Christmas 2020

[Spikey M]

DarkWeb.

[Lewis]

Well remembered mate (https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/showthread.php?2689-Did-you-get-a-dinner-ticket&p=409424&viewfull=1#post409424). :lewis:

[Shindig]

Goodness, actual snow. :) EDIT: Nevermind, it's finished. Lasted all of two minutes.

[Spikey M]

I'll goodness you in a minute.

[phonics]

I wrapped the presents and I’ve done a fucking awful job of it.

[Pepe]

Well remembered mate (https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/showthread.php?2689-Did-you-get-a-dinner-ticket&p=409424&viewfull=1#post409424). :lewis:

:D

[mo]

Went to Asda to get tiramisu (traditional Christmas puddings can go straight to the bin) expecting it to be heaving, but it was oddly calm. Somewhat tempted by the baked goods being reduced but resisted.

[Baz]

Smyths is likely to be heaving today, right?

[Spikey M]

You'd have to be a sadist to find out.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You'd have to be a sadist to find out.
Considering he's had about 5 Covid tests with no symptoms or being told to do so I'm sure Baz will be popping in.

[Lofty]

My father-in-law asked my wife (and by extension me) to go to Curry's today to pick up a present, which I refused and it turned out it was out of stock anyway. He found it in stock at Argos and said he would sort it since he was half day today. Since found out he has roped her brother into getting instead :D

[Spikey M]

Considering he's had about 5 Covid tests with no symptoms or being told to do so I'm sure Baz will be popping in.

I meant more that it would indeed be a horror show and you'd have to enjoy pain to go, but now I realise that a sadist is the person that inflicts the pain, not the person that enjoys it. I'll PM Hammer and ask him to help me with my terminology in future.

[Baz]

Considering he's had about 5 Covid tests with no symptoms or being told to do so I'm sure Baz will be popping in.I’ve had two. Work told me to have one and today’s was so I can go into my parents house tomorrow. And it’s explicitly called No Symptom Testing.

[Don]

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2020/dec/24/channel-4-under-fire-for-deepfake-queen-christmas-message

Interesting stuff.

[Lewis]

As well as being utterly (and conventionally) lame, it doesn't even look convincing, which surely defeats the object.

[Shindig]

It's only worth it if she throws to Tupac and Carrie Fisher half way through it.

[-james-]

Four drinks and I'm absolutely sozzled. Hadn't really realised that I've barely had a drink all year.

[Waffdon]

Yeah, I’m gonna be the same. My head is thumping after 3.5 drinks

[Lewis]

Everyone on these Christmas soaps is breaking the guidelines all over the shop. :nono:

[Shindig]

It's probably leading to a big cast cull.

[Don]

First Xmas meal done and it was a success. Bitch marinaded the turkey overnight with lemon, I think that might have been the trick because it was moister than your mum's flaps when I turn up.

https://i.ibb.co/WD75yqy/IMG-20201224-WA0044.jpg

[Shindig]

Good effort. I've not got owt special in but I will be having belly pork tomorrow.

[Spikey M]

That stuffing isn't done.

[P_3]

Turkey looks amazing.

[Dquincy]

Definitely Aunt Bessie's.

[Don]

That stuffing isn't done.

Ya, it's meant to make 12 balls and I went with 8 and the increased size messed it up. We live and learn.


Definitely Aunt Bessie's.

Supermarket fresh ones. Do people make there own much? The missus proposed it along with Cranberry sauce and I just laughed her off as being some freshie Russian immigrant with no sense of what's normal.

[niko_cee]

Yorkshire puddings, despite the mythology, are some of the easiest things to make. It's just pancake batter (of sorts) in the oven, i don't even know if the DON'T OPEN THE OVEN wisdom has much mileage in it.

[Lewis]

First Xmas meal done and it was a success. Bitch marinaded the turkey overnight with lemon, I think that might have been the trick because it was moister than your mum's flaps when I turn up.

https://i.ibb.co/WD75yqy/IMG-20201224-WA0044.jpg


Ya, it's meant to make 12 balls and I went with 8 and the increased size messed it up. We live and learn.

Supermarket fresh ones. Do people make there own much? The missus proposed it along with Cranberry sauce and I just laughed her off as being some freshie Russian immigrant with no sense of what's normal.

https://i.imgur.com/znm2YYj.png

[Shindig]

Yorkshire puddings, despite the mythology, are some of the easiest things to make. It's just pancake batter (of sorts) in the oven, i don't even know if the DON'T OPEN THE OVEN wisdom has much mileage in it.

