Apprentice 2015: With added Claude

[SvN]

Mergim and baldy army bloke are both thick as pigshit.


Enjoyed that, though. Good episode.

[CJay]

Aye, what was Brett saying in one of his pitches - "I am an expertise in this field" or something? He doesn't seem to be able to speak properly at times.

Fun episode, but he task was a load of crap.

[SvN]

Mergim saying he has business acronym in the boardroom is one of my favourite ever quotes.

[Toby]

Fun episode, but he task was a load of crap.

It was nonsense. Laying in to Elle because "you do this every day" was a good laugh. She's a project manager for actual construction projects, not some gippo DIY work.

[ScousePig]

I grew to like Mergim, it's a shame he went. Joseph's alright too.

[Ian]

Have they allowed branded stuff on this task previously (I think we've had it at least once?) or has it all just been tat?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Why did they put him in charge of the numbers again? :D

He's fucking hopeless.

[Browning]

"Try and get double the stock at the same price". Fuck sake.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

'Lord Sugar takes honesty really seriously'

Bullshit, Karen.

[Browning]

"This is our toilet world".

Wow.

[CJay]

Has swearing become a lot more common this year? Must be new guidelines from the producers as I can't remember it being like this before.

[Ian]

Scott is having an absolute fucking mare.

[Browning]

Sam has got to go, regardless of what team wins.

[Ian]

He looks bored out of his mind.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Sam has got to go, regardless of what team wins.

They're really painting him as a clueless fool (well more so) in this episode.

[Ian]

Gary's been pretty good so far, hasn't he?

Lol behaviour.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Vanna has been surprisingly good.

[Browning]

He's been alright since he was bailed out with the "manager's special" idea, but before that he was a train wreck trying to sell everything for triple the price.

[Ian]

Self preservate, lads.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Goodbye Sam.

[Browning]

Not surprised they didn't sell as much as the other team. But they still smashed it. I hope Sam goes, or maybe Selena.

[Ian]

Scott should be safe despite a rubbish week. Sam is useless but Selina is an awful witch so I'm happy if either of those go.

[CJay]

Bye bye Selina, please. I hate that sneering face.

Scott you twat. :moop:

[Ian]

Putting cowbag in her place is the best thing Sugar's done in this, other than the triple firing, in ages.

Why's he bringing Brett in?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Such a mong decision.

Bringing back one of the best sellers in the task instead of Selina who is hated by Sugar.

[Reg]

The 'business' crap that comes out of Brett's mouth, Jesus.

Sam seemed a bit rubbish at everything. Would be good to see what his business plan was though.

[Davgooner]

"What, Poundland are selling these for a pound?"

:face:

[Reg]

I thought both teams were pretty awful.

Basic decision to price everything for a pound, it's what people expect. Also the fact that Poundland's twenty yards away or whatever should simplify things.

Scott was unlike himself this task, he didn't seem to enjoy it all. Spent most of the episode with a pissed 'had enough' expression.

[Vim]

Selina's fucking awful, can't stand her.


This sounds really tragic though: http://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/apprentice-star-selina-waterman-smith-6745548

[Ian]

"What, Poundland are selling these for a pound?"

:face:

I had a German flatmate at uni whose equally Teutonic chum was astonished at what he found in the Pound Shop.

"I went to zis shop called ze Pound Shop vhere everysing was ONLY VON POUND!"

he actually had a properly stereotypical accent as well, the big legend.

[Reg]

All the poundshop stuff reminded me of that scene in Purely Belter (great film).

[Shindig]

"Well, they don't have prices on them. That's why I ask."

[Ian]

Is this the week Selina goes and refuses to do You're Fired? If so I hope they just make a colossal arse out of her.

[Ian]

Aaaand she's lost the client's number. :D

EDIT: "But, you know, everything says 'May contain nuts'..."

If they kill somebody. :drool:

[Browning]

"May Contain Nuts".

Even if the team wins, she has to go for that.

