Thread about nothing.

[bruhnaldo]

Idk just random thoughts.

---

"There are currently 583 users online. 56 members and 527 guests"

Holy shit that seems excessive, obviously not real humans but how does 527 even appear lol

[Giggles]

Bots and Harold.

[bruhnaldo]

But what would the purpose of 527 bots be that's what I'm trying to understand if that makes any sense.

[Giggles]

I'm more surprised there's 56 members.

[Disco]

Nearly everyone who eats chocolate digestives eats them upside down.

[bruhnaldo]

At first I thought you meant like ex-lax and I was extraordinarily confused.

Having googled, is the chocolate side meant to be the bottom? Sounds suspiciously RACIST to me! :P

[Offshore Toon]

It makes sense. You're less likely to get crumbs everywhere if you hold it properly. Plus, why would the 'right' way to hold it change just because you added chocolate to one side?

[Shindig]

It's a chocolate topping, not a chocolate bottoming.

[Disco]

It's a chocolate topping, not a chocolate bottoming.

You sir could not be more wrong.

[bruhnaldo]

Recently I've been really into some weirdo behavior.

Ever take a paperclip and stretch out the one of the ends and then clean your ear with it?

Oh fuck it feels so good, guys.

[mugbull]

Enjoy your perforated eardrums

[Smjffy]

It's still no Stefan Postma.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Recently I've been really into some weirdo behavior.

Ever take a paperclip and stretch out the one of the ends and then clean your ear with it?

Oh fuck it feels so good, guys.

Have you recently started taking meth?

[bruhnaldo]

Dude try it. If that's how sex feels for women but just in their crotch I mean holy shit we missed the boat fellas.

[Disco]

See how far in you can get it.

[bruhnaldo]

Why the fuck do ya'll get up every single day?

Like what keeps you doing this shit day after day after day?

I have generally no will to live I just keep floating along and I honestly can't figure it out.

Is it like.... you've got families and things like that? Would you still do this shit if you weren't attached to other people who depend on you for their emotional and potentially financial wellbeing?

Or is there like a genuine "Ah fuck ya let's do this life thing" regardless of your attachments?

[Lewis]

Magic's divorce updates.

[bruhnaldo]

That's actually a good shout.

[Boydy]

I wanna see what happens.

[Offshore Toon]

Yeah, you might as well see it out. You won't get to the end of your life and regret not killing yourself. If your environment isn't particularly good, you have the power to change it. It might take a long time, possibly years, but you'll reap dividends in the future. Just decide what will make you happy then go out and get it. Thinking about life in terms of experiences, both good and bad, instead of happiness will actually make you happier. There's also humour to be found in everything, but I'm not sure that's worth explaining to a yank.

[Shindig]

Because it's easy and there's a lot of scope to it. You can fall way short of your childhood ambitions and still come out feeling you've done alright. As for suicide, you die at the end by default. There's no reason to put the effort in.

[hfswjyr]

What's the alternative? Sounds boring(er).

[mugbull]

Life is great, if you work hard you get to learn new things every day, meet new people, have good times with friends, all the classics. There’s so much that wakes me up in the morning but it’s all dependent on me not being a lazy slob. If you were to work on that, the quality of your life would shoot up dramatically, i think

[John]

The Tesco man looking after the self service checkouts has just sidled up to me to tell me that Morrisons are going to start charging thirty pence for their plastic bags. He stood about a foot away from me while I scanned my items and whispered it at me like he was conducting some proper corporate espionage.

[phonics]

On my last trip to the UK I found out it's illegal/now allowed to just buy one can of beer in Tesco? You have to buy the 4-pack. This is mental to me, I presume they're angling it as a health thing so people don't just casually buy a beer instead of a soft drink but surely it just encourages someone to drink 4 cans instead of the 1 or 2 they planned on?

[Pepe]

Rip Tesco man.

[niko_cee]

On my last trip to the UK I found out it's illegal/now allowed to just buy one can of beer in Tesco? You have to buy the 4-pack. This is mental to me, I presume they're angling it as a health thing so people don't just casually buy a beer instead of a soft drink but surely it just encourages someone to drink 4 cans instead of the 1 or 2 they planned on?

Do you mean just peeling one off/out of a 4-pack?

There's really no place for that sort of hobo behaviour.

[Disco]

Do you mean just peeling one off/out of a 4-pack?

There's really no place for that sort of hobo behaviour.

Please let it be this. :D

[phonics]

Yes it was. That's the done thing over here. The bar-code on the item is for 1x and then you have a bar-code for the combi-pack.

The only singles they were selling were small cans of IPA with some shit pun for a name and the rest were combi-packs.

[Shindig]

Guide dogs will lead their owners through dog shit. That is all.

