April FOOLSball more like

[Ian]

I'd totally forgotten about the new fred for the month so I don't have any follow up to the title which would have worked better before midday. I'll pretend that in celebration of England drawing U!S!A! in the World Cup I was appealing to our West Coast posters. Do we have any of those?

Whatever.

There is already a fred for World Cup draw chat so I guess I'll just have to pretend I care about anything else that's going on.

Well it's all going on this month with Liverpool pretending to be worried about Benfica before absolutely tonking them, United probably finding a way to drop points against Norwich, Bodø/Glimt hopefully lolling Mourinho out of the Wafer Doc Martins League and a whole multitude of teams playing against other teams in various leagues and cups. I'll be tremendous, I'm sure.

Share the best football related April Fools pranks below! I mean I assume there aren't any because April Fools is shit but maybe one club's bored social media teenage managed something.

[phonics]

So last time I said ‘this is the month that makes or breaks Arsenals season’ we were utter turd.

Don’t want to jinx it again but this is the month that makes or breaks Arsenals season.

[Shindig]

A good old fashioned fan protest ahead of our game on Sunday.


We also want to shine a light on the plight of Suhail Al-Jameel who is an icon for LGBTQ+ people in Saudi Arabia. Suhail is currently reported to be in a political prison (which is worse than a normal one) and is alleged to have received 800 lashes, after posting a shirtless photograph on Twitter. His ‘crimes’; are purported to include “homosexuality”,” imitating a woman”, “disobedience” and “public indecency”. We hope that UK pressure could lead to his release.

Does that make Mrs. Doubtfire a banned film over there?

[Spikey M]

Man like Spikey throwing stones in glass houses in the poll.

[Ian]

Man like Spikey throwing stones in glass houses in the poll.

Just about to post about this. :D

[Giggles]

Tough task but a must win for Shels this evening, I’m sure you wanted to know.

[Giggles]

Man like Spikey throwing stones in glass houses in the poll.

#pollsonmobileplease

[Spikey M]

#pollsonmobileplease

I use full site mode on my phone. Some zooming in required here and there but it's better than the phone version.

[Giggles]

Nice. It’s only right that someone select the right answer.

[Giggles]

But no to this zooming and scrolling shite.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Speaking of the poll:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/60953469

Ralf Rangnick is confident Manchester United's fans will not turn on skipper Harry Maguire at Old Trafford when they entertain his former club Leicester.

Rangnick said he "didn't understand" why England fans booed Maguire's name when it was read out at Wembley before the friendly win over Ivory Coast.

Gareth Southgate and Harry Kane led the defence of Maguire after the game.

"He knows my position towards him," said Rangnick. "He's been a very valuable player for the team."

I hope the boos are deafening towards Maguire on the weekend.

[Lewis]

I would be tempted to boo him on behalf of the wider game, which has further goned itself rushing to support him as if he had died.

[Shindig]

You can't tell a crowd not to do something.

[Giggles]

I can get booing him at club level because he’s stealing millions, but you don’t turn on your own at iternational level.

[Spoonsky]

As strange as it sounds, it feels harsh to boo a player just for being shit. It's not like he doesn't make an effort, and nor is it his fault that England don't have any better center-backs.

Classic England though.

[Giggles]

As strange as it sounds, it feels harsh to boo a player just for being shit. It's not like he doesn't make an effort, and nor is it his fault that England don't have any better center-backs.

Classic England though.

You’re thinking of them as humans though.

[Lofty]

As strange as it sounds, it feels harsh to boo a player just for being shit. It's not like he doesn't make an effort, and nor is it his fault that England don't have any better center-backs.

Classic England though.

England do have better centre backs.

[Spikey M]

Is Tomori as mustard as everyone makes out?

[Lewis]

He plays in Italy so probably not.

[niko_cee]

Looked an absolute mess for acey meelan against Liverpool.

Webster, Dunk and White. :cool:

[Manc]

Chalobah being overlooked imo.

[Waffdon]

They’d have to play 3 atb for him to be any use and even then I’m not sure he’s that good at all.

Levi Colwill FEC

[Shindig]

Would you take a dodgy centre-back if he was good at getting on the end of corners, though? I feel like that's how Steven Taylor got 215 appearances for us.

[Reg]

Looked an absolute mess for acey meelan against Liverpool.