[Ian]

I joked about them killing somebody but for fuck's sake, that's ridiculously shit.

"Oh so it's only may contain traces?"

Get in the sea, you cunts.

[Ian]

That look on Selina's face gave me a spite-semi.

[Browning]

Charlene has really dug herself a hole there....

[Ian]

She's a ballache. I'd say she dug herself into a hole if these bits weren't mostly about DRAMA.

[Browning]

This must be a double, probably with Charlene.

[Ian]

I thought he'd blown his load.

Richard driving the cab there.

[Giggles]

Missing it tonight as we've visitors so I'll watch tomorrow. Was it a double?

[Ian]

It was not. Does he even have any left?

[Davgooner]

That Richard is a proper smug cunt.

[Ian]

Richard is a seethe-face away from being this year's Daniel.

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/qg9_2ZaKarA/maxresdefault.jpg

[Browning]

Spoiler for a later episode has been revealed today (or I've found it today, at least).... sounds brilliant.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3338358/Scott-Saunders-QUITS-Apprentice-explosive-showdown-boardroom-ruthless-Lord-Sugar.html

[Toby]

Doesn't sound particularly 'explosive', but good on him.

[Browning]

Scott is such a shambles. :D

[Browning]

OK that was disappointing, was expecting a few more fireworks when that happened.

But what the fuck?

[CJay]

Lulz. :D

[The Merse]

Ding dong the witch is gone...

Her voice and facial expressions grate on me so fucking much.

[P_3]

I'd like to think she'd be great in the sack. Feisty lass that she is. :drool:

[CJay]

Selina's version of You're Fired. :baz: She's also been all over the usual papers posing in lingerie this week, P3 will be happy to hear. Milking it while she can, I guess.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRG3THutKjI

[ScousePig]

Scott has a bit of a psychopath look to him, and he was never going to win after what they were saying about him.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Selina throughout the task :D

What an utter bitch she is.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3340863/Apprentice-star-Selina-Waterman-Smith-strips-racy-lingerie-shoot-mocks-Lord-Sugar-s-fired-pose-claiming-fixed.html

:drool:

The state of her tattoo though, it looks like the tattooist had a stroke whilst attempting it.

[simon]

I've not watched for the last few weeks. Not really been bothered about it either.

Selina is no Luisa.

[Ian]

Charleine didn't make herself look much better when she was raging her tits off despite being about as obviously safe as anybody's been on a losing team this year.

[Ian]

Richard's a devious little fucker.

[Ian]

Claude's on form.

[Ian]

This is properly shambolic stuff from Gary's mob.

EDIT: Charleine saying they only didn't like the name, packaging and product. :face:

This is embarrassing.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'm thinking we should call if Life
Can you spell if for me please?

:D

Brilliant.

[Ian]

Fucking hell. :D

[Browning]

No orders. :D

[Giggles]

That's a cunning tactic by herself, slap on the waterworks.

[Manc]

Such a poor year.

[Ian]

We still get Claude for interviews?? Woof.

[Giggles]

We still get Claude for interviews?? Woof.

I was hoping they wouldn't be taking that bit away from him. Best bit of this next week :drool:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

What a task :drool:

[Davgooner]

None of these fuckers know how to talk.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I've developed a hatred towards Gary, he really should have gone.

Hopefully Claude rips the shit out of him.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7-_34NcDTc

What a man :drool:

[SvN]

We had to pause it about 6 times because we couldn't stop laughing at some of the shit Brett was saying. He just strings cliches together and hopes it makes sense.

[Davgooner]

Thank fuck. Felt like you lost a bit of IQ just watching that twat speak every week.

[wullie]

I didn't really watch it before this series, do they usually have so many people incapable of forming a sentence or spelling a word?

I think either Vana or Joseph are winning, although I'm souring on him after seeing he's having a shave for the interviews

http://s3-eu-west-1.amazonaws.com/24dash-media/image/2015/03/31/59893/580_Image_private_walker_dad_s_army.jpg

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's Vana's to lose in my opinion.

