a Chinese, who was conditioned from birth never to disagree with a man; and b) he's still letting her move him to China roflmao

[Bartholomert]

Your back up plan? You're not white, mate.

How I am perceived in America:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_ethnic

[Pepe]

he's still letting her move him to China roflmao

:D

Isn't he moving too?

[Shindig]

How I am perceived in America:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_ethnic

No, that's how you perceive yourself. Nobody looks at a guy named Mert Arkan and decides, "White." Unless you've gone completely Green Card and deed polled your name to "Martin Arkansas II."

[Spikey M]

No, that's how you perceive yourself. Nobody looks at a guy named Mert Arkan and decides, "White." Unless you've gone completely Green Card and deed polled your name to "Martin Arkansas II."

:D

[Disco]

Martin :D

[Magic]

Funnily enough where I come from 'Martin' sounds like 'Mertin'.

[Adamski]

Surely that should be Mertineh.

[Adamski]

How I am perceived in America:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_ethnic

I don't think race is anything to do with perception or opinion, Mertin.

[Magic]

Surely that should be Mertineh.

Dundexicans.

[7om]

So you think it's acceptable behaviour in a seriously deteriorating relationship?

Is what acceptable? That she goes out for a night out with her mates and comes back a little late? As long as it's not recurring, it's fine as a one-off.

Lol at Lewis knowing zero of the details. The wife wanted to apply for a green card here until I suggested moving to China. Pipe down.

[Spoonsky]

Have you done it, then? Moved to China?

[7om]

Moving this summer. Can't believe I've lived in Murica for 6 years now. I'll be sad to leave when it comes to it because I've come to love DC, but it's time to move on. I think I'll be back in future, who knows.

[Bartholomert]

Moving this summer. Can't believe I've lived in Murica for 6 years now. I'll be sad to leave when it comes to it because I've come to love DC, but it's time to move on. I think I'll be back in future, who knows.

Tryna grab a drink before you leave?

[Bartholomert]

No, that's how you perceive yourself. Nobody looks at a guy named Mert Arkan and decides, "White." Unless you've gone completely Green Card and deed polled your name to "Martin Arkansas II."

U mad I'm stealing your white wimmins breh?

[Baz]

What's happened since, Magic?

[Adamski]

https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/687761589613756421/VR21Gvpa_400x400.jpg

[Spikey M]

What's happened since, Magic?

https://sports-images.vice.com/images/articles/meta/2015/06/24/throwback-thursday-chris-benoit-and-after-1435183879.jpg?crop=1xw:0.69172932330827xh;center, top&output-quality=75

[Giggles]

https://media4.giphy.com/media/xT5LMrNltuyGd1mQF2/200_s.gif

[Foe]

Where are you originally from 7om?

Is your wife Chinese? I'm missing the context here.

[Disco]

He's a Brummie isn't he?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

He is indeed.

[Foe]

On the plus side, he can be pals with Oscar.

[Manc]

Long time coming. Get out you maggot.

[Bartholomert]

Don't be a pussy, you can wingman me with your Brummie accent, we could probably make it work 7om

[7om]

Where are you originally from 7om?

Is your wife Chinese? I'm missing the context here.

Birmingham, born and raised, although I've lost the accent mostly now. When I fist came over here I thought I would have no problems with the language but it actually was a hurdle I had to clear. No slang, no brummie accent.


Don't be a pussy, you can wingman me with your Brummie accent, we could probably make it work 7om

To be honest, Mert, I would be an amazing wingman here. The accent gets a lot of attention but of course I can't make full use of it's potential.

[Lewis]

My friend's brother moved to Jerusalem in September, and he has had to ditch his slight Midlands accent (from Nuneaton) for what he thinks is a clear one, but which just makes him sound like a gay robot.

[Bartholomert]

Low key I have gone 9 nights in a row where I hookup with a girl I met at the bar, I don't go out often but I'm drunk right now after fucking another girl, I feel like a God,

[Bartholomert]

And yet in my heart the insecurity persists. How to overcome God knows.

[phonics]

I often feel the need to tell people I don't care about how much DEFINITELY REAL sex I'm having.

[Dquincy]

Low key I have gone 9 nights in a row where I hookup with a girl I met at the bar, I don't go out often but I'm drunk right now after fucking another girl, I feel like a God,
You certainly don't look like a god. More like a frog.