Webster, Dunk and White. :cool:
Come for the puntastic Ian titles, stay to second great suggestions like this. :cool:

[Shindig]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZC13SgEfD3E

Taking the squad to Wet and Wild has some proper divorced dad energy. :D

[Gray Fox]

Well that was all getting very nervy until the Watford lad decided he'd had enough and wanted to give a penalty away.

[Guybrush]

Nah, they were never scoring. Comfortable win whether 1-0 or 2-0.

[Spoonsky]

Well that was all getting very nervy until the Watford lad decided he'd had enough and wanted to give a penalty away.

One of the best tackles I've ever seen.

We'd really be nowhere near things this year without Jota.

[igor_balis]

The fuck is hodgson on about, silly old twat.

[Offshore Toon]

Would you take a dodgy centre-back if he was good at getting on the end of corners, though? I feel like that's how Steven Taylor got 215 appearances for us.
Newcastle starting dodgy defenders, in that era especially, has never been dependant on scoring goals.

[igor_balis]

Besides, didn't Newcastle spend about two seasons doing the corner routine of deliberately hitting it beyond the six yard box for someone to head it back across, and it never worked?

[Shindig]

Yeah, we went years without a headed goal until Coloccini finally knocked one in. Might've been in the Championship.

[niko_cee]

15:20 CLOSE!

Brighton 0-0 Norwich

Almost the goal of the season from Brighton.

Slick one touch passing in the box but eventually Danny Welbeck scuffs wide from six yards out.

Pretty much an entire season summed up in one livetext update.

Followed up with a missed penalty.

:face:

[Waffdon]

You have to commend Chelsea’s resilience to get absolutely battered at home by one of the relegation threatened teams every year

[Lewis]

1510268223089950722

Almost a shame he scored again.

[Ian]

Almost O'Shea level.

[Lewis]

1510289902621147156

England can't be playing that.

[Waffdon]

They’re all at it. It’s got to be a lost bet or something .

[Lewis]

Why am I watching this?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's so tragic, I decided to do some washing up during the last 15 minutes of the first half.

[Shindig]

Well, Brackley beat Gateshead to go level with a game in hand. Just the 7 games left.

[Lewis]

I'll stick with it to see if Gary Neville seethes himself to death over Marcus Rashford not playing.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

We're not getting into Europe next year.

[Shindig]

More Freds.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That's prime De Gea.

[niko_cee]

Tuchel would easily have this rabble second.

[Waffdon]

Not sure, seems more like a cup manager.

[Waffdon]

Also I’m pretty sure Varane slips there

[Lewis]

Being a mere 'cup team' is dream stuff at the minute.

[niko_cee]

Perhaps I should have added some sort of :harold: to that post.

[Ian]

We're not getting into Europe next year.

Good. Less games to watch. :drool:

[Lewis]

Not if they stumble to seventh and get in that whatever it is. They need to be tanking into tenth to make sure.

[niko_cee]

They'll probably arse one in now, but that Rashford Sancho moment there was :roflol:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Good. Less games to watch. :drool:

I hadn't thought of it that way.

Tank away lads.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

They'll probably arse one in now, but that Rashford Sancho moment there was :roflol:

And another with Elanga there.

[Waffdon]

Elanga wiping out Rashford for no reason hahahah

[Ben]

Well, Brackley beat Gateshead to go level with a game in hand. Just the 7 games left.

You need to sort it out because Southport will scrape into the playoffs and win it with their anti-football.

[Lewis]

Rashford losing his dumbest footballer in England status is ultimately better than scoring the winner.

[Shindig]

Aye, I've never felt confident about us going through that route.

[Kikó]

We're properly shit. It's a chore to watch.

[niko_cee]

Is Rangnick coming out and saying:


“I don’t know. I think I’m the wrong person to ask. I suppose the board is speaking with some potential new managers, but I can’t help you on that right now.”

About the next manager not a bit alarming? Isn't that one of the things he was specifically tasked with being part of [considering he's going to be kicking around for a few years 'upstairs']?

[Manc]

He'll be first at the door come the summer.

[Shindig]

I hope he gets to interview himself for the job.

[Boydy]

From watching Match of the Day, it looks like Joe Gomez has been spending some time learning from Alexander-Arnold on the training ground.

[Lewis]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvs0oNkiOLQ

lol go to 17:40. He doesn't get it at all the gimp.

[Spoonsky]

Is Rangnick coming out and saying:



About the next manager not a bit alarming? Isn't that one of the things he was specifically tasked with being part of [considering he's going to be kicking around for a few years 'upstairs']?

