Christmas 2019

[Lewis]

It's December, lads (thanks for the reminder Pleb), which means that I have to kick off the annual Christmas festivities. For previous efforts see:

Christmas 2015 (https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/showthread.php?446-Christmas-2015) (Christmas of Chaos)
Christmas 2016 (https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/showthread.php?1357-Christmas-2016) (Make Christmas Great Again)
Christmas 2017 (https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/showthread.php?1953-Christmas-2017) (Christmas means Christmas)
Christmas 2018 (https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/showthread.php?2334-Christmas-2018) (#PeoplesChristmas)

This year we are going to Get Christmas Done. What complete and utter shit have you all got planned for the month?

[bruhnaldo]

Laaast Christmas, I gave you my heart!

Oh it's fuckin lit boys I've waited all year to listen to this song.

[Shindig]

I'll visit family and stay mostly indoors. Just like every other Christmas.

[Giggles]

I did a full dinner yesterday for the parents and sister so we’d the decorations up way too early last Thursday and all.

I’ll finish work on the 17th and will be doing the usual of heading to the folks on the 23rd while the wife goes to her sisters. Then skip all that new years bollocks and back in on the 2nd. I’ve the work party on the 15th that I can’t really get out of too :moop:

[randomlegend]

I'm working Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing day.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I have seven days off across the middle and tedious stock taking either side, it's going to be a quiet and boring one, much like the rest of my life. Might try to drink shit tons of alcohol. I'm also going to have to suspend the experimental vegetarianism for a few days.

New Year might be better as more family are around for that.

[Kikó]

Scotland at Christmas and Bali at New year for a wedding. Looking forward to both.

[mo]

Break up on the 20th until the 6th I think. Christmas Day with the in-laws as FiL works shifts and is actually off this year (and my parents going to my sister’s). Next three weeks a right old slog work wise though, bring on the 20th.

[Baz]

I’ve grown to really appreciate that Kelly Clarkson Christmas song. :nod:


https://youtu.be/EM2Fnp_qnE8

[Offshore Toon]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33893SFfjUs

Quite enjoyed this, although the rest of the album was fucking shit, which shows that Tyson Fury should be given a chance to make his own Christmas album next year.

D Double E's IKEA advert was good fun too.

[Giggles]

Tyson Fury should be put down.

[Vercetti]

I like that Clarkson has the features of a dwarf.

They seem to become more apparent the more weight she puts on, too.

[Giggles]

She fairly piled it on.

[Baz]

That video is 5 years old fwiw

[Giggles]

Is she even worse now?

[Spikey M]

The dwarves have now been sucked into orbit around her.

[Pleb]

I’ve grown to really appreciate that Kelly Clarkson Christmas song. :nod:


https://youtu.be/EM2Fnp_qnE8
:wub:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

How many Christmas films are actually good?

Die Hard (if you count it)
Home Alone
Muppets Christmas Carol
Scrooged
Elf.

The only other that could crack that list would be It's A Wonderful Life but I think it's overrated.

[Giggles]

It’s a Wonderful Life is the posers choice but nobody could actually find it entertaining.

[mugbull]

It’s a Wonderful Life is the posers choice but nobody could actually find it entertaining.

Christmas movies are the one type of movie that you shouldn’t judge on entertainment value. Although of course in this case you’re wrong since It’s a Wonderful Life is amazing

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It’s a Wonderful Life is the posers choice but nobody could actually find it entertaining.

I think it's entertaining but I can't see myself watching it again, it's nice but that's about it.

[Giggles]

I think it's entertaining but I can't see myself watching it again, it's nice but that's about it.

Probably worth a watch for nostalgia value but it definitely isn’t what it’s blown up to be. None of those old hammy ones offer anything today.

[Baz]

How many Christmas films are actually good?

Die Hard (if you count it)
Home Alone
Muppets Christmas Carol
Scrooged
Elf.

The only other that could crack that list would be It's A Wonderful Life but I think it's overrated.
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.

And, of a very similar ilk but perhaps even funnier, Coopers Christmas [Camera] (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1242777/).

[Foe]

How many Christmas films are actually good?

Die Hard (if you count it)
Home Alone
Muppets Christmas Carol
Scrooged
Elf.

The only other that could crack that list would be It's A Wonderful Life but I think it's overrated.

National lampoon Christmas vacation. Obvs.

Also frozen.

December is my favourite month at work. My frozen cup at work gets even more love. Instead of being the coolest guy in my wing, I’m the coolest guy in the whole office. :cool:

[Foe]

Posted that at the same time. :wub:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Haven't seen Lampoon's Christmas Vacation or that Coopers, I'll give them a go.

I love Frozen but it's not a Christmas film. It was released in November and it's set in July IIRC.

[Spikey M]

Alright, let it go.

[Vercetti]

Jingle All The Way.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

And now I feel ashamed, I've failed Arnie massively.

