How are you?

[Spikey M]

They even look like brothers.

[bruhnaldo]

If you're talking about me then you've missed the mark, as always.

Look you goofy little fuck, my offer of free money (as a means to talk to you openly to confirm a suspicion) being refuted for you to then ban bet me knowing exactly what the money bet implied is either

1) You’re being too stupid to pick it up or
2) Being so blindly annoyed by someone you’ve never met you couldn’t think straight in my presence, or
3) You really are such a pedantic little cunt you’d rather fuck up a fun game than play with someone you e-hate

Either way you’re a fuckin herb and I feel very, very sorry for you.

[bruhnaldo]

They even look like brothers.

Did he get handsome overnight cause ion look like that fuckin loser at all

[Spikey M]

I've never seen herb used as an insult before. :D

[7om]

I'm Team Bruh.

[Kikó]

How is a herb pass it on.

[igor_balis]

historically, it's been the received wisdom (especially on places like this) to adopt a kind of kevin nash too cool for school not arsed mate kind of persona in online disagreements, but now there's only about 50 of us posting i fully support bruh going postal

[Spikey M]

Herb.

1. To be wack. Worthy of being mocked. Weak, chumpish, and generally to be avoided.

2. Mocking term of friends and/ or enemies.

It's origins lie in New York City, and with a national commercial campaign by Burger King where it stated "Don't be a herb, get the Whopper." In it Herb was a combination of a nerd and a moron.
Yo wassup herbs, what time we drinking?

This party got way too many herbs, I'm out.

That kid asks way too many questions, he's a straight herb son.

:D

[Giggles]

I thought it was a drugs reference.

[igor_balis]

slightly spoiled when you remember how americans pronounce it

[Spikey M]

Change Mahows name to Maherb please SvN

[Spikey M]

slightly spoiled when you remember how americans pronounce it

It appears to be short for Herbert so I THINK we're OK.

Bruh, please can you confirm if the h is pronounced?

[Giggles]

It appears to be short for Herbert so I THINK we're OK.

Bruh, please can you confirm if the h is pronounced?

You’ll be next for a tirade.

[Spikey M]

I'm Team Bruh.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Look you goofy little fuck, my offer of free money (as a means to talk to you openly to confirm a suspicion) being refuted for you to then ban bet me knowing exactly what the money bet implied is either

1) You’re being too stupid to pick it up or
2) Being so blindly annoyed by someone you’ve never met you couldn’t think straight in my presence, or
3) You really are such a pedantic little cunt you’d rather fuck up a fun game than play with someone you e-hate

Either way you’re a fuckin herb and I feel very, very sorry for you.

Firstly the money bet was a trap because whatever I said you'd have turned it against me. "Oh look he only wants to bet £5? He's not confident. WOLF. "He wants to bet £100? Why so much? WOLF." "He doesn't want to bet? WOLF"

I didn't bring up the ban thing you did.

I was not annoyed by it at all you strange fuck. It was a game which you took too far, as always, and are now trying to shift blame.

[Lewis]

Can one of the werewolf losers explain this beef-cum-ruthless donning to me?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Can one of the werewolf losers explain this beef-cum-ruthless donning to me?

He was so sure I was a wolf for no reason that he went mental for my death. Everyone thought he was a seer (a player who can investigate someone and know their role) because he was pushing so much.

I argued that if he was a seer he's an idiot because I'm not a wolf and secondly it was the first day. A seer wouldn't tip their hand that early (day 1) for a wolf even if they had one.

He then suggested a bet to which I said "Name your price" which he took as me claiming I'm a wolf and told SvN to ban him if I wasn't a wolf.

I wasn't a wolf and he left the board for a bit until Baz messaged him on Twitter to come crawling back.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Anyone coming in and trying to spread the chum of "that bruh makes no sense he's so crazy nothing he's saying follows a logical path" is also very fuckin suspicious to me.

The vote closes in 4 hours. These folks are gonna spend multiple pages trying to flount my strategy in favor of some other bullshit.

You give me mahow and AyDee and I promise you I'll show you the other wolves. If I'm wrong you can IP ban me and laugh about it forever.

He was also wrong about AyDee being a wolf...

[SvN]

Bruh, I like you, but Jesus man. Have some self-awareness. Chimp outs are a common occurence in werewolf, and they're typically forgotten about within 24 hours unless you leave the board in protest and continue to post mental ramblings about it months later.

[Lewis]

Werewolf is forum AIDS.

[Lewis]

Super Mario versions excluded.

[igor_balis]

Super Mario versions excluded.

https://i.ibb.co/4wrrnkT/whya.png

?

[Giggles]

Is that Mahow or Bruhnaldo?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Bruh.

I'd never grow my hair that long.

[Baz]

I was fully onboard with Bruh at the time, and definitely egged him on to the point of all-or-nothing, and still have the same stance. :harold:

[Kikó]

He was so sure I was a wolf for no reason that he went mental for my death. Everyone thought he was a seer (a player who can investigate someone and know their role) because he was pushing so much.

I argued that if he was a seer he's an idiot because I'm not a wolf and secondly it was the first day. A seer wouldn't tip their hand that early (day 1) for a wolf even if they had one.

He then suggested a bet to which I said "Name your price" which he took as me claiming I'm a wolf and told SvN to ban him if I wasn't a wolf.

I wasn't a wolf and he left the board for a bit until Baz messaged him on Twitter to come crawling back.

Sounds a bit like something a wolf would say 👀

[Spikey M]

It's worth remembering that in the following game Mahow was, in fact, a wolf. And Me and Offy donned him and his dickhead Discord server off the stage. :cool:

There will never be a Werewolf game where killing Mahow would not be the main priority.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's worth remembering that in the following game Mahow was, in fact, a wolf. And Mr and Offy donned him and his dickhead Discord server off the stage. :cool:

There will never be a Werewolf game where killing Mahow would not be the main priority.

There was a game in between that I think.

I've been killed off early in almost every wolf game, other than the one I won as a lone wolf.

