Gardens (Sponsored by Shindigs green fingers)

[Spikey M]

Having previously said we'll be getting Artificial Grass at our new house, we've just been sent a quote of £5500 for doing half the garden. Then £2000 for the patio. Lulz. Fuck that.

We'll press ahead with the patio but the grass will have to stay as is. However, it's a bit patchy and worn out, so it will need some love. Any tips lads?

[Yevrah]

Get a gardener in. One of the few house related costs that actually seem reasonable, unlike fake grass.

[Spikey M]

That may well be a good shout actually.

[Pen]

We did quite a bit on our back yard when we moved here. In here it’s the opposite. The stuff is somewhat reasonably priced but hiring anyone to work for you costs a fortune. Luckily the basic stuff is easy, if a bit time consuming to do.

[Yevrah]

Costs me about £80 a time for some chap to come in for 3 hours 2 or 3 times a year to keep mine sorted, albeit it’s not very big.

[Lofty]

Try Speedy Seed, highly recommended in the budget groups.

[Baz]

I have a gardener now. Should probably make me feel inadequate or a lesser man than my dad, but I’m just glad I don’t have to go in the shed as often.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's much better popping into the attic instead.

[Dquincy]

Spikey, AstroTurf is an abomination. :sick:

Unless you're paying for the grade A version, it looks like a gypo's back garden. Even the good stuff looks naff.

[Spikey M]

It was the decent stuff. We weren't looking at the glow in the dark green shite. The geezer reckons he can knock a grand off if we did want that though.

[Baz]

It's much better popping into the attic instead.Well yeah. About ten times less spiders, zero frogs and going up there usually isn’t followed by walking up and down the lawn for fifteen minutes.

[Andy]

Spent a small fortune on timber for my new garden today.

Oak to build a pergola, this will go down the side of the house, this will be my BBQ/Bar area. I might eventually put a solid roof on this, or maybe a section. Once the pergola is built I'm planning to block pave the ground with an oak sleeper boarder. Decided on the block pavers as they're near on indestructible and if I get an oil stain from cooking I'll be able to swap a couple of the blocks out easily.

Also bought some cedar slats to build some climbing trellis on the side of the garage.

Then finally I have 18sqm of yellow balau decking which should look mint. This will be on the other side of the garden to the pergola and then we have turf between and a plant boarder. Have some rattan seats to go there.

The garden turf is pretty shitty but it looks nice, once I've got the the work finished I'll start focusing on that. Would prefer artifical but my wife is dead against it.

[Lofty]

Sounds like a bigger version of my plan, but being a lazy non practical man I have bought a pre cut decking kit from a timber merchant. Essentially half the garden is going to be decked, the other half will be a lawn bordered by a wood frame that holds raised flower beds. I also have to get a water feature in the corner as per orders from the other half.

[Raoul Duke]

We need some before and after photos in here :nodd:

[Baz]

Not fans of composite decking?

[Yevrah]

Not fans of composite decking?

Can't say I am. I had the choice last year and it just doesn't look as good as actual wood so I swerved it.

[Alan Shearer The 2nd]

I don't understand artificial turf unless you were wanting to make a putting or chipping area for golf. If you want low maintenance then go with slabs or stones.

That being said I'm probably the only green-fingered person on here I suspect. Definitely more into the plants than the landscaping. Got into gardening in 2017 and have done quite a bit of planting/potting round the back since then. Top photo was from the home brochure when I bought the house, forgot how sparse it was-

https://i.postimg.cc/mDmdvZmT/Capture.jpg (https://postimg.cc/ygSX9KqG)

https://i.postimg.cc/3N6twSM6/IMG-2499.jpg (https://postimg.cc/ctRR9cLM)

[Shindig]

That's just showing off. :D

[Alan Shearer The 2nd]

I'll take that. :beer:

What I will warn people about is digging a new border or cutting and lifting turf is ten times harder than you think it's going to be.

[Shindig]

One thing my parents did was have a couple of friends that were really into gardening. They tidied the place up for nowt.

[Spikey M]

I don't understand artificial turf unless you were wanting to make a putting or chipping area for golf. If you want low maintenance then go with slabs or stones.

