Do you write with your right or left hand?

[Jimmy Floyd]

No further questions really, just anodyne data collection and seeing who the sound geezers are.

[Ian]

How ironic that you'd be a lefty.

[Don]

"If you're not paying for the product, you are the left-handed weirdo."

[-james-]

All I remember is that the left-handers at school were all oddballs. Strangely I am right handed.

[Lewis]

I am right handed, and I hold the fork in my right hand because fork use requires more dexterity.

[Boydy]

I am right handed, and I hold the fork in my right hand because fork use requires more dexterity.
No it doesn't.

[Lewis]

Maybe not if your limp wrists struggle with simple cutting motions.

[Spikey M]

I am right handed, and I hold the fork in my right hand because fork use requires more dexterity.

Same, so FACT.

[Jimmy Floyd]

How ironic that you'd be a lefty.

Alas there isn't a hand marked 'personal responsibility and fiscal controls'.

[Lewis]

'You've never eaten with somebody like me before...'

[Baz]

You’re either right-handed or wrong-handed.

[Disco]

Jimmy could almost work for the BBC at this point.

[Boydy]

Maybe not if your limp wrists struggle with simple cutting motions.
The fork just holds the food still while you cut with the knife. The knife requires more motion.

Suppose that doesn't matter when your mummy still cuts your food up into bitesize pieces for you though.

[Lewis]

This is fork and knife-level this.

[Shindig]

You use the dominant hand for the fork because that's what you do more stuff with.

[Don]

The toxicity levels are simmering nicely here and by my reckoning, will have peaked tomorrow before the clocks shift and the saunas open. Until then...finish him!

[Spikey M]

Mahow is suspiciously quiet on this topic.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'm a righty obviously.

I also use my dominant hand to control my knife because I'm not a weirdo (in this at least).

[Lewis]

The momentum behind this. lol at Boyd holding his cutlery in his fists.

[Spikey M]

I'm a righty obviously.

I also use my dominant hand to control my knife because I'm not a weirdo (in this at least).

Yes, but your dominant hand is more dominant than most.

[Ian]

Can you flirt with him via PM please.

[Lewis]

He eats from a trough and uses his 'dominant hand' to scrape it.

[Raoul Duke]

I'm left handed/footed but do stuff like use scissors/throw and play guitar right-handed :sorry:

[Offshore Toon]

Right-hand forker here. We kinda need a new thread for this.

[Spikey M]

Right-hand forker here. We kinda need a new thread for this.

Not needed. Me, you and Lewis vs Team Depression tells us everything we need to know.

[Offshore Toon]

Throwing Mahow off the top of the cage. :drool:

[Kikó]

I'm an ambidextrous fork user but the correct usage is left hand.

[Mellberg]

I'm left handed/footed but do stuff like use scissors/throw and play guitar right-handed :sorry:

Same, but both footed. As much as a centre half can be anyway.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Throwing Mahow off the top of the cage. :drool:

As if I'd even get up there in the first place.

[Baz]

Not needed. Me, you and Lewis vs Team Depression tells us everything we need to know.Sign me up, boys. :cool:

[Lofty]

Right handed dominant hand forker here.

[Spikey M]

:drool: what a donning this is.

[mugbull]

Left handed, left footed, left eyed, left eared, left scissored. Only thing my right hand does is use the computer mouse and twiddle my ballsack when I piss

[7om]

Right handed, fork in left hand.

[phonics]

Fork in left hand because I wasn’t raised in a barn.

[mugbull]

Also, the knife obviously requires more dexterity than the fork. The fork is just stabbed into whatever it is you’re cutting and just stays there while the knife does the hard work

[randomlegend]

Not needed. Me, you and Lewis vs Team Depression tells us everything we need to know.

I'm right-handed and a right hand forker. Sorry for throwing a spanner in the works.

[Shindig]

It's probably not a hard transition to swap, to be fair.

[randomlegend]

When I was a kid I could only use left handed scissors but with my right hand.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Team Freak v Team Depression then.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I can live with right hand forkers (i.e. wrong forkers), but if I find out anyone holds them like a pen unfortunately I will have to arrange for you to be euthanised.

[Lewis]

Right-hand forker here. We kinda need a new thread for this.

Der der der der right-hand forker (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NA_4MLj1Ukg)

[igor_balis]

I bet right handed people using forks with their right hand correlates strongly with autism.

[Boydy]

Right handed forkers probably "don't like vegetables" either. People who were coddled too much as children essentially.

[Queenslander]

Left handed mong writing and fork user. Right handed for sport.

[Spikey M]

Right handed forkers probably "don't like vegetables" either. People who were coddled too much as children essentially.

The only vegetable I don't like is you.