[Giggles]

I used to love Santa Claus the Movie (Dudley Moore) but I suspect it hasn’t aged very well.

[Offshore Toon]

How many Christmas films are actually good?

Die Hard (if you count it)
Home Alone
Muppets Christmas Carol
Scrooged
Elf.

The only other that could crack that list would be It's A Wonderful Life but I think it's overrated.
Anything with Tim Allen in it.

[Shindig]

Jingle All the Way.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Obviously Trading Places, although somebody informed me the other day that that had been 'cancelled' or was 'problematic', fuck knows why.

[Giggles]

Cancelled in that it can’t be shown any more? Is that on a channel basis or a country basis?


Edit - ah, hopefully it’s only referring to this bullshite

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7643611/Classic-1980s-film-Trading-Places-recreated-guess-theyve-characters.html (https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7643611/Classic-1980s-film-Trading-Places-recreated-guess-theyve-characters.html)

[Mike]

After a week of feeling like crap I started feeling better this weekend, so me and the gf put my tree up. Then ate pizza and watched Deadpool.

B5iQWhwnylc

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Way too early.

[niko_cee]

How many Christmas films are actually good?

Die Hard (if you count it)
Home Alone
Muppets Christmas Carol
Scrooged
Elf.

The only other that could crack that list would be It's A Wonderful Life but I think it's overrated.

Nativity.

[Mike]

The Grinch

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The Grinch

Never been a fan.

[Giggles]

The grinch always looked too Tim Burton. That’s not a good thing.

[SincereTheRebel]

How many Christmas films are actually good?

Die Hard (if you count it)
Home Alone
Muppets Christmas Carol
Scrooged
Elf.

The only other that could crack that list would be It's A Wonderful Life but I think it's overrated.

Bad Santa

[mo]

Our tree went up today too. I'd wait a bit longer, but it's not an argument worth having.

[Manc]

I lose my job on the 12th and I'm spending the festive period with the in-laws. :moop:

[Raoul Duke]

We put our tree up today. Looks swish.

I'm off work for a couple of weeks over the end of the month. Xmas day here, then off to Belgium and Germany for a few days.

[Magic]

I'm actually terrified about Christmas. I feel sick every time I think about my wee girl. Just rubbish. :(

[igor_balis]

Always on my mind - pet shop boys
Stop the cavalry - jona lewie
Last Christmas - wham
Fairytale of New York - the pogues
Christmas in Hollis - run dmc
Christmas wrapping - the waitresses

[Lewis]

I'm actually terrified about Christmas. I feel sick every time I think about my wee girl. Just rubbish. :(

Go through the old Christmas threads and see how shit they were every year. That should help.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I heard my year's first Fairytale in Currys today, and it had the unusual distinction of being both preceded and followed by 'Sweet Caroline'. I then left the shop before the last dah dah daaaah of the second edition, so it's very possible that they are just playing those two songs one after the other until someone blows up the building.

[John]

The lone assistant in the hospital WH Smith tonight had his own little Christmas playlist going on his phone. I was in twice over the course of an hour and the second time he was happily bopping along to what sounded like DMX doing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I saw a PG Tips advent calender in Sainsburys today.

Why?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The lone assistant in the hospital WH Smith tonight had his own little Christmas playlist going on his phone. I was in twice over the course of an hour and the second time he was happily bopping along to what sounded like DMX doing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

It's a banger.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXca4WcCzlo

[Offshore Toon]

Crunk mix or fuck off.


https://youtu.be/7oPxLkKDDa0

[Ian]

If you're allowing Die Hard as a Christmas film then you needn't bother because Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is better anyway

[Magic]

Go through the old Christmas threads and see how shit they were every year. That should help.

You're so right.

[Smjffy]

One of my favourite Christmas songs was by Michelle McManus, some X-Factor type contestant singing O Holy Night. It gave me goosebumps.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

My sister gave me this advent calender today:

https://cdn.bmstores.co.uk/images/hpcProductImage/imgFull/316837-haribo-advent-calendar.jpg

It is quality.

[bruhnaldo]

Isn't it kinda late for that, though? Or do you just eat all the shit to catch up the date.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I just ate what I needed to catch up.

[Smjffy]

Later this evening you'll decide today is the 4th, 5th, 6th and so on, right? I don't think I've ever successfully managed an advent calendar in my lifetime.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Later this evening you'll decide today is the 4th, 5th, 6th and so on, right? I don't think I've ever successfully managed an advent calendar in my lifetime.

I'm not going to rule it out.

Last year I couldn't be fucked at all. I undid the top of the cardboard box, slid the whole tray out and just ate them all.

[Smjffy]

It's the right thing to do tbf, although I'm not a huge fan of Haribo. It's just rubber junk to me. I want something with substance. A chunky KitKat perhaps or a Crunchie.

[Shindig]

I'd take Moam over Haribo.