[Giggles]

Presumably it’s similar to the tube of Coke I’m drinking at the moment, there’s no barcode on it as the outer pack has one. Plus it says not to be sold separately on it. Are you sure the inner can had a code on it?

[Spikey M]

On my last trip to the UK I found out it's illegal/now allowed to just buy one can of beer in Tesco? You have to buy the 4-pack. This is mental to me, I presume they're angling it as a health thing so people don't just casually buy a beer instead of a soft drink but surely it just encourages someone to drink 4 cans instead of the 1 or 2 they planned on?

'I ripped open the andrex m8. Only needed 4 sheets. How much?'

[Spikey M]

I don't think I've ever felt this Brexit. They should have campaigned on this. There'd be no debate.

Fuck it, we could reunite Ireland and have it included in the UK with this shit going on over there. Giggles, you can either have the Queen or people breaking up 4 packs willy nilly, what's it to be?

[phonics]

Presumably it’s similar to the tube of Coke I’m drinking at the moment, there’s no barcode on it as the outer pack has one. Plus it says not to be sold separately on it. Are you sure the inner can had a code on it?

No I'm saying Switzerland has that system. But yes, if you buy a 4-pack of Stella you can scan 1 can and it'll price it as 4.

I just went to the off-license down the road.


'I ripped open the andrex m8. Only needed 4 sheets. How much?'

They literally have a shelf that sells damaged goods for cheaper which you'd never get away with here. It's just an odd system.

[Spikey M]

Most of those shelfs are only there because there's Italians taking pocket fulls of Penne to the till.

[Giggles]

I don't think I've ever felt this Brexit. They should have campaigned on this. There'd be no debate.

Fuck it, we could reunite Ireland and have it included in the UK with this shit going on over there. @Giggles (https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/member.php?u=26), you can either have the Queen or people breaking up 4 packs willy nilly, what's it to be?

I’ll let phonics buy it by the mouthful.

[Spikey M]

Stick it up your backstop then lad.

[SincereTheRebel]

The Tesco man looking after the self-service checkouts has just sidled up to me to tell me that Morrisons are going to start charging thirty pence for their plastic bags. He stood about a foot away from me while I scanned my items and whispered it at me like he was conducting some proper corporate espionage.

I don't use the self-checkout anymore. I like to think that me not using it, is saving someone's jobs down the line somehow. Eventually, they will look to cut everyone off and replace them with the machine.

Maybe im just being an idiot and thinking too much.

[Giggles]

I don't use the self-checkout anymore. I like to think that me not using it, is saving someone's jobs down the line somehow. Eventually, they will look to cut everyone off and replace them with the machine.

Maybe im just being an idiot and thinking too much.

What about the lad that fixes the self service machine, the one that bothered finishing school?

[Giggles]

Stick it up your backstop then lad.

You lost me at joining up with the nordies.

[Spikey M]

You lost me at joining up with the nordies.

The one flaw in an otherwise perfect plan.

[Shindig]

What about the lad that fixes the self service machine, the one that bothered finishing school?

Or the people having to go to the back to check stock. It was a shitshow when I last went to Sainsburys for anything other than groceries. "Go to checkout 20 for those." <points at empty checkout> 10 minute wait for an actual person to show up and then another 15 to run to back for the thing I was after.

Reinstate the electronics / clothes desk, you shitheads.

[Spoonsky]

I don't use the self-checkout anymore. I like to think that me not using it, is saving someone's jobs down the line somehow. Eventually, they will look to cut everyone off and replace them with the machine.

Maybe im just being an idiot and thinking too much.

I do the same unless it’s a huge line. A bit more face to face interaction in the day never hurts.

[bruhnaldo]

Ya but you live in Utah. I imagine people are pleasant.

[Giggles]

All face to face interaction in the US is over-forced fake anyway.

[Gray Fox]

Avoiding face-to-face interaction at all costs should be a sport over here.

[bruhnaldo]

So you guys aren't even like remotely pleasant with other humans?

I fuckin despise humans but strive on being pleasant and minding my own business.

[Gray Fox]

If you go to London and say hi to a person, they'll run in fear.

[Spikey M]

Or mug you.

[Giggles]

“How are you?”
”Grand, yourself?”
”Not too bad.”

End of conversation.

[Spikey M]

The guy that runs our local shop has been asking me how my little boy is since before I had children. He's either mistaken me for someone else or he's asking about my cock. Either way, the answer has been 'fine thanks' for about 6 years now.

[mugbull]

I love chatty male shopkeepers and service people. They usually got banter.

[Shindig]

Small talk is great.

[John Arne]

When did Football365 become so shit? Nowadays seems to be exclusively a Premier League only website, and most of that content is crappy gossip and top 10's.