And Aubergine.

Cunt.

[Dquincy]

Right handed, but sometimes masturbate with my left.

Ambidextrous.

[7om]

The only vegetable I don't like is you.

And Aubergine.

Cunt.

It’s called eggplant, you simpleton.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It’s called eggplant, you simpleton.

Nonce.

[Don]

My man has just knocked aubergines too, Jesus.

[Kikó]

What's wrong with aubergines ffs?

[Spikey M]

Nothing if you like barely flavoured mush.

It offers nothing.

[Ian]

Dunno if I've ever had anything with it in as a main ingredient other than moussaka but moussaka is ace.

[Jimmy Floyd]

There are two eras of one's life: the time before one has tried melanzane alla parmigiana, when one can view the aubergine with suspicion; and the time after one has tried it, when one knows what heights it can scale.

[SvN]

Der der der der right-hand forker (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NA_4MLj1Ukg)



Right hand forkers, right hand forkers, we are proud to say that name... (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--CdA8IhE6Q)

[niko_cee]

There are two eras of one's life: the time before one has tried melanzane alla parmigiana, when one can view the aubergine with suspicion; and the time after one has tried it, when one knows what heights it can scale.

:nodd:

Can also milanese the fuckers as well (as I believe Spikey's resident celebrity chef did this week).

[niko_cee]

Also, right hand writer and use cutlery like someone who has had some sort of upbringing.

Right hand fork is ok if it's the only implement you have or maybe if the other implement isn't a knife (this exemption exists if you're a spoon with pasta sort of person).

My wife's a lefty, as are half our kids (it would appear) which makes me wonder whether there should be an even split and only historical prejudice has seen the sinister folk pushed into a minority.

[Baz]

Right hand fork is ok if it's the only implement you have or maybe if the other implement isn't a knife (this exemption exists if you're a spoon with pasta sort of person).
To be fair it's probably cos I usually chop everything up first and then ditch the knife until the last few mouthfuls.

[Ian]

What? :D

[Spikey M]

Mate...

[Spikey M]

I do that for my 2 year old. My 5 year old does it herself for fuck sake.

[Baz]

Only if it's like sausages and mash, for example. I'll just chop all the sausages up at the start, then I can just eat non-stop.

For like a roast dinner, I chop as I go. With the fork in the right the whole time.

Steak at home = chop it all up at the start
Steak in a restaurant = chop it as I eat

[Spikey M]

This one of those revelations that follows you around for the rest of your life.

[Queenslander]

:lol:

[Spikey M]

I would also like to congratulatulate team left hand fork for what had been a top quality 2nd test.

[Yevrah]

I write write with my right hand and hold my fork with my left, because I am right handed.

Has Jim joined a Eugenics group in lockdown or something?

[Waffdon]

Only if it's like sausages and mash, for example. I'll just chop all the sausages up at the start, then I can just eat non-stop.

For like a roast dinner, I chop as I go. With the fork in the right the whole time.

Steak at home = chop it all up at the start
Steak in a restaurant = chop it as I eat

I do that for a fry up or anything with sausages as well hahahahah

[Lewis]

Right hand fork is ok if it's the only implement you have or maybe if the other implement isn't a knife (this exemption exists if you're a spoon with pasta sort of person).

This sounds like the dexterity point stands on first principles, so lol at the conformists making their own lives difficult.

[Spikey M]

Imagine not being able to move your weak hand backwards and forwards.

[Offshore Toon]

The LHFs in disarray. Come on, form a decent argument or concede. Lets not waste too much time on this.

[Ian]

A combination of habit and apparently not having the weak hand of a weedy gimp meaning no need to change that habit.

That said any notion that it really matters which hand you hold it in is lol.

[Spikey M]

It was people like you, avoiding the big questions of the day, that kept the slaves in chains. Disgusting.

[Ian]

I assume a feeb like you would have been in more need of a slave to make up for a useless left hand.

[Spikey M]

My left hand is strong. It's the Left hand forkers that can't cope with the idea of cutting with their betacuck hands that you want to be looking at.

[Ian]

I can use either in either because neither knives or forks are as difficult as is being made out here.

[Queenslander]

What about spoon hands?

[Ian]

Don't confuse the issue, we haven't fully milked the non-subject of fork hands yet.

[Spikey M]

I Spork with my right hand.

[Queenslander]

Apologies.

[Kikó]

https://imagesvc.meredithcorp.io/v3/mm/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fstatic.onecms.io%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2Fsites%2F23%2F2017%2F10%2F27%2F casual-place-setting.jpg

Spoon is right hand. Read the table.

[Spikey M]

Casual should say Informal tbh

[Ian]

And where does the spork go?

