Christmas 2024

[Lewis]

We haven't got a Christmas thread going lads.

[Lewis]

We had our work Christmas do today. I did the quiz this year so didn't have chance to win it, we went to Bar + Block again, and my line manager got into the same argument with the same pub landlord about the exact same issue as last year, except this time he called him a 'little four-eyed cunt' and got us all thrown out.

What we all planning for the big day?

[Giggles]

I've the parents coming, weather permitting, along with her older brother. 5 to cook for us just about my limit, though I will do the turkey the evening before. Be fuck all else really on the day, nowhere open and terrible telly but it'll be grand to be off for a week.

[Spikey M]

My work Christmas meal has already been suffered through. :cool:

Christmas Day with the inlaws, Boxing Day wiv da lads at da footee.

Shit leave this year though. I'm only off Christmas eve because I've taken it as Annual Leave and I'm back in the office on the 2nd. Boo.

[Mike]

At my parents for Christmas Day, out on the 28th in Liverpool and two weeks off work.

[Baz]

Same.

[Magic]

Second lonely Christmas for me since cutting my horrible family off. Bliss.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I like Christmas less every year. Christmas Eve is quite good, but the rest is tat. I'm all about January. Fucking love January.

I have two more miserable social occasions to go to, tonight and next Friday, then I still have to buy people presents that they don't want, and then it'll all be over soon.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Christmas Eve at a cousin's house (some of his wife's family are coming from Poland too), at an Auntie's in London on Christmas Day and on Boxing Day we're popping into the cousin's place again as it's his 20th Wedding Anniversary.

Some family friends have also invited us for a Boxing Day party or something too.

[Boydy]

I'm all about January. Fucking love January.


How?

[Kikó]

No work do for me this time as I can't be arsed going to Berlin. We're going to Italy for the days before Christmas and flying back on Christmas day. Then spending New Years in Scotland. This is the last flight then until after the baby is born.

[Jimmy Floyd]

How?

Fresh start. New life. Getting lighter every day. Open calendar. Absolutely zero bullshit 'special occasions'. Bring it on.

[Shindig]

The works Christmas do is on Wednesday. I don't mind the people I work with but I'll be mostly there for the food. Aside from that, I'll be seeing the family around the big day. Nice and simple.

[Ben]

It’s all about Boxing Day. Everything around it is just fluff.

[Lofty]

Went out after work for a meal last night, enjoyed it and was quite in the spirit. Woke up this morning to discover some tramp in a balaclava stole the potted christmas tree off my drive, including the mains wired lights he ripped off the cord with it.

Fuck Christmas, full scrooge now.

[Pepe]

On vacation stating today until next year. Unfortunately have to go to Florida for a week. Love the weather, but traveling with my daughters is a drag. Plus the TV is always on at my mother's house at a ridiculously loud level and it makes me go insane.

[Kikó]

Not attempted a long haul flight with my daughter yet, holidays are generally not as much fun with small children so what's the point? On the loud TV point, every time I'm over at my grans, every TV is on watching some shit like Salvage Hunt or Tipping point. You can feel your brain evaporating every minute you're there.

[SvN]

Went out after work for a meal last night, enjoyed it and was quite in the spirit. Woke up this morning to discover some tramp in a balaclava stole the potted christmas tree off my drive, including the mains wired lights he ripped off the cord with it.

Fuck Christmas, full scrooge now.

We had our stuff vandalised/stolen last year, proper depressing stuff. Nothing this year so far.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The odd 'household' opposite me - a seemingly quite ill man plus a rotating cast of 5-6 other middle aged men who arrive and depart at all times of day and night - keeps its large, garish Christmas lights on in the garden 24/7 all year round. My current theory is that it's some kind of cover story for a cannabis factory (what else could explain sky high electricity bills?) but short of that it's a bit of a mystery.

[Giggles]

How do you know what they're paying for electric?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I don't, but if you leave a huge lights set permanently on then I'm guessing it's a fair amount.

[Spikey M]

What an odd question:D

[Giggles]

I didn't read it properly.

[Baz]

Met the big man yesterday:

https://i.imgur.com/4VqGvHw_d.webp?maxwidth=760&fidelity=grand

[Lofty]

Is that elder abuse?

