Marsch football

[Don]

https://www.theguardian.com/football/2022/mar/22/spurs-deal-with-juventus-to-buy-dejan-kulusevski-revealed

What a read, Liew is gonna be out of a job soon.

[Ben]

Here's me thinking you misspelt Levy and wondering what the fuck you're going on about.

[Giggles]

Here's me thinking you misspelt Levy and wondering what the fuck you're going on about.

Are you Middlesbrough? What's Connolly like for them these days? Apparently he, along with Obafemi, rejected a call up to the international squad this week.

[Ben]

Yeah I am. He's really not good. Poor anticipation and touch and looks like he's generally not arsed.

He's only playing because we only have three other strikers:
Andraz Sporar, a loan from Sporting. He's alright but currently injured. Our top scorer with 8 which explains a lot.
Duncan Watmore, who can run. Actually performs the best of the lot despite his very limited skill set.
Folarin Balogun, a loan from Arsenal. There was a lot of hype about him at Arsenal apparently but I don't see it. Seems a yard off the pace all the time and not a lot of composure in front of goal.

So really Connolly is playing through necessity than actually being half decent.

[Giggles]

The not arsed thing would be something I'd well believe, is he still a headless chicken? By all acocunts Parrot is finally learning all the lessons that Connolly isn't on their respective loans.

[Ben]

He doesn't run much at all so I can't even call him a headless chicken.

[Shindig]

How about a legless one?

[niko_cee]

Good news Giggles, I see Russia has declared an interest in hosting the Euros that the British and Irish Islands were meant to be in for.

[Giggles]

England could host it on their own just using Wembley and championship grounds.

[niko_cee]

No one likes England though.

Next one's in Germany isn't it? That'll be mega. All round to Daws' assuming he hasn't been deported for workplace insurgency.

[Giggles]

No one likes anyone any more.

I’d love to go to a German one but I don’t think I’d be able for it any more. France nearly killed me.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

No one likes anyone any more.

I’d love to go to a German one but I don’t think I’d be able for it any more. France nearly killed me.

Keeks would let you have a wing of the mansion for a night if you were to go over.

[Giggles]

It’s sounding like he’ll be home by the end of the week.

[Kikó]

No one likes England though.

Next one's in Germany isn't it? That'll be mega. All round to Daws' assuming he hasn't been deported for workplace insurgency.

Just don't bring hammer.

[Giggles]

Turkey :drool:

They’d be certs to get it you’d think.

[phonics]

Just don't bring hammer.

What if he walks there.

[Lewis]

He'll get delayed in Belgium.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It is about time Turkey had one. Maybe they can't agree to the watered-down way their home fans would have to behave at a big corporate tournament.

[Don]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/60775104

Get a load of those quotes :D

[Waffdon]

I hope Aaron Hickey plays. A proper player and also means Scotland are far and away the best country in the world for left backs :cool:

[Lewis]

The quotes of the day were Harry Kane shaking his head about what he had literally only just learned about Qatar without saying anything.

[Lofty]

Folarin Balogun, a loan from Arsenal. There was a lot of hype about him at Arsenal apparently but I don't see it. Seems a yard off the pace all the time and not a lot of composure in front of goal.


The idiots were wanking themselves dry over Balogun but he was a bit of a Joel Campbell for me. He scored a hat trick in the U23 game I watched him in but everyone giddy about it glossed over the fact it was three of the softest penalties ever seen. No wonder he was getting beasted by Brentford defenders and the ref wasn't interested in the season opener.

[niko_cee]

Whilst perusing the Premier League Hall of Fame Nominees (https://www.premierleague.com/hall-of-fame/nominees) I was struck by the fact that Drogba left Chelsea for a few years before returning for a few more. I have [or had] literally no recollection of that happening. Was that during Mourinho's little horse era?

[John Arne]

Japan just beat Australia 2-0, meaning Aussies are now stuck in 3rd and will play-off against the other group's 3rd place (prob UAE), with the winner playing a play-off against S.American team.

[-james-]

There are two Nations' League games ongoing at the moment, Estonia vs Cyprus and Moldova vs Kazakhstan. They are League C relegation games, with whoever loses each playing in League D next campaign. Aside from being the grimmest description of a football match ever, I'm pretty sure it's in all of their interests to lose it so they're up against the likes of San Marino or Andorra for a Euro 2024 group stage spot (rather than Turkey/Greece/Slovakia type sides).

[Pen]

It doesn’t work like that anymore. (I think)

Giving all the leagues (A to D) a place in the tournament was a onetime thing.