[Ian]

Solomon was so desperately thick and hopeless I almost prefer the Jordan/"parasite" moment more.

But I'm with you on Gary, 'How. And it was a really sudden realisation. I thought he'd been a bit of a wet, create-an-Apprentice-contestant wimp but last night at whatever point I'm suddenly like, "I hate this twat."

[wullie]

I heard a rumour that he used to work for a major supermarket, don't tell anyone.

[Ian]

I still don't think he's mentioned it as much as that Sandhurst dickhead a few series ago.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

My seethe levels reached quite a high peak in the last task when he was pitching for said major supermarket.

I had 7 great years at the company.

Fuck off.

[wullie]

Walked straight past Gary outside the Bullring yesterday. In person he's quite tall and he has the huge jawline I'd envisage Desperate Dan would have in real life.

[Browning]

Vana's idea sounds terrible, which is a shame.

[Byron]

Richard has imploded.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Only just got it in.

Claude :cool:

I hope he throws some major shit around.

Oh and :mad: at only taking less than 5 minutes to talk about Gary and his 'major retailer'.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

What's your USP?
Well I'm quite good at wedding hair

:D

Edit: Vana's idea :face: :cab:

Richard :D

[Giggles]

Joseph :cool:

[Browning]

Thank god she's stayed in. I knew it was the kind of punt lord sugar would love. It does sound stupid but with some tweaking it could be good.

[Browning]

The team Joseph has next week looks atrocious. :D

[SvN]

Her idea is awful.

[Browning]

Yea, it's terrible in a lot of ways, but combining 2 massive industries like that could make a lot of money if she does it right. Needs a lot of work though. It's better than a plumbing business though.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

A safe bet with not a huge roof or a risky proposal with, potentially, a very high reward.

I think Richard was the best candidate this year and had he come up with something that wasn't exactly like his other business he'd have walked it.

[P_3]

Yeah, pretty sure Joseph has it. Vana's concept just doesn't work, plus like they say she'd be skint within six months.

[Browning]

I can't see Joseph winning with a concept which, by his own admission, would have seen his company make a loss last year.

[SvN]

They said in the boardroom that the franchise model was scrapped and he was putting him through on the basis that he'd be scaling up from what he has now.

[Browning]

Ah right, I must have missed that. It's possible then, but Lord Sugar has a history of going for the riskier, potentially high reward ventures. I think it's Vana's to lose, especially after seeing the shit team Joseph puts together for the final task.

[Ian]

One of the more disappointing interviews episodes. Claude spending time with them throughput the show definitely seemed to take the sting out of him a bit.

[GS]

I enjoyed it when your man tried to call Joseph out over "Lord Sugar" and his book and failed.

[Ian]

That might be the biggest interview triumph I can think of. It was ace. Especially given it looked very briefly on the first question like he didn't actually know.

[Reg]

I think he'll pick Vana and just tell her to drop the idea of not showing the date's face until the games are over. So it'll just be a dating-gaming thing.

[Giggles]

Don't forget it's tonight and not Wednesday.

[Reg]

Cheers Giggles, had no idea.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

How shit, I'll have to watch it tomorrow.

[Giggles]

Well 5 past now because of this poncing shite.

[Ian]

At least I've never been picked last for something on national television.

[Davgooner]

The geezer's team is like a special needs group.

[Ian]

Your heart would sink knowing you had to end up with possibly two of Mergim, Ruth and Natalie.

[Lee]

Brett is such a monumental prick. I like Joseph a lot but he's a bit too thick to succeed in a task like this. Which is a shame because I think he's more likely to make a success of his business.

[Giggles]

This has Vana written all over it so far, even with her rubbish idea. So much so that I can't even see it being leaned this way for a surprise Joseph win.

[Ian]

That was the most sense Elle has spoken at any point in the programme.

[Lee]

I think Vana's basic idea (combining gaming and dating apps) has massive potential. If it works there's more money in it than the plumbing thing but the idea of pissing about all day only to discover your date is a dog is a shocker.

