Christmas 2018

[Lewis]

It's December, lads, which means that we can start listening to Christmas music. We can also get the annual thread going. For previous efforts see:

Christmas 2015 (https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/showthread.php?446-Christmas-2015) (Christmas of Chaos)
Christmas 2016 (https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/showthread.php?1357-Christmas-2016) (Make Christmas Great Again)
Christmas 2017 (https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/showthread.php?1953-Christmas-2017) (Christmas means Christmas)

This year we're having a #PeoplesChristmas, so let's hear what you have planned.

[Pleb]

https://metro.co.uk/2018/10/04/asda-launches-jack-daniels-advent-calendar-filled-with-23-bottles-of-whiskey-8001545/

:cool:

[Pepe]

Wdytoe?

[Giggles]

Wdytoe?

We've done our last one of those.

[Shindig]

https://metro.co.uk/2018/10/04/asda-launches-jack-daniels-advent-calendar-filled-with-23-bottles-of-whiskey-8001545/

:cool:

For £60, I'd rather take that batch of Aberlour they do every Christmas.

[Lewis]

Giggles - Subtly donned Smiffy right off the board. Legend.
Pepe - The toppest lad on The Third Half dot co dot uk.

[Spikey M]

We were meant to be staying at home for Christmas this year, but my Sister in Law has invited everyone round there so we're doing that instead. It means there's people to force the kids on and someone else gets lumbered with the cooking, so win-win.

Only downside is that I will have to drive, so can only have a beer or 2 until the evening.

[Giggles]

We had two invites from her siblings. Both houses have children so she can go on her own or come with me to my folks.

[Pepe]

Forgot about Smifgate. Mental stuff.

[Shindig]

I've got an early finish on Christmas Eve so might sneak over the folks. Assuming my sister's not offering to give me a lift in on the big day.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Going to Poland for a few days next week and we'll have an early dinner thing there with family.

Then we'll do the usual here.

[SvN]

Forgot about Smifgate. Mental stuff.

You have no idea. He was almost certainly having some sort of breakdown. You should see the stuff he was PMing admins.

[Pepe]

Declassify the pms. We deserve to know.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The people demand it.

[Boydy]

What was Smiffgate?

[Lewis]

1. He got sacked for having weed in his bag and convinced himself that Giggles was to blame.
2. Giggles started filling his pants every time the phone rang after six o'clock.
3. ?????
4. He created that summsuccess account to have a go at everyone.

What a forum.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Didn't he then come back and pretend that nothing happened too?

He also posted those awful cooking videos.

[igor_balis]

Work party next week. Me, my assistant manager and the new 21 year old temp are going to my colleague's house at 3ish, and about 4 of our female colleagues about an hour after. We've been promised girls v boys beer pong, about 7 kids of spirits and some sort of trivia-related game, before we go to the actual event at about 7. I think this can only end disastrously but I'm quite excited.

[Shindig]

Sounds like you work with complete cunts.

[Danny]

https://metro.co.uk/2018/10/04/asda-launches-jack-daniels-advent-calendar-filled-with-23-bottles-of-whiskey-8001545/

:cool:

I picked this one up the other week

https://www.simplemost.com/costco-german-beer-advent-calendar/

[Giggles]

We were at a wake this evening so naturally it's full session now. I declare Christmas officially started.

[Mike]

Sounds like you work with complete cunts.

I know! Having a good time. What cunts!

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've got to do a work lunch in a pub, and then later the same day an informal 'work' dinner with some of my direct colleagues, strangely including a guy who left a month ago (OK) and the guy who was sacked to make way for me (weird).

Both will be shit. Still, it beats the Koreans.

[Giggles]

I know! Having a good time. What cunts!

Fun can be had without #epicladbantz shite.

[Shindig]

Mine was just direct after work. Went over to a restaurant in town, had two courses and a couple of pints. You'll notice we stopped at two courses. Their portions are huge. Like, the calzone I had was bigger than the plate it rested on. People were impressed I could finish it. Spent the night wondering about the ethnicity of the staff, one of the older women almost kicked off at the bar. The only problem with these nights out is that the workforce no longer has any decent lasses. Unless you count the young, thick lass upstairs who is adorable. So everyone kinda vanishes before 10pm. There was three of us left and I went as soon as their lifts were 5 minutes out.

[Spikey M]

In my experience young, attractive 'thick but adorable' women are anything but. That may be because I come from Essex, the birthplace of the 'it's cool to be thick movement', but most of them are playing up to the stereotype massively.

I have worked with a woman for 6 years, when I started she used to say things like "I thought the Moon was just the Sun at night" (genuine quote), but only when a bloke she fancied was around.

These days she's grown up, had 2 kids and doesn't have time for the bullshit act, which has made her a better person across all fronts.

[Shindig]

Nah, this lass is genuinely thick. She thought John Wayne was Batman.

[Giggles]

"Of course it goes in there"

[Mike]

Put the Y1 Christmas Tree up this afternoon with a boy with autism. It looks as you might expect.

[igor_balis]

Nice of you to get your brother a job.

[Manc]

Woof.

Despite the german markets, mass advertising and hoards of shoppers, Christmas still hasn't arrived for me. No tree or advent calendar. Wank.