[Lewis]

Haribo goes in the freezer or the bin.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'd take Moam over Haribo.

It also includes some Moam.

[bruhnaldo]

You put gummy bears into the freezer? What?

[Lewis]

I've been saying this for years here. Try it.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I've been saying this for years here. Try it.

Don't you say that about every gummy sweet?

I thought you were joking when you told me to put these:

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/81UI8g0YsGL._SX569_.jpg

in the freezer.

Couldn't do it though.

[bruhnaldo]

i fuckin love the look on that snake

he's like "yea it me, the snake"

[bruhnaldo]

Also that sounds awful.

Chocolate in the freezer is great. GUMMY BEARS?

[Lewis]

Freeze 'em up lads.

[Giggles]

I don’t know what gummy bears are but jellies in the freezer are good.

[randomlegend]

Also that sounds awful.

Chocolate in the freezer is great. GUMMY BEARS?

Chocolate in the freezer? What the FUCK?

[bruhnaldo]

"I don't know what gummy bears are"
"Chocolate in the freezer?!"

Nah fuck ya'll I'm not getting trolled today!

[Shindig]

Do they just become boiled sweets at that point? Or do they retain some gelatinous spring?

[Giggles]

Chocolate in the freezer is serial killer level.

[bruhnaldo]

Do you guys have Reese cups? Take a fuckin Reese cup and chuck it in the freezer for a few hours I bet it changes your entire life.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Do we fuck.

[bruhnaldo]

If you want to incorporate frozen Reese cups into your foreplay activities that's your prerogative, king.

[Lewis]

I have a Reece's advent calendar (#GlobalBritain). The white ones are the best.

[bruhnaldo]

White Reese cups are for serial killers, though, it must be said.

[bruhnaldo]

And why the FUCK did you spell Reese with a C I swear to GOD if you all have Reece's Cups I'm going to blow a gasket.

[Lewis]

I haven't got my glasses on.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Chocolate in the freezer is fucking mental.

I like mine in the fridge but I can understand why the PURISTS (fuck off RL) would look down on me.

[Giggles]

Chocolate in the freezer is fucking mental.

I like mine in the fridge but I can understand why the PURISTS (fuck off RL) would look down on me.

The purists would scoff at you eating anything other than some 95% cocoa that tastes like coal anyway.

[Lewis]

Chocolate at room temperature, and if you use your teeth you're a pleb.

[Manc]

Robbie Williams needs to fuck off.

[bruhnaldo]

Oh no I used to idolize RW what happened

[mugbull]

Redcurrant juice in the freezer overnight used to be my shit

[Spikey M]

I've got a Reekus advent calendar too. The one with Reekus peecus inside it is the best one.

[Baz]

i fuckin love the look on that snake

he's like "yea it me, the snake":lol:

[igor_balis]

As if lewis and mahow put anything but the chopped up remains of prostitutes in their freezers

[SincereTheRebel]

Putting sweets and chocolate in the freezer is just a gateway. They will eventually put a dead body in it.

[mugbull]

If you had a dead body on your hands, wouldn't the freezer be the natural place to put it? Better than stacking it on a space heater or something.

[Smjffy]

If you had a dead body on your hands, wouldn't the freezer be the natural place to put it? Better than stacking it on a space heater or something.

It's surprising how such a shit hiding place is so popular.
(https://www.google.com/search?q=body found in freezer)

[bruhnaldo]

i don't think it's as much a hiding place as a place to freeze the body so it doesn't decay and stink

aaaah i think i see what you guys mean now.

[Boydy]

As if lewis and mahow put anything but the chopped up remains of prostitutes in their freezers

:lol:

[Baz]

I have a place that would be absolutely perfect for hiding a body. Happy to house one for £10,000 should the need ever arise.

[Shindig]

Is it the passenger seat of your car?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Baz has always wanted to recreate Weekend at Bernie's.

[Foe]

Bloody great film.

[bruhnaldo]

Baz has an excel of all the small transgressions committed by his co-workers ready to send to corporate but I'm supposed to trust him hiding a body.

[Lewis]

I have a place that would be absolutely perfect for hiding a body. Happy to house one for £10,000 should the need ever arise.

Under that shit hot desk you never got.

[Mike]

Saw the panto of Sleeping Beauty today at The Everyman in Liverpool and it was actually really good. Had some decent jokes that went over the kids head in and some decent songs too.

[Kikó]

Do you guys have Reese cups? Take a fuckin Reese cup and chuck it in the freezer for a few hours I bet it changes your entire life.

This sounds excellent. Like an ice cream snickers.

[bruhnaldo]

Thank you Kiko for restoring my faith in humanity

[Giggles]

I just remembered I’m past the cancellation for
the hotel for the Christmas party and I’m not going. They’ll love that.