It’s the best worst plan ever.

[Ian]

People aren't still pretending there's even a modicum of surprise in United being an absolute shambles are they? It's been years lads, it's the norm now.

[Waffdon]

Lloris is an absolute shambles :D

[Manc]

Dan Burn turning heel is a sight to behold.

[Spikey M]

It might be worth paying attention to Matt Doherty again Giggles. The lad is on a mad one lately.

[Shindig]

I'm glad I missed all that. Bergwijn's clearly class, though.

[Giggles]

He’s been good for us lately. Though I always put his club troubles down to him, always comes across as a lazy prick.

[igor_balis]

I thought ginola was gonna hit someone, great fun.

[Ben]

I thought ginola was gonna hit someone, great fun.

What happened?

[Baz]

Daizen Maeda seems well good.

[Reg]

Did Jimbo or anyone else see the Atalanta Napoli game today? There was what seemed a classic example of the ‘most cowardly decision possible’ theory.

26 seconds onwards: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7bE_ydq9a88

And a lovely second goal.

[Shindig]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-lhpCmceo0

Some real 'Brits on holiday' energy from the presenter.

[niko_cee]

I love that he keeps touching Souness, and the death stare at around 3 minutes.

[Queenslander]

Rangers seem like such a charming club so lol at them and their glass throwing behaviour.

They remind me of Collingwood fans in the AFL.

[Manc]

Daizen Maeda seems well good.

Hatate is the one.

[Waffdon]

Jota is the one

[Kikó]

Lewis your man Louis says he's battling cancer. Hope he can get through it.

[Lewis]

He's even been battling it like an awkward bastard. My trainer-coach. :cool:

[Ben]

Arsenal clearly don't want 4th then.

Tavares is pathetic as well.

[Lofty]

Arsenal clearly don't want 4th then.

Tavares is pathetic as well.

Not sure how they don't want it, they have been winning games left right and centre. I think Vieira has Arteta's number because the reverse fixture was a similar affair. Ramsdale wasn't expected to be available and Tierney being out was a surprise, shows how thin the squad is beneath the best eleven.

[phonics]

So last time I said ‘this is the month that makes or breaks Arsenals season’ we were utter turd.

Don’t want to jinx it again but this is the month that makes or breaks Arsenals season.

Just going to shut my mouth at this point.

[Ben]

Not sure how they don't want it, they have been winning games left right and centre. I think Vieira has Arteta's number because the reverse fixture was a similar affair. Ramsdale wasn't expected to be available and Tierney being out was a surprise, shows how thin the squad is beneath the best eleven.

Completely falling apart in random games shouldn't warrant any Champions League football. File alongside Man United and Spurs. Give it to West Ham.

I don't think it's a case of Vieira having anyone's number, the entire Arsenal XI are shitting themselves here. That couple of thousand loud bastards behind their goal have got in their heads big time here.

[phonics]

Completely falling apart in random games shouldn't warrant any Champions League football. File alongside Man United and Spurs. Give it to West Ham.

I don't think it's a case of Vieira having anyone's number, the entire Arsenal XI are shitting themselves here. That couple of thousand loud bastards behind their goal have got in their heads big time here.

Nonsense.

[Lofty]

Completely falling apart in random games shouldn't warrant any Champions League football. File alongside Man United and Spurs. Give it to West Ham.

I don't think it's a case of Vieira having anyone's number, the entire Arsenal XI are shitting themselves here. That couple of thousand loud bastards behind their goal have got in their heads big time here.

More like team playing second string fullbacks is struggling with it's short distribution philosophy under heavy pressure and it is having a knock on effect.

[phonics]

Chelsea got beaten 4-1 by Brentford 2 days ago so let's just put Burnley in the Champions League while we're at it. Also aren't Palace unbeaten v City this year? Maybe they should get the title too as that's apparently how it works in Ben world.

[Ben]

Spot the Arsenal fans.

I have no doubt that if they get their heads together at half time that they'll pull it back but that was just 45 minutes of intimidation. Blaming Cedric and Tavares (although the latter is wank) for this is a bit simplistic, the midfield has been non-existent.

[phonics]

No I just think that saying West Ham haven't ever had a bad result so they should get the Champions League spot is both a dumb and factually untrue opinion.

[Ben]

I never said West Ham haven't had a bad result. It was a blasé statement in response to the other three teams (Man Utd, Spurs, Arsenal) who are a level above in stature constantly finding ways to bring themselves down.