[Waffdon]

I’ve just realised Scotland have won 6 games in a row. That must nearly be a record for them.

All for Gareth Bale to score a worldie or 2 like he’s done tonight if Scotland make it through :sick:

[CJay]

That Bale goal is incredible. What a fantastic international footballer.


Japan just beat Australia 2-0, meaning Aussies are now stuck in 3rd and will play-off against the other group's 3rd place (prob UAE), with the winner playing a play-off against S.American team.

It's interesting to see Australia's team has literally no recognisable names outside of Matt Ryan. It's a situation that mirrors Ireland's current issues with player quality. Did both countries just happen to have 15-20ish year long golden ages around the same time?

[Serj]

Yup, we're still shit. Two very nice strikes from Bale though.

[Kikó]

Turkey has just ballooned an equaliser over the bar from the penalty spot.

[-james-]

Get it done Italy. Can't have any of the other three making it.

[-james-]

Oh my god.

[Waffdon]

Christ. How on earth did they win the Euros :D

[Luca]

Lol. What a joke.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Get it done Italy. Can't have any of the other three making it.

Well in :cool:

[Spoonsky]

Absolutely pathetic. All because of Jorginho's wanker penalties.

[Ian]

Christ. How on earth did they win the Euros :D

:moop:

Get fucked, Italy.

[Luca]

Guess I’ll have to cheer for Canada now Giggles :D

[Lewis]

It's hard to support 'North Macedonia' when they caved in on their own name.

[Lewis]

Hang on these are knockout games? I thought they were conventional play-offs. :harold:

[Mellberg]

It's coming Rome.

[Lewis]

The goal is amazing as well. Fucking WELLIED it.

[Spoonsky]

Imagine missing two consecutive World Cups but winning the Euros in between. Strange team.

US could well do the same if we bottle things over the next week or so.

[Waffdon]

It's coming Rome.

It already did :drool:

[Disco]

They miss Russia and Qatar, could be worse.

[niko_cee]

Imagine missing two consecutive World Cups but winning the Euros in between. Strange team.

US could well do the same if we bottle things over the next week or so.

It's feast or famine with them. Lolled out of it in 2002, win it in 2006, no idea about the next few and then managed to not qualify not once but twice?

The edge of the funniness somewhat dulled by the fact that this probably gets Ronaldo into another world cup. :yawn:

[igor_balis]

It's feast or famine with them. Lolled out of it in 2002, win it in 2006, no idea about the next few and then managed to not qualify not once but twice?

The edge of the funniness somewhat dulled by the fact that this probably gets Ronaldo into another world cup. :yawn:

They've managed to win a single game at a world cup finals since 2006, which is a fun stat. It was obviously against England, as well

[Kikó]

It's feast or famine with them. Lolled out of it in 2002, win it in 2006, no idea about the next few and then managed to not qualify not once but twice?

The edge of the funniness somewhat dulled by the fact that this probably gets Ronaldo into another world cup. :yawn:

Have some respect for the greatest ever.

[niko_cee]

They've managed to win a single game at a world cup finals since 2006, which is a fun stat. It was obviously against England, as well

:D

Love it.

I'd obviously erased 2014 from my mind.

[Lewis]

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Note how he splits the stadium building deaths off as 'non-religious and non-cultural' (which it isn't anyway).

[Panda Bear]

1507478234430062594

Note how he splits the stadium building deaths off as 'non-religious and non-cultural' (which it isn't anyway).

I love witnessing cognitive dissonance.

[Ben]

Anyone watching Soccer Saturday want to talk me through what Gareth Ainsworth is wearing? :D

[Yevrah]

Watching football people squirm at the moral bankruptcy they're complicit in might be my new favourite hobby.

[Kikó]

The challenge for Sareth Goithgate is that England FA wouldn't back him and he probably quite enjoys doing the best job he's ever going to have for millions a year.

[Shindig]

Fair play to Gareth pointing out the hypocrisy of it all and how, really, if we were bothered by it, we wouldn't have entered in the first place. Also, it's not really his call to make.

Weekly Gateshead Update:
Our surprise goalless draw against Bradford Park Avenue is cancelled out by Spennymoor (legends) holding Brackley to a point. The top two meet on April 2nd to decide who are the cool kids of the National League North.

[Danny]

What a hit from the fat lad.

[Ian]

Fatty Shaw firmly striking one inside the near post?

*PTSD attack*

[niko_cee]

Saw 5 at the back and had no interest in this, and looks like that was a decent choice. More interesting watching slave labourers sweep up carbon fiber [fibre?].