I could do with another Werewolf soon.

[Baz]

Nobody bothered with the last one, cos Pleb effectively ruined it by telling a select few who had what role.

[Don]

5 weeks seems a real long stretch atm before saunas can see me right. Football in 3 should see the last 2 weeks off but fucking hell, hurry up.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Those of us without kids are a doing a fucking stretch in March. Could do with it at least exceeding 7 degrees soon.

[Spikey M]

The weather does need to Buck its ideas up. I want in the garden ffs.

[Yevrah]

Considering nothing has actually changed for me today, I'm surprisingly chipper. No idea why.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I have days like that. Today isn't one.

[Lofty]

Was properly fucked off yesterday because I didn't make the scaled back guest list for a good friend's wedding, which I was expecting but I think that was in the back of my mind as the thing to look forward to and see people again. I left the office the day Boris announced the pubs were shutting for lockdown last year and have never been back, I have barely seen anyone except my wife and in laws during that time.

Hopefully this is the run in back to normal service because I really need to go and get drunk at the football with friends and get that release, the lack of anything to look forward too is really hitting me now. It's my birthday next week and I couldn't give a fuck.

[Spikey M]

You guys need to man up. My wife did fish cakes for dinner tonight. Fucking fish cakes? "Well, we never have them, thought it would make a change". So would smashed glass on toast, love.

Open the clubs.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Fish cakes are nice if done well.

[Don]

Shut the fuck up.

[Ian]

Fish cakes > the clubs.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Facts.

[Lewis]

Would you rather have fishcakes or Lofty at your wedding?

[Shindig]

Did Lofty bring fish cakes?

[Spikey M]

Fishcakes at the wedding, Lofty at Da Club.

[Ian]

Would you rather have fishcakes or Lofty at your wedding?

The thread we need.

[Kikó]

Got to be Lofty every time.

[Lofty]

I once shat in the first hole of a golf course at a wedding reception for a bet so concede I might not be the best wedding guest.

[Ian]

Are you ranking yourself below fishcakes?

[Lofty]

Iceland ones no, chip shop ones maybe.

[Spikey M]

I'm going to need a proper answer. You are up against These. (https://www.sainsburys.co.uk/gol-ui/product/fishcakes-breaded-fish/sainsburys-melting-middle-smoked-haddock-with-cheddar---leek-fishcakes--taste-the-difference-x2-290g)

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Those melt in the middle ones are shit.

I'll take Lofty.

[Spikey M]

They are all shit.

[Lofty]

Yeah I'm better than them.

[Manc]

How are we all getting on this semi-lockdown life? The mundanity of WFH has really hit me this past month. It's absolutely relentless.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Although I'm not WFH, and despite having things to do at weekends, I have slipped into being bored shitless with the grind. Give me something else, ffs.

Gone into proper phone-it-in mode at work, doing the bare minimum, watching the figures roll in. This week, my field boss has asked me to ring round 20 French companies cold calling for contact details which he can then spam with offers. I detest cold calling, properly makes me shiver with anxiety, so I've decided I'm just not going to do it. He can go fly. I'm not making myself stressed for a pointless load of shit. I think many people will come to this conclusion.

[Boydy]

Isn't most stuff open there now?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Only outdoors, and shops. You can't be in buildings with people socially.

[Boydy]

Yeah but at least you can go sit in a beer garden.

[Jimmy Floyd]

That wasn't really what I was driving at. Boredom is just around doing the same thing every day ad infinitum, which doesn't really change with a beer once a week (which I have been doing).

[Don]

There was some fake heat last week in that it at least looked warm until you sat outside in it but even that's gone this week so the sesh needs indoors to be reopened really.

WFH and general workload is disgusting and has made me think frequently about the future and whether this career is sustainable at all.

None of it matters though as I got football back in my life and beyond the initial scare that my lungs had long COVID or some shit, my fitness seems back. You could run a stream of hot shit into my mouth for 7 hours a day and I'd still probably be okay with it if I'm allowed to chase a ball for an hour a day. True love.

Shall I squander some money booking us another pitch?

[Yevrah]

I was loving the fake sun as Taz aptly put it, but now even that's decided to hide it's gone back to being a bit of a grind again. Off to for a jaunt over the weekend, but the weather looks miserable.

I need a foreign holiday to somewhere obscenely hot. Which reminds me, I'm now being trolled by the vaccine rollout it seems. Everyone I know my age and even some a bit younger have had their first jab, but mine is still nowhere to be seen. Phoned my GP last week and they told me they're only doing them for the vulnerable so have just about finished now and I'd need to book through the government website, which at the time was only accepting 45 year olds and above.

Driving in the car for a meeting yesterday and heard on the radio that the government are now inviting forty-(this must be it, my time has come)-two year olds. Forty-two? Seriously?

Fucksticks.

[Don]

Not good. I think it's largely down to the thumb injury in combination with the weather preventing me from doing absolutely anything. I've got a 2nd x-ray and inspection on Thursday and I'm trying to be a big boy and not be tempted to take the brace off for a sauna sesh at least until then but it's hard :cry: This weather tho is the stuff of pondering second emigrations ffs.

[Yevrah]

Got your smell back yet?

[Don]

Nope.

[Yevrah]

Jesus. That's more than enough for me to want to avoid COVID forever...

[Yevrah]

Was meant to be going to see Stuart Lee in June, but that's now been pushed back to 2022.

Which sort of sums up the weird limbo type time we're in at the moment. Things are open, there should be fun to be had, but other than a week or two when pub gardens first opened, I'm just not feeling it yet.

[Don]

Nothing is the same with these measures still in place.

[Jimmy Floyd]

All the fun to be had at the moment is underground. Bigger corporate type fun is going to be very slow and very cautious, and will contain 0% spontaneity for ages.

[niko_cee]

Was meant to be going to see Stuart Lee in June, but that's now been pushed back to 2022.

Which sort of sums up the weird limbo type time we're in at the moment. Things are open, there should be fun to be had, but other than a week or two when pub gardens first opened, I'm just not feeling it yet.