That being said I'm probably the only green-fingered person on here I suspect. Definitely more into the plants than the landscaping. Got into gardening in 2017 and have done quite a bit of planting/potting round the back since then. Top photo was from the home brochure when I bought the house, forgot how sparse it was-

https://i.postimg.cc/mDmdvZmT/Capture.jpg (https://postimg.cc/ygSX9KqG)

https://i.postimg.cc/3N6twSM6/IMG-2499.jpg (https://postimg.cc/ctRR9cLM)

With 2 young kids, grass is a must. I just can't be doing with the maintenance.

I think alot of the views on Artificial Grass are a bit dated too. You can get really realistic stuff these days, it just turns out it's crazily expensive.

[Adamski]

Spent a small fortune on timber for my new garden today.

Oak to build a pergola, this will go down the side of the house, this will be my BBQ/Bar area. I might eventually put a solid roof on this, or maybe a section. Once the pergola is built I'm planning to block pave the ground with an oak sleeper boarder. Decided on the block pavers as they're near on indestructible and if I get an oil stain from cooking I'll be able to swap a couple of the blocks out easily.

Also bought some cedar slats to build some climbing trellis on the side of the garage.

Then finally I have 18sqm of yellow balau decking which should look mint. This will be on the other side of the garden to the pergola and then we have turf between and a plant boarder. Have some rattan seats to go there.

The garden turf is pretty shitty but it looks nice, once I've got the the work finished I'll start focusing on that. Would prefer artifical but my wife is dead against it.

https://imgur.com/gallery/jkwSa2z

This is my set up, just finished the other week.

We got a pergola as well, really like it. We got a sail for the roof but not sure it’s going to give as much protection as we want so thinking of other options for that.

Edit: fake grass as well. Soz to the haters.

[Don]

Yes Alan, that shit be nourishing our souls suitably enough to deal with these plastic wankers who have a panic attack at anything other than straight lines and right angles. Does Adamski's even qualify as a garden by definition? Save your gardener fees and go wild, chaps.

[Spikey M]

You had better be uploading pictures of your garden as we speak if you want to send for people like that.

[Don]

Private gardens are outdated but if you must, I am here to offer wisdom.

[Spikey M]

My man doesn't even have a garden. Get your poverty out of my face.

[Lofty]

https://imgur.com/gallery/jkwSa2z

This is my set up, just finished the other week.

We got a pergola as well, really like it. We got a sail for the roof but not sure it’s going to give as much protection as we want so thinking of other options for that.

Edit: fake grass as well. Soz to the haters.

Nice and clean, do you like your neighbours or is that progressively lower boundary fence an issue? Top points for kamado bbq.

[Adamski]

Cheers. Neighbours are Chinese with basic English and appear to be vampires as I’ve not seen them in at least a year, so thankfully not an issue.

[Lofty]

I have 4 tonnes of soil arriving tomorrow. The challenge being that there is no rear access in this house thanks to the previous owners building an extension, so I will be ferrying it through the house one wheelbarrow at a time :moop:

[Spikey M]

I have no real ability to visualise how much soil 4 tonnes is, but that sounds like a hell of alot. Especially to be wheeling through the house.

[Ian]

Well if this (https://www.qualitygardensupplies.co.uk/products/Topsoil-Bulk-Bag-p675177) (which is just under a tonne) is one of the ones I think it is then I've decided it can't possibly be worth the effort.

[Queenslander]

1 man, 1 shovel and 1 wheelbarrow?

That is gonna take ages.

[Spikey M]

Well if this (https://www.qualitygardensupplies.co.uk/products/Topsoil-Bulk-Bag-p675177) (which is just under a tonne) is one of the ones I think it is then I've decided it can't possibly be worth the effort.

Someone down our road had one of them delivered last summer. It sat in their front garden for about 3 months as it slowly emptied into their back garden.

Lugging 4 of them through then house by wheelbarrow is a joke.

[Ian]

1 man, 1 shovel and 1 wheelbarrow?

The 2 girls 1 cup sequel none of us need.

