The little things in life that please you

[Dquincy]

DocuSign. It's just great.

[Manc]

Your wife.

[Dquincy]

Your mum.

[Spikey M]

You're both right.

[Foe]

1. Elasticated jeans. My legs should always feel hugged.
2. Athleisure. Specifically women’s athleisure in sizes 10 and below.
3. That moment where the cheese starts to sort of bubble when making cheese on toast and you know the party is about to start.
4. Last minute final fantasy game changers. Thank you for the 92nd minute goal, Tony RUUD.
5. Wearing shorts instead of trousers.

Call me a pervert at your peril.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Pervert.

[Spikey M]

And now we wait for the peril.

Peril pleases me. There you go Quince.

[Dquincy]

And now we wait for the peril.

Peril pleases me. There you go Quince.

Thank you my immunocompromised friend.

[Spikey M]

I am fine (70% sure, not missing the last barbecue of summer even if I'm not.)

[Pen]

Only having two days of work left before going back to uni to do my masters.

[Dquincy]

Only having two days of work left before going back to uni to do my masters.

Is it 'full time' studying, but in reality only 3 days a week? :drool:

[niko_cee]

3 days? Don't you usually get about 10 hours of [face-to-face] tuition a week? Might be even less thinking back as I don't recall 'tutorials' being a thing at that level. I suppose it somewhat depends on the subject.

[-james-]

Shorts really are better than trousers. Postmen know what's up.

[Pen]

Well the units I’ve started seem to require quite a bit of work, but it gives me a chance to work out a schedule that suits me the best, which is pretty great as we’re expecting our second child to be born sometime in the next two weeks.

[Pen]

But yeah, I don’t have much to attend daily and since everything is still done through Zoom and the likes it’s pretty great.

[Pepe]

What the fuck is 'athleisure'?

[randomlegend]

Clothes that pretend to be sports clothes but are really lazing about clothes.

Jack Wills trackies and that shit.

I think.

[Pepe]

Trackies?

So, sweatpants? Or leggings? If leggings, I will add a +1.

Add those shorts that are so short that the bottom of the arse is out.

[Dquincy]

I read it as leggings. The ones that go up the lady's arse, to whoever invented them I doff my hat.

[randomlegend]

Trackies?

So, sweatpants? Or leggings? If leggings, I will add a +1.

Add those shorts that are so short that the bottom of the arse is out.

Trackies = sweatpants. I think athleisure would cover both trackies and leggings of the sort worn for lounging around. And the kind of shorts you're thinking of also.

[Lewis]

I wear shorts for work because I'm a legend.

[Foe]

Athleisure was meant as sports leggings and crop tops for women’s gym wear.

I deserved to be called a pervert, and the inventor deserves a knighthood.

[randomlegend]

I wore shorts for work one day during the summer when it was ridiculously hot. Was while I was doing adult surgery.

One of the surgical consultants tried to tell me I wasn't allowed to (he's a twat). I won that battle.

I imagine I looked ridiculous so perhaps he won the war.

[Foe]

For what it’s worth, I’ve been wearing football shirts and shorts with my snapcap whilst working from home.

Apparently the platform offshore manager hates it. But whatever. You’re technicians love seeing me rocking a Chelsea Kante top on camera in the morning call.

Probably wouldn’t be feasible in the office.

[Baz]

For what it’s worth, I’ve been wearing football shirts and shorts with my snapcap whilst working from home.

Apparently the platform offshore manager hates it. But whatever. You’re technicians love seeing me rocking a Chelsea Kante top on camera in the morning call.

Probably wouldn’t be feasible in the office.Yeah, if you're working from home who cares what you're wearing?

Someone once scoffed about someone else "not getting dressed up for a meeting" and I just shrugged and said she wasn't in the office, all the while wearing shorts and slippers myself like a comfy man.

[Pepe]

I also wear shorts for work. Not all the time, but whenever I feel like it.

[phonics]

I bought these things called ‘Mugsy Jeans’ and I’m never going back. Look like normal jeans but they’re like sweatpants in material. Incredible stuff.

[Lofty]

My neighbour is a tick ting Fleur East hybrid fitness instructor and was up a step ladder out the front in some athleisure leggings the other day, I nearly gave myself a boz eye trying to perv on the sly as I walked past.

[Dquincy]

Wish I had a ridiculously sexy neighbour or milf neighbour. Would really boost morale.

[Lofty]

She is definitely the street hottie, the other neighbours are by and large miserable rotund fishwives.

[Lewis]

My neighbour is a tick ting Fleur East hybrid fitness instructor and was up a step ladder out the front in some athleisure leggings the other day, I nearly gave myself a boz eye trying to perv on the sly as I walked past.