[Spikey M]

Mike is Trans-gender, The Reid is the Autistic.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We've reached the time of year when people at work start regaling me with how excited their sproglets are to visit crappy pop-up malls with animatronic reindeer and poorly acted Father Christmases, and it really winds me up for some reason. Christmas is about having a short break from the otherwise relentless misery of adulthood, not celebrating the joy of childhood.

'Ooh, Leo (they are all called Leo, now) made a sleigh bells card'. Fuck off and let me drink alone.

[Shindig]

All our work seems to be doing is throwing sweets at us. Fair play to our boss writing out 150 cards, though.

[Baz]

Nice of you to get your brother a job.
:panda:

[Pepe]

'Ooh, Leo (they are all called Leo, now)

Spoonsky setting trends. :cool:

[mugbull]

I fucking love Christmas :pards:

Especially if you can whisk yourself off to a snowy locale

[mugbull]

I was given no warning how large that emoji was going to be.

[Mazuuurk]

We've reached the time of year when people at work start regaling me with how excited their sproglets are to visit crappy pop-up malls with animatronic reindeer and poorly acted Father Christmases, and it really winds me up for some reason. Christmas is about having a short break from the otherwise relentless misery of adulthood, not celebrating the joy of childhood.

'Ooh, Leo (they are all called Leo, now) made a sleigh bells card'. Fuck off and let me drink alone.


You know what just tell them that. I bet they will stop telling you.

[phonics]

I'm going to some posh hotel in Edinburgh. Waffdon bring your bird and we'll go for a pissup on boxing day.

[niko_cee]

They don't have Boxing Day in jockland, do they?

[Jimmy Floyd]

You know what just tell them that. I bet they will stop telling you.

Such is the tragedy of life, being constantly wound up by twats is actually far preferable to the alternative.

[Waffdon]

I'm going to some posh hotel in Edinburgh. Waffdon bring your bird and we'll go for a pissup on boxing day.

I’m working the next day so doubt I’ll be out Boxing Day unfortunately. How long are you there?

[mugbull]

Such is the tragedy of life, being constantly wound up by twats is actually far preferable to the alternative.

You need a girlfriend mate

[Jimmy Floyd]

I really don't.

[mugbull]

Ok maybe not

[Spikey M]

Boyfriend.

[Boom-Boom-18]

Has anyone been to Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park?

I went last year and enjoyed it very much, considering a last minute trip there this weekend providing I can find a reasonably priced hotel.

[Baz]

My secret Santa at work once commented “yeah I like a real ale” but I’m not sure if he was just saying it cos I did, as we’d almost literally only just met and he’s dead nice so may have just been being polite. Obviously putting it to the test by buying him some beer. We’ve a budget of a fiver so I’ve gone for a can of Pale Aura (ayoo niko_cee) and a can of Schrodingers Cat, that my mate recommended. Also some wine gums and deodorant.

Normally buying deodorant for secret Santa could be quite harsh (“you stink m8”) but lots of people tell him he smells nice quite frequently and when everyone was saying what they’d like to get, he said deodorant. And wine gums cos he was surprised that me and big Roger preferred Fruit Pastilles over Wine Gums when our Rog was moaning his vaping thing tasted more like Wine Gums than Fruit Pastilles. £5 well spent, I’m sure you agree.

Pretty confident he’s got me too, so am expecting some beers in return.

[Foe]

I got mine a jumper with cats on it because she's hipster and a book about Jesus being a myth because she hated my atheism.

Might add some wine gums too on the hope she opens them and offers them round.

[Lewis]

Jesus was a real bloke, so that must be a right crank effort.

[Spikey M]

He might have been, but Mohammed definitely was. Convert her.

[Manc]

Had my first mince pie. #mincer

[bruhnaldo]

wtf is a wine gum

[Shindig]

It's a dental disease associated with alcoholics.

[Lewis]

There was a woman offering samples of chopped up mince pies in Asda earlier, and then this old Chinese woman just bowled up and took one of the unchopped whole ones. The Asda woman tried taking it back and going 'No, those are mine', like she was telling a child off, but she just went in again like at Imjin River and got it the third time.

[Spikey M]

wtf is a wine gum

Imagine a piece of 'candy' that squeaks when you chew it, renders your mouth as dry as the Sahara and tastes like pure sugar with a hint of unidentifiable fruits.

[Mazuuurk]

In fairness you basically just described most Candy right there (that isn't chocolate, anyway).

[Giggles]

Nothing is as bad as a wine gum. The texture is vile too.

[Spikey M]

As usual, Giggles is correct.

[Shindig]

I always preferred fruit pastels.

[igor_balis]

Agreed. I like the soft fruity bullshit sweets but the hard chewy ones are bollocks.

[mugbull]

My favorite British thing (apart from the electronic music) is probably all those Cadbury chocolates that defy the laws of sound when you consume them.

[Baz]

I’m pretty sure everyone prefers fruit pastilles over wine gums, hence it really sticking with me when my colleague said otherwise.

[Foe]

Wine gums are the business. You lot are all trolling.

[Kikó]

Wine gums sticks your mouth together and then causes aids.