Would that have been the Snowflake Tornado thing or was it going to be new stuff? I managed to catch that in Feb last year. First half very good, second half not so much.

[Yevrah]

It would have indeed been that. Apparently he's re-writing one of the sections now in light of recent events, so if I get to go and see it next year it'll be different.

[Lewis]

'What, you want me to wear a mask? Why don't I just cut off an arm and...'
*audience loving it*
'A mask? What, like the stars the Jews had to wear when they were being forced onto trains and...'
*twenty minutes of this, audience is in bits*
'This little fabric mask, which is actually like being murdered for being gay...'
*forty-five minutes, people are being stretchered out laughing*

[niko_cee]

You missed the bit where he admonishes a portion of the audience for being the wrong sort of audience.

[Lofty]

Haha gypsies.

[Kikó]

'What, you want me to wear a mask? Why don't I just cut off an arm and...'
*audience loving it*
'A mask? What, like the stars the Jews had to wear when they were being forced onto trains and...'
*twenty minutes of this, audience is in bits*
'This little fabric mask, which is actually like being murdered for being gay...'
*forty-five minutes, people are being stretchered out laughing*

And Lewis from The Third Half says...

[Yevrah]

This won’t come as a surprise to any of you, but not good. I think it’s time I admitted that.

I’m sorry TTH.

[Ian]

What's changed that's made you post that today?

[Boydy]

What's wrong? Have you had any sleep yet?

[Yevrah]

Not yet and while that will help, I'm genuinely not sue how much more of this I can do.

[Yevrah]

What's changed that's made you post that today?

Absolutely nothing, which is sort of the problem. Just a realisation.

[Yevrah]

I sort of don't know what's true any more at times, which is batshit, but there we are.

[Kikó]

Maybe you just need a disconnect. It's been a pretty stressful period in most of our lives.

[Kikó]

But talk about it. We're the greatest bunch of strangers you can have.

[Spikey M]

I sort of don't know what's true any more at times, which is batshit, but there we are.

In what context? If you mean the Covid shit, I think we're all in that boat. Sadly, it's by design. We've had information and misinformation overload for 18 months.

Agree with Kiko, tune it all out for a bit.

[Bam]

Think he's gone to sleep now, he'll be fine after a good kip. :charm:

[niko_cee]

England reaching a major final has broken him.

[Lewis]

Think he's gone to sleep now, he'll be fine after a good kip. :charm:

That smiley should summon the Mental Health Champion.

[Baz]

Hello.

[niko_cee]

Send him an affiliate link for a bromine ball.

[Shindig]

Can't say I'm surprised the man with the most posts in the Covid and Euros thread has had a break with reality.

The world is chaos. Roll with it. Concentrate on your doorstep and let the shit beyond that do what it do.

[Baz]

Send him an affiliate link for a bromine ball.

Here you go (https://amzn.to/2UvjFhe)Yevrah

[Yevrah]

Evening gents, thanks for the kind words.

Slept reasonably well last night and that's helped a lot. Basically I keep getting brain fog, which has been brought on by not sleeping properly for 15 months, which was brought on by every fucking day being the same since then. With one day blurring into the next, what's the point in sleeping? Well, apparently you need to, who knew.

[Ian]

Hot take here but I think sleep is pretty good and I don't care who knows it.

[Shindig]

Also, I'm a big fan of routine. Hopefully returning to the office can give me some of that back.

[Yevrah]

Yep. Routine is so key.

And despite best efforts, when you're working from home for this long exclusively, it all goes to shit. Work is the only thing in life that's got me up in the morning over that period and probably the only thing that's kept me semi-sane. How people who've lost their jobs have coped, I've no idea.

[Shindig]

Absolutely. Going to the next town over and being knackered just reminds me how I felt during unemployment. At present, my work day consists of working for half of every hour and then flicking the Playstation back on for the rest.

[Manc]

Are you exercising, Yev?

[Yevrah]

Nope and haven't for ages. Don't think I have this year yet. I just get up, work, finish work and play Xbox. Weekends are different as they're just get up and play xbox, with no work.

[Lewis]

Write your sitcom.

[Yevrah]

I'm too old to be in it now. :moop:

[Lewis]

Might as well tell us what it was about if you're going to neck yourself.

[Yevrah]

I would quite like to write some stand up mind, but my brain is too broken to do that at the moment. I need a week of (good) sleep to get it back again.

[Foe]

Fresh air (and a change of scenery) goes a long way.

I spent a few days in the highlands and it was properly nice just being in a place I haven’t been in a bit.

If you can, I’d encourage you to get away from your local area for a day or two just to see different stuff. Makes an enormous difference.

Staying house bound is probably the worst thing you could do at the moment.

What sort of hobbies did you have pre covid? Are any of them even remotely feasible at the moment?

[randomlegend]

I had a spell where I didn't sleep for 5 days about a year ago and I would happily have killed myself.

[Yevrah]

All good advice, but COVID has sucked the fun out of absolutely everything and I don't know how to get that back.

[Yevrah]

I had a spell where I didn't sleep for 5 days about a year ago and I would happily have killed myself.

I've had about 4 hours a night, sometimes less for 15 months now and mostly that's been falling asleep in a chair. It takes its toll.

[Lofty]

I feel your pain to an extent Yev. I am in a bit of a funk at the moment that whenever I get a bit of time to myself I end up doing nothing because I don't fancy doing anything, then regret it. Read somewhere it can be a side effect of stress.

[Manc]

The screen time can't be helping with your sleep. I'd try cutting that in half for a start.

[Lewis]

randomlegend has killed himself... HERE WE GO! #insomnia #suicide

This is my suicide note. Done deal confirmed. Can no longer bear to live. Overdosed on what I swiped from the hospital.

[randomlegend]

:D

[randomlegend]

Magic and Taz would be on here hearse-tracking.

[Disco]

I was only off for five weeks last year but the lack of routine was a fucker at the start, making sure I at least went for a walk or something every day and kept a vaguely sensible sleep schedule made a big difference.