You're insecurity on here trying to impress people is more worrying. Why don you that is?

[Shindig]

No offence Mert but I can't find the passage in the bible where God spent a week going after several different women. I mean, there's that bit where he knocked one of them up but no more.

[Giggles]

What's happened since, Magic?

Yeah Magic, did you get out of the strop after or is damage done?

[Spikey M]

Yeah Magic, did you get out of the strop after or is damage done?

He's too busy selling his weight plates to his mate for 25p and finding a timeshare in Monserrat to post.

[Boydy]

Magic, update us.

[Magic]

Just shit mate. Fuck all to update. I didn't want to say anything because everything I post now can be thrown back to loldivorce but oh well.

[Boydy]

:(

[leedsrevolution]

Everyone on this forum is truly (although they might not admit it) routing for you man.

[Spikey M]

Have you considered councilling?

Obviously that is aimed at Magic and his Mrs, but Boydy and leedsrevolution are also invited to consider it.

[Magic]

Think that's it lads. Was trying to find a playlist (one for sex ahaha what a chump right!) on her phone and a message popped up from a bloke I knew she'd been talking to (comments on FB and shit) I said what's that 'nothing' can you open it then if it's nothing and it was a naked pic of him. I just told her to get to fuck by the time I'm back.

[Baz]

Jesus.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

All because he had a bigger dick than you, poor form.

[Magic]

Advice is welcome genuinely though. I feel like I'm going mad and I don't have anyone I'm not utterly embarrassed to talk to.

[Kikó]

Love the poker face there. Check if you don't believe me! It's nothing!

Ah shite.

[Pepe]

Ffs.

Well, not really much left to do is there? Talk to a lawyer? Might as well get the upper hand in the negotiations.

Genuinely sorry, I always thought the three of you looked like a beautifulday family.

[Kikó]

And do what's best for the kid. Hopefully you get to keep custody.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

And do what's best for the kid. Hopefully you get to keep custody.

I doubt they'll let her go off with him to work in a bar in Turkey.

[Magic]

Sorry. If you need space I get it! I'd be raging too but please know that I have not done anything to encourage that photo or any attention from him. I'm not a liar and you CAN trust me. I need to know how you feel but understand that you need time to think things through. This can work but at the moment it's not as we're nit working together. If you think we can then great, if not...
Please phone/text soon x

So confused my head is fucked.

[Kikó]

People don't just send other people pictures of their bits unprovoked.

[Magic]

That was my argument. I didn't see the precursor to it either in hindsight I wish I had but she's no doubt deleted it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

And do what's best for the kid. Hopefully you get to keep custody.

^^^^^

[Adamski]

99% of things are fair game in my book but fucking wind it in Mahow.

[Giggles]

Does a man ever get to keep custody? I thought the law was 100% geared toward the mother no matter what she does.

[igor_balis]

Mj :(

[Magic]

I went to pick my daughter up and buckled. I have swallowed my pride until I decide what to do.

[Spikey M]

People may send randoms on Twitter pictures of their manhood, but nobody is sending someone they know such pictures unless they have good reason to believe they are welcome. Maybe she just flirted a bit out of frustration and he's read too much into it and sent it, or, maybe they've been up to all sorts. Until she's been honest about it - because 'ah dinnae de nuthan' is bullshit - there is no scope for this ending in anything but a break up. Whatever you decide; sleep on it before you commit to it.

[Offshore Toon]

That was my argument. I didn't see the precursor to it either in hindsight I wish I had but she's no doubt deleted it.
Yeah, that's a problem.

My mate stumbled across a chat in which his girlfriend and some bloke had shared pictures and been talking about doing stuff to each other. She claimed it never got to that point and she was only doing it because she enjoyed the attention, which she was no longer getting from my mate. They ended up sorting things out for a bit, though eventually did realise they weren't happy together and broke up.

How does she know the bloke? What was her reaction to the naked picture?

I don't know if I'd be able to get a situation like this out of my head, so for me it'd be game over, but there is a possibility that the picture was sent with minor encouragement imo.

[Magic]

People may send randoms on Twitter pictures of their manhood, but nobody is sending someone they know such pictures unless they have good reason to believe they are welcome. Maybe she just flirted a bit out of frustration and he's read too much into it and sent it, or, maybe they've been up to all sorts. Until she's been honest about it - because 'ah dinnae de nuthan' is bullshit - there is no scope for this ending in anything but a break up. Whatever you decide; sleep on it before you commit to it.