[phonics]

It was a definite pen but what a weird way to give it.

[Danny]

1511344295084793860

:D

Le Tiss is actually a bit of a nutter isnt he.

[Baz]

1511344295084793860

:D

Le Tiss is actually a bit of a nutter isnt he.
1511360657853239298

[Don]

Lineker and that lizard? TeamMatty all day long.

[Yevrah]

How has Lineker, a man who lives on Twitter, only just noticed this? Hasn't Le Tiss been posting this sort of shit for years now?

[Jimmy Floyd]

To be fair I'd say it's a biggish jump from covid scepticism (concerning an invisible virus) to denying war crimes in Ukraine.

[Yevrah]

Yeah, fair point, and now I think back some of the COVID stuff could have been justified - we were fed a monstrous amount of shite.

[Kikó]

It's not really (once you question the narrative, everything is about questioning the powers that be.) It's a cult.

[niko_cee]

Sadly Le Tissier is just a moron.

Are City really still booing the crappy Champions League anthem?

[Don]

Brav, this cunt has taken 17 mins to get the Guardian writers furiously penning "The New VVD" articles. Fucking dong like the loch ness.

[Manc]

City v Madrid looking like a Roy Hodgson training drill.

[Don]

Switch over lad, best football side in history in full pomp.

[Don]

My man is doing prime Beckham highlight-reel passes as standard now. What a time to be alive, I'd spread for this Nazi cunt.

[Baz]

Liverpool have been pretty outstanding this half.

[Don]

Nah the fucking donkey dick cunt lacks the composure to be anything special. Sakho without injuries.

[Manc]

Salah having another mare. Get him hooked.

[Don]

If he gets £400K a week for 4 years that Nazi cunt needs to be put to trial for war crimes.

[Manc]

Huge goal.

[Kikó]

Benfica aren't very good. The tie has never been in doubt.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I was in a cab in Portugal the other day, had nothing to say to a cab driver so asked which team he supported. He said Sporting. I asked how they were doing. He said second place, seven points behind Porto. From this I inferred that Benfica are pony.

I could look up the league table, but this was way more fun. From now on I will only get my football results and standings via hearsay. On that note, apparently Chelsea beat Brentford 5-0 at the weekend.

[Shindig]

Yeah, you should really catch Werner's hat-trick on youtube.

[Gray Fox]

At least tell him something he'll believe.

[Giggles]

Huge goal.

Yeah imagine playing Benfica at home with only a one goal start.

[Kikó]

Ten Haag edging closer. https://www.espn.com/soccer/manchester-united-engman_utd/story/4635346/manchester-united-set-to-finalise-erik-ten-hag-appointment-sources

[Raoul Duke]

More importantly: Schteve and his hair island will be coming along for the ride :drool:

[Shindig]

Knows the club. :cool:

[Lewis]

'EtH' doesn't work. 'Erik'.

[Luke Emia]

Would be lovely if fatty Frank could continue who’s good work tonight.

[Luke Emia]

Lovely old job.

[Manc]

Very tempted by the game in Villarreal, but Chelsea v Madrid is too big to miss.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My sources on the ground at Turf Moor tell me that some properly groundbreaking tactics have now been employed by the away side. Pure football knowledge, apparently.

[Luke Emia]

Fuck sake.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That is some header.

[Manc]

Benzema is silly.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Fairly boss header from the benz.

Make that two.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

He's on fire.

Another great header.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Fuck, I actually love that second one. So aesthetically pleasing.

[Manc]

Mesmeric.

[Jimmy Floyd]

On the plus side, Eder Militao has shit hair and teeth.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Such a shame that Chelsea bought Havertz.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They should be about 5-1 up. Christensen is playing like a barely reanimated corpse. Kai, though, generational.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Mendy :harold:

[Giggles]

I’d blame Rudiger more for that. He should have just welted it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I’d blame Rudiger more for that. He should have just welted it.

Yeah but he is the blaxploitation Franz Beckenbauer so he thinks he has to take 19 touches every time he gets the ball.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Jorginho off for Robin Loftus Road and Lukaku on for someone who moves, this could get ugly. 1-5 a good result from here.

[Baz]

:roflol:

[Giggles]

That’s fucking woeful.

[Mellberg]

That's a really, really good lol Everton result. Haven't had a good BIG CLUB relegation since Villa/Newcastle, which I couldn't enjoy, so bring it on.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Uncle Phil in five yards of space at the back post, pass me the crossword.