Left to my own devices for a year and more I would probably have been trying to manipulate global betting markets from the hot tub too.

[Yevrah]

The screen time can't be helping with your sleep. I'd try cutting that in half for a start.

My job's looking at a screen and there's not much else to do outside of work bar look at screens. I guess I could start reading again.

[Lofty]

Read before bed instead of looking at your phone. I started doing it and it helps. Square everything away on your phone for bed (I turn my vibrate off), then just read for half an hour and turn in.

[Baz]

I would quite like to write some stand up mind, but my brain is too broken to do that at the moment. I need a week of (good) sleep to get it back again.Write an episode of Doing Stuff A Bit.

[Giggles]

The first thing to do is exercise your right leg loads (take long walks with a fanny bag and regatta shoes if needs be) and get it limber enough to give yourself a good kick up the hole. Then give yourself a good shake and stop being such a fucking blanket. It’s been a few restrictions for a while, pain in the hole but not world war 3. Straighten yourself up, you’re a grown adult man, not one of these Twitter fannys looking for a reason not to work.

[Pepe]

:cool:

[Manc]

Look at the manlets giving it large.

[Boydy]

Alright, that's the real Giggles.

[Lewis]

See if his IP says Hatfield.

[Don]

Problems with sleep and general health? Sauna. Thank me later.

[Yevrah]

And when I do go to bed at a reasonable time I wake up at 7am. Wide awake. And it's raining. On the 10th of July. Unbelievable.

[Shindig]

It's Saturday. Get back to bed.

[Kikó]

See if his IP says Hatfield.

Surprisingly it says bottom Ireland.

[Yevrah]

It's Saturday. Get back to bed.

Wide awake. As soon as I have 8 hours I'm done.

[Waffdon]

Nobody should need more than 8 hours anyway. I’m at my least tired if I get around 7 hours. Over 8 and I’ll have headaches all day.

[Shindig]

Yeah, I don't tend to break 8 unless I'm jetlagged.

[Reg]

On a similar theme to what Foe has said - are you going outside, Yev? Since making it routine to get 10 minutes sunlight in the morning my sleep has improved, and it contributed to a routine in the various lockdowns. The morning light is meant to shut down melatonin production, making it work better later (when you want to sleep). I get at least two hours outside every day and feel rough if I don't get out at all. I think it's normal and human, we're not meant to be in a box all day.

[Yevrah]

Hey Reg.

So a week of sleeping properly, spending time in the garden (mostly looking for rat corpses admittedly) and drinking plenty of water has fixed me a bit. The brain fog has cleared up and I can function again.

AZ2 seems to have been far better than 1 as well, albeit it has made me tired again.

[Luca]

Yeah, Yev, in the pits of last year I found that a change of scenery was incredibly helpful. Did a day trip out into wine country (really the ‘where’ didn’t matter) and it completely changed my mood.

Even just getting in the car for a long drive somewhere - giving yourself a goal and something to look forward to to replace the monotony - could be helpful.

[niko_cee]

How are you killing the rats Yev?

Standard baits/poison or something more exotic?

[Bam]

How are you killing the rats Yev?


In general he just talks about football/covid to them.

[Ian]

Drowning them in his hot tub.


In general he just talks about football/covid to them.

:D

This is a much better answer than mine.

[niko_cee]

:D

I was hoping he'd come in and post up a pic of him in full Rambo/Sniper mode, but Bam's idea is just as good.

[Yevrah]

How are you killing the rats Yev?

Standard baits/poison or something more exotic?

I'm not, a chap I'm paying is.

Problem is, they're coming from next door, which is an HMO (nice people, pretty quiet) with a dreadful landlord. Their garden, which I saw on Tuesday properly for the first time is half full of space for them and half full of his crap and has a shed they can't get into. I saw my first while at the kitchen window a few months ago and thought nothing of it, but on Saturday I had my Mum over and one was about a metre away from my stepdad walking across the garden wall before hiding in a tree for a bit and coming back out again. Said wall is about 2 metres from my kitchen so I thought fuck this and put a letter through next door's box to ask if they'd seen any and that I'd get it sorted. It transpires they first noticed the little cunts last year, told their landlord repeatedly and he did nothing. He's now on my shitlist.

Some of you may remember when the broom and I had them in a flat we shared back in 2008, caused by poor cavity use in modern builds and some idiots downstairs emptying unwanted noodles into a bush outside their kitchen window. I want to say it was Fox who helped establish they were rats, on the back of yet another legendary thread I'd started at the time. Either way, being a farmer's son and that experience has helped me become accustomed to their ways - seeing them in daylight is not good, but that close to people and in daylight? It means you have families of the cunts.

So, I phoned a local firm on Monday, who had a surprisingly good receptionist (I may go back to her for tips on wellbeing as she seemed very chipper for someone 16 months into a pandemic) and they sent Jack out on Tuesday. Jack was ex-retail so we bonded immediately and I could tell he knew he wasn't dealing with a mere civilian when it came to vermin. I explained the situation and liked the cut of his jib, so I accepted his proposal to do some work. Normally this would have seen me back in the house and onto another spreadsheet, but oh no, Jack wanted to walk the grounds with me and explain his tactics.

I let him know that I would show him what I'd seen, which he was very impressed by, but he sadly also pointed out many things I hadn't (hold that thought). This made my initial estimates of 'families of them' probably on the thin side. I may know about rats, but I'm no expert, I'm Yevrah. It's now I type this that I realise I neglected to offer Jack a hot beverage, it was a warm day, but some people believe that myth about a warm drink cooling you down, so I must address this when he comes back.

By this time it's clear that my garden is riddled with the fuckers and we move onto the garage. This is a bad garage that will be knocked down when I can a) get someone to remove the asbestos and b) timber (to replace it with) doesn't cost more than gold per cubic metre. However, I didn't think there were rats in there and Jack was impressed when I suggested that I wasn't sure we needed to treat it as a location of concern for fear it becomes one.