I'm so glad I have an opportunity to post this.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUMiZKyM6AA

[niko_cee]

:D

[Dquincy]

Supermarket fresh ones. Do people make there own much? The missus proposed it along with Cranberry sauce and I just laughed her off as being some freshie Russian immigrant with no sense of what's normal.
I tend to make my own, but I'm not knocking yours. I love an aunt Bessie's (or equivalent) as well.

Homemade yorkshire pubs are fairly easy to do, but when I do a toad in the hole, for some reason I end up with sausage in pancakes. F ing annoying!

[Dquincy]

I'm so glad I have an opportunity to post this.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUMiZKyM6AA

I genuinely started watching this thinking I was going to learn a few improvements...

[Shindig]

I love how the results come out and he just goes with it as a success.

[niko_cee]

I'm genuinely amazed he's managed to fuck that up as much as he has.

[Dquincy]

Just watched it all. It's brilliant. His confidence that he's nailed it. :lol:

[Spikey M]

The beauty of it is the over the top steps he takes to make a 4 ingredient dish, but apparently he never bothered to Google what they should look like?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Why is he using beef juices as dripping?

[Shindig]

He also carries the same confidence with cooking meat. It's genuinely concerning. Like, he knows what cooked meat should look like.

[Spikey M]

Why is he using beef juices as dripping?

It's traditional, but so is letting them rise, so fuck knows.

[ItalAussie]

Merry Christmas, all!

I had to make a dash for the Queensland border last week after Sydney had a flare-up in cases. I got back a couple of days before the border closed. It's nice to be around the family again - I got the OK to work from here until things calm down, so who knows when I'll be heading back.

But I know it's far worse for lots of you guys. I hope you're still able to have a really nice day.

[Manc]

Merry Christmas you cunts.

[Ian]

Merry Christmas, lads.

[Shindig]

Felix Navidad, you reasonable group of people. Feliz Navidad? Fuck, I dunno. Big ups, Chris Mass.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's traditional, but so is letting them rise, so fuck knows.

But dripping is the actual fat that has been separated from the juices after a roast has been done.

He's just using the juices which can't be traditional as there's not enough fat content in there.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Merry Christmas dickheads.

[Spoonsky]

Fuck it, I'm gonna make some yorkshire pudding tomorrow. I'm no baker but I can't do worse than he did.

[Kikó]

Merry Christmas x

[Yevrah]

Merry Christmas all.

[Lewis]

Merry Christmas mates.

[Luca]

Happy Festivus you filthy bastards.

[Pepe]

I had a steak. :drool:

[Baz]

Hello.

[Spikey M]

Merry Christmas geezers.

[Lofty]

Merry Christmas gents.

[Offshore Toon]

Merry Christmas everyone x

[AyDee]

Merry Christmas lads.

[Smjffy]

Merry Christmas all.

Wishing you good health.

[Baz]

Merry Christmas all.

Wishing you good health.How was your night outside? I was thinking about it last night and realised I forgot all about it.

You could have a very eventful 2021 ahead. :cool:

[Mike]

Happy Christmas everyone.

[P_3]

Merry Christmas you crazy gang!

[Jimmy Floyd]

Merry Christmas to everyone except the cunt I saw this morning, out on a dog walk, dressed in a full turkey suit.

[Foe]

Merry Christmas to everyone except the cunt I saw this morning, out on a dog walk, dressed in a full turkey suit.

Jesus Christ.

Happy Xmas all.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Merry Christmas to everyone except the cunt I saw this morning, out on a dog walk, dressed in a full turkey suit.

He's doing it for the bantz.

[Ian]

Merry Christmas to everyone except the cunt I saw this morning, out on a dog walk, dressed in a full turkey suit.

:D

I'm sending him an extra one to make up for it.

[Don]

Merry Xmas chaps!

[igor_balis]

Merry fucking christmas lads.

https://scontent-lhr8-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.15752-9/p1080x2048/133656748_885061055656784_684916364305951410_n.jpg ?_nc_cat=107&ccb=2&_nc_sid=ae9488&_nc_ohc=mHYoowe7Bk0AX_JfKCL&_nc_ht=scontent-lhr8-1.xx&tp=6&oh=d47437d7397c2a27721f74f389916f63&oe=600A0A92

Apologies for the gash photo but gammon, guinea fowl, roast potatoes, pigs in blankets, yorkshire puddings, stuffing, greens and red cabbage (cooked with white wine vinegar, cinnamon, cloves, onion, apple, bay leaf and a bit of nutmeg). Yum. The cabbage was deffo the highlight, but I wouldn't want it every Sunday, like. Guinea fowl was the perfect size for just the two of us, especially as mother is a 364 days a year vegetarian and only has a little bit.

