Eurovision 2019

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Is on tonight at 8pm.

We've gone from an autistic opening post from that Dutch fella, to a betting inspired post from James to this...

[Dan]

Just us tonight then I guess :gay:

[Pleb]

I'm working :moop:

They moved this to a Saturday now haven't they? :nono:

[Spikey M]

I'm only here for Kiko's annual 'My lovely Horse' post.

[Ian]

Where's Utotri? :(

[-james-]

The Dutch guy pisses it tonight.

[Shindig]

Australia to win Eurovision in the Middle East.

[bruhnaldo]

wait why is this in Isreal? is Isreal apart of Europe this week?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

They won the last one with some fat lass/lad/thing singing and pretending to be a chicken.

It was shit and should not have won.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

This intro, fuck me.

[niko_cee]

If Australia win this do we have to host it or might they blight someone else with the job?

[Offshore Toon]

Not sure if it's worth betting based on Dino's word for very little return.

[Bam]

wait why is this in Isreal? is Isreal apart of Europe this week?


Why do Maccabi Tel Aviv play in the Champions League? It doesn't matter, really.

Strange though, most bin lids are not allowed to watch tv on a Saturday.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Not sure if it's worth betting based on Dino's word for very little return.

I'm not sure of the odds but Australia should be a good bet.

Staging always goes down well and Norton just said there's might be the best ever in Eurovision.

[niko_cee]

Strange though, most bin lids are not allowed to watch tv on a Saturday.

:D

[Amigo]

If Australia win this do we have to host it or might they blight someone else with the job?
They've made an agreement with an unnamed European state (supposedly Iceland) to host the competition in case they win.

[Dan]

Decent enough first song. Not going to win, but no doubt far from the worst we'll hear tonight.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I really liked that :uhoh:

[-james-]

bets:


Spain top 10 @4+
Iceland top 5 @3+
Russia top 4 @4+
Iceland televote winner @15
Australia televote winner @4

[-james-]

I'm fairly balls deep on Holland to win it though.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

This isn't too bad but incredibly forgettable.

[-james-]

Denmark last place at 50 is worth a few bob too.

[Amigo]

Germany will probably be last.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

First stinker.

[niko_cee]

Quite liked Malta and their Culture Club thing.

Why have Czechia got some Kooks tribute act singing about statutory rape/child abuse for them?

[Offshore Toon]

Albania donning it so far. Czech with the fake drummer can fuck off. Scum.

[P_3]

All a bit meh so far.

[Bam]

Think I'll go back to some B.B King, fuck this shit.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I haven't seen Jean Paul-Gaultier since Eurotrash.

[niko_cee]

Was going to say the same, it's been a while.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I think this is my least favourite entry thus far.

[niko_cee]

Up above the streets and houses Denmark's climbing high!

Jesus that was bad, will probably win.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

This guy is incredibly creepy.

[Offshore Toon]

San Marino take over as favourites. Denmark had enough Lilly Allen about them to not come last.

[-james-]

The San Marino Leonard Cohen.

[Offshore Toon]

I haven't seen Jean Paul-Gaultier since Eurotrash.
I did wonder if he'd got a bit confused and wandered onto the wrong set.

[niko_cee]

Backing singers doing all the work for Infantino here.

[niko_cee]

Was hoping for an Urge Overkill (Neil Diamond) cover there, even though I know that's not possible.

[Bernanke]

San Marino take over as favourites. Denmark had enough Lilly Allen about them to not come last.

Yeah "Discount Lily Allen" was thrown around here too.

[Offshore Toon]

Just learnt about Macedonia's name change for the first time. Eurovision is so good.

[P_3]

9 songs in, I'm not impressed.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Not a fan of Ozil's daughter.

[Dan]

9 songs in, I'm not impressed.

The last few years haven't been the best, from what I remember

[Byron]

Can feel myself aging listening to these Instagram twats.

[Dan]

This is not fabulous. Seems like she's trying not to fall apart

[Offshore Toon]

Cyprus rocking it. This is the best in years.

[P_3]

Madonna representing Cyprus then?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

My favourite so far along with Malta.

[Offshore Toon]

Stuck a fiver on Cyprus without The Netherlands. 100/1.

[Dan]

Please don't let that Netherlands one be the winner.

