Choose your profession (poll included)

[Reg]

Choice #1: Lee Grant. ("Ha, number one, that's ironic, Jeff!") Earns approximately 30k per week as Man United's 3rd choice keeper, playing approximately zero times per season. You can replace Man United with a club of your choice - except your team.

Choice #2: Joe Rogan. Biggest podcaster in the world, UFC guy.

Choice #3: Gordon Ramsay. Chef, restaurateur, writer, 'You fucking donut!'-er, and so on.

In this incredibly important hypothetical, you aren't Lee Grant, Joe Rogan, or Gordon Ramsey - you're still you, but doing what they do.

(I misspelt Ramsay's name in the poll. Sincere apologies.)

[Yevrah]

I'd take choice 3, divest everything I own and sail off into the sunset.

[Spikey M]

Lee Grant. Easy.

[Ian]

If we actually have to do their life rather than do what Yev said and use their wealth to do nothing ever again other than drink on a beach somewhere then yeah, Lee Grant is clearly the winner. See out whatever he's got left of his football "career" , become best mates with Fred and then retire.

[Kikó]

I quite like the idea of being a Ramsay. Multiple things you're interested in, pretty influential in them while also being able to make a decent packet.

[Giggles]

Grant by a million miles. Numerous chances to do the podcasting thing but nobody needs that, and I wouldn’t step into a commercial kitchen for diamonds.

[Lewis]

I quite like the idea of being a Ramsay. Multiple things you're interested in, pretty influential in them while also being able to make a decent packet.

He probably only does about ten minutes cooking a month. The rest is celebrity business.

[Baz]

Lee Grant all day mate.

I’d have said Joe Rogan pre-podcast when he was making UFC watchable for all and sundry alongside Mike Goldberg, but he seems a bit of a weirdo with no actual mates now.

Gordon Ramsey’s a cunt.

[Spikey M]

Lee Grant not only has the bonus of not really having to work, he is also free to mooch about without being recognised and stopped in the street. Being either of the other 2 would be exhausting.

"Please be creatively rude to me Gordon. Look at this Casserole I made!"

[Jimmy Floyd]

Rogan last choice by miles. Having opinions for a living, yawn.

I think when it comes down to it I'd probably take Ramsay. Lee Grant sounds great on paper, but the grind would get to you in the end, being unable to fulfil your purpose because you ultimately aren't that good. As Ramsay you would feel more fulfilled.

[Pepe]

The first one, definitely. Fuck being a 'celebrity' of any kind.

[Browning]

I picked Ramsey on the basis that if I acquire his skills, it would improve my quality of life actually being able to cook. Meanwhile if I'm just me, then the fact I became a world famous chef while barely being able to make beans on toast would never stop being funny.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Do I have to impersonate Gordon Ramsay, running around small-town America shouting fuckety-ho and raising my blood pressure, or can I do it in my own style?

[Shindig]

Nah, Lee Grant still has to play matches. I’ll go with Joe Rogan.

[phonics]

Joe Rogan gets to talk to interesting people and makes 100 mil a year. Easy choice.

[hfswjyr]

He probably only does about ten minutes cooking a month. The rest is celebrity business.

The amount of new shows/content he puts out every month is insane. I think he has an incredible work ethic. Even during lockdown he couldn't 'stop', and kept doing those home cook videos.

[Ian]

Well he ran out of people to lay off so he had to keep himself occupied somehow.

[Baz]

Nah, Lee Grant still has to play matches. I’ll go with Joe Rogan.

Yeah. He gets to play football. For a job. :nod:

[mo]

Lee Grant, no contest.

[Shindig]

Yeah. He gets to play football. For a job. :nod:

Who wants to play in goal, though?

[Pepe]

Every time I have to play in goal I do a shit job on purpose just so I am not asked to do it again.

[Lewis]

You're five foot mate it's not 'on purpose'.

[Ian]

Pussy.

Edit: out the way, Lewis.

[niko_cee]

:D

I was going to say does that extend to wherever else you end up playing as well.

[Pepe]

I am also shit everywhere else, but not on purpose. :(

[Lewis]

Anyway, Lee Grant doesn't play anywhere.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I used to like playing in goal. Completely reactive. My only other competent position was as an Inzaghi-esque pure finisher, and that expired at whatever age it is you have to start being good at running to play up front. I think maybe I was just bad at football.

[Pepe]

Does Lee Grant have to travel on the weekend? If not, then it really is a dream job.

[Pen]

Lee Grant’s life seems pretty great. He has been a first chiice sometime in his career though, right?

Hilario probably never was, so he’s the benchmark of third keepers.

[Jimmy Floyd]

At one of the cup finals I went to back in the day, I somehow ended up in some posh seats and was right near Hilario and his wife. She was... not shy in the cosmetics department.

[Ben]

Lee Grant. Not because I’d like doing absolutely fuck all, but Ramsay’s life will just be too hectic and Rogan is a complete wanker.

[phonics]

But you’re not actually Joe Rogan?

[Ben]

But I’d assume you get the same twat guests on your podcast?

[phonics]

You’d be booking the guests…

[Ben]

Now we are getting into semantics. In that case I’d be Gordon because I’d just sack off all the bullshit like Hell’s Kitchen.

[Ian]

Hm, there's a question here of the difference between being Rogan or just "a rich podcaster."

I suppose the point might be that to be at Rogan's level you probably have to be a fucking cunt who spends your time talking to fucking cunts.

[Lewis]

Benb_Oro is a bald manlet REVEALED.

[Ben]

Benb_Oro is a bald manlet REVEALED.

Quite the opposite but I do talk shit so I can’t blame you too much.

[Giggles]

Quite the opposite but I do talk shit so I can’t blame you too much.

Depends which poster you are.

[Ben]

Wedge didn’t talk shit?

Or am I Harold? I forget.

[Giggles]

Nah, too easy. Barrelled in, knew all the craic, self proclaimed expert in every subject. It’s not a past gobshite, it’s a current one having a bit of a change.

[Ben]

I was last around when Mark ran the place and nothing has changed. Boring bastards.

[phonics]

Ignore Giggles. If you’d been around long enough you’d realise he’s a weirdo. He thinks eating pasta is being a hipster.

[Giggles]

Ignore Giggles. If you’d been around long enough you’d realise he’s a weirdo.

Some things in life you’ll take as a compliment. If you’re in the good books of a mummy rich boy social warrior then it’s time to worry.