[Baz]

Nah. If you go out drinking in Liverpool you’ll likely bump into him. Checked my camera roll and I first met him in June 2018 and he looked like a walking corpse then. 6 years on, the sesh continues.

Oh and he had the costume with him.

[mo]

First christmas since my mum died in February, so is going to be proper shit. Trying to make it decent for the kids. We'll be going round to my dad's for the day, as will my sister and her lot. Boxing day at in-laws, away for the night of the 30th (birthday is 28th) sans kids, new years eve at brother in law's. His fiance is proper thick so a bit grating. Always massively overstay their welcome if they come here, so going to demonstrate leaving at an appropriate time for them.

[Spikey M]

I don't know why, but I was full expecting Baz to be posing with Purple Aki.

[Pepe]

Not attempted a long haul flight with my daughter yet, holidays are generally not as much fun with small children so what's the point? On the loud TV point, every time I'm over at my grans, every TV is on watching some shit like Salvage Hunt or Tipping point. You can feel your brain evaporating every minute you're there.

The point is to appease family. Would much rather just stay home and do nothing, but they always end up convincing me in the end. My older daughter still talks about the last time we were there and she got to swim and go on a boat, so there is that.

[Lewis]

Nah. If you go out drinking in Liverpool you’ll likely bump into him. Checked my camera roll and I first met him in June 2018 and he looked like a walking corpse then. 6 years on, the sesh continues.

Oh and he had the costume with him.

Somewhere the other bloke is posting the exact same thing.

[Manc]

I don't know why, but I was full expecting Baz to be posing with Purple Aki.

He's only interested in absolute units. Maybe Ben has squatted him at some point.

[Ben]

Who is Purple Aki?

[Raoul Duke]

I'm already 1/3 for Xmas. Wife's family: Part I was last week, then travelling back to Belgium for Part II, then back again in January to complete the trilogy.

Work's Xmas was yesterday which I ended up picking the venue and again running the quiz. Non-English people fucking love pub quizzes. 5 days left of work for me until I'm off for a couple of weeks, inshallah

[Spikey M]

Who is Purple Aki?

A notorious pervert in the north West that makes young men do squats and lunges for him.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purple_Aki

[Jimmy Floyd]

Can only imagine the sheer delight of the Dutch at a pub quiz.

'...and now, sport. Which cobbled classic...'
*table confers*
'I'm telling you, Jaap, it's Liege-Bastogne-Liege.'
....
'And the answer is... Paris-Roubaix.'
'Damn! Still, we're having a jolly good time together, aren't we, yes.'

[Dark Soldier]

Half day Christmas Eve, making pigs in blankets, mash and gravy for Christmas dinner, back in on the 28th, then off for all four weeks in Jan that I booked as Annual Leave cos why the fuck not.

[Bam]

Who is Purple Aki?

First Steven Bartlett and now this, you really don't know your odd balls.

[Baz]

My brother-in-law hates just sitting in his parents house idly chatting or whatever, cos his mum and dad are the ultimate weirdos, so he usually produces something to distract from the strange behaviour and terrible food every Boxing Day. One of these things is a PowerPoint quiz. (He’s a bit like igor.) This year I’ve been invited to contribute a round. I’ve been told to make it Christmas-themed. Hit me with some quiz questions of varying degrees of normality and I’ll draft the best 10 into a SLIDE DECK on Tuesday.

They’re a family of bluenoses so any way to be anti-Everton (Boxing Day defeats?) will be appreciated.

[Waffdon]

I can slowly feel man flu approaching after having the cold last week. Typically the missus had it at the weekend and is now fine in time for all the festive fun over the next week. Fucking woman.

[Giggles]

I'm done and dusted and getting the pints in before I catch whatever every cunt in work has this week. Had a lad hand in the notice today which is a headache but probably a good thing too as he was useless.

[Giggles]

This isn't the jobs thread.

[Gray Fox]

Who is Purple Aki?


A notorious pervert in the north West that makes young men do squats and lunges for him.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purple_Aki


He was like the boogeyman or something, felt urban myth like when growing up there. Then after a point we found out he was actually real and did squeeze muscles. There was even some gyms that we were told to avoid because he liked hanging out at them.

[Boydy]

Went to Tesco last night to get some nice snacks and treats in for myself over Christmas. Got some KP Cheese Footballs and how have I never tried these before, they're fucking great. They're going to be gone in no time though. Also got some Toblerone truffles which are also delicious.