[Queenslander]

The 2 girls 1 cup sequel none of us need.

:D

[Spikey M]

Don't kink shame me.

[Queenslander]

Lofty should livestream the action.

[Mike]

Moved in with my girlfriend before Christmas meaning I’m out of the flat life and finally have a lawn. Gave the back its first cut last weekend and just given the front one and the back a second go over. It’s not in the best shape but after years of listening to Baz and our Dad discuss lawns over Monday Night Tea™️ for years I’m just happy to be involved. Got some stuff to make it greener but really it needs moss and weed killer.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I read that entire post, after the word 'girlfriend', as a euphemism.

'I'm just happy to be involved'

[Don]

"What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered.”

[SvN]

When we put an offer on our house, it was conditional on the removal of two ponds in the garden. They got rid of them, but left all of the plants surrounding them and big mounds of dirt where the ponds used to be. The garden is huge so it didn't really bother me, but my wife hated it. We spent the last two days digging out all of the weeds and overgrown plants, then worked on getting the ground level. We filled a 7 yard skip, and ended up having to order a replacement in order to finish it.

I don't mind gardening, but this is back breaking stuff.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I have 4 tonnes of soil arriving tomorrow. The challenge being that there is no rear access in this house thanks to the previous owners building an extension, so I will be ferrying it through the house one wheelbarrow at a time :moop:

It will take you forever and you will be fucked.

We had 2-4 lugging 6 tonnes, it took us a whole day and my back was completely fucked by the end of it.

[Boydy]

When we put an offer on our house, it was conditional on the removal of two ponds in the garden. They got rid of them, but left all of the plants surrounding them and big mounds of dirt where the ponds used to be. The garden is huge so it didn't really bother me, but my wife hated it. We spent the last two days digging out all of the weeds and overgrown plants, then worked on getting the ground level. We filled a 7 yard skip, and ended up having to order a replacement in order to finish it.

I don't mind gardening, but this is back breaking stuff.

Alright, showoff.

[Lofty]

It will take you forever and you will be fucked.

We had 2-4 lugging 6 tonnes, it took us a whole day and my back was completely fucked by the end of it.

Moved 3 tonight, do the final one tomorrow. Obviously I'm nails.

[Lewis]

Two working hands was probably crucial.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'd imagine the working back was more of a help.

[Lewis]

:console:

[mo]

We've got this raised area at the top of the garden which has been a jungle foe the last couple of years. It's now been cleared and we want to put a shed up there (metal or plastic, no wood shit). I had to take down the small wall that bordered it (was a single line of blocks, 1x2m roughly) and am intending to re-use them to build the wall, but to do it properly this time. There were no foundations before (the blocks were placed on some hidden paving slabs) so going to do that, hopefully well, then chisel off the old mortar and re-build the wall.

Anyone had similar experience? I know I'll need sand, mortar, cement, ballast etc and a level but not sure if there is something obvious I've missed.

[Manc sean]

The phone number of someone who knows what they're doing when you make a bollocks of it.

[mo]

:rolleyes:

[Spikey M]

Andy is your man.

[Lofty]

Not quite finished but definitely an improvement, if I do say so myself.

https://i.ibb.co/0rjcz5q/IMG-20210411-175450.jpg

[Spikey M]

You're even taller than I realised.

[Spoonsky]

You've put a Haxball stadium in your backyard. :cool:

[Waffdon]

I don't understand artificial turf unless you were wanting to make a putting or chipping area for golf. If you want low maintenance then go with slabs or stones.

That being said I'm probably the only green-fingered person on here I suspect. Definitely more into the plants than the landscaping. Got into gardening in 2017 and have done quite a bit of planting/potting round the back since then. Top photo was from the home brochure when I bought the house, forgot how sparse it was-

https://i.postimg.cc/mDmdvZmT/Capture.jpg (https://postimg.cc/ygSX9KqG)

https://i.postimg.cc/3N6twSM6/IMG-2499.jpg (https://postimg.cc/ctRR9cLM)

That’s my old school in the background :lol:

[Baz]

Spent the morning in the garden. Cut the grass and applied iron sulphate. It’s too warm really, but that’s what happens when your wife employs a rubbish gardener and I’m brought out of retirement to fix it.