[niko_cee]

Isn't this a Jess Glynne song?

[Offshore Toon]

Zionism at its worst.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That was terrible.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The Baldie :D

[P_3]

Loving this Norway song.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Well at least it's nice to know that we're not trying to win.

[Amigo]

Prepare yourselves for the best Eurovision entry of all time.

[niko_cee]

Norway were decent. Good mix of A-ha and Frozen going on there.

First time I've heard our effort, Bilge, but no worse than the Dutch favourite.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

He's just become even creepier by saying he's a dentist.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Those are some special outfits.

[Byron]

It's if Cradle of Filth discovered an old Kraftwerk CD. I love it.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

They should have put this on right after Denmark's TWEE affair.

[Offshore Toon]

That was very good, but sadly it won't win. About thirty years ahead of it's time.

[Yevrah]

That Icelandic entry was phenomenal.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Loving the early 90s graphics.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That ballet dancer is HUGE.

[Dan]

We're a bit behind the telly but good lord that Icelandic entry :cool:

Ours was solid, but it doesn't really matter what we send over we'll still finish bottom five because everyone hates us.

[P_3]

She's a bit lovely.

[Bernanke]

Italy let a chav on stage.

[Offshore Toon]

Dino, are you bricking it yet? The Dutch entry was dreadful. This is going to a sub 1m population country.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I liked the Dutch entry but it's not one that would usually do well here.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Swiss could win it tbh.

Can see it going down very well.

[-james-]

Dino, are you bricking it yet? The Dutch entry was dreadful. This is going to a sub 1m population country.

Dutch is massive jury bait, I'm still fairly happy with it. Swiss definitely look the threat, he's nailed it there.

[-james-]

Australia is about to go favourite though.

[P_3]

The fuck is going on with Australia?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

What is this?

[Byron]

This is Eastern European levels of batshit.

[-james-]

Or not. Pants.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I know STAGING is huge for Eurovision but the song has to at least be half decent.

[-james-]

Best guess:


Netherlands
Switzerland
Italy
Russia
Sweden
Australia
Spain
Azerbaijan
Estonia
Czech Republic

[Waffdon]

Switzerland
Norway
Netherlands
Sweden
Italy
Russia

Top four there somewhere. Think Switzerland will win it

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I've lobbed £10 on the Swiss.

[P_3]

Between Cyprus, Norway and Switzerland for me.

[niko_cee]

I quite liked Italia shaggy.

And lol at the french sending whatever that was, and having it sing in English to boot. Needs a beard if you want to win that way garcons.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

My top 5 in no order are:

Malta
Swiss
Spain
Iceland
Sweden

Honorable mentions to Germany, Cyprus and Spain.

[Byron]

What. Is. That.

[niko_cee]

Speak of the devil.

[Amigo]

The worst lip-syncing of all time.

[Mellberg]

This is like if Mrs Doubtfire was recast in the Fifth Element.

[-james-]

God I love Eurovision.

[Dan]

Australia :D Utterly bizarre, which is exactly what I want from Eurovision, but the song wasn't winner material.

Likely Top 5:

Switzerland
Australia
Sweden
Italy
Netherlands


'Favourite' 5:

Norway
Malta
Iceland
Err...
Australia?
I have no idea

EDIT: That Eurovision bastardisation megamix was interesting.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I hate Madonna so much.

[Offshore Toon]

Quavo? This is the best Eurovision in so many years.

[Waffdon]

Hahahah. What on earth is he doing here

[Mellberg]

The state of the fucking banana.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The more I see/hear Germany the more I love it/them.

[Waffdon]

Estonia is actually great too

[Waffdon]

Get Grado out with her :cool:

[-james-]

I hate Madonna so much.


There are some shocking opinions in this thread, but this takes the cake.

[niko_cee]

Holy fuck on toast this is bad.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Swiss aren't going down too well with the jury.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The chav is getting a lot of love.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

How did Conchita get to London so quickly?

[Offshore Toon]

My mate bet on Italy because they had a Muslim singing. Looks like a decent shout currently.

[Amigo]

We're getting slaughtered by the juries, as was to be expected.

[P_3]

North Macedonia kind of smashed it with the juries.

[Offshore Toon]

Dino, mate, how deep were you?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Romanians shitting on us...