[Mellberg]

Just found out Maxwel Cornet is black. Had him down as a little Valbuena type.

#watchallthefootball

[Lewis]

The Everton ownership have definitely got a May 'roll the dice' sacking in them.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's remarkable (ref Carvajal being a total pussy) how football has evolved from a sport where players didn't want to show the opposition they were in pain, to a sport where it seems utterly vital to show the maximum possible pain at any available opportunity. Either that or they feel it more now as they all have zero percent body fat.

[Shindig]

They should've held their nerve when people were up in arms about their first choice.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Switched to the other game, Villarreal really are dons. Everything about the whole place is brilliant. It's like if Doncaster or Bristol Rovers somehow strung together years of Champions League appearances.

[Shindig]

My favourite part about managing them on CM was knowing 24,000 was as high as the attendance dared to climb.

[Boydy]

1511807943859216390

:D

Ha.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We should roll over for him, just to enrage everyone else.

[Lofty]

Apparently Dyche said 'lads, it's Everton' at half time :D

[niko_cee]

"I said at half-time 'I'm not sure these know how to win a game lads, away from home particularly'," he explained.

"I said we have to play on that."

:rasta:

[Shindig]

Well, consider Manager of the Month won. :D

[Don]

Modric was brilliant here: teasing and controlling and manoeuvring the midfield despite looking increasingly like a 70-year-old Jimmy Bullard.

:D

[phonics]

Absolutely awful take from Jonathan Wilson today. Ronaldo held Real Madrid back during his time there. Truly impressive.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

https://streamja.com/zpzAL

Payet :drool:

[Kikó]

The Frankfurt goal was superb.

[Don]

Barca's 2nd goal was tasty too.

Bodo have just got a late winner with a free header off a set-piece. Would love to hear the Mourinho team-talk at FT.

[Lofty]

Lol at that idiot West Ham fan pitch invading and scuppering his own teams counter attack :D

[Ian]

That was a proper drab game and Lyon were proper shithouse. Big fan of Boateng fouling somebody on the edge of his own area then diving.

[Ian]

I'd also missed that Jose lose to Bodo/Glimt again. :drool:

Which of his players is his go-to scapegoat at the moment?

[Ben]

All of them.

[Boydy]

1512353616820154368

[Spikey M]

:D

[Jimmy Floyd]

The 'yeah, yeah, don't worry about it' celebration is even better than the corner.

[Shindig]

I'd happily see us phone it in on the last day to see Burnley safe.

[Baz]

Been looking at fixtures and genuinely can’t see Brighton pick up another point.

[niko_cee]

They'll probably get something today now you've said that.

I thought the same a while ago, but I also can't see enough teams below them getting past the points total they already have.

[Baz]

80/1 to go down probably worth a few quid, just in case.

[niko_cee]

Watford aren't taking 13 points from 8 games. I suppose were Brighton to lose all their remaining games they'd be in with a shout of going down, but I doubt they will and even if they did it's far from guaranteed that Burnley are going to even get to 34 points.

[Yevrah]

Quite looking forward to this lunchtime's shit off.

[Ian]

Our only hope is that both teams are so bad a decent game accidentally breaks out but I won't hold my breath.

[Yevrah]

Always fun watching Lampard stink the room up. He's only 847 games away from being a good manager now too.

[Ian]

TV commentators wetting their pants over saves you'd expect any competent keeper to make is one of my bugbears these days.

[Shindig]

The trailer for the Gazza documentary looks like the standard 'best player we ever had' stuff. Might skip it.

[Ben]

Goodison are on their backs already.

Lol not now.

[Ian]

The nick of that. :D


The trailer for the Gazza documentary looks like the standard 'best player we ever had' stuff. Might skip it.

He was never my hero or anything growing up but my opinion of him really took a dip when ITV showed the Germany semi final from '96 and what I'd remembered as a heroic stretch to try and turn in that cross was in fact a fat cunt just not bothering to move until the ball was already basically past him.

[Gray Fox]

For fucks sake. The Goodison Seethe was just building nicely too.

[Lewis]

Frank Lampard must be coaching deflections like that.

[Yevrah]

Nobody needs another Gazza documentary and while he was the most comfortable player on the ball I've still ever seen in an England shirt there's not chance in hell he was the best in the World as the trailer for that predictable shit claims. He wasn't even the best player in that England team FFS.