I'm pretty packed now until Christmas. Playing some RAF team in the AFA CUP today which is RAF Halton. Absolute mission. Next weekend to the Sportsman in Whistable then my mates wedding on the 23rd (what sort of date is that) in Manc. Then off for three weeks to Argentina 😎

[Giggles]

I've everything bought now apart from my Da. Just waiting on it all to arrive but it's all going to the office so I've a deadline of the 21st or I may go up on the 22nd and 24th and wait there for the couriers and post.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Our family has made a dramatic change this year in that instead of buying a present for everyone, you buy a bigger present but for one person. Absolute godsend for me as I don't really care about receiving presents and buying them is an absolute pain in the arse. And more time for drinking on the day, of course.

[Baz]

Hopefully they all pick you.

[Foe]

Wine gums sticks your mouth together and then causes aids.

I'm pretty packed now until Christmas. Playing some RAF team in the AFA CUP today which is RAF Halton. Absolute mission. Next weekend to the Sportsman in Whistable then my mates wedding on the 23rd (what sort of date is that) in Manc. Then off for three weeks to Argentina 😎

Eh? You talking about fruit gums? Fruit gums are like trying to eat chewing gum. Wine gums don't do that at all and are delicious.

[Baz]

Fruit gums are better than wine gums.

I honestly don’t mind wine gums, it’s just that there are much better options. Sports Mix are pretty good.

[Giggles]

Just finished scooping at the Christmas party.
Left the boss downstairs rising murder. Fucking pieces.

[Giggles]

Just got the breakfast and ready for home :cool:

[Giggles]

Dealz (Poundland) have bloody gone and put a Santa voice on their self service checkouts.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Tesco did that a few years ago and it disappeared in days, presumably because of threat of world war. Didn't stop South West Trains changing their departure boards so that the stations near me were shown with Christmas puns - so Woking became 'Wo Three Kings', Clapham Junction became 'Clapham Jingle Bells', Chertsey 'Chertsleigh' and so on. On balance I think that was when the UK bottomed out.

[Lewis]

http://i64.tinypic.com/29290g8.png

Festive.

[Boydy]

Is he at the vet?

[Lewis]

He was. They said they are taking pictures of all the dogs for their Christmas tree and he's going on the top. :cool:

[Spikey M]

They say that to all the girls.

Anyway, took our daughter to see Father Christmas today and got mugged off by some spotty oik dressed as an elf for not singing along with the magic elf song. Little cunt.

[SvN]

I haven't bought presents for 3 years now, and it's amazing. I only have to worry about my wife, which I sorted months ago.

[Giggles]

Since we started doing the kris kringle thing in work it's so much handier.

[Offshore Toon]

I'm struggling for ideas this year. I think I might try and push for what Jimmy's family are doing. I normally put in effort to get presents and half the people just give money/vouchers anyway so don't know why I'm even trying. My cousin was a bellend this year and got me 'joke' presents for my birthday after I got him a good hoodie for his, so I might as well just burn £20 for him. If anybody is interested it was this (https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00LIU84S6/ref=asc_df_B00LIU84S657508496/?tag=googshopuk-21&creative=22146&creativeASIN=B00LIU84S6&linkCode=df0&hvadid=310737079164&hvpos=1o3&hvnetw=g&hvrand=4239878237448504526&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1006565&hvtargid=pla-564756219268) and this (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Invero%C2%AE-Terrible-Jokes-Toilet-Tissue/dp/B07HH9BLWQ/ref=sr_1_3?s=kids&ie=UTF8&qid=1544958619&sr=1-3&keywords=toilet+paper+jokes).

[mo]

Just remembered we’ve done a Secret Santa for siblings & partners and I drew my brother in law, who has no real personality. Scanning amazon for anything halfway decent and in budget. Reckon it’ll be chocolate, as he’s into cars and I’ve no clue there.

Wife has said we’re doing a family stocking too, which was news to me.

[Lewis]

I'm struggling for ideas this year. I think I might try and push for what Jimmy's family are doing. I normally put in effort to get presents and half the people just give money/vouchers anyway so don't know why I'm even trying. My cousin was a bellend this year and got me 'joke' presents for my birthday after I got him a good hoodie for his, so I might as well just burn £20 for him. If anybody is interested it was this (https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00LIU84S6/ref=asc_df_B00LIU84S657508496/?tag=googshopuk-21&creative=22146&creativeASIN=B00LIU84S6&linkCode=df0&hvadid=310737079164&hvpos=1o3&hvnetw=g&hvrand=4239878237448504526&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1006565&hvtargid=pla-564756219268) and this (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Invero%C2%AE-Terrible-Jokes-Toilet-Tissue/dp/B07HH9BLWQ/ref=sr_1_3?s=kids&ie=UTF8&qid=1544958619&sr=1-3&keywords=toilet+paper+jokes).

You don't need that person in your life.

[Spikey M]

Just remembered we’ve done a Secret Santa for siblings & partners and I drew my brother in law, who has no real personality. Scanning amazon for anything halfway decent and in budget. Reckon it’ll be chocolate, as he’s into cars and I’ve no clue there.

Wife has said we’re doing a family stocking too, which was news to me.

How about this (https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00LIU84S6/ref=asc_df_B00LIU84S657508496/?tag=googshopuk-21&creative=22146&creativeASIN=B00LIU84S6&linkCode=df0&hvadid=310737079164&hvpos=1o3&hvnetw=g&hvrand=4239878237448504526&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1006565&hvtargid=pla-564756219268) and this (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Invero%C2%AE-Terrible-Jokes-Toilet-Tissue/dp/B07HH9BLWQ/ref=sr_1_3?s=kids&ie=UTF8&qid=1544958619&sr=1-3&keywords=toilet+paper+jokes)?