Done at mine we go next door and (let's call her) Amy, who tried to seduce me under the guise of being worried about me two months ago opens the door and let's us into the garden. Utter shitfest and the landlord should be ashamed. Half of it is full of bricks, blocks, scaffolding, tiles and other broken shit that started to make me think Bamster had been round and left a job unfinished. I tried to apologise to Amy and her two confused housemates (they were not expecting me, let alone Jack and his box of poison/contraptions) on behalf of TTH, but she assured me no rogue trader had been in her garden and that it was just her arsehole landlord using the space. Phew! The board's reputation is intact.

Still, Jack is now very worried and I don't know why. But, with him being the expert I calmly ask what the matter is and that's when he tells all four of us. This is a PERFECT over ground arrangement for rats and here is where we will find the source. So he starts digging around, moving shit, finding droppings and other evidence of rat movement and sure enough, by the side of this weirdly locked shed is a hole, a hole that rats have dug into their underground nest. Feeling pleased with them not living on my turf I'm quickly dis-abused of that notion when he asserts "oh, they're likely living under your decking too". With that news in hand I'm now keen to know what the plan is. Turns out I wasn't part of the next phase as I go back indoors and Jack sets to work. I'll admit I was disappointed, but also appreciate I am not qualified to handle traps or deadly poisons, so I leave him to it.

Half an hour later a respectful knock at the window is heard and he's done. There was no doubt in my mind he'd done a thorough job, but he wanted to show me. We go around my garden and there's boxes he's laid out (with poison) where they would likely run, he shows me the holes in the ground under the decking that he'd spotted earlier, which are now filled (with poison) and finally we visit the garage, where he's gone for conventional traps (rather than poison). I thought we'd previously agreed nothing was needed here, but he explains the traps won't encourage them, but will kill them should they wander in of their own accord. I close the garage door, which I shan't be opening until he comes back and we head next door. Same arrangement there except he's also chucked a fuckton of poison down the hole he found.

Will this work? I ask. He's confident it will, but explains rats are neophobic (I felt I'd let myself down by forgetting this, but may have just managed to blag that I hadn't) and it will take a while for them to touch anything, so the next visit should be scheduled for two weeks hence. We talk dates and he leaves, but not before telling me about his next job, which is dealing with a fox terrorising a school. We're now in an area of joint expertise and the energy that's generating is palpable. I ask if it's a cage he'll be using or does he prefer a shotgun (there's a chance he won't have a license, tricky), but true to the consummate professional he is he says (while acknowledging they're both sound choices) he'll have to weigh the situation up when he gets there.

[7om]

Is Amy going to be the new Broom?

[Manc]

Is it a school for chickens?

[Waffdon]

What a post.

[Boydy]

Do you know what's in the shed?

[Shindig]

Probably more rats.

[Mike]

I for one, can not wait for the next thrilling instalment in two weeks time.

[Spikey M]

We ended up with mice in our house a few years back because our old neighbours didn't look after their garden and it became a towering mass of brambles. Eventually someone complained and they cut it all back and disturbed the mice.

Unfortunately we had our back door open at the time and the cunts found their way in. Getting rid of them was a miserable experience.

[Shindig]

"I've had to get a man out to draw an X on the front door. I've been told I have the plague but my more immediate concern is how to beat the Cavs in the playoffs."

I used to walk past a bag of rats on the way into work. I'd cut behind some of the restaurants and they were always getting at the rubbish bags/skip. One day a load of them burst out the bag. I erm ... haven't gone that way since.

[Giggles]

IÂ’m surprised I havenÂ’t seen rats yet. Had a shrew in from the corn field next door but thatÂ’s it so far. One thing a lad told me was to give them a food source far away on the perimeter so I do throw grain around the back field when I can. And train the wife to close doors, which is harder.

[Pepe]

Some of you may remember when the broom and I had them in a flat we shared back in 2008, caused by poor cavity use in modern builds and some idiots downstairs emptying unwanted noodles into a bush outside their kitchen window. I want to say it was Fox who helped establish they were rats, on the back of yet another legendary thread I'd started at the time.

That thread right there is what lured me into TTH for good.

The bag of crisps that looked like a rat. :D

[Spikey M]

Also, that's a top 10 post from Yev. :D

[Reg]

Good to hear, Yev. You know what they say - a rat corpse a day keeps the doctor away.

[Boydy]

IÂ’m surprised I havenÂ’t seen rats yet. Had a shrew in from the corn field next door but thatÂ’s it so far. One thing a lad told me was to give them a food source far away on the perimeter so I do throw grain around the back field when I can. And train the wife to close doors, which is harder.

What's up with your apostrophes?

[Giggles]

What's up with your apostrophes?

No idea, though it made me sign in after posting for some reason.

[Ian]

The bag of crisps that looked like a rat. :D

What. :D

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

We had rats round here (I knew it was likely being neighbours to a train station plus I saw an old rat trap box when viewing the place).

A build killed one that sprinted into the garden once by impaling it with a stick, he then decided to leave it where it was to, as he said, scare off any others.

We ended up buying some rat poison boxes and filling them up (which will still do as a precaution) and at one point we called a man who said there weren't any rats around right now as he couldn't smell them. Which was clearly bullshit and I imagine he just didn't want the job as I think most of them had gone by that time.

I only saw one once. I came home one night, opened the gate and it was just staring at me, I then stamped my foot but he went under some black landscape fabric so I lobbed a rock at it and it ran of the property.

[Raoul Duke]

I remember cracking some excellent memes in that thread. You should get a dog Yev. Some little hunter bastard to get at them.

[Pepe]

What. :D

I believe that the thread was called 'What's in my cupboard?' After a few days, Yev posted a picture of said cupboard, in which the reflection of the inner part of a bag of crisps could be seen. That reflection looked like a rat at first glance to many people, me included.

Hard to believe that was 2008. Thirteen fucking years ago.

[Luca]

We were years ahead of the blue/white dress business.

TTH :cool:

[Disco]

Poison is the only way you're really getting rid of rats, a dog might get one or two but it's more likely to be shit scared of more than one at a time.