[bruhnaldo]

Why aren't you going?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Christmas (eve, day and sometimes boxing day) has been at our house for the last 20ish years with my Mum cooking and people bringing some extra dishes.

This year we've decided not to though. One auntie stepped up and said she'll do Christmas Eve (the biggest day for Poles) and another auntie said she'd do Christmas Day as long as she didn't have to do loads of cooking.

Today the second auntie called to say that she can't be fucked anymore and wants to postpone until the 28th...

This has obviously not gone down well, you can't just fucking postpone Christmas.

[John]

You can if Christmas Eve is the big one anyway. You should have been preparing a backup plan as soon as she said she was only doing it if it didn't involve loads of cooking. That's like saying you'll do a 10k if it doesn't involve loads of running.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You can if Christmas Eve is the big one anyway. You should have been preparing a backup plan as soon as she said she was only doing it if it didn't involve loads of cooking. That's like saying you'll do a 10k if it doesn't involve loads of running.

Well Eve is bigger than Day in that you exchange presents, it's more of a religious thing, there's a set meal plan (no meat allowed) etc but Christmas Day is still meant to be a family gathering.

She's a bit weird in that she can cook things quite well (she does two types of chicken curries which are great) but she makes a huge fuss out of everything.

My sister wanted to host it in her place from the beginning but she's in assistive/supportive living (although she wants to move out) and the staff are massive dicks. They'd complain we're making too much noise, that there are too many people, too many cars etc etc. We'll host it there if the auntie is still being a twat.

[Giggles]

Why aren't you going?

There’s a new dickhead that’s started that never draws breath and I didn’t want to spend one of my days off listening to him. I don’t really like the Christmas parties anyway as I see enough of everyone all year but it’s sort of expected that you go to them.

[Lewis]

A lad at work was looking right forward to getting on the drink after the meal on Thursday and he's been put on security call so he can't. I might get hammered just to annoy him.

[Foe]

“On call” is the biggest pile of shit at work.

I got told I had to do it, despite not being in my contract or R&Rs, so told them to fuck off.

Equivalent of like £250 for a week of carrying around a pager and not being able to drink or be more than an hour from the office? No thanks. Fine for most of the year, if you got Xmas/new year or the Xmas party time? Get fucked.

Career limiting, but satisfying.

[Lewis]

I would volunteer on those terms, but I think with us (not that I have ever had to do it) you get something like twenty quid, and only then if you actually have to come in. Failing getting hammered, I might swing back by the office afterwards and give the door a kick to set the alarm off.

[Giggles]

The tried to bring it in for us for no extra remuneration. Needless to say nobody is on call.

[Ian]

Our on call isn't bad. You don't need to actually travel anywhere if you get "called out", you just might need to do some stuff in the house. You get an extra amount added to your salary, a retainer for each day on call and then for each call you get they pay you by the half hour, so even if it ends up being five minutes work it's rounded up to half an hour anyway.

I'm on call for Christmas this year which does mean I will need to be a bit more sensible with my wanker beers but on the flip side my sister's in-laws are a bit annoying so if they're doing my head in I'll pretend I've got a call and go get some peace and quiet for half an hour. Apparently in 9 years they've had one call on Christmas day so I will probably be safe anyway.

[Lewis]

Are you stacking up your bottles of real ale?
You've done well to balance out the dark and pale
Are you missing watching cricket?
Are you stuck with wrestling?
Have you chucked the brand-name lager in the bin?

So here it is Ian Webly
Only he is having fun
Look to the future now
It's only just begun

[Ian]

You really ought to have started the Christmas Webly album sooner, it's halfway through the month.

[Lewis]

It's too much pressure. That Michael Bay's Advent Calendar I did ten years(!) ago nearly put me off the internet.

[Foe]

I would volunteer on those terms, but I think with us (not that I have ever had to do it) you get something like twenty quid, and only then if you actually have to come in. Failing getting hammered, I might swing back by the office afterwards and give the door a kick to set the alarm off.

Bear in mind the sort of things you’re likely to get called for are a major accident offshore, a helicopter ditching or green peace deciding to try and board your platform.

If you do get called, it’s 12 hour shifts of stress that you’ll live with forever. A few guys at work were on call when a helicopter ditched back in 2007 or so killing all the passengers. The £250 doesn’t seem quite worth it if you’ve had to be a responder to something like that.

[Ian]

It's too much pressure. That Michael Bay's Advent Calendar I did ten years(!) ago nearly put me off the internet.

The what, now?

[Jimmy Floyd]

The tried to bring it in for us for no extra remuneration. Needless to say nobody is on call.

Sometimes I wonder about bosses and how many ex-school bullies end up in posts. Who would ever agree to that?

[Lewis]

He said it's a decent pub this
He said there'd be loads of ales
But instead they're just playing music
Serving Carling to blokes in sales
I remember last Sunday evening
A pay per view and a Belgian beer
This pub is rubbish and for my Christmas wish
I wish Ian Webly was here

[Lewis]

The what, now?