[Alex]

Merry Christmas gentlemen. :lewis:

[Spikey M]

https://i.ibb.co/hLCRbk3/20201225-154106.jpg

The turkey was a bit dry and it didn't deliver enough juices to make as much gravy as I'd like, but it was preet good. There was another pig in blanket but it did not survive dishing up.

[Lewis]

Two for two shit efforts up to now. Soz ard lads. We had turkey and beef wellington (no pictures apologies).

[Boydy]

Oh here we go, pictures of your crap bread sauce-less dinners.

[Giggles]

I had a mammoth one that had a hard job fitting on the plate. The ham was class.

[Giggles]

Oh here we go, pictures of your crap bread sauce-less dinners.

The photos need to be taken pre-sauces. As if any self respecting human wouldn’t have it.

[Spikey M]

I won't. Bread sauce is grim.

[Lewis]

The best one yet was made by a Muslim and 'some freshie Russian immigrant' and eaten on the wrong day. igor you can understand his house probably stinks and doesn't have central heating, but Idiotmouse mate that looks like something off a Panorama about abuse in care homes.

[Giggles]

I like Spikeys. Igors would be grand too if it didn’t look like the bird had been dropped on the plate from 300 feet.

[Luca]

Igor should be ashamed of himself with that green veg. Otherwise it looks cracking.

[Spikey M]

As if Turkey Dinosaur man is trying to judge.

[Giggles]

What’s wrong with the green veg? I going to assume it’s because he cooked it?

[Spikey M]

Mine was meant to have Brussels but there was a duff one in the bag and they had all gone gammy.

[Luca]

Giggles, you’ll find they reduce the capacity of the plate to hold potatoes, meat, Yorkshire puddings, etc.

[Giggles]

Unexpected and correct :cool:

[Spikey M]

Can't actually argue with the logic there.

[Spikey M]

Is there a simpler, more joyous thing than the noble prawn ring?

[Jimmy Floyd]

The amount of turkey on Spikey's plate vs other stuff is tragic, we should all send him food parcels.

[Spikey M]

Turkey is shit, that's why. I'd happily go without it. I'd have beef or lamb given the choice.

Although there was more than it looks. A Yorkshire was ontop of half of it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You're the man of the house, time to make that choice.

[Spikey M]

You're the man of the house, time to make that choice.

I am literally the man of the house but any belief that I may be in anyway incharge should be done away with right here.

My mum was the youngest of 7 sisters. I was hen-pecked into submission before I started secondary school.

[Luca]

Unexpected and correct :cool:

I might be a ponce when it comes to most things food-related, but a Christmas dinner is a sacred carb- and meat-laden affair. Like Cheezus Christ intended.

[Kikó]

Still about 15-20 away from the main feast. Jesus didn't die for this.

[Lewis]

Everyone there might though superspreader.

[Kikó]

I'm not scared of the sexy flu.

[Giggles]

It’s the people you’ve carried it to I’d be more worried about.

[Giggles]

Madness that you have to go on a laptop to use imgur upload in this day and age.


https://i.imgur.com/1ifg5KF.jpg

[Lewis]

That was unexpected.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Why the fuck would.you have asparagus on your Christmas Dinner?

[Spikey M]

Use imgbb. Looks posh, what is it?

[Boydy]

So that's why he has instagram.

[Luca]

I absolutely refuse to believe that’s Giggles’ Christmas dinner. Deviant.

[Spikey M]

"Get a girl that can do both" :drool:

[-james-]

So many questions.

[-james-]

Mash cylinder topped with carrot and turnip rectangles and asparagus. Inverted Yorkshire pudding? Are those chives?

[Lewis]

A traditional Bottom Ireland roast.

[Dquincy]

I absolutely refuse to believe that’s Giggles’ Christmas dinner. Deviant.
It definitely isn't; who takes half a photo of their plate.

[Giggles]

Mash cylinder topped with carrot and turnip rectangles and asparagus. Inverted Yorkshire pudding? Are those chives?

What’s the inverted Yorkshire? The roast potato?