[Offshore Toon]

You don't need that person in your life.
He asked earlier if we were bothering with presents as he's "not too fussed tbh this year," so there'll be no revenge attack, which is probably for the best as I'd no doubt be left seething after getting more shit making it 2-1 to him, then I'd kick off a bit and get the usual "ALEXANDER!!!!!" as if I'm in the wrong. You know what makes things worse? A month or so before my birthday he won about £5k in some pub game. I guarantee a penny extra won't have been spent on anyone else.

[Offshore Toon]

How about this (https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00LIU84S6/ref=asc_df_B00LIU84S657508496/?tag=googshopuk-21&creative=22146&creativeASIN=B00LIU84S6&linkCode=df0&hvadid=310737079164&hvpos=1o3&hvnetw=g&hvrand=4239878237448504526&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1006565&hvtargid=pla-564756219268) and this (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Invero%C2%AE-Terrible-Jokes-Toilet-Tissue/dp/B07HH9BLWQ/ref=sr_1_3?s=kids&ie=UTF8&qid=1544958619&sr=1-3&keywords=toilet+paper+jokes)?
:D

[Giggles]

Just landed in to work and there's a banoffee, tub of Quality Street, and two boxes of biscuits all sitting open. Thankfully I'm heading for Cork shortly or I'd have diabetes by ten o'clock.

[Byron]

I'm WFH today as feel like shite (as I was yesterday)

On balance this is probably what's saving me from an early grave.

[-james-]

Lol at some teenagers/russian spies getting Gatwick shut down.

[mo]

Broke up at lunch time today. What a fucking relief.

[Mike]

Finished until January 7th! Did well for presents too :cool2:

[Lewis]

How we going lads?

[Pleb]

Off till Thursday being the madman I am :cool:

Off to the local pub tomorrow for a roast :drool:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Our Christmas Eve feast is going to be a lot quieter this year. A few have pulled out and said they'll come on Christmas day instead.

Oh and we're doing this for Christmas day pudding:

https://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/chocolate-recipes/bonkers-bread-butter-panettone-pudding-tart/

Looks fucking amazing.

[Lewis]

Jamie Oliver is scum.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

RIP in pieces turkey twizzlers.

[Pepe]

We're doing steaks again. :cool:

[Shindig]

Jamie Oliver is scum.

All his kids' names are recipes.

[Waffdon]

I had it in my head Christmas was today so here I am rocking up to work on Christmas Eve in yesterday’s clothes

[Jimmy Floyd]

I went to bed at 3am but in this world you have to turn up, log on and grind out. Sitting at my desk in silence, it's like being back at the Koreans.

[Giggles]

Just got the last few bits. Big bags of Walkers Max chicken wing and Keogh's cheese and onion on offer :drool:

[Shindig]

I went to bed at 3am but in this world you have to turn up, log on and grind out. Sitting at my desk in silence, it's like being back at the Koreans.

I last checked the clock at 2am. Up at 6am. I'm not working anything that would require me to be awake. There should be fuck all coming in that's urgent. And if it is, I'm out at 3pm. :D

[Baz]

Here’s the office Christmas tree:

https://i.imgur.com/407POUf_d.jpg?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=medium

[Magic]

Well, my sister is also getting a divorce. She and her soon-to-be-ex-husband and the kids are coming up to my dad's. I'm moving out for a week to live with my mum.

24th: My ex-wife and kid are staying at my dad's for a bit of normality, I'll sleep on the sofa
25th: Christmas morning open presents and breakfast, then I go with them to her family (who are staying in a lodge) to see them open presents for 30 mins then drive home in tears and cry in the basement for the rest of Christmas day
26th: Go to the lodge again, have a fake Christmas dinner and then drive home to my dad's to meet and greet the second destroyed family in my family
27th: Work in Glasgow (going through to escape) then staying at mums
28th: Same as above
29th: no idea but staying at mums
30th: no idea but staying at mums
31st: at dad's for heavy drinking and hogmonay, this will undoubtedly be a disaster as there will be so much tension and friction and alcohol and awkwardness. Thankfully my ex won't be there. Staying at my wee brothers' girlfriend's mum and dads.
1st: Going to mum's for New Year's Day dinner with my ex and daughter. Staying over with my daughter. Ex going back home.
2nd: Handing daughter back over and going to dad's to no doubt see the damage and say goodbye to my really good mate/brother-in-law forever (maybe they live down south)
3rd: Back to work thank fuck.

Trying not to get depressed. I have doubled my ADD meds and have made the decision to drop the Prozac. I'm going to really cut back on the booze as well.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Watch every Leeds game.

[Spikey M]

Fairy Tale of Dundee.

[phonics]

I’m in Scotland. That’s all the news I have.

[Giggles]

Why the fuck are you going near her family?

[Magic]

I’m in Scotland. That’s all the news I have.

Coming to meet up with me and the Waff?

[Magic]

Why the fuck are you going near her family?

Basically trying to see as much of my daughter as possible. When I have to leave her on Christmas day I will no doubt feel like taking my own life.