@DM

[Spikey M]

Wish I had a ridiculously sexy neighbour or milf neighbour. Would really boost morale.

I have an incredible neighbour up the road, but she was in the shop the other day speaking to a clearly disinterested shopkeeper about her horse - "Sugarpuff" - for 5 minutes while I stood waiting to buy my Lychee Rubicon. Slag.

It gave me time to take in her Athleisured arse, but people with horses are the most boring people on earth. What a waste.

[Lofty]

In my limited experience women involved with horses are pure dirt. I know a lad who is a farrier and spends as much time shagging on yards as he does shoeing horses.

[Spikey M]

Which I great if you can take the tedium between the sex. I went out with a horse owning girl before I went to Uni and it was painful. It's like owning a horse is a personality replacement.

[Dquincy]

I have an incredible neighbour up the road, but she was in the shop the other day speaking to a clearly disinterested shopkeeper about her horse - "Sugarpuff" - for 5 minutes while I stood waiting to buy my Lychee Rubicon. Slag.

It gave me time to take in her Athleisured arse, but people with horses are the most boring people on earth. What a waste.
:drool: I can't see the problem here.

My wife's best friend has 4 horses. Wonder if they get filthier the more horses they have. I might ask next time we see them.

[Bam]

Wonder if they get filthier the more horses they have. I might ask next time we see them.

Yeah, good idea. Let us know the outcome.

[Spikey M]

"Were you into scat when you just had one?"

[Shindig]

"What are your opinions on Ivermectin?"

[Queenslander]

Getting my mufti beard cleaned up at the Barbers is satisfying.

[phonics]

Just had a win in poker so good I feel guilty about it.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/270326079648956433/891490817095663636/unknown.png

[Baz]

MrTwits pic is very fitting there.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've just learned that the stupid meerkats in the stupid meerkat adverts are voiced by the guy who played Michael in I'm Alan Partridge. Love stuff like that.

[igor_balis]

Quiet and posh 22 year old lad has moved to our godforsaken shithole from Brighton to work at my place, and happily threw himself into our little night out last night, which was sound. The thing I loved most though was when a few of us went to the jukebox, in a fairly rough Rugby pub, he wacked on bloody Frank Sinatra with absolutely zero hestitation. Big balls move that I really respected, even though I have very little fondness for that big band bullshit.

[Spikey M]

"Rugby pub" :sick:

[igor_balis]

"Rugby pub" :sick:

To clarify, I mean a pub within the town of the same name, not a pub full of cunts in polo shirts and bootcuts banging on about how football is full of diving fannies and not real men like in rugby, in the most boring one-sided rivalry in world sport.

The emoji is still fair for either though.

[Lewis]

igor_balis sinking a fiver into the jukebox to put the Vengaboys on repeat. About the third time in people start noticing, but nothing happens and he wasted his fiver.

[Spikey M]

To clarify, I mean a pub within the town of the same name, not a pub full of cunts in polo shirts and bootcuts banging on about how football is full of diving fannies and not real men like in rugby, in the most boring one-sided rivalry in world sport.

The emoji is still fair for either though.

I will stand down.

[Offshore Toon]

Rough pubs love that shit. 9 times out of 10, the rougher the pub the better. They don't charge stupid prices and they've got all the entertainment staples in pool tables, dart boards, jukeboxes and lunatics. On top of that, you can pretty much do what you want without getting kicked out.

[igor_balis]

Yes mate, we played pool at the first place (despite being bookies favourite for last place in the Yevrah open, I got genuine gasps of admiration for making a couple of simple 1 cushion snooker escapes, which were absolutely deserved), and then a mammoth session of around the world on the dart board in the Sinatra pub. This nice middle aged fella approached me and asked if he could "play the winner" during our darts game, and when I said "mate, we're all absolutely shit" he sort of apologised and backed away, and left the pub about a minute later, which was weird. Wise move as it took us about another hour to reach 20.

[Offshore Toon]

You should have invited him into the game. You need to mingle in these places cause talking to a regular is like a side mission in GTA. You have no idea what sort of shit you're getting involved in, but you know it'll be fun.

Also, any pub with table football alongside everything else is immediately a 10/10.

[igor_balis]

I usually would do, but we really were too shit for it to be fun for anyone involved.

My dad was the absolute master of those weird pub side quests. He took me to the bizarre greb/punk bar in Nuneaton when he was living there, and took us towards a table of 20-somethings. I thought he was going to be weird and embarrassing with strangers, but before we even got to the table they was like "YES MICK!", and then spent 30 mins telling me how much of a legend my dad was, including one of them wistfully reminiscing about my dad being there when he did acid for the first time. Fair play, like.