Also covered the patio and drive in Gallup to try and get a handle on the weeds. Me and my dad are gonna regrout the patio soon, so good to get some weed killer down the cracks before cementing it shut.

My wife planted some chives a while ago and I bloody love it when the strimmer catches them and the whole garden smells like spring onions for a bit. :drool:

[Don]

Someone needs to apply a good chemical compound to kill you :nono:

[Giggles]

I don’t know if you get it there but Roundup Biactive is the tits for weeds.

[phonics]

lol, as someone who worked in corporate comms for the company that made Roundup. I would avoid Roundup.

[Giggles]

It’s what works though. I protect myself well when using it and don’t use it near the well.

Nothing else kills stuff as quick or as well.

[phonics]

Think that was the most depressing part of that job. They’d send us a list of all the lawsuits involved and Cplumn A was what we’d spent on Lawyers. column b was how much more we’d be willing to spend on lawyers. And Column C was how much the plaintiffs were asking for. And it was always like a small percentage of A+B. So depressing.

[Don]

Ah yeah, as long as your hideous physical form is yet again just about sustained to maintain a pulse over all other costs, that's all that matters. Roundup all-round.

[Spikey M]

Oh shut up you flange.

[Giggles]

Every bee I kill I like to pretend is Taz.

[Lofty]

Why are you killing Bees? Wasps, fair enough, but bees? Bad form. Our garden is doing well now, spent too much money on plants (despite buying bargain plants, that has just resulted in buying more). However the local birds think the red berry suet I put in the feeders is crack cocaine and act accordingly, nailing a whole cake in a day.

I was trying to grow a wall of conifers at the adjoining fence to our drive out the front to avoid having to talk to the neighbours but a few of them have died off, inexplicably as the others are fine.

[Giggles]

I’m not really killing bees, not deliberately anyway as I’m only spraying low weeds and grasses. What bees I’ll have helped with the wild flower patch I put in especially for them will vastly outweigh any killed.

Anyway, don’t think for a second that suicide bomber cunt actually gives a fuck about nature. He just wants to something something gammons.

[Don]

Woah there, we got an extinction rebellion badass here, planting wild flower patches to help the bees.

[Lofty]

I planted some bee bombs but they were wank and non flowering plants so I ripped the fuckers out. Saw some comedy prices on dahlias at the garden centre on friday, £15 per plant. Did have a nice purple lot and some oranges, will wait until next spring and get them off the old fella down the farm for £2 each.

[Spikey M]

We have a "bug hotel" and a "Hedgehog House" in our garden. :cool:

[Andy]

We have a "bug hotel" and a "Hedgehog House" in our garden. :cool:

I have a bat house built into the top of the gable end in my house complete with a batman logo.

[Luca]

This is how we get the Zeta variant.

[randomlegend]

https://i.imgur.com/Du5jmd2.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/fkHN7iR.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/Bs203fR.jpg

Did a little bark border over the last few days. I wouldn't be hiring me to lay your setts/cobbles any time soon but it wasn't a disaster given I've never done it before. The first picture is the kitchen thing I showed before, second a mini greenhouse and the third is a pallet thing the girl wants to make into a herb garden, IDK.

Have a morello cherry tree on the way which we are going to train onto the wall.

Also my yuzu tree has some yuzus! And I haven't killed it yet!

https://i.imgur.com/rhNEOZQ.png

[randomlegend]

https://i.imgur.com/15LzzR5.png

Still not dead.

[Baz]

Done my garden jobs today while WFH (hi Giggles) so I can spend tomorrow sunbathing in the paddling pool.

Lawn cut and iron sulfphate applied and the moss is already black and dying. :drool: Will probably give it a rake in about ten days, rather than borrowing my dads scarifier cos it's a bit late in the year to have a bald lawn. Need to get my arse in gear in March/April next year so I can be reseeding at about this time ready for luscious Summer grass.

Also put some of this (https://goodgrow.uk/triple-action/) on my drive cos I found it in the shed. Probably not as good as Gallup, but the weeds aren't too bad yet.