[Giggles]

Basically trying to see as much of my daughter as possible. When I have to leave her on Christmas day I will no doubt feel like taking my own life.

Fair enough. They always sounded like the type that would be loving all this though so I'd just be wary they're not trying to use you as comedy value in front of her all day.

[-james-]

Where's the year review thread? Foe?

[Baz]

This morning I had a dream that Ian posted a picture of his front door saying


New house. Apparently some people in the street even have double glazing. #madeit

And for some reason I was in London (dunno) at the time sat in my car scrolling through TTH and saw it and was like wait, that's that door as in I was parked outside his house. So I went upto it and stood with my phone out on selfie mode (landscape) and knocked on the door ready to snap a pic. There was no answer though and then nothing else happened in the dream.

[Lewis]

Fairy Tale of Dundee.

When you stayed at my dad's
For some normality
You offered me weekends
Not joint custody

[Queenslander]

Trying not to get depressed. I have doubled my ADD meds and have made the decision to drop the Prozac.

That is a terrible idea.

[Waffdon]

I’m in Scotland. That’s all the news I have.

We’ve a free gaff for Hogmanay, Son

[Magic]

That is a terrible idea.

I'm using nutribullet shakes and running to ease me back in.

[Foe]

Where's the year review thread? Foe?

I got you fam. Took me ages to find last years version. Turned out you wrote it.

[Shindig]

Well, I'm knackered. I worked on a spreadsheet for an hour and that was about it. Discovered the jumper I was wearing had a massive hole in it. :moop:

[Mike]

Just got a Baileys coffee.

[Giggles]

I got a bottle of Cool Swan. It's sexy.

[Magic]

Huge withdrawal symptoms. This is fun.

[phonics]

Any of youse got restaurant reccos for Edinburgh?

[Magic]

Tigerlilly. The Dome.

[Manc]

Chez Jules. Great little find.

I'm buzzed on the Malbec.

[Baz]

Just spent what felt like ten hours building some flat pack toy kitchen. Had to sack off two pieces of wood cos they just WOULD NOT FIT. :panda:

Everyday as a parent, I appreciate my mum and dad more and more. The amount of shite they had to do. :moop: Appreciate your folks, lads. Wish them all a happy Christmas from me if you have the chance. I’m glad they’ve raised you all like they have.

And ehh wullie it’s not that bad really. :uhoh: This Christmas (and the next one, really) will be okay but after that it’s not about you anymore, and you can’t have fun without someone gegging in, or get drunk, or take your eye off the little spithanded bulldozer for one second.

[Spikey M]

Ha. We had to get the in laws to have ours for a few hours last year so we could build a FUCKING TOY CUNTING KITCHEN. They are misdesigned on purpose. They must be.

Things are simpler these days. Mass-consumables are the order of the day, although she'll still end up playing with the fucking boxes.

I've got lucky tonight, with our 9 week old so far sleeping like a dream. Me and the Mrs split the night with me dealing with him pre-1 am and her doing afterwards. Winner.

[niko_cee]

If you're not getting your toy kitchen from Ikea then you're doing something seriously wrong.

[Boydy]

What age is your kid now, Baz?

[Foe]

What's the deal with this elf on a shelf pish too? My pals kids were talking gibberish.

Is Zooey deschanel coming round or not?

[niko_cee]

It's the worst thing ever.

Avoid at absolutely all costs.

[Spikey M]

What's the deal with this elf on a shelf pish too? My pals kids were talking gibberish.

Is Zooey deschanel coming round or not?

We got 3 days into 'Elf on a shelf' last year, then he didn't move until boxing day. He hasn't survived through to this year. Bless him.

[Lewis]

A month or so ago I saw one of them in Iceland (lads it is banging) and thought to myself 'lol "the Nonce in the Sconce"'. Turns out, right, that, as far as I can see at least, nobody else has called it that anywhere on the internet.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Got some presents today:

An 11 inch Heston Blumenthal ham and salmon slicer (I imagine if I try to cut anything else with it he calls me an ignorant cunt), a Game of Thrones blanket, Super Smash Bros, Stupid Deaths board game, a stress ball thing and a pack of quality socks.

All good stuff although the last few years I've been more interested in the reaction of my presents to my Mum and my Sister. Gifts went down well with them.

[Giggles]

Elf on the shelf cunts need to die.

[Queenslander]

I'm using nutribullet shakes and running to ease me back in.

I would consult with your Dr mate. One of the benefits of prozac is its ability to narrow the emotional range you may experience during highly stressful time. The highs and lows wont be so extreme.

[Ian]

Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals.


This morning I had a dream that Ian posted a picture of his front door saying



And for some reason I was in London (dunno) at the time sat in my car scrolling through TTH and saw it and was like wait, that's that door as in I was parked outside his house. So I went upto it and stood with my phone out on selfie mode (landscape) and knocked on the door ready to snap a pic. There was no answer though and then nothing else happened in the dream.

At least I'm the man of somebody's dreams.

Even if in said dream you have me living at totally the wrong end of the UK.

[Lewis]

Merry Christmas lads. :lewis:

[Magic]

:cool:

[Shindig]

Feliz Navidad, muchachos.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Merry Christmas you filthy animals.

[Giggles]

Nollaig shona dhaoibh.

(Sorry Niko, don't assemble the national front)

[phonics]

I’ve just watched Trump tell a seven year old Santa doesn’t exist so that’s my Christmas made.

