The Big C

[Manc]

Off the back of half-heartedly watching SU2C last night, I was wondering if there is anyone on the board who hasn't been impacted in one way or another by Cancer?

My sister had thyroid cancer a few years back which is relatively small time in the grand scheme of things.

[Giggles]

Some aunts and uncles to it, one of them was in her 30’s. A friend of mine has stage 4 bowel at the minute and the wife lost both parents to it when she was way younger. That said, very lucky the parents or siblings haven’t had anything so far.

[randomlegend]

My dad had Hodgkin's when I was a kid but was cured. I can't think of anyone other than that.

[igor_balis]

My mate Calum's mum died of asbestos related cancer when he was 18, and our other more oblivious mate continues to call him Big C, I don't think Cal minds too much but I internally cringe every time :uhoh:

[John Arne]

My dad died a few years back, started with lung cancer, spread very quickly to his stomach and back :(

Mum has cervical about 10 years ago, but fortunately, docs did a hysterectomy and got rid of it.

One of the girls at work, just 32, has just been diagnosed with colon cancer. It's fucked up.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Dad had bladder cancer which we thought he beat but it spread to his lungs which managed to get him.

[Alex]

My old man died of it when I was 19. It's actually just gone 15 years ago last week. He had lymphoma. I can't remember whether it was Hodgkins and Non-Hodgkins. I'm pretty sure it was whichever is the rarer of the two (RL might know the answer to that) if there is a "rarer" version, I just seem to remember that being told to me back then.

He got it in remission a couple of times but it came back and got him eventually. I get the impression the long term prognosis for him by the time they caught it was never really very good, but they didn't really tell me that at the time.

[Ian]

My dad is in hospital with it right now, though he's had his op and seems to be doing well bar the fact that he can't speak and is eating through a tube.

[-james-]

It got all of my grandparents. Bodes well.

[Lofty]

My grandad and uncle (his son) both died of lung cancer but both also smoked like chimneys. That is about it in the family I think, fortunately. My Grandad was 79, so a decent innings. Ny uncle late 50s but managed about 5 years after his initial diagnosis.

My mate from work was diagnosed with it and died within 12 months, more than a colleague he was someone I had been away with on various dos home and abroad, it was pretty shocking. He died during the height of Covid so everyone recorded videos for him, which was difficult (because it was basically the last thing you ever got to say to him).

I think even though suffering would be horrible at least if you manage a few years after diagnosis you can get your ducks in a row, to an extent. I know of someone getting diagnosed at a doctors appointment and dying within 6 weeks, grim as fuck.

[Disco]

I had a close friend die of brain cancer (or a tumor, I don't think it was ever established which it was) a few years ago and apparently my Grandad had some sort of cancer when he died but he was 92 so that's hardly surprising.

[Shindig]

My dad's going in for chemo next week. Hopefully the course he's on sorts it out as the surgeon doesn't fancy the op.

[Lofty]

The tree had cancer aswell, put me back on the top of the cunt/cretin list for forgetting that one.

And my Dad reckons he had skin cancer on his nose but he is a mad cunt so not sure how genuine that was. He reckoned he cured his hepatitis with some black balls from the chinese medicine shop once.

[Lofty]

My dad's going in for chemo next week. Hopefully the course he's on sorts it out as the surgeon doesn't fancy the op.

Hope it works out for your dad, Shinners.

[Jimmy Floyd]

None close to me since my grandmother died of it 26 years ago. Very lucky (so far).

[Lewis]

My great nan went of it in her eighties about twenty years ago, and my current nan in her eighties seems to have 'some skin cancer' removed from her face once a year, but other than that none of it around my family. Everyone I know seems to have some family horror story about it though.

[Shindig]

I've probably seen more of it due to wor lot having big boomer families. I've probably had half-a-dozen aunts and uncles with it.

[Baz]

What a thread. Fucking hell.

Soz lads. Hope you're all alright. :worried:

[Yevrah]

My Auntie had it in her mid 60s a few years ago. Was given 6 months and lived about 3 years with the thing just sat there, riddled through her, until one day it struck and she was bed ridden within a weekend and spent the next fortnight dying.

[Mellberg]

Brother's at the time 21-year-old best mate was grim. Butter wouldn't melt either. Really fucking cruel.

[phonics]

My aunt died 3 weeks ago.

[Giggles]

I’m a cert for it and I’ll save all my lolling for then.

[Manc]

My aunt died 3 weeks ago.

My condolences.

How big a part do genetics play?

[Yevrah]

My condolences.

How big a part do genetics play?

Yeah, hope you're alright.

On the genetics, there was some kerfuffle about my Auntie telling my side of the family due to the possibility it could be in us, but that didn't really go anywhere so not sure. Would be curious to know.