It was something AWESOME (like Michael Bay (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy8_EIcl3u4)) every day of the advent calendar. I think the third was Jimmy Savile, to give some indication of how long ago this was.

[Shindig]

I dug into our Lindt calendar at work. It's alright but it just isn't Lindt enough.

[Spikey M]

Last month, he started a thread,
but the very next month, he went and fucked it,
Next month, I'll punch the cunt,
If I don't get my Southend essay.

[Ian]

February, Spikey. Blame Pleb.

[Giggles]

Sometimes I wonder about bosses and how many ex-school bullies end up in posts. Who would ever agree to that?

To be successful at anything you need a certain contempt for people. I do like when they throw a tantrum (as was the case above) and shout that everyone will be out the door only to slowly back down when they realise that no, we actually won’t.

[bruhnaldo]

Last month, he started a thread,
but the very next month, he went and fucked it,
Next month, I'll punch the cunt,
If I don't get my Southend essay.

Fuck you for this my brain hurts so hard from expecting it to actually rhyme at the end

[John]

Why would you expect that? The original didn't rhyme either.

[bruhnaldo]

Why would you expect that? The original didn't rhyme either.

????


He said it's a decent pub this
He said there'd be loads of ales A

But instead they're just playing music
Serving Carling to blokes in sales A

I remember last Sunday evening
A pay per view and a Belgian beer B

This pub is rubbish and for my Christmas wish
I wish Ian Webly was here B

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Oh dear.

[Smjffy]

Not quite on call but I remember when I used to work with autistic adults and I would do a few 'sleep ins' which basically meant if shit brewed during the night you would have to go and help the night team restrain whomever was kicking off. There's not much that prepares you for a loud as fuck alarm waking you up to then go running to whichever zone the incident is occurring and then restraining whomever whilst still in a zombie like state.

[Ian]

????

They're doing different songs, Bruh.

[igor_balis]

It's my first xmas do with the Norwich lot tomorrow.

I'm the youngest despite being 28, there's a couple in their early 30s, and then the vast majority sort of 37-50ish. Based on how restrained the oldies were back home, I assumed it would be a bit shit, but pretty much everyone has said they're planning to properly get on it, taxis booked etc. Obviously the usual mix of excitement at the potential of amusing situations and fear that i'll be the source of said situations.

[Spikey M]

????

:face:

I swear you posted the song I was doing in the thread you started as well.

[bruhnaldo]

I still don't even know tbh I was just reading them like fun poems.

[mo]

Thought I was sorted for secret santa until I checked the dates on the chocolates I was re-gifting. Bloody June they went out.

[Spikey M]

Do you like the person you got?

[mo]

Ha. Well I don't dislike them, hence no out of date chocs.

[Spikey M]

Could you not swap with a friend so you get someone you do dislike?

[Lewis]

My predecessor came to the office Christmas party, so I bought him a drink. He had to go and catch his train before he could return the favour, but it was cancelled because of a suicide, so he came back and bought me one. 2019 going out with a right touch.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Was it pasteurised?

[Lewis]

This place did Pepsi Max in bottles. :drool:

[Lewis]

The amount of bitchy shite that comes out after two drinks is pretty lol as well. Keep it together people.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You don't even need any alcohol at my gaff. I drove three of them to our Christmas lunch yesterday and as soon as they were in the confined space of the car for ten minutes it all came flooding out.

[Baz]

The amount of bitchy shite that comes out after two drinks is pretty lol as well. Keep it together people.

The discussions on my Christmas do went X-rated after a few drinks. I asked my lesbian colleague if she’d ever had sex with a man, and then a few drinks later asked another person if she’d ever done anal. :sick: Saving grace was I was probably one of the least drunk, and at least I wasn’t rattling off names of everyone followed by “I’d have a go on her” like my mate in the taxi home, while Ms no-anal cringed to death.

[Mike]

Last day today, it’s payday and there’s a pub trip after work planned. We don’t get the big turn out we get for the summer holidays drinks but should be fun.

[Shindig]

Payday but I'm still going until Christmas Eve. Last day on the phones for the year, too. Unless they rightfully decide getting rid of Christmas Eve appointments is near impossible.

[Giggles]

Last day today for me. Came in to an envelope on the desk with ten €50 notes in it, so I'm heading for the off licence at lunch time.

[Giggles]

Whoever drew me out in the Kris Kindle got me hops and some hop bags too, which was excellent.

[mo]

I got a pair of gloves from Sainsburys for Secret Santa. I mean, ffs, fair enough if you're not going to put much effort in (like me) but at least get something edible.

[Ian]

Well sure gloves aren't edible with that attitude.

[John]

I got a pair of gloves from Sainsburys for Secret Santa. I mean, ffs, fair enough if you're not going to put much effort in (like me) but at least get something edible.