[Lewis]

I'm still throwing custard creams out for the foxes, and they're still loving them.

[Ian]

I believe that the thread was called 'What's in my cupboard?' After a few days, Yev posted a picture of said cupboard, in which the reflection of the inner part of a bag of crisps could be seen. That reflection looked like a rat at first glance to many people, me included.

Hard to believe that was 2008. Thirteen fucking years ago.

Superb.

[Boydy]

A build killed one that sprinted into the garden once by impaling it with a stick, he then decided to leave it where it was to, as he said, scare off any others.


:D

Lol

[Yevrah]

Is Amy going to be the new Broom?

Unlikely, it was pretty fucking odd the way it went down and despite being single during a pandemic I was glad nothing happened.

[Yevrah]

Do you know what's in the shed?

Beyond more of his shit, not a clue. It could be a rape dungeon for all the tenants or I know, which would not be on.

[Yevrah]

Unfortunately we had our back door open at the time and the cunts found their way in. Getting rid of them was a miserable experience.

I recall you mentioning this. What went down?

[Raoul Duke]

100% guaranteed Yev dropped in a sly reference to the hot tub in his conversation with "Amy"

[Pepe]

Amy must be a unit if Yev passed on it after what he's been going through.

[Yevrah]

Unsurprisingly my neighbours live next door to me and knew I had one without me specifically telling them. And I actually fancied her a bit when I moved in and saw her first months after, but as you'll know from over the years, I don't talk about that side of my life on here.

[Yevrah]

A build killed one that sprinted into the garden once by impaling it with a stick, he then decided to leave it where it was to, as he said, scare off any others.


I assume there's a joke in there, but that'll actually do the opposite. I didn't know this until Jack told me, but rats apparently quite like moving into places where they can smell other rats have been and seemingly aren't bothered by where the previous rats went.

Doesn't bode well for this situation, that.

[Ian]

"So..."

:charm:

"...wanna see my rat infestation?"

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I assume there's a joke in there, but that'll actually do the opposite. I didn't know this until Jack told me, but rats apparently quite like moving into places where they can smell other rats have been and seemingly aren't bothered by where the previous rats went.

Doesn't bode well for this situation, that.

He just genuinely thought that it would serve as a warning to all the other rats.

He probably also believes myths like putting an axe next to a chicken coop will make them lay more eggs.

[Yevrah]

Poison is the only way you're really getting rid of rats, a dog might get one or two but it's more likely to be shit scared of more than one at a time.

Yep. The 2008 idiots that attracted the rats back then had a fucking dog in their flat that would run away from them.

The first sign we had we had anything was when I got home one evening and Mrs Yev said why did you put an empty family size pack of Doritos back into the cupboard? Is this how you live? We'd just moved in together and (IIRC) it was Fox who read that part of the post and suggested it was rats as he had some pet ones and they were amazing at moving food. Still makes me shudder when I think of it. The one that died in the loft particularly.

[Boydy]

Beyond more of his shit, not a clue. It could be a rape dungeon for all the tenants or I know, which would not be on.

This is in Oxford, right? I had a landlord there who had a locked shed in the backyard of a house I rented there that was full of shewees. He had some business selling them or something. He apparently owned quite a few houses in the city so was wondering if it was maybe him.

He was also a fucking useless landlord.

[Yevrah]

"So..."

:charm:

"...wanna see my rat infestation?"

:D

It is annoying that I've done nothing to attract these fuckers either time I've had to share living space with them. 2008 was genuinely horrible, if I have to cope with that on my own this year I'm not sure I'll bother. By which I mean move out until it's sorted rather than kill myself.

[Yevrah]

Now I think about it, I think it was Intergalatic Jester, not Fox. What happened to him?

Lewis, can you remember whether it was IJ?

[Lewis]

IJ had pet rats, the goth dweeb, so it was more likely him.

[Yevrah]

This is in Oxford, right? I had a landlord there who had a locked shed in the backyard of a house I rented there that was full of shewees. He had some business selling them or something. He apparently owned quite a few houses in the city so was wondering if it was maybe him.

He was also a fucking useless landlord.

You've just described almost every landlord in the area, honestly, it's a scandal, but which part were you in?

[Yevrah]

IJ had pet rats, the goth dweeb, so it was more likely him.

13 years ago and you got it in seconds. Outstanding. I would love to know how you do it.

[Lewis]

Me and him used to PM loads on here until he started getting pissy about my non-moderating. I wonder if he is still a goth. Nothing sadder than an old goth. He was also a massive, MASSIVE homophobe, which always struck me as a bit weird for a goth.

[Yevrah]

Was he really? I never clocked that, or if I did I can't remember doing so. Disappointing.

[Queenslander]

First week of dry July was rough but now I think I'll go another month off the booze.

[Offshore Toon]

IJ was such a loser. How did he gain power? How could anybody like him enough to talk to him, let alone give him the keys to the gaff?

[Lewis]

Remember when Jacky posted that picture of him with a blue mohawk and a giant hooter and he went mental?

[Yevrah]

To be fair, I got on with him quite well. As for how he got the keys, I genuinely don't know.

[Boydy]

You've just described almost every landlord in the area, honestly, it's a scandal, but which part were you in?
This was down the Abingdon Road.

[Yevrah]

Remember when Jacky posted that picture of him with a blue mohawk and a giant hooter and he went mental?

Is the old board definitely dead? Is there no way we could get it or more of it back?

[Yevrah]

This was down the Abingdon Road.

Cheers. Might be the same landlord, but we're looking at different parts of town.

I haven't quite thought of a way to get to him (by which I mean make his life as difficult as his shitty landlord behaviour has made his tenants and could potentially make mine), but he already owes me money, so if I have to I will.

[Lofty]

Amazing post Yev. Dogs can be useless and also you have to let the fucker out which isn't ideal if there is poison down as they are also thick. Your new mate seems on the ball so fingers crossed he wins the day and takes the bunny boiler off your hands on his triumphant return.