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The audience saying Greece before he announced it :D

[Offshore Toon]

Cyprus, and me, being robbed here.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I think Sweden might win this.

[P_3]

Not with the public vote they won't.

[Mellberg]

The Axis powers still going strong.

[Pleb]

The public votes is going to fuck everything and the :drool: will be real

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

They shouldn't even bother going to Greece and Cyprus for the 12 point vote.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Macedonia are going to get fuck all from the public.

[Waffdon]

I have a whole £1 on Sweden at 26 from Sky Bets boost but Netherlands are 1.25 to win now lol.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

3 points :lol:

[Pleb]

UK :roflol:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Fucking lol at Germany.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Holy shit Norway.

[Pleb]

Now this is tasty.

[Yevrah]

How does the public voting work? Are these just random numbers for points?

[Pleb]

Telephone votes mainly.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

How does the public voting work? Are these just random numbers for points?

I think it's just all the 41 countries combined total score.

[Mellberg]

Cheeky from Iceland.

[Yevrah]

Yes, but how are the points calculated?

[Offshore Toon]

Iceland repping Palestine. They've won as far as I'm concerned.

[Pleb]

Woof.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Yes, but how are the points calculated?

Top gets 12 points, second 10 etc etc.

Then they just compile all of those so highest possible is 492 (41 x 12).

I think.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'm glad the Czech's got fuck all, it was horseshit.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Macedonia are going to get fuck all from the public.

Boom.

[Pleb]

What scenes.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I thought there were going to be some amazing scenes involving a tie when they kept saying how much Sweden needed.

[Pleb]

:jayjay:

[Waffdon]

That was harsh on the Swedish bloke hahhahhh

[Yevrah]

When does the betting for this close? It must have been obvious that that Swedish chap could only get 100 or so points if you were looking at a list.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I imagine that, if he's alive, Utori is wanking furiously.

He better go live with a TTH sign next year.

[Pleb]

When does the betting for this close? It must have been obvious that that Swedish chap could only get 100 or so points if you were looking at a list.
It closed when the public voting started I think iirc.

[-james-]

When does the betting for this close? It must have been obvious that that Swedish chap could only get 100 or so points if you were looking at a list.

Netherlands were about 1.05 to win just before Sweden's televote tally was announced but I doubt you'd have got more than a few quid on.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Genuinely thought his name was Dunn Can.

[Offshore Toon]

Dino, mate, how deep were you?
He's on a mad one.

[phonics]

TIL that North Macedonia is a country

[Spikey M]

I'm only here for Kiko's annual 'My lovely Horse' post.

What a cunt.

[Shindig]

UK :roflol:

It's the one time of year Europeans get a chance to tell us they hate us. As they book their next trip to London.

[niko_cee]

I reckon there's a complicated mix of factors that makes us uniquely bad at this, but foremost among them must be the cult of reality talent shows and non-traditional routes into the music industry. In days gone by you'd have those tier 3 or 4 bods maybe considering Eurovision as something other than career suicide, but now they're having to scrape the barrel as anyone with a modicum of talent ends up working for SyCo in some capacity.

[Shindig]

Yeah, they don't gain anything from it. Well, they get TV time in front of a huge television and live audience but it doesn't nothing for a career.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I reckon there's a complicated mix of factors that makes us uniquely bad at this, but foremost among them must be the cult of reality talent shows and non-traditional routes into the music industry. In days gone by you'd have those tier 3 or 4 bods maybe considering Eurovision as something other than career suicide, but now they're having to scrape the barrel as anyone with a modicum of talent ends up working for SyCo in some capacity.

We can't get the song right either. It's never Eurovision enough or it's too much.

[igor_balis]

Watched this at a "eurovision party", completely sober and surrounded by very drunk people. Amazingly I still rather enjoyed myself, although I think Norway was ROBBED, my fave song by a mile.

My very lovely and very stereotypically homosexual mate passed out for about 15 minutes roughly 18 songs in, then when he woke up immediately staggered to the kitchen to refill his glass of prosecco. The evening definitely lived up to his billing of "gay christmas", though I did think his obsession with the Czechs was borderline dodgy.

[Serj]

I don't really get the adulation the Norwegian song got. I've listened to it a couple of times and I always forget what it goes like about a minute later. Like most Eurovision stuff.