[-james-]

Yeah I guess it does look more like a potato. I definitely had you down as a pile of turkey, some ham and 8 roasties in a pool of gravy man.

[Manc]

Persona ruined with a single post. Absolute fraud.

[Spoonsky]

It looks like a modern art piece.

[Don]

That's fucked me up differently. Explain or I'll deprive you of our toxicity exchanges.

[Adamski]

It’s a pisstake.

[Waffdon]

Is it? He’s a bit of a food nonce isn’t he?

[Smjffy]

My Christmas dinner was a mothers dinner which basically means plate piled high as a mountain with no thought to presentation.

On the plus side though. Less guests meant more Pigs in Blankets. :cool:

[Spikey M]

Giggles has always loved cooking, no? I remember him posting an amazing looking curry a while back.

[Dquincy]

I'm taking his silence as 100% guilt for lying and misleading us (his closest friends).

[Giggles]

I'm taking his silence as 100% guilt for lying and misleading us (his closest friends).

Am I being silent? You have to make a bit of an effort at Christmas, the mrs does be pleased with it.

[Baz]

Can’t believe he’s not posted since. Trolled us and left the board.

[Dquincy]

Am I being silent? You have to make a bit of an effort at Christmas, the mrs does be pleased with it.

She's pleased with the photo that you downloaded from the Internet. I'm on to you Giggsy!

[Giggles]

If I was downloading one I’d have picked something a bit nicer.

[Don]

Whatsapp now has a :happycry: (it's new, right?). What a year 2021 is already shaping up to be.

[Giggles]

Where?

[phonics]

Did taz just discover emojis?

[Spikey M]

I saw some funny pictures of cats on the Internet last night.

[Don]

According to this (https://blog.emojipedia.org/whatsapp-2-20-206-24-emoji-changelog/) it was released on 9th December so please come gobble up my sweaty balls, you fucking idiot.

[Kikó]

Figured out you can send messages to people via text yesterday. Bit like mail but electronically.

[phonics]

Figured out you can send messages to people via text yesterday. Bit like mail but electronically.

😂🤣😭

[Giggles]

According to this (https://blog.emojipedia.org/whatsapp-2-20-206-24-emoji-changelog/) it was released on 9th December so please come gobble up my sweaty balls, you fucking idiot.

It’s not remotely as good but it’ll do.

[Spikey M]

https://youtu.be/kR3PT5E0XDo

[Giggles]

Galaxy Ripples are so good, and the best breakfast I could think of today.

[Foe]

Climbed a local hill today which was beaut.

I did inadvertently jump in an icy “puddle” at the top I assumed was just frozen surface water which made the wander back down a bit more brisk and cold.

Proper vicar of dibley levels of stupidity.

[phonics]

Drinking a cup of tea, smoking a fag in the snow Is the closest you can get to a high without drugs. Just good shit.

[ScousePig]

That's at least two drugs.

[phonics]

People who count caffeine as a drug are wimps I’m beta as fuck but those people are beta betas. They’re Charlies.

[Dquincy]

Smoking? Disgraceful.

[Lewis]

Smokers are jokers. FACT.

[Dquincy]

Worse than peados.

[Giggles]

Do you lot have those cretinous elf on the shelf and matching pyjamas things over there too or is it only cunts here?

[niko_cee]

We have the elf. The self-styled family Christmas tradition. Little fucker's gone back to the north pole now though.

[Spikey M]

Worst thing my wife ever did was buying that little cunt.

[Dquincy]

I won't allow it in our household. It sounds god awful. Nothing wrong with an advent calendar instead.

[Mike]

A parent of a kid at work put their elf into two weeks of isolation inside a clear plastic box.

[niko_cee]

Yeah, quite a few people I know pulled that one.

[Baz]

We had one, but it wasn’t the standard creepy looking nonce version - just a random elf teddy my brother-in-law’s girlfriend bought from a posh garden centre. I tried not to get involved with it, but the time I made him draw a self portrait of himself doing a poo was a winner, and the picture was subsequently copied in the morning by my daughter. Was a bit of a relief when Father Christmas took him back home.

Also Christmassy Instagram photos has opened my eyes to the fact that the aforementioned brother-in-laws girlfriend is a twin and he chose the wrong one. :nod:

[Lewis]

My nonce in the sconce (https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/showthread.php?2334-Christmas-2018&p=309825&viewfull=1#post309825) still hasn't been developed. If you made it look like a well-known nonce would you have to pay them royalties, or would some proceeds of crime rule let you keep it all? You could do it as a different/topical one every year to keep sales going.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I still don't know what 'elf on a shelf' is even though the parents I know seem to talk of it like it's as much a part of Christmas as mince pies.