[Ian]

To be fair I saw international friendly vs. Switzerland and had no interest. It is a secondary thing to glance at when John and Gregg are going "Oh I hope this is cooked properly!" on last night's Masterchef.

[Mellberg]

Had to Google who that centre half was starting for England today. Tuned in for the second half, heard his name and presumed he was some Swiss lad playing for Grasshopper until realising he was English.

[Spoonsky]

1507478234430062594

Note how he splits the stadium building deaths off as 'non-religious and non-cultural' (which it isn't anyway).

He makes a fair point that everyone has known about this for years, and it’s a bit rich to ask them to suddenly pull out six months from kickoff having already played through all qualifying. The time for meaningful collective action, if anyone had had the balls, would have been years ago, when it would have actually saved those lives.

[Yevrah]

It's kicking the can down the road horse shit. If anyone actually cared they could still pull out now. They don't (Sir Gareth included) so they won't.

[Spoonsky]

That’s true but it’s been going on for more than a decade. And if they’d grown balls a decade ago it would have been far more impactful than now.

[Yevrah]

Well, it would have saved some lives, but the impact on fucking FIFA over would be just as big as then if everyone pulled out now. By the teams going and the public watching (myself included) we're basically all saying "this is fine, feel free to pull this sort of shit again FIFA, we'll just lap it up".

[Lewis]

A decade ago - two years ago - football wasn't lecturing us all every week and could still claim to be apolitical. Now it doesn't, so the decision has changed.

[Spoonsky]

Do you think if it were awarded to Qatar today (say for 2030) it would turn out the exact same way?

[Yevrah]

A decade ago - two years ago - football wasn't lecturing us all every week and could still claim to be apolitical. Now it doesn't, so the decision has changed.

A quite excellent and succinct way to put it.

That Sir Gareth has the cheek to ask us to get on board with Black Lives Matter and taking the knee one year and then will lead his team (and wallet) into a stadium built on the deaths of other brown people the next is an absolute piss take.

He speaks well, but he's absolutely full of shit. The massive hypocrite.

[Yevrah]

Do you think if it were awarded to Qatar today (say for 2030) it would turn out the exact same way?

If Epstein were still alive and his paedophile island was big enough, FIFA would have no problem hosting it there if the brown envelope was big enough. We'd all lap it up because "football really doesn't have anything to do with that".

[Yevrah]

It's basically Black Lives Matter (but only when they're on our doorstep). The absolute nerve of it.

[Lewis]

In his daft open letter (https://www.theplayerstribune.com/posts/dear-england-gareth-southgate-euros-soccer) last year he said 'It's their (the players) duty to continue to interact with the public on matters such as equality, inclusivity and racial injustice, while using the power of their voices to help put debates on the table, raise awareness and educate'.

It may well be the case that going to Qatar to 'help put debates on the table, raise awareness and educate' is going to have a bigger impact than not going, and I will say well done Gareth and the Boys if they're on the telly every day shit-talking the state of the place; but they won't be, will they. It will all be framed as the place having non-specific 'issues' and football is in fact going to help sort rather than perpetuate them.

[John Arne]

Maguire :D

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[Shindig]

And the biggest calls during that time were because, "OMG, HOT WORLD CUP. EVERYONE WILL DIE OR AT LEAST BE TOO HOT."

[Lewis]

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[Waffdon]

1508043954842918916

Sheryl knows that cuntery all too well.

[Mellberg]

Coefficient related qualification for Europe? :harold:

Would rather the European Super League.

[Shindig]

1508043954842918916

Sheryl knows that cuntery all too well.

Bloody hell. The pinnacle of thick twattery.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

http://stainestownfootballclub.co.uk/urgent-club-statement/

Staines Town Football Club (STFC) regrets to announce that pursuant to third party breaches of Section 54 of The Modern Slavery Act 2015 and other information that has come to light, we are forced to temporarily suspend all primary operations including but not limited to competitive fixtures, until a thorough investigation into the practices of Downing LLP has been concluded by the relevant authorities.

Elsewhere, we have also been provided with vast amounts of evidence, that Downing LLP, may be involved through its other holdings in the financing of Environmental Crimes, Price Fixing, Deforestation, Forced Evictions, Human Rights Abuses, Child Labour, Slavery, Gender Discrimination and Murder.

:|

[Jimmy Floyd]

All pretty standard fare in Staines.

[Shindig]

Saving the best til last, there.