How do I know if its honest though?

[Magic]

Yeah, that's a problem.

My mate stumbled across a chat in which his girlfriend and some bloke had shared pictures and been talking about doing stuff to each other. She claimed it never got to that point and she was only doing it because she enjoyed the attention, which she was no longer getting from my mate. They ended up sorting things out for a bit, though eventually did realise they weren't happy together and broke up.

How does she know the bloke? What was her reaction to the naked picture?

I don't know if I'd be able to get a situation like this out of my head, so for me it'd be game over, but there is a possibility that the picture was sent with minor encouragement imo.

They went to school together. Hes a fucking kickboxer and built like fuck (obviously!). So he could be just an arrogant dafty.

Her reaction is irrelevant because I was there. She initially said it was his friend which was interesting. How much do you read in to it? Was it totally unexpected genuinely? Whe didnt seem that bothered until I told her I wanted her in out. Ah fuck knows. Her Gran is just out of hospital and her grandad is almost dead. She went round to her mums and no doubt they explained I was being selfish in the grand scheme of things upsetting her like that given everything else that is happening. Another reason to dislike me no doubt.

[Spikey M]

How do I know if its honest though?

Personally I'd want to see the messages. If they've been deleted then that would be it for me.

[Magic]

Personally I'd want to see the messages. If they've been deleted then that would be it for me.

They have been deleted.

She said she deleted it and blocked him. True mate if it was just us I'd have kicked her the fuck out but my kid mate. My kid.

[Waffdon]

Let's go to Goa and have a Cobra and a Chilli Massala, bro x

[Boydy]

Magic. :(

Get yourself a good lawyer tomorrow.

[Offshore Toon]

They went to school together. Hes a fucking kickboxer and built like fuck (obviously!). So he could be just an arrogant dafty.

Her reaction is irrelevant because I was there. She initially said it was his friend which was interesting. How much do you read in to it? Was it totally unexpected genuinely? Whe didnt seem that bothered until I told her I wanted her in out. Ah fuck knows. Her Gran is just out of hospital and her grandad is almost dead. She went round to her mums and no doubt they explained I was being selfish in the grand scheme of things upsetting her like that given everything else that is happening. Another reason to dislike me no doubt.
I don't know if her reaction is irrelevant. You can always look into these things. Was the naked pic the pic that popped up as a notification or had she already seen it?

Deleting messages is dodgy as fuck. I think to get over it you'd need to see a full transcript where she isn't guilty, as opposed to having to fill in blanks in your head.

The relationship is completely fucked, but if there's a way to salvage it for the kid then I think you should try. The only issue is whether you can have a relationship without constant breakdowns because ultimately that'd be worse for your daughter than divorce.

[Magic]

I don't know if her reaction is irrelevant. You can always look into these things. Was the naked pic the pic that popped up as a notification or had she already seen it?

Deleting messages is dodgy as fuck. I think to get over it you'd need to see a full transcript where she isn't guilty, as opposed to having to fill in blanks in your head.

The relationship is completely fucked, but if there's a way to salvage it for the kid then I think you should try. The only issue is whether you can have a relationship without constant breakdowns because ultimately that'd be worse for your daughter than divorce.

No it was a new message. And she clicked on it without much hesitation.

It was fucked anyway. Just shit.

[SvN]

Has she deleted her chat history with him? If not, go through it. If she has, then she's hiding her affair.

[Shindig]

I don't know how you come back from that. Even if there's nothing in it, the seeds are there. Actually, even if there's nothing in it, she knows the bother you two are having. Why let that shit pop up?

[SvN]

On one hand, I wouldn't be so fast to judge. I mean, there's a good 95% chance that she's fucking around on him. But I know of people who have sent/received unsolicited dick photos. It's not always welcome.

On the other hand, the fact she tried to hide it moves the 95% to 99%.

[Shindig]

She'd be better off putting his mind at ease by showing it to him and going, "Lol, look at his bent cock!"

[Disco]

Ferreting out the truth is somewhat pointless, it does more damage than good. Either there's trust or there isn't, decide which way you want this to go and move forward from there.