[randomlegend]

I had a close friend die of brain cancer (or a tumor, I don't think it was ever established which it was) a few years ago and apparently my Grandad had some sort of cancer when he died but he was 92 so that's hardly surprising.

All cancers are tumours (not QUITE strictly true depending how you define tumour but close enough), but not all tumours are cancerous.

[phonics]

Cheers lads. It was the third time it had come back. She was down to 6 stone by the time she chose to call it off. Horrible disease.

[Shindig]

Oof. This is my dad's second bout. Funnily enough, it doesn't hit as hard second time around.

[phonics]

Sorry to hear man. He’ll say he doesn’t need help or support but he does. Make sure you’re there for him.

My aunt spent huge amount of time on her garden to distract her.

4 days before she passed she said ‘I thought I loved my garden, I just realised I loved seeing my family in it more’.

Has stayed with me every day since.

[Disco]

All cancers are tumours (not QUITE strictly true depending how you define tumour but close enough), but not all tumours are cancerous.

He had radiotherapy (with a sweet bespoke mask) to try and treat it which is why I thought it may have been cancer but I guess the treatment for a tumour is the same either way. He would get seizures during the night and just didn't wake up one day, I never asked his family what the official cause was because when is the right time for that and ultimately it doesn't really matter.

[Clunge]

Mum’s had on-off bouts of breast cancer past 10 years or so, but she’s pretty in the clear now (well, for now, as you always have to think about it).

But the last year has been much worse for my Dad. He’s had back troubles for a decade or so, and last summer, he started getting a real bad back again, losing the feeling in his feet/legs and becoming increasingly immobile.

He got in touch with his consultant thinking it was more of the same. Turns out it was a bloody great tumour - lymphoma - and lots of scattered, small, associated cancer. He started chemo/immunotherapy just before Christmas last year. He had a bad reaction to one of the treatments on Xmas day so 9am Boxing Day morning, we were packing him off for hospital for 4/5 days. Thankfully he’d just got a new iPad so he watched every bit of football going. But it was all just made that bit more grim by Covid - worries about him getting it while still severely immunosurpressed (he still is) and not being able to visit.

Good news - he responded vvv well to the treatment and got given about as good news as he/we could have hoped for this summer. He’ll be around a good while yet, all being well.

Sorry to hear about everyone else’s experiences too - I realise I’m at the luckier end of the spectrum here. It’s just the ultimate fucker.

[randomlegend]

He had radiotherapy (with a sweet bespoke mask) to try and treat it which is why I thought it may have been cancer but I guess the treatment for a tumour is the same either way. He would get seizures during the night and just didn't wake up one day, I never asked his family what the official cause was because when is the right time for that and ultimately it doesn't really matter.

Usually non-cancerous brain tumours are surgically removed and that's the end of it. Occasionally they need radiotherapy if not all of the tumour can be removed.

It's most likely it was a malignant tumour (i.e. cancer) but hard to know for sure without all the details.

[Ian]

My dad is in hospital with it right now, though he's had his op and seems to be doing well bar the fact that he can't speak and is eating through a tube.

"Cancer is horrible" is obviously not a new or interesting take but fucking hell it's a grim old thing, isn't it?

Since the above my dad's gone through the radiotherapy, been told in February that as far as they can tell he's all clear, that became "actually it's back and super aggressive and terminal." And now it's at the point where he could go any day.

I've been lucky to have not known anybody that close who's gone through anything like this before and the rate of change you can see in somebody is staggering.

[-james-]

Yeah it's awful. Sorry to hear, Ian.

[-james-]

This is going to become a scary thread to see bumped as everyone on here gets old.

[Shindig]

Frig. :( I don't think I'll ever be ready for that.

[Yevrah]

Sorry to hear that Ian.

[Panda Bear]

"Cancer is horrible" is obviously not a new or interesting take but fucking hell it's a grim old thing, isn't it?

Since the above my dad's gone through the radiotherapy, been told in February that as far as they can tell he's all clear, that became "actually it's back and super aggressive and terminal." And now it's at the point where he could go any day.

I've been lucky to have not known anybody that close who's gone through anything like this before and the rate of change you can see in somebody is staggering.

I'm sorry.

[Giggles]

It’s an awful thing, heart goes out to you Ian. Horrible experience to see someone you love like that.

[Spikey M]

"Cancer is horrible" is obviously not a new or interesting take but fucking hell it's a grim old thing, isn't it?

Since the above my dad's gone through the radiotherapy, been told in February that as far as they can tell he's all clear, that became "actually it's back and super aggressive and terminal." And now it's at the point where he could go any day.

I've been lucky to have not known anybody that close who's gone through anything like this before and the rate of change you can see in somebody is staggering.