[Dquincy]

I can slowly feel man flu approaching after having the cold last week. Typically the missus had it at the weekend and is now fine in time for all the festive fun over the next week. Fucking woman.

Isn't man flu a cold through?

[Waffdon]

Cold = blocked nose, choked up and sore head

Man flu = sore body, bit of a temp and also choked up. A council version of a full blown flu

[Dark Soldier]

https://i.ibb.co/Fnxjc7Y/20241220-220505.jpg

Got 24 Mars Bars and 1kg of Haribo snakes coming tomorrow. May have gone a little overboard.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I had a filthy cold 48 hours before my brother's wedding. Made a potato, leek and chorizo chicken stock soup and it basically cured it straight away. Was like actual magic. The recipe is on BBC somewhere, I bloody hope it works again next time.

[randomlegend]

I've somehow landed myself 11 consecutive days off between now and January 2nd. I'm almost afraid to say it out loud (or type it here) in case it triggers the reveal of it being some elaborate ruse.

Christ day at the in-laws, which will be fine. Her Dad does a banging Christmas lunch and her Mum's never been a dick to me since the time I called her a cunt.

Then my Mum's on boxing day (which will be good) and my Dad's on 27th (which will be shit).

[Pepe]

I've been off since the 16th and was supposed to be back on the 30th, but I think I'll take until the 2nd. This trip is no vacation.

[Raoul Duke]

May have gone a little overboard.

Impossible to do at Xmas. For 3 weeks calories don't exist, so nothing can harm you.

[Lofty]

18th December to 6th January for me. Hosting both sets of parents, the aftermath of no social engagements and just wallowing in the malaise probably the highlight for me.

[Lofty]

Yorkshire puddings on Christmas Dinner: yes or no?

[Spikey M]

Of course.

[Giggles]

Definitely.

[Ben]

Sometimes tradition needs to get over itself.

Yorkshires are always better than no Yorkshires.

[Mike]

Always

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yes, because we're having roast beef. Also, Yorkshire pudding is best made in a massive tin and then cut/torn off in chunks. The twee little pot shaped ones can get fucked.

[Giggles]

Might as well go the whole hog and throw the sausages in too at that stage.

[Lewis]

I went to an Iranian do in North London on Saturday, and I was the only native there. Not as in lol I went to Fratton Asda and it was full of foreigners on videocalls, standing in the way and buying bottled water; but literally as in everybody there including the staff - probably about three-hundred in all - was Iranian except for me. It was like the Kabul airlift at the bar, because why queue when you can just shout? I had to leave it to the experts afterwards, which apparently led to her being asked by all of the old bags how their daughters and nieces can meet nice British boys instead of blokes who look like Taz or the Tottenham manager.

[Pepe]

Lewis ending up a minor oil prince somewhere. :cool: Will be his second greatest achievement after all of those best poster awards.

[Mike]

My wife has just started making the Christmas Dinner pudding… sticky toffee pudding! She’s working out if we have enough stuff to make three, I’ve everything crossed.

[Giggles]

Turkey was collected at 6am and is on an hour so far, legs are prepped, ham is coming to a boil, and the spuds are peeled :cool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm heading into work this morning, treated myself to a flat white from the local Portuguese place to get the brain firing, and an Indian tried to steal it off the counter as it was passed to me, only conceding when the vendor shouted at him.

There's nothing more festive than having your immigration concerns borne out.

[Shindig]

Woke up 15 minutes ago. Work in 10 minutes. :cool: / :moop:

[Spikey M]

Coming over 'ere, taking are coffee.

[Lewis]

Lewis ending up a minor oil prince somewhere. :cool: Will be his second greatest achievement after all of those best poster awards.

It has taken them forty years, but the state oil company has finally produced shortages in the country with the second largest gas reserves and the third largest oil reserves. :harold:

[Jimmy Floyd]

They are boned aren't they? You have timed your run well, beach holidays there by 2027.

[Ben]

I fancy a jolly to Syria tbf.

[Lofty]

The guy building his extension single handedly is still out there at it now. I really hope he has tomorrow off or I'll have to request a cease of activities at least for dinner since he's so fucking loud about it.