Did it not use to be half-decent, or am I remembering with rose tinted glasses?

[Lewis]

It's been shit for so many years that you have to wonder whether it was ever not. I read the letters, and sometimes the sixteen conclusions, but the rest of it is just crap features and then clickbait shit that they call other outlets out for doing.

[phonics]

When did Football365 become so shit? Nowadays seems to be exclusively a Premier League only website, and most of that content is crappy gossip and top 10's.

Did it not use to be half-decent, or am I remembering with rose tinted glasses?

When they got sold by Sky about 4 years ago. Went from a team to 3 people. Now it's absolute dog shit and their social media has got really bad. Constantly writing headlines like 'Club X is absolutely dog shit' and then getting chippy when fans of those clubs get annoyed at them.

[bruhnaldo]

F365 mailbox used to be a daily read for me :(

[bruhnaldo]

The guy that runs our local shop has been asking me how my little boy is since before I had children. He's either mistaken me for someone else or he's asking about my cock. Either way, the answer has been 'fine thanks' for about 6 years now.

Also ya I hate small talk so I think you guys must have it right, then. The way i had it pictured was more

"How's it going"
"Go fuck yourself you cheery prick"

[Ian]

Nah you just think the second one.

[bruhnaldo]

Man we're gonna get a fucking hurricane, fellas.

[Lewis]

Somewhere a missile silo is opening.

[Shindig]

Our champion spirit is here to stay. Also, I found out today I haven't the first idea how to stop a woman from crying whenever I'm working the phones. I'd be shit with the Samaritans.

[Lewis]

'I see you are still having no luck catching me...'

[bruhnaldo]

Somewhere a missile silo is opening.

The way they're talking about this shit turning into a Category 3 I fuckin welcome the nukes at this point tbqh.

[Shindig]

Turns out women with anxiety get triggered by the phrases, "It's nothing to worry about" and "Enjoy the rest of your day."

[Giggles]

Just tell them to straighten themselves out to fuck and hang up.

[Spikey M]

Man we're gonna get a fucking hurricane, fellas.

Live stream it plz

[bruhnaldo]

If the wifi stays up i got you lol

[bruhnaldo]

Shindig what do you do on the phones my boy

[phonics]

This one's called like Doryan or something. Imagine dying to a tornado that sounds like it got bullied in Primary school.

[bruhnaldo]

DUDE I had that exact fucking thought. If I die because of a fucking hurricane called DORIAN i'm gonna be soooo pissed.

[Shindig]

Shindig what do you do on the phones my boy

Ring claimants up to see if they want to take something at short notice. Most of the people I ring are alright with it but the main problem is 95% of them claim anxiety and depression and you can't tell which ones are chronic until you're in that conversation.

[phonics]

DUDE I had that exact fucking thought. If I die because of a fucking hurricane called DORIAN i'm gonna be soooo pissed.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EDLQoYTUEAAkfUX.jpg

you're gonna get owned by a hurricane called dorian in the shape of a cock and balls. grats.

[Danny]

Bruh, you are in south Florida now right? In laws are in Palm Beach but we are in Jax.

People panic buying all the water already but no one I know really giving a shit yet.

[Spikey M]

I panic bought a bag of pistachios last night.

[bruhnaldo]

Bruh, you are in south Florida now right? In laws are in Palm Beach but we are in Jax.

People panic buying all the water already but no one I know really giving a shit yet.

ya here in Palm Beach.. gotta say on Saturday when all the models had it coming right at us i was like welp this is gonna suck lmao

luckily supposdly supposed to start moving north soon. stationary at the moment but should miss us all

[John Arne]

My grandmother (in-law) passed away last night. Vietnamese customs really are, well interesting. When my girlfriend and I arrived at the house where she lives, paramedics were still trying to resuscitate her, but it was clear she wasn't pulling through (she was 84, and I suspect had a heart attack). After 15 or 20 mins of further resuscitation (with neighbours watching, talking, laughing amongst themselves), the cops turned up and called it, and immediately signed a death certificate citing natural causes. Off the paramedics went, off the cops went.

So, there we were, my girlfriend, me, 3 other family members, and grandma lying on the living room floor. Cue house tidying, putting some socks on grandma, and wrapping her tightly in a blanket. We called a small transit van and we all headed to the family home in the countryside (with her body in tow). Upon arrival, a bed was moved into the front living area, and she was placed there to rest for 8hrs. After that, finally moved to a coffin, were she will remain for 48 further hours, before being buried in the back garden.

Oh, and during the funeral, the immediate family all wear some natty white KKK overalls.

[bruhnaldo]

I gotta say that's pretty intense. I'm really sorry to hear about your grandma though.

[Lewis]

It's a bit shit for your girlfriend at the start of the school year.