Sorry to hear it Ian. I obviously don't know the circumstances here, but they told my mum that she had 3 to 6 months to live and she clocked another 6 years. That seems quite common too. You never know. Hope for the best and all that.

Not that it makes it any easier. In some ways the not knowing is the worst bit. Absolute cunt of a disease.

[Boydy]

That's fucking shit. Sorry to hear, Ian.

[Shindig]

I spoke to my dad before and they seem happy with his results. He'll be back and forth for testing but hopefully the radiotherapy he had in November did what it needed to. Hopefully your old man can get some quality time on the clock, Ian.

[Lewis]

https://i.imgur.com/OhCOIoD.png

[Shindig]

That wasn't the intent.

[Ian]

I dunno what that is but regardless I just took it as you giving your own update as you'd posted previously rather than whatever Lewis is saying.

[Giggles]

I’m just trying to work out if that’s a young Michael McIntyre.

[Pepe]

Sorry to hear that, Ian. Hoping for the best.

[John Arne]

Sorry to hear, Ian. Cancer really is a cunt.

[7om]

Have you or your dad thought bout getting onto a clinical trial, Ian? It’s a long shot but there are success stories. PM if you want to have a chat as I have some experience in the field.

[Yevrah]

I could be wrong, but I read Ian's message as things had reached there stage where there was nothing left that could be done.

[Kikó]

My great aunt just passed after battling with cancer on and off the past seven years. We had gone out to Italy to see her a few weeks back which ended up being a few days before it had spread rapidly again. Like you say Ian, the transformation is incredible. She still had a lot of her personality but was half the person. Sorry about your dad.

[Lofty]

Sorry about your dad, Ian.

[Foe]

Horrid to hear Ian, hopefully you find some distraction to manage the troubles.

It’s a pretty rough disease though.

My dad thought he had IBS the last 6 months or so, went to the doctor and had a bunch of tests and it turned out to be bowel cancer. 22 days later they pulled a 7 cm ball of cancer out his bowel and a month later he’s back trotting around a golf course. Miraculous but I’m sort of expecting a really bad day where it all falls apart much like you’ve had.

Driving him (and my mum) into the hospital when he genuinely thought he wouldn’t wake up afterwards was the worst experience of my life.

Hopefully a disease they make significant leaps again in our lifetime as otherwise I suspect basically all of us are going to go through it.

[7om]

I could be wrong, but I read Ian's message as things had reached there stage where there was nothing left that could be done.

Yeah, that’s exactly what clinical trials are there for. People who have failed approved therapies and essentially have run out of options.

[Yevrah]

Yeah, that’s exactly what clinical trials are there for. People who have failed approved therapies and essentially have run out of options.

Even if you're on your deathbed?

[7om]

Even if you're on your deathbed?

Yep. We ran a trial in Singapore where we were recruiting people with months left to live. If you’ve got the will to give it a try, there absolutely will be options.

[Kikó]

My great aunt was on all sorts of experimental stuff at the end.

[-james-]

How often does it work?

[7om]

I simply wouldn’t be able to sit here and tell you a % figure. When you take into account type of cancer, metastases, age, immune function, comorbidities etc, it’s impossible to say.

[Alex]

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad, Ian. It sounds incredibly similar to what happened to mine. It's awful, obviously. I don't need to tell you that. The decline can be fast and scary. I don't really have any advice. I guess everyone deals with that in their own way, and you won't know what that involves until it happens to you.

I suppose all I would say is that nobody can really tell you how to feel about it, and whatever that ends up being is totally fine. I vividly remember my overriding emotion when it finally happened being an almost overwhelming sense of relief, and then feeling like a complete bastard for thinking that when somebody has just gone. But that was the reality of it at the time.

[Yevrah]

Yep. We ran a trial in Singapore where we were recruiting people with months left to live. If you’ve got the will to give it a try, there absolutely will be options.

Months left to live isn't on your deathbed, which I assume is was Ian was getting at.

As I posted on the other page, when it got my aunt (3/4 years into a 6 month prognosis), the last two weeks were grim and there was no way once that ride had started anything was going to work. Really hope Ian's Dad isn't at that stage, but his post gave (me at least) the impression he was.

[7om]

Well, I put the post out there for Ian and his dad to at least explore an option. There’s no harm in that.

[Lewis]

I just hope Webly waited for Yevrah before he booked any flights. Keep it to yourself.

[Spikey M]

I suppose all I would say I vividly remember my overriding emotion when it finally happened being an almost overwhelming sense of relief, and then feeling like a complete bastard

Snap. In hindsight it's completely understandable though. Surviving just to suffer is not really living.

[Andrew]

My wife's cousin ( 33 years old 3 kids one same age as my daughter 9)

Around the start of COVID maybe a few months before hand, started complaining of a pain in her rib area a few visits to the doctor's basically she got fobbed off with paracetamol, just rest up etc on the final visit before she collapsed and got taken into the local hospital in Llanfrechfa the doctor actually said do you think the pain is in your head she was never sent for a scan or anything most probably because of COVID basically being the single focus of the NHS understandably I guess.