[Kikó]

We're absolutely clueless on the ball. It's like we have no idea how to build attacks.

[Yevrah]

Talking of players who're comfortable on the ball I was at a conference for work this week where Sir Gareth was the guest speaker and he singled out Phil Foden as being this generation's version.

There was also an open floor Q&A and I massively bottled asking whether Black Lives only Matter when they're in England or the US. I'm not proud of myself.

[Yevrah]

We're absolutely clueless on the ball. It's like we have no idea how to build attacks.

Yeah, that was absolutely shocking. Get a new manager in and get this chancer out of the club.

[Lewis]

The Amalgamated Union of Sitcom Writers and Pornographers get all the best conference speakers.

[Yevrah]

The Amalgamated Union of Sitcom Writers and Pornographers get all the best conference speakers.

Want in? The subs are very competitive.

[Don]

Could this Rangnick maggot have done any worse? I love the fact there were some stroking their chins and lauding this when Steve Bruce would genuinely have done better by now.

[Kikó]

Yes he could. We were in free fall with Ole and while it's mostly been stodgy, Ralf has tightened it up. The problem is the squad is either massively out of form or not good enough.

[Yevrah]

Yes he could. We were in free fall with Ole and while it's mostly been stodgy, Ralf has tightened it up. The problem is the squad is either massively out of form or not good enough.

So you'd welcome Ralf staying then?

[Ian]

Top effort from Rashers there.

[Yevrah]

Top effort from Rashers there.

I've won that one, right?

[Kikó]

So you'd welcome Ralf staying then?

No. I don't think he's the best person from the choices mentioned (Ten Haag, Poch).

[Ian]

I don't know who you're claiming to have beaten so I don't know but sure, if you like.

[Ben]

Richarlison :cool:

[Yevrah]

I don't know who you're claiming to have beaten so I don't know but sure, if you like.

Ah, we're pretending people here weren't taking umbrage to me saying (for years now) that Rashford isn't very good. I see.

[Ian]

Another waste of a set piece there.

Also has Ronaldo actually touched the ball?

[Yevrah]

Another waste of a set piece there.

Also has Ronaldo actually touched the ball?

An offside shot, which I guess doesn't count, is all I can remember.

Oh and whatever that just was.

[Lewis]

Ah, we're pretending people here weren't taking umbrage to me saying (for years now) that Rashford isn't very good. I see.

We prefer the term 'limited'.

[Shindig]

The nick of that. :D



He was never my hero or anything growing up but my opinion of him really took a dip when ITV showed the Germany semi final from '96 and what I'd remembered as a heroic stretch to try and turn in that cross was in fact a fat cunt just not bothering to move until the ball was already basically past him.

Aye. Imagine the player he could've been if he wasn't thick. The tackle against Germany in Italia '90 as well. All heart, no head.

[niko_cee]

I'm not sure thinking Rashford is and always has been a bit rubbish is that much of an outlier opinion. I recall much mirth when he signed a big contract whenever that was.

[Gray Fox]

This seems to have gone back to the Moyes days where he could only think of getting it to the full back and crossing it in.

Seems a genuine lack of any idea of how else to attack.

[Ian]

Ah, we're pretending people here weren't taking umbrage to me saying (for years now) that Rashford isn't very good. I see.

Well, at the point when he was an actual decent player you weren't right.

But I never said he was some world class player so feel free to try and claim your big win from whoever you were having a bore-off with about it at the time if they were saying he was the future of football or whatever.

[Kikó]

It's revisionism to think rashford was "always bad". He clearly wasn't.

[Ian]

I'm not sure thinking Rashford is and always has been a bit rubbish is that much of an outlier opinion. I recall much mirth when he signed a big contract whenever that was.

Yeah that was a laugh, but then about 90% of United first team contracts are. We seem to have spent years just accepting agents' initial demands.

[Lewis]

He has got worse because he doesn't play to his strengths anymore. That could be the manager, or it could be his ego; but he isn't a playmaker, he shouldn't be dribbling three defenders, and he needs to run a lot more off the ball.

[Yevrah]

Well, at the point when he was an actual decent player you weren't right.

But I never said he was some world class player so feel free to try and claim your big win from whoever you were having a bore-off with about it at the time if they were saying he was the future of football or whatever.

Unless we're taking a trip to disingenuous city there's a huge difference between being decent and World Class. My contention was that he wasn't and isn't good enough for Man Utd, and oh, look.