[Spikey M]

My mother in law came storming in at lunch time giving it the big "have you seen the church are doing a Crib Service at 5?", to which both of my kids have decided they'd love to go to. So now I'll be spending, what, 2 hours(?) of my Christmas Eve singing hymns that never match the tune of the clumsy cunt on the organ while they both complain about being bored. :happycry:

[niko_cee]

Should she not be taking them in those circumstances?

[Giggles]

Exactly, the answer there is "grand job, what time do you think you'll be back at?"

[Mike]

Yeah, stop home and enjoy the quiet.

[Spikey M]

She's a boomer grandparent. My wife spent most of her childhood with her nan and they have our kids maybe twice a year. There's no chance.

[Lewis]

They are boned aren't they? You have timed your run well, beach holidays there by 2027.

It will be interesting to see what follows the beards, but I would question whether a country that lives by this (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taarof) mind-numbing shit can ever function without some sort of strongman making decisions for them.

[Spikey M]

Turns put it was 4, not 5 and boomer nan didn't even turn up. Standard. Anyway, that's that over with. Where's the cheese board?

[niko_cee]

this (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taarof)

I can imagine that would be unbelievably tiresome after quite a short while.


In the rules of hospitality, taarof requires a host to offer anything a guest might want, and a guest is equally obliged to refuse it. This ritual may repeat itself several times (usually three times) before the host and guest finally determine whether the host's offer and the guest's refusal are genuine, or simply a show of politeness.

:face:

[Boydy]

The British complaining about unwritten rules and customs that are utterly unknowable to outsiders?

[Boydy]

She's a boomer grandparent. My wife spent most of her childhood with her nan and they have our kids maybe twice a year. There's no chance.

They really are a generation of selfish cunts.

[Spikey M]

I can imagine that would be unbelievably tiresome after quite a short while.



:face:


https://youtu.be/ja9RIXyAbRw?si=6e5ErAeYQrxTrG2l

[Pepe]

It has taken them forty years, but the state oil company has finally produced shortages in the country with the second largest gas reserves and the third largest oil reserves. :harold:

They're no Venezuela, but that's a solid effort.

[Pepe]

My sister has been here for three days now. Her older son (he's in first grade so six or seven?) has spent the entire time, and I mean literally every waking second, starting at one of his two tablets or at the phone while munching at snacks, mainly chips or raspberries. That kid will be fucked beyond belief.

[Kikó]

Pretty shit parenting but as long as it's just to survive while going through Christmas then I have sympathy. Why don't you be a good uncle and play with him?

[Pepe]

I'm assuming that it is not as bad while school is on, but still. Forgot to mention: he still wears diapers.

I'm just out here trying to keep a semblance of a routine with my daughters among the chaos. He ignores everyone unless you threaten to take away the tablet, then he shouts like a maniac and the adults always give in.

[Kikó]

A six year old wearing diapers?wtaf?

Ok your sister has failed sorry.

[Manc]

Merry Christmas, you useless cunts. Smashed down a curry, Prashad no less. Now on to the bevvies.

[Spikey M]

Forgot to mention: he still wears diapers.



As in during the day? Relatively common in boys at night at that age, hormones apparently, but during the day that really would be mental.

[Boydy]

Spikey the bedwetter.

[Pepe]

As in during the day? Relatively common in boys at night at that age, hormones apparently, but during the day that really would be mental.

Yes, during the day. Apparently he can be without diaper in school just fine but once home he demands one and he obviously gets it.

[Pepe]

His father is a junkie good for nothing, so his chances were always slim. The younger one seems better but I'm not setting my hopes too high.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Christmas with my parents is always really stupid. My father is now old enough that he just likes to have the same five conversations over and over again:

- How badly he believes the justice secretary, Timpson, is underperforming in government (this is his new favourite topic)
- The DeHavilland factory in London Colney
- Isn't it amazing that they can beam live pictures of the golf from the other side of the world, where it's sunny
- There's too much of Clive Myrie on our television sets
- Working from home is a sham and must be ended (even though he doesn't work at all any longer)

If you introduce a new angle or try to talk about something else, he just brings it back to one of these in under three minutes. We really need a child in the family to liven things up. Not my fucking responsibility.

[Boydy]

Get him to DM Giggles about that last one.

[Boydy]

Merry Christmas, lads.

[Giggles]

Get him to DM Giggles about that last one.

He'd surely get more entertainment if he DM'd Igor and prompted another breakdown.

[Mike]

Happy Christmas boys!