[Queenslander]

That table has triggered my inner bogan.

[Kikó]

Take your elbows off the table.

[Queenslander]

Elbows? I think you mean forearms.

[Spikey M]

What? :D

[Ian]

This is tense because I don't know if that's better or worse.

[Kikó]

What a bogan.


What about your posture? Don’t feel obligated to sit bolt-upright, but try to refrain from slouching in your seat, and certainly avoid tipping back your chair. It’s generally advised to keep your elbows off the table, although gently resting your forearms on the table is usually acceptable. If you must rest your elbows on the table, do it only between courses, when there is not a plate in front of you. When in doubt, refrain from resting either.

https://tableagent.com/article/table-etiquette/#:~:text=It's%20generally%20advised%20to%20keep,do ubt%2C%20refrain%20from%20resting%20either.

[Queenslander]

I was picturing an elbow/forearm combo

[Jimmy Floyd]

Fork resting on napkin is so lower middle class, get that shit out of my sight.

[Ian]

Where would the napkin be at a Tory banquet?

Well, before it ended up somewhere unspeakable.

[Spikey M]

A Tory banquet is a bowl of Coke and a pile of £50 notes.

Note in the right nostril, please.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I don't know what happens at Tory banquets, they probably throw the food at each other and call it Mary. However in a respectable setting, napkin would be left of the fork(s), or in the middle if the plate setup allows.

[7om]

Team RHF (aka Team Mong) are on the ropes here. Admit that you’re simpletons and we can archive the thread.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I don't know what happens at Tory banquets, they probably throw the food at each other and call it Mary. However in a respectable setting, napkin would be left of the fork(s), or in the middle if the plate setup allows.

This is correct.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Also Baz, fucking hell.

[randomlegend]

I use my right hand for the fork because it's what I've always done and see no reason to change.

If I had to logic it I'd go along similar lines to Lewis and say that you want to use the more dextrous hand to transport the food to your mouth, but being realistic if you can't use either implement in either hand then you're a raging spacker.

[niko_cee]

What sort of soup spoon is that in the diagram? :nono:

[randomlegend]

Aye that's a dessert spoon, right?

[Boydy]

Looks more like a teaspoon beside that knife.

[niko_cee]

I would have gone dessert spoon, but now that's sewn a seed of doubt in my mind. It does look a bit diddy.

[Spikey M]

I'd say teaspoon.

[wullie]

Both hands on the plate and let gravity do the rest, follow the science.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I thought this thread would do well to make a second page, three pages is magic stuff.

Does anyone have any strong opinions on mug shapes? I can't abide anything too narrow.

[Offshore Toon]

I want a video of Welby eating with two forks.

[phonics]

I thought this thread would do well to make a second page, three pages is magic stuff.

Does anyone have any strong opinions on mug shapes? I can't abide anything too narrow.

My mum will only drink tea from a ceramic mug. She claims it tastes different, I say she will do anything to make sure no one ever discovers she used to be working class.

[Ian]

I want a video of Welby eating with two forks.

A lefty and a righty version of these. (https://www.completecareshop.co.uk/eating-aids/etac-light-cutlery/etac-light-knork-right-handed-view-large?gclid=CjwKCAjwxuuCBhATEiwAIIIz0VzYoo-uNi0sWKyAucfoqxhzeNxHIu-d66sYQWxNFfkDJwylDaLKDBoCjLcQAvD_BwE)

[Spikey M]

The game has changed :drool:

[Shindig]

Heh. 'Knorks'. :D

[Lewis]

What about spoon hands?

This is a good way to approach it. Imagine yourself eating ice cream from the tub and wanting to mine all the good bits out.

[Reg]

Right handed, right knifer, right thinker, right good lad. Lewis, digging the remains of an ice cream tub is more difficult than stabbing a piece of food and not doing anything else.

[igor_balis]

There are two eras of one's life: the time before one has tried melanzane alla parmigiana, when one can view the aubergine with suspicion; and the time after one has tried it, when one knows what heights it can scale.

I like other aubergine things as well, but it is a terrific dish.

I also know it mainly as just "parmagiana", so was very confused when I saw Australians arguing on various simpsons meme pages about whether a parmagiana is called a parmy or a parma, when the parmagiana in question was some fucking 70s hunter's chicken looking thing.

[Manc]

Aubergine is absolutely rancid. Restaurants pushing it as the go to veg option want blowing up.

[Spikey M]

Finally, some sense.

[Raoul Duke]

Turns out us lefties are just evolutionally superior beings: https://boingboing.net/2021/03/25/this-is-why-most-people-are-right-handed.html :sorry:

[Lofty]

I once made an aubergine lasagna and it was so piss poor even a glutton like myself binned it immediately.