Is it some kind of treasure hunt type thing?

[mo]

I still don't know what 'elf on a shelf' is even though the parents I know seem to talk of it like it's as much a part of Christmas as mince pies.

Is it some kind of treasure hunt type thing?

No, it’s just an elf that parents move around at night, sometimes make it do ‘wacky’ things, I think under the guise of keeping an eye on the children in the household on behalf of FC.

I refuse to participate in this cretinous behaviour. That and ‘Christmas eve boxes’.

[niko_cee]

It's an American thing and it is awful. There's a book that goes with it, which is also dreadful.

Ours basically does nothing most of the time as we forget (and then there's the sense of existential dread you get when you wake up at 06.55 and wonder if anyone remembered to move the fucking thing).

Christmas eve shit got knocked on the head this year after nanny made a play to make that a thing last year.

[Pepe]

Sounds like something of the internet era, done for the social media.

[Giggles]

Sounds like something of the internet era, done for the social media.

Bingo.

[Baz]

I’ve never taken a photo of our elf. Every morning we got “I can’t wait to see what Twinkle has been up to.”

Heaven forbid kids get excited by a toy elf who comes alive and gets up to mischief when they’re asleep, and parents play along for reasons other that upvotes.

[Spikey M]

Pretty much what Baz said and ours has never been posted on Facebook either.

He has his own Insta but that's his business.

[Kikó]

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Eqap2z1WMAAFzrt?format=jpg&name=large

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EqapyZ4XYAAQNZ1?format=jpg&name=large

Took some snaps by the Tay.

[niko_cee]

Don't let that Angus McJock (SNP leader in the commons, whatever he's called) find out.

[Foe]

Scotland is great when the photos don’t have drugs, Glaswegians or buck fast in them.

Looks great.

Walking boots get some much needed mileage?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The super spreader on tour.

[niko_cee]

If photos of Scotland were honestly taken 99.9% of them would be damp looking central belt pebble-dashed (or apparently maybe roughcast) horrorshows. That's the real Scotland.

[Kikó]

I've not killed anyone yet I'll have you know 'how.

[Spikey M]

Lag Time

[Lewis]

When I was I think ten I got one of these (https://www.wonderlandmodels.com/products/wilesco-steam-traction-engine/) for Christmas, but it never really worked properly so it just got shoved under the bed. I was reminded of it recently and ordered some fuel for it, which arrived today, so I got it going. The cylinder has a slight bleed in it that would stuff the pressure up enough for it not to run consistently, so that twenty year mystery has been solved.

Anyway, what were they thinking buying a ten year old that? It runs off camping stove tablets and every bit of it gets red hot.

[Spikey M]

Proper nerd. :drool:

[Lewis]

I fished my remote control cars out and all the batteries are manky. I'll get them going next time I'm back.

[Don]

That looks like a quality toy tbf.

Just got back from a walk and saw a brand spanking new Strider bike on the street. Walked past it and it was still there on the way back after an hour so...

https://i.ibb.co/X7ZDfsZ/IMG-20210101-WA0074.jpg

I was thinking of buying this exact colour and model in 8 months time for my nephew's bday. I'm fascinated by why or how it found its way abandoned there but it was in one of London's most affluent areas so conscience is clear, little Archibald will have a Tesla one to dry his tears.

[Shindig]

You've committed actual bicycle theft. Whilst looking like Richard Reid.

[Spikey M]

Honey, I shrank The Great Khali!

[Lewis]

You've committed actual bicycle theft. Whilst looking like Richard Reid.

He does as well. :lol:

[Don]

That is a good shout.

[Kikó]

Who took the picture?

[Pepe]

Fuck me, can't unsee that.

[Manc]

Looks genuinely ill.

[Spikey M]

"Oi love, I'm gonna steal this kids bike. Grab a picture will you?"

[Offshore Toon]

I hate to perpetuate stereotypes, but I don't know what else to do with that image.

[Don]

Spikey, wait your turn in line lad, can't have two stabs before others have had a chance, you bumboy.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I was going to say a generic homeless man but Richard Reid has nailed it.

[mugbull]

It looks like you’re not that much bigger than the kid whose bike you stole, so you might as well use it yourself