Anyway she finally had a scan which showed what they feared was cancer on her liver and ovaries.

Fast forward a few weeks turns out that was the secondary cancer they never found the primary source of it she went through chemo and radiotherapy nothing worked every appointment she had at the hospital brought worse news the cancer was now on her back, breast spine I think it was in her bones aswell.
The poor bugger was riddled with it.

She passed away a few months ago after being taken into a st David's respite so they could give her even more pain killers.

That's been my one and only encounter with someone with cancer and it's terrible seeing how a young attractive young lady can be turned into what can I pay be describe as a barely living skeleton at the end in a matter of weeks

[Ian]

I suppose all I would say is that nobody can really tell you how to feel about it, and whatever that ends up being is totally fine. I vividly remember my overriding emotion when it finally happened being an almost overwhelming sense of relief, and then feeling like a complete bastard for thinking that when somebody has just gone. But that was the reality of it at the time.

He went yesterday morning and this is pretty much where I'm at. And I honestly feel better now than during the few weeks of rapid deterioration leading up to it. I'm much more glad it's over for him than I am worried about my own grief, or however that's best worded.

I already miss him obviously and it's horrible but my own feelings are less important than weeks of him in a bed either in pain or on so much morphine he may as well have been gone already.

An awful thing.

[Baz]

Shite. :(

[7om]

Sorry to hear that, Ian. Terrible stuff.

[Yevrah]

Sorry for your loss Ian.

[Kikó]

The dreaded thread bump. Sorry for your loss, Ian.

[Ben]

Sorry for your loss Ian.

[Mike]

Sorry to hear your news Ian, I hope you’re doing as well as you can be.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I already miss him obviously and it's horrible but my own feelings are less important than weeks of him in a bed either in pain or on so much morphine he may as well have been gone already.

This is doubtless true and the outlook of a great son, but make sure your feelings get their due when the time is right. Very sorry.

[Shindig]

Condolences, Ian. :(

[Lofty]

Sorry for your loss Ian. It is a horrible thing and as said it can be worse the feeling of relief when the suffering stops, as it is a confusing emotion. My mate gave quite an upbeat eulogy about his mum being dead at her funeral which caused some consternation in the attendees but to be fair he had been with her for years of terminal brain tumours and the results of that, so of course it was a relief not just for him but for her I imagine.

[Spikey M]

Ian :console:

The main shit bit is over atleast. Death being a relief in these circumstances is completely normal.

From now to the funeral is the next shit bit because everyone will just want it over. Don't feel pressured into doing anything. An auntie I was quite close to wanted me to read a eulogy and carry the coffin and all sorts and eventually pushed me to the point of me telling her to leave me the fuck alone. If you want to do that stuff, cool. If you want to curl up in a ball for a bit, that's fine too.

On the plus side I got so drunk at the Wake that I ended up being sick on my cousins shoe (the son of my interfering auntie) which bought some pleasure to the day, so I can recommend that.

[SvN]

Sorry to hear about that Ian. For me, the worst period was the few days after he went, as it kept hitting me like a brick wall every now and then. The very worst moment was when I woke up on the sofa the morning after (he went at about 3am) and looked at the place in the lounge where his bed was and seeing it gone. For those few seconds after waking I'd forgotten.

Like Spikey said, this period between now and the funeral is a weird period. For me, normal life just didn't exist for a while and everything revolved around planning, phoning people, closing bank accounts, etc. It actually helped to feel like I was doing useful stuff. But my sister just wanted to sit at home and be miserable. It's all about what works for you.

[Boydy]

Sorry to hear it, Ian.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Sorry for you loss Ian.

[Clunge]

Sorry chap, can only commend your outlook – hope you're bearing up.

[Andrew]

Sorry for your loss Ian.

As has been said the period now till the funeral will be horrible, I've lost a few close relatives and it is a cliche but time does make things easier.

Sending my love to you and your family buddy.

[Giggles]

It tends to be mad long there too. An aunt of mine died in England recently and I think it was nearly a fortnight before they were all travelling over for the funeral. You’re in the ground in 3 days tops here

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Took 2 weeks for my Dad.

My family thought about postponing it a bit longer too as the funeral was set for my birthday but I said it was fine.

[Ian]

Yeah seems like the funeral is going to be the 11th which feels ages away but I'm just burying myself in the admin during the day to occupy myself, though even there I'm hitting the point where there's only so much I can do while waiting for the death certificate which seems to be taking an age.

Thanks for all the replies, lads. :thbup:

[John Arne]

Oh man, sorry Ian :(