Top three for me would be Italy, Iceland, Slovenia. Slovenia didn't really help themselves with that awkward performance though.

[Yevrah]

Do other countries take this seriously and send their big hitters?

Are there any rules around entrants?

I mean surely if we actually cared and could we’d send someone suitably aligned to euro pop in a cheesy enough sense, like Take That or Robbie, and romp home.

[niko_cee]

Do other countries actually have 'big hitters'?

And, as I understand it, sort of. They send people who are either popular in their own countries or popular in Europe generally, rather than the shit we send.

[Lewis]

Other countries don't have any 'big hitters'.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's a celebration of the European music scene and we are not part of that. We have our own music scene aligned somewhat with America.

If we put a London hip hop artist up we'd do better.

[Lewis]

Or just enter the normal rubbish, but put them in double denim and a mullet.

[Yevrah]

Other countries don't have any 'big hitters'.

They have their big hitters surely, obviously complete binmen compared to our artists, but the point was are they sending the best they have or nobbling themselves like we do?

[Yevrah]

Ah, I see Niko’s got that.

Is it the case though, can our European friends here confirm?

[Jimmy Floyd]

That German girl who won the other year and who GS was creeping on had a song that was number 1 in a billion countries at the time, so I imagine they are relatively much more famous. That Swedish bloke last night seemed to be well known as well.

[Giggles]

Ah, I see Niko’s got that.

Is it the case though, can our European friends here confirm?

We send nobodies or novelty acts.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Swedish man's song was number 1 in various countries and Italian bloke has like 80m views on YouTube or something.

'Michael Rice' is a nobody.

[P_3]

We've tried Blue before and they tanked, so unless we get Adele or One Direction to do it, then we are stuck finishing last.

[Shindig]

Russia rolled out Tatu that one year.

[Waffdon]

They finished 5th and aren’t exactly anything special. Send Ed Sheeran and they’d win by the highest margin ever.

[Pen]

Ah, I see Niko’s got that.

Is it the case though, can our European friends here confirm?

We sent the guy who made ”Sandstorm” back in the day and didn’t even make the final. Don’t think hitters come much heavier than that. I guess you just need to guess what’s the ”thing” you need that year. We won it with some monster freaks the only time we’ve won it ffs.

[Pleb]

I seem to say this everytime someone mentions that the UK needs to do better etc iirc.

Make the winner of The X Factor/The Voice get a spot for Eurovision. Some other countries do that.

[Giggles]

I seem to say this everytime someone mentions that the UK needs to do better etc iirc.

Make the winner of The X Factor/The Voice get a spot for Eurovision. Some other countries do that.

Winners of those things wouldn't want to be tarred with that brush.

[SincereTheRebel]

Why don't countries sing in their native language? That's super shit

[Jimmy Floyd]

English is the perfect language for pop music. It's far more developed linguistically which gives you far more options as a songwriter.

[Yevrah]

It might be my imagination but I'm sure there used to be a lot more songs sung in forrin.

[niko_cee]

Yeah, having the subtitles on for the HILARIOUS translations used to be a thing.

Now it's mostly just the French and the odd rogue nation.

[Pen]

Since we get everything subtitled , I can assure you that there are some real pearls there every now and again.

[Jimmy Floyd]

When it was all for national markets you could sing in foreign, but now they're all going for pan-European hits which is why they need to sing in the lingua franca.

We are just not part of that European music scene hence we do so badly.

[-james-]

The winner this year was a Keane b-side, and the runner up was a rap song. I'm not sure how you can claim the latter has universal appeal when it's sang in Italian by an Arab, and the people who decide the points don't speak Italian and a large proportion of them don't like brown people. It's nonsense to suggest that the UK doesn't possess the talent to write a song that can win Eurovision.

We just send awful songs. How many people watch the UK national selection tournament? Fucking nobody because it's shit. The Swedish, Norwegian, Italian competitions and others are mini eurovisions and worth watching in their own right if you like pop music.

The song they chose this year was written by the guy that wrote and performed the Swedish entry, which was probably a smart choice, but the song was an absolute turd so he probably knew what he was doing.

[bruhnaldo]

Damn ya'll finished LAST?! Were the last 3 remaining members of S Club not available?

[niko_cee]

Finished last, and then got docked some points to boot.