[Ben]

I scarified last week. Like you said it's a bit shit having a bald lawn now the sun is blazing but I've overseeded with A1 Lawn Seed, which is top stuff. Should be looking like the Emirates by mid-June.

[Lofty]

If it makes you feel better I correctly patch treated my lawn at the 'right' time of year and it didn't work due to the ridiculously late frosts in the north west :moop:

[Ben]

Spent a good hour last night heavily watering the front and back lawn after the weather forecast ASSURED me it'll be hot and dry for at least the next 7-10 days. Woke up this morning to biblical rain which is now forecast to continue right through the day. Great.

On a brighter note, bought myself a cylinder mower a couple of months ago. Wow, what a machine. Mowing every 2-3 days and it's putting Wimbledon to shame (before this morning anyway).

Anyone else having problems with Selfheal this year? Never had it before but the neighbours have been overwhelmed by it this summer. I managed to fend it off up until now but it looks like a few seeds have blown over and rooted on the front now. A big scarify should fix it but we're only 4 weeks away from renovation time, so don't know what to do, other than keeping it at bay with regular mowing.

[Baz]

Not here but spotted some ‘horsetail weed’ creeping under from next door’s fence and it seems to have made its way onto the opposite side of my lawn. Apparently once you’ve got that, you’ve always got that, so I’m just mowing whenever I can to keep it at bay.

And similar, I was chuffed to empty the paddling pool out last night thinking it was good to water the grass, only to be woken up at 3am by my hysterical daughter, scared that the world was ending cos the thunder and heavy rain. At least the grass is well fed, and it’s sunny again today, so the perfect way to do it really.

Unrelated to my lawn but still in the garden, my shed roof has lost some of its felt. I’ve bought some and strategically placed it next to the back door ready for when my dad feeds the cat while I’m in Norwich next week. Hopefully I come home to a new shed roof…

[Lofty]

Must have slept through the thunder, my phone correctly warned me about rain so I never bothered watering. Wife strimmed my rare fuschia to death though :eyemouth:

[Ben]

Horsetail is a right bastard. Had it at my old house. I think by the time we moved I had finally eradicated it, through a combination of digging out any I see (which weakens the next growth), regular mowing (which it really doesn't like because it's slow growing) and giving it a lot of competition (ie. if it's in your lawn, get your grass as healthy and fast growing as you can).

Any of the marketed "horsetail killers" are useless because unless you're prepared to nuke your entire garden with glyphosate, they won't touch it. Even then, it's been known to survive glyphosate too.

[niko_cee]

I think I have some of those selfheal flowers out front. Zero fucks given. I cut the old guy next doors bit of grass out front when I do mine and I've always feared he might be a Ben style lawnatic, but thankfully he isn't.

Might turf my next place as the garden will probably need to be completely redone and then document how long it takes to be overrun with moss/weeds.

[Ben]

Seeding > turfing

:eyemouth:

[SvN]

Having done both, turf is more expensive but a lot less work.

[Ben]

I suppose it's down to how much you enjoy it. I'm counting down the days until I can do the autumn overseeding.

[Boydy]

I've got a very small lawn and I fucking hate it. It's full of weeds. I don't know how anyone can be arsed.

I'm tempted to just get it paved but I'm a bit worried about drainage as it's higher up than the house and slopes towards it.

[SvN]

I suppose it's down to how much you enjoy it. I'm counting down the days until I can do the autumn overseeding.

I overseed regularly too, but for a brand new lawn, I'd go with good quality turf, personally.

[niko_cee]

Anyone else suffering a sudden bout of slugmageddon? There must be hundreds of the little, well, actually quite big, fuckers on my front lawn at the moment. I've never seen anything like it. I assume nothing dares eat the bastards as they're bold as brass. Does the rain trigger them?

[Lofty]

Yes it's the rain, they are everywhere as soon as it rains here. Make sure to get pellets around anything vulnerable you don't want demolished. Thankfully they don't bother with my beloved fuschia collection.

[Baz]

I wish they'd eat the weeds on my driveway.