My hotel doesn’t let you out for cigarettes. This is a fucking crime.(technically it does but when I went by an hour ago the bloke seemed very pissed off to have to deal with it, just give me a fucking alley to do my addiction in, its a five star hotel I’m not going to shoot up or something)

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

As much as I loathe smokers, that's mental.

[phonics]

It’s my right to watch Christmas tv till 3 am drinking cans of fosters. Why do I have to bother staff?

[igor_balis]

Had a pretty good night, assembled a gang of about 15 old friends and drank lots of beer in town, but also had the sense to go home earlyish. First Christmas day without a massive hangover for about 8 years :drool:

[phonics]

I’m in Brum after Boxing Day till New Year. You know it’s time for chess (once you introduce me to the person I can get the kind of materials to make chess bearable obvs)

[mugbull]

Kitzbuhel Christmas Day lfg

[Byron]

Merry Crispmus people.

[Baz]

What age is your kid now, Baz?1.

(15 months & 10 days)


If you're not getting your toy kitchen from Ikea then you're doing something seriously wrong.ALDI mate. But got loads of extra gubbins from Ikea.



Happy Christmas everyone.

[Mike]

Happy Christmas boys!

[Bam]

I’m in Brum after Boxing Day till New Year. You know it’s time for chess (once you introduce me to the person I can get the kind of materials to make chess bearable obvs)

What are you doing, some strange tour of the UK?

Merry Christmas everyone.

[-james-]

Feliz Navidad m8s.

[Giggles]

I could maybe understand going to Scotland to visit family, but why go there just to stay in a hotel? Is it just a drug thing?

[Foe]

Hope you all have a tremendous day. X

[SincereTheRebel]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCQxhTs_3fY&t=9s

[Baz]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTFiXd2IcSI

[Lewis]

I’ve just watched Trump tell a seven year old Santa doesn’t exist so that’s my Christmas made.

Such a legend.

[Kikó]

Abi Titmuss everyone.

[randomlegend]

Merry Christmas you bunch of bastards. :)

[Lewis]

I have spent the past year telling my mother that she couldn't make a beef wellington as good as the one my brother's wife made last Christmas, so TO FUCKING SHOW ME (and her) she decided to make one for today. Yeah consider me shown love. :drool:

[Shindig]

Getting a lift into mam and dad's later on. Means I don't have to do that song and dance tomorrow. And I can drink tonight.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Turkey has come out to rest and the pandoro bread and butter pudding is half done soaking in custard now :drool:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I have spent the past year telling my mother that she couldn't make a beef wellington as good as the one my brother's wife made last Christmas, so TO FUCKING SHOW ME (and her) she decided to make one for today. Yeah consider me shown love. :drool:

Quality mind games.

[Giggles]

My dinner was done and dusted about an hour ago. Just ready for a bit of dessert now.

[Lewis]

Quality mind games.

Maybe this explains Jose Mourinho being off form this year. I have been messing with the MIND GAME universe.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've got Roma and Lazio scarves for my collection, some book of short stories, and a blue jumper. Great haul considering we are doing one present per person.

It is actually better this way. I don't have loads of pointless shit, nor have I had to waste money buying loads of pointless shit for others.

[Samadini]

Finished a pipe of pink yesterday and now working through a green one. :drool:

Merry Christmas chaps.

[Mazuuurk]

Whose pink pipe did you finish?

Marry Xmas chaps!!

[igor_balis]

Just left a big Yule log in grandmother's upstairs toilet, sorry Nan merry Christmas

[igor_balis]

I think this poo is roughly 25% john Smith's based on smell and consistency

[Kikó]

What about taste 🤔

[igor_balis]

Ask your missus waaaaaay

[Spikey M]

Oi oi.

[phonics]

I could maybe understand going to Scotland to visit family, but why go there just to stay in a hotel? Is it just a drug thing?

Mum doesn’t talk to her side of the family anymore and doesn’t want to do Christmas dinner for 3 people. So we go to a hotel and then see the family a few days later. Done Naples, Dublin and now Edinburgh.

[Giggles]

Mum doesn’t talk to her side of the family anymore and doesn’t want to do Christmas dinner for 3 people. So we go to a hotel and then see the family a few days later. Done Naples, Dublin and now Edinburgh.

Makes sense. Is there a reason you pick absolute shithole cities for it though?

[Shindig]

The nephew knows how to fistbump. I'm maybe a year out from teaching him Wu Tang lyrics.

[phonics]

Makes sense. Is there a reason you pick absolute shithole cities for it though?

Dublin and Naples are great cities. Edinburgh seems a bit dull though.

[Foe]

Xmas dinner complete, presents opened, family catch up done and now I'm lying on bed eating crisps and watching parks and rec.

Vol au vents to follow.

Bliss. :drool:

[Panda Bear]

My family does gift giving on Christmas Eve, and there's a two year old granddaughter with no competition.

Every time she would tear open a present, she would throw her hands up and twelve people in unison would all go "YAYYYYYYY" with her.

[Giggles]

Children are the only thing that could ruin my Christmas.

[igor_balis]

Dublin and Naples are great cities. Edinburgh seems a bit dull though.

Edinburgh is great but it's not got much edge.