You've no right to moan about that when you were giving someone mouldy chocolates that you didn't buy in the first place.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

He was going to give them mouldy chocolates until he read the best before.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I was looking for gloves in Sainsbury's the other day and they had fuck all. Life is not fair.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I was at a curry house today and a guy went up to the boss after he finished to ask him if they were open for Christmas day. The boss said no so they guy asked how much it would cost to pay 1 waiter and 1 chef for an hour or two so he could give his a wife a special dinner treat on the 25th to which the boss said he'd ask the guys on Monday.

[Shindig]

I hope that doesn't happen.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I hope someone agrees but asks the guy for a weeks worth of wages for an hour.

He was in the bookies next door after so it's more than likely cancelled.

I assume he told his wife they'd go for a nice meal on Christmas Day but forgot to book anywhere and now everything is full so he's fucked.

[Smjffy]

I recall way back when I first started working I worked in a car accessory shop and sure enough we were open Christmas Day. Customer comes in "I didn't think you'd be open today", I was probably a lot politer than I recall but I'm sure it was something along the lines of "We wouldn't be if it weren't for cunts like you."

[Smjffy]

I was at a curry house today and a guy went up to the boss after he finished to ask him if they were open for Christmas day. The boss said no so they guy asked how much it would cost to pay 1 waiter and 1 chef for an hour or two so he could give his a wife a special dinner treat on the 25th to which the boss said he'd ask the guys on Monday.

There was a story about Marco Pierre White who had a guest ask him for something that wasn't on his menu and instead of reacting as you would have expected, he did what the guests requested. By time the bill came he was charged big money for something and MPW's reasoning was he paid for his skills, his time and for being a cunt.

He should follow suit. :cool:

[igor_balis]

Everyone agreed that the secret santa gift I bought was the best one anyone's ever seen. Probably the proudest I've ever been at work.

[Mike]

I gave my secret santa some decaf teabags(what she drinks, work never has them), some detol wipes (she loves cleaning) and some pre mixed vodka drinks. I got chocolates and 4 bottles of beer from mine. I also got a load of stuff from the kids in work along with a case of beer and a bottle of Gin from staff. Went the pub after work for tea and beer, decent enough last day really!

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Everyone agreed that the secret santa gift I bought was the best one anyone's ever seen. Probably the proudest I've ever been at work.

Custom made Cards Against Humanity set?

[igor_balis]

Custom made Cards Against Humanity set?

that would still be better bantz than what i've received from different people 3 consecutive fucking years, festive beard decorations.

in fairness i didn't think mine was much cop. drew the laddish 30-something woman. she's sound but the only things I know she likes are expensive holidays, shoes that cost more than £500, and having very public facebook arguments with the family of her boyfriend's ex girlfriend. however the morning after the CONTROVERSY about nicole scherzinger wearing that super risque outfit on ITV or whatever, she spent about an hour banging on about how fit she thinks she is, and how she'd turn lesbian for her etc etc, so I just got her a fucking massive framed photo of her. like i said, not that great, but well received.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

that would still be better bantz than what i've received from different people 3 consecutive fucking years, festive beard decorations.

in fairness i didn't think mine was much cop. drew the laddish 30-something woman. she's sound but the only things I know she likes are expensive holidays, shoes that cost more than £500, and having very public facebook arguments with the family of her boyfriend's ex girlfriend. however the morning after the CONTROVERSY about nicole scherzinger wearing that super risque outfit on ITV or whatever, she spent about an hour banging on about how fit she thinks she is, and how she'd turn lesbian for her etc etc, so I just got her a fucking massive framed photo of her. like i said, not that great, but well received.

What the fuck is wrong with people?

[Lewis]

Better bantz than that? They've destroyed you three years running mate. Throw in some bacon-scented shampoo and you would have chucked yourself under the nearest bus.

I was the only person who didn't do 'Secret Santa' at our place, and I made it clear in the e-mail that I don't earn enough to waste money on jokey shite, which almost ended up de-railing the full scheme - and probably Christmas itself - until somebody called me a misery and set the world back on its prior course.

[Baz]

Our secret Santa was set to a fiver.

[Offshore Toon]

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4h8ISQz2PEJqzpnKwq8s1q?si=4e819Fu9Tb-q_x9XqKItrg

The ultimate Christmas playlist for anybody struggling to get in the mood.

[Giggles]

jumpoutwindow.gif

[Mike]

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4h8ISQz2PEJqzpnKwq8s1q?si=4e819Fu9Tb-q_x9XqKItrg

The ultimate Christmas playlist for anybody struggling to get in the mood.

:D

[Smjffy]

Christmas can indeed fuck off. I find the whole season to be so fake and I don't think that will ever change.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gmnv9crFvc

Merry Christmas.

[Smjffy]

Christmas #1 2020 that. Let's face it, if a guy singing about sausage rolls can claim it, this kid has a chance.