[Bam]

I'm not, a chap I'm paying is.

Problem is, they're coming from next door, which is an HMO (nice people, pretty quiet) with a dreadful landlord. Their garden, which I saw on Tuesday properly for the first time is half full of space for them and half full of his crap and has a shed they can't get into. I saw my first while at the kitchen window a few months ago and thought nothing of it, but on Saturday I had my Mum over and one was about a metre away from my stepdad walking across the garden wall before hiding in a tree for a bit and coming back out again. Said wall is about 2 metres ……… tldr.

That should sort a fair few more rats out. :yawn:

[Spikey M]

You probably should keep reading :eyemouth:

[niko_cee]

Epic post Yev.

We've got rats in our garden, I see them occasionally. Lockdown definitely seems to have been a boon for them (or maybe just being at home more you see them). They seem to have assumed to role of squirrels here (we don't have squirrels) in that they climb up shit and raid bird feeders. I took a video of one doing it recently but I can't seem to find it.

I'm not that bothered by them. It's not like they're the sort of cat sized monsters I used to see in London.

Came across a baby one whilst cleaning out some brush/overgrown shit at my parents recently. Heard some cheep cheeping coming out of a grassy outcrop and wondered if it was baby birds (being the time of year and all). Then came across a tiny tailed wriggler. Probably should have put the mower over it but I'm not a monster.

[Bam]

You probably should keep reading :eyemouth:

I will do when I’ve got half an hour spare.

[Yevrah]

Or the required attention span, which will be never.

[Kikó]

Ooooof.

[Offshore Toon]

You boys need to up the levels if you want to main card over RL-Magic.

Do some homophobia, Bam.

[Spikey M]

I will do when I’ve got half an hour spare.

Don't worry about how long it takes you, just be proud you can do. You've got this.

[Yevrah]

I'm back to 100%. The Weather is glorious. 2022 could see me in a new job or out of one. Either way that's a cracking result.

Life is properly good again.


And Jack is BACK next week.

[Dquincy]

https://img.gifglobe.com/grabs/partridgecloud/S02E05/gif/pgYi0zfWYRPX.gif

[Yevrah]

Oh and one thing I have learnt from this is NEVER TELL ANYONE beyond a professional (or a forum you post on) that you're having problems. It creates more.

[Kikó]

Why do you say that?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I see where you're coming from, but I'd say a better description is 'know who and who not to tell'.

[Yevrah]

A few reasons.

There were times when random things happened, I'll list some when I can be arsed, that people start to doubt did as you do yourself.
People don't know which version of you they're getting and assume always it's the fucked up one.
But people are always asking you how you are. Constantly and by text. Which is lovely, but annoying and not remotely helpful.
If you tell work, thank God I didn't and doing so never crossed my mind, you'd be signed off and on a list for far longer than you're ill for, which (unless work is the reason, maybe it was 10% in my case as I've been doing some stressful but great stuff this year) it doesn't address the root cause and creates another one.

I already had a deep scepticism of it as you know, but the mental health awareness and wellbeing stuff would have been worse than useless had I gone down that road.

Honestly, if you're lucky and it's mild mental issues like I had (which may still come back), work out what's caused it (see a professional if you have to to help ascertain that) and fucking get it sorted. I could imagine how not doing so would see you in a spiral that's almost impossible to get out of.

[Yevrah]

I see where you're coming from, but I'd say a better description is 'know who and who not to tell'.

Yeah, fair point. Two very close friends and my Sister were very helpful, but even then some of the above applies.

[Baz]

As a qualified mental health first aider, I’m here for you all.

[Yevrah]

As a qualified mental health first aider, I’m here for you all.

And on cue, my point regarding work is 100% proved.

[Ian]

I just PM Bam.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The sort of twee 'It's good to talk' media-friendly approach to dealing with mental health is a load of bollocks. Everyone responds differently to different scenarios, there is no cast iron rule. You just have to do what feels right to you.

[Yevrah]

The sort of twee 'It's good to talk' media-friendly approach to dealing with mental health is a load of bollocks. Everyone responds differently to different scenarios, there is no cast iron rule. You just have to do what feels right to you.

I think there's a happy medium between my approach and what you're getting at, but the difficulty I found was that you don't know what feels right and it takes two weeks (or it did in my case) for the effects of doing the right things to be felt.

Agree on the media friendly approach being horseshit and would personally take that a step further in that to me at least there seems to be a narrative (much as there is with being fat) that it's ok. It isn't. Find out what needs to be done to sort it and do so.

I had a glimpse (and thankfully only a glimpse, so I don't want to be insensitive to those who have had far more) as to what that might have been like if you don't get it early enough and it was terrifying. My brain literally didn't work and I'd have lost my job, my friends, family, my hot tub and eventually my home if that had continued.

[Pepe]

Psychology is a load of BS. A good psychiatrist might be a good call, but good luck getting a good one. Also, even psychiatry is mostly trial and error.

[Yevrah]

Psychology is a load of BS. A good psychiatrist might be a good call, but good luck getting a good one. Also, even psychiatry is mostly trial and error.

I haven't actually seen one yet. I diagnosed the cause of my issue from reading what causes brain fog. I'm seeing one on Wednesday but I've gone for a relationship councillor as everything (including almost all people) is irritating me at the moment, although that has improved since I started sleeping properly.

[Giggles]

The lesson here is that sometimes people just get a bit fucked off at times and not everything is “mental health issues”.

[phonics]

This could be a really long post but I'll cut to the chase:

Let's just assume my life has been a 2/10 since COVID shutdown the world.

Here's my latest update to a friend: "Saw the friendzone chick again, once again a highlight of my year, once again going home sad as fuck."

I cant wait to leave.

[Queenslander]

The lesson here is that sometimes people just get a bit fucked off at times and not everything is “mental health issues”.

100%

[Giggles]

100%

Or, as it would appear this morning, maybe not.

[Queenslander]

I have seen a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist since I was first diagnosed with Bipolar. Huge benefit that I got in early and stuck with it. I feel very lucky because bipolar can be really rubbish I feel sorry feel people with zero support.