[Kikó]

That's just nonsense.

[Ian]

It's a pity we couldn't lose this as some sort of lol 4-3 rather than just two hours of having the ball and not knowing what to do with it.

[Yevrah]

That's just nonsense.

I'd accept him as an impact sub, but as a regular starter over a long season? Unless you've put all ambitions of ever being a TOP side again in the bin, not a chance.

[Ian]

Unless we're taking a trip to disingenuous city there's a huge difference between being decent and World Class. My contention was that he wasn't and isn't good enough for Man Utd, and oh, look.

And you were, at that point, wrong. And this conversation has already become extremely boring.

He is undoubtedly reet shit now though. Whether, as Lewis says, it's ego* or manager or what I don't know but I assume only the proper crank hardcore who would argue his ineptitude this season.

* If he's really got so little self awareness that he's angling for a transfer because he doesn't know why he's barely played this season that would suggest there's at least a bit of this.

[Yevrah]

And you were, at that point, wrong.

Not really, he was just playing alright at the time. Similar thing with OGS, in that was he ever really good enough for Man Utd.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Ah, we're pretending people here weren't taking umbrage to me saying (for years now) that Rashford isn't very good. I see.
You could call it an e-victory.

[Yevrah]

You could call it an e-victory.

I could, I'm going to need one as well to offset the looming loss in Ukraine. Although I suppose I could just dine off COVID until the end of days.

[Yevrah]

I don't know how much of it is down to Man Utd being inept, but Everton have looked reasonably well organised today.

[Ian]

It's hard to say, but we're always shit when we have most of the ball against a team bothering to defend so I wouldn't read too much into it.

It's a pity United can't play Bielsa teams every week given he basically chose to drop points against United every time.

[Yevrah]

It's hard to say, but we're always shit when we have most of the ball against a team bothering to defend so I wouldn't read too much into it.

Yeah, the Roy Hodgson effect.

[Yevrah]

Rio Ferdinand is such a shit pundit. You'd think he'd have improved a bit by now given he's had years at it, but he's still so poor.

[Lewis]

Him and Paul Scholes come across as being legitimately unintelligent rather than just bad/boring pundits.

[Kikó]

At least there's only a few games left this season.

[Ian]

Are any of the former United pundits any good? I've no idea if Hargreaves knows what he's talking about or not as he always triggers a bout of narcolepsy whenever I catch him talking.

[Shindig]

Owen Hargreaves talks like he's scared of waking up the people in the next room.

[phonics]

I’ve just seen what Ralph was wearing. No wonder they lost. A fucking brown jumper?

[John Arne]

Omar Richards starting again for Bayern Munich.

Is there a more under-the-radar Englishman plying his trade at a top European team?

[Giggles]

No manager will do a thing at Utd until there’s a massive clearout. Addition by subtraction at this stage.

[John Arne]

Soccerstreams down for anybody else?

[Baz]

They'll probably get something today now you've said that.

I thought the same a while ago, but I also can't see enough teams below them getting past the points total they already have.

:eyemouth:

[Gray Fox]

Warnock has announced his retirement.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Southampton's propensity to go down to these molestations but be a bit of a concern.

[phonics]

So last time I said ‘this is the month that makes or breaks Arsenals season’ we were utter turd.

Don’t want to jinx it again but this is the month that makes or breaks Arsenals season.

https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/021/267/swedish_chef.jpg

[niko_cee]

Are United able to shit their way out of the European spots or does Liverpool winning the League Cup and a Champions League team likely winning the FA Cup mean they are doomed to Thursday night football whatever they do with the rest of the season [other than somehow coming out on top of the now annual 4 place shit-off]?

[Boydy]

Are any of the former United pundits any good? I've no idea if Hargreaves knows what he's talking about or not as he always triggers a bout of narcolepsy whenever I catch him talking.
Neville? Keane?

[Giggles]

Question still stands.

[Ian]

I genuinely liked Neville at first but he bought into that initial praise and is now a bit of a bore too. Keane is just a grumpy tosser.

[Lewis]

Gary Neville is very good at football punditry and very bad at every other punditry.

[Giggles]

He can’t speak properly so should never be in a job where the main thing you do is speak.

[Kikó]

Keane is very good and worth a listen. In general, all pundits are shit.

[niko_cee]

Giggles is on the money about United.