Looks like the 'apparently kid'.

[Lofty]

Dont do secret santa in my team at work, our boss just surprised us with a £20 voucher for dining out and a bottle of wine each.

[Giggles]

I fucking hate getting vouchers as I won’t use them. Sold my one last year for 20% off.

[Lewis]

My mother has been giving it the big'un for ages about wanting a 'relaxing Christmas', which is code for not going to my brother's house, and now she's invited her near-demented old man and his actually-demented (and bonus: incontinent) wife round for the dinner. I've got a day to convince her to just sit them down, rattle some plates around, and then ask them if they enjoyed it.

[phonics]

My mum got a shoutout from Simon Mayo on the radio so I don’t have to do Christmas presents as she’s buzzing off that.

[SincereTheRebel]

https://youtu.be/AXca4WcCzlo

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Just made bread sauce and for the first time a gravy for tomorrow.

[Spikey M]

It'll be cold by then, dickhead.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Dinner ruined.

I can't do anything right :(

[Pleb]

Doing a Wasgij over Christmas :moop:

[Giggles]

Is that some sort of meditation ritual?

[Baz]

Went to watch Frozen 2 today. Cinema was packed and the girl next to me proper mugged me off in taxing the arm rest early doors. Front row too so the view was dreadful.

Then visited the in-laws which was as bad as ever but at least I don’t have to see them tomorrow. Then went my mates for a bit and the kids played while I watched Toy Story 3 and then swiftly left as I noticed Frozen coming on.

Home now and can start eating my weight in cheese and Tangfastics. :drool:

[Giggles]

I shouldn’t have went on the porter at half 11.

[Lewis]

The train scene in The Wrong Trousers is one of the best scenes in anything ever.

[Giggles]

I still love that, after all the years, there’s still a fully serious looking segment on our evening news about Santa having left the north pole and beginning his journey. Plus the weather giving ‘landing conditions’.

[Shindig]

I want that charade to go deeper, really. I want ATC audio of him being given clearance to land.

[Giggles]

They went a bit further this year with a report from an “Engineer in UCD” `(a lad in a home office looking at homemade excel charts) about online analytics being used by the big man to determine what children want for Christmas and another from a locksmith and chimney cleaner about how he gets in.
But it’s happened longer than I’m alive so I think it’s a great job.

[Mike]

Just been for a pint or two in the pub, went the shop on the way home for doughnuts and am set for an evening that includes showing my gf The Muppet Christmas Carol for the first time!

[Lewis]

I take it you met her through work.

[Spikey M]

They went a bit further this year with a report from an “Engineer in UCD” `(a lad in a home office looking at homemade excel charts) about online analytics being used by the big man to determine what children want for Christmas and another from a locksmith and chimney cleaner about how he gets in.
But it’s happened longer than I’m alive so I think it’s a great job.

That's great. They don't do anything like that over here.

[Giggles]

That's great. They don't do anything like that over here.

I remember getting all excited watching it as a kid knowing he’d headed off. There’ll be a shorter one on the 9 o’clock news that basically tells all the children that they need to get to bed soon. I love how the newsreaders still keep a straight face and just present it as normal.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I take it you met her through work.
:D

[Mike]

I take it you met her through work.

:lol: nope

[niko_cee]

I eagerly await a progressive alliance government that outlaws the wrapping of presents on the basis of the climate emergency.

[Giggles]

I eagerly await a progressive alliance government that outlaws the wrapping of presents on the basis of the climate emergency.

The WOKE on Twitter are using old newspaper already.

[Smjffy]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCuuKhjLB0Q

:D Given his accuser ended up dying, that's a little sinister, is it not?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Stepped in a massive puddle right by the car \0/.

I do have a hefty whack of brie (with loads of crackers) and a massive wedge of one of those giant pork pies though.

[Lewis]

Merry Christmas lads. :lewis:

[Ian]

Merry Christmas, you lot.

[Queenslander]

Merry Xmas.

[Smjffy]

Nadolig Llawen a blwyddyn newydd dda.

[Kikó]

For the 16th year, merry Christmas one and all.

[The Merse]

Happy Xmas board.

TTH is one of the things I associate with the long nights and more spare time of Christmas.

[Pepe]

Had fondue for dinner. :drool:

[SvN]

Merry Christmas all. Young'un woke me up at 4am and can't get back to sleep :moop:

[SincereTheRebel]

Merry Christmas all. Young'un woke me up at 4am and can't get back to sleep :moop:

As he should

[Giggles]

I think I’ll get up at this stage. The room smells like someone backed in a slurry tanker and let it rip.

[Byron]

Merry Xmas one and all.

Fry-up for breakfast and starting on presents soon :cool:

[Yevrah]

And Happy Christmas all.

My treadmill finally arrived the other day so I'm going to start the day with a run. Well, I say start, I've obviously prioritised the two Futmas SBC's on FIFA.