[phonics]

I haven’t smoked a joint in 3 weeks so I’ve been dreaming again. 2 days in a row the dreams haven’t involved me dying in a violent manner, I actually enjoyed them and was mad I woke up instead of sweating my tits off. Hoping it continues and I might be able to kick all this shit.

Now to learn how to enjoy myself without planning my day round this shit.

[Spikey M]

Good stuff. Sounds like you're doing much better. Are you off the sniff as well?

[phonics]

Trying and failing but getting better. Telling multiple dealers to fuck off and leave me alone was fun though.

[igor_balis]

Grabbed all the loose change off my bedside table and floor and stuffed it in my pocket last night.

Went Asda just now and got two hash browns, a banana, some rocky bars and a multipack of crisps. Threw the coins in the self serve with the intention of paying the difference on my card. The cash in my pocket was EXACTLY the amount of the shopping, to the god damn penny. Cool.

[Spikey M]

You had loose change in your back pocket, went to ASDA and didn't take the time to go to a staffed till, pay by card and slap your own arse with a big "that's ASDA price" as you walked off?

You're losing your Bants lad. Fix up ffs.

[Ian]

:D

[igor_balis]

:D cunt

[Jimmy Floyd]

Those adverts have given me a lifelong phobia of back pockets. Never use them.

[Ian]

No, I also never use a back pocket. I've never asked why women always seems to use theirs for their phones (are the front pockets on women's jeans, etc. intentionally inadequate for some reason?) but that always seems like a disaster waiting to happen.

Can't be doing with having a big mound of change in my pocket either.

[Waffdon]

Back pockets are essential

[Ian]

What do you keep in yours?

[Disco]

I often put my phone in mine if I'm walking somewhere.

[niko_cee]

I used to be a wallet in the back pocket person, but many years ago now I abandoned the wallet, so it's back to being unused.

[Don]

Phone's almost popping out of those tick tings' back pockets due to the natural curvature > same but with bras > *

[Don]

Any geezer using a back pocket probably gets their subways untoasted.

[Baz]

I’ve recently got back into having a wallet so I put that in there, whereas previously I just had my bank cards and driving license in there. I also put my lone house key in there (well, the other one) if I’m out without my car keys, like at the pub.

[Shindig]

I’ve put house keys in mine but nowt bigger. Also, on the subject of adverts and arses, do parents really kiss their baby’s arse or is that just Pampers fucking with us?

[Offshore Toon]

I might put my keys in the back right pocket but they sit pretty nearly under my wallet so they go front right. I don't know why you'd use a back pocket tbh, especially Baz parading around Liverpool.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I've never used a back pocket.

[Kikó]

Tracksuit bottoms don't have back pockets so no.

[Lofty]

Back pockets are the pick pocket's tap in.

[Foe]

I might put my keys in the back right pocket but they sit pretty nearly under my wallet so they go front right. I don't know why you'd use a back pocket tbh, especially Baz parading around Liverpool.

Woah. Wallet in the right pocket?

Wallet front left with keys, phone front right. Surely that’s the norm?

Edit: it’s entirely possible me being left handed and the majority of the population being right handed will highlight I am wrong here.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I do Wallet (although these days it's usually just a card rather than the whole thing) in the front right along with keys. Phone in the left.

[Offshore Toon]

You could alternate wallet and phone but those are the two you really don't want to lose so they have to be in the front.

[Mike]

Phone front right, keys and a card front left.

[Foe]

Are you left or right handed Mike?

[Lofty]

I'm right and same as you, Foe.

[Lewis]

Money, chequebook, MVC card, keys... I'm seeing a lot of nonces wearing small satchel type things these days. Usually skinny-fat wanker types with no socks and the same haircut. Which YouTuber made them a thing?

[mo]

Phone right hand pocket. Can't think of a good reason to have my wallet on me when I'm out.

[Pepe]

Phone, drivers license and credit card on the right pocket, keys on the left. Nothing on backpockets, let alone a satchel because I am not a woman.

[-james-]

https://www.arket.com/en_gbp/men/bags-accessories/product.packable-shoulder-pouch-green.0871948003.html

I have this and it's god tier convenience for a day out. Bonus points if it gets the gammons seething.

[phonics]

I keep cash and fags in the back pocket if I’m not wearing a jacket. It used to be like phone, fags left pocket and wallet, keys, lighter right pocket but now you’re that much more active with it it’s easier to back pocket the fags and pop them out when I’m sitting down.

[Mike]

Are you left or right handed Mike?
Right.

[Shindig]

Shaving with new blades is nice.