[Kikó]

Merry Christmas lads. You're the divisive, angry, slightly racist family I always wanted x

[Spikey M]

Have a proper chrimbo lads

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Merry Christmas all.

[Clunge]

'Grats all. May all your bowels withstand the coming storms.

[Shindig]

Happy Christmas, lads. Have a good'n.

[Foe]

Christmas with my parents is always really stupid. My father is now old enough that he just likes to have the same five conversations over and over again:

- How badly he believes the justice secretary, Timpson, is underperforming in government (this is his new favourite topic)
- The DeHavilland factory in London Colney
- Isn't it amazing that they can beam live pictures of the golf from the other side of the world, where it's sunny
- There's too much of Clive Myrie on our television sets
- Working from home is a sham and must be ended (even though he doesn't work at all any longer)

If you introduce a new angle or try to talk about something else, he just brings it back to one of these in under three minutes. We really need a child in the family to liven things up. Not my fucking responsibility.

This is absolutely the case - a small human very excited makes the day better. I’ve got the best of it - uncle Foe has no responsibility but gets to experience all the excitement.

[Baz]

Happy Christmas mates.

We’ve somehow acquired a toy dog that wees on the carpet and a doll that sings the same one song over and over and over.

[Lewis]

Merry Christmas lads.

[Dark Soldier]

Fucking hate Christmas. Bring on Boxing Day. Have a good one you majestic cunts.

[Pepe]

Merry Christmas lads.

[Waffdon]

Merry Christmas shaggers

[Giggles]

I can't move.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'm pretty stuffed.

Turkey was good, my beef was really nice but the star was my Auntie's karkowka which is pork neck.

Was packed with garlic and Herby flavour and was more like a pulled pork.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I wrapped a roast potato and a sprout in some Yorkshire and called it a 'Christmas burrito'. My family have taken out legal proceedings against this on the grounds of it being disgusting. Pathetic. Either enjoy yourself or fuck off.

[Ben]

That sounds terrific.

[Danny]

Saw the Yorkshire wrap on Beard Meats Foods latest video. Really should have sought one out last time I was home.

1871974825968992480

[Lewis]

I thought the Wallace & Gromit was a bit meh. Christmas ruined.

[Lewis]

James Corden must have the knees of an eighty year old with them skinny legs holding it all up. He's built like a whippy ice cream.

[Pepe]

Back home. :drool:

[Waffdon]

Tequila rose

[-james-]

For years I've been smashing it on the gift front by simply noting down an item that the gf mentions an interest in during the first 11 months of the year and then buying it in December. Today it backfired after I bought her a dress that she already bought months ago (and has since worn). Not so fucking thoughtful and observant any more am I.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I thought the Wallace & Gromit was a bit meh. Christmas ruined.

I loved it, but will concede could have been shorter.

[Lofty]

I didn't see it properly due to the inevitable constant talking and interruptions throughout so can't fairly review it though my main takeaway was too much Peter Kay and sidekick. The formula works in Were-rabbit but the two characters are a lot stronger.

Just double dropped a gaviscon, merry christmas over and out.

[Yevrah]

James Corden must have the knees of an eighty year old with them skinny legs holding it all up. He's built like a whippy ice cream.

Once I'd seen this I couldn't unsee it, but no matter, it didn't stop the finale being pretty much perfect.

[Baz]

Once I'd seen this I couldn't unsee it, but no matter, it didn't stop the finale being pretty much perfect.

Yeah it was spot on wasn’t it.

The stairs bit was absolute top tier slapstick, up there with the slip in the hospital from when the baby is coming. Absolute instant gold.

Corden also seems to have aged the best by a mile. Well except Dawn. :alan:

[randomlegend]

Horne looked like a waxwork.

[Baz]

He always has, but yeah.

[Lewis]

Happy New Year lads.

[Magic]

Merry new year.

Boomtown Rats are fucking awful lolz.

[Shindig]

It'll always surprise me how whiskey will hit like a truck an hour after I've drunk it. Happy New Year.

[Kikó]

Happy new year. Another year together x

[Pepe]

Happy New Year everyone.

[Dark Soldier]

Happy New Year you beautiful fuckers.

[Bam]

Happy New Year all. Going to get a fat arsed take away tonight, just not sure what yet.

[Waffdon]

Mongolian beef