[Shindig]

Merry Christmas, lads. I've still got £60 left from my parents so I'll be hitting Newcastle tomorrow after I've seen them. Shame the Fenwicks window stops being interesting when you're grown up.

[Mike]

Happy Christmas boys!

[Spikey M]

Right, first off - Christmas' are merry. Not happy.

Merry Christmas to everyone bar Yev and Mike.

Absolute chaos here. Paper and toys everywhere. Too much noise. I've had to retreat to the toilet for a calm down shit like some kind of autistic.

[Giggles]

Right, first off - Christmas' are merry. Not happy.

Merry Christmas to everyone bar Yev and Mike.

And me. Happy Christmas.

[Spikey M]

You get away with it because you're bae.

[Foe]

Merry Christmas all.

Looking forward to having some good food with family later.

I’ve got two and a half hours to burn until the Caleb the cat turns up. Need Lewis to share some festive dog pictures.

[Lewis]

https://i.ibb.co/Lnps5PY/Untitled.png

Festive.

[Foe]

That dog is just great. He getting his own turkey?

[Lewis]

He gets a little dinner made up for him, and he'll just be sponging stuff through the day. He's had some pork pie and one of the points of the white Toblerone.

[Queenslander]

:cool:

[Smjffy]

https://i.ibb.co/Sv3QsXw/IMG-20191225-111738.jpg

Stupid flash. I don't think Lola is feeling it, Marley loves it, Ellie ain't even assed.

[Mike]

If we’re doing Christmas Pets...
https://i.ibb.co/23p2vLX/38-EEA9-B4-C211-452-E-BAAE-BEB8-DD714-C7-B.jpg (https://ibb.co/8gQ3rRF)

[Smjffy]

Where's Betty?!

[Mike]

Just got Lucy these days.

[igor_balis]

Merry christmas gang, god bless

[Baz]

Happy Christmas, mates.

[The Merse]

And Happy Christmas all.

My treadmill finally arrived the other day so I'm going to start the day with a run. Well, I say start, I've obviously prioritised the two Futmas SBC's on FIFA.

Charity SBC to Glory whilst on treadmill stream this Jan? I’ll pay up for that.

[Smjffy]

:drool: I don't like Christmas but I most certainly like the 2M pig in blanket my mother just banged in the oven.

That's made my day. :D

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

https://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/chocolate-recipes/bonkers-bread-butter-panettone-pudding-tart/

Prepared it earlier today so it's ready to go in the oven later on.

Can't wait, it's amazing.

[Pepe]

And Happy Christmas all.

My treadmill finally arrived the other day so I'm going to start the day with a run. Well, I say start, I've obviously prioritised the two Futmas SBC's on FIFA.

Get on Zwift so I can run you over on my virtual bicycle.

[igor_balis]

Chicken again :thbdn:

[Smjffy]

Chicken again :thbdn:

Pork, chicken and gammon here. :cool: Turkey can fuck right off.

[Pepe]

Still have some bacalao, so that will probably be it for lunch. Cassoulet for dinner. :drool:

[mo]

Cunting cat pissing on the bed woke us instead of kids. Still, it’s only got better from there. Have just spent the day opening youngest’s toys.

[Baz]

Pork, chicken and gammon here. :cool: Turkey can fuck right off.

Turkey, beef and gammon at my mums, apparently.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Turkey and gammon/ham.

[mugbull]

So do all Brits celebrate Christmas on the 25th? It has just recently come to my attention that most Americans/British have Christmas dinner on the 25th, not the 24th. Thought it might be a Catholic/non-Catholic thing but then some Catholics I know also do it on the 25th so it’s sort of a mishmash

[mugbull]

I meant the big Christmas dinner. I know Christmas is “officially” the 25th everywhere

[Giggles]

Dinner just finished. There won’t be much movement from here on in :drool:
Absolutely stuffed.

[Kikó]

Europeans and the Slavics seem to have their big meal the day before. We don't because we are Britain.

[mugbull]

Europeans and the Slavics seem to have their big meal the day before. We don't because we are Britain.

Get Brexit Done ✅

[Dark Soldier]

Merry Christmas ya fucks

[Jimmy Floyd]

God I'm pissed and lunch isn't until 6pm. Might have a little cry.

[Giggles]

God I'm pissed and lunch isn't until 6pm. Might have a little cry.

I think 2pm was the latest we ever had it. 6 would be handy for having a few extra pints.

[Kikó]

Think we are set for 4.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Worse still, my brother is on the tunes and he has the worst music taste imaginable. Billy Joel ffs.

[Giggles]

Worse still, my brother is on the tunes and he has the worst music taste imaginable. Billy Joel ffs.

Could be worse, James could have called round.

[Jimmy Floyd]

North Korea
South Korea
MARILYN MONROE

Kill me now