They need some sort of leadership group to build around, and they need to get rid of all the crazy contract shite who are just phoning it in [or underperforming if you don't subscribe to that]. Pogba will be gone, which helps. They need shot of Ronaldo. Rashford has been poor for too long. Obviously losing Greenwood is a blow. Wan-Bissaka is just a lolworthy waste of £50m or whatever it was. Is he at all big enough to play in the middle [not as part of a back 3]? Fatman Shaw is the bangest of bang average, I suppose you can get by with him. All centre-halves are a concern for various reasons, although I think you can build with Maguire, maybe. Fred, Matic and McTominay are all pretty average, the younger ones can do a job but they aren't really elite.

All that said, it's probably not the case that 8 or 9 new players are needed, just 3 world class players in the key positions [the spine of the team] which is obviously easier said than done. Basically Van Dijk, Kanté and Mbappe/Haaland and they're sorted.

[Ian]

Oh yeah, it definitely needs a clear out but it won't happen. It's not even that there's a group of players there you could properly build around or who have the right attitude if you just had the right manager in whipping them into shape.

There's nobody in that dressing room holding them to account or making people take responsibility for their own failings and that's always a bad look.

I remember whatever game it was where Maguire was trying to tell Rashford something and Rashford shouted back "fuck off you twat" or something to that effect. Which is funny, but not indicative of your captain being much of a leader.

[Gray Fox]

Uniteds problem is a hard one to fix, but the blessing for them might actually be missing out on 4th.

The next guy that comes in needs to be able to tell whoever actually runs the show, that this will not fix overnight. It will likely take 2-3 years of solid investment in playing staff to get them to the point of challenging for major trophies.
The new guy needs to implement a style. Something United will be known for. City have their tiki-taka, Liverpool have their intensity etc. At present it's just chucking 11 players together and hoping they go and find a way to win. Today they seemed to decide that was getting the ball for Telles to lump it aimlessly in.

He also needs to fuck off the ego as it doesn't blend well with a rebuild. Start building around the likes of Elanga, Sancho and stop bringing in older guys looking for their last big payday.

[Shindig]

I'm wondering if they'd be better off trying to get Eriksen when his Brentford stint ends. He seems to have that kind of quality to lift a side but is that going to work at United where everyone else thinks they're billy big football?

[Jimmy Floyd]

They need to completely change their mentality as an organisation, and that won't happen under current ownership.

[Yevrah]

First and foremost they need a proper manager - not a Fergie stooge, or someone 10 years past their use by date. He can then survey the wreckage, see what's worth salvaging and kick on from there.

[Shindig]

Y'know what? Fuck Steve Bruce. Bring Keegan in. :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

First and foremost they need a proper manager - not a Fergie stooge, or someone 10 years past their use by date. He can then survey the wreckage, see what's worth salvaging and kick on from there.

Pointless unless the environment in which said manager operates is geared towards footballing excellence.

[Yevrah]

Pointless unless the environment in which said manager operates is geared towards footballing excellence.

Are Liverpool really geared toward that or did they just hire one of the best managers and the board then thought they may as well back him a bit?

[niko_cee]

Liverpool mostly got lucky with a series of insanely good strategic decisions in terms of manager and playing staff.

It might have been by design, in which case hats off to the 'front office', but mostyl I think they've fallen on their feet with Klopp being both a brilliant manager and ideally suited to Liverpool, Salah turning into one of the best players in the world and then the big signings to sort the spine of the team out [Van Dijk and Allison] completely coming off whilst being funded on the back of selling Coutinho. Plus all the rest of their transfer business, which has largely been very good, so maybe there is something in the structure.

[phonics]

I'm not sure that United can rely on a seperate club having an absolute meltdown and spending 200 million quid on Scott McTominay.

[Kikó]

I think Niko hit the nail in the first post. We aren't going to sign 8-9 this summer so you build around the good bunch that's there (and are underperforming for whatever reason). Get rid of those who are not actually part of the future (cheerio pogba, lingard, Jones, Mata). I think centre back wise we could be ok but we need to invest in the full back(s), centre mid (2) and a centre forward.

[Ben]

I see the papers are talking about Ruben Neves in recent days and he's completely the wrong type of player they need most. If they're serious then they'll go all out for Rice.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Pogba going is a classic example - he should have been shipped off two years ago as you can't (ever) build a new team around him or with him in, but they probably don't want to take the financial hit.

[Ian]

I assume Cavani is gone, Ronaldo fucking needs to be. Let's get a proper striker in who:
- isn't old
- can move
- not a violent rapist