[Panda Bear]

Children are the only thing that could ruin my Christmas. That's because you're not allowed within 100 yards of them.

[Giggles]

That's because you're not allowed within 100 yards of them.

Ok? Go back to whining about Palestine lad.

[Lewis]

Edinburgh is great but it's not got much edge.

Sounds like you mate. :youpi:

[igor_balis]

That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me

[Panda Bear]

edginborough

[Panda Bear]

Ok? Go back to whining about Palestine lad.

Mine was better. :)

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Just had my second helpings of the pandoro bread and butter pudding tart. Fucking amazing but I'm ready to burst now.

[Giggles]

Mine was better. :)

It really wasn't, but anyway.

[Alan Shearer The 2nd]

Cities generally aren't my thing but even I wouldn't describe Edinburgh as dull. Isn't Naples a proper shithole?

[Giggles]

Cities generally aren't my thing but even I wouldn't describe Edinburgh as dull. Isn't Naples a proper shithole?

99% of it looks like pure slum.

[mo]

Sat watching Home Alone 2 having stuffed my face all day. Little un had a great day too. Just wish my nephews weren't such cunts.

[John]

My uncle has just brought out a very well stocked cheese board, which is fucking mana from heaven at this hour.

[Giggles]

My uncle has just brought out a very well stocked cheese board, which is fucking mana from heaven at this hour.

I tried one about an hour ago but I'm just too fucked to eat any more. Not a drop of drink since dinner either.

[Jimmy Floyd]

There is a point you reach when all you can do is sit in a chair and let yourself decompose from the inside. For me that point came at about 5pm and it hasn't receded. I must weigh about 100kg more than I did this morning.

[Spikey M]

I am currently on my 5th generous glass of scotch. I only had 1 beer all day because I had to drive, but my head is going to punish me for making up for it tomorrow.

I have had about a kilo of cheese too, mind, which may soak it up.

[Spikey M]

Oh, and I've had 3 shits today.

[igor_balis]

Oh, and I've had 3 shits today.

describe them

[Lewis]

I feel like I haven't eaten that much. The dog hasn't stopped though. :cool:

[Spikey M]

describe them

Well formed in the first, wetter by the last. Accompanied by a fair, but not unknown, amount of gas.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

There is a point you reach when all you can do is sit in a chair and let yourself decompose from the inside. For me that point came at about 5pm and it hasn't receded. I must weigh about 100kg more than I did this morning.
Hit me at about 8 I think. I was at the edge and dessert pushed me too far.

Having to get up and take some family home (only about 15 minutes) was tough.

[Magic]

Just settling down to bed after being really tired all day and napping a few times. Checked Instagram which was probably a mistake in hindsight and she's posted loads of family pictures. Great.

[Spikey M]

Glayva time. I'm actually quite pissed for the first time in months. I'm definitely going to regret this.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Just settling down to bed after being really tired all day and napping a few times. Checked Instagram which was probably a mistake in hindsight and she's posted loads of family pictures. Great.

You need to unfollow her off there. Business is business.

[Boydy]

Aye, I'd get rid of that shit altogether. Instagram really seems like the worst of the "everyone else's life is great and mine's shit" stress-causing social medias.

[Spoonsky]

Merry christmas fellas.
Lewis why'd you go to Iceland? Did you see Amigo?

[Queenslander]

Ive seen a new trend on my insta feed where bog standard local sheilas are paying to get their photos bumped onto my news feed. I guess it is a perfectly good way to let me know they have Borderline i guess...

[Lewis]

He wasn't answering my PMs.

[Bam]

Mine was better. :)

Wasn't.

[randomlegend]

Iceland the country or the shop?

The country is indeed 'banging'.

[Magic]

I like seeing the pics of my kid though.

Sad times. Off to their lodge today. Don't think I'll stay as I really don't feel welcome even though that's probably really stupid.

"you're more than welcome to stay" yeah go fuck yourself.

[Queenslander]

You deserve all the love in the World Magic

[Ian]

There was a period of about two hours yesterday afternoon where I could neither eat nor drink without fear of dying.

Part of this was that I made an extra dessert that was very popular but I'd over-whipped the cream and it was firm and fuck and had roughly the desnsity of dark matter.

[Giggles]

I had banoffee for breakfast.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I had some chocolate and raisin cake that was lying around, might have some cheese for lunch. Such is the magic of Boxing Day.

[phonics]

Cities generally aren't my thing but even I wouldn't describe Edinburgh as dull. Isn't Naples a proper shithole?

I live in Geneva, I’m surrounded by old stone buildings already and then add on a beautiful lake and the mountains in the landscape. Hence why I like places like Naples. Bit of edge. Nice weather too.

[Queenslander]

I had some chocolate and raisin cake that was lying around, might have some cheese for lunch. Such is the magic of Boxing Day.

I woke up wnd had trifle and coffee for breakfast. I felt like a maniac

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I wasn't able to move from the sofa until around 1am.

I don't think I've ever been that full for that long before.

[randomlegend]

https://www.greatbritishchefs.com/recipes/christmas-pudding-recipe-brandy-butter

Made the Christmas pudding to this recipe this year. It was spectacular.

[Giggles]

I'm comatose again. Always have the same dinner all over again on Stephens' Day so it was the full works followed by the 3 desserts. Would have been kind of ok except I opened a bag of Walkers sensations straight after.