[Lewis]

Or, as it would appear this morning, maybe not.

:lol:

[Yevrah]

Or, as it would appear this morning, maybe not.

Such a cunt and wrong comment to make. Are you keen to go down the road I've taken Bamster?

[Yevrah]

I have seen a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist since I was first diagnosed with Bipolar. Huge benefit that I got in early and stuck with it. I feel very lucky because bipolar can be really rubbish I feel sorry feel people with zero support.

Yep, that's a proper mental illness that can only be managed and at this stage not cured. Light years away from what I suffered with.

[Yevrah]

Rat Update

0 bodies found, but not sure if the poison's been taken yet. Did find this this morning though.


https://i.postimg.cc/jq99XMJS/IMG-2312.jpg (https://postimg.cc/XXfQNc8R)


:nono:

[phonics]

Things that I've seen/found in my garden in the last month:

Hedgehog family, badgers family, dead hedgehog fetus, a badger corpse, a fucking lynx.

Fucking circle of life happening in my garden.

edit: proof of Lynx

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/270326079648956433/867160467540410428/image0.png

[Pepe]

Are you keen to go down the road I've taken Bamster?

:D

[Giggles]

I didn’t get that.

[Pepe]

Me neither, but it sounds serious. I wouldn't mess with him.

[niko_cee]

Proof of Lynx sounds like an advertising campaign executed through the medium of a glossy film trailer for something that will never exist.

Also, what on earth is that picture meant to be showing?

[Disco]

The lynx must be one of those eight pixels you can see.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The two lights being it's eyes?

That's the only thing I can think of as possibly being proof of a "lynx".

[Dquincy]

Giggs. :lol:


Such a cunt and wrong comment to make. Are you keen to go down the road I've taken Bamster?

Is that a threat?

[Pepe]

I would like to know what road Bamster was taken. Maybe I will pm him.

[Yevrah]

Giggs. :lol:



Is that a threat?

What do you reckon?

[Shindig]

I'd watch a sitcom written by Bamster, to be fair. It'll just be Til Death Do Us Part with more swearing but Britain's ready for it.

[Giggles]

What do you reckon?

What exactly is the threat then?

[Yevrah]

What exactly is the threat then?

It was a joke. Pepe got it in one, the rest of you floundered like utter twats.

[Yevrah]

Rat Update

Jack is back on Wednesday, but in the meantime just had a baffling conversation with one of my neighbours (not Amy) through a gap in the fence. She's Spanish so while she does speak English some of this may be lost in translation.

I lit a fag and sat down to smoke it and heard:

Her: There are no rats in the box yet
Me: No, there won't be, it's just the poison in there
Her: Is it one box for both houses?
Me: No, there's another box where the nest is in your garden and I've got two over here
Her: Oh, ok, who paid for those? Was it the owners of the houses
Me: In a way, I own this house and I paid for all the boxes and traps
Her: Why did you do that?
Me: Because I don't want to live with rats
Her: You're not living with them are you?
Me: No, they're not in the house yet, but there's fuck all to stop them getting in if they want to, so I'd rather they were dead, the rat man is back on Wednesday
Her: Why?
Me: To check what poison has been eaten and take next steps
Her: How will he know?
Me: Know what?
Her: How much poison has been eaten?
Me: He'll check the boxes and assume whatever isn't in there will have been eaten.
Her: But how will he know how much was in there?
Me: He put it in there

At which point she just sort of gave up.

[7om]

Fuck me :D

[Disco]

This second episode is much better.

[Yevrah]

I know, right. I swear random shit like this is happening to me all of the time lately. I also kicked a rat across a pathway today, completely inadvertently and nowhere near my home. The thing went fucking flying.

[Manc]

They've clearly sent a scout out to track your movements. God rest his soul.

[Yevrah]

I had to go to the Post Office, again, which is sort of behind where the Coventry is on this map.

https://i.postimg.cc/FzzF0MV9/Cowley.jpg (https://postimages.org/)

The red bit circled is a pathway with loads of bushes either side that zigzags down to the car park where my car was parked. On the way back to the car I ran down this zigzag pathway as I had to get back home for a 5pm call (who puts a call in for 5pm btw) and while running I felt this thing land on my right foot. I looked down expecting to see a child's ball or something and it's a fucking rat, that is in the process of being launched down the pathway. Unreal.

[Pepe]

Kicking rats now. What's next? Dogs?

[Yevrah]

Kicking rats now. What's next? Dogs?

Never deliberately Pep.

[Manc]

Scratch my initial theory. The rat has clearly escaped from Oriental Express. Hopefully you booted him closer to freedom.

[Offshore Toon]

Kicking rats now. What's next? Dogs?
Maybe if Shindig takes on the 'write about what you know' advice.

[Shindig]

To be fair, I knew about as much about that as the dog did.

[Lewis]

Were you looking the other way?

[Shindig]

I can't see through wooden doors. Neither could the dog.

[Disco]

Actually a dog could see through a wooden door quite easily if there was a window in it.

[Shindig]

A door with a window in it? Such fanciful talk. Who would so such a thing to a perfectly good door?

[Disco]

Someone who doesn't hate dogs.

[Shindig]

Well, you know what they say. When dog closes a door he opens a window.

BOOM.

PAYOFF.

[Yevrah]

You kicked a dog Shindig?

[Pepe]

Also comes as a surprise to me. Might have to edit my WDYTOE list.

[Shindig]

No, I kicked a door a dog was behind. Caught the dog in the process.

[Disco]

Kicked it to death in a Geordie rage I heard.

[Yevrah]

Scratch my initial theory. The rat has clearly escaped from Oriental Express. Hopefully you booted him closer to freedom.

:D

Brilliant.

[Pepe]

No, I kicked a door a dog was behind. Caught the dog in the process.

Seems awfully convenient. Will need to hear the dog's side of the story before reaching any conclusion.

[Shindig]

He’s been dead for years. The door was not a factor.