[John Arne]

I gotta say that's pretty intense. I'm really sorry to hear about your grandma though.
Yeah it was. Without being too morbid and heartless, I lost my dad last month - so this was kinda insignificant to me.


It's a bit shit for your girlfriend at the start of the school year.
She finished high school a couple of years' ago, so, jokes on you.

[phonics]

Targeted Advertising.

When will people realise that it's not targeted at all and just spraying shit at the wall?

In the past few days my promoted tweets have been Scientology, The El Paso Times and Turkish Propaganda saying that they're being invaded by Armenia.

Meanwhile on Facebook, I get constant advertisements for the following three products from Wish, a company that doesn't operate in Switzerland.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/270326079648956433/621390186504519741/unknown.png
https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/270326079648956433/621390239516065796/unknown.png
https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/270326079648956433/621390294759505995/unknown.png

1) My relationship status is set to Single so 1 and 3 would be weird purchases
2) The purchase of 2 would be proof that 1+3 would be weird purchases

[bruhnaldo]

Nah sometimes that shit is waaaaaaay too specific. Maybe it's different here but I'm convinced they've literally given suggestions based on conversations I've had out loud.

I feel like if I started talking about how bad I wanted a cinnamon pretzel I'd start getting advertisements from Auntie Anne's Pretzels.

[phonics]

You live in the country where the sales teams are and a large market though so I can imagine it's more filtered.

I live in a country where podcasts say 'We'll return after this ad break' and there's no ad and it just carries on.

[mugbull]

I've had two of those exact same Wish products advertised to me too this past week. They must really be sinking their whole budget into FB advertising. I don't think I've ever even been on their website.

Why they think Goth Black Leather Leggings is the best thing to show prospective customers I don't know

[Pepe]

I already bought a pair thanks to phonics.

[Spikey M]

Yeah I always get Wish adverts too. Never for kinky trousers though.

[phonics]

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/464147082253434911/621481197184352267/unknown.png

I can't even grow facial hair so this one's just mean.

[Disco]

If lack of facial hair is all that's putting you off perhaps they're onto something.

[Queenslander]

My grandmother (in-law) passed away last night. Vietnamese customs really are, well interesting. When my girlfriend and I arrived at the house where she lives, paramedics were still trying to resuscitate her, but it was clear she wasn't pulling through (she was 84, and I suspect had a heart attack). After 15 or 20 mins of further resuscitation (with neighbours watching, talking, laughing amongst themselves), the cops turned up and called it, and immediately signed a death certificate citing natural causes. Off the paramedics went, off the cops went.

So, there we were, my girlfriend, me, 3 other family members, and grandma lying on the living room floor. Cue house tidying, putting some socks on grandma, and wrapping her tightly in a blanket. We called a small transit van and we all headed to the family home in the countryside (with her body in tow). Upon arrival, a bed was moved into the front living area, and she was placed there to rest for 8hrs. After that, finally moved to a coffin, were she will remain for 48 further hours, before being buried in the back garden.

Oh, and during the funeral, the immediate family all wear some natty white KKK overalls.

I work with a Samoan girl and she gave me the run down of her cultures mourning process and I got to say a 45 minute service plus a trip to the cemetary is my limit.

She said they have a month long service for everyone to pay respects with the coffin open for the 1st 4 days unless the body goes off. I would start to get rather annoyed being around other peoples various states of grieving after a couple of days.

[SincereTheRebel]

phonics. If those mannequins want to get a threesome going. I'm available. They took fire from the back.

[Ian]

Yeah, add friction burns to your issues, Sincere. That'll soothe the pain.

[phonics]

No idea what they're even trying to sell me now because this definitely isn't a swimsuit

https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/270326079648956433/623933211201896468/unknown.png

[niko_cee]

Bondage gear and now asian sexdolls?

No idea where that could be coming from . . .

[bruhnaldo]

How much are the dolls? For research purposes of course.

[Spikey M]

Phonics 'there's no such thing as targeted marketing' platform is dying on its arse. The kinky cunt.

[SincereTheRebel]

Wouldnt even pull out

[Queenslander]

At the moment I mainly get sponsored adds for baldness. Wont be too long untill the bots double down and suggest lifts because Im also a short cunt.

[SincereTheRebel]

Should just get your knees done.

[Queenslander]

:lol:

[Offshore Toon]

I tuned into Strictly Come Dancing as I was stupidly bored and perfectly caught the moment David James walked out to Three Lions.

https://twitter.com/odeacon16/status/1175492351927771136?s=09

[Baz]

Sure you did.

[Bam]

Has he lost about 6 stone??

[bruhnaldo]

Could go for a bit of death tbh

[Offshore Toon]

Anything decent on TV tonight?