[Magic]

Lol, when we scored the winner I screamed in front of all her family (should have shouted DIVORCE THAT YOU MOTHER).

Had a pretty awkward day, her parents are just such cunts its unreal. Mine couldn't have gone over and above any more to make her feel welcome, yet it was comment after comment.

We went to watch a Jazz singer (I wasn't going to go) but the kids were going so went down for a bit. Anyway this red headed babe was playing, so my best man and I stayed. I chatted to her at the end, she gave me her card and funnily she's playing locally on Saturday (from Glasgow!) so I messaged her to meet up afterwards. Lol.

[SvN]

I probably cheered for that winner as much as you did, I was waiting on Leeds for my accumulator. I almost turned off in disgust 5 minutes earlier when you went 2-1 down.

[Magic]

No chance, that was a release of so much emotion.

[SvN]

Has the red head responded or blocked you yet?

[Magic]

Neither. Which has to be a good sign, right?

[Giggles]

I've had a head cold since Christmas eve. Such an annoying ailment.

[Giggles]

What did we all accumulate then? I got a season ticket, couple of books (the hurlers and Waterford Whispers annual), some smellies, cashmoney, and some NFL stuff (blanket, gloves, and phone cover). Nice.

[Baz]

I can’t imagine you appreciating an NFL related blanket. :D

I got a pingi bag, a water bottle, some tshirts, a shirt, a jumper, some trainers, Cherno Samba’s book, Brandon Novak’s book, lots of beer, smellies, cash, pyjamas, a FLIRC case for my raspberry pi, a Nintendo DS with Nintendogs, chocolates, and probably other stuff I have forgot.

[Giggles]

It's awesome for the time of year. I'm an old man now too so a blanket is mandatory when watching TV.

[Giggles]

RTÉ are showing the three Back to the Futures :drool:

[Mike]

I can’t imagine you appreciating an NFL related blanket. :D

I got a pingi bag, a water bottle, some tshirts, a shirt, a jumper, some trainers, Cherno Samba’s book, Brandon Novak’s book, lots of beer, smellies, cash, pyjamas, a FLIRC case for my raspberry pi, a Nintendo DS with Nintendogs, chocolates, and probably other stuff I have forgot.

*cough* A signed Cherno Samba book! :lol:

[Manc]

Whiskey, few overshirts, raincoat, vinyls, leccy toothbrush, smelly and money.

[Giggles]

What's an overshirt?

[Ian]

I got beer, some t-shirts, some pillows from my mum "because I was buying some for us anyway", some edibles and a tin of carrots because my mum has taken this weird notion that I love carrots and my dad decided buying me a tin would be funny. And I chuckled so I guess he was right.

I feel like there must have been some other things I've forgotten but there was quite a lot of beer so maybe not.

[Danny]

It's awesome for the time of year. I'm an old man now too so a blanket is mandatory when watching TV.

Shit is that the qualifier? I have been doing that for a while.

As for the accumluation

Wireless Earbuds - Jabra Elites (https://www.amazon.com/d/Earbud-Headphones/Jabra-Enabled-Wireless-Earbuds-Charging/B077ZGRVRX/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1545849344&sr=8-1&keywords=jabra+elite)
Wireless Charging MousePad (https://www.amazon.com/Logitech-Powerplay-Wireless-Charging-Lightspeed/dp/B071WZ56G9/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1545939620&sr=8-3&keywords=wireless+charging+mouse+pad)
New Monitor (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01H5KKQUQ/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1)
Google Home Hub

Then the usual, aftershave, some shirts, shoes.

I bought a wireless mouse back in May (the mousepad is for that), well apparently the family were confused as to why I needed a mousepad but didnt ask for a mouse. Two of them bought me the G703 mouse :|

All well and good except for the fact I already have 2. My receiver died on my first one so Logitech sent me a new mouse + receiver. I now have 4 $80 mice sat in the house.

[Giggles]

Love the Home Hubs. Got one of those and a Lenovo Smart Display a while back and apart from everything else they're a class little photo frame. Sound on the Google one is surprisingly good too, closer to the Home than the Home mini.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Blankets are glorious.

[Danny]

Love the Home Hubs. Got one of those and a Lenovo Smart Display a while back and apart from everything else they're a class little photo frame.

Got home late last night so I havent got it set up yet but I am buzzing to get it going.

[Giggles]

Blankets are glorious.

:cool:

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/61R1LQ5faUL._AC_SL1500_.jpg

[Giggles]

Got home late last night so I havent got it set up yet but I am buzzing to get it going.

I'm going to replace the remaining Home and 2 minis with them before the next couple of months are out. Only thing I'd fault is lack of a camera but they're got for 99 quid now so couldn't really complain. Very nice screen that isn't too off-putting in the corner of a room too.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

:cool:

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/61R1LQ5faUL._AC_SL1500_.jpg

Less so that one.

[Magic]

How do you handle rejection as a single person?

[Alan Shearer The 2nd]

Just get on Tinder.

[Spikey M]

How do you handle rejection as a single person?

Begin an unhealthy obsession with cam-girls.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

:(

That wasn't fuelled by rejection.

It was more anticipated rejection than anything.

[Spikey M]

Fairly anticipated.

[Spikey M]

Sorry.

[Spikey M]

Fuck sake :(