[Don]

https://www.arket.com/en_gbp/men/bags-accessories/product.packable-shoulder-pouch-green.0871948003.html

I have this and it's god tier convenience for a day out. Bonus points if it gets the gammons seething.

If this has the tight fit of a fannypack, I can back it but if it's like those god awful tote bags 'hipsters' pretend are convenient, no thanks. Why tf would you want slack on any kind of bag/container? Fucking retarded.

[Lewis]

It probably settles into a rhythm with your mincing.

[Dquincy]

What do you keep in yours?

Train ticket. Anything thicker than that is an obvious no-no for the back pocket.

[mo]

Had to take today off to look after my son, meaning I miss a 2hr twilight training session after school :youpi:

[niko_cee]

I'm choosing to read that as training on the Twilight saga/series.

[mo]

Aye, it's part of the National Curriculum nowadays. Something about inclusivity for werewolves.

(The real, boring explanation is that we disaggregate some training days and do them in 2 hour blocks, in order to get an extra full day added to the holidays)

[Pen]

Yeah, For has got it right.

I usually have a tissue in my back pocket if I’m wearing jeans. Parenthood has made me a trackie bottom user at least 90% of the time though.

[Giggles]

Sunday afternoon beers but knowing it's a bank holiday so they won't be peeping all day tomorrow.

[Spikey M]

Sunday afternoon beers but knowing it's a bank holiday so they won't be peeping all day tomorrow.

You got my hopes up then you utter bastard.

[niko_cee]

My ultra remain wife got her new, blue passport today. :happycry:

[Spikey M]

How many lb does it weigh?

[Giggles]

Worth it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My observation from travelling recently is that the biggest challenge to Brexit here will come when mass foreign holidays restart, and the Great British Public realise that they are now required to queue with the blacks and browns for entry to (and exit from) their favourite European destinations, rather than with the EU passport holding whites in the faster queue. They won't like that at all. If Brexit passes that hurdle then it's going to the moon.

[niko_cee]

How many lb does it weigh?

No idea [cost a few though], the added kicker is they fuck about with your photo with all the new security stuff, so her painstaking efforts to 'get a decent photo' also went somewhat to waste.

I've got 7 years of lording it over her with my EU badged maroon one.

And yeah, the Spanish turning every border into a Gibraltar-style lolfest. That'd be a stellar idea. I don't doubt it'll happen.

[Shindig]

Yeah, I sneaked in for a red cover but they hologram the hell out of your photo.

[Lofty]

My observation from travelling recently is that the biggest challenge to Brexit here will come when mass foreign holidays restart, and the Great British Public realise that they are now required to queue with the blacks and browns for entry to (and exit from) their favourite European destinations, rather than with the EU passport holding whites in the faster queue. They won't like that at all. If Brexit passes that hurdle then it's going to the moon.

There has already been crying from the moron contingent about not getting soapy titwanks on arrival at customs from what I remember.

[Raoul Duke]

That was an option? FFS

[Ian]

My observation from travelling recently is that the biggest challenge to Brexit here will come when mass foreign holidays restart, and the Great British Public realise that they are now required to queue with the blacks and browns for entry to (and exit from) their favourite European destinations, rather than with the EU passport holding whites in the faster queue. They won't like that at all. If Brexit passes that hurdle then it's going to the moon.

The Great British Public has neither the brain cells nor the self awareness to realise they've brought this on themselves and will just blame the EU anyway. There might be the odd "The Government should really do something about this", then they'll continue to vote them in so that they don't.

[SincereTheRebel]

Over the weekend, I realised that the button flush on your toilet has two separate buttons. The half-moon is a quick flush for your piss and the full moon is the big flush for when you drop a shit.

[igor_balis]

Our full moon always jams, so if someone has been in the toilet i tend to have to go in after and give it a tap to stop it constantly flushing water. I'd originally typed something like "no matter how many times i've told my mates over the last 10 years...", but then it occurred to me that it's probably on my mother to have gotten in fixed at some point. Or for me to get my own place, I suppose.

[igor_balis]

It's also (not very) interesting that my male friends always use the full moon one, even if they've just had a piss, whereas my occasional female visiters don't seem to have the same problem. Makes you think!!

[mo]

About your female visitors toilet habits?

[Lofty]

You can get a new one of those buttons for about £7 off amazon and fit it yourself, piece of piss.

[Spikey M]

It's also (not very) interesting that my male friends always use the full moon one, even if they've just had a piss, whereas my occasional female visiters don't seem to have the same problem. Makes you think!!

Igor outing himself as a SpyCam owner there.

[Manc]

Does a portal to another world open if you press both "moons" together.