[Ian]

Elle is much funnier now that it's not her neck on the line.

[Davgooner]

Been a bit on the fence for a few weeks, but fuck it, Welsh lass is stunning.

[Giggles]

Been a bit on the fence for a few weeks, but fuck it, Welsh lass is stunning.

Big time. She'd need gagged though.

[Ian]

Why the fuck has she sent them pair away unsupervised? Jesus.

[Lee]

Been a bit on the fence for a few weeks, but fuck it, Welsh lass is stunning.

I got off the fence last week. She's lovely. Bet she's fucking filthy as well.

[Davgooner]

Claude. :D

[Ian]

Keeping the number of features down isn't really an option for Vana, is it? You're not going to want to spend all day pissing about playing the same few games even if you really hit it off with whoever you're chatting to.

EDIT: Claude's face was nearly Nick-levels of goodness.

[Davgooner]

The plumbing and dating worlds collide!

[Ian]

The advert they could have created between them. :drool:

[Davgooner]

He's looked like a gimp for the duration, but Joseph's actually quite a savvy chap.

[Lee]

He is. I like him now, started off thinking he was a right wanker.

[Davgooner]

The boardroom jokes. :face:

[Ian]

He seemed desperately thick in the early going but it's clear now that he's just not very articulate. He's not stupid.

Much less hateable just for being rid of that 'tache, to be honest.

[Ian]

Genuinely no idea who I think he's going to go for. Such a different proposition. Joseph is the safer bet.

[CJay]

Joseph I reckon.

[Davgooner]

Nice one.

[Ian]

Vana will probably find investors for her idea anyway.

[Reg]

The boardroom jokes. :face:
Throughout the series they've been quite cringeworthy, and the fake laughs are worse. But I thought the Kim Kardashian line was decent.

I was pleased for Joseph, likeable lad and a good story from expelled at school to a 250k investment.

Vana will probably get a job at some dating app company.

[Ian]

So basically he just said there that Vana would have won if the start-up finances were a bit less questionable.

[Giggles]

So basically he just said there that Vana would have won if the start-up finances were a bit less questionable.

I thought that was fairly clear from the episode anyway. Whole package is picked and how far the investment goes is surely a large part of that package.

[Ian]

Of course.

I mean, obviously somebody with a shithouse business plan won't get to the final now that that's what it's all about but it really seems it was very much a case of picking a nice, safe Plan B but making it Vana's to lose if she could prove the money side of it.

[Browning]

I got off the fence last week. She's lovely. Bet she's fucking filthy as well.

She did some underwear pictures at some point, if people haven't seen them:

http://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/apprentice-star-charleine-wains-raunchy-7028828

[Ian]

I'd forgotten about that turn out of the lift last week. :D

[Ian]

Mergim has taken a proper battering with a smile here, bless 'im.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

https://dateplay.com/

Does seem like she must have garnered some investment.

[Davgooner]

Not much judging by the state of that site.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

:D

No website yet for Joseph but I did find this:

https://twitter.com/primetimeplumrz

[Browning]

If someone fills in that form do they really get to have coffee with Vana? Who can TTH send in?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I joined up.

There's fuck all though, shambles.

No games and/or dates yet, I'm seething.

[GS]

I thought Joseph came across very well in the end.

[SvN]

Vana Koutsomitis is a master networker that believes that culture, wine and fashion are important for connecting people.

Fuck off.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I don't drink and I'm like an old man in terms of fashion.

No wonder I'm not really connected with anyone.

She might be onto something.

[simon]

'master networker' :sick:

[GS]

"Master networker."

:D

[Ian]

Jack Dee's chucked You're Fired.

Good, I don't mind Dee but he wasn't good on the show.

[Ian]

New series coming next month, lads. I'll do a thread for it once we get pictures of and quotes from this year's arseholes but they've confirmed Rhod Gilbert as taking over from Jack Dee on You're Fired.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That's not too shabby, I like Rhod a lot.