[Ben]

I hope they don't own the John Nike Leisure Centre too.

[Giggles]

Will “Irishman” Keane starts :cool:

[Giggles]

Fuck that’s the most boring 45 minutes I’ve seen in a long time.

[Gray Fox]

Egypt v Senegal with some of the worst penalties in the shootout so far. Only 1/5 scored.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

So many lasers.

[Spoonsky]

Mané is stone cold for Senegal whereas Salah seems to feel the pressure too much for Egypt. He’s gonna be a mess right now but hopefully he takes it out on Liverpool’s opponents for the next two months.

[Waffdon]

Mané is stone cold for Senegal whereas Salah seems to feel the pressure too much for Egypt. He’s gonna be a mess right now but hopefully he takes it out on Liverpool’s opponents for the next two months.

Hardly comparable though.

John McGinn is so good for Scotland. No idea why Villa waste him deeper.

[Lewis]

Isn't Salah slightly put upon being the 1 in their 9-1-0 formation?

[Gray Fox]

Senegal figured out in the AFCON to just swamp Salah with 4 players whenever he gets the ball.

[Spoonsky]

Yeah, Egypt are properly shit. Senegal will be far more enjoyable at the World Cup.

[Giggles]

A World Cup for all of Africa.

[Gray Fox]

Bring back the Vuvuzela I say.

[Shindig]

Dr. Congo's being struck off. :(

[Lewis]

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Why laser use is frowned upon is beyond me. Top, top scenes.

[Mellberg]

Hardly comparable though.

John McGinn is so good for Scotland. No idea why Villa waste him deeper.

Phil Coutinho.

We’ve tried it a few times. Absolutely yes against Austrian goat herders, but doesn’t have the technique for that position in that league. I say that as someone who once sang his name for 2 hours straight, in the Green Man beer garden, with 1,000 other Villa fans after a playoff final. He’s a legend, but definitely an ‘8’.

[niko_cee]

Aye, but 8s are what it's all about these days.

I eagerly await to see how Southgate completely bottles playing Bellingham in favour of his usual preferred core midfielders, the Mount/Philips/Rice axis of meh, and I say that quite liking all those players.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Tunisia at the World Cup is one of life's constant pointless occurrences. Always get kind qualifying draws.

Looks like Senegal and Morocco to fly the flag, the others are useless.

[Spoonsky]

Incredible scenes for Cameroon in Algiers.

[niko_cee]

Tunisia at the World Cup is one of life's constant pointless occurrences.


They probably say the same thing about Poland.

[Waffdon]

Forgot Qatar are pot 1 :drool:

There’s going to be at least one stinking draw. Qatar, USA, South Korea, Scotland pls

[niko_cee]

A more Southgatian strategy would be to be in the group that plays that group in the last 16. So hopefully you get it and we're in the neighbour group.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

They probably say the same thing about Poland.

Fuck you.

[John Arne]

The comments from Southgate and Henderson regarding Maguire are a bit off. Let's have a pop at those booing black players and Russians, but booing players for being shit is completely fair game.

[Kikó]

Has Maguire been shit for England?

[Giggles]

He got a dirty look off Jordan Henderson the other day.

[Giggles]

Until I read this I had completely forgotten he wasn't on that Leicester EPL winning team. I thought that's what had got him the move to Utd in the first place.


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[Kikó]

That Hope that helps guy is a massive whopper.

[Shindig]

There's probably at least one but I can't think of him dropping a clanger in an England shirt. I do remember those corner kick routines from Russia but that might be the thing Southgate keeps him around for.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Incredible scenes for Cameroon in Algiers.

:drool:

Although I have no idea how Algeria are so toilet.

[niko_cee]

Is Maguire's most comedy moment in an England shirt that debacle against Denmark? Did he just get sent off [in comedy style] or was he also involved in the hilariously spazzy goal/penalty they got?

5 at the back and 3 holding/hard working midfielders tends to mitigate individual incompetence at the back. That said, I don't know who you'd pick ahead of him. Someone like Webster at Brighton would probably get a look in if he played for someone fashionable. Probably the weakest position in the team.

[John Arne]

van Gaal was spot on.

1509816975094169610

[niko_cee]

Check the date mate.

[John Arne]

It's after midday (for me) :|

[niko_cee]

Think that only holds for pinch punch.

On a similar theme I can't work out whether this article (https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/60810072) is an April Fool or not.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They forgot Steve Bruce. He'd have them ninth and back for another very solid season the year after.

[Shindig]

Managers who know how